#(which isnt much if im being honest but i will sacrifice my life for this cat multiple times)

[ellakomskaikru]

as a fan of katara im not big on both kataang and zutara. theyd both require sacrifices on kataras part than neither zuko nor aang would be able to reciprocate. katara is a southern woman at heart and if she didnt become a chief (which i personally think she would excel at) at least shed take an active role in the rebuilding of her tribe - and frankly i dont see her leaving the south pole after the war, except for diplomatic/personal trips. aang is the avatar and if he did ever decide to settle down (as far as im concerned tlok was a bad dream and the republic city doesnt exist) lets be honest, it woudnt be in the southern water tribe of all places. most likely itd be an air temple because he has responsibility towards his dying culture. zuko would be semi-permanently chained to the fire palace or the fire nation at the very least i mean... he is a monarch, not much left to say. again except for trips, but thats not permanent residence. why does katara have to end up where either zuko or aang reside? and another thing - heirs. aang needs future airbenders. zuko needs a fire prince/princess. why does katara need to be held responsible for repopulating air nomads? why do kataras children have to be the royal family of a foreign country? (and she would have to have children in both those relationships) that would inevitably come at an expense of her own heritage, because again zuko, aang, their potential children would have great responsibilities. this concerns all of zukos or aangs potential partners but kataras culture and home are especially important to her. in my dreams katara permanently resides in the swt, as a chief, with a water tribe hunk who loves her a lot or at the very least someone willing - and capable - to move for her from another country. i like both zuko and aang, a lot actually but unfortunately they cant just do whatever they want for love

i know youre not a kataanger, but how do you reconcile all that with zutara? how would they overcome those obstacles? because for me theres just no solution that would satisfy me as a fan of katara that isnt unrealistic. again thats just my personal opinion and im curious about yours :)) all good vibes

Hello anon!

I completely understand where you are coming from! I really love Katara as well, she’s my favorite character in the entire atla series. I agree that Katara’s culture is very important to her and that she’d absolutely want to rebuild her tribe. But I don’t think that being with Zuko will prevent her from doing that. Multicultural families exist, and I speak with personal experience in that regard, as I come from a multicultural family. The Fire Nation after the war would be entering a new era of peace and they’d be trying to get rid of their fire superiority beliefs. So with that in mind, I think that Zuko and Katara could have a multicultural family. Their children would be both Fire Nation and Water Tribe.

As Fire Lady Katara would have the power to help her tribe rebuild even more, and she’d also bring her culture with her, and visit the Southern Water Tribe a lot. I don’t agree with the idea that she has to stay in the South Pole forever to truly be able to participate in her own culture, people in the real world leave their own home countries all the time and settle somewhere else, that doesn’t mean that they’ve abandoned their culture or stopped being their nationality of birth. And I think it’d be much easier to Zuko and Katara to have a multicultural family, because their cultures share more similarities than the Water Tribe does with the Air Nomads.

Both the FN and SWT cultures have an omnivorous diet, both have family units, and both have more similar philosophies on life, like they are both not pacifists. Also, the SWT is very family oriented and the community is very close with one another, which is the complete opposite of the Air Nomads, who aren’t raised by their parents because they want to free themselves from earthly attachments in hopes of achieving spiritual enlightenment. So I don’t think that would resonate well with Katara, who has abandonment issues. The Fire Nation society definitely isn’t that close to one another, as it is very classist, but they still value their family members very much like the SWT does.

And with Zuko, Katara doesn’t have the pressure to adhere to his culture because his people are still very much existing and plentiful, unlike with Aang, where she’d probably feel the pressure to adhere to his culture because his people where entirely wiped out, and she’d probably feel bad asking him to convert to Southern Water Tribe customs or to even just participate a little when he’s trying to preserve the cultural legacy of his people.

I also believe that Zuko and Katara’s children can be part of both cultures perfectly fine. Zuko would not be xenophobic like his predecessors, and his children with Katara would help the Fire Nation stop being xenophobic because they’d see the beauty of other cultures, and it would put the rest of the world more at ease, especially the Southern Water Tribe, to know that there are heirs of their blood on the Fire Nation throne, which greatly lessens the chance of another war breaking out. So anon, you’re opinion is completely valid and totally get where you’re coming from, but overall, I just don’t agree with the idea that Katara has to stay in the Southern Water Tribe forever and marry someone of her own tribe in order to preserve her culture. I think she can still preserve her culture while living elsewhere.

Thanks for the ask!

#atla #atla ask #ella’s original post #katara #zutara #anti kataang

[destinyc1020]

By the way Hollywood is i would just b content with Kaia being in her late 20s n Austin in his late 30s bt 20 (wen they met) is just so.. young. I actually enjoy Kaias book club n she said in the last one that was told a lot that she was very "mature" n a "old soul" when she was young n i definetly get that vibe from her, i feel like she thinks shes more mature bt by her interviews she sounds like her age to me tbh (nt a bad thing though shes still seems more stable than a lot of other nepo baby models).

I did think her n JE were going to last longer, they give off the same kinda vibe imo. In his print interviews he seems pretentious/wanting to emulate old hollywood stars or Health Ledger n Kaia mentioned smthin about how an artist isnt going to sacrifice their movie for someones kid (wrong lol) cuz thats not how art is made n she wants to "make art". Just by those comments i got why they were a couple ☠️ both of them can just sound very eye rolling to put it plainly lol kaia seems a lil more geniune wen shes nt ignorant about nepotism tho lol

Im srry bt the "rent a model gf" gave me a lil chuckle lmao it def helps wen her last n current bf have been actors n she wants to b an actress now. Anytime someone mentions her its either cuz her mom or shes "_'s gf". I think shes prob going to continue to have a deal with the paps until or if her acting career takes off cuz they give her visibility in hollywood

Late 20s would be fine....shoot... even 25 would be better and just fine imo lol 😆

I've always liked the fact that Kaia had her book club, and it's smthg she's done for years. She's a VERY avid reader, so I'm not even surprised that Austin was attracted to her, coz he loves to read also! 😊 Like, I can totally understand why they clicked, cuz they actually have quite a bit in common.

While I do think that Kaia has been forced to grow up VERY quickly in the modeling world, and probably isn't a "regular person's" 21 year old, she's STILL very young (imo), and pretty naïve and out of touch.... You can tell by her interviews. The funny thing is, she doesn't even realize it yet, which is why it's so ironic.

I'm not sure of the context of what she meant by "making art", so I won't comment on that, but part of me almost feels like she's just repeating buzz words lol. At least with JE, I feel like that's who he truly is, and what he truly wants. Although they sometimes looked miserable together lol, I actually think they were better matched? They were closer in age, and seemed to have similar backgrounds.

ALL of us were more naïve at that age though, so it's not a slight towards her, it's just a reminder that she doesn't have much life experience yet. 🤷🏾‍♀️ According to Psychologists, your brain isn't even FULLY developed until your mid-late 20s!

JE grew up pretty privileged, and so did Kaia. When you've been raised around wealth your entire life like Kaia has, it's hard to know how to relate to "common folk".

Re: JE.....

I'm not even surprised he's with Olivia Jade rn lol. 😅 They've actually lasted waaaay longer than I expected, so I guess he stopped cheating on his gfs lol. 🤭

Re: Rent-a-Model-Girlfriend...

Lol I'm sorry rofl 🤣 But after dating Pete Davidson, Jacob Elordi, and now Austin Butler lol, it just seems like I'm noticing a pattern here rofl 🤣 (Hot, up-and-coming actors who are going places lol)

As far as Austin is concerned.....

I'm probably gonna ruffle some Kaustin/Kaia feathers by saying this lol, but I'll say it anyway since I'm ALWAYS 💯% honest here on my blog....

First off, I'll just say, I think Austin is actually a very nice guy, and definitely seems way more humble and in touch with reality due to his background.

But boy does he have a bad woman picker lol 😂 Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the women he's been with have been "bad women" at all (I actually didn't mind Vanessa back when they were dating pre-covid 🥴), I just think that his personality doesn't always align with who he's dating. So his choices are sometimes like, "seriously?" to me lol. Almost like, he doesn't realize that he could do better. 👀

Tbh, I've often wondered if maybe he got with Kaia because after the lengthy Vanessa rlshp and breakup, maybe he just wanted smthg more low-key, easy maintenance, a pretty girl on your arm for movie premieres and press tours so you're not asked about your ex all the time 🙄, and just someone who can be private, and not rustle feathers too much, or be overly obnoxious on social media. 👀

I could be dead wrong, but I kinda get the impression that he's more so focused on his career right now. Yes, he's been in the business for almost 20 years, but he's JUST now getting his big break, so he's a bit behind than some others who got their big breaks in their early 20s or younger. He could def date an older woman again in the future, but I don't think at this moment in his life that he's really looking for an older woman who might be wanting or pressuring marriage right now.... hence, KAIA. 👀 🤷🏾‍♀️

I actually wouldn't mind Kaia too much if she were at least 25 and came from a regular background like himself. She's private, she doesn't say anything about the rlshp, and many famous ppl need you to be that way when you're dating such a high-profile man. Maybe she took notes from Zendaya lol 🤭

Anyway, I think his focus at the moment is his career. You saw how QUICKLY those engagement rumors got squashed right lol? Rofl 🤣 😂 I'd be a little surprised if he gets engaged to Kaia anytime soon. (I could be totally wrong though)

But he is def a guy who seems to prefer stable, long-term rlshps though, so they will probably last quite a while! They might even surprise everyone and get engaged one day, but I don't see it happening tomorrow, in other words. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Honestly?? I actually think Austin would do well to just be SINGLE for 6 months lol. I know that's a TALL order for a handsome, nice guy in the industry lol, but imo I think it would do him well. He's been through a LOT. Not just his mom's death, but other things in his life as well.

Relationship-wise, he went from an 8-yr rlshp with Vanessa, to then a massive breakup, to then a rebound "situationship" with his Elvis costar Olivia, to then another rebound fling with Lily Depp lol.... like laawwwd dude rofl 🤣 😂 Can't you just be single lol? 🤣

I'll give him a slight pass though, cuz 8 years is a very long time to be with someone, and then NOT have anybody.... I always say that the longer your relationship was, the longer you rebound also. I don't even think they broke up in person face-to-face. 👀

Anyway, IF he and Kaia do breakup one day, I'll be looking to see who he gets with next, cuz if it's some young 21 year old again I'm gonna be giving him the MASSIVE side-eye.

🤨

Anyway, those are my thoughts/opinions.... you don't have to agree. 🤷🏾‍♀️

#sorry for the dissertation 😆

[spaceolmenthusiast]

listen, im not really a people person, and i dont like the animals in my house that much, but

i want to adopt this kitten despite the fact that my family already has two cats and my father will be against it

#his name is otis #hes about three months old #and i love him more than i love life itself #(which isnt much if im being honest but i will sacrifice my life for this cat multiple times) #(and i havent even met him face-to-face) #anyway look at this adorable ball of fur and softness and wholesomeness and love and happiness and light

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

#in conclusion i hate it here #lets go back to mystreet bein slice of life pls #anyways tune in next week for 'the hell is pdh??' #aphmau #mcd #mystreet #minecraft diaries #please ignore these next tags im just promoting relentlessly #garroth ro'meave #zane ro'meave #aaron lycan #kawaii chan #kim mystreet #laurance zvhal #pls i have no idea how to tag posts #rant

[bipedalseal]

re: playing orlok's route; hahaha where do i even start? unexpectedly, it was a very long run. it didn't end at chapter 5 as i expected, probably bc i didnt pick the obey yang option. expectedly, it was a bad end. exoectedly, it was like a dante bad end. unexpectedly, i didn't get bored. can you believe i got like 5 bad ends in this run? my route progress is 40% now! in one run

it was also a while before i got to play this again. my sisters busy with some drawing project os i havent been allowed near her laptop lately and she discovered a new pc game (the ace attornsy prequel). she's been in a good mood bc of that game tho

1. i didnt predict that rosberg would be orlok's actual dad..? yknow considering that he seemed to neglect orlok emotionally. tho im not surprised that he had a son. most ppl have a hard time staying celibate anyway, like u tout sex as the ultimate form of love between a man and a woman and expect ppl not to want that lol (obviously the solution would be to take away the stigma regarding sex but idk, not a theologist). honestly i thought that "rosberg being a shite parental figure" would trump the "hes actually my dad card", but still. the writers are okay with anti-church sentiments but not anti-filial piety... interesting.

2. yang dying and the laoshu disbanding seems like an inevitability in nearly every ending. which i suppose doesn't go against his character? i wondee what happened to make him not value his own life like that. its very interesting.

3. the voice acting. iT SLAPPED HARD. admittedly i am talking abt yang during his final moments, bc why not. something weird occured during that, actually--i was playing on earphones that only worked on one side. But during yang's Evil Monologue, like the first fucking word he said, it suddenly started working in both ears. i got chills man. it was also chilly at the time. nobuhiko okamoto's stuff never ceases to disappoint me. kaito ishikawa was ngl his delivery... stop making me wanna learn voice acting my girls. i lowkey wish the mc had a voice too. esp during the pg13 scenes. thatd sound sexy.

4. speaking of pg13 scenes, um.

5. this run was a bad end for orlok as much as it was for dante, yeah? only difference is that orlok is the protag and dante is the antagonist. interestingly, orlok showed signs of turning his back on his old ways (and god in turn) when the thing with luca and yang and rosberg happened and he said nope. i think on the other hand started throwing his morals away the moment nicola got buried. that moment when he could finally make his move, that was when he was like, "fuck it, im gonna avenge everyone and do what i want in the process". then dante got a leg over orlok and victor (figuratively and literally, respectively) by using the visconti. i wonder what got gilbert to do that though. surely he must have known that orlok was gonna kill him? whyd he sacrifice himself for dante??

6. i feel like luca dying had something to do with the laoshu. poisoning, maybe?

7. ill be honest the romance here didn't really capture my attention. i was looking for something more, uh, fucked up maybe? but the writer's attitude towards religion and the church did. it felt really self-aware. im also not surprised that orlok killed victor in one of his bad ends. i didnt really have faith in his ability to question his faith. im surprised that the writer managed ti capture the feeling of questioning the church."if i dont obey him now, then my whole life would be a lie" and "give me a reason to kill him, say its an order by god, anything" had me thinking back to my pre-apostasy days. idk, i expected less from a visual novel with a largely catholic backdrop. my expectations have been nicely surpassed.

8. back to the pg13 scenes. its AMAZINGLY amazing. maybe im just horny? idk. i rlly think inserting a scene like that then wouldhave been perfect. like there was a scene of someone's ear getting cut off for fucks sake (which ngl could have gone on for longer than it canonically did, to my squeamish self's disgust). or at least some soft description of the scene could have been used like "he held me down and forced his way in, smiling as i struggled. i finally stopped resisting after the moon began descending from her crest. that smile turned into full laughter. still orlok's cries were the loudest in my ears." pr something. like UGH. sex isnt inherently bad my friends!! unless u use it as a way to violate other ppl like in this situation.... ..... ..... i still think sex scenes can provide amazing symbolism tho. honestly its amazing i can stand reading and writing um adult relationship scenes when i cant stand to read a description of a man's thigh getting stabbed. or seeing a dead body. jfc.

not sure what ill do after this. still havent finished dante and nicola's route 100% and orlok's route, i missed a bad end i think. think ill go for the bad end that i missed, then ill take a short break by digesting something fluffy (aka the ace attorney game where payne is japanese! jfc!). lets see when i can liveblog again.

#mine #piofiore spoilers #piofiore liveblogging #dante #orlok #yang #me gaming #long post #long post cw

[im-the-punk-who]

Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that 

i’m seriously...so tired of being alone lmao. and i know everyone is - we’re all alone right now. but my alone-ness started before the pandemic - in fact i was just starting to be ready to climb out of it when this whole thing hit, and i’ve been stuck in a place i’m ready to move on from with no real way to do so. 

Steve got all the friends in the breakup. all but maybe four friends have either stopped talking to me completely, or only in that vague facebook way when i ask directly for help. I’ve lost probably 90% of the personal connections I made during the last five years. And I can’t make any new ones, not only because of the pandemic, but because i’m terrified of...what will happen when I inevitably fail again. I know i’m not good at making and keeping friends. It wasn’t ever something i was taught how to do, seeing as i never stayed in one place long enough to have them when i was growing up. i learned to be alone, and depend on myself. i learned that trusting other people was how you got hurt, and ostracized, and hurt, and hurt. 

and i really have tried? i have tried and tried and tried to tell people this, to make them understand that to be my friend means to accept this, to TELL me when i’m not being a good friend, or when i’m going too long talking to them. when they feel ignored. when i do something insensitive. 

and yet all i get is ‘oh no i would never do that to you, i’ll never leave you, well I love you and i understand and i think youre great.’

and it’s. god it’s so disheartening because then when i DO inevitably fuck up, push things to far because i get hyperfixated and nothing else matters- not even the boundaries of the people i care about - i’m the bad guy. i’ the one who didnt listen. im the one who didnt care. i’m the one who left, who was too insensitive.

and i’m not saying i am not or wasnt those things. i was. but i try - god i always fucking TRY to explain at the outset that i am like this because i have no frame of reference to be anything else. that i am trying but i need HELP. i dont need understanding, and while compassion is nice and love is great, what i need sometimes is a slap over the head.

and yet every time i get this. ‘i’ll never leave you’ - at this point i’m so conditioned to losing people that say this, I accept that at the point someone says that to me, the relationship is over. 

Steve said that to me six months into when we were dating. I knew the night we got together we weren’t going to work. but for three years i hung onto the hope that if i tried hard enough to change myself, that if i hung on that the kinks would iron out. i was fucking stupid. i was really, really fucking stupid. i wish i had been more honest, and open, and i wish i hadn’t tried so hard to insist that it was just trauma, or immaturity, or that we would grow into being able to cooexist.

The sun peeks over the horizon in a futile attempt to catch a glimpse of the night sky that is now retreating in its presence, for no two things so entirely opposite could ever coexist in the same place at the same time.

I wonder how that escaped our notice for so long.

i’m obsessed with trying to grow and fix and heal and try. i fail, but i am always trying. steve excels at accepting themselves for who they are. their flaws are their flaws and they are okay with that. 

like i said. this wasn’t news to me in 2016, and it sure as hell wasn’t news in 2019. 

i am feeling abandoned and hopeless and now, without a way forward since any funds and all the work i put into myself over the past 8 years - believing if i was successful enough and i could at least hold up my financial stability as proof that i was different (from my siblings, since my parents always said the reason they would never loan me money was because my siblings were all deadbeats who had never paid them back a dime) - believing that if I at least had that, i could accept that personally i was a failure. that it wouldn’t be a failure if i had something to balance the scales. i am dreading the emotional response when my credit score - which was finally consistently in the high 700s and low 800s, plummets to 680 because i have maxed out every source of money i have trying to stay alive and keep my pets alive, with vet bills and a roof over out heads. it seems small and inconsequential and it shouldn’t matter so much. but it does. that number represents years of sacrifice. that number represents the fact that i was getting somewhere. that i had value i could measure(which may seem unhelpful, but it was. it was beyond helpful for my self esteem and confidence to know i had assets i could use to help myself and those i cared about.)

and now i’ve lost both and i know the mountain is not unclimbable and i know the path i have to take and i know i can make it. but it also means i know the rocks i will stumble on, i know the caves that smell like death i will have to shelter in. i know the cold and damp i will endure. i know how many times i will stumble and fall and bleed and cry and scar. i’m fucking tired, and i’m alone, and knowing it gets better doesn’t make it any easier. knowing how to make it better doesn’t make it any quicker or less painful. and there is still that pesky thing called personal relationships that i will once again have to put aside to stabilize my financial life. again. 

i am bitter. i am trying not to be. but i am. i’m so fucking bitter that i am never going to get an apology, or even an acknowledgment of the fact that the hurt went both ways. that i am going to be the bad guy to people who said (not just steve) that they would love me and would understand and would support me. that i did not even warrant an explanation to their disappearance, as if my sins themselves were explanation enough. as if i know what i did and am the only one at fault. i still see pictures of steve alongside the people i still think of as my friends and they look happy and like they are at least not alone, and i have not heard from anyone since before the start of this year. 

no matter what i do it always leads to the same outcome.

I am so goddamn fucking tired. i am trying not to panic. i am trying so hard to be conscious of the patterns i will fall into. of the patterns i fell back into with steve. i am writing everything down in the hopes that if i survive this i will be able to track myself better. to be more aware of myself. 

sorry means nothing if you don’t change your behavior. 

sorry isnt what i want. it’s never what i want. i want to see that no one will go through what you put me through. what we put ourselves through. 

i am feeling very alone, and i wish i had something to hold onto, someone i could talk to who would understand. but they’re all gone. i dont want to open up to anyone anymore. 

and i know this wouldnt be as bad if i could make some new friends, if i was working, if i had something i could do to throw my focus into. i’ve always been great at distraction.

anyway my plan is to get super drunk on shitty beer in the true fashion of my alcoholic family lineage because i’ve given up on healthy coping mechanisms. those didn’t work, so at least these ones feel better. 

#personal post #alcohol mention #depression mention #uhhhh just a lot of really unhealthy behavior #bad relationships and drama and just a lot of shit #feel free not to read this is 100% just for me so i have a record #also really not looking for advice i promise you ive heard it or thought it or tried it

[svankmajerbaby]

ok so

warrior nun has consumed my brain so here I Will Express My Thots Regarding It

probably spoilers i guess

so what i wanna talk about specifically is about the characters, which is really what sold me on the show (besides the gorgeous cinematography and the fact i went to andalucia on january and i recognize a lot of places and churches ive been to and i love watching it)

so first, of course, Ava: i think shes one of my new favorite characters, ever?? not only does she have Big Bi Vibes, shes actually really good at balancing snarky-coping-mechanism-humor. her narration and flashbacks do a great job at explaining just how much of it she had to use to cope with the awful nun that cared for her in the orphanage; as she said, its "small victories" to mock and insult the woman who verbally abuses her. but, besides that, humour is also a bonding mechanism, too: little is said of Diego, who was Avas closest friend for probably most of her life. it explains to a certain point why she has a bit of a childish side, but it also shows just how empathic she is and her relative ease to make friends. then. theres the issue that some of my favorite types of protagonists are those who may be tortured, may be sheltered (idk) but who manage to keep fighting on, love life and are in awe of it, remain positive and even spread their positivity to others. i really like when these characters have a clear enthusiasm -im so bored of dismissive, snarky, nihilist protagonists -but Ava is like. a ray of sunshine. her happiness at being out of the orphanage, at being free and able to experience everything is so contagious, i kept smiling through the first few episodes. even later in the season she finds the humour in any situation, she remains amazed by what her fellow warriors can do, and just. shes a goddamn delight. i love her and love how she grows from an overexcited teenager running for her life and evading her responsability to accepting her role as a saviour -and even willing to die to stop the cycle of "chosen ones" halo bearers.

and now Mary. my god, Mary. shes just a type of character i hadnt seen before and i didnt know i would love so much. her first appearance is crying as her best friend (and maybe something else??) dies in her arms. for the rest of the series Mary will be characterized as The Badass, a title she readily accepts. but shes also vulnerable and willing to expose herself and her emotions in order to bond with others -while also wary of being manipulated through them, as in the fight on the docks with Lilith. Mary is just a beautiful combination of this softness and kindness that has to be balanced with the fight for survival; she came from such painful places, being forced to struggle to stay alive: and yet she isnt afraid of love, of being loved: she is a realist, deeply aware of the circumstances she is in, but this doesnt deter her from ever doing the moral thing, to protect others, to fight for them and not only for herself. the fact theres a whole episode dedicated to her bonding with Ava, talking about her life and her deeds, makes it obvious to me that she is The character who mostly embodies the values of the Order of the Cruciform Sword -quite ironic, since while she is a member, she isnt one of the ordained nuns. that independence she has kind of defines her character, too -smart enough to know not to trust the church and to also fight alongside her friends for what she believes in.

and so we come to Lilith. the original Chosen One. she exists in a world defined by purpose and sacrifice: she has seen how the Warrior Nuns end up killed, and still she wants this -to be basically a martyr in a "holy war" -because not only is it her birthright, what she had been raised for her entire life, what her family has been doing for generations -but also because it is her purpose. that is her sole destiny, the only thing she sees herself fit for. this doesnt mean she is evil, though, or self-centered. its true that Lilith can be too one-track-minded, to the point of being able to kill; but she clearly views her being the Warrior Nun, the Halo Bearer, as the only way to ensure the continuity of the community and to save the world. her whole life has been consumed by this "holy war"; and, by what Mary said, its something that her pride has been feeding ever since Shannon was chosen instead of her. she should be the one. she should have the honor to suffer and die for the world. and this is her tragedy, to be honest: despite having friends, despite being loved by her fellow nuns, she feels she needs to be this hero for her life to make sense. it has been her entire life. and when someone else took that purpose from her, everything that is left is anger and anguish.

and this is a nice segway to Beatrice, whos just. while Mary is what a Nun of the OCS should be, and Lilith is what she thinks a Nun of the OCS should be, Beatrice is what a Nun of the OCS probably is most of the time. someone who, while not as self sacrificing as Lilith, is completely devoted to her life in the Order. and, as she explains, most of the nuns are much like herself: hiding past lives, cloaking secrets, trying to find a purpose in the community where they can devote their lives to something greater than themselves. its a way of coping, of keeping on, of finding love and friendship and happiness alongside girls like them. but Beatrice is one of those who arent as hidden and reserved: she yearns for understanding, for a friendship that goes deeper than surface level. this is not an attempt to diminish her relationships with her other friends; she displays the capacities of a good leader, and clearly values her fellow nuns. but theres a clear pattern of her shutting off vulnerabilities in order to be the best at what she does -overachieving, in a way -not with the intent of fulfilling a purpose, like Lilith, but to be seen as "good". as she tells Ava in that magnificent scene, Beatrice comes from a conservative background from where she had learnt to hide everything that could be seen as improper, as bad. she fights the hardest and stays the strongest because she cannot let herself fail: if she is exposed, if her flaws are revealed and her emotions uncovered, she risks her place in the community -where she has built her entire life around, where she managed to escape from her previous life. and so her story is one of opening up, of learning to go that extra step and allowing herself to cry, to be soft, to be vulnerable with others, to share her fears instead of masking them.

finally, none of these issues seem to be a problem for Camila. i dont have a lot to say about her because i think shes still got room to grow as a character, but i like how shes simultaneously "the kid" of the group, and the smartest one from a technological standpoint. shes probably the one who finds the OCS a place of friendship and community, just like Beatrice, while also being a place of deep, untapped knowledge. she is very interested in studying the history or the Order, of knowing what is the divinium, of how the Warrior Nun comes to be. she is not afraid to be vulnerable, nor to be honest about her thoughts and feelings: i feel she is the one who closest follows Mary's example. shes just less focused, less trained, less finely tuned as the rest of the nuns. and still she manages to be a really good fighter, so im just really excited to see where her character will go next.

#warrior nun #some other day ill dissect a few other aspects i liked like shot composition and foreshadowing and stuff

[ravens-rambling]

It’s time Thomas stops running

A/N: Hey so I got inspired randomly and wrote this. I’m not even sure if this is cannonly how it went down in the au but I was thinking of Spiderverse’s Peter and how he was scared to have kids with MJ, so he ran. Again not sure if this is something Thomas would actually do or not but idk. Also, I just realized this is my first fic with the perspective of Thomas! Would you look at that! Hopefully, I got MJ’s character right XD 

Spiderverse Au belongs to @sugarglider9603 and @ask-spiderverse-virgil

summary: Thomas ran. He's run before and now he’s doing it again. He can’t help it, but last time...last time it ended a friendship. A relationship. And now he’s worried that once again he’ll ruin it. Can one of his sons calm him down enough to face his fears? Or will he run until he can’t run anymore... and find that once again he is alone? 

WC: 2,49

ships: uuhhh idk what the ship name for Thomas and MJ is so yeah, Platonic LAMP, mentions of RED 

warnings: Crying, hurt/comfort, mentions of anxiety attacks, mentions of breakup, 

Tag List: @punsterterry @frostedlover @stormcrawler75 @mutechild @mycatshuman @panicattheeverywhere15 @thewinterbookqueen @analogical-mess   @saddestlittlebabe

Oh, he screwed up, he screwed up badly. Now he’s screwed up a lot of things in his life. Let’s…not go down that gigantic list. The point is right here, right now, he messed up. And he’s not sure if he can fix it this time.

It’s been an issue for a while now if he had to be honest. It’s why his previous boyfriend broke up with him really. But recently it was brought up again and he’s not ready to face it yet again. He’s just not. Sure he has more of a support group going for him this time. But that just means there is more on the line.

More to be scared about. More to worry.

What is the thing he’s oh so worried about?

MJ wants to have a kid.

Now, now, he knows what you’re thinking. Oh, won’t that be good? That would mean taking it to the next step right? MJ loves you that much that he wants to share the love you two have.

That’s not the point.

The point is…is that he’s Spiderman. He’s a hero.

Which means he has a lot of villains that would love to hurt him and anybody he cares about. Also…hes not sure he’s ready for that.

If he had to be honest with himself…he's scared. Scared that he won’t make a good father. Scared that he screwed it up and hurts the kid or MJ, even more than he has right now of course. Scared that this kid would be dragged into his problems. Scared for so so many things.

He’s not sure he can take that on.

Now, of course, he does have well, sort of, four kids now. But he’s trained them well they know how to handle themselves if push comes to shove. But this kid? This kid would be defenseless. This kid won’t know anything about defending itself. MJ, on the other hand, …well he’s MJ he knows full well how to take care of himself. But would he be able to defend their kid if something happens and he can’t get there in time?

He’s not sure…

Now he is not doubting MJ at all. He is strong. Stronger than Thomas could ever dream of being. He has dealt with so much over his life that it puts Thomas’s life to shame. That’s not his worry his worry is the fact that his enemies are supervillains which means they have powers.

No matter how strong MJ is he isn’t superpowered strong.

And heaven forbid if something happens to MJ and their kid? Oh… He doesn’t know if he can take it. It would crush him. Worse than losing the kiddos. Worse than losing himself. He just…can't do that. He can’t risk that.

So what did he do? He ran.

Just like the last time this happened. He ran with his tail between his legs and didn’t look back.

Go on you can say it, he knows it, he’s a coward. A coward that is too scared to face the music. A coward who always runs. A coward who can’t even face his emotions. All he does is run. Run from bad guys. Run from love. Run from a slim chance at a happy life for him. Run from a family.

The last guy he was with…didn’t like that. He didn’t like that he ran and kept running. No… He got tired eventually and kissed their relationship goodbye.

That’s what’s gonna happen with the two right? MJ will realize he is tired of running after him, tired of making sacrifices for a guy that’s not worth the trouble, and finally, move on. Maybe it’s for the best… Maybe…this love thing won’t work out, in the end, no matter what he does…

Yeah… Maybe not…

Thomas glanced down to his phone with another sigh, the same ringtone he has for MJ filling the night air. He breathed out as he ran a hand through his hair and looked back out to the city lights, ignoring it.

Eventually, he’ll get tired of chasing after him…

Eventually-

“There you are.”

With dark, tired, almost teary eyes he looked over his shoulder to see the familiar figure of a white dressed teen with his hoodie up… Virgil…

Maybe he’ll get tired of him eventually too, right?

Maybe he’ll realize he isn’t such a good mentor or dad figure… Maybe they all will realize that someday. Cause that’s what he is… A disappointment.

“Dude? Dude, Earth to Thomas.”

Thomas jumped as he blinked and suddenly Virgil was a lot closer than before but he still kept his distance, thankfully. Slowly Virgil smiled and walked closer to him, and even more slowly took a seat beside him his feet dangling off the edge.

And with that, he took off his mask letting the hood fall down and looked over to Thomas with a small smile his hair all over the place and a worried look in his dark brown eyes, “What’s up, dad? MJ is pretty worried after you stormed off. Well, actually that’s an understatement more like frantically calling between all our phones and yelling our ears off when we pick up.”

His heart pricked with worry and anger at himself at hearing how frantic MJ is. He’s never like that even when he isn’t home after a few nights…

Yeah… A runner…

“It’s just…” He sighed and looked back towards the city breathing in and out. Virgil was silent as he gathered up his thoughts. Thankfully he didn’t look at him as he did so simply looking out at the city as well. They sat there for a few minutes enjoying the silence. Until Thomas broke it again.

“You know I love you guys right?”

“Yeah? Like kids yes we know.”

“Do… Do you know why I broke it off with my last boyfriend?”

“He wasn’t good enough for you?”

“No… No that wasn’t it… Not at all…”

He took a shaky breath. Guess he’ll have to actually say it. He’s never really talked about this, not to a single soul…

“The reason was…he wanted to have kids… A-And I got scared. I got scared cause I knew the risks and I wasn’t ready. I’m still not…”

“And MJ wanted that? To have kids?”

“Yeah… That’s what he wanted to talk about. He thought we could adopt. Even showed me some pictures of these cute kids from that nice orphanage but it just… I’m still not ready, Virgil. I don’t think I’ll ever be. And that’s not fair for MJ. He deserves better he deserves-”

“Now I’m gonna stop you right there, dad.”

The serious tone of the teen made Thomas whip towards him. He’s never heard Virgil this serious before. And oh boy the spark that went through the kid's eyes. Yep, he’s deadly serious.

“First off, self-deprecation is my thing. Don’t go stealing my thing. Second off, this is MJ. He will understand more than you know trust me, okay? He’s not like the last guy. If you are serious about never wanting kids MJ will never leave you just for that, you got it? MJ isn’t like that and never will be. Third off, who says you won’t be a good dad? I mean you have four teens right? And yes,” He cut off Thomas as he opened his mouth, “with you being a superhero and everything there are even more risks. But honestly… Thomas,” His eyes grew teary at this one and he breathed out.

“You are the best dad anybody can ask for. You are the best boyfriend anybody can ask for. Most importantly,” He paused at this and smiled reaching forward to touch Thomas’s leg, “You are the best friend anybody could ask for.”

Oh… Oh dear…

Before Thomas could even help it or realize what he was doing he started crying hard. Tears tore down his cheeks. And before he could stop himself he lunged at Virgil his arms wrapping around the thin male as he sobbed harshly.

“There, there dad. It’s gonna be alright. Oh and I forgot to mention, this kid, they won’t have just you and MJ protecting them. They will have all four of us, I’m sure even Dolion, Remy, and Emile, will be on their asses if they so much as touch your kid. Understand?”

That made Thomas cry even harder. All his fears all his worries Virgil just presented on the table and he cleared through every one of them. He didn’t know where his son got so intelligent but oh boy was it something. Even he was impressed…

Yeah… He was impressed with his son.

They spent what felt like hours up on that tall building the background of the city and his cries the only thing that filled the air. Virgil holding him the entire time even rocking them gently and playing with Thomas' hair to ground him… Just like what he does during one of Virgil’s attacks…

Until finally his sobs quieted down until it was just hiccups. Very slowly he started breathing back to his normal self again.

“You okay there?”

“Y-Yeah… Sorry for crying on you.”

“Hey, 'tis payback for all the times I’ve cried on you. So we’re good now.”

Thomas chuckled as he drew away from their hug grimacing as he saw all the tears and snot on Virgil’s outfit, “Sorry about that. I’ll do the laundry this time.”

Virgil looked down and chuckled waving his hand, “No, it’s fine dad. I’m serious. Also, your laundry detergent isn’t very good anyways. I’ll take at least three loads to get this out if I leave it to you.”

“Yep… Sounds about right,” He laughed as he wiped his eyes then sighed again.

“Thank you, Virge… For all of that… It meant a lot to me.”

“Yeah, sure whatever. Don’t tell Roman I got all sentimental I’ll never hear the end of it. Now,” He put back on his mask as he stood up. Thomas glanced up to see him extending a hand and though he couldn’t see his lips he could tell he was smiling.

With his own smile, he took it and stood up.

“You have a boyfriend to talk to,” And with that, he did his signature two-fingered wave and ran off the side of the building. Thomas watched as he slingshotted through the night air.

He supposes he does…

With new found energy in his eyes, he put on his mask and started making his way towards MJ's place. Though before he does he's got to make one detour…

Once he got to his door he breathed out a nervous breath. Would MJ be angry at him for just leaving quickly like that? Would he forgive him for just bailing? Oh, maybe this was a mistake… Maybe-

The door opened and his heart skipped a beat as he saw the familiar orange curls and his freckled face, though his heart stopped for a completely other reason when he saw the tear stains going down that same freckled cheeks.

“Thomas! Oh god. I was so worried,” And before Thomas could even take a breath again he was practically tackled to the floor in a hug and his eyes pricked with tears once again, “Don’t ever do that again! I thought you were mad at me! Or worse that you got hurt somewhere since you weren’t answering any of our calls. Oh god were you hurt? Please tell me you weren’t hurt. Oh god-”

“MJ. MJ, I’m fine I promise,” Thomas chuckled.

“Good… Okay… You don’t look like your injured… Yeah…” Now he was backing up from the hug tears still coming down. Then he huffed and smacked his arm playfully and gently.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For making me worry you selfish little prick! I thought you were angry at me and never coming back. God… Thomas, I thought I would never see you again…”

And if that didn’t break Thomas' heart he didn’t know what would. He felt like his heart was bleeding as he gulped.

“Well… Virgil helped me… And… We have something to discuss… Well, a lot of things but first…” He showed the huge flower bouquet that was hidden behind his back, it was covered with different colors of roses. All the colors of the rainbow. He smiled as he waited for the others reaction as he mumbled, “This is for making you worried. I’m sorry.”

MJ gasped loudly and started crying even harder which caused Thomas to suddenly get worried all over again.

“No, wait! You're not supposed to cry! Why are you crying? Do you not like it? I can return it! I just thought-”

“Shut up you gay disaster and kiss me.”

“Wait what-”

Before he could finish his sentence lips smacked against his with a loud thud noise. Thomas slowly closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around MJs waist. They leaned into each other as the kiss ticked by. And slowly all the tension and nervousness that engulfed Thomas bones just a moment ago evaporated just like that. MJ wasn’t mad with him.

He came chasing after him…

And just as soon as the kiss started it ended and they both looked at each other their eyes sparkling with energy for each other. And they smiled and giggled.

“Okay, pretty boy get inside so we can talk and so I can put these roses in a vase. I’m sure the neighbors would love to hear more of our little conversation.”

“Yeah… That sounds lovely.”

With that MJ took Thomas free hand and led him inside. They certainly did have a lot to talk about, but Thomas wasn’t as scared or worried about it as before. He felt a certain calm through his body as he stepped into the house and closed the door.

Yeah...He's not running again.

“Did he go in?”

“Yes, Roman, he went in.”

“He did? Yay! I was so worried about him.”

“Yes, Pat you won’t shut up about it. Can we please get out of this bush now? Roman, you are on top of me.”

“Oh, hush nerd. You complain too much.”

“Now now boys don’t argue. Yes, Lo-Lo we can leave now.”

“Thank god.”

As the two teens left one grumbling while the other yelled at him the pastel wearing teen paused in his tracks.

“Virge?”

“Yeah?”

“Nice work. I knew you could do it.”

“Thanks, Pat.”

#thomas sanders #thomas #sanders sides #virgil sanders #mj #sanders sides au #spiderverse au fic #spiderverse au #sanders sides spiderverse au #my fics #virgil #patton sanders #patton #roman sanders #roman #logan sanders #logan #spiderverse #platonic lamp #lamp/calm #platonic lamp/calm #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fic

[kadywicker]

endgame Thots spoilers ahead...................................

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so honestly i think the quote that best sums this up is thor’s quote about stopping trying to be what’s expected and just being who he is. i’m aware that characters are written and ultimately the writer controls what happens BUT i think that perfectly sums up the difference between character arcs & in character actions.

everyone is complaining about thor and steves arcs and it’s like..... arc wise yes thor shouldve been king & steve shouldve acclimated to the future. but arcs are ALSO written and most of the time characters are forced into situations and it’s a completed character arc bc it rhymes/it’s poetic/it completes a cycle. BUT that is not the same thing as a character doing something in character. steve WANTED to go back and live with peggy. thor WANTED to explore the universe away from duty. maybe they didnt complete specific arcs that everyone expected but... they’re being who they are. in contrast to that you have tony who WANTED to stay with his family but chose to sacrifice himself & this completed his character arc beautifully. but those two kinds of ends for characters are not at odds with each other and one is not automatically bad writing bc the other one exists.

that being SAID here’s some more general thoughts

thors appearance was p bad im gonna be honest that was like. the one uncomfortable thing to watch

i literally sat there bawling and hiccuping when tony died like..... im an iron man stan now and im so fucking sad what the FUCK

the whole theater lost their collective minds when carol showed up & then at the end when t’challa showed up which just shows you where everyone is

but the MOST applause was when steve used the hammer. my hands hurt from clapping. everyone was screaming.

whats the deal w peter??? like he went back to school & in homecoming all his old classmates are there like did his entire class get snapped fhasdfsdf

a bitch was crying about scott and cassie what the fuck

MORGAN????????????

FUCKING MORGAN OH MY GOD THAT POOR SWEET BABY. SHE WAS SO CUTE AND ILOVE HE R RR R AND TONY IS SUCH A GOOD DAD? HELLO? 

the scene where all the mcu ladies go to beat up thanos healed my gay heart and idc if its pandering i want it

HOWEVER the promised gay rep was THE stupidest thing ive ever seen in my life like i get that disney sucks but dont promise smth amazing and build it up and then have it be some random fucking man at a group therapy session

loki................... he just straight up left hfasdofsfd is he okay out there

VALKYRIE GOD I AM. SO FUCKING GAY YOU GUYS. HER HAIR? MAAM??? 

also im a bit confused on the time travel thing? they said it wouldnt affect their present if they went to the past & established that its different timelines. but then.... how did steve end up old in the future? i mean this isnt a major gripe though ANY show dealing w time travel literally always has time travel plot holes so if i see u guys saying this means its bad writing im gonna lose my mind. time travel is impossible for a reason (unless its to the future but even then its bc of time dilation) and its gonna end up w plot holes when ur trying to write a show w it

am i the only one that got the “blue meanie” reference? tony said it about nebula and my obscure knowledge from being a misguided 12 year old obsessed w the beatles. came in handy. blue meanies were the villains in the beatles movie yellow submarine. theyre these motherfuckers.

I LOVE YOU 3000...............

i never cared abt clint or natasha but wow that shit hurted 

literally the entire funeral scene was the worst thing that ever happened to me i sat there sobbing so hard my throat started hurting

i am iron man...................... u sure fucking are man :(

SAM. GOT. THE SHIELD. SAMS CAPTAIN AMERICA BITCHES WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK HELLO????? IM SO HAPPY. I WAS HOPING FOR THAT

bucky looked pretty for his 3 seconds of screentime 

im as much of a st*cky fan as anyone else but did you guys truly think disney was gonna do that like....... if u think the movie sucks and is bad writing bc ur ship isnt canon u r gonna have a real bad time watching just about anything. i get being upset abt queerbaiting bc there was a bit of that wrt cast interviews and writer interviews but in the actual movies like...... it wasnt gonna happen idk what u guys expected :/ 

also fanfiction still exists u cant let canon stop u from having ur own imagination like u can literally write WHATEVER u want. half the fandom still writes 2012 avengers fics where they all live in the same tower. its fine. its okay. the actual movies arent the be all end all u can choose ur own adventure

HE WENT FOR THE HEAD

tony & peter hugging was so much for me and im so fucking sad right now yall. and peter telling him goodbye. ouch! he looked up to tony even if that was misguided at times 

also i didnt care abt tony and pepper either and here i am. caring. endgame truly just made me Care. 

gamora is BACK & her being her past self and missing is just fodder for quill/gamora fanfiction i cannot WAIT to see the next guardians movie and watch them fall in love again. 

i love nebula so goddamn much what the fuck. daughter. 

i personally dont care for steve/peggy and in my own personal headcanons and preferences im gonna do away w that whole...... thing bc i dont personally like it but it still isnt really bad writing imo & guys hes been in love w peggy from the start that cant be shocking now

SAMBUCKY RISE...........

on your LEFT everyone also lost their minds on that one i think thats when they started losing it and then when tchalla showed up the screams went even louder and i think everyone was just screaming for 2 minutes

i know i already said it but I LOVE YOU 3000. FUUUUCK ME

pepper as iron man was sooo fucking good she better take up the mantle like ooooh fuck. oh my god. that was amazing and i love her sm

okay okay i think that sums it up im done now but anyway endgame is good & most of the ppl complaining are just the type of ppl that like to Hate Absolutely Everything bc its edgy and cool to be like that. go see it. form ur own opinion. dont feel obligated to follow the masses (at least on tumblr. everyone else seems to love it lmfao but theyre not pressured by this website to act like everything is Bad and Terrible) & be bitter about it. like what you like and take out what you dont like it is That Simple. its a good movie

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #a4 spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #tagging every spoiler tag ive seen and can think of so no one gets fucked bc this is a lot

[peppersgamereviews]

Battlefield One game review

(I played this game on hard for my first run and easy to write this review)

"Holy shit, Pepper's reviewing a game she likes?"

Calm down, sugar tits im just doing the campaign, fuck you this is my game review i can do what I want.

The way im gonna structure this is talking about the historical accuracy, fun of each chapter, and any notes i might wanna include.

Historical

Honestly, this is one of the best experiences ive had in a game in a long time.

Firstly, the historical accuracy it introduces the Harlem Hellfighters who are a pretty obscure group to make the main character of one of these chapters and put on the box art. Frontline combat is as accurate as it needs to be to keep me immersed. Knives are rarely used, shovels and handmade trench clubs are a lot more common, ect ect ect. The only thing that bugged me majorly is the use of grenades to dispense chlorine gas.

Yeah, if you haven't been able to tell this might be a bit of a history lesson at times.

Gas was most commonly delievered via cylinders and sometimes by artillery and mortars. In what very limited research I did, i couldnt find anything on hand grenades being used to deliever mustard gas. As well as this, the gas mask is put on by just slamming it on the face. Considering the fact we dont have that technology 101 years later, this bit is also inaccurate.

Despite this, the accuracy is fine overall and never took me out of the experience entirely.

The first chapter was absolutely phenomenal, the eeriness of war, the graphic imagery, the mechanic of dying and taking control of another soldier, the ending imagery of enemies being humans. Whilst not the most accurate depiction of war, it was very good at portraying what it set out to portray and went beyond that too. Even if the slow motion mechanic was a bit shit.

Storm of steel was an absolutely spectacular chapter, in its imagery and gameplay

Through mud and blood spectacularly displays anger, superstition ("she doesn't like it when you swear"), sadness, despair, and forgiveness.

McManus wants the same goals as everyone else, but just wants different ways to achieve them, he isnt a bad person, as he saved Edwards life in time of need.

The Germans stealing the tanks was an excellent way of hiding spark plugs in the village, even if the part itself was repetitive.

The tanks inside and outside are accurately portrayed, except for the fact they were extremely prone to breakdowns, were alot slower than shown in game, and most likely wouldnt have survived artillery being launched at it directly.

Not much to say about friends in high places in terms of accuracy as i dont know much about the aces. Brilliant display of friendship, the ending is purposely vague, leaving you to image what Blackburn made up and what he was honest about.

Avanti savonia is okay, but extremely inaccurate. Running around with medieval body armour feels inaccurate; body armour was used in world war 1 but it looked different to as it was shown in game, made me think i was playing call of duty. Not the best mission, not the worse. Showing loss of family through war was amazing and definitely the best thing the chapter couldve done.

The runner is amazing. It focuses on Gallipoli and the AnZac forces. It focuses on the issue of lying to get into the army, idolisation, adults wanting to protect kids. Bishop getting annoyed and showing Foster the dead bodies littered across the beach and immediately feeling bad about it was one of the most powerful parts of the entire game, for me atleast. Most importantly, however, sacrifice.

All chapters show sacrifice in different ways, the runner does it the best. Bishop isnt scared of death, he is scared that Foster wont make it back safe. When he does, he dies happy, knowing Foster is away from the incoming artillery.

Its such a shame the game had to end on nothing is written. Fuck nothing is written.

Its boring, tedious, barely accurate to my knowledge, and a disappointment as it couldve been so much more. I refused to play it again for the purpose of this review, i hated the stealth in this mission. Not that I despise this games stealth, mud and blood handled it absolutely amazingly and I loved that missionn apart from the spark plug sequence, which is the most similar to nothing is written.

Strange.

The gameplay is tight and accurately represents how i think early automatic weapons wouldve handled, not great, but the gameplay has a weird way of accompanying the weapons being fucked up, I love it.

The narration, the few times its in the game, is great and reads like a soldiers diary, without actually being a soldiers diary. The flashback intro sequences are cheesy but work well enough.

Overall? I loved this game. Was it the most accurate?

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT

But was it fun? Absolutely. I would recommend battlefield one's campaign whole heartedly, as it plays like a narrative war story, not picking a side and mocking them as "evil" as WW1 had no evil sides. Only men, being forced to kill each other for other leaders imperial ambitions. As much as i wished the game had a mission from a German perspective, its still great.

Never have i said this on this account.

I recommend this games campaign.

#game review #game reviews #battlefield #battlefield one #fuck nothing is written boring ass piece of shit fuck you

[abcdosaka]

i forgot to write this when i was writing that post about sad bts songs yesterday. but honestly its really admirable that both suga and rm are so honest. i mean most the members are but they’re both very honest about their mental states and i wonder if it’s helpful to them to actually display that to the world..... they shouldn’t have to sacrifice their own privacy just to provide comfort to their fans.....but its still really brave and kind of them nonetheless. thats the kinda person i should try to be. im also really glad they seem better now from what they’ve been saying recently and from d-2 as well, they seem a lot happier now. not that i’d know and i guess it doesn’t have anything to do with me but honestly isnt that just normal? to feel happy that someone you look up to is happy? i don’t think i need to overthink it.

actually thats a problem, i overthink stuff too much. im trying to become a person who doesn’t think over stuff too much, just take action and try to enjoy life while i can. i probably seem really depressed from how i write on here but tbh. i can’t say im not unhappy rn but sadness comes and goes. i don’t feel empty all the time like i did when i was really depressed. i feel like i have things to look forward to and things to dread both. and i do feel lonely a lot of the time. my excuse is the pandemic. im using bts for my happiness rn, its a bit of a shame to admit but its pretty obvious. i guess it doesn’t really matter, i’m not in that deep as much as other people so it’s not a big deal to me

but back to overthinking. i was thinking about how much i relate to so far away while i was in the shower and it’s like, yes i really relate, but when you get down to it, me and suga are totally different people. even back when he wrote and released that song, i’m totally different to him. i might understand some feelings but i can’t 100% relate to him. which means i’m totally alone. his lyrics say he feels alone too, but in the end we’re still two separate people who will never know each other. which is a conclusion you could only get to by overthinking it. like damn bitch, just take the comfort he gave you and go, no need to say all that. but i can’t help being a cynic.

[thefemaleexperience]

answering one of those lists of questions we use to do back in 2010

if you could pierce somewhere other than your ears, where would it be? - I would like to have my nose pierced again

what are your feelings on bangs? - i love bangs and thye really suit me, though they do make me look about 8 years younger and i hate growing them out

what is your favorite blanket material? - cashmere

if you had to be sent up into space or into the depths of the ocean, where would you choose? - hm deep ocean because it really terrifies me are you afraid of death? why or why not? - no. I’m afraid of pain and terrible accidents, but the idea of actually being dead doesnt bother me what astrological sign do you think you should be? - taurus or gemini who is the worst person you have ever dated? - every one is a complex set of flaws and traits and their personality is built upon their experiences and everything that has ever happened to them, and remembering that reminds you that the way people act isnt about you personally and no-one is “bad” if you could remake one movie the way you think it should’ve been made, which movie would you choose? - The Hobbit what is a custom/activity/experience/etc from another culture that you wish would be in your culture? - last year I attended the final 2 weeks of a Yolngu (Aboriginal group from far north Australia) funeral, and the openness of grieving was really full on. it has really changed my relationship with grieving if you could choose where you were born, where would you want it to be? hm it wouldnt matter to me *where* i was born, but i wish i’d grown up somewhere where being bi.multi-lingual is the norm if someone told you they could tell you the truth about god/religion/higher powers/the universe/the meaning of life/what happens after death, would you want to know? I dont think there is a meaning to life, i dont think anything happens after death, I dont know if these are questions I have? but i guess yeah im too nosy to ever turn down the hot goss what is your favorite part of your nighttime routine? sleep doesn’t count. I use to drink this lovely lavender herbal tea every night and im just starting to drink it again what is your favorite form of exercise? I use to love running. i would run 10+ Kms on the treadmill every evening, but both my knees are fucked and i can barely jog anymore. so i guess just hiking / walking in nature

what is one current trend that you hate? cancel culture? idk. so many things annoy me...so i just dont surround myself with them. if theyre bringing other people joy who cares.  what is a trend that died that you would bring back? perms what era of fashion do you wish to bring back? 90s “tomboy” style for young girls! i love flares and 70s flowy fashion too im big on period-drama costumes  what is one movie or tv show that everyone loves that you hate? i dont like “gross” animation did you have a teacher growing up that helped you through a difficult time? who were they? A handful. My literature teacher Mrs. Campbell stand out think of a paper you have written sometime in your education. what was the topic? It’s all i do haha mostly about rethinking Aboriginal Studies and approaches to Indigenous education do you believe in universal healthcare? discuss. is that liek australia’s health care? like yes? when americans talk about how much a trip to the drs or a medical procedure cost that you would just die without????? what is one song that makes you feel like love is real? landslide - fleetwood mac what is one song that makes you feel like you’re dancing in a meadow with the sun shining on your skin? california - joni mitchell what is one song that makes you believe that things will get better? california - joni mitchell haha have you met any celebrities? if so, who? lots but whatever you’re being forced to move out of your country. you must choose another one to move to, and you may never leave it, even for vacation. what country do you choose? bonus points if you answer the city. most of my overseas trips have been fairly short holidays so i have no idea about the practicalities of lving in them / cost of living / laws etc. so this is hard but probably America, in either oregon or montana do you believe in the death penalty? discuss. no. what do you think happens after you die? your body returns to the worms. name someone you love. Geordie. name someone you like, but don’t necessarily love. Oliver. how many soulmates do you think a person has? more than 1 is love always worth it? discuss. love is good but we dont need romantic relationships to be fullfilled. love is everywhere pick up your phone. look at the text you sent closest to an hour ago. what was it? ”seems like a scam” do you believe in magical beings? discuss. no what time of the day do you feel most at peace with yourself? outdoors at 2pm what is an impulsive decision you have made that you don’t regret? to drive to Alice Springs when i was inbetween houses in 2018 if you were given the opportunity to completely start your life over from the beginning with everything prior and up until your birth remaining the same, would you? yeah. not because i regret things, it would jsut be fascinating to see the tiny miniscule things that would change things. i think about the tiny spur of the moment thigns i did when i was 12 that impacted friendships i would make and schools i would go to and how my life is still interconnected with people i met one time 15 years ago how do you feel about greek life in colleges? seems weird, culty and toxic. people say there are positives, but they dont seem to outweigh the bad in my eyes. but i dont think we really have that her in australia what is an aspect or event in history that you were obsessed with as a child? ancient egypt lol describe your ideal town to live in. I would love to move to Alice Springs. A commune is the dream what age are you scared to be? alternatively, what age were you most scared to be in the past? im truely so psyched to turn 30. do you have a secret you want to share? be as vague or specific as you want. get it out. if you want. I only have one big secret that no-body knows. do billionaires work harder than other people? discuss. fetch the guillitine  what is your favorite hairstyle for yourself? i think my mid length hairstyle of 2017 was v nice. thats when my hair naturally curls the most what is your favorite memory from being 13 years old? dear god what is a movie that shaped who you were as a person at a young age? Into the wild lol which us state would you erase if you could? not from the US so this doesnt mean anthing to me lol what is a skill you theoretically want to learn but probably never will? to be a mechanic what is an obscure language you want to speak? it’s not “obscure” but i guess only a relative small number of people speak Yolngu Matha and i would like to be fluent what is a place you choose not to go to anymore? why? lmao i avoid the northland coles (supermarket) because a dude i dated shops there and i ran into him once after id decided i didnt want to see him anymore and it was cooked do you think you’re living a fake life/putting on a facade/lying to people about who you really are? why or why not? i perpetually feel like im waiting to live the lfie i want to what is the color that defines your life?  burnt orange you have the opportunity to go to an exclusive celebrity event. which one is it? (award shows, premieres, parties, etc) i cant think of one? you can bring back one person from the dead, but you must choose someone to die in their place. who are the two people you are choosing? I would bring back Andrea Dworkin i dont know who i would kill off instead. what is your favorite fun fact that people don’t really know? idk if people dont know this but i guess it might be australia specifc But dingoes have special jointed wrists that are way different to dogs, and they can hold things, climb and open doors. pick up the nearest reading material to you (book/magazine/paper/etc). what is the first line of that reading material? lmao HOMER / The Odyssey is on my bedside table but im nto moving   if you had to choose a sport to play professionally, which one would you choose? soccer? what do you do to unwind/cool down when you’re upset? a hot hot hot bath by candle light listening to neil young what is the color scheme of your favorite sunrise or sunset? pink purple what is a beauty product you swear by? i dont wear make up but i guess eyebrow gel is cool how do you feel about plastic surgery? discuss. i hate our culture of uncritical support for it. i think the prominence of it is relly cooked. i hate that people treat it like minor / low risk when its very serious.  if you could get plastic surgery, would you? what would you change? a breast reduction cotton balls or cotton rounds? ??? what is your favorite animal product? i dont know what this means lol if you had to attend school in another country, which country would you choose? France? what will be/was the color scheme of your wedding? marriage is bad but i guess native australian flora is there something you have a really strong opinion about for basically no reason? what is it? i have basically no opinion on everything who is a person you would fight to the death for under any circumstances? no-one what would you do if you were in the hunger games? be honest. terrible? what time do you think everyone should wake up? getting into your circadian rhythm is so goooooood what is your favorite type of nut? if you’re allergic to nuts, sorry. hmm im obsessed with peanut butter but i dont really care for peanuts. i love brazel nuts what is your favorite part of your hometown? . . . uh the meth or the class gap or the conservative rural values / politics or ??? you must get rid of one of your electronic items. you have no choice. which one do you sacrifice? phone what is the first memory you have of oppression/discrimination? it doesn’t have to be about yourself. being like pre-school aged and being aware of my black cousins being spereated from their parents name 3 books you were forced to read in school. DH Lawrence novellas, which i loved No Sugar, everyone should read this The crucible, urhg so good how do you keep track of events/deadlines? calendar? agenda? your brain? having like 20 planners what is the first book that made you cry that comes to mind? i dont remember crying in a book if you had to give a seminar about something, what would it be about? abortion laws and access in rural australia how do you feel about your mother? she is good and complicated and intelligent and funny is makeup an art form? discuss. no what kind of videos do you primarily watch on youtube? ill just list my most viewed channels Daisy Lola Sarah Therese Unnatural Vegan what is the scent of your deodorant? i dont wear deoderant at what age do you hope you die? whenever

[chichorie]

4, 8, 10, 17, 47, 75 !!!

4. Favourite character?

if it was hard to tell....... my favorite character is definitely keebo!

i think keebo is so charming and endearing as a character because hes just so naïve and curious. hes just a small robot who genuinely wants to learn as much as he can about humanity because he wants to fit in and be seen as equal. the fact that he’s a robot isnt something hes ashamed of, actually far from it. hes very proud to be a robot and even if sometimes he wishes he were a real boy, i think hes proud of what makes him so special and unique and i really love that he reflects on this in v3!! he doesnt need to be a real boy because everything about who he is is great and fantastic and thats why he’s an ultimate!! for being just who he is!!!!

keebo has a lot of really cute characteristics like how he takes everything pretty literally and is so misinformed about a lot of things, and it just makes him so lovable i think. its like, please, someone teach this poor baby robot the ways of humans because hes really struggling with the concept of holding hands. even if he can be kind of touchy about things and really likes to stick to his principles, hes willing to learn and adapt and wants to understand the other students because.. at the end of the day, keebo really just wants everyone to like him, and he wants everyone to like each other, and wants everyone to be friends. 

v3 spoilers past this point!

the end of the game made me really sad because i dont really think.. anyone really liked keebo much before he gave up his life to let the survivors go free. like, the only one who was really close to him was miu, and he had a hard time facing her death. after she was gone he kind of had to deal with things alone, and even though shuichi could get close to him if you let him interact with keebo, i think after miu died the only people left just kind of didnt care or interact with him at all. himiko actually suggests he blows himself up, maki and kaito dont care about him, kokichi teases him to hell and back, and tsumugi and shuichi kind of try to get along with him, but often say or do things that keebo sees as being insensitive and dont really learn from them. keebo is never really treated nicely by a lot of the cast, but.... 

in the end, he is still 100% willing to give up his life for all of them. even after everything he’s been through and after the way everyone has treated him, he loves them enough to sacrifice himself for them.

8. Least favourite character?

this probably wont come as a surprise but teruteru fucking sucks. hes just so unnecessarily creepy towards everyone and has 0 shame for what he does and i honestly couldnt care less about him.

10. What would be your Ultimate Title?

ILL BE HONEST RIGHT NOW if i were in danganronpa id really want to be an ultimate detective. i listen to a shit ton of crime podcasts and im really familiar with that kind of stuff so i think itd be really fun for me to try and piece things together in a murder scenario.

realistically im not super great at anything but i suppose i tend to ramble a lot about lore and characters and stuff so maybe i could be like... the ultimate lore analyst??? idfk sjdhbvsjhbvjsh

17. Do you have an OT3? Which one?

you know its gotta be chishimondo...... the best ot3 of them all.

but i also think kaito/maki/shuichi is quite cute

47. A headcanon you have about a character?

keebo would make a really good house husband/stay at home dad... even thought his fte’s with shuichi are about how he wants to find a career and start a business, i think, since hes not really that great at things like that, and has expressed really wanting to have a family someday, that he would absolutely take amazing care of kiddos and would dedicate himself to his family. he’d learn to cook, even though he cant eat, and he’d try to outdo the roomba at cleaning, and i think if he does a good job then it would help him feel really good and proud of himself. hes kind of insecure about his abilities so i think if hes able to take care of his kids and his house he’d be super happy. 

75. Describe Gonta Gokuhara in 3 words!

1) GENTLEMAN

2) SMART

3) PRECIOUS

I LOVE GONTA GOKUHARA!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you for the ask!!!!

Send me a Danganronpa related question!

#anon

[viewofsal]

Alrighty. EFF IT- LIFE UPDATE POST!

Soooo a lot of good things have been happening in my life. I know from my posts I sound bitter, sad, heartbroken, blah blah but its been a rough time in my life and I’m finally understanding and accepting my life, my lessons, my blessings, my mistakes and experiences. *Someone told me recently my blog is very raw* but I like to keep it real and what not, plus no one knows me on here lol i have followers from all over the US to international countries as well. Also I feel like I haven’t done an “intro” about myself in a long time.. I think since I’ve started blogging so what the hell…. this is going to be long but hey whatever!

Intro!-

Hey guys! Im Salia Sheikh, 25 (old af, jk!), I look younger than my age (thanks to good genes lol), I am still in school, pursuing a career in Business. I love to read, write (duh I have a blog for a reason!), paint, work out, try new food, BIG FOOD JUNKIE, binge watch amazing shows on Netflix (bae for life), I love the color purple and blue. If school wasnt so damn expensive and I didnt have a timelime (being brown aint fun… sometimes) I would definitely get a degree in business of course, dermatology and psychology. I love learning new things and expanding my mind. I come off as a bitch sometimes to people because of the way my face can be… AKA RESTING BITCH FACE. But honestly its just me observing and understanding how people think and work. I know I am a weirdo but whatever! Humans are so freaking interesting. Oh did I mention I live in PNW!? Seattle. <3 Rain city lol. If I could live anywhere else it would be California, Chicago or New York. Anywho enough about me… lets get into the juicy stuff right?

This summer I had a lot going on! I was at the doctors a lot, i went through a lot exams for my breast cancer and it was a very rough time… but I got through it. Alhumdulillah I have such amazing friends and family to support me and were there for me. Along with that,  I went through a very harsh break up and I know that a few posts below this one I went off on my ex FJ, but in this post Im not going to bash on him or anything. Honestly…. my tumblr isnt made to bash on anyone. I wouldnt want to be talked about on the internet but sadly… it happens. So anyways, I went through a rough heart break that honestly I dont blame anyone but myself and because of this heartbreak I am beyond hard on myself with a lot of things but especially guarding my heart, my feelings and letting anyone in. I was told by someone that I wore my heart on my sleeve and that I took this relationship too seriously. Its true, I was madly and crazy in love with him but he wasnt. I would push and force him to make it work but when the other person doesnt see any solution or anything to fix it, you should really just back off Sally. One person cant do all the work, it becomes so draining. I literally have so much love to give but at the same time Im just kind of tired, exhausted, bitter and numb. Its weird because I just said Im full of love but at the same time a heart break really gets you guarded. But you know this was a lesson for myself, to not get ahead of yourself, dont have expectations and if you arent getting what you deserve please walk the fuck away, like ASAP. Just abort lol. Because at the end of the day as hurt as I was, I made myself go through hell because I chose to be like very stupid, LIKE VERY. But at the same time, I take it as a blessing in disguise in many ways and a lesson I would love to teach my daughters and possibly sons. Anywho… along with this I was in school UGH, but because I have a goal and I am so motivated I didnt let it affect my school at all. One thing I did do in the past was let such little things like this get in the way of my focus in school and at the end of the day my dreams and career will be right next to me but the person whos temporary will not be. I will not sacrifice my school for anything. This summer I went to Atlanta with all of my cousins and we had so much fun! And then I came back and attended another wedding. It was a lot of chaos but a lot of fun. I come from a very huge family on both sides, and if youre brown you know three day weddings are HECTIC AS HELL! But I gotta say it was a roller coaster type summer.

Once all of the wedding shenanigans were over and all of my cousins flew back to the East Coast and I started school again. After my break up I really started focusing on my mental health, focusing on school, having a better relationship with my parents (its been a rough road but alhumdulillah I am so blessed with such amazing parents. esp my mom helping me a lot through my break up and all .) I didnt even think about talking to any guys or whatever it was literally not even in my head because I was so focused on myself. But a little birdie out of the blue and into my life for a short time but a sweet time. HA is literally every brown girls dream man. A little white wash (EDM LOVER), knows urdu, deen, open minded, handsome as hell… and family orientated. OH AND TREATS A WOMAN RIGHT! Honestly my first impression was like “fuck boy. STRAIGHT UP F BOY! Cocky, too into himself, thinks hes better than anyone…” OH ALSO- didnt meet him off of dating apps lol, its called IG thats the new hook up spot jk! But when you actually talk to him and stuff omg… he is so different. I dont think I have laughed this much while talking to someone, he is so hilarious. He opened my mind to a lot of things that I didnt know about or he pushed me to see things differently, which I loved. When we started talking I was very upfront and blunt with him. As a brown girl I dont have the freedom to just get up and leave for a guy. Period. He understood that and accepted it. He told me he had no expectations. What I really liked about him was that he would always communicate, he was very honest and he was really respectful. When I say REALLY RESPECTFUL, like super. We were talking about our exes (no I didnt say bad shit lol) and he brought it up and he told me that his ex would everyday for six months since they were together would ask, “when are we getting engaged?” Not once did he say, omg shes bat shit crazy.. or annoying or whatever. He just said that much and he was like “you know I felt pressured and I wanted to explain myself why I broke up with her.” I mean if he wanted too he could made her the victim… but damn. Very kind. Not just that when he came here he was showing me a convo with this girl who was kind of mentally not there, and she would act weird its really hard to explain but he talked to her respectfully and was like “hey listen if you want to make friends you have – “ something along those lines. He was just really nice to her because he knew that something wasnt right with that girl at all. I mean I know a lot of people who would straight up just cuss her out… like without a doubt. I remember one time he asked me over FaceTime, “why are you waiting after you get your degree to get married?” I kind of just ignored it lol. But then one night he was with his cousins and cousin’s wife in DC and he FT’d me and all I heard was a girl yelling, “Who are you talking too!? Who is this bitch!?” And he goes “oh this is bae”, and after she saw me (without make up and my raspy voice at 12am lol) she was like “OMG SHES SO PRETTY and her voice is so cute! Shes such a good girl  being at home lol.” Then he goes, “Hani, ask her why she wont get married while being in school?” And she said, “look Im 23, still in CC and Im married, you can too.” I wasnt going to put anyone under the bus and be like “well arent you going to be rolling the dice on me!?” - (because someone said that once to me…) like I said, I dont bash on my ex at all. Even after that, he asked me again lol, “IF we were to get married why wont you get married, transfer your credits and stuff? You can work if you like but even if you dont its okay… just go to school. I gotchu bae.” Im just like “uhh…. wouldnt you want someone who has everything set?” He literally probably wanted to slap me for saying that and he was like “No… what am I here for?” Honestly he was so accepting of me, my past, my dreams, my goals, honestly everything. Even when he came here it was like I knew him from a long time ago, it wasnt causing me to have anxiety or feel scared. We laughed so much, watched so many shows and ate such amazing food. OMG. It was so good to be true, i mean we trusted each other, communication was there. He told me some things that really made me realize wow he is so freaking amazing… His brother doesnt have his AA or degree, his sister in law has her AA but he helps a lot around the house. Hes such a good son and omg, when I say more guys should be like him I MEAN IT.  He was suppose to be a police man lol but then he went back to school and took a few classes and became a consultant. He didnt have a stable job until he came back to VA. I mean he was on contract to contract and even jobless for a few months but he was so positive and happy, which is why I loved being around him. Whenever he would FT me, he would be around his cousins and they would always say, “H is so loyal and faithful, family orientated and he will treat you right.” like as if I didnt know that lol. But you know after he left something really unexpected happened and it wasnt in our control to save it. But it was no ones fault either, sometimes life does a plot twist on you when you least expect it but I had accepted the unexpected and like someone wise said (Jatin, this is your shoutout), “you cant compete with history.” It took me a while to understand but I definitely knew that he was always honest, communicated with me and he was amazing. We didnt really need closure but trust me the way we had closure was like I dont even need to talk about this again. Not every situation needs it but sometimes you need it. But you know, this was Gods way of showing me and saying, “Salia… dont lose faith in guys. There are good guys out there.” And you know, there are. But I dont want anyone right now. Im perfectly fine being single. Plus I am already a brat, sassy mc sassy… with me being a little numb sometimes… I think I have a lot to say sometimes and I have a strong personality lol, it would drive someone nuts. But Idk everytime I talk about HA my heart melts just a little because I was treated with so much respect and he would always tell me that I was a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. But sometimes good things dont last forever. I accepted it.

Along with losing him, I chose to cut off a friend who meant the world to me. She was like a little sister and a best friend. After going through so much in just a few months I realized what I want, who I want in my life and what Im going to do about it. I cant handle negativity… like AT ALL. Friends are suppose to support you, be happy for you and be there for you. This friend lol.. she wasnt there for me at all during my break up, i get it YOU DONT LIKE FJ but I need my girl to be there for me.. shit. I felt like she was jealous and trust me I aint hot shit… Im very like normal, pakistani, short girl… living life. But the vibe and the way she started acting about HA was weird. None of my best friends asked me questions like, “Did he kiss you?” like what…. thats not why he flew here for from VA…. But either way she was asking weird questions like, “was it just fun and games”- PAUSE! So I know Im 25, brown girls get the pressure once theyre in their 20s… But I am in no rush to get married and that is not because I dont have a degree- TO HELL WITH THAT. I can burn that shit and I would still be amazing. But like you dont talk to a guy and jump into the marriage topic, wth? HA and I had a very clear understanding that we are going to take baby steps, no telling parents, siblings, whatever… no labels. TAKE IT SLOW. But either way she was just a total bitch. She loves saying, “I told you so.” Either way I had enough of her, her nazar (evil eye) and negativity. Like I dont need that… I need to be around people who support me, love me and dont bash on my ass. I love my circle small and ever since I cut her off of my life, I am doing so much better because I dont have a gun to my head. It wasn’t even over a guy that I ended our friendship… it was because she wasn’t a good friend and she was jealous. She was never truly happy for me about anything. She envied the relationship I have with my mom and would always be like oh your mom was okay with that? Isk just very weird vibes…. I really wish that she changes her way of approach and what not. No guy is going to love a girl who expects so much and no girl is going to be with a friend who is so judgemental as fuck. Period. I never cuss any of my girlfriends out ever. But she really pissed me off and I felt judged and like a hoe. I really dont need that, thanks anyways.

Now that I got that out of my way, like I said earlier… I have been working on myself. I started going to the gym but its been a while because of school and working a ton of hours. But now that I am on break I am going to go back to the gym, start reading my book- EVERYONE MUST READ “You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life“- literally eye opening and so funny! It has changed my life. Reading really does help with your knowledge and growing as a person. If anyone knows any good reads, please drop me a message! :) Im also going to start reading the Quran but in English translation because I really want to know what Im reading and what the Quran is saying, I just want to self educate myself and know about my religion, I am not religious at all… but one thing I do want to start doing is praying and being connected with Allah. I think having a spiritual connection is so good for the mind and soul.

As I was turning 25 I was thinking a lot about myself, my past and my future. I am a thinker but I also love testing myself. When I was 23 going to 24 I was a very weak person. I was fragile and sensitive to a lot of things. I didnt have thick skin at all. I will admit that and I was little a push over. I lost myself at the age of 23, I had a stalker who ruined my life. I never had anxiety my whole life… I took everything like it was nothing. But after dealing with that… it made me weak. I wasnt the Salia that everyone knew. But now that Im past it, I went through some tough stuff in 2017… it made me wiser, smarter, grateful and stronger.  I dont get affected by anything lately… and I was very hesitant to post this but its my blog, my page and I will do whatever to it. Plus I love to write. I feel like a lot has happened but I have been just writing bits and pieces here and there. But I guess I thought I would write something its been a while. lol.

ALSO- Im flying out to Arizona next week for the weekend and I am so excited! to celebrate and have a vacation and to be not dealing with school for a month! Hell yaaaaaa. *THIS WAS MY FAV LIFE UPDATE IN THIS LONGGGGGG POST*

Okay guys… its 1246am here! Im off to bed. Have fun reading this, judging this, whatever you want :D

[isaacathom]

serren gets beat up by Endlyn (with her ghost-punchin’ arm) and genuinely believes shes gonna be totally dead because at this point, she’s vaguely aware of the whole ‘kiss to come back’ thing (not sure from where) and shes like ‘fuck fuck fuck FUCK IM A GHOST’ and probably spends her last moments desperately reaching for Endlyn even though she knows thats.... pretty pointless actually. she’s desperate, yknow.

then, poof, she jolts awake in her tower in derse. its incredibly confusing all around. theres probably noone on derse to actually help her make sense of the situation either... or any way for her to leave.......... uh. thats actually an issue. though i suppose she should have a computer in her room (given jade did, right) so she could possibly contact someone. not sure how theyd help, exactly. this is the issue. she’d be essentially stranded on derse until one of the other derse dreamers - Endlyn, Dahnte, and Tsitas - wakes up and offers to fly her home. the only candidate for that is Tsitas. Dahnte would refuse unless he could possibly wrangle a favour out of it, though if Serren mentioned shed ‘visited his hive’ as a ghost he’d do it immediately. he hates ghosts. this boy is terrified of ghosts.

unless someones.... god tier? which could work. my candidate is Lyndel or Junzha. Having Junzha do it seems like overkill considering he is already responsible for Serren not being dead (and thus responsible for her existing as a ghost, because he woke up her dream self way fucking early) so having him also ‘save’ her by picking her up seems too much. since Lyndel’s role in the slightly rewritten sage of Rhiana Tasiai has her relegated to buying serren a laptop, having her ascend reasonably early and then going to collect Serren from derse seems... fair enough. and she’s a doom player, so dying way early on seems completely justifiable. have her die early on as a sort of ‘sacrifice’ that allows the players of the session to know that in this new world, death isn’t the finale. Which gives Serren a lot of hope, which can then be briefly crushed when Endlyn accidentally finds out she exists and beats the crap out of her. i think that works?

which then begs the question of how Lyndel dies. it’d have to be a quest bed death in order for it to work properly whiiiiichhh begs a lot of questions, to be honest. Zekari could help be a part of that, perhaps accidentally self fulfilling by seeing her death in the clouds (for those keeping score [me] thats the second time hes seen a death in the clouds) and deciding to forewarn her, resulting in her deciding to do a sweep of the area around her home to ensure its safe. resulting in her getting blindsided and totaaaaaled. in a big ol pyre-looking mfucker. nice. though if she’s a Page and we’re going Active Serve on this bitch.... imma have to reread the thing, hold up. if she’s a page, arguably she should be forcing (accident or otherwise) someone to serve her doom - to act as the sacrificial pony upon which the session new understanding of death can be built off. whose the candidate for that? Junzha, probably. he’s not all that strong, his telekinesis isnt even very powerful and in fact pales in comparison to his two other psychic friends (serren has pretty decent telepathy and zekari is a gold blood telekinetic with a more versatile set, while junzha can only manipulate momentum and not direction). so him accidentally dying earlier, as a result of something Lyndel told him to do, allows him to do all the shit. and it works really well because their classes mesh together REALLY well here, and in fact would manifest in similar ways. as Junzha is Knight of Life, and so being killed and brought back to life sorta fits that mold - passively serving (giving, whatever) life to the session, with Lyndel actively giving death to the session by showing them how it can be used. they fit together here. so, ok, Junzha dies early on as a complete accident that Lyndel takes the responsibility for. She’s the one who called him to her planet or whatever, she put him in that place, she accepts her place, and finding out he survived after she kissed him is literally one of the best things she’d heard all day. then she allows Zekari to serve her Doom later when she doesn’t cut off a conversation with him (aka she was busy but stopped for her when she couldve ignored it) and to tell her where she should go in order to get herself killed (that wasnt his intent - its a Page thing. it also ties into him being a Bard, though not into his aspect). serves doom to the session by again showing Good Death and shit. yeehaw.

ok. junzha dies early. whiiiich would then strand him on skaia????? Zekari IS on Skaia though, and has been awake for ages, so its wholly possible for Zekari to, if convinced to fucking go to bed (you dumbass) to give Junzha a lift. way easier than convincing The Crew to do the same thing on Derse, due to the shenanigans involved in those folk.

yeaaassss...... i think that works. Junzha dies early in an accident that Lyndel caused (by accident, she didn plan this), Lyndel is later killed in her quest cocoon (or Pyre, really, thats what her world is Full of) and ascends, which allows her to then collect Serren after Serren gets the absolute shit kicked out of her by an enraged Endlyn, who was angry that Serren had tricked her by pretending to be a Cobalt (again, Endlyn is kinda weird about this shit, and if Serren were a more manipulative person and had done it deliberately to earn favours, like.... endlyn’d be right to be miffed).

the loop successfully closes.

admittedly Junzha dying because of Lyndel doesn’t have any real place in the Ancestral Karmic Cycle but its an accident, so its not a huge deal. i dont think Junzha can even die as part of that cycle..... he could kill Tsitas, but thats about it. and there are a good chunk f folk who would kill Tsitas. so its literally whatever. he’s a Life player, he’s not going around killing his friends, yknow.

#story blogging #this is long i had a lot to figure out lol #long post/// #its a goddamn mess but i think its decent. my class understanding is shaky but i think the page thing works well enough here