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#(yes I’ve already tried melatonin yes it kind of works)
ukulelekatie · 3 years
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so I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately (I know I know I’m sorry for constantly talking about it I’m tired of it too—or rather I’m not tired, that’s the problem) and I’m researching ways to help and so many sources are saying to not use my phone before bed and even limit reading books in bed, but I cannot understand how people can just... do nothing and then fall asleep? I need to be entertaining myself in some way until I physically cannot keep my eyes open any longer or else I’m just going to be lying there in the dark fixating on how I need to sleep which will just stress me out and keep me up all night. I don’t get it my dudes
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ladyofpurple · 4 years
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here it is: the post Literally no one was waiting for. i'd put it under a read more thing but i'm on mobile and can't be assed to get out of bed so fuck it. we air our dirty laundry on main for the world to see like men.
so waaay back in february or something, i started seeing a psychologist again. i'd been seeing a psychologist for a while last year, but she had a private practice and got too expensive over time, so i had to stop. now, however, i finally got a referral to the public mental health offices in my county. which is nice, because norway has this neat thing that means when you go to the doctor, public health care facilities, refill prescriptions for medications you have to take daily, etc, the money you spend on those things gets recorded and after you've spent like $260, you get a free card that gets logged into your medical records and you don't have to pay for any of those things for the rest of the year.
anyway, i mentioned a couple of years back that i finally got put on antidepressants for the first time. they helped a lot, but then i just... stopped taking them. there wasn't a reason, really. i just forgot to take them one week when i was stuck in bed with a headcold, and then it was hard to get back in the habit again. i tried to get back on them off and on for a long time, but i'd inevitably just forget again. until, like, i wanna say november/early december last year? i started taking them again. there were still some slip-ups every now and then, but for the most part i took them almost every day. any gaps were no longer than two, maybe three days at the most, and those gaps were maybe once a month or so on average. averages aren't really useful in this context, but i hope you get the idea.
anyway, i finally convinced my doctor that, no, seriously, i really need to see a psychologist, i've always needed to see psychologists my whole life, seeing psychologists help me, i can't afford a private psychologist so i need a public one, and after a lot of begging and insisting on my end and a lot of hemming and hawing on her end she finally agreed to refer me. except she forgot to actually send the email she'd been typing in front of me, and then she quit, so there was a lot of confusion and time spent sorting things out until i got my first appointment.
i didn't like my psychologist at first. she was way older than i'm usually comfortable with (that's a personal me-problem that i know is irrational, and i'm not gonna go into the why but yes i'm working on it), and very blunt in an exasperated sort of way. she made me angry sometimes. she made me feel like i wasn't trying hard enough. but she helped me get shit done, so i guess she was doing something right.
in june she called in a psychiatrist to help adjust my medications, so i started taking zoloft in addition to the other medication (remeron, aka mirtazapine) that i was already taking. the mirtazapine was helping with my depression, but my anxiety was still pretty bad. the zoloft helped.
by my second appointment with my psychologist, she asked me whether i could have adhd, or if there was a history of it in my family. now, i have a lot of family with adhd (how closely related we are by blood is a bit of a mystery to me, my family tree is more like an overgrown hedge and who knows who fits where), and my grandma used to joke that the women in our family "all have a little bit of that adhd brain in us", but as far as i knew, nobody in my immediate, direct bloodline had such a diagnosis. i had my suspicions about myself, of course — i knew that not every focus or attention related problem necessarily has a specific attention disorder source, but i also knew that what i was experiencing couldn't be "normal," in the sense that if i walked into a room with 100 people in it, 86 of those people wouldn't necessarily look at a list of my symptoms and go "oh same hat." i've had add on my about me for a while now. maybe that was silly of me; i hadn't been diagnosed with it, and what i knew about the specifics of it were picked up piecemeal off the internet. you know, that super-reliable place where everyone is honest and factual all the time?
anyway, this began the process of investigating the merits of such a potential diagnosis. research was begun. questionnaires were taken. my mom was invited to one of my sessions, in which she revealed that, oh yeah, bee tee dubs, she's always suspected i have adhd. did she mention that she has also apparently always suspected ocd and that i'm autistic? no? whoops, well, she has now.
end of june i was referred to the neuropsychologist devision of the public health care place. over the course of a little over 6 weeks i went in for 2 interviews, in which i answered several questionnaires, talked about my life and childhood and traumas and what my mom had told me about her pregnancy and labor, every possible symptom i'd ever had, and was sent home with even *more* questionnaries. in addition to these, i went in for two rounds of "testing," in which i was tested on my memory, pattern recognition, reaction time, impulse control, and probably a dozen other things. i was nervous. it was exhausting. i wanted answers but was terrified of what those answers would be.
end of august, my mom came with me for the big reveal. and guess what? she was right. primary diagnosis: adhd, special emphasis on the attention deficit part. bonus diagnosis: asperger syndrome. surprise! i'm autistic, i guess.
it was hard to come to terms with. which sounds really silly, since i wouldn't have even been taking those tests if i didn't think the outcome was a possibility. and it's not like the diagnoses were surprising either. the adhd part was easier to accept, mostly because i already felt pretty confident i had it. but the asperger diagnosis was harder. having to unlearn all those ingrained ableist stereotypes and social stigmas is hard, especially when you had some you didn't even realize were there. it's very surreal to think a thought and be like "no, wait, i do that. that joke is about me." it's a very surreal and slightly upsetting experience to realize how biased you are as general rule, but especially about a facet of your own identity you weren't aware of. and the feeling of everything and nothing changing all at once. i've always been like this. a doctor telling me i have two cognitive/developmental disabilities isn't an event that magically gave me these disabilities. my brain has always worked like this. the only difference between me now and me a year ago is that i have an official, medical reason for Why now.
that's another thing: coming to terms with the idea of being "developmentally disabled." it's not like i'm suddenly a different person — i have to constantly remind myself that my brain has always been like this. but having a piece of paper confirming that i am legally entitled to special allowances in the workplace or at school because i have not one, but two "disabilities" is absolutely buckwild to me.
it makes me reevaluate my life and my past. how many situations did i make worse because i did not have the capacity or knowledge about how my own brain works to self-reflect? was i high-functioning in the past because life was simpler? was it because i subconsciously had a better handle on what works for me and what doesn't, and somewhere along the way i lost that? or was it simply because i didn't have the option to be anything other than high-functioning? it's confusing.
i also lost my spot at college. i can still reapply next year if i want, but at least now i know why i was failing out lmao
anyway, by my birthday in september we started the process of adjusting my medication again. upping my zoloft, getting me off remeron, and as of 6 weeks ago or so, beginning ritalin.
it was a rocky start, but i'm up to 60mg now. two pills in the morning, one in the afternoon. i have a goddamn alarm for 8am every day, even weekends. my sleeping is still wonky, but at least im genuinely tired by 8pm every night. the psychiatrist still wants me to try melatonin for a month (even though i told her multiple times it has never worked for me, and my problem has never been "i'm not sleepy enough"), so i'm on a whopping 2mg of melatonin for the next 30 days. norwegians are fucking WEIRD about melatonin, don't even get me started.
a slightly unexpected side-effect (on my end) of these medication changes: remeron made me gain weight. like, a lot of weight. and i was constantly hungry all the time, overeating to ridiculous amounts. why did nobody ever tell me that weight gain and metabolism changes are a side-effect of anti-depressants? i was more active this summer than i'd been in, like, three years and i just got fatter. which was incomvenient because i kept outgrowing my clothes. anyway, a side effect of ritalin is a loss of appetite and general weight loss. the combination of regularly taking ritalin and dropping remeron entirely? i eat a fraction of what i used to before, i've almost entirely stopped snacking, and i've lost 15 lbs in less than a month. i've already noticed my face is slightly slimmer now. maybe by christmas i'll be able to fit into my old tshirts again.
anyway, my psychologist quit, so i have a new one now. i've only seen her a few times, but she's veeeery different from my old one. i can't decide if i like her or not.
in the middle of all this, i've been going to the social security office as well to kind of get some of my own money, possibly help me get a job at some point in the future. my caseworker is super nice. if she's over 30 i'd be shocked. i relate to her really well, she's very helpful and understanding, and she's very patient with me and my bullshit. she's the kind of person where if we met at a party or something we could probably hang out.
anyway, she's helped me get out of the house sometimes. she introduced me to this youth club volunteer group thing called the fountain house, designed for young people who've dealt with or are currently dealing with mental illnesses and such. i hung out there yesterday and the day before and did some basic office work. it's nice. and then there's a work placement place that can either give you a job on site in one of their four departments, or help you get a job at an actual business elsewhere with more support and leniency than you might get if they just hired you off the street. i'd start in their second hand store. they clean and restore all donations they recieve, and they're super fucking cheap. i treated myself to my literal lifelong dream of owning a vintage typewriter (!!!!!) yesterday, because it's almost christmas and goddammit, i've been doing so much shit the past couple of months i deserve it. do i have space for it? not really. do i have a plan on what to use it for? no. was it heavy and miserable trekking through the snow and rain yesterday back and forth? was it worth the backache in the morning? fuck yeah it was.
a fucking lot of things are happening all at once. diagnoses, medications, lifestyle changes, work placement, social clubs, dealing with bureaucracies on all sides just so i can feel like a person again, not to mention juggling hobbies like writing and drawing and maintaining my irl friendships. i'm getting as many balls rolling as i can while i have the opportunity and mental/emotional capacity to, but i'm worried i'll burn out again. i'm stabilizing and slowly building my life back up, but jesus christ it would suck if this stupid house of cards collapsed again. but i'm tentatively optimistic. who knows, maybe it's not to late to course-correct my mistakes.
so long story short, that's why i've barely been active on tumblr for months. that's why i haven't been writing, drawing, or reading fic. it's coming along, but it's slow.
i guess the most important thing is that it's coming along at all.
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sakurasangcl · 5 years
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Heartbreaker
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Pairing: Taeyong x Reader, Best Friend! Jungwoo x Reader
Word Count: 2.6K
Warnings: angst, Taeyong cheating and ghosting, a bit of violence (but no gore or real descriptions)
Summary: After meeting in a coffee shop and spilling hot coffee all over your shirt, Taeyong is all you can think about. When you meet again, he stands you up for a date. When you go to visit your best friend Jungwoo a week later, your life is turned upside down when you see Taeyong with a girl and learn that they’re werewolves- and Taeyong is your mate.
Note: This is the third installment of the Moonlight Symphony series, and the first part of Taeyong’s. For the Moonlight Symphony series masterlist and more details, click here. 
You remember they day you met Lee Taeyong. It was both the worst and best day. It was during midterms, and you were planning on pulling an all-nighter. You had gone to your favorite coffee shop to get some caffeine and a snack, but that wasn’t all that ended up happening.
Ever since then, the moment has been on repeat in your mind. It’s been difficult to concentrate, study, and work. All you can think about it is how you bumped into each other and he spilt his coffee all over your shirt.
Thankfully, it was a good coffee shop and the coffee didn’t give you third degree burns, but it did hurt. Taeyong immediately offered you the shirt he was wearing under his sweatshirt, and apologized profusely. You, however, were in too much shock at the fact that such a handsome man was talking to you.
You daydreamed about him, wondering what his lips would taste like. You wondered what kind of life he lived to be getting eight cups of coffee, and why he seemed so stressed. You could have sworn you gave him your phone number because you definitely had his, but you never heard back from him.
Despite loving his scent, you didn’t feel right keeping a stranger’s shirt... Even if he was the most attractive man you had ever laid eyes on.
It was the last day of the semester when you saw him again.
Your friends convinced you to go out with them, despite hating bars and drinking. You managed to not have a drop of alcohol, and it was well past midnight. Deciding you had enough social interaction, you went to walk home.
On your way out, a hand grabbed your arm. You were ready to yell, scream, kick, and fight, but you found the hand belonged to Taeyong. You felt like a fish out of water for a second, surprised to see him after all of this time.
“Sorry I never got back to you, y/n. I’ve been busy. Are you heading home? I don’t mind walking you…” He offers. Taeyong looks tired, with dark bags under his eyes, where his concealer definitely wasn’t enough to cover it.
Normally you would say no to strange guys asking to walk you home, but before you knew it, a soft, “Yes please,” escapes you. You start walking towards campus in silence, since neither of you really knew what to say.
Eventually, he spoke up. “I’m sorry I never got back to you. I’ve been… busy.”
You knew he was referring to the multiple texts (some due to exhaustion) you sent him. A blush crept onto your cheeks, and you shook your head. “It’s fine…” you lie.
“It’s really not. Can I make it up to you sometime? We can go get ice cream, or just hang out?” He asks.
You notice how desperate he sounds, and you couldn’t help but agree.
“Tomorrow? I can come get you…” he offers, once again surprising you with how urgent Taeyong seems.
“Sure. Does two work for you?” you awkwardly ask, shifting on your feet as you stood outside your dorm building.
“Yes. I’ll get you then!” Taeyong responds, smiling brilliantly, his exhaustion seeming to vanish in an instant.
You nod and leave him be, going inside and wondering what you were going to wear and if this was actually a date.
When you got inside, you text Jungwoo. Out of all of your friends, he was your best friend. In all honesty, he was more of a big brother than anything. Despite this, you didn’t have the courage to tell him about who exactly Taeyong was. You managed to get him to choose an outfit for you to wear, however begrudgingly he was on his end of the phone. He claimed he just didn’t like the idea of you going on a date with some guy that has been ignoring you.
It was around midnight when you were in bed that you realized you couldn’t sleep. Insomnia was a regular thing for you, so you weren’t too surprised. You got up and took an extra melatonin, hoping to get sleep eventually.
The beginning of your day was pretty uneventful; you started packing and cleaning to move out, and before you knew it, it was one in the afternoon. With an hour left until your date, you were frantically getting ready, wanting to look your best. You knew your girlfriends would tell you to give it up already, but you couldn’t help it.
Once your phone said it was 1:58, you went downstairs and outside to wait. The weather was nice and sunny, and you were in a cute skirt and with a soft, pastel rose color shirt that complimented your skin. You checked your phone after a bit, and it read 2:05. You sat down nervously, nearly breaking at the sight of two texts.
One was from your mother, and the other Taeyong.
Your mom had sent you a text saying how she would be gone on a business trip for two to six weeks, and that she was very sorry she wouldn't be able to see you for a while. She asked you to keep the house clean and to not have any boys come over except that "Jungwoo is always welcome and is an exception to that rule."
A tear slid down your cheek as you look to see what Taeyong had to say.
I’m sorry I can’t come today. I’m sick.
That was the only explanation you were given, and then the waterworks began. You barely managed to make it to your room before you began to sob uncontrollably.
You moved back home later that same day, and hardly spoke a word to your RA or roommates. You let a week go by of utter depression, hardly registering that the world was moving on without you. Eventually, you had enough and sent a short text to Jungwoo saying that you were coming to visit him.
You were already on your way when you got his reply of:
You can’t come over now, it’s dangerous.
You didn’t see this message until you were already at his secluded house that he shared with who knows how many other boys. It was big to begin with, but there was added construction to it to make it larger. You grin, since the house always reminded you of what you figured the Weasley’s would look like from Harry Potter, but probably safer and made without the use of magic.
You knock on the door, only for it to be answered by a nervous looking Jungwoo.
“You shouldn’t be here. Did you not read my text?” he prompts you, gesturing to the phone he knew was in your pocket.
You took it out, frowning at your reflection. “Why is it dangerous?” you asked, your voice emotionless.
“I can’t- I can’t tell you. I’m sorry Y/n, but I could get in trouble if I do. But really, you do need to go.” Jungwoo says, trying to shoo you away from the house.
You were having none of that and stepped closer, only to have him recoil from coming even close to touching you. Skinship had never been an issue before; you both enjoyed it. “Jungwoo?” you say, your voice cracking.
“Please go before he smells you,” Jungwoo softly begs, his eyes round and pleading.
“What do you mean-” you began, your eyebrows knitting in confusion as a very disheveled Taeyong came down the stairs. His hair was a mess as he tried to fix it, his eyes darker than usual. All he was wearing was shorts and a t-shirt on inside out and backwards.
He didn’t seem perturbed by his appearance, nor when he spoke. “What are you doing here, Y/n?” Taeyong practically purrs, smirking slightly with a lustful look in his eyes.
Your shock was evident on your face as you looked between the two, your mouth falling open comically when a girl came down behind Taeyong, and it was clear that they had just been having sex.
If you hadn’t known better, you would have sworn that your heart audibly cracked. You were in pain and didn’t know why, so you back up away from them and stumble onto the porch. Sure, you knew Jungwoo lived with a bunch of guys and you didn’t know all of their names, but you never would have guessed that Taeyong was one of them.
“Jaehyun! Someone! I need help NOW! It’s an emergency!” Jungwoo shouts before blocking Taeyong’s way to you, shooting you a worried glance.
It was faster than your brain could comprehend that there was at least three other of Jungwoo’s- and apparently Taeyong’s- housemates were holding back Taeyong from getting to you. You were frozen in shock at the scene as Taeyong snarled and tried to break free of their grasp, his eyes flashing amber.
“L-leave me alone,” you whisper, fear chilling you to the bones. Before you could get any more scared, Jungwoo snapped you out of it by his actions. “Stay away from me,” You add, letting Jungwoo lead you away from the scene.
He manages to slam the door shut before anything could get more violent, but you heard a lot of growling from inside. Jungwoo gently picks you up, impressing you with one of his rare displays of strength, and set you in your car.
“Buckle up, y/n. We need to go, and go far.” He tells you, turning your car on and beginning to drive.
Your head was spinning, and your mind was out of control. Jungwoo turns on some soft music, hoping to help you relax. Ultimately, your headache got so bad that you passed out.
When you woke up, you were in a new place and in an unfamiliar bed. Before you could panic, there was a soft knock on the door before Jungwoo entered the room. He smiles softly at you, comforting you.
“Are you alright?” he asks, sitting down on the bed and facing you.
You meekly shake your head, confused, dazed, and wondering what was going on. Your heart felt like it was shattered into hundreds of pieces, and you felt sick.
“I’m sorry this happened to you… I really am. If I had known… I never would have let you come to my place…” Jungwoo says with a sigh, his gaze not meeting yours.
“I want to explain, but it’s not really my place…” He adds, clearly frustrated. “He’ll have to explain, or allow me too, but…” Jungwoo shrugs, and it was obvious he did not think he would be able to.
“He as in Taeyong?” You ask, surprised at the bitterness of your voice.
Jungwoo nods, and you could tell he was exhausted.
Suddenly, one of the other housemates that you knew, Johnny, came walking into the room. “Honestly, you may as well just tell her. Or, if you don’t want to get in trouble, I will and take the blame.” He says suddenly, sitting in a nearby chair. “I mean, he did nearly attack her… and he ended up going feral. It’s her right to know. And if he gets mad, he gets mad.” Johnny shrugs, as though Taeyong being mad wasn’t a big deal.
Jungwoo and Johnny stare at each other for a moment, and you sat up looking between the two. Jungwoo eventually sighs and shrugs. “If I get skinned, I’m telling them it was your idea in the first place,” the younger mumbles, turning back to face you and taking your hand.
“Y/n, I know this is going to be a lot to take in. But me and everyone else that all live together… well, we aren’t human. We’re werewolves.” He tells you, gauging your reaction. Your eyebrows only furrow some in disbelief, but he continues. “And we all have mates… And every so often a year, generally just twice, we’ll go into heat or a rut, depending on gender. It gets especially worse if you know who your mate is and aren’t with them... “
“Basically you just want to have sex all the time. You can either satisfy your wolf’s urge with someone else, or just.. wait it out.” Johnny pipes up, knowing Jungwoo would get uncomfortable with the topic.
Jungwoo nods, then continues. “Taeyong found you, and was in the process of helping some younger guys go through their transitions into being a full blooded werewolf. Then he had forgotten about his upcoming rut, and had someone come help take care of it… And you showed up…”
You weren’t that gullible, but you’d go along with it until you could get more answers. “Why didn’t he just ‘wait it out’?” you ask, crossing your arms as you felt a swell of jealousy and hurt once again.
“Trying to just let it pass can be dangerous for an alpha. And with you nearby, it could have been dangerous if he got loose. I mean, you saw him try to…” Johnny spoke up, choosing his words carefully. “Get you even though he was with someone else. He wants you. And he’s an alpha, so that makes it worse.”
A shiver runs down your spine. It was weird to hear how someone was sexually attracted to you and wanted to have sex with you. It reminded you too much of high school and perverts who just wanted to get in your pants. It made you uncomfortable, and Jungwoo could tell.
“I mean, it’s not always just lust. Like, when he wasn’t trying to help the others he was cleaning manically muttering about how much of a mess the house was and how ‘she’ couldn’t come or move in while it was in the state it was. And he would often zone out and daydream, probably about you. When we find our mate, we can’t stop thinking about them and we just want to be with them.” Jungwoo gushes, blushing some.
At this, Johnny stands up. “I know it’s a lot to process, and you’re still probably not feeling great from all that happened. Plus, you rejected him, so  you may be sick for a bit… I’m hoping we can find someone to help about that. Anyways, don’t go outside and don’t stray too far from any of us here. You’ll be safe with us.” he explains, leaving the room.
Your eyes turn to Jungwoo, the new information taking time to process. "So you're a werewolf too?" You ask him.
He nods, not willing to meet your eyes.
"After all I've told you, you never told me this? That you aren't even human? Has our entire friendship been a lie?" You ask, extremely frustrated now.
Jungwoo quickly stands his eyes wide and his mouth agape. “Of course not y/n! I wasn’t aloud to tell you, and I had hoped it wouldn’t change anything… I mean, it doesn’t, does it?” He says, tearing up.
“Of course it changes things, Jungwoo! We’ve been friends for nearly four years and you never even tried to tell me! Is this why you always get ‘sick’?” You accuse, putting air quotes around sick. “You told me you had an autoimmune disorder of some sort that they couldn’t find the proper diagnosis for. Were you actually just in heat or whatever? And that’s actually why I couldn’t see you?”
“Technically for me it was a rut, since I’m a male…” he murmured, not denying your accusation.
“So it was a lie!”
“What was I supposed to do? I could get kicked out of the pack if I told you without permission!” Jungwoo responded, tearing up.
“Get out! Get out of this room!” You shout, pointing to the door.
Jungwoo doesn’t argue with this, and leaves without another word.
Hot tears rolled down your cheeks and onto the blanket; you hadn’t realized you had begun to cry. “What the hell?” you softly murmur, unable to stop crying. “This better be some cruel joke or a terrible nightmare,” you sob.
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Survey #177
“i get pretty just to fuck my face up.”
What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Strawberry or watermelon. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not particularly, but I suppose jaguar. What do you think of foot tattoos? Surprisingly, not a big fan. It's gotta be cute, well-placed, and small. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Maybe? I don't remember. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? Chocolate frosted. What do you drink with dinner? It varies. Can be soda, water, milk... Peanuts or sunflower seeds? I don't like either. What is your favorite grocery store to shop at, and how often do you shop for groceries? Sam's Club totally has the best deals, but I don't make the shopping calls here. Who is your favorite character from the last movie you watched? Uhhh the super paranoid lady whose actress is a legend. Where did you have your first kiss? What about your last kiss? His bed; airport. What is the last thing you spoke to your father about? Phone bill. Who do you feel you have the most in common with? Sara. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? Myself. Have you ever apologized to someone, but didn’t mean it? I'm sure at some point. What is the one thing that you can’t resist? Reese's, I sometimes cannooooot tell myself no to a Mtn. Dew Voltage, wanting to pet an animal even if it's dangerous, and uhhh I'm sure there's more. Have you ever done another person's homework for money? No. If you could play any piece of music on an instrument, what would it be? Teach me the ending piece from WKM on the piano so I could ruin myself further than just listening to it already does. Have you ever treated someone like they were nothing? I don't believe so. If you could ask 5 questions and get an exact answer, what would you ask? Oh yikes, deep one. Um... 1.) what is the cure for cancer, 2.) cure for Alzheimer's/dementia, 3.) cure for HIV/AIDS, 4.) how can/is it even possible to obtain world peace, and 5.) will I be stable in the future are what come to mind first. Does it frighten you when animals get into fights? I GET VERY SCARED FOR THE ANIMALS. When you were little did you touch just about everything in the store? YUP YUP YUP. Do you ever leave your drinks out in the open at a party? N/A, but I absolutely would not. Ever suffered from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Yes. Who is someone you’ll always hate? No one I personally know. How many people do you trust 100 percent? Just one. I would include Mom, but I know she lies about Dad. Do you think you could survive a month of solitary confinement? NO, I really think I'd lose it and kill myself. Do you often start books, yet never finish them? I don't read, but I'd do that if I didn't like it. When was the last time you felt abandoned by someone? Idr. Does the sight of blood gross you out? No. Have you ever gone through a red light? No. Do you fail to stop for stop signs, sometimes? No. What is your favorite eye color in the opposite sex? Blue. When you are sad, do you cheer yourself up, or look to others? It depends, but I usually begin with the former. During which year of your life were you the most unhappy? 2016 can been damned by God themselves. Have you ever seen a bluejay in person? Yes. Have you ever eaten grass/leaves? Probably as a kid. Do you typically like green-colored candies? Yeah! Apple flavor is the bomb.com. Who is the most energetic and happy person you know of? Ryder, my nephew. Who makes you smile the most often? Sara Jane. :') How do you express your happiness? I'm louder, more talkative, goofier. When was the last time you did a good deed? Uhhh idk. It's a tiny thing, but I suppose you could count me getting my old man bub with arthritis up on the bed when he wanted up. What songs make you happy? Lots... Do you like to sing? Sometimes, but I'm not good at it. Where is somewhere that holds fond memories for you? Ummm the little pond behind the community college where we took our first prom photos. That whole day was just extremely magical, and passing it is a severe PTSD trigger so if for whatever reason we're driving past there, Mom goes around it. I did pass it a few months back when I was taking pictures of flowers around the college and I was okay, probably because I didn't even glance at it. What do you think of the gothic stereotype? # A E S T H E T I C Have you ever encountered a black widow? Yup. What scares you, more than anything else? Ending up alone/losing all those I love. Has an animal ever peed on you? Lol yeah...  Pet rodents have multiple times when getting them accustomed to being held, a puppy probably has, and Venus (my snake) did once after I held her for like an hour, aha. Couldn't be mad at that angel, she was obviously so comfy. What would make a cool substitute color for the sun? Pink. Is purple a good color for a car? Sure. Do you prefer green or purple/red grapes? Purple; crisper. What is something you like that is sour? Warheads. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some hot wings at BWW with one of the hottest sauces. When was the last time you had a real deep chat? Idk, I'm sure something with Sara. Who did you last see on webcam? I've no idea. Have you ever discovered something gross in your food at McDonalds? No. What’s your favorite flavor of Ramen? I only like the spicy chicken Yakisoba ones. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Name a really popular television show you never got into: Ha, a lot. Game of Thrones, for one, but I'd be willing to give it a second chance via more episodes and a different attitude and actually kinda want to. Sara, add that to our list. Do you listen to any unsigned bands/singers? Who? No, I don't believe so. I need to start listening to my old friend's band, though, because I really want to support them; they work so hard and are very serious about taking their band somewhere. Nova Mortis if you're interested and like heavy metal. What do you find really interesting? THE PARANORMAL, for one. Genetics, psychology, fossils, abandoned buildings and shacks, natural selection and evolution, outer space, differences in languages and cultures, and so much more. Who is your favorite video game character? Spyro! What kind of pictures do you post on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat most frequently? I like never post pictures, but selfies on FB, then I have two photography Instagrams. Do you remember the first person you felt sexually attracted to? Seriously, Jason. Have you ever been on vacation with a significant other? No. Is there anything on your bucket list that you’re hoping to cross off soon? A lot of things, but. Probably won't be soon as many include travel. Of all of your friends’ significant others, who do you get along with best? And least? Sam's wife Kieley is an absolute doll; least, idk. What would your life be like if you had married your first love? HAHAHAHAHA I REEEEEAAAAALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THAT KNOWING NOW HE DIDN'T/DOESN'T BELIEVE IN ME AND CAN'T COMMUNICATE FOR SHIT. What is the most difficult or time-consuming thing you’ve ever cooked? Would you make it again? N/A Have you ever had a platonic friend that everyone insisted you should be in a relationship with? Girt, hardcore. Eventually did, but we know how that went. Is there anything about a person’s sexual past that might stop you from wanting to date them? Yup: if they've assaulted someone, prostitution is involved, casual flings/one-night stands have happened, being/have been a porn star, cheated before. If someone asked your closest friends/family members what career path might suit you best, what do you think they would say? Like, everyone will answer that question with "vet." Have you ever considered “unplugging”/taking a significant period of time away from technology? lol nope I doubt I'd last a day with no technology. Do you use a photo editor? Lightroom, Photoshop, sometimes PhotoScape. Is your dad overweight? Quite the opposite. Ever been honked at? Yeah. Which do you prefer, doctor or dentist? Dentist; I'm never nervous for them. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I haaaate whipped cream. Texture thing. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Two meerkats grooming, done on a huge thing of burlap. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried, never will. Have you ever had an ulcer? No. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend has had? Scarlett. Have you ever taken medication to help you fall asleep faster? Yup. I had a long insomnia streak where I physically couldn't sleep without Melatonin. What is your current favorite song? I'm hooked on "The Bottom is a Rock" by Mother Mother rn. If you had to move to another country, where would you move? Canada. Do you have a balcony? No. Are you jealous of anyone, even mildly? If so, who? Yeah, my sisters, as well as some real successful friends. Have you ever done a craft you saw in a magazine? No. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Who is a singer that has given you chills? Celine Dion, Loreena McKennitt, Sebastian Bach, David Draiman, and Amy Lee off the top of my head. What act would you perform in a talent show? I wouldn't, I got nothin'. What area are you the most gifted in, do you think? Um... writing, I guess? Which style of wedding dress is your favorite? BALLGOWN BITCH Do you enjoy editing videos? Ye! Do you enjoy editing photos? Yup. Who do you think is the most attractive actor? I see u Jason Momoa. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? I don't believe so. Do you believe in reincarnation? No. Do you have any of your neighbors as friends on Facebook? No. When was the last time you thought about sex, or sexual things? Ummm within the past few days probably, at least briefly? Are there any flowers planted outside your house? We have a tall bush that sprouts big, pink flowers, if that counts. Does anyone in your family smoke? Dad. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't yet. Do you have a drone? No. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No, rather too shy. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? YEAH. I slept like shit and had to get up early for a VR assessment. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? I feel like I'd say something sarcastic to them. Or be more mature about it and ask why. Or cry. Are you proud of who you are? Eh, only in certain areas... Is your vision good? I can barely read the line below the big "E." So no lmao. Are you a legal adult? Yeah but idk how. Has anyone ever called you a flirt? No. What was the last compliment your received? The assessment lady at VR loved my hair. Do you know any sign language? No. Who was the last person to give you a gift? Sara, on our anniversary. Do you trust the media? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BITCH NO. If you could kill off one species of animal, which would it be? Can gnats like????? not???????? Idk if they have a single useful function????????? What kind of cookies are your favorite? Chocolate chip. Who’d you last say I love you to? My mom. What’s the most overpaid job in your opinion? I'm not educated on this enough to give you an informed answer. What’s the last thing you wrote down? Working out a math problem during the assessment. When’s the last time you didn’t sleep in your own bed? Over a month ago. When’s the last time you heard a gunshot? Idk. Who’d you get mad at last? Myself. What’s the last thing that annoyed you? Bentley wouldn't listen. When’s the last time you gave someone advice? I think yesterday? Do you think you’re lucky, unlucky, or neither? Neither. Who did you last disappoint? Myself. Do you enjoy learning? Of course!!!! I mean there're subjects I have no interest in and don't enjoy, but learning as a whole is great. People say you learn something new every day, so what did you learn today? Well it was nothing big, but that I could return Miku before she got hurt since Mitsu didn't appreciate a new "buddy." Yes or no: eyebrow piercings? They can look super badass or awful depending on your face and eyebrow thickness imo. When I say The Beatles, what is the first song that comes to mind? "Yellow Submarine" even tho I hate that song???? In your opinion, what is the very worst type of weather? Hot and humid, especially with no breeze. Just no. You can only listen to 1 band for the rest of your life, who do you pick? DON'T MAKE ME. What is something that you had to learn the hard way? DON'T. THINK. A RELATIONSHIP. IS WITHOUT A SINGLE CHANCE. OF. SOMEONE. LEAVING. EVEN. IN THE MOST "SECURE" ONES. When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking? Ahhhh I'm not sure. Either something with Mom or Sara. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Mom. If your ex called you right now, would you answer? I don't have his number, so I wouldn't answer. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Sara. Do you want your tongue pierced? It is. 10/10 recommend for cute factor, but 0/10 for the healing process and pain asjfawiwo. Mine's through the very tip of my tongue and because that area is so sensitive, it was so painful that I became immediately nauseous. Pain didn't entirely vanish for almost two weeks. BUT I have zero regrets, so worth it. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yeah. What’s one thing in your life that you wish you could change? Financial position. Have you ever been in a perfect relationship? Ha, don't ever believe those exist. Do you still talk to the person who broke your heart the most? Nope. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Ummm I don't believe so. Well, I don't know if I'd take back going all the way or whatever the fuck that was, maybe I would. idk Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? No. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I'm capable, but I don't enjoy it at all. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yeah, being in a shit mood and/or being impulsive with my words. Do you like french fries? Who the FUCK sayin no to this. Have you ever ate so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? To some degree/in certain aspects. Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Probs brownies. Have you ever played a drinking game? Which ones? No. Are you good with managing your finances? I don't. Not in that position yet. What is the closest pizza place to your house? Domino's. Do you have any silly nicknames or pet names? Hmmmm no. Are you any good at drawing? Some things. Is there anything unusual about your house? No. Can you maintain a text conversation or do you run out of things to say? I think I'm good at keeping *text* convos going, surprisingly. Do you find it hard to talk to strangers, even people who work in stores? YEAH!!!!!!! Have you ever tasted goat’s milk? No. Did you ever take classes for a musical instrument when you were younger? Yup. Band member all through middle school, stopped after my junior year of HS. Do you snore when you sleep? No, but I talk a loooot. Who is the first person who broke your heart? Dad. Do you know anyone who has fought in a war? Jason's dad was in the Navy. What religion are you? Theist, which basically just entails me believing there's a god/goddess/some sorta beginning deity, but hell if I know anything about them. I make my own guesses. Who is the last person you gave a ride to, and where did you take them? I don't have a license or my own car. What is the last thing you untruthfully denied? Hm. I'm not sure. Have you ever ridden on a real train? No. Name ONE good memory about your last ex? He's absolutely hilarious and I miss hanging out more! Would you consider yourself dishonest? Not gonna bullshit and claim I never am, but in general, no. Do you tend to let people break through your walls easily? HAHA YEAH RIGHT. What are you superstitious about? Nothing. What is the coolest thing you can do? Oh boy, hell if I know. I know from experience people are often surprised how even skittish animals/pets seem to be drawn to me; does that count? Is there anyone you want to hook up with that you haven’t? Not my thing.
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What are blue-light-blocking glasses, and do they really work? Here's what experts say.
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Blue light blocking glasses are on the rise. (Photo: Getty Images)
Do you ever get a headache after looking at a computer or phone screen for too long? According to the Vision Council, 59 percent of American adults report feeling symptoms of digital eye strain. Blue-light-blocking glasses are becoming increasingly popular, but do they really work — or are they just the latest fashion trend?
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As an editor, my days always involve looking at a computer screen for upwards of nine hours a day. I don’t usually wear glasses, but if they can reduce my eye strain and help prevent headaches, then sign me up. It doesn’t hurt that these blue-light-blocking glasses are fashionable too. I decided to put them to the test. But first, what is blue light anyway?
What is blue light?
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Blue light is emitted from digital screens like computers and phones. Excessive blue light exposure is linked to eye strain, fatigue and headaches. (Photo: Getty Images)
“It’s emitted from your digital devices, artificial lighting and most prominently from the sun,” Amanda Rights, a doctor of optometry and Transitions brand ambassador, told Yahoo Lifestyle. “The sun is actually the largest source of harmful blue light — emitting more than 100 times the amount of harmful blue light from digital devices. But because we are indoors on our screens for an average of nine hours a day, our devices are negatively affecting us as well. Damage from harmful blue light is thought to be cumulative, similar to exposure to UV light, and may increase the risk of developing skin cancer.
“Excessive blue light exposure has been linked to eye strain, fatigue and headaches and, in the long term, can increase your risk of developing retinal damage,” she added.
“You’ve probably read that excessive exposure to blue light before bed, like working too late or scrolling through Instagram, can impact your ability to fall asleep because it suppresses melatonin — a hormone that helps regulate sleep.”
What are blue-light-blocking glasses?
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Blue-light-blocking glasses are now available from brands like Warby Parker, Covry and Diff Eyewear. (Photo: Getty Images)
They are glasses designed with blue-light-blocking lenses that, just as the name implies, block damaging blue light. However, the percentage of blue light they block depends on the glasses. In general, they look and feel like ordinary optical glasses with clear lenses. They come in a variety of fashionable colors, styles and shapes — square, round, oval and cat-eye, and in tortoise, black, clear, red, blue and many more shades.
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Covry Pavo Beige (Photo: Covry)
In the past, I’ve always associated blue-light glasses with those unsightly yellow-tinted versions, but now many brands have launched stylish options alongside their normal eyewear assortment. Direct-to-consumer brands like Warby Parker already offer the option to incorporate blue-light-blocking technology in their lenses (for an extra $50), whereas brands like Diff Eyewear, Quay and Covry offer specific blue-light-blocking glasses.
Do they really work?
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Blue-light-blocking glasses are more popular than ever. (Photo: Getty Images)
I tested my own pairs of blue-light-blocking glasses from Covry and Diff Eyewear over a period of three months. At first, I didn’t notice any immediate differences. However, over time, I did. I would start my day wearing them or put them on toward the late afternoon as soon as I started to sense my eyes getting fatigued or a headache beginning to form. I have to be honest … they worked! I noticed a reduction in overall headaches and eye strain from staring at my computer screen all day.
But it’s hard for me to confirm 100 percent if it’s truly the glasses alone doing the “magic” — is it part placebo effect, or is it a combination of other elements of my day (e.g., staying hydrated, reducing caffeine intake, taking a break, etc.)? Overall, there’s no doubt blue-light-blocking glasses have become especially popular among our team; four or five editors sport them on the reg. Personally, I recommend everyone to try them. They’re not for everyone, but I do feel they helped reduce my headaches and they look super-chic too — a fashionable accessory with function. What’s better than that?
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Look Optic Screen Laurel (Photo: Look Optic)
How much do they cost?
They range in price from $15 to upwards of $100. I noticed a considerable difference between the craftsmanship of an under-$20 pair versus a $65-plus pair, but it’s hard to tell the difference in how much blue light they each filter. According to Rights, “It is virtually impossible for the average consumer to spot the difference between a low- and high-quality pair of lenses. Like most retail experiences, you get what you pay for. Lower-end blue-light-blocking lenses may still be somewhat effective, though they are less durable and do not offer the same warranties as higher-end lenses. In contrast, going to an eye-care provider you trust will ensure you get a quality pair that will fit your lifestyle.”
What do the experts say?
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Blue-light-blocking glasses can be worn while using digital screens like computers and cellphones. (Photo: Getty Images)
The short answer? There’s not enough research to confirm yes or no.
“Eyeglasses that claim to filter out blue light from digital devices are becoming popular, this is true,” Raj Maturi, MD, clinical spokesperson for the American Academy of Ophthalmology, told Yahoo Lifestyle. “Because there is currently no evidence that blue light or screens are causing any irreversible, permanent damage, the academy does not recommend any special eyewear for computer use. But, of course, your eyes may feel dry and tired after sitting in front of a computer all day. This is from digital eyestrain.”
Maturi suggested alternative tactics to reduce eyestrain. “One example, use the 20/20/20 rule: Every 20 minutes, look into the distance about 20 feet away or leave your desk — for about 20 seconds, minimum. This ‘mini break’ reboots your vision by increasing your blink rate and moving your focal point away from your screen,” he said. 
Similarly, Yasha Modi, an assistant clinical professor of ophthalmology at NYU Langone Health, told Yahoo Lifestyle that “there is no evidence that blocking blue light is beneficial to the health of the eye.
“There is also no evidence that blue light inflicts harm upon the eyes,” she continued. “However, this market has certainly expanded tremendously over the last few years … I do not encourage it, and I also do not discourage it given that the absence of evidence may simply represent a lack of clinical studies evaluating the effects of blue light on asthenopia [eye strain] or sleep-wake cycles. Given the amount of digital time we are logging, it is certainly reasonable to study this further.” 
What do the reviews say?
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Blue-light-blocking glasses are available for a wide range of age groups. (Photo: Getty Images)
Despite limited research on blue light and eye strain, these top-rated reviews attest to the glasses’ positive effects.
“The frames are affordable, the screen lenses are invaluable,” wrote one reviewer for Look Optic’s Abbey glasses ($78). “Since purchasing these a bit over a year ago, I don’t go an 8-hour day without them. If I temporarily misplace or forget them when I need to work in front of a computer screen, I almost instantly regret their absence. If you wear glasses, or spend a good portion of your day straining your irises like I used to, be kind to yourself and purchase a pair of these. When your eyes won’t feel strained at the end of a day, you will not regret your choice.”
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Blue-light-blocking glasses might be a good option if you use a digital device before going to bed. (Photo: Getty Images)
“I’ve been using these blue light blocking glasses for a week now and I can already feel a huge difference in how tired and tense my eyes and face feel after a day at work,” wrote one reviewer for Diff Eyewear’s Gordan ($75). “I suffer from a lot of migraines and I stare at a computer A LOT at work and have been known to scroll through the ‘gram to wind down at night and these babies are honestly life changing. RUN DON’T WALK PEOPLE.”
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Diff Eyewear Gordan (Photo: Diff Eyewear)
“For good sleep, and after seeing the price, I thought why not,” wrote one Amazon reviewer out of more than 1,100 for these best-selling Tijn glasses ($17). “Glad I did. I put them on as soon as it is dusk and wear throughout the evening until bed for the nights I am home, and I have experienced deeper sleep. The frames are on the cheaper side, but are very lightweight, and the large lenses are also very comfortable as well as cover the whole eye. I have used amber glasses before, but they were too dark and distracting. No problem with this pair — the very light amber is not distracting at all, and I forget I have them on. This has been the cheapest sleep aid I have ever tried. Is this just coincidence or placebo? Don’t know! But can report results.” 
If you’d like to give blue-light-blocking glasses a shot to see for yourself, keep scrolling to shop 12 versions below.
The editors at Yahoo Lifestyle are committed to finding you the best products at the best prices. At times, we may receive a share from purchases made via links on this page.
Tijn Blue-Light-Blocking Glasses
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Tijn Blue-Light-Blocking Glasses (Photo: Amazon)
Shop it: $17, amazon.com
Warby Parker Finch
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Warby Parker Finch (Photo: Warby Parker)
Shop it: $95 (+ $50 for blue-light-blocking technology), warbyparker.com
Diff Eyewear Gordan
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Diff Eyewear Gordan (Photo: Diff Eyewear)
Shop it: $75, diffeyewear.com
Covry Pavo Beige
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Covry Pavo Beige (Photo: Covry)
Shop it: $105, shopcovry.com
Diff Eyewear Lucy
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Diff Eyewear Lucy (Photo: Diff Eyewear)
Shop it: $75, diffeyewear.com
J.Crew Round Blue-Light Glasses
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J.Crew Round Blue-Light Glasses (Photo: J.Crew)
Shop it: $15 (was $30), factory.jcrew.com
Look Optic Screen Abbey
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Look Optic Screen Abbey (Photo: Look Optic)
Shop it: $78, lookoptic.com
Quay Australia Walk On
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Quay Australia Walk On (Photo: Quay)
Shop it: $50, quayaustralia.com
Look Optic Screen Laurel
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Look Optic Screen Laurel (Photo: Look Optic)
Shop it: $78, lookoptic.com
Covry Salm Amber Brown Tortoise
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Covry Salm Amber Brown Tortoise (Photo: Covry)
Shop it: $85, shopcovry.com
Diff Eyewear Aria
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Diff Eyewear Aria (Photo: Diff Eyewear)
Shop it: $85, diffeyewear.com
Quay High Key Mini
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Quay High Key Mini (Photo: Quay)
Shop it: $65, quayaustralia.com
Read More from Yahoo Lifestyle:
• Amazon’s best-selling ‘holy grail skin care product’ is also dermatologist-approved • Kate Middleton twins with Meghan Markle in spring’s hottest jacket trend • Everything we want to buy from Drew Barrymore’s chic new home line with Walmart
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autumnsedai · 7 years
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Self-diagnosing isn't bad and it isn't good.  The thing is people, especially women historically, get misdiagnosed all the time.  A lot of women's issues don't present the same as men's issues and therefore male doctors would often disregard and dismiss women's complaints as just that - women's complaints.  Something to be devalued, something that's "all in their heads," simple anxiety because women are, biologically apparently, prone to anxiety and therefore all issues are anxiety and therefore not important.
To be clear, anxiety in and of itself is an issue.  The fact that more people are talking about it and presenting with it doesn't make it less of an issue.  It makes it more of an issue than we previously realized and calls into question environments, not just weather but work, school, and personal environments, that may have led to the increase in anxiety.  Just because more people are saying they have anxiety doesn't mean they want attention.  Just because someone isn't completely in the grips of their anxiety 100% of their lives doesn't mean they don't have at least a minor case of anxiety.  Just because someone doesn't have YOUR version of anxiety doesn't mean they have NO anxiety.
I had migraines all throughout my young life and I decided for a long time that if you weren't on your floor gripping a trash can because you literally couldn't walk to the toilet on your own then you obviously didn't have a migraine.  If you could get up, go to work, drive, eat, function, look someone in the eye without falling down, then you didn’t have a migraine, stop faking, stop wasting my time, you have no idea what a real migraine is.  Now that I'm older, I know migraines present differently for different people.  You can have a stomach migraine.  You can have a completely visual migraine associated with absolutely no head pain.  However, even now that I'm older, even when I have a headache bad enough to cause nausea, photophobia, and/or sonophobia, I'm still reluctant to call it a migraine.  Though if someone else told me they had those symptoms, I would absolutely tell them they have a migraine.
I'm digressing.
After learning about history, medicine, and their treatment of women, a lot of people are turning to WebMD (and the internet in general) to self-diagnose.  Again, this is not a bad thing and it's not a good thing.  The fact of the matter is, if you go onto WebMD, there are a lot of symptoms for a lot of different issues, and you might have symptoms that you might not realize you have and therefore you might not have mentioned it to your doctor.  I’ve heard MS patients talk about how they had generalized fatigue for several years but thought nothing of it because they thought it was a stage or they thought they were working themselves too hard in certain areas of their lives (areas they couldn't stop working so hard in and therefore it was a constant and after a while, not really noticeable).  However, if they had researched their other symptoms, they might have come across the list of symptoms for MS and been like "Oh fatigue?  Yeah, I do actually have that, I just never realized..."  And then they go, "Shit.  Maybe I SHOULD see a doctor."
Doctors are people, too.  They make mistakes.  Your input is valuable because you know you better than anyone else.  Yes, doctors are going to be annoyed because they spent a ridiculous amount of money and time in earning their degrees.  They don't wanna be shown up.  But fuck them.  You're paying them a co-pay or hundreds of dollars towards your deductible.  You’re paying good money to your health insurance, who in turn pays the doctor a pretty penny for their thoughts.  Push for their time, push for their opinion, that's what you're paying them for.  (Hell, even if it’s a free clinic, you’re sick or feeling unwell, they decided to come there to treat you, not to make small talk and push you away with a temporary prescription of Valium.)  Make a list of your symptoms before the appointment, make a list of possible tests you might want, discuss them with your doctor, the pros and cons and costs, and if your doctor is a douche bag or completely waves away your concerns, find a new doctor and write a civil but unhappy yelp review.  (If you find yourself with twenty different primary care physicians within the course of a year, though, there might be a DIFFERENT problem than douche bag doctors and maybe you need a psychiatrist instead.  Look, there’s nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatrist, okay?)
A few years back, in college, there was a student who went to the on campus health facility.  He was sick.  The campus doctor diagnosed him as having a simple cold or flu, sent him home and told him to take it easy, rest up, drink lots of fluids and he’d be fine.  The next morning, his roommate found him dead.  He had meningitis.  Could the doctor have saved him?  Who knows.  Maybe the disease had already progressed far enough that he was going to die anyway.  But my point is that people get misdiagnosed all the time, your doctor is human and makes mistakes, and if you know for a fact (it’s YOUR body, after all) that something is wrong, fight until you figure it out.  Your literal life could be on the line.
But be educated about it.  You can't go onto the computer and start diagnosing yourself with all the things.  If you know you're a hypochondriac, take that into consideration before you hit the search button.  And be honest with yourself, okay?
Self-diagnosing isn't good because it's not a definite.  This is why you can't just call some antibiotics into the pharmacy for yourself when you are absolutely sure you have strep throat.  Because you might not.  Being diagnosed by a licensed professional means they've reviewed your symptoms and they are making an educated decision and they paid with blood, sweat, and tears for those degrees, they've earned that right.  And they all have damn good lawyers because suing for malpractice is rampant.  But they also don’t like spending money so they’d rather diagnose correctly than have to get their lawyer involved.
But self-diagnosing is not bad, not just because it means you're taking an active part in your own health, but also because knowing what you have is the first step to getting better.  Sometimes you can't get better.  Sometimes there is no cure.  So maybe you self-diagnosed yourself as having a panic attack.  What's your next search in google?  "How to stop a panic attack."  Maybe you diagnosed yourself as having anxiety.  What's your next google search?  "How to deal with anxiety."  And one of those results might snap you out of the panic attack, might help your next day or your next week just that much easier to get through.  
Don't listen to people on the internet who tell you not to self-diagnose or “what's the point in self-diagnosing, anyway”.  The internet is an infinite blob of gray, all right?  It's not all roses and rainbows.  It's not all doom and gloom.  Take everything with a grain of salt.  If someone tells you that your problems will be cured by spinning in a circle while wearing a tutu at 12:04 in the morning with the sprinkler on... well, one of the 'fixes' for pregnancy was jumping backwards a certain number of times.  They're called old wives' tales and used to be relayed to loved ones with complete sincerity and were wildly believed to be accurate.  So, someone telling you to focus on immediate details in your vicinity and vocalize them somehow in order to pull you out of a panic attack seems relatively harmless and possibly incredibly helpful.  
And there's a certain kind of relief you get from knowing WHAT is wrong with you instead of the constant vague haze of SOMETHING is wrong with you.
If you self-diagnose and then proceed through the steps of possible home made cures (if you do this, BE CAREFUL as some home remedies are actually quite dangerous, do LOTS of research before doing ANY home remedies) and still have no solutions, then you’ve performed what is called a scientific study.  You had a theory, tested it, it failed.  If you go to the doctor and say, “I thought I had anemia but I took iron supplements and it resulted in extreme gastrointestinal issues, so I stopped taking them” they’ll then know that you’re willing to take medicine, you’re willing to take your health into your own hands, and you’re willing to admit when you’re wrong.  They’ll still scold you because too much iron can be fatal relatively quickly but this is an extreme situation.  If you say you have increased fatigue so you bought a new pillow, tried exercising more to wear yourself out, took melatonin at night to help you sleep better, didn’t take melatonin because you thought it was making you groggy, went outside more often to try to get a little more vitamin D, discussed your sleep with your spouse but they claim you sleep like a log and don’t snore, but none of that helped, well, trust me, they’ll appreciate it.
TL:DR - Self-diagnosing is a slippery slope but as long as you wear good boots, there’s nothing wrong with making the trek and 100% advisable you followup with a licensed hiker at the end to make sure you didn’t catch or develop a hiking disease.
That metaphor got away from me really fast.
Anyway.  This has been a rant from me to you.  I hope you enjoyed.
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acekatherineplumber · 5 years
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More Questions!
1:If you had a patronus, what would it be? Cat!
2:What’s your favorite Cards Against Humanity card? I don’t play enough Cards Against Humanity to have a favorite card
3:Who is your favorite Beatle? I don’t like the Beatles.
4:Would you rather have wings or be a mermaid? I like mermaids better, but having wings is more practical than having a tail.
5:Witches or Aliens? I like both!
6:What’s your favorite commercial jingle? The Liberty Insurance one
7:Name a band that was disappointing live. I’ve never been to a concert
8:Best prank you pulled on someone? My friends and I tend not to prank each other
9:Best prank that was pulled on you? See above.
10:Tell an embarrassing date story.Not embarrassing, but just bad. It was a few weeks ago, and her idea of a date was 7-11 coffee and a walk by the side of the road. She was also in the middle of a divorce and told her ex-husband about the date. Finally, she picked up her coworker’s child halfway through the date, and then used the voice that she uses on children on me. YIKES. 
11:Do you like being single, or do you always feel happier when you’re in a relationship? I like being in relationships, but I’m also just as happy being single.
12:Do you own any jewelry that you never take off? If so, what is it and why not? My earrings because I don’t want my holes to close up.
13:Name 3 television characters who you relate to.Leslie Knope, Amy Santiago, and Tahani Al Jamil.
14:Write a haiku about your day. Fun arts festival, More than six miles of walking, Good Indian food
15:What has been your favorite thing that’s happened to you so far this year? Graduating from undergrad
16:Have you ever kissed under mistletoe? No. I would like to be though
17:What’s your favorite place? PARIS.
18:When you’re stressed out or anxious, what’s one thing that helps you calm down? A large mug of tea
19:Do you consider yourself a feminist? Absolutely
20:Would you rather have no eyebrows or eyebrows that constantly crawl around your face like caterpillars? No eyebrows. Then I could just draw them in.
21:Have you ever dyed your entire head of hair? No.
22:When you go to the zoo, what exhibit do you most look forward to? OTTERS
23:Are you into politics? I have to be. My existence is political.
24:How often do you read? Every day!
25:Favorite television theme song? Liberty’s Kids
26:Name a cartoon character you think would be a hot person. Shego
27:Did you have a scene phase? No
28:When was the last time you ordered pizza? I’m not sure that I have actually ever ordered a pizza myself. In any case, I don’t really eat pizza.
29:Have you ever gone on a date with someone who you met on Okcupid, Tinder, or Grindr? Yes. That’s how I met my most recent ex
30:Are you allergic to anything? Dairy, gluten, lavender, and liars
31:Do you prefer documentaries or sci-fi films? Documentaries
32:Do you prefer fiction or non-fiction? Fiction
33:Top 3 teen girl movies from the 1990’s-2000’s? A Cinderella Story, 10 Things I Hate About You, Legally Blonde
34:Do you own a turtleneck? No. 
35:What’s the best meal you’ve ever had in your entire life? A vegetable medley in London
36:Have you ever grown a garden? I kill literally EVERYTHING.
37:Are you actually anything like your zodiac sign? I’m a decent amount like my zodiac sign.
38:Does Gillian Anderson make you feel a little bit gay? She makes me feel VERY GAY
39:Spiders are horrible, right? VERY.
40:Do you want to be buried or cremated? I haven’t thought about that.
41:If gladiators still existed, would you go to the colosseum to watch them fight?
42:Do you find serial killers interesting? Yes
43:Have you ever made a short film? Yes
44:Have you vlogged on youtube before? No
45:Would you ever give stand-up comedy a shot? Never
46:Have you/would you ever do karaoke in front of a huge crowd? No
47:Do you have one particular best friend or a handful of best friends? A handful!
48:Are you good at bowling? I’m decent.
49:Would you consider yourself outgoing/spontaneous? No.
50:Have you ever won money from a scratch card? No, but I’ve never tried.
51:Did you play neopets when you were younger? No.
52:How are those new years resolutions coming along? I don’t make those.
53:Do you already know what you want to be for halloween this year? No, and this October I’m going to be somewhere that doesn’t really celebrate Halloween 
54:Top 3 previous halloween costumes Polyjuiced Hermione, Anneliese from Princess and the Pauper, Sexy Enjolras
55:Favorite dog breed? Golden Retriever
56:Would you consider yourself kinky? Fuck no. I’m super fucking vanilla.
57:Would you rather be stoned, drunk, both, or neither right now? Neither.
58:Have you ever had a professional massage? No.
59:Do you think you’ll get a new body modification this year? I would like to, but I don’t have the money for it.
60:Do you sleep well? When I take melatonin I do.
61:Have you had any nightmares recently? What was one of them about? No.
62:Are you good at drawing? Not really. I’m trying to practice though.
63:Favorite character from That 70’s Show? I don’t watch that.
64:Best Netflix original show? OITNB or Queer Eye
65:Do you like being outside in the wilderness? No
66:Can you start a fire without using matches, lighters, etc? No
67:If you had to choose one food that you’re great at making, what would it be?
68:Be real, are you a social justice warrior? Yes
69:Do any old memes still make you laugh everytime? Old memes are HILARIOUS
70:Have you ever worked in food service? Kind of? If being a barista counts?
71:Red lipstick or black lipstick? Red lipstick
72:Have you ever been arrested for something stupid? No
73:Who is your favorite anti-hero? Bucky!
74:Is your license photo terrible? It;s not bad, I’m just 18 years old in it and it’s starting to show.
75:If you had no responsibilities tomorrow, what would you most want to do? I don’t have any responsibilities tomorrow. I’m going shopping and going to a festival, I think. 
76:Is there a beach near your house? No.
77:Snails or hermit crabs? Hermit crabs
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canaryatlaw · 6 years
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alright, so. today was fine. I woke up to my alarm at 11:45 am (I know, I know...) and got ready to go to PT at the new place. It was actually kinda warm today, in the 80s, so I opted to take the bus a few stops down to it rather then walking, though I’ll probably try to walk in the future. Got there, filled out some paperwork, and got called back. talked about the pain for a bit, then went through some exercises to see what works and what doesn't. I’m always amused when they’re like “okay bend down and try to touch your toes” and I just go down and touch them like it’s nothing, and they’re always like “wow, your flexible” and then as the eval went on and he’s like bending my leg around with no reaction from me and he’s like “wow, you’re really flexible....” I just always find it so amusing that that’s always the reaction from people. So we did some muscle work and went over some exercises, and I have another appointment for Thursday. he seemed optimistic about us being able to make progress, so that’s encouraging. Once I got out of there I needed to run to Target to pick up a prescription, so I had to figure out the best way to get there. Target is directly southeast from my apartment, so I generally either take the bus down the road near me south and then walk the rest of the way east because it’s difficult to find a bus that goes that route, or I walk the way east and then catch the bus south on the further road. Since I was already a bit south, I just walked east and then took the bus the rest of the way south. Pretty quick target trip, got some Starbucks and got the prescription, then I was looking at the baking aisle (because it’s finals and I stress bake) where I picked up some mini m&ms made for cooking and a bag of toffee bits, because I’ve seen recipes calling for them but never actually seen them, so I figured it’d be a good thing to have. Grabbed granola bars and pretzels, then went through the clothes section, and I was tempted to buy soooo many things, and I couldn’t resist a wonder woman tank top that was only $9, I mean, how am I supposed to say no to that? I checked out and tried to see if I could get on a bus west so I wouldn’t have to walk, which is then just tricky coordinating with the bus going north. but I got on the west bus and right as we pulled up to the stop there were legit 3 buses on the north route stopped there, and when I got off the bus I signaled one of the bus drivers that I was coming over as soon as the light changed and I could walk across the street, and he was kind enough to wait. While I was standing there waiting for the light to change there’s a tap on my shoulder, so I turn around and I’m just kinda looking at this guy being like “....yes?” and he was like “what you don't remember me?” and then I was like “OHHHHH,” he was the guy from the train platform I met a few weeks back. We only got to say like two words to each other because the light changed and I had to run, but he was like “we should chat on facebook” so I was like yeah sure and got on the bus lol. So that was interesting, lol. Took the bus the rest of the way to my apartment, my roommate was home which was interesting because she usually works 9-5 during the week but she had a dentist appointment and then the afternoon off, so it was nice to see her for a bit. we both tend to have busy schedules so we don’t always see that much of each other. mmmm, something also happened regarding the situation at my undergrad going on with Title IX that I mentioned, I don’t want to give away too much information right now in case it somehow gets in the wrong hands, but I will definitely spill everything once it happens, and oh, is it going to be great. The reckoning they hav coming is long overdue. so I was happy about that. I went to the outline depot website and the ones I uploaded still hadn’t been accepted, so I sucked it up and paid the $20 for the outline, and upon opening I was like well if I had this I wouldn’t have bothered to print off my case briefs, because it’s an incredibly detailed version of literally all of them lol, clocking in at 90 pages, so I at least feel good about having that at least. I tried to print it, but my printer soon stopped working and of course, I was out of ink, because it can’t be finals without my printer running out of ink. I was momentarily frustrated, but then I realized I can print it at school tomorrow because I still have a ton of money left in my printer account at school, so this would be a perfect way to use that, so I was pleased with that. Afterwards I watched the first lecture video on secured transactions from the bar prep company, it was like 48 minutes, it was the intro so it was pretty basic but it was good stuff. They have 6 of them, so I’ll probably try to watch those over the next week. When it got close to 7 I moved over to the couch to watch The Flash. I had mixed feelings about the episode. I feel like it didn’t really advance the plot all that much, but I was very happy to see Marlize standing up to Clifford and walking out on that douche. I’m not sure how to feeling about the Cisco and Cynthia break up, we got barely anything from them this season so it didn’t feel like a very committed relationship anyway. I loved the stuff with Harry and Cecile, that was hilarious and brilliant. When the episode was over I watched Rise, which was a pretty good episode. They’re doing a much better job than Glee did in actually fleshing out their characters, though they don’t have nearly as many musical numbers as Glee did. I keep cracking up that the show they wanted to replace Spring Awakening with was Grease because that’s considered “unproblematic” which is fucking hilarious because Grease is dirty AF and contains half the stuff in Spring Awakening anyway, lol. But yeah, I liked the episode. After that was over I didn’t really have anything else I wanted to watch, so I turned the tv off and spent a few minutes on my computer before deciding I’d start getting ready for bed a bit earlier since I have to wake up earlier than normal tomorrow. I have my “exit interview” with the school at 9:45 am, then my civil rights final at 1:30. I’m not very concerned about the final, I know I aced the midterm and I feel like I have all the notes necessary to help me through, so I’m okay with that. And yeah, thats about right. It’s not that late but since I already took my melatonin like an hour ago I’m starting to feel sleepy, so I’m going to stop here. Goodnight my dears. Have a lovely Wednesday.
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Survey #114
“oh yeah, i’m a reaper man; every good thing, i kill it dead.”
What kind of makeup do you think is appropriate for church?  Who cares.  Wear what you want; I don't see how your makeup affects God's opinion on you while in His house. What would you wear to church?  I don't dress up for the same reason as above.  I just wear my usual. Would/do you like having brown eyes? I like having blue eyes.  It's not that brown isn't pretty, it's just so common. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I'm just asking for money again.  Can already go see Sara, time to work towards the tattoo. What do you use Facebook for?  My main reason is legit funny pictures lmao.  There's few people I'm actually actively interested in keeping up with. Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork?  A geek is 100% a compliment lol. Do you like pretzels? Soft ones, yes.  Especially the ones from those little shops at malls, omgggg.  I'd prefer to not eat hard ones. You want your next pet to be what? A bearded dragon.  Or two rats. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle?  Ha.  No. What is the goriest thing you’ve seen in real life? There was a deer that died directly beside the road leading to our old house and it was decaying.  I still remember all the maggots squirming around in its side. @_@ Do you take any meds? If so which and why?  Mood stabilizers, anxiety med, something for nausea if one of my mood stabilizers causes it, Melatonin, something for heartburn, and birth control unless I want my uterus to tear me apart from the inside. Is "no glove, no love" your STRICT policy?  If I actually was to have sex, yes.  Even with me on the pill, I'm not taking any risks.  Not getting pregnant. If someone breaks a law, should they be punished if they did not know it was a law?  Depends on the law. Name a band you sort of like:  What a thing to admit, but Blood on the Dance Floor.  I like some of their songs, while others are just too repulsive. In your head do you call yourself 'I’ or 'you’ or both?  Usually "you," and always when I'm trying to calm or reassure myself, because it's like hearing validation of something from another person. Someone tells you 'well there are black people, and then there are (removed term bc fuck that word)’. What do you think?  My former friend used to say that and I fucking hated it. Who REALLY has a higher sex drive, girls or guys? How can you tell?  I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure there's science behind men having more of a libido. Do you enjoy wild parties?  I literally could never. Have you ever been stereotyped? As what?  I was called both emo and goth in high school.  It wasn't offensive to me personally, but I don't think I totally fit any stereotype. Who do you know that you believe does not masturbate?  I don't for a number of reasons, and I can name a few others I'm pretty sure don't. Does a cloned human being have a soul? Why or why not?  explosion.gif Who looks better naked, men or woman?  Women.  I'm bi, yes, but penises look fucking disgusting to me personally. Is there anything you won’t say unless someone else says it first?  Nothing immediately comes to mind. What’s your favorite type of doughnut? Either glazed or cake (the totally plain ones). Do you have any candles in your bedroom? Do you light them often?  No, I have an incense burner.  I use it often enough. What is your least favorite thing about your full name?  I just don't like my last name, and my middle name's too common, but at least I like the name itself. What’s your favorite kind of Poptart?  Probably the chocolate sundae one.  But I don't like Poptarts much. Do you think you look good with a hat on? I can't remember the last time I wore a hat. Are there some songs you can’t listen to because they remind you of something? "The Mortician's Daughter" and "Stairway to Heaven." Do you live near a street light?  No. Do you wear any rings? A red gem one I got from Mom, then a "bitch/jerk" friendship ring (Supernatural reference) with my girlfriend. Do you put collars on your cats? When we had cats, yeah. Do you like celery?  Ew no. Did you cry while watching the Notebook?  I've never sobbed at a movie, but I cried, yeah.  I've cried in subsequent watches too lmao.  I think I've always teared up, actually. Do you have a protective mom and dad?  Mom's extremely protective of me.  I'd say Dad's pretty normal. What field trip did you last go on?  Probably for a band competition in high school. Five ways to win your heart:  Uhhh.  Show compassion, patience, generosity, wisdom, and maturity. Your views on mainstream music:  It's getting too vulgar to be on the radio.  I firmly believe children don't need to hear profanity (they don't know when it's inappropriate to use) or talk of sex, and songs just have so much censorship yet lack thereof now.  If you're going to censor almost an entire song, why the hell play it?  Then some songs are so clearly about sex or just openly say the word that it bothers me.  I wouldn't wanna explain what sex is to say my like five-year-old if they heard some of the shit on the radio and asked questions. Put your iPod on shuffle and write that 10 first songs that play: 1.) "Clocks" by Coldplay, 2.) "Paradise City" by Guns N' Roses, 3.) "Blessed With a Curse" by Bring Me the Horizon, 4.) "Let It Die" by Starset, 5.) "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance, 6.) "Animals" by Nickelback, 7.) "Shoots and Ladders" by Korn, 8.) "Divinity Statue" from DMC3, 9.) "Float On" by Modest Mouse, 10.) "This Is Gospel" by Panic! at the Disco. A quote you try to live by: "Life's hard.  Shouldn't you be, too?"  ... It's not meant to be an innuendo. How do you know when someone thinks you’re attractive?  I would literally have to be told lmao. Which one of your relationships was the shortest?  Two weeks and it was fucking stupid. Which was the longest?  Almost four years. If you want to get married, what age? I don't have a set age in mind.  Just whenever my s/o and I are ready. What did you end up getting for Christmas? A PS2 after mine broke years ago ahhhh, way too much money from my dad, his wife, and my grandpa, a "meerkat lover" street sign, a meerkat puzzle I'mma do and frame for my room, some pajama pants, an iHome for my iPod, Pikachu and Grumpy Cat plushies that're too cute, among other things that aren't coming to mind rn. Do you think buying underwear/bras at Victoria’s Secret is a waste?  Meh, mixed feelings.  Like they are way too expensive for some damn bras and underwear, but if they make you feel more confident or pretty in your body, buy them. Do you like glittery things? Usually. Do you like Red Lobster?  It used to be my favorite restaurant, but after I got sick after eating there, I haven't gone since.  Even though I was feeling sick before we went, it's just an association thing. What are you most scared of?  Relapse, losing certain people. Favorite video game?  "Silent Hill 2" Do you believe that leaving a significant other for someone else is ever a good idea?  YUP. because if you loved the first person, you wouldnt even consider the second.  <<<< This. Do you have any possessions that you’re very attached to, and you’d be absolutely devastated if you damaged or lost them? Absolutely devastated... the little rock I got from my partial hospitalization at Holly Hill.  When someone "graduates," you pick a shiny rock from a jar that gets passed around the room for your "classmates" to wish you well and say anything they'd like to say about you while they hold it.  I cherish that thing so much. What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done, and you got away with it? I guess have oral entirely naked on the old chaise in the living room.  But we were home alone. How much do you want to weigh?  I was totally happy at 120, but I was fine at 140.  Supposedly I should be like 130-something. If you HAD to do your holiday shopping for EVERYONE in only ONE store what store would you pick?  Uh probably Walmart lmao. Do you believe that guns don’t kill people and that people kill people? Why?  People kill people, and that's coming from someone afraid of guns.  You have a choice where you're pointing that thing. What is the difference between a good poem and a bad one?  I don't like ones that are virtually impossible to understand. Which do you need more: sugar, caffeine, alcohol, drugs, sex, sleep?  I'm addicted to caffeine, I can't go two days without it. @_@ Who is someone you know should deserve more respect?  Ha, my Dad from my mom. What movie would you like to see again, that you haven’t watched since you were a kid?  The first movie that came to mind was "Shiloh." Are birds happy in cages? Are pets happy indoors?  I truly doubt birds are happy in cages, but maybe if they have enough entertainment and it's big enough?  But I'm sure like dogs and cats are fine indoors considering a whole house is much bigger.  Though I think bigger dogs especially need to be let out to run around sometimes. Hula hoops or jump ropes?  Jump ropes.  Loved it as a kid.  Now my knees would murder me. Can you understand sign language?  No.  But I remember learning this song in elementary school that we had to sing and do sign language to, but I don't remember any of it. Does anyone in your family hunt?  Nicole, my little sister. How about fish? Me and Dad, maybe his dad. Do you pronounce the "l" in salmon?  No. Have you ever gotten stuck on an amusement park ride? Thank Christ no. Have you ever seen an albino animal?  Maybe?  I've seen a white alligator, but it technically wasn't albino. Have you ever tried summoning Bloody Mary?  No. When is the last time you consumed alcohol? New Year's Eve.  I drank a margarita way too fast but felt nothing because my alcohol tolerance is God-Tier. ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  (Though I like never drink.) Do you ever judge people based on if they believe in God or not? No. Are you sometimes scared to express your opinions in fear of what others might think? Y U P Do you ‘bless’ strangers when they sneeze? Sometimes. Would you rather go to a University or a community college?  The latter if they offered good classes.  It's cheaper, and you can still get a worthy degree. What’s your favorite kind of bread?  Pumpernickel. What toppings do you like on your pizza?  Only jalapenos or pepperoni. What color or design does your shower curtain have?  It's just white. What color is your microwave?  Black. Could you ever give yourself a shot?  If I had to, yeah. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you cried?  Story of my life. How many people have told you they were in love with you?  One. Would you ever have sex with the last person you texted?  Well, we're both girls, so actual sex would be psychically impossible, but I'd do as close as we could to it if she made it very clear she wanted to. Does it bother you when people don’t answer questions with exact answers?  Yes, especially if I'm asking them a question about needing validation for something.  Don't be vague. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin?  I usually do so I know exactly when it's coming.  And if I'm getting my blood drawn, I watch it for whatever reason. @_@ Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes. Do you like strawberry and banana smoothies?  Strawberry.  I doubt I'd like banana. Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? My sister Ashley is literally blind in one eye, I think her right?  For the other two, idk. What’s your favorite horror movie? I really like both "Blair Witch Project"s, as well as "The Crazies." Is it true that people with depression CAN’T function in society?  Sometimes, absolutely. Can you think of any person or group you cannot empathise with?  Pedophiles, rapists, racists, abusive people, homophobes, the list goes on. Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be? It'll be either black, white, or ivory, idk. Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches?  NO. Do you play video games? If so, what kind?  Yes, just about exclusively story-based ones that usually involve horror.  But I like many others, so long there's actually plot to it. How old is your oldest and youngest friend?  Oldest is like... 32, youngest is 17, I think. How weight conscious are you?  Only extremely. Stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. What was your first word?  "Dada" What's a show that you absolutely refuse to watch?  "13 Reasons Why" Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? 7th grade. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before?  I'm actually not sure.  I don't think so.  If it did, Mom never told us. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls?  Yes, until I think a dirty needle was found in one of McDonald's ball pits. Do you think biting is weird or sexy? I like it so long you don't leave a mark in an obvious spot. Do you have a class ring?  No. What type of internet browser are you using?  Chrome. How long do your showers typically last? Not even ten minutes. Can you cry on cue?  No. Were you a Nancy Drew reader when you were younger?  No. Are you the kind of person that takes pictures with a drink in your hand?  No, and quite frankly, it's obnoxious.  You're getting intoxicated.  Congrats. Do either of your parents have a mental illness?  Mom has depression, and she says Dad's bipolar, but I absolutely don't see it now that they're divorced. When you were growing up, did your family rent or own your home?  Own. When was the last time you wore a full face of makeup?  I couldn't tell you.  The most I ever wear is eye liner, shadow, mascara, and lipstick, but I don't consider that a "full face of makeup." Do you own an iPad?  No. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?  No, thank goodness. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult?  I FUCKING HATE IT. How many people of the opposite sex have made you cry?  I think two. Would you eat a live tarantula for $1,000?  No, I just wouldn't be able to.  If it didn't have its fangs, maybe? What’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?  Anxiety.  Shit would be so much better without it. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom by one year. Do you have any close friends that were adopted? No. Do you believe that people can be psychics? No. List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow. Red, green, yellow. Does your house have more than one fireplace?  We don't have even one. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard?  No.  My original home was like that, though.  It ALWAYS flooded. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?  No, I actually found it flattering to know they wanted me to sign it. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?  A strip club, to name one. Do you have a favorite Scooby-Doo movie?  I loved the Phantom Virus one.  Even had the game. Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you?  Yes, unless I ask to just be told. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?  ... Whoa.  I'd feel fucking godawful, but I'd save my grandmother.  I'm not calling the baby less human, but my grandmother is more conscious of life and everything, I guess? Which would you choose: true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? Never love at all.  Heartbreak is fucking awful. Have you ever seen the movie "A Walk to Remember?" Cliche or worth watching?  I think it's worth watching.  Very sweet movie. Do you know how to sew? What’s your favorite thing to sew? No. Do you own many pairs of shorts?  I don't own any. Do you ever have movie nights with your significant other?  Ye<3 Do you like fiction or non-fiction books more? What’s your favorite?  Fiction.  "Johnny Got His Gun" and "The Outsiders." Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yeah. How many tattoos would you get?  I want LOADS. What brand of toothpaste do you use? Crest. Would you ever tattoo the name of a bf/gf or spouse on yourself?  No.  I'd get a matching tattoo relatively deep into marriage, but name, nah. What’s your least favorite season? Summer. D: What’s your favorite dessert?  Red velvet cake. Do you like cotton candy? Meh, I can have a couple bites. Do you have any shirts signed by famous people?  No. Where do you normally get your hair cut? A family friend's salon. What would your dream engagement ring look like? I really like dragon's breath opal rings or rose gold ones but idk how expensive either are. @_@ What’s the longest your hair has ever been?  Like to the small of my back. How do you feel about bleach blonde hair? Gorgeous on some people, not for me. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Name 2 questions that you will most likely never say ‘no’ to:  1.) "Do you wanna go get a tattoo?", 2.) "Do you wanna Skype?" if it's Sara. Imagine someone has a great personality, sense or humor, family and job. they also really really like you a lot. Would you consider dating them if they: Were fat?  Yes. Limped?  Yes. Were a midget?  Yes. Had HIV?  No, because I'm too scared to put myself at risk. Were paralyzed in one arm?  Yes. Had a glass eye?  Yes. Had only 6 months to live?  No, that would destroy me. Would you get married on TV?  No.  I don't want people I don't care about watching. Do you own a metal detector?  No.  I did as a kid, though.
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canaryatlaw · 7 years
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So, today was all around pretty good, although it started out with what could've been a much worse mess up than it was haha so even in that I was glad it wasn't worse. But being the genius that I am, I straight up forgot to set my alarm last night. Really, Rachel? Like really? But thankfully I woke up at 8:02 and realized what had happened, so I was only half an hour behind, which of course was cured by ubering to church (I swear my uber bill this week is gonna be through the roof). But I got there just on time to the nursery as we started transitioning from the 8 am service to the 9:30. We weren't sure how it was gonna go because there weren't a lot of volunteers signed up and that's normally the busiest service, but a lot of volunteers showed up anyway so it was fine (I think a lot of them were family members who were asked for this week rather than regular volunteers, otherwise I would've been kind of pissed they didn't sign up and had us freaking out). But yeah, it pretty much went off without a hitch, I think we got about 12 babies so it was manageable, and I think we made it through without having to text any moms so that's always a win. Once parents started coming I ran over to the makeshift church to grab some food before service, and wound up eating half a donut while having a short discussion continued from last week about 13 Reasons Why with one of my friends on the ministry team (she's like, the mom of teenagers but she's very sweet and I like her a lot). So then I went to service, and we went a bit non-traditional as it was actually a panel discussing privilege, being that we're in our "love thy neighborhood" series and we're discussing all the violence, segregation, and economic disparities there are here. It was a really interesting discussion and I think they did a really good job framing it in a Christian context that made sense and didn't come off as something that would make some people feel defensive. I'm probably gonna tell my dad and brother to listen to the recording of it on the church's website because I think it could help their understanding of the subject, if they're willing to listen anyway. So after that service I ran back over to the nursery, and prepared for the 12:30, which thankfully is the calm service and it proved to be so again today. I don't think there were any tears haha. There was our little chubster boy who's just the most smiliest little thing, and then they were short staffed in some rooms so they were moving kids around, so we got some of the 2 year olds including my little favorite girl I hadn't seen since she moved up, so I got to play with her for most of the service which of course I had so much fun with because she's just so darn cute. We did the whole "I'm gonna get you!" chasing thing for a while haha and then generally just played, I ended up sitting in the ball pit as she tried to identify the colors of the balls, but I don't think she was quite connecting what actual trait we were talking about because she'd hold up a blue one and go "blue!" And we'd say yes! Then she'd hold up an orange one and say "blue!" And I'm just like I don't think you're quite getting it sweetie. She got uncharacteristically upset towards the end, something I've only seen out of her one 1 or 2 other occasions, and we were close to the service being over but she wanted her parents and refused to be comforted in any way, not quite throwing a tantrum but not being happy. Fortunately her two older sisters were in the K-5 room across the hall so I asked if she'd like to see her sisters and took her over there, which seemed to help her out a bit. It was a bit chaotic in there so I didn't want her to be in there too long because they were playing foosball and such and I didn't want her to get hit with one of the poles in it that was just at the level of her head, lol. She let us go back after a few minutes though and then thankfully her mom showed up soon after so that ended up fine. We had also been packing up during the service since we have to move a lot of stuff back to the actual church, so we finished that up and then we were done. During the morning I was trying to think what I could do off my to do list today, and it occurred to me that I could go bra shopping after church since I was already downtown and would have time. So I typed the address into google maps and told me to show the public transit from my location to there and it was like "unable to find route" and I was just like........wtf?? This has never happened before haha but it really was not cooperating so I sighed and said I guess I'll take an uber but I did uber pool and since it wasn't a very long distance it was only like $3. So I get to the shmancy shopping center and the one fucking bra store in all of Chicago that actually sells my bra size (I'm not even exaggerating) and the lady there actually remembered me because of my weird polyester allergy haha and I just told her one of the ones I had wasn't fitting right and the other was getting kind of worn since I was pretty much only ever wearing it. So we got to work trying on bras and managed to find a few good options, I wanted to have at least a few I could choose from, so I chose two from the store and then ended up ordering a third just in a different color for the size that fit best (when people are like "what's your size?" I'm like "it depends on what bra I'm wearing???" Haha cuz they're very inconsistent. Last time I checked measurement wise I think I was a 34HH and the bras I got today were a 32H, 34H, and 32I (I'm guessing that brand skips from H to I and doesn't do double H, again, inconsistent brands)). So I ended up spending a lot on that of course because they're like $150 a pop but like, what else am I supposed to do? I need bras, lol. So when I left there there was a Bloomingdales in there too which I remembered being way expensive the last time I was in there but I did still need blazers so I thought maybe I'd check if they had any on sale. WELL. They actually had quite a few that were 40% off, sounds like a great deal- except the original price on the first I checked was $995 (sale price of $597) and $1195 (sale price of $717). So after that short peek I promptly left because I refuse to spend that much money on simple items of clothing (like if it's a specialized dress or whatever sure but just a fucking blazer? Please). I was kind of hungry at that point and they had a little coffee shop on the bottom floor so I went there and ordered a ham and cheese croissant and an Arnold Palmer, and they warmed the croissant up and it was pretty fucking fantastic, I gotta say. Thankfully there were public transportation routes home, and I was able to get on a bus not far, only issue was I had to wait about 10 minutes for it to get there which wouldn't normally be an issue, but it had decided to get super windy and very chilly because of it, and I just have my spring dress, leggings, and cardigan which I'm like gripping to my chest because I'm freeeeeezing, and when the bus got there I wanted to like burst on there and be like "THANK GOD YOURE HERE" lol but I thought that might be a bit dramatic. So I got home and wanted to be productive, I first wanted to do laundry but quickly realized I currently have zero quarters so I was kind of stuck there. So instead I worked on hanging all the autographs I got from HVFF along with a few other things that had either never been hanged or had been and since fallen off the wall. I was successful with all but one who just refused to cooperate, lol. I'm just not very good at lining things up and when you're using the command strips you have to like let them sit on the wall for an hour then stick the picture back on and I'm so bad at that haha but we survived. I heated up some dinner and went to watch more iron fist, which did get somewhat more interesting I'd say, but the plot is still weird and I'm not really feeling the stakes here? Like it doesn't feel like the proper level of drama is there I suppose. I do enjoy the female characters though, and Claire Temple showed up and she always makes everything better so that was an improvement. While I watched I updated the company tumblr and did other such various small but productive things. And that was pretty much my day. Back to work tomorrow. Oh, I did one of the Starbucks refresher instant packet things this morning since it has caffeine in it and I didn't really have a mid-morning drowsy spell during church like I had been, though I felt tired a bit later while I was on the bus. But hey, it's progress I suppose if it'll work. And that reminds me I forgot to take the melatonin gummies tonight, dammit, so I need to go do that now so I can hopefully still fall asleep sometime soon. Goodnight peeps. Have as decent a Monday as Mondays can possibly be.
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