#(it's also a little bit about how I'm obsessed with reading fictional men in their 50s as closeted queers

[spookykoolkat]

eddie m. - you're just so sweet | 2

MDNI! 18+ ONLY! read at your own discretion!

chapter 2: i'm yours, you're mine.

part one here | main masterlist

pairing: older!eddie munson x plussized!reader

na: thank u for all the love on my eddie fics omg 🥹 especially on this series!! i've gotten a lot of love i appreciate it all and appreciate the feedback too omg pls let me know any suggestions or any comments! more parts to come!!

summary: it's been a few days since your last encounter with eddie and since you started avoiding him, so after your parents leave on a getaway trip, you decide to go out for drinks by yourself

warnings: age gap! (reader is 25, eddie is 43), body shaming, insecurities, self defense, alcohol use, face riding (f oral receiving), fingering, spanking, choking (lightly), p in v (unprotected) *this is fiction. wrap it up!*, breeding, and probably more but also a little bit of angst and fluff. *also was not proofread. and trying a new writing aesthetic style or something LOL*

after that night, two days went by and you refused to see him. how could you refuse to see him when he lived right next door to you? it was possible, you found. your parents ended up springing their real plan on you the morning after you had eddie's fingers buried in you. your father planned a getaway trip for him and your mother, and actually wanted you to watch the house until next monday. which means you have the entire house to yourself for a week, and nothing to do.

you were nervous to face eddie if you were honest. the reality settling in and realizing that maybe you did overstep. he was old enough to be your father for christ's sake, and yet for some reason you could not get him out of your head. you were obsessed with the way he looked at you, how he handled you as if he's known what you liked even without asking. in his presence, you felt like a dumb girl again. like you were 18 all over again, pining after your neighbor that you referred to as Mr. Munson until you were 20.

eddie on the other hand made it a habit to glance over at your house through his window every once and a while, wondering if he'd see you leave the house or meet with someone. he knew about your parent's trip and knew you were home alone, so he wanted to make sure you were okay. he knew that if you wanted to talk to him, you'd easily go over to his place and talk. but he knew you were avoiding him, for what reason? he couldn't figure it out.

it wasn't even because it was awkward after, seeing this man after you came on his hand. it was because you felt a bit self conscious if anything. you felt maybe he would think different when he was sober, and clear minded. maybe men really will fuck anything. you felt scared to face him again, in daylight this time, and not think about if he thought you were too big or too ugly. you felt like maybe he just wanted a quick fuck, something to get by. you wondered if he'd even try to talk to you, even though you were trying to avoid him. a part of you wanted him to show up anyways, ask you if you were okay and if you regretted it. he wanted to too. he wanted to see you and talk to you, to hear your voice again.

it was wrong, he knew. to be pining after his friend's daughter, to want her so unapologetically, to crave her. he didn't know what he was getting himself into when he pursued you. he didn't really think about it, though eddie doesn't think about much when deciding. he sure as hell couldn't have thought about it when you were right there, practically begging for him.

it was late already, around seven or eight in the evening when you decided you wanted to go for a drink. you figured the house would be okay for an hour or two until you get back, so you quickly got ready, putting on your usual black smokey eye makeup and your dark lipstick and putting on a tight fitting black dress that you seemed was casual enough. you put on black platform heels to match and grabbed your purse to leave the house. before leaving you check your hair in the mirror and run your fingers through it, fluffing it and fixing it to your liking.

finally, you're out of the house and you lock the door behind you before turning towards your car. you subconsciously catch a glimpse of eddie's house, seeing him standing on his porch with just a muscle shirt and his black jeans, smoking what you think is a joint. you don't give him a smile or a wave, you just watch him as he watches you get into your car and put your key in the ignition to drive off.

he was kind of upset actually. eddie, almost wanting to throw a tantrum because you hadn't spoken to him since that night and because you were dressed so sexy that he couldn't think straight. where could you possibly be going right now? it was almost night time, and you were stepping out on the town without him? he couldn't rack his brain for long thought because you took off and he has to be down at the bar in less than 20 minutes.

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you went to the local club/bar, it was more of a bar to you but you saw flashing lights and people dancing so you kind of just went with it. you made your way inside and straight to the bar, speaking over the music to ask the bartender for a drink.

"hi! yeah can i get uh, i'll take two tequila shots and whatever sweet alcohol drink you have," you smiled at the man as he complies, smiling back at you. he was far from ugly, around your age, and he was admiring you under the lights. he was no eddie, he had no tattoos, no piercings, and not a trace of weed coming from him.

"here you go, beautiful. on the house," he said and you blushed a little, taking a look at his name tag, jordan, it read.

"you flirting with me jordan?" you teased, scooting the drinks closer to you.

"something like that, do you want me to flirt with you?" he asked leaning into your space over the bar, and you smiled, not feeling what you thought you were supposed to be feeling.

"depends how you flirt with me," you said and took a sip from the fruity looking drink in front of you.

"hey can i get a drink?" a guy called out from the other side of the bar and he excuses himself, going to do his job.

it wasn't long before you downed your two shots of tequila AND your fruity drink. you ended up drinking another fruity cocktail before deciding to go to where the crowd was dancing and dance to yourself, with yourself. it had been thirty minutes of you dancing with random girls and guys, letting your body move the way you want and feel the music under the colorful LED lights. the buzz of the alcohol made it hard to focus on the music changing after about five minutes, but then you heard the static of a microphone and spinned your head to see where it was coming from.

"hope no one minds live music, m' name's eddie and we are corroded coffin, almost 20 years strong," the familiar voice that warmed the inside of your tummy. he was here. for some reason, you wanted him to notice you. you wanted him to know you were here as well, that maybe this was a sign for you to finally face him after two days. you worried you wouldn't have enough time with him since your parents come back in five more days.

two days of yearning. he missed you since that night, he couldn't stop thinking about you or your moans, the way your body looked against his, how tight you felt around his fingers. he was dreaming of you at this point, wondering why you hadn't said anything but took a while to realize that this is on him. he is older, and in this dynamic he holds all the cards. he didn't like that at all. he didn't want you to wait on him for an answer or a call, he didnt want you to wonder if you did something wrong that he didn't like. he should've reached out to you the morning after, instead he came to the house and grabbed a cup of coffee before your parents left, completely ignoring your presence in the house even though you were quietly upstairs, listening in on their conversation.

you were nervous for him to see you because from your stance, you can see him very well. he wasn't wearing the same thing he was wearing when you left your house, now he wore a graphic black t-shirt that had the faded words 'metallica' on it and black straight leg pants that he seemed to love. he was so sexy like this, his fingers strumming his precious guitar as his voice boomed through the speakers, how deep into performing he got. you could tell he seemed eager, like he was feeling his music through his body and it controlled him.

you actually liked his music, and it did made you want to dance and head bang, but as everyone danced and eventually formed a small pit away from you, all you could do was stay still and watch him in awe. you stood there for about five minutes, listening to his songs and the sensual lyrics that poured from his lips. you noticed how his eyes never really left the center of the room, but with his lips pressed against the mic his eyes fell on you, and he almost had to do a double take. you were one hell of a distraction, and as you stood there in a tight little black dress with your black heels that added at least five inches to your height, your breasts pushed together and your curved and rolls being hugged—he was going feral onstage.

he felt embarrassed for a mild second. he felt ridiculous losing his mind over someone so young, someone he's never thought of in the way he does now. he wasn't a teen anymore, did he even have the right to lose his mind the way he did?

you couldn't shake the feeling of his eyes on you while he sung and screamed into his mic. you felt like he was undressing you as you stood, or maybe picking you apart, realizing maybe you weren't as pretty or attractive as he thought he did. you couldn't take it anymore, and you go to find a seat at the bar, meeting jordan once again.

"another fruit cocktail, sweetheart?" he asked and you wanted to cringe. it didn't sound right falling from his lips, his eyes meeting yours will never feel the same as your eyes meeting eddie's.

"yes please, can i also get another two shots?" and he nodded, getting your drinks as you crossed your arms on the bar. he brought you back three glasses, one large for your cocktail and the others being shot glasses.

"you here all by yourself?" he asked and you nodded, taking your shots without chasers this time.

"well, i'm off in fifteen minutes, you need a ride baby?" he asked and before you could answer, you felt a body stand next to you and put his band at your lower back. you didn't even notice the music changed back to the regular DJ, and now eddie stands next to you in all black, heat coming from his body.

"she's good, she's got a ride." eddie said without looking at you, only holding you from your back.

"and who are you, her father?" you almost giggled at jordan's remark but refrained, you didn't want to make eddie mad. any more mad than he already was.

"why don't you fuck off huh? you wouldn't even be man enough to handle all of her, you're the last fuckin' thing she needs," he spit and jordan threw his towel down and scoffed.

"yeah, like anyone'd be man enough to handle someone as big as her." before your fuzzy, tipsy mind can comprehend what you're doing, you grab the remnants of your drink and reach over the bar to splash him in his face, all of the ice hitting his nose and eyes.

"fuck you," you said, throwing the glass over the counter and listening to it break as you turn to move past eddie. but, eddie notices that jordan was a bit unhappy. he stormed around the bar to try to reach for you, and you turned around to see him charging at you. before eddie could even try to move in front of you to protect you, your hand reaches inside your bra and pulls out your usual all black pocket knife and flick it open with your wrist.

"woah, wait," eddie tried and attempted to grab you, but for some reason you were a bit slippery for him. you moved past him and charged at the man who was cussing at you, until he saw the blade in view and the demeanor of his face changed from angry to frightful.

"what? you're quiet now huh? where were the fuckin' balls you had two minutes ago? you're a fucking pussy," you said, holding the knife pointing away from you in a fist, your hands raising up in a defensive way. you didn't back down from anyone or anything, and you would rather die than let a man think he's able to do things to you with no consequences.

"let's go," eddie grunted as he wrapped his arms around your waist and hoisted you up after seeing everyone begin to record and grab their phones to call the police.

"no fuck that, fuck you! you fucking asshole," you yelled in eddie's arms at the man who thought he could disrespect you and get away with it. you formed saliva in your mouth and spit at him before eddie could drag you far enough and it landed on his face, bringing a smile to yours and forcing a laugh to bubble from your throat.

he needed to get you out of there before you get arrested, so he took your keys from you before grabbing your knife and folding it back up again, then putting you in the passenger seat and buckling you in.

he kind of smiled getting into your car, the little knick knacks and the cheetah print steering wheel covered made him snicker even more. this whole situation was so insane to him, that he truly thought he'd be coming to your rescue from a fucking asshole guy. he also questioned your father, remembering back to when he came to eddie's home asking him to watch you, make sure you stay out of trouble. it made him wonder how much trouble you truly get in usually and if it was more than just sleeping with your dad's friend. but tonight, he understood.

"what is so fucking funny," you hiccuped as he quickly started the engine and drove out of the parking lot and towards your cul-de-sac.

"you, sweetheart. you're is what's so fucking funny," he chuckled, deciding to turn up the radio to see what was in the disc slot.

"what do you know about Alice in Chains?" he asked curiously, listening to man in the box on the radio.

"why'd you have to pull me away," you groaned and shifted in your seat with your eyes closed. you weren't drunk, but you weren't sober, and you were tired.

"because if we stayed, you'd be in jail for that little stunt you pulled with the knife," he said as he stopped at the red light. he looked over to you and saw you sitting with your legs crossed, leaning onto the door of the car. he saw the way your dress rose up on your thighs as your body was positioned in a way to hike your dress up.

"he fucking deserved it, so arrest me! it was funny too. fuckin' asshole." you said, more towards the bartender but also to him.

"fucking pussy, ugh fuck i can't stand a lot of men. think they can just treat women like shit and get away with it," you kept on. your mouth didn't stop as your anger kept flowing, until eddie cut you off.

"yeah he did, and i would've fucked him up myself for saying that to you. what if he hurt you?" he said and you laughed to yourself.

"well you didn't, and he didn't hurt me." you said but then you felt angry towards eddie, "you don't know me, you don't even care except for the fact that my dad told you to look after me. you just want a quick lay from a younger girl because you can," you were sobering up a little as he continued the path to your house. you knew what you were saying wasn't true, at least you tried to believe it wasn't true.

"you don't know what i need. i don't need you." you finished.

"is that what you think? really?" he asked, but no anger on his words. he was genuine, sincerely asking if that's what you truly believed. that he only wanted you because you were young and 'easy'. but nothing about you was easy. you were faaaar from easy.

"why didn't you talk to me that morning?" you whispered as you opened your eyes back up to watch the city move past you.

"what do you mean?" he asked, but he knew. he just didn't want to admit it to himself.

"you know what the fuck i mean. i mean, that morning after you fingered me in my back yard, you just-," you breathed and started to try to cover yourself with your arms. "-you just looked at me. you didn't say hi, or good morning. you didn't even look at me like i was just someone you knew. you just looked at me with nothing. so i avoided you. i went back to my room and sat there. listened to you and my dad, and heard nothing from you. not even a slight tone in your voice voice that you have the same weight of what we did hanging over your head. like nothing happened."

he let you speak, and he listened. his knuckles turned white on the steering wheel and felt his anger creep up his neck as he could practically hear your heart breaking into two. he was fucking angry with himself.

"i, baby, just listen-" he tried but you shook your head enough for him to see.

"no, eddie. we don't have to talk about it. just take me home please," you begged and continued to stare out of the window, waiting to finally see your house creep into view.

the rest of the ride was silent except for the music playing in the background. eddie was unbelievably upset with himself, trying to rack his brain about how he could let himself be this dumb. he knew you were young, he knew how this could look, he knew this was going to effect you more than you think. but he didn't know it effected him just as bad. he craved someone that should be forbidden, he dreamed of someone who could do so much better than an old man.

soon, eddie pulled into your driveway and got out of the car immediately, slamming the car door making you jump. you lazily unbuckled your seatbelt and reached for the door before it was pulled from you, eddie going to grab you and carry you to the door bridal style. he managed to unlock the door and take you inside quickly, shutting the door behind him and going upstairs to your room. you snuggled into him regardless of what was said in the car, wanting some sort of warmth. for some reason you felt cold everywhere, and you needed someone to help you warm up like he could. and he smelled so good. he smelled like smoke, weed, and cologne like always. a little bit of sweat, but it was granted given his onstage performance.

he settled you into your bed and you refused, sitting up way too fast before you dragged your hand through your hair.

"you think i didn't want to talk to you? i didn't know how else to act. i'm an old man sweetheart, an old man with a bad temper and a grumpy look to em'. you, are the only thing that has made me ache." he said, moving from your bed down to his knees, resting his elbows on the bed in front of you.

"i should've talked to you. i should've made it normal but i made it awkward." he said and reached for your hands but you're reluctant.

"you could have anyone eddie," you began, looking at your fingers. "why would you want me? i'm insane. i'm actually crazy and i can't be looked after. i'm fat and i know that nobody really likes fat girls. i like how i look, i love fat girls myself. but i have everyone in my ear telling me i'm not pretty, yet here you are, telling me everything i wanna hear." you said and looked at him, his eyes never leaving yours.

"you tell me i'm pretty, that i'm sexy. that you, eddie munson, the guy everyone had a crush on, wants me?" you said and saw his hands reach for yours again.

"how many times do i have to tell you that you are nothing but fucking gorgeous? you are fucking unbelievable, princess. you think i don't like your body? that i dont like you and your fucked up attitude?" he asked, getting up from his knees and instead pulling you up with him, turning so that the back of his knees are at your bed. he sits with you standing between his legs and his hands resting at the backs of your large, wide thighs.

"what must i do for that pretty little head of yours to believe me when i say i think i could stare at you for hours?" he asked, his eyes no longer on yours but now on your tummy, and the way yours tits looked in this dress. most of all, the curve of your sides and how the dress hugged you in all the right way, he couldn't help but rub his hands all over your thighs and ass, to your waist and your back as he pushed his face into your stomach.

"i just fucking love feeling you, angel," he murmured as he felt you shakily breathe in, your hands deciding to rest at his shoulders.

"let me take care of you, baby. let me make you forget anything negative anyone has ever said to you. i know you can take care of yourself, but let me do it take care of you. tonight and until you want me to get out of your life," he said and thought his hands roaming all over your body was so seducing and the thought of his hands buried in your cunt again sent a jolt of electricity straight to your core.

you wanted to fight back, to tell him to let go of you and leave. but the truth is, you could get out of his grasp in the time it takes to blink. you didn't want to fight back. you wanted the man that had his face to your tummy with his hands slowly reaching up your dress.

"why would i want you out of my life?" you asked, your hands still at his shoulders as he grabs all over you and rubs over every crevice.

"mm, don't know, maybe it's just too much for you to handle, me being so attractive and all," he joked, making you laugh under your breath. he felt the vibration of your body and went to bite the curve of your hip and you winced, just because it was unexpected.

"you're a fucking asshole," you mumble, your hands going to his hair to tug.

"i know, baby, i'm working on it," he said and you couldn't help but break into a smile. he groaned when you tugged his hair, a groan you hadn't heard before but it sent you to think of what other noises comes out of his pretty throat.

"i didn't know you were in a band." you said as he pressed kisses into you over your dress.

"mhm, i am." he responded and grabbed two handfuls of your ass.

"is that why you're so good with your hands?" you asked, rubbing his head as your tits practically sat on it, and squeaked when you felt his fingers creep under your dress and to your clothed cunt from behind. he had to spread your cheeks, doing so to where he can rub you in your hugging position.

"i'd like to think so, but who knows. maybe my hands just were made to please you," he said and softly tried to bite your tummy.

"eddie," you moaned out as you felt him apply pressure to your clothed cunt.

"yes baby?" he asked as he pulled his face away so he could meet your eyes again.

"please, i want it," you whimpered as you pushed your tits in his face. he didn't even try not to look, he faced them and even left kisses on them.

"tell me with words, honey. what do you want? what can i give my sweet girl?" he asked, wanting to hear it from you yourself. he kept craning his neck to kiss the skin exposed of your tits, moving to just face plant straight into your cleavage. he just stilled, all his movements stopped and you got a little worried.

"eds? you okay?" you asked as you tilted your head down to see his mop of hair just on top of your chest, but you can feel his entire face in your cleavage.

"huh? yeah uh, fuck, sorry, you just looked perfect in this dress. it does a lot for these," he said as he pulled away to grab some air and cups them with both hands as he finished his sentence. he was a bit in awe, again. his large hands didn't even cover 2/3 of your tits, there was just so much he felt like a kid in a candy store.

"it's why i wore it, i like how it makes me look," you said as you stared into his eyes. your hands came to rest on his cheeks as your fingers rubbed over the stubble he had, seeing he hasn't shaved or bothered to upkeep his facial hair. you could see the grey and black peppered in his stubble, showing his obvious age, but not enough where you could ever think of him as an old man.

"tell me what you want," he said again, his hands resting at your hips and you smile.

"i'll give you anything you want, sweet girl. i'm all yours."

"i want you to fuck me however you want. show me how pretty you think i am," you said and with puppy dog eyes and whine, "please fuck me eddie."

eddie was trying hard to control himself with you standing between his legs, begging him to fuck you. you didn't even have to ask twice, he would've did it in a heartbeat. but he was worried, worried he wouldn't be able to do what he really wanted.

"what?" you saw the look on his face like he was contemplating something.

"are you sure? baby, i don't wanna make you uncomfortable." he said and you looked at him with an serious look on your face.

"i saw how mad you got in the bar because that guy called me fat. is it bad if i said i wanted you to fuck me in the restroom there?" you said, hoping he'd get the hint. you wanted him to be rough with you, at least once, so you know what he truly likes.

eddie's entire demeanor changed while looking up at you, his eyes grew a bit dark and his fingers squeezed tighter on your hips

"is that right?" he asked, standing up and spinning you around so that he can push you onto the bed and straddle your hips. while on top of you, he removed his shirt and threw it across your pink room. he put both hands on either side of your head, caging you in.

"you wanted me to take you in the restroom? would you have let me taste this pretty pussy in there too? maybe my angel isn't the angel i thought she was," he teased darkly, his lips going straight to your neck as he kissed and sucked on it, clearly leaving more bruises than before.

"ed-" you started but was soon cut off by a squeeze of your throat. you could feel your pussy clench around nothing, the way he watched as he choked you slightly.

"uh-uh, you've done enough talking tonight. you ran that little mouth of yours all night, hm? didn't expect that from my pretty girl," he said and took his hand from your throat, down to under the little black dress you wore.

"you want me to touch you right here princess?" he asked and you nodded frantically, trying not to make a noise.

"you gonna let me do as i please with this pretty cunt you have? i just have this urge to stretch you out, make you all nice and ready for my dick," he said against your cheek as he rested on his other arm, his hand dipping into your panties before pulling them down your legs as he went with it. now he's positioned in between your legs on the bed, your legs bent at the knee and his arms curled around your hips, gripping the tops of your thighs and your tummy that he finds so sexy.

he loved this position, and missionary, because he got to grab onto you and watch you until you can't go anymore. the way he grips onto your thighs as he admires the slick coating that was building up on your slit.

"m'sorry, i didn't shave and, she's kinda fat," you said, embarrassed. you wanted to give a headsup in case he was unable to find your clit, knowing it took a lot to spread the lips to really see your hole.

"even fuckin' better, don't tell me none of those little boys you've fucked never found the clit?" he said, looking up at you as you situate a few pillows behind your head so you weren't looking up at the ceiling. you wanted to see him.

"uh, they–i haven't really had anyone go down on me." you said as you moved your hands to your lips, biting on your nails.

"my, vagine, is fatter than most skinny girls. so, i don't know they don't usually gravitate towards that." you finished as he moved his position. you kind of started trying to close your legs again, his eyes going between you and your pussy.

"don't do that shit again, keep those legs open for me," he said as he slapped the bare cheek of your ass which made you pull your legs apart again. he situated between your thighs again before using both hands to push your legs further up, almost coming to your chest and you used your arms to hold your legs in place like that.

"look at that, fuck baby, you've been saving all this for me? i gotta say, i'm kind of glad none of those pricks went down on you." he trailed as he started to trace your pussy lips with his finger.

"wh-why?" you breathed shakily , watching through your legs.

"cus i'll be the first and the only one to ever taste this pussy," he replied and moved his lips down your thighs and over your pussy lip, moving his finger to tease your hole before finally dipping one inside of you as he used his other hand to spread your lips.

"fuck, look at you baby," he said, mostly to himself. he's so distracted and devoted to your pussy he doesn't even care that you've been talking this whole time, making noises left and right.

he manages to spread you open enough to see the nub of your clit and your labia, down to your hole that clenches around his one finger as he pumps it in and out of you.

"just like that, you're taking my finger so fucking good," he groaned as he watched you. he was rock hard and felt his dick strain against his jeans, almost uncomfortable but he didn't care.

your moans and throaty groans echoed throughout the room that was only lit by the christmas lights you had outlining your room, and a small dim lamp that was on the dresser across the room. you couldn't deal with how his finger felt inside, still not full enough but it still made your back arch as you cried out for him.

"what baby? you want my tongue? want me to eat this pretty pussy up?" he taunted and you cried.

"yes, please eddie please, i want your tongue, please eat me," you moaned, your eyes never leaving his even though yours flutter closed every once and a while. it felt like you were high, like you were fighting to keep them open.

"mm, i'm gonna need more than that," he decided and you huffed, which made him smirk as he added another finger inside. he noticed it was a little painful for you, but he just slowed down then sped up when you were ready.

"fuck, eddie please eat me out, i need it, please i wanna cum on your face, please let me cum for you," you cried out as you started to feel your arms give out around your legs, the pleasure of eddie's two digits weakening you to hold yourself up. eddie saw, and quickly used his other arm to press your legs to your chest.

"whatever you want, princess," he said and removed his fingers, using them to spread your pussy and flattening his tongue from your hole to your clit. but just as the pleasure started hitting you, he stopped and let your legs fall to their relaxed position.

"eddie what the hell?" you asked as you moved your arms on the bed, and he quickly took the opportunity to remove his jeans so that he's just in his boxers.

"i have realized that i need you sitting on my face. right fucking now," he demanded and of all things, laid on your floor.

"what are you doing??" you asked. you were so confused, a little drunk still, and hazy from the pleasure he was just giving you.

"stand up, and put your pretty pussy on my face. now." he demanded, watching you intently. you obliged, getting up from your bed still in your heels, and you walked over to where you were standing over his face. he could still see your pussy and the way your wetness was dripping down your leg, he couldnt help but groan at it. he needed you on his tongue right now.

"what if i hurt you eddie?" you asked seriously and he grabbed onto your calves, stating up at him as you stared down at him, your face barely peeking over the mounds of your breasts. you looked so delicious, he could eat your pussy until he fell asleep and would want to wake up right again between your legs.

"i really don't care baby, i want it, let me have it baby," he encouraged, gripping your calves and you reluctantly squat down just hovering over him.

"what'd i say? i said sit," he barked and it made you move to your knees now, still hovering and he spanked you, wrapping his arms around each leg and forcing your body down to literally sit on his face. you let out a small squeak as you feel his lips pressed against your pussy that's spread due to your legs being so far apart.

eddie wasted no time, his tongue swirled around your clit and labia as you stayed still on his face. he could tell this was new for you, so he grabbed your ass with both his hands and encouraged you to grind against his face.

"fuck, eddie, what-fuck oh my god," you said as you looked down over your breasts, his eyes only on you. he was devouring you, and when you finally got a whiff of confidence, you felt your hips grinding into his face trying to reach your own high.

"it feels sooo good, fuck eddie, please keep going," you begged as you moved your hands to your chest and moved the straps of your dress down your arms so you can allow your breasts to fall out of your dress. you needed that feeling of playing with your nipples while eddie sucks at your clit, moving his tongue to pass over your clit over and over.

you couldn't control yourself, the way he looked where you could only see his eyes and the bridge of his nose, and how you felt his hands start to move all over your body once you started to ride his face. you felt the way he started to lap up your juices and start to run his tongue from your hole to your clit as your grinding got more messy, not even worried now if he can breathe or not. he moved your own hands from your boobs as he replaced them, playing with them and toying with your nipples as he starts to focus his attention back to your clit.

"eddie please, it's-it's too much," you whined as he moved his lips to take your clit into his mouth, sucking and swirling his tongue around your sensitive nub. you weren't used to having this much pressure between your legs and you started to get needy. the feeling of your horniness and neediness becoming stronger and stronger as you watched eddie look blissful as he played with your tits and ate you out like a starving man.

he wanted so desperately to tell you how beautiful you looked riding his face, how sexy it was that you were this soaked for him, how he never wanted to let you go. it was dangerous. he was getting obsessed with every grind, every moan, every whimper that was whined just for him. the noises that felt out of your mouth felt oddly unlike you, you felt like you could moan as loud and as much as you wanted since it was just you and him. and here he was, in your girly pink room, eating you out as you rode his face on your floor. it was intoxicating, and it was something that made you want to ride more than just his face.

"mmfph, fuck baby i'm—oh my god—i'm gonna cum, please don't stop, dont fucking stop," you cried out as your hands went to his hair, tugging and pulling as you tried to ride your high go completion. it didn't take much when eddie was watching your body wiggle and squirm over him for you to cum, and it didn't take eddie much to want to cum all over you, and in you. he kept sucking at your clit and licking over your hole as you grinded on his face, until he noticed your body starting to tremble a little, and that's when he started to flick his tongue over your clit with every movement as you slowed down.

"i'm cumming, baby fuck i'm cumming," you moaned and left your mouth hanging open as you tightened your grip in his soft curls, riding his face rougher to where you can feel his nose rub past your clit as his tongue flattened against your warm cunt, wanting you to use his face as you pleased. you felt it build up in your tummy and the way your thighs tightened around his head, your body halted and you felt yourself come undone on his tongue as you moaned and cried out from the sensation.

eddie just watched you, soaking in every detail of the way your tits looked when you shook, how your thighs almost suffocated him when you squeezed them shut from the tingling feeling lingering on your clit. you could feel everything throbbing, and if you moved you felt like you could cum again. eddie could probably say he was in love. he was obsessed. he knew there would be nothing to compare to watching you cum on his tongue. he also knew this image was going to be burned in his mind and his jack off material for the next three months.

you finally composed yourself as you still sat on eddie's face and suddenly remembered your hands were in his hair and your thighs were practically cutting off his air supply, so you clumsily moved yourself from his face and landing onto your bare butt next to him. your legs were still thrown over his chest since you couldn't bring your legs to your body because of how weak you felt, but he just sat up with his hands on your legs and faced you, a dumb big grin on his face.

"i need that again," he said and your big doe eyes turned into panicked ones, you weren't sure you were ready to do that again right now. you knew your clit was sensitive, and you felt yourself try to calm yourself down, but the minute eddie moved to be in front of you, looking at your position and how you looked, you felt that electricity go straight to your pussy again and you whimpered a bit.

"what baby, you wet again for me?" he asked and moved your legs apart to see your fat pussy again, making him groan and take his lip between his teeth.

"fuck, i need to feel you around me princess, get on the bed," he said and stood up from his spot, lending his hand down to grab yours and pull you up into his body.

"i got you, baby. okay? trust me. i'll never let you go," he said as he stared into your eyes. even though his hard on is pressing into your bare hip right now all you can think about is him. how beautiful he looked all flustered and hot, how believable he was. you craved him over and over again and so did he. he wished to wake up next to you in his empty bed, seeing your back turned towards him before scooting next to you and pressing kisses into your back. dreamed about having you on his lap in the kitchen as he drinks his coffee and reads his old man newspaper. he wondered if you wanted him the same way he wanted you.

he couldn't be rough with you even if he wanted to. because truthfully, he wanted to enjoy his time with you. he wanted to cherish you, to hold you, to see you as he bottoms out inside. he wanted to worship your body and mark you as his, to make sure everyone knows that someone is tasting you and fucking you how you deserve. he wanted to fuck you hard, and fast, and tell you how good of a slut you were for him. but he only found himself ever at your mercy, unable to hold his dominance over you because truthfully, you held it over him.

eddie was at your disposal. he'd do everything and more to see a smile on your face, to know you were feeling good. he couldn't fuck you rough like he did every other girl, at least not right now. this was going to be your first time fucking him, and an older man in general, and he refused to make it degrading and pure sexual intentions. he needed you to know how much he craved to be inside of you.

eddie moved the rest of your dress down your legs and to your ankles, helping you step out of it and telling you to sit so he can take your heels off too. you were drunk off of pleasure, love? maybe. watching this man move his hands up and down your legs as he moves to undo the straps of your heels and removing them made you feel something you'd never felt before.

to see him move your feet so he can press kisses into them, and up your legs so he can caress and touch your bare body. he stood back up and laid you back on the bed where your pillow rested, and slipped off his boxers as he came to hover on top of you. but when he began to move towards you he saw you start to try to turn over, assumingly on your tummy

"no, none of that doggystyle shit right now. i wanna see you, let me see that pretty face baby," he said and moved to trap you while he hovered over you. he pressed kisses into your face and down your jaw, to your neck and chest area. he didn't want the first time he's inside of you with your head turned away from him, he wanted to watch you come undone, to see your face and all of your body unfiltered. he had a thing for the way your tummy looked even if you thought he didn't like it.

"do you want me to use a condom, baby?" he asked as he kissed over your skin. he had one just in case of course, wanted to be prepared for anything.

you didn't think about it, and even though you were on birth control the only thing you thought about was feeling the way he would fill you up.

"no, please i wanna feel you. wanna feel you cum inside me please," you whimpered as you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him closer, feeling his tip skim against your pussy lips and you jolt a bit.

"you're gonna fuckin' kill me," he groaned as he moved back to face you, watching your fucked out expression and how flushed your face looked. he couldn't believe what he was doing, what he was saying, who he was saying it too. in many ways it felt wrong, it felt almost criminal. not legally, but because of your father. he was worried about what would happen after this, what does this mean for the two of you?

"please, fuck me, i need you eddie i need your dick inside me," you begged with no mercy. you had no shame anymore, every ounce of resistance and pride you had was shot down. you couldn't resist begging for him as he teased your hole with his length. you managed to look down between the two of you and saw the sight of him positioning his girthy length into you.

he was even bigger than you imagined. the minute he took his boxers off you snuck a look, seeing the way it bobbed with every move and how angry and red his tip looked. he was thicker and bigger than most of the guys you'd be with, but definitely would rank the best of everyone.

"i'm gonna give it to you baby, you ready? you can take my dick?" he asked as he slowly went in and out of you with his tip, staring at you with nothing but lust and love.

"i can, please i can be good and take it all," you moaned, wrapping your arms around his neck and reaching to rub his cheek with your thumb.

"give it all to me, please, stretch me out like you wanted to," you said in a sultry tone, bucking your hips to his to try to make him go deeper.

"whatever you want princess, i'm yours," he said and started to slowly push himself into you, moving one of your legs up to your chest to get a better angle as he pushes further into you. he could feel the resistance of your cunt around him, how tight you truly were, and how much he was trying not to bust right then and there watching your face contort with your mouth hung open. eddie couldn't believe he could find you any sexier, but then you start to claw at his back and intertwine your fingers in his hair, telling him how good he feels being inside of you.

"fuck, i can feel it, you're stretching me so good baby," you moaned and watched as his face contorted to unbelievable pleasure. he refrained from fucking into you like a bunny because frankly, he needed to watch you. he needed to hear you and feel the way you felt around him without having the need to fuck you like he hated you.

"oh m- fuck angel, you take my dick so fucking well," he grunted as he finally managed to get balls deep inside of you, your body suddenly feeling tight and full of him. you practically felt him in your stomach, and without him even moving you felt his length and girth make you twitch and shake a little. it was a lot, way more than you were ever used to and he noticed.

eddie noticed everything about you. he saw your freckles when he was up close, he saw the blush creeping up from your neck to your cheeks, and he saw the expression on your face when you finally felt him give his all to you.

"you okay, baby?" he asked gently, moving your hair from your face and rubbing your cheek.

"mmhm, you're just so fucking big," you whined and shifted a bit to get more comfortable in your position with him still inside of you.

"you're so good for me, taking all of me in that pretty pussy, look at that," he said as he started to slowly pull out before slowly pushing back in.

"is that okay baby?" he asked and you moaned in response, the feeling of losing him just for him to fill you back up again was incredible. you couldn't believe he was inside of you like this, reaching places nobody ever has before you were practically a virgin.

"s' good, it feels so good, please-," you pleaded breathlessly, "please fuck me," you said and he kissed the cheek of your face and kissed down to your neck.

"anything for you," he mumbled and started to pick up the pace of his thrusts into you. you felt like you could feel the head of his cock hitting the spot that you yourself could never reach, and arched your back into his chest. eddie instinctively snakes his arm around your thick waist to hold you in place while he fucks you into the bed. his pace was hard but not incredibly fast, it was just at the right pace for you to feel it in your lower stomach.

"you looked so fuckin' pretty for me tonight, so fuckin' gorgeous," he grunted as he watched your tits bounce with every thrust, and he moved one hand to one of your nipples so he could play with them, like he did when you rode his face.

"please, fuck, eddie oh my god," you whined as his pace went quicker, now moving your legs to wrap around his waist as he holds himself up with his hands on either side of your head.

"talk to me, tell me baby," he encourages as he takes one hand strokes your face. you don't say anything because you physically cant, not with the way he's basically fucking the wind out of you. you just grab his large hand and place it on your neck.

"ohh, that's what my girl wanted huh?" he said with a shit-eating grin, you wanted to smack him. but the way his index finger and pointer finger pressed on one side of your neck while his thumb stroked the skin then pressed down, you couldn't think. you couldn't breathe, you couldn't fully capture this image of eddie fucking into you in your own bed while he choked you.

"eddieeee," you draw out as he looked down between the two of your sweaty bodies, watching how delicious it was to see his dick stretch you out ridiculously. he released your throat and pressed kisses into the skin of your neck, kissing over the slight bruise he created with his hand.

"you gonna cum f'me baby?" he asked, too drunk on pussy to really focus on anything else but you. he felt the way you clenched and pulsated around him and you almost lost him, he felt like he was a goner the minute he pushed you against that wall. he saw your hand go down to your clit to relieve some pressure, and he pretty much knew you were close.

"it feels, fuck i feel so full of you eddie," you panted, keeping your eyes on his and nothing else as he pounds into you. it almost felt like the recoil of the bed with every thrust made it easier to keep a steady pace, and it made you feel yourself build up that burning desire you've had for hours now.

"youre stretching me out so fuckin good," you cried as your eyes glossed over, feeling pleasure and pain as his cock splits you in half. you still hadn't gotten used to the size, or the way he holds you in his grasp.

"yeah? come on baby, cream on this dick, i need all of it pretty girl, my pretty girl," he said and reached down to kiss your lips, moving his slowly and obscenely against yours. he wanted to devour you whole, to taste you over and over again. you were his favorite flavor.

"please, please please make me cum," your breathing was labored and your bodies were both covered in a film of sweat, but he just couldn't believe you were anymore attractive than you were before. here you were, lying on your bed, taking him so well and he's just supposed to last?

"tell me i'm yours," he said and you almost snapped out of your haze, wanting to ask what he meant by that and if it meant what you thought it meant. he pushes your hand away from your clit and replaces it with his fingers, pressing onto your numb and slowly rubbing in circular motions.

"tell me baby, and i'll let you cum. you're all mine princess, am i yours?" he managed to ask as he himself felt his own release building from the way that you kept squeezing and clenching your walls around him. he'd never been so in a state of daze and dizziness that he was practically feeling his walls come down.

you couldn't say anything but the truth to him.

"you're mine, eddie, please be mine, i need you. let me be yours, i wanna be all yours," you were kind of just babbling at this point, but you meant what you said. the feeling of his fingers rubbing you while his cock fucked you with one leg around his waist and the other on his shoulder now, you felt him in angle you'd never felt anyone.

"cum for me pretty girl, wanna see you cum on my dick for me," he hastily said, his own voice covered in raspiness and desperation. you felt his thrusts get sloppy as you felt your release start to break down the walls, your cunt pulsating around him when you finally grab onto his neck and pull him down to you as far as you can, hugging his body as he kept fucking you through your orgasm.

"eddieeddieeddieddie," you cried repeatedly. "oh my god, i'm fuc-i'm fucking cumming," you cried in his ear and it sounded like it could be his favorite song. he could listen to you speak this way and call for him, moan and cry for him over and over again. he craved you in this way and now he finally had you coming undone around him, he couldn't help but smile against your skin as you started to jerk and shake under him. eddie managed to wrap his arms around you as you cried against his shoulder telling him how good it feels, wanting to bask in this forever. he didn't feel wrong anymore. he couldn't even manage to have a twinge of regret because right now he didn't care who's daughter you were, who his friend was, or if this was right or wrong. his heart was swelling just being in your presence.

"fuck baby, so good for me, this pussy is all fucking mine," he claimed and finally you felt his hips start to stutter, bucking against yours without a rhythm.

"fuuuuuuck, princess, fuck," he moaned loudly in your ear as he felt his cum pour inside of you, no barrier to protect. you knew that this wouldn't be the last time he was going to be inside you like this, you knew that every time would be more and more real, and you would fall more in love with him.

"i'm yours," you whispered as you felt him collapse on top of you, moving your fingers through his hair to see his face. you say it as in you're asking for clarification, like you weren't sure.

eddie moved off of you, kissing your face before walking out of your room naked and into the restroom. you kind of just laid there, your makeup smeared and your lungs aching for deep breaths. you were completely fucked out yet in the most adoring and loving way you've ever felt. you noticed that you didn't feel disgusting, or gross afterwards. and when eddie came back in, you turned your head and saw he held a rag in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. you didn't feel used, or made just for sex. you felt like you were glowing, or levitating.

"let me clean you up, okay?" he said and your eyes fluttered to his as he came and sat on the bed next to you, watching him put the bottle on your side table. you look to him lazily and nodded, letting him reach between your legs to wipe the mess that you two created. it was almost overstimulating, but it was over soon and he was sitting up on the edge of your bed with his hand on your outer thigh as you were laid down.

"i'm yours too," he whispered, moving the blankets to cover your body and let you get comfortable.

"do you want me to get you some clothes?" he asked as you struggled to keep your eyes open. he couldn't help but form a small grin as he started to wipe away the stray lipstick that was on your chin and the corner of your mouth. he knew that he had the same shade in his lips too, probably even more messily. but to him, it was just another for of marking him. he was yours.

you hummed no, and grabbed his wrist sort of tugging him towards you.

"can you hold me?" you asked looking to his face and he smiled again. he couldn't help but smile.

"that was the plan, baby," he said and decided to slip on his boxers that he found next to the bed and crawl over you, to the left side of the bed against the wall and underneath the purple bedsheets you had. he immediately pulled you against his chest, his arm wrapping around your waist and letting his hand rest on your tummy. his face was buried into your neck and your hair, not minding as he got to remember what you smelled like.

you wanted him to hold you and to feel what it was like to be cared for after sex, you wanted to soak in this moment where you didn't feel guilty and were ignoring your subconscious telling you that your dad finding out about this would be ruining. so you laid in eddie's arms, letting him leave tiny kisses on your shoulder and back, then moving back to his original position and listening to his soft snores that came quickly. you fell asleep to his own sounds, with the embrace of him keeping you safer than anyone has ever done.

it was bliss.

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TAGLIST

@bebe07011 @sleepy-bunnie @munsonzgf @emsgoodthinkin @olibxr @briamunson92 @uwantagoodbhloe

#fat girls #plus size smut #smut #chubby smut #chubby #eddie munson #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie x plus size reader #plus sized #eddie x reader #plus size reader

[jakowskis]

@buffetpallascat doing a good ol' days reply because i had enough thoughts on this to warrant some meta, in my typical rambling fashion. hope you don't regret engaging by the time im done dfhkdsf

for starters, you're very welcome, i'm glad you enjoy the post :D

as for your question - i meant moreso that it was typical of the fandom, although it was also very much influenced by societal trends of the time, too. fandom's always had a rocky history with women, especially women who supposedly 'get in the way of "slash" couples', but the way fandom misogyny is performed has changed; i see more willful erasure of female characters these days than flat out blatant misogyny. in tw fan content from the 00s, i've seen gwen hatefully AND casually called some pretty horrible things that i rarely see fictional or real women called nowadays, simply because standards have changed. hell, one of the comms i linked, the twgenre finders one, there was several entries requesting fic where gwen experiences, like, bodily harm? not in a whump-y way, they actually wanted to recreationally read fic about her getting physically injured and suffering, out of some bizarre sense of malice towards her. simply because she 'gets in the way of janto'. and i can't even fathom that existing nowadays. pretty much everyone outside of weird little 12 year olds knows that's not acceptable. not to mention it's just weird.

interestingly i've also noticed a lottttt of change in how the fandom... reacted to and treated janto as a couple back in the day, versus now. people in 2006 were not normal about gay people. we know fandom's history with fetishizing gay men, and it was even worse in 2006 with an exceptionally rare canon gay couple being received by a jarringly hetero-but-'slash'-obsessed fanbase.

i mean, i don't wanna generalize. i saw a poll recently about how fandom is not mainly composed of straight women, contrary to popular belief, at least anymore, and i guess the question is, was it ever? i have seen a lot of the people involved in fandom in the 00s identify themselves as straight, but was that partially because of the culture of that era? have any of those people since come out as some type of queer? maybe, for some of them, that was them exploring their queerness in a safe environment, when the culture around being gay in real life was a lot different.... the same way modern fandom culture continues to be for those of us who aren't in accepting homes. if they were 20smth year olds in the 2010s/2020s, rather than the 2000s, would they still identify as straight?

not sure. but i've made a habit of going on the profiles of old lj accounts, and i'll sometimes wind up going through the journals and the personal posts of authors i respect, etc etc. a significant amount of mid 00s fic writers were straight women in their 30s - 40s, many married, some with kids. very different demographic to modern fandom. very different climate they lived in vs the one we're in.

(although, bonus note, i also once found a thread of bisexuals in 2006 praising torchwood's depiction of bisexuality, and that made me exceptionally happy. but also maybe a little sad, because torchwood's my personal fav bi rep, too, in 2023, and the fact that we've had nothing better in seventeen years is a bit of a bummer. but i digress.)

anyway, this is all to say, i've seen some insanely fetishy shit about jack and ianto that rubbed me exceptionally wrong. that gross dehumanizing, severely homophobic place where it's like... ahh, ok, so you don't see them as people, you see them as sexy dolls you can mash together. but, ofc, that's how i view it as a bisexual person in 2023 who's been on tumblr far too long. they didn't see any problem with it. they might've even seen it as progressive. how can you be homophobic when you're obsessed with the little gay people on ur screen? but it's the opposite end of the 'homophobes reducing gay ppl down to what they do in their beds' trope, and it comes across as dated and icky now.

i mean, i consume a lot of older media, i know how to turn off my 21st century sensibilities and remind myself things used to be different, but it's honestly an impressive difference. there's some fantastic fics from that era of the fandom, in fact most of my favorite fics are from that era, but i often get quite a bit of culture shock reading things. particularly, i'm always impressed by people in the 2000s, an extremely biphobic era, applying their impressive period-typical 'bisexuals aren't real' beliefs to The Bisexual Show. torchwood's rep's not perfect (again, a product of its era), but i've seen a fantastic amount of gay!ianto and straight!owen, because bisexual men don't exist, obviously, and jack's not bisexual, he's the amazing slutty space man, except he's mostly gay because all that matters is janto. and i don't even really see explorations of gwen or tosh's bisexuality at all, because, again, women who?

i found a comm a while back, i didn't include it on my list because it wasn't torchwood-exclusive and didn't have much content in the tw tag, but it was a lgbtfest, and contained fics about the team and their relationships with their bisexuality, and it was really intriguing to me to see queerness as understood by regular people in 2007/2008, y'know, not by gay writers or activists or films. i have no way of knowing if any of them were speaking from any personal place, but it was just interesting, because none of the fics i read in that comm had that same brand of tone-deaf sex-focused homophobia to them, they were progressive for the time, but it was still apparent to me that they were written by people with a mid to late 00s understanding of being gay, and i do think it's interesting, that substantial difference.

got a bit off topic, but now that i mentioned the initial fandom being overwhelmingly composed of women, i can also add that i think internalized misogyny factored hugely into the fandom's disdain for gwen. the 'strong female' trope doesn't just annoy straight men, it also annoys a lot of women (though not consciously) - not because they're opposed to well-written women, but because society tells us certain things that'd be admirable and complex and sympathetic out of a male hero are unacceptable out of a female one. it's the double standard. jack does some awful shit, but i rarely see him criticized. i've straight up seen fans go "jack's kind of a bastard, but it's ok because he's hot", which is fine in jest, i've joked about shit like that with characters, but it's not so cute when those same people turn around and condemn gwen for her actions. hell, or owen. i've literally seen someone say they'd like owen more if he was more conventionally attractive. like, ok, you're clearly just here for the janto eye candy. you haven't brought any substantial critical thinking skills. pls take ur shallow ass and leave. but back to gwen - she was held to a standard none of the other characters are held to. they picked on her for the stupidest shit. and her worse sin, the infidelity, it's bad, sure, but i've seen countless male characters who cheat on their partners who are beloved by their fandoms. it's just fucking gross. i fucking hate hypocrites.

dude, yknow what?? i've even seen fucking tosh bashing. WHO THE FUCK HATES TOSH????

ok im done. sorry for my babbling. but yeah, i think it's a fascinating thing. i love how humans change and develop with the times and how we can map the changes and how they affect media, and it's fun to observe in fandom because it's there, too, but no one's looking so i get to feel like a little scientist fdskjfds. ok i will cease with the excessive babbling now

#mine #txt #torchwood posting #i love writing essays where i say nothing at all

[kneelingshadowsalome]

I really love having places like your fantastic blog were we can explore insane, evil or out of the norm characters like your König without shame! Without weird looks from others or being judged for liking that kind of stuff. For me, even as a child I always found the broken, evil or (seemingly) villainous characters soooo much more appealing than the heros or knights in shining armour. For example, I always found the villains in sailor moon waaay cooler than the good characters! And that's still the case as a grown up for me when I consume media.

And I'm obviously not alone, seeing everyone here go crazy about your yandere König or fics with dark themes and characters in general. You said somewhere, that you weren't sure about the reactions to just friends when you posted it but honestly - I'm not surprised at all that everyone likes it so much! I think it's very healthy to explore dark themes through fiction and it's a great outlet for our normal everyday lifes. As well as the smut that comes with these problematic characters! I'm in a very loving and healthy relationship with my partner and I wouldn't want it any other way, but reading stories with that kind of dark sexual content just soothes that little itch inside of me and I really enjoy the thought experiments that come with this.

It seems a lot of people here (or in general) are surprised, that they are so into this kind of stuff. So I'm just rambling in your ask box because I think there's nothing wrong with being enamoured with content like this and it's fantastic, that we can all explore it together, inspire each other and let loose a bit! <3

Yes! Oh my god I'm so here for you and all the people who have an itch for madness and morally grey characters 🩷🩷🩷 this is absolutely a safe space for exploring yandere König or brat tamer Ghost or whatever else that's a little bit broken, without shame.

This message was so sweet and I read it like ten times with a huge smile on my face because it's just so liberating and loving. I'm so happy to have found all you lovely people to share these crazy thoughts & obsess over fictional PTSD men with.

I'm also a firm believer in that it is only healthy to explore our "shadow" through art. And I consider fanart, fanfiction, all this creativity and brainstorming here art – it's creative, it's fun, it does what art is supposed to do: it inspires thought and emotion and connection 💗 These things are what make us human and it's better to have some kind of an outlet than none at all.

And I mean... I could analyze what's at work behind the attraction to these characters/dynamics, sure... I could debate from different feminist (not to talk of psychological 🫠) viewpoints how problematic it is and what it reveals of me when I'm entertained when writing or reading this shit. But nope, not gonna deep-dive into that in here, and not going to kink-shame myself or anyone else here either.

And like you said – it's not that serious! The world is kinda crazy and we all have our worries, we all have our hopes and fears and quirks. Why not have some fun with toxic König while we're at it. No harm, no foul.

Thank you so much for this message and I hope you have a lovely day 💋🩷💞

#answered #no shame #embrace your kinks #love your passions #live without fear

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

twenty questions for fic writers

Thank you @altruistic-meme for the tag! 💜

How many works do you have on AO3? Currently sitting at 25 works!

What’s your total AO3 word count? 502,854 (holy shit)

What fandoms do you write for? Right now I only write for Young Royals. I might branch out in the future, but my mind is pretty all-consumed at the moment.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (a list not one person is surprised by) 1. Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology Simon is a little shit, but it's a whole lot of fun. 2. Screwed Erik lived, but things are still royally screwed up. 3. Love Bites The Hickey Crack Fic no one asked for. 4. Simon Eriksson: Not Really Just Some Guy An unhinged continuation of Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology, in which Simon is still a little shit, but it's really not his fault this time. 5. You Have Reached The Voicemail Box Of... Humiliating table shenanigans.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? As often as I can! I try my best. I've gotten better at it more recently, but sometimes it still takes me a million years to reply. I apologize. But I really appreciate people who take the time to comment on my fics, and I try to let them know that.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The Last Time which is ironically my least read fic. It is my masterpiece, though. My Nilcent no-happy-ending fic. Truly one of the best things I have ever written, in my humble opinion.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I couldn't figure it out, so I asked Dani. She says the answer is Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology and she is probably right.

Do you get hate on fics? Not really. This fandom is pretty chill about that kind of stuff. The only thing was that there was one anon who told me I was too obsessed with Swedish while writing a fic. Even thought the show is... quite literally Swedish...

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Once. I wrote one blowjob. The readers said it was good, but I am very unsure. They may be lying to me. Also I don't like men and my beta is asexual so we are quite possibly the worst pair to be writing gay sex.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I haven't and I don't have any current plans to.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not a whole fic, no, but I have had someone steal a few paragraphs word for word 💀

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not translated, but I have had one of my fics turned into a podfic by @willesworld, which was super super cool! [Podfic] Simon Eriksson: Just Some Guy From Biology

What’s your all-time favorite ship? Wilmon of course! Although I have delulu'ed a bit too close to the sun with Nilcent and my quite literally made up Erik/Ebba.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Lightning Strikes. It was a Felice and Walter friends fic that takes place in their second year. I realized recently that I have put Walter through the absolute ringer with his fanfictional queer journey and this story was literally no different and I felt bad. I stopped writing this fic because I felt bad for a fiction character going through a fan fiction plot.

What are your writing strengths? I have a really hard time giving myself compliments, especially with writing, so I'm not really sure. I think I do pretty well with characterizations, though.

What are your writing weaknesses? Grammar and being repetitive. My grammar sucks ass. Dani fixes way too much. And I feel like I'm quite repetitive. Not necessarily in a whole-plot kind of way, but in a small detail kind of way. If I like a little thing I added, I'll keep it going throughout the fic or multiple fics (ie. Walter's queer journey, Wilhelm's favorite color being green, Fredrika's nickname being Freddy)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Go for it. I do it sometimes (but I usually add the translation somewhere). I think it's fun, and ultimately I write for me.

First fandom you wrote for? DIVERGENT LMFAO

Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh I love them all. It's like having to choose a favorite child. But I have some fics that are just way too close to my heart. Screwed is always going to be one that sticks out because it brought so many people around me and I met so many new friends. The Thing In The Mirror is very much a love letter to my own grief and I cherish it deeply. And Reckless Abandon has taken so much of my time to craft and plot that I lowkey might just turn it into a novel lmao.

tagging: @insomnaticwilmon @the-navistar-carol and @willesworld if y'all want to participate 💜

#tag game #fic questions #zee writes shit

[prahacat]

Hi, I really hope you don't mind me asking a few of the questions from the fan fiction writers ask because I'm curious. Of course it's totally fine if you don't want to answer.

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

🍭why did you start writing?

And my own... Do you write in your first or second language and how does this affect your writing process?

Hey! I LOVE talking about writing and (fan) fiction so thank you so much for giving me an excuse to do so! <3

✨ A fic I wish got more credit: "The Red Night" (it's on both tumblr and ao3) Yes yes, I know. It's poetry, it's very short, it's kinda weird(?) but also kinda generic. Basically the kind of stuff where, as a writer, you're lucky if people click on it at all (and I'm beyond happy some people did and even liked it enough to leave kudos/likes or reblog <3). But I spent several days on those ~500 words, I love how it turned out, it's like my favorite child, it's so ME ... and sometimes I can't help but wish it would get the same love as my other fics.

💝 A fic that got a different response than I was expecting: All of them, in some way, but especially "Three Days of Thawing". It was the first fanfic I uploaded to ao3 after years of writing original fic only: a little oneshot I wrote as a part of a bigger project and ended up posting just for the hell of it. I honestly didn't expect to get a response at all. A fic where nothing happens, it's just 15k of two old jaded men bickering and drinking tea? Little plot, hardly any romance? they don't even kiss. Who'd want to read that?

🍭 Why I started writing: Writing in general: Because of my love for words. My family had a lot of books, so I grew up with stories. As a kid, reading was like eating to me. Sometimes, when I was starved for words and there was no book around, I'd read the tv manual, a cookbook, the labels on my cereal box. Whenever I was bored, I'd dig through my parents' bookshelves until I found something that sounded interesting. Naturally, since it wasn't geared toward children, a lot of it went right over my head. For example, I remember reading this passage from Bronte's Jane Eyre:

‘As we are!’ repeated Mr. Rochester—‘so,’ he added, enclosing me in his arms. Gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips on my lips: ‘so, Jane!’

… and it had me so confused. I didn't get it. "Pressing his lips on my lips? Okay, so like kissing? Why doesn't the author simply write kissing then? That's such a strange, roundabout way of phrasing it!" Yes, I was very young. But moments like that made me think about the different ways to use language for the first time. I feel like writing stories is all about expressing simple truths in a bit of a strange, roundabout way.

Writing fan fiction: I started writing fanfic (again) because I was stuck with my original story. So I wrote a short story about my current obsession, Star Wars. And then another one. And another. I love the disaster lineage, and I love writing for the PT because so many of my favorite themes can be accommodated in the stories. A lot of it is about family, about the more quiet, intimate struggles that happen inside of us, but there's also something so inherently "Greek tragedy" about the characters that makes their destruction feel intense and almost inevitable.

First and second language and how it affects my writing process: I write in both my first and second language. English is my second language. I don't think my writing process differs much in either language. My English is okay, I guess ... I keep looking up comma rules and prepositions when editing.

There are a few instances, especially when writing emotional, introspective scenes, where the idea of what I want to say evokes a strong, very specific feeling, but it remains abstract, almost like music or a blur of colors. Or like a train of vague thoughts, but they keep moving and flashing and I can't grasp them. And in such cases, I sometimes resort to my native language to "search" for imagery or tangible concepts that can be expressed with language. It's not like I have difficulty expressing my ideas in English, it's more that the process of pulling them from some unconscious, wordless depths into the realm of consciousness and language comes easier to me in my native tongue. I guess it's more of a creativity technique?

For example, I remember using this technique on this little paragraph from "Three Days of Thawing" (the fic where Dooku is stuck in his Redemption Arc, oscillating between self-loathing and the need for acceptance/forgiveness):

Maybe Dooku wasn’t happy, how could he ever again, but he had learned to put some distance between himself and the hated shadow inside him, the way most people no longer think about the bacteria living in their mouths or the mass of dead skin cells on their bodies, all a gross but inevitable part of the self. Him: the man he hated, and the man who hates, and the man who tries to forgive them both, and the dizzying distance in between. Sometimes, when he sits by the lake and stares at his reflection trapped inside the ice, he can delude himself into believing he might become whole again.

I felt the part about the split self very strongly, but it wasn't until I thought about it in my native language that the words to express this feeling came to me.

There are quite a few scientific studies about how emotions are accessed and processed differently in your native language and in your second language. I know I'm definitely a bit more detached from my emotions when I'm speaking/thinking in English. In contrast, my "English brain" is more rational and analytic, which is great for "killing your darlings" and avoiding sappy, melodramatic dialogue (something I love to write, but it often doesn't feel right for my fav characters like Dooku or Obi-Wan).

Gah, I could really talk about this topic for hours! It's so fascinating to me, and I'd be very interested in hearing the experiences of other bilingual writers!

Thank you again for the questions, this was a lot of fun!

#asks #prahacat writes #bilingual writers

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

DID I JUST CRIED A LITTLE AFTER I FINISHED THE NEWEST CHAPTER? YES MA'AM I SURE FUCKING DID. 

RHAENAR AND AELYS ARE HERE 🎉🤧

I literally feel like I'm going to burst out of my skin out of excitement because what a ride this instalment has been! And for it to (almost) culminate in this amazingly written chapter... I can't, I just CAN'T.  

I wasn't expecting it to be from Daemon's POV though it was great to read this experience in particular being delivered in his perception. 

Him being so afraid of what could go wrong but not even allowing himself to think about it. Him feeling uncomfortable and useless at the fact that he's not able to help her through the pain.

Him just seeing the absolute carnage that is bringing a child to the world and being a bit repulsed/weirded out by it (and sort of fascinated I guess). Just. ✨A-MA-ZING✨

Oh! and the absolute hate and rage that flew through Daemon every time Gerardys insisted to just cut her open! Like that bitch wasn't even hoping for the chance that things could turn around. It remind me so much of doctors that just want to be over with the whole thing like, "Hey I got an appointment to play polo later so let's just butcher the lady and be done with it" ugh. *rolls her eyes at men in obstetrics*

ALSO All of that support and praise! 

“Yes, you can,” he asserts, firm, forehead pressing to yours. He cups your jaw with his hands, tugging your line of sight up, waiting for you to meet his eyes. “You’re nearly there, my girl,” he tells you, and your molten stare shifts from fearful mistrust to reluctant resolve, bolstered by his encouragement. “You can do this.”

UGH MY HEART

OH AND THIS PART?

You smile, and it is like staring into the face of the Mother herself. If there was anyone, anything, who might persuade him that such a being existed, it is you, here and now. 

My man right there having a religious experience in the middle of his daughter's birth. 

AND THIS, THIS IS WHERE I LOST IT.

“Perzys iksā.” You are fire. Daemon can see his reflection in your lilac eyes, ardent, fanatical. “Jaqiarzir iksā.” You are glory.  

LOVED IT SO MUCH. THAT MADE ME CRYY

Rhaenar and Aelys, firstborn heirs of Daemon of House Targaryen.  

“Rhaenar and Aelys.” He tries out their names himself, speaking them into existence, carving them into the pages of history as the Rogue Prince’s greatest of triumphs.

Fuck yes, all hail the new babes of House Targaryen. (Also let me just point out how obsessed I am with the boy's name. Rhaenar, Rhaenar, RHAENAR. Freaking beautiful.)

I immensely respect and appreciate the amount of research you put into this chapter, Em. The dedication and devotion you put into this story it's remarkable. I've seen it very few times in my years reading fan fiction and I looove and admire you for it. 

-V

Sorry in advance if that was unreadable, I'm beyond invested in this story and I just got a bit carried away with my ranting. I need to go outside and touch some grass for real. lol

Hey, V! How are you? I'm so glad you enjoyed the latest chapter!

I've got to admit, this fic was originally only going to be like 5 chapters and NONE of the plot stuff was really gonna happen. Then it spiralled and I had the Rhaenyra fight idea, and THEN I was like "ew, Daemon's being gross and soft, I need violence to wash the yucky taste of domesticity from my mouth", lol. Thus, the assassination thing (and the moon tea thing was something I was on the fence about but decided might as well go full-tilt, haha). This chapter has been stressing me out for MONTHS - I've been terrified to actually go through with the 'big birth' scene, and I'm so glad it's finally done and dusted!

I always knew going in that it'd be from Daemon's POV, seeing how I've never personally experienced giving birth and didn't feel super confident attempting to express how it feels to do so. But from the outside? Well, after seeing some scarring childbirth videos, I felt like I could at least try to capture some of the panic/ powerlessness a guy who craves control like Daemon does might feel in that situation. I'm so glad that carried through in the writing! Not gonna lie, some of it was my own feelings after traumatizing myself, lol.

Gerardys is a damn moron, BUT he's a guy who's been taught a very specific set of beliefs through his training at the Citadel, and when faced with it he defaults to those teachings. I don't hate the guy, but this was definitely a growth moment for him when Ūlla shows him that the Citadel is wrong. Unlike the doo-doo-head that is Mellos, I like to think that he's willing to shake up his view of what is 'the right thing' for the sake of those he cares for.

I'm so happy you like Rhaenar! I've had it picked out since this story first STARTED! I always knew their first boy would be Rhaenar Targaryen (pronounced 'RHIE-nar'). For the girl, I toyed between 'Aelys' ('AY-liss') and 'Valaena', but ultimately decided on the first as I feel it meshes better with Rhaenar. Valaena will be making a return later on, though! I've got a list, hehe. We'll get through it all eventually.

Thank you so, so much for your wonderful words of praise. I'm really happy to have you on this journey with me, and it's so nice to know the research is paying off, haha! Here's to a continuation of this gross nerd-verse!

#fanfiction comments

[djservo]

beat you to it once again... oopsie! early, even! JUNE: what did you read, what did you think? what's next in your summer reading, cas? i want to know it all

not only was I not first but I'm also days late to this too, a girl can't win! </3

I read 5 which is kinda silly & perhaps proves the theory of me reading more when I travel - something about a full schedule that just makes me go Ahhhh yes perfect time to read ! I made a lil visual of the 5 bc for some reason my goodreads isn't showing the dennis cooper covers + I really loved the cover art

Closer by Dennis Cooper

my first Cooper, I feel initiated!! read this in one sitting on a flight, I couldn't possibly put it down - truly the book form of a car crash you can't look away from, a Camus/Bresson/Araki vibe with Disaffected / Cynical Youths In Situations™ feel. one of those books where it's not so much about the prose or character developments but moreso the emotional journey/damage (lol) the events put you thru?? I read it on my kindle and was still paranoid someone would catch a glimpse of my screen during the particularly depraved scenes, it's such a rush to read sick twisted books like this in public <3

Frisk by Dennis Cooper

read this on a beach day with friends and it trulyyy hit the spot, like will 4real recommend this as a beach read if anyone asks LOL with Closer still fresh on my mind I was less shocked by the depravity, less taken back with the extent of how graphic things got, and was able to focus more on the characters and storyline itself. realllyyyy really loved it, the theme of obsession and unraveling it to its foundational moments came across so cohesively + the unreliable narrator was written so convincingly. I read in a review that while Cooper was writing sex scenes, if anything turned him on, he would rewrite it LOL I love that so much - COMMIT TO THE SICK BIT, TRULY! a testament to writing sick things not equaling glorifying/romanticizing said sick things (which should go without say but yknow). also Loved the movie adaptation of this - it's been on my radar 5ever and I'm so glad I read it first bc the gritty artistic direction(s) felt that much more justified to me

The Carnivorous Lamb by Agustín Gómez-Arcos

3 fictions in a row omg are you proud?? this was soooooo beyond what I expected, so gripping. it reminded me a little bit of Call Me By Your Name at times (ironically not even just bc of the taboo relationships) with its hazy idyllic summerlike prose and ambience, but this one's definitely way meatier with its themes and intent. incest/queerness/family dysfunction as metaphor/consequence/response to a dictatorship, the aftermath of war, the disintegration of a country as you once know it. so punchy and direct but also delicate and wide-eyed at times, I really really enjoyed it more than I expected to. was very surprised to find out that it seems to be a hit with Supernatural fans (particularly the subsection that ships the 2 brothers together), stripping context from the flowerier lines for the purpose of singling out the incest....like ummm!! that's certainly One way to interpret a book so tangled with Franco's dictatorship but ok go off?!!

Pornotopia by Paul Preciado

ooooooo so much fun. the playboy mansion as disneyland for grown men, as a surveillance state, as dante's 9 levels of hell, as women's prison. The Girls Next Door was my first introduction to Playboy and I used to be so fascinated with the idea of people living this way, like you're telling me these hot young women are CHOOSING to live with this frail hag in a robe??? so it was cool to unravel the mystique of the mansion/company/Institution of Playboy to its bare, ideological + architectural bones. to follow, I read this profile piece on Hefner's eldest son's experience growing up in/around the mansion - what a trip!

How Do I Look? Queer Film and Video by Bad Object-Choices

I'm almost positive I read one of the essays (Looking For My Penis by Richard Fung) in college already bc I had a sense of deja vu the whole time, but generally this felt really familiar! conversations/discussions I've had in school, movies I've watched and the analyses that followed. this collection is essentially a bunch of transcribed presentations/talks at a conference followed by a discussion with fellow queer/film theorists/academics, so there was so much dimension to every topic which I appreciated! rly loved that they didn't hold back in the discussions, kind of scandalizing to see some theorists poke holes at the presenter's talk + you can Feel the tension that was in the room without even being there. I think I'd pee my pants in that position

I turn 25 in August and had idealized getting all my #EssentialAdult reading in the time leading up to the (alleged) Final Forming Of Thy Brain, finally dip my toes in some Joan Didion or some city woman grown-up wisdom, all that jazz. I'm kinda on a fiction kick though?? I've already finished 2 books this month (1 fiction, 1 memoir) I'll talk about later + am like halfway thru the 3rd George Miles Cycle book by Cooper (Closer + Frisk are part of a 5-book series, though mostly unrelated as far as characters go). I've got another fiction I have planned, but otherwise I do think I'm in desperate need of a woman's literary touch LOL so perhaps I will get on the Road-to-25 plan after all

#asks #cheesehair #reads

[eroticfriendfictions]

3, 4, 16, and 24 for the book thing? (I honestly can't remember if I asked already)

Sorry I'm a little late responding!

3. First book that had a major influence on you

I'm going to say Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar because that's the first book I can remember reading on my own that I really, really liked. I also feel like it was the book that made me realize reading is fun. I still have my copy of it from way back in 3rd grade.

4. Quick, you’re in desperate need of a fake name. What character name do you think of first?

Violet Baudelaire

16. Rant about anything book related

Okay, one thing that drives me crazy is when I see someone say that they only read YA books because it's the only way to find diverse stories and adult books are only about white men having affairs. Like I think at that point you should just admit you have no fucking idea how to search for books that interest you. Or just admit that you like reading YA, it's fine, you can like it without needing to come up with some ridiculous and clearly untrue statement to justify it. Because obviously there are POC/LGBTQ/disabled/etc. authors writing outside of YA. Genre fiction exists too. Come on, people.

24. First book(s) you remember being obsessed with

Definitely A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket. (This is probably not a shock after my answer to #4 lol.) I was in so deep for these books, you guys. I've read each book in the series 9 times. I skipped school once to meet Lemony Snicket on his tour for The End. I wrote my college entrance essay about them. I currently have 2 bookshelves dedicated entirely to the series plus the prequel series and companion books and other merch. If I ever get a tattoo, it's for sure going to be the VFD eye on my left ankle. In fact, just earlier today I got approved for an advance copy of Daniel Handler/Lemony Snicket's new book coming out in May (and maybe I cried a little bit). Cannot state enough how much I love them.

#thank you for the ask! #bookish asks #not burgers #wah pah #important answers to important questions

[shadowbrightshine]

My mom, who is in her 40s came into my room asking me about a tag she saw on a romance book sale. "Tail play" She doesn't really read romance but she was looking for paranormal fiction and she does like werewolves and they all seemed to be there. Also she was looking for one of her favorite authors and hoped one or two of her books would be onsale.

This led into a really interesting conversation. See my mom is a strong Christian, and I am too. I'm a monsterlover, and a furry. (ace and sex repulsed but I do read kink focused smut because the lead up is usually much better than normal stuff.) and she was obsessed with Vampires as a teenager.

So people aren't annoyed by the length.

She says she looked up most of them, and she figured out the rest. But one, the tail one she didn't get any results from Google searches and figured I, the self proclaimed monster lover and the one who she knows has more adult friends than she has might know what Tail play is. (I use a lot more social media and have a bunch of close friends on an 18+ server, so nice to just have other adults around. I like hanging with my other teen friends but it's nice to have a break.)

She thought it might be like butt plugs, which could be, but she mentioned it was the paranormal section and I explained it's a very popular thing to make the tail an eroginous zone. It can be used well, or used as a lazy way to get a character in the mood without trying. (I actually learned about it from gacha videos when I was 14, but I didn't know that wasn't a real animal thing for a bit so I avoided touching dogs tails so they wouldn't get mad at me lmao)

She doesn't read smut, and doesn't even really like romance. At least not when it's the focus, so when she was looking around she ran unprepared into the bottom bin romance 'trash' and actual romance trash. She was shocked by all the noncon, and she said she felt a bit sick even just reading some of the descriptions of the stories. We talked about the Fantasy but also that it's weird. It's odd that so many romance books marketed to young adults feature noncon and straight up rape.

Sometimes it feels like an excuse for lazy writers to ignore any chemistry because they can just force the sex scenes. Which is. Not good.

She also stumbled upon omegaverse and I explained it to her. I don't read it myself, I respect the place it has in internet history and fandom culture but I've never liked the alpha beta omega stuff, even before the Alpha Male Bros tm came a crawling, begging for scraps of coolness. She didn't like it. She also prefers more women in her stories and omegaverse by default is mostly men.

But one of the big things to me, was when she was talking about the possessiveness in a ton of werewolf fiction. She didn't like how everything seemed to only cater to the desire to be required to stay and to be owned. To be dominated. She says she's always preferred what little romance she reads to be more equal. Which, to me isn't surprising due to how my mom is, but may to the idea of a strong protestant Christian many have in their head.

I explained it's a very popular trope. Personally? I'm 50/50 on it. I'm up for a little "be mine" and "you're all mine" but it's just so overpowering. It's hard to find the werewolf as the sub, or without the power play.

Mom and I ended up talking about our various reader woes, her in the Christian fiction and general fiction world, and I in the fanfiction and fandom world. And the monsterfiction community.

We both spoiled ourselves by reading really good books, or for me fanfiction, and good books because my father is a Sci fi buff and has a massive collection of some beautiful stories. And also I'm autistic and if I don't think a story is good near the start I can't finish it. I can't hate read anything.

My mom and I bonded over something I didn't expect, the lead up. Mom enjoys tasteful scenes, or as she says "closed door" or fade to black sex scenes. We both love the romantic tension when written well. That's why I tend to seek out kink stuff. The lead up is more necessary. But I've never really enjoyed the sex part of smut.

And worse sometimes people stop trying during the sex scenes. Like the writing quality drops because "why try the people reading already got excited, they know what to do."

I personally love reading sexual tension, I love the kissing and the rubbing and the wanting. I love reading about the hot and bothered. But I don't like reading about genitals and I never have. Kink, especially those with unusual eroginous zones tend to focus more on that. Also monster fiction, if it is with really weird monsters, will use unique situations and open up to some amazing writing. I even skim past the actual sex scenes half the time. But if you write good lead up, I'll probably give it a look.

Mom has started to develop the "pickiness" some of us fandom lovers have as she gets older, and we bonded over the wish for more of specific things without being able to find it. Me with empty tags, her with genre issues.

Because the best stuff is hard to categorize, which is cool. But it sucks! Because it's really hard to categorize and find more of. We make it work.

But I think it was a really interesting conversation.

#shine post #monster lover #fiction books #conversations with my mom #being an ace Christian monster lover is pretty interesting #fanfiction woes #romance novels trouble #im ace #monster fucker #Christian #my mom is really cool #werewolves #werewolf fiction

[taesenigma]

illicit affairs | taekook

pairing : top!taehyung x bottom!jungkook (ft. jimin)

genre : idol au, infidelity au, acquaintances to lovers, cheating au, taehyung having a daddy kink, usually shy jungkook is a sassy bottom, oral (both receiving), smut (a little bit), anal (both receiving), angst, fluff, messy breakup au, 18+🔞

trigger warnings : infidelity, same sex smut, mentions of abuse and r@pe

summary : it began in beautiful rooms...but will they let it end up in parking lots? it was just illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares. he made him reach his ecstasy, showed him the different colours through his kaleidoscope and taught him a language only they understood. but, could it ever be more? could it be real?

a/n : i have been hearing too much of t.swift's folklore album and i'm obsessed with this song. so, i recommend listening to the song illicit affairs and also, high infidelity (midnights) by taylor swift while reading this.

note : this is all fiction. i don't support cheating or infidelity in real life. also, taehyung and jungkook are actual people and i do not claim to know them personally. so, their personalities might be totally different in here from what they are in real life. if you're new to this fandom, please don't think that this is how they really are. get to know them before you read it.

PROLOGUE - COCKTAIL PARTY

"Fancy seeing you here, Kim Taehyung. I thought you hated anything bitter.", Jungkook approached him at the bar. "This was unavoidable. You must be well aware why." Jungkook chuckled as he seated himself at the bar, ordering another drink. Unless you had a wish to terminate your career in the kpop industry, you attended Rain sunbaenim's cocktail parties. The two men didn't talk much the entire evening. But no matter how much Jungkook tried to ignore the gorgeous man sitting beside him the entire evening, he felt himself sneaking furtive glances at the composed individual sipping his drink gracefully.

"Jeon Jungkook, you're a difficult man to find these days. Seeing as to how you're our rising star, the industry's very own Golden Boy.", Rain himself came over to the bar to address the shy man. "Sunbaenim, I love the party. And I'm always available to attend your parties, you know that.", Jungkook said effortlessly with a young boyish smile. Rain seemed to be pleased with the answer as he moved on to Taehyung.

"I thought you'd be a no-show at this party too. After all, you couldn't be bothered to show up at the rest of them.", he accused Taehyung as he signalled the bartender for a drink. Taehyung merely sipped on his drink casually while Jungkook watched in gross fascination as to how he had the nerve to make their sunbae wait for an answer. "I simply know where my best interests lie at." "You never change, Kim Tae. The same cunning.", Rain chuckled, not offended at all by the blunt answer as he began talking about the stock market economics which Jungkook decided to tune out.

Perhaps, that was the exact moment he'd pinpoint when he had felt a sort of fascination – no, attraction – for Kim Taehyung, the man two years older than him, known for his voice from which honey notes dripped, literally. But, he also had the notorious reputation of being a player which caused Jungkook to be a bit weary of him. "Earth to, Jeon. Sunbae's been calling on you for the past 5 minutes.", Taehyung's voice invaded his personal thoughts as his eyes shot up to his questioning sunbae's gaze.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been a stressful week.", Jungkook apologised softly as he immersed himself into a conversation with Rain. Now, it was Taehyung's turn to admire the youngest star in the industry. He felt himself wanting to capture those perfectly shaped gorgeous lips within his teeth. To make those doe eyes stare up at him in fascination and have sinful moans fall from those lips as he fucked his pert little hole...

At that moment, he felt something twitch between his legs as such sinful thoughts erupted in his mind. Feeling his cheeks turning maroon and blood rushing to his crotch, he felt it best to excuse himself and take care of his little situation in the restroom. "Excuse me, sunbae. I have to leave early tonight.", he said in a composed voice even though his heart was racing and his dick pulsating painfully.

"Oh boy! You haven't even seen my grand finale for the evening yet!", he grumbled. "Perhaps next time, hyung. I have a situation at present.", he said with a shrug although he fixed his dark gaze on the boy sitting beside his sunbae, as if it was his fault that he was going through this predicament.

"Well, it can't be helped now, can it?", Rain said with a small frown on his crestfallen face to which Taehyung merely shrugged and gave Jungkook another pointed look to which Jungkook bit his bottom lip, making Taehyung's head spin imagining himself to be the one biting down on Jungkook's luscious lips.

Mumbling something, he left the bar and almost sprinted towards the restroom and unbuckling his jeans, pulled out his red pulsating dick and tried stroking it to the image of the blonde guy he was dating. "Um.....Taehyung?", a meek voice sounded at the entrance of the doorway. Taehyung's eyes shot up to encounter a shy and timid Jungkook standing at the doorway.

Taehyung's smirk returned to his face as he began stroking himself in front of the boy. "Having fun seeing the crime you've committed, huh? Pretty boy likes looking at dick, doesn't he?", Taehyung shot the words at Jungkook who looked utterly taken aback. "I-I'm sorry...", Jungkook muttered as he averted his gaze from Taehyung's dick.

"Want to help solve the problem, pretty boy?", Taehyung questioned as Jungkook's shocked gaze met Taehyung's teasing and manipulative one. "I-I....do you want me to?", he asked instead. Taehyung shrugged and gave him a knowing smile.

A smile he had seen endless number of people falling prey to. And Jungkook was no different.

#taekook #bts #jungkook bangtan #jungkook bts #taehyung bangtan #taehyung bts #taetae #kookv #kookie #jeon jungkook #kim taehyung #jeongguk #illicit affairs #taylor songs #clandestine #idol au #kpop angst #betrayal #lgbtq #jungkook fluff #taehyung ff #jungkook ff

[magicalbats]

hi it's doesn't-play-genshin-but-loves-your-genshin-fics anon i just wanted to report back: i've completed so many 'genshin lore for beginners' and 'genshin storyline so far' videos, and i'm eyeballs deep in fanart and random fics (especially childe dear LORD him especially god i love him oh my goddd) and i'm so blown away by how deep the story is for the game ???

i knew people praised the game for the characters and story but i didn't think it'd be THIS good, and i'm so grateful you encouraged me to go read up on it.............. the fact that some of the characters are just like regular people and others are straight up literal gods among men is hilarious and also sososo cool to me. zhongli's story was so cool and i love the fact that he's so deeply and intricately intertwined with liyue harbor and its people ;-; ♡

anway thank you it's all thanks to you ily thank you for broadening my horizons

Omggg anon 🥹 I’m so glad you’re enjoying everything so far! And just to tell you a little bit about my own experience, so you know it’s not just you who was a bit blind sided by the depth of the world building xmdmxmdm

I’ve tried a handful of other gacha’s in the past and I just could not get into them for anything. There was one I do actually really like on a theoretical level xmsmxks but I hated the game mechanics. I only played it for a few months before dropping it completely so I was very wary about getting into Genshin at first because I honestly thought I’d be wasting my time and it would just be something else I got no enjoyment out of. Im sure you can imagine my great surprise when I quickly realized this wasn’t just another cheap gacha with bare minimum effort put into it. It’s a whole ass world with extensive history and real, honest to god lore. The characters not only have their own individual backstories that span across various fields and interests and cultural inspirations, but Mihoyo at least puts in some work to further flesh them out beyond that too. Even the ones we’re still waiting to get any real spotlight shown on them have a fountain of potential just waiting to be untapped! It’s super exciting imo, to see how everything slowly fits into place to create the bigger picture of a fully functioning fictional universe, how each character is leading their own individual lives, but then you also add onto that how there are plenty of mysterious unknowns and future developments ahead of us too …

Frankly Genshin’s lore has done nothing but impress me. It gets confusing at times, yes, and occasionally theories that don’t make a lick of sense will gain traction to blur the lines even more, but overall this world feels very alive to me and our role as the traveler can be a very immersive one. I have been nothing if not impressed by the world building but it’s the characters that truly pulled me in and never let me go. lol I started playing specifically for Zhongli … and by the time I actually met him I was already hooked. 🤣 I’ve been obsessed with this damn game basically since day one and I’m still in a chokehold over a year later.

But ooooh, a Childe fan are we? 👀 I am in no way surprised, he is QUITE a man. Idk how up to date you are with the current storyline but uh, I am eagerly awaiting version 4.2 so we can see him again! (Potential spoiler??) The way he gave us his vision in 4.0 actually had me

Please feel free to come back and share all your thoughts with me! What other characters do you like? Favorite region? Which bit of lore do you find the most interesting?? I need the deets, anon! Please!

[kyndaris]

Oh! Bento, My Bento!

After a slew of interactions with less than stellar individuals on Hinge, I started to despair whether or not dating was for me and if I ought to put an end to this strange experiment of mine to find a significant other. In fact, after having someone just talk at me about how great Japanese light novels were in comparison to 'western literature,' I changed my dating preferences to women only.

Why, you may ask?

Well, I was exhausted by men. And two, because for a while I've been questioning whether or not if I wanted a man in my life.

Confession time.

During high school and even at university, I never had crushes on anyone. In Year 8, I was told that another classmate might have had a crush on me, but while I tried to suss out their interest because I was flattered by the fact (although I thought I was toad in terms of the looks department - and I honestly still think I am), I never did get a proper read of his interests and began to doubt the claims made by my friends.

In fact, for a lot of my life, I've been told by others whether or not I've 'crushed' on others. But when I try to explore my own feelings on the matter, I've not thought of them as romantic. In fact, romance is a thing I've struggled to understand.

How DO you know if you like someone in that way? I've certainly never wanted to jump anyone's bones and the mere thought of engaging in those acts turns me off.

It's why I've often wondered if I was asexual. After watching a video where a YouTuber explained their own personal experience, I'm starting to think I truly do sit on that asexual spectrum.

But men, women or anything in between, that hasn't precluded me from romancing fictional characters. And in fact, I've enjoyed my time with many a great digital construct be that Garrus Vakkarian or Riku or Morrigan. Then, of course, there's the fact that I ship any and all types of relationships although some of my favourites in recent history has been Imogen Temult x Laudna, Catra x Adora, Kaz xInej, Arenza x Grey and Tifa Lockhart x Cloud Strife (although, I wouldn't mind Tifa and Aerith somehow becoming a pair in Remake). Of course, I also read some very questionable ships like Jacob Seed x Female Deputy...so take what I enjoy reading with a grain of salt - particularly if it has anything to do with AO3. There's a lot of messed up stuff on there.

So, don't read it!

You've been warned, dear readers.

Still, it was the trip that I went on in March this year that solidified that perhaps my interests were a little bit fruity. Despite the fact that the woman was married, there was something magnetic about her personality and I wanted to be around her. Sure, I wasn't going to immediately jump her bones but I did want to know as much as I could about her.

And when I think about a few of the interactions in the past, it's been the same. I might not have admitted it to myself but during a trip to China camp back in 2008, there was another girl that I really wanted to get to know better. It was somewhat disappointing to know that she was also popular with the boys too, but a part of me wished that we would be best friends.

Did it mean I wanted to be romantically entangled with her?

Who knows. I was unsure of my actual feelings at the time though I knew there was a strange sort of obsession on my part to be a really good friend to them.

But the wider implications passed me by.

I didn't know if that made me gay or not. In fact, I never truly pondered that question properly until now. Especially when in high school, a friend pretended (or at least I thought they were pretending) to be overly amorous with me and I never felt inclined to return it.

Heterosexuality had always defined my understanding of romance and I never much challenged it until more recently.

In any case, back to my dating!

Before I was unceremoniously kidnapped by a group of my friends for an impromptu road trip down to Canberra for Oz Comic-Con (and thereby proving White Coat correct that maybe I do go to a lot of conventions), I met up with another hopeful at a small cafe in Chippendale called Something for Jess before we toured the Oh!Bento exhibit at the Japanese Foundation.

This man, from a purely objective standpoint, was probably one of the better candidates that I'd met. Dikotter (my code name for him) had a good job as a software engineer, was always intent on self-improvement and had his own interests that didn't become his entire personality. There was a maturity to Dikotter that I appreciated and found common ground with - especially when it came to our discussions after we toured the Oh! Bento exhibit and Fortress and were sitting at a dessert bar for nigh on two hours.

Dikotter was a man that didn't just talk at me about his latest hyperfixation or how strange it was that he had such 'normie' work colleagues that didn't understand video games. Rather, he was much more introspective and was able to provide more thought-provoking questions than I'd expected.

In fact, I probably came off as the less intelligent of the pair of us as he asked what I might do if I had access to a billion dollars.

He also respected that I didn't feel comfortable talking about my job and we somehow ended up on a semi-serious conversation about dictators and the echoes of current China with Mao Zedong's Cultural Revolution.

Hence the codename.

We had both read Frank Dikotter's work on modern Chinese history. And that's not something I ever thought I would share with anyone I've met on any of my dates. Most of the time, I've had the same discourse on favourite video games as men try to think of something interesting to talk about without realising how quickly they limit themselves by making these things the dominant subject.

So, yes, meeting a fellow intellectual and one that knew how to dress well (or at least not in an unironed shirt and cargo pants) and was good at making conversation/ a lively debate on the pitfalls of socialism/ communism was something I most definitely appreciated even though I wasn't sure if we had any romantic chemistry.

Does this mean there might be hope for Dikotter? Maybe.

As yet, I'm still unsure where I swing when it comes to pursuing a relationship. Do I actually fancy the fairer sex? I, honestly, don't know. But I'm also hesitant to commit to Dikotter in saying that we'd be endgame.

A part of that may come from my ambivalence in terms of romantic relationships but I think that if we do become friends, it will definitely be a much more interesting partnership than I've known with most except on the odd occasion when I chat with individuals much older than I am and who have a wealth of life experience to draw on for their thoughts and opinions.

#personal blog #dating #hinge #being asexual and trying to find a companion #frank dikotter #modern history

[angelsnuffbox]

Hello dear!

For the ask game:

An Inducement to Marry.

1-15? If you don't mind?

And if you see this then I want you to know that I love every single one of your fics! ❤

Ask me about any of my fics x

Omg thank you so much! It boggles my mind to think that you actually read all of them goshhh all my good words as well as my weird ones. Seriously thank you for putting up with them.

An Inducement to Marry isn't a fic that I usually get asked about, but I remember I had a blast writing it! I'm flattered you'd bring it up <3 It's been a while though, so forgive me if my memory lapses a little on this.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Iirc this was my second Regency AU so at the time I was just getting into writing regencyAU fics for Good Omens and it was pandemic lockdowns and I was at the height of my Jane Austen obsession. I was reading so many books on Regency era customs and culture and I wanted to read regency AUs of A/C so badly but there weren't any of them at the time, so I wrote my own.

2: What scene did you first put down?

I write all the scenes in all my fics in the same order they occur in the story! (With the exception of Strictly Business, which I have had to wrestle with for a bit for various reasons).

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I remember really liking all the parts where I went into great detail about how attractive Aziraphale was lmao here's one of them in the opening scene:

Mr Fell was also a right stunner, with eyes bright as Tadfield's perfect summer skies and hair soft as its perfect winter's snow. His countenance was strong. He had a stable, stocky build blanketed by the comfortable, if a bit old-fashioned, textiles of his clothing... A perfectly pleasing man, he was, though one who lived only with his mind in his books even when his hands were completely devoid of them.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

From Chapter 9 there's a part where Aziraphale gives Crowley a kiss on the cheek for good luck in his gambling which he says was "In the spirit of keeping you within marriageable conditions" idk why but I thought it's such a funny thing for him to say at the time. Just the most Aziraphale excuse to kiss Crowley ever.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The confession scene with the illumination! It was so emotionally charged and one of the few scenes that made me actually cry as I wrote them.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

I think it's the most Georgette Heyer-ish thing I ever wrote. The plot is a bit more complex than my usual no frills fluff (romance, comedy, banter, adventure). If I ever fulfil my (totally unrealistic) dream of being a published historical romance fiction writer one day I imagine the story would have these exact vibes.

7: Where did the title come from?

It was remixed from a line that Emma Woodhouse says in the beginning part of Jane Austen's 'Emma'. In the novel she says something like "My being charming is not quite enough to induce me to marry". In the 2020 film the line goes "I have none of the usual inducements to marry. Fortune I do not want. Consequence I do not want."

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

The part where Aziraphale talks about a romance book he likes with the line that goes something like 'For the heart has always bested the mind in performance', I made up the novel title and quotations myself but the themes were based off of Jane Austen's 'Persuasion'. I also mentioned "The Beau" in one part I think, which refers to Beau Brummell, a major arbiter of English mens fashion around the 1810s.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

None! I plotted it out on a discord chat from start to finish one lazy afternoon and it behaved exactly like I plotted, thankfully.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Do I even write about any other pairings lmao

11: What do you like best about this fic?

See answer for no. 6!

12: What do you like least about this fic?

The opening scene is pretty hefty, and some comments did mention that they had a hard time getting past it. I was new to Regency style writing at the time and got too enthusiastic with trying it out. If I were to write that fic now I probably would be more concise about it. Also would try to make it funnier.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I wrote almost all my Regency AUs while listening to the Pride & Prejudice 2005 and the Emma 2020 OSTs to get me in the old timey mood.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Cheese ice cream is valid and it's hella fuckin delicious and also coming from an Asian perspective, it's far far from being the weirdest ice cream flavour out there.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That gambling culture in the Regency era was wild

#ask #ask meme #my fics #thank you #anon #anon ask

[montdargent]

mid-year book freak out tag

thank you @pinkasrenzo for tagging me (? maybe accidentally? was it just a mention who knows)

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2023? The wee free men, by Terry Pratchett: witches, scottish fairies and a coming of age story set in the discworld universe. what's not to like? officially my new favourite discworld series

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2023? A hat full of sky, by Terry Pratchett: these are just excuses to talk about the tiffany aching series tbh. also granny weatherwax is back, so that's easy money

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? Deadly ever after (Rivers of London graphic novels), by Ben Aaronovitch: the rivers of london novels, novellas and short stories are not enough. i need to inhale these graphic novels too. i can't wait for chaotic river goddess twins shanenigans!

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2023? The deep sky, by Yume Kitasei: not many anticipated releases for that time, but it was reccomanded to me and the synopsis sounds right up my alley

5. Biggest Disappointment? Leave the world behind, by Rumaan Alam: a cool premise but incredibly boring execution and not my preferred writing style. a disappointment mostly because it was so amped up

6. Biggest Surprise? No exit, by Taylor Adams: i'm not usually into thrillers, so i didn't have particularly high expectations. but it was really good at building tension, delivered a satisfying ending and had a badass final girl that was easy to root for

7. Favorite New Author? Alison Bechdel: read "Fun home" because a friend of mine wanted to show me the musical and fell in love with it. i can already tell why her works are considered queer classics and i plan to read everything i can find by her

8. Newest Favorite Character? Tiffany Aching: see point 2. most children protagonists fall a bit flat for me or they have at least a couple of moments where their actions or internal monologue feel just unauthentic. and then an adult british cis man writes a smart, lonely, strange little girl and he makes me feel like he knew my child-self better than most family members. and that's why i love terry pratchett (among many things) and why i would die and kill for tiffany aching. she is the one true heir of esme weatherwax and i can't wait to read more of her

9. Newest Fictional Crush? Jordan Baker (from The chosen and the beautiful by Nghi Vo): what can i say, i could never resist a bisexual brunette who was too smart for anyone's good and falls a bit in love with everyone <3

💕Best Ship💕 Blue/Hamal (from Taproot by Keezy Young): just some cute friends-to-lovers fluff with plants and ghosts. honourable mentions are: the extremely toxic polycule from tcatb. that's for new ships, but i have to mention peter/beverly: they're still the best power couple in the greater metropolitan london area (i know i cheated and said three but i can't choose)

10. Book That Made You Cry? I'm glad my mom died, by Jeanette McCurdy: a very tough read, especially with the audiobook narrated by the author herself with all the emotion she puts into the reading. not for the faint of heart, but the pain is absolutely worth it

11. Book That Made You Happy? The fey and the furious (Rivers of London graphic novels) by Ben Aaronovitch: it's a comic version of a series i love, about fairies and drag racing. the pun in the title! i was smiling ear to ear the whole time

12. Favorite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? Nimona (2023): i just finsihed rewatching it and i will do it again. i was obsessed with the gn at 18 and i'm obsessed with the movie now. between this and she-ra nd stevenson just owns my ass at this point. even with all the changes from the original, it still captures the spirit of it beautifully, with all the added layers of how the author changed and grew since then. i love it with my whole queer heart <3

13. Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year? i don't write reviews anymore, but maybe i should start again just for myself

14. Most Beautiful Cover? The priory of the orange tree, by Samantha Shannon: colour scheme? on point. lettering? beautiful. a dragon? fuck yeah

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? ideally i'll complete my reading challenge, but for now i just hope i finish the ones i already started, so "One hundred years of solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez "Cemetery boys" by Aiden Thomas and "Circe" by Madeline Miller

[transenbyconfessions]

cw for sexual content and discussions of sexuality, internalized transphobia, possibly (?) internalized misandry/ace-phobia? also cw for gacha game purchases, just in case

so i'm a early-twenties transmasc demiguy who's identified as fully acearo through my whole childhood+adolescence and recently i started experiencing romantic (and possibly sexual?) attraction towards other male-aligned people, mostly fictional but a few real people as well.

i recently got really really into "nu: carnival" which is an 18+ BL porn gacha game. the characters in this game are very autistic-coded in my opinion, and almost all the characters (love interests + protagonist) struggle with various traumas that I relate to deeply, so I mostly find the game deeply cathartic and emotionally fulfilling (as a traumatized autistic person myself). i actually got so invested in one of the characters' stories that i bought him for $110 USD, and spent another $20 USD on gacha pulls in hopes of getting a different character as well. like it's gotten to the point of obsession, frankly.

but also, getting really invested in these characters emotionally makes the actual porn scenes like... work on me (been considering I might be demisexual but I'm not sure yet). so since starting to feel attraction and also since engaging with nu:carnival content, i've actually been hornier and masturbating more, and being this horny has actually been giving me wild amounts of gender euphoria.

i feel kind of guilty about that honestly because that's like one of those stereotypes you know? that men are horny all the time? so i kind of wonder if that's like, misandristic or acephobic to get euphoria from. but then again maybe the euphoria isn't actually from doing something "only men do" as much as doing something that is true to myself + also frequently perceived as masculine? i dunno. i certainly don't consciously think "all men are horny constantly + anyone who's really horny is a man" but i guess i kind of wonder if feeling gender euphoria about sexual desires kind of implies that sort of thing...

while i still have all this context written out, i also wanted to confess/vent a little about a slightly different but related topic (where the internalized transphobia cw comes in). still related to nu:carnival, i went on tumblr to search for content about my favorite characters, and I didn't find much actually but I did end up seeing a lot of discourse saying that fujoshis should or shouldn't be playing the game. apparently there was something about a bunch of minors on TikTok trying to gatekeep who's allowed to play an 18+ game?

anyway i understand the discomfort of not wanting gay men fetishized, but seeing those posts actually made me really uncomfortable and guilty as a gay trans man, especially because I'm a little non-binary, it kind of made my internalized transphobia stir up again and tell me that as a non-binary man I'm not a "real" man and I'm the same as the fujoshis as an afab ""invader"" on gay spaces and my brain knows that isn't true and that there's gay and achillean spaces that are non-binary inclusive and not transphobic but it's just kind of sad how much of a blow that dealt to me. like for me to read "fujoshi" and not be sure whether or not that gate is meant for me as an afab achillean.

so yeah this got really long but tldr; i'm exploring my sexuality and gender but I'm not sure if I'm wanted in gay circles and I'm also not sure if feeling euphoria about my sexuality might actually be the result of internalized phobias. as for the latter it sounds a bit close to the "trans men are just escaping internalized misogyny" argument for me to take it seriously yet but... yeah

#internalized aphobia #internalized transphobia #trans #transgender #nonbinary #non binary #non-binary #nb #enby #aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #transmasculine #transmasc #ftm #trans guy #trans man #transgender man #transgender guy #demiboy #questioning #internalized misandry

[g-gurokisses]

Ahh it's a fairly embarrassing crush. Celebrity crushes on adults as a minor is perfectly normal, ask a parent and they'll tell you something like Johnny Depp or Leonardo Caprio. Thing is, a little toxic trait of mine is me genuinely thinking I can get with him.

He's four years older than me, a streamer, and goodness is he my type. What's absolutely infuriating though is there's an entire sub genre based off of crushing on him. I know some people reading this might know exactly who I'm talking about, and to that, no snitches 'til I feel confident to say lol!!

The reason why I genuinely think I can get with him is considering he moves around America a lot, so it'll be no surprise if he lands at my state. Hell, one of his famous friends was at my city!

He also knows who I am.. barely. But to me that makes it more exciting. He laughed at my chat log once, it was literally just 'eat the soap' when he was playing a game about a girl who's pretty traumatized and would eat anything. She ate one of those fake cherries on Christmas decorations once.

My auntie (not actual aunt, I don't have one. I call my friend my auntie) even made some sort of subliminal for me to see if it'll attract him in any way. I still use it, and whenever I use it he flies closer and closer to my state. Once I was painting him and I smelt brownies and clean clothes, which is a sign it's working!

Thing is, is that he's a gay man. No, I'm not a woman, I'm a transmasc, but there's a bug in the back of my mind screaming that I'll never be with him because I'm so feminine. I'm nearly two feet shorter then him, overweight, etc.

He was in San Diego recently doing meetups, which was closer then his last meetup. I won't say exactly where I am, but it's closer.

I have polariods of him, art prints of him, I have personal fanfictions my auntie wrote of me and him.

But then reality hits sometimes. I can't and will never be with him. He's a legal adult, four years older than me. I'm feminine. When I am the AOC he'll most likely be dating someone.

Which just drives me to become more obsessed.

I say the thrill of him not knowing me is fun, and that it's romantic, but it's insufferable. It's one of those cases where you go, 'not to self diagnose but something is definitely wrong here'.

It's horrible, but I love it.

Don't get me started on his close friends and the person he's in contact with the most.

I already made a promise to myself that if the day comes he's with one of them, things will happen. And I will make it known why.

-🍄🌸

Thank you for sharing this with me!!

My my... What a long confession this is!! I don't really understand how you feel, these behaviors are quite foreign to me. But I can somewhat understand where you're coming from. Parasocial relationships like this can feel very realistic.

However, as the responsible yandere enthusiast I am, I will still make some remarks about this. I'm sure you love him very much, but I think it's just nice to remember that you probably don't know the real him. Whatever he displays on social media and the internet does not reflect who he really is. Not only that, but I really don't think you should be putting yourself down for being too feminine. Cis men get away with being pretty boys all the time!! The issue is not your gender. If anything it would only be your age. Be careful with interacting with adults like that, you're putting yourself in dangerous situation. It should always be on the adult to not initiate something, but young people who show active interest in adults often get caught in bad positions by people who take advantage of that.

If I'm truly honest I think this is a bit much. I hate to be like this, but I personally think it's important to separate this level of obsession from fiction/hobby to reality. I have obsessive tendencies, I get jealous, I require constant reassuring, I have anxious attachment and I get clingy often. But there's a limit I put to myself and I only ever display these behaviours with people I know, trust and are okay with it.

But this person is an adult who is probably in a relationship. Maintaining an obsession will most likely just end up with you doing things you regret. I'm not sure what you mean with "things will happen" but I don't believe that's healthy for a young person like you to be saying. And I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume this friend of yours is not a legal adult as well. Because if so was the case, I don't see why they would be encouraging you to take meassures against this public figure being with someone else.

Hopefully you take this well. I do not mean ti offend you or disappoint you. But this seems a bit much to me. I enjoy yanderes, but I do not consider myself one. And furthermore, I am an adult. I know what I'm doing, and I know how to act. As a child, you should probably not dive into these topics just yet, and maybe not with such aggressiveness.

If you'd like to talk about this more or if you believe I misunderstood something, let me know!! But I'll mantain my opinion about this until then. Remember, all I've said is with the best intentions and I hope you understand me. I love you. :)

#yandere #yancore #darlingcore #anna.txt #anna talks #anna answers #yandere anons #anon asks #serious talk #🍄🌸 #🍄🌸 anon