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#(ri if you see this :3 lol)
shoverse · 1 year
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moment of silence for everyone i used to know on here
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oh-katsuki · 1 year
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The Inbetween (Tendou x Reader)
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masterlist | ao3
Pairing: Tendou x Reader
Summary: You and Tendou have been best friends since before you can remember. You share everything with each other and over the years have fallen into a friendship with clear boundaries but intimate values. When you start to notice Tendou growing more distant, you begin to worry that he’s keeping more secrets than you thought. 
"Tendou gets like this sometimes. He grows quiet for a few moments as if he is weighing something in his mind. You can see the inquisitive look in his eyes and every now and then, his bottom lip will bounce and it will tell you that he’s thinking about something. In these moments, you’re never quite sure what he’s thinking. You’ve never been able to tell and you’ve reserved yourself to thinking that it is not meant for you or for anyone else."
Content Warnings:  fem!reader (gender neutral pronouns but there is a line that references you as his girlfriend), it does include manga spoilers since this takes place after they graduate high school, slow burn, childhood friends to lovers, angst in the middle,  miscommunication, smut, fingering, oral (f!receiving), orgasm denial (just once), teasing, minor minor cockwarming (he lets it sit there for a little lol), there's no real mention of protection
Word Count: 25.8k (lol)
A/N: I decided not to break this fic up because I wrote it intending for it to be one piece. It ended up way longer than i thought it would be. I'm posting it all here, but I would def recommend reading it on ao3 if you prefer!!! i'm a little nervous about this one. i really struggled while i was writing it. i love him so bad tho... he's always a joy to write <333 hopefully i didn't miss too many typos. anyway, its finally here lol so i hope u enjoy <3
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You think that there are periods of your life where growing pains become impossible to ignore. The change tends to hurt. Like rebreaking a bone to help it heal correctly. When you’re 8 and in bed, unable to sleep because your legs ache somewhere deep in your bones. When you’re 16 and you can’t seem to ever feel like something really fits, like you’re not doing a good enough job at being good enough. 
Sometimes, they’re agonizing. The steady roll of dull pain that you can’t quite pinpoint, sending you anxious and aching in a way you can’t quite verbalize. 
Sa-to-ri: U wanna get drunk tonight? 
You: Not particularly. 
Sa-to-ri: k
Tendou shows up at your apartment forty-five minutes later with two bottles of wine. He lets himself in, holding the both of them in one hand, his long fingers curled around the necks of the bottles. It looks assured but precarious and you watch as he shoves his keys back into his pocket, takes a bottle in each hand, and kicks your front door shut with a flat foot. 
“Thought I told you I didn’t wanna drink tonight?” You call from the couch, craning your neck to face him. 
Tendou is looking at his shoes as he slips them off, watching as he goes heel to toe and slides them past the curve of his foot. Then, he tilts his head up and looks at you with a lazy grin. He’s at ease here, padding into your house. 
He has a particular gait about him. When Tendou walks, he sways side to side as if the length of his limbs is too much to control and his head tends to follow. He leans one way and then the other, confident in his step but wobbling nonetheless. If you had to compare him to anything, it would be a more confident version of one of those floppy blue pillars that jerk back and forth at car sales on TV. You’re not sure what they’re called, but Tendou’s step reminds you of them. 
“I know you well enough to know that you’re a liar, you borderline alcoholic, you.” He smiles, sitting down on the couch beside you with a grunt and passing you one of the bottles. 
“No glasses?” You quirk a brow. 
“Absolutely not.” He twists the lid of the wine bottle off and tilts the spout towards you. Tendou always buys cheap wine so that you never have to worry about uncorking it. “Cheers.” 
You roll your eyes, twisting the lid off of your own bottle and clink the neck of it against his. It gives a high-pitched click when you do, the sound short and succinct with how full the bottles are. 
“Cheers.” 
“Can we watch Evangelion?” He asks almost immediately, leaning forward to reach for the remote in your hand. 
“Jesus, what on earth makes you want to get drunk and watch Evangelion?” You hold it away from his grabbing hand. “Are you insane?” 
Tendou chuckles, “I think it would be interesting.” 
“I think it sounds stupid. You’re just asking for an identity crisis.” You roll your eyes, setting the remote down on the other side of you. 
You bring the bottle of wine to your lips. It’s a Moscato, overly sweet and the slightest bit fizzy. Tendou likes these kinds of wines. The ones that don’t taste like alcohol at all. He watches as you sip it before bringing his own bottle to his lips, curling them around the spout of it and taking a long pull from the bottle. 
You’ve known Tendou since you were 13 and he’s always been like this. He likes sweets, anything with enough sugar to make a normal person pull a face. He likes weird music, the kind that makes him the least eligible person to be in control of music on long car rides. He hates tomatoes but forces himself to eat them anyway because it “builds character” and he never fails to treat it like he’s suffering through some great trauma.
Tendou, for as long as you’ve known him, has always been like a breath of fresh air after a long day inside. Either that or loud music emanating from a comically small car. 
“How’s your boyfriend?” He asks, taking another sip. 
“Dead.” 
“For real?” 
“To me,” you finish, rolling your head to the side and looking at him. 
Tendou huffs, leaning further back into the seat. “Need a shoulder to cry on?” 
“No, he was a cunt.” 
“I’ll drink to that,” he raises his bottle as if to salute someone far away and brings it to his mouth again. “How long did this one last?” 
“A month,” you heave a sigh. 
“New record,” Tendou chuckles to himself. 
“What is wrong with me?” You swallow a large sip, exhaling as you do. “It’s like- It’s like I’m just dicking around!” 
“Well, are you?” 
“No!” You rub your palms into your eyes. “I mean, I find a guy, I go out with him, and then… I lose interest or he turns out to be a total tool.” 
“Or married,” Tendou adds, taking another sip. 
“Or married,” You confirm, following suit. 
“I knew you wanted to drink.” Tendou gives you a wry grin. The corners of his lips pull up pleasantly and his voice takes on a lower and more knowing tone. 
“Shush, it’s only ‘cause you’re doing it.” 
“Peer pressure really works wonders.” 
You smile, scoffing lightly as you pull the bottle from your lips. It pops when you do, pressure releasing from how you’d been sipping.
Tendou offers you a smile, the kind that you’re so familiar with that it aches. He rolls his head across his shoulders, letting it rest on the back of the couch cushions. 
“Maybe you just haven’t found the right person for you.” He says, half to himself as he lifts the bottle. 
“Maybe.” You agree, “or maybe I’m just eternally cursed. Maybe I’ve got a rotten bloodline.” 
His eyes slink across his lower waterline to look at you. 
“I doubt that.” He laughs and you can’t help but smile. 
Tendou has a certain way about him. If you know him well enough, he is reassuring to the point of relaxation. He never fails to comfort you in moments of need, winding you down on days you feel particularly tight. 
He seems like someone who knows everything. Tendou feels like he’s got it all figured out and when you talk to him he maintains a certain confident air that is pleasant to be around. Sometimes it feels like Tendou knows you better than you know yourself and you’re grateful that at least someone does. He maintains that particular aura about him and you think that it belongs to him like it does no other. 
Tonight he seems particularly mellow, lounging comfortably on your couch. You eventually give in to Tendou, resigning yourself to watching Evangelion with him, and he seems content to just sit beside you and watch. 
His arm is tossed over the back of the couch, the other nursing the half-empty bottle of wine. You follow the line of it with your eyes, lingering for a moment on the curve of his knuckles, flushed pink against the pale color of his skin. 
You follow his fingers, admiring the ways his skin is pulled taut over them. They’re long like he is, spanning the entire top of the couch cushion short ways. His wrists are thinner, the bones of his fingers coming to connect nicely where his lower arm meets his hand. You admire the even quality of his skin, following the lines of lean muscle up to his shoulder. Muscle and sinew form a trail up his arm, tucking itself away under the sleeve of his sweatshirt where it hides until the fabric meets the delicate skin of his collarbones. You watch his neck, his pronounced Adam’s apple bobbing slightly when he swallows at particularly nerve-wracking scenes. Still, he keeps a slight smirk on his face. It’s like he’s glad to just be here, eyes low-lidded as he peers at the TV.
By the top hem of his sweatshirt, you can see the beginnings of his collarbones and you know that beneath it, he is hiding an evenly toned chest. You can imagine the familiar dip and curve of his abdomen, his pale, almost sallow, skin stretched evenly over it. Tendou is all lean muscle. He’s built tall and long and you’ve seen the somewhat toned physique he hides beneath the thick cloth of the red sweatshirt. Still, you know that to the touch he is soft. Tendou has some give to him from the sweets he eats so regularly but, like the rest of him, you think it is beautiful. 
You follow the trail to his neck where he has a few freckles, three to be exact. One sits above his collarbone, the other on the tendon that connects his neck to his head, and the third just below his ear, covered right now by his dark red hair which collects around his neck. It’s as if the sun deliberately placed them there, dotting up the fine muscle as if it were Orion’s Belt glimmering across the winter and spring sky. 
His hair is at his shoulders now, unruly and almost unmanageable on most mornings. At the moment, it sits delicately just above his shoulders, collecting in what looks like pools on either side of them. Normally, Tendou ties it up to keep it out of his face. Tonight, he’s keeping it down, letting the wavy tufts of dark hair hide the blushing nape of his neck from you, red from the wine. 
Tendou’s face is long, you follow the trail his neck makes to his cheekbones. They’re high, complimenting his somewhat soft jaw nicely. His cheeks maintain a delicate pink tone, barely visible unless you look closer but aided tonight by the flush of wine. When he’s embarrassed, this quality shines red regardless. Tendou, in his more shy moments, lights up like a switchboard. 
Just above his cheekbones, Tendou sports light under eye bags. They are partially from being tired, but you also know that they are owed simply to the quality of his face. Tendou has distinct upper eyelids. They crease heavily when his eyes are open and you’d almost describe them as somewhat hawk-like if it weren’t for their round nature. 
Tendou stays up late at night. His job as a bartender keeps him working until the early hours of the morning and you know from texts he’s sent you that he takes a few hours after to unwind before going to bed. Sometimes he’ll play games, spurred on by Kenma’s gaming channel, but he always loses interest in them after a few weeks. Tendou keeps his interests and hobbies short and sweet, though you don’t think that diminishes their value to him. No, in fact, you think that it means that Satori has a lot of things that he loves. Still, this latest love of his has contributed to the dark under eyes he seems to sport around the clock. 
Part of you knows that’s just how he looks, but the other part thinks that if he went to bed earlier, that quality would lessen. You’ll never tell him that though. You quite like that quality of his. It’s distinctive, as most of his features are. 
Then, you shift your gaze down to his mouth. Tendou has a thin upper lip which—when combined with his all-knowing eyes—makes him look a little scary. His bottom lip, however, is full and pink. When he’s thinking, it moves slightly. It bounces as if Tendou is rehearsing what he wants to say, running through his thoughts at a mile a minute. You believe it to be endearing and Tendou, who has never been particularly vain, thinks that if you think so, it must be. 
All of these things are things you’ve come to know about Tendou since you met him. You’re accustomed to his body language, comfortable (unlike so many others) with his gait and the way he moves. You think that there is only one other person in the world who is as comfortable with him as you are and that is Ushijima Wakatoshi, someone you both met in high school. He, like you, is someone that Tendou clicks with like a piece of a puzzle. 
He talks to Wakatoshi every night on the phone. They talk about their lives, maybe about girls. Wakatoshi usually just listens though. What Tendou cannot say to you, he says to him and you’re not nosy enough to pry. You’re positive that whatever you need to know, Tendou will tell. When you finally stand and go to the other room to get ready for bed, you can hear him through the thin wall, talking quietly into the phone so as to not disturb your nighttime routine.
You pad between your bedroom and the bathroom, occasionally passing close enough for Tendou to catch you in the corner of his eye. He raises his hand or his eyebrows when that happens, swiveling his head to acknowledge you as he leans back against the couch cushions, one arm thrown over the back and the other holding his phone to his ear. 
The fan hums to life when you flip the light switch in the bathroom. Sometimes you wish they’d be separate switches because when the apartment is quiet the noise is jarring and disorienting, but today the sound is just another addition to the symphony of noise in your home. It whirs softly as you put on a headband and run the sink, letting the water get warm before splashing it up onto your face. 
You take your cleanser, pumping some of it into your hand, and slather it onto your skin in soft circles. The motion is familiar and you feel the way your shoulders relax a little as the cleanser turns white with foam against your skin. When you are ready to rinse, you dip your head down, cupping water in your hands and splashing it onto your face. 
“You always do that so messily,” Tendou chimes from beside you. 
You jump, flinching to the side as you wipe the cleanser from your eyes quickly, “Jesus, you scared me.” 
“Sorry,” he chuckles, leaning against the doorway. 
Tendou is lithe like a cat. He’s long and slender, his body nearly dwarfing the doorway he stands in. His shoulder presses against the white wood and he crosses his arms pleasantly over his chest, hovering just outside of your space. 
He watches with a content smile, eyes half closed as sleep starts to take over him. The corners of his mouth pull up curiously and his eyes follow the movements of your face as you gently rinse it with warm water. Occasionally, he will act like you’ve flicked water on him, raising his shoulder lightly as if to shield himself from it, and you scowl in response. 
“Move over,” he says as he steps around you and nudges your hip with his own. 
Tendou slides in front of the sink beside you, grabbing one of your headbands and using it to push his hair back. It swishes when he does, revealing the rest of his forehead before he takes some water and wets his face. Then, he takes your cleanser and copies your previous movements, scrubbing his face lightly before dipping down and rinsing it. You watch, fighting the heat that bullies its way to your cheeks. 
He’s a lot cleaner at this than you are, cupping the water in his big hands and lowering his face to rinse it. His eyes flutter closed, lashes batting slightly before he pushes his fingers against his skin and then wipes downwards. A few stray drops of water roll down his forearms, following the path his lean muscles make until they drop onto your bathroom counter. For how lanky he is, the movement is strangely graceful and you watch with a tilted head as he repeats the process. It keeps the counters relatively dry and when he’s done, the only evidence of his having washed it at all are the few drops of water on the counter and the clean quality of his skin. 
Tendou peers at you through the corner of his eye, smiling lightly as he stands to his full height and grabs his toothbrush from the holder. He keeps one here now. Given the amount of time he spends here, it only makes sense. 
Sometimes you think that the intimacy the two of you share is too much. Sometimes it is difficult to reconcile that you could be this close to a person but Tendou is someone who begs closeness. No, he demands it. Tendou is as affectionate as he is adoring. Intimacy, be it platonic or romantic, becomes him and though you sometimes worry if things can continue like this, you quickly forget it in favor of simply being close. 
To an outsider, Tendou has the feel of someone very far away. You’ve heard from acquaintances that he seems aloof and somewhat cocky, though you think that only the latter half is true. Tendou is particularly involved, however distanced he may seem. It comes with intimacy. He remembers almost every little thing about the people he loves. Should you visit the same restaurant twice, Tendou remembers what you ordered and if you enjoyed it. Should you be deciding between one shirt or the other, Tendou will recall what you already own and suggest the best possible option. He’s attentive like that. 
“This face wash is new,” he comments, running a knuckle along the side of his cheek as if to feel how effective it is. 
“Yeah, my skin got used to the other,” you shrug your shoulders, popping your toothbrush into your mouth. 
“What does that even mean?” He laughs. Tendou’s voice is warbled through his toothpaste. It sounds thick, the tenor ring of it dropping to a baritone hum through the thick white foam. 
“Dunno,” you shrug, “pretty sure it’s just a wives tale or something but I still believe it.” 
Tendou laughs again, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he leans forward and spits into the sink. You follow suit, waiting for him to pick his head up and continue brushing. The toothbrush looks smaller than usual in his hand, his long fingers curled around it as he guides it over his teeth, spitting for a second time and then reaching for your mouthwash. 
“You sleeping over?” You ask, taking the bottle when he hands it to you. 
Tendou nods his response, swishing the liquid back and forth in his mouth. Then he leans forward and the smell of winter mint hits your nose. Honestly, you don’t much like the taste or smell of it, but you’ve found that it keeps your mouth feeling fresh for the longest. Besides, you don’t mind it as much when it’s on Tendou. For some reason, the smell suits him. 
You’re relieved to find the reprieve of your bed. It hasn’t been a particularly busy day, but the wine is getting to your head. It makes you sleepy and your duvet cover feels far more comfortable than usual. 
Tendou usually sleeps on the bed with you. It’s another facet of the intimacy you share with him. Your bed is large enough to fit the both of you comfortably with a pillow between you, though it almost never stays there the entire night. Both you and Tendou tend to toss around in your sleep and more than once have you woken up with either yours or his body splayed across the other. 
Still, you’re only like this when neither of you is in a relationship. Your friendship has always maintained very clear boundaries. There are unspoken dos and don’ts that accompany the closeness of your friendship. If either of you is dating someone, you wordlessly agree that Tendou sleeps on the couch. It’s a respect thing for both of your sakes, as well as the sakes of your partners. 
“Are you bummed about your breakup?” Tendou asks, facing the ceiling. He’s no doubt watching the fan spin in circles in the dark. You know because you’re doing the same. 
“Not really,” you sigh, “I mean, this might be shitty to say but I really wasn’t all that attached.” 
Tendou shakes his head against the pillow, lacing his fingers together over his chest as he lets out a deep exhale. “Nah, it’s not shitty. That’s natural.” 
“I guess.” 
“Let me know if you do get sad about it, kay?” He says, tilting his head sideways to look at you. 
“You’ll be the first to know.”
You smile lightly at him and Tendou hums his satisfaction. He rolls over in bed with a soft goodnight before the room falls silent. You listen to the sound of his breathing and when it finally comes to an even pace, you smile. Sometimes Tendou struggles to sleep but tonight is not one of those nights. 
You drift off after you are certain that he’s asleep, lamenting to yourself about the potential loss of his characteristic under eyes. Man, Tendou would really rip you a new one for thinking that. 
“I like your hair like this,” you comment, reaching up to flip a piece that sits across his cheek. 
Tendou turns to you, watching the way your fingers play with the soft end of it before giving a small laugh and a smile.
“Yeah? I feel like it’s too long,” he hums, looking at you and then to the coffee maker as it hums from its place on the counter. “Think m’gonna cut it soon.” 
“Nah, don’t. It suits you. Kinda devil-may-care, ya know?”
Tendou’s hair is too long by normal standards. It comes down just below his shoulders, falling in thickly layered wisps that frame his face and make it look delicate. Somehow, having his hair around his face softens his features. It gives him a more gentle, off-beat look. 
“Oh? If it makes me look so cool then maybe I won’t,” he glances at you through the corner of his eye, smiling a cat-like smile. 
“I wouldn’t go that far,” you snort, bumping him out of the way as soon as he takes his coffee from the coffee maker. 
Tendou feigns an offended look before leaning against the counter beside him. He looks sleepy, still somewhat tired as he raises his mug to his lips and loudly sips his coffee. It’s always too hot when he takes the first sip but he does every time nonetheless. Tendou says it tastes better that way. 
“By the way,” he starts, pulling the mug to his chest and partially resting it in the dip in his stomach, “I gotta leave right after I finish this.” 
“Work?” 
Behind you, Tendou shifts a little and furrows his brows. “Nah, got some errands to take care of.” 
“‘Kay,” you turn to him, leaning against the counter opposite him. 
Despite Tendou’s affinity for skinship and attention, he is surprisingly independent. 
That’s something you admire about him. Tendou’s actions are sure and calculated and he’s comfortable going off and doing his own thing more often than not. Sure, he’ll invite you with him, but should you opt not to go, Tendou doesn’t let it stop him. He’s fiercely independent and it balances out well in your friendship.
He doesn’t really say anything about where he’s going and you figure that he doesn’t have to. He’ll go off and do his own thing and you will go do yours. 
You and Tendou are quite like-minded, as is Wakatoshi. Perhaps that’s why you all get along so well. When you interact with people, they tend to understand the three of you as independent beings who just so happen to choose to be around the other two. You’ve heard from others that looking at the three of you is like looking at a gaggle of oddities that somehow found themselves magnetic to only each other. Since Wakatoshi moved away though, it has just been you and Tendou and you’re content to be perceived as an odd pair. 
The living room is littered with evidence of your evening with him and you peer out at it from the kitchen, the sunlight from your curtains filtering in and casting a warm glow over the light-colored wood. The more than half-empty bottles of wine sit on the coffee table, their lids placed randomly on the countertop from when you’d tossed them down after opening them. The bottles catch the light from the small glass patio door and the white Moscato inside glimmers in the morning glow. 
When Tendou leaves, he grabs his keys from your kitchen table. They jingle in his grasp and he shakes them to get your attention. 
“I’m leaving now!” He calls even though you’re only a few feet away. 
“Have the day you deserve!” You laugh. 
Tendou swings your apartment door open, his legs leading the way as he keeps his head around the corner so that  he can look at you. You watch as he cracks a smile that spreads from one side of his face to the other, upper lip curling. 
“Sour old bat.” 
“I’m only 24!” You protest as he chuckles and shuts the door behind him. 
You walk to the door, locking it behind him and shaking your head lightly. Briefly, you think about what he might be doing. It could be groceries, though he usually brings you with him, or maybe he needs to service his shitty old car. He never uses it which means that when he does it breaks down easily, but he keeps fixing it nonetheless. Tendou can’t bear to part with the characteristic hunk of junk. 
Tendou works as a bartender. He stands behind the counter in a black dress shirt and black slacks, fixing customers' drinks before pressuring them into buying more. He’s good at selling things because Tendou is a notoriously difficult person to say no to, whether you know him or not. Sometimes you’ll go in and see him, sliding into a seat at the bar and waiting for him to notice you’re there. You usually don’t even make it to the counter before he spots you, giving you an easy smile and tilting his head to the side. 
You suspect that he is only working to make ends meet while he decides what he really wants to do. You always figured it would be volleyball given his gift for it but he told you in the third year of high school that he’d be quitting. It had never been something he was particularly set on doing and though he enjoys the sport, he thought the constant rigor of its training to be tiresome. You understand to a degree. It is very like Tendou to do things only because he wants to. Even Wakatoshi accepted it after a little while, though—in a fashion that is much like Ushijima—he still pushed for Tendou to further his gift with the sport. It was to no avail though, that’s just the way Satori is. 
Still, you’re not sure if there is something in particular that Tendou wants to do. He doesn’t talk much about the future and lately whenever you ask, he waves the question off like he can’t be bothered to think about it. 
He has a plethora of interests and for now, his job suits him. He spends his time talking to people and though he works late into the night, you think that he enjoys the time he gets in the hours after his shift. Besides, during the day it means that Satori gets to bake. It’s an odd hobby for him but he does it regularly enough that it has started to make sense, though you’re not sure if it is a fleeting hobby or one that will stick. Tendou likes to play around with flavor. His eye for new combinations is admirable and it’s not a rare occurrence for you to go over to his place and immediately be fed a new recipe he’s been testing out. 
He is, in general, a hard person to pin down but once you do, you’ve got him memorized for life. It’s not unusual for you to be able to guess what he’s doing, though sometimes he will surprise you and be doing something entirely different. Still, you’re confident enough in what you know about him to know that once he does choose, it will be good for him. Tendou is someone who begets a good and honest future. 
You spend the day tidying around your apartment. You’ve got no particular plans today and with your recent breakup, you’ve no one to really make plans with. In high school, when Tendou was busy without you, you’d often sit with Wakatoshi and watch him practice. You’d listen to the sounds of the ball hitting his palm and then the slap of them on the smooth linoleum of the gym floor. That, or you’d spend your time with the other people you met with the both of them at Nationals, goofing off on the phone while you waited for Tendou to wrap up whatever it was he’s doing and walk home with you.
You’ve been to see them at nationals every year that the two of them have gone. In your third year, Tendou and Wakatoshi did not attend the tournament as players nor spectators, but the three of you sat in Wakatoshi’s room and watched the games together. You recall watching Karasuno fight their way through the ranks until they tasted a bitter loss once the promising first year, Hinata Shoyo, fell ill. Tendou had chided early on into the tournament that he was pushing himself past his limit and Wakatoshi agreed but you didn’t have the eye to see it until he had collapsed on his hands and knees on the court. Still, the three of you sat shoulder to shoulder in front of Wakatoshi’s computer screen, knuckles tight against your thighs. 
Sa-to-ri: shall we grub tonight? 
Your phone lights up sometime around 3 pm and you open it to see Tendou’s distinct contact name light up across the screen. 
You: u miss me? lol
Sa-to-ri: nah
You: what’s on the menu? 
Sa-to-ri: ramen
You: then yeah okay
Tendou has one particular ramen shop that he likes to frequent with you. It’s a bit of a tradition and when you both go there, it is either in work uniforms that make you look silly or house clothes so comfortable they could hardly be considered outfits at all. 
Some nights, you both trudge into the shop, you in the remnants of your work uniform and Tendou fully dressed in his, ready to attend his shift once you finish eating. Tendou wears his black slacks but rolls them to the knees and his black dress shirt is untucked in the front. He looks silly, but you know from visiting him that he always fixes it before he clocks in. You usually wear something business casual to suit your desk job, dress pants and a white shirt of sorts. On other nights, you both will come in wearing whatever it is you were wearing around the house. 
The shop is a few blocks from his place and if you weren’t looking for it, you would miss it. It is tucked behind two brightly lit shops in a back alley. Still, when you’re hungry for a particularly good bowl of ramen, you can smell it from down the block. The aroma of garlic and miso wafts through the streets from the alley it sits in and both you and Tendou find that you would know it by smell alone. It beckons to you both in a homely manner. 
“You’re so late,” Tendou comments as he meets you at the bottom of his stairwell. 
“Were you tracking me?” You furrow your eyebrows. You hadn’t agreed to meet him outside his place, so to see his lanky figure descending the outdoor steps is a bit of a shock. Still, you wouldn’t put it past him to check your location for where you are. In fact, you suspect he does it often and for fun. You don’t mind though. After all, you do the same to him. 
“Yeah,” he shrugs, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweats. Tendou leans forward, shifting his weight onto his hips and letting his shoulders droop. 
“Eugh, creepy,” you shiver slightly and smile at him. 
Tendou tilts his head to the side and gives you an affectionate grin. It spreads across his face and his eyes narrow in a familiar way. For a moment, you think he is about to say something that makes you want to cross one of your well-defined boundaries but instead, he comes out with, “if you were on time, I wouldn’t have to.” 
You shove him to the side plainly and turn to stride down the sidewalk before you can watch him wobble back and forth like a card house. Your heart hammers lightly in your chest. This happens sometimes. You find yourself getting tripped up on the familiarity of his expressions and the way his smile curls like dry paper. Then, you hear the sound of his sneakers against the floor as he jogs to catch up with you in the direction of the restaurant. 
“Wooaaahhh, so hostile tonight, huh? What happened to my nice BFF from this morning?” He leans forward as he walks so that he’s in your eye line, trying to catch your avoidant gaze as you suppress a smile. 
“They remembered that you’re an irritating little shit,” you huff, pretending to be mad. 
“Harsh.” 
The two of you walk the short distance to the restaurant in near silence. It’s nearing 9 pm and the streets have gone dark, illuminated only by the streetlights and sign shops that stay on through the evening. Their electric glow casts the sidewalk pavement in artificial blues and yellows, elongating your shadows until they dip into the street where cars and cyclists zip by on their way home. You watch people bustle through the street, their lively chatter creating a city soundscape that you’re familiar with. Groups of men in business suits walk into nearby restaurants and bars, finally off the clock for the night but not quite ready to return home. Girls wearing colorful spring clothes move in gaggles as they head into a new and trendy spot that recently popped up. 
Some of these girls stare at Tendou as he passes. They watch the lazy nature of his eyes and the way he hunches over himself slightly. They marvel at his height and the cool exterior he wears as he looks somewhere past them at the buildings lining the somewhat busy street. These girls giggle into their mouths when he passes because, for every person who has ever called him creepy, there are an equal number of people who call him handsome. They glance behind them as they walk, asking each other if you are his girlfriend to which you chuckle internally. Tendou pretends not to notice, though you know from the way that he is careful not to look at them that he does. 
Every now and then when this happens, Tendou’s gaze will slink over to look at you. You can feel the way he watches your expression, his gaze fixed on you through the corners of his eyes. Sometimes you will look back at him and raise your eyebrows and he’ll shake his head. Other times, you will keep staring straight ahead just to see how long he will look at you for. You’ve learned that it will be until he needs to look ahead for fear of running into someone. 
When you reach the door of the small ramen shop, which consists of a blue curtain with kanji lettering, Tendou holds it to the side for you with his forearm. He reaches ahead of himself and puts it against the doorframe, pinning it against the wood frame to keep the cloth out of your way before ducking his head to follow you in. When you look behind you, Tendou is straightening himself up again to his full height. 
The chef inside calls a welcome to you before he asks how you’re doing. He knows you both well by now and whenever you enter, it seems that he’s pleased to see you. He’s an older man with heavy wrinkles beside his eyes and between his eyebrows. He’s expressive and the lines of age on his face demonstrate that very clearly. The chef has sharp features that soften considerably when he smiles and a low, gruff voice that seems to somehow match the interior decoration of his hole-in-the-wall shop. 
“You together yet?” He leans onto the counter after asking which particular bowl of ramen you’d like. 
The chef is an old man and far too cheeky for his own good. Every time you come in, he never fails to ask if you’re dating each other yet. Through a tenacious grin, he poses the question you both have been asked countless times over. Tendou’s response is different every time. 
“Oh yeah, we’re so in love now.” You take the liberty of responding and Tendou leans his cheek onto his hand and raises his eyebrows at you. 
“Yeah?” He questions, the fat of his cheek smushing his lips into a slight pout. 
“No.” You turn to the chef and shake your head. “It’s not gonna happen.” 
The chef clicks his tongue and shakes his head with a small laugh and Tendou sits up and drums his fingers on the table as he leans back in a stretch. 
“Aw, never?” He teases. 
You nod at him, exaggerating the movement. 
Tendou closes his eyes and laughs, his fingers still drumming against the surface of the table before he reaches a resting position. You hear him mumble bummer as you look away and when you look back at him, you find that he is staring blankly at the drink menu in front of him. His expression is unreadable. 
Tendou gets like this sometimes. He grows quiet for a few moments as if he is weighing something in his mind. You can see the inquisitive look in his eyes and every now and then, his bottom lip will bounce and it will tell you that he’s thinking about something. In these moments, you’re never quite sure what he’s thinking. You’ve never been able to tell and you’ve reserved yourself to thinking that it is not meant for you or for anyone else. 
Then, just as quickly as he falls into the slight moment of silence, he pulls himself out in his same usual manner. Tonight, he remarks on how hungry he is and how he doesn’t want to work tomorrow night. Then, he’ll let you talk until you’ve nothing left to say. Whereas Tendou does most of the talking with Wakatoshi, you do most of the talking with Tendou. You can appreciate the way he just wants to listen, his eyes trained sleepily on your face as he listens to you chatter on about something mundane. He knows you would and have done the same for him and you imagine that he feels the same about listening to you talk that you do listening to him. 
You both slurp at your noodles through idle conversation. He talks about work and you converse about what it is that you want to do next. Sometimes, in moments like these where you are both discussing your precarious futures, it feels like you’re in your third year again getting food after evening practice. The only difference now is that Wakatoshi is not with you and you are no longer 17. Instead, both you and Tendou are 24 and in the inbetween of life, floating between present and future in a perpetual cycle of uncertainty. Somehow, the only thing that seems to quell it is the familiar presence of one another. The small ramen shop, with its sounds of boiling water and conversation, grows smaller still. 
Tendou is weird. He’s always been weird. He somehow manages to seem like he knows everything. He has wide, unsettling eyes that look like they have x-ray vision. He can guess what just about any of his friends are doing at any given moment and he’s open about it. All of it is weird. It’s not as if he’s been particularly normal up until now because there is truly nothing normal about Tendou and you like him that way but recently… he’s been weirder. 
You can’t exactly pin what could be off because he hasn’t done anything in particular. He still texts you to hang out, he still wears that familiar smile that you adore, he is still as attentive as usual, but he’s weird. Something is weird. 
You imagine that what you’re sensing is a radar you have only for Tendou. The feeling comes to you as more of a sixth sense rather than anything based on evidence. You know him like the back of your hand. You’re likely to notice even the smallest new detail. That’s how it is with Tendou. Hand in hand with the particular closeness you share, is the ability to tell when he’s off.
Tendou lately has been spending more time on his phone. He stares and clicks it on and off like he’s waiting for something. The screen will occasionally light up his features before he clicks it off again upon seeing nothing. Occasionally he will swipe his phone open and check whatever it is he’s waiting on directly, though you can’t tell if it’s news or a conversation. You watch the way he holds the sleek rectangle in his long fingers, drumming them against the smooth side of it and waiting for it to vibrate in his grasp. More often than usual, while he drums his fingers across the back of his phone, he will wear that blank look and stare into space, thinking about something you’re not privy to. 
The thought pops into your mind that it could be a girl, though you’re not sure that’s the case. If it were a girl, you think Tendou would tell you and if he didn’t… well, that thought makes you more uncomfortable than you’d like to admit for reasons you can’t quite pinpoint. Tendou is his own person, as are you, but if there is one thing you pride yourselves on it is the way you share openly with each other. You inhale, letting your gaze slink from where he fiddles with his phone to the television screen. You won’t dwell on it. You’re not nosy enough to dwell. 
The feeling isn’t particularly uneasy and any anxiety that may have manifested while you were considering Tendou’s predicament quickly melts away once Tendou begins talking to you. You find yourself at ease while he chats, telling you that his job wants him to pick up more hours but he’s not sure if he wants to. It’s so boring, but it’s not. This topic is such a mundane one but you feel that familiar fondness bloom through you as he speaks. Nothing seems boring when you’re with him.
Then, the phone in his hand begins to vibrate. It hums to life in his somewhat limp grip and Tendou, in one smooth and slow motion, checks who exactly it is. There’s no rush to it. In fact, Tendou finishes his sentence before shifting his eyes down to look as he flips the screen up to face him but you can tell that he’s eager. He tilts his head, reading the words across the screen as the jingle of his ringtone plays softly from the muffled speakers. Tendou dropped his phone in water once and as a result, his ringtone sounds like it is playing through glass. His expression shifts from one of barely readable anxiety, to disappointment, to happiness.
His gaze slinks over to you and he gives you a lopsided and lazy grin.
“It’s Wakatoshi.”
“Yeah?” You peer over his thumb, looking at the familiar name across the screen, “can I say hi?” 
“Duh,” he sticks his tongue out like you’ve said something stupid before answering the call, “Wa-ka-to-shi! I’ve got _____ here,” he holds the phone out to your mouth, “say hello!” 
“Hi Wakatoshi.” You speak and you can hear the gruff sound of his acknowledgement before Ushijima’s rich baritone spills through the speaker. 
“Hello,” he says your name, even across his tongue, “it’s been a while since we last spoke.” 
“Yeah, well, you never call!” You fake a pout and you’re certain Ushijima can hear it through the phone. 
Ushijima gives a soft exhale, “I could say the same about you.” 
You roll your eyes even though he can’t see it and Tendou fakes being hurt on your friend’s behalf. 
“But don’t worry,” he starts, “I’ll be back in Japan in a few weeks.” 
“No way! Really?” You feel the excitement bubble in your chest before it shows on your face and Tendou tilts his head at your expression. You watch the way his eyes slink across your features, soaking in your joy through his skin like the sun until he is kissed with it. 
“Yeah, visiting family,” the response is short, much like the way Ushijima usually talks. 
“Man, the off season works wonders,” Tendou hums from beside you, wiggling a little in his seat. 
“You know there’s no off season, Tendou. We train year round,” Wakatoshi states. 
“Minor details,” he says, waving his wrist back and forth as if he were erasing the sound of the words from the air around him. 
Tendou gives you a wry grin before pulling the phone back and switching off speaker mode. Vaguely you can hear the sound of Ushijima giving a brief apology about not calling you, but you’re not actually mad enough to warrant it. In fact, you’re elated that he’s coming to visit. You and Wakatoshi are very good at clicking right back into place, so worrying over why he doesn’t call isn’t exactly in the front of your mind. Besides, you figure he still thinks about you because every morning you receive an influx of tiktoks and new articles that he’s sent you through the night. So thoughtful, that one. 
“So what’s up?” Tendou speaks, placing the phone against his ear and pinching it there with his shoulder. 
He reaches in front of him, unscrewing the top of his water bottle and taking a sip as he listens somewhat intently to what Ushijima has to say. Tendou leans back, extending his arm over the back of his couch and leaning deeply into the cushions with a sigh and mumble of confirmation. 
He looks like he’s at his leisure here. The lean muscle of his neck is relaxed and the tilt of his head makes him look like he’s scheming something. A small smile plays at the corners of his lips as he gazes thoughtlessly at the table in front of him. It tugs the ends of his mouth upwards and you recognize it as one that is entirely subconscious. Satori doesn’t even realize he’s doing it and the thought sends a fond flood of warmth through your chest, honeyed and heavy. 
You stand, exhaling deeply when you do. It’s best to leave them to their chats. Satori and Wakatoshi’s time together is limited, so when the other calls each night, it fulfills a certain (and private) routine which you know they both value. 
Tendou’s eyes slink over to you as you move. His eyebrow quirks up as he pinches the phone between his ear and shoulder, pulling the bottom of his phone from his mouth as if he’s ready to respond to whatever you say. You opt to mouth at him, as you can still hear the baritone hum of Ushijima’s voice on the other end of the line.
“I’m gonna go take a shower,” You point behind you to his bathroom. 
Tendou makes the OK symbol with his hand before he smiles at you. Then, he turns his attention back to his phone and you can hear him start the sentence ‘it’s going okay’. You watch as the smile falls and his face returns to a somewhat pointed resting position. He glances sideways at you one more time, his eyes tracking over your figure as you eavesdrop in a somewhat obvious way. All he offers is the slight upturn of his lips, but you can’t shake the eerie feeling the smile gives you. It looks like it’s made out of glass and as you step away, you hear the way his voice drops to a hushed whisper before it fades entirely through the thick wood of his bathroom door.
You start the shower, turning the knob in Satori’s bathroom. It’s familiar here and you don’t need to pause to think about which way is hot and which way is cold. Coming to his home is like walking into your own and part of your relishes in getting to use his shampoo and conditioner. 
It smells like him, somewhat rich and musky, with a sharp and clean aspect to it. You think that his shampoo smells a bit like men’s deodorant, but far more gentle. It’s less masculine than that, somewhat sweet, but it still retains this aspect to it that maintains whatever it is Tendou has going on. You like wearing that smell. It’s like a homecoming and sends your stomach flipping. 
His bathroom is decidedly western. Blue tile decorates the shower wall, it’s white grout somewhat tinged with age. The tiles are clean though. You know because Satori reminds you constantly to go over it with the squeegee when you’ve finished. It gives his bathroom this particularly polished quality. 
You lather his shampoo into your hair, inhaling deeply as you do. It smells like him. It smells like Tendou after an evening practice, coming out of his mother’s bathroom as he rubs at his then-shorter hair. It smells like the way he does when he’s at home and you feel it in your lungs when you take a breath. 
You think of his strangeness. You think of the odd way he carries himself, the way he walks, the way his eyes slink back and forth in a decidedly lazy way. You imagine the cadence of his voice, the soft tenor hum of it when he speaks and the pointed way he says what he means while simultaneously saying the opposite. 
Then, you think about his recent behavior. You think about how tense he is, the way he clicks his phone on and off like he’s waiting for something. 
You’re not particularly sure why the concept of it rubs you the wrong way. It’s a particular feeling of uneasiness and one you haven’t felt with him before. It’s new—somewhat exciting—and dreadful. As you shower, rinsing his body wash from the planes of your own, you ponder on the feeling of it. Weighted in your gut, it sits like poison. You feel like you’re watching an anvil hang from a fraying rope, the weight too much to bear, though why you feel it, you don’t know.
When you leave the bathroom, Tendou is still seated on his couch. He doesn’t seem to hear you leave, and if he did, his body language doesn’t betray it. He sits, his legs extended out onto the coffee table in front of him, one ankle crossed over the other. The phone is still pressed to his head with one hand, his long finger holding the back of it to the shell of his ear. 
“I haven’t,” he says quietly.
There’s a pause and you can only presume that Ushijima is talking. 
“Yeah, it’s just-” he rubs a hand up under his hair, scratching at the back of his head, “it’s a hard thing to bring up.” 
Another pause, except in this one, he stares distantly into the space in front of him. You recognize that look, the one that tells you he’s somewhere far away. The corners of his lips pull flat and you watch as his eyes cloud over with a consuming thought. It’s the same as the night in the ramen shop, placid and somewhat melancholy. Tendou wears this look often lately, though it’s meaning is one that you can’t figure out. 
It casts over his face like a mask and even now, as he nods into the phone as if Wakatoshi can see it, you wonder what runs through his mind. You have Satori figured out but this expression is an anomaly, one that you can’t place your finger on. 
“What is?” You pipe up, walking around the side of the couch and plopping down. 
Tendou jumps with a start, his hand coming up over his chest before he gives a short laugh.
“Jesus, someone needs to put a bell on you,” he breathes. 
“I wasn’t even that quiet,” you laugh a little, “what’s so hard to bring up?” 
Tendou gives you a wry smile, dispelling the expression he wore a moment ago and donning another. You see it tug at the corner of his mouth before answers, “it’s a secret.” 
You roll your eyes, huffing a little. “C’mon, thought we didn’t have any?” 
“None that I want to share,” he says, giving you a lopsided grin. 
“I really hate you.” 
Tendou puts his head on your shoulder, peering up at you. “You promise?” 
You bark a small laugh and Tendou turns back toward his phone, his head still resting on your shoulder. You can feel his tufts of dark red hair at your neck, tickling your skin through the fabric of your pajama shirt and you lean into the touch absentmindedly. His free hand fiddles absentmindedly with a stray thread on the hem of your shirt and he mumbles to Wakatoshi that you just got out of the shower. Their conversation, now that you’re present, feels much slower than it previously was, like they’re deliberately trying to change the subject. 
Despite the touch, despite Satori’s blatant affection, the prospect of a secret tastes bad on your tongue. You’ve never been the type to pry. You’ve always believed that whatever you need to know, Tendou will tell. So why is it that you’re so uneasy right now? Distrust sews itself into your skin like a badge and you furrow your eyebrows a little as you watch the planes of Tendou’s face twist with lively expressions through his conversation, the lamp on the side table casting him in a faint orange glow that feels homely and somewhat eerie. 
You and Tendou head to bed together a short while later, dragging your feet across the carpeted floors before collapsing into bed. Tendou rolls over quickly, mumbling an absent-minded goodnight and while you stare at the ceiling and wait for his breathing to slow and steady itself, you ponder the inbetween. You’re not so sure which inbetween you’re thinking about though— whether you’re thinking about the inbetween of youth and stability—or something else entirely. 
— 
“Did you get the text?” Tendou calls from your living room. He’s posted himself up in there today, his laptop open as he clicks away at something he won’t show you. 
The text he’s talking about is one from none other than Ushijima Wakatoshi himself, telling you and Tendou that the three of you should meet up for dinner tonight. He suggested a restaurant downtown, near the station and you were thrilled to receive the text. 
“Yeah, I did,” you call, leaning back on your heels to peer around the corner at him. “Wanna meet up here first?” 
Tendou is quiet for a moment in the other room before he agrees, telling you that he’s going to send a message to Wakatoshi and let him know. You thank him briefly, returning to whatever it was that you were doing on your phone. 
You must admit, you have ulterior motives for wanting to go to dinner. It’s not that you aren’t thrilled to have the three of you back together. You are, deeply so. But secretly, you are hoping that it will bring back a sense of normalcy you’ve lost in the recent month. To you, it feels like the last normal night was a month ago in your apartment when Satori brought over wine after your break up. That was the last time he felt the way he always has. 
Recently, he’s been stranger than usual. You can’t help the rot that rises in your throat when you think about it. It’s an uneasy little bug, sending you queasy and anxious over the smallest changes, though you aren’t quite sure when it started happening. It’s hard to place, especially because it is about Tendou of all people. Until now, you’ve always felt comfortable telling him everything but for some reason, you worry that bringing this up will make him vanish altogether. Still, you hope that attending something nostalgic like this with him the way you always have will fix it somehow. You hope that maybe you’ve just been too sensitive and that after seeing Wakatoshi and eating a meal together, things will just click back into place. 
Maybe that’s just wishful thinking though. 
Sa-to-ri: u ready? I’m downstairs 
You check your phone, seeing it light up on the top of your bed through your mirror. You’d been checking something irrelevant about what you are wearing, fiddling with the waistband of your bottoms or the way your hair falls on your forehead. Nerves rise in your throat as you put on your shoes and lock your apartment door behind you, hopping down the stairs. 
“Well, don’t you look pretty,” Tendou hums, smiling up at you.
He’s wearing an oversized t-shirt and joggers. They cut off just above his ankles, revealing a worn pair of black high top sneakers. The sleeves of his shirt rest against his upper arms nicely and his hands are tucked into his pockets as he shifts his weight forward. It bunches up around his forearms, creating big, sloping pockets across the front of his abdomen where the hem of his shirt covers his waistband. You roll your eyes, catching the unusual heat rising to your cheeks and swallowing it down. 
“Thanks,” you exhale, “you trying to butter me up or something?” 
Tendou gives you a wry grin. “How’d you know?” 
You sneer lightly at him, “because you’re awful at hiding shit.” 
Tendou presses his lips into a small line. His eyes glass over a little as he starts to walk, keeping his hands in his pockets. 
“Anyway, what is it?” 
“What’s what?” Tendou raises an eyebrow. 
“The thing you want to butter me up for?” You furrow your eyebrows, laughing a little. 
“Huh? Oh, nothing. I just want to be on your good side.” 
“Scared or something?” 
“A little,” he hums, looking at his shoes before glancing sideways at you as he raises his chin to peer at the tops of the buildings lining your walk to the station. 
The restaurant is a few stops away in a newly painted building. It’s a few blocks from the station, lit up by electric blue lights characteristic of Kokubunchô. The crowds, which you should be used to, overwhelm you a little and you’re grateful for Tendou, whose height makes him impossible to lose. You’re surprised that Wakatoshi would suggest a place downtown, just off from the izakaya and clubs that make Kokubunchô such a popular destination for people our age. After all, he’s never been much of a partier, often choosing to abstain and stay in shape. 
It’s been a long while since you’ve seen him. Wakatoshi spends most of his time traveling around Japan and Asia, playing volleyball in countries you’ve never even thought to visit. He competes in global competitions and will most likely be recruited for the Japan National team for the Olympics. 
When you arrive at your designated meeting spot, Wakatoshi is standing outside. You know that before you even see him because people round the corner he stands behind while glazing backwards over their shoulders. They mutter about how big that man was, if they’ve seen him somewhere before, if he’s a celebrity. Tendou snickers under his breath, his head tilting a little like it’s on a spring, and you smile in response. 
You run ahead of Tendou and round the corner, greeted by Ushijima’s tall figure standing outside of the entrance to the building, lit up by the neon sign above him. 
“Finally!” You shout, bounding over to him and embracing him into a hug. 
“You should really announce who you are before you hug someone,” he says, his voice low and baritone as he wraps his thick arms around you. 
“I did,” you laugh a little, your excitement at finally being able to see him again climbing in your throat. 
“I wouldn’t consider that enough warning.” 
You pull away, pouting a little at him before cracking a wide smile. 
“How are you?” he continues. 
“I’m good,” you exhale, “Jesus, look at you. I think you got taller.” 
“I didn’t,” he says matter of factly, “they measure me a lot for the team. I would know.” 
“Still straightforward as ever,” you huff a little and Wakatoshi gives you a gentle smile. It’s barely there, but you’ve known him long enough to be able to notice it now. 
“No greeting for Satori?” Tendou feigns injury behind you, shrugging his shoulders and scuffing his heel against the floor. 
Wakatoshi scoffs lightly before stepping close. Then, the two boys hug each other, clutching tightly around the other’s shoulders as they mumble about how long it’s been since they’ve spoken in person. Satori makes an off-handed comment about Wakatoshi getting more handsome and Wakatoshi jostles his shoulder in response, saying something about Tendou being smoother around the edges too.
You watch, stomach swimming with a familiar feeling you get only when the three of you are together. It’s like you are all 17 again and nothing has changed. The way you speak, the way you feel, the uniquely comfortable atmosphere the three of you set with each other, blankets you like snow. 
Tendou walks into the restaurant first, followed by you, and then Wakatoshi behind you. People inside of the restaurant turn and stare when they duck under the doorway, standing to their full height in the restaurant. Even among people with similar heights, the two of them stand out. Tendou with his knowing eyes and Wakatoshi with his undeniably good looks. You are in the middle, caught between two magnetic forces that you’ve spent the majority of your life around. 
You settle at a small table in the back. It’s clean and hardly has enough room to fit the three of you around it comfortably. It’s a trendy restaurant, mostly famous for its matcha desserts which mix western cooking with Japanese flavors. The majority of the menu are smaller appetizers, but there are sandwiches as well as seafood options which you hungrily stare down. When the time comes, you settle on a salmon dish with miso seasoning, Satori decides on a spicy curry, and Wakatoshi orders the same thing you do but with a small side of tempura. Looking at the place now, you figure that it’s probably closer to an izakaya than any other type of restaurant. You look forward to dessert. 
“Are either of you getting drinks?” Tendou leans forward on the table on his elbows, giving a wry grin. 
You peer at him from the side, smiling slightly. “And you say I’m the alcoholic.” 
“You are,” he states, leaning forward and smiling at you. 
“I’m not,” Wakatoshi adds. 
“Well spotted, Ushiwaka,” Tendou snickers. 
“Yeah, you’re a regular Sherlock Holmes,” you laugh. 
“I meant that I’m not getting a drink,” he says flatly, pressing the ghost of a smile between his lips. 
You and Tendou glance at each other before bursting into a fit of giggles. Then, Wakatoshi follows with a laugh that’s deep seated in his chest. 
“I don’t know. Are you?” You ask Tendou, exhaling deeply. 
“I want one,” he shrugs. 
“Of course you do,” you chuckle a little. “Then, I’ll have a beer too.” 
Tendou tilts his chin upwards, his eyes narrowing as he gives you a little smile. It’s like he expected you to do the same, an affectionate and knowing little curl of his lips that sends heat rippling through your stomach. It takes a lot of strength to tear your eyes from him and when you do, you find yourself trying to shake the new feeling from your stomach as you inhale. 
“So Wakatoshi, how’s the team?” You ask as Tendou flags down the server and orders two beers and a glass of water. 
“They’re fine,” he says, smiling a little. “Team practices still happen even in the off season, but what’s important is weight training to make sure we stay strong.” 
“Is that why you were able to come back to Sendai for a bit?”
“Mhm, though I still train every day,” he offers, leaning back so that the server can set down the drinks on the table. 
“So driven…” Tendou smiles. 
“You should be playing, you know,” Wakatoshi says to Tendou. 
He waves his hand in response, dispelling the thought. “Me? Go pro? Nah, I think I’d be miserable. Volleyball was just a high school thing for me.” 
Wakatoshi shrugs his shoulders. 
“You gonna be on the Olympic team, ‘Toshi?” You pry a little, leaning forward. 
“I don’t know yet. We’ll find out next year.” His expression doesn’t betray anything, but you can hear the excitement in his voice. It makes the sound feel tight, like he’s trying to keep from shouting about it. You smile to yourself. 
“Look at you, you’ve got a whole career. Meanwhile, Satori and I have no clue what we’re gonna do in the future,” you chuckle, taking a sip of your drink. The condensation sticks to your hand. 
Then, Wakatoshi furrows his eyebrows and looks to Tendou. He looks back at him and for a moment, they sit there like that, communicating telepathically (most likely). It makes you uneasy, like there is something about Tendou that you’re not allowed to know. The uneasy feeling that’s made itself scarce the entire evening bullies its way to the base of your throat. You try to swallow it down, but to no avail. 
Tendou inhales and the moment is broken. The two boys settle back into their seats and glide past the strange occurrence. 
“I’m sure you’ll both figure it out,” Wakatoshi offers, smiling gently at you. “You’re very capable.” 
“I applied to a temp agency a week ago, so hopefully something comes of that,” you take another big sip of your drink. 
“Temp agency? Why didn’t you tell me?” Tendou pouts a little. 
“I mean, it’s not a sure thing. Just an application. Didn’t want to get ahead of myself.” You laugh. 
“Awww but I wanna hear about your life,” Tendou whines lightly. 
“Bro, you are literally in my house five days a week. You know just about everything.” 
Tendou shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair, mood shifting from the false sadness into something of realization. Has he only just now realized how much time the two of you spend together. 
“_____, Satori told me you and your boyfriend broke up.” Wakatoshi says. 
“Damn, seriously dude?” You shrink into your chair, letting the server place your food in front of you. It looks good and your cut of fish steams on the bed of rice it sits on. Your mouth waters. 
“Sorry, he asked about it,” Tendou shrugs his shoulders, picking up his chopsticks to start eating. 
You wave off the apology. It’s not like you weren’t going to tell Wakatoshi anyway. 
“Yeah, we did,” you say, swallowing the first bite of fish. 
“What happened?” he pushes. 
You shrug your shoulders, sitting back in your chair a little and pushing the fish around your plate. “We just weren’t compatible. I didn’t like him the way I thought I should and he clearly didn’t like me very much. He was kinda mean.” 
Tendou swallows his bite of food beside you and Wakatoshi glances up toward him. They exchange another look and Satori shakes his head, returning his gaze to the food. 
“That’s terrible. I’m sorry,” Wakatoshi offers. 
“Nah, don’t worry. I’m not all too beat up about it,” you laugh a little. “It might sound twisted, but when we broke up I didn’t really care all that much.” 
“I can vouch for that. They called him a cunt.” Tendou adds, smiling over his drink. 
“I did do that,” you confirm. 
“Sounds like them,” Wakatoshi gives a small laugh. 
The rest of your meal is spent in idle chatter. You and Satori have a few more drinks, trying to get Wakatoshi to order one in the later half of the evening, to which he dutifully shakes his head. You blather on about how much you miss him and when the next time he’ll be in Japan is while he smiles fondly and tosses sideways glances to Tendou who just shrugs because he knows you get like this. 
You realize, at some point, that unlike you and Tendou, Ushijima is not in the inbetween. He’s got a well-established career with a clear future path. He is not stumbling around blindly, but rather taking deliberate steps towards his future. You and Tendou, it seems, are caught in that particular place, walking yourselves in circles until you finally find the courage to walk in a line. You’re relieved to know that someone is in the circle with you. 
Briefly, you think about the looks Satori and Wakatoshi exchanged. Pointed, deliberate looks that exchanged information between the two of them. You’re not sure why it bothers you the way it does. It’s not as if they’ve never had secrets between the two of them before. This one, however, feels somehow heavier. It feels like it’s an elephant in the room between the two of them. You hate the inflated feeling it gives off. It swells and presses you against the wall, stealing the air from your lungs and sending panic to rise up through your throat. 
You’re sad to part with Wakatoshi, offering him a long hug and doing your best to squeeze the air out of him. He pats your back, laughing lightly about how he’ll be back eventually. You whine, telling him that he needs to call more. He promises that he will, though you know it will probably remain the same. The two of you have engaged in this perpetual cycle for years now. 
Satori hugs his friend goodbye as well, mumbling something to Wakatoshi that you don’t catch, to which he says that they can talk about it later. 
You scuff your feet against the floor the whole way home, trying to pretend that your plan to make things feel normal worked. 
You and Satori have clear boundaries. You always have. There are things you can and can’t do with each other that you both follow religiously. It’s not as if you’ve ever actually discussed it with him. The two of you have never sat down and actually talked about these rules you have in place. They are unspoken but mutually understood. 
You suppose that drawing those types of lines started in high school. Before then, it had never even crossed your mind that skinship or your particular ways of showing affection to each other could be taken as anything but platonic. Satori was the first of the two of you to get a partner. In your second year of high school, he’d started going out with a girl in his class. You’d never met her before then in earnest, though you’d certainly seen her around, mostly out of the corner of your eye. 
Tendou wasn’t all that popular in high school. Not just because of the way he looked (which you’ve always thought to be above average), but because of the somewhat aloof attitude he maintained. Between snide comments and a generally over-confident demeanor, most people found him off-putting. It didn’t take long though for a few girls to notice his better qualities. They noticed his fingers, long and lithe and wrapped in bandages. They noticed his smile, the coy kind that affects one side of his mouth before it affects the other. They noticed his height and stature, the lazy way he carries himself so that he always seems a little off kilter. 
To you, these things have always been obvious. His good looks have always been something that you’re keenly aware of. Whatever unique qualities he has only seem to add to them. 
Still, when he started seeing her, you and Satori seemed to fall in sync about these unspoken boundaries. One day, the line in the sand between you both was drawn into being, separating your friendship from anything beyond that. 
You’ve always been grateful for that little line, you think. It keeps things from getting confusing. It protects yours and Satori’s platonic relationship as much as it protects your romantic ones. You don’t read too much into things. Your heart doesn’t flutter when he touches you (or does it). You keep your pesky emotions at bay. It’s all thanks to that lovely little line. 
Sometimes though, like now, that line stares at you. For some reason, it feels like whatever is going on with Tendou is on the other side of it. You feel like he’s moved the line farther away from him, drawing a bubble and preventing you from stepping close. His situation, whatever it may be, is now beyond your grasp and you feel as if asking would be stepping over it. 
It’s the first time in your friendship, you think, that Satori has drawn a line all on his own. 
He’s back in your house today, lounging on your bed with his head hanging off the end. You can see the way his neck protrudes and bobs each time he swallows. It’s got a lovely angle to it and you can see the lines of lean muscle running up the sides of his neck. 
When he’d walked in, you’d found yourself shocked to see that he’d not only decided to get a haircut, but to buzz off all of his hair entirely. You’d gaped at him, reaching up to touch his head and lamenting the loss of his shoulder length hair. 
“What? You don’t like it?” he’d asked through a coy smile. 
“It’s not that it’s just… why?” you’d questioned, unable to shake the feeling that it has something to do with his secretiveness. 
Tendou adopted that familiar far off look and shrugged. “Needed the change. Kinda felt like I was going in a circle.” 
Then, he’d brushed past you and into your house, asking about something to drink. 
Satori’s looking at his phone now, scrolling through social media like he’s a robot stuck on repeat. Every now and then, his lips will quirk up a bit when he sees something funny, but otherwise, the only thing that moves are his thumbs and the gentle bob of his neck. 
You stand facing the mirror in your room, watching him through it as you busy yourself with something on the shelf adjacent. You’d been looking for a book to read but had been quickly distracted by your train of thoughts after seeing a photo of you and Satori from high school.
You keep it framed on your nightstand in a cheap wooden frame you bought from a thrift store before going to college. It was taken a few weeks before your graduation, standing in front of the school gym. Satori is in his volleyball uniform after playing a final skirmish with his team before he passed down his jersey. His hair is spiked up and his forehead is slick with sweat. He’s pulling you close to his body in the photo, his arm wrapped around your shoulder and his fingers secured on the other end of you. You can almost recall the feeling of his jersey, damp with sweat, and your smile in the photo betrays a slight grimace at the feeling of it. 
Satori, however, is beaming. His smile is radiant and his eyes are half closed in what looks like the beginning of a genuine laugh. He’d found it amusing to pull you close to him that day, relishing in the way you whined a little about how gross he was. Not that you really minded. You don’t mind much of anything if it’s Satori doing it. He’s special that way. 
A notification on Satori’s phone draws you from your thoughts and your eyes wander habitually to the reflection of his screen in the mirror. It looks like an email and Satori shifts when he gets the notification, sucking in a quiet breath as he quickly reads over it. Then, he closes the application. 
“Why are you staring?” He speaks abruptly, satisfied at the way you jump at being caught. 
“I was just wondering what you’ve been waiting for on your phone lately,” you admit, toeing the line he’s drawn. 
“Mmmmmmm,” he hums, not turning to look at you as a smile creeps up his features, “you curious?” 
“Mhm,” you answer, turning to face him properly. “Is it a girl?” 
At this, Tendou’s eyes slink backward to look at you over the crest of his eyebrows. His lips quirk up in a wry grin. It smooths across his features like liquid metal. 
“Why? You wanna date me?” 
You’re not sure why the teasing question flusters you so much, but it does. Heat bubbles in your stomach and rises to your face just as quickly and you chide yourself for the way you turn away from him. 
“I was just curious,” you huff, rolling your eyes to try and dispel the new sensation rising in you. 
Tendou gives you a cat’s smile through the mirror before he stretches his arms above his head and lets them hang over the side of the bed. 
“It’s not a girl,” he answers, laughing a little. Then, he pauses like he’s debating something before growing quiet and adopting the strange look he’s been wearing. “Nothing important really.” 
You furrow your eyebrows and eye the line in the sand. 
It’s killing you, not knowing. This melancholy and secretive facade Tendou has adopted is making him feel like a stranger and it’s eating you up inside. But you trust him. You trust Satori with your life and more, so you swallow down the uncertainty. It’s coming from somewhere unfamiliar. Somewhere possessive and needy. You ignore the fact that the feeling is coming from a place you previously thought your feelings for Satori didn’t come from. 
“You sure?” you press, clenching your jaw after the words leave your lips. 
“Yeah.” Tendou doesn’t look at you in the mirror, stretching his arms above his head. You think about growing pains. 
Lukewarm. The inbetween. You know what this off feeling is. That subtle space in which your lives have been in for the better part of the last five years. A delicate balance between present and future. A delicate balance between friends and something more. This feeling is different. You worry that it is the inbetween of affection and indifference. It’s going to eat you alive.
Tendou’s apartment is pleasantly disorganized. It is one of those spaces in which everything looks out of place, but never really is. Tendou knows where each thing is, even if you’ve always had trouble learning. While this is true for all of the places that Satori inhabits, you think it is especially true for his bedroom and the office. 
His room is littered with small boxes for little items he’s collected over the years. His shelves are stocked with manga he’s liked enough to collect. They aren’t organized in any particular way except by series, but the pattern seems to make sense only to Tendou. His nightstand always has a half drank glass of water on it and on nights when you stay over, there is one beside it for you.
In the corner, there’s a tall dark oak dresser full of his clothes, all of them folded neatly in drawers and tucked away until he needs them. On top of it, there are framed photos of his childhood, as well as one singular nationals trophy that he didn’t have the heart to throw out. You think all of it is endearing. There’s something lovely about entering this space and feeling him all around you. Any stress seems to melt directly off of your shoulders. 
“Wanna order in?” You pad into the living room where Satori is posted in front of the television playing some rendition of the Legend of Zelda games. 
“Huh?” He says before quickly interrupting himself. “Oh, yeah sure. What did you want?” 
Tendou glances at you over the couch, his eyes catching yours for a moment. He grins, his lips curling up in a delightful way, before he turns his focus back to the TV. 
“I dunno, chicken?” 
He chuckles, pausing his game and putting his arm over the couch cushion. Tendou tilts his head to the side and smiles. “You always want chicken. Same place, I assume?” 
You shrug. “Yeah well, I like their spice blend.” You lean your weight against the wall beside you. “So can we order chicken or not?” 
Tendou tilts his head up, pressing his lips together in a smirk and narrowing his all-seeing eyes. 
“Spice blend,” he chuckles, humming pleasantly like he’s mulling something over. Then, he clicks his teeth and you wonder briefly about the motion of his tongue when he does. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Then, he turns back to the TV and presses play. 
“Kay, I’m gonna order from my phone then,” you hum, rolling your eyes and unlocking the screen. 
“Sure,” he says and you pad over to his bedroom to sit down as you pick out what you want. “Oh! ____!” 
“Huh?” 
“If you’re ordering from the place down the street, I’m pretty sure I have a voucher for a free plate.” He calls.
“Oh, where?” 
“Office, I think. Somewhere on the desk.” 
You chuckle to yourself, walking down the hall and into the small makeshift office Tendou has set up. It’s in what should be a closet, with only enough space for a light and a small desk set up. When he’d moved into this place, he’d proudly told you about his plans, to which you told him that if it makes him happy, he should do it. 
“Who even keeps physical coupons anymore?” 
“Me, bro,” he laughs. “Just use it though, I’m pretty sure it’s gonna expire.” 
“Kay!” 
His desk is littered with paper. Most of them are things he’ll never use again; flyers he was handed on the street, takeout menus he usually looks at online, printed receipts for things he bought years ago. Only a few things are actually useful; printed recipes from the internet, a small booklet full of drinks from his job, and a thick recipe book with papers and post-its sticking out of it. 
You shuffle through the papers, looking for the coupon. You’re expecting something bright red and gaudy. Something that feels like it’s trying too hard to get your attention. When you find it tucked beneath the thick book of recipes, you almost just grab it and go. If it hadn’t been for the way your eyes lingered on the spot where it was for a moment, you never would have seen it. 
Underneath the coupon, is a clipped together stack of papers. A wax-covered yellow paper clip holds them together and at the top, it reads Le Cordon Bleu and then Diplôme de Pâtisserie. It’s been hastily translated into Japanese and you can’t beat the curiosity or the way dread begins to swirl in your stomach.
It’s an enrollment confirmation and clipped underneath it, there is a confirmation for the rent of a studio apartment in Paris. The date for the enrollment is two months from now and you grimace at the paper, making out what you can of the sloppy translation and French writing. 
In your hand, clipped with the yellow-paperclip, is all of the evidence of Tendou’s intention to leave. Worse yet, his intention to leave without telling you in advance. An inky black substance rises in your through, swelling there like lead before realization rounds the corner. In your head, the ball that’s been looming over your head for months now finally drops and you manage to make sense of his behavior the last few months. It wasn’t a girl, it’s never been a girl. It was this.
It’s hard to tell exactly what thoughts run through your mind as you register what you’re looking at. The first is that he’s been keeping this secret for longer than three months judging from the paperwork, the second is that he deliberately chose not to tell you, and the third is the phrase you’ve repeated to yourself since high school. Everything you need to know, Tendou will tell. 
You try not to spiral. You try to keep your feet rooted on the ground at the idea of this person you’ve known since adolescence simply going away so suddenly. None of it works. The secrecy of it cuts you like a slow-dragging knife, pressing into your skin and cutting a fine line from your stomach to your forehead. 
“_____!” Tendou calls. His voice startles you from your thoughts. “If you haven’t ordered yet, can you get me extra hot sauce please?” 
You don’t answer, instead starting to make the short walk from the office to the living room. 
Tendou says your name. When you don’t answer, you hear him pause his game and stand up, calling your name again. 
By the time he’s turned to start walking in your direction, eyebrows furrowed, you have reached the entrance to the living space. The papers are clutched in your hand and you can feel the edge of them pressing into your palm. 
“What are these?” You ask, attempting to keep your voice steady. 
“What’s what?” He tilts his head, smiling before he glances down to your hand. 
You hold it up so that he can see. 
When his gaze settles and he registers what you’re holding, his smile falls. You see the blood rush to his face and a look of shock cover his usually calm features. The expression is foreign on him and it sends a pang of dread through your chest. You had hoped that you were wrong. You had hoped that maybe he was going to tell you, that you’d show him and he’d laugh casually about how he just found out and wanted to tell you once it was settled. 
“What is it?” You say softly and Tendou struggles to find the words. 
He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. You watch as he scrambles, your lips pulling deeper and deeper into the frown that you can feel taking over your face. 
“Are you going away?” 
He nods. 
“When?” 
“September.” 
The air is knocked from your lungs and your voice comes out as barely a whisper. “That’s in two months, Satori.” 
“I know.” 
“How long have you known?” 
He doesn’t answer and when you look up at him, you can see the way that his eyes are growing red. 
“How long?” You say, a little more forcefully. 
“Since March.” 
“Jesus,” you scoff, “March? That’s nearly five months.” 
He nods, slightly defeated. 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” 
Tendou scrambles for the words again, and suddenly you feel like you’ve been poisoned. Your stomach turns and your vision goes a little dizzy and you consider the type of sickness that this will bring to your friendship. How sick will it make the both of you? How long will it be until you are well again? Tendou, whose face has fallen into something of dread and uncertainty, clearly feels it too. You blink, staring at him with wide eyes to give him the opportunity to salvage what small bits of your trust remain. 
Somehow, the expression he wears looks like he’s been about to form it for months. Like that blank expression he adopted was somehow an early version of this and it’s with a heavy heart that you realize that what you’d been seeing on him was the expression of keeping an awkward secret. 
“Why didn’t you tell me, Satori?” 
“I wasn’t-” he swallows. “I didn’t-” 
“You didn’t know how?” You frown, finishing his sentence. You feel the way your brows press in the middle. “You’re my best friend, Satori. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.” 
It hurts to know that he didn’t trust you with this. Unlike the secrets he keeps with Ushijima, this feels like a secret he’s deliberately kept from you. It wounds you to know that there is something Satori didn’t want to tell you, especially something this huge. You feel yourself bleed out onto his floor, though you’re not sure what the other emotions that come with this are. Something adjacent to hurt, like heartbreak. 
“You didn’t know how to tell me, so your solution was to just fuck off to France one day without warning?” You raise your voice a little and Tendou, who is usually so fearless, flinches back from it. You press your lips into a line.
It feels selfish and you can’t figure out why. None of this makes any sense at all to you. 
“You’ve kept secrets before too,” he says like he’s just thought of the justification. Satori scrambles like a young boy caught in the act, clamoring for a way out of the hole he’s dug himself. The more he reaches for his footing, the worse it hurts you.
You furrow your eyebrows. “Sure! I’ve kept secrets about who I fucked in high school. You kept secrets about your entire fucking future!” The words sting the front of your tongue. “Does Wakatoshi know?” 
Tendou doesn’t answer. 
“Does Wakatoshi know?” You say again, forcefully this time. Hurt makes its way into your lungs like a fever. 
“Yeah,” he says quietly, shoulders slumping forward. “He does.” 
You let out a laugh, reaching up to your face and wiping away the tears that have started to well up. When Tendou sees this, his eyes go wide and he takes a step towards you. Instead of letting him take you into his arms the way he always has, you step back. Then, you walk to the entrance of his apartment, grab your bag, slip your shoes on, and open the front door. 
“Congratulations. On the school,” you muster, though it feels spoiled. 
You want to mean it, but you don’t and the realization sends you out of the door and down the street. When you get on the train home, you finally allow yourself to cry, trying to put together why all of this hurts so much. Why are you spiraling the way you are? You wipe hot tears from your face with the backs of your hands, sniffling quietly while people struggle not to stare. The summer heat in the train car is stifling, clinging to your skin and making your face sticky with tears and sweat. 
You’ve never fought with Tendou like this before. Sure, you’ve had small spats that lead to a few days of not talking, but this feels bigger than that. This feels like the earth has somehow cracked between you both and opened a deep rift. You’re not sure how long it’s been forming, but you know it isn’t sudden. Pressure builds behind you both like a damn fit to burst. 
It’s not as if it’s only the move that’s doing this. You think it’s more. You think it has something to do with that line in the sand or whatever these new feelings for Tendou are. All of it has been somehow funneled into this one secret, spilling out in a messy and jumbled way that confuses you about feelings (or lack thereof) that you’d been certain about for over 10 years. 
The floor of your apartment is cool like glass. It’s always colder on the floor than it is standing. You lay down to escape the heat, clinging to the wood like a seastar to a rock. Humidity clings to your skin and makes you sticky. You grimace, rolling over slightly. 
It may seem dramatic to lay on the floor and think about Satori, but you often find yourself on the ground when you need to think about something important. The energy flows better down here. There have been several times in which Tendou has laid down on the floor with you to think. He did it when you needed to decide where to go to high school, he did it when you needed to think about saying yes or no to a confession, he did it when you were deciding where to take the entrance exams for at 17. Come to think of it, all of the major decisions in your life were made on the floor. Satori had been there for all of them. 
You breathe out an exhale and more heat sticks to your skin. Even the breeze coming in through the window is unbearably hot, though you suppose that’s just the nature of July. 
It’s been almost a week since you last saw Tendou, which isn’t too long in the grand scheme of things, but feels like a lifetime because it’s him. You can’t remember the last time you went so long without seeing or speaking to him. You can’t bring yourself to respond to his texts. He’s left four of them, each asking to talk to you about it. Every time you try to respond, you lose the courage to do it, sputtering to a stop just before you start to type. 
He’s been with you for all of the major decisions in your life, but you weren’t privy to even know about this one. Sure, Satori is allowed to do what he wants. You know that he’s not obligated to tell you everything, that he doesn’t have to inform you of every small change in his life, but you wouldn’t consider this a small change. Shit, this is bigger than any decision he’s ever made and he didn’t tell you about it. 
You’re not sure what’s worse, the idea that he kept it from you all this time or the idea that had you not stumbled upon those papers, he might have just vanished one day. It’s difficult for you to wrap your head around, the idea of Tendou just going away. For you, he’s been a constant presence in your life. Even when you went to college in Kyoto, he’d come to visit. The train ride was never more than a few hours and he would stay through the weekends or you’d make your way back up to Sendai where he attended the local university. 
Paris is thousands of kilometers away. Forget visiting on weekends, you might not even be able to visit him on holidays. Then comes the question of if he would even want you to visit. If he didn’t tell you he was leaving, maybe he wouldn’t want to have you there. It could be that Tendou’s closeness with you was too much and it had reached a boiling point you’d never noticed. 
It’s hard to believe that the boy you’ve known since 13 could think to go so far away from you. It’s difficult for you to wrap your head around, almost like the thought is presented to you in another language. It’s vaguely familiar, but deeply confusing, so much so that it sends you reeling. You’ve been reeling for the past few days, spun like a top and left to settle on your own. 
This summer is hotter than most and the air doesn’t aid your thinking. It leaves you feeling stagnant, distracted by the sound of cicadas outside your balcony. Heat and anger cling to your skin like sticky black tar and the more you think about you and Tendou, the more you feel the poison in your bloodstream. You wonder briefly if Tendou is feeling it too, though of course he’s brought it on himself. Even through your anger, it hurts you to know that he might also be hurting. 
When you met Satori, he was only an inch or so taller than you. He sprouted up around your second year of middle school, turning into the beanpole that he is today. He didn’t have a lot of friends when he was younger, not until halfway through your first year of middle school when he became a regular on the volleyball team. 
You suppose that he didn’t have many friends because of his name, or maybe it was because of the way he looked. Before Satori grew up, his big eyes and thin upper lip were even more pronounced than they are now and when he was 13, he hadn’t yet grown out of that awkward, middling phase all children go through. You never minded but the other kids certainly did. 
In fact, you always liked that Tendou matched his given name so well. Satori, referring to a yokai that can read minds. His all seeing eyes. The way he seems to know everything about you before you know it yourself. It all suits him so nicely. You’ve always liked that about him, those qualities which he’s owned from a young age and maintained throughout the majority of his life. 
They’re as dear to you as he is, and you know that they’ve become dear to him as well. 
When you were young, you never cared much for the gossip of other children, so when Satori joined your middle school class and was greeted with the whispers of your classmates, you paid them no mind. It seemed that Satori didn’t either, instead focusing on volleyball, which allowed him to realize a certain twisted kind of satisfaction he craved. Your friendship unfolded quickly, moving through the awkward acquaintance stage and into the friend stage quickly. 
The first summer you both spent together was one of the most memorable. Come to think of it, you and Satori had somehow managed to skip over the awkward part of making friends at 13, barrelling into the summer season together as comfortable friends. He’d sat out on your back porch with you often, eating cut watermelon your mother had prepared for you both. She was just glad to see you’d made a friend. As a young child, people found you unapproachable, as you’d always had an agency over yourself which other kids didn’t have. 
Satori was the same, though he was always more immature in his teasing. Tendou has always gotten a kick out of toying with others and in high school it half-way earned him his nickname of Guess Monster, which plays on the word “gesu” meaning “low-life”. You always thought it was mean, but it would be a lie to say that Tendou didn’t earn that name with his opponents. He always somehow managed to come across as somewhat sleezy to them, even if you know he’s anything but. 
It happens to be another part of him that you adore deeply. The way he makes you squirm has always been an enjoyable aspect of your neatly kept friendship. 
Still, that first summer and all the summers after, went the same way. On the porch or balcony with a plate of fresh watermelon, laying across the slightly-cooler floor and debating through bored slurs what to do next. You can recall every version of him. 13 and immature, grinning over the tops of sunburnt cheeks. 17 and laidback, with a cheshire-like grin and a penchant for teasing. 20 and in college, with long hair and an easy, attractive grin. 24, with freshly buzzed hair, sitting between the past and the future, getting ready to leave you behind. 
You know it’s unfair to think that way. He’s not leaving you behind. Not really. Satori is just moving forward. He’s taking another step towards his future and that’s supposed to be a good thing. It’s supposed to be good that he knows what he wants next. But you can’t find it in you to be happy for him. 
You think it’s selfish. It’s selfish of him to not tell you. It’s selfish to want to go so far away. It’s selfish to want to be somewhere that you aren’t. Most of all though, it hurts that you didn’t know. It aches somewhere deep and ancient in your chest, a kind of pain you’re unfamiliar with. Foreign and dull, pressing right up against your sternum from the inside. It feels like heartbreak, as alarming as that is. 
Satori has a side to him that you didn’t know. A secretive one. One that allows him to just slowly withdraw if he wants to. It makes you wonder what else he keeps from you. Everything you need to know, Tendou will tell. How far does that extend? What other things don’t you know? 
While the ache is there, you can also feel confusion. It’s a deep, skin-tingling sensation, like something not quite realized. You have no idea why you’re reacting as adversely to this as you are. It’s not as if him not telling you this yet means anything that you’ve spiraled into believing. It’s not like it means he doesn’t care about you, it just means that he was as tongue tied as you feel right now. 
Your friendship has always had clear rules and boundaries and you think that feeling the way you are and Tendou keeping this secret has somehow broken them. It’s like, in breaking your unspoken rule somewhere else, Tendou set off a chain reaction that caused you to break another. Now, all you can think about are the inbetween moments. The liminal space between friends and something more that you and Satori have occasionally crossed into. 
It’s not because you are fantasizing about it, nor is it because you necessarily want it to mean something, but it is because they mean the most to you. Those little moments are when you’ve felt the closest to him, as if your relationship were strengthened by your physical proximity and the feel of his hands on your arms or face. 
You think about those easy summers. About the way girls pass him on the street and giggle into their mouths when he glances at them. About the way he looks at you when he walks. All of it piles up like sand, heavy and easy to sink into. You could get lost in these feelings and it terrifies you. 
You’re so deeply uncomfortable with the change, both in Tendou’s life and in your steadily rounding realization. Why is that? You’ve separated from plenty of friends before just like this and never felt so hopeless. Leaving for college was no different. Even when Wakatoshi moved away permanently, you weren’t half so torn up. You didn’t mourn the loss of some unplacable thing that had yet to exist. But here you are now, laying down on the floor of your apartment and thinking about what it means that he’s going away and what it means that he didn’t tell you. What makes Satori so different? 
You’ve never had to do this before. Thinking about how to respond to Satori feels so strange that it’s making you sick. You used to always know what to say. What’s making this any different? Why does it feel like there’s a lump in your chest that’s going to make you sick? 
Maybe it’s because you can’t figure out his motivations. There are very few instances in which you can’t tell what Satori is thinking. After all, he’s the person you spend the most time with, of course you’re able to tell what he’s probably thinking about. You wonder what you could have done to hurt him, rolling onto your back and clenching your fists to quell the crack you feel forming across your chest. 
There’s so much anxiety, so much uncertainty. All you can smell is that first summer. All you can hear is that hot and humid day when you were 13. You wonder why it comes to you so clearly now. Is it because this is the last? Is it because you both have already been poisoned beyond healing? Or maybe it’s simply because that is when these feelings started to take root. 
Maybe they started to take shape a long time ago, this uncertain, swelling ache in your chest that feels so adjacent to love you could have mistaken it for exactly that. The only reason you haven’t is because you know better. You know better than to break the rules, than to love him like that when your friendship has never been anything more. 
You’ve been staving it off for so long, you think. This unplaceable desire has been curbed time and time again. You think back to all of the times it’s felt like Satori was about to cross a boundary and you wonder if he ever actually was or if you’d just imagined it because you wanted it so badly. Even now you’re not sure. You think about your past boyfriends, why it never worked. Had you ever actually cared about them or were you just seeking out traits you thought you saw in Tendou? 
Even if it is more than friendship, even if he does mean more to you than you thought, all you know is how angry you are. It swells in your chest, ballooning until it presses against the inside of your ribcage and makes you ache. You know this can’t be fixed alone. You could run yourself in circles and none of it would make any difference. None of this introspection will matter until you can talk to him, until you can be in his presence again. 
The threat of loss looms heavy over you, like an anvil tied to a string, it swings precariously above your head. Satori, even after keeping the monumental secret, is still your best friend and losing him, distance be damned, is unfathomable. He’s everything to you and the situation, its precariousness, makes you afraid. How long have you been in the space between loving him and losing him? 
Sa-to-ri: hey i won’t text you anymore after this, but please come by when you’re feeling up to it. i can explain. 
You read the text over and over in front of his apartment. There’s a thrumming in your chest, like nerves come alive, and you can’t seem to just open the door. 
Satori opens it first, swinging it open with one sharp pull and staring at you. 
“Were you tracking me?” you ask softly. 
“Yeah,” he admits. 
He steps to the side to let you in and you quickly remove your shoes, stepping into his apartment. 
Satori looks like the Satori he always has. Tall and lanky, with big, heavily creased eyes and his thin upper lip. His bottom lip, full and round, bounces slightly as you turn to face him. You rake your eyes over his buzzed hair, still not quite used to the way it looks on him. You remember running your hand over it a few weeks ago and feeling the soft, spiky texture of it. Part of you misses the long hair, though you think this suits him more somehow. 
His eyes, which are usually low-lidded and laidback, look swollen, and the bags under his eyes which you admire so secretly, are more pronounced. Satori looks tired and as soon as you register that it’s probably your fault, you let your shoulders fall. 
“How are you?” he questions softly, the familiar tenor ring of his voice tentative and needy as he follows it with your name. 
You shrug. “I’m okay. How are you?” 
“Been better,” he says, giving you a lopsided grin that you struggle to return. 
You nod at him, swallowing thick, and Satori lets out a shaky exhale and runs a hand over his buzzed red hair.
“I can explain what’s happening, if you want,” he offers. 
“It seems pretty straight forward,” you say. “You applied to a school in France, got in, and it spiraled out before you got the chance to tell me. Right?” 
Satori tilts his head, surprised. You’ve hit the nail on the head. 
“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I didn’t mean- I didn’t think that-” 
You nod, biting back the familiar sting of bile rising up your chest. “I know. I’m trying not to be mad.” 
“Are you?” he asks. “Mad, I mean.” 
You nod. 
“Why?” 
“What do you mean why?” you say, giving an incredulous snort. “You’re going away and you were going to do it without telling me.” 
Satori tosses his arms up a little, beginning to grow frustrated. “I thought you just said you understood what happened?” 
“I do!” you shout back. “Do you expect me to leap for joy because you’re going 9,000 kilometers away?” 
Tendou tries to step towards you, reaching out with his lithe fingers to attempt to soothe the anger he can feel rising in you. 
“I have no real idea why you didn’t tell me,” you admit, crumbling a bit. “I think I could go over it a million times in my head and never really understand. But I think the worst part is that I don’t even know what I’m mad at. I’m just mad.” 
He falters, opening and closing his mouth in an attempt to find something to say. You feel your eyes grow wet with tears. 
“Why is it so easy for you to just leave me behind?” You question quietly, your voice cracking as tears start to spill. You feel silly and selfish for asking him this, but it’s what comes up. That unfamiliar swell of emotions you’ve been experiencing for the past week all bring you here. “How can you just up and leave just like that without even asking me about it? Didn’t you ever consider that I’d want to know and celebrate with you?” 
“____,” he says quietly. 
“And I feel so dumb because I know I should be happy,” you cry, wiping your eyes. “I know I should be happy that you’re taking the first steps toward your future, but I can’t be. I’m so hurt, Satori and I’m so sorry that I am.” 
You shake your head a little when Tendou steps close to you, unable to lift your head to look at him. 
“I know you have your own life and your own future,” you say, nodding your head. “I know. But I don’t know how you could ever want to go so far away from me. I don’t think I could ever do that.” 
It’s not accusatory, but uncertain, like you’re weighing the words on your tongue. It almost sounds as if you’re questioning your own feelings. It even surprises you and you stare at the floor between your feet to try and ground yourself. You can hear Satori breathing. It’s a steady sound, occasionally hitching and giving away his emotions. 
“Do you love me?” he speaks up quietly. You raise your head, eyebrows furrowed. “Do you love me like that?” 
You don’t know what to say or how to answer. The question has forced your gaze back up to him. His small eyebrows are pulled together in the center and his lips, usually tinged with a small grin, are pulled downwards. You ache at seeing him like this. 
“Because I do,” he adds, staring at you. 
“You what?” It shocks you, and you shake your head a little as if that would clear up the misunderstanding. You watch as he breaks every boundary you both have ever created. 
“I have for a long time. I love you and I’m not leaving because I don’t,” Satori looks almost unrecognizable, so deeply passionate and emotional, but there’s something familiar in it. There’s an emotion that you’ve seen somewhere before. “I didn’t keep it from you because I don’t.” 
“What are you saying?” You can hardly hear your own voice over the sound of your heartbeat. 
“Do you love me?” He steps towards you, adamant in receiving an answer. “Because I really need to know, man. I can’t do this without knowing.” 
You try to gather your thoughts. All of the teasing, all of the little lost glances Satori would adopt, all of the secrecy. It was because he loved you? It was because he loves you? Even the thought feels heavy, like it’s coated in lead. The idea drops into the pit of your stomach, weighing you down and for a moment you think you may be sick. 
Do you love him? Do you love him the way he wants you to? You look at him, fingers trembling. 
“I don’t know,” you swallow. 
“Come with me,” he pleads, “just come with me.” 
“Why didn’t you tell me?” 
“I don’t know,” he says, running a hand forward on his head. “Because I love you. Because you drive me insane. Because I didn’t even realize I was hiding it until it was too late to not be hiding it. I never meant to let it get this far I never- I never meant to make you cry,” he says, stepping forward and taking your hands in his. “You’re my best friend. I never wanted- I never wanted to lose you and I was so scared and I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do.” 
You take in his explanation, nodding slowly. “So your solution was to say nothing?” You frown at him. 
Satori stares at you. “I’m sorry,” he squeezes your knuckles, “come with me anyway. Even though I didn’t tell you. Come with me.” 
You stare at him for a second, attempting to process the speed at which your brain is moving.
“I can’t do this without you,” he admits, letting his shoulders fall forward and casting his eyes toward the floor of his apartment. 
This sends you reeling more than anything he’s said yet. Satori, by nature, is fiercely independent. He’s fiercely driven and internally motivated. Most people, when they meet him, can recognize this instantly. It makes the admittance heavy, like it’s waterlogged. You gape at him. 
Your eyes follow the familiar planes of his body. His round, double-lidded eyes which are so familiar to you that you would know he’s watching you without even looking. The sharpness of his cheekbones. The undereye bags that you love so deeply. You follow the trail his cheeks make to his mouth, slightly parted and glossy with spit. His neck, leading down to his collarbone. The exposed parts of the muscles, now visible to you from any angle since he cut his hair. 
He’s looking at you with a desperate, wild look. It would be frightening if it were anyone else, but it’s Satori. It’s your most loved person. The one person you could do anything with and be okay. 
The boundaries which you’d relied on so often in times like this, don’t exist anymore. There’s no inbetween to fall back on, no safety net to keep you from falling completely. If you want you, you could give into this entirely. You don’t have to catch yourself. You don’t have to sleep on the couch. There’d be no more side-stepping and avoiding and wondering if you wish it or if you dread it. 
“Okay,” you say quietly, inhaling. “Okay.” 
Tendou looks at you for a minute, blinking. His face is so familiar and being able to look at it like this is like a homecoming. 
“Are you still mad?” he asks quietly, his hands still gripping yours. 
“Yeah,” you admit. 
“Can I kiss you?” He breathes out. 
“Yeah.” 
Satori leans forward, bringing his hand to the side of your cheek gently. He’s so close. The boy you’ve known since 13. You can feel his breath on your face, trembling slightly as he draws closer. You screw your eyes shut as his lips meet yours. Familiar is the word that comes to mind. You’ve never done this with him before, but you can map out the way they look from the feeling of them alone.  
You inhale sharply and Satori leans in closer, bringing his other hand to your face and deepening the kiss. He cups your face firmly with both hands, pulling you close to him as his shoulders drop and he lifts your face to get a nice angle. Everything about his touch is different, but somehow deeply familiar. It’s like you’re meant to be here like this with him. Like you’re meant to be in his arms, which your face cupped between his long, lithe hands. 
He pulls away from you, leaving you dazed and breathless. Looking at him from this close feels like a privilege. It’s like you can see every single detail about him that you’ve ever loved. You reach up to touch his face, running your thumb across his under-eye bag. 
“I’m sorry,” he says again, his lips swollen. 
You shake your head. “I should have been happier for you.”
“Mmm, you always worry about other people like that,” he says softly. “I’m the one who acted like an asshole.” 
“I still don’t want you to go away.” 
“I know,” he leans forward, pecking your lips. “But it’s not for a little while. We’ve got time.” 
You kiss him first this time, pressing forward until your lips find his. Tendou immediately licks into your mouth, deepening it with a groan and pulling your body flush against his. 
There’s so much relief in touching him like this, in feeling the slip and slide of your skin against his. It feels right, so right that all of your previous experiences begin to pale in comparison.
He is so dear to you that it is overwhelming. All of it comes at once as he lays you on the bed, hovering over you with his eyebrows pulled together. Everything that he is is so dear. His hair, his smile, his low-lidded and heavy creased eyes. Oh, how you love him. Any anger slips away in the realization. 
You’ve never seen him look quite so shy, nor so hesitant. His hands, which are usually so sure, run up your sides at an awkward pace, like he can’t quite get a hold of what’s happening. You feel that your expression mirrors his, that the pace of your breath betrays the nerves you’re feeling. 
Satori hovers over you, his shirt pulled off to reveal the pale expanse of chest you’ve seen a million times. His chest heaves, like he’s out of breath, his round shoulders supporting the weight of him as he looks at you. His eyes betray a sense of adoration. It’s an emotion you’ve seen in him a few times, similar to the expression he wears when he plays volleyball. It looks like he’s being consumed. Then, he tilts his head at you and smiles. You smile back at him, reaching to hesitantly touch the back of his head and pull him close to you. 
His buzz cut feels soft to the touch and Tendou gives in when he feels the warm pads of your fingers at the back of his neck. He lowers himself closer to you, shifting onto his forearms and then dipping his neck down to kiss you, beckoned by your gentle touch. You feel his knee press into the mattress between your legs and gasp when he moves it up to brush against your center. 
There’s a strangeness to being touched there by him. Along with the relief of friction, comes the oddness of who. That’s not to say that it doesn’t feel right. It does, though to ignore the years of history between you two would be a disservice. That strangeness, however, only fans the flames of your desire. This is a part of him you’ve never seen before. 
Satori’s fingers snake down your abdomen where your shirt has ridden up. They’re cold and you can almost imagine the round and somewhat pointed look of them. You glance between you both, admiring the knobby curve of his knuckles and the way he toys lightly with the elastic of your waistband. 
“Can I?” he breathes out, barely above a whisper and so laced with desire that you almost think he might whine. 
“Go ahead,” you exhale and he gives you a little smile before dipping two fingers between the folds of your cunt and pressing lightly on your clit. 
You gasp, arching your back up at the cool sensation of it, slowly relaxing as he starts to move his fingers in a steady circle. When you open your eyes, you see that he’s watching you, his neck craned down to peer at the expression you’re wearing. 
“Stop that…” you laugh lightly. 
“Stop what?” he croons, pressing lightly at your entrance with the pad of his finger. 
“Staring…” 
Satori leans down and kisses you while sliding one finger in. You feel him smile against your mouth when you gasp, the corners of his mouth curling up delicately as his mouth leaves yours. 
“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to touch you like this,” he says quietly, still against your mouth. Then, with that lovely upward lilt to his voice, “let me stare a little longer.” 
You huff a little, fighting the heat rising to your cheeks and he laughs a little bit, kissing down the exposed parts of your neck. 
“I could do this instead,” he hums, teasing a little as he pushes your shirt up and places a kiss between your breasts. 
His lithe fingers cup up to cup your chest, pinching your nipple over your bra with two fingers as he smears his lips down your stomach. You don’t know how to respond, instead watching the rise and fall of his head with your breathing as he leaves a trail of kisses down your abdomen. 
When Satori reaches your waistband, he pulls his hand from you and hooks two fingers around it, shimmying it down your legs. 
It’s not as if you haven’t undressed in front of him before. Satori has seen you at your best, your worst, and all of your inbetweens. You’ve changed in front of him more times than you can count, even going so far as to skinny dip together the summer before college. Still, this time is different. This time, when Satori undresses, he’s looking at you with his eyes that see everything. He’s watching the expanse of your body, gaze crawling up each inch of exposed skin until his gaze rests on your now exposed cunt. 
You let out a subconscious whine when his breath hits you and his lips curl up a little when you do. He rests his head on the inside of your thigh, looking up at you from between your legs. 
“Feeling shy?” 
“Obviously,” you force out, covering your face with your forearms. 
“Aw, what?” he pouts. “Don’t hide from me.” 
His voice is so sincere and so fond that it draws you out from behind your arms. He’s still looking at you, smiling from where he lays between your legs. 
“There ya are,” he says, a lopsided grin spreading across his features. “I’m gonna touch you now.” 
Then, he spreads you open with two fingers and licks one long stripe between your legs. You shiver, your hand instinctively flying up to his head where you grow frustrated that his long hair isn’t there to hold onto anymore. He gives you a small smile from between your legs, holding your pussy open, before dipping back down and securing his mouth around your sensitive clit. 
Something about this is so deeply embarrassing. Maybe it's the fact that it’s Tendou, or maybe it’s because you haven’t had someone go down on you this well in a long time. Either way, you feel the humiliation in your teeth like sugar, your knees knocking inward every now and then when he hits a particularly sensitive spot. 
Satori hums into your cunt every now and then, tongue lathing over your sensitive bundle of nerves. Everytime you twitch or gasp, he gives a pleasant little hum that you feel buzz through you, then he looks up to check on your reactions. His hands, which are so familiar you think you’d know them only by touch, wander over your thighs and up your stomach to your breasts. They don’t stay in one place for long, instead running all over your skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. 
You’ve always liked Satori’s hands. Ever since you met him, you’ve thought they were nice. They’ve got a gentle look to them. They’re big and his fingers are long, but they’re thin, with smooth and somewhat knobby knuckles from injuring them so often in volleyball. They’ve always been hands that you wanted to be touched by and now that they’re running softly over your skin, you find yourself shivering at the overload of sensitive touches. 
Every one of Satori’s touches are gentle. Even his tongue between your legs, which winds the coil in your stomach tighter and tighter, is gentle in his appreciation for you. It’s like he’s experimenting ever so slightly, like he’s cherishing you while simultaneously figuring out what makes you tick. He already knows everything about you in a platonic sense, now he gets to learn in a sexual sense. 
Still, despite the gentleness of his touches, it is all too much. His hands, his mouth, the feel of his tongue as he sucks on your clit. Even just the way he looks, eyes closed and brows pulling upwards, is overwhelming. He moves his face side to side slowly, smearing you across his face, before he looks at you with low lidded eyes. 
The knot in your stomach tightens and you begin to swelter. Your face grows hot, lightheadedness flooding the space between your ears as you’re worked closer and closer to your high. You gasp, reaching to run a hand over his buzzed hair. 
He reaches up behind his head and knots his fingers with yours at either of your sides. You squirm against him, desperate as you build higher and higher. Satori groans lightly as you choke out a light warning, trying your best to not sound as broken as you feel. He nods, lapping at your cunt with a flat tongue until you feel you are fit to burst. Your chest heaves, your head spins, you begin to peak and then, Satori stops. 
Your voice catches in your throat. It’s a feeble, pitiful sound that catches and tapers into a low whine. You buck your hips forward, legs feeling like white-hot sandbags as your climax slips steadily away from you. 
Satori tilts his head at you, giving a wry grin. His signature smile is coated in you and his mouth and chin glistens in a way that feels incredibly vulgar. You tremble lightly as he wipes his face with the back of his arm and sits back on his heels. You watch the heave of his chest, lean muscle shifting underneath pleasantly warm skin. Starry freckles dot pleasantly across his chest and you briefly wonder where on earth he got them. 
As the frustration wanes, you find yourself wanting to be closer to him, desperate to build your high back up. 
“I kind of liked that reaction,” he drones lightly, leaning over you as you beckon him. 
“You’re such an asshole,” you breathe out, catching his mouth with yours. 
He hums into it, lips curling as he kisses you softly. 
“Uh oh,” he says against your mouth, “am I on your bad side now?” 
“Yeah,” you respond, reaching down between you both to run your hand lightly over the bulge in his boxers, “the worst of it.” 
Your response is absent-minded and quiet, not retaining your usually snarky attitude. Right now, the only thing you’re thinking about are the points of contact between you and Satori. There’s only touch. 
Satori doesn’t respond, instead letting his head hang between you both as you reach under his waistband and wrap your hands around him for the first time. He’s long and not particularly thick and you drag your hand up the length of him just to test his size. Satori’s so hard that you think it must hurt him, his tip wet with precum. 
He shudders over you, his shoulders tightening as you run your thumb over the tip of him. He’s more sensitive than you would have expected and you tilt your head slightly to watch the way he screws his eyes shut. 
He looks so new to you like this. Everything is new. It’s so new, in fact, that you can push aside your own desperation in favor of witnessing it. Though the person is familiar, the situation is not. It makes you feel like a virgin. Well, it makes you feel like a virgin and not a virgin at the same time. You’re having fun just playing with him, running your fingers along the length of him. It’s like getting to show him what you know, all with the butterflies of a virgin. 
You suppose he feels the same. Maybe that’s why he’s got his head tilted down, only looking up to give you a strained smile whenever the head of his cock brushes your slick cunt. 
There’s so much feeling. That’s the only way you can describe it. There is so much feeling between you both, humming and shifting and pressing against your sternums from the outside, begging to be let in. It’s tangible between the two of you, so present that you think you could grab it with your hand, but neither of you move to take it. Instead, you press closer, letting it sit heavy in the air between your faces. 
Satori doesn’t move to push himself inside of you and you don’t move to guide him there. Instead, you let the tip of him press lightly against you, running your fingers up and down it. The tension, made up of your frustration and feelings, balloons until you are certain it will burst. Your lower stomach winds and coils despite how gentle the touches are and desire makes its way into your throat where it sits leaded and heavy. 
He groans lightly over you, his hips shaking lightly with how long he’s been holding himself there. You run one hand over the curve of his shoulders, feeling the way the lean muscle shifts as he tenses and untenses. 
Finally, he pushes past the tight ring of your cunt with a low whine and you move to wrap your hands around him. The pads of your fingers press into his back, leaving marks in skin that you’ve seen a hundred times over. He trembles over you and your focus is pulled between your legs where you feel the pressure of Satori there. He presses forward until his hips are flush with yours and you’re made breathless by the sticky pressure of his pelvis against yours. 
He stays still for a while, tilting his head to the side to catch your mouth. You feel his breath come in quick bursts, but he never moves to fully kiss you, instead brushing his lips against yours as if to draw the desperation from it. You grow antsier by the moment, pushed to frustration quickly by the stillness of his hips and the distance of his mouth from you. When a low whine escapes your mouth, Satori smiles silently and flicks his hips forward once. 
You tip your head back and Satori chases your mouth, finally kissing you lightly as he starts to rock back and forth. 
He finds a slow rhythm. It’s deep and overwhelming, each thrust pushing deep into you until you feel the press of pressure in your stomach. He doesn’t so much thrust his hips as he does roll them at steady intervals, pressing the tip of himself up and into that gummy spot inside of you. 
You’re sticky between the legs. You can feel it each time he pushes into you, dripping from your pussy down to the mattress. Satori smears it with his hips on purpose. You can tell from his expression that he’s enjoying the mess, his familiar face watching for your reactions as he experiments with you. 
“You’re so fucking pretty,” he says through gritted teeth. His hand comes up to brush the side of your cheek. 
You don’t know how to answer, cut open by the affection in his voice and the way pleasure sews itself through. 
“You’ve always been so pretty,” he says again, bending down to kiss your neck. “But you’re even prettier like this. I don’t want to share it.” 
You shiver, “Then don’t.” 
Satori hums lightly, dragging his mouth down your chest to take a nipple in his mouth. He speaks around it. “I like the way you sound when you try and talk while I’m fucking you. Talk s’more.” 
The sentence is so dirty that it feels like your face is lit on fire, “No.” 
“Come on,” he teases, popping your nipple from his mouth and sitting up completely. He hits you deeper like this and you feel him twitch inside of you. “Just a little?” 
“Satori,” you whine a little, breathless. “I’m embarrassed.” 
“Of what?” He questions, reaching to take your hand and press it to your stomach. 
“I don’t know,” you grunt, gasping when he adds pressure to your stomach. 
“Of that?” he grins, fucking his hips into you sharply. You can hear the sound of your wetness. 
“Yeah,” you gasp, “that.” 
“Don’t be,” he mumbles, leaning over you again to speak against your mouth. “It’s really hot.” 
Your stomach flips, turning over as the pressure and his words come to a head in the space between your ears. Your cheeks heat and your stomach seems to roll beneath your skin. You’ve heard Tendou say all sorts of things about all sorts of people, but for some reason, the idea that he finds you hot sends you syrupy. 
“Satori,” you breathe out, tipping your head back to let him nip again at the sink on your neck. 
“Hm?” 
“Nothing,” you sigh. “Just wanted to say it.” 
“Again,” he says, punctuating his sentence with his hips. 
“Satori.” 
He groans, laughing a little. “Sounds different when you say it now.” 
He’s right. You’ve said his name a million times, but it sounds different now. There’s more intimacy to it, like you’re not just calling to him, but for him. The distinction to you is important and the sharp sound of the syllables leaving your mouth only serve to heighten your desire. 
Pressure mounts in your gut like water against a dam. You feel it build there while Satori presses his hips deeper. You repeat his name, embarrassed but calling out for him nonetheless. He obliges every time, meeting your pleas with heavy sighs that give away the closeness of his peak. 
“I’m gonna-” you choke, grabbing at his shoulders. 
“Yeah, baby,” he breathes, “me too. Whenever you’re ready, okay?” 
You nod, meeting your high with a dizzy head. Satori holds you still while your hips buck and your knees buckle beneath him. He follows not long after, spurred on by the press of your thighs around his hips. 
It takes a long while to come down. The haziness fades away but even after several long minutes, the glow does not. It sticks you to both like summer heat, inescapable and rich. Satori plays with the small baby hairs by your forehead and you let him, resting your cheek on his sticky chest. You’re not sure of what to say. It’s difficult to orient yourself. 
“Shit,” he mutters softly. 
“What?” Your stomach drops. 
“Nothing,” he says, running a hand down his face. “I think I’ve just got it way worse for you than I thought.” 
“Oh,” you say, nodding, letting silence settle over both of you before you break it once again. “I think I love you.” 
“Yeah?” he says quietly, lifting his head from the pillow a little. 
“Mhm,” you say softly. 
Satori presses his smile into the side of your head. 
“I’m a little nervous,” you say, laughing quietly. 
“Of what?” He grins. “That you’re gonna like me too much?” 
You slap his chest lightly, “Definitely not.” 
“Harsh,” he laughs a little. 
“I’m nervous because what if things don’t work?” you admit quietly. “We’ve known each other for so long, Satori, but what if one day we can’t stand each other? What if in the future we don’t even talk anymore?” 
“You trying to jinx it?” he laughs a little. 
“No,” you pout. 
“Well, look,” he says, lips curling in the corners, “there’s no way in hell I could ever get tired of you and I’d never let you get rid of me. I’ve been haunting you since we were 13 and I don’t really plan to stop.” 
“Haunting?” You scoff. “You know, Satori, you’re really fucking weird.” 
“That right, baby?” 
“Eugh,” you laugh a little. “Gross.” 
Satori shrugs. 
“I’m still upset you didn’t tell me about France either.” 
“I know,” he says a little softer. “I really-”
“You don’t have to defend yourself,” you say. “I think I’m just going to be mad about it for a while. You’ll just have to put up with me.” 
“Okay,” his voice sounds small and you turn over onto your stomach and press your forehead to his chest. 
“Everything feels so complicated now,” you say softly.
“Hey,” he tilts your chin up. “Do you love me?” 
“Yeah,” you answer, fighting the heat rising to your cheeks. 
“Good,” he says, giving you a boyish grin. “I love you too. That’s not so complicated, right?” 
The words of affection feel strange in the same way new shoes do. They fit, but they’re foreign. You have to orient yourself to the way they make you feel, but the joy of wearing them hums to life in your chest like a stringed instrument. Satori’s lips curl into a cheeky grin and the expression is so familiar that it makes you ache. It’s mischievous, like he’s not quite being serious and if you didn’t know him better, it would make you nervous. But you do know him better. You nod lightly and let his smile infect you the same way it has since you were 13. 
The glow remains. 
Sa-to-ri <3: you ready? 
You: ya coming now. 
Sa-to-ri <3: kk i’m outside. 
Your heart leaps into your chest. It swells there, heavy and affection filled. When you step outside, Satori looks up at you, pressing his palm to the wall behind him and pushing forward in one fluid motion. You watch recognition flash across his face the same way you feel it flash across yours and then, his eyes soften. His lips melt into an affectionate and easy going grin as you approach him. 
You fly down the steps, unable to choke back the small laugh bubbling at the back of your throat. 
“Satori,” you breathe as he takes you into his arms. You bury your face in the extra fabric of his sweatshirt, inhaling his familiar smell.
“Hi,” he chimes softly. You feel him rest his head on yours then, he sways a little bit. 
“I really missed you,” you sigh, unwilling to let go. 
“I missed you too,” he laughs a little and you feel his fingers come up to cradle the back of your head. 
How long has it been since you’ve seen him? Four months? Maybe five? Since moving to France, he’s come back to visit once for only a few days and though you talk to him on the phone almost every day, it’s not enough. It’s never enough unless he’s here. 
When you pull away, he takes your face in both of his hands and looks at you like he’s cataloging everything that’s changed about you since you were separated. His eyes trace the lines of your face and yours do the same to his. 
“You got prettier,” he smiles lightly. 
“Liar,” you laugh a little.
“Nope.” 
Satori leans forward and places his mouth on yours gently. You suck in a sharp inhale, heart racing against your ribcage. Even a year later, he still makes your heart leap out of your chest. You missed the way he tastes, relieved to finally be able to taste him again. 
“You buzzed your hair short again, baldy,” you laugh, reaching up to run your hand over the spiked surface of it. 
Satori rolls his eyes, They glide upwards as his head follows the motion of them and then, he scuffs the tip of his shoe against the floor. He’s wearing a pair of worn black high top converse. You’ve seen them many times before in the entryway of his old apartment, but in his time away they’ve become so well worn that they’re gray in certain areas. 
Tendou gives you a wry smile. It’s a ghost across his face as he narrows his eyes a bit in a familiar way. “Easier to manage this way at school.” 
“Mm, I bet. You sure you’re not just losing hair?” You tease. 
“Even if I were, I think you’d date me anyway.” 
“You got me,” you laugh, turning to walk down the street with him. 
Satori’s fingers automatically tangle with yours. You feel his knuckles slide past your own, the tips of his fingers cool but his palm warm and wide. Your mind runs at a mile a minute and you realize that you have no idea what to say to him. Right now, his familiarity and your longing for it are overwhelming. All of your thoughts are abstract and the warm, fuzzy feelings are unplaceable. They live in your throat. 
Instead of talking, you look over at him. The hair he’s just recently buzzed again highlights the delightful round shape of his head and you think it suits him. He looks clean and trimmed, something unusual for Satori, but you don’t find yourself missing his shoulder length hair. Instead, you like this metamorphosed version of him, somehow grown from the man he was when he left. You resist the urge to reach up and run your hand over the top of it again. 
It’s nearly 9pm and, as usual, the sidewalk is littered with people on their way home or out with friends. Girls pass Tendou in the street with little glances. They peek to the side as he walks past them, admiring the sway in his step and the alluring way he slouches forward the way they always have. These same girls giggle into their mouths the same way they always do. It’s easier to see now that you know how to feel about him, that Tendou is attractive. He’s always been that way, but now, as these girls whisper about you being his girlfriend, you find yourself giddy to be able to say that you are. 
You take stock of him beside you. He’s long and lean, staring ahead at the building just beyond the sidewalk in its seemingly endless stretch into the sky. His eyes slink back and forth between the screens illuminating the street with ads and every now and then, his gaze will stop on one he finds interesting and he will squeeze your hand. You watch him through the corner of your eye until you have to look away. 
The walk to the ramen shop is longer from your apartment than Tendou’s old one, but it’s familiar. You’ve not been back there since Tendou first moved to France last September. Still, each step that you take feels so natural that you could do it blind. 
When you reach the familiar ramen shop by Tendou’s old apartment, you notice that the blue curtains in front of the door have been replaced. The kanji is cleaner now and the bottom isn’t fraying quite the same way it used to. Tendou still holds them to the side for you, unlacing your fingers and ducking through the doorway after you. When you walk in, you find that now there are two ramen chefs behind the counter. The old chef, the one you grew up with, is toward the back of the bar and in front is a young man with features like his. 
You settle evenly into the bar, smiling softly at Tendou when he looks at you. When the old ramen chef sees you, the corners of his eyes crinkle in a welcoming smile. 
“It’s been a long time since you two have been here! What’s been keeping you away?” he exclaims, placing his hands on the bar. “The same usual orders?” 
“Oh, this and that,” Satori hums. “I moved to France and they hate coming here alone.” 
“That so?” The chef smiles. 
You both nod and Tendou slips into an easygoing rapport with the man, leaning his chin onto his hand as he talks. You watch the way the muscles in his arm flex and the way the corners of his mouth curl into a smile, sinking quickly into the comfort of the space. 
“You two together yet?” The chef glances between the both of you. 
Satori leans back lightly, looking sideways at you before he shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t offer a verbal answer and you find yourself following suit in his shrug. 
“Yup, we’re in love,” you say, leaning forward and fighting the heat that rises to your cheeks. 
The chef waits for your subsequent denial but when it never comes, he smiles knowingly and pats the counter softly. He doesn’t offer his usual chiding remark. There’s no reason to anymore and instead he turns to fix your bowls. The soup will take 8 minutes to prepare. You have 8 minutes to sit here with Tendou and ask him everything you want to ask before you both become inevitably engrossed in your meals the way you always have. Tendou no longer adopts that signature spacey look he would have at times like these.
“How’s Paris?” you ask. 
Tendou’s eyes slink along his lower water line and he turns his head—still resting on his cheek—to look at you. “It’s good. Kinda cold. Make sure you bring lots of jackets.” 
You nod and think back to your apartment, filled with boxes that will be moved out and shipped ahead to Tendou’s Parisian apartment. All of your things, your life, are packed into those boxes. Scores of memories and matter, evidence of the years spent with him, neatly organized to be transplanted somewhere else. The apartment itself doesn’t matter much though, your home, you’ve found, is wherever he is. 
“Yeah? How’s school?” You lean forward to be closer to him. 
“Really good,” he sighs a little. “I’m really happy. Gonna be happier when you’re out there to see me graduate though.” 
“I’ll be there to see the other stuff too, like when you open your own shop.” 
“Mhm,” he laughs a little. “Did I send you the picture of the new place I was thinking of?” 
You shake your head a little. “Not yet, show me now.” 
Satori gives you an excited grin before he pulls out his phone to show you. The tab is already open on his phone, like he’d been staring at it only moments earlier and daydreaming about his future there. It’s on a street corner with big glass windows. The space looks empty from the photos, already cleared out and ready for him to move in. 
You can just barely see past the clear glass door into the cozy space inside. In fact, it looks to be only a little larger than the ramen shop you’re in now. 
“It’s got an apartment upstairs,” he says, a little quieter now. “I was thinking we could tour it once you get out there. I’ve already put in an application.” 
You bite back a giddy smile, the prospect of living with him becoming more real as he talks to you about it. There are several things you’re grateful for since you started seeing him, though perhaps one of your favorites is his continued openness with his wants and feelings. Even this small conversation makes you feel loved in a way that you have trouble describing. It’s so full that you have trouble swallowing it. 
“‘Course, you’ll stay with me in my old apartment till it’s all squared away,” he smiles a little. “I’ve got enough room, though it might be a little tight.” 
“I hope so,” you laugh a little, rolling your eyes. “I’m really relieved.” 
“Relieved? Why?” He gives you a small laugh. “You like being that close to me?” 
You shrug a little, rolling your eyes at his gentle tease. “I was worried you’d get out there and realize everything was wrong… or something.” 
“Weird of you, but okay,” he laughs a little, playing with your hand on the table. 
“Though you’d really be fine anywhere,” you laugh a little. “I think you’re just that kind of person, Satori.” 
“Only if you’re in my corner,” he says, giving you a sly grin. You shove his arm at the cheesy remark. Despite dating for a little over a year now, things like that catch you off guard. After all, in hindsight, being with him like this was the next natural step, you’d just been too stubborn to see it. 
It’s been a long while since the two of you have spoken in person and you soak him up like sunshine. He seeps into your skin through proximity alone. The distance made you nervous at first. Though you’ve gotten over the initial lie that separated and then brought you together, for some reason there was still some part of you that felt that when Satori left for Paris, he was leaving forever. You know now that that feeling was just your affection for him, but it doesn’t make the relief any less sweet. 
You can recall the teary-eyed confession he made like it was yesterday. The image of him with his hands at his side, asking if you loved him is burned into your brain. If you could go back, you don’t think you would change a thing. Your only regret was not being able to formulate those vague feelings which became so overpowering earlier. If you’d known earlier, you’d have been able to have loved him longer. You’d have been able to consciously love him the way you do now, the way you think you always have. Loving Satori comes easily, like breathing, up until that summer you’d just been too young and dumb to see it, your head underwater. It’s only been a little over a year, but hindsight is 20/20. 
When silence falls over the two of you, you lean close and let him scroll through the pictures from his time in France. You’re so deeply content. You’re so prepared to move to be near him, so ready to take that next leap and follow where he goes. It’s a secure feeling, one that grounds you in the moment. 
The chef places two bowls in front of you and Satori perks up, sliding his phone away and moving to crack garlic into his soup. He hands you the chili oil, remembering how you like yours and you smile warmly when his eyes meet yours. If you could, you’d kiss him right now just for remembering. The smell of ramen wafts up in thick clouds of steam, hitting your face with warm and heavy moisture as you lean over it and inhale. 
“It’s none of my business but,” the chef says, clearing his throat a little, “you both have been coming here for a long time and I think you’ve grown into fine young people. Take care of each other.” 
You’re too emotional to find the words, but the chef looks at you with something of a fond stare. He’s known you both long enough to understand to some degree how long it’s taken to get where you are. You stare with a childlike wonder, unable to say anything to this man who created the space you found so inviting through your adolescence, but Satori finds the words easily.
“It’ll be my privilege,” he smiles, the corners of his mouth turning. 
It’s such a simple statement, but it’s definitive and somewhat serious for Tendou. It implies longevity, the kind that lasts a lifetime. He sounds so certain of himself that you find yourself nodding firmly beside him, heat rushing to your cheeks. 
“Eat up, kids,” the chef smiles, glancing between you both and patting the counter with a smile. 
Tendou thanks him and you stare at the noodles in your bowl, feeling oddly introspective. What you’re feeling now is not quite elation, nor is it indifference. The best you could describe it is as a hopeful nostalgia. Beside you, Tendou begins to slurp at his noodles and when you glance sideways at him, he meets you in the middle. You can’t help but mirror him when he smiles around his chopsticks. 
You eat your ramen through idle conversation. Tendou talks about his future shop and you talk about the job you’ve managed to secure overseas with your previous experience from the company you’ve worked at the past year. You both have stable jobs now and it’s strange to talk about your future together as if it has already arrived. 
Suddenly, you are in your third year again, discussing futures that have long passed after an evening practice. Satori is in his volleyball sweater, concealing a sweat-drenched uniform, and you are wearing your skirt with sweatpants underneath it. That’s what this feels like. You’re no longer in the in-between. There is no precarious balance between past and present. There is only future. There’s only the future that you’re living in and the one you’ve both begun to make with each other. The in-between, that space between adulthood and adolescence where present and future find their middle ground, is finally beyond you. Though you can sit here and glance behind to recall all of those little choices, you’re here now, already arrived at the place where all of it has always led you. 
Two people, two collections of memories, each winding and twisting in their own individual ways. They’re what makes you both, the decisions that have brought you to this inevitable finish and this endless beginning. You remember the choice to say yes and it is with a nostalgic fondness that you realize, in all of your future glory, that there are more choices to come.
In this little ramen shop where your past meets your future, you and Tendou Satori, the boy you’ve known since 13, in the after. 
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guxciestone · 1 year
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— YOUR FIRST/NEXT RELATIONSHIP ❞
(pick a card reading)
🥀✧
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THIS READING INCLUDES:
— when and where you will both meet. — first impressions. — their personality. — physical appearance. — why you will fall in love with each other. — relationship dynamic. — potential problems. — lessons you will both learn from each other.
✧ note ✧
hiii guys! ❤️ i’m happy to be back because i’ve made it kind of a new year’s resolution to post more, lol, we’ll see how that goes. this is the longest PAC i’ve ever put effort in. it took me 3 weeks while doing school to finish this. i hope you enjoy the reading! please send me feedback, and there’s a poll at the end of the post, it asks if your pile(s) resonated with you or not, please answer it. it’ll help me improve my readings and accuracy. thank you! :)
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୨୧ pile one ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE YOU WILL BOTH MEET?
You are going to meet your partner around a time where you are getting in touch with yourself. You might spend more time alone than usual for self-exploration and soul-searching, in hermit mode. You could be working on self-love and self-confidence, your sense of spirituality, or creative pursuits such as art, nails, or even music. You’ll genuinely feel you’re stepping into your inner power around this time, even if it feels like no one else notices. You’re doing it for yourself, and you’re happy with that. You will mostly likely officially meet your next partner through social media or through some type of virtual communication. You might have an idea of your partner before you meet them probably though friends, but this is when you will finally speak to them. Another half of you, I am starting to think that you actually know this person, like for real. This could be an ex, but they could also be someone you had a failed connection with, or a situationship that was close to being a relationship but didn’t make it. I’m hearing ‘5am’ and ‘text message’. I’m getting this vibe of you randomly being on instagram or whatsapp at 3am, and someone randomly texts you “Hey beautiful <3” It is possible that the guy or the masculine person will approach the other person through DM’s with the desire to initiate a loving connection. I’m seeing this person scrolling the others’ social media admiring how attractive and hot they are. Your partner could mostly be the one doing this. Again, this person may have known you from mutual friends and happened to have gotten a hand on your social media, contact, or phone number, and wants to take action towards you. I do see that this person might have hesitated a bit on communicating with you because you might not know them too well or they’re scared you won’t reciprocate their energy, but I see them successfully coming through with courage :)
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Again, you and next your partner might know each other already, maybe you two just never made it to the deeper stages of the relationship.
Your next partner might perceive you as someone who is indifferent, detached, and wants nothing to do with them. Perhaps when they approached you through your social media, you might’ve not been that excited or reciprocative to them. You might not be happy about hearing from them, or you just moved on and could care less. Perhaps you two were starting to date, but this person ditched out on a date the last minute, and that caused you to be unforgiving or stubborn towards them. Whatever happened, I feel like they are back and are willing to try this again. They believe that you might be holding a lot of burdens and troubles in your life right now, and it’s causing you to harden up and not open up to them. They think that because of the issues you have going on, you aren’t allowed to fully go with the flow and be soft with life, which is affecting how you approach them. Perhaps they’ve noticed you have been working a lot, and been extremely busy with your money situation. This could be something financial they are thinking about too. Your next partner is going to believe you aren’t secure enough, especially financially secure enough to fully indulge in yourself and relax without any responsibilities or restrictions. They might want to come back and promise you that type of security. It is possible this person walked out on you when you wished for a promising future with them, but they weren’t at the place they needed to be to give you that, so they bounced. Well, now they’re back. And they also hope to give you the strength and resilience too.
You are going to feel extremely disappointed when you hear from your next partner after a long time. You’re going to think from the lack of interaction and not seeing them after some time that they seem better off with you, and that they walked out for a reason (I want to tell you that is not true) This might make you feel very insecure in yourself and what you have to offer to others. You’ll think they weren’t worth the time building a future with anyways, so you are going to try to actively move on from them and work on yourself. You’ll also feel as though you cannot trust them after what they did to you, and you forbid yourself from ever talking to them about anything. You could also view them as unreliable and someone you cannot lean on to in times of need. For a group of you, I feel the impression you have of this person is a huge misunderstanding and there’s more to the story. I feel like you couldn’t see them eye to eye about something specific, perhaps something about finances, structure, and responsibility. That could’ve also been a reason for the previous breakup between you both.
I’m also hearing that this could be someone you planned to marry, or an ex-fiancé, but it didn’t work out.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
Your next partner (or ex) could be someone who usually prefers to be alone most of the time. They could be a lone wolf, someone who loves doing things alone and without anyone’s help. They are someone who is resilient and highly capable of being introspective. I feel like they are someone who is used to being on their own, so they might not be the best at compromising for others or doing things for other people. They can be affectionate, it’s just they are “a man for themselves” type of person for the most part, not necessarily selfish I feel. Which can also explain why I get the vibe that they could be very picky about who they let into their life, whether that be romantically or platonically. Although their pickiness can be a beneficial thing for their mental health and well-being, their pickiness can also be detrimental to their success in relationships. This might have gotten them into some depressive states at some point in their life. Virgo and Aquarius placements are coming through. This person might be someone who sometimes struggles to protect, defend, or exert traits such as bravery or assertiveness. This could be a factor as to why the connection didn’t work out the first time. This person is highly self-aware too. If they recognize something within themselves they need to fix, they’ll fix it. In this case, I feel as though they’ve came back to provide you with some type of security and a reliable figure, something they didn’t bother to have or be until now.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
Black hair for most, brunette hair for a group, and blonde hair for a smaller group. Longer hair; manbun or pony tail; rounder or square-shaped face; tanner or fair skin; prominent lips (could be medium or smaller); alluring and mysterious personality; aries or virgo placements, maybe a bit of libra energy; 2A to 2C hair; thicker body type or bigger, for others, skinnier and taller; might love wearing hoodies, jackets, or caps; curlier or wavier hair.
WHY YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
You will fall in love with your next partner because they’ve underwent a rebirth where they came back better than ever to give you what you truly want and yearn for—security, protection, and love. It will almost be like they are a different person and they’ve grown into a mature version of themselves. You might even notice that they’ll try to make their mistakes up to you by taking in your responsibilities and obligations for you so you don’t have to worry about them anymore. You’ll love that they didn’t truly move on, and it might even give you clarity about where you two stand with each other romantically. It’ll let you know that they are still into you, and there will be clear communication about everything at all times, because I feel like that big mishap was because of a misunderstanding for some of you. You’ll also admire their priorities. Again, this person might’ve been someone who has always been there for themselves, but now that they are with you and they have something else to protect, they are also focused on you and the ones they care about. And that makes you love them more. You’ll fall in love with how you can make promises with this person and they won’t break them. You can trust them way more than you could have in the past. And there’s potential for marriage or a serious long-term relationship with this pile, maybe even a child.
Your next partner will fall in love with you because of your faith and your determination to make things happen for yourself. They admire your optimism, outlook, power, passion, and hope. They see you as someone who has so much potential. They also love how selfless you are, you are always willing to be there for others in times of need, which could’ve been something that inspired them more to become this new person. You might very good with children, or you could have younger siblings or nieces/nephews you love being around and they think that it’s adorable and they probably can’t wait to see you with their kids in the future. However, they notice that you can be a bit too selfless to the point where you put yourself in danger. They will want you to focus on yourself from time to time. They notice your intelligence and how gifted you are—whatever that talent is, for some of you, you could like doing nails, hair, fashion, or music? They think you desire a lot of more recognition for that talent, and they wouldn’t mind pushing you out there for others to see it.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
Again, you and this person might’ve had a connection in the past, so perhaps the dynamic didn’t start off the best. There could’ve been a lack of communication, maybe a lot of arguing/push and pull dynamic. Maybe even a bit toxic, especially from your side. Perhaps you had an forceful nature towards this person due to their lack of assertion or promises in the connection. There could’ve even be a sense of self-sabotaging on your partner’s side. I’m seeing the past dynamic being the feminine partner having to be extremely aggressive and daunting because the masculine partner wasn’t doing what they needed to do for the person they cared about. Now in the second reconcile, of course there will still be some times where you both need to work on communicating and understanding each other, but this person is way more reliable, protective, trusting, and willing to compromise and provide, which has allowed you to let them take the lead and follow in their footsteps respectively. I’m getting a decent balance of masculine and feminine energy in this connection now. This is overall a positive and progressive dynamic for you and your partner’s development.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
Both of you might need to work on your sense of pride and your ability to be vulnerable. I feel like both of you might have your guards up in the relationship all due to a lack of trust and not making each other feel secure enough to do so. I definitely feel this on the feminine’s side, probably you, specifically. You both need to open up in order for this relationship to be emotionally fulfilling and thrive; and communication and listening is key to doing this. On your partner’s side, they might be a bit careless about others around them, and i’m also hearing for others, their finances, which I think is what they will be progressively working on when they get back with you, but it is important to make sure they stay on track and don’t lose course. If it is about finances, they need to make sure to stay on track or financially instability is possible, and then it’ll lead to the same issue again.
For the other group who did not have a misunderstanding of their judgements about this person from the start, it’s possible that there could be an issue with heartbreak, cheating, deception, or lying. In this case, you already know what’s the solution—leave. It’ll lead to more heartbreak if you stay, it could even leave to unrequited love. Know your worth, please.
LESSONS YOU WILL LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
From your next partner, you will learn how to step out of your comfort zone. Some of you could have a fire or air north node. I feel like your partner will help you expand your connections with people to further yourself in your career endeavors and life in general. You’ll learn how to network with others properly. You’ll also learn how to trust your intuition as well as trust others. Your future partner will help you embrace your emotions and sense of vulnerability better than ever, which will transform you into a completely different person and even helping you on your soul journey.
From you, your next partner will learn how to not be as impulsive or careless, to take it easy and slowly revise things. You might even teach them how to be persistent and keep going after their goals. They’ll look to your faith and ability to make things happen for you, so they’ll learn how to step into their own power and make things happen for themselves. You might even help with money management skills. This is random, but I’m also hearing you might help them with their fashion sense, appearance, or personal health. Perhaps you might get them on a new diet, type of style, or haircut, something like that.
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile two ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
I’m seeing that you may meet your next partner through a person, specifically a female figure who is particularly masculine or an air sign—perhaps a mother or a close friend. There is a vibe that you might meet this person in an energetic setting such as a party or dance. I’m seeing you being with this particular female or feminine figure and they introduce you to this person very spontaneously. This interaction will definitely be unexpected and in-your-face, and you might even be overwhelmed with the interaction and the environment in general. That’s why I’m getting huge party energy and this friend just grabbing your arm and trying to introduce you to this person through the loud music. I’m seeing around this time, you might be going through a powerless moment. You’re going to feel like you’re out of control with yourself and your energy. It is possible you might’ve underwent a terrible breakup or left a toxic relationship, and it has left you drained and insecure. You might not be expecting a relationship or yourself stepping back into the dating world when you meet your person, and that’s why I’m getting that this interaction might be unexpected and maybe even overwhelming for you. This friend or feminine figure could want you to socialize and explore your options, so they are introducing you to potential love interests, and you may, but mostly may not be fine with that. Another possibility is that your friend might’ve heard that this person has developed an interest in you, and your friend thought it was the perfect circumstance as they believe it is time for you to find a lover again; and this person wants to offer something extremely serious to you (this person may be older or hold a much more mature energy; if it’s a guy, he is in tune with his feminine and well-mannered side, this is probably coming through because you might notice it in the first impression)
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
I want to point out that some of you could be LGBTQ+.
I feel like you will feel conflicted about this person on the first impression, not because they give off bad vibes, but more so you aren’t sure if you are willing to take your chances with them because of what you’ve already been through in your previous relationships. It is almost like you don’t want to stress and exhaust yourself over anyone anymore, and it’s just not worth it. Or you just feel you aren’t particularly ready for it yet. However, you think this person is “a treat”. You view this person as the ideal partner, everything that you or anyone might want in a person. If they are a girl, you’ll view them as caring and friendly, and is always willing to be there for people, and they might seem like an articulate thinker. If they are a man, they seem trusting, and very successful in their work and finances. If they are a man, they might wear expensive clothes or an outfit that makes them look rich or financially stable, which you’ll find pretty impressive. If they are a girl, you might notice that this person seem younger or they look young for their age, they might have a petite and skinny body type too. If they are a man, they might be taller or bigger-framed or they could seem older due to the way they carry themselves.
Your future partner might view you initially as someone who has gone through a lot of heartbreak and troubles. I’m getting the vibe that this friend or feminine figure could’ve told your person about what you’ve been through, and with that information, your person will intend to be more sensitive and understanding towards you and how you feel. They might notice that you seem particularly distant or cold to them. Perhaps even not as talkative as you should be. They might try to ask you questions, but you might give them basic and short answers. It might be hard for them to get decent answers out of you, but they’ll try. They know it’s not on purpose, but it’ll make them want clarity about what you want and how you are as a person. They know that under that mask, there’s someone who is able to offer just as much as they can into a connection, and they want to know what you want from them so they can take the right action. At the same time, they’ll be understanding if it’s not the answer they are looking for. They might’ve already know initially you weren’t ready in the first place, but they wanted to take the chance. They might see you as someone who needs the recovery before stepping into a relationship anyways. This person is someone who is realistic, so even if you don’t admit it, they’ll know that you need time to heal and will let you do so.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
This person might be similar to you; and this could be a twinflame. They are someone who has gone through similar heartbreaks, betrayals, and hardships in the past in regards to their relationships. Over time, it has caused them to be selective with who they allow into their space. However, I feel it’s different with you because you might have completely shut yourself off from the world. This person is particularly more healed than you, but they are still understanding with your situation and this might’ve been the reason why they were attracted to you (because both of y’all’s experiences are similar) I heard this person is a “sweetheart” and they have so much love to give, they might’ve been taken advantage of in the past and has developed thicker skin, but they didn’t let that get in the way of showing love to the ones they want to show love to. This person could be a water or fire sign, with a hint of earth. They are someone who is passionate about their relationships and career. They are someone who holds their ground and is confident in themselves. I heard that they hold a lot of sex appeal, and could even have a high sex drive. This person might have a pet, particularly a dog or cat they hold very dearly to. Again, this person is erringly similar to you, it’s just that they are much healed. Therefore, they understand how you feel and why you act the way you act (this person is highly empathetic) and they want to help you and be there for you because they were the same wounded soul you are at some point in their life. I feel this is what this person is coming into your life to do, this could be a twinflame, high-leveled soulmate, or karmic soulmate. You both might have some karma with each other you need to make up for. I think this person might have to make up for something they’ve did to you in a past life through this calling.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
hot; alluring; prominent hands; thick eyebrows; broader/big-framed; thick; medium-sized lips; medium-lengthened hair; birthmark; sagittarius; smaller button nose; short height; prominent eyes; aries; medium-sized nose; prominent lips; stockier body shape; 2A to 2C hair type; black hair, and a group has blonde hair; athletic body type (they probably do sports or exercise by the way); intimidating; black/brown eyes.
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
Your and your next partner might have had a relationship or connection in a past life with each other. There could some type of unfinished business or karma that needs to be fulfilled. Because of this, your next partner might feel drawn to you for no particular reason. They’ll just feel connected with your energy and want to unite with you. This person might have not been in a relationship in a long while, and they met you and feel like this is allowing them to turn on a new leaf. For a group of you, this person might’ve been someone who has cheated or played other people, but they’ve learned their lesson now, and they believe it’s time to show what they are truly capable of offering in a relationship—with you. There’s also a sense of guilt as well, I don’t know why. This person might feel obligated to show you what love is really about, or they want to prove to you that they can give you true love and understanding. I’m literally feeling like there is a karmic reason for that. They fell in love with you because they feel like you complete them, you’re their other half (twinflame vibes, I swear) They believe that it all ends with you, and you only. I’m hearing “show you the world”; they might want to travel with you and take you to places. I’m getting specifically this person might have felt lonely for a minute, and they feel like they haven’t been able to go to certain places because they don’t have anyone to go to those places with, but they feel like you are the one they can do those things with finally.
You will fall in your love with your next partner because they will introduce you to a new beginning. It is like they are giving a breath of fresh air after what you’ve been through with love. Again, I feel this person will want travel to places with you and explore. You’ll love this person’s humor and their ability to not take things seriously. You’ll love their optimistic energy and their ability to make their loved ones, including you, smile. They will get you out of your comfort shell and earn your trust. You’ll love how they are a trusting person and you can always come to them to talk about personal things. You’ll feel like you can be your unadulterated self around them without any judgment. They’ll wash away all of those limiting beliefs you have about relationships and your own worth and introduce you to a new self-concept. They might be someone who is affirming, always calling you “beautiful, “sexy” or “handsome”. They love making you feel confident, and you admire that. They want to help with healing you and you becoming a better person. You might love how they are the type to hype up your achievements and accomplishments, they might even love funding your hobbies and passions too. They might even introduce you to a new world sexually. You might not be someone who is confident enough in their sexuality, or maybe in previous relationships you never had the opportunity to express yourself sexually. This person will be happily open to that and will build up your comfortability with them to do so. A group of you, this might be your first ever relationship.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
You and your next partner will evolve and learn lessons with each other. You’ll transform and become a stronger soul with your person. You will be a powerful couple who fights through challenges and come out better than before. You and your person will be unstoppable, and no one can get into between you two. You will teach each other a lot of lessons and will not go easy on each other. I’m seeing that you both are very philosophical people, especially your partner. I feel like your partner will always want to teach lessons because they are have more experience. They are definitely older, even if it’s just by a few years. I don’t just see you guys as a good couple, but you will also be great friends. If you don’t last with this person, I see you guys being really good friends and still having love for each other. You’ll hold a special place in this person’s heart and vice versa. I also feel that this person prefers to be the dominant person in the relationship while you follow after them. Not in a controlling way, but this person just likes wearing the pants. They are very collaborative though. This dynamic is also very sexual, I see a lot of experimentation and a lot of sexual activity. Sexual chemistry. You both will feel comfortable with each other to where you want to do everything with this person. You’ll want to learn and explore a lot of things with them. This person will introduce you to a lot of things. For a group of you, this could be your first relationship. I think I said this already lol.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
From the feminine’s side, most likely you, it’s possible that you might struggle with self-confidence and self-love with this person. There might be times where you might even distrust this person due to past relationships. This person will not be okay with this and would want to encourage you to be more comfortable enough with them to confide in them. Lack of trust can ruin a relationship just as easily. Perhaps there could also be an issue with moving on from a previous person or situation from either side, if it’s from your person’s side, it could be about a lifestyle or situation; if it’s your side, it could be about a person. I’m getting a vibe that your person might be someone who can be a bit reckless and careless when it comes how they approach people. For some of you, this person might be extremely attractive and there could be times where you are jealous of the attention they get, in a sense you’re afraid they are going to want fulfillment elsewhere. I do not see that being true, I think it’s just your insecurities. However, this person might need to learn how to be more considerate about how you feel and learn how to approach people in a more stoic way to build more security in the relationship. Because I see this person being extremely generous and easygoing, which is a nice trait to have in a lover, but not when you are in a relationship with someone else and you can easily lead someone on without knowing. I also see that one of you might be a bit confused about what type of future they want to have, which can start a very heated argument. Perhaps one wants a family, but one wants to travel the world and wants dog babies lol. Either way, there needs to be a compromise.
LESSONS YOU WILL LEARN FROM EACH OTHER
Your next partner will learn how to surrender to the divine and have faith in things. Your partner might’ve been someone in the past who was rather stubborn and wanted to make things happen for themselves (which is good) but in this case, they didn’t like others being in control of what they wanted in life and they might’ve not thought that anyone can be trusted to give them happiness or contentment. However, you taught them different. You’ve taught them to put trust into the unknown and put trust into the people they care about. To trust they won’t get hurt. I feel like your person might’ve done the things they’ve did in the past out of self-sabotage and pride. You’ve taught them to also stop running away from their problems, and to take them face on. This is specific, but you could’ve also taught them the value of love, and how truly abundant it is. Your person could’ve been a workaholic or a money-dependent person in the past. This person might stop working less when they are with you because they’ve found someone they can truly be content with, invest in, and build a future with.
This person will teach you about different aspects of yourself you never would’ve thought of, take you to places you never would’ve taken yourself. They are a vital part of your soul journey, and will help you with your life purpose. They’ll teach you how to trust others more often, open your heart up, and express yourself in ways you’ve always wanted to (whether that be artistically, sexually, spiritually, etc.) They might even help with you with learning how to physically and verbally show love to people. How to not hold back when it comes to your love and emotions for other people. They’ll teach you that even in times of desperation, need, tragedy, and destruction, you’ll always have the chance to leap into something new, like them and this relationship. Your person will teach you that your most desired and ideal things can come true because this person is what you’ve always wanted and they’re here. They’ll let you know that you’re capable of becoming the person you want to be. This person is truly someone from heaven I believe. You’ll feel extremely grateful for this person and thank the Gods for them after all. ㅤ
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile three ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
You will meet your person at a place you might see them everyday in or an environment that is intended to be a place that brings in prosperity or a secure future for yourself. This could be work, college, or high school. This person could be an acquaintance or an associate. I’m mostly seeing college and work for this pile, most of you could be young adults, if not, older teenagers. I’m getting this vibe of a regular college student struggling to make ends meet and just trying to study for their degree and graduate. You might meet your person around a time where you exactly do that, you’re working hard to bring in abundance and success for yourself. Starting from scratch type of energy. You might be hustling or working multiple jobs at once, or juggling a job and school at the same time. However, I see there could be some lack of clarity about what you want to do in regards to your passion or career endeavor. I just see you preparing financially for the future, but not exactly working towards a certain career. Some of you could be freshmen or sophomores in college who don’t know what degree they want to major in yet. I’m just seeing stagnancy and confusion. You might particularly meet your person at a job or in school. If you meet them at a job, they could be your boss or manager. If you meet them at school, they could be a student just like you, but they seem more aware of where they want to go in life. I see this person being like a mentor to you, helping and guiding you to the right path. You might go to this person from time to time to ask them questions about your aspirations and personal decisions. This person will help you out of that confusion and guide you into calmer waters; and this can be the case if this is a boss or manager, or even a teacher at your college. I feel like your person will being balance into your life by doing this because you know you’ll have someone to come to to help you through these tough adult decisions. This person may be older, or they could be mature for their age. This connection could start off strictly as friends, and the friendship is full of intimacy and emotion. You both will care for each other extremely. I feel like your partner will love to comfort and reassure you that no matter what you do, you’ll always be okay and come out of it. You might be someone who stresses over decisions or you struggle to make decisions on your own out of the fear of “messing up”. This connection will slowly develop over time, which are the best type of relationships.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
I feel like for most of you, this is your first relationship, or first serious relationship.
Your person might perceive you as someone who is timid and shy. They might believe that you are someone who struggles to assert or defend themselves in dire situations. They could believe you lack the confidence or courage to stand up on your own, and they want you to work on that because they see you as someone who has a whole lot of potential to accomplish great things. They see you as someone who is intelligent and hardworking. However, they believe the potential is all going to waste because you’re not fighting for what you want unapologetically and head-on. They don’t want you to depend on outside influences to know if you should go after what you want. For some of you, this person might’ve seen you get bullied or teased on by peers in some way at your school or job. Due to that, they could feel a responsibility of having to protect you or teach you a lesson about assertion. They also noticed that you seem wise beyond your years. They might’ve compared you to other people your age and admired that quality about you. This person is probably older than you for most of you. They might see you as anti-social or someone who rather keeps to themselves. It is possible that they don’t see you talk to people so often, so they assume you prefer your solitude. They perceive as someone who is always working and serious. There’s always something that could be trying to improve on. They also see you as disciplined on the first impression. They could also perceive you as someone who is abandoned often, or struggles to maintain connections with people due to your hermit-like personality. They believe you should break out of that, and it’ll be detrimental to you in the long run. They also perceive you as someone with a good heart and good morals. Your person believes you prioritize being a decent person, you’re always willing to accept, love, and be fair to everyone unconditionally.
You will perceive your next partner as someone who hold a lot of knowledge and solutions. They seem to know it all, and always know what they are doing. I’m also getting this vibe that you might even look up to or idolize this person. You’ll view this person as enchanting, you might even be very sexually or physically attracted to this person. Perhaps you would want to talk to them more at your job or at school. You just want to learn more about them. They will seem very interesting to you. If I have to be honest, this seems a bit unhealthy because it’s like you literally look up to this person to the point where they could make you do anything you want them to do and you’ll do it. We’ll just see soon in the reading if i’m right or not. This person might be someone who is above you in some way. Again, they could be a boss or manager, perhaps a teacher at your school or college. They will be highly respected and appreciated in their career or workplace. Something like that. Okay guys, I think I’m right. For a decent group of you, I’m getting strong unhealthy vibes. There is a possibility that some of you could have some attachment or abandonment issues from your childhood that could cause you to get abnormally tied to this person. Your person might take advantage of that and get extremely possessive over you. Be careful with this person, for most of you. Also, please heal whatever you struggle with. Whether that be father/mother issues or abandonment issues, please heal that wound so you don’t attract this person. I’m saying this because they don’t give me the best vibes to be honest. I heard this person will take you on a “hellride” if you stay with them, I’m not kidding. However, for another group of you, your partner could just be a student at your college, and I don’t see bad vibes from them. But the other group of you, yeah, stay safe.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
This person could be great with children and extremely humble. I feel like they are always giving to others; they might even do charity. They could be financially well-off to do all of that, perhaps they come from a wealthy family or they worked to become wealthy. They might even want a family in the future. Your person is someone who could be rather impulsive and quick-minded. They could be someone who never knows how to stay still, one day there are at one place, one day they are at another. They might love going out to places for the excitement. This person is always searching for the next big thing. For a group of you, you and this person could pursue a long-distance relationship. I said that because you might text them very often than physically be there. This person has a lot of courage, strength, bravery, and confidence. They aren’t afraid to stand up for themselves and they refuse to back down. One could describe them as stubborn and they might love taking the lead in things. I’m hearing they “are in control of their destiny”. I feel they are someone who wants a lot of things out of life, so they strive to go after it all. I’m hearing you shouldn’t expect this person to stay one place at all times, they are going to move and be everywhere. Guides probably told me that because you might not like that. This person is lucky. They might be someone who started from the bottom and build something amazing that they are so grateful for. For one or two of you, this person could have won the lottery (That was random) Due to the fact they know what’s it’s like, they love giving back to the people. Strong sagittarius vibes.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
you might see this person’s back very often; shorter hair; brown/black hair; medium or short height; big/chubby; pear-shaped body; sagittarius; medium-sized lips; stockier; thick; freckles; pixie cut; joyous smile; feminine-looking; hats and caps; prominent hips; tall height for some of you; virgo; one of you, this person could have a back problem like scoliosis or something.
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
I’m getting the vibe that your next partner might have gotten married before and is a divorcee. They might even have a child, I was getting that hint when I was reading their personality. They will fall in love with you because they feel like can have a fresh start with someone new, they might want to marry you for a new beginning. This person feels guilty about something, about their past marriage. This person wants to break free from the guilt they have? For a group of you, it is possible this person could’ve been toxic in their past marriage, and now they are trying to break from the shackles of their remorse for how they they treated their partner. If that is the case, for most of you, they are still the same. Stepping into that connection will only promise deception, control, and immense order. I see them being emotionally and psychologically abusive. For another group of you, this person was in a toxic marriage with a person and is trying to start over and break free from the trauma. Either way, this person will want to step into marriage with you to build more fortune and abundance with you (although it’s pretty concerning how they are so quick to thinking about marriage, personally) They see you have lots of potential and want to build something with you, they want to be a team. For half of you, this person is toxic; for another half, this person is healthy. Sorry if this reading seems very contradicting, there’s probably a lot of people in this pile.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
You and your next partner’s relationship dynamic could be modest and humble. I feel like you would be the type of couple to give back to others. You or your partner, or both could be financially stable enough to be charitable and humanitarians. Being with each other will be very transformative, you will both dig into each other’s psyche and figure out each other’s dark side. If this relationship is toxic, I have a feeling that your partner could be someone who has a tendency of being tyrannical. They could be the type to tell you when you should come home or leave the house, or even tell you what to wear. Strong controlling vibes. In extreme cases for a few of you, you might even financially depend on this person, and they can use that financial superiority to keep you under their control. For this group of people, your partner seems so abusive, I’m sorry, I don’t want to say that. God bless. This relationship will truly you teach you things about yourself you need to realize and fix so you don’t find yourself in this predicament ever again. This person could be karmic or twin flame, for sure. This person will dig dark parts out of you through their toxic actions. I feel like when you are in this connection, you’ll be in the most lowest and darkest point you’ve ever been. However, if you leave, I see this relationship being the sole event that will allow you to transform and blossom into an entirely brand new person like a phoenix.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
I see that for the group of you that aren’t going to be in the toxic relationship. Again, your person might be someone who is always moving around and always looking for the next big thing. Guides gave me the hint you won’t like that, so you and your partner might argue about that particularly. It seems as though no matter where your partner goes and what they do, you could never catch up, and that will not help the future. Perhaps long-distance will be an issue too. You might not trust your person with long-distance probably, and they will be frustrated with the fact. This person could be pretty questionable with their whereabouts for three of you, and you should confront them because infidelity is possible. However, for the rest of you in this group, this person should be able to value their freedom, at the same time, they should learn how to compromise to your wishes equally. For the toxic group, this person will have extremely control issues, I’m not joking. They will literally treat you like a child. I wouldn’t even be surprised if some of you had a father or mother who were controlling or abusive like them. It’s like they will be a tyrannical authority figure to you. They could also ruin your self-confidence if you let them, because I see some co-dependency on your side. You’re also showing some toxicity. You need to learn how to not depend on the opposite gender for validation or confidence, especially if they are older. This relationship probably won’t even seem romantic, it’ll be more professional because there’s a lack of chemistry or compatibility.
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
For the toxic group, I heard alcohol. This person might be an alcoholic or drink very often. You might teach this person about temperance and knowing how to balance their alcohol intake. I feel like you will teach this person a lesson about their toxicity. You will make them realize that the things they do to their partners will only make their karma and reality worse. I wouldn’t even be surprised if they drunk a lot to wash away the guilt for the violence in their past relationships. This person will definitely have an epiphany after this connection ends, they’ll realize what they lost and they’ll strive to become better (just hopefully not with you because you’ll probably be through with them) This person might even have mental health/trauma issues and they could have avoided counseling or help in some way for a long time. I feel after this connection, they’ll take time to recover and actually find the help they need. They’ll be out of the dating scene of a significant amount of time. There could some insecurity issues or trauma from their childhood that has led them to that point. For the healthy group, you will simply teach your partner about balance with indulgence. Perhaps they are a bit impulsive with money or they are always moving everywhere and can never find days to settle down and relax. You’ll teach that they can find freedom in other places other than what they’ve been doing to find it. Perhaps they could resort to work very often and you are going to teach them to find freedom and comfort in family and connections.
For the people with the toxic partner, this person will definitely scare you away from relationships for a while. I would not be surprised if they were physically abusive from time to time (I hope not) but you will also take time to heal and step out of the dating scene. You will learn how to stand up for yourself and not let yourself get taken advantage of by others because of how easily a rut you can get yourself into. You might even get offered romantic dates after this connection, but reject them, which is beneficial for your journey when the time comes. You’ll learn to stand your ground and build your own foundation without the need of anyone else’s. You’ll realize that depending on somebody else will only lead to your demise and failure. Leaving this connection will give you a breath of fresh air and allow you to rebirth yourself into a new energy. For people in a healthy relationship in this pile, you’ll learn how to trust and confide in your significant other. To let your guard down and trust that things will happen the way it should. Trust your person.
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile four ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
You’ll meet your next partner at a time where you want to step out of your usual and work on your confidence. You and your future partner might meet in school or in a busy environment. I’m getting grocery store for a specific person in this pile. I have a feeling that someone, probably you, will be approaching the other person for a romantic opportunity out of the blue, because of love at first sight or just for the sake of doing it. Perhaps a friend that is with you will encourage you to do so. This friend might be confident, expressive, extroverted, and passionate—quite the opposite from you. People who chose this pile might be on the shy or inhibited side, and i’m getting a vibe that this friend or person with you at the moment will motivate you to step out of your shell and ask this person out for “practice” (or vice versa) I see you being hesitant and afraid. This person may play hard to get. However, I’m seeing you taking this as them full on rejecting you because I see you being someone who is insecure and takes everything as a personal attack. You’re quite literal and might not pick on cues as well as others. You might think this person does not like you or come off as mean or unapproachable, but it’s far from that. I see them giving you mixed signals on purpose. This person will like you, but they might be iffy on if they want something serious with you because they could have some emotional and personal turmoil stopping them from deciding. I see them giving you their number or some kind of contact. I do see you feeling a bit ridiculous from this first interaction, you’ll think you made an embarrassment of yourself. When in reality, they literally like you. Your friend will probably ramble about how you shoot your shot perfectly and you’re over there panicking thinking you did something wrong, lol. Most of the people in this pile may be males or masculine energies. (Perhaps one or two of you could be neurodivergent)
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Your first impression of your next partner is that they come off as domineering and strong. You might be intimidated by them when you both first meet. You might even stumble on your words. They hold a lot of masculine energy. You could’ve approached this person with a need to expand your horizons and get out of you shell, but when you finally talk to them, you’ll want to recoil back into your shell because they are frightening. Some of you could have social anxiety or struggle in social situations. You’ll feel timid around this person and not be as communicative with the fear that you’ll say something wrong. I also see some self-sabotaging tendencies. You’ll find that you will see some good things about this person, like they are almost too good to be true. You might be someone who struggles to find positivity in some aspects of life, and you might try to find things about this person you won’t like so you’ll have a reason to leave them. However, that’s just your confidence issues getting in the way. For some of you, I’m also taking this “self-sabotaging” as you trying to ignore the red flags of this person, in a sense they have some issues they need to work on. I don’t see them being flat-out toxic, I just see they’ve through some things.
Your next partner’s first impression of you is that you come off as distant and detached. It is ironic, you both have similar first impressions of each other. However, on your partner’s side, they aren’t necessarily intimidated by you and they have some limiting beliefs about you that came from their past connections. They believe that you come off as expressionless or stoic, as though you don’t necessarily show much emotion. Which makes it hard for them to pick up on how you feel or respond. They do sense that you aren’t the most confident, and they adore how awkward you are. And that might’ve given them confidence to play hard to get and give you their number when you asked them out. Again, this person might underwent some relationship problems in the past. I’m seeing particularly cheating or people taking advantage of them for their materials, status, or looks. Something like that. I’m hearing specifically that someone might have been an energy vampire or they “leeched” off their resources, basically partners who depended emotionally or financially in them. They might think that you are the same way and you’re just like them. That’s why I see this person just keeping you around for fun at first. They might seem quite indifferent to you for a while as well. If they are girl, I see them just having an extremely damaged feminine. And they might be very successful. They might be hot and cold with you at the start.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
This person may be an older, much successful woman. They are someone who is passionate and goal-driven, almost no one can get in the way of what they want to do. They are someone who is independent, who makes reality happen for themselves. I’m hearing this person could’ve been in an orphanage. They could be in the military. Strong person for sure, mentally and physically. They’ve been through it all. I’m hearing that they’ve truly built themselves to where they are now and they plan to not let anyone ruin that for themselves (as they should, to be honest) This person might have a knack of attracting people who leech off of their success or energy, and they’ve learned to properly hand out their energy to people who will use it wisely and treat them correctly. This person is extremely giving and humble, as they grew up in an environment in which they expected modesty and generosity from others. “You can’t tell this woman nothing” I don’t know why I heard that, lol. This person’s love language is definitely physical touch, they love sexual contact. That could be something that heals them when it’s with the right person. However, this person is someone who has some issues to work on. They could struggle with being verbal and communicative. And they need to work on that to attract and build healthy relationships. Again, this person can be a bit wishy-washy too. They don’t know what they want in a true partner or they can depend on certain acts to make them feel better, such as sexual activity.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
Red hair; strong or muscular body; petite/dainty body; piercing (i’m seeing specifically an ear piercing); prominent shoulders (perhaps they are broad); wrinkles; gemini; pisces; aquarius; prominent waist; black hair; RBF; freckles; dark/brown skin; 4A to 4C hair type; medium height; athletic.
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
I’m hearing that you guys might not be particularly in love with each other, I just see infatuation or extreme admiration/respect for each other. However, there are things you adore about one another.
You will love how well-rounded and talented your person is. I’m seeing they are someone who has been through a lot in life, and because of that, they’ve learned to acquire different kinds of skills and abilities that you admire and look up to. If you are a guy into girls, I see you seeing this girl as the queen she is. You’ll be grateful for her. You’ll feel as though you truly caught a dime. They’ll also make you feel better about yourself as a person. They might be older or more wiser than you so they might teach you a couple of things, and knowing you are with them out of all people with boost your confidence because a lot of people might want them for their character. You’ll also feel the need to protect them as well. You’ll truly feel you have became the better version of yourself with them. You guys might travel a little bit. I see this person being physically gone a lot, again, this person could be in the military or have a job where they are gone a lot. And you’ll miss them dearly. You’ll admire their perseverance. You’ll feel this person is too good to be true and you’ll feel as though you don’t deserve them, and that’s when the self-sabotage comes in.
It seems to me they’ll love how understanding you are. Even though they could struggle with communicating, you seem to know what’s wrong with them and you try your hardest to help them. It seems like they’ve always needed someone who was patient with them, helpful to them, and you’re here. They feel as though you are one less burden in their life, and that they can depend on you when they need it the most. You take the pressure off of them. They might love how good you are with physical intimacy as well, and how you are communicative in that aspect of the connection. They love how awkward and shy you are as well. They adore how you don’t like that much attention on yourself and you always let others take the spotlight, but they believe you are intelligent and capable and deserve it as times too. They love your modesty as well. They also love their goofiness and how weird you are! You might have weird hobbies, and they find that special about you.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
This person might’ve been used to toxic and draining relationships, and they might step into this connection with a bit of baggage and toxic traits. However, I see them healing while being with you and getting themselves into a better energy. You’ll be helpful to them, you’ll be like their safe haven, and assure them that you are far from their other partners. You might not be this person’s usual type, or you’re far different from their past relationships. And this is something new to them. You’ll be patient with them person, and you might need to deal with their stubbornness but I feel you’ll take care of them and fight through with them. I see a lot of passion, hard work, and sexual energy in this relationship. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a short-term relationship or a long-term relationship that doesn’t last. There is a lot of infatuation but friendship and teamwork. You guys might move around a lot, or you might come along with this person to their job since they could be gone very often. You’ll always be there for them and you might’ve promised that to them. They’ll be like a teacher to you. They’ll let you know on certain lessons and skills they’ve acquired from what they’ve been through. You might be younger, perhaps in your early 20’s when you meet and deal with this person, and they could be in their mid to late 20’s. For some of you, this person could be in their 30’s. You both might exercise and do physical activity a lot, whatever that be may be, lol.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
In the beginning, this person might play games and try to play you off as a fling or as a casual partner. They may or may not be playing with other options when they meet you, and they might not tell you in the beginning because they didn’t see you seriously in the first place. This might get annoying for you, you might not be the most assertive person, but I see you stepping up this person and telling them what you want from this connection and standing your ground. This person might not be used to that, and allow you to have what you want for the sake of seeing what happens. I feel one or both of you could have a mother wound—for you, this could’ve caused to be someone who is emotional and quite vulnerable to people you’ve just meet; and for them, this could’ve caused them to be workaholics and distracting themselves as well as shoving their emotions down and not expressing them. This person might have hyper-independence issues, all due to pride and what they’ve been used to for all their life. They’ve been used to partners who depended them and had to work to where they are themselves. They could also be a bit nasty and domineering at times, always wanting the upper hand.
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will learn to have confidence in the success of their connections, and to not expect their love life to go to disaster all the time because I’m hearing that they attract what they believe to be true. They could be a strong manifestors. They’ll also learn to cooperation and teamwork, learning how to work with others and not try to take over all the time. They’ll learn to be less hasty and to be more reflective and slow in their approach to what they do with others and their life. To always come to their loved ones and ask what they want before they make the decision. They’ll also learn how to be more open to romantic offers and take chances, because they’ll never know if they would have met their soulmate if they accepted that one person’s date. They’ll also explore their options in love for commitment from now on, and not for casualness or flings. Lastly, they’ll learn how to be intuitive with their money choices. Their hastiness problem could be about money or financial decisions. Some of you guys may get married, and they might have a problem with buying certain things without your permission.
The lessons you’ll learn from your next partner is to learn how to protect your loved ones more and assert in situations in which is necessary. You’ll be protective of your partner and learn how to establish yourself, especially if you are the man in the relationship. You won’t take any crap anymore and hold close what’s dear to you. You’ll also learn to be more grateful for your life and circumstances because there’s people who have been through far worse and you’ll be more open-minded towards how people act and think and understand that how you grew up and the experiences they’ve had determines that. You perhaps might be in a better career when you are with this person for some reason. They could’ve help in some way in regards to your skill or abilities or connections. You’ll learn to establish yourself more in your confidence too, and know how to lead yourself to better place personally because this person has been through it all to know how as well.
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile five ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
You’ll meet your next partner during a time of stagnation, a period of confusion or stillness. You might not exactly know why you feel this way when the time comes, but this person will appear. This person might be someone you know already. For some of you, this could be an ex-partner; and for some of you, this could be someone from your childhood or adolescence. You might hear about this person before you meet them officially. I heard “tabloids”, this person could be making a name for themselves in some way, and this’ll cause for you to know about them before you actually see them. This person may be an aspiring artist, socialite, influencer or entrepreneur. You might officially meet this person at a family reunion, they could be a family friend, or a sibling’s friend? Either way, I feel you don’t want to deal with this person when they come back. It is possible that if this is an ex-partner, you might have left them due to a lack of commitment or effort in the connection. I’m getting mostly from your side, but it could be theirs too. If it’s on their side, they might have had a lot of romantic options due to their physical attractiveness or status at the time, and left. You may or may not have a child with them. I see you not wanting to have any connection with this person anymore, not wanting to hold the burdens or karma you have with them. However, that long period of stagnation you had is because of the underlying karma you have to resolve with this person, which makes me think this is a karmic partner. They could be a fatherly figure in some way, so yeah, they might have a child. I’m giving “from scratch” type of energy. For another group of you, you could’ve broken up with this person due to their aspirations and their desire to become who they want to be. Perhaps you thought their aspirations were too unserious for the future, or they let their aspirations get in the way of the connection.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Your next partner could view you as someone who is receptive, calm, and easygoing. You’re not the one to argue, yell or shout. It’s easy to talk to you. They view you as someone who is delicate and deliberate in their actions. I’m also hearing “quiet”. They think you are nurturing, emotional, accepting, and caring. Again, you might have a kid with this person. They might view you as family-oriented, which makes think this could be a family reunion of some sort. However, on the other hand, they view you as someone who is restless, but also avoidant. I mean restless in a sense that you are always conscious of your surroundings and how you appear. You might not want to talk and try to deliberately avoid them, for whatever reason. They also see you meditative, always reflecting on things.
Again, I’m getting this vibe that this person might an aspiring artist, influencer or whatever, and you might see them visibly making a name for themselves. Getting off of their feet and becoming secure and successful. Or if not, you see them becoming more well-off and taking up a secure job. You’ll see this, but I see a bit of stubbornness or a grudge towards them for some reason. You would still view this person as immature, wishy-washy and chaotic. You can see them as dreamy and creative, but also always in their head. You see them as someone who struggles to live in reality and actually take action to do things. You could also see them as delusional and deceptive. I’m getting for some of you, this person could have been unfaithful or extremely confusing in the relationship. Deep inside, you will be proud of this person, but I see you still remembering the past. You’ll believe that what this person is doing is incredible, but doesn’t change the past. This person may be younger or have a youthful energy. You might have went to school with this person, grew up with them.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
First thing I heard is that this person is very charming and humorous. They know how to grab attention of everyone when they step into the room. They carry strong energy that could be intimidating to some people. They might be bigger in physical frame or just carry large energy if that makes sense. They are definitely an enterprising and social person. They could be good at networking and making tons of connections with people. They might be popular or just know how to get along well with others. They are probably not the most smart academically, but they are definitely street smart. They might’ve not gotten their school diploma, they could have gotten a GED instead. This person could love being the center of attention, and they can be a bit superficial at times. For one of you, this person might have some slight issues with the law. I’m not seeing this big crime, just like a small misdemeanor or something. This person could be someone who is extremely determined to get what they want in life, and they might even be willing to get what they want if they have to abandon people. This might’ve been what happened with you two.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
virgo; broader/big-framed in body type; chubbier in body type; prominent eyes, hips, waist, and lips; freckles: innocent-looking; bushy eyebrows; birthmark; bigger nose; acne
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will fall in love with you because of your receptiveness, quietness, “purity”, and sweetness. You could be a kind and delightful person. They’ve always admired you and they thought about you until the day comes you meet again. They also love how you care for the ones you care about, especially their kid if you both have a child together. They might also love the fact that you wear dresses or skirts. I also feel like there is a sense of guilt for what they did in the past too, they might have used and left you for career gain or played you. They’ll admire how even though they have became successful, you still treat them as the same person they were before they were successful. You bring them back to earth about who they really are. It’s make them want to share the popularity and wealth with you, especially if you both have a family to take care of. They want to create more ventures with you on the sidelines. They want you to be their motivation, and they want to make it up to you in anyway possible.
First off, I’m getting you’ll fall in love with your next partner because they had a glow-up, lol. Whether that being physically or mentally, you will fall in love with the new them. They might have new money or status, and you’ll find that very attractive now. You’ll love how they are a completely recharged and grown person when you see them again. Perhaps you might seem them on social media or in public actively working on themselves, attending counseling, or just doing things you never would have thought they would do. You’ll feel as though you can start something new and different with this person than you couldn’t do in the past, and I’m also hearing you can “forgive and move on”. You might have gone though a deep depression because of this person’s wrongdoings, and getting closure was exactly what you needed. You’ll admire how they never forgot about you, and came back to pay their dues. You might also love how picky they are with who they let around them now, especially how because of their newfound fame or success, and they are much serious now.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
I’m seeing this relationship with your next partner (or ex) being a sequel to the last time you’ve had a connection with them. Previously in the connection, this partner was reckless and immature, and just someone not to have anything serious with. They were probably selfish and didn’t want to take care of their real responsibilities like their kid (if they have one with you) or the future of the relationship and not getting a real job. Now, they’ve accomplished what they’ve aspired to be, and came back to prove to you that they are worthwhile. You both might have been teen parents for some of you, might’ve struggled financially and dealt with money problems. This person had other goals in mind rather than getting a stable job to secure the family (like aspiring to be in an unconventional career) Now, you both are bathing in luxury, and are able to do the things you both weren’t able to do when younger. You guys are also exclusive—is also what I’m hearing. You are both serious and protective of each other, more likely if this person is famous, or at least popular on a platform. I’m also seeing this relationship being a rather private type of connection, like everyone knows you’re together but you both rather not tell anything about what’s going on in between you guys because you might feel it’s better that way. I’m also seeing this dynamic of you both trying to build a stronger relationship with your child, especially the masculine figure or father. The father might’ve not been around as much earlier. The father might try to help the child with their confidence, assertiveness or self-esteem. I see this relationship being a young type of love, you both might still be on the younger side, which isn’t a bad thing by the way.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
I’m not seeing any particular problems between you and them. However, I do see people in your environment trying to create a problem in your relationship with this person. There could be hate or jealousy in the media trying to push you away from your person, and this might make you feel hopeless and scared, as though you cannot get through this. I even see people trying to humiliate or embarrass you in some way. Such as posting pictures of you out on social media, or sending hate comments. You and your partner are truly a force to be reckoned with, your bond is truly strong because you’ve known each other for so long and no one know you better than this person and vice versa. True soulmate energy. This could be a karmic soulmate. You guys always agree on things. When your person notices the hate getting to you, they will feel terrible and angry because you are probably someone who is usually resilient, strong and calm, but they will hate how the media or the people broke you down, and they are going to want to put a stop to it. I am also seeing a issue with the child too, if it’s not you. The child might be experiencing bullying in school or on the media, and you and your partner—especially you, you’re going to probably be ticked—are going to do whatever is best to make sure your kid is safe (aw, i’m going to cry)
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
I feel your partner will learn the art of true love, stability, and commitment. They’ll learn to be a good parent and a better lover. The lesson of structure and order is also coming through, learning how to properly build a foundation not just for themself, but for others. They’ll learn to be more selfless and less flaky as well. This person will learn to work hard for their dreams and to have faith as they’ll know that everything will come together. Lastly, they’ll know that family comes first before anything, and to learn how to prioritize family even at the expense of their own wants. They’ll be more mature and rational, learn how to make decisions that are the best for them and everyone around them, and communicate their desires so everyone can be happy.
The lessons you’ll learn from your partner is that your dreams need a practical plan, so if you’re actually the person who had the dream of becoming an aspiring influencer or whatever, this could be for you. You’ll also learn how to meditate on making the right decisions for yourself instead of going off of your emotions and making some mistakes. Perhaps leaving this person was a huge mistake you’ve had based off of how you felt at the time. You’ll truly bask in abundance and luck with this person, and have faith when one says they have a goal to achieve, even if it’s “outlandish” or “impossible”. You’ll learn to be more supportive to people who want to achieve something, and look on the bright side of things.
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile six ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
I’m getting that for most of you, you might’ve left a toxic relationship or family environment. This particular person or group of people has led you to intense depression, despair, and stagnation. You might feel as though you are stuck, but I see that you are trying your best to turn over a new leaf and start your life over again with a new mindset. I see hurt and betrayal. You might be isolating yourself around the time you meet this person. I feel like you’ve been through enough and you just want to be to yourself, but I feel like this isolation might get out of hand because I see you diving into a further depression. This person could be a toxic or bad ex trying to slither back into your life (Sorry, that’s what I’m getting) I see you having your guard up, trying to have some self-love for yourself and push them away, as you should. However, I feel that you are not healed and you might give in to your feelings, and I see you taking them back. Please know your worth and set boundaries, even if it seems like you can’t. This person will physically try to move their way back into your life. I am getting this feeling that you might need to get a restraining order on this person, it’s giving huge stalker/harassment energy. They are like a mosquito who doesn’t know when to quit. I’m seeing that if you don’t want to attract this person back into your life, you need to successfully focus on your self-worth and set strict boundaries, no matter how persuaded or allured you may feel. This is because I see you giving in to this person because of loneliness or you feeling comfortable in their energy only, like you’re only used to them. I’m seeing that they might try to physically come to your home and ask to be in your life again. You might say no at first, but they might try to come back over and over until you say yes. Again, you should get a restraining order or something on them if that’s the case.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Your next partner, mostly if this is an ex, will view you as someone who is easily to manipulate. I feel like they might come back because they know you’ll take them back. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t have any family or loved ones to depend on, and you’re on your own. They probably think that they are all you have. It is possible you may have a child with them, or you financially depend on them. They could even try to manipulate you with their money to control you. You might not have a job, or you might not be in the best place materialistically, and they are feeding off that. “Obtuse”. They think you are someone who is stubborn and always wants their own way in things. You don’t like following directions and you prefer to do things the way you want to do it. They view you as unconventional or weird in the way you go about things. You are believed to be imaginative, wanting a lot of things but may be unable to do some because of your circumstances. You might creative and artistic as well, they notice that. They think you are physically beautiful and know how to take care of yourself in that sense. You might have a pet? A pet cat, bird, or puppy. They believe you to be an animal lover, and you’ll do anything for your pet (If you have one) They could also think you’re “prissy”.
You’ll view your next partner as very successful and financially independent. You might notice that they could have a lot of financial outlets, they could take up multiple jobs or careers. They might be hardworking person in that aspect. You’ll view them as someone who has worked their way up from nothing. This person might have came from poverty and built an living for themselves in some way. You may respect them for that as well. You admire the fact they climbed to where they are. You seem to always be sure of themselves, and that’s because they couldn’t had a childhood where they had to make decisions for themselves and trust no one else. You could be inspired by them in a sense too.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
Firstly, your next partner is someone who is manipulative in a way they know how to turn things around to make it happen in their favor. They are strong and intelligent, who knows how to get people to work with them. If something doesn’t go their way, they won’t stop until it does, which makes them very stubborn and difficult to get along with at times I see. They are someone who always has a chip on their shoulder, they don’t like learning from their mistakes because they believe everything they do is what they should do and is the perfect decision. I wouldn’t be surprised if an argument with this person is a headache. They are a mentally strong person, and they are brave. However, this person obviously has some issues to tend to. This is far fetched, but for one of two of you, this person may be narcissistic or have narcissistic tendencies. They may have a sex drive, and could have a some emotional or anger issues. They seem spiritually undeveloped and impaired. They definitely need some grounding and shadow work. This person is very successful. They could do work in construction, repair, or something that is physically demanding. They may repair cars? This is random, and I hope this isn’t true, but for a couple of you, this person may not have the best sexual health or fertility. I’m getting Capricorn energy. This person may appear like a calm and reserved person on the first impression to other people. Someone who appears as though they are trusting and safe. This person may have a job where they help people such as a doctor, etc. This person is a very structural, they love things to be orderly and properly set. This person may be organized.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
capricorn; piercings (for one or two of you); medium/smaller nose; stockier or lean body type; upturned nose; brown skin, arched eyebrows; different race, culture, or ethnicity; facial hair; prominent thighs or breasts; 3A to 3C hair type; libra: scary-looking; younger (or appears younger)
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
There’s two ways this can go: This person is not in love with you but rather infatuated with you; or they are in love with you, but when you are wounded and broken, you can’t expect yourself to love someone properly. And I feel like you both are broken people, and what you attract is what you are. I feel like you and this person may have some similar past traumas or personal issues that can attract you both to each other, especially on their side. They subconsciously admire that about you. This person may be someone who does exude narcissistic traits, and you may exude more self-effacing traits. Their traumas and psychological issues match yours, and it attracts you both to each other. They admire how fast-minded you are, you have an innovative mindset and you always come up with ideas that are mind-blowing to them. They find you intelligent and “adventurous”, you may want to travel or explore the world at some point. I’m hearing that love your beauty, once again. They admire how you physically carry yourself. You might love getting your nails done, doing your hair, and wearing certain clothes. I see physical attraction for sure. They might admire that you care so much about your physical, and they might feel the need to spoil you or spend money on your upkeep yourself.
This person’s energy to you is almost addicting. It’s like you know this person isn’t good for you, but you can’t help but come back. I feel the reasons why you love this person is coming from your ego and wounds. You might admire how aggressive this person is, you might be the type to like angering them because you like the rush of seeing them upset. There could some sexual reasons as to why you like this about them. They also might like seeking aggressive and conflict in between you two. You might financially depend on this person, and you might admire how you can trust them with that part of your life. You really need to have respect for yourself, truly. I feel like this attachment to this person will only make you more unhappy and unhealthy in the long run. You might even be aware that this person could be cheating, but you still stay anyways because you refuse to leave them. This just feels like desperation and addiction to be honest. I just see your health and enthusiasm for life plummeting with this person. This person may be married. You’ll adore their charisma and sexual attractiveness. This person could physically attractive to you, they may be on the muscular and stronger side if they are a man. You love getting their attention because it helps with your self-esteem, or least it seems that way to you.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
This person may be the type to love introduce new ideologies, belief systems, and different perceptions of the world to you. You both may love going on vacation with each other, and they could love spending money on you. This relationship could seem a bit materialistic at times but this person’s love language could just be gift-giving. There’s some sexual attraction here as well. This person could be a bit controlling in what you do when it comes to work. I see you both actively trying to become a healthier connection, but both of y’all’s wounds are going to get in the way and “wreak havoc”, the next time you get into a connection with this person, it’ll start off good, but it might go back to what it used to be. This person could get a bit controlling in what you do for work. For example, you might get a job as an office worker, they might tell you you can’t do that job because you have to transfer a lot of information through computers, or tell you can’t own a business because it’s too much work for you. This person could be envious of you and your potential in extreme cases, or they just like to project onto you. It is like they don’t mind financially supporting you because it gives them the power, but they don’t like when you realize power within yourself to handle your own. This person is confusing. You and this person could try to start random arguments with each other just because, and I see both of you being unfulfilled in this relationship due to all of this.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
There can be a point in the relationship where you try to blossom and become a better person for yourself. You might get a career you’ve always wanted or get yourself out to make more friends. Due to this person’s insecurities, they might try to sabotage you, or stop you in your tracks. At this point, you might get entirely sick of this person. You might to step into a better lifestyle for yourself. For some of you, this person might have influenced you to engage in harmful substances such as alcohol or drugs (I hope not) And you’re trying to get better. This person will almost project onto you because they know they couldn’t do the same even if they tried. They want to keep you down with them. You might get new attention from the workplace or whatever, or perhaps you might try to dive into a new religion or spirituality. I see you trying to really move on from this person.
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will learn to be more proactive in their personal goals in regards to becoming a better person. They’ve learned to not bring anyone else down just because of their own problems. They will learn how to have faith in themselves and their potential. They’ll also need to understand that they cannot have everything at the expense of other people, they’ll learn to heal from narcissistic tendencies. They’ll learn to actually work for what they want and desire out of life instead of manipulating and controlling others. They’ll understand that they now have to carry the karma and baggage of being difficult and abusive.
You’ll learn from the your next partner not to take anyone’s disrespectful. You’ll never be the other woman, or fall for anyone’s distorted thinking. You’ll learn to hold to your goals, passions, and desires for yourself. Never let anyone belittling into thinking you can’t do it. Your person probably took your unique ideas and took credit for it in the workplace. You’ll learn to use your ideas to allow yourself to flourish, to hold boundaries and to show a bit of pride. You’ll also take better care of your health, and never let yourself go. You’ll learn how to be proud of who you are, and not let anyone degrade you into thinking you’re a burden or you’re not amazing. When in reality, of course you are :)
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile seven ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
You will meet your next partner at a time when you feel like you lack of control over your life or feeling lost in your planning. It is possible that some of you might dropout of college/school or work a certain job around the time. There could be someone at your work that could be giving you a hard time such as a toxic or controlling boss. Most of you in this pile might be someone who could be a bit of a pushover, and your boss or manager might take advantage of that and abuse you. You’re going to feel so unappreciated at this job because of them, and you might want to leave and find a job elsewhere. You’ll meet your—i’m hearing “future spouse”—next partner around a time where you start to see reality for what it is and get your head out of the clouds and take action for yourself. You might start communicating your needs with your manager or boss. I see this connection starting off slow, I see friends to lovers. I’m not going to lie, you might meet this person at the wrong time and end up making a bad impression on each other. You might not like each other at first, however, I see you both coming friends and then becoming a slow-burning relationship. This person will be a friend that you make at this job, and they might be the one to help motivate you to communicate your feelings to your superior. They’ll recognize the unfairness and lack of appreciation you’re getting and they are going to want justice for you. I’m also feeling like you will try something with this person, but one of you will want a break due to something personal, and then come back to resume where y’all left off. For some of you, you might meet this person through altercation with them. You might meet them through an argument that was a misunderstanding. Whether that be between you both, or other people. Traffic? Road rage? Parking? Parking Lot? Something with cars, parking, and driving perhaps.
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
This person might notice your hair color on the first impression. Some of you could be blonde-haired, or dyed your hair blonde. Your hair color could stand out in some way. They might view you as someone who is sweet and “gentle to the touch”. You could be someone who is nice, friendly, and dependable. You could also be someone who is a good helper and you don’t mind doing any extra work because you might like being productive. I’m hearing “drama” and “backlash”. This person might feel bad for you on the first impression. You might meet this person through you having a misunderstood altercation with someone else. Perhaps you get a lot of hate in the workplace and people might try to pull you into unnecessary arguments and mistreatments. This person might want to stick up for you or want to protect you from it all. They notice you are also someone who is hard-working and soft-hearted. You might be someone who is also very proactive and positive. However, they see that you are often drained and underpowered because of the bad environment the people, especially your superior, in the workplace has put you in. They could also see you as someone who is seeking remedy in a way. You might be someone who has overcame an addiction or something. Perhaps a few of you have recently been released from rehab. This person could be aware that you may be on the younger side because you seem unsure about where you want to go in life, but you’re hanging in there. They believe that wherever you go, everything will go in your favor because you are a blessed soul.
This is specific, but for a few of you, this person has served the military and may be disabled in some way, or just served in the military at some point. You may view this person as someone who has been through challenging and intense times, but somehow always knew how to look in the brighter side. You see them as motivating and optimistic, someone who is uplifting and positive-minded. This person brings good feelings to the people they care about, and they are ride-or-dies. You’ll see they are also grateful as well, very appreciative people who are blessed to be alive. I am also getting the vibe that this person (if they were mostly in the military) could’ve mentioned that they’ve had a near death experience that changed their entire perspective on life; after that, they were a different person with different morals and values. You also perceive them as realistic. They seem to be a grounded person who has a strong grasp of reality, especially after their NDE. I wouldn’t be surprised if this person may have PTSD (God bless them if they do) They could be trying to overcome that around the time. For some of you, this person could be someone you tried to get with in the past, but someone in the connection needed to focus on other things. For a group of you, this person may be the boss or manager at the workplace giving you a hard time. If so, this could be a misunderstanding, and I am feeling like their traumas or ways of dealing with things could be the reason for it. I see you communicating with them and settling the tension successfully, possibly leading to a good friendship.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
Again, this person may have a past in the army. I feel like their history in the army has led them to developing traits such as aggression, discipline, ambition, and courage. This person might brush you off the wrong way at the start. They could have a louder voice naturally and it might come off as domineering or controlling. However, they don’t mean harm I believe. It is just what they’ve been used to. On the inside, your person is someone who is calming, compassionate, soft-spoken, friendly, and dependable. Similar to you. This person might have had a traumatic event that led them to acting the way they do with people. This person might have been unfairly treated at a job at some point, and I feel like they haven’t gotten their sense of justice yet. This is specific, but for a few of you, this person may have not been treated the best in the army. Perhaps they were underpaid, or they weren’t promised the life they were to be given after they left. I see them being a hardworking person, trying to make up for the work they’ve done throughout the years. This person is someone who is also very forgiving and accepting, and it seems to be that they don’t care about it, however deep inside, they feel a bit disappointed about it. I see you both sharing your hardships and problems with each other, being there for one another, and being each other safe havens. This person is truly an angel. They really are. They are so sweet and selfless. They don’t seem like the type of person to argue or fuss a lot, and if they do, they do it in a slow and deliberate manner. However, for some of you, this person may have been the complete opposite of that before their time in the army, but changed after a certain experience. They love helping others and might love giving back to the people in some way. They might like giving food or drinks to homeless people on the street, something like that. This person may have good karma, and will have a positive next life. They could be a starseed. They are someone who is thoughtful and doesn’t like stressing about things or others. I guess they don’t take life as seriously as they used to. This person could have a pet dog, aw :) I keep seeing dogs. They may a guard dog, or something like that.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
taller height; muscular body type; prominent smile/teeth (they might have a bright and contagious smile); prominent hips and waist; freckles; RBF; skinny; thin eyebrows; libra; minimal style; dark-skinned; lean body type; piercings; about half of you, average height.
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will fall in love with you because they know they can depend on you for anything and everything. They appreciate how you’re always there for them and you’re ride-or-die. This person may have been the one who had to take a break from the connection due to personal reasons, perhaps PTSD or something in regards to trauma or emotional/mental health. They might have waited for them, and they cannot help but be thankful for you for being patient with them, for not walking away when they were in times of despair. They also think that you won’t judge them at their worst or ugliest times. You may seen them been through some harsh problems, and you still loved them through it all. This person may have problems in regards to sleeping or paranoia? Because the moon is prominent. You might love sleeping over at their place to be there for them and make them feel safe and comfortable, they love that. This person may have had been in a connection with someone who was always pushy, demanding, and aggressive towards them. Again, this person seems to be delicate and sweet; and this past partner might’ve been controlling in a sense towards them, especially when they were in a time of financial trouble. This person could have been disabled or at a time when they couldn’t actively work for some reason. This person might’ve tried to force them to do things they weren’t ready for or couldn’t do. I just see impatience to be honest. They admire how you aren’t that way with them, you’re patient, and you actually encourage them to be easy on themselves and do what feels best for them at the moment. If they need to rest, then so be it. They also believe you are very nurturing and caring, especially towards animals. They may love how you take care of their pet, and you might petsit for them. Awww smh stawpp <3 This is too cute! Honestly, I see this relationship going far for most of you.
You’ll fall in love with your next partner (or should I say, future spouse because that vibe is coming in for literally almost all of you) because they give you a sense of freedom and integrity. This person is someone who has developed a bigger perspective on life after what they’ve been through, and I feel like you’ve always been someone who was always stopping yourself from doing things out of fear of failure or “taking the wrong path”. You might be someone who has always struggled with pessimism or feeling stuck in situations dies to lack of assurance. You’ll love that this person shift your whole viewpoint about how you should live your life. You’ll start to see things from the brighter side like them and they might encourage you to take up a completely different career path you would’ve never thought of taking due to limiting beliefs. You’ll adore how supportive they are and how they love others, including you, unconditionally. (I’m sorry, they seem so lovable like aw) They will literally make you cry because of how selfless and dangerously kind they are. They will probably be the type of person to randomly stop on the side of streets to talk to little kids :( I just see you having cuteness overload with this person, you’ll truly adore them and appreciate every single thing they do for others. You’ll also fall in love with how appreciative this person is, they might not have much, but to them, they have the world in their hands. They are the types to believe that as long as they have food on the table and the people they love, they are the richest person in the world (Everyone should be this way to be honest) It almost makes you want them to have everything they’ve ever wanted from the biggest to the smallest. And yeah, you’ll just love how they always have a smile on their face and love in their heart despite everything they’ve been through. This person tries to have love in their heart despite everything they’ve been through. I feel this person follows after a personal philosophy about that: Always have a good in your heart despite what the world gives you—something like that.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
This is patient and slow-moving relationship. I see you guys starting off as friends, becoming the bestest of friends, then officially dating. Therefore, this connection will have a strong foundation of knowing each other, which are the best type of relationships to be honest. I see that this relationship will undergo a lot of hardships in the beginning, not necessarily between you two, but because of what is going on personally in y’all’s lives individually. However, I see you both being there for each other, having patience, and letting the relationship blossom on its own time. I see a lot of communication, methodical dating (For example: If someone needs time for a break, you guys discuss how much time, what y’all will done when you guys don’t see each other, etc. You know, stuff like that) Y’all are that way because I see you both want this connection to work. Specifically, for one of you, you could be an aquarius and this person could be a libra. I’m seeing strong air sign energy. There is a lot of articulating and methodical planning in this connection. You’ll also mentally stimulate each other, always challenging each other in debates and conversations, even to the point of entertaining arguments. This relationship is definitely electrifying and there’s strong friendship. This person will see you not just as their partner, but their best friend :( This is giving such strong marriage, long-term relationship vibes like come on <3 I don’t see you guys holding each other back. I’m not seeing detached energies, but I’m seeing you guys have a lot of trust in each other to the point where you both can go days without being physically there with each other and knowing that everything is alright between the both of you. You both could be comfortable with each other having friendships with their desired gender (If you are straight, your partner could be okay with you being friends with the opposite gender and vice versa on your end) You guys want to see each other grow and expand while being there for each other. Lowkey, for almost all of y’all, this is a long-term (and definitely successful) relationship, but I’m seeing that some of you, you and your partner might agree to not marrying. Some of you and maybe your partner might not believe in marriage like that, and doesn’t think that law-binding each other is necessary. I’m seeing you guys being the types to give each other promise rings instead (Awww! I’m about to cry, for real) Y’all are here for the long-term. But for some of you, y’all might not want to force each other to the shackles of modern marriage, you know what I mean? This is adorable man. However, if you do want marriage, this person will definitely try to find ways to compromise both of your desires, so don’t worry!
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
Honestly, there’s nothing you guys cannot get through. These problems can easily be solved because again, you guys have friendship. Even in times when you are argue or get into a block in the connection, you both always seems to rise back up due for your undeniable collaboration. Plus, I see you two, especially your partner, not knowing how to stay mad at each other. I do see some financial hardships. There might be a point where you both live together and you have to bring in two incomes to the house, and it could become a struggles. However, I see you guys getting through it through teamwork. I see strong communication, so I’m not even worried about y’all. I do see some self-sabotage or feeling like someone doesn’t deserve the other person, this could be coming from both sides, but especially your partner. I see this person not being treated the best in the past, and they felt like they weren’t enough for their previous partner; they could feel that way for you subconsciously from time to time. If you just validate them and make sure to let them know they are do more than enough, everything will be alright. I’m hearing they just need some TLC (tender loving care) after all the harsh things they’ve been through. They are such an angel, like please doesn’t take them for granted y’all. Tell them you love them and appreciate them. I’m also hearing buy them small and meaningful gifts. They might be an action figure nerd, or they love collecting certain things. I’m serious like they are so gentle, they just want a hug. Give them hugs more often guys, when the time comes. They might love cuddles. Their love language is definitely gift-giving and physical touch. Yeah, other than that. Y’all are destined for success. I see you living happily ever after with this person. I see a family, two children. Perhaps y’all are of different race or ethnicity and could have children who are mixed, that’s random. That’s for a few of you. And I see travel! Good luck!
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
Lessons your next partner will learn from you is to believe in the impossible, the dream of having that secure and happy future they’ve always hoped for. This person may always wanted to meet and spend the rest of their lives with their soulmate, their person; and have a family with them, pass on their legacy. And they’ve realized that they can do that with you. This person might’ve been used to toxicity and mistreatment, they might have expected themselves to always be in that state, but you, the possibilities together proved wrong, and their life-defining moments proved wrong. All their life, they had to fight and protect for the things they’ve cared for the most. They learned it’s not going to always be that way, and it shouldn’t be that way. This person is destined to have it end in a good way for themselves. This person is divinely protected, and they could have a grandmother or feminine figure they hold dearly to looking over them in spirit to make sure. Anyone and everyone did this person wrong will get justice and karma sooner or later.
The lessons you’ll learn from your next partner is to be grateful, to appreciate the smaller things in life, and you’ll find happiness everywhere you go. Your partner will make you realize that you can find satisfaction in the most unnoticeable places, and that’s enough to make you feel content with where you are. You might be someone who has always struggled to slow down and look at what’s in front of you, this person will help you recognize that and slow down and smell the flowers. In this connection, you’ll learn true companionship, unconditional love, and compassion. You’ll learn to show more love to the people around you, including your partner (I swear I keep wanting to say future spouse) You’ll learn unity and merging with someone you deeply look out for. You’ll learn to listen to your heart and less to your rational mind. You’ll follow your intuition and true desires. You’ll learn selflessness and how to talk things through effectively and deliberately. You’ll also learn how to relate to others effectively.
A song that came through for this pile:
୨୧ pile eight ୨୧
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WHEN AND WHERE WILL YOU BOTH MEET?
For some of you, this could be your first ever partner. I feel like for a group of you, this could be an arranged marriage someone in your family (specifically a masculine figure, perhaps a father or uncle) is trying to get to you to date, for religious or cultural reasons. For another group of you, this person may be an ex-partner that is trying to come back, and for some of you, a masculine figure could be trying to encourage you to get back with them. You might meet or reconcile with this person around a vulnerable and “embarrassing” time? Your family might be pressuring you to date or put yourself out there for marriage. You’re going to feel like your boundaries aren’t being respected, and your family is putting you out around a time when you’re not ready for any of that. You feel awkward and harassed. Your family might be very traditional with those type of things and it can get irritating. For some of you, I’m getting a masculine figure setting you up on a blind date, and you not looking forward to it. I’m just seeing a father pressuring you to settle down. Most of you guys could be in your early to late 20’s. I’m hearing that one or a few of you are exactly 23 years old (Which, in my opinion, is too young for settling down, like what are they on about guys?) However, I see this person being very successful—perhaps a bit older by a couple of years—and willing and capable of giving you guaranteed success and stability. This person definitely has power, and your family will notice that and will want to get on this person’s side. Some of you could be from South Asia, that’s where most arranged marriage practices happen. Indian, Mongolian, or Malaysian culture perhaps? Some of you could come from a financially well-off family who has connections to meet up with people like your future partner. I don’t see you feeling ready to partake in this connection through, and honestly, sorry. I see this person being understanding though so, go figure :)
FIRST IMPRESSIONS?
Your next partner will view you as someone who will help them achieve higher status and stability. If this is arranged, I see them seeing you as leeway for better status in a sense of acquiring a stable marriage. If you happen to be the masculine energy being arranged to the feminine energy, I see you seeing them as someone who needs to depend on them for status and respect. This seems like strict business to be honest. They might see you as strict business. I seen them viewing you as someone who needs them in a financial sense. Perhaps your family wanted you to marry to guarantee a good future for yourself. I also feel this person feels a sense of guilt for you, like they feel sorry for you. You might not want to go on with this, but for the sake of tradition and your loved ones, you have to. I see them being completely understanding and I do see compromise in some way. For a small group of you, if this is an ex, I see you wanting revenge for something. I don’t know what it is, but you’re out for them for something they did. There’s something legal coming through for the ones who are dealing with the ex, this ex might’ve have committed a crime involving you being the victim this family might not know about. This is a trigger warning for you guys: This person may or may not have sexually assaulted you and you haven’t announced it yet. This person may trigger you in a way and bring out a vulnerable side of yourself. That is for a small group of y’all through, if this is true, I am so sorry, literally. This person feels shame for what they did, but I don’t see you falling for it to be honest. You wanting justice. I see this masculine figure or family of yours literally forcing you to forgive this person for what they’ve done and move on, but I don’t see you really moving on, you’re still thinking about it. On the brighter side, for the arranged marriage people or the people who simply is just dealing with a random ex, they view you as someone who is confident and sure of themselves. You guys might be a Leo or have Leo energy in your chart. They might notice your hair. They might notice how big, curly, and noticeable it is. They might like your height—you’re probably noticeable tall or short—and how tan you are? They love how you look, they think you’re beautiful, and they might see you two getting along and having a stable future together at first. They might even develop a slight crush on you at first sight. They think you’re cute, aw. They could be on the younger side. They can be a young adult, for sure.
Your first impression of your next partner is that they aren’t initially your type, if an ex, not anymore. You don’t think you can be compatible with them, at least for now. You just don’t see it or feel the spark. You don’t think it’s time. You might view them as indifferent or detached, like you might notice that they do not make much eye contact with you or seem to care less about making an impression on you. I see them being professional and respectful, but you can tell they weren’t too excited or enthusiastic about seeing you. At least that’s what it seems. You might be intimidated by that because you can’t see what’s going on in their mind. I don’t see you arguing because I see you needing “remedy” for your financial situation or whatever your family wanted you to do this for. I’m gettin a bunch of masculine energies coming through, if so, if this is a feminine energy or girl, you might view them as someone who is financially in need, and it’s your responsibility to arrange a marriage with them. I just see you viewing them as someone you don’t see yourself being with in the long run. You will see this person as a burden and you know this connection won’t last. You believe there is a lack of passion and sexual/physical attraction as well. On the contrary to how they see you on the first impression.
THEIR PERSONALITY?
First off, this person is highly intelligent. I’m seeing this person used to be honors student in school or something. They’ve attended college, and gotten a masters degree in a particular area. I’m hearing computer science or nursing. They could be a nerd and highly invested in the field they study. I’m also hearing graphic design and robotics (Elon Musk type beat) They are very eloquent and professional. This person could come from new money and built themselves up from the ground. They are definitely hardworking and determined, fearless, feared of. They are charitable people, they are well-aware enough they should give back. Yeah, they are definitely planning on marrying someone into money or marrying someone who wants to marry them for their money for strictly professional reasons. This person is solely wanting to marry someone for social climbing reasons, like status in the dating world if they are a masculine energy or male, and status in the professional world if they are a feminine energy or female kind of thing. It is weird to be honest. I see them being very methodical with how they use you, and that's not giving me the best vibes. I'm not seeing any toxic energy though, fortunately. Just not so good tendencies. For some of you, this person may have snobbish vibes. If they do come from money in their family, they can be spoiled and a bit lazy. I don't want to say this, but I do see a fraud for a few of you, or at least they are not all they set themselves out to be. I'm sorry.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE?
dark hair color; stockier body type; sagittarius; leo; prominent lips; wrinkles, younger, facial hair, minimal style; medium-size nose; alluring, arched eyebrows, acne; long hair.
WHY WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will love your beauty. I see them stumbling over their words every time you look at them while they are talking to you because of how “drop-dead gorgeous” you are. There’s a lot of physical attraction on their side. They also admire how prideful and independent you seem. You don’t seem to like submitting to people and you’re stubborn. They find that attractive and almost like a challenge? They could get turned on by that for some reason. They love your hair “and how it smells”? What’s going on? lol. You admire how hard you work and determined you are to accomplish your small goals. You always seem to be busy and dealing with your ongoing tasks. They appreciate that and look up to that. I see them wanting to flirtatiously pursue you by giving you gifts and certain presents, they might want to spoil you and be chivalrous towards you. However, I don’t think they see you as someone who is ready for marriage. They might think you’re too stubborn for it and you’ll be hard to compromise with because of your pride. However, they would try to pursue you in a playful and unserious way. They admire your belief system and morals, your ideology encourages them to become better and work harder. They also admire the person that you’ll become when you get with them, they’ll love to want to help you become a better person with their status and wealth and help you get to a better situation and see you grow.
You might have some slight misconceptions about them at the start or you’ll start to notice some good qualities about this person when you get to know them. You might have judged them too quickly and allowed yourself to create a false picture of them. This person might have turned over a new leaf when you marry them or bind to them. They’ll seem to be a different person. Perhaps this person has been married before but got divorced. And they are trying to make it up but doing better this time with someone different. You might love how surprisingly giving, thoughtful, and receptive they are. I see that you’ll love how determined they are to make this connection work, whether that’s by getting to know you or doing extreme exercises to build trust. I feel like they will try to earn your apology for what they’ve done to you in the past, and they are going to do whatever they can gain that. You’ll find that appealing, and I see you making it hard by trying to prove a lesson. I see that over time, there will some gain in respect for each other. I don’t necessarily see love through unfortunately.
RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC?
The relationship will definitely be a slow one, for sure. There might not be as much passion, but there’s going to some slow build of liking each other or at least being okay with or respecting each other. I see that you guys might not be seen in public with each other often. It could be something you guys agreed on at the start of your connection. To be honest, I don’t see this connection working out, and if so, it’s not going to be very fulfilling. It’s just going yo be professional. I feel this relationship is solely a karmic relationship for the both of you to learn specific lessons, specifically something about forgiveness and apologizing. I also see you finally giving in to this person’s services, especially if this is an arranged marriage. You’re going to try to cope with the fact that you need this person’s assets for the sake of your family’s name or validation. I do see a power dynamic. I don’t see anything necessarily toxic, but you might not like it. The dynamic could be solely because of this person’s status and respect. You might feel unnoticed or under this person’s shadow. There’s such a lack of passion in this pile, like this just seems like a connection y’all are just in just to be in it. I don’t claim this for you guys.
POTENTIAL PROBLEMS?
I lied. This relationship is a bit toxic. I feel like a huge problem is a lack of privacy from your person. It’s giving the vibe of them not wanting you to lock doors around their house because you should be comfortable with them and they should know what you are doing 24/7. Yeah, no. Again, a power dynamic of feeling like you’re not in control. It feels as though you don’t get enough attention or appreciation from other people and you’re in their shadow. A lack of passion and emotional fulfillment could be possible, and I do see both of you, especially you, stepping out of the connection and seeking it somewhere else—basically infidelity. I see you both faking happiness with each other. I just feel monotony and, meh. I see that you might be afraid of leaving because you’re scared of leaving the foundation you’ve built with this person financially. This person can make you feel unnoticed and your self-esteem could plummet. It might come to a point where you might try to accept your lot and deal with it. It shouldn’t be that way though. I don’t see any children, I just see an unhappy marriage that’s just in it to look good. I seriously don’t claim this for any of you, for real. Good luck.
LESSONS YOU WILL BOTH LEARN FROM EACH OTHER?
Your next partner will learn that pretending and putting up a facade isn’t going to make them happy. This person may be someone who can be superficial and a social climber, a bit of a puppet master. They are going realize that faking their reality or faking things about themselves isn’t going to make them anymore happier. It isn’t going to authentically complete them. They’ll learn they they cannot hold their facade any longer. They’ll learn to be less self-centered and think about more others and how they feel. They can be a bit controlling and bitter towards the women in their lives. They could have issues with the mother and treat the mother in that way. They’ll recognize that they have issues with the feminines in their life and will have to heal that. They can be spiteful as well because of how truly miserable they are in their superficial life, and they’ll learn that they are the cause of their unhappiness. Your person might learn to dabble into nature and the authentic things in life to ground themselves and connect to their higher selves and who they truly are. Perhaps dealing with animals or plants. Perhaps helping others with the intention of because they truly want to, not for an image.
You will learn to not let pride get in the way of moving on from the tragedies of your life. You’ll learn to forgive simply for yourself to move on and becoming a better person, not just for others. You’ll learn to be proud of yourself and to not be afraid to ask for love, appreciation, and attention. You will recognize you don’t need to be in anyone’s shadow anymore. You’ll have hope for yourself, and I’m also hearing a sense of justice as well. You’ll learn to establish stability for yourself and expand your horizons among others. You might travel more after this person, and even go back to college if you haven’t been to it already! I’m also hearing you might meet someone as soon as you leave this person. You might’ve gotten involved with them while with this person, what I’m also hearing. Your perspective on marriage might change as well. You’ll take marriage more seriously and make sure your real marriage is going to happen with the person you truly have passion and love for, and want a future with (I know that’s right) I do see you meeting someone after this person, like right after for some of you.
A song that came through for this pile:
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daenysx · 11 months
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as a person who studies out of town, this was a little triggering for me to write lol. i hope you like it, i tried to do my best with reflecting all the emotions they feel. <3
requests are open!!
my masterlist
missing his sweet baby
your voice sounds sad and modern!aemond is quick to leave everything behind just to make you smile.nsfw.
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it's too hard to miss someone. the feeling crawls in your heart like a heavy burden, you don't know how to carry it. it's because of him.
"i miss you. please, call me."
you leave a message to him with teary eyes.
aemond targaryen is the man of your dreams. he came into your life and shattered your heart for any other person who tries to have it. your heart belongs to him, you had accepted this a long time ago.
you are far away. this is only for six months, you are studying for your dreams. at first it was harder to be away from him, to get used to a new place and a new school. you tried to stay strong against the desire to go back and see him. aemond always supports you, keeps reminding you that this is only for six months and then it will be over. still, the amount of time you spend away from him burns you inside.
three months passed and you got used to it a little. focusing on your studies helped a lot, talking to aemond at least three times a day helped as well. he is working at his family's company and he is quite busy. he does anything to be successful and worthy, you know it must be hard for him. you wish to be with him when he has difficult time with all those bad feelings but there are still three months for you to go back.
you can't stop crying today. all you want to do is to crawl into aemond's arms and bury your face to his neck. he is not here, he is busy to call you back. you feel your heart clench painfully. today, you don't really feel like doing anything, there is no class or assignment to focus on. you are free and sad, sitting in your bed.
the city you now live in is beautiful. your life is the life you always want, you work for your dream career and you have plenty of new friends. the only thing missing is him.
your phone rings, his name is on the screen. you brush your tears away, try to clear your throat for a better voice and slide your finger on the screen.
"hey."
"my love? sorry, there was a meeting, i couldn't answer the phone."
"that's okay. how are you?" you ask, try to keep your voice steady.
"i'm fine, baby. how about you, hmm? don't you have any class today?" aemond asks.
"no, i'm free today. just staying in bed, doing nothing."
"hmm, that's good. you needed to rest."
his voice sounds like he still has a lot of things to do and talks to you at the same time when he works.
"we can talk later if you want. you are still at work, i don't want to take your time." you wonder if you sound sad because you can't control your voice this time.
you hear him chuckle on the other side. "please take my time. talking to you is the most important part of my day, okay? now, tell me how was your study group yesterday, anything new?"
you start telling him about the study group but then you hear another voice on the phone. "mr.targaryen, there is an emergency-"
aemond scoffs. "i'm sorry, sweetheart. i'll call you back."
"that's fine, i love you." you can't help your voice shaking this time. he says he loves you and hangs up.
you burst into tears once more. the crying doesn't stop, you quit trying. you stay in bed for hours, sleeping and crying. the emotions overwhelm you and you just give in. there is no point anyway. you close your eyes after a while and have a restless sleep.
you wake up a few hours later, the room is dark now. you feel extremely tired and your head is empty. you are hungry but you don't want to eat anything, instead you decide to have some coffee.
you drag yourself to bathroom first. you wash your face with cold water, hoping for some relief. then you go to kitchen and make a cup of coffee. you clean the little mess you made in kitchen and hear the doorbell ring as you reach for your cup.
you frown slightly, and wondering who that might be. you reach for the doorknob and open the door.
aemond is standing right there.
your mouth falls open. your sleepy brain can't process the fact that he is here. he gives you a few seconds, a happy expression on his face.
he opens his arms for you and you jump right into them. you wrap your arms around him like a koala and bury your face to his neck. his arms instantly reaches to your waist, holding you close. you feel his lips on your hair and you start crying again.
"shh, don't cry baby. i'm right here. oh, my sweet baby."
he cups your cheeks and presses a slow kiss on your lips. you hold his hand and lead him to your room, closing the door. he puts his bag on the floor and looks at your room.
"looks like someone here had a little crisis, hmm? why didn't you tell me you feel bad?"
you look at his face with shy eyes. "i didn't want to upset you, you are already too busy. i don't want you to worry over me."
he shakes his head. "i can't believe you think like this. nothing i do in that company worths more than you, okay? you should tell me about your feelings so that i can be with you, my love."
you kiss him with tears. you miss him too much, it still doesn't feel real. for three months, both of you never had the right time to fly and see each other, always waiting for the end of six months for your sweet union. the moment he heard your shaky voice and worried tone, he couldn't stay there. that was too much to deal with.
he keeps kissing you until he is longing for air. you lead him to your bed, tearing off his clothes desperately. "calm down, baby. i'm here, i'm right here. let me take care of you, please."
he takes off the rest of his clothes and helps you out of the shirt you wear. his shirt. you take off your knee socks as well and stay only in your panties.
he looks at you for a moment. "you have no idea how much i missed you. you have no idea what you do to me. i would leave everything and go to the end of the world with you just to put a smile on your pretty face."
you open your arms for him and he leans into you. he brushes kisses on your soft breasts and the spot between them. your neck crave his attention and he is quick to give it to you. he sucks and bruises, then softens his pressures with kisses. you become a whimpering mess under him quickly.
"it looks like you missed me, too. is that right, sweetheart?"
you nod. "yes, yes, i missed you so much. so much, aemond."
he chuckles. "it's fine. i'm here now and i will take care of you."
he kisses your lips and you kiss him back. 3 months of missing and longing for each other finally shows itself physically. your fingers travel in his hair, his beautiful hair. his hands are on your waist slowly reaches to your panties.
"let's take this off, hmm?" he smiles as you move your hips. "there you go."
he is painfully hard but he doesn't care. he has to take care of you first.
"aemond, i need you. now, please."
he nods. "would you like me to use my fingers, my love?"
you shake your head, "i can't take it, i just need you inside me. please, please."
he adjusts himself a little. "how were you taking care of yourself when i wasn't here, hmm?"
you show him your hand, playfully. "my fingers."
he kisses your hand. "and were they enough?"
you shake your head. "no, never enough. not like you."
"so, my sweet baby deserves a good orgasm, hmm? i think we can do that."
he slowly pushes himself to your entrance. you are already soaked for him, your muscles painfully throb around his length. he is inside you, holding the flesh of your thighs. he waits a little for you to get used to him. three months of agony and now he has you. he kisses your lips and starts moving when you nod approvingly.
he quickly finds a strong pace. his long fingers stroke your swollen clit. he loves hearing your moans, your closed eyes and messy hair. fuck, he missed the image too much, he is not gonna last.
"aemond, hmm, so close- so clos-"
he moves a little faster. "me too, baby. don't hold back, i need you to come with me."
your first round ends with his skilled fingers applying the right amount of pleasure on your clit and your walls clenching around him. he comes inside you with a deep moan and you arch your back as you find relief.
he stays inside of you. you look mesmerising like this under him, all those emotions you feel make themselves visible on your face. he kisses your lips and moves your hair from your face.
"are you alright?" he asks.
"mm-hmm. can we do that again?"
he chuckles. "don't worry babygirl. we are not done yet."
after your breathing turns steady, he brings his fingers on your cunt. the mix of your liquids keeps you wet. he quickly puts one finger in, his thumb on your clit. he pushes his second finger in as you try to move your hips.
his fingertips touch your g-spot suddenly and you scream his name. your fingers are not enough for you to reach there and when his fingers make a great job at finding and rubbing it, you feel like you'll cry.
"oh, my sweet baby. my beautiful baby, how much i've missed you."
he keeps moving his fingers and rubbing your clit. his free hand goes up to touch your hardened nipple. he squeezes the bud and you flinch. he touches the other one then, pressing and squeezing.
"i'm close, aemon-" you can't complete the sentence because he fastens his fingers in a way that makes you speechless. he is too strong, it's almost too much. you moan his name once more when you come, his fingers are soaked from your wetness. he waits for you to find your balance until he takes his fingers off.
he leaves the bed to get a clean towel from the bathroom. he helps you sit on the bed, your back against your pillows. he cleans the mess he made and brings you a cool glass of water.
"come on, drink it baby. i tire you too much, hmm? come on, finish the glass."
you drink all your water and look up to him. "i'm not tired. i feel perfect. i'm just- so happy that you're here."
"when i heard your voice and your words trying to hide your sadness from me, i left everything. i couldn't take it anymore, i had to see my girl."
you smile. "but you were too busy. what about the work?"
"i don't give a shit about the work now. they'll be fine without me."
"when will you go back?" you ask sadly. you need to know how much time you have with him.
"tomorrow night, baby."
you nod. "that's okay. it means we have time, right?"
"yes, and i will not leave until you have a smile on your face. a lasting smile, sweetheart. you don't know how much it hurts to be far away from you and knowing that you're sad."
you kiss him. "today was different. i've never been like this before."
he nods. "i know but you can't blame a guy for worrying over his sweet baby, hmm?"
you shake your head. "no, i guess i can't."
you pull him closer and he understands what you want to do. he leans his back to the headboard and makes room for you on his lap.
you adjust yourself comfortably on his lap and stroke his cock until it's hard for you. he watches the effect you have on him, he loves being undone because of you. you take him inside you and try to get used to the different angle. he holds your waist and guides you.
you start riding him, your fingers brush his chest and his neck. you move your hips in a certain rhytm. he tries to lift his hips and hits that sweet spot inside you. you moan, clenching around him. he encourages you to keep moving. you ride him through your third orgasm that night. that's not an unusual thing with aemond, you always manage to fuck each other until you are both satisfied. you come apart once more, this time it takes longer and your thighs are a little sore.
you lift your hips and take his weeping cock in your hand. you stroke him until he closes his eye, curves his mouth into a soft smile and comes on your fingers. you don't wait for your next move, take your fingers into your mouth and licking everything.
all he can do is to stay right there and watch you. he doesn't know how will he manage to leave tomorrow night when you look so perfect and when he is so in love.
after you are done, you put your head on his chest and pull the covers on both of you. he lays down and you bury your face to his neck, inhaling his scent. "i've dreamt about you holding me like this, all day long. almost afraid that i lost my mind."
"you are in the right place for your future, sweetheart. only three months more and you'll be back, remember? we can do that. we should do that."
you nod, wrap your arms closer. "i love you."
"i love you." he says it the second time for today but this time not on the other side of the phone, instead in the bed with you, holding you close.
"i think there is some wine in the kitchen. or we can drink coffee. oh god, i forgot to ask, are you hungry? i should've asked before i jump into your arms, i'm sorry." you say the last part teasingly.
"i'm not hungry. and you see, a man in the right mind always prefers you jumping into his arms before food."
"come on, that's too romantic even for you. let's stay in bed for a while, then we'll think of something."
he nods, kisses you hairline. you try not to think about the time he has to leave. you missed him too much and you deserve some good time with him instead of worrying and being sad.
aemond targaryen is the kind of man who would leave things behind just to see you smile. he takes care of your heart, supports you, and stays with you. your love for him feels overwhelming sometimes, how much more can you fall in love with him?
you press a kiss on his chest, ask him about his day. both of you know that you won't be sleeping tonight, it will be a night full of holding, kissing, talking, and touching each other. and it will be perfect.
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visualtaehyun · 2 months
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Thai QL fandom 101
ซีรีส์วาย /see ree waai/ = "Y series", Y standing for Yaoi -> BL shows
ซีรีส์ยูริ /see ree yuu ri/ = "Yuri series" -> GL shows
คู่จิ้น /khuu jin/ = shipped couple; the word จิ้น in there comes from the English imagine -> a working partnership between two artists, you might see it romanized as koojin on twt and co.
คู่จริง /khuu jing/ = real couple -> it's a pun on koojin and often used to ask if they're a ship or real
แฟน ๆ /faaen faaen/ or แฟนคลับ /faaen club/ = fans -> since the word for 'partner/bf/gf' is also แฟน /faaen/, artists usually make sure to call fans either of these two, or:
มัมหมี /mam mee/ = mommy; the word หมี in there means bear -> fans are called mommy both by their artists and calling themselves like this, it encompasses all fans, they often call their chosen artists their baby
มัมหมา /mam maa/ = mama; the word หมา in there means dog -> this is also a word to call fans but these fans are actually attracted to their chosen artist or, even funnier, attracted to the other half of that artist's koojin 😂 so you could be a mommy of NetJames and dote on James like your son but thirst after Net lmao
ชื่อด้อม /cheuu dawm/ = "name [of] dom", fandom name -> Thai artists usually have a name for their fandom, e.g. Becky Armstrong > BeckysAngels, GeminiFourth > KhunNoo, so there's even more ways to address fans
กัปตันเรือ /gap dtan reuua/ = captain of the ship -> another person or artist who's close to a koojin who posts content of them, is seemingly always present during their moments, or actively ships them themself, e.g. Kong is the self-proclaimed captain of the KengNamping ship
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(from DMD Friendship The Reality EP.3)
ในฐานะที่ผมเป็นกัปตันเรือ [...] /nai thaa na thee pom bpen gap dtan reuua/ = As captain of their ship, [...]
ขายจิ้น /khaai jin/ = "sell a fantasy"; contains the same จิ้น as in koojin -> doing fanservice
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(from รถทาเลนท์ EP.21)
ขายจิ้นแน่ ๆ !!! /khaai jin naae naae/ = Fanservice for sure!!!
งอน /ngawn/ vs. ง้อ /ngaaw/ = sulk vs. try to make up with (previously explained here but you could also google 'ngon ngor')
อ้อน /aawn/ = act cute, plead, this emoji 🥺 lol -> comparable to Korean aegyo (애교) but is more used to describe being cute and clingy or acting like a kid with relatives or elders, someone who is/behaves like that can be described as ขี้อ้อน /khee aawn/, e.g. Sea Tawinan gets described like that all the time in bts content of Last Twilight
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(from Before Last Twilight)
ซีในกล้องเนี่ยะ เขาจะเป็นคนที่ขี้อ้อน /Sea nai glaawng niia khao ja bpen khohn thee khee aawn/ = Sea on set- he's a clingy/affectionate person.
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quintessencewrites · 1 year
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Vanish
ShuRiri x Wakandan!fem!reader
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“Nisale kakuhle zinkosi zenu (Goodbye, your majesties.)” You bow and exit, leaving the Queens in their despair. 
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Warnings: ANGST, explicit language, toxic!Riri, slightly toxic!Shuri...you might cry
Word Count: 2.5k+
Tags: @yvxmpire @zestgodtj @k3nn3dyxo @mlmilani @letitias-fav @doms-fav @sweetalittleselfish-honey @g4yforu @remwritess @widowmakker @becauseimswagman1 @zayswriting @inmyheadimobsessed @laurensmabel1 @malltake12
A/N: Another idea by @k3nn3dyxo, loosely based on the song Vanish by GIVEON. There's so much damn angst in this one, it kind of broke my heart to write. As always though, enjoy <3 Translations are in the text, there are full on sentences in xhosa in this one. Also, just because I never said it before, every character I write for is a black woman. I love us <3 , okay that's all lol
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It had been weeks. That wasn’t an over-exaggeration. The x’s tallied across your calendar were proof. 
Weeks. Three weeks since you and your loves last had a meal together. 
Shuri and Riri lay in bed as you dressed, the smaller girl of the two still soundly sleeping, tucked under the other’s arm. Her highness smiled a beautiful smile at you, one filled with pride and all the adoration in the world. “Have a wonderful day, sthandwa (my love). Go do amazing things.” 
A beautiful grin of your own spread through your cheeks as you bent down to kiss the woman you loved. “Thank you. I will see you two for dinner?”
“Kunjalo, sana (Of course, baby). I can not wait to hear all about your day.”
And off you went, thrill racing through your veins as you left the palace in trek of the school you helped Nakia establish in your home country, one which mirrored her own brilliant institution in Haiti. 
Returning home many hours later, exhaustion adorning your features, you were welcomed by loneliness. The room shared between you and the adjacent queens was empty, as were the kitchen and living quarters. 
“Griot,” your voice echoed the large walls, calling out to the AI that had made its way out of Shuri’s lab and into your living space. 
“Yes, My Queen?”
“Where are my wives?” the question lingered from your lips. 
“Queen Shuri and Queen Riri are currently in the lab. Would you like me to page them for you?”
The heart encapsulated in your chest swelled, knowing that both girls have had a hard time returning to their work since Queen Mother’s death. You couldn’t bring yourself to pull them away from that. 
“No, Griot. Thank you anyways.”
That night, you climbed into bed alone, body no longer able to fight the sleep that draped upon it. 
When you awoke the next morning, your queens were snoring next to you. They’d crawled in at some point in the night and the sandman whisked them to dreamland; neither girl stirred when you left the bed to prepare for another day at the school. 
The abnormality of abandonment that marked the previous day for you and your family soon became routine. One night turned into two and two into 21. Twenty one days since you’d gathered around the table to enjoy a meal with your loves. 
Two weeks since they’d stopped making excuses. 
“I’m so sorry, baby. Work has been fucking crazy, man. I got caught up. Can I make it up to you?” Riri hadn’t even had the decency to leave the lab for the moment it would’ve taken her to stand you up in person. Shuri was in America, sovereign duties unable to go ignored any longer. 
Even without her partner in crime, Riri still found ways to make her lab work more important than her time with you. 
“You can’t take a moment? Let’s have lunch, my love.” You were begging, a pathetic sight had Ri been able to pull her eyes from her project long enough to peer at you through the hologram provided via the beads. 
“Nah, ma. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”
Shuri was no better. 
“My Queen, where are you? The children are waiting, anticipating the Black Panther’s arrival.”
“Shit, usana (baby), that was today? Can we reschedule?”
“Can we re - No, Shuri! No, we can’t reschedule. These iingqondo ezincinci (little minds) have been waiting hours, missing lessons, to see their beloved protector. You promised.”
“I’m kind of caught up right now, y/n. Riri and I are about to do a test flight; the Iron Heart suit has to be able to reach speeds greater than Mach 5. We think we’ve got it.”
“Shuri plea-“
“Later, sthandwa (my love). I’ll make it up to you.”
And with that, her beads disconnected, erasing her face full of distracted features and leaving you with an auditorium packed with disappointed young ones. 
14 days ago, they stopped making excuses and empty promises, simply starting to just not showing up, not explaining. 
One week, exactly, since they forgot your birthday. 
It had been a hard year, you were well aware of that, but this day was one that never went by unnoticed by your queens. They spoiled you regularly, but on this day in particular, there was nothing that you couldn’t dream up that they wouldn’t move mountains to get you. 
You begrudgingly spent most of that special day alone this year. ‘They’re planning a surprise.’ you tried to convince yourself. Something so big, they had to spend the day away from you so they wouldn’t spoil it. 
Nakia and all the students at your school had wished you a happy birthday. Okoye granted you a year full of bliss as you aged up. Hell, even Griot spoke up when you arrived home from work, “Happy Birthday, Queen Y/n.” 
The damn AI had blessed your day before your wives had.
7 days later and they still hadn’t. 
You’d been patient; more than really. So when you awoke on the eighth day since your birthday to an empty bed, your thin restraint snapped, kindness fleeing with it.
You were angry, and you had every right to be.
The walk down to the lab was more of a march than a stroll. Rage preceded you, and when the lab doors opened before you, it permeated the space, quickly sucking out the focused atmosphere. 
“Queen Y/n has arrived,” Griot announded, oblivious to the fury preparing to reign down on the other Wakandan rulers. 
“Where are my queens, Griot?” You stood on the entrance platform, eyes scanning the room and coming up short of either girl. 
“Queen Riri is in the lab. Queen Shuri is thirty minutes out from the border, returning as we speak.”
Returning? Shuri had left the country and you weren’t even made aware.
“I’m down here, baby,” Riri’s voice was muffled among the buzz in the room, and you honestly couldn’t take it. 
“Wonke umntu ngaphandle (Everybody out),” your voice boomed. Riri was still struggling to learn the language and Shuri wasn’t here to translate, so you took command of the unfamiliar space. 
All around, the sea of white lab coats stilled, unsure. “Ngoku! (Now!)”
Their hesitations evaporated, and the scientists filed out of every exit in the room, leaving you and a confused Riri. You spotted your girl then, welder’s mask atop her head, slowly placing her tool down as you approached her. 
“Y/n, baby, I don’t have time for lunch today. These modifications have a deadline and-”
“Esihogweni ngomhla wakho wokugqibela (To hell with your deadline).”
Riri took a slight step back at your tone, “You know you’re gonna have to translate baby. I’m not there yet.”
At her retreat, you stepped forward, refusing to let her escape. “To hell with your deadline. My patience had a deadline too, Riri.”
Her guard drops, no longer taking your distraction in her lab as a serious matter. “Y/n, what are you going on about?”
When she raises her hand to drop the mask back onto her face, you scoff. She couldn’t even give you a moment to speak, nor an ounce of respect to hear your words. 
You step in front of her, risking being burned by the tool in her hands and not caring at all. Riri jumps back and switches the device off. “You gonna get yourself hurt, y/n! You know better than that; what the fuck is going on with you?”
“Queen Shuri has arrived,” Griot announces as she steps into the lab, panther suit still on, missing the mask. Her brows raise at the sight of her empty lab as she saunters over to you two.
“Y/n, what are you doing here?” Shuri questions with a kiss to the side of your head. “Where is everyone?” she asks as she repeats the action on Riri. 
If looks could kill, you and Riri would both be six feet under, neither of you removing your glare from the other. “Ask her,” Riri retorts. “She came in spewing some shit I couldn’t understand and risking her life with tools she don’t know how to handle and shit.” Throwing the tool to the ground, Ri steps closer to you. She’s so close she could kiss you, but the fury emitting from her tells you she won’t. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Shuri grabs Riri’s upper arm, stopping the girl from approaching you any further. With furrowed brows, she speaks. “Sthandwa (my love), what’s going on?”
A deep chuckle filled with rage leaves your body. It’s an ugly sound coming from you, brimming with emotions you don’t usually possess. “This is the most attention I’ve gotten from either of you in weeks.”
“Attention?” Riri cries. “This is about you not getting attention?” She turns to Shuri, “Baby, we don’t have time for this!” Swiveling back to face you and shaking her arm free of the Black Panther’s hold, Riri steps forward to you, an angry finger in your face joining her dangerous words. “You’re not a child, y/n! We don’t have to come running every time you beckon and call.”
“Ri, calm down. Y/n, my love, nceda uqonde (understand, please). This work is important to us. You know that.” Shuri is speaking to you gently while Riri paces back and forth, hands clasped and running over her tight braids. 
“Bast, Shuri, we don’t have time for this,” Riri repeats. 
Shuri raises her hand to silence Riri but then lowers it onto the small of her back, pulling her in close. “Y/n, sthandwa (my love), singakwenza oku kamva? (can we do this later?)”
That’s it. That small movement opened your foolish eyes.
They were a team. Shuri and Riri. The Black Panther and Iron Heart.
And right now, they were teamed up against you. 
The action almost caused you doubt, your brain wracking to think of a way you may be in the wrong. 
You came up with nothing.
“Ungacinga lomtshato uphakathi kwenu nobabini qha (You would think this marriage was only between the two of you.”
Shuri’s head dips and when she looks back at you, sadness is in her gaze. “Ungathethi loo nto, sthandwa (Don’t say that, my love). You don’t mean that.”
Riri’s head is spinning between you two. “What did she say?”
Shuri is hesitant to answer. “Sh-she said that it seems as though our marriage is only between the two of us.”
While Shuri is making the effort to be gracious with your feelings, Riri just isn’t. She laughs, “Are you serious, yo? You go a few days without any affection and you start tripping?”
“Three weeks.”
“What?” Riri asks.
“Three weeks,” you parrot. “It has been three weeks.”
“Quit being dramatic, y/n-” But Ri’s words are silenced when you throw the calendar upon her work station. Across it are little notes marking the important women in you life’s promises that went broken on those important dates. Big, bold x’s mark out those days. 
“Three weeks ago,” you point at the date. “Was the day I started my duties at the school. You missed the grand opening; couldn’t even be bothered to have dinner with me that evening to celebrate. I went to bed alone that night. Have been ever since.”
Shuri’s eyes are wide and full of hurt, having forgotten the vow she made that you on that day. “We haven’t eaten together in three weeks? Haven’t gone to bed together in that long?”
You ignored her questions. Your voice had finally found you and you refused to let it go. “Two weeks ago, Riri, we were supposed to have lunch together. You’ve been blowing me off ever since. You, ubungangamsha bakho (your majesty), promised to bless the school with your presence. You failed to do so, and I spent six hours consoling some very upset children.”
Next came the date with a bold red circle engulfing it. ‘My Birthday!’ the note read. “One week ago,” your voice cracks. “This one is pretty self-explanatory.”
Tears are falling from Shuri’s face. “How could we-”
Riri is belligerent. “Nah, nah. We wouldn’t miss your birthday. We had it all planned out, today’s only-” Her words fail as she pulls out her phone to check, as if she didn’t believe the calendar you placed in front of her. “Shit.”
“Ikaka ngokwenene(Shit indeed). So tell me again, Shuri, how I didn’t mean the words I said before.”
She doesn’t speak, face full of an apology she can’t vocalize. 
Riri isn’t backing down, anger riling her up again. “Hold up, so you been sitting on this shit for three weeks and you wanna come in and hold it over our heads now?”
“Hold it over your heads? Riri, my love, vuma ukuba awulunganga (admit you’re wrong)! It was you, nina nobabini (both of you), who forgot you had another wife to care for, not I!”
“If you’re so forgotten, y/n, why don’t you just leave?”
Her words knock the wind out of you. “Utheni? (What did you say?)” 
Shuri’s words find her again. “Riri, stop-”
“Nah, baby. She’s the forgotten wife, right?” She’s speaking to Shuri, but her eyes are on you. “We haven’t shown her how much we care over these past few years. How much she meant to us. It wasn’t enough for her.”
Readdressing you, Riri asks venumously “It wasn’t enough, was it, y/n? Huh, baby? We weren’t enough for you. So why don’t you go? Disappear? Vanish?”
A panic is rising in Shuri and she pulls Riri’s tiny body back, but the anger and frustration flowing through the small girl’s being strengthen her. “Cwaka, Riri (Silence, Riri.) Let’s cool off usana (baby), you’re going to say something you’ll regret.”
Riri takes no heed to Shuri's words, tears pouring down both girl’s faces, as well as your own. “Go, y/n. Bounce, baby. Find that woman who gives you more than either of us could, and when you do, wish the bitch luck!”
“Riri!” Shuri hisses, but then her attention is on you. Her eyes follow you as your hand moves to pull off your kimoyo beads. She rushes to you, her hand atop yours. “No, no, sthandwa (my love). She didn’t mean it. Yeka, hlala nam (Stop, stay with me.)”
You take the bracelet off anyways and place it in Shuri’s hand. She looks down at it in horror and tries a different tactic, taking your cheek in her hand to wipe your tears. “Umfazi wam, ndiyaxolisa (My wife, I’m sorry). Ndiyacela, ndiyacela, sukuhamba. (Please, please, don’t go.),” whispers from her lips. 
When you reach to remove the wedding ring from your hand, Shuri drops to her knees, begging. Riri even stops her pacing to peer at you with wide eyes, the weight of her words finally hitting her. 
The ring clinks as it lands on the table, a loud sound in the quiet room. “Ndiyahamba (I’ll leave).”
You pull Shuri’s chin into your hands, bringing her teary eyes to meet yours. With a small, sad smile and a quick glance at Riri, whose taking wavering steps toward you, your mouth opens to speak to the two one last time before you retreat. “Nisale kakuhle zinkosi zenu (Goodbye, your majesties.)” You bow and exit, leaving the Queens in their despair. 
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evadooom · 8 months
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𝕳𝖎𝖞𝖆 𝕴’𝖒 𝕰𝖛𝖆𝖉𝖔𝖔𝖔𝖒
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Backup account is @evadoooom y'know, incase I get nuked
Art account @evapupfangrot <- profile pic belongs to me/I drew it which you can see here
✧ 24, You can call me Ri
✧ My pronouns are they/them, Genderfluid
✧ I love being called a good girl (that is probably the only time I’m okay with being labeled as such though - it’s so confusing even to me)
✧ I’m pansexual
✧ I’m in a polyam relationship - so yes I have partners, yes they’re aware of everything I do lol
✧ Regardless on what I post I’m not always NSFW!!
This is NOT a fat fetish/feederism account. You’ll be blocked immediately because that makes me insanely uncomfortable.
if you wanna grasp an idea of what I’m into all you’ve gotta do is see what I repost, I’m warning you I’m unhinged
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I don’t post anything considered too lewd on tumblr but I do post lewd stuff on Reddit ⚠️ I will not answer your messages on Reddit. If you can not message me on tumblr (because we aren’t mutuals) you definitely won’t get a response on Reddit. ⚠️
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Mutuals feel free to dm me
If I think you’re really cool/cute/like the stuff that you post/possibly have a crush on you then I’ll follow you back <3
I’m into gaming, horror movies, anime, metal music & making art. I like collecting pop vinyls, Pokémon cards & other game related collectibles. I play guitar and am currently learning how to play bass and piano
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tags are for easy searching!
#evadooom.jpeg - my photo posts
#evadooom.ask - answering an anon/or an ask
#evadooom.txt - my text posts
#moots :3 - for my cute mutuals ofc
#silly little pup - puppy mood stuff heh
#👀 - directed at a mutuals
#B - my boytoy/long term partner
#buggies - self explanatory
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hyobros · 4 months
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Cheritz's changes in staff over the lifetime of The Ssum
I wanted to write a post about this because it was the nail in the coffin convincing me that The Ssum won't get better. I really want to be optimistic, I was for the first year of the game's release. But with how hard they're fumbling June's route, and having some context by seeing the dramatic changes that happen behind the scenes, I don't have any hope for the game's future in its original concept.
So here's a big fat list of credits, comparison of them, and my own stupid commentary.
A comparison of the beta OPs credits (2018) vs the new OP credits (April 2022)
Project Directed by-
Sujin Ri (this stays constant)
Project Managed by-
Heinrich Dortmann (this stays constant during the time periods I'm comparing- we'll come back to this later)
Character Model by-
Yuseung An (this credit never appears again so uhhhh)
Game Designed by-
Yoonji Shin, Haeyoung Go (this credit also never appears again)
Project Assisted by-
2018:
Youngtak Lee, Heetae Lee, Yeonwoo Jung, Kyungha Kim, Kyungho Kim, Jihyun Jang, Hyejin Hong, Daniel Hong, Seungiim(?) Hwang, Dakyoung Lee
April 2022:
Heetae Lee, Junghee Choi
Art illustrated by-
2018:
Ilbo Sim, Jinhee Lee, Jihyeon Choi, Hyunju Na, Juhul Kim, Jaehee Hwang, Mirae Kang
April 2022:
Ilbo Sim, Jihyeon Choi, Minji Kim, Mirae Kang, Youngjoo You, Yura Lee
Programmed by-
2018:
Mansu Park, Marcos Arroyo, Rachel Tay, Soonyong Hong, Seungjin Lee, Myungjun Choi
April 2022:
Gunsoo Lee, Kukhwa Park, Moonhyuk Jang, Myungjun Choi, Seungjin Lee, Wonbok Lee, Youngkwon Jeon
Scenario Written by-
2018:
Jinseo Park, Minjeong Kim, E Hyun Kim, Eunchong Jang
April 2022:
Jinseo Park, Lilly Hwang, Minjung Kim, Saerom Shin, Summer Yoon, Youngran Moon
Language Localized by-
2018:
Sunhee Moon, Minkyung Chi, Sungjae Choi, Junhee Kim
April 2022:
Minkyung Chi, Pilhwa Hong, Saenanseul Kim, Sorim Byeon
Sound Resourced by-
2018:
(N/A)
April 2022:
Songhee Kim
Customer Service/Communication with Users by-
2018:
Sunkyeong Yun, Hyeseon Yang
April 2022:
Donghee Yoon, Joyce Hong, Sanghee An, Subin Kim
Credits from 2019
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These are in the lyric booklet included in the Teo Love Bundle. Strangely enough, I'm already seeing differences between the 2018 credits and 2019. Uh oh?
As of release + a few months
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These screenshots don't feature all the credits, unfortunately. I'm relying on screenshots someone else took because I'm not proactive but hindsight is 20/20.
Changes: Project is no longer managed by Heinrich Dortmann, instead by Juho Woo. Scenario team cut down to 2 people, one of which is a new name (Jooyoung Lim). Art team also cut down to 2 people. Sound is no longer resourced by Songhee Kim, but Jaeryeon Park and ROGIA. All new team of directing assistants as well, it expanded to 4 people but they're all new names. 2 fewer programmers, only one of the listed names was already working.
October 2023 (June's release)
Here's where it somehow gets worse lol.
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Changes: A lot. Directing assisted by 1 person. They were not a part of the team credited in the OP. Down to 3 programmers, only 1 being in the OP. Entirely new art team! It's up to 4 people, but all of them are new, even compared to only a few months prior. Down to 1 scenario writer pobrecita (but we're coming back to that). Since I don't have screenshots of the project assistant credits from launch, can't say anything for that, except that Gui Zhenghao is new compared to the OP but the number of staff there remained the same. Flaming Heart is gone for the BGM! He's been working with Cheritz for forever but is gone now. One person from the communication team left, so they're down to 2. That would explain why emails have been slower since October. Only 1 translator, though Cheritz is now looking to recruit new ones.
Important note:
According to Cheritz's post acknowledging their use of gAI, Sujin Ri was not involved in writing season 1 of the game, but IS the main writer for season 2. I won't make a rant about how much I hate what she's writing cuz this isn't the post for that, but it explains why season 2 is so vastly different.
The fact that only a few people (like, in the lower single digits) remain even from 2019/early 2022, let alone who's still around from 2018, is really frustrating for the game. The game started with one vision, but now it's being turned into something completely different. Even the app's functions are inconsistant between season 1 and 2 (and a little so between Harry and Teo). According to an email I got from Cheritz, season 2 takes place a few years before season 1. Just sit with that knowledge for a bit :P. It's like the current people in charge of The Ssum (*cough Sujiin Ri*) couldn't be bothered to keep the original concept in mind, let alone how the timeline would work.
This post was a long time coming, I was caught up in just how bizarre this all is and finding tons of stuff that I haven't even included in the post. Writing this has taken about 3 hours (including the time I spent on a post ONLY FOR TUMBLR TO NOT WANNA WORK PROPERLY WHEN I TRIED TO POST IT SO IT GOT DELETED) and uhhh yeah. Now I gotta wait a few years to ask former staff if their NDAs are expired yet LOL
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ryekoo · 1 year
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— some valorant gamer bf!rin headcanons bcs college is kicking my ass and im so grumpy everyday that i couldnt get to play my fav game 😞
btw gn!reader also plays valorant in this hc (definitely not projecting here haha)
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gamer!rin as your valorant duo
i can see rin as the type who’d main the initiator agents for some reason (ok but he radiates the kayo/skye main vibes idk why lol). not exactly one who does lineups (according to him that’s so lukewarm and cringe. just get headshots, idiot.) and maybe some duelists here and there???? specifically jett and yoru
loves Loves LOVES tricking the enemy team when he’s using yoru’s ult iykwim. get in their heads, does the most insane moves ever, popping blinds and teleports here and there 🤯
an absolute monster in bed with the sheriff and operator wbk
to hell with sage and jett duo, yall are the constantly top fragging reyna-jett duo yessir
if rin is already so protective as a boyfriend, you bet yo ass he’d defend you in game as well whenever some jerks decide to flame you for not doing well in the game or something.
itoshi “hey. mute him and me as well. at least until i say i’m done.” rin who then proceeds to brutally shit on those bastards while top fragging the whole match 😳
smokes you off when you’re planting/defusing the spike when he’s playing as jett <3
pls do put your whole trust on him to protect you while you’re planting/defusing bcs he will do so, flawlessly at that .would genuinely get offended if u dont 😭😭 (some of my friends are like this too lol)
rin rarely plays competitive (i hc him as a plat or maybe diamond player) bcs he doesnt want to make the lobby too hard for you. unless you’re also on par with him, then omg yall are the finest duo ever wtf me when :(
rin and you play unrated games together as a date, and mans lowkey gonna get so annoyed if bachira (or any one of his friends tbh) suddenly pops up on his discord notification saying him and isagi are joining yall LMFAO
he drops skins for you and vice versa, yall even have matching knife skins too hwhsjshdjsjs
prolly an enthusiast for the ruination, reaver, origin and sovereign bundle (debatable tho)
rin rly doesn’t like being told what to do so naturally he hates being backseated/backsitting people. however if you tell him to do so to you, he doesn’t mind doing it but not too much
he also wouldn’t mind explaining or teaching you some tricks or anything really, regarding the game so he’d be so patient w you and stuff (unless you purposely keep saying you don’t understand, then he will bitch abt it 😹)
you and him sync so well in game ykyk the amount of trust you put on each other and understanding the other’s gameplay in whatever situation aaaaaa i want a duo like that too 😞
rin malds (if u dont know, its basically mad+balding /gets hella angry) quite a lot whenever he’s playing w shidou or bachira his friends/solo queuing but not when he’s w you 😽 that doesn’t stop him from (affectionately) dissing you whenever you whiff your shots tho LMFAO
also the type who’d just chill before the round starts (unlike some people cough cough me who likes to run around knifing at the wall or some shit)
he’s always available to play the game with you all night if you just so much as ask for it. he’d be down in a heartbeat no questions asked 🤞
also secretly loves whenever you’re not playing, you decide to just chill/take a nap on his lap while he plays the game. it’s one way of having some physical touch + spending quality time w you while doing the thing he enjoys 🥹🫶
praises you whenever you get a kill or clutch the round albeit a little curtly, but u can’t rly complain bcs his voice ..mmm chefs kiss id melt into a measly puddle at that spot ong (praise him too pls he’d get so motivated to get more kills but ofc he’d never let you know that hehe)
WOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOU IF YOU GET AN ACE but he’d hide it kwhshshdkwhsjs mans doesn’t wanna boost your ego cuz he knows you’re gonna be a menace abt it 😈
all in all, gamer bf!rin is an 11/10 i love him sm why is he not real i hate it here
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enmayz · 6 months
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Ship your moots with idols 🥳
so so so much fun pls i love these so much ty my lovely anon aaaa muah muah
𖦹 masterlist .ᐟ
@heesuncore + san/ateez = (sunny) i was gonna put heeseung at first BUT idk ,, i hesitated because i feel like san would be a better choice...HEAR ME OUT bc together they would be the sexiest couple. real. san is literally the epitome of sexiness and seems like someone who can treat honey like the queen that she is 👑
@jaylaxies + haechan/nct = (araechan) the urge to delete haechan's name and put mine is strong. ahem anyways yea idk whenever i see aria going crazy over hyuck i js knew i had to 😞 and that hyuck fic of hers didnt help either okay like she writes him so well, just know they'd be the hottest couple that everyone would stare at. like both of them be attracting everyone just saying-
@flwrshee + heeseung/enhypen = (heeseuni) heard from a little birdy that ri is also becoming a jake stan (welcome to the club 😁) butttt im gonna go with ri's first love, lee heeseung 😞 idk they'd just be so cute together and like ri's so sweet and funny and so is hee, so they'd just be the lovliest couple together
@heesbaby + jay/enhypen = (jinna) had to ship cinna with the love of her life pls. like they would be couple goals esp with jay, who's so boyfie and hubby material?? and plus cinna is super kind and sweet and talented like her interactions with all her readers and moots are always so heartwarming. jay would take such good care of her hehe
@celeste-hoon + sunghoon/enhypen = (moonsung) ahem what more is there to say?? this ship is so obvious i would be blind if i thought otherwise- the it couple so real. i envision them being the coolest and best dressed couple at every event but at the same time theyd be really goofy and just overall comfy with each other when theyre alone 🥺
@heelcvr + jungwon/enhypen = (junuri) my most recent mootie hehe but yuri's so cute and i already knew who i was gonna ship her with just from some recent posts abt jungwon hehe. both so adorable so they would be the cutest couple no debates. like theyre dates are prolly so fun and relaxing &lt;3
@enhastolemyheart + jake/enhypen = (jakby) plsss i had a hard time with this because genuinely had no idea who could match abby's energy hehe BUT then i was like omg im saur stupid (haha you see what i did there? ok ignore me im being stupid) but the way abby types/talks just reminds me of jake, theyd be thte cutest autralian accent couple lolll
@ham-st4r + heeseung/enhypen = (maeseung) just by looking at may's blog, you can alr tell. she and heeseung. locked together for life. may is the most loyal gf hee could ever find (lucky him) even when given tempation (hoon lol) she did not give in. textbook couple, true love, all of that 😁
lolll i know the shipnames were not asked for but take it. i thought long and hard so you guys better not laugh at me 😔 💗
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vampzxi · 1 year
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ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴄᴛ (ʀɪʀɪ x ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ!ғᴇᴍ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)
author's note: this is like..super explicit (duh). i had to take so many breaks while writing LMFAO. also i wrote this in the middle of 2 severe tornado warnings and our power almost went out lol but it's wtv. let me know if you want to be tagged in the next one! enjoy :3 word count: 3020 summary: riri catches you with a vibrator basically. she makes you use it as she watches
tags: EXPLICIT, heavy nsfw, fingering, gagging, bottomfeeder riri, pillow princess reader, afab black reader, black!fem reader, stud riri, (slight) choking, masturbation, voyeurism, vibrator, oral sex, “touch-me-not” riri, degrading, brief mention of spanking, praise, dom riri, sub reader, dirty talk, kissing, they are very loud, teasing, thighs, slight spit mention, boob play, heavy cussing, overstimulation, slight crying, some humor, begging, throat fucking
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it’s been weeks since riri last touched you. you couldn’t blame her; the fall semester was nearing its end, and she was swamped with homework. but that didn’t make you feel any less lonely.
she would give you kisses here and there, but it wasn’t enough to keep you at bay. you missed her— you needed her. you needed her lips trailing up and down your body. you needed to feel her on top of you as her breath tickled your neck. you needed her tongue down your throat. you needed to feel her hands slide down your pants as she-
your back arched with your fantasies as you pumped the vibrator in and out. you used your other hand to try and contain your moans, but your efforts were useless. the bed underneath you was sticky with sweat and other fluids. "riri…" you whimpered her name as you felt yourself nearing your edge. the toy vibrated inside you as your pace quickened. 
just as you were about to finish, you hear the door to your dorm unlock. heart dropping, you throw the blankets over you, stuff the toy in the drawer next to your bed, and pull your underwear up from your ankles. as you close the drawer, riri walks into your dorm. "hey, baby."
your breath stalls. "hey, ri," you say nervously as you sneak a glance at the pants you've long since abandoned in the corner of the room. "uhh, i thought you had class today?" you sit up straight, making sure to keep the blanket on your lap.
she shrugs her bag off and drops it on your desk as she sits at the foot of your bed, "i left early cause teach was pissing me off and--" she finally glances up at you, a puzzled expression on her face. "you good?" she asks as she slides her Forces off.
"huh?" you stare at her; "of course. why?" you gulp.
"your forehead all shiny n shit and you look like you just-" she points at you but pauses, cocking her head, "is that your phone?"
you open your mouth to ask what’s going on, but that’s when you hear it. because your heart was beating in your ears, you didn't notice it, but now that it's quiet, your heart drops. riri's attention is drawn to the faint buzzing coming from your drawer. as she looks at you, your face becomes hot. "i don't hear anything," you blurt out, avoiding eye contact.
"for real? shits been going off since i got here," she stands up and takes a step toward the drawer, "whatever it is, it’s in here."
as you watch her reach for it, a drop of sweat drips down your brow. shit, you thought. in a panic, you reach for and grab her hand. "no!"
"fuck is wrong with you?" riri’s eyebrows furrow in irritation. 
"uhh...you can't open that," you say, your mind racing with excuses.
"why the hell not?" she says as she pulls her hand away from your grip and crosses her arms. you could see her irritation growing, and you fumbled for an explanation. "what’s in there?"
"a…it’s a..uh.." you chuckle nervously, which only seemed to piss her off more. your smile drops and you look around the room, "it’s…it’s a..."
"you fuckin with me, right?"
"it’s a bomb!" you cover your face with your hands, scared to look riri in the eye. you didn’t want to face her when she blew up because you knew she hated being lied to. 
but, to your surprise, you hear muffled giggles coming from her. you look up at ri, puzzled, to see her face scrunched in laughter. looking at your baffled expression, she doubles over and laughs harder. she flops on your bed, continuing to giggle. "you funny as hell," she laughs as you cross your arms. 
"what the hell are you laughing at?" you ask, your face flushed. riri smiles at you as she reaches for the drawer again. you extend your hand to stop her, but her smile drops as her gaze hardens. that’s all you need to put your hand back down in embarrassment.
she pulls the wet vibrator out, trying to hold back another laugh. "i could hear your ass from damn near across the hall," she says, turning the toy off and tossing it on the bed as she sits next to you. "i told you that mouth would get you in trouble one day," riri leans closer to your face as you continue to sweat from humiliation.
"why ain’t you say anything when you first got here?" you splutter, not able to make eye contact. 
riri cups your chin with her hand and forces you to look at her; "i like to watch you squirm," she says before releasing your face and snatching the blanket off of you, revealing your damp underwear and the pool of fluids beneath you. "so damn needy," she smirks as she looks down at the sticky sheets under you.
she looks back at you, the eye contact making you squirm under her gaze. "i wouldn’t be so needy if you actually paid attention to me," you huff. 
riri raises an eyebrow, "you catching an attitude with me?" 
before you can fix your mouth to argue, she swings her leg over you and sits in your lap. ri's hand wraps around your neck, pressing her lips against yours. a soft moan slips out of your mouth into hers as she sticks her tongue past your lips and kisses you sloppily. her minty breath washes over you as she continues to kiss you with her hand around your throat. riri lightly squeezes the sides of your neck, making the sheets beneath you wetter. 
she pulls away abruptly, leaving your lips cold. ri leans against you and presses her lips to your ear, applying light pressure to your throat. your spine tingles as you feel her breath on your neck. "don’t get shy, now. tell me what you want." your heart is racing, and you can feel the heat between your bodies. her gaze returns to you as she leans back, her hand still resting on your neck.
"i…" you murmur, looking down. "i want you." 
riri presses into your throat, making you gasp. "you know i don't do that mumble shit. i couldn't hear you, ma," you look up at her, a slight grin on her face, "besides, you had no problem telling our entire hall what a whore my girlfriend is."
the longer you looked at her, the tighter the knot in your stomach became. you bite your bottom lip as her amber eyes gleam with desire. you inhale, "i want you to... touch me."
"come on, baby," riri shifts in your lap, "you gon have to be more specific than that. ian asking nicely next time."
you huff out of frustration and gulp. "i want you to fuck me. i need you, ri." 
"there you go, baby, she says with a smile as she tenderly kisses you. she then reaches for your underwear and tugs at the waistband, saying, "yeah, i need these gone."
you arch your back as she slides your underwear off and tosses them in the same corner as your long abandoned pants. you try to close your legs to hide your wet front, but riri pulls them apart and lets out a low chuckle. "nah, baby, let me see you." she inspects your wet entrance by running her finger along it. sensitive, you tuck a whimper under your lip. ri slips her finger into her mouth, tasting you. your core tightens as her eyes land back on your vibrator.
"you said you wanted me to touch you, yeah?" her playful gaze returns to you. you nod slowly, and riri shakes her head, "use your words, ma. beg."
"you're gonna have to make me," you say, smiling as a flash of irritation crosses her face. 
"ohh, don’t worry," riri leans over you, "i will." you smirk and bite your lip in anticipation.
she leans down, and her breath fans against your neck as you sharply inhale. "you get yourself a lil toy and think you hot shit, huh?" she presses her knee against your crotch, eliciting a low moan from you.
riri pulls her knee back, a wet spot on her grey sweatpants. you wrap your arms around her, trying to pull her closer to you. but she wriggles out of your grip and laughs. "nah, you got it," she says, reaching for the vibrator and holding it out to you.
"what’s this for?" you ask, perplexed. you try to hand it back to her, but she shakes her head and laughs.
"oh, you know what it's for," she says as she leans back and crosses her arms, "you said you wanted me to fuck you, yeah? do it yourself."
"huh?" you splutter, "ri, baby, i was playing. please."
"nah, you got it, ma," she repeats, "put on a show for me. let me see how you was doing it when i wasn’t here."
you want to object, but you don't want to think about what ri would do if you did. as you reach down and align the toy with your entrance, your face warms. riri's hungry eyes were following your every move, and you were embarrassed to admit how much it turned you on. you press the silicone toy against your clit and turn it on. the low buzzing caused you to jump slightly, but you rub it against your entrance. you throw your head back and use your free hand to stifle a moan.
"hey" riri’s voice makes your head snap back up, "move your hand. let me hear that pretty mouth, baby."
you could cum from her words alone. you move your hand from your mouth and slide it up your shirt, grabbing at your chest. a loud moan was forced from you as you slipped the vibrator into your throbbing pussy. riri’s eager eyes follow your hand as you pump the toy in and out of you. her gaze makes your pace quicken and the sloppy, wet noises of the vibrator sliding in and out of your pussy make her anxious to touch you. she sits motionless in the bed's corner, watching, even though it's clear she would love nothing more than to slurp up your juices. you press the button on your vibrator again, making it buzz louder and faster. your body trembles and your chest heaves as the humming fills the air. as riri grows more and more greedy, you pull your shirt off to reveal your breasts and play with them. 
"riri…" you whine, your hips bucking up to the vibrator. you push it further into your g-spot, making you pant and moan more.
"how many times has my name left your mouth while you fucking yourself?" she asks, eyes never leaving your pussy, "so much of a whore that just my name alone can get you off?"
"i..." you try to respond, but your core tightens even more as you play with yourself. as she stands up, riri slides down her sweatpants to reveal her arousal dripping down her toned legs. your hands start to move more quickly as the sight of her wet thighs and boxers nearly send you over the edge. sweat trickles down your brow as you pinch your nipple and your pumps become sloppy.
"tell me how bad you want me," riri leans over your face, her braids tickling your nose, "no more of that attitude shit. keep playing with me and i’ll make you cum without touching you."
"please… riri," you breathe, "i need you. i won’t do it again, i’ll be good. i’ll cum for you– i’ll do whatever you want. just please," you suddenly cry out as the vibrator hits your g-spot again, "please touch me." you blurt out.
riri smiles and slides back onto the bed. you moan as she grabs your vibrator and flips you over onto your stomach. she moves quickly into you, arching two slender fingers against your core. you cry out as she pumps her digits into you. she takes her hand and slaps your ass as she continues to finger you, your ass burning from her touch as you yell. "yeah, take that shit. let everyone know who you belong to," her thumb presses on your quivering clit.
"riri," you pant, gripping the sheets, "i’m bout to–i’m gonna–"
she slides a third finger into you and fucks you with more vigor. she arches them into your core, relentless. pleasure courses through your body as your moans echo through the room. "good fucking girl, ma."
that’s enough to send you over the edge. you yell out as your cum leaks onto her fingers. she pulls them out and licks them as you pant. riri leans over you and presses kisses onto your back, cooing praises, "thank you baby, you did so good," she kisses your neck, "i missed you so much." her approval sends waves through you, making you wet all over again. 
you roll over to face her, and she dips down to kiss you. you taste yourself on her lips as her hand travels to your breasts. you gag on her tongue as she sticks it down your throat, smiling at the sounds you make. she takes one of your boobs and squeezes it. as she circles her finger around your tender nipple, you sigh into her mouth.
as she breaks off the kiss, riri bites your bottom lip, leaving a spit-trail in her wake. you put your knee to her crotch, relishing the moan that slips out of her mouth. you grin as she looks down at you, "got time for one more?" you ask, looking into her eyes. 
"i got all the time in the world, baby," she leans down and envelops your nipple into her mouth while she uses her hand to rub your front. you arch your back and bite back a groan as riri’s finger circles your clit.
she grabs your chin, pulling it down to look at her as her other hand continues to press against you. "open up," she says. you obey, opening your mouth as she takes her soaked hand from your pussy. she shoves two of her fingers down your throat. you gag and choke on her fingers, tears streaming down your face as she thrusts them in and out of your mouth. she pulls them out with a wet pop and grins at you. "good girl," she purrs, her other hand returning to its former position between your legs. your mind goes blank as she pumps her fingers inside of you, your body shaking with pleasure. you moan around her fingers still in your mouth, longing for release. she pulls them out and you gasp for air, but before you can recover, she shoves deeper, making you gag again. "wider," she commands, and you obey.
you gag as ri thrusts her fingers down your throat again. as she finger fucks your throat, eyes watering. "what’s wrong, baby? use your words." she laughs and curls her fingers, making you whine.
she finally slips her fingers from your mouth as tears stream down your cheeks. as you’re gasping for air, she slides down to your soaked crotch. "god damn," she whispers, sending chills up your spine. she presses her tongue to your overstimulated clit. you moan, and your core tightens as riri sloppily laps up your wet pussy. she slips her tongue into you, making you dig your fingers into her braids and shove her head down further into you. 
she sticks her tongue in and out of you, savoring the way you taste. she moans into you, the vibration of her voice making you gush more. riri takes her time alternating between your hole and clit, taking pleasure in the way your walls tighten against her tongue. you buck your hips up as she licks against your g-spot. 
your legs start to shake as you near your second climax. your thighs squeeze around riri’s head as she buries herself into your pussy. she sucks at your clit, drawing out a loud whine from you. "that’s it, ma," she says, her voice muffled by your thighs, "let it out for me."
as riri presses a messy kiss onto your entrance, your legs start to tremble more. "riri—im," your chest heaves as you gasp for air, "i’m so close."
"mmm," she hums against you, the vibration making you claw at the sheets, "say my shit again. it sound so good coming from that nasty ass mouth." your mind is in a haze as she continues to eat you. the sensations are overwhelming, and you can feel yourself getting closer to the edge. riri's word's only adds fuel to the fire, making it even more difficult to hold back.
"riri, please," your words make her quicken her pace, her tongue exploring every inch of your pussy. you feel the pressure in you release as you flood into her mouth with a moan.
as your legs relax, riri laps up your release. "fuck, you taste so good, baby." you sigh, watching her slurp you up. she finally comes up and lays next to you, drawing you in for a slow, passionate kiss as she rubs circles on your thighs. she gives you several kisses on your face as you rest your head on her shoulder. 
"was that enough attention for you?" riri asks, her lips curling into a smirk.
you swat at her and roll your eyes, "i just missed you," you murmur.
"i know baby," riri sighs, running her fingers through your locs, "i missed you too." she smiles as she feels you drifting off to sleep and asks, "you clocking out on me?"
you nod slowly, burying yourself deeper into riri’s shoulder. she rubs your back slowly as your consciousness fades. riri kisses your brow as your chest rises and falls with hers. she eventually falls asleep with you, your bodies tangled together.
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sipsandfables · 4 months
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Unfiltered Thoughts While Reading: Fourth Wing
⚠️⚠️⚠️BEWARE OF A BEVY OF SPOILERS ⚠️⚠️⚠️
Chapter 1
​​I really like Mira so far - not too sure about their mom yet lol
​​Is Brennan REALLY dead? Lol Could be a page pulled from Red Queen
​​Their mom might have been Manon in an alternate universe
​​“Decide, Violet. Are you going to die a scribe? Or live as a rider?’”
​​I love the relationship between the two sisters
​​“He's the most exquisite man I've ever seen.”
I mean, Xaden does sound pretty hot. I’m a sucker for dark hair and dark eyes lol
​​“Flaming hot. Scorching hot. Gets-you-into-trouble-and-you-like-it level of hot.” ​
🤣​​🤣​​🤣​
​​ Nooooo! I had a feeling Dylan wouldn’t make it ​😭​
​​Chapter 2
​​Jack Barlowe - even his name sounds like a dick
​​Chapter 3
​​So there are four wings, with 3 sections in each wing, and 3 squads in each section making it 4 wings, 12 sections, and 36 squads total
​​“I will not die today”
​​Chapter 5
​​so Violets mom opposed General Melgren about the rebel children - wonder if they have animosity
​​Lol well Violets plan of getting Ri to ask her questions didn’t work ​🤣​
​​Damn, does her mom hate her? Why would she send Violet to do this??? Lol
​​Chapter 6
​​Aw, I really hope Brennan isnt actually dead and it’s a plot twist because he seems like a character I’d love
​​Chapter 7
​​It’s so strange that the people with the most motivation for revenge (rebel children) are put in such high power by training to become riders WITH MAGIC AND DRAGONS
​​Oh and look, a bunch of them are gathering to scheme even though it’s illegal for more than three to be seen together lol
​​Violet hanging out in a tree while passing judgement on this group is hilarious
​​“‘Fascinating. You look all frail and breakable, but you're really a violent little thing, aren't you?’”
​​Alright, I admit that I love their dynamic lol
​​Chapter 8
​​I’m surprised Dain didn’t see her rendezvous with Xaden since they touched and he can see memories
​​I wonder if the decrease in the number of dragons willing to bond speaks to the fact that the dragons’ don’t align with humans like before
​​Omggggg I hope Violet gets the black one! If dragons bond with humans like them, it would make sense because she’s so smart
​​Omg was the one and only rider of the black dragon Brennan?! The last time he was seen was five years ago which is when Brennan “died” and the teacher looked at Violet when he told the story of how the rider died
​​Oh I got it wrong, Brennan was the rider that was trying to be resurrected
​​Omg i totally thought it was Jack volunteering to spar Violet. I’m glad it’s Xaden instead hahaha
​​Chapter 9
​​Violence? I love the nickname haha
​​“Beautiful. Fucking. Asshole.” ​
🤣​​🤣​​🤣​
​​Am I the only one getting hot and bothered by this death match? Lollll
​​“Defenseless women have never been my type.”
Okay sir ​👀​​🥵​
​​Man, I get Dain is her bestie but he is trying way too hard to get her out of the rider squadrant - just believe in her
​​Chapter 10
​​Theory time: the rider who died trying to save Brennan was his lover. He didn’t do it for fame, he did it because he loved Brennan. The black dragon is going to take Violet as his rider because of the special bond his rider had with her brother. BOOM
​​I already liked Ridoc before because I resonate with cracking jokes through hard times but now I like him even more and respect him
​​Violets squad: Sawyer, Pryor, Trina, Tynan, Rhiannon, Ridoc, Violet, Aurelie, and Luca
​​I hope everyone on this squad stays alive because I like them and their dynamic. I also hope Sawyer gets a dragon this year ​😭​
​​As I read the Gauntlet practice scenes, I just picture the final challenge on Wipe Out ​🤣​
​​Aurelie ​😭​​😭​​😭​
​​“Do not make me ask three times.” ​
👀​ or what Zaddy?
​​“What makes you a rider is what you do after people die.”
​​
​​Things I like about this book so far:
​​Female lead is not annoying. She’s very logical and the writer SHOWS that she’s smart instead of telling
​​The pacing is great. What a page turner! And the chapters aren’t impossibly long. The book is long but it doesn’t FEEL like it
​​The romance between the main ship is not cringe! They’re dynamic is hot. He’s hot. She’s hot. It’s all hot
​​There is more than one badass female characters! It’s giving Throne of Glass series (Aelin, Manon, Lysandra, etc)
​​
​​Chapter 11
​​Does that mean someone will be punished for not burning Brennans things? Or does it not matter because Brennan is ALIVE?!
​​okay, so there’s a lot of representation in this book and I’m loving it (people of color, gay, they/them pronouns, etc)
​​I mean if Dain REALLY cared about her survival, he’d help more! He would have watched her practices and given her ideas on how to make it - not continue to try to get her to quit!
​​Violet is a fucking badass. LETSGOOOO
​​I also love how shameless her mind is when describing how sexy Xaden is lol
​​Also, I notice that Dain isn’t mentioned AT ALL during this whole thing about her making it through the gauntlet. Shouldnt he have been there also defending her win???? Sus
​​Chapter 12
​​Ahhh there’s a Feathertail? Maybe THATS the one that she bonds with since they abhore violence and are smart (sounds like Violet)
​​OR the Feathertail will report back to the black dragon about Violet and he comes during the Threshing ​👀​
​​Damn these dragons are heartless! Poor Pryor. But also, humans are heartless - Tynan and Luca can jump off a cliff
​​I hope that the awesome conversation Violet and Rhi are having throughout this walk means they’ll get awesome dragons
​​OMG finally someone I dislike diess LOL freaking Luca. Bye Felicia
​​Chapter 13
​​Hmmm, if Violet hasn’t felt a connection with the feather one so far then I don’t think they’ll bond. Maybe she hasn’t felt a connection because the black dragon wasn’t on the walk and Tynan will bond with that gold one to teach him a lesson about strength?
​​I wish Tynan also got burned to a crisp during presentation
​​Threshing is giving me “Manon and the Thirteen must fight others for Wyverns” vibes
​​Okay, maybe the gold dragon IS her dragon lol
​​I’m proud of Violet for coming to the Gold dragons defense but I’m relieved that Xaden was there with his dragon hahaha
​​Chapter 14
​​I FUCKING KNEW IT! It’s the black dragon! Here to claim Violet!!! Fuck yes!!
​​This fucking dragon is hilarious. I love him already
​​“"My name is Tairneanach, son of Murtcuideam and Fiaclanfuil, descended from the cunning Dubhmadinn line."
​​Tairn, this dragon is so sassy hahahaha
​​SHE FALLS OFF?!
​​Chapter 15
​​“You’re making us look bad. Stop it.”
I’m ded hahahah this dragon ​🤣​ He reminds me of Venom in the Venom movie with Tom Hardy lol
​​“Was everyone’s dragon a curmudgeon? Or just mine?” ​
💀​​💀​​💀​​💀​
​​“"You are the smartest of your year. The most cunning. You defended the smallest with ferocity. And strength of courage is more important than physical strength.” ​
❤️​​❤️​​❤️​
​​SHE FUCKING BONDED WITH BOTH?!
​​What. A. Legend.
​​Chapter 16
​​Damn, even the head dragon isn’t a huge fan of this? Now I’m concerned because General Melgren is obviously a bad guy lol
​​I’m so glad Sawyer got bonded this time around! And Rhi and Ridoc are bonded!!! Yay!
​​Poor Trina
​​Tairn told you to stay with Xaden and you’re not LISTENING!
​​Oh I didn’t see the dragons bond coming!!!
​​Damn Dain, that’s cold. But I knew it - he’s no real ride or die bestie!!!
​​I really do like Violet but her undying faith in Dain is pissing me off
​​Strange how Dain kisses her after all this time only because she has TWO bonded dragons ​😒​
​​Chapter 17
​​But if you really think about it, Violet didn’t take any available dragons away from others - Tairn hasn’t been seen in five years and Goldie was unwanted and a surprise at presentation
​​“Your puny gods”
lol I love Tairn
​​Chapter 18
​​Yes! Finally Violet sticks it to Dain. I’m tired of his shit too
​​Omggggg poor Jeremiah. That was brutal
​​the golden dragon can freeze time?! What a badass power!
​​chapter 19
​​Dang, Xadens rejection to Violet had ME in my feelings - what do you mean you wouldn’t sleep with her to keep her safe?!
​​Omg Andarna is adorable - she better not die EVER
​​Ohhhhh, a Feathertail is a baby dragon?
​​I bet it was Imogen who opened the door for those people to kill Violet
​​Chapter 20
​​Based on the intro of this chapter, now I’m thinking it was Amber because she’s the only female wing leader I can recall
​​Yep, it was Amber!
​​Also, I love their squads banter and camaraderie lol
​​Fucking Dain - you’re the worst
​​I’m glad they were able to show undeniable truth since SOMEONE refused to believe her ​😒​
​​Chapter 21
​​I love that there’s even more representation in here with the hearing impaired scribe
​​Liam sounds hot lol
​​Something sus is happening with this war
​​Chapter 22
​​I’d be staring too ​👀​
​​So our boy Jack is allergic to oranges hmmm? Funny how a guy that talks so much shit can be killed by produce. Just saying
​​Okay now I’ve reached the “when will they get it on?!” Point lol
​​Xaden is just giving out hot compliments left and right ​🥵​
​​FINALLY! It only took two dragons fucking for Violet and Xaden to finally give in lol
​​Nooooooo! Damn Xaden for thinking straight lol
​​Chapter 23
​​I see what Rhiannon is hinting at - that Xaden is only the most powerful rider in their generation for NOW because it was before Violet got here lol Gotta love that bestie support!
​​Man Dain really needs to step up - he’s giving Tamlin vibes right now
​​I knew Jack was allergic to oranges! I hope he’s dead!
​​Chapter 24
​​Damn, still alive
​​A guy burned himself alive with his own power?! Man, this squadrant is insane and brutal
​​Violet’s mom is cold as ice
​​Chapter 25
​​the most valuable thing would be intel! They should think like a Scribe, like Violet
​​Liam and I are on the same page!
​​Break into the Commander’s office?! This could go horribly wrong! What if they see stuff they’re not supposed to?!
​​“‘Scribes freak me out. Quiet little know-it-alls, acting like they can make or break someone by writing something down.’” ​
🤣​​🤣​​🤣​
​​Alright, pretty badass plan
​​Chapter 26
​​Mira!!! I’m so glad they got to see each other and that Rhi got to see her family ​🥰​
​​Omg mated dragons can only be a part for three days?!
​​It’s strange that earlier in the book they made it seem like Tairn hasn’t been seen for five years but if he’s mates to the blue dragon, wouldn’t he be seen wherever Xaden is?
​​Chapter 28
​​I love how intense and dangerous Tairn is one minute and super cheeky the next haha
​​FINALLY JACK IS DEAD! Fuck that guy!
​​And yessssss, Lightening Wielder sounds badass!
​​Chapter 29
​​I swear if Andarna dies in this series, I’m going to RIOT. She’s so pure and wonderful ​🥹​
​​“Get the fuck away from her with that nonsense.”
Xaden does not mince words and I love it haha
​​Xaden and Tairn’s pep talk to Violet is way better than Dain’s
​​I mean she has a point about her powers. They’re badass but yeah, pretty destructive lol
​​Chapter 30
​​Well this escalated quickly ​👀​​🥵​
​​Pretty awesome that dudes take contraception lol
​​Xaden is responsible for all the rebel children?! Omg I bet it was her mom that gave him those scars! That’s what he meant when they ran into the commander previously
​​I’m not a fan of when the male lead says “Don’t fall for me” like bro, it’s too late - I’m invested haha
​​This training session with Carr is hilarious lol
​​I think I like professor Carr more now
​​Chapter 31
​​I’m pleasantly surprised she comes right out and says “yeah I’m probably going to fall for you if we keep this up” lollll most characters in this position stay in denial until it backfires lol
​​“He really does have an incredible body, but he doesn't get to dictate what I do with my heart.”
Preach girl
​​I’m living for all of page 393 - you go Violet!
​​Damn, I really like Violet lol
​​Chapter 32
​​​🔥​​🔥​​🔥​
​​Cheaper 33
​​Phew, thank goodness it was a fake drill!
​​Hmmmm, something tells me this fake war is about to get real
​​Omg why is Andarna so adorable?! Tairn will carry her like a human dad carrying his baby in a bjorn lol
​​Idk that “I’ll miss you, Violet.” from Dain was a little SUS. He was way too quick to make amends with her decision. Something fishy is going on
​​Xaden and the other rebel kids in the fourth wing are also acting sus. Like they know more about this scenario than they’re letting on. Why are they all so tense if it’s just a game? Why did Dain’s dad give Xaden a weird look?
​​Chapter 34
​​did the Gryphons start attacking after unification because Navarre took something from them and made it harder for the Gryphons to get it back after unifying nations?
​​Ah! I had a feeling the Gryphons and their riders weren’t so savage as the Navarre historians and leaders want people to believe!
​​Chapter 35
​​Okay, we can recover from this Violet! Sure everyone including your two bonded dragons and the love of your life lied to you over and over BUT it must have been for a good reason. I’d give them the benefit of the doubt over Dain and the others any day
​​Okay Violet really believing Dain would break rules to save people is ludicrous. I like Violet but her thinking on this is stupid
​​Theory time - Violets mom killed their dad because he was in the know about venin and ready to go public
​​Another theory - Dain and his dad have known about venin this whole time. Dain’s being used to help continue to cover it up. He’s also been lying to her technically as much as Xaden has been
​​I fucking knew it! Dain has been reading her memories this whole time! Duh girl!!!
​​The real question is if more than just Dain and his dad concocted this plan to kill Xaden
​​If Xaden dies, there’s a chance Violet would die because of their dragon bond so wouldn’t her mom know that? But would she even care? Or mayb her mom is like The Hound from the crescent city series
​​Chapter 36
​​“We’re riders. We defend the defenseless. It’s what we do.”
​​Damn, so General Melgren can’t see the fate of people with rebellion relics? Good
​​The level of stress I have reading these last 80ish pages is HIGH
​​I don’t want anyone in this riot to die! Or the Gryphons and their riders!
​​maybe her mom knew she’d survive because of what general Melgren can see? Which might explain why she was fine with making Violet become a rider
​​Whyyyy would you say “we actually might survive this”?!?! Now people will die!
​​“It’s been. My honor.”
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​​I am unwell
​​​😭​​😭​​😭​ Liam
​​Chapter 37
​​So many emotions rn fucking hell
​​Chapter 38
​​Omg if they are going where I think they’re going I’m going to be shooketh ARE THEY TAKING HER TO BRENNAN?!
​​Another theory - the reason why the number of dragons willing to bond is decreasing, is because more dragons are bonding with the rebels and not the Navarre military
​​Violet is annoying me with her thoughts about Xaden right now though. Girl, you saw and fought that evil and you still mad that Xaden didn’t bring you in sooner?! Get over it and live lol
​​The person Xaden is asking to save her HAS to be Brennan - he was a mender
​​Chapter 39
​​we’re getting a Xaden chapter?! Is this the end?!
​​Something doesn’t feel right - did she lose her memories? Why is she being so nice to Xaden right away? Sus
​​Oh good her memory is back! I was about to be pissed if all of book 2 was her trying to recall book 1 lol
​​What happened to Xaden’s mom?! Sounds like another storyline ​👀​
​​Andaran became full grown?! Can wait to hear what she looks like and her special power
​​BRENNAN I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!
​​Well if Violet didnt trust Xaden before, she definitely won’t now! Keep a dead brother secret seems pretty big lol
​​I wonder what Tairn thinks of Brennan since his rider died saving him
​​also, I’d be low key pissed at my sibling! I wonder if Mira knows about Brennan. I assume not - maybe he thinks she’s too much like their mom?
Me after finishing the final page:
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36 notes · View notes
bigdsgirl · 4 months
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sobbing because its the finale, and I don't want my babies to go!!!
reliving the baby announcement brings me so much serotonin 🥹
why must I watch her be abducted, this will break me
HAHAHAH THE LEG REVEAL! FUCK YEAH
the second chance! its July 20th, 2023! Let's survive this bitch!
oh this is fucking stressful
Yi Joo, what a fucking baddie let's fucking go! choke him out, he deserves it!
side bar, Do Guk looks fire in that blue shirt
Oh god I'm stressed but I cackled seeing Jung Wook with the knife, all I can imagine is this:
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shit the stab freaked me out get the fuck out Jung Wook, I will kill you sir!!!
that's right king, beat his ass!!!!!!!!!
oh the truck ruined me bye
the numbers are gone yes yes yes!!! its all over!
"Don't Cry, I'm Okay" - is bleeding out from the stomach, ok sir
MIL in the pink sweater, i love you queen
the tubes coming out of him, lol sir
Yi Joo, you have to eat it's bad for the baby!! Yes Mom!! You tell her!
Lol this dad is truly delulu if he thinks Jung Wook would change after being in prison
HAHAH I bet his mom cheated on him or something. That would be hilarious. All this BS for a mom that abandoned her son.
BOOM BABY I WAS RIGHT.
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"It's my fault" too little to late bruh
Now it's time for Yoo Ra justice :D Oh she big pregnant and just shows up that the house???? LOL
"Let me stay here" - girl, you are asking for trouble. HAHAH It's time for a paternity test. Let's air this all out.
Manager Kim you have my heart, send all the good vibes
ahem, sir, flowers are not going to fix what you allowed to happen. Jamie, lay the man out. "it is your fault" - damn right it is!
oh the hands as she send him in 😭😭
"Meeting you taught me who I am" - I am going to sob. Just sedate me please.
"There is so much I want to do with you", I am so unwell, this scene is destroying me. She loves him so much and I love them.
The way he is back in his memories and wanted to help her even then. "What have they done to her", YES PROTECT HER! oh god oh god. never mind that's not protecting her.
the way he was that messed up and still went to her, I am losing it.
the prayer, you TWO STOP RIGHT NOW
"where did you go, leaving me all alone", sir. I love her sass of "I leave for 5 minutes!!! five!!! and you do this!!!"
TWO MONTHS??????????????????
"teasing you and giving you a hard time is the greatest joy in my life" I am tearing up, they are the light of my life.
HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!! MY BABY IS HOME!
Oh father-son heart to heart, oh good.
Hands, it all about the hands. Thank you show for giving me what I need.
oh look - back to the family I hate. OH MY GOD THIS IS A NEW WOMAN. He went and moved on.......... oh lord. oh sir a storm is coming. *evil laughter*
oh this is... iconic. I do feel so bad for the other girl, she does not deserve this. oh she is an angel. Joo Ri run, you deserve so much better.
Bruh, the way he fucked up so so hard. delicious. I love watching these people suffer. gorgeous.
well sir :) you got the girl :) nice work :)
"give me money" -- I'll give it to Yoo Ra, she is bold.
ok bad people got punished, let's have some fun :)
Mommy daughter time yay!!! I love them.
LOL I love that line "we are going to file our marriage" FINALLY!!!
Do Guk you DID IT!!!!!! You successful little bean you. <3
the ad placement is PRIME this episode. I love it.
Grandfather sassing that Yi Joo sees Do Guk daily. I love him.
omfg they lost the ring, hilarious - WAIT THEY ARE HAVING A MOMENT!!!!!!!!!! kiss kiss kiss!
omg look at them officially getting married and shit. I am squealing they deserve the world.
the way he RUNS to open the door for her. omg stop everyone is there to celly; they are so cute.
"I'm a good driver" okay queen, go off!
wait is she reenacting them first meeting???? I LOVE THIS. I LOVE THEM. I AM SQUEALING!!!! GTFO.
"I'm thinking I'd like to take my chance on a future with you" I-- I am so unwell.
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I love love love love the ring. I love them. I love them so much.
WILL YOU MARRY ME YI JOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! SAY YES GIRLY!!!!!!!
oh my god the card key bit I am giggling
THE BRIDAL CARRY, THE EMBARRASSMENT I LOVE THEM. I AM OVERJOYED.
BABIES YES I WAS SO WORRIED WE WOULDNT SEE THEM.
MATCHING SHIRTS!!!!!!! MATCHING SHIRTS!!!!!!!!
I am overflowing with joy, this ending is everything to me. EVERYTHING.
"Every day and happiness"
the DUCK FACE AT HIS BABY GIRL.
"no more hearts" - has a million photos of them together. Literally me in life.
"So this is our perfect marriage" -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
for the last time
SO I CAN SEEEEEE MY HALOOOOOOOOOOOO
10000000000000000/10. This show has everything. I love them so much. <3 <3
the CREW SHOTS AT THE END. I love love love <3
now i must live on, post perfect marriage revenge :(
25 notes · View notes
waitmyturtles · 11 months
Text
Okay friends, everyone get your spoiler tag filter on, please, because we’re doing this: The Eighth Sense, episodes 7 and 8.
Let’s establish ground rule #1 first: Eun Ji and Tae Hyung, go fuck yourselves.
Ground rule #2: Ae Ri and Joon Pyo, MVPs.
(Ground rule #3: This all might still be Fight Club-dreamlike shit -- I am still holding out a bet that we might be getting punked, but I’m analyzing this right now as if it’s not in Jae Won’s head.)
In these rules, I want to note @respectthepetty‘s excellent post on tradition in this show. Especially in episode 7, we saw:
1) Eun Ji and Tae Hyung demanding of the freshman that they respect their sunbaenims, despite the DESPICABLE behavior of the seniors (except for sweet Yoon Won, wub you). 
2) A procedural demonstration by the disciplinary committee to potentially punish Jae Won for giving Tae Hyung what he fucking deserved punching Tae Hyung.
3) Jae Won’s teacher bringing Jae Won back to his chaebol responsibilities and covering his ass for needing to narc on Jae Won.
4) We see Ae Ri in episode 7, and Ji Hyun in episode 8, POPPIN’ OFF AT THE DAMN SENIORS, SNAPPING BACK.
AND, AND: We see the utterly lovely boss of the restaurant encouraging Ji Hyun. This’ll play into my analysis of Ji Hyun and Jae Won’s final conversation at the end of episode 8 in a second, but for now:
What does that boss represent? 
SHE REPRESENTS A BREAK FROM TRADITION.
She’s a divorcée. An older lady, maybe even an ahjumma, who got divorced, and set out for Seoul on her own, and opened her own business.
And she’s telling Ji Hyun: you’re in love? Well. GO GET YOUR MAN. Stop living in fear. Young people living in fear these days, the birth rate is low. GO HAVE FUN. COJONES, HONEY. GO LIVE AN HONEST LIFE.
And Ji Hyun is hearing this AFTER he sassed the HELL out of fucking Eun Ji! So we know he has it in him to go out and sass and fight for what he wants. No more mouse -- it’s superman time.
So, okay, putting this all together. It’s been about a month since Jae Won and Ji Hyun’s surf trip. There was indeed a life-threatening accident, and Ji Hyun is fine. Jae Won disappeared after Ji Hyun woke up. Jae Won wasn’t at school. I assume, as I did previously at other points in his life, that Jae Won may have needed to be hospitalized. He’s severely depressed. People like his professor and fucking Tae Hyung keep reminding Jae Won of his lineage and chaebol responsibilities. 
Ji Hyun comes back a changed man. “Physically, I’m better.” He sasses Eun Ji, he comes out to Joon Pyo. He’s being ignored by Jae Won now.
Ji Hyun drinks against the advice of his doctors. At the end of the episode, he tells Jae Won that he might be going crazy, thinking about Jae Won. He wants to know if what happened on the surf trip was real.
Jae Won’s in denial, Jae Won is walking away from it all. 
What I UTTERLY LOVE ABOUT THIS SHOW is that NOTHING IS DUALISTIC HERE.
Ji Hyun is changed, yes, but also saying things and doing things that are concerning, à la Jae Won from earlier (is Ji Hyun on meds after the accident? is that why the doctors said to avoid drinking?)
But I’m still pumped for him. I don’t believe he’s despondent after Jae Won walks away at the end of episode 8. I think Ji Hyun is still determined to get his man. I just don’t want him to lose his mind over it.
Jae Won is just...done. Cooked. All of this was likely just too much for him to take. (Besides the accident, I’ll include fucking Eun Ji inserting herself back into Jae Won’s life and saying they’re going out. GURL. CHECK YOURSELF.) He even stopped going to his therapist for a hot second. (Oh, dear @emotionallychargedtowel, I SO WANT TO KNOW what you think of the therapist in episode 7, LOL! I CANNOT BELIEVE what the therapist said this time about her rent, ha! I’m in shock!)
Jae Won is just back and forth, in and out of reality, still in his dreamlike state. He goes toward Ji Hyun, he retreats. Like a wave.
I take their engagement to be a balancing between the two of them. What’s pulling them together, like the tide, and what’s separating them, like an opposite magnetic force. 
Kind of like that agwa shot the boys took at that cocktail bar (sounds like something I need to try the next time I’m in Vegas, ha). The two liquids of an agwa shot aren’t supposed to meet until they’re mixed together in one’s mouth, giving off fireworks and energy. Now THAT’S a sassy read for Ji Hyun and Jae Won, ha, but: that bartender was making a point. You don’t let the liquids mix until you force them to do so.
What’ll be the force to make Jae Won meet Ji Hyun, to make them mix? Could it be an unavoidable gravitational pull that makes waves hit the beach? Could it be the beginnings of the breaks from tradition that Ji Hyun is beginning to represent? 
Could it be that Ji Hyun himself might break from reality, as he might be teasing at the end of episode 8? Is that what it’s going to take for Jae Won to meet Ji Hyun?
It might be. It might take something drastic to snap Jae Won out of this. I don’t know what it’ll take, but I think, I THINK, what we’re seeing is a gearing up of Ji Hyun to take control of his destiny. I THINK. 
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA, DESPITE ALL THESE WONDERFUL CLUES AND METAPHORS AND COLORS AND FONTS AND CHARACTERS AND MUSIC. And frankly, I don’t care at this point, because no matter what, this show is still SPECTACULAR, and analyzing it from sun-up to sundown is fucking phenomenally fun. 
100 notes · View notes
deputyash · 6 months
Text
WIP Day
Tagged by @direwombat thank you! <3
Tagging: @strafethesesinners @harmonyowl @derelictheretic @teamhawkeye @purplehairsecretlair @peachyaliien @ri-a-rose @redreart @statichvm @shellibisshe @glowwormsmith @fuckin-nancy @isobel-thorm @adelaidedrubman @blissfulalchemist @v0idbuggy @katamari-possum @wrathfulrook @dumbassdep @cassietrn @nightwingshero @beemot @shallow-gravy @englass @laindtt
A/N: Idk how I feel about the transition but it's a draft so it's here for now. Also it took all of my willpower not to just post the entirety of this snippet lol, but I figured 800ish words was a bit too much for a WIP Day haha. This is a piece taking place not long after the piece I posted for the other WIP Day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
“Can’t sleep?” 
Izel doesn’t respond for a moment, only continues to stare out at the campfire as crackles of embers float up into the air. 
“No.” She replies curtly.
Astarion waits to see if she would add anything else, only to realize he wouldn’t be getting anything further. He lets out an exasperated sigh as his shoulders drop dramatically. He comes around and stands next to where Izel is seated on the ground.
His silver brows furrow for a moment as he looks at her before softening once more. He clears his throat. 
“I…apologize. Okay?” 
She doesn’t say anything. She simply looks ahead at the flames. Watching as they flicker and consume its woody fuel. 
“Oh come on. You’re not going to forgive me? I didn’t think the connection would go that deep. Well, in that particular situation anyways—“
“Astarion.” Izel growls, annoyed by his prattling. 
She finally shifts her body to look at him. “You forced your way into my mind, against my will, and you expect me to just forgive you…just like that?” 
Her words shut him up immediately. His body twists away momentarily, almost recoiling, as his hands come up to fiddle with the ruffles of his shirt. He looks at her with eyes filled with…fear? guilt? 
“I understand.” He says, voice suddenly much quieter. 
Izel lets out a tired sigh, letting her eyes close for a moment before turning back towards the fire. She expects Astarion to leave but she can still feel his presence beside her as the seconds roll by. 
“What now?” She asks, her eyes closing in defeated annoyance. 
He takes a moment before clearing his throat. “I know this isn’t…the best moment to ask, but I didn’t have much luck hunting earlier tonight and…” 
Izel lets out a dry laugh and drops her head towards the ground. “Of course, that’s why you’d be apologizing.” 
She considers telling him to piss off and let him starve for the night…and yet the thought makes her stomach churn. Her eyes cast off to the side as she absentmindedly gazes towards the chalky dirt. As much as she wanted to let anger get the better of her, she wouldn’t let him go to bed hungry. Even if it seemed like he was doing everything in his power to convince her otherwise.
Damn her sympathies.
“Fine.” She replies firmly as she begins gathering her tousled hair in her hands and pulling it away from her tender neck. 
She shoots a look back at him. “I had better see at least ten dead goblins with your name on them tomorrow during the fight.”
A spark reignites inside of Astarion’s eyes as he flashes her a smile. “I’ll make it twenty, darling.”
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foxes-that-run · 6 months
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End game
Like all Ed features, End Game is Haylor. (Ed, the O.G. Haylor MVP) it was written a few weeks after HS1 was released. Unlike other Rep songs that were revisited and have Joe references, even when they started before they met. In fact the film clip is overtly Haylor. (below) in the BTS (at 1:55) Taylor’s gets text with a scrabble move, she considers, says it is a 'tight game' and decides to leave the other player suspended. Ed blushes.
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When OOTW was released Harry’s IG went B&W for 2 years until he started solo promo, apart from a few scrabble boards (in screaming colour) I have a theory he & Taylor played remotely which is why they are colour and she included this.
Here’s some footage of Joe playing scrabble. ….oh sorry, wait, that’s Harry Styles: fan of Scrabble and texting T Swift. Look at her here in the reputation book with the players names covered.. I wonder why lol
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Timeline
Ed Sheeran said he wrote his part in a hotel room in New York. He told Audacy that he went to her RI home and heard Rep then the next day wrote it in a hotel in NY. 14 July 2017. (2 months after HS1’s realease)
I was playing Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, she has a place in Rhode Island, which isn't too far so she hits me up I go around. She plays me what turned out to be Reputation and End Game and I was like man this is I really like, can I do a verse can I like do a rap verse and she was like yeah for sure. So the next day i kind of I remember I was in bed and sort of woke up and i got my laptop out but the song just looped it and I wrote wrote this verse and I went in with max martin who she did the song with and recorded it and then future the verse and then Taylor wrote a verse and then yeah we shot we shot a video".
Film Clip
The film clip is less subtle in being Haylor, it takes place in:
Miami, where HS and TS hung out at Courtney Cox's house
Tokyo, where HS went on a 1D break as his first trip overseas without the band
London, where Ed, HS and Joe all live.
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Haylor Easter eggs:
0:04 the ferris wheel looks like the winding wheel.
0:21 she is a passenger in a car at night
0:44 she wears a very Harry Gucci Jumpsuit
0:48 there is a polaroid
1:10 she is a single kitten mother, except Olivia is in her Rep Era lol
1:20 the 1989 Rolling Stone shoot, now in the dark with fireworks.
2:09 Taylor 'A' Swift wears an "A" shirt see: Harry's A tattoo. (When asked Harry said "uh... for my mum" which Louis said "No it's not not it's for a mystery blonde" (2:40)
2:39 she wears the Red/WANGBT hat and cane. She also wears the jacket from her red rolling stone cover.
3:13 there are 2 white bird statues that look like his chest tattoos.
3.30 she references the 1D One Thing MV bus scene
3:43 she visits this kebab shop, a similar one with a made up but similar name is in the 1D midnight memories MV. This tik tok is also about this being an ex’s kebab shop
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Lyrics
I wanna be your endgame, endgame Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, ooh I got some big enemies (yeah) Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we'd be a big conversation, ah
HS and TS have both had big reputations as long as they’ve know each other. Now both A-listers dating is a much bigger conversation than one dating anyone else. Her enemies of Scooter and the Kanye are relevant to the music industry.
I don't wanna touch you (I don't wanna be) Just another ex-love (you don't wanna see) I don't wanna miss you (I don't wanna miss you) Like the other girls do
New Years Day Taylor sings “Please don't ever become a stranger, Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”.
I don't wanna hurt you (I just wanna be) Drinkin' on a beach with (you all over me)
Harry Styles Debut was released May 2017, 6 months before Rep. Harry told Radio 1 he had played it for Ed earlier. The album lays out a lot of hurt between them Taylor may not have known about in that detail. Drinking, beaches and being all over each other are solid Haylor themes, see Video.
I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't
Haylor hit like a bang, they met in march, were together almost immediately, he had multiple tattoos that reference her by May and they both had new albums with songs they still perform about each other by October and November. Toe were friends for a long time first and were not yet public.
Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here's the truth from my red lips
There’s a lot of Haylor references here:
They told you I was crazy, I swear I don’t love the drama is a reference to 1989’s Blank Space
I can’t let you go, Handprints on my soul fits is a theme in 1989, MMIH, Stockholm syndrome, ready for it?, Harry’s House.
The truth from my red lips refers to Style, Two Ghosts and other lip related lyrics.
Finally Taylor uses gold to describe HS in Gold Rush: “Everybody wants you, But I don't like a gold rush, What must it be like, to grow up that beautiful?”
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