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addictedtostorytelling · 2 years

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Hey, can I ask you a question about your blog itself?

Apologies if this is half-formed, but I’ve been thinking a lot about online/fandom spaces and what I want out of them. You’ve filled this blog with so much wonderful work, but at least to me it doesn’t feel overwhelming. It doesn’t seem to want to demand my attention in an endless, black-hole kind of way. I find it “quiet” if that makes sense. Not literally, because most of tumblr is literally silent, but like…mentally. Mentally quiet.

I’m wondering if you have any thoughts or advice about engaging in one’s interests online (particularly on the—and I use the term loosely and with mild disdain—‘content creation’ side of things) without getting lost in it. Or only getting lost in the good, fun, I’m-getting-genuine-joy-from-this kind of way.

I want to get better at being able to make things (and give myself the time and space to do so) without feeling like I have to find a way to eventually monetize it or grow it until it becomes a “thing” or else it isn’t worth my time to do. I guess I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove my interests are valuable, and now I can’t stop.

Anyway, since you are probably the only person with whom I am personally vaguely acquainted who seems like they’ve done that/built a space like that, I thought I’d ask.

PS, I’ve now discovered there’s not a 500 character limit in the ask box on mobile. Sorry in advance.

hi, @clintbeifong!

first off, thank you so much for your very kind words. i am so glad to know that you enjoy my blog in the way that you described; i love the idea that it’s a nice, quiet place for you.

second, i’ve spent the last several days considering what you’ve asked, trying to come up with a thoughtful response, and after all of my consideration, i’m still not sure that i have much practical advice to offer, in terms of specific “do this” or “don’t do that” kinds of rules you might follow.

instead, what i do have are some rambling thoughts on art and its value, which i hope at least somewhat apply to the topic at hand:

it isn’t at all surprising that you feel pressure to monetize your fanworks, because, honestly, that’s how things are nowadays—everyone is supposed to have a “side hustle;” we’re all expected to be “on the grind” as much as possible; with the advent of streaming and self-publication, activities that were once solely recreational (like playing video games or journaling) can now effectively be marketed; there is very little separation between the professional and private self, when employers and potential employers have access to your social media accounts and are constantly evaluating what you post in terms of how it relates to their brand.

that feeling of “if i can’t use it to make money or gain exposure, i'm wasting my time” is part and parcel of living in a late capitalist society.

but here’s the thing: art needs time and room to breathe, and the "payoff" from making art isn't always immediate.

obviously, there are times when making art can be profitable and can help you gain exposure. but it can’t be that way all the time—even for artists who are at the top of their games, who make their livings making art.

think about it: for every one famous da vinci* painting, there were notebooks full of his sketch work—line drawings which he, at the time that he was alive, had no intention that anyone but he and maybe his students and intimate acquaintances would ever, ever see. while some of it was draft work for commissioned pieces he would later profit from, a lot of it was much more aimless practice, and, in the cases of some of his more fanciful “invention” blueprint sketches, was just for fun.

* note that i'm choosing da vinci arbitrarily here. the same could be said of any number of artists, writers, musicians, etc.

while that work was half-formed and never meant for public consumption, was it less valuable to da vinci than his finished, “published” works, like the last supper?

though i can’t speak for the man, i have a feeling that if you asked him, he’d say no.

that work was practice.

that work was fun.

and practice and fun are two things that are crucial for every artist, no matter at what level or in what sphere they’re working.

so here’s the thing: fanart can make you money.

particularly, in your case, one of your multiple talents is making—lovely!—visual fanart, which is perhaps the genre of fanwork that best lends itself to monetization.

that means, in theory, you could profit from your work here—and lots of fanartists on tumblr and other sites do just that.

but even if you don’t make money with your fanart—if that’s not something you can do or that you want to do, even if the option is available to you—that doesn’t mean that your fanworks aren’t valuable on other grounds.

when you’re drawing lovely digital comics of cj cregg and danny concannon dancing, your hand doesn’t know the difference between that activity and working on a piece for your professional portfolio (if you have one).

it all still counts as practice—maybe focusing on different elements of the art than were you doing commercial work, sure, but practice all the same. it all acts in service to you getting to know yourself and your craft, developing habits, problem-solving, refining your techniques, etc., etc.

—and it does all of those things in addition to something else, which is allowing you to have a place to play.

with fanworks—whether they be visual art or gifs or fic or meta or memes—you get to experiment without worrying what an editor or employer might think. you get to follow your muse. make things on a whim. fix other people’s mistakes. make mistakes of your own with really no consequence.

while certainly there are occasions to do those same things in art in other circumstances, as well, in fandom, that’s the reg; that’s the function.

you get to play around and make things to suit yourself.

fanwork can—and, honestly, should—be totally self-indulgent.

you want to draw a million versions of the same couple kissing? go for it! write a bizarre au that will make sense to no one but you and maybe one other person who once had the same very niche summer job you did and happens to be in the same fandom? knock yourself out!

da vinci had his flying machines, and we have blorbos and “but there was only one bed!” tropes.

having that playground will benefit you, both by giving you a mental space in which to mess around and figure things out about your art AND by enriching your brain, helping you not to burn out.

having fun is an integral part of being creative.

so grant yourself permission to do it.

it’s okay to monetize your fanworks if that’s what you want or need to do—of course, paying attention to and respecting copyright law as necessary, so you don’t get your ass sued—but it’s also okay not to or not to monetize every piece. it's okay to draw or write or gif or analyze or meme something that will net you nothing more than maybe a few notes and a sense of personal satisfaction because doing so will benefit you in the long run, as an artist and as a person.

you’re not wasting time or effort because your talent isn’t a limited resource.

if it’s something that makes you happy to do, then that’s justification enough in itself to do it.

god knows the world can be miserable enough without us refusing ourselves access to what few outlets we have for joy.

now.

all of the above said, if making fanworks has ceased to make you happy, and if doing so is now something that feels like a chore to you, then the great thing about fandom is that you also have no obligation to produce content for it.

go play on another playground for a while! reblog other people's work without making any of your own. or step away completely! get back into your favorite video game or read a book or plan a birdwatching outing or do whatever it is that gives your brain a rest.

fanwork isn’t a job, and you don’t have to do it if it isn’t gratifying. you owe no one anything with it but yourself. you can always come back to it later if you want to.

and i guarantee: even if it’s been years, the second you update that wip, someone is going to be happy to get that notification. it doesn’t matter that half a decade has passed since you last posted a chapter.

if there is a sense of quietude or relaxation to my blog, it is because, at the end of the day, i make the gifsets i want to look at, i write the stories i want to read, and i ramble out the meta that helps me to make sense of the shows i like.

of course, i am always happy—thrilled!—when other people enjoy my work.

bringing others happiness is a unique pleasure.

but, ultimately, i’d still be giffing and writing stories and meta about two geeky middle-aged scientists in love and a bunch of overworked, underpaid doctors in chicago even if nobody else wanted to look at or read them because that’s what makes me happy.

i won’t pretend that it’s always easy not to care about the “rat race” aspect of it all—in my life outside of the internet, i'm a college english professor whose specialization is creative writing, so i absolutely understand the experience of opening up a wip doc for one of my fics and immediately feeling guilty for doing so because shouldn’t i be working on something i can actually publish under my own name, that i can potentially make money off of and that will help me someday get tenure????—but i do still firmly believe that no instance of making art is ever wasted and that there is inherent value in engaging in the act of collective storytelling that is fandom, even if it's not "profitable" to do so, in the traditional sense.

i don’t know that anything i've said here will prove useful to you, but, speaking solely as a fan of your work, i wish you well in your creative endeavors.

i hope your able to find a way to get what you want to out of your creative process and be happy with how you engage with fandom (or not).

thank you very much for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #clintbeifong

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