#(but boy is it frustrating - they know each other better than anyone and she doesn't think it's weird how differently he's

[findafight]

Wait. Wait. Kinda part 2 to this post. For the angst of it all. Cw: implied and assumed homophobia

Because sure, after that dinner Joyce relents in not being, y'know, openly confused or frustrated with Steve being around. El obviously adores him and Jim is always glad when he comes around. Joyce can put up with Steve for them. But she's a stubborn woman, and somewhere in her mind, Steve is a Bad Egg. So she's still not 100% on board.

All this rears its head one night after a lot of their world saving group has had a movie night and ended up in a puddle on the floor. Steve is squished between Robin and Eddie, snuggled up all cozy. Joyce sees this when she quietly pads out of her bedroom to just. Check on the kids.

Eddie and Steve are sat up, Robin's face pressed against his hip. They're whispering something, heads leaned close. And they lean in further, silhouetted by the moonlight filtering in, and kiss. It's pretty chaste, though not a peck.

Joyce's blood boils. Steve has a girlfriend, he should not be going around kissing his friends like that, stringing them all along. She feels strangely vindicated, that her assumptions about Steve were right, that he wasn't actually a good guy or had changed at all. She almost yells at him then and there, but holds off. No need to wake everyone up. She can lecture him in the morning.

Once everyone is fed and lounging in the late morning, she pulls Steve out onto the porch.

"I saw you kiss Eddie last night" she says, without preamble. "And I cannot believe you would think behaviour like that is acceptable in my house."

Steve blinks, clenches his jaw. "Jo--Mrs Byers. I--"

"I don't want any of your excuses! It's despicable what you're doing, and I won't have it. For whatever reason, those kids look up to you. What kind of example are you setting for them? For El?" Steve's eyes widen, and if Joyce hadn't been so caught up with her anger she probably would have seen that instead of being ashamed or embarrassed, Steve is scared. "She looks up to you so much, though I can't imagine why. You need to clean yourself up, Steve. For real this time. You can't go around doing whatever you want. It's disgusting and disrespectful. Did you even consider the people you'd hurt? How doing shit like that would affect the lives of people who care about you? They deserve better than that." She shakes her head. Arms crossed. Steve is tense in front of her, but he doesn't say anything. To her, that's as good as confession. "Everyone talks about how you've worked hard to improve yourself, become a better person. But after last night? I just don't believe it. No one who's really changed, really a good person, would do what you did." She sighs. "You should probably leave now."

Steve nods stiffly. "Right. I'll. Uh, I leave. Can you...please, don't tell anyone, ma'am. I'll Grab my bag and I'll get outta your hair, but don't tell. I'm so sorry. Please." She purses her lips. His girlfriend deserves to know, but Joyce has no clue who that is (it might be the Robin girl attached to his hip, but she has no way of knowing). She nods once. Steve's shoulders slump.

Stepping back into the house, Steve quickly and jerkily snags his backpack from the corner it was shoved into before leaning over to whisper something in Robin's ear. The girl nods, looking worried.

He doesn't look at Eddie.

For a while, her house is Steve-free. Joyce breathes easy, hoping their talk was a wake-up call for steve. He is painfully polite when they bump into each other, Robin usually by his side with a strained customer service smile. Small talk is non-existent.

But then Will starts getting quieter. Maybe avoiding her. Certainly does his best to be small and doesn't look in her eyes. She has no idea what's going on, and she's worried.

What if the Upside Down came back? What if there's something wrong with her boy? What if everything they've fought for and sacrificed didn't mean anything and it's never actually over?

She tries to talk to him, but he shrugs her off, says he's fine and not to worry about it. Assures her it is definitely not the Upside Down.

Finally, after two weeks of Will looking absolutely miserable when he talks to her, she gets Jonathan to try. Tension around the house is high, Steve is barely around and always skitters away when he sees her, and in combination with will, it's out everyone on edge.

She doesn't mean to eavesdrop. But she doesn't not mean to either. It's just that they're on the porch, and she was in the kitchen and heard something, and when she went to see, she heard them talking.

"it's not--i want to tell you but it's not my secret to tell."

Jonathan sighs. "Will. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong. Please. Talk to me. I'll love you no matter what, you know that."

Will heaves a breath. "I had a talk with Steve --" and oh, the rage in Joyce's chest when she hears that. What did he say to her boy?? "And...uhg. fuck. Okay, you have to swear, swear! You're not going to tell anyone what I'm going to tell you. If you figure it out, because I don't. It's not mine to tell."

"okay. I swear. I won't go spilling Steve's secrets."

"you have to mean it, Jonathan. It's dangerous!"

There's ruffling fabric. Jonathan's voice is softer. "I promise."

"Steve said he was telling me because he thought we might be...similar. In some ways. And he talked about who he's dating. And that Hopper and El and Robin and Eddie know. And that they're all safe. Y'know? Like you are."

"okay..."

"and I said you were, and he said that was really good, and then emphasized that if I ever wanted like, and actual grown up to talk to, not just another teenager, Hopper was safe. But. The way he said it made it seem like...I don't know, but something was off? And I asked him." There's a pause. "I asked him if Mom knew. And he said yes. But he hadn't... Before that, he hadn't said she was safe. Jonathan..."

Something...wasn't adding up. Joyce was trying to puzzle what she wouldn't be safe to talk to about. She'd been in the tunnels and Upside Down and through it all. Her children, and by extension the children that had helped save them, were always safe in her house. To come to her if they felt unsafe. Why Steve would tell her own son she wasn't --

Will continued. "Steve said that it'd probably be different because I'm her kid, y'know? She--she did all this stuff to get me back and to keep me safe and loves me. So she could. So she'd maybe change her mind. For me."

"Will..." Jonathan's voice sounds pained.

"but what if she's not? What if that's where it ends? Shell save me from a demogorgon but not love me for this. Steve's saved my friends half a dozen times, Jonathan! He got--he got tortured" that is not something Joyce knew. When the hell did that happen? "with Robin to protect Dustin and Erica, Billy beat him half to death when he stepped in to protect Lucas and Max! He's good! I'm not as close to him as the others but he still told me. He trusted me enough with a secret that I can't even say outloud about myself yet! And Mom still-" will hiccups, and Joyce wishes she knew what he was talking about. Wishes he was saying these things to her, so she could comfort him.

Heaving a breath, Will is quieter. "Steve's the reason no one's died. He's El's first brother. And she still called him disgusting for-- for kissing someone he loves."

Ice fills Joyce's veins, a heavy pit balls in her stomach. Because that's not--she didn't--it wasn't like that.

But Steve had begged her not to tell anyone. Had stood still and not tried to justify anything and called her ma'am when he asked her not to tell. Held himself still when she was around and bolted at the first possible opportunity, leaving disappointed people in his wake. Oh, shit. Oh, she's fucked up so badly. Hurt some kid because she was suspicious of him from over three years ago and assumed the worst. Instead of realizing that maybe the reason he and his girlfriend were keeping it quiet was because he didn't have a girlfriend at all, and that the boy he kissed that night was his boyfriend, she had just assumed he was cheating. And then she'd told him he was disappointing and disgusting and a bad influence on the kids. Even after, he still made sure Will knew there were safe people around, that he'd have someone to talk to. And all she'd done was make him scared of her.

"oh, buddy."

Will's voice is muffled, and Jonathan has probably pulled him into a hug. It cracks when he speaks. "how can she say that about Steve but still love me? When so much of this shit's been my fault?"

"none of this is your fault. Don't believe that, will. No one blames you or El for any of it. You know that, right?"

"okay..."

"it's true. And as for mom...I don't know." Jonathan huffs "I'm not sure. I'm sorry, buddy."

Joyce turns then, feeling sick. She shouldn't have eavesdropped on her children, but now she had she was going to make things right. Hopefully.

Ensure everyone, including Steve, knew she was safe.

Part 3

#joyce byers #will byers #steve Harrington #jonathan byers #steddie #stranger things #steve and el #is implied its more in the first bit #finda writes stuff #finda's rambles #misunderstanding #implied homophobia #joyce doesn't like steve au #add the part 3/part 2.5 link two days later sorry pals

[xaviersjames]

Hi everyone!!!

So the other day, @inmymagnetoera posted a poll asking who'd say 'I love you' first between our gay boys (seriously go check her blog out if you haven't, she's incredible and SO FUNNY and I always look forward to her polls.)

So I had a chat in the comments with her and @vertiginousvendetta and it inspired this work!!

I'd like to thank the two of you for this inspiration, it really got rid of my writer's block. (seriously two of my FAVOURITE mutuals.)

@inmymagnetoera think of this as an appreciation post for the fic you wrote for me a couple days ago. <3

I hope everyone likes this!!!

Charles and Erik are slightly more than friends, and slightly less than boyfriends. <3

Note: This does contain semi-mature content, nothing EXPLICIT but still.

~~~

Starry Nights and Sunny Mornings

Moonlight spills in through the high windows of Charles' study, illuminating his eyes and leaving them even paler than usual.

Erik pulls his knees into his chest and rests his chin atop them, calmer than ever.

It's nights like these that are his favourite.

While the rest of the mansion is asleep, the universe casting a blanket of darkness over them, he and Charles are the only ones up, a chessboard on the low table between them—the cup of tea between his hands almost as warm as Charles’ smile.

He feels safe, protected, at peace—like never before.

Before his eyelids can droop further, Charles stands and curls a set of nimble fingers around his forearm.

“Bed rather, darling.” he says with a glint of mischief in those pale, pale eyes.

These nights always end the same.

Almost every single time, Charles walks Erik back to his room and some small part of him knows—he knows, hopes, in fact, that he won't make it inside, at least not alone. One of them cracks first—because one of them always will—and kisses the other, fiercely, gentleness nowhere to be found. It doesn't matter how tired or frustrated Erik is, his body will always awaken at Charles' touch, like electricity crackling through his veins.

Erik doesn’t exactly know what they are. Maybe he’s too afraid to ask.

All he knows for certain is that Charles understands him better than anyone else has—that Charles is closer to him than anyone else has ever been. And if Charles doesn’t feel the same, well—he’ll take whatever he gives him. He’d rather have him momentarily than never at all. He tries not to think about it—about Charles getting tired of him and moving on to the next person. It hurts too much.

Some nights, like tonight, Charles doesn’t bother with the preamble and simply intertwines his fingers with Erik’s and leads them back to his own room.

They crash into the sheets and they crash into each other—powerful enough, Erik presumes, to create ripples in the fabric of space and time. It knocks the breath out of him, as it always does, on nights like this. He feels the exhaustion being pulled out of him with every roll of Charles’ hips against his. And the sound that Charles makes as he comes undone against him—it’s enough to rattle his bones, to shake his soul, to light it up from within and make it vibrate with wondrous energy.

All it takes is for Charles to whisper, “Erik,” against his cheek for him to come undone himself. He’ll never get sick of it, he doesn’t think. He’ll never get sick of the sound of his name on Charles’ lips. He’ll never get sick of the way Charles slumps down against him and pulls the sheets up over the two of them and wraps a hand around Erik’s waist, telling him to sleep darling, you of all people deserve a good rest.

~~~

Mornings like these will always be Charles’ favourite.

Sunlight whispers across his bare skin, liquid warmth, along with Erik’s calloused fingers.

On most mornings like these, he’s woken by Erik leaving kisses all over his face and his throat. Every single time, he pretends to be asleep. He pretends to be asleep long after Erik stands and leaves, trying to calm the racing of his heart—hoofbeats of some mythical creature venturing across his ribcage. He thinks if he opens his eyes and has to look Erik in the face first thing in the morning, it might hurt him too much.

First thing in the morning, he can’t pretend. He can’t hide behind the franticness, and the desire—he can’t use that as an excuse. If he were to open his eyes and look directly at him, Erik might see the raw emotion on his face. And he can’t have that. Because Erik would never want that. Would he? It seems impossible.

So he takes whatever Erik is willing to give him, when they both have a significant amount of tension to relieve.

That’s why he’s surprised, that on this particular morning, after Erik leaves a sloppy, open mouthed kiss on his jaw, he whispers into the sunny morning air, so soft that Charles barely hears it, “What would you say, Charles?”

And oh, oh God, Charles’ name always sounds like something remarkable on Erik’s tongue. It takes everything in him not to shiver. Not to sigh in relief.

"I can’t even bring myself to say it aloud, let alone aloud to you. I wonder what you’d say, Charles,” and he buries his face in Charles neck.

Charles hears, loud and clear, Erik’s next three words, in his mind, each of them punctuated by a slow, messy kiss.

I

love

you.

Charles almost gasps.

But you know that already, don’t you? You must.

And with a sigh deep into Charles’ skin, he sits up and Charles can feel the mattress shift as he gets up, and can hear the door whisper shut as he leaves, leaving Charles confused and amazed and wondering.

It's a long time before he dares to open his eyes. To move. When he finally does, he rolls over to the space where Erik just was, the sheets still warm, and buries his face into the pillow, still smelling of Erik.

"I love you, too,” he whispers into the morning light, before getting up to chase after him.

#xmen #charles xavier #x men #x men first class #x men movies #erik lehnsherr #scott summers #wolverine #x men apocalypse #x men dark phoenix #logan howlett #cyclops #jean grey #the darkling #x men days of future past #days of future past #alex summers #mystique #raven darkholme #magneto #professor x #cherik

[ochako-deserves-better]

Touch-starved pt. 2 Katsuki Bakugo x Ochako Uraraka (romantic)

continuation of this post In this version, both Uraraka and Bakugo have romantic feelings for each other. If you want platonic Kacchako, read this!

"Stay?"

Bakugo doesn't answer right away. Right as Uraraka releases his wrist, however, Bakugo finally speaks. "Why?" he manages, his voice tight.

"Because I want you to?" she tries, replacing her grip on the boy's wrist. He flinches again. Uraraka frowns, "No retort?" she regrets the words the moment they leave her mouth. "Sorry," she apologizes quickly. "Come sit with me? We don't even have to talk, if you don't want to."

"Fine," he manages, allowing the brunette to lead him back to the bed. As they sit, Bakugo instinctively tries to put space between them but Uraraka doesn't seem to allow it. She matches his maneuver perfectly. Bakugo considers moving again, but opts to allow the girl's thigh to press against his.

They sit in semi-comfortable silence for a few moments before Uraraka spoke again. "Can I hug you again?"

"Why?" Bakugo asks. "I'll just crush you again."

Uraraka pouts, puffing out her cheeks. Bakugo suddenly can't look her in the eyes, coughing into his fist as he turns his head. "Will you stop?" she says teasingly, "I already told you it was just the angle. And it's not like I'm that fragile. You know that better than most people."

"That's true," Bakugo says with a short laugh. She has only gotten stronger as they've grown, not that she was ever truly weak to begin with.

"So? Can I?" Uraraka presses, praying she didn't come across as wanting too much to return to his arms.

"Whatever," he says in response, "I guess." Bakugo kicks his legs out, swinging them back in an attempt to gain enough momentum to stand. Uraraka stares at him in confusion.

"You just said I could hug you again. What are you doing?" she asks, the shame of rejection prickling her skin.

"I know?" Bakugo tilts his head slightly, seemingly just as confused as Uraraka. "I just assumed... I dunno. I needed to stand for that, or whatever." Bakugo's normally confident air fizzled into something Uraraka has never seen from the boy.

"People cuddle on beds all the time?"

"Cuddle?!" Bakugo exclaims, his eyes wide. "You said hug! Cuddling is--!"

"Just hugging but sitting down?" Uraraka snickers. She has never seen Bakugo so flustered, and likely never will again, so she's enjoying this sight for as long as she can. "Or laying down too, if you want."

"What are you saying?! That's some couple shit! I--We--" Bakugo growls in frustration, his face practically glowing in embarrassment.

Uraraka blinks a few times. "It's not like anyone would know. I won't tell if you don't want me to." She pats the mattress, "Are you joining me again or not?" Uraraka winces at her own tone. She was trying to comfort Bakugo at first, but her own annoyance has begun to twinge at her nerves. Is doing 'couple shit' with Uraraka that bad an idea for him?

Saying nothing, Bakugo flops unceremoniously onto Uraraka's bed. He seems upset. "Bakugo if you don't want to--" she cuts herself off with a squeak as Bakugo's arm wraps around her and yanks her to his chest.

The angle is awkward and a little uncomfortable. Uraraka tries to ignore the pain in her spine, Bakugo is holding her by his choice, when would she get to experience this again? Eventually, though, the pinch in her spine becomes too great to ignore. If she asks to move though, he might leave again. She'll have to be daring.

Uraraka leans hard into Bakugo's shoulder, twisting his body with the force. Bakugo makes a noise, confusion with a touch of irritation, but follows her lead, swinging his legs onto the bed. Perfect. "Lay down," she demands.

"Ha?" Bakugo stammers, "I-"

"My back hurts," she explains, separating from him to look him in the eyes. His eyes are wide, mouth slightly quivering as he seemingly fights against a new expression that attempts to take over his face. "It'd be better if we just.." She lightly pushed his shoulders, coaxing him down.

"You're.." Bakugo starts, he seems to decide against it, because suddenly Uraraka loses the resistance and crashes onto Bakugo's chest. He's going along with it?! Uraraka can't help but smile against the black fabric of his tshirt. "Is this okay?" He asks as his hand settles between her shoulders. His voice is surprisingly small.

Uraraka hums in agreement. Feeling brave, she slides one of her legs over his hips, settling her body, essentially, on top of him. "Is this okay?" she asks.

Bakugo says nothing, but the hammering of his heart gives him away. Uraraka suppresses a giggle. "Have you never done this before?" she asks.

"Have you?" Bakugo counters.

"Of course I have," she laughs. Her laugh quickly dies as she hears him scoff. She clarifies, "The girls have cuddle time, like, weekly, Bakugo. Remember what I said earlier? Hugs reduce stress. Other than Jirou, because she's not big on physical touch, the rest of the us all climb into Momo's bed all the time."

"....As a group?"

Uraraka rolls her eyes, "Of course as a group. It'd be too intimate if it was just... two.. people," Uraraka realizes her mistake too late and trails off, grabbing a fistful of Bakugo's shirt in her hand.

"Is this too-"

"No."

"But you just sa-"

"I know what I said. But it's fine. You're different." Uraraka's head is screaming. She vaguely hears Bakugo's breathing quicken, the gears turning in his mind. She has to change the subject right now if she wants their relationship to stay the way it is. "Why were you doing your work in the common room?" she asks again.

"Are we just going to ignore--" he starts.

"Yes," she mumbles into his chest, turning her face into the fabric of his shirt to avoid catching a glimpse at his face. Unbeknownst to her, her companion was staring at the ceiling, desperately trying not to overthink the situation they are in.

"Fine," he sighs. "I... uh." Bakugo struggles for a moment, starting and stopping the sentence a few times. "Nightmares," he relents. "I've had them since I was a kid, but it's only gotten worse. Being around people helps. For whatever reason." he explains, his voice rough as though the words physically hurt him.

"What happens in the nightmares?" Uraraka asks, rubbing soothing circles on his chest with her thumb.

"I don't know. I don't usually remember 'em. I just wake up feeling like I'm dying."

"Since you were little?"

"Since I got my Quirk, yeah."

"Did this help when you were little?" Uraraka asks, "like, snuggles from your mom?" She pauses. "Not that I'm comparing myself to your-- ew. That's NOT what I meant! I--" Uraraka lifts her head to better look at him in her panic.

Bakugo's laughing. Truly laughing. Granted, he is laughing at her expense, but Uraraka couldn't find it within herself to care about that. "Relax, Cheeks, I knew what you meant." His hand drifted from her shoulders to her hair, lightly pushing for her head to return to his chest. His hand didn't move, instead she feels his fingers tangle into her hair. "You're nothing like my mother." He murmured, more to himself than to her. "But honestly, I don't know. We aren't the hugging type."

"Not even when you were little?"

"Nah. Wasn't worth the risk with my Quirk. What if I got too sweaty and blew up my grandma? Be a surefire way to ruin Christmas."

Uraraka partially pulled away from him again, upper body straining in order to make eye contact with him. "That's bullshit! You were a little kid! They should've found a way! It wasn't your fault that your Quirk was strong!" Uraraka can feel the fire building within her. She sees him in her mind. Katsuki, maybe five years old, waking up from a dream only to have his parents turn him away. She feels her eyes burning with tears. He was probably so scared.

Bakugo visibly begins to stress. "It's fine! I'm fine. Uraraka, I learned to deal with it on my own! It-"

"But you shouldn't have had to!" she retorts. "You were little and you were scared!" The tears spill over and fall down her face, "You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel how loved you are."

Oops.

Bakugo's face twists in confusion. "What are you talking about?" Uraraka tries to scramble away to escape her own embarrassment but Bakugo quickly wraps his other arm tightly around her, locking her in place. "Nah, you don't get to leave after you said what you just said."

"Bakugo, please. I--" She hides her face into his chest again, her entire body ablaze in shame.

"How loved am I?" he asks. She whines. "You might as well say it."

"I don't like how smug you sound right now," she mumbles into his chest, ignoring the laugh she hears in response.

"Fine. It's getting late anyway." She feels him pull her off of him. "Goodnight," the bed shifts as he stands, shaking Uraraka out of the stupor she was in.

Swallowing her pride, she stands, snatching his wrist again. "You're so loved, Bakugo. By Deku, by Jirou, and Kirishima and Denki and..." she pauses, "a-and me."

She hears him take a deep breath, the sound more noticeable to her now that air refuses to fill her lungs. He turns around, wrapping his arms around her waist and picking her off the ground. He holds her there, red gaze boring into her. "Is that true?"

She nods, pressing a kiss to his cheek. When he didn't respond, she backtracked, "sorry. I thought maybe-- it doesn't matter. I can still, we can still-- if you have nightmares I want to help you, okay? This doesn't have to be weird-" he squeezes her, knocking the air out her lungs and silencing her.

"Will you stop?" He sets her down, before not-so-subtly wiping his hands on his pants. "It's not weird. I just--" he sighs aggressively. "I'm not good at this, okay?" He leans forward and ever-so-gently kisses the top of her head. "I have to go. But-- tomorrow? We can- I don't know."

"Okay, yeah. Tomorrow," she smiles, a giddy blush coating her already pink cheeks. "But Bakugo? I'm serious. If you have a nightmare..."

"You'll be the first to know." Bakugo echoes her smile with a small one of his own. "I- uh." he hesitates, "Goodnight."

Uraraka giggles, feeling what Bakugo couldn't get himself to say out loud. Not yet anyway. "Sweet dreams."

#bnha #bnha drabble #bnha writing #kacchako #mha #mha drabble #mha writing

[piracytheorist]

Damian Desmond, the bully and the victim

I'm prefacing this by saying I was bullied as a kid at school. It was not the worst bullying story you'll ever hear, but that makes no difference in bully victims, cause no amount of "It could be worse!" can heal the life-long scars bullying leaves in you. I'm not saying this to evoke pity or sympathy, but to give context for my point of view in this analysis.

My two most prominent (and persisting) bullies through my school years were two boys, unrelated to each other and in different times (one was in elementary school and one in high school), who both had divorced parents and lived with their mothers. I don't know the full details of what their relationships with their fathers were, but I can easily guess that there were unfulfilled wishes in their lives, and once they found me they were like "That's who I'll burst out my frustrations on". As if I didn't have my own issues at home, but why would my problems matter from their point of view?

The thing with bullies (and abusers in general) is that, for the most part, they don't understand the pain they're causing - and if they do, they think their victim needs (tough love situation) or deserves it. Everyone is a hero in their own story - I regrettably made fun of a classmate a few times, out of my own need to feel superior for once after having been on the receiving end for so long. And I can tell you that my justification for doing so was something like "I am smart and this kid should listen to me, if he does he will become smart too!". It was only much, much later that I realized that didn't hold and the kid was actually hurt by my uncalled-for behaviour. Usually, bullies don't have the empathy, or if they do they simply don't put it to use, to see things from their victim's perspective.

And in all the praise I have to give Endo for writing Anya very realistically as a child, I also have to give it to him for how realistic the bullying is. It starts immediately, uncritically. It persists and the stupid excuse of "Just ignore them" doesn't work at all. Anya gets angry and upset at it, to the point of violent outbursts and tears (though thankfully presented in such a way that the audience doesn't blame her). Combined with his conflicting emotions about her, Damian has found the perfect victim for his bullying; Anya is an outcast (aside from having Becky, thank god), has physical attributes he can make fun of, and because of her wanting to help with Operation Strix she just constantly presents herself to him, when normally she would try her damnedest to avoid him (like Becky always advises her to).

Everything Damian does is an outburst of his own feelings of neglect. I know manga readers know more about the family dynamic, but as an anime only I've also been given enough to understand it's very, very problematic. But that's not an excuse. Having trauma on your own does not excuse thrusting trauma upon others. I mean, you think Anya, the orphan from the lab who didn't have anyone to give a damn about her happiness until she had to manipulate both her ways into getting a father and then a mother, has less trauma than Damian does???

It's not an excuse, but it's a dynamic for Damian to become better. Damian's behaviour problem doesn't only stem from him being neglected; it's also from the fact that he hasn't been taught sympathy. Which, like, makes sense. His father is an ambitious politician who genuinely believes that it's impossible for humans, even relatives, to understand each other, and had no qualms saying this right in front of his kid.

When it comes to Damian's behaviour, it does not matter that those words hurt him terribly. He doesn't have the emotional maturity and empathy yet to understand that he's only perpetuating the same toxic behaviour with his classmates. The fact that Donovan felt so comfortable saying those words in front of both his own son and a total stranger shows that it's something he's used to; and such traits can very easily be passed on from parents to kids without even consciously trying.

Meanwhile, while Anya had a much worse time while being used as a science subject, she was taught the idea of peace; in the first episode flashback, the scientists talk about how they can use her powers for world peace, to justify cutting her play time short in favor of whatever they were doing with her. When Twilight thinks that understanding her will lead to world peace, she immediately starts complying with that. And when she hears his thoughts about how he wants to create a better world, she decides to stay with him as his daughter to help him in the mission, despite understanding the risk and knowing that whether the mission fails or succeeds, Twilight will walk away in the end. She understands the idea of kindness and good. Maybe the way she was introduced to it wasn't the most noble - after all, the scientists were using it as an excuse to practically abuse her - but she still knows and understands enough about what it means for someone else to be happy.

Damian… doesn't. For the grand majority of his presentation he doesn't do things for someone else, in fact, he's so used to others doing things for him that we always see Ewen carry his backpack for him.

I do not doubt that Ewen himself, being the bootlicker he is, offered to carry it, but the fact that Damian never once went like "Nah it's okay man I can carry my weight today" is very telling about how not used he is to doing things for others.

However, his dynamic becomes interesting and receives redeeming qualities because of the times he does show altruism. First when he stops the ball from hitting Anya in the face during the dodgeball game, (though he instantly and openly regrets doing that). And it wasn't from conscious thought - it was an action purely out of protective instinct. Then, when he's the instigator of consoling George Glooman when the latter thinks he'll be moved out of the school. That one he also regrets doing, but it's much more understandable and it doesn't take away the sympathy he showed him.

There is something he constantly does, however, with someone else in mind; he studies hard and tries to excel at school to receive Stellas, in order to get his father's attention. His way of getting that attention has been so messed up by his upbringing that he thinks the only way of getting any positive interaction with his father is by working hard to not be a "failure". And even that hides some personal motives behind it, because the poor kid longs for some affection from his family. Donovan's character and the distance Damian has from him, his mother (when he calls home, he talks with their butler, not her), and his brother all combined do not allow the kid to understand the concept of doing something to make someone else happy, even (or especially) if there's nothing in it for him.

That's not selflessness; that's a neglected kid pushing himself to prove to his abusers that he's deserving of their affection, something he naturally craves and obviously misses from his life. Tough "love" is so prominent in the Desmond family that Damian had no hopes of growing any differently.

He has the potential to become better and has only been held back because of his family's toxic environment. But he needs to develop a conscious understanding of altruism first if his character is to grow into a morally better area.

You can't just give a character a painful backstory and expect audiences to automatically root for their happiness. You need to show your character also has grown empathy because of said painful experiences. We see it with all three mains. Anya was treated as a lab experiment; you start rooting for her when you see that she wants to help bring peace. Twilight went through a war as a kid; you root for him when he says he wants to create a world where kids won't go through the same thing. Yor lost her parents when she was very young; you root for her when you learn that she took care of her brother and gave him opportunities for education and a better future that she rejected for herself in his favour.

So yeah, I do feel sorry for Damian. But right now I only root for him to understand the meaning of making someone else happy — the meaning behind his own protective action over Anya in the dodgeball game and the sympathy he showed George. When he does that, and he realizes he has more in common with Anya than he dares to accept, it's only then that he'll grow from a layered but still toxic bully into a character audiences can root for.

It's also not the responsibility of Anya of all people to take up all the abuse from him and be the one to help him build up some character. It has to be him making the realization, and Anya can choose to be a friend to him as he does that, but in no way can his development depend on her.

(Again, anime only fan here, don't spoil me for the manga)

#yeah uhm this has been in my drafts for like two months #that post I saw made me want to clean it up and post it #the shipping is one thing the whitewashing of his bullying is another #Spy x Family #sxf meta #Damian Desmond #(if you see this in the tag and reblog just to argue with me no you didn't) #(discussion is welcome but pointless arguing is not)

[crows-home]

Do you sometimes wonder if Maria had oldest daughter síndrome ™ and what was going through her head while they were haunting down his little baby brother who she never was able to protect and knows how poorly he is treated by everyone else but her ?

hooooo boy ok. i have so many thoughts about Maria Robotnik anon. You're lucky i have free time right now to ramble.

THIS ENDED UP SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD SORRY LMAOOOO

Maria is somewhat of a blank slate, no? at least, she was in the beginning. Her main purpose was "tragic backstory." and there's something to be said about girls/women in media and their only roles being support for the male characters and their arcs. but those are big conversations that other people are more verbose in digging into. also i'm sleepy.

Maria, to me, has always been a blank slate. If not, she's always been the "perfect, proper, glass child." Poor Maria, so soft-spoken, so kind, but sick. She died sacrificing herself, don't you feel bad for her?

i don't think Maria has eldest daughter syndrome. It's something adjacent, though. It's a suppression of emotions, especially negative ones, that can be seen as eldest daughter syndrome. It's the expectations that have been put on her, by herself, to be kind, be courteous, be good.

Because Maria has a terminal illness, perhaps since she was born. The people in her life care about her so much, her grandfather takes her to space because it lessens her condition, there is a massive project going on to save her life!!

Maria doesn't get to be sad. She doesn't get to be angry. She can't show any of these emotions, can't scream and cry about how unfair all this is, can't speak out against people talking like they've already lost her when she's right fucking here. She can't be "difficult". Because her family has given so much to her, for her. They're so sad when they look at her, she can tell. So, I think, Maria puts this pressure on herself. To smile and be happy and positive, so as to not worry or bother anyone.

Children do that, when they perceive themselves to be a burden. It doesn't matter if they're explicitly told that or not. Maybe the adults in their life tell them "God, taking care of you is so expensive. Do you know how much better things would be if you weren't here?" Or maybe their family is loving, but at the end of the day, they see their parents struggling to pay bills, struggling to put food on the table, and wonder "Is it because of me? Am I weighing them down?"

So they become what I like to call "low-maintenance." Never taking more than is needed, because they're hyper aware of the resources they're taking. They make sure to stay happy and agreeable, because they don't want to cause trouble or bother anyone.

In my head, this is where Maria was at. She was happy, sure! No doubt, she loved her family and her grandfather and she loved Earth so much, so desperately did she want to be a part of it.

But she could never talk about the ugly bits. About her anger and frustration and even the depressing thoughts.

I think she started to with Shadow.

Here's her little brother, this little guy that was born from a test tube to be her cure, but has a soul all his own. Who she could talk to about these tough things.

"I sometimes wonder why I was created," Shadow might say.

And Maria, her soul aching, understands.

They come to their own conclusions, on the ARK, about who they are. Shadow is treated like an experiment, a pet, a thing, rarely ever with respect. By most, except for Maria. Maria looks at Shadow and sees family.

With Shadow, she can be moody. She can be snappy. Shadow can be silly and as unserious as he wants without constantly being under the proverbial magnifying glass. They are siblings, that's what they do!!! They don't have to put up this front like they do in front of other people. They don't have to be perfect when they're around each other.

"I feel guilty," Maria might say. Her voice might quiver and shake, like she's admitting something damning. "For existing, sometimes."

Shadow, absolutely floored by the admission that his sister is not always happiness and sunshine, understands.

I love headcanons and aus where Maria is allowed to be just a Weird Little Girl or really get into what she might have been into (goth, macabre, art, etc.) It gives her depth. It gives her life.

So I imagine all this, all the ways this young girl kept herself amicable and calm and pleasant, because she's so afraid of being anything but. Then I imagine all of it coming away when she's with her brother.

Then I imagine her running down the hall, grabbing his hand as the alarms blare. She is filled with love and hope for a world that she was never sure she would get to see. But by God, Shadow will see it. I imagine that there was always the possibility of death looming over her life, and the bullet just sealed it. I imagine the guilt that she feels when she pushes the button that sends him down. I imagine the fear and sadness she feels at the thought of him being alone, ultimately knowing there's nothing she can do. But hoping it was enough.

#answers #pobre payasito #sth #maria robotnik #sorry anon idk if this is what u were expecting #did i project a little? whos to say. #look if i think about maria and shadow too long i will cry #i have a wip thats just of maria. about her life and what she might have gone through. i need to finish it... #sorry my words arent very pretty. this is sloppy. my brain is mush and im really tired but. i needed to get this out. #i think about maria robotnik so much. theres so much i didnt include in this post. im too tired to. #but i mainly focussed on the eldest sister thing and what she was thinking about with shadow #ok gn everyone

[thatiranianphantom]

No, but it really is going to be okay, a rambly Nancy Drew/Nace meta

I'm just closing my eyes and picturing this:

I feel like you can sum up my thoughts on 412 as this:

But should you be in the mood for a brain dump (hopefully a reassuring one?), click that cut, my friend.

Okay, let's get some disclaimers out of the way to begin with.

I only read the subtitles, and watched certain parts, didn't see the entire episode. So there could very well be nuance here that I am missing.

I, too, am frustrated with how this season has shook out. Being disappointed that they are literally leaving things to the finale is valid. I would never have done the season like this given the chance. And being let down by that is okay! Goddamn, there was a lot of lobster boy in this season, and they, as of now, inexplicably expected the viewers to be emotionally invested in him?

I could end up being the world's biggest clown, and be 100% wrong on everything, or again, there is nuance here I didn't see or consider, leading to me being wrong. I am accepting that as a real possibility.

HOWEVER,

Here is what (to my understanding) the show would like me to believe:

Due to something maybe involving the pickled curse, Ace had to choose to save Captain Thom or the captain Alice, and he saved Thom but couldn't save Alice. Captain Thom and Ace are alive and do not remember, and yet Alice is still dead.

Ace was riddled with guilt and called Nancy, who on her own, erased this, mooting the conversation we saw in 408. This only erased the memory of the sin, not the sin itself. Nancy didn't undo the sin, she just erased the memory. We know this, because Alice is still dead.

Ace and Nancy are no different in 408 than they were in 409, the only thing that changed is the events of the night of 408, which they do not remember, thus it wouldn't have altered their behaviour.

George, Nick, Bess and all of the crew were unaffected, memories and behaviour wise, by anything that happened. There is nothing supernatural coming between Ace and Bess, nothing that is making Nick push Nancy towards Tristan, nothing that is making Bess and George particularly close.

The Nancy of 409-411, the one who referred to Ace as a "relationship" and her "ex", is no different from the Nancy of before 408, who was pining hard over Ace. Again, the only thing that changed, neither of them remembered.

Ace and Nancy are cold and bitter to each other in a way they've never been in 4 seasons. He didn't want her at the Seder, so much to the point that Bess panics when she shows up, despite inviting both her dads and her dad's girlfriend. And yet that relationship, which, again, is portrayed quite differently in 409-411 than before, is enough for Nancy to abandon the entirety of her morals and belief system to save and protect Ace. Instantly.

Nancy and Ace have some memory of being something to each other, enough for them to acknowledge them both not having moved on, but the actual interactions they are referring to are and have been extremely vague since 409.

Ace, the person who knows Nancy better than anyone, is attached enough to a ghost that he will yell at Nancy repeatedly and ask her why she has to solve something. A ghost he met what was canonically probably no more than a few days ago.

Tristan, who has been in 5 episodes, and the ghost, who has been in 3, are just as significant as love interests as the 4-season buildup to Nace.

George is moving away from Horseshoe Bay, and completely supports Nick's relationship with Jade (this one may be real, but my Fanson heart doesn't want it to be).

Very little from early on in the season connects to later in the season in a significant way.

The connection Nancy and Tristan have (a relationship 5 episodes in the making) is stronger than the connection she feels to Ace (a relationship 4 seasons in the making).

Look. LOOK. Look.

Maybe some of this is true. Maybe indeed, Nancy and Ace have truly just moved on, they are different people, they are interested in different people. Maybe platanchors can't platanchor forever, and they truly did intend to do away with 4 seasons of character development (How very HIMYM of them).

But in Nancy Drew, a show that nearly always lays out its mysteries with explicit, agonizing detail, and centers itself around the fundamental concept of love being the most powerful thing in the world, capable of spanning time and space, that is a lot to ask me to swallow at face value. All of this together makes very little sense, given what we've seen, not only in the past season but the past year.

And these are a few things that I find, at best, extremely fishy about the whole affair.

Why hasn't Nace or anyone mentioned the curse since 407? Nick is pushing Nancy to Tristan despite having a despondent Ace grieving over Nancy at his doorstep two episodes ago?

How am I expected to buy that between 408 and 409, Nancy and Ace just up and moved on, decided they were nothing to each other, and jumped right in with their whole asses to their love interests, if the sin that was erased only changed the events of one night, which until now, neither remember (and Ace still doesn't). The fights also really seemed to show that what they remember and what we, the audience, saw, is fundamentally different.

The mystery seems so lackluster. I don't know how to explain it except that the writing on the mystery seems so lazy in a way it never has before, unless there was a twist that upends the entire thing that they've been laying hints for this entire time. I believe we still don't know what started the fire in the first place. We know that in order for the Sin Eater to erase a sin, you have to pay a toll. What if the toll was Nancy and Ace forgetting what they were and Nancy being bound to the Sin Eater? That would explain both the forgetting and the connection with Tristan. We still don't know what Chief Lovett and Nashua's connections are. Via Kennedy, we still don't know Tristan's full importance.

The ND writers are very well aware of what the fandom wants. They are extremely interactive with the fandom. The writers are still talking to the fandom. I just have so much trouble envisioning a scenario where they essentially say "lol just kidding on that nace thing, enjoy the chronicles of nancy and lobster boy" in the penultimate episode, unless there is a twist we weren't expecting that brings the whole thing back to Nace.

Openly admitting this is thinner and more subjective, but I feel like Kennedy has been about as reassuring as she is allowed to be, the writers have been tweeting things like "there is nothing to be afraid of", and this episode has been described as setting the bases for 413's home run (or something to that effect, I don't sportsball).

It almost seems like they want us to take this at face value, to set it up for the Nace twist at the end. ND loves its ending twists.

And all of this (so close to shutting up I promise) brings me to the 413 description.

Few things here. While it is possible that Nancy figuring out the sin she erased was the "most shocking discovery yet" I have some...pretty severe doubts. And if it wasn't, we haven't gotten to that revelation yet. And we know based on this description that this revelation has something to do with Ace. Again, it is possible that this is Nancy finding out about her sin, but it almost feels like that's been dealt with in 412? Are they going to...rehash it again in 413? I doubt it. This lends a lot of credence to my theory that there is a twist yet to be had. One that will bring us epically back around to Nace.

Now, could I be wrong about all of this? Maybe. I haven't seen the finale, I am but a clown on the internet. And again it is valid to be disappointed in the way the show has chosen to approach this. I do think there is a conversation to be had about the somewhat aggressive way we consume media, especially when given access to artists via social media, but that is an entirely separate conversation. But do I think Nace is over and done for good and we should just give up now? All I can say is

#Nancy Drew Spoilers #Nancy Drew CW #Nace #Nancy Drew

[noxexistant]

OKAY SOOOO /mention of threat of violence and anxiety

one of the newsies goes to David's but accidentally tracks mud in and then frantically tries to mop it up with his shirt getting more and more upset apologizing hoping Mr jacobs doesn't hurt him too much.

[screams] ouhhh i love this

all of the newsies are so incredibly anxious in ways that davey just cannot understand, despite all of his own anxiety. at his core, he’s always known that his parents - his home - are beacons of safety, even with all of the stress and the conversations he’s not really supposed to overhear and the watered-down soup and the piles of letters on the sideboard by the front door. his aba can be short-tempered sometimes, especially after his injury left him so frustrated and helpless, often unable to even find peace in sleep, but he’s never made anyone in the family his target. even on his worst days, when he’ll leave halfway through dinner to go to bed because he just can’t take les’ chattering and sarah’s problem-solving and ima’s worrying, he’ll kiss each of them on the head before he goes, muttering his goodnights and blessings in his familiar yiddish.

the idea of being afraid of his father is so foreign to davey that he forgets it’s second nature to most of his friends. that, to them, his aba is just a man, tall and scary and rough as any other. a father - a concept which couldn’t possibly hold more negative connotations to most of the boys.

jack is charming and polite and talkative with davey’s aba, acting as the perfect young man to cover up all his fear, but davey can always see it in how he watches meyer’s every move and tenses when he moves too fast or talks too sharp. race doesn’t trust meyer one bit, won’t speak to him unless meyer speaks to him first, mostly just eyes him suspiciously and ducks his head. crutchie has no idea how to interact with meyer, and is largely just his usual bright awkward self like when he’s meeting new people, but he won’t let meyer anywhere near touching him.

it’s sniper who tracks the mud in.

it’s pouring down with rain, and david’s house had been closer, so even though he doesn’t exactly know sniper the best out of all the manhattan newsies, it’d seemed the obvious thing to do to when he passed sniper on his way home to invite him to come home with david. wait out the rain, maybe have some dinner with them - “my ima’ll be done with cooking ‘round this time, and she loves the company.” but apparently sniper’d missed the memo, and david has failed to clarify, that he’s got a father too.

sniper freezes completely the moment he steps through the door and sees meyer sat at the table, thumbing through post.

david fails to notice. he heads further inside, pulling his hat off and beginning to strip off some of his soaked outer layers, introducing sniper to his parents as he goes. meyer glances up and lets his gaze travel down the thin, bedraggled boy in the doorway - an all-too familiar sight, by now - and his gaze sticks to sniper’s worn boots, full of holes and clearly soaked through. he’s concerned, but sniper misreads the attention, immediately dropping his own gaze to his shoes and turning back to the few wet, muddy footprints leading from the front door to his spot in the hallway, and panic grips him.

“sorry—“ he chokes out immediately, and has to swallow the instinct to add, “fù qin.”

he knows better. he knows better. but he’d let his attention wander, overwhelmed by the new place - so much larger than his father’s room above the deli - and the smells, rich food and the scent of a home, not just laundry.

he knows he’ll be in worse trouble for it with his father later, but he strips his shirt immediately from his shoulders. there’s nothing else he can use, and the filthy rainwater and mud are settling on the old wooden floors, and, frankly, sniper’s shirt’s already filthy and soaked and his father will kill him regardless - it’s only the practical thing to do to try and keep davey’s father from killing him too.

“i’m sorry,” he repeats, as he crouches quickly to the floor and starts mopping at his mess. it shouldn’t be a difficult job, it’s the same as work he does every day at the laundromat, but—but his shirt’s filthy and soaked through, so rather than mopping the mess up he’s just making it worse, pushing the muddy water around the floor. the mess is just bigger now, and looks ten times worse. he can feel his heartbeat racing in his chest.

“i’ll clean it, i’m cleanin’ it, i’m really sorry,” he assures uselessly, trying fruitlessly to do exactly that. his hands are all wrinkly from being wet in the rain all day, so cold that the joints are stiff, and he keeps losing his grip on the heavy, worn fabric of his shirt, knocking his knuckles against the floor instead. it hurts, but he reminds himself it doesn’t hurt near as much as what’s gonna happen if he keeps fumbling like this. he doesn’t even know what kind of man davey’s ba is, whether he’ll be angry enough with this display that sniper‘ll have to run, but he figures he’s about to find out as he hears footsteps approaching.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, if—if you could bring me a towel, please, i’ll do it myself, my-my shirt’s too—i just—it looks like i’m making it worse, i swear i’ll clean it all up, and i’ll wash the-the—“

the blood rushing in sniper’s ears like roaring wind crashes suddenly into silence as he’s…wrapped in something warm. he doesn’t dare look up, knows better than to make eye contact, but he looks confusedly down at himself and the soft, worn towel draped around his shoulders, covering him where his damp undershirt leaves him bare.

“it’s—it’s alright,” davey’s voice says from somewhere above him, shaking slightly but fighting to be something like soothing. “you’re not…you’re not in trouble. my little brother - oh, you—you’ve met him, les - he tracks in mud all the time. so much of it. and he never cleans up after himself, ima has to tell him, it drives her crazy. —but she never really gets mad. and neither does aba. they’re not…they’re not like that.”

very, very slowly, sniper forces his gaze up from the floor and dares to meet davey’s. davey offers him a smile, looking half terrified and maybe a quarter guilty. behind him, meyer’s smiling softly too, his face all…open and gentle, his whole body unmoving from where he’s settled in his chair like he’s real comfy. davey’s ama’s mostly gone back to fussing at the food she’s making, humming a tune sniper doesn’t know that doesn’t sound like anything he’s ever heard before.

he flinches when there’s more footsteps suddenly approaching, but it’s only a girl - maybe older than davey - with another towel in her arms. she drops it unceremoniously to the floor and then follows it, crouching to begin mopping at the mess.

“i—“ sniper tries to say, but the girl looks up and smiles at him.

“dinner’s ready. you and david go sit down.”

sniper wants to argue that it’s his mess and her house, her dinner, but she jerks to head to encourage him off again, still smiling. “go! i’ve been picking at the food the whole time ima’s been cooking.” she drops her voice to a playful whisper. “i’m not even hungry anymore.”

“i told you!” david’s - and his sister’s? - ama cries, but her tone is just as playful. she’s smiling as she dishes up the food, and david’s stood sort of hovering between the table and sniper - knowing better than to try and touch sniper to pull him up - so sniper forces himself to his feet. he sits down at the table where davey directs him to, the seat as far from meyer as possible, and pulls his towel blanket a little tighter around himself.

by his second helping of dinner, and more bright chattering and well-loved funny stories than sniper’s ever heard, meyer is so far from his fù qin in his head that sniper can hardly recall his own fear. and he feels a little better going back to the laundromat that night, knowing that maybe there are some fathers that aren’t like his own.

#i’ve been looking for an excuse to talk about sniper and this was the perfect opportunity #i hope u don’t mind anon #answered #anonymous #sniper newsies #sniper wah #david jacobs #meyer jacobs #sarah jacobs #my writing

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 2/5

Book blurb:

Unforgettable, snarky, and romantic, I Hope This Doesn't Find You is Never Have I Ever meets To All the Boys I've Loved Before if Lara Jean wrote hate emails instead of love letters.

Sadie Wen is perfect on paper: school captain, valedictorian, and a "pleasure to have in class." It’s not easy, but she has a trick to keep her model-student smile plastered on her face at all times: she channels all her frustrations into her email drafts. She'd never send them of course -- she'd rather die than hurt anyone's feelings -- but it's a relief to let loose on her power-hungry English teacher or a freeloading classmate taking credit for Sadie's work.

All her most vehemently worded emails are directed at her infuriating cocaptain, Julius Gong, whose arrogance and competitive streak have irked Sadie since they were kids. "You're attention starved and self-obsessed and unbearably vain . . . I really hope your comb breaks and you run out of whatever expensive hair products you've been using to make your hair appear deceptively soft . . ."

Sadie doesn't have to hold back in her emails, because nobody will ever read them . . . that is, until they're accidentally sent out.

Overnight, Sadie’s carefully crafted, conflict-free life is turned upside down. It's her worst nightmare -- now everyone at school knows what she really thinks of them, and they're not afraid to tell her what they really think of her either. But amidst the chaos, there's one person growing to appreciate the "real" Sadie -- Julius, the only boy she's sworn to hate . . . .

Review:

Rival academics with a touch of To All the Boys I've Loved Before in this story about a girl who's emails about her rival and the entire school are sent... and now she has to deal with the fall out of it as well as possibly falling for the one guy she never thought she would. For 10 years Sadie Wen and Julius Gong have been competing against each other. They've made everyone at school's life a bit difficult with their extreme need to beat each other. Sadie hates Julius, she hates how perfect he is, how handsome he is, how smart and mean he is. The only way to vent her angry? Draft up emails to him and everyone else whenever they make her angry... except now suddenly all those emails have been sent out. Now everyone is getting to see the real Sadie, and the careful "perfect" image of herself is going up in flames. Yet one person seems to appreciate the real her... and it's none other than Julius. The more Julius and Sadie begin to talk to each other after the truth is revealed the more complicated the feelings begin to grow and Sadie is starting to realize that maybe the boy she's been obsessively trying to beat... the one person who is constantly on her mind might be the perfect person for her. This one was meh for me, I had really high hopes for it but it kind of fell flat unfortunately. I just couldn't really vibe with Sadie and the situations she ended up in just didn't make sense. Sadie is suppose to be super intelligent but can't even keep a diary or oh I dont know, a word doc of letters but saved a ton of draft emails and then doesn't make sure that they are properly locked up and can't be sent? I don't believe it. Also she goes from being outspoken and to being walked over by people, she'll want to out do Julius but never speaks out about people using her and letting herself be a pushover to please people? Pick a lane girl, either you can stand up for yourself and are a go getter or a timid people pleaser. Also the romance with Julius barely even felt there and I love academical rivals to lovers stories. It literally barely happens by the end of the book. I wish I liked this book more, it had the elements of all the things I usually love, but it just missed the mark for me sadly. If you enjoy academic rivals to lovers give this one a go, maybe you'll have a better time with it than I did.

*Thanks Netgalley and Scholastic, Scholastic Press for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #book #i hope this doesn't find you

[gwyns]

the “four books” build up thing is so odd to me, bc sjm doesn't really do that? At least not that I can think of, she introduces a character and they’re together fairly quickly, just take Ruhn and Lidia (which, I find the progression of their relationship to have been so bleh but alas) she doesn’t write relationships that progress really slowly, and given how the bat boys are, wouldn’t they tease Az about it? Sure Rhys would be like “this is bad for politics” but there would be more of a teasing tone than a “don’t fuck everything up bc you’re horny”

ok even if sjm were building up e/riel to bake a little army of baguette babies, there is factually no four books of build-up. she was writing elucien and moriel in acomaf, nobody except the most extreme of women haters thought of e/riel as a thing because, at the time, it was never intended to be

i wouldn't even give them three books of build-up like some gwynriels like to claim. nothing in acowar between them tips them over into strictly romantic territory. acofas is where the lines blur a bit for me, mostly their behavior was... odd but i could see a little crush, at least from elain's pov if i squint. then of course we have acosf and it's them trying to fuck their problems out on each other

basically no matter which way you look at it, there's no way in hell they've had that much "build-up" lol

but yeah i agree with your last point! i know many hate rhys or whatever blah blah but that's my high lord. azriel confirmed that he (currently) knows him better than anyone else, so rhys would be able to see if he truly cared about elain. the fact that rhys questioned him, giving him many chances to explain himself and his feelings towards elain, and still forbid him? yeah he understands that az isn't seriously at all. just jealous and frustrated lmfao

#antielriel #anti e/riel #asks #anonymous

[angelicyoongie]

THIS CHAPTER WAS CHEF'S KISS! You're an amazing author and your writing is so compelling! I love yandere BTS stories and in each story I tend to rate the characters based on the level of danger they represent as yandere 👀

So far, this is what I'm getting from the boys in Lovesick (Vlll) as MTL dangerous:

Taehyung  5/5  redflags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Oooof, I find Tae to be  the scariest and most aggressive! I don't think he would physically hurt Yn. However, I assume that he wouldn't be above mentally terrorizing Yn to make her stop considering leaving them? I noticed how easily frustrated he gets when YN rejects them and I think that's the scariest side of him.

Out of all of them, he also seems to be the one that Yn won't be able to fool. Yup, I think Tae is  that type of yandere and I'm excited to see more of him 👀

Hoseok 5/5 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Not only Hobi drugged Ynie, apparently, he would also kill anyone for her just to keep her safe?

I assume that Hobi is the type of yandere that doesn't always think things through and tends to take the rashiest decisions under tense circumstances (is this the reason why he ended up drugging her?)

But unlike Tae, Hobi is one of the most delusional in the group and would be tricked by Yn if she manages to convince him that she loves them? I dunno but he's giving me that vibe.

Jimin 4/5 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Just like Tae, I'm pretty sure that Jimin won't be easily tricked by Yn's facade 'cause he's an officer and can probably see right through her lies. Unless she really gets on his good side and gain his trust, I highly doubt that she'll be able to fool him.

Is Jimin the most perverted in the group? I have a feeling that he would spy on her during her intimate times 👀 I still can't get over THAT ONE gift he gave her lmao

The only reason why I'm putting him in the TOP 3 most dangerous is because he and Tae would make one scary duo.

Yoongi 3/5 🚩🚩🚩

Yoon is giving me "quiet and obsessive stalker" that is satisfied with just hovering around Yn for the time being.

He knows that she hates them, he's aware and will take things slow with her.

Yoon and Joon are probably the most manipulative ones? I think he would lie to her and change narratives to make the situation seem less terrible than it actually is. Yoon is calmer and more put together than Namu tho.

The way Yoon lied about being an accountant and planned that encounter with her at the park (along with Tae) was what convinced me that he's very manipulative.

Namjoon 3/5 🚩🚩🚩

I think Namu is the manipulative, delusional AND controlling type of yandere. Very, very controlling to the point of making Yn feel constantly frustrated. The way he said that he would take care of everything until she feels better made me wonder if he'll take her to go see the doctor? 👀

He also can't help himself and wants to hover around her all the time.

Jin 2/5 🚩🚩

Jin doesn't seem to be as dangerous as the others so far but I could be very, veeeery wrong. He's the delusional type of yandere and the easiest to trick because of that, I guess?

I have a feeling that Ynie wouldn't have a hard time to gain his trust.

Unlike Jimin and Tae, Jin and Hobi seemed to really believe her "quick acceptance" of the situation and that's why I'm assuming that they're the most delusional out of all of them.

Jungkook 1/5 🚩

Considering what he said to Yn at the end of the chapter, I assume that Kookie is the most aware that this situation is very messed up. He was ashamed to even look at her 'cause he feels guilty and knows that she's hating them rn.

He's that type of yandere that knows it's all wrong, feels regretful but still goes along with it all cause he desperately wants Yn's love just like the others.

I'm considering JK to be tamest one? But I could be wrong, who knows 👀

In short, I think they're all deranged in different levels but they won't physically hurt Yn.

I definitely wanna see more of them and I'm really excited for the next update ❤❤❤💜

Thank you so so much for both your kind words and taking the time to leave me such a detailed comment, it made me so happy!! 😭💖

Taehyung definitely belongs at the top of the list! He isn't the type to be physically abusive, it did make him sad/offended when the MC thought he was going to hit her, but he's not above using scare tactics to fuck with her head (i.e. the blood covered roses). In his head he is doing something romantic, but he also knows that pulling certain stunts will mess with her and hopefully keep her away from other people. Taehyung is harder to fool than many of the others but he's also a tad more delusional than Jimin, so Jimin takes first place when it comes to being suspicious of MC's compliance!

Hoseok is "tamer" than Vmin in some ways, but he's also worse in others. He doesn't like the idea of causing MC any distress, that's why he kept it so simple in his letters and gifts in contrast to vmin. But yes, he's also a lot more impulsive and rash in his actions and that's why he didn't even think twice about drugging her (and potential murder!). He's more of a "it'll work itself out somehow" type of person. I would say he's fairly realistic, like with how he pointed out how the MC hates them in the last chapter, but I think he would be quick to lower his guard and give into his own delusions a bit more once he seems a situation safe. Like with how the MC is now trapped there with them and can't run off. So, he's generally a bit more chill than vmin, but he's also willing to go to lengths a few of the others aren't – like murder.

Yup, Jimin is the toughest nut to crack! I feel like it would a very long time before he would fully believe that the MC actually loved him back. Jimin is by far the most perverted one, lmao! Once we get to the smut it'll be split into pairings/groups so that they all get some alone time with her, but you best believe Jimin would've loved to stay to watch if given the chance lmao 💀

Quiet and obsessive is a very good description of Yoongi! He's knows it'll take time before the MC begins to like them, and he's willing to wait no matter how long it takes. Yoongi doesn't necessarily enjoy lying to her, but he'll do it to de-escalate situations or to make himself look better in her eyes, even if it's only temporarily.

Namjoon is all of the above haha! Joon is the type to bring her to the doctor and then argue until he's allowed to stay for her entire examination, no matter what kind she's having 💀 He wants the MC to be healthy and well taken care of, but he also doesn't trust anyone besides himself to really do it right.

Seokjin is fairly tame! He and Jungkook are probably the "best" type of yanderes you could have. He just wants to spend time with the MC and be around her. The MC would be able to gain his trust pretty quickly!

You summed up Jungkook's character very well there, haha! I think JK might be a tiny bit more intense than SJ just because he's younger, but he is very tame still.

You are correct 😉 Thank you so much!!!💖

[previouslyafangirl]

Brave

So this is my first time watching this movie, adn I have some thoughts on it :)

I adore every member of this family, especially the Dad's puns. "I'll take you with my bare hands!" as hes fighting a bear! It's such a better movie that they made the mom irritating, but they didn't make a villian out of her. Everyone in the family has quirks and frustrations but none are "evil". What I love most of all is that they so clearly love eachother. No matter what the problems are, they love each other and want to be a family.

The dynamic between the mom and the dad was awesome. It's so amazing see such tiny seeming moments on screen, demonstrating a healthy couple supporting each other no matter how minimal it sounds. I am still learning how to have a healthy relationship and also with neurodivergence, I at least learn a lot by watching movies/tv with that healthy dynamic just to see it demonstrated (a tool I'm sure a lot of kids who grow up in houses that don't have that healthy dynamic demonstrated could benefit from).

There is so much therapy aspects in the movie. For one the mom and dad role playing a conversation with Merida so the Queen could practice what she needed to say, and the dad could give some advice if needed (and just his support). Similarly, Merida practicing conversations on her horse. But what stuck out the strongest to me was the forced role reversal between Merida and her mom. I've heard therapists discuss this technique in a more controlled setting, but it seemed to work exceptionally for Merida and her mom. Of course they are fictional characters, but it was a well thought out character growth moment.

I remember when this came out some people were mad about Merida being gay. For real guys, she's a literal child. That's why she didn't want to get married. I love gay rep, I just don't see it in this one.

With the point that she's a child, I'm so glad they didn't make her be a grown up to save the world. She saved her mom by crying in her mom's arms, allowing Merida to maintain that sense of her parents will be there for her when she needs them. Also I don't want to see anyone calling her spoiled or selfish because she's a literal child behaving like a child. Plus yes it's set in history, but there's magic that turns the queen into a bear, it doesn't need to be entirely accurate.

The siblings seemed such an accurate dynamic. Yeah they'll help, but it will cost, unless they also have frustrations with that person.

My favorite thing about the movie was the emphasis on communication, and how excellent of an example it was on how to have that communication.

We know that afab children tend to be given more lenience for gender nonconformity ata young age than amab people do (this sometimes changes closer to adolescence), I wonder if the boys were to act in a more stereotypically feminine way if the dad would support them. I like to think he would. I do wish he would be a little more of a disciplinarian to his children at times as it's not fair to leave that all on the mom. Kids need to good parents, not a fun parent and the disciplinarian. That might have eased the tension between Merida and the Queen a little as well since she clearly views her father as an ally against mom.

Overall I really loved this movie and did add it to my Christmas list. I might add more latter, idk we'll find out.

#disney #pixar #disney pixar #merida #brave #princesses #disney princess #family dynamics #psychology

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Lapis Love [Ch. 3]

Nobility AU; Fantasy AU

TW: Language

CW: Arranged/Political Marriage

Genre: Romantic Comedy, Fantasy

Pairing: Mercenary!Liu Yangyang x Noblity!Reader

Y/N Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Summary: When hit with the sudden news that you’d be married you freaked out and with the help of your brother you ran away to avoid becoming embroiled in a political war. However, your betrothed was just as freaked out as you were and sent a mercenary after you. When you’re two paths cross unknowingly, suddenly your month journey to refuge becomes that much more interesting.

(3/?) [First] | [Previous] | [Next]

[NCT Masterlist] | [Other Groups Masterlist] | [Lapis Love Masterlist]

Word Count: 4.2K

Notes: I have decided that the queue function on this damn site doesn't want to work for me anymore so :D It's fine AHAHA I hope you enjoy <3 As you can see, I'm in my fantasy writing phase lol

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

You were definitely strange. That’s what Yangyang’s initial thought of you was. Especially now. As soon as you’d walked into the tavern you were very near a loss for words. He didn’t know what was more probable, the fact that you’d never been into a tavern or the fact that you were just afraid of large gatherings. He could read it entirely from the shock on your face, you weren’t used to places like this. Where the hell did you come from, then? He had his suspicions when you’d helped out that street urchin earlier but he thought himself well acquainted with the noble families in Eotias, and he’d never seen or heard of anyone who looked remotely like you before. Then again, despite being a man, you oddly matched the description he was given on the small parchment. How frustrating. All he had to work with was a tiny piece of paper and the knowledge that the Winter Noble used ice magic. Of course, aside from physical characteristics, he was certain that you weren’t the Noble he was looking for. Any person could match these features, hell, he just saw another person walk by who matched them. Then, a loud guffaw echoed across the tavern, and while his head whipped over to where it came from, he just barely noticed that every muscle in your body tensed up.

You weren’t used to this. Just who was this companion he picked up?

“Are you good?” Yangyang asks.

“Just fine, thank you,” you replied. Then there’s that. Your vocabulary was too refined to just be the average traveler.

To say the least, his curiosity was getting the better of him. If there was one thing that would definitely bite him in the ass one day, it was his insatiable need to get to the bottom of things.

He only spoke to you because of the curious bracelet on your wrist. The simple ringlet of silver with the obvious Lapis Lazuli in the middle of it. The one thing he needed. Could it be? Were you running from the Winter Noble? Maybe through some stroke of luck, you’d be able to help each other out, or maybe he’d be able to buy the bracelet off of you. It was secured tightly onto your wrist, trust, he tried to steal it much earlier. Whatever the reason for it was, you were clearly very protective of it.

“I’ll rent a room for us then,” you stepped past him and he followed you regardless. If his theory was right then you’d have no clue how to do this.

“Hello, sirs, two rooms tonight?” The tavern hostess asks.

“Ye—”

“One room, two beds,” Yangyang cuts in. Yup, looks like you didn’t know how to budget either. Yangyang sighed, what point was there to having someone fund the trip if they didn’t know how to spend wisely? He ignored the pointed glare you gave him and paid attention to the hostess instead.

“Alrighty, boys, that’ll be two gold pieces for one night,” she says. Yangyang leans on the counter.

“Come on, gorgeous, give us a discount?” Yangyang winks. The hostess’ smile falters and, in an instant, Yangyang finds himself on the floor after being harshly shoved over by… wait, who pushed him over? He sits up quickly just in time for you to retract your hand.

“I’m sorry about him, here you are,” you handed the two gold pieces and Yangyang rolls his eyes. “I wasn’t aware how shameless by companion is,” you sighed.

“Hey! I was trying to save some money!” Yangyang argues while pushing himself up.

“There are much more noble ways to do it, I thought you’d know considering you were a knight in training, am I correct?” You fired back. Shit, he completely forgot about that little white lie. “Chivalry is truly dead,” you shook your head and turned to the hostess, who seemed to have stars in her eyes now.

“I… er… your room is… down the hall, to the left, fifth room,” she stammers. You offered her a grin and the woman very nearly fawned over you, eliciting a groan from Yangyang.

“Thank you, miss, have a good night,” you reached out to take the keys from her, and she made it a point to grab your hand first to place them gently into your palm. You walked past Yangyang and he stumbled to catch up.

“Kevin, my man, you can’t just leave a lovely lady like that alone!”

“Yangyang, you animal, leave the poor girl alone,” you unlocked the door and walked in first, the door swinging shut behind you, but Yangyang quickly walked in.

“Couldn’t you tell? She’s head over heels for you! Use it! Get discounts!”

“You’re shameless, Liu,” you shook your head, dropping your knapsack on the bed by the window. “If this partnership is going to work out proper, I suggest you brush up on your basic manners.”

“No can do, Kev, I’m a free spirit through and through,” Yangyang collapses on his bed.

“Being free does not equate to being an ass,” you shot back. Yangyang sits up.

“You’re an asshole.”

“So be it.”

“Where are you from, anyway? No one I know around here talks like you do,” he frowns. You stared at him.

“F-Fairham,” you finally answered. Yangyang rose an eyebrow as he leaned forward toward you.

“Bullshit.”

“It is not!”

“You hesitated.”

“And what of it?!”

“You’re not really from Fairham, are you?!”

“And how would you know the truth?!”

“Trust me, bub, I know Fairham when I see it,” he continues.

“I swear to you! I’m from Fairham through and through!” You continues to defend. Yangyang leaned back on his palms now.

“Okay, fine, I’ll take the bait,” he shrugs. Fairham. You weren’t from Fairham, there was no way. He was from Fairham. Born and raised. But then why would you hide where you’re actually from? Unless he was right in that you really were running away from something. You had a sense of skepticism in your eyes, Yangyang recognized it well enough from being friends with Renjun for so long, and it had only furthered his suspicions.

Especially when he stared at the sword that now lay on the bed next to you. You asked him for sword lessons, and yet you had what must be an expensive blade in your hands. The contradictions surrounding you just continued to pile, and Yangyang knew a liar when he saw one.

“So… where’d the sword come from, then?” He asks. He couldn’t deny it, that sword was just so damn familiar. You looked over to him, hands suddenly clutching onto the sheath.

“Why the inquiry?”

“Just curious.”

“My older brother,” you answered. “He couldn’t join me on this journey, so he left me his sword instead,” you explained.

“Oh… do you mind?” He asks, reaching for the sword already, but you pulled it away from his grasp before he could hear an answer.

“I do mind, actually, thank you very much. We just met, Liu, and I’m not so inclined to trust you with something that is dear to me,” you rambled off. Yangyang stood up and crossed his arms, lips pressing in a tight line.

“Okay, Kevin, let me level with you here,” he says. “I know you’re running away from something.” That struck a cord. The way your entire body tensed up while your eyes darted to the side, specifically towards the sword, so he was right. There are two possibilities now. One, you stole the sword and you’re now running away from whoever wanted to take it back. Two, you’re telling the truth. “You don’t have to tell me why, because, quite frankly, it doesn’t matter to me. But we’re going to have to have some level of trust here,” he says.

“But… I was warned not to trust anyone.”

“Whoever told you that has a good conscience, then, because they’re right. The roads to Stardenn aren’t a walk in the park,” he says. “Look, I don’t know who, what, or where you’re running from, but I have a feeling you’re not used to this kind of stuff so…” Yangyang reaches into his bag and tosses a scroll onto the table separating the two beds. Again, surprise strikes your features.

“An enchanted contract? I didn’t take you to be one to carry this around,” you unrolled the parchment. At the moment, it remained blank. It was a common thing carried by mercenaries to make sure that both parties fulfill their ends of the deal. The terms and conditions were simple, both parties are allowed up to three conditions, then, when they both sign the parchment, they are bound to those boundaries until both ends of the agreement are met. If, at any point, these conditions are disregarded or broken, the offender will receive a punishment either set by the other or equivalent to the condition broken.

“It’s a just in case measure, anyone traveling the main roads would have them,” he says. The parchment laid undisturbed and a quill appears in front of you. “The term is obvious. Until we reach Stardenn, right?”

“Correct, until we reach our destination,” you confirmed. Yangyang handed you the quill and watched you write down the term.

The term of the contract is set to whenever the two contractors enter Stardenn safely.

“Well, then, who shall write the first condition?” You ask.

“Chivalry’s dead, right?” Yangyang takes the quill and writes down the his set of conditions.

1. I, Liu Yangyang, will honor the conditions set by my traveling companion.

2. I, Liu Yangyang, will be truthful to my companion.

3. I, Liu Yangyang, will not consciously attempt any harm on my traveling companion.

“Well, that’s that then,” he signs his name at the bottom and hands you the quill. You took it hesitantly and you hovered the tip over the page. It was clear on your face that you were focusing on what to write. “Hey, if it’s that hard, then just write the same things I did,” he says.

“I feel like that’s a trap,” you muttered.

“Oh, come on, what did I just say about trust?” He asks.

“Yeah, yeah,” you glanced out the window and he follows your gaze. Then, in moments, the window slams open and a gust of snow blows into the room. Yangyang was quick to run to the window and shut the doors before too much snow could get in, but the wind continued to fight back, as if pushing on the wooden frames to fight its way inside.

“A little help here, Kevin?!” He shouts.

“Have patience, I’m almost done with this,” you answered. “Plus, it looks like you have it quite handled,” you continued, standing up from your spot and signing the contract. Then, as you lifted your quill from the page, the parchment glowed and rolled itself up before promptly disappearing with a flicker along with the quill.

“Hey! You couldn’t have waited for me?!” He shouts, the window suddenly calming and his body slamming against the frame. He groaned and rubbed his pounding head.

“What? I wrote the same as you, there’s no need,” you shrugged. “Here, want me to prove it?” You took the sword in your hand and Yangyang immediately rose his hands.

“Nope, no, no, it’s fine, I trust you,” he says quickly. Then, he catches onto how you held the sword’s handle. “Oh… man, you really don’t know how to use a sword, do you?” Your expression changed slowly into one of realization before settling on embarrassment and placing the sword back on the bed.

“… No, I have no experience with swordsmanship,” you mumbled. Yangyang walks over to you, grabbing his own sword on the way. Strange, with a sword of that quality, surely you had to have some kind of experience, but perhaps he was wrong. Then again, it was from your brother. But it wasn’t rare that brothers trained together, even Renjun, who was shit with swordsmanship, knew the basics.

“Now with that signed, do you still mind?” His hand hovers over your sword and you shook your head. Although, as Yangyang pulled the blade out of it’s sheath, he didn’t sense your gaze waver once. The blade was unsheathed quickly, flawlessly, and the material itself was unlike any Yangyang had ever seen before. The edge was pristine, sharp enough to cut through anything, and the material was light despite it’s sturdy feel. The hilt was something that truly mesmerized him, however, he couldn’t tell the material below it, but the leather that wrapped around it was made of a demon’s hide. Now this wasn’t something that he’d have guessed on look alone, no, it’s simply because the material matched the sheath. One look at it and Yangyang could tell that the material was crafted from the material left behind from the Nuckelavee, an ancient demon vanquished by…

Yangyang paused, stealing a look towards you for a moment. You were more preoccupied with the blade in his hand as opposed to him, though.

The Nuckelavee was vanquished by a previous incarnation of the Summer Noble, Moon Suho. He had learned all about him in Academy, he was heralded for his skills with swordsmanship before his supernatural abilities. Any and all materials left behind the Nuckelavee was left in the care of House Moon after that.

You just continued to surprise him. The bracelet, the sword, what else were you hiding?

Just who did he invite into his life?

“How did you get this sword again?” He asks. Your brother, tell him more about this person.

“My older brother was also training to be a knight, he graduated early, so he left me with this,” you answered. Yangyang turned back to the sword, slowly rotating it to observe it. Kevin, Kevin, come to think of it, that name actually rung a bell. He knew a Kevin back in Academy who was exceptionally gifted in swordsmanship, but they were in different classes, so he knew him by reputation only. Was it just a coincidence? “Why?”

“Just weird that someone with no experience whatsoever would have this,” he says. He’s been trying to catch you in a lie. You’re either an extremely good liar (unlikely) or you’re telling him the truth (also unlikely). “It’s extremely high quality for someone who doesn’t know a thing about it,” he stands up now, flipping it in his hand to get a feel for the weight. The stories were true, it was a blade crafted for a master. Yangyang looked closely at the blade now, unknown runes had been etched into the blade just above the hilt. “Go ahead and grab mine over there, it’s lighter than this one, so you shouldn’t have trouble holding it,” he says. He noticed than when you held the sword originally, your wrist wavered as if what you were holding was too heavy.

“Oh, alright,” you did as he said and walked next to him. He peered over at how you were holding it again.

“You’re going to break your wrist if you hold it like that, hold it like this,” he demonstrates for you and you copied. “Uh… hold on, it’ll be easier if I fix it for you,” he leans the sword against his leg while he reached for your wrist. “Relax a little,” he mutters, adjusting your hold on the hilt. “Try now, it should feel a little more comfortable, this way, you’re putting the pressure more on your palm than your fingers, so it shouldn’t be as uncomfortable.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Your eyes seemed to shine despite the darkened room. “Does this count as our first lesson?” You ask.

“Sure, let’s call it repayment for getting us a room tonight,” Yangyang says, looking over your form again. “Looks like we’re going to need a lot of work…” he mutters after. This was going to be a long journey.

“What was that?” You tilted your head and Yangyang could feel the nervousness build in his throat.

What the hell has he gotten himself into?

~

The knock at the door ended the already lengthening session. Or, at least, it felt like hours. You’d always watched Kevin’s and Byul's practices and you’d always wondered why it was so taxing on them, and now you regret laughing at them. Your hands were cramping from holding Kevin’s heavy sword for too long. Gods above, did he have to give you such a heavy weapon? Would it have killed him for him to give you a dagger? You spared a glance to Yangyang, who only shrugged. You frowned and opened the door yourself, seeing the hostess on the other side.

“Hello, sorry for the sudden intrusion,” she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s just that another room just opened up if you wanted it, free of charge since it was so sudden,” she says, wiping sweat from her brow. She looked like she just finished up rushing through chores. A quick glance over revealed the truth. Dampened bottom of her skirt and patched middle where her knees would’ve been on the floor, she’d just been cleaning the floors at least.

“Certainly, I’ll accept your offer,” you nodded. “No harsh feelings, right, Liu?” You asked. Yangyang only shook his head.

“Be my guest.” He hands you your belongings.

“Please guide me to my new accommodations,” you smiled. The woman in front of you matched your expression and ushered you to follow her. Soon enough, you were in your new room. Noticeably enough, it was much cleaner than the last one you’d been in. Fresh sheets for sure, dusted furniture, and mopped floors.

“Please enjoy your stay here at Kilvein’s inn,” she says before excusing herself. You slumped on the bed, more comfortable now. You could hear the springs creak under you and the comforter on top was tattered and by no means what you were used to, but with all the pent up exhaustion from just getting here, you couldn’t care any less. You didn’t expect your journey to be this hard already, and it was still the first day. The sun was barely setting, actually, yet you were so exhausted you could barely move. So, instead, your mind wandered for you.

You didn’t blame people for spreading such rumors about you. Cold and icy. It was a bit of a generalization you weren’t too fond of, but when you grow up with already so little power, you learn how to compensate. Your noble family was no powerful one, they held power over their domain based on the respect of the people alone. Then, you were even the youngest of four. You weren’t supposed to inherit anything, really. The dukedom was planned to go to Byulyi, then she turned it over to Taeil, your parents would rather die before handing the seat to Kevin, so that left you. Being cooped inside taking lessons on how to run a territory, that’s bound to do something to you. But you never really imagined that people would thing you were that cruel.

Sure, you’d constantly turn down invitations from other children your age, you’d stay inside to study all day, and maybe on the off occasion you’d accidentally snap at whoever was unlucky enough to cross your path. But you always apologized, you always tried to make it right. And you thought you were doing pretty well. Perhaps you thought wrong.

You took your cap off, finally letting your hair loose, and after a deep sigh, you fell asleep.

~

That was close. You nearly had a heart attack when Yangyang banged his fist on your door. Even now, you were still making sure that your stray hairs were tucked neatly under your cap. Why was he rushing you to get out of the tavern anyway? It’s not like he was in a rush for something, and even if he was there was no way it was as pressing as your situation. Still, you couldn’t deny that he was helpful. Even now as Yangyang walked slightly ahead of you, he was quick to pick up on things that were going on around you. The movement of animals, the sounds of water, he was accustomed to traveling and you weren’t. You looked down at your hand, a ghost-like feeling of how he’d fixed your form last night still wavering. You thanked god for the darkness of the room, lest he saw the embarrassment written all over your face.

It was true, a quill was very different to a sword, but who knew that you wouldn’t have even been able to hold a sword correctly? Kevin would have ridiculed you for sure. His sword glinted at your side, the gem shining in the sunlight. No doubt by now your absence has been noted and the guards were scrambling around the territory for you. You wondered if word had reached Bleakgate yet, to the ears of the man who you had supposedly been betrothed to. You looked up to Yangyang, who had been walking silently this whole time except to warn you of animals.

“Yangyang?” You took quick steps to catch up with him.

“Wait!” Yangyang’s hand flew out and, within seconds, a boar charged out of the bushes, completely catching you off guard. With a quick yelp, you grabbed onto the closest thing to you. Yangyang, meanwhile, took a steadying step back. “Relax, it’s just a boar,” Yangyang croaks out. You immediately release him.

“Pardon me,” you cleared your throat while Yangyang scoffs.

“Have you ever been out of Fairham?” He asks. You shook your head.

“No, not necessarily,” you answer. Yangyang sighs.

“Alright, well, first thing is first, always be aware of your surroundings,” he says. “You can’t just waltz around the roads like nothing, haven’t you heard of the demonic beast sightings?” He asks. No, you hadn’t heard of such things. But you’d already made yourself out to be a fool enough to him.

“I know,” you answer. “Why else did you think I asked you to teach me how to use this?” You gestured to the weapon attached at your hip.

“I had a feeling too,” he answers. “So, be on your guard, until you pick up on the basics, I’ll handle any monsters that come our way,” he says. “It shouldn’t be hard, most of the monsters on the way to Stardenn are pretty weak anyway,” he adds.

“So it shouldn’t be a problem for me then, right?” You ask. Yangyang looks at you. You pulled the sword out and pointed it towards the bushes. “Would I have been able to handle that boar?” You continue. Yangyang shakes his head.

“No,” he turns his back to you and continues down the road. You, meanwhile, quickly caught up with him.

“What? But you said that the monsters here are weak, right? How hard could it be?”

“You have no experience with sword fighting, you’ve never been out of Fairham, and you jumped at the sight of a monster, do you really think you’re cut out for fighting?” He asks. Okay, he didn’t have to be so harsh about it. You frowned, immediately walking ahead of him and towards the closest living creature you could see.

“And? What of this, then?” You pointed to the substance with the tip of your sword.

“That… that would be a simple slime,” your companion answers.

“And? Is it malevolent?”

“You know… you speak very eloquently to be from Fairham village,” he grimaces.

“Nonsense! I simply speak this way because of upbringing,” you defended.

“Well, whatever, to answer your question, no, it’s not bad. Not this one, at least. If it wanted to attack it would’ve done so already,” he rolls his eyes. You placed the sword down and crouched next to the small creature, its jelly eyes looking up at you with such sparkle.

“Can we keep it?”

“No.”

“Whatever for?! It’s quite adorable, is it not?” You cupped your hands and the slime creature rolled onto them. “Well then, I suppose that answers it. I shall call you Sloane!” You announced. The slime, no, Sloane looked up at you with a new excitement, as if it were proud to have been given a name.

“Sloane? That’s an oddly human name for a slime.”

“Silence. Your name is oddly animal for a human.”

“How is Yangyang a name for an animal?!”

“Have you seen your mannerisms? If you didn’t look like a man I’d mistake you for a monster!”

“You— Why am I even helping you?!”

“Ah, so I see you’ve also fallen for my devilish charms, haven’t you?”

“Don’t be too proud of yourself.”

“I shall do whatever it is I so desire, now, we have a similar goal, remember? That’s why you’re still here!” You reminded him. “We’re both going to Stardenn, you have muscles and I have money, we work well together,” you crossed your arms.

“Ugh, right,” Yangyang groans. “… You think I have muscles?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you said coldly. Yangyang stared back at you, initiating yet another one of these tediously petty competitions, but you would rather die than let him win. After a few moments, Yangyang cracks and a victorious smile rose on your face.

“Fine, the slime can stay,” he concedes.

“The slime? What slime?” You tilted your head to the side and the creature in your hands, if it was even possible, seemed to glare. Yangyang sighs.

“Pardon me, Sloane can stay.”

“Wonderous! Let us continue on our journey, dear knight-to-be!”

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms

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#nct #nct x reader #nct x you #nct x yn #nct u #nct u x reader #nct u x you #nct u x yn #wayv #wayv x reader #wayv x you #wayv x yn #yangyang x reader #yangyang x you #yangyang x yn #my writings #lapis love

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Bonjour!

Would our werewolves ever suffer from ailments which could affect their shifting? Perhaps being unable to shift into the wolf or not being able to change back? No longer hearing the wolf inside or losing their strength? Stress related or some AU sickness or magic?

How would you think each would handle it?

Sorry for the angst!

-🧁

hallo!!

what an interesting question. my short answer would be that: yes, yes this could potentially exist in this universe. it kinda makes sense to me for wolves to have specific illnesses that a human wouldn't have... things that could affect them not only physically, but also mentally as well!

as for how each would handle being sick... i'll leave some Thoughts under the cut.

Chris: regardless of the ailment, whenever Chris gets sick, he's GONE. he doesn't get sick often, but when he does he just becomes completely useless. can barely take care of himself. if he ever went through periods of not being able to shift it'll take him LONG time to recover. which, if it happens to be that he can't shift from wolf to human, would be very inconvenient. not only because he's got to work to maintain his flat, his house, and his life overall, but also because he wouldn't be able to be with his pretty girl, and that would be what would hurt him the most. on the other hand, if he weren't capable of shifting into his wolf form from his human form, he'd probably feel incredibly frustrated and inadequate bc at the end of the day he's an alpha and his wolf side is part of his pride as a werewolf, if that makes sense.

Minho: manages well enough on his own because he just... grew up taking care of himself. he'll be extra pouty if kitten is close just because he wants attention (she knows he's doing it on purpose, and he knows she knows, you know? lee know). anyway, minho already has trouble figuring out his instincts, so you could kinda say he's pretty much chronically ill on this aspect. unfortunately, this is a thing he carried over from his human self before being turned. he already had a condition, so it makes sense it affects his inner wolf, too.

Changbin: also becomes a bit useless when sick, but to a lesser degree than chris. will still be capable of going through with her day as long as his ailment isn't too serious, and will also heal fairly quickly if he follows doctor's orders religiously, but he'll be super whiny about it the entire time. cranky mood to the max. will snap at people often. not being able to hear his inner wolf or shift from either form would frustrate him, but it wouldn't be crippling.

Hyunjin: this boy is fuelled by spite, and something like being sick won't stop him. fuck everything and everyone, he's gonna keep doing his thing for as long as he can. he's passed out in inconvenient places before because of this mentality lol. heals quickly overall.

Jisung: hardly ever gets sick at all. he's been blessed with amazing health and antibodies. he does, however, tend to suffer from mental related stuff... will try his best not to burden anyone with his problems but will eventually open up to kitten or minho or chris about it.

Felix: hardly ever gets sick as well. his time living in the forest has prepared him for almost anything and made him immune to a lot of things because of it. will be able to push through just fine if he does get sick, though.

Seungmin: will keep any problems to himself. doesn't like it when people worry about him so if he's feeling bad he'll isolate himself until pretty mum figures it out and goes into his flat to pull on his ear. will suffer in silence.... i don't want to add much here because i don't wanna spoil anything i've got planned for seungmin hfdsljkfds

Jeongin: also doesn't like to burden people with his problems, but is definitely more open than seungmin. will also become a little useless when sick, and he'll need a lot of help from his pack mates to get better.

#anon #ask #wereroomies ask #wereroomies headcanons

[yjwhatif]

YJ EPISODE 21 SPOILER NOTES… only five episodes left 🙁

I see, so there is a way to find a lost soul... interesting... So its okay to go above and beyond to find Conners spirit but not even show an attempt at looking for Wally's?

Nimue = Lady of the Lake?

“Two bars!” “I cannot get a signal”

I do like seeing the trading of the helmet and how that has been going on in the background since Zs arc

TEAM TIME TRAVEL! So it seems Bart really has gone off into the time stream without telling anyone… that’s probably not gonna end well. 😬

Here's the thing I realised - they haven't actually travelled through time - they're travelled through space haven’t they? - So does the treadmill allow them to travel at super speeds to wherever they want to go instead of just whenever?

Lor does not look well 🤢 (It just occurred to me that mantis drags him out of the ship so he can recharge in the sun and get better - awww)

“Move one little one”

This whole scone of everyone wanting an exploration and Metron being like - there's no time - is reminiscent of fate&Co. trying to track down Child

"Lor-zod owes Mantis a dept twice over, thank you bug, I underestimated you" - Lor shows respect towards Mantis and acknowledgement of his own misjudgements.

"So we are trapped in the present" “yes, like the rest of the universe!" M'comm seems a lot more frustrated by the loss of the time sphere than Lor does - I really think M’comm had his own desires for it/has his own plan brewing.

"Again we are too late - they are gone!" - clear mirroring of Fate in 412

"So these thieve are trapped on this world, in this time period?" - Mirrors Chameleon boy’s phrasing about Bart’s being "the only true spacetime expert in this era, on this planet."

"Foraging on a new world world be an awfully big adventure" - So I have been racking my brain trying to work out who's said that phrase before - I finally googled it and realised it was from Peter Pan - "To live/die would be an awfully big adventure"… now I’m wandering if it’s supposed to be a Peter Pan reference? I guess there's the questioning of whether to stay in the place you know or escape to this new land of wonder to be with the one that's captured your heart.

Hundreds of criminals? so is there more Kryptonians then what we’ve seen - because there didn't seem to be that many - or does Metron/Tomar-Re not actually know how many there are?

"Yes Metron, you eventually got around to it" I love Orion’s disdain for Metron

LIGHTRAY!

Rocket acknowledging Orion's needs and checking if he'll be okay without the comfort/support Mother box provides him - she's thinking about him without judging or criticising him. Also the fact that she doesn't react defensively to his "I AM FINE!" outburst shows her change in attitude towards him - She understandably shows shock but she doesn't give her signature death stare or strike back with the same aggression.

Oh no Jay! A part of me thought we might get a moment of Bart seeing Jay in trouble and going in to help him - but when I realised Bart wouldn’t be speaking this episode that idea was quickly scrapped and I went back to expecting Jay’s return to an empty house.

"Then Forage must go help Flash" Every time I hear this line I think Forager is talking about himself - but he’s actually saying Forager you will save Flash while I will cover you - he doesn't just claim the heroic save because it was his plan - also it shows his strategic thinking as he knows he has the defensive training making him better suited to deal with Mantis

I was right about it being Lightray Who said 'the spawn of Darkseid' line! Though it really doesn't sound like the same voice, which I guess plays into the fact its a false projection of him.

Also I didn't pick up on this until I saw some else point it out - but M'comm targets Rocket because he read her dislike of Orion last episode and so thought he could use that to pit them against each other - but it turns out he misjudged the hope she had to truly see Orion. Hope wins out over rage.

I did not expect Tomar-re to get the story he got but I’m here for it - calling back to his regrets for not saving Krypton

The emphasis on Ursa a not being summoned makes me think there's a reason Lor didn't also summon her - I know there's a chance the projector can probably only release one at a time - but could Lor not have asked for both and then let the Projector find them then released them one at a time? That’s my thinking at least

YAY ACCEPTANCE!

Ha! Take that M’comm!

"Flash must seal Sky hole" - Why do I find this line so funny?

Oh no Forager!

"Flash must seal Sky hole" - Why do I find this line so funny? Ooh no Forager!

"Mantis's warning came before Forager trained with Nightwing!" - You show him Forager! Boy got skills!

it's so interesting hearing the emotion in Zods voice - he's as desperate as anyone else to escape the Phantom zone - despite all the composure and control he's been showing around Conner and his followers - there's desperation, joy, hope as he inches towards freedom - it speaks to how truly hellish the Zone is to everyone

No Forager & Forager!!

When I was first watching this episode - I was So Confused with what just happened to Forager’s arm! Like I thought she broke it or something sinister - I was like, is this a good thing or a bad thing - because it doesn’t sound great!?

Tomar-Re's attempt at venting the pilar of fire whilst shield himself mirrors Mera's attempts to deal with Child’s pilar of fire in 415 - of course she had Kaldur to support her unlike Tomar-Re... So, I did not expect Tomar-Re to get killed - I saw a post last week talking about how he went blind in the comic trying to protect those he watches over - so I though something like that might happen - but no - he Lor kill him in order to avoid failing another planet. I did not expect an actual arc for Tomar but it worked well - I am very sad that he's dead but glad he found some comfort knowing made up for his mistake. That final smile as he hears he's succeeded is heartbreaking!

You beat his ass Orion! Show him just what focused Rage can do!

Team work makes the dream work - Rocket & Orion - the new dynamic duo!

FORAGER'S A GREEN LANTERN! That's SO COOL! (hey, she wearing green - Like Peter Pan!) So interestingly, I hade the thought last episode after Mantis Save Lor and M'comm - What if a bug became a Green lantern - because they’ve shown some serious will power throughout the time we’re known then. So I feel rather vindicated now Forager has become a green lantern.

You go Forager! Take that box thing down!

This is why you check before you blow things up!

I really like the Slow mo as Saturn Girl realises Conner and Phantom girl are in the phantom zone but its too late to stop the blasts and all she can do is wake phantom girl up... can Phantom girl travel the phantom zone? I assume she got them in there so will she be able to get them out again?

I also like the shot of Rocket noticing, though not realising, what's going on - I'm looking forward to seeing this come back up again, as I'm sure it will, later as they start connecting the dots on what going on.

That is not a happy Kryptonian and I am now very worried for team time travel… and speaking of angry Kryptonians, I don’t think Zods gonna be too happy with Conner for delaying his escape and costing him his chance of freedom

I'm presuming Saturn Girl was knocked out by the shock of Lor ripping a hole through bioship - the some way it effects M’gann whenever bioship is hurt.

Bart is trapped on the ship with an angry kngptoniar and an insane Martian - I am very worried for our young speedster right now!

"Get us out of here now - or I will snap her neck!" And this is why you don't go in without a Plan!

"Orion are you alright?" Rocket checking in with Orion after putting himself in a situation she knows he doesn't enjoy - and Orion answering without biting her head off shows how they're both final seeing each other eye to eye. Step aside Conner & Bear - we have a new budding friendship in town - Rocket & Orion!

Oh the look of pain on Kilowog’s face both when coming through the boom tube and carrying Tomar’s dead body breaks my heart! This worked well as a montage sequence - you could see the emotions of everyone in the shots - there weren’t too many and the shots used were effective in conveying what’s happening without words or movement

That time sphere is gonna come up again at some point

Metron is never happy is he

The hunt is on!

Mantis has as little luck as Brick

So another link to Peter Pan - they must remain parted as Forager returns home to Earth and Green Lantern Forager goes off to her Neverland - though still promising to visit Forager Wherever she can. Forage even gives her a book of all his favourite stories - similar to how Wendy would tell stories to the lostboys.

These bugs are so hecking cute with their head bop kisses... if anyone can make a long distance relationship work - its Forager

aww that final goodbye between Rocket and Orion is so heart warming - it didn't click the first time watching just how strong a moment it actually is... I don't really know how to explain what it is I'm thinking… but I guess it's Orion’s response that's so telling - for Rocket, she's come to terms with her misjudgment - she understands that a person is more than their flaws/differences, and mistakes do not define who they actually are. She understands that and can accept Orion as her ally. Orion acknowledges her respects and returns his own by first proclaiming his gratitude then emphasising it by initiating physical contact in order to stop her and ensure she hears how important her respect is from his perspective. While she was parting as allies - he made sure she knew they parted as friend…(I’ve no clue if any of that make sense or actually conveys what I mean… probably not - but I give up!)

Jay returns to an empty house! Bring on the hurt!

'How did Zatanna convince you to do this?""By Swearing she would give us no peace until we complied" - I really wanna see the chaos that goes on inside the helmet for each of the wearers - I feel like nabu may have some regrets for agreeing to Zs proposal

I love how this looked to be a really epic moment in the trailer - but in the end nothing actually happens

Zatanna is putting SO much effort into all this - obviously it’s because she saw Conner calling out for help - but like, I am now so intrigued to know what will happen when Artemis finds out about Z & M’gann lying to her about Wallys goodbye. She now can't maintain the reason of not being able to find a lost soul - since all this proves she absolutely can and at the very least could have tried.

“Perhaps... or perhaps Conners not dead at all... And if he's not dead, then I don't need magic to find him... What I need, is a detective." An absolutely brilliant transition into the next are!

More Forager recites sharkespease... Its not like I went into this arc with any expectations - but I certainly didn’t expect to be leaving it with Forager falling in love and now being in a committed long distance relationship with his green lantern Forager girlfriend.

I now have the answer to my question about the previous credits - it was purple Forager in the shot while our Forager spoke about her, while this week its our Forager in the shot while purple Forager speaks of him. (I shouldn't have been as confused as I was.)

Another truly great episode and one of the best arc finales for a long time - for me this one really kept its pace and energy up throughout with plenty of action and emotional beats. This may be my favourite arc yet! I am so excited for what’s to come in the final arc with Dick and really hoping for some good Bart content as the hunt is now on to find both him and Conner before it’s too late!

Thanks for reading!

LB

#young justice phantoms #yj s4 spoilers #yj spoilers #long post #young justice season 4 #young justice #yj #my random thoughts #losh #time shenanigans #bart allen #conner kent #raquel ervin #forager #Orion #Metron #new genesis #new gods

[shokuto]

So we'll probably have to agree to disagree on a Gwiles ship (for a number of reasons, but in no dimension or version do I think Gwen should be Miles' main or only option for a romantic interest or relationship) :). But I appreciate your insights, and loved your response to the question "what makes Miles compelling as Spider-Man?" from a few weeks ago. I am kinda trying to figure out what Marvel is doing exactly? Between using just Miles' name instead of Spider-Man for the upcoming Strange Academy release, and Ziglar basically minimizing Miles in his own comic during this latest run in order to feature characters Ziglar seems to be enamored with, all while having characters constantly call Miles "boy" (see Mr. Morales who apparently has entered a black exploitation film), "kid" (practically every character being forced into the run is calling Miles this right now, which is funny given ATSV's take rightfully pushing back on that), "newbie" (Stark in the latest issue…meanwhile Civil War was a thing), basically everything but his name or Spider-Man…it's frustrating. Like, is Miles getting too popular for them or something? No offense to Ziglar, but I'm currently just sticking to reading and buying Bendis and Ahmed's comics going forward. Ziglar just doesn't seem to know how to write for Miles and his supporting cast, which is fine. They should put him back on Spider Punk since he said that he's wrote for that comic based on his time in a punk band. On top of that he hasn't done anything original so far? He's acknowledged Rabble is basically a reskin of Tinkerer from the Playstation game, he's obviously a fan of the Flash tv show given the electric sword (the idea of Miles' venom powers continuing to evolve in more novel and powerful ways is great though), plus the new character Hightale who = the Flash. And Misty Knight was just going over super basic things Aaron already taught his nephew. Also, Miles as any kind of detective was setup better by Bendis when he was toying with the idea of turning him into an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D (and that kinda came out of no where). If they extend Ziglar's time, it sounds like his plan is to constantly keep doing crossovers of other characters as "mentors", and given how he's handled that so far, I would not be to happy buying this run. :( Do you have a writer or writers in mind that you would like to see on Miles' comic? To be honest, I don't think there needs to be a ton of angst, I like that he has a great group of people in his life who know about him and have his and each others back against all odds (you can't tell me that comic Ganke wouldn't have tried to fight Miguel in ATSV even though he would lose, and Tiana would have 100% tried to pick Miguel up and drop him from the train if she saw him treating and talking to Miles like he did XD), it's one of the things that adds to Miles' uniqueness. But your analysis of Miles gets things about his character that the current run/Ziglar seems to be missing. On the plus side, the artwork is pretty good! And maybe the run will get better?

Eesh. I checked out of Ziglar’s run a while back, seems my criticisms with him minimizing Miles as Spider-Man in his own run hasn’t gotten any better, I probably made the right choice. Makes me sad though. I dislike Ahmed’s run a lot, but he at least had Miles on equal footing with the more seasoned guest stars like Captain America.

The disconnect is that Ziglar thinks Miles’ appeal lies in his youth. He thinks he’s a rookie, far out of his depth and in desperate need of guidance (from people he’s accomplished more than and with basic things he’s been doing since 2015 at minimum). I appreciate the callback to his origin from 2011, but it’s like he stopped reading that samw. Whoever I’d pick to write him moving forward would obviously be more up to speed on his history and the things that actually make him unique, but I honestly don’t trust that from anyone besides Phil Lord/Chris Miller, or Bendis. I always get the impression that everyone else either sees him as a blank slate, someone they need to reinvent or “fix”, if they simply don’t get it at all.

But besides that, if I could, I’d have his stories once again set in the Ultimate universe. Pulling him out erased one of his most prominent conflicts as someone bearing a legacy that makes him a target, that jeopardizes his future, and altered his relationship with his parents, which is why his comics were immediately made more lightheartedly and silly when he crossed over even with Bendis at the pen, because not only was Peter Parker alive and well, Miles was now one of four Spider-Men.

We’ll also have to agree to disagree on there not needing to be a ton of angst, I enjoy that Miles can inspire hope as much as the next guy, and I wish they’d let him do stupid fun teen shit without having to learn some sort of lesson at the end, but in the same vein that light without shadow is blinding, hope without tragedy is hollow. And as someone who’s been reading since Spider-Man cost him his uncle and [redacted until a mutual finishes the second volume], his stories have felt hollow to me for a very long time.

The artwork is good, but I don’t have faith that the writing’ll get better. I already held out hope that his comics would suddenly recapture that spark for eight years now.

#Love asks like these #When I can tell they CLEARLY read the material #Wish you’d come off anon g #spiderman #miles morales #ask

[thecagedbirdsingsoffreedom]

What was supposed to be a two day trip ended up being five.

I had the strangest talks with M.

We had some awkward moments, too.

I don't think he's used to the space I put around me.

I could tell it really threw him off.

I don't think I'm used to it either, to be honest.

We've always been so touchy, it's so natural. I've always been a physical person. I enjoyed it and welcomed it.

It was strange for me when I realized I had something around me now. Something that doesn't permit others to touch me quite so easily anymore, not even my boys.

I noticed it first at E's.

But M and I had never held back so much before. There was no reason, too, we knew what and how much.

And yet here it was, ever present.

I couldn't fully relax until I'd gone back into the room.

I spent hours buried in his sheets, bathing in his perfumes and soaps and smells.

I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave you and those four walls.

The last three days M and I talked.

We talked so much.

We're so broken. Something is broken now.

And she didn't, isn't, helping him at all.

I was so mad. She who could offer him such uncondifional comfort without restraint and measure was only making it worse for him.

I was upset for a long time.

Upset that I'd lost my person. Upset that I knew, deep down, that I will never have this again in my life. It's not me being dramatic either.

This was a bond 30 years in the making. This was a person who grew up with me and knew me so well. Took the time to know me. The kind of knowledge that can only come from time and experiences.

Losing that has overwhelmed me. Lately, anything that isn't anger or frustration or despair isn't at the forefront anymore.

My feelings feel so muted. Like they're a sound stuck behind a wall. I know that they're there, I can hear them, but they're so muted and drowned that Im not sure if I can actually feel them anymore.

I'm not sure what I am anymore.

I don't know if I'm upset. I don't know if I'm anything.

But it was blatantly obvious that M wasn't M anymore. I wonder if this is what E meant when he said my energy was different.

It was so plain to see.

It was so clear to my eyes what he hid behind smiles and laughs.

I'm glad I didn't have to pretend around him either.

He called me on my bullshit the moment he laid eyes on me.

I'm glad he said it.

It spared me the trouble of even trying.

And I'm relieved he recognized it for what it was and just took me in without giving me any lectures what so ever. That's more of E's domain, anyway.

I'm glad he said his piece though. It took us getting drunk as fuck to 1) fall asleep on the floor and 2) sleep together.

At least now I know I'll welcome touch while shit faced.

I didn't want him to hold me, but I could tell he needed the contact. He probably needed it more than I do.

And he could cry.

I'm so glad he can still cry.

I wouldn't wish these muted feelings on anyone. I wish I could have cried too.

But that's how we spent the rest of night. Curled in each other. Getting comfort for very different and yet similar reasons.

I don't know if I came back better or not.

I still choke thinking about you.

I'll probably still stay up at night wondering, reminiscing.

Like I am right now.

Que bueno que no estas aqui.

Como nos hubieras chingado...

But we miss you.

We miss you.