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#- but you could never understand how i feel bc i identify as non - binary as of last month and have faced 0 incidents with my family about-
herglowingheart · 3 months
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btw guys i was able to reach into my best friends Common Sense Button in her brain and give her the skinny on how her identifying as non binary is harming her + she can still shave her head and not wear makeup and not like heels and all that jazz, but that she’s still a woman. i could literally see the light turn on in her head.
we talk about it allllll the time. by it i mean gender/feminism/my opinions on everything/her opinions on everything. she asks me so many questions and it’s so, so refreshing because so many people i know irl, some of my own close friends have completely shut me off without even hearing what i have to say. but she asks me questions :) she gives me her input! she changes her mind!
my best friend is special. she is so smart she just doesn’t know it yet. every time i see her i remind her how smart and capable she is. she deserves to know that.
she is strong too, and compassionate, and funny!! she’s loud and clumsy and she dresses like a freaking rock star. she’s determined and naive and she always lands on her feet. she is an amazing woman, i love her!!!
and i feel like us knowing each other has changed our lives! she helps me be so confident. she helps me with boundaries, she helps me calm down or not feel as silly for having big emotions. she’s used to big emotions, i am not x)
anyway all this to say is she’s miraculous, and i see her in myself, and i see myself in her, and when we’re together i feel like we are neutron stars colliding. she’s my best friend. and my heart swells every time she tells me she’s growing.
my heart swelled when the light in her head turned on and she told me “i am a woman, i can be everything and i am a woman”.
minds can be changed!!!!
if it is someone you care about who is lost like that, you have to be patient with them. you have to be understanding, you have to love them through it. my friend is a light in my world, she has been wrong plenty of times but she has never been stupid, just misguided.
most women aren’t stupid. just misguided, just misunderstanding what they’re supposed to instinctively know. it’s mostly not our faults, we’re gaslit into not believing our own hearts and minds since we were little girls.
i’m rambling now but basically have hope, bc women are out there who need a woman who is smart and willing to break things down for her so she can digest it better.
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salmaciansalix · 16 days
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Hi, this is about the "theyfab" thing...
I've never used it, but I've heard it being used against this person who identifies as non-binary but says the most transphobic things, protects transphobes, and hurt me and my trans friends a lot many times, joining our bullies, even spreading fake news about me and my gender identity (saying it's ok to use she/her for me bc I'm genderfluid, but I am not).
I didn't say anything when people started using the word theyfab for them. All I could think of is that they were right. It was confusing for me to be against someone in the community but I still think they deserved it...
Any thoughts?
I think the impulse to other and exclude people who've hurt us is totally understandable. And I think people are right to feel alienated by people who act like this.
Attributing it solely to their gender identity, and then attacking them for their gender is just transphobic, and doesn't only hurt the person you're being harmed by. You could think about it like this: Would you attack Blaire White's gender and presentation when attacking her transphobia? Would you attack her appearance? Would you tell her she's not really trans because she's a bigot?
And like, the answer for me is no to all of those. It doesn't actually address why she's wrong, or what she's done wrong, and at best makes trans fems around me uncomfortable. It signals to other trans fems that I think of their and my own gender as contingent on their behavior, not innate or internal to them.
Unfortunately, not all trans people are good people in various different ways. And I think for instance, you could discuss how this non-binary person uses bigotry and privilege to punch down at trans people they view as less validly or invalidly trans.
Last thing, you may have seen it said as kind of a quip, but if you care more about hating bigots than loving those who are oppressed, you're doomed to replicate bigotry. When you center your politics on hatred, you'll find yourself in hateful company.
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chicago-poet · 9 months
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idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.
super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖
like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.
but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.
and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.
but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.
but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig
and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.
and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.
but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.
like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.
ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?
but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.
flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.
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e-ste-tica · 1 year
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sometimes i just sit in silence and wonder how did i change so much. in my life i’ve been a dark emo metal-lover in love with robert pattinson and then kristen stewart thinking i was straight. then i’ve been a bisexual ftm boy mostly loving girls. then i came out as a lesbian cis girl…aaand then a lesbian demigirl for two years who at a certain point found out to be pansexual. one year later i felt demigirl wasn’t for me and i was a cis woman having sex mostly with guys bc girls and queers weren’t interested in me and that period of my life gave me most of my (sexual and emotional) traumas. i met a girl and been with her for three years while occasionally dating problematic men/boys who acted as allies/comrades faking their way to my trust. during 1st covid wave (winter 2020) i felt something wasn’t right and there was a part of me i couldn’t ignore anymore and during christmas i came out as non-binary to my girlfriend and one of my bestfriends. first months i couldn’t say a word about this without crying. it took me a year to say to someone else i wanted to use also he/him pronouns in addition to she/her. me & my gf broke up. i dated a cis guy who from the 2nd month kept calling me a she/her and treated me as a girl. i dumped him and felt so free. months later he admitted he saw me as a girl and told me he then started “kissing boys” (fuck you fucking cunt, you were already kissing a boi). gradually i came out to more people and at a certain point i stopped doing that and just started behaving as i wanted to be, i started introducing myself with my name and pronouns and met a cis guy who finally could see me. on may 2022, after 4 months telling me how much he liked me and how much i enlightened his vision of life he decided he still wasn’t ready to meet someone new. i decided i don’t want to ever date a cis boy who identify as straight & monogamous before meeting me again: i’m done being the “new thing” into their life cause as soon as they took what they can they all run away to look woke and leftist-progressist at the eye of the next person (a girl) they date after me. during summer 2022 i experimented using only he/him pronouns and kept doing since then. met a bunch of new people, found a new trans family, have been feeling my most authentic self. it’s never about “from point A to point B”. everything is a journey and the journey is about the feelings you feel in between your birth and your death. i learnt i’m not the difficult one, living in this society is fucking difficult and this system constructed my identity as something difficult to understand. what’s so hard about asking me who i am and then believing what i say i am is not to be questioned? i don’t feel scared anymore. i’m amazed by myself and everything i can be, can’t wait to see everything i can and will become.
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charmesandwares · 3 years
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i don ‘ t like my irl friends sometimes they make me feel like dirt
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savethedots · 2 years
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Gender identity in s7 of DRUCK
I tried to compile all moments that could belong either to the gender identity or the body dysphoria storyline of Isi’s season. Hearing that the s7 main is non-binary (or could be) brought me back to watching live. Which I stopped doing after s4 of Druck. And yeah… it was frustrating this time around.
I started this list shortly after the final episode and it took a while (yeah, i know). I hope I got everything. I’m sorry if something is missing. This got very long…
Episode 1:
1. Isi meets Lou in the toilets. Two gnc people seeing each other for the first time. Is it a mixed toilet? Maybe, but I kinda doubt it. So, one of them is challenging the binary toilet system in the school. Maybe…
2. “Hi Lou, I’m Isi.” - an introduction with gender neutral names. Both of them never use the other’s birth name and therefore respect their choices.
3. “Is this your brother or your sister?” - a teammate of Umut thinks it’s alright to comment on Isi’s appearance and make assumptions, representing society in a nutshell with this. At first it seems like Isi doesn’t really care but then Umut makes it clear that he is effected, which gets to Isi.
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Episode 3:
4. The threesome scare. I’m not sure if this belongs here but Isi’s reaction could be caused by body dysphoria. It also could very well be, because Isi doesn’t want to get sexual with Lou, or Constantin or with both of them together. We don’t know and this is a problem, as it was NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN!!! What was the reason for it? Getting some outrage?
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Episode 4:
5. Isi removes the nail polish after Constantin wore it in an insta post to “fuck with stereotypes” - it’s probably performativ on Consti’s part (and he gets applauded by Lou), but for Isi it goes much deeper than that.
6. “Let’s try to introduce a part for men.” “Not so much hip movement.” “Like dudes in the club.” “Put your hands on my hips like I’m your date.” - the girls say all of this without realizing that Isi is uncomfortable the whole time bc they seemingly don’t identify with any of these stereotypes.
7. Isi is watching the YouTube video about gender identity. It is nice. It’s a nod to how the mains always google stuff. But again it’s a shallow treatment of this topic. It’s only one short scene that is later overshadowed by family trouble. It could‘ve been the start of something but -like a lot of other things- was never really picked up again.
8. Sascha calls their get together ‘girl‘s night’ and Isi is okay with it. Isi feels comfortable with the girls and with Sascha calling it girl’s night. They know Sascha isn’t mocking them.
9. Consti assumes that Isi only likes guys because of the way she dresses/presents. Consti has no idea that there is so much more to it and I think he doesn’t care enough to learn more about it. Again presenting society in a nutshell.
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Episode 5:
10. “You know exactly who you are?” - “Don‘t you?” - “I‘m always different.” - “I like that about you.” - “You can be everything you want.” - important convo for Isi to hear, after Isi didn’t know how to dress and and style himself and was so overwhelmed that he covered up the mirror. Isi kinda relates to Lou and her saying this and making them feel better is so important.
11. “I nearly didn‘t recognize you.“ - Isi tries to fit in by dressing like ‘one of the boys’. She does this for her brother, even tho you can see how uncomfortable she is. This is really sad. Even sadder that Umut is still mad (even if it is understandable, he is a very impressionable young teenager). In the end no one is happy with this.
12. “You don’t have to adept for anyone.” - “How would you know? I have to adept every day. Whatever I do. I don’t fit in. They want one or the other.” - honestly one of the best scenes. Sascha is like the audience that finally gets to hear how Isi feels and listens intently. Sascha/the audience cannot make it easier for Isi but it’s important that Isi knows someone is in their corner to catch them if they need it. Finally some insight! Finally some feelings! (They still do not really continue this throughoutly)
13. “Boys right. Girls left.“ - with Isi being unsure where to go but eventually deciding to ‘fit in’ with the boys and society norms before Lou ‘saves’ them and gives them an excuse to get out of the situation.
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Episode 6:
14. Mailin and Isi talk about Umut ignoring Isi. And Mailin asks about Isi playing and quitting football. Isi says that it was too “football-ish” and Mailin agrees and says she, too, had a hard time when she started training the boys. I think it is heavily implied that gender roles/expectations played a big part in both their stories.
15. Isi goes to the queer youth center with Sascha. They meet David, by chance. Isi talks to him and David mentions body dysphoria. I still don’t know why they didn’t dig deeper after this. They had a good set up. Wasn’t the show supposed to educate about important topics? They really dropped the ball with this one. This could’ve been a catalyst.
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Episode 7:
16. “Hey Umut. Your sister is here.” - the teammate at it again. And he chuckles. He thinks he’s funny. Isi makes Umut listen to him. They talk about it beautifully, touching topics of what being ‘normal’ even means, pretending to be someone you’re not and losing yourself over it. It was way too short but heartfelt and very important.
17. “Just because you think I kiss men anyway. Or whatever you made up in your head.” - “no worries. I know now how you are. You made out with Lou.” - The talk from the garage never really got solved and it is kinda picked up here. Isi still is mad at Consti’s assumptions, rightfully tho. And Consti doesn’t even listen and continues to assume stuff about Isi without ever asking. Consti still mistakes gnc clothing, gender identity and sexual orientation. He doesn’t care. He is hurt and doesn’t try to understand, not even for his friend’s sake.
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Episode 9:
18. Mr. Önder is harassing Isi and Umut by stopping them and telling Isi that he disapproves of who Isi is and how Isi presents. Again, nobody asked but this is sadly pretty accurate, nosy neighbours and all. I love (!) how Isi is very angry, at first, but then looks at Umut and sees that he is afraid. Isi changes her behaviour on the spot and exposes Mr. Önder’s double standards in a really mature way.
19. Umut and Isi talk about Zeki Müren and this may be the sweetest talk they have. Isi tells Umut about the singer and Umut compares Isi to him. It’s a beautiful end to their storyline where Umut just excepts Isi and encourages them.
20. HOLY RAINBOW NIGHT: the culmination of Isi’s journey (if you can call it that). We have Billie who is very good at creating a calming environment. Billie also shows Isi that it is okay to have no pronouns by simply showing the name tag.
21. Then we have David who introduces the idea behind the name tag: no awkwardness just enjoy the night without feeling wrong. And he, too, creates an atmosphere that feels save. At first Isi goes along like always and just bends herself for society norms. But then they look around and recognise a safe space. Unlike ep 5, where Lou came to the ‘rescue’, Isi now stands up for himself and chooses a name and pronouns that feel right. But this is all new and Isi is still unsure about it. Then David steps in: “just try it out.” Reassuring Isi again, that she is save here (that’s when I cried).
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Episode 10:
22. At the Christmas dinner we have the family discuss Mr. Önder because he came around to complain. When Isi’s parents hear the whole story, they immediately start reassuring Isi about herself and telling her, that they are proud. Then Baba Inci plays best of Zeki Müren. And all of them dance and celebrate the music (and Isi).
23. Since body dysphoria is also part of Isi story, at least in some scenes, I wanna mention Isi and Sascha’s Christmas night clip. I think it’s refreshing that the one being a bit insecure seems to be Sascha, not Isi. Isi feels save and therefore is confident in the physical part which is heartwarming. They found someone who takes them as they are. Isi CAN just be who they are. Kinda leaving body dysphoria and struggling with their gender identity as problems for the outside world, while they create this permanent safe haven, which is really beautiful.
24. As they’re preparing for the their dance performance Isi tells his friends that they only want to use Isi as a name from now on. Isi still seems precarious and tries to give their friends (and themself) an out, if they don’t take it well. But both, Kieu My and Nora, make sure that Isi knows that it isn’t an effort for them and that they will adapt for Isi, no questions asked. With this, another safe space is created. This also spilled over to Insta where Isi and their close friends now have their pronouns in their bios. This should’ve been a Clip, tho.
25. The last clip is Isi just embracing herself and enjoying it. First Isi sits in front of her mirror again. While they struggle to use the right lipstick, in the end Isi is satisfied with how they look. Later at the dance performance she is confident and you don’t see any of the struggles she had at the beginning. The new year begins for Isi surrounded by friends, finally having the strength to embrace herself.
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In conclusion:
The build-up in Isi’s journey isn’t always super clear and should’ve been a center piece of their story but it did linger there throughout the whole season. They could’ve (or should’ve!!!) done better. Still, some scenes/clips are amazing and have a special place in my heart. I’m proud of and happy for Isi, this fictional character, who struggled with their identity and got to a good place in the end. It’s what Isi deserves and what everyone else deserves, who’s struggling because society is harsh, if you don’t fit in.
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I've been seeing a lot of posts about this all over social media, and while the majority of them are fine and just people expressing their opinions, a lot of people from both sides of the argument have been saying some really inexcusable stuff (such as telling people on the opposing side to off themselves, etc) and it's really pissing me off. Pls everyone idc if you agree w me or not but at least try to be mature and respectful when engaging in these conversations bc the goal is learning, understanding, tolerance, and cooperation (working together to find solutions to problems that will benefit all of us). So here's my stance on the issue, and feel free to reply, ask questions, or dm me and start a conversation regardless of your veiws. Just be nice! Here's my opinions, based off my own personal experience:
To start off: pansexuality is not inherently biphobic and/or transphobic
Yes, there are pansexuals who are biphobic, and yes they harm the transgender community in that sense. This is because generally pansexuals who are biphobic say they bisexuals are transphobic and essentially invalidate binary trans people's identity as a man or woman by saying that bisexuals are only attracted to cis men and cis women, not trans people. However, the majority of pansexual people do not think this way. Personally (and most of the pansexuals as talked to agree w me), I do not believe that bisexuality is transphobic. Why? Trans women are women, and trans men are men. If you will not date a trans person simply bc they are trans, then you're transphobic, but that has absolutely nothing to do w your sexuality. My own and most people's understanding of bisexuality (and the definition you get if you Google it, and the definition that most bisexuals will give you), is that bisexuality means attraction to 2 or more genders (which yes, could mean all), with a preference. With. A. Preference. I identified as bi to myself for years, and came out as bi for almost a year, never feeling as if the label fully fit me or that I was fully understood by the community bc there is always sm emphasis on the fact that bisexuals have a preference, while I never have. I don't think anyone is less than anyone else for having a preference, or better than anyone else for not having a preference. Pansexuality simply allows me to be apart of a smaller more specific community that fully understands my experience w attraction. I also know that bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term for anyone attracted to 2+ genders, but in the same way that it's not biphobic for lesbians to prefer to date other lesbians bc of their shared experience, I like having a smaller community that specifically experiences attraction in the same way that I do. I've also seen a lot of people talking about how people seem to think that bisexuals only care about sex, and that pansexuals think theyre better bc they're uwu innocent babies. I'm not entirely sure I'm not on the ace spectrum somewhere but lemme tell you that does not make me any less of a whore. No one is better than anyone else for how much or little they think about or enjoy sex.
2nd; bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.
Yes, there are bisexuals who are transphobic, but this is not the majority of the community. Most bi people consider trans women to be real women (which they are) and trans men to be real men (which they are). I will say it again; if you won't date someone just bc they're trans, you are transphobic, but that has nothing to do w your sexuality. As for non binary people, yes, bisexuality includes them too. Bisexuality is not inherently transphobic.
3rd; all mspec labels are fucking valid.
Whether you identify as bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, or polysexual, you are valid. You can use bisexuality as an umbrella term if that's what you're most comfortable w, or if the definition perfectly describes your relationship w attraction then that's cool too. If you feel that pansexuality, omnisexuality, or polysexuality better describes you and you enjoy having a smaller more specific community to fully relate to, guess what, that's also cool. No one is better than anyone else, and while there are members of every community who feel that they are, they do not represent everyone.
4th; panphobia/omniphobia/polyphobia only comes from the mspec community, if it comes from outside, it's probably biphobia
Let me explain; there is no problem that comes from people who are not attracted to multiple genders that everyone on this spectrum doesn't face. Bisexuality is a spectrum that we all fall on, an umbrella term that we all fit under. This means that unless it's coming from a person or group on this spectrum, it's probably biphobia you're facing. There are 2 types of biphobia: the biphobia that comes from mspecs, and the biphobia that comes from people who aren't on the spectrum of bisexuality. The biphobia that comes from inside is only against people who identify as bisexual, and the biphobia that comes from outside is against anyone who is attracted to multiple genders. I'm not saying there aren't a few instances of people who arent mspec targeting a specific group and not every mspec identity, but most of the time, if it's from the outside, it's classified as biphobia, bc that includes all of us.
In conclusion, this is what the mspec sexualities are and some of my final thoughts;
Bisexuality = attraction to 2+ genders with or without a preference. It can be used as an umbrella term by the whole mspec community, or as a specific label on it's own. It includes trans and non binary people, and is not a transphobic label. There are transphobic bisexuals, but the fact that they are transphobic and the fact that they are bisexual are not related in any way. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity, or sexuality in general.
Pansexuality = attraction to all genders without a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic pansexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their pansexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as pansexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.
Omnisexuality = attraction to all genders w a preference. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic omnisexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their omnisexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as omnisexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.
Polysexuality = attraction to more than 2, but not all genders. It is not biphobic and/or transphobic. There are biphobic and/or transphobic polysexuals but the fact that they are biphobic and/or transphobic is not related to their polysexuality. Many people who identify as bisexual describe their attraction in the same way as polysexuals. This is 100% valid as bisexuality can be used as an umbrella term and the label you identify w is all about your comfort. They are not more or less than any other mspec identity or sexuality in general.
Honestly, I think we all get enough hate from inside and outside the lgbtqia+ community and we need to stick together and have each others backs. It's not the microlabels that are causing problems, it's the exclusionists. Invalidating eo's experiences and saying that biphobia is a bigger problem, panphobia is a bigger problem, omniphobia is a bigger problem, or polyphobia is a bigger problem, isn't gonna help anyone or solve anything. We can have slightly different experiences and still relate and support eo. Also, even if you have a problem w a specific label, pls just ask your questions genuinely, and try to understand the opposing side. Just have a mature conversation. If you're too young or immature to do that then you probably shouldn't be on social media. Calling eo names and telling eo to off ourselves isn't helping anything and there is no excuse for it. I've always loved the lgbtqia+ community for it's love and acceptance, but the more active I become within the community itself, the more I realise how toxic it can be. Sometimes I'm genuinely embarrassed to part of this community. Especially when it's grown adults acting like children that is causing the problems. Pls do better. Thank you for your time, thank you for reading, I love you, have a nice day!!!
Also I just want to add that ik there are more mspec identities than this, and you're all so valid. These are just the sexualities that ik enough about to give a proper statement on and the ones I've seen mentioned in this discourse the most. I'm actively trying to learn more about the mspec identities I mentioned, and those that I didn't. Pls feel free to give me any info on any sexuality (doesn't even have to be mspec I just want to learn more so I can be good ally for everyone), or ask me any questions about my own sexuality, and pls let me know if there is anything I should add or any misinformation in this post (I will not be including blatant blankphobia against any mspec identity so don't even try it bitches)
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lilosaur · 2 years
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hi hi! okay so, i really like your work and i find them very fluffy and adorable— so! can i request a scenario (chifuyu, kawata twins, baji and mitsuya) where s/o comes out as non-binary and the boys are extremely supportive about it? again, i really love your work!
Aha thank youu! Yess! I hope u enjoy reading, this was fun to write. Also this was with 5 people but my limit is 4 so be sure to read rules next time (I just did one twin) :)
♡‧₊˚ Coming Out As Non-binary :*₊‧✩
⟶ ticket no. 12 ɞ
w/ Matsuno Chifuyu | Kawata Nahoya | Baji Keisuke | Mitsuya Takashi
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ʚ Matsuno Chifuyu ɞ
You and Chifuyu were on a little coffee shop date, you had stayed up all night debating weather you should tell Chifuyu about you being non-binary. Once you successfully decided with yourself that your non-binary you wanted to keep it secret for a while but now it’s time to let it out. You were so nervous “what if” thoughts started to wander in your head. Would Chifuyu still view you the same? Would he start to test you differently? Maybe he’d just dump you on the spot and leave you in tears. No no you couldn’t think like that right?
So many doubts clogging your mind you only have one idea left, you had to blurt it out in one shot just break the ice and say it.
“Fuyu..I have something to tell you.”
Chifuyu's facial expression changed a bit he was now intrigued at what you had to say. His own mind starting doubting him too, we’re you going to break up with him right here and now? Did you not love him anymore? Both of you looked at each other worried about what you would both say.
“Fuyu I just wanted to let you know that I’m non-binary”
Chifuyu looked at you and his face was so much more calm now. You really scared him for a moment, honestly he didn’t realize what you said until a few seconds later after calming himself down.
“Oh, so wait does that mean your not a male or female right?”
“Yeah so..”
You continued to help educate Chifuyu on what exactly non-binary meant and which pronouns you’d prefer him to address you by. He's just an uneducated baby but he’ll understand as you explain more things to him.
When you feel insecure about it Chifuyu makes sure to step in and make you feel loved, sometimes he buys you a gift, someone’s he gives you extra cuddles or extra kisses. Once fuyu even bought you a little non-binary flag! He 110% supports you and wants to learn more about it, he doesn’t even view you any differently your still the same sweet Angel he fell in love with.
༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚
ʚ Kawata Nahoya ɞ
You and Nahoya were watching movies and cuddling on a Saturday night, you’d debated ever even telling Nahoya about you being non-binary. You felt like he wouldn’t really understand or just be unsupportive of you. However you came to the conclusion that you have to tell him about it at some point.
“Uh Nahoya…can I tell you something..” You asked silently he could barely hear you.
“What’s wrong y/n?”
“Um…Nahoya I just wanted to let you know…but um I’m non-binary.” You mumbled it kind of whispering too he really just could barely hear you.
“Oh y/n wait I heard that before, what does it mean again?” He looked at you in confusion hoping you’d answer his question.
You took a little sigh of relief as you explain to him what non-binary means and how he could help support you and make you feel more comfortable. He was nodding his head along the whole time but you could tell he was definitely invested. The best part was he never once dropped his smile, which means he doesn’t view you any differently!
Nahoya still needs some practice as he may address you wrong but he’s still in his early learning stages of it all, he’ll always correct himself. Once you told him Nahoya gave you a nice cuddly hug and a kiss on the forehead, he told you he’ll love you no matter what because your still you!
༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚
ʚ Baji Keisuke ɞ
You thought Baji might actually have a normal reaction, but when you called him to hangout and said you have to told him something your thoughts completely changed when you were in person about to tell him. You two were walking around town he was waiting to hear what you had to say, tbh your kinda scaring him..
You decided to just spit it out, no more holding back on him he has a right to know, right? You tried to calm yourself and mentally prepare yourself for all the outcomes of this situation but it’s barely working…
“Um so, Baji…we’ll I’m non-binary.” You almost mumbled it, your hands clung to your shirt messing around with your nails as nervousness began to break into your mind with his silence.
“Oh. Okay, what should I do to help support you y/n.”
Baji grew such a light and warm smile on his face now, giving you a look that seemed to be saying ‘don’t worry’
You explain to Baji what non-binary meant/is and he’s trying his best to understand and remember it all. Honestly he really doesn’t bring it up much he uses your preferred pronouns/name and always makes sure to tell other people your correct pronouns if they address you wrong. (With ur permission ofc.)
Baji's love for you will never change, your such a sweet person to him and you have a very special place in his heart. how cute
༚༅༚˳❃˳༚༅༚
ʚ Mitsuya Takashi ɞ
Mitsuya always showed how much he loved you, weather it was through gifts, actions, or words you always knew. So why were you in doubt of Mitsuya? Would he really just stop loving you? Ever since you made the final decision that you are indeed non-binary you’ve been terrified to tell anyone. At some point he’d need to know though, it’s scary even when you see him it feels like a big secret. You two already had plans to hang out tonight at his house, but was this good timing?
It was already too late to think about it, you found you and Mitsuya sitting on his bed just talking about your lives and what’s been going on. It hit your mind again, is this good timing? He literally just asked if anything new is going on in your life, how do you tell him though? Beat it around the bush or straight forward?
“Um y/n is something wrong.” I guess you were quiet for too long and zoned out a bit, his voice was so soft and gentle. Yes now is good timing.
“Um Mitsuya..I have something to tell you and it’s kind of big.” Mitsuya grew a worried expression once you said it was a big thing, so many possibilities filled his mind. Your both stressed out now.
“Mitsuya I’m non-binary.” As that sentence left your mouth you started to hold your breath, hoping, praying, wishing everything would still be the same without any change.
“Y/n! I’m so happy for you, that’s great!” He said with a smile on his face. You let yourself breathe now, he was okay with it? So bizarre but not really..
“Y/n I hope you know this won’t change anything though, your still the y/n I fell in love with.” His words broke through all the bad thoughts and endings you started to think of, Mitsuya really did accept you.
In fact Mitsuya has been questioning himself too, he’s been studying all kinds of pronouns, sexualities, and overall what he wants his identity to be. So he understand and you two will work with each other to help you guys find your true selves!
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beep boop, aha I procrastinated this a lot bc of schoolwork so sorry for not posting for two days 😅 Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this one! Remember you're all valid, don’t let anyone get you down your so special in this world no matter what you identify as or who you love. 🤎
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mogai-sunflowers · 3 years
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Hi babs! (If that's an okay term to use, its like a platonic/friendly way of saying baby/babe hehe if its rude then skip over it and I apologize for using it)
But I wanted to ask, I support all types of lesbians, and I'm sure it's obvious based on the name, but what are male lesbians? :0 I hope I dont sound rude, I adore your blog! <33 (I just need things specified, but overall I know it isn't my business and I support all types of love/attraction/etc as long as they're consensual and yknow not gross I dont wanna list it bc triggering djjdjdhj agh im so sorry I'm rambling!!)
hewo!!! yes babs is okie to use for me i like that term actually afasddf /lh
so i'm not a lesbian (i mean,,,,,, technically i am i just feel more comfy identifying as sapphic) so i don't want to overstep or anything, but i will def do my best to explain :)
so basically, lesbianism has always meant queer attraction to women, and the sadly extremely influential transphobic, biphobic, anti-sw, and racist exclusionism of political lesbians in the '70s, despite changing the common narrative of lesbianism, didn't actually change anything about the definition, because they had no right to even touch the definition of lesbian, let alone try to completely change it, and even if they had, the definition "change" would be unacceptable because it was founded in queerphobia. so yeah, the interpretations of lesbianism that caused the shift towards a belief that lesbianism is exclusive wlw and excludes men? we know that all has never actually been the definition, and that change is invalid because of the circumstances surrounding it.
however, i digress (as i tend to do about 200% of the time). having established that the most accurate definition of lesbianism is queer attraction to women (seeing as it actually came about as a term to replace sapphic), it may still feel like- huh? how can a guy's attraction to women be queer?
i used to have the same reaction until i realized that being a man doesn't block one from queer experiences, quite obviously. non-binary men who are attracted to women, transmasc men, transhet binary men!
also, genderfluid lesbians and multigender lesbians! some men have other genders as well, and that does not make them less of men, nor their attraction to women less queer! and people who are genderfluid and are sometimes men are absolutely queer and if they're attracted to women, they can feel free to identify with lesbian if their attraction to women is queer to them!
there are resources about this more on the LGBTA Wiki page for lesbians if you wanna check it out! this is really just a surface exploration of male/non-binary lesbianism, and i really can't get more into it because beyond my understanding of it and queer history, i don't actually understand since it's not my identity nor my specific history, so if you'd like to learn more i also heavily suggest talking to male lesbians and elder lesbians outside of online spaces, because all this recent wave of exclusionism towards non-women lesbians is honestly a new wave, the discourse is refreshed from old exclusionism but the lesbians whose identity predated said exclusionism are still here, and their stories are the ones that actually need to be listened to :)
thanks for asking! i relish the opportunity to educate wonderful ppl like you! /gen
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lesboy
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lesbian
also here's some tangential sources that you could look into :)
https://butchandfemme.carrd.co/
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender_variance_in_spirituality
ANY AND ALL DERAILMENTS/DISCOURSE WILL RESULT IN AN IMMEDIATE BLOCK- I AM NOT DEBATING THE VALIDITY OF HUMAN IDENTITY, I'M EXPLAINING IT. IF YOU LOOK AT ALL OF THIS INFORMATION AND HISTORY AND STILL DECIDE TO BE AN ASSHAT, THAT'S ON YOU NOT ME.
also @batm0th i figured you may want to rb this so the exclus on your blog can like...... get a grip on reality too :)
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souyaf · 2 years
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hi i just wanted to ask how women reading yaoi/yuri is automatically fetishism? im sorry for asking its just i could not understand that. a lot of trans individuals discovered their proper gender/sexual identity through such media, im non-binary and bi and media exposure is what made me understand myself in a homophobic/transphobic environment...and cishet people can read or produce it as well. is consuming or creating mlm/wlw content exclusive to the individuals only? i will absolutely not say that a lot of people are not creepy, they are weird about fictional stuff and that leads them to be weird to real people too. again my apologies, i just wanted to understand as english is not my native language so i just wish to be respectful. sorry for the long ask
hi! my dni specifically states "if you're a cishet woman and read yaoi/are a fujoshi/fetishize mlm/wlw."
so i would like to preface and say there's a difference between yaoi/BL and yuri/GL. since my dni specifically mentions yaoi i'll go there.
so first it depends what your intentions are when consuming the media. if you're reading BL why are you reading it? do you just like that it's two guys and you find that hot/cute? or do you actually enjoy the storyline and characters and how their relationship forms and grows.
if you're reading it because you just like to see two guys romancing each other because they're guys...then that's weird. but if you're reading it because the storyline and character growth is really enjoyable then that's okay!
as for yaoi....i don't think there's really any reason a cishet women should be looking at straight up yaoi for any reason other than that she's getting off to it. yaoi in this instance is porn. it's just straight up porn. even worse if they identify as a fujoshi and read yaoi.
fetishizing mlm/wlw just means that when you're, say, scrolling down tiktok and see two dudes just being pals you immediately go to ship them. because they're guys. and they're friends!!!!! so they have to be dating bc gay people can't be friends with someone of the same sex without being gay together!! that's 1. kinda homophobic and 2. fucking weird.
this is a huge reason i strongly dislike shipping culture in general. most of the time it just feels like people see two characters of the same sex and go "🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 they have to date now!!!!!" even tho there's no real substance to their personalities and sometimes they never even interact. it gives a very weird message of "MEN MUST BE TOGETHER SO THEY CAN BE GAY ABD DO GAY THINGS" if you yourself are a gay person and ship ppl to be gay that's fine but if you're straight and immediately go to make everyone gay....again....ask yourself why you do that...is it because "ugh gay relationships are SOOOOOO much cuter than straight ones!!!!"
so essentially, it really comes down to your own intentions. naturally, i don't know your intentions when you're reading content or doing whatever but you do. and i like to make it clear thru my DNI how i feel about it. if you know you're reading the content for a good reason then fine but if you find yourself reading the content for less than ideal reasons then...u know, smthn to think about i suppose.
also to tack on; i don't like when cishet people create wlw/mlm/nblw/nblm content or whatever mostly because it's going to be told thru a cishet view. it's not really their content to be creating or their stories to be told. they don't know what it's like to be gay in a gay relationship all theyre going to have is their third party views and that just....again, begs the question of why is a cishet person wanting to insert themselves into non-cishet content
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dog-teeth · 3 years
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I know you get a lot of gender-related asks, but this is something that has been bugging me for a while so yeah. The thing is, I was pretty sure up until recently that I am a trans man, but lately I've been questioning it a bit more because sometimes I just don't feel much like a man, but more like sort of neutral? I use he/they pronouns, right, and most of the time I prefer he/him and then there are days when I feel like they/them is nicer but those days don't make me feel dysphoric (1/?)
So I thought that maybe genderfluid might be the right one, BUT I just never feel like a woman and even the thought of living as a woman or being perceived as one upsets me so so much. So basically my gender just feels like it switches from feeling very much like a man to feeling a bit neutral sometimes but I prefer he/him pronouns 90% of the times but I also feel like "trans man" fits for me and it's just a whole mess. Did you ever feel like this? (2/2)
puttin this under the cut cuz its a few paragraphs lol
so the thing about labels is theyre just tools to use, and no 1 label is going to define you 100%. i often feel like the dire need to use the "right" label for yourself often just leads to additional stress, when instead the important thing to focus on is how you want to express your gender and be perceived, not necessarily which word describes you best.
that being said, genderfluid does not mean you have to be a woman sometimes. like all gender identities, it means something unique to everyone and we all have our own experiences. for example, i'm genderfluid but i never feel like either binary gender, my non-binaryness just changes outside of the gender binary, often intertwining with my bisexuality bc different attractions and relationships make me feel different gender things.
there are also labels like genderfaun (genderfluid but never female) and demiboy (partially male partially something else) that could apply to you. you can also be a nonbinary trans man, you don't have to choose one over the other. you also can just be a trans man and sometimes feel more neutral. all genders encompass a wide variety of experiences, there isn't a wrong way to do it. you can also use multiple labels (e.g. genderfluid trans man, genderfaun demiboy)
i guess my point is there is a lot of labels that could apply to you, but the idea that 1 single word can 100% describe your identity and experience is just often not true, people cannot be divided neatly into little sections under 1 label. but identifying w labels can help you express yourself to others and understand yourself better, and i totally understand the desire to find the "right" one. but don't put too much pressure on yourself to choose just one label. if you're happy with how you express your gender and are perceived, you don't need a label at all unless you want to use it as part of that expression/perception.
hope something here helps!!
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pinefem · 3 years
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i gotta say. watching 3 of my best friends in the whole world slowly descend into trans identification is heartbreaking. from when i was 12 to when i was 15 to now, 18 years old, it's been heartbreaking every time. the first one pushed me to identify as trans myself. it was a difficult, confusing time. i struggle to cope with knowing that others perceive themselves as somehow more manly and masculine than me because of how they identify (tell me they don't all you want, you're lying to yourself). when i was 15, my best friend and i parted ways because it was so devastating to me when she made her way into it. i could not understand why i was so broken up, why i couldn't just accept her, but i was, and i couldn't. a year later i found out she identified as trans. getting to know her again, seeing how female she is and how different she is from men and knowing that one day she may try to change herself, i couldn't stick around. it pushed me over the edge. i cut her out of my life, and i finally started to re evaluate my approach to these things. that one is especially devastating because i know there is a point when i could've convinced her of this, but she felt just as alone and confused as a gnc woman as i always did, and had no way to put it into words. fast forward to now, my closest friend is starting to go by he/him pronouns. she told me she relates to male characters a lot more than female characters, that she is the men she looks up to, and i feel so upset. i've spent months trying to overcome my preference for male characters. i have kept her up to date on my journey. i have had deep conversations with her about feminism, telling her that we were not born into it. making it clear that it's just offensive to me that people think there's some innate male masculinity, but she slowly veered in the other direction, praising trans women for their "beauty" and "bravery," and calling traditional female gender roles empowering.
here's some more backgroujd on her: this woman has like, 6 gay male couples (my opinion on gay ocs is unless they're made by gay/bi men, they're usually just a way to avoid writing female characters). she has 3 or so butch characters, and all of them "wear makeup casually sometimes." none of the men do. (those women ain't butch.) she pulled timeline on me, but i'm calling fucking bullshit. there were plenty of he/him lesbians. but to her, those lesbians weren't women, they were non-binary. she also has like, proper trans characters in the 1920s. she also has one gay male character who's married to a lesbian, which was like, fine, and then she tells me that the lesbian later becomes a surrogate for him and his boyfriend's baby. she doesn't even help raise the baby. it's fucking horrifying. she's obsessed with those 2 male characters, and the women are just fucking supports for their story. the girl's just a fucking incubator. she didn't even have a girlfriend until i pointed out how poorly developed she was.
she told me to listen to butch4butch by rio romeo, and said i might like rio romeo, so i begrudgingly checked her out, and rio romeo turns out to be a "non-binary butch." she isn't even butch. she wears eyeliner, and is like, more alternative than anything. if a man dressed like she did, he'd get called effeminate and gay. my friend (and tons of other tras) think that female masculinity is like, short hair and hoodies, and if you have masculine traits they need to be balanced out, otherwise you aren't a woman. it's fucked up and just,, wrong.
this girl also repeatedly told me to make my gay male oc a trans woman. i was talking about how i wasn't super enthusiastic about him and his bf anymore bc i realized i'm a lesbian, but i'm already super attached to them, even as they are. him being a woman doesn't work for the story, since he needs to unknowingly a woman pregnant for the whole thing to work. it's already bad as it is, but for him to unknowingly get a woman pregnant, "realize" he's "actually a woman," and then pretend to be a woman? actually disgusting. but she kept pushing it. it was so fucking sickening every time. also, lmao, his bf's sister is a terf (and she has been even since before i was) and she would disown him if he dated a tim, but he would never bc he listens to her. it would never work.
uh... let's see. when she told me she isn't a woman and she's considering going by she/they/he pronouns, she told me that it's because she doesn't like being called ma'am, and she prefers male characters. she has some sort of connection to them (yes, as if male characters are actually fundamentally different from female characters and not written differently because of misogyny). like, me too girl. my whole fucking life. the difference between you n me is i don't lie back and whine and say "i can't help it! it's just how i am!" i get up and i fix my shit and re-examine my thoughts about groups of people. i have always, always been one to work through my issues and try to be the best i can be. you clearly haven't. ugh
i just want a best friend who won't end up like this, please.
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quillyfied · 3 years
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The thing about gender is that even for cis people it can be such a wide and weird experience, if you think about it (bear with me bc I am cis and am having a Feeling about gender idk)
Like. If we are being honest, “gender roles” are performative and not great indicators of what the differences between genders should be (assuming a binary), and personally as a person who identifies as a woman and whose gender identity matches with the physical indicators of what society has termed “female”, I really only settled for “woman” because “person with vagina comfortable with she/her” is unwieldy. I don’t know what “woman” means in my own context except that it just feels right. Comfortable. I’m not mad about being called “they/them” and actively tickled by “sir” but in general I prefer “she/her” and “woman.” I am not a woman in the same way my mom is, or my sister in law, or my best friends. If every woman’s experience with “femininity” is so different, why is it under a single banner? If “woman” is a uniter in a physical sense, how do trans women, both with and without dysphoria, know they feel like women? What does that mean, to be a woman? And if it’s such a personal distinction, why do we have a banner for it at all? Beyond there being a social blueprint for behavior based on external physical indicators, which has been obsolete for decades and was unnecessary before that.
My (painfully moderate) father, when my youngest sibling came out as nonbinary, had a hard time in that he, a cis man, has never had to think about his gender in any meaningful way. It’s never been an impediment to him to be perceived as a man and he’s never considered anything different. In his mind, the idea of “gender” is useless and if we must have “genders”, they should only matter in a medical sense, since the rough binary of human physical sex comes with different medical needs depending on the physical sex traits of each person. While in theory that’s not terrible, it doesn’t reflect the reality of the social side of sex and gender and the history of oppression for not having the indicators of male sex and adhering to the social expectations for having one sex or the other. History is important. History shapes society, which shapes gender identity, since gender is a social construct based on social understanding of external sexual indicators.
Back to my original point, gender is weird even for cisgender folks because even within the constructed binary, people don’t fall into neat categorical boxes and gendering certain activities and behaviors is highly damaging. We know this. We have known this. We have known this to the point that there is an entire character trope of “not like other girls” that has wrapped back around to being a damaging gender-conforming performance. And we also know that the physical indicators of sex aren’t always as cut and dry as they appear, either, regardless of the socialization of the person in possession of any configuration of physical and genetic indicators. There’s intersex folks. There’s chromosomal weirdness. There’s any number of disorders and health issues that can muddle the issue (and I would argue only muddle it in that they can interfere with the vision of standard biological functions, which isn’t always right, either). I have PCOS and produce more testosterone than is typical for a cisgender woman, which manifests in a variety of ways that go against the medical and social definitions of a woman, but I still feel like a woman regardless of facial hair and reproductive ability, and that has nothing to do with my breasts and vagina at all. I’m a woman because it feels right. Full stop. I’m not a man or non-binary or any other gender identity because it doesn’t feel right. Could that change one day? Maybe. I wouldn’t rule it out. But that’s not my current reality. Woman is fine for me. “Girl power” or “sisterhood” exist because of social pressure and shared physical sexual indicators but neither of those things are exclusive to cisgender women, and so the feeling of community I have goes beyond gendered language and rigid definitions. I have as much in common with another cisgender woman who doesn’t like makeup as I would have with a trans man with perpetually sore feet as much as I would have with a non-binary person being fat-shamed as I would have with a trans woman who likes Pokémon. My support and solidarity is not just for people who look and think and behave like me. It’s not even just for cisgender women who look and think and behave like me.
This got really far away from me. But. If the experience of just being a “woman” is so varied and wide open, on both a genetic and a social level, what makes any of us think that 1. There’s such a thing as a simple binary, and 2. Attempting to adhere to it and force others to as well is a good idea?
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theadhdgoblin · 2 years
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Parents grieving a child transitioning
Parents who feel like they need to “grieve” their child transitioning, aren't grieving the boy or girl they knew, they are grieving the loss of the property they had control of. They can no longer force their child to be the gender they want. It is a loss of control that only becomes visible because a request for freedom was met with resistance.
They are (badly) pushing through the discomfort of dissonance. The feeling of dissonance is a hard one to describe and recognise in the moment, but to exist as human means we have to reconcile dissonance all the time for our comfort. Telling yourself stories in ways that make you more comfortable with daily life, "Fish don't have feelings so fishing is humane." Or denying information completely. Feeling in control is comforting, it's safe. People have to reconcile their beliefs against their behaviour all the time and changing a belief and a behaviour isn't an easy thing to do for a lot of people for a lot of different reasons, and can be intensely uncomfortable.
Trans kids are challenging their parents by presenting a lack of harmony between the parents internal reality that (toxically) includes a child as an extension of themselves, and the actual reality the child is presenting them: I have always been a separate being and was never what you want me to be. Grieve isn’t the right word bc it implies we should have compassion for this process - but I don't think we should. They aren’t losing a child, they’re loosing a reflection of themselves projected onto that child.
I suspect more people can identify with grieving than they can with the trauma that comes from living as trans and then having to deal with someone grieving us when we are literally still alive -_- Cis people cant empathise with a trans person's experience the same way they can empathise with the emotion of grieving. They outnumber us. So it's been normalised and this narrative does harm trans people. It's ok to need to work through internal challenges to changes in your life. It's ok to ask for patience and take that shit away from the person it could impact negatively. But to normalise this process as grief overshadows what really happening.
Discomfort is showing you an opportunity to meet your growth potential. To call it grief is self limiting and harms trans people. The implication is that grief will never go away and the "new" child will never be truly accepted. Grief says the parent will never completely get over "losing" their child because they don't see their now out trans child as the same person they raised. The parent is invalidating their trans childs existence because that child is now too far removed from that projection of themselves that they cannot bare let go of.
You can't own or control someones inner experience, but some people sure do behave like they can.
(Please note: I am speaking from a perspective of my experience and thoughts as a white trans non-binary person. I have a lot of thoughts about how white culture is based around seeing people as property and how pretty fucked up that is and I am expanding my understanding of intersectionality so I can better articulate this. I welcome any feedback. I am always expanding my learning and if I miss the mark I am keen to install new information.)
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unambiguouslybi · 3 years
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Hello! I hope you're doing pleasant today, or tonight- or afternoon- or noon? And Happy Pride!! 🎉🎉🎉
So I'm kinda nervous about talking about this mostly because I feel like I'm disappointing my family again hHHh (I came out to being Bisexual last month and they've just been in denial and it's like it didn't happen-)
But it's just that I was born female and that's okay, but on some days I feel very masculine and want to be addressed and represented as such
My friend suggested that I might be Bigender but I just want to be sure about it, it just feels like I'm switching between masculinity and feminity very often
Hi!
I can relate to you when you say you came out and it's like your family's in denial. When I first came out as bisexual and for a couple years after, a lot of my family and friends acted like it never happened and that I was straight. Then when it came to being bigender, I was even more nervous to come out bc my family went through this big ordeal when my brother came out as trans and I was afraid they'd think I was 'influenced' by him and I felt bad for not being the 'normal one' like they thought I was. But luckily, the more my family gets educated, the more they understand and accept who I am. I do think it's important to have resources you can point to in case someone is ignorant on the subject bc a lot of the times, they just don't understand things properly and if they learn about it, they can be more accepting of it (of course, some people will be anti-LGBT+ no matter what unfortunately).
I can't say for sure whether or not you're bigender as figuring out gender is more personal, but I would say it's definitely plausible! I do feel very similarly to you and identify as a man and a woman.
-Mod Kitt
Below is an answer on another ask from one of our mods about multigenders:
Hello yes anon are you me XD But for serious I recognize some of those gender feelings. Since it sounds like you’re right at the start of your gender journey, I’ll simply provide some definitions in the context of possibly being some flavor of multigender~
Nonbinary: An umbrella term for a gender identity that is not 100% man or 100% woman. Some people just identify as nonbinary as well. Many people see this as a neutral third gender or a lack of gender entirely, but the reality is that there is a wide spectrum of nonbinary identities, including bigender.
Bigender: Identifying as [at least] 2 genders. While man/woman pairing is common (like yours truly) you can also identify as a binary gender + nonbinary gender, or as two nonbinary genders! Sometimes the ratio of gender 1 to gender 2 can shift, or sometimes it’s more like preferring to wear blue one day and green the next.
Genderfluid: Similar to bigender, but distinguished from it by being more, well, fluid! People who choose to identify as genderfluid rather than bigender are more likely to experience a changing, shifting gender as a defining feature rather than something that happens occasionally.
Genderqueer: Like I’ve said before, I see this label used most often by people who know that they’re non-cis in some fashion, but don’t particularly care to put a hard and fast definitive label on it. Or, their gender expression is such that they are “queering” their otherwise cis gender. I’ve seen a few crossdressers and drag performers use genderqueer in this way.
Regarding coming out to your family (or even just getting the chance to process this with them rather than more or less on your own), I’ve seen the suggestion to test the waters and see how they react to the concept of other nonbinary or trans folks (celebrities, friends of yours, people that your family may know, etc) and if that’s favorable then to try coming out to them. If another mod or a follower want to chime in with more specific advice please do! My “coming out” is less in the sense of leaving the closet and more in the sense of just opening the closet door, so I don’t have much experience there!
- Eli
hello hello i wanted to add my 2 cents too
as far as coming out is really theres no right way to do it. coming out as queer was easy because i have family members that are open members of the lgb community but coming out as trans/enby was alot more.... difficult. for me i had to ease them into it slowly over the course of months. i probably could have (and honestly, should have) done it all at once but i had never given myself the chance to fully explore who i was when i first did it so they learned about me as i learned about me.
if you want your family along for the journey i suggest that, telling them that your questioning your gender identity and that your thoughts and feelings are subject to change as you learn (of course in a more natural sounding way x3). if you want to kind of leave them in the dark as you explore alone thats also fine! just be sure to have a friend for support as you explore because otherwise it tends to feel very alienating and very lonely. this friend doesnt have to be in the community (but its very nice if they are!) so long as they love and support you and encourage you in your journey.
and most of all remember you dont have to tell your family anything you dont want too. if it makes you too uncomfortable or you feel too unsafe then you can keep it from them. its your life and you get to pick and choose who gets to see and know which parts of you.
-ky
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sapphosvioletts · 3 years
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I’m really, really sorry to hear about all that Vi - I really wish I could sympathise and say the perfect words that need to be said, but I don’t know how
I mean like, even if I identify as non-binary I’m amab so I don’t ever get periods, and I’ve also never experienced withdrawals myself so I don’t know what that’s like and I definitely don’t know what it’s like to have a friend just not your friend anymore ((without first arguing or falling out with them that is))
And even though she is a good person like you’ve said and she hasn’t done anything to directly hurt you, she’s just having a hard time herself: that doesn’t make it hurt any less, and that just frickin sucks not be able to do anything to take the pain away. Especially when your someone with autism, as these kinda things can hurt like 100x worse - which is basically the equivalent of throwing salt in the wound, except the wound is in your heart and the salt is bleach or something stupid like that
I hope that all makes sense? I’m gonna continue anyway in hopes that it does-
I also think that, granted you can do and it doesn’t cause any negative affects ((idk cause I’m not a doctor)), you should maybe try and take your med again? Even if just slowly to get your body back used to it, that might help to ease the withdrawal symptoms - still, I recommend either using your own knowledge or someone else who knows about stuff like that as I am most certainly not a medical professional
I would however say that, you should probably definitely get some more bc ((was it bc? Idk, just The anti-cramp-pain-reliever-thingy that you mentioned))
And I know that phone calls, well, they fucking suck - I mean I find regular phone calls stressful and I’ve been doing all of my counsellor calls over the phone for like the past year or so, so I definitely can understand your pain and worries when it comes to them - but in the end I think you kinda need to weight things up: because if you think about it, in the short term things aren’t gonna be fun ((anxiety inducing phone calls + horrific cramps)), but in the long run wouldn’t it be better? Cause you’d have your medicine to help with the pain, and you won’t have to deal with constant thought of “oh shit I’ve ran out of medicine I’m probably gonna have to call to get a new prescription soon” following you around
Idk, just a suggestion - but in the end you know you, and you should just do what’s best for you and there’s only one you: isn’t like a phone where you can get a new one every couple month or whatever depending on your contract
I feel like that was a horrific analogy but I’m just full of them today it would seem
Regardless, I hope your doing alright and I’m sorry I haven’t sent you much messages these past couple days
You also don’t have to reply to this publicly, as I know that, as you’ve said, you’ve seen this and that’s honestly all I could ask for
love you Vi, and I hope things get better for you that way you can start feeling better as you most certainly do not deserve this kinda pain 💙
((or any pain at all really, but unfortunately what is life without pain?))
- 🦋
it's okay, thank you, just you being so kind helps 🥺
and yeah being autistic definitely doesn't help in this situation cause i tend to attach myself to people, and she was someone that i was/am veryyyy emotionally attached too so it hurts lol and now i'm like kinda lost without her bc i definitely looked at her like an older sister so now that she's not there i just don't really know what to do but yes i took some tide pods to the heart lmaooooo
and im back on them now! i didn't purposely stop taking them, i was just so distracted and emotional that it completely slipped my mind (i had them refilled and forgot to take them out of the bag, and i take a couple everyday so it's easy to not realize i'm missing one) but i'm back on them now 💕💕💕
and yeah calling probably would be the best idea in the long run, but i just keep putting it off lol i know that i really need to though and it's probably a good idea
thank you for being so kind anon, sorry it took me so long to reply. i love you too, thank you 🥺🥺🥺
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