#(more than usual) and even my shorter fics don’t really gain a lot of interaction - maybe it’s a sign for me to let go of this blog | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr was the first site to host the blog for President Barack Obama in 2011.

#(more than usual) and even my shorter fics don’t really gain a lot of interaction - maybe it’s a sign for me to let go of this blog

weak-for-stuffedronpa · 3 years

Text

Ah, well this is my first fic I'm posting here- I'll admit, I was quite hesitant to get Tumblr, but here I am! And I'll admit, I'm a sucker for college AUs in fanfictions. Anyways... Enjoy part 1 of this platonic Kai.to and Kii.bo stuffing fic called Curious Experimentation!

Kii.bo was curious about a strange topic that he's heard Mi.u talk about a few times. He didn't know how his mind wandered and danced to the topic of mind, which was feeding someone food if he was remembering correctly. But he knew his best friend too well, and knew the...interesting context she usually meant these things.

And the context of why this thought occurred was strange, mainly because he was currently studying for an upcoming test in one of his classes in Asian studies. He had originally wanted to be a popstar, but his singing wasn't the best. So it was a lot more practical to study something like this. Nonetheless, it wasn't something that normally came to mind when studying for an upcoming test in one of his classes.

Kai.to was sitting in his college dorm, pondering on things to do. He didn’t have any plans until he had to train with Shui.chi and Ma.ki after their classes and studying, so who should he hang out with? He already hung out with Shui.chi quite a bit, besides, he was pretty sure the shorter boy was busy with Kae.de at the moment. He pondered on his options for a minute before he settled on Kii.bo.

The two didn’t interact often, so it would be a good chance to get to know each other! So that's what he's decided, that's what he'd do. He quickly got up and threw his jacket on, before striding out of his dorm and up to Kii.bo's. He knocked on the door a few times in a loud way, even though it was rather obnoxious. He then stepped back a few paces and waited for the student to answer the door.

The white haired student got distracted from his thoughts by knocking on the door. Wondering who it could possibly be, he got up to answer it. And would be surprised to see who it was once he answered the door. He then answered the door after he turned the knob and saw Kai.to. "Ah? Momota-san?" He didn't expect him to be here, but it wasn't unwelcome as he was planning on wanting to talk to someone to distract him and give his mind a break from studying.

Kai.to flashed the student a grin, placing his hands on his hips. “Hey, Kii.bo!” He said casually as he wasn’t usually the type to use honorifics unlike the other student. “ I hope you don’t mind me barging like this. I didn’t have anything to do today so I thought we could maybe hang out!”

Kii.bo used honorifics if he was very close to someone, but he gave a friendly smile to the aspiring astronaut. "Ah, I don't mind at all! I wasn't really doing much either besides thinking, so hanging out with you would be more interesting!" It would be a great opportunity for him to interact with Kai.to.

“What were you thinking about?” Kai.to asked, stepping inside of the other student's dorm. He leaned against a wall, looking towards Kii.bo with interest. The student walked over to his door and gently shut it before going back to answer Kai.to's question.

"Uh... I'm not completely sure myself, but Mi.u mentioned that it's a kink of sorts in a few conversations in the past." Kii.bo admitted sheepishly as he'd heard of it, but knew very little about it. Was it the fact that he genuinely didn't understand the kink or was he anxious about how the taller student would react? The answer was both.

Kai.to's eyes widened a bit, though he knew he shouldn’t be surprised. Kii.bo and Mi.u definitely hung out a lot and Mi.u was definitely into some...questionable activities, so it was only natural for Kii.bo to hear about it and be curious. “I’m not super up to date with all these.. kink things, but what was it? Maybe I can help get your brain wrapped around it...” Kai.to stated, though he sounded rather unsure.

"I think it was something like a feeder/feedee concept and weight gain if I remember correctly...?" He answered with a question and hoped he was phrasing it correctly. He knew just as much about kinks as Kai.to did: not that much. “Oh… well I definitely don’t know much about that...'' Kai.to frowned, shifting his gaze to the floor as he tried to think of something that could be helpful.“I mean, if you're really that interested we could try it out.” He mused, looking back to Kii.bo's face. “If that’s what you want, of course.” He felt his cheeks heat up as he hadn't considered actually trying it. Let alone with someone he didn't know very much. "Ah, only if it's okay with you..." Kii.bo didn't want to force the other into it, so he had wanted to make sure.

Kai.to shrugged nonchalantly “Hell, I'm so bored I’m up for anything” He got up from the spot he was leaning on and went to stand next to Kii.bo. “So, you gonna get me some food or not, Kiibs?” He joked, trying to lighten the slightly embarrassed and awkward mood that surrounded them. "Haha very funny" He lightly chuckled as he could sense what Kai.to was trying to do. Which was better than nothing, as he wouldn't have been able to come up with a joking mood himself at the time.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Kai.to asked, putting a hand on Kii.bo's shoulder. “I mean, if you still want to do this and everything.” Kai.to really wanted to make sure Kii.bo was comfortable, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable. Kii.bo nodded with a small smile. But he wanted to lock his door first before starting to walk to Kai.to.

“What kind of food should we get?” Kai.to questioned as Kii.bo caught up to him. He had slowed his pace so that they could keep an equal speed. “Should we get a meal or just snacks?” Once again, he ran his hand through his gelled up purple hair, trying to think up an idea.

He felt the other didn't have to do that, but it was kind nonetheless. "Hmm...snacks for the time being?" The white haired student offered as maybe it would be better to get snacks. “That’s fine with me!” Kai.to grinned, flashing Kii.bo his signature thumbs up pose.“I wonder what kind of snacks are down there today…" He shrugged, at this point he was pretty much thinking out loud, which he did quite often anyways.

The duo had reached the cafeteria after a couple of minutes, and Kai.to grabbed Kii.bo's hand to drag him to the vending machines. They saw a wide variety of snack size packaged chips, cookies, chocolate and so forth. There was also a vending machine with drinks like soda, so they wouldn't have to go too far to get some. He had the feeling that he'd need to buy some drinks, so he started to dig into his pocket for his wallet. Kii.bo had to admit that he was surprised by the amount of variety of food in the machines. As he only bought food from the college's cafeteria.

Kai.to began buying food from the vending machines with the money he had brought with him. He hadn't expected to use it for this, but it was going to be spent on food anyways, picking some of his favorites. Chocolate bars, biscuits, cookies, etc. He got all that he wanted before turning back to Kii.bo. “ Ready to go?” He asked, his head tilting.

"Hm-? Oh yeah, I'm ready to go!" Kii.bo started to think about the possibility of this type of thing being something that some people just find cute and endearing to be unlikely, but it wasn't impossible for that to have innocent intentions behind it. Even though it was usually referred more as a non-romantic or innocent type of kink.

“Then let’s get to it!” Kai.to beamed. He was a little nervous, this wasn’t really something he was into but he wanted Kii.bo to understand. He would be okay, he could do this! As neither of them genuinely understood why people have kinks in the first place, so they weren't sure how this would go. "Okay, let's go!" He was somewhat hesitant himself, but he reassured himself that the experience differed from person to person.

Kai.to flashed Kii.bo a genuine smile, taking his hand and leading him back to the dorms. “I’m sure this will be interesting,” He chuckled, glancing back at the shorter college student. Kii.bo returned a warm smile back to Kai.to. "Yeah, I have the same feeling to say the least" He gently chuckled as he felt this could go a million different ways, but not knowing which direction it would go in. Nonetheless, they would get back to the dorms so that they could try this.

#stuffed ronpa #stuffedronpa #kai.to mo.mota #ki.ibo

14 notes · View notes

walkerwords · 4 years

Text

“The Savior Sessions” Part 1 of 33 - Negan x GN!Reader

IMAGE CREDIT: Gene Page/AMC

SERIES MASTERLIST

Summary: This will be a collection of conversations set before the events of season 9 in which the reader speaks with Negan while in his cell as they recount events and memories from their time in the Apocalypse as well as stories of his own.

Word Count: 2417

Warning: None

Song I Wrote To: “Open Season” by Josef Salvat

Note: These are going to be smaller stories that I will be updating randomly. Each fic will be a conversation/situation about Negan in his cell in Alexandria. Some maybe very short, others not. I am still working on the other stories, but I wanted to post this as I work on those as well. Thank you for your kind words about my family, I really appreciate it.

------

“I just don’t know why you’re asking me to do this, Michonne.”

You stood across from Alexandria’s head of security in her kitchen. Michonne meticulously cleaned her Katana as you spoke, remaining calm the entire time. When she had asked you to meet her today, you never imagined this would be the reason.

“Gabriel is worried about his state of mind,” Michonne said, “He thinks somebody should be speaking with him on a regular basis.”

“Isn’t that already Gabriel’s job?” you asked. “He’s always the one who’s down there.” Michonne sighed, sliding the blade back into its sheath.

“He believes that he can no longer get through to him and that they’ve become too familiar with each other,” Michonne said, placing her sword down and bracing her hands against the kitchen counter, “I also think we can benefit from it and I suppose he can as well.” You frowned.

“You’re asking me to become Negan’s therapist,” you pointed out. “How is any of that beneficial?”

“Whether we like it or not, Negan did run an entire community unchallenged. He may have insight into this world that we don’t and I have started to think that perhaps keeping him so isolated isn’t doing anyone any good,” Michonne explained. “I am asking you because you don’t have a relationship with him. The two of you never interacted during the war and you made sure to stay out of his line of sight for most of it. You’re not a total stranger, but he doesn’t know you like he knows Gabriel, me, or even Aaron.”

“So, basically, you want someone he can’t push around by pushing their buttons,” you concluded and Michonne grimaced.

“You were also a teacher, (Y/N),” said Michonne, “that is something you two have in common. Maybe that will get him to open up or at least… God, I don’t know what I want the outcome to be, but Rick wanted Negan to be a symbol for how we can grow as a society. I don’t know if he can ever be redeemed, but if he can even a small amount, then it may start with you.”

“You pulled out your Rick card,” you said with a sigh, “not fair.” Michonne smiled with a shrug.

“I knew it would come in handy someday,” she said and you finally gave in.

“Okay, I will be the big bad wolf’s confidant, but if he tries anything or pisses me off to a degree that makes me want to commit murder, that’s on Gabriel,” you said with a wink and Michonne visibly relaxed.

“Thank you, (Y/N),” she said, relieved. “I’m going to let you run it the way you want to, but try not to piss him off if you can.” You smiled at her brightly.

“Oh, you know me, Michonne, something like that is inevitable.”

-----

When you arrived at the cell an hour later, you dismissed the guard who stood out front.

If you were going to be talking to Negan to gain insight and trust, you didn’t see the need for a chaperone. As the guard left, you pushed open the heavy door and sealed it behind you.

“Gabe, if you’re here to give me another life lesson, you can save it. I’m not in the mood,” Negan said in the darkness of his cell. You had never been this close to the man before. You had fought against the Saviors of course, but always at an outpost or in a larger fight. Rick had also used your talents with the sniper rifle and kept you up high most of the time. This whole situation was alien to you and while it was unnerving to be so near to a killer, you didn’t let that stop you from stepping out of the shadows.

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not Father Gabriel,” you said, dragging a chair from the wall and centering it before the jail cell. Negan, who had been laying on his bed with his back to the door, slowly sat up and turned towards you.

In the cool light of the room, you could see him clearly now. His hair was shorter than the last time you had seen him which was when Rick had dragged him into this cell about five years before. He still had the stubble on his face, but the cocky grin that you had gotten used to seeing through your scope was nowhere to be seen.

“Have we met?” he asked, tilting his head in curiosity. You shifted slightly in your seat, trying to get comfortable.

“Not officially,” you told him. “I’m (Y/N).” Recognition dawned on his face then.

“Yes,” he said, sitting forward on the edge of his cot, “Little Miss Grimes has mentioned you before.” It wasn’t news to you that he spoke to Judith. Most people knew that she visited Negan often. The only person who probably didn’t know was Michonne. Judith had confided in you that she wasn’t scared of the man and that all she wanted was for him to know he wasn’t some kind of wild animal. You now started to realize that her reasoning was exactly why you were here. “So what can I do for you, (Y/N)?”

“I’ve been sent by the overlords of Alexandria to be your new best friend,” you explained, crossing one leg over the other.

“Is that right?” he asked, leaning forward. “Gabe get too bored with little ole me?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask,” you told him, “but I am here as a favor for Michonne so how about we just accept the new normal?” Negan bowed his head slightly.

“Well then, what exactly do the big shots upstairs want us to do? Compare breakup stories? Organize a block party?”

“I see you haven’t lost your wit,” you pointed out, leaning back in your chair.

“We all have our things, (Y/N),” he said, “I am curious, though,” he went on, “where were you when your people were trying to kill all of mine?”

“Usually on a rooftop,” you explained, “Grimes always had me up high with the guns.” Negan seemed genuinely thrilled by the thought of that.

“And you never got me in your cross-hairs and took a shot? Damn, that is incredibly terrifying.”

“I was never ordered to,” you told him. “I was more surveillance than an assassin.”

“Either way, my men never saw you watchin’ me,” he said and it sounded like a compliment. The way Negan was looking at you reminded you of kids staring at a lion in a zoo. Ironic seeing how he was the one in the cage and not you. Every glance was out of curiosity and you thought you noticed a bit of gratitude in his eyes. Perhaps Michonne and Gabriel were right after all. The man just needed someone to talk to.

“Okay, how about this?” you said, after a moment of silence. He waited for you to continue. “You and I are just gonna talk. You can ask me anything you want and I’ll answer and hopefully, you will return the favor when I want to .” Negan raised a single brow.

“It’s that simple?” he asked.

“Do you want it to be difficult?” you asked. “I think I could add some really brash and annoying terms to the arrangement if you want."

"You are a very strange person," Negan said.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"As you should," Negan said with a cheeky grin. "However, I am curious about one thing. Don't you hate me?" You mulled over his words for a few seconds before shaking your head.

"Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but has not solved one yet," you quoted easily. Negan's eyes lit up.

"Morrison?"

"Angelou," you corrected.

"Ah," he said. "Wise woman. So what you're saying is that hating me isn't going to solve anything, am I right?"

"Pretty much," you agreed, crossing your arms.

"But I killed your people," he reminded you. Negan was clearly trying to put you off, but you had expected this.

"And I killed your people," you said. "Do you hate me?" Negan scoffed, leaning back on his hands as he watched you through the bars.

"You're good," he complimented.

"You didn't answer my question," you said. Negan licked his lips before shaking his head.

"No, I don't hate you. Although, I don't even know you so that could change." This time you let out a quick laugh that was pure instinct at this point.

"Fair enough," you conceded.

"Alright, (Y/N), if you are so inclined to answer questions, answer me this: how did you end up with this merry bunch of survivors?"

"Simple," you said, "I saved Carl Grimes from a Walker." Negan's face dropped at the mention of the late teenager. You knew about the soft spot Negan had for Carl. It wasn't a mystery, hell, Carl wouldn't have lived long after he attacked the Sanctuary if Negan didn't like him.

"You saved him?" Negan asked, pulling you from your memories.

"Yeah, I met Carl and his mom, Lori, shortly after everything happened," you began, "They, alongside other survivors, were camped at a quarry outside of Atlanta. I was on my own, trying to make it to the coast when I came across their campsite. I was wary of people, of course, but I knew I wouldn't make it far on my own. I stayed around the edge of camp for a while, just gettin' a feel for the people when Carl ran off when Lori wasn't looking. He was running around with another kid from the group." You paused, unsure if you should divulge much more, but Negan was staying entirely focused on your story.

"Carl was with Sophia...Carol's late daughter." Slight surprise entered Negan's eyes, but he remained quiet. You went on, "The two of them got turned around and then Carl being Carl, decided to run off alone without Sophia. He was near me when the Walker came out of the trees and grabbed him. I didn't really think at that moment. I just ran for the kid. I shot the Walker in the head and the next thing I know, I had a crossbow pointed at my back."

"Let me guess, Daryl?" Negan figured.

"Damn right. Son of a bitch thought I was shooting at the kid, but luckily Carl spoke up and explained. They took me back to their camp and Lori insisted I stay so that's what I did."

"And here you are," Negan said, impressed.

"Here I am."

"That kid was pretty damn special," Negan said fondly. "This world really does take the good ones, don't it?"

"I always think that it would have been easier if a person had killed him instead of a Walker, you know? At least then we would have an enemy."

"What, you don't think the Walkers are the enemy?"

"They're just a part of the new world," you explained. "Can't really call them an enemy if they didn't intend to be here in the first place."

Negan was quiet again as your words sank in. In fact, you were surprised that he hadn't spoken over you whenever he got the chance. According to the rest of your friends and family, the man loved to hear himself talk. You stored that new observation away for later.

"In your opinion," Negan said slowly, "what kind of person classifies as an enemy, or rather, just evil?"

"I've seen darkness, Negan," you told him. "We all have and it was before we even heard your name. If you're trying to ask me if I think you’re evil, the answer is no, I don't. Most of us here like myself, Daryl, Michonne, we've all seen what happens when someone has lost all trace of humanity. Seen what they do to other human beings and trust me, those are the evil people of this screwed-up world. You haven't lost your humanity, Negan, and I pray you never will."

Negan leaned his forearms onto his knees, rubbing a calloused hand over his bearded face. Something had clicked inside his head, that much was apparent, but you weren't sure what.

Yet.

"Sounds like you've been through hell," Negan whispered.

"And back," you finished. "Multiple times."

"You gonna tell me that story? About the loss of humanity?" His question wasn't overly eager, instead, it was all curiosity and you were starting to think that was the main characteristic of the man who once called himself the "big bad wolf".

"One day," you nodded. "If you'll let me come back again."

"I get to decide?" he asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, no point in coming down here if you won't talk to me. That would be wasting both of our time."

"Then by all means, (Y/N), feel free to drop by," Negan said, spreading his arms wide in a welcome gesture. You rolled your eyes but nodded.

"If it means anything," you said as you stood from your seat and turned towards the door, "Carl once told me that you were the only person he always trusted to tell him the truth, and coming from him, that's a lot."

Negan looked at you for a long moment before bowing his head. "Thanks for that," he said softly. You gave him a small smile, one more out of understanding than anything. Whether people hated him or not, nobody could deny that he cared about Carl Grimes and that the teen's death had affected him as well.

"I'll see you tomorrow," you told him as you pushed open the heavy door and stepped into the sunlight. Negan didn't call you back as you climbed the steps and began walking home.

You watched as Alexandria spun on, unaware of the emotions that ran deep through you at the moment. Gabriel and Michonne had been right, after all, Negan needed to talk to another human being, but perhaps that was exactly what you needed as well and you had a feeling this was just the beginning of an odd relationship.

TAGS: @thanossexual

#the walking dead #twd imagines #twd imagine #negan imagine #negan #negan x reader #reader insert #daryl dixon x reader #y/n #negan x y/n #the walking dead imagine #TWD fanfiction #the walking dead fanfiction #walkerwords

283 notes · View notes

kiisaes · 4 years

Text

my favorite bnha ships o(≧∇≦o)

i’m a multishipper (as impossible as that sounds, since i literally ONLY post bkdk LMAO) so i thought i’d make a post documenting my favorite bnha ships! keep in mind that even if i don’t list a ship, it doesn’t necessarily mean i hate it, it’s just not one of my favorites

thought i’d do this to spread some more positivity!!! bnha’s got plenty of cool ships!!! i’m also making this so that if you absolutely hate a ship i list, you can spare yourself the trouble and unfollow and/or not interact :^)

it’s 3 am. expect incoherent rambling. (these are in no particular order btw!)

BAKUDEKU

do i have to explain this. at all. KJDFJD

i’ve actually always loved this relationship, literally the moment the two were introduced, but i had to grow to love them in a more intimate sense, if you get me... i love bakudeku’s dynamic -- it takes the enemies to lovers trope to the absolute limits and enemies to lovers is already one of my favorites! i think the fact that they have such a deep history together while simultaneously having such a rough and complicated middle school relationship really boosts their potential to improve in the future :’)

basically the entire series puts a huge emphasis on their development and how even the worst relationships with the worst communications and the worst personalities can still come out triumphant!!! i especially like how their relationship focuses so much on airing out the bad while simultaneously tackling the good, and how despite their differences they’re still one of the strongest duos.

their lives are so intertwined, they have been from the very start, and i can’t wait to see them finally overcome their obstacles and stand side by side!!! they are the rawest form of soulmates to me; their relationship is some real cinematic poetry ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

(also, the second bkdk fight that occurs in s3 is still my number 1 favorite scene in the series HAHA)

---

TODODEKU

this was my first bnha ship!!! it holds a place very dear in my heart :’)

though i don’t draw this one nearly as much anymore (which is hilarious given how it used to be my absolute #1 favorite), i enjoy their unproblematic, helpful relationship! their dynamic’s all about healing and self-realization and it’s so symbiotic and it makes my heart go aflutter!

there’s so many scenes that i enjoy between the two, since they’re both so chaotic in their own ways, but its in the way where they enable each others’ chaos and it ends up being largely entertaining. regardless, their overall respect for one another is also super cute, even when they’re not yelling and acting way too instinctively LOL

whenever i want some cute fluff art between two fluff boys, my go-to is usually tododeku :) i always feel at ease when they’re together!

---

KIRIBAKU

similarly to tododeku, i really found myself enjoying this one when the second half of s1 and most of s2 happened! they’ve got a really fun relationship full of mutual respect and admiration (/^▽^)/

i particularly like how kirishima is the first person bakugou sees as “on his level”, if that makes any sense! i also like all good things to happen to kirishima, because he deserves it!!!

there’s plenty of scenes where the two of them are being so casually touchy and it’s really cute <3 there’s little drama in this one, but sometimes you need a ship with little drama!

and yeah, the hand-hold scene from kamino still lives in my head rent-free

---

KIRIMINA

(there’s no gifs of them from the anime...!)

originally i didn’t really care for this ship, because i thought it was a little tacky putting one warm-color-haired character with another warm-color-haired character, but i was so wrong! these two are so adorable, and especially after reading kirishima’s backstory in the manga and how he was so inspired by ashido’s inherent “manliness”, i couldn’t help but fall for their cuteness!!! <333

i’ve always loved the thought of kirishima dying his hair because of ashido, and even adding the little horn-like spikes thanks to ashido’s horns. SO CUTE!!! AAAAAAA

also, a fic that i read a while back actually helped me appreciate this ship as well! i can’t remember the name though o(_ _;o)

anyway, despite not being one of my favorites at first, they’re definitely one of my favorites now!!!

---

TODOBAKU

i love these two idiots so much LOL

their personalities are so starkly different -- stoic, calm princely boy x literal ball of rage -- but they manage to work really well together, both on and off the field. i especially like how their relationship starts sour, but unlike bakudeku, they don’t really have to go through too much to get on the same page (due to not having a prior relationship).

i also really like how bakugou claims he doesn’t want to be friends with todoroki, but todoroki is all for being friends with bakugou and almost purposefully uses that to tease bakugou. please give me more snarky todoroki!!! d=(´▽｀)=b

i hope there will be more todobaku moments, because todoroki’s total denseness is so entertaining against bakugou’s trigger-happy sensitivity and i love watching them be stupid together.

---

KIRIDEKU

(THERE’S EVEN LESS KIRIDEKU GIFS!!! NOOOOOO!!! well, please enjoy this lovely gif here by pumpkincalico!)

kirideku is just a really pure ship of mine -- it’s two sunshine boys paired up to create the ultimate sunshine!!!

i don’t really have a whole lot of deep analysis for them, because from what i’m aware of, they don’t have a lot of narrative significance. however, that doesn’t matter to me because i think it’s so cute that kirishima clearly thinks deku is super manly and cool and expresses his admiration for him all the time!

i think their relationship would be full of lots of smiles and pro hero fanboying :’)

---

KAMIJIROU

these two are the classic “calm, cool and collected x total dumbass” ship that i absolutely adore <3 this dynamic used to be one of my absolute favorites when i was younger, but i still really love it now and kamijirou is the perfect example of it!!!

i love how kaminari helps jirou gain confidence in herself and her talents, whereas jirou helps kaminari gain confidence in his quirk and his usefulness in battle! because these two round each other out in that sense; jirou is relatively proficient in her quirk and kaminari is pretty sound in himself as a whole, so they help each other with the aspects that they’re not so confident in!

or maybe i’m just looking too into it. who knows! i just really love their mutually beneficial dynamic (´∀｀)♡

(also, they get bonus points for both being music people and being major players in their band! that’s so cute!)

---

MOMOJIROU

basically my thought process behind this one is “jirou has two hands but they’re both holding momo’s hands”

they’re canonically good friends, which i think is just so adorable, but they’re also always hanging out regardless of the scenario! i also enjoy their taller gf, shorter gf duo, not to mention their clash in styles (elegant and intelligent x spunky and individualistic)! <3

i don’t have a whole lot to say about this one, i just really enjoy how their differences match really well with each other.

---

BAKUKAMI

i don’t know how i grew to like this one. but i just do

stupid blond x explosive blond. when put together you maximize the chaos and the panic. also, kaminari canonically calls bakugou “kacchan”, which is normally a name only deku uses. that’s my defense!!!

there’s absolutely no reason for me to enjoy this ship as much as i do, but i just DO. SO. YEAH.

---

IIDAOCHA

(i have no idea what their ship name is, i just searched up iida x ochako and that name seemed to appear???)

i like them in the same way as someone would like ron x hermione: the main female character falls for the second guy instead of the lead. at least, that’s the connection i get when i ship these two HAHA

anyway, i really like their aesthetic dynamic, namely square x circle, because that’s absolutely adorable!!! and the fact that they’re good friends and trust/respect each other mutually is also super cute <3

out of all the ships that include these two, this one is my favorite （*’∀’人）♥

---

IIDATODO

(again i couldn’t find a gif from the anime itself so here’s a lovely one by crackncheesy!)

i have NO clue how i ended up liking this one but i think they’re really cute together??? they are around each other a lot since they’re members of the dekusquad, and i just think their personalities would be this soft mishmash of a relationship????? if that makes ANY sense

i can’t really explain this one, i just really like it hehe

---

KIRIKAMI

ketchup x mustard!!! red light x yellow light!!! dumbass x dumbass!!!

they’re usually bros in my head, but i equally adore when they’re stupid boyfriends together. it’s what both of them deserve! (*≧▽≦)

this is also a small thing, but i also like their clash in body types, since kirishima is naturally stockier and kaminari is naturally slimmer. it’s the little things, lol

anyway, i really like their duo and the potential to see them as something more!

---

MIRITAMA

they’re so cute!!! the official childhood friends to lovers ship in bnha!!!

i really don’t feel like i need to explain myself here, the series really made it obvious that these two have such a beautiful friendship and care for each other so deeply! i’m always a fan of ships where someone inspires the other so much, they change their life, and miritama takes that to new heights!!! (≧∇≦*)

aside from their clearly differing personalities, i also enjoy their complimentary designs -- mirio is light, amajiki is dark... the fact that even their facial features and their body types contrast is just such seamless character design and it makes me so happy inside <3

anyway i don’t talk about the third years much because i’m not as well-versed in bnha post-s3, but i just really love their relationship!

---

ok that’s it!!! there’s probably way more ships that i adore that i’m missing but it’s 4 am now and i really cannot be thinking harder than i already was when i wrote this up so please enjoy and thanks for reading B)

#bnha #mha #bakudeku #tododeku #kiribaku #kirimina #todobaku #kirideku #kamijirou #momojirou #bakukami #iidaocha #iidatodo #kirikami #miritama #bnha ships #becki rambles about stuff

128 notes · View notes

misharuu · 4 years

Text

All You Had To Do Was Ask ; Part One/Four

Fandom: Naruto Shippuden (you only need basic knowledge of the fandom to enjoy this story; only the subplot mentions the canon!)

Pairing: Jiraiya x Naruto

Warnings/Tags: NSFW ; yaoi in future chapters, sickfic, emeto, depression, mental illness, self harm/suicide attempt in future chapters.

Summary: Naruto and Jiraiya have set out on another training journey together. Jiraiya returns from a recon mission to find Naruto sick and injured, slipping deep into the grasps of depression. Emotions are kindled and their dynamic begins to shift and change; can Jiraiya save Naruto before it's too late?

Word Count: 11,218

A/N: so this fic follows the canon storyline up until when Naruto begins training with Jiraiya for the second time, before learning sage mode. rather than having a second, shorter spurt of training they set off on another two year long journey. Naruto is 19 and Orochimaru took on a different vessel which gave them more time to prepare while the Akatsuki focused on the other tailed beasts. Naruto is being tormented by the Nine Tailed Fox and slowly falls into a pit of crippling depression. he stops taking care of himself and has to deal with the consequences once Jiraiya comes back from a 'research' session. drama ensues and eventually Jiraiya and Naruto realize they might need each other more than they had ever expected.

please like, comment, or reblog if you enjoy this fic c:

AO3. FF.

PART ONE: BLOOD

"You're weak. You're a monster. No one could ever love you. Not after what you've done. Not with what you are. You're a fucking disgrace. Jiraiya is just using you. He wants your power. Why do you think he's always off 'researching'? You disgust him. He can't stand being in the same room as you. You killed his prized student. You're a murderer," the Fox snickered, chakra glowing a deep dark crimson. Naruto sat in the shallow water, his hands pressed over his ears. He wouldn't listen. He wanted to tear out his eardrums so he couldn't listen. Even now he knew he was dreaming, but it stung the same because he knew the words were true.

———————

Naruto's eyes snapped open, waking with a start. A dull throb formed behind his eyes and he let out a shaky breath. A cold sweat coated his body and a chill seeped up his spine. He shivered and pulled the covers closer to his neck, wrapping himself up tight. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pressure in his head away. Suddenly a sharp pain spread throughout his stomach like a wildfire, deep and twisting. He winced and rolled onto his side, but the sudden movement caused his vision to swim. He groaned and fought back the bile rising in his throat, swallowing hard. Just as he thought he was about to lose control the door slammed open. Jiraiya cheerily walked into the room, loudly dropping his pack next to the door. He stomped through the room and stopped at the window next to Naruto's resting spot. He flung the blinds opens and spun on his heels to face his student. "Rise and shine, kid! It's nearly noon!" he beamed, giving Naruto a light shake with his foot. Naruto pulled the covers over his face as the sunlight assaulted his eyes.

"S-Sensei -" he started but his voice betrayed him. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Sensei, I don't think I can train today."

Jiraiya let out a hearty laugh, "come on kid! I didn't think you'd quit that easily!" he made his way to their closet and pulled out Naruto's clothes, spreading them on the bedspread over his feet. "You've been resting all night, time to get a move on!" he smirked, looking at the lump under the blanket. "Plus!" he added happily, "my research is done for now. I'll tell ya what; I'll watch you train," if that's what it'll take to get you out of bed, he finished in his head.

Naruto perked up at this. He'd been begging Jiraiya to watch him train for weeks. Months, even. Before he even started his sage training. Truth be told he was starting to feel hurt. He'd been alone his entire life; shunned and outcast like trash due to the fact that he was the Nine Tailed Fox’ vessel. That wasn't anything new. But Jiraiya filled a spot in his heart that had been missing. He made Naruto feel like he wasn't so alone. But as soon as they left to train for the second time Naruto felt like Jiraiya quickly grew tired of him. Naruto wound up spending most of his time training alone, and Jiraiya was usually off ‘researching’. Sometimes he'd train so hard that he'd pass out and his teacher wouldn't even notice, leaving him out overnight in the cold and rain. Naruto was beginning to feel more alone than ever. His heart constantly ached, but he kept pushing himself. He wouldn't stop until he was strong enough to bring Sasuke home. But the current pressure and stress was taking it's toll. The Nine Tailed Fox chakra was healing him slower and slower; at this point he felt like he was healing even slower than a normal person would. And his mental health was struggling. He felt himself slipping into the void of depression and anxiety, desperate for some real human interaction. He wasn't going to let a stupid headache ruin his chance to make Jiraiya proud.

Jiraiya watched as a puff of yellow hair began to emerge from the blanket. His smile faded slowly as he got a full view of Naruto. He was as pale as a ghost; his hair was limp and stuck to his forehead with sweat. His red rimmed eyes were glazed over and unfocused, and he looked much too thin.

"Really? You mean it?" he asked weakly, pulling himself up. He staggered a bit but was able to steady himself. He couldn't let himself ruin this. Not now. Not for some stupid cold. Jiraiya was prepared to tell Naruto to get back into bed, but with the way he cheered up at the mention of watching him train he knew he couldn't pull the rug out from under the kid. Jiraiya huffed, tossing the clothes on the bedspread into Naruto's hands.

"Yeah, I mean it. But first we're going to get some food. With all the growing you've been doing you're starting to get a bit thin, you look like a twig," Jiraiya masked the worry in his voice with a joke. Naruto let a small smile grow on his face as he gripped his clothes in his hands.

Jiraiya looked around the room nonchalantly. He admittedly had been quite busy lately; he told Naruto he was 'researching,' but in reality he was trying to gain intel on the Akatsuki. It had been at least a week since he'd slept in on actual mattress, let alone checked up on Naruto. He knew the boy always pushed himself to the limit but his optimistic nature and sticktoitiveness kept him going, and tough love was Jiraiya's signature teaching method. He was starting to think that method wouldn't be as effective for someone like Naruto, but the kid needed to grow up. He was almost twenty and was still constantly seeking approval from anyone who would give him the time of day. He had to learn how to satisfy his own needs. But as Jiraiya looked around the room he didn't see the usual litter of snack wrappers and ramen containers that he'd become accustomed to. All he saw were scrolls, blood stained clothing soaking in a soapy basin, and... was that sake?

Jiraiya let out a heaving sigh, "c'mon kid, lets get some food into you."

The thought of food made Naruto's stomach turn. He had to fight down a gag that threatened to escape his lips. He covered it up by clearing his throat and plastering on a hollow smile. He gripped the clothes in his hands tightly and made his way to the bathroom to clean up. He let the door click behind him as he gingerly lifted his night shirt over his head, wincing as the dried blood on his ribs stuck to the fabric of his shirt. He knew he was training too hard, pushing himself to the limit every day. Each day he seemed to have less and less energy, and it took less and less time for him to become exhausted. He had started to become sloppy, getting injured more often than not. He let out a shaky sigh as he turned to face the sink. Naruto almost jumped when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. He had dark bags under his eyes that were accentuated by the pale sheen of his skin and he could see his ribs beginning to poke out. He frowned at himself, looking away with shame. Naruto discarded his shirt into the corner and pulled on his fresh one, zippering his jacket slowly. As he bent down to pull up his pants a sudden wave of dizziness threatened to knock him on his ass so he quickly leaned against the wall and slid down, allowing his head to rest on his knees. He took a few shuddering breaths, trying to steady the clenching pain in his stomach. 'Useless. Dirty. Unclean. Monster,' the voice in his head teased, sending his heart rate skyrocketing. Naruto bit his lip in an attempt to stop the tears. He was sick and weak. Usually he could keep the intrusive thoughts in his head at bay, but in his weakened state he was having a hard time suppressing them. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled himself up using the bathroom counter, turning on the cold tap. He splashed his face with water, allowing his mask to slip back on, cementing his mental walls firmly in place.

While Naruto was in the bathroom Jiraiya took a moment to do a more thorough search of the room. He couldn't find any evidence of food wrappers or take out boxes, but he tried to humor himself by thinking that his student was just eating out a lot. The scrolls spread across the floor detailed some advanced techniques; additional chakra natures and expert chakra control. Techniques Naruto should have waited for Jiraiya's help with. The older man frowned as his eyes slid over the sake bottle. He quietly picked up the bottle and gave it a gentle shake; empty. As he stood in the empty room curiosity got the better of him. He sneakily padded over to the bathroom door, hovering his ear against the cool painted wood. At first he only heard silence, but suddenly he heard short, shallow, uneven breaths followed by what sounded like a choked off sob. Jiraiya's heart jumped into his throat and he raised his hand to knock on the door to check on Naruto. Just as his knuckles were about to rap against the door he heard the sink turn on. He leapt back from the door in time for it to swing open, having just enough time to spin on his heels and act as if he was thumbing over a scroll.

Naruto glared at Jiraiya suspiciously before slipping on his sandals.

"Alright, kid, lets go," Jiraiya swung the door open and held it for Naruto as he exited. Naruto looked up at his teacher and gave him one of his trademark boyish grins. Jiraiya felt taken aback about the fact that Naruto was able to hide his emotions as well as he could; after he cleaned himself up he almost looked normal, if not for his puffy eyes and lean physique. Normally he'd brush that off as a long night of training, but today, this time, he knew that thinking that would be wrong. Something was up, and he wasn't going to give up until he got to the bottom of it.

———————

Lunch was uneventful. Naruto tried to act normal but with his watchful eye Jiraiya noticed him expertly pushing his food around on his plate to make it look like he'd eaten most of it. 'How often has he done that without me realizing?' the guilt and worry were eating away at him inside, 'and when did I start to care so much?' So lost in his deep introspection Jiraiya didn't notice Naruto sneaking into the bathroom until a few moments had passed. Naruto's plate was already gone and his utensils sat neatly on his folded napkin. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes and waited a minute before trailing him, trying to be sleek. He pushed the door open slowly and was greeted by the sound of Naruto coughing; a dry, deep nagging cough that sounded painful.

"You alright in there?" Jiraiya asked from outside the stall, trying to hide the concern in his voice.

Naruto cleared his throat and forced out a nonchalant laugh, "y-yeah, just allergies! You know me, sensei, nothing can keep me down for long."

He flushed the toilet and staggered out of the stall, joining Jiraiya at the sinks as they both washed their hands. As much as he wanted to take the kid back to their room and drill him about his odd behavior, he wanted to give Naruto a chance to come to him on his own. He didn't want to pry; in reality it was none of his business. He was Naruto's teacher, not his dad and not his best friend. But something about this was different and Jiraiya couldn't quite place his finger on it; all he knew was that the sudden concern he had for Naruto made him unseasy. He wasn't one to invest so much into his student's personal lives, let alone their mental health. But the alarm bells were going off in his head and he couldn't quiet them. He needed to get to the bottom of this; whether Naruto wanted to do this the easy way or the hard way was up to him.

"Lets get a move on! We only have so much sunlight left," Jiraiya placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder as they headed towards their training spot.

———————

Naruto had certainly been training hard. By the amount of fallen trees, scuff marks, and rasengan impact points in the area Naruto had certainly been training hard in Jiraiya's absence.

"Been busy I see! Happy to see you haven't just been slacking off while I've been away," he jokingly elbowed Naruto in the ribs, gauging his reaction.

Naruto winced but tried to play it off as a chuckle, "well yeah sensei, I couldn't just sit around waiting for you to get back. Besides, I'm used to training alone since you seem to have little interest in helping me train anyway!" he glared up at his teacher with a smirk on his face, "plus, Ero-sennin, I've been doing just fine without you!"

It was Jiraiya's turn to glare at Naruto, "I thought I told you not to call me that. And I'm here now, aren't I? So show me what you've been working so hard on." Jiraiya dropped his pack onto the ground by a tree and rolled up his sleeves. He needed to feel for himself just where Naruto's skills had increased to, and what a better way to do that than sparing?

Naruto rolled his eyes as he jumped into position, "you sure you really want that old man? I don't want to hurt you," he giggled childishly, reaching into his pouch for a kunai.

"Just come at me," Jiraiya chided, watching for Naruto's move, his patience wearing thin.

As usual Naruto didn't try to make a calculated move, he ran straight for Jiraiya while pulling the kunai from his pouch, throwing the knife as a distraction while raising his leg for a kick. Jiraiya easily dodged the kunai and grabbed his foot, giving it a light twist to throw off Naruto's center of gravity. He noted the ease at which he was able to dodge him and throw him off balance, something which was usually quite hard with Naruto. The twisting of his leg made Naruto divert his attention, but he took advantage of the movement by reaching out his hands towards the ground. He used his palms to redirect his energy, pushing up off the ground and aiming a kick straight at the back of Jiraiya's head. Jiraiya bent forward a bit, causing Naruto's foot to just barely graze his mane of silvery hair, and he reached out his arm and gently pushed Naruto's hip while he was still upside down trying to regain his footing. The move made Naruto stumble a bit, giving Jiraiya time to spin around and grab his student by both arms, getting him in a headlock.

"C'mon kid, is this really the best you got? If this is how you've been training then I really haven't been missing much," he teased, trying to rile his student up enough to bring out the fight in him. That pissed Naruto off. The first time his sensei comes to watch him train in weeks and this was the best he could do? The pain in his head slowed him down and made him see double, while the unending stomach cramps made it difficult for him to stand up straight.

He took a moment to catch his breath and will his stomach to settle. He smirked, "I was just warming up!" Naruto jumped back and prepared his hand signs.

"Shadow clone jutsu!" he called out, spawning ten clones of himself. A few ran forward to engage Jiraiya in combat while he hung back with the rest, preparing a rasengan. He focused his chakra on his palm, finding it exceedingly difficult to draw enough out to make an adequately sized ball. The change in chakra form was enough to almost completely exhaust him. The feeling of disappointment rose up and crashed over him in waves. Talentless. A waste of space. A waste of air. A waste of life. He growled and sprung into action, launching himself into the air to gain some speed and momentum. "Rasengan!" he snarled, aiming straight for Jiraiya who was able to easily dodge Naruto's attack. Naruto landed on the ground and felt the shock waves of pain ricochet up his arm as his hand collided with the ground, a deep indent scarring the earth. The pain seemed to go straight up to his temples, the dull roar of his headache spiking up to a splitting pain. He winced and rested on his knee for a moment while Jiraiya grinned down at him.

"Come on Naruto, how do you plan to get Sasuke back with that crap? You can't even put a scratch on me! When did you get so weak?"

Weak. The word bounced around his head like a boomerang. You're weak. Naruto's face scrunched up into a sneer. He got up to his feet so quickly that all Jiraiya saw was a blur. The only still image he was able to catch was Naruto's eyes slitting dangerously. In his state Jiraiya knew Naruto couldn't handle a surge of the Fox's chakra - he was trying to avoid hurting the boy but he needed to put a stop to this. Naruto snarled as he launched himself into the air and quickly descended upon Jiraiya, a harsh blow landing across his teacher's face. Jiraiya slid back a few feet and had just enough time to block his head before Naruto landed another blow. Before he could get a defensive hit in of his own Naruto was already spinning around, dodging Jiraiya's first while also aiming a hit of his own at the older man's ribs. Jiraiya jumped up and dipped behind Naruto's back, moving quickly enough to slide Naruto's feet out from under him. The younger man hit the ground with a thud, all the air in his lungs painfully rushing out in a whoosh. He gasped as the pain shot through his body like lightning, setting every nerve ending ablaze. He managed to turn onto his side as he fought to regain the ability to breathe, coughing and spluttering. Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, 'he should have recovered from that by now; I've seen him get flung halfway across a forest and get up as if nothing happened. This isn't good.' He sighed as he reached down to offer Naruto a hand, but quickly jumped back when he saw clawed fingers swat his hand away. 'Shit, the transformation has started, I need to end this before he takes on the Nine Tail's cloak.' Jiraiya balled his hands into fists and watched as Naruto struggled to his feet, pausing for a moment with his hands on his knees.

"You alright over there?" Jiraiya asked cautiously. All he got in response was an animalistic growl, red cat eyes meeting his gaze.

"Stop going easy on me, old man. I'm not a fucking child!" Naruto snapped, jumping into action.

The two spared for a moment, hands and feet flying in a blur. Naruto caught Jiraiya in the jaw, sending his teacher gliding back. Jiraiya spat out blood that was gushing from his bottom lip as he waited for Naruto to make his next move. The boy dashed towards him with a snarl, clawed hand raised and ready to strike. 'This needs to end. Now!' Jiraiya balled his fist and hit Naruto full force in the stomach as soon as he was about to get slashed. The blow sent Naruto flying back, a crack echoing around the clearing as his back connected with a tree. Jiraiya held his position as the dust settled, waving his hand back and forth in front of his face as he attempted to get a glimpse of Naruto. He took a few hasty steps as Naruto's silhouette began to come into his line of vision. He saw Naruto struggling to stand, using the tree trunk to steady himself. Once the dust settled and Jiraiya was able to get a real look at his student he noticed that he was shaking all over, strong tremors rocking his whole body. He back was pressed against the tree and his hands rested on his knees, his face blocked by hair and shadows. His claws and fangs had retracted so Jiraiya felt comfortable getting closer.

"... Naruto?" Jiraiya asked gently once he was about halfway across the clearing. Naruto's face slowly turned up towards his teacher, a stupid grin plastered onto his face, but the tremors revealed his true pain.

"I-I'm fine, sensei; that was a good hit you got in but it won't happen again!" He reached up and brushed a hand through his hair, freezing when his fingers reached the back of his head. Something slick was coating his fingertips; something warm and sticky. Blood. He shakily pulled his hand away from his head and stared at the blood dripping from his fingers, snaking it's way down to his elbow.

"Naruto!" Jiraiya sprang into action as his student's eyes went wide with shock before rolling into the back of his head. He reached his arms out just in time to catch Naruto's limp body before he landed in a heap on the ground.

———————

Inky darkness spread around him, swirling like smoke. He felt the uncomfortably warm waist deep water surrounding him; caressing his skin, it's putrid odor making his stomach turn. Somewhere close behind him he heard an insidious chuckle and the hairs on the back of his neck stood up.

'Weak. You're still so weak,' the voice boomed. Naruto shuttered as a rotting smell reached him; a smell of death and decay. The air was thick with it, assaulting his nostrils whenever the voice spoke. 'You're pathetic. Why do you even try? Just give up. Give in to me. I can make you strong.' A cold chill ran up his spine as he pushed himself up onto unsteady feet. He looked around frightfully as he tried to get his bearings. He reached his hands up to try to wipe the sweat off his forehead but somehow it made his skin feel slicker, stickier, warm... Naruto looked down at his hands and gasped, falling backwards into the water as he realized his hands were covered in blood. He desperately tried to scrub the blood off his hands as another snicker exploded into his eardrums, 'see what you've done? See what you've become? You're a monster, whether you give in to me or not. I will overcome you. I will wipe out your village; I'll kill each and every friend you've ever known while wearing your face. You'll feel their bones break beneath your fingers. You'll taste their blood.' Images of death and chaos flashed before his eyes; The Hidden Leaf Village burning to the ground, all of his friend's bodies scatted over rubble, Kakashi's decapitated head on a stake. Naruto sobbed and squeezed his palms onto his eyes.

"No! That won't happen! I won't let you!" he cried, whipping his head back and forth trying to find the source of the voice. Finally he saw an ominous crimson smoke billowing from the darkness, a pair of gigantic red eyes peering at him from the void. The voice laughed heartily, causing the walls and ground to shake. 'Don't you see, you stupid boy, you already have.' Naruto plunged his hands back into the water, struggling to see through the tears in his eyes.The blood wouldn't budge; each time he tried to wash it off it just grew and multiplied, coating his arms up to the elbows. And then he saw it; the water he was sitting in was a river of blood. Fresh and hot. Naruto sobbed, broken in half and hollow. 'Why am I alive?'

'Naruto. Naruto!' A voice was calling out to him from the darkness, a pinprick of light appearing above him. He stood, wanting to reach out and grab it, follow it out of this Hell. But he couldn't move, those eyes had him paralyzed. 'Naruto!' The voice called out again as the beam of light grew. Naruto reached up his hands, jumping into the beam of light and letting it envelop him. The ominous voice screeched ferociously and Naruto felt a clawed hand try to grab him, but the darkness was already receding and he was pulled fully into the light.

———————

Naruto awoke from his nightmare, colors and sounds rushing back to him in a blur. He felt hands on his face, rough and calloused, pushing back his hair and gently slapping his cheek.

"Fuck, you're burning up!" a voice growled as he felt his body being shaken. "Naruto, wake the fuck up!" the familiar voice barked. Naruto seemed to come back down into reality as he heard his name. The voice was Jiraiya sensei! A sick groan escaped Naruto's lips as he attempted to roll on his side, but he found himself firmly held in Jiraiya's lap. "Naruto! Stay with me now," Jiraiya exclaimed, his forehead creased and his mouth pressed into a thin line. Naruto went to rub his eyes but caught a whiff of something metallic - blood! His eyes flew open and he stared at the blood coating his hand. He wriggled free from Jiraiya's grasp just in time to roll to his side off his lap, landing on the ground hard, a pain surging through his chest from the impact. His fingers clenched into the dirt as he gagged, a rush of stomach acid burning his throat. A wave of vomit splashed onto the ground as Naruto choked and retched, involuntary tears spilling from the corners of his eyes. Suddenly he felt a hand on his back, rubbing in circles.

Jiraiya helped Naruto to his knees so he wasn't laying in a puddle of his own vomit, leaving a strong hand on the boy's shoulder to help hold him steady. Naruto hissed in pain as his body betrayed him, spluttering and heaving over the ground as his stomach refused to settle. He coughed up a dribble of bile, a long string of saliva hanging from his lips. Jiraiya pushed back Naruto's hair, hushing him and gently whispering reassurances and encouragement; you're good, I've got you, I'm so sorry. Jiraiya's heart broke in two as he watched his student struggling. The back of his head was coated in blood and dirt, 'because of me,' and Naruto was puking in a field - 'even though I knew something was up and decided to push him to his limits instead of forcing him to take it easy,' Jiraiya thought to himself bitterly. He wasn't used to the feelings he was feeling. He wasn't sure if he should stick to his old ways or model and change his tactics to Naruto's needs... to his own needs. He felt Naruto's breathing change below his grip; quick and unsteady, gasping, hyperventilating. He gripped Naruto's shoulder and smoothed the boy's hair back. "Breathe, kid, you need to breathe. Steady, now. You're okay. I'm here," Jiraiya murmured, letting his fingers linger over the back of Naruto's head, trying to gauge how bad his injury was.

The gash was deep with ragged edges but the bone was undisturbed. Naruto dry heaved one last time before sliding his feet underneath him, settling his ass on the ground, arms cradling his head against his knees. He broke down into tears, gasping for breath between sobs, his chest clenched tight. "It's all my fault!" he finally managed to choke out. Jiraiya scrunched his eyebrows together and reached out to wrap an arm around Naruto's shoulders, but the boy quickly flinched away. His head whipped up as he held an arm in front of him, "g-get away from me! I-I'll only hurt you!" he sobbed, delirious with fever.

"Naruto... what are you talking about?" the older man murmured as he tried to approach Naruto again, letting a hand rest on the boy's knee.

Naruto hiccuped and coughed, shrinking away from Jiraiya's touch, tears streaking his face. "Their blood," Naruto cried, holding up his hands as if to prove his point, "the blood of The Village is on my hands. I'm a monster - there's a monster inside me. If you don't get away - i-if you stay here... I'll kill you." Naruto pitched forward involuntarily as his stomach clenched, forcing up a painful dry cough. He struggled as he dry heaved repeatedly, his entire body shaking violently.

"Easy, easy..." Jiraiya soothed, slipping behind Naruto and placing a hand on his back, rubbing in light circles. Naruto's body was utterly exhausted; nothing left to throw up and no energy to resist the unending sickness in his stomach. Once he was done Jiraiya pulled the boy closer to him to examine his wound. His powers of healing were rudimentary, but he had picked up a few pointers from Tsunade over the years. He concentrated his chakra and held his hand over Naruto's wound. The healing was slow and painful, the Fox clearly wasn't even attempting to heal Naruto this time around. 'That explains why he's so sick. In all my years of training with Naruto I've never seen him have more than a slight sniffle. The Fox isn't healing him; whether he's unable to or just rebelling is something I'll need to figure out,' he thought to himself as Naruto's gash finally started to knit back together.

The boy sat in his lap, sniffling and coughing, shaking miserably from the pain coursing through his body. As soon as the cut was healed Naruto slumped backwards into Jiraiya's chest. Jiraiya sighed and scooted Naruto fully into his lap, using his sleeve to wipe off his face. A move like that would usually have Naruto calling him a pervert, but for now it brought him comfort. Naruto's hands clutched onto the front of Jiraiya's vestments, snuggling his face into the fabric. 'He must be sick to be acting like this,' he frowned, sighing as he began to push himself up, cradling Naruto to his chest. The sudden movement made it feel like he had the spins, wincing as he squeezed his eyes tight. "Just hang on," Jiraiya adjusted the heap of a boy in his arms before leaping off into action, rushing them back to their room.

———————

Jiraiya placed Naruto onto the couch, keeping one hand firmly planted on his student’s shoulder so he wouldn’t fall over. Naruto was slipping in and out of consciousness; his high fever intermingling with his concussion, creating a deadly combination. Jiraiya unzipped Naruto’s jacket and gently slid the sleeves over his shoulders and down his arms. He slid his pants down and then removed his undershirt, leaves his boxers for dignity’s sake.

“Alright, up ya go,” he muttered as he picked Naruto up from under his arms, carrying him into the bathroom so he could get him in a cool bath. Even without being a medical ninja Jiraiya could tell Naruto's fever was reaching the danger zone. He flipped on the taps and then settled onto the floor, cradling Naruto’s broken frame in his hands. Other than his blatant sickness and concussion Jiraiya was able to detect multiple cracked ribs in various states of repair, multiple strained muscles, a snapped ligament in his left knee, and a litany of bruises and cuts. How Naruto even managed to pull himself out of bed that morning was a miracle.

Once the tub was full Jiraiya turned off the taps and gently placed Naruto into the tub. As soon as he was in the water his eyes flashed open.

“C-cold! L-let me out of here!” he struggled to get out of the tub but was too weak to put up much of a fight. Jiraiya grabbed both of Naruto’s wrists and tried to hold them down, so Naruto used his feet as leverage to try to slide out of the tub.

“Damn it Naruto, stay still! If I don’t cool you down your brain’s gonna fry!” Jiraiya exclaimed, struggling against Naruto’s constant wriggling. Finally he heaved a sigh, “shit, you owe me one, kid,” he glared at the boy as he stood up and stepped into the tub, a quick shiver making its way up his spine as the lower part of his pants got soaked. He slid down into the lukewarm water, wrapping his arms around Naruto’s chest, forcing the boy’s arms still as he straddled his back to keep him from bucking out of the tub. For a moment he just held him, waiting for the harsh shivers to stop shaking Naruto’s thin frame, and especially for him to stop resisting.

As soon as Naruto relaxed Jiraiya took the washcloth from the towel rack and wet it, squeezing out the excess water. He wiped the dirt and blood off of Naruto’s body and neck, pressing gently as to avoid hurting him (even more than he already had). Naruto’s head lolled back into the crook of Jiraiya’s neck, snuggling his face into the crazy mane of silvery hair, seeking warmth. Once Jiraiya was done with the washcloth he rinsed it, squeezed it, and folded it in half, laying it over Naruto’s forehead and eyes. Jiraiya grabbed a cup from the side of the tub and filled it with water before dumping it over Naruto’s hair, gently massaging the dried blood and dirt from it. As he massaged his scalp he couldn’t help but notice Naruto’s toes curling, a barely audible moan deep in his throat. The older man couldn’t help but chuckle lightly.

“You’re never gonna live this down, and you’re never gonna call me a pervert again,” he smiled to himself as he washed the last of the blood away. It was the first time in weeks that he’d seen Naruto actually relaxed and he felt guilty taking it away so soon, especially after he’d injured him so badly, so he kept massaging his scalp. He grabbed the shampoo from the rack above him and squirted some into his hand before lathering it in Naruto’s honey yellow hair. He noticed Naruto begin to shake again and he stopped, reaching to grab for the cup so he could wash the shampoo away and get them into some warm, dry clothes.

But as Naruto spoke he froze in place; “p-please don’t stop.” He wasn’t shivering, he was crying. Naruto had never been shown this amount of affection. He didn’t have parents to take care of him as a child, having to rely on trial and error, mostly error at that. The most he’d get was a side hug from Sakura every now and then, a ruffle of his hair from Kakashi, maybe an arm around his shoulder. Whenever he was injured or sick he’d be healed and that would be the end of it - once his physical problems were gone no one was there to clean up the rest of the mess; no one to comfort him or make sure he was coping well. He was always the one being relied on for the comforting. It was taxing, Naruto constantly was the one who needed to swoop in and save the day. No one ever considered that he was the one breaking apart and needed saving. To be honest, Naruto had never felt this sort of closeness with someone; he’d barely had any physical interactions with people period.

Jiraiya frowned deeply, his heart breaking for the boy. “I won’t,” he whispered, continuing to rub the shampoo gently into Naruto’s scalp. Naruto tried to pull himself together as his fever broke and he was pulled back down into consciousness, but he was overwhelmed with anxiety and gratitude. No one had even attempted to show him this amount of kindness. It had been so long since he’d even imagined being this close with someone; he’d blocked even the possibility of feeling this way out of his mind. Now that it was actually happening he was stuck in a stunned stupor, not even attempting to fight back the tears on his cheeks. He wanted to thank Jiraiya but a part of him was terrified that speaking would break the spell; that Jiraiya would realize what he was doing, who he was doing it to, and leave him again just like all those months ago after their first training session when he wouldn’t even give Naruto the time of day. So much had changed since then. No matter how much he felt like he pushed himself he felt like he’d just wind up taking two steps back. He perfected the rasenshuriken and then had it banned from his repertoire due to the collateral damage. He was quickly running out of time to get Sasuke back, only a few months remaining until they’d set out again, and he couldn’t even look himself in the mirror. He knew he’d fail. Jiraiya must have known too considering the fact he wouldn’t even be in the same room as him.

Jiraiya rinsed Naruto’s hair and placed the cup on the floor, pausing for a second as he waited for Naruto to move. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. This might be the last time he’d feel like this again. At that thought Naruto broke. He ripped the washcloth off his face and replaced it with his hands, sitting up in the tub in a feeble attempt to distance himself from Jiraiya. He couldn’t handle being rejected again so he figured it would hurt less if he did the rejecting. But he was too weak to run and his attempt to get up ended in him slipping back down into Jiraiya’s strong hands.

“Naruto, stop,” he demanded a bit harder than he meant to, “you’re going to get hurt,” he added more gently, getting a grip on Naruto’s upper arms to hold him firmly in place. Naruto gave up his struggle and pressed his palms into his eye sockets.

“It already does hurt,” he cried, allowing himself to collapse upon Jiraiya’s chest. Jiraiya stayed silent for a moment, letting Naruto cry, fighting the urge to soothe him because he needed the kid to talk. He could feel how tense he was, it hung in the air like an all consuming smoke.

“You need to talk to me, I need to know what’s going on,” Jiraiya pressed, hugging the boy close to him. It took Naruto a minute to regain his composure.

“I-I can’t, you’ll just leave... You’ll just leave like everyone else...”

“I’m not going anywhere. But we do need to get out of this tub. I’m turning into a prune,” he joked, trying to lighten the tension.

Jiraiya helped Naruto up, wrapping a towel around his shoulders before guiding him back into their room, sitting him on the couch as he went to retrieve their clothes. They both dressed in silence - Jiraiya contemplating his next move as Naruto just wished he could disappear; get as far away as he could before he was rejected. Naruto sat on the couch sniffling, trying to ignore the pain exploding in his temples, exacerbated by his stuffy nose and tears. Jiraiya grabbed the blanket from his futon before wrapping it around Naruto’s shoulders.

“You’re my comrade; we eat together, fight together, live together, train together... I need to know what’s going on with you. You need to let me help you,” Jiraiya took a seat next to Naruto, staring at him patiently. Naruto just shook his head, hiding himself beneath the covers. He couldn’t face him; not while he was bearing his soul.

“If I’m honest you’ll just leave... N-no, you’ll leave regardless... just like everyone else. I’ll serve whatever purpose you have for me, and then I’ll be discarded with all the other things that have lose their usefulness,” he started, “I’m just a tool. Just a stepping stone in everyone’s journey. Once I serve my purpose I’m thrown aside. I save the girl, then she’s gone. I train with Sasuke and then he leaves to pursue power I can’t offer. I make promises and can’t keep them,” Naruto cried, shoulders shaking, stomach twisting into knots. "I-I'm a monster, people just use me for the power that I have and then they leave. I'm disgusting. A reminder of a past that everyone just wants to forget. A reminder of death," Naruto felt anger starting to bubble up in his chest. "I took so much from everyone... from you... the Fourth Hokage... All I do is cause pain... I shouldn't be alive," the last part of his sentence was said in a whisper so quiet that it was barely audible, but Jiraiya felt as if it was screamed directly into his ears.

"Don't say that. That isn't true. You aren't a monster. And you didn't take anything from anyone. You saved the village. The Fourth Hokage did what he needed to do to protect the Village and he was damn proud to do it. Don't tarnish his name by saying that he was murdered; he sacrificed himself to save his people. To save you also, Naruto," Jiraiya clapped a hand down on Naruto's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "Fuck what anyone else says, what anyone else does, I need you and that isn't going to change. I need you to be alive. You're my student and I'm going to protect you with both arms. I'm not going anywhere, and that's a promise. You're the strongest, hardest working, most incredible shinobi I have ever had the honor to train. Even stronger than the Fourth," Jiraiya tried to get a peek at Naruto's face but he was so tightly wound up in the blankets that all he could see was yellow hair. "Fuck those girls, fuck Sakura, fuck the Village, and honestly, fuck Sasuke," Jiraiya spat angerly, "what matters is you. You're incredible, and you're going to be hokage one say. I swear on my life. I will help you reach that dream. You aren't a tool and you aren't worthless. The village needs you. I need you," Jiraiya started to pull the blankets away. "I'm not going anywhere," he promised, finally finding Naruto's face among the duvet. Naruto looked up at him with his tear stained face, all puffy and red, but he could see the hope glimmering in his eyes for the first time in weeks. Naruto couldn't find the words to speak, he just threw his arms around Jiraiya's neck and allowed his teacher to hold him as he cried, short bursts of anguish and anxiety purging from his body. He sniffled weakly as the tears finally stopped, allowing himself to rest against Jiraiya. He wouldn't admit it, but Jiraiya's arms felt safe - they felt right. He didn't want to move, not yet. He needed to relish this moment as long as he could because he knew he'd likely never feel this safe again.

Jiraiya just sat there, thoughts zipping through his mind too quickly to really hold on to any of them. He'd never let anyone bring out this side of him, let alone one of his students. Not even his old girlfriends had seen this side of him. But something about Naruto was different, especially when he was in such a state. For someone so optimistic and strong to fall this hard, something must seriously be wrong and it broke Jiraiya's heart. He needed to do whatever he could to help Naruto. He wasn't surprised that he'd pushed himself hard enough to break his own ribs, but he'd never expect a mental breakdown of this magnitude. However, with the way Naruto had been treated his whole life, he knew it shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew he should have been helping him train mentally as well as physically, and he cursed himself for not noticing the signs sooner. 'And now he wants to die,' he thought to himself bitterly, subconsciously gripping the boy to him even harder. 'That won't happen, not to him, not while I'm around,' Jiraiya promised himself, allowing his eyes to close for some much needed rest.

They sat that way for a while before Naruto started to stir, swinging his legs over the side of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. Suddenly he groaned, shivers traveling along his spine, a cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck.

"Naruto...? You alright, kiddo?" Jiraiya asked lightly, placing a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Naruto groaned again, an arm wrapping around his abdomen defensively.

"I-I’m so nauseous," he choked out, wincing as his stomach felt like it was being stabbed by white hot stakes. Naruto had never really been sick like this due to the Nine Tailed Fox's healing abilities, so he wasn't coping well. The pounding pain in his head was blinding and he didn't know how to handle it, his stomach joining the revolt. He didn't know how to ease the pain, how to help himself to make it end. Naruto fought back the tears forming in his eyes, astonished that he even had any tears left to cry. Another searing cramp shot through his stomach and he gasped, bending forward into his knees over the edge of the couch to try to subdue the pain.

"It's alright, I've gotcha," Jiraiya soothed, gently rubbing Naruto's back.

"M-Make it go away," Naruto cried, fingernails digging into his side, trying to claw the pain away.

"I would if I could, kid. You just need to ride it out. I'll get you some water," Jiraiya offered, getting up from the couch to fill a glass with water from the bathroom tap. Naruto took the glass from his hand but just held it for a moment, contemplating.

"If I drink it I'll just throw up again," he muttered.

Jiraiya frowned and sighed, "that may be true but you need to try. You're definitely dehydrated and that'll make the pain worse," he plopped back down on the couch beside Naruto. The boy eyed the water suspiciously before taking a small sip. The water soothed his abused, dry throat and he started chugging large mouthfuls. "Not too much!" Jiraiya exclaimed, grabbing the cup from Naruto before he downed the whole thing. Naruto jumped a bit when Jiraiya took the cup from him, but he quickly understood what he meant. He felt the water flow into his empty stomach which promptly clenched, sending a torrent of pain through is abdomen. Naruto winced, folding back down into his knees in an attempt to squeeze the pain away. "Told ya," Jiraiya said sadly, pulling the blanket up around Naruto's shoulders to try to ease his shaking. Naruto felt a cold sweat breaking out over his body, his mouth filling with saliva.

“Ugh, I’m gonna puke,” a hand flew to his mouth before he gagged emptily over the ground between his knees.

“Shit,” Jiraiya sprung into action, grabbing the metal garbage can in the corner of the room with lightning speed, shoving it into Naruto’s hands as he dry heaved. Naruto swallowed compulsively, fighting the bile attempting to crawl up his throat. He groaned sickly, trying to avoid the unavoidable. “Don’t fight it, you’ll only make it worse,” Jiraiya coached, “just let it out.” Naruto coughed and gagged, holding the can in a death grip as a stream of water and bile splashed into the can, the unmistakable sound of liquid hitting metal. “There ya go, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya soothed, brushing Naruto’s hair out of his eyes. Naruto’s stomach kept twisting, seemingly unending dry heaves wracking his body. He retched before burping up another wave of water, gasping for air between gags. Jiraiya waited a few moments for Naruto to calm down before reaching out for the can, “think you’re done?” Naruto spit into the can and then reached up and wiped his face on his sleeve, sniffling miserably.

“N-No,” he choked out before retching painfully.

“You’re all cleaned out, there’s nothing left. Sitting over it won’t help; I’ll wash this out, the smell is definitely not helping,” Jiraiya stated as he took the can from Naruto, carrying it into the bathroom. He emptied the can into the toilet and then washed it out in the sink. He reached for a washcloth and wet it with cool water, squeezing out the excess water so it wouldn’t drip. He placed the can next to Naruto on the couch just in case he needed it again and took back his spot on the couch. Jiraiya pushed Naruto’s hair off his forehead, sticky with sweat, and placed the washcloth on his fever-hot skin. Naruto signed in relief, allowing himself to sink into Jiraiya’s lap as he tried to rest his exhausted body. Naruto fell asleep in Jiraiya's arms, nestled in his lap on the couch.

Jiraiya held Naruto for an hour, trying to last as long as he could before his shoulders ached and his legs were cramping. His body was begging to move but he didn't want to disturb Naruto. He held his breathe as he started to lift himself up off the couch, sliding the boy onto the cushions. Thankfully Naruto didn't wake up and he was able to replace his lap with a pillow. Jiraiya sighed as he made his way over to his futon, grabbing the blanket from Naruto's half of the room as the boy was currently cuddled up with his. He laid down and began to let his mind wander. The way that Naruto was talking shook him to his core. The last person he knew who was talking like that wound up sacrificing themselves on a mission. 'Over my dead body,' Jiraiya hissed to himself, squeezing his eyes shut to try to make the thoughts stop. 'I need to do something about this, I need to help him.' With that he started drifting into a dreamless sleep.

———————

Jiraiya woke up some time later with a start, his eyes snapping open as some unknown noise awoke him. Something was wrong, alarm bells were going off in his head. He laid silently as he scanned the room for any danger. They were still alone but something was clearly amiss. “Naruto...?” he whispered sleepily as he glanced at the couch he’d left the younger man on; it was empty and the blanket and pillow were gone. He looked to Naruto’s futon and saw that empty as well. Instantly on high alert Jiraiya jumped up, prepared to put his shoes on to go looking for the boy. Just as he was about to throw his scroll onto his back he noticed the shine of light under the bathroom door. He padded over to the door silently, gently knocking against the wood. All he got in return was a series of violent dry coughs; deep and hacking, tearing and searing. “I’m coming in,” he announced as he turned the knob, taking in the scene in front of him.

Naruto had made a makeshift bed on the bathroom floor, his pillow and blanket sitting on a few laid out towels. Naruto was on the ground in front of the toilet - his legs were bent on either side of him, sitting on his feet for leverage, one arm draped over the toilet seat as the other clutched his stomach. His head hung over the bowl as he struggled, so exhausted he could barely hold himself up. Jiraiya’s heart jumped into his throat as he stared down at the boy, wishing he could take away his pain. Just then Naruto let out a choked off sob, grimacing as a tearing pain ripped across his abdomen. He subconsciously pressed down a hand over the pain, crying out as the pain increased. Red flags were waving in front of Jiraiya’s eyes; ‘a regular upset stomach shouldn’t be this painful. I’ve seen him break almost every bone in his body and still pull himself up, this isn’t right.’ Naruto glanced up at Jiraiya, his big deep blue eyes were glassy and filled with tears, his pupils slit like cat eyes, desperation obvious on his face as he clenched his fanged teeth. ‘The Fox is clearly trying to heal him but it doesn’t seem to be working, this isn’t good,’ Jiraiya thought as he knelt down next to Naruto, one hand pressing back the sweaty hair on his forehead to gauge his fever as the other went to his stomach. As soon as his fingers pressed down on Naruto’s stomach the boy cried out in pain, rolling up onto his side to escape Jiraiya’s hand.

”Where does it hurt?” Jiraiya pried, letting his hand linger over Naruto’s too hot forehead, trying to comfort him however he could. Naruto groaned, struggling to straighten out his legs, his hand lingering over his left side.

“M-My stomach,” he hissed.

Jiraiya’s brows furrowed as he examined Naruto, concentrating chakra in his palm to prepare his basic medical ninjutsu, “that’s not your stomach, that’s your rib cage.” Jiraiya hovered his hand over the lower left side of Naruto’s ribs, quickly pulling his hand back. ‘All that coughing and puking must have disturbed his healing ribs; the bone is fractured and piercing his stomach,’ he thought to himself, the situation instantly becoming dire. “Naruto, this is going to hurt like a bitch. Please try to stay still, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya murmured, concentrating his chakra to his hand again. His medical ninjutsu skills weren’t advanced enough to fix all of the damage that had been done but he could at least try to correct the bone fragment piercing Naruto’s stomach. As soon as he laid his hand down on Naruto’s rib the younger man yelped in pain, shaking violently as he tried to restrain from moving away from Jiraiya’s hand. Jiraiya cursed to himself as he healed Naruto; it was taking way too long. Normally it would take only a few quick moments to heal Naruto due to his natural healing abilities but now he was healing even slower than the usual person would, slower even than a person without any chakra control at all. “I’m so sorry, Naruto, just a little longer,” he promised, gripping his free hand down on Naruto’s shoulder to try to help hold him still. The pain was blinding, like his ribs were being shattered with a hammer as his stomach twisted into knots, it felt like his entire abdomen was being filled with liquid fire. ‘The bone is back in place and the hole is closed but I can’t do more. The bone is still broken and I can’t heal viral illness or heal the damage that has been done to his stomach other than repairing the tear, he’ll need to heal in his own time,’ Jiraiya sighed with exasperation as he pulled his hand away.

As soon as Jiraiya removed his hand Naruto quickly shot up from his spot on the floor, grabbing the toilet seat with both hands. He retched violently and then followed it up with a painful fit of coughing. His stomach rebelled and clenched, forcing Naruto to gag up a dribble of bile. He sobbed silently as he clung onto the toilet seat, waiting for the next round of dry heaving. Jiraiya stood and grabbed a cup from the counter, filling it with cool water from the sink. He knelt down next to Naruto, placing the cup beside him as Naruto got sick. He rubbed the boys back gently. “I know you’re going to hate me for this, but you need to drink this water. It’ll hurt less to have water in your stomach when you get sick rather than leaving your stomach empty. You’re going to hurt your ribs,” Jiraiya said seriously, picking up the glass and holding it out for Naruto. The boy reached out a trembling hand, carefully taking the glass. He held it to his lips and slowly took a few sips before setting it down on the floor. He laid his head down on his arm over the toilet seat, waiting for the inevitable. His body allowed him to have a few moments to rest before it forced him to pitch forward, violently vomiting up the water. “You’re okay, I’ve gotcha,” Jiraiya encouraged for the nth time. Naruto coughed and retched miserably, feeling like his stomach was being torn to shreds, a string of saliva clinging to his lips. He heaved forward as another rush of liquid splashed into the toilet. Naruto coughed harshly as the heaving started to ebb. He spit into the bowl and then reached up to wipe off his mouth and stared at his sleeve with shock; blood. “Fuck,” Jiraiya spat out as he glanced between the blood on Naruto’s sleeve and the bright crimson liquid in the bowl.

Naruto stared at his sleeve, unable to move his gaze, his eyes frozen wide. “Naruto? You with me?” Jiraiya asked at the boys sudden silence.

Blood. Blood on his hands. Everyone’s blood on his hands. All the people he couldn’t save, all the people he lost, all the people he killed. Visions of death and destruction flashed before his eyes; the Nine Tailed Fox taking over his body, absolute chaos, killing everyone he had ever cared about, chewing on a dismembered arm. Naruto screamed, hyperventilating, eyes wide with panic. Everything went red, drowning in the metallic liquid.

———————

The next thing he knew he was laying on his futon, a cool washcloth over his forehead and eyes. He groaned as he reached up to remove the cloth from his head but his hand was quickly swatted away. He shifted the cloth higher up so he could see, immediately coming face to face with Jiraiya who was sitting on his bedside. “You scared me there, kid,” he forced a smile, “you had internal bleeding from your rib piercing your stomach. I’ve fixed you up as best as I could but you need to stop puking so much; you’re gonna kill yourself!” Jiraiya tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but Naruto didn’t find it funny. He winced as he rolled onto his side away from Jiraiya.

“Yeah I wish,” he muttered, closing his eyes, wishing himself asleep.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jiraiya spat, gripping Naruto’s upper arm and forcing him to face him.

Naruto looked down ashamedly, “nothing. Just forget it, it doesn’t matter...” he whispered, ripping his arm out of Jiraiya’s grasp.

“What are you talking about? Of course it matters. We’re going to talk about this. Now,” Jiraiya demanded, moving to the other side of Naruto’s bed to force the boy to face him.

Naruto sat up with a wince, “no, it doesn’t matter. What do you care? All you care about is me doing my job. Well I’m done doing what other people want me to do. Just leave me alone,” he hissed, wrapping his arms around himself defensively.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Why do I care? Why do I care?!” he said harshly, anger boiling inside of his chest. “If I didn’t care would I have been sitting here all day playing nurse? Does that seem like a role I’d usually play? I’ve been up here all day taking care of your sorry ass. Look at the position you’ve put yourself into; you need to take better care of yourself. You need to get your shit together. After everything we’ve worked so hard on you want to just give up? Throw everything away?” Jiraiya noticed his voice rising but he was too angry to control it. “And what about Sasuke? Let me guess, fuck that too, right? The Akatsuki? You’re just going to ignore them and let them take all the other Jinchuriki? Like Gaara? You’re just gonna drop everything so you can wallow in your shit? Not gonna happen. Not while I’m around. When did you get so weak?” Jiraiya hissed, seething with rage.

Naruto laid back down, pulling the covers high up around his neck. “Yeah, fuck Sasuke. Fuck the Akatsuki. Fuck you,” Naruto growled, hiding beneath his covers. Jiraiya couldn’t help but scoff, a sneer spreading across his lips.

“Alright, fuck me. Without me here you’d probably be dead, bleeding out in the bathroom, or puking yourself to death. No rasenshuriken. No sage training. No work on becoming hokage. No nothing,” Jiraiya felt his hackles rising, his hands balled into fists. At this point he was standing, towering over Naruto’s small frame. “What the fuck is wrong with you? What happened? When did you become like this? What happened to that optimistic, energetic, head strong kid I used to know?” Jiraiya asked sadly.

“He grew up,” Naruto stated blankly.

“Yeah well if this is what growing up means to you I don’t like it. Since when have you been fine sitting by as people died? What about Sasuke? You’re just done trying to save him?! You’ll let Orochimaru use him as a vessel?! And what about the Akatsuki!” Jiraiya growled, “and you’re just done with your dreams of becoming hokage? You make me sick.” Jiraiya turned on his heels and plopped onto the couch with a huff, crossing his arms with anger.

“Join the club,” Naruto’s voice was muffled by the blankets. His complete lack of emotion and nonchalance really pissed Jiraiya off. He stood back up, face red with rage.

“I can’t with you. I’m done. I can’t speak to you when you’re like this. I... I just don’t get what happened to you,” Jiraiya scrubbed a hand over his face, preparing to grab his pack and leave the room.

“What happened to me? What happened to me?! What happened is that I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. Why do I need to stop the Akatsuki? Why do I need to save Sasuke? Why do I need to save everyone? Why does no one give a fuck about me - ?” Naruto’s voice cracked as he choked back a sob, curling up under his blanket. He cleared his throat and tried again, “I just... I’m just so tired... I-I can’t do it... I can’t save Sasuke. I can’t stop the Akatsuki. I’m too weak. I’m useless. The Fox... the Fox is just going to wind up taking control of me anyway. He told me - “ Naruto sobbed, sniffling, “he told me he was going to take over my body and kill everyone I’ve ever cared about... he’d kill you while wearing my face, making me watch... he said he’d make me feel your bones crack.” The confession had Jiraiya floored and he felt guilt sweep over his body. “If I d-died... if I died he wouldn’t be able to... it would be on my terms. I can’t deal with the constant nightmares and flashbacks.. I-I can’t do it anymore,” at that Naruto broke, squeezing his eyes closed to try to stop the tears. He quietly sobbed, digging his nails into his palms. He was uncomfortable; he didn’t want to talk about this with anyone. It was his own issues, it no one else’s job to fix him. He didn’t want pity. He’d had enough pity growing up. He just wanted to be left alone. Jiraiya was stuck in a stunned silence; he felt like a complete piece of shit for what he had said. He had no idea how deep the issues went. All he knew was that something had to be done about the Fox. He knew the seal was weakening, but for the Fox to have this much control the seal must have been at its breaking point.

Naruto’s sobs quickly devolved into a round of lung burning coughing, his ribs feeling like they were set ablaze. His hand flew to his mouth as his coughing turned to gagging and Jiraiya quickly crouched beside him, “let me help you,” he urged but Naruto was too upset. Naruto jumped up and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it before falling to his knees in front of the toilet. Jiraiya just sat on the floor stunned, his heart aching and racing. He stood up and followed Naruto to the bathroom, frowning when he found the door locked. He knocked gently, “Naruto, please, let me help you,” Jiraiya urged, talking about both his current illness and also with the torment he was dealing with inside. The only answer he got in return was an awful, painful sounding retch followed by the sound of liquid hitting the bottom of the toilet. “Naruto, if you don’t answer me I’m going to assume you need help and kick this door down,” Jiraiya warned, anxiety spiking high. He heard Naruto sniffling before flushing the toilet.

“J-Just... just l-leave me alone...” Naruto’s voice wavered, unsteady from the tears threatening to stain his cheeks.

“Naruto...” Jiraiya started gently, but he was quickly cut off.

“No! J-Just leave me alone! Just get the fuck out!” he spat angrily before hissing as the pain flared up his side. He scooted backward and leaned against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut against his racing thoughts.

”Fine,” Jiraiya stated, turning on his heels as he reached for his pack and scroll. Just as he was about to leave he heard the bathroom door creak open. He turned around as Naruto stumbled out of the bathroom on shaky legs. He couldn’t hold up his weight anymore so he sunk to the ground, feeling like a helpless child. He stared up at Jiraiya, his face red and his eyes puffy, hair sweaty and disheveled, but all Jiraiya could see was his sad deep blue eyes, making Jiraiya's heart skip a beat. Jiraiya dropped his pack and stood next to Naruto to offer him a hand, but instead Naruto reached out and clung to his shirt.

"P-Please don’t leave me,” Naruto squeaked out, staring up at Jiraiya desperately, “not you too.”

Those eyes staring up at him, so sad and tormented, searching his own for some sense of comfort; craving a connection and love. That was it. That was all it took. Jiraiya knew in that instant that his heart belonged to Naruto. He vowed to himself to never let Naruto hurt like this again. He was going to take care of him regardless of the cost; they would get Sasuke back, they would defeat the Akatsuki, and Naruto would become hokage regardless of the sacrifices he'd have to make along the way. A sad smile spread across Jiraiya’s lips as he hugged the boy to his chest.

“All you had to do was ask.”

Jiraiya took Naruto’s hand and helped him to his feet, guiding him to his mattress. Naruto slid under his covers, shivering violently as he pressed his face into his pillow. He wanted to apologize but he couldn’t muster the words. He felt the mattress dip next to him, turning his face up to see what Jiraiya wanted. Jiraiya slid under the blankets next to Naruto, wrapping his arm around the younger man’s waist. Naruto bit his lip and froze, afraid to move.

”I’m not going anywhere,” Jiraiya whispered into Naruto’s hair, holding him close as they drifted to sleep.

part two.

#naruto fic #naruto fanfic #naruto uzumaki #sick naruto uzumaki #hurt naruto uzumaki #naruto emeto #jiraiya #hurt/comfort #sickfic #jungkook angst #emeto #whump #misharuu #masterlist #yaoi #illumivomi

2 notes · View notes

freddiesaysalright · 5 years

Text

My Man

A BenHardy!Roger Taylor x Reader Fic Part II

Summary: Reader is a Broadway actress currently starring in a West End production of Funny Girl. She’s a widow, thanks to the Vietnam War, but it’s a well-kept secret. She also wants everyone to think she doesn’t care for rock music. She meets Roger Taylor when he brings his date backstage.

Word Count: 1.8K (it’s shorter but there’s more progress this time, I swear)

Tag List: @bohemian-war if anyone else would like to be tagged, let me know!!!

Part I

Part II here we go!!!

You lay awake that night contemplating Roger. His bandmates really made him more tolerable to be around. When he just brought his dates to your dressing room, you thought he was coarse and conceited, but with the rest of Queen in the room, he helped you with your jacket and then offered to walk you home like a gentleman. Just who was he? Which was the true Roger? Were either of them the true Roger?

With a sigh, you rolled onto your side and looked at the clock. It was well past two in the morning. Sleep eluded you once again. It always made you thankful your job was in the evenings. Working a typical nine to five would have killed you since your depression kept you awake when the night was as dark as your thoughts.

Every book and article told you to take moments like this to call someone. But who would be there for you? Your parents hadn’t spoken to you in nearly a decade. Your friends back home only made it worse. All of them still had their husbands, and most of them had children now. It was only a harsh reminder of what was taken from you. They were supportive, but they just didn’t understand a bit of what you were going through.

Forgoing sleep, you threw the covers off yourself and got out of bed. You padded out to the kitchen and opened your fridge. An unfinished bottle chardonnay sat front and center on the shelf, and you grabbed it by the neck. You yanked the cork out and took a swig. With a snicker, you thought of what your mother might say if she saw you now. Her proper little lady drinking wine out of the bottle and living on her own without a chaperone or a husband.

You took a couple gulps.

You stumbled a bit making your way over the couch. You switched on you TV and surfed through the basic channels. A late night re-run caught your eye. It was a fucking Queen performance they had done a couple years ago. Rolling your eyes, you downed the remainder of the wine. Your head began to swim as you realized this much wine was a mistake when you hadn’t eaten since the previous morning.

“Ugh,” you groaned. The camera panned to Brian and then Roger. You looked upward and addressed the heavens. “You’ve got a really awful sense of humor.”

Irritated, you smashed the power button and turned it off. Roger Taylor was just another man. Why was the universe forcing him on you?

That afternoon, you walked into your dressing room knowing you looked hungover. You had come across a bottle of vodka after the wine and drank a large portion of that as well to get Roger Taylor off your mind. It worked, but it cost you.

“You look terrible, Y/N,” Gary said as you shrugged your coat off.

“Get bent,” you returned.

“Rough night?” he asked, ignoring your rudeness.

“I had a normal night,” you said. “I just added some wine...and some liquor. Leave me alone.”

“You sure a certain drummer didn’t keep you up?” he teased.

“Gary, I’m gonna lose my shit on you.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Don’t bite my head off, girl.”

“Do not call me girl.”

“You are a girl,” he said. “You’re Funny Girl Fanny Brice and if you don’t start acting like it I’m calling your understudy.”

You flashed him a sarcastic smile.

“That’ll do for now. I need you on stage in ten minutes for warm ups.”

He smiled and wiggled his fingers at you on his way out the door. You took a seat in front the mirror, taking your ring off, and retrieving your makeup. You put it on carefully, thankful for something to focus on.

When showtime came and the curtain went up, you flipped the switch in your brain to be your actress persona. You became Fanny once again and were relieved that for a few hours, you could be someone other than you. You could escape inside her each night. When you were Fanny, you were free.

But then it ended. The curtain fell, the lights dimmed, and Fanny was just a character on a page. The real world snatched you back into its cruel clutches. After taking your bows, you returned to your dressing room.

You changed for the party Freddie invited you to, suddenly considering blowing it off. What could be gained by going? Feeling more lonely than ever in a house full of people? More infuriating confrontations with Roger? What was the point?

Well, you did really like Freddie. He was awfully sweet to you and it was kind of him to invite you at all. A lot of people would kill for an invitation like that. Sighing, you changed into your jumpsuit and heels. As you headed out the door, you felt your nerves start up. Then you remembered what George used to tell you when you were feeling insecure.

You’re a goddess, baby. They just can’t handle your light.

Smiling to yourself, you stood a little taller as you walked out. That was what you’d always loved about George. He made you shine.

When you arrived at Freddie’s home, you didn’t let it intimidate you. You knocked on the door and a man you didn’t recognize answered.

“Can I help you?” he asked in a thick Irish accent.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” you told him. “Mr. Mercury invited me over.”

“Did he now?” the man returned, skeptically.

“Uh, yes,” you said, annoyed now. “Why are you being such a di - ”

“Y/N!” Freddie’s cry cut across you. “Step out of her way, Paul, she’s a friend.”

The man named Paul obeyed and you stuck your tongue out at him while Freddie’s back was turned. When he faced you again, he pulled you into a hug.

“It’s wonderful to see you, darling,” he said. “How’d it go tonight?”

“Same as always,” you told him.

“Well then it was fucking fabulous, wasn’t it?” he said with a grin.

You beamed back. “It was, Mr. Mercury, thank you.”

“What would you like to drink?”

“Beer is fine.”

He had someone bring it to you, and you thanked them. You followed Freddie to another room where you saw the rest of the band. Brian and John both had dates, but Roger had two women with him - one on each side. You fought a brutal urge to roll your eyes. Freddie disappeared to the beckoning of another guest, so you made your way over to the familiar faces.

“Evening, gentlemen,” you greeted. “May I join you?”

“By all means,” Brian said, pulling up a chair.

“Thank you, Mr. May,” you said, taking a seat.

You chatted with them for a bit. It was nice to interact with people, even though you had been scared before. The women there were also friendly. You felt normal for a little while.

After about a half an hour, a slow song came on over the speakers. Roger locked eyes with you and smiled. He got up and offered you his hand.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked. “That is if your husband doesn’t mind.”

He pointed to a man in the corner, dancing wildly by himself. You laughed.

“Not my husband,” you said, taking Roger’s hand.

He led you out where there was some room and then placed one hand politely on your waist. You swayed with him for a moment, keeping a safe distance between you. The other couples were almost completely engulfed in each other.

“So, where is your husband this evening?” he asked.

You swallowed. “He couldn’t make it.”

“Awfully elusive, isn’t he?” he remarked.

“I guess you could say that,” you returned, looking down.

He took your chin in his thumb and forefinger and lifted your eyes to his. “Everything alright?”

You nodded, shaking him off. “Of course.”

A few beats of silence passed between you before you spoke again. “I didn’t take you for much of a dancer, Mr. Taylor.”

“I’m not usually,” he said. “But I have a weakness for a beautiful partner.”

“You had one,” you replied, not taking the bait. “Two, in fact.”

“Are you jealous?”

“You’re an infant.”

He laughed. “There she is.”

“Perhaps you were guessing who might be the best dancer,” you joked.

“Would that be you?” he asked.

“I am a classically trained ballroom dancer, Mr. Taylor,” you said, and it was true. “I know the foxtrot, the waltz, quickstep, et cetera, et cetera. And when I started doing musicals I learned to tap as well.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about dance?”

He chuckled. “Fascinating as your resume is, that’s not what I’m after.”

“What can I help you with then, Mr. Taylor?”

“That’s what I’m asking about. You can call me Roger, you know. What’s with all the formality?”

That was a difficult question to answer. Your upbringing was so rooted in you in some ways. And calling a man who was not you husband by his given name was something you always struggled with. Especially when you didn’t know him very well. How could you explain the conservative brainwashing you’d received as a child?

“I was just raised that way,” you said. “Some habits are hard to break.”

“It just makes you sound like you’re in a Jane Austen novel,” he said.”

“Have you even read a Jane Austen novel?”

“Course I have, I went to university, didn’t I?”

“I didn’t ask if you were assigned Jane Austen. I asked if you actually read it.”

“For your information, I did,” he said with a self-satisfied smirk.

“Which one?” you wondered.

“Pride and Prejudice,” he said.

“Naturally.”

You paused again.

“Can I ask you something now?” you put forth.

“Fire it off.”

“How come you wanted to see me again? Mr. Mercury said you couldn’t stop talking about me. But I was really rude to you.”

“The first time, I didn’t want to see you again,” he admitted. “But then Jackie kept talking about how glamorous it was and - like I told you - we had a wonderful night together. I figured I’d give it another go even if you did annoy me. When you talked about your husband, you seemed more human. It made me think of Pride and Prejudice, actually.”

“You think I’m Lizzie Bennet?”

He shook his head. “No, I think you’re Mr. Darcy.”

Your mouth dropped and you stopped moving. “You think I’m Mr. Darcy?! Why?!”

“Because you’re rude but in a way that tells me there’s something deeper,” he explained with a chuckle. “And I think it’s got something to do with that missing husband of yours.”

He moved to begin dancing with you again, but you dodged his arm, looking away.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “I was only joking.”

“No, you weren’t,” you replied. “I’m sorry too, it’s just...it’s complicated.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“Something like that.”

You bit your lip as you looked toward the door. “I should go,” you said before meeting his eyes just once more. “Good night, Mr. Taylor.”

You left before he could say any more.