#(spoilers its bc they were written around the same time but i only edited this one now)

[aces-and-angels]

I’ve loved reading your ILW playthrough thoughts, especially Matty! I did all his variants because I’ve wanted a villain romance story from PB forever. Matthias is so well written. I felt completely fed! I found the betrayal route with MC and Matty living together to be the most satisfying for me. If I was going to be bad I wanted to see it play out fully. It was intriguing to see the villain have one weakness and it be MC. Matty lived his whole life obsessed with the Power and alone because of it. Then he found the one being who made him actually sacrifice his obsession at times so they could live their best “Power Couple” life. When Matty was willing to literally jump into the fire for MC I was like “Evil Daddy really is whipped huh?!”. Lol! The team gave us such a perfect “us against the world” storyline, even tossing in the potential for a divorce because that was classic overly dramatic MC/Matthias, haha! I loved it. I loved all the toxicity that was their dynamic. I’m glad that one of his variants was them sipping cocktails on the beach because that’s what I saw them doing in my mind if they won against Loha.

ANON- YOU ARE GIVING ME LIFE RN; thank youuu 🥰🥰🥰

This was such a nice message to receive ♥ As much as I loved playing through the game itself, writing up my thoughts on the story was equally, if not, more enjoyable to do. ILW is such an engaging story made by very talented individuals who put their whole ass chests into making it possible. Since I can't legally give any of them money, I thought at the very least I could share my thoughts lol

I've had a bit more time to digest Matthias' route in its entirety and have come up with more things to say (even tho I had titled that post as my 'final thoughts'- bit presumptuous of me- I don't think ILW is getting out of my head any time soon lmao) Plus, this gives me the opportunity to do a deep dive on a successful betrayal route😊I'll add a 'read more' section bc I got a tad carried away while writing it lol

So for anyone interested:

an impromptu final thoughts on the ilw finale: matthias edition pt. 2

(ch 23 spoilers below... and I guess above too... just avert your eyes lol)

---

First, I'm with you anon- we were desperately owed a villain story from PB. I can't think of many choices books that give players the autonomy to determine an MC's status as a hero/villain. There are definitely choices that you can make throughout their books that are deemed 'incorrect,' but when boiled down, the MCs generally are the same flavor personality-wise. Not saying playing the 'good guy' isn't enjoyable- it certainly can be if the story is engaging enough- but when that's your only option, it's very easy to grow tired of it.

The amount of ways Matthias' route can turn out is in itself very impressive. The several ways you can interpret Rowan in each of these scenarios is just as satisfying. (The juxtaposition of a genuine!Ro with a character like Matthias is wild- I'm still not over the divorce lol)

Anon, you made very interesting point on Matthias choosing to give up his obsession with the Power. I'd like to counter and say that he never did. (not saying you're wrong at all anon- as I mentioned before in other posts- players are free to decide how the story ends however they want). It is certainly plausible that Matthias is truly happy with Rowan. The language seen throughout the epilogue displays a clear devotion and inexplicable bond between the pair.

Your hearts beat as one, and you feel him even when he's not around. His power calls to yours in a way that makes your heart beat faster and you always ache to touch him. There are no words for the feelings you have for each other. Even to call them feelings seem trivial, since your love is now a foundational part of both of you. It's there, as solid and necessary as your heart and soul.

I think it's important to remember who Rowan and Matthias are at the end of ILW (in this route): the Power itself contained within a human vessel. So I see it more as Matthias' obsession simply changing its form rather than him giving it up for the sake of being with Rowan. As I said in my previously, there are always strings attached when it comes to Matthias' love/devotion. Some sort of condition that must be met. Rowan just happened to turn into the thing he desired most.

In the past two 'finale thoughts' posts I've written, I speculated what I believe will happen beyond the epilogue with Ro and whoever they end up with. Simply trying to answer the question, will they last?

To briefly recap my answers in the posts I've made so far in case yall haven't seen those-

Abel x Rowan (mixed route): maybe

Amalia x Rowan (blood route): forever and evah bby (and then a little bit after that)

My answer for Matthias x Rowan: not. a. chance. Here's why:

Going back to your message anon- Matthias and Rowan's relationship is toxic. No ifs ands or buts about it. When I think of these two together, the words that immediately pop into my head are:

Destructive

Violent

All-consuming

Volatile

I want to highlight this scene at the end of ch 22:

You grin, wide and satisfied... but then a new thought comes unbidden to your mind. Why should you have to share this glorious power with him? What does he matter? Who is her in comparison to you? That Power, that euphoric beautiful endless Power, it could all be yours. You're everything, an endless raging sea of power. What does this pitiful creature matter to you? - You turn to fully face Matthias, a manic grin plastered to his face. - Matthias: Is it whispering the same things to you as it is to me? Rowan: Yes. Matthias: Are you going to kill me, love?

You can argue that his refusal to kill Ro for sole ownership of the Power is enough to prove his unyielding loyalty towards them. But Matthias is first and foremost a self-serving character. If he had the same thought as Ro once, there's a very good chance that thought could pop up again. No way can an eternity go by without that thought creeping up in either of their minds.

What is required to bring their relationship to life brings the rest of the world down to its knees. For the rest of the gang in ch 23, Rowan and Matthias are an unstoppable force. The only thing that can stop them is each other. I think the epilogue more than hints at their fiery end by showing the literal destruction of their newly 'purchased' mansion during their... ahem... well y'know 😏

Rowan: I can't believe we broke everything. Matthias: Really? Because I most certainly can. --- Rowan: Do you think there's anything in this room we haven't broken? Matthias: Actually, I don't think we ever made it to the couch. Rowan: That's too bad. Matthias: Just give it a moment, my dear. We'll soon fix that.

A mansion that Ro decides they want on a whim- destined to be reduced to rubble. What happens when Rowan and Matthias are left with the world at their fingertips?

It burns. And when the world burns, they too will burn with it. (If you can't tell, I recently re-watched the Hunger Games on Netflix lmaooo)

Ending on a quote from ATLA bc Matthias ain't ever beating these fire nation allegations:

"I had a pupil once who had no interest in learning discipline. He was only concerned with the power of Fire, how he could use it to destroy his opponents and wipe out the obstacles in his path. But Fire is a horrible burden to bear. Its nature is to consume. And without control, it destroys everything around it. Learn restraint or risk destroying yourself and everything you love." -Jeong Jeong

---

If yall are still reading this, what's good gang? ILW's main blog has an ongoing poll on which route players chose going into the final chapter. So far, it looks like the Blood route is winning. I'll be a bit nosier and ask a follow-up question. Good way to see how many people really made it to the end

#ilw #ilw spoilers #matthias mcquoid #playchoices #choices #matthias x mc #it lives within #it lives beneath #it lives anthology #it lives series #ilitw #ilb #anon #happy finale weekend😎😎 #abel flint #lincoln mcquoid #lincoln aquino #amalia de león #jocelyn wu

[galacticlamps]

there’s a post on here somewhere that says something like true love is being deeply stupid together, right? well unrelatedly, I wrote another two/jamie thing, but warning: there are very few brain cells featured in this fic

“Jamie, am I to understand that, from your perspective, you and I are engaged in some kind of a romantic relationship that I’ve been unaware of?” “What do you mean, ‘unaware of?’”

The Doctor has been given the job of cataloguing the tech salvaged from a crashed ship on an alien world, but he just might get distracted trying to take stock of his own relationship with his companion instead. He and Jamie are usually on the same wavelength, after all, but unfortunately, sometimes that means they both pick the same days to be fools together.

#second doctor #jamie mccrimmon #two/jamie #i should have a consistent tag for my fics #idiots in love #look i was always gonna tag this as 'more cake' #bc i think it's in a v similar vein to another thing i posted on ao3 ages ago #(spoilers its bc they were written around the same time but i only edited this one now) #but the more cake thing has never been more true #bc yesterday the--highlanders posted a really really cute fic with the same kind of premise and it honestly made me cry #like if you're only gonna read one read that one not mine #it's way more moving #im not even being self deprecating bc this thing was never meant to be moving #it's just meant to be funny but that one made my heart hurt #and i love that #anyway im sorry for the double much ado reference at the end of this is2g i didnt mean to do that and only caught it in the edit #it's probably bc i think i wrote this at a time when i was being hardcore nostalgic about a production i worked on #but i have no other defense #theres a reason my ao3 icon is a screencap from bill #and my username is from one of the histories #the best i can say is i warned everybody

[thebookbillboard]

THE PALACE OF ILLUSIONS

Author – Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni

Genre –

Historical, Indian Mythology, Woman-Oriented

What is it about? –

The Palace of Illusions was published in 2008, and is written by the US based Indian author Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

The story is based on Mahabharata, the ancient Indian epic and is written from the view point of Draupadi also known as Panchali, the wife of the Pandavas who ruled India before thousands of years.

The book begins with the birth of Draupadi and takes the reader through her childhood, education, Swayamvar, married life, position in her family, her role in waging the war of Kurukshetra and her post war life.

Main Characters –

Draupadi/Panchali – Daughter of the king of Panchal and later wife of the Pandavas

Lord Krishna – Hindu God who has taken birth as human being

Pandavas - 5 brothers who are Draupadi’s husbands

Duryodhana – Cousin of Pandavas. Eldest of the Kauravas

Karna – Duryodhana’s friend. Related to the Pandavas. (do not want to add spoiler)

Bheeshma – Pandavas’ and Kauravas’ uncle

There is a multitude of characters in Mahabharata and the author has deftly handled each one of them. This makes her work all the more remarkable as the story does not deflect from the protagonist and her narrative while at the same time throwing enough light on all the surrounding characters.

Book Evaluation –

The title refers to the palace that the Pandavas got built for themselves. It is the place where certain events sowed the seeds of jealousy and bitter enmity in Duryodhana against Pandavas.

Writing about a woman character and her story that has taken place in approximately 10th century BC, and making it interesting and relatable in the 21st century, is a huge feat on the part of the author. Being aware of the stories in Mahabharata and the curses, boons, divine powers, Gods and demons mentioned therein, the story fills one with wonder and amazement once again by reading about these things.

The amount of research, planning and depth of knowledge needed to write a story based on such an epic would be monumental. Though this book does not depend much on the author’s imagination, she has done a remarkable job centering the entire story around Draupadi and with each incident giving her views and her perspectives.

The writing style gives the reader an experience of listening to the story of a very close friend. The words make us feel the pain, trauma, exhilaration, ambitions, love and loss that were Draupadi’s, they make us feel we are a part of her story.

The battle scenes are described beautifully. The bloodshed, the pain, agony, flared up egos, divine arrows, broken bonds, promises and curses all played their part on the battleground of Kurukshetra making every line interesting and even breath-taking at times.

The scenes where Draupadi is sitting on the hill and viewing the battle below are written in a poetic and heart touching manner and that atmosphere stayed with me for a long time after I finished listening to the book.

The ending where the Pandavas along with Draupadi walk towards their ultimate salvation are full of beautiful imagery around mount Kailash and I read Draupadi’s conversation with Krishna at the end two to three times. The writing in those paragraphs is simply mesmerising, soul touching and powerfully awakening.

Throughout the book there are multiple lines, realisations, thoughts and actions of the characters that give us valuable life lessons. The subtle way in which the author has shared these messages is commendable.

There is not a single line or word that deviates from the main story though there are so many parallel plots in the Mahabharata. It is a crisply edited book that fulfils its purpose.

The beauty of the book lies in the fact that nowhere has the author justified or deified Draupadi. She is shown as a woman who makes mistakes, holds grudges, acts rashly at times, but who not only feels but also thinks. A woman who not only bears pain but also fights. A woman who loves her husbands but knows how to manipulate them when need arises, a woman who respects her mother in law but stands up to her when she deems it correct. A woman who obeys and respects her elders but also questions and curses them when her self-respect and dignity are violated in their presence. A woman who takes pride in her beauty and her jewels but can live as a queen’s servant when circumstances change. A woman who almost loses herself in this battle to only find her true self and the meaning of life. A woman who is outwardly shown to be extremely strong yet pines for the love of one person which she can never get during her lifetime.

Favourite Lines –

Force of a person’s belief seeps into those around him into the very earth, air and water until there is nothing else.

All these years Krishna had been like the air I breathed – indispensable and unconsidered.

Can our actions change destiny? Or are they like sand piled against a breakage in a dam merely delaying the inevitable?

We grow to become that which we live within.

Your childhood hunger never leaves you no matter how famous or powerful you become.

A situation in itself is neither happy not unhappy. It is only your response to it that causes you sorrow.

The pleasures that arise from sense objects are bound to end and thus they are only sources of pain, don’t get attached to them.

When man reaches a state where both honour and dishonour are alike to him then he is considered supreme.

Recommendation–

A. MUST READ

B. DO READ

C. CAN BE READ

D. CAN BE SKIPPED

I strongly recommend this book as a MUST READ. If you know and like the story of Mahabharata you will fall in love with it all over again. If you do not know the story of Mahabharata, you will be spell bound by the multiple threads of passion, drama, human bonding, suffering, stories of treachery and betrayals… and you will find a wonderful friend in the main character of Draupadi and become a fellow traveler in the journey of her life…across centuries.

Rating – 5/5

Ambience – 5

Language – 5

Character Development – 5

Plot – 5

Pace – 5

Entertaining – 5

Storytel Mention –

I listened to the story on the Storytel app in the voice of Sneha Mathan, whose powerful voice brings the character of Draupadi alive and the words vibrate with emotion and empathy.

Overall a wonderful experience!

#the palace of illusions #chitra banerjee divakaruni #indian mythology #history #mahabharat #book review #book report #book recs wanted #Image credit - chitradivakaruni.com

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Hi could you talk more about why youd recommend not watching ww84?

Sure!

warnings for under the cut: spoilers for WW84 and a bit of the first wonder woman; i only saw WW84 once a few days ago + it’s been a hot sec since i saw the original so if i get a few details wrong i apologize

tl;dr with no spoilers: WW84 is a poorly executed movie that insults its viewer with its messy and self-proud plot, bad character/relationship portrayals, and offers a personal slap in the face to a majority of its audience in their various discriminations, generalizations, and plot points.

the first point is the racism, made well by the post i reblogged here, (edit: found a second post that goes more in depth here) so i’d just suggest looking at that for that matter

next is just How they portray wonder woman in this one

i really appreciated the way the first movie portrayed diana because they did very well in keeping true to her Amazonian raising and life while still clearly showing she was a woman

when i say this i mean that a lot of media has a tendency to either make women who are very fem and keep to traditional gender roles or women who more or less shun femininity and attempt to largely fulfill only male gender roles

diana in the original is a warrior, strong and fierce, but still a woman, not trying to shun that or anything. she wears styles that suit her while still being woman’s styles (she doesn’t force her way into a suit), she talks of and addresses her womanhood proudly and without issue, etc

i want to note here i have no issue with female characters who act extremely masc and reject femininity- i love them tbh- but it’s important to remember that it’s not inherently against womanhood or anything to be a strong fighter who doesn’t stick to every stereotypical social gender norm

and the first wonder woman movie shows this very well

WW84... oh boy

first of all, wonder woman’s changing outfits every other scene. even between scenes where it makes no sense! i’m not saying she can only wear one set of clothes but Geez this was too much

not to mention an entire scene dedicated to her helping steve pick a fashion look? i understand this was to highlight the ‘80-ness of the movie, and it would’ve been fine if it seemed diana was helping him pick a period appropriate look, but it was clear she was trying to help him pick a ‘fashionable’ look which. wonder woman? from the island without a sense of popular outfits or fashion? what?

and the amount of focus on her wearing high heels.... ugh

i’m not saying you can’t have a badass woman who also likes social gender norm fem things but it felt clear that wasn’t what they were going for

wonder woman in the first movie liked practical fashion and not only were many of her outfits not that, her high heels? one hundred percent not practical

it didn’t fit her character and felt horribly out of place, clearly just the producers / directors / whoever going ‘oh, wonder woman is a woman how can we show this? fashion! high heels!’ and i hated it

(warning: imma be jumping from thought to thought as they bump into each so uh... enjoy the train-of-thought style of flaw informing)

and starting at the beginning like.... wow that scene had no purpose

wonder woman cheats in a competition and is punished for this by losing it in the end. except. this is stupid for two reasons

as the audience is shown she didn’t cheat on purpose. she made a mistake, lost her horse, and made a strategy to get back into the race despite this. honestly? i thought the story was going to be a lesson in ingenuity in the worst looking situations. but it wasn’t, which is bad storytelling, because the lesson is then based on a point that isn’t even that true

it is literally Never important again later. unless you count what was going on with the wishstone as ‘cheating to victory’ which i dont. that’s not even what the villain did. he wanted to take over the world. there’s no victory there you get without cheating. wtf. why did that message even happen

going into the actual story we meet the cheetah pretty quick, when she’s still whatever-her-civilian-name-is

and the cheetah... she’s such a bad villain

she doesn’t have the same backstory as she does in the comics

in this one, she uses the wishstone- which is a whole ‘nother thing in and of itself- to wish to be like diana, because ig being smart as hell but social awkward as hell too is so bad you need to desperately wish to be someone else? i hate that trope, but onwards-

she gets that, but in exchange for not only diana’s likable personality she also gets her wonder woman powers (and she loses her glasses, because pretty and cool means no glasses, right? /s), she loses her kindness bc of the rules of the wishstone- in exchange for your wish, it takes smth u care about a lot from you; for her, it was her kindness

this makes her villain! just because she lost her kindness. yep. honestly not a good look regarding all those people out there who are low/no empathy and can still be wonderful nice people but i digress

at one point she complains about why she needs to keep her power rather than go back to being just Her and i fucking wanted to scream

she has like. half a dozen degrees, clearly a couple of friends even if she’s awkward, and she’s got a life that was perfectly okay before she made the wish. as someone who is also socially awkward as hell, it infuriated me to here her acting like it was the fucking end of the world she couldn’t be more extroverted or whatever. there are ways to work on that!!! the movie trying to convince the audience she had a legit reason to not un-wish her wish (for the good of the entire world) was stupid and insulting

also her transformation between ‘looks human, wearing cheetah-pattern clothing‘ to ‘humanoid with cheetah fur/skin/appearance’ literally just. happened. for no reason. that was stupid

y’know what else is stupid? the wishstone. it was clearly just a plot device, and a poorly executed one at that. it isn’t even consistent in how it works

and they did a whole side thing with like. how it had the language of the gods written on part of it and it appeared in random locations across history around the time of great tragedies and,,, that was it???

they never explored the divine connection??? who planted it or why??? how it location traveled or anything????

like i said. poor plot device

i move on now to steve

oh boy steve

he’s brought back to life by diana’s wish on the wishstone, but... it causes him to come back in someone else’s body, quantum leap style. this is. weird. and is never ever addressed by him or wonder woman except once in a throw away comment. like. diana and steve kiss and are implied to have sex while steve is in someone else’s body and neither of them seem to care. this is not good!!

and then his relationship with diana? HORRIBLE

in the first movie they were barely starting to fall in love, only barely a couple even if that. more importantly they were friends, and that night he died diana didn’t lose a potential lover so much as she lost her first non-Amazonian friend

but WW84 portrays their relationship as if they were not only already a couple, but one close enough that even after forty years since steve’s death diana is still completely and hopelessly in love with him to the point that she’s literally hanging off his arm as soon as he’s back and making love that very night

it plays again once more into the misrepresentation of wonder woman’s character (how stereotypically hollywood female to fall over herself at the sight of her love interest) and it wrecks their relationship, which had been a lovely friends-who-could-be-more

what they should’ve done was focus on that friendship, build it back up after the long gap for wonder woman, and then started to rebuild that possible romance (and tear it down at the perfect moment... right when steve had to go again... ah that would’ve been lovely)

but they wanted to go in full-haul on the romance and it just felt. wrong and weak to me. diana’s refusal to consider giving up her wish (to get her powers back and save the world) is bc she doesn’t want to let steve go again, which makes more sense in the context of a first and true friend rather than a hastily slapped together love interest

steve’s character was generally good tbh but the way he played into the story? bad

moving on... the main villain of the movie? sucks. he’s just. fucking awful

despite a motivation being given that he wants to have money, he launches into wanting to take over the world for no real reason. he takes advantage of people for this and almost destroys the world he wants to rule for it. the main reason he stops this is for his son, who up until now he largely ignored and didn’t seem to care that much for outside of basic obligations. and the movie dares try to make him sympathetic by throwing in the fact he grew up poor and was bullied and not liked which i HATE

lots of people are/have been poor. lots of people are/have been bullied (myself included). that does NOT justify them DESTROYING THE WORLD TRYING TO TAKE IT OVER. can it be used to show the audience why he does what he does? yes. but to use it and clearly try to make it a reason to hand-wave-away what he did? NO. FUCK NO

also fucking. y’know how wonder woman took down this villain? she talked to him and the world. she gave a stirring speech while she laid slumped against a wall, not injured, just too weak to beat a bit of wind. she talked and she looped her lasso around his leg so she could talk to the world to to convince them to give up their wishes

once again... the mischaracterization

in the first movie, wonder woman gives a stirring speech while fighting Areas. it’s done in her battle, beating the god of war up while reminding him of what she stood for, who she was, why she would keep fighting for a broken world

it was BEAUTIFUL. it was MEANINGFUL. it was BADASS but SINCERE

this was weak. and it clearly wanted to be more than it was

the whole movie wants to be more than it is- it wants to have an important meaningful message like the first movie, about wishes for the self and war and the world and whatever. and it wants it so badly it does it horribly

the message is ham-handed yet messy and unclear and not right. it doesn’t make sense, and it feels poorly plotted. the movie thinks it’s more than it is and that makes it very hard to watch

and to finish my rant off... WW84 lied to its audience

did you see any ads for WW84? i did. they were bright, vibrant, funky music, stunning moments, action and intrigue. i was thrilled for a movie like it

the actual movie isn’t that

it’s not nearly as action filled, it’s not as ‘80s-focused as it leads you to believe, some of the most prominently featured moments barely matter

the lightning swing? pointless, as at that point in the movie wonder woman’s learned how to fly and does it for no reason but the trailers

and that cool suit? introduced in a random myth for no reason halfway through the movie, brought in at random with no explanation, only there for show and the trailers

WW84 is not the movie is lead people to believe it was, and the movie it is is poorly executed and insulting to a variety of peopler/minorities

if you’re gonna watch it, pirate it. i can give you a link. just don’t give dc your money or your legit views for it

#that got long #but what can i say? im passionate about my bad movies #and ww84? #that was a bad movie #if anyone wants clarification on smth let me know #wonder woman 1984 #ww84 #ww84 spoilers #the cryptid speaks #lost in the fray

[cracknoir]

headcanons: side-hustle edition & bobs adventures into americanisms

eddie’s fav musician is charles bradley 

jimmy listens to biggie in his car 

death and satan are both the same kind of being, i don’t want to call them angels bc more and more i write more and more i think death, in my sort of lore, is what we’d call god 

i’ve never properly got to rp this but jimmy is constantly switching between adoptive fathers. Johnny, don lorenzo, eddie, they all sort of took on a mentorship role -- i guess this could be healthy behaviour, if he was in a healthy enviroment, but these relationships don’t usually work out well and lemme give u a little spoiler jimmy’s usually the only one left alive 

in an early draft, like way way way back when i was like 15, jimmy got the electric chair, rolled his head, barfed up blood, called the cops a pussy then got hit with the volts again. i think i stole it from sin city and believe i retconned it (bc i used to do jimmy’s story as like updated blog posts on bebo oops) 

i’m meant to be working right now as i usually am but idk i feel like i’m burnt out on work and im just like peace see u in the new year 

jimmy’s a financial backer in a lot of legitimate businesses, as are Molly, Dmitri, Eddie. 

if I was really gonna sit and break down all the side-hustles it would take all day so actually i think this is gonna be the side-hustle edition. i usually start doing these then fall down a sort of brain rabbit-hole and figure out what the sort of common theme is so strap in side hustles lets fuckin go 

frankie pays for the upkeep of race horses and dogs

eddie sets up a lot of high-stakes poker games. 

bruce though? bruce is the daddy in this regard. bruce is probably my wealthiest character, even though he lives like a Rat Boy, so i wanted an idiot savant character, ok, and the idea with bruce isn’t that he’s a good lawyer, it’s that he’s a good criminal who never had an origin story, or, if my sort of Big Ideas™ come to pass, doesn’t get one until much later. i’ve never written it, but i had this idea to bring bruce back in a couple years as basically the kingpin, more powerful than jimmy ever was, except he’s running it all out the back office of a telemarketing scam he’s also running, so he’s running around an office stressed out to all hell, there’s guys with AK’s in the meeting room and he has ex-military death-squad contractors trying to scam OAPs out of their bank and passport details 

Molly co-owns a uh, i don’t know what The Yanks call em, charity shops?? fuckin?? naw like tHrIfT sToReS the fuck am i thrifting the fuck am i storing, little bullshit things that dead people used to keep on their mantle-pieces u kno, the place ain’t good enough to call an antique shop but if u go there at the right time you might get a beautiful table out back or whatever. u think that it’s the only place that still sells vhs’s until u realize that every single shop like it has vhs’s for some reason. the owners really young but molly’s helping her girlboss. also this npc might be a goth and maybe the shop is haunted listen this is all tangential shit i’ll never write about so maybe the goth is an alien or a spy  

also most of these business endeavors only ever involve loaning money and protection. sometimes they have to do stuff in relation to these ventures, bruce especially, but it’s usually handled in a “whatever, low priority” kinda way, or offer advice. Usually, the people they go into business with are more than aware of the danger they’re in. 

i elbow dropped my wall awrite kyle no but it’s bc mY WALLS AT LIKE A WEIRD ANGLE and i was climbing around the window yellin at fuckin seagulls cos they were tormentin the neighbors dog right and i was tryna make noise so my idea to make noise was to elbow drop concrete but yeh how do i know if it’s broken i mean its not broken it’s obviously not broken but like cracked or hairline fractured or fuckin idk fucked up what am i a fuckin doctor is this a weird story does this paint me in a weird light fuckin hangin out a second story window yellin @ birds 

little jake does not have any business ventures in the classic sense, but he swaps weed for groceries at a bodega. this sounds kind of ridiculous, and it is, cos sometimes jake spends upwards of 50 big ones on munch, sweeties n shit (i am not using the word c*ndy you already made me look up tHrIfT sToRe), so idk about in america but weed’s quite cheap here, so jake’d maybe swap five/six gram for a pile of sweets and the Iranian guy behind the till gives him a thumbs up and fires coin into the till like yaaaaaaassss 

has this post gone on too long idk i’m havin a brilliant time it’s 10am the work laptops are on but i don’t give a fuck 

so maybe i should talk about jim, the big dog, the big J, so he’s probably signed more contracts drunk than he has sober. he’s co-owner of a lot of clubs and bars, he’s involved in movies too, financing, they send him scripts but he never pays them any attention, all he does is go down to the studio and go nuts if he loses any money, and sometimes he does it even if they make money. salons too, laundromats, i don’t want to portray jimmy as at all good, but he can at the very least be sentimental. he loans a lot of money, and that in turn nets him a profit, he owns the business until they pay him off plus interest, but he helps a lot of people in this way. look, i’m not saying mobsters help people by loan-sharking, what i am saying is there are loan-sharking interactions that don’t end in everyone getting popped like in the movies. as well as that, you catch jimmy in the right mood, and ur a little old lady who just wants to keep her restaraunt open, jimmy’s probably gonna help u and not be a dick about it. 

aw man i haven’t done anything festive this year. not really feelin it looking forward to getting some time to chill but also kno christmas is never chill. like im lookin at 1 week off and it’s gonna be packed. will my kidneys ever recover? yes because i’m the bounce back boy these days used to get hella hungover but now? hangovers are a piece of piss man, walk in the fuckin park 

i think this posts gone on too long and i’m really distracted now so im gonna hit post and call it a day 

aw no wait i feel the need to clarify me and the seagulls have history alright this is like an ongoing battle ok like people from here get it so i don’t look weird here but i feel like out of context i’m gonna get some comments about the gull thing. forget about the gull thing ok. move past it. drop it. you didn’t here nothin’ bout no bird. 

ok i’m done

fuck kangaroos too actually. seagulls and kangaroos can absolutely do one “oooh but bobby all life is sacred” no the only life that is sacred is Big Crocodiles, monke, dogs, cats, rats also, cows, and ferrets, the rest can fuck off, and you know what? spiders are alright. i don’t care what anyone says the sound of flies fucks me off more than the sound of spiders which, oh ye, there is none. you never hear a goddamn peep out the spiders, they just scuttle. i respect that about them. but listen ever since i saw that video of the kangaroo trying to kill a dog their card has been fucking marked. i trained, for years, boxing the punch-bag, benching 100kg just in CASE i saw one of them motherfuckers. u kno they can gut you? like u, a human person, can get gutted like a goddamn fish because roo decided u needed to meet god so fuck that. if i ever see one of them irl it’s onsite. onsight? on-sight? fuck ok i’m done i’m gonna go play video games but not Control cos i’m mad at that game i hate it 

#do i have a headcanon tag yet??

[polzkadotz]

Asas reread their fics - ftayc - part 4

And we’re back to rereading this fic!!!! last chapter i reread was the 7k monster of chapter 3, and this one... oh. Oh, this is also 7k?

wowie

if you want a spoiler to interest you, here we go lmao

we begin with this author’s note bc I don’t think I ever really talked about it here on my tumblr???

It was sort of my first time being recommended, really. I had noticed that my hit count had gone up substantially and I couldn’t understand it, but it was nice??? and then i found the post on the library and I was like Oh. I See.

Whoever it was that recommended me, thank you. Seriously.

But enough mushy-wushy, let’s tackle this giant.

We begin with this exchange, which...

I was trying to be funny and this still makes me smile so at least I amuse myself lmao

Neil needs to free himself of the plot device I pulled out of nowhere and he taps into his reserves of power that he has hid away for, basically, forever. One thing that I wish I had made more clear, which was basically the vitriol going through my mind as I wrote this fic, was that Neil had been cutting himself of his powers and how powerful he was for a fucking long time because

1) he bought into his mom’s reasoning that his father was simply Not Someone They Could Face and Win

2) he had made himself fit into a mold that would “make him survive” but, by doing so, he basically chained himself to a fraction of the three-dimensional person he used to be, which made meeting Jean and finding out that he had become a pet god for a human even worse because Neil could see all the ways they were similar but Neil had been doing that shit to himself voluntarily.

Originally, when I thought about making Neil a god in this fic, I did think about modeling him out of an existing god but also, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to make him be someone who was struggling with letting himself be what he was with his full-potential. Someone who had been cutting himself back for so long he had basically lost whatever sense of personhood he used to have. Someone who had started to get tired of cutting parts of himself and forgetting what he used to be so he would survive for--

What? Survive for what? Neil eventually realized he hadn’t been a person for too long and as long as his father was alive, he would never feel safe to be.

Now that I think about it, Neil was very much me working through my own shit about trying to live as myself at the same time that I had different versions of past me struggling with the person I was becoming. The person I wanted to be.

Anyway, back to the story.

There’s a throwaway paragraph where I sort of tease that Andrew’s dragon is becoming "hungry” and it was basically me trying very hard to foreshadow that the priest thing was going to happen lmao

After battling for two paragraphs against the thought of creating a new priest, Neil gets them back on track to go as far away as its possible for both dragons flying.

Nicky tries to get Neil to talk about the god thing, and I like how I made it clear that even being reminded that he had been a god was something conflicting to Neil.

And then we get to the part where Neil suddenly remembers that he has a lot more money than what he had previously said in the first few chapters, but who cares about plot consistency, am I right? Does it show that this fic was edited hastily? Because I can guarantee that it was :3

They stop in Mumbai, I think (the place is not important for past Asas and honestly... can’t say that’s changed lol). Nicky tries to get Neil to talk more about being immortal and stuff. Neil gives a bit of backstory, as a treat, and Kevin reveals what he knows, as a threat I guess lmao

I kind of imply that Neil only had one priest, which... I remember is not what I put in the sequel.............. so I do recommend you reread your fics before writing a new piece, wink-wink

OH MY GOD I MADE NICKY ASK WHY NEIL’S ENGLISH “WASN’T WEIRD” AND THEN I REPLIED WITH A SENTENCE THAT WAS BASICALLY STRUCTURED WITH PORTUGUESE GRAMMAR AND SOUNDS VERY WRONG IN ENGLISH

Asas... my god, Asas.

Anyway, after a lot of questioning, they eventually go to sleep and, when Neil wakes up from a nightmare, he has his daily fairy tale dose from Andrew, who’s also awake. I gotta be honest, I don’t even remember that fairy tale but it explains the Aaron, Andrew and Tilda.

After everybody wakes up from their naps, they go to their last destination: Tokyo.

Wait lemme check:

when did they leave Mumbai in my story?

when did they reach Tokyo?

yeah, that math totally checks out.

Whatever. As they arrive in Tokyo, Neil splurges even more money on a hotel for the whole crew, even though they had been pretty not nice to him as a whole lmao. But! The boy believed he was going to die, so what was he going to do with all that money?

Nothing, so he programmed an email to be sent to Andrew with the info for some of his bank accounts and fucked off to try and find what his mother had stolen.

Neil gets on a ferry that will take six hours to reach the island where is the volcano that his mother had made him hide his father’s immortality. Neil got nekkid because he wanted to have clothes when he got out of the volcano, you know?

(Also, yes, I’m gonna ignore the other time inconsistency from his travel inside Japan, I was very much pressured by the whole “got recommended on the library” okay, you can judge me through those lenses)

Unfortunately, for him, he wasn’t alone when he finally climbed out of the volcano.

Fortunately for him, this Ichirou Moriyama doesn’t want his father, who is very much interested in becoming immortal, to actually become immortal. Neil explains the whole immortality thingy (I found some typos and honestly? I shan’t fix them. It adds character) and Ichirou subtly kicks Neil’s clothes closer to him, which... I get it, my guy. It’s kind of difficult to have an intimidating conversation when someone’s bits are out and about.

As they are trying to hash out their problem -- as in, Neil’s father told them that Neil’s immortality would be viable to cure Kengo --, Andrew appears blowing his ball of flames onto both of them, and Neil uses his powers to create a pocket that repels the fire, so it doesn’t touch him or Ichirou.

(Why didn’t he use those powers on his clothes, as well? Dunno, don’t poke at my plot too much or it will definitely crumble right into your face, you’re gonna inhale too much dust and die from fandom toxicity, AND THAT’S NO WAY TO REACH A GOOD DEATH)

btw:

Neil, my dude. The dragon thought you were in danger? Chill out???

Neil rages for a few seconds but quickly turns that into a situation to ask Moriyama for his protection against his father, since Neil just technically saved his life.

Oh, and if you think “Uhhh, why would Neil even believe that Ichirou would keep his word?”

Don’t worry, I gotchu:

Ichirou agrees with the deal, for plot reasons. Since he got a deal out of it kind of easily, Neil thinks, “Wait a minute. If I give my father’s immortality to this Moriyama, literally passing the hot potato around, then the Moriyamas won’t be after me for an immortality, my father probably won’t be immortal and come after me as the death machine he used to be and I might be able to use it to free a certain god????”

So Neil uses his father’s immortality to bargain for Jean’s freedom, and he doesn’t wait for Moriyama’s response for that one. He simply hops onto dragon!Andrew’s back and they fly away into the... sunset? Sunrise? Don’t ask me, I clearly can’t keep track of the time passage in my fics.

And this is the end of the chapter!

Let me say something that I hope will be quick: this chapter felt much better written to me then the other three. It’s shaky in places, definitely, and it could’ve gone through a more severe round of editing, but I can certainly feel the positive outcomes of the pressure I felt after my work got a shout-out. This fic had been pretty much geared towards myself, so writing about the world-building wasn’t my focus at all in the other three chapters. In this one, I try to at least explain some concepts I came up with which???? Go me??????

I still wish I had taken the time to work on this entire fic to make it as close to what I had in my head, but in a comprehensive form for the attention that it got, you know? I mean, from the ashes you crawl is still my most everything -- most kudos, hits, comments, bookmarks...  It deserved so much better but also... I like that it feels rough? I like that it can clearly help to contrast the growth of my style or whatever?

It was written after a long, long writer’s block, and it only got edited and posted because I decided to participate in an event for a different fandom and it got me excited about writing again.

Anyway, I’ve talked too much. Here’s to hoping I can contain myself in the next posts lmao

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6

#rereading #fic: from the ashes you crawl #fic: ftayc #dragon!andrew #dragon!andrew minyard #god!neil #asas reread their fics #god!neil josten #all for the game #all for the game fic #aftg fics #andrew minyard #neil josten #my fics #tfc fics #my writing

[starswornoaths]

📔

I wrote these a bit lengthy, so I’m sticking a cut here bc spoilers for 4.5 but I was an indecisive bean and there’s an entry for Serella, Uthengentle, and just because I write him enough that I might as well, one for Aymeric as well! Thank you for the ask! \o/

(edit: OR IT JUST WON’T LET ME ADD A CUT WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT TUMBLR I’M ON THE DESKTOP SITE SO FAIR WARNING SPOILERS FOR 4.5 AFTER THIS EDIT OKAY THANK YOU I’M SO SORRY WTFFFFFF)

Serella:

My name is Serella Arcbane. (her name is underlined)

Not so long ago I would have found it ridiculous that I needed to remind myself what my name is. Given that I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been referred to by my name instead of a title, however, I think I’m allowed. Now that I have another one, however temporary...it seemed a good time to remind myself.

Antecedent...the title carries with it too much pain. Too much loss. The remaining Scions approved of my accepting the title for lack of anyone else with any seniority willing or able to take it. I remind myself that it’s temporary, that the second even one of my companions wakes up, I get to just be the Warrior of Light again.

Just, I say. As if it were an inconsequential thing in itself.

At least then, when I was naught more than the Warrior of Light, I was able to still be Serella. I wasn’t made to isolate myself from everyone I know and love. It hurts, knowing that I had finally found family amongst so many people, so many I hold dear, who now can’t see me, either because they are unable to make the journey or because it would be improper of them to do so.

Ma came to visit me today. Her visit...I don’t know. When she called me by my name...I didn’t even respond to it at first. It was as if I had just...forgotten it. Perhaps I did. Perhaps I will again. She suggested I write it down. Said it’s how she remembers the little things about Da. I don’t know if it’ll help. I wish he was here, too. Of all the things I’ve forgotten, that I can’t remember what he looked like hurts me the most.

I’ve forgotten so many things I took for granted. So many little things about those I love. In writing, I hope I can remember at least a few- or at least, be reminded of them.

Raubahn has this deep belly laugh when I crack jokes with him- and really, he is the one constant patron of my puns, readily exchanging more with me for as long as we both have jokes to spare. Says it’s from years of being a father. I can’t remember how his laugh sounds.

Merlwyb would refuse to admit it- and if she ever catches wind of documentation of it, she’ll throw me to the Sahagin, of that I have no doubt- but I miss her singing. Low and rumbling as thunder, textured like velvet but fills the room like smoke. I’ve forgotten how the tune goes, which is ridiculous. I’ve heard her hum it a thousand times.

Aymeric...gods, for how he haunts my dreams you would think I would remember his smile. I should. I remember the things that made him smile. When I would bring sweets from that one chocolatier in town, or sweets from somewhere I had recently traveled. When I would move his bangs to kiss his forehead. Or sometimes...just when he looked at me. 

What shade of blue were his eyes? Were they a deeper shade like the night sky over the Steppe? Or was that the blue of his coat that I’m remembering? 

Why am I forgetting everything so quickly?! I have object permanence! It’s only been some moon and a sennight since I last saw everyone! I’m not some geriatric invalid rapidly losing who I am! I’m not some tempered thrall of a primal, adrift in want to serve my master and bereft of all concept of self! I am not-

(The following lines are writ with words made illegible with scribblings of ink and lines frustratedly crossed through them with enough force to nearly tear a hole in the paper. At the bottom, as if in triumph, there are only two more legible sentence:)

I am Serella Arcbane, and no one can take that from me. Not even a god.

Uthengentle:

Visited Ma over coffee this morning. I went fully intending to just say goodbye then and there. Made sense, I figured. We were leaving tomorrow.

I couldn’t say goodbye. I tried, Rhalgr knows I did. 

Had written a letter ahead of everything just in case. Only makes sense, given our line of work. Left that instead. Didn’t even have the stomach to say goodbye at the door. I left while she went to make another cup for me. I’ll have to apologize to her later. If we make it back.

...When. When we make it back. No sense in the doom and gloom; we’ve been through such shite before. Doubt this would be the end of it, either, but I can hope.

Ellie’s been having worse episodes with that voice, nearly passing out a time or two from what F’lhaminne told me. I hate I can’t be more help. I wish I could at least understand what she’s going through. All I get is headaches, sometimes a flash of an image, but it never bothers me. Krile suspects that has to do with Serella being more sensitive to aether and the Echo than I am. 

I just hope they stop once we leave. They should, right? If we’re going where we’re being called, they have no reason to keep callin’, I’d assume. Or their arseholes, and will do it anyway. Won’t matter. Let ‘em. We’ve got our family to save.

...Well. Some of ‘em. Still feels wrong to abandon everyone on the front lines. We should be there. The closer we get to leaving, the more ill I feel about it. From what Ellie said, she’s not faring much better in that regard. Said Aymeric told her to let them handle this fight, but he’s gotta know without us it could go either way. The man’s not stupid- none of ‘em are. Raubahn promised he’d defend the camp with his last breath...but I don’t want it to come to that.

Riol’s been scouting in Thancred’s place- from what he’s been able to gather, the Garleans are holding their cards to their chest. They have something big planned, and they’re just waiting for the right time to use it. Is that time when we’re out of the picture?

I hate that I don’t know, and I can’t find out before we leave.

I hate even more that we have to leave at all, but it’s clearly not something we have a choice in. Either we go to them, or we’re pulled to them. Better we still have our bodies and our senses and just bite the bullet. 

Warned Hilda to up the Watch with the Templars out of Ishgard. Not that she needs that warning; woman’s an unstoppable force already. It could be her and her alone standing at the gate if the Imperials march on Ishgard, and the safe money would still be on Hilda, far as I’m concerned.

I know my friends are capable without me around. I know they don’t need the Warriors of Light to keep them going. Doesn’t mean I don’t just want to be there to protect them- or failing that, die with them- and just fuck off to some far flung wherever.

We’ll be back before we know it. I’ll see to it myself if I have to.

Aymeric:

The battle continues into its fifth week, now. Though we have not lost an ilm to the Imperials, nor have they lost ground to us. Losses on both sides are mounting. We are hitting a breaking point, everyone can sense it. That there is a turning point fast approaching is not in question, but to which side the tide shall turn. 

O Halone shield your children from the encroaching dark, I beseech thee. 

The Warriors of Light make to leave in search of the Scions. The Alliance had to all but force them into leaving this battle to us, a turning point that came with the fear that (there is a name crossed out) the acting Antecedent had fallen to the same affliction that had claimed the rest. With her restored, however, they yet have hope to find those whose souls have been set adrift from this star. I only hope their path leads to victory, and then to home.

(the remainder of the entry is written in a different ink, presumably at a later point in time. The letters are splotched in places with drops of water.)

I nearly lost her. When Estinien laid her lifeless body in front of me, I feared the worst. We bore her to Ishgard with the full expectation that she would not wake. By the Fury, but when she did...

We are...no longer courting. I remind myself of this every time I am made to respond to one of her missives. That we are only separated by temporary obligation is beside the point: whatever relief I might have felt, whatever ache I carry in my chest will have to stay there, so long as she holds the title of Antecedent. 

Only for now. Another reminder to myself.

She yet shields me, even now, so far from the battlefield as she is made to be. Her promise still sits upon my hand. It shall do so unto death, and longer yet. I have already requested she not be allowed to take the ring from my finger. I have no need to be freed from it in Halone’s halls; regardless of her own heart, if I am the first to fall, then I will wait. I had long since decided thus, even before we were betrothed. 

I only wish I had not been so reserved with her for so long. I should have made more time for her. I swore to her I would never take her for granted and yet to dwell on our courtship, I always took her return as given. Now...now I only pray, and continue to fight that I might live to see her return.

(there are entire swaths of sentences scratched out, only some words such as, “promise,” “love,” and, “forgive,” are barely legible)

She must return. I know not what to do without her otherwise.

O Halone guide my beloved home in victory. 

#chysgoda #thank you for the ask! #why yes I'm still on this feels train! #spoilers for 4.5 #ffxiv rp ask meme #Serella Arcbane #Uthengentle Arcbane #Aymeric de Borel