#(bc i get really bad symptoms and i cant even get out of bed so i wouldnt be able to take the exams)

[definitelynotshouting]

Hello :DD I had sm Thoughts about this chapter, if your intent was to leave all your readers laying in a pool of tears u have succeeded 👍

-☀️

"He'd assumed, by virtue, that Mumbo was keeping himself out of the loop. Apparently not."

- GRIAN. HE TRIED TO TALK TO YOU TWO CHAPTERS AGO AND YOU IGNORED HIM.

- Also like how when we circle back to this point at the end of the chapter- Mumbo brings it up, Mumbo apologises- Grian lies and goes through the conversation "on autopilot", forcing himself to register absolutely NONE of the emotion so that when he goes through with his plan he can have this degree of separation- (if that's what you call it?). Just like how right here he's ignoring/selectively forgetting the fact that Mumbo did try to talk to him

-☀️

"some of the wariness clouding around them begins to clear, burning down into an ashen, sickly relief."

- I chose this one because of the "burning" metaphor. It creates this imagery of something akin to a wildfire when Grian's actions were first revealed. Emotions were blazing with fury, grief, confusion, horror and betrayal. It's all still there, but muted. For Mumbo specifically and how he initially reacted when G woke up the metaphor makes it feel like Mumbo completely burnt himself out with how he felt about everything. What's left behind in an ashen log, a carcass ready to collapse into dust at the next breeze.

-☀️

"A relieved Mumbo is a Mumbo protected against someone he can't save."

- "Someone he can't save", meaning mumbo being unable to save grian, but dually meaning that Grian doesnt believe he can be saved- not by himself, not even by his best friend. He's tried, tried to stop making the games, tried to live off of MCC. It didn't work; he's stopped trying to save himself.

-☀️

First batch!! Also, u mentioned this a while ago now but have u ended up going to that cafe you mentioned?

incredibly excited to receive your thoughts sun anon!!!! :D im so glad you liked this chapter and yes i was maybe banking on a LOT of tears over it ngl >:]

Grian's deeply unreliable narrator-ness makes me SO insane tbh, im so obsessed with how he very deliberately ignores things that dont fit into his personal narrative. Like ur objectively right Mumbo DID try to talk to him!!!!! But in Grian's head, that doesnt support his "i am doing this for everyone's greater good" agenda, so he dismisses it. Same as the gold farm-- Scar actually mentioned it to him all the way back in chapter 5, but when Mumbo asks if he knew, he insinuates that he wasnt told, without actually confirming or denying. Its a fun little tidbit that i enjoyed adding-- i really like highlighting just how unreliable Grian's perspective is rn wrt reality :]

I am SO happy you enjoyed that burning metaphor-- its definitely attached to that wildfire imagery, but its also attached to the concept of cooking for me too!!! The idea of letting something simmer down and thicken, except its burning, was very integral to that snippet ^.^

And yep!!! That was 100% what i was going for with the saving comment :] im so happy you enjoyed those, and i cant wait to see the other stuff you liked!!! Your inbox comments are a highlight of my day, truly❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

(also i did get to go to my cafe a few weeks ago!!! i was supposed to again yesterday, but alas i woke up with some bad allergy symptoms so i ended up laid up in bed instead 😭😭😭😭 hopefully i can go again next week, especially bc i have a very good friend visiting and i'd love to show it to them :] thanks for asking :D )

#shouting speaks #asks #compliments #hunger au #EXCITEMENT.... I LOVE UR COMMENTARY SUN ANON ITS TRULY ONE OF MY FAVE THINGS #txt

[blacktinnedpeaches]

what i think is going on wrt covid (basically a compilation of what people who actually know what they're talking about are saying) bc i think i need to write it all down for my own sanity

where we are generally

current worldwide dominant variant is either already or about to be jn.1 which is very immune-evasive (i.e. why it's suddenly winning)

symptoms can be pretty much anything, from asymptomatic, to something indistinguishable from mild allergies, to something indistinguishable from food poisoning, to (EXTREMELY rarely) death

no evidence that severity of disease is either better or worse than other omicron subtypes

at time of writing the UK is seeing an uptick in hospitalisations, which has generally a ~10 day lag on infection time, so we can surmise that covid is rampant atm

where we are w/ long covid

long covid rate per infection seems to have declined steadily since 2020. i like this piece on why the long covid problem has probably peaked already (well sourced, click around)

frustrating lack of cohesion with definition and diagnosis: the CDC defines it as problems going on for FOUR weeks; the WHO only calls it long covid after TWELVE weeks. (personally i think the CDC one is way too keen - it's really not uncommon to have a cough that lasts for 2-3 weeks post-virus and i dont think it necessarily indicates anything "wrong")

there urgently needs to be more clarity re: long covid subtypes: some people are suffering extremely badly with debilitating pain & fatigue, some people have a lingering cough, some people who were hospitalised have been severely deconditioned from lying in a bed for weeks - etc. all of these are conceivably diagnosable as long covid under the current guidelines, with extremely different needs. "long covid" currently comprises such an enormously broad range of symptomology that it seems almost impossible to tease out an individual risk from oft-yelled alarmist statistics like "1 in 10 infections result in long covid". like - ok - what kind of long covid are we talking? bc if you mean "1 in 10 people are still coughing at 4 weeks" i would believe it, but if you mean "1 in 10 people are severely debilitated for years" i would not.

reinfections probably dont incraese the long covid risk by very much, if at all. if you don't get it the first time you're very unlikely to get it the second time

not many (? i dont even think there are any really) treatments for long covid but the patient community is really really driving the research forward

anyway, the outlook for the UK for the next month i think is probably pretty bad on a population level thanks to the new variant jn.1 gaining global dominance, regular seasonal socialising, colder weather, + i wouldnt be surprised if the NHS cant cope (again). there's obviously only so much you can do but you really dont want to be in need of hospital treatment at the beginning of jan, when i suspect things will be worst, when there are no beds + the staff are all overworked hard to say anything about how bad the wave will be on an individual level bc we dont really know anything about jn.1's relative severity one way or the other but the sheer numbers of infected will presumably make it bad at scale if you're in the UK and have plans for christmas (or sooner) i would try and avoid mixing much until those plans happen to be honest, all the data is a week behind at least + even that data is showing large increases in covid activity so the actual picture will be worse by now

also, people whose analysis i generally trust and find helpful - a mixture of doctors / statisticians / biologists etc: paul mainwood oliver johnson prof. christina pagel eric topol jp weiland omicron data there are also a serious amount of covid alarmists on the internet and i find this frustrating at best + actively triggering at worst lol like just bc you're on "the right side" (i.e. you aren't in favour of mass deaths and/or disabling events) you cant just create misinformation + wilfully misinterpret studies lol. like it sucks still but where we are right now is completely different to 2020. if you see anyone comparing covid to "airborne aids" that is your cue to block

#this is such a boring post #i made it unrebloggable bc i didnt cite (many) sources and its not really something i want read as gospel #which i dont think any of my actual followers would do lol #but once it gets out of your own little zone...

[femmesandhoney]

If it's not too intrusive can I ask how you deal w your pmdd ?

I dont have it but my PMS is fucking brutal I was depressed fucking felt like paralyzed in bed due to anxiety, didnt go to classes,then like a few days later i got my period and then everything made sense.

But i just cant like lose a week of my life like this every month. How do you deal with it?

i went on birth control for it but got off of it after a year bc i decided i disliked the effects of birth control, but that did help my symptoms tons and i wouldn't lie to anyone who wanted to go on it bc it did help me, i made a choice to get off of it unrelated to my pmdd.

managing symptoms can be difficult, often my first "response" is to recognize when my emotions are being affected by my pmdd. usually i can tell pretty quickly bc one day i'll walk up and everything makes me rage at the drop of a hat and then get very sad or agitated just as quick, my emotional regulation just being absolutely dogshit to concern anyone around me if they happen to be on the receiving end of my aggression or if they could jump inside my head and see how it was playing out. after so many years knowing i have pmdd, im able to recognize how a lot of that emotional instability isn't "me" and that im being affected by an "outside" force (oncoming period and hormones dropping). i usually do my best to stay mindful of my reactions then and try and do stuff that calms me down and gets my mind away from what had ruptured my emotional state. usually this occurs right in the morning when i get up, so its a fairly quick light bulb moment for me.

and im definitely used to like a shit ton of negative self talk that over the years ive gotten a better hand on, so when those real lows come around, im much better at talking myself out of those low states, but my pmdd doesn't manifest as strongly or too long with huge depressive states. usually, i just try to find other things to distract me when i feel that low, like chatting with friends, family, watching a movie, going on a walk, eating good food, no matter how small can help shift my mood to a more positive direction. when we're down, our brains are really good at thinking about other sad shit, bc our brain sucks like that, so getting ahead of that curve and trying to intentionally distract yourself with better things can generally help. but again, do not feel bad if that doesn't work for you, bc long depressive states aren't what i normally deal with and my advice is general here.

in terms of anxiety and similar emotions, i feel you deeply there. i manage that similar to how i manage any form of anxiety, which is just to do whatever it is that my anxiety thinks i cannot do, as thats the quickest way to rewrite that pathway in ur brain. it can seem very daunting, but it really does help and you can take baby steps all the while. and usually i end up feeling better after i go to whatever it was i was terrified to go to, which when we're feeling terrible af can sometimes make our day a bit better.

i would also say, sometimes i don't do anything during my pmdd time either bc it really does feel like shit even when ive tried combating it and being mindful of myself, some days really do just suck and i wanna lay in bed and hermit away. i don't think you should beat yourself up about that if some months that happens. its gonna happen again even after we have some successes, pmdd can be very unpredictable and sometimes our environment and our day to day lives just affect it even more and cause some months to be worse than others, and that doesn't mean you're lazy or not trying hard enough or anything like that.

#pmdd #i hope this somewhat can be helpful to you #my main things are pretty much mindfulness and distraction tbh #but exercise can be helpful (i never mean intense workout unless thats ur jam) bc going outside can be meditative for us when we really nee #to try and shift our mood to a more neutral place #I've also been managing my pmdd like this for a few yrs now so ive had a lot of practice at finding ways to deal w it that work for me #so don't feel bad if my methods don't help you either im positive you'll find ways even if that includes meds!

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

it's not that i dont care for my parents or respect what they do for me. I think the fucked up thing is how much i care both about them and what they think despite my entire life.

I went to nyc for a concert the 9-11, I tested positive for covid the 17th. the 8th i tested negative (req to cross the boarder), I had a sore throat/nasal drip.

the 9th i was a close contact via 2 of the band members at the fansign (they were asymptomatic tested positive the 11th and 13th), i was masked, byunggon did get really close while we were talking.

the 10th i was masked at the concert, the people around me were masked none coughing or symptomatic, no reports of positive cases from the concert (there were from the LA one tho)

the 12th negative same symptoms plus hives

the 13th, same symptoms, didnt test, my Dads friend visited and he tested positive the 15th.

the 14th i was losing my voice, sore throat worsened, significantly congested, negative test, hives

15th same symptoms negative test

16th negative test, no voice, no fever, congestion moving to chest, nasal drip, hives

the 17th i had fever, no voice, cough, hives, nasal and chest congestion, tested positive

18th mom tested positive, mild congestion, headache

the 19th Ace had a fever and headache, tested positive.

dad tested positive yesterday Des today.

this is all my fault apparently, because I'm inconsiderate and selfish and you just a generally bad childish person. My friend who also went to the concert/fansign and shared a bed with me those days, went everywhere I did, did not get covid, we had an actual exposure in our home after i got home, not to mention i work at a fucking grocery store, but I got this bc i went to NYC for a concert

i am so tired, i listened to an hour long lecture on my personal failings, you know bc this is my fault obviously, and how I am taking advantage of them you know like financially and shit despite the fact that they will not take more money from me when i offer. Which is why for two years I have been overpaying my 'rent', sometimes doubling it, without telling them bc they would pay me back. like I buy all the groceries, and i pay for most of my own things out of my own money even tho per our agreement my rent should cover them, i only ever quote her 1/2- 2/3 of the grocery bill when she is paying me back for her part in groceries. they have no idea that whenever one of them was laid off I paid fully for the groceries for the whole house, even when i wasnt getting child support, and the whole time listening to my father constantly accuse me of not paying fully. not saying anything because of THEIR pride lmao

i dont want this house, that they've wasted like 100k on, nothing short of jacking it up and actually pouring a foundation will save this place and it probably cant handle that bc its 200 years old. If I get this place I would demolish it and convert the garage and yes fucking sell it.

[georgeinamerc]

.

#im half way through with my exams guyss wow #two more to go thank god #ok i hopped on here to say that science is shit i bought pills so i wouldnt get my period for this month #(bc i get really bad symptoms and i cant even get out of bed so i wouldnt be able to take the exams) #and like ive been taking them every day as my doctor said and i still got my period hahah #i hate it here #also exam rant: #plato again this year jssdksakdg plsss what is your obsession with him dude but it's ok i excuse you because the passage for translation #was normal and not too bad #anyhow if youve read this far thank you imma go get some sleep head empty

[goldnn-harry]

Hey love! Could we get a request where the reader is Harry’s GF and she hasn’t been feeling super well bc of Mother Nature. And she finds out from the gyno she’s got endometriosis and Harry is super supportive and comforting? Loads of cuddling and head kisses included 🥰😊

“my love, what's wrong?” harry mumbled. he'd woken up due to your squirming in the bed and light noises, which were moans of pain.

“nothing nothing, it's okay please go back to bed h,” you hated that you had woken him up, he had been super tired last night.

“baby, is it your period again?” he motioned to the hand resting above your uterus with a nudge of his head.

you nodded slightly.

“alright, that's it. we're going to the hospital come on,” harry got up immediately and walked to the closet to find something to wear.

“harry that's not necessary, please go back to bed,” your voice broke slightly as your cramps got even worse.

“y/n, i understand women have cramps but yours keep getting worse and that can't be normal. you can barely get up sometimes, and you're in pain all the time. pain relievers don't work for you anymore and neither do heating pads. maybe this is normal, which i doubt, but we're still going. you need to get checked out just incase.”

you sighed, knowing he was right. “can we go in the morning? it's 3am,”

he shook his head. “i think it's better for them to see what's going on in there while you have cramps. if they're gone in the morning they won't be able to. do you need help getting up?”

you nodded, and harry helped you up from the bed. he placed a quick kiss to your forehead and walked to the closet. “what do you want to wear?”

“hoodie and sweats are fine,”

he nodded and gave you a pair of your sweats and your favorite hoodie of his. then he put on a shirt (he left the sweatpants he slept in on) and helped you get your shoes on after you are both dressed.

with his help, you got in the car. he held your hand the whole drive, knowing situations like this made you nervous.

after parking at the hospital he said, “ready? everything's gonna be alright, i promise,” he smiled and kissed your cheek.

you smiled back and nodded.

both of you got out and walked inside.

inside, they made you do all of the basic protocol, and then you were put in the waiting room.

by the time you were called in, your cheeks were wet with tears from how bad your cramps were.

harry had to explain everything to the doctor due to your crying, and you just let him since he practically knew about your own body more than you did.

“alright, i'm just going to run some tests and you'll results should be done around half an hour after. follow me,” the doctor said.

harry kissed your forehead, then your lips, and let you go with the doctor to get your tests done.

after getting your tests, the doctor had to give you morphine because of the pain. so, you were just waiting in a hospital bed, harry holding you close, for your results.

35 minutes later the doctor walked in.

“alright y/n, your results are back. it turns out you have endometriosis, stage two. its mild, and it's not a threat. however it still does have consequences.”

to be honest, you didn't know much about the disease, but in your head any diagnosis couldn't be completely harmless so you knew something would go wrong. you squeezed harry's hand tightly as tears blurred your vision.

“it's okay baby, no need for tears alright? she said it was mild,” harry's voice was soft as he wiped your tears.

“yes, it is. however, onto the consequences. as you know, it brings on painful periods. this can also come with back and abdominal pain. it can also cause pain during or after intercourse, or pain with bowel movements and sometimes urination, these two are only during your period. your periods will be heavier, and you may bleed in between cycles. some more mild symptoms are fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating or nausea, especially during menstrual periods. as you can see most of these only happen while you're menstruating. now, this condition can also cause infertility. however, your infertility test came back negative, and you're in fact very fertile. but, that doesn't mean you can't have problems conceiving in the future, if that's something you plan on doing. due to the fact you're so fertile now, i recommend maybe freezing some eggs. other than that, your body is perfectly healthy y/n. and i know i mentioned a lot of horrible things right now, but you need to understand this condition isn't the worst thing in the world and you can continue your life like normal with this.”

by the time she was done, tears were streaming down your face. you could feel harry constantly kissing your forehead and telling you everything would be alright.

“i'll give you two a moment,” the doctor exited the room.

“my love, it's okay. you see what she said? it's livable. you'll be okay, i promise you. it's okay,”

“n-o it's not,” your voice hiccuped, “she said even intercourse hurt. i can't even give you that!”

“first of all, is that what you're really worried about? and second, she said maybe. and even if we can never have sex again, i'm okay with that.”

“what if you wake up with a boner? what happens when you get horny?”

“baby, stop thinking about that.”

“and- and i may be infertile! i cant give you kids.” you sobbed.

“beautiful, did you listen to her? she said you're completely fertile. she said it was a possibility, in the future.”

“still h, still.”

“even so, we still have options. we can freeze your eggs, we can adopt, or we can even try now. anything baby. please stop worrying.”

you sighed and wiped your face. “i love you so much harry,”

“i love you too y/n. and i'll always be here, to help you and to love you.” he kissed your forehead and pulled you close.

#harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harrystyles

[somecunttookmyurl]

If It is okay to ask, how to tell when a kid is adhd or just being a kid? Looking back I can see a few signs like constant daydreaming, restlesness fidgeting etc but that wasnt much different from the other kids. As a teenager it became more clear I think because most of girls my age were not behaving like tomboys anymore and the symptoms mentioned above did not go away plus i think I had/have rsd. But only now as an adult i feel like these things are actually getting on the way. I daydream a lot, the restfulness didn't go anywhere, rsd still anoying as fuck (i think this is related with being a people pleaser? I got that too) and i notice more and more this horrible thing you usually call executive dysfunction. I cant really get a diagnosis and while I relate to a lot of symptoms and posts adhd people share, I'm really scared Im just procrastinating and trying to use adhd as an excuse for not getting things done. And I feel really bad about that. So back to my original question, if the signs were there since childhood but did not trouble me until like 4 years ago, how can i tell If It was adhd or Just kid stuff?

i mean the fact it didn't go away is a pretty good tell, honestly.

redmore to save the dash

as an adhd kid you may, with other children

-had difficulty making/keeping friends or socialising and felt "weird" or "different"

-were not invited to parties, made excuses to not go, or acted inapproptiately when there (and were never invited back)

-easily gave in to peer pressure from a desire to "fit in"

-were probably called "gullible"

-found it difficult to "wait your turn" in any activity

-frequently picked last for games and team sports

-found it difficult to "share" things with others

-caused fights/arguments with siblings/other children over trivial things

-may have been called "spiteful" or "vindictive"

-not realised when you were "taking things too far" with joke or play

-tried to annoy people on purpose

_________________________________

as an ADHD child in school you may

-consistently not done school/homework until the last minute. not by choice, but because you could never seem to "just get started on it" until it was immediately pressing

-not known where to start with longer-term projects / never really "got" how to study or revise for exams. could not organise notes.

-made careless mistakes in schoolwork

-had report cards littered with "intelligent but could try harder" "needs to apply themselves" "has potential but lazy" etc

-parents/teachers said you had an "attitude" / you had a tendency to "talk back"

-often seemed to forget things you had already learned until you were reminded of them, or had difficultly linking knowledge together

-doodled a lot in class, and found doing so made it easier to listen

-easily distracted by external stimuli ie things happening outside the classroom window, or a conversation in the next room

________________________________

as an ADHD child at home you may

-had trouble getting up in the mornings (your parents had trouble dragging you up, and you felt groggy/sleepy "just 5 more minutes")

-had issues going to bed. did not seem "tired" at bedtime. stayed up late reading frequently. refused to get ready for bed.

-always been rushed to get ready for things

-being forgetful or "a ditz"

-being called "lazy"

-forgetful with daily activities such as brushing your teeth and would need to be reminded

-found it hard if not impossible to keep your room clean and organised. not "knowing where to start" with it

-walking past things without seeing them. eg my parents would leave my laundry on the stairs to take up and then berate me because "you've walked past it six times today". not really seeing mess in general bc it became "background noise"

-not following through on instructions/not finishing what you were asked to do. like doing half of the dishes

-you were over-sensitive to criticism

-would often lie to get out of obligations, maybe even compulsively (ie you couldn't help it)

-you answer to "why did you do/say x" or "why didnt you do x" was frequently "i don't know" and you genuinely didn't know

-liked to do things the same way every time and got upset if the structure or plan changed

-would become frustrated if your demands were not immediately met. could not "wait until later"

-somebody would ask you to do something and you wouldn't do it for several hours, without realising it had been that long

_________________________________________

as an ADHD child in your leisure time / emotionans you may

-people saying "are you even listening to me?" a lot

-talking excessively, being "a chatterbox"

-despite being a "chatterbox" around familiar people, you were very shy/withdrawn around others. your two modes are "verbal diarrhea" and "mute"

-answering questions before the person even finished asking, interrupting others a lot

-you had a lot of interests but didn't keep up with any of them for very long

-were "emotional" or "overdramatic" ie crying or getting angry easily

-identified as a "perfectionist" and would either hyperfocus on unimportant details, or gave up on new pursuits you were not "immediately good" at

-people said you have a "selective memory" because you can eg name all 151 pokemon in order but not remember to pick up milk on the way home

-your moods seemed to change quickly and drastically

-had difficulty "behaving yourself" in public ie when out shopping

-broke/smashed things when angry

-got injured by doing reckless/stupid things

-complained of "being bored" often

-watched TV or played video games excessively and could lose hours at a time without noticing

#all of this obv in addition to the general #daydreaming/fidgeting/inabiliy to sit still/excess physical energy #you can look up child ADHD rating scales #that would have been completed by a parent or teacher #and look back and score yourself

[chuuyagum]

forewarning to block the tag "honeys medical adventures" if you dont wanna see any of my ranting

anyway

im tired of not talking about this shit

i stopped being able to walk. i was fine and then one day i couldn't feel my fucking legs. that shouldnt happen to anyone. i wouldn't wish it on anyone. but i still kept trying to walk bc i convinced myself it would go away. and then i fell bc no shit! cant feel my fucking legs. and i ended up popping my knee out of place and spraining both ankles. but i couldn't get an appointment to see my doctor and i didnt wanna go to the er. and then the muscle spasms started. i was in so much pain that i hardly even remember how bad it was, i was in a really extreme disassociative episode through it all. like my body was trying to protect me from how traumatizing it was. i couldn't sleep, stand, sit. i just had to lay there in bed, screaming my lungs out every time i moved or something so much as grazed my skin. i was so hyper sensitive it was horrifying. i wanted them to cut my legs off at one point if it would end the pain. and i still had to force myself to walk anywhere i had to go bc i didnt have access to any other type of mobility. those days were so agonizing and horrifying. and my symptoms kept changing. pain in different places, different spasms, different tolerance to textures and temperatures. when i was finally sent to get an MRI i had to wait a month to be able to get an appointment. then i get there and they had scheduled it wrong so they turned me away and sent me home. one more month of waiting. then another to wait for results. then more invasive testing. if youve never needed a spinal tap i hope that day never comes. i felt like a piece of meat under a microscope every time i was handled by doctors and nurses. theres only so much kindness they can give when you're suffering so much but they cant take it away. i needed surgery somewhere in there too to get my gallbladder out. almost died as i was coming out of the operating room bc they fucked up and i suffocated. i finally saw a specialist who was able to tell me whats wrong with me. that this is how i have to live now. that its not something that can be fixed. i just have to learn to live with it. with losing my independence. ive hardly started my life and now its already been taken away from me. i started writing for the first time since i was 16 in there somewhere. drawing for the first time since i was 18. i dont have anything else. i cant work, cant go back to school. the medication they put me on is slowly starting to help. so is physical therapy. i have to learn to walk again. my wheelchair will be pink. im so tired. im gonna rely on someone to help me with daily tasks for the rest of my life. i cant even brush my teeth without help. im so tired. they put me on an antidepressant that supposedly helps manage pain. all it did was help me sleep. but it brought out the worst in me too. im tired.

#personal.txt #honeys medical adventures #ask to tag #long post /

[vanityloves]

Storm and ivy + medic

@septemberlove i have. no excuse for how late these are but uh. thank you for sending these in 💕.

[word count: 1.8k+ with the longest 'authors note' bc im mentally ill]

sfw, mmm comfy cozy, general sick hcs,

storm - what are cozy days in with your f/o like?

Whenever I think of cozy days, my brain immediately goes to rainy/chilly weather where we can cuddle up together and my brain short fuses. I'm gonna assume this is just like a day off or something though!

How I visual them together vs how I write them is odd because they technically don't act or accept they're 'together' until after the comics but I always write them like they're in a Steady Relationship while on base. I'm always writing a slight AU if you will. Or maybe it's after they get their jobs back at Mann co - I should highkey adjust that but No ♥️. No more thinking, just content based off my idealized universe.

There's definitely a point in their relationship where it's like 'I think I have to put in a little more work here'. I'm not saying either party is slacking but they're slacking ♥️. Neither of them really take action. Chef doesn't blame him or really complain about it because that's their nature, plus they don't know how romantic relationships really work or flow, especially with a person like him. Medic doesn't see an issue with anything and continues on with his normal business. 

What I mean by slacking is, there's not a lot of quality time being spent together which would be fine if it wasn't both of their strongest Love Languages, which could help them strengthen their relationship. It's odd because they're 'romantically involved' but they don't spend a lot of time together for either of them to consider it romantic, simply because it's on company time. 

ANYWAYS THATS JUST ME BEING CONVOLUTED. FEEL FREE TO JUST IGNORE ALL OF THIS.

Medic goes to bed pretty late and wakes up at a fairly early hour. Chef is a late sleeper and forced to be an early riser because their Actual Job is to make at least 2 or 3 meals a day (if they want something else, they're on their own but hate when anyone messes up the kitchen and will honestly, stand there and watch said person).

There's minimal time they can spend together if they want to do their own activities - for Medic, it's tinkering around with organs or in Engie's garage, for Chef, they're typically meal prepping or trying to tend to an animal or plant of some sort.

Medic is actually more direct about wanting attention and it's never been a problem because he's cautious about it. Chef is more emotionally inclined and willing to drop hints that they want more attention. 

Chef probably has one day off where it's a complete free for all, for the rest of the team, which would be the perfect time to spend with Medic - If he wanted to stop working, that is. Just don't picture it but, Chef will literally sit in the medbay for hours just to be near the guy, but it isn't bad? The drone of machinery or the scratching of his pen is relaxing, or having his doves nearby is always sweet! Plus, he's prone to talking their ear off when he finds something interesting, so they'll chime in and have some back and forth.

But, yknow - sometimes having someone's undivided attention is nice and Chef is pretty dense when it comes to that and wonders why they feel so upset.

They swallow their pride and ask Medic if they sleep in his room one night and Medic's not as dense as Chef, he understands that they'd never ask for something so out of the blue for no reason and he promises to finish up his work early so they could head to bed together. Chef had nothing planned, they literally just needed that affection and closeness - since it was their day off Medic takes the hint and puts his work aside for the time being.

They'd probably sleep in and stay in bed a while longer before getting ready together - no uniform required. Chef isn't so talkative in the mornings, Medic's noticed, but they were happily fiddling with his buttons and tie, humming in thought before answering his questions. Medic's seen them out of uniform of course, but it's always funny seeing them in just a button up and jeans like … mom on the go vibes. Medic leaves his coat behind before making his way to the kitchen with Chef. 

The kitchen usually has a couple people loitering around, grabbing their coffee or honestly, waiting around for Chef because they always make extra and these bitches are lazy. But the kitchen has now become A Medic Supremacy Zone and he has first dibs - the benefits of being w/ Chef I guess. The two would work as if the others weren't there, keeping their conversation between each other even if that means Medic tilting his head down while Chef leans in closer to reply. There's a high possibility the other have left them to their own devices, seeing as the couple was ignoring them / knows they won't be getting anything. Breakfast isn't extraordinary but it feels special since they actually get to sit across each other and share the morning today.

It's possible that they'd go out and run some errands today, but it's a cover to window shop and walk around. I'll be honest, they probably haven't had proper dates so it's refreshing. You could ask Chef what they liked the most and they're just like :] Yes. 

Other times, they like to curl up and catch up with some reading (well, Medic at least) while Chef rests against him and skim over the words. They're not too invested in what he's reading but likes to have some idea of what he's talking about so they don't ask too many questions. (Very 'these words are big and english/german is not my first language + I can't read as fast as you can so I got lost 7 pages ago). Medic likes to watch Chef garden and tries to help them tend to whatever they're able to grow in the goddamn desert. He overwaters a cactus and looks away if it dies. Chef talks ab how they're growing mint and how it really took off while Medic's standing there like :] Oh, lets make tea with that. Because they're Old People (read: Medic is old)

🕊🐁

ivy - how do you take care of each other when you’re sick?

Chef is easier to take care of when they're sick. They continue working until they're pretty beat but once they feel sick and a break doesn't work, they'll try to finish up what they can before turning in early. They see themselves to bed and inform whoever's near that they won't ne there at dinner and if they really cant figure it out, then come get them - other than that, they're barricading themselves in their room.

When they're sick they're REALLY sick but recovery time is usually a few days (depending on how bad it is). They basically hibernate and don't like being disturbed. They're used to not fending for themselves since they've been on their own for a while but really appreciate all the check ins Medic does w/ them, especially when they're all better. 

Medic, being...their Medic, he definitely gives them a check up when they first begin showing symptoms and he can be a stickler when it comes to drinking fluids and eating properly. Chef usually has a  finicky stomach as it is so Medic really urges them to drink soups and easy foods like bread and crackers. He checks in on them A LOT, even if that's just peeking in to see if they're asleep or not. He backs off when Chef gives him a cold stare from under the covers and minimizes his intrusions/tries to be more sneaky about it. He has colder hands and they let out a sigh when he puts his hand to their cheek or forehead to check their temperature. 

Chef doesn't hesitate to take any medication he has for them, mostly bc they aren't fully coherent but they also don't have energy to care, in fact they have the thought that if he accidentally kills them, maybe respawn will cure them. Unfortunately, Medic debunks this before they can even muster up the energy to ask.

Overall 7.5/10, very good patient. Will refuse to get up and accidently falls asleep in the shower which scares the shit out of him.

Medic on the other hand is very stubborn and doesn't like to stop working unless there's something that physically stops him (ex: vomiting, serious injuries [unlikely bc medigun], etc). If he tricked the Devil, surely the man can beat the common cold or flu! Unfortunately he gets those full body shivers and feels terrible. He can be pretty dramatic when he's sick and everyone's subjected to his bad attitude. 

It's Chefs turn to play doctor - they can tell by looks alone that he's under the weather. His face is flushed and he's a bit sloppily put together, which isn't *too uncommon* but his tie isn't tied and his glasses lamely slide down his nose. They tsk a bit while taking his temperature just to keep track of it before ushering him to his room.

He can be dragged to bed if persistent enough. Chef's firm hold on his arm is enough for him to get off his chair and have them tug him along. He doesn't have any room to argue with them as they look up at him, so he relents, stating that a short break would definitely do him good, but he'll be up and at em by tomorrow. 

Chef is doting and becomes a bit of a helicopter parent when checking on him. This mostly consists of peeking their head in but not really stepping in the room. Every so often they'll wake him up to drink water and either hand him an ice pack or offer a cold towel and move to dab at his forehead and neck.

Medic hasn't been too keen on having others taking care of him bc that's HIS job, and he often tries to shoo Chef away by saying he's more than alright now. Sometimes he's caught sitting up in bed doing work or taking notes on something bc he's a bit restless when he's sick and stationary for too long.

But he's right. He's very good at taking care of himself - when Chef offers him food he'll force himself to eat some of it and he's drinks plenty of fluids without needing reminders. He kinda bosses Chef around, telling them to grab certain medications from the Medbay. They trust his judgment on his own health and bring him what he asks for but Chef keeps a mental note of what he takes and when. Don't need the doctor accidentally taking too many pills today!

Overall 6.5/10. It's hard to get him into bed and becomes restless fairly easily. He is persistent that he's ok after one day of rest only to be found sneezing himself away in the Medbay. 

#tf2 oc #self insert #medic #self ship #tf2 headcanons #my headcanons #my writing #i guess #'have you written enough?' idk you tell me. #s: soul food #if anyone reads even a part of this im sorry #💙 2d's spouse 💙 #mars!!! #ahh thank you again.. sorry these are so late ahshhd i get caught up w/ other stuff so this was self care <3 ! #im very passionate ab medic YSHDHD like yeah no shit bitch 🦧

[saltysatellite804]

uh. i can't think of a delicate way to put this, but wishing you weren't afraid of dying so you could kill yourself does count as suicidal ideation. honestly you sound very depressed. if you can, i think you should talk to a doctor or a therapist about this? i'm not sure what else might help bc the pandemic makes a lot of things difficult or unavailable. (and please don't beat yourself up for not having to work during all this crap and still being depressed! depression doesn't have a sign saying "you must have this many problems to ride". suffering shouldn't be a competition. be kinder to yourself, ok? yes life is hard and sometimes all you can do is fight to get out of bed, but you shouldn't feel like you have to "suck it up" bc other people have different/worse problems.)

no need to respond to this or anything. i just hope you can find something that helps.

I dont know. Im not at risk of killing myself. So I dont know if it makes me suicidal. I am too scared of dying to do anything.

I am unable to access mental health resources here. I tried to, but it's basically designed to be really hard and inaccessible as possible. I can probably get meds from a gp but I am a huge hypochondriac who doesnt want more symptoms. I'd rather just have a support system...

I have this bad habit of feeling like I just need to power through. It's what I've tried to do for so long. It's what I've seen my family and everyone in my life do.

Even knowing I should be nicer to myself, I never can be. I feel like everything is my fault usually.

I'm rambling.

I appreciate the concern.

Every day I wish there was something I could do. But I literally cant. And that's sometimes the worst part, to be honest.

I think if I just had an accepting place I'd be better off but I dont have access to that either...

#sorry #im not trying to dump #im just trying to explain #i wish i had access to decent therapt #i really wish i did #but i dont #suicide mention tw

[many-gay-magpies]

Smh i should really stop talking to my mom about anxiety/mental stuff because every time it only makes me feel worse

I love my mom a lot but like . sometimes there are just things that get on my nerves even though i love her. I kinda feel bad because like she tries so hard to understand and says she understands and I know she DOES to a degree so I feel bad for lowkey thinking like the whiny teenager all like "yOu DoN't UnDeRsTaNd Me" sometimes, y'know? Like the bottom line is our brains just work really really differently a lot of the time and she either wants to believe or genuinely believes that they dont

Every time I talk to her about my (non-clinical, probably) anxiety and what caused it (this girl bullying me for six years) she goes on to mention all the ways she was bullied as a kid and all the terrible shit she's gone through to say in the end "so I understand" when like all of that shit is way different from my experience so every time she says it inside I'm just like "yes but actually no"

Like, today i was talking about my bully to her and how I've started realizing that all my responses now are responses i was forced to give as a kid because of the situation i was in with my bully, and she went in depth and told me (all stuff she had already told me about before and also when i had been talking about my anxiety stuffs before) about how her mom forced her to sleep in curlers so she would have banana curls and made her wear dresses and how she got mugged really bad when she was older and all this stuff that is very valid trauma and sucks ass and i thank her for trying to understand me but at the same time all the shit that happened to her was surface level. Neither of us could control what was happening to us, because her mom made her dress like that and I couldn't just make this girl suddenly not have issues, but like a dress is still something you can change??? Take off??? Like it isnt attatched to you as a person. I cant change the fact that i exist, which this girl bullying me apparently hated me for. To her my existence was just like "oh i must hurt this person" not because of what i wore, what i looked like, etc etc.

She also kept subtly bringing up the fact that i had never been PHYSICALLY hurt by my bully and implying that because she HAD her pain was worse and i could have had it worse if my bully physically hurt me and ACTED on the threats to hurt me (which my mom's bullies did) and while yes that was true . My bully didn't threaten to physically hurt me at all so there were no threats TO act on she just talked to me like i was shit all the time and beat my self esteem about my personality into a meaningless pulp . I kind of wanted to scream in my moms face "YOUR PAIN WAS MOSTLY PHYSICAL WHILE MINE WAS EMOTIONAL, BOTH ARE VALID AND DIFFERENT" but i know she does know that-- but maybe it would have gotten the point across idk

I wish so badly that i could just tell my mom "I dont want/need you to understand, i just need you to be here" and like i could but . I'm not there yet

(Warning ahead, I'm sorry if this gets really long but like I wanna get it off my chest before i go to sleep bcs i feel like ill sleep better if i do)

Another thing that annoys me is that??? Every time??? I say something??? Or tell her how I'm feeling at the moment??? She just asks me??? "Why?"??? And yes its good to talk about stuff but I'm trying to explain to you in a polite way why i want to leave the conversation and that its making me uncomfortable and i just want to go to bed and you just go "but why are you uncomfortable?" Or like if i tell her I'm upset and i want to stop talking about it she goes "why are you upset? I dont want you to be upset" and I'm just. I literally just said i dont want to talk about this anymore can i please leave you cant control that I'm upset about this because continuing talking to you is just going to make me more upset because no matter what way i try to explain it i cant get my points across right to you and i dont want to say you dont understand bcs thats immature but you kind of dont understand

I want to tell her "This conversation isnt having the outcome i wanted it to have and i want to leave it before it makes me more upset so that i can go think on it for later" but I'm sure if i do. that shed just go "but WHY arent you happy with the conversation tell me so i can fix it" and if i tell her blatantly what is making me unhappy (the fact that she keeps saying she understands and pouring stories of her traumas onto me to "prove" that she understands) then she's going to guilt trip me when were talking in the future by emphasizing the fact that i dont like when she talks a certain way and be all like "oh i wont tell you about my OWN experiences though because you said you don't LIKE when I DO that" and i just hhhhhh

Like every time i tell her she doesnt understand and try to explain it in a way that she WILL and it'll finally click it just. Doesn't and it makes me feel so defeated because every time i do that she just circles back around to "well i experienced all these types of trauma so i totally understand" and i appreciate the effort but that just isnt the kind of support i needed to make me feel content

And also when i was talking to her tonight i told her about a specific instance that happened in like 1rst or 4th grade where I was crying because the girl bullying me was just in one of those. Bad Moods™ where like she hated me for existing and talked to me like i was a piece of trash she had stepped in or smth and then she and a couple other kids asked me WHY I WAS CRYING and I didn't want to tell her "hey I'm crying because you keep hurting me and i dont want you to" because if i said that she would just hurt me MORE so i made up a lie on the spot and said that my parents had a small argument (I'm a sensitive kid and will cry at the barest hint of conflict between my parents so it checked out) and i was crying because of it and . Out of that ENTIRE STORY the one thing my mom zeroed in on was the fact that i told a lie that "painted my parents in a bad light"

Just. Like. Yeah. It did. But I wasn't even thinking about that at the moment?? Like it didn't even cross my mind??? The only thing i was thinking about was that i was scared and in danger and i probably would have said anything to get OUT of that danger (as fake or ill-perceived it might have been). But no, even later on after i had explained that in basically those exact words she still went back around to say "oh if it was bad enough that you told a lie about your parents to get out of it then she REALLY fucked you up"

Which??? By the way??? Is a whole other reason why i try not to talk to my mom about this shit??? Because every time i open up about it and want to have a conversation in a more logical/organized/"well here's the situation and here's what we can do about it" kind of way she always turns it around and says stuff like "damn [REDACTED] really fucked you up didn't she" and "I didn't know it was that bad"/"I didn't know it effected you that bad, you should have said something!" which. Makes me Feel Bad™, for some reason way more than my dad excitedly talking about reptile and monkey brains and how stuff that happened to us in the past is engrained into our brain and still effects us now, like instinct

She also always turns all of my stuff talking about emotions into "oh you're just a teenager" "you're pms'ing" "you'll grow out of it later"

Like one time i told her that her mind was always in the past or the future, always worrying about the past or the future, never in the present, in response to her worrying a bunch about something and how i had my mind in the present more often and her response was something along the lines of "well you're like that because you're young and a teenager, you CAN stay thinking in the present because you dont have all that stuff to worry about like an adult does, I'm an adult and i work a bunch so i constantly have stuff to worry about" and like. Yeah theres some solidity to that. But also i literally talked about that exact thing with my dad and HE said her brain was always in the past/future and never the present so I'm pretty sure its not just a teen vs adult thing

And then towards the end of this whole thing when i had finally managed to tell her "hey I'm uncomfortable in this conversation can i please leave and go to bed" and even further explained that it was because i went into this wanting to have a more casual/logic-based talk rather than an emotional discussion and . she's kind of of the mind that "why did you bring it up if you didn't want to have a deep emotional discussion about it" and I'm just HHHNNNNGGGG but also i actually DIDNT mention it, first i was mentioning how id been having sensory overload lately and how certain sounds of words hurt and then she said i should have a doctor check that out and then i said "I've been reading up on anxiety and sensory overload is a part of that so i figured that's just what it was" (bcs my dad gets sensory overload a lot too) which then ensued a ten-minute conversation about how i probably dont have clinical anxiety because mine isnt as bad as/like all the many, many people my mom has known who DO have it (throughout which i kept trying to tell her "just social anxiety exists too tho" to which she would respond "yea but u dont have these symptoms of general anxiety so i dont think u have it" and while i hope and think i dont i was just like HHHHHHH because i mean social anxiety and by social anxiety I DO NOT MEAN GENERAL ANXIETY YOU CAN HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY WITHOUT HAVING GENERAL at least i think idk i might be wrong) which i ended by saying "i probably dont have clinical anxiety but i do believe my brain has been wired to react to certain situations based on how i had to react to those situations for six years" which then lead to me talking more about my bully and my mom pretty much siphoning as much emotional vulnerability and opening up out of me as she could

And then at the end i told her "can i please leave i kind of feel like crying and i dont want to do it in front of a person at the moment" (because I haven't cried in a few months and i feel like I'm in need of a good cry tbh which in itself is something she doesnt really understand) which lead her to go "why do you feel like crying now I'm worried for you" and HHHHHHEBDJBEHNDEJHBDNEHDBEH yeah--

There's probably more i could say but I'm not going to, because its almost 1 am and while i had actually been about to sleep early at like ten she ended up roping me into an hour or two long talk about emotions, which is. Fun. And i have to get up in six hours so I'm going to go to bed. Sorry if this was a mess which I'm sure it is, i really just needed to get this out there lol

Also when i went to my dad after this to say goodnight (i actually like talking to my dad abt this stuff a lot since his brain and mine are just really similar) he gave me this lil smile and just said "deep breaths" and that made me feel better

#magpie thoughts #and at the end she started doing that thing where she acts silly to try and make me happy and not feel like crying which is a good sentiment #but like i WANTED to cry tonight and now im not in the mood anymore #magpie rants

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Ghost BC x Bipolar Disorder

disclaimer: everyone with bipolar deals with it differently, has different symptoms, different levels, and different coping mechanisms. im just speaking from experience here cause im just not dealing with it all right now!!! wooohoo!!! ive never talked about this so if you want me to add anyone let me know. 

If hearing about mania/manic states and depressive episodes could trigger you or worsen your mental health, please don’t keep reading. all triggers in the tags as usual. also im doing it as You and not I or “their s/o” for nothing but formatting reasons and laziness. questions and concerns may be as usual directed to the confessional (ask box)

Papa II: It’s kind of difficult with him. He understands the episodes, and that sometimes you can just have regular ups and downs, and that it’s not 100% all the time. He gets depression to a certain extent too. those days you don’t want to get out of bed, don’t have the energy to cry, don’t have the energy to blink so you just let your eyes burn. and when youre up, it’s self destruction, intrusive thoughts, the screaming, the energy. Everything just feels like it’s going too fast, whether you know you’re having an episode or not. II is really good at helping you navigate your episodes. He wont push you to calm down, or tell you to “just be happy” when youre up and down. He’s good at helping things feel real. Helping you come down inside enough that you can recognize yourself in the mirror. Whether you don’t believe in medication, or went off it, or it isn’t working for you, he’ll support you no matter what and never think you’re crazy or awful or manipulating him. He knows you cant control it. 

Papa III: He tries to understand, he really does, but theres so many hard stigmas about bipolar that are hard to let go. That it’s day to day, or hour to hour moods instead of episodes that can last a few days to a few weeks. He knows it’s not his fault, but seeing you talk faster than your brain can process your words, your bursts of manic energy where you just wanna run and your bad ideas, knowing whats going on in your head, it makes him feel useless knowing theres nothing he can do to help you. All he can try to do is talk you off the ledge when you’re about to do something Not Great, and make sure to keep communication open so that if you feel an episode coming on you can try and find ways to stop it together. when you’re depressed, he tries the classic stuff to make you smile: movies, warm blankets, cuddling, forehead kisses, whatever fluff ive put in these hcs before. but it doesn’t work. it cant possibly work when you can’t stop crying and don’t even want him around. and thats a hard pill to swallow - hard to really understand its not him you don’t want around, it’s just that you don’t want anyone around. His best suggestion is to talk to a therapist because he never wants to give you any bad ideas, or bad coping mechanisms, or say something that could trigger an episode, and it’s hard for him to really understand where those lines are if theyre changing all the time (and they usually are). 

Dewdrop: he’ll vibe with you. he doesn’t really understand what you’re going through in any capacity, and why its such a bad thing when you have energy, but whatever you wanna do he’ll do it with you. if you’re manic, he’ll probably try to get on your level - and hear me out, i know this is a dangerous game and AWFUL for someone to do when you’re manic, but listen. If he tries to get on your level when you’re Up, it’s easier for him to understand what you’re thinking. If you tell him something kinda crazy you wanna do when he’s coolin, of course it’s gonna sound crazy and a bad idea and he’ll try and stop you - but that doesn’t get the Crazy out. if he’s up, he can better judge what’s a fun little reckless thing to do vs what’s actually dangerous and what to keep you away from. And he’s good at distracting. Good at steering your constantly crashing train of thought. When you’re in a depressive state, he’ll just lay there with you. he won’t try and talk it out of you, or suggest you do something fun, or tell you how everything's gonna be okay. he doesnt know that for sure and he’s not going to lie to you. but he’s figured out the more still and quiet he is when you’re down like that, the less likely you are to try and kick him out or push him away. The more he rides those waves with you the more he can understand what you’re going through, and learn about what your lines and triggers are. 

Swiss: okay i havent talked about this that much on this account (its a big part of my book haha please read it) but Swiss is Smart. like ridiculously book smart, math smart, people smart, street smart. once hes been around you for long enough, he’s sometimes better at noticing the signs of an episode before you do. He’s really perceptive when it comes to the tone of your voice, little ticks, what you’re saying, how you’re dressing. You know he’s paying attention, but he does it in a way that doesn't make you feel like you’re being watched or monitored ever. everyone knows thats fucking annoying and feels invasive as hell. When you’re manic he’s good at helping you get back to a place of center. not calm, or back to normal, but centered. grounded. it’s hard to feel like you even Exist in the same world as other people sometimes and he gets that. definitely watches how much time you spend online, cause that can make the Not Existing feeling a lot worse. When you’re low, he’s good at talking to you. he’ll direct the conversation to and from whatever you’re upset about if anything, in a way that doesn’t feel invasive or like pestering. if you dont wanna talk about whatever's wrong (and lets be honest, sometimes its Nothing) then he’ll get you to talk about something. Anything just to keep you talking. The goal isn’t to make you laugh and smile, maybe its just to make you feel less alone in the world, but if you do laugh and smile that’s just a cherry on top. 

- Kat

disclaimer part two: there are no excuses mental illness or otherwise for treating your partner poorly and putting someone who cares about you (anyone, really) through hell just because they’ll take it or because you wont seek help isnt okay.

#ghost #ghost bc #the band ghost #ghost band #papa ii #papa iii #papa emeritus iii #papa emiritus ii #dewdrop #dewdrop ghoul #swiss #swiss army ghoul #swiss ghoul #bipolar #manic #bipolar disorder #mania #depression #manic depression #depressed #mental illness #judith #kat

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : University Professors (in Love)

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:

Due to a long-standing feud between various Law and Science professors, the students from those respective degrees don’t get along very well. What better way to foster some good (or at least non-violent) relations between departments than to start a new science-in-law degree? 

Too bad the Law and Science professors - Yamada Hizashi and Aizawa Shouta, respectively - working on the course together hate each other's guts. 

(Well, until they fall in love.)

Oh and Izuku and Hitoshi are sleep deprived first years running on noodles and Redbull, but what else is new?

this is at a big ass, top tier university

all might is like, the david attenbourgh of this universe but he got injured on set and moved to teaching, he's not that relevant i just wanted to include him because hes a good man

so, aizawa is under all might in the science faculty hierarchy, but not by much considering how young he is. aizawas the animal physiology teacher and does shit tones of research with zoos and shelters for husbandry studies

now, the two big draws of this campus are like the wet sciences and their law section, but the whole campus is pretty swish: like if gatton and st. lucia were connected with land but still as weird as the other.

Now none of you know anything about my uni, so imagine not quite an Ivy League school, but still one of the fancier collages in your state, with a redneck agricultural campus slapped on. But the rednecks are liberals.

Now imagine they are run by the same people

so one of the law lectures retires and they get a new one! its mic! and now aizawa is already pissed. hes dealt with mic before riding his ass in ethics committees and honestly just making life harder for him than it had to be

and the university tells him to reduce the hostility between the two sides of the campus, they are going to be holding some law classes in the animal side and vice versa and aizawa is piiisssssedddd

and then they fucking, start a new animal science/law degree about animal ethics law and aizawa is flipping his fucking lid because all might is already the vet science-vet tech degree co-ordinator and since aizawa is so new, hes the highest-ranking person to not be a degree coordinator

so of course, hes the new degree coordinator

but oh no, nezu isnt done

hes coordinating with mic, and they are the two primary lecturers for the two first, second and third-year compulsory subjects so aizawa is having a mini breakdown rant at allmight in the staff room when mic bursts in to say hello

allmight shoves aizawa in the cupboard and nervously chats to mic as aizawa tries not to make a noise from where he was quickly shoved into a cupboard of skeletons. hes internally saying sorry to the skeleton of that one tutor who donated himself to the uni. mic leaves, allmight helps him out and aizawa is just caught between pissed and flustered tbh

so the science people band together to allow aizawa to drown his sorrows in the nice food on the other side of the campus

and they have fucking, disguised aizawa

hes in one of nemuri's wigs, a pair of sunglasses from snipe and one of the nice lab techs named inko gave him a big puffy coat

and so this pack of science nerds is penguin huddle sprinting to the one ramen shop they all love, trying to hide aizawa from nezu, hizashi, and other random law students/lecturers hes pissed off

so allmight swears he sees hizashi but its nbd he only waves

so they get there, and all give aizawa sympathetic looks and buy him his lunch even though he insists he has money. inko the lab tech is there too bc i love her and she is aggressively mothering aizawa

when they are done they run back to the science side because no one has the courage needed to stop a hoard of sprinting scientists. also: nemuri is the chem lecturer and you should know that

its like the middle of the school year when this starts, so aizawa and hizashi have to scrap together this degree real fucking quickly

even though the both of them have Opinions about the other, they refuse to let their students suffer bc of how poorly planned this was so they knuckle the fuck down and bust out 1.5 years worth of content before the end of the year. they dont do much in person, mostly just emailing

aizawa is softer on mic bc they guy isn't horrific over email. unknown to him mic has developed a full-on crush on this guy

hes like, crying to joke "hes just,,, he wants to do good for his students you know? he isnt just a lecturer for the research money,,, he c a r e s,,,"

the whole god damn science faculty is mothered by the head lab animal tech, inko and they see her fretting about one day, and its turns out this whole fucking time shes had a son and didn't want to say anything bc she didn't wanna impose

(yagi has a big ol crush on her but nbd)

and so shes surrounded by all these nerds asking ab izuku and how old he is, and what he likes to do and they've never seen her happier rambling about her son. She tells them she let slip ab the new degree a little early, and izuku wants to be in it so badly and everyone is real soft

hes graduating next year, so thats even more motivation for aizawa to buck up and make this degree work bc he knows one of the kids now, and from what inkos told him, the boys a good kid

the entire faculty has already adopted izuku

one thing she hasn't mentioned ab izuku is that hes got chronic fatigue syndrome

aka izuku is constantly exhausted, his immune system is a bit shit, and hes in chronic pain that isnt affected by painkillers, other symptoms can just like, pop up, its pretty not understood

anyway, thats the reason izuku wants to get into animal law, not vet practise, bc hes not sure he'll always be able to physically pick up the animals and he doesnt wanna do them like that

anyway, its near the end of the year and its time to set the OP threshold. I have 0 idea how you guys get into uni, but an OP is basically: your grades are ranked, then your subjects are ranked, then your school is ranked by a fancy test. Your OP is the score from 1-25 you get with all that jazz. 1-5 is like: you can do almost anything. 1 is like doctors, vets, law. 1-15 is pretty respectable, under than you might need to do a little fuckery to get into a course.

mic is pushing for like, 10, bc its a new degree

but aizawa isn't having that. op 2 or he wont sign off on it and mic doesnt understand why and aizawa just turns towards him

"im not having animals suffer lower standards than humans. standard law is an op 1. vet science is an op 1. im already making a concession here."

mic swoons a little tbh, they eventually agree on op 5

anyway, izuku has an op 2 so its nbd for him, inko is so proud of her boy! aizawa has a little "thank fuck" moment bc he really did want this kid to get in bc he sounded like a good kid. also, mic's nephew shinso is in the first class! aizawa is actively trying not to remember the kids name so he isn’t a dick to him for 0 reason

there is like a grand total of 80 people in this degree which honestly isnt that bad

super high rate of externals tho, so there are only 50 students on campus

20 students in the campus dorms

izuku is one of them, he was gonna get in anyway but they put him in and gave him a nice first floor room bc making the poor guy walk up and down stairs for no reason is just mean

hes in self-catered bc while hes not super picky, hes allergic to some stuff, and some other stuff makes him sick, so no dining hall

shinso is his nextdoor neighbour. hes in self-catered bc he put his form in late and thats the only spot they had left! he cant cook so save his actual life.

so, mirio is the ra and hes a big soft 4th-year vet, he works out to give the dogs hugs

amajiki is his neighbour he has a cat - i mean - very loud fish (aka: no pets other than fish allowed)

when mirio likes people, he just,,, puts a cat in their face, and insists its a fish until they get it

that cats name is guppy i don’t make the rules

ok so, izuku and shinso meet and bond a bit in freshers’ week (think hazing, but gentle, with loads of games and forced bonding), but shinso is intimidated bc izuku is smiley and social and has loads of friends

and that does a 180 when he gets back to his room after a late-night walk, seeing izuku crying in the kitchen as he waits for the kettle to boil because a hot water bottle is the only thing that might stop his arms from aching

and shinso like, hides bc he gets not wanting people to know what's wrong but from then one he is SUPER protective of izuku

anyway, end of the week izuku confesses that he has chronic pain so he might be a bit grumpy sometimes and shinsou has to be like "oh its nbd" when one day he almost smacked their other neighbour with a piece of frozen steak bc he was making too much noise in the morning when izuku got to sleep really late

on the weekend they play videogames and make popcorn as the other kids go home, and they get visited by inko and Hizashi

inko is mothering izuku and has two very fat rats in her arms that she dumps on him and he lights up

see: izuku isnt allowed pets. but no one said anything about inko

so she got the two softest, dumbest, babiest rats shes ever seen and they live on her desk now. and shinso is like "SONs" and they have rats in their jumpers while all 3 of them play mariokart

hizashi stops by to help shinso cook bc he admitted hes only been eating frozen shit. izuku is gently telling him off bc he could have helped! but shinso is like "no i needed to maintain my cool vibes" so hizashi gently grabs izuku, sets up the two chairs like fluffy thrones and they order shinso around the kitchen like hes a servant

shinso is loosing his actual mind laughing and so is izuku. they force him to make katsu curry and eat it in the kitchen on their thrones while shinso sits on a shitty box fridge. there are more chairs left, hes being extra

so, first day of classes, they have principals of law first, izuku drags his pained ass out of bed and he and shinso make their way to class, both freezing fucking cold holding mugs of hot drink

they sit down

the lecturer is mic

izuku is losing his shit and shinso is like "oh yeah didnt i tell you?" and izuku is trying not to cackle/punch him. he waves sheepishly at mic who waves back with great enthusiasm

mics first class is just

KAHOOT

it’s not even law-related, it’s just random bs animal facts

shinsos name is c a t s and hizashi is losing his mind bc izuku set his name as d o g s r b e t t e r

the lectures r live-streamed so the external students can join in real-time and monomas on the other end like s n a k e

hizashi is losing his actual m i n d, everyone just has variations of their favourite animal

also pwease during this lecture mic is just chatting w the students ab whats going to happen, sees izukus mug of tea and says

"ok and just so everyone knows, please feel free to eat and drink in my lectures, just dont let anyone know i said that

"sir this is being recorded"

"shhhhh"

pls bakugous that one asshole that whips out a full course meal and starts distributing it amongst his squad. bakugo is just a plain law student, but there are some plain law students taking this course as an elective

mic honestly looks bakugo in the eyes, and orders pizza for everyone but him. hes standing in font of the mic so its fucking recorded too. izuku is cackling

ok so, they have an hour break and go to the cafe, inko crashes and smuggles them outside, and gives them the rats

inko and izuku aren't super well off financially bc they are saving for a service dog and its EXPENSIVE, even tho inko makes ok money, husband divorced her bc izuku was sick, izuku has issues, was bullied in school, has had cfs for ages

so inko has these rats bc she "liberated" them from the end of a cosmetics trial she heped nemuri run and nerumi stood infront of the secruity camera and closed her eyes

anyway, next lecture is aizawa's

shinso has vaguely heard ab the guy from hizashi and desperately wants to sit in the back row. izuku has heard ab the guy vaguely from inko and desperately wants to sit in the front row. izuku wins bc they walked in through the lower door and shinso doesnt wanna make the guy walk up all those steps

aizawa walks in, nicely says hello to shinso, izuku and the over kid in the front row, tells the people in the back row that if they think he cant see or hear them from there they have another thing coming, and immediately starts talking ab how many people working in animal-related fields and in law are depressed

izuku raises his hand, while shinso is aggressively trying to pull it down

"yes, kid?"

"what if you're already depressed, professor?"

aizawa pauses, turns off the mic and loses his shit quietly behind his desk, shinso is red and trying to hide, izuku looks proud of himself. aizawa gets himself together, coughs, and turns the mic back on

"seems we had a bit of a technical difficulty, continuing on"

and the whole room loses their shit, and aizawa is grinning like an idiot but his voice is the same pissed monotone as usual

just have to Be There for aizawas lectures like everyone who doesn’t show up is like :///// idk why y’all like him so much he’s kinda boring and izukus like No you have to Be There

in Person

everyone thinks the guy is a boring old man who keeps breaking his computers. in reality, hes like 26, really tired, and keeps losing his shit so hard he turns off the mic so No One Can Know

one time he walked in in hot pink leggings and when he asked "any questions?" ochako (a vet tech student in the class) ask "sir where did you buy those because they look amazing" "the internet, ochako. any other questions."

and bc you cant hear the students all the externals are trying to work out what the question was. it becomes a meme

last day of lectures they all show up in matching leggings. aizawas soft but he Refuses to show them. they fucking found the site he bought them from, all of them have pink leggings in increasingly vibrant shades

shinso's are like, lilac

izukus are eyebleeding, highlighter pink

anyway! mic likes to share the tea from behind the scenes

and so they learn ab the "really sweet department head with a crush on a lab tech" and izuku loses his shit. puts his hand up, and mic says "yeah?"

izuku clambers out of his seat, asks mic to turn the recording off, takes the mic and stares down the class

"that lab tech in my mum and shes smitten for this guy. totally smitten."

'ooOH SHIT REALLY?"

izuku just grins and nods

"ok class, extra credit. can we go through this uni's stance on dating co-workers. anyone who gives me a quick, sighted explanation of whether or not we can hook these two up gets 5% of their final mark, no questions asked"

fuckin, izuku is so on board with this, and tells hizashi he'll leave the assignments on inkos table at home if he wants, the whole class gets so fucking into it

anyway, after all that jazz izuku spots yagi and inko out for coffee together and reports it as a win, the class cheers

as an aside: hizashi is very open ab the fact hes one of 2 degree coordinators but he hasnt mentioned the second

its also very obvious he has a crush on the second, and that hes a little older than them (hizashi is 32, shouta is 26) now, literally no one thinks aizawa is the other

bc hes 26, and wears fucking pink leggings to lectures. hes like, hes baby. hes so small, so young, takes his cat to class in a backpack

its literally only the externals who think he could be bc they think hes like 50. aizawa has the curse of just having great fucking bone structure, hes really god damn hot. half of their love letters pages is people thirsting over him and hes so mad ab it. he doesnt brush his hair and wears dumb clothes but apparently, that makes him relatable or some shit

anyway, hizashi is off-topic talking ab the lab tech that mothers the other course coordinator and shinso sees izuku perk up

they guy has been looking out of it all morning bc hes having a bad day, but wanted to go to lectures. anyway, after the lecture hes scrambles over to hizashi and asks

"oh my god is the other coordinator professor aizawa”

"damn, what gave it away"

"mum mothers him because he never eats and he apparently looks like hes barely 20, which is false, but thats mum for you"

once they get out of lectures izuku is like

"shinso. shinso"

and shinso looks lost

"you know what this means, shinso""

"no. no i dont"

"MATCH MAKING TIME"

#bnha au #professors in love au #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #erasermic #present mic #yamada hizashi #midoriya izuku #midoriya #izuku #shinsou #shinsou hitoshi #shindeku #if you squint

[blue-hi]

i’ve been awake since 4:30 am and it’s 9:00 now so i need to get this out because it’s been months and i havent been able to spit the whole thing out and i need to SAY something so i think i’ll jst yell into the void so

thanks

ive had insomnia since at least mid october. cant really remember now when it started. i’d keep waking up in th emiddle of the night, always around 2 or 3 am and it would take ages to get back to sleep.

ive never been one for all nighters and i like getting a full night’s sleep and all of a sudden i wasn;t getting it and for no reason too. this scared me. it still scares me. i reached out to my mom for idk emotional support??? i didn’t want to be alone

“this happens to other people too” started out as a way to help but the way she said it sounded like she was dismissing me and what was happening. like it would all clear up soon so i had no reason to bother her

then the week before halloween almost all my classes assigned projects or had a test and they were all assigned at the same time at the end of the week and were all due at the same time on halloween. the saturday before halloween and after i got all the assignments i slept particularly awfully and i just broke down in th emiddle of the library. like all day and i couldn’t stop. that scared me even more bc if it happened once it can happen again

im terrified. that’s the core of the issue

that day my mom and aunt got me a plane ticket to fly home for the next weekend to see if being home would fix things. we even had a doctor’s appointment it didn’t fix anything. the doctor told me things i already knew but also decided i had generalized anxiety disorder and that was why i couldn;t sleep even though i wasn;t scared until after it started and i slept terribly that night again. i was hysterical. i still had no idea why i couldn’t sleep i shouldn’t have paced that loud in the hallway but yeah i wanted attention i felt alone. maybe it was selfish but i just wanted a hug and i knew then i was in for the long haul and i didn’t want to be afraid AND be alone but my mom just yelled at me (which she had the right to i was being not-great) and i felt i was burdening her. that’s when i realized she either can’t or won’t be there with me or both

i went to the counselor at my school and i just vented. not all of this but some of it and i had other problems at the time like my major and some classes but those had all worked themselves out by the end of november i also went to the health center and got a little bottle of this drug called hydroxyzine and that started helping a little bit. i was taking tylenol pm every night before that and apparently this was something stronger

then thanksgiving rolled around and i was still having some issues. one thing i remember most vividly is twin and i were going to drive to our dad’s house for the day. normally i drive but i handed the keys to twin because i hadn’t slept well and didn’t feel like driving. my mom noticed and asked why i didn’t want to drive and i SHOULD have lied and said that i wanted twin to practice but i told he truth and said i felt too tired to drive and she rolled her eyes at me later in the break one morning she asked me how i slept again and i said poorly and i was still half asleep but i swear she scoffed

then i knew i REALLY couldn;t expect her to help me. not even with the sleeping but just with support.

i went back to the school counselor (different person though) and! my mom still doesn’t know about that visit. she doesn;t know that counselor said that insomnia sometimes predates depression symptoms. should i tell her that? that’s also terrifying. i managed to get out of high school without really any mental illness issues so i;m a lucky one but that’s what i’m scared about going forward

i feel like it’s not as serious as it feels and that no i don’t have anxiety and no i don’t have depression (yet) and that i should just suck it up until i do but also i can have emotions because i;m a fucking person and ‘m allowed to tell people about them without feeling like a burden or a fake bc god forbid i have a single negative emotion in front of someone. i’ve always been a “good girl low maintenance child” and FUCK that

weirdly i started to sleep well during finals week and these past 2 weeks on break too but i think that’s because the hydroxyzine started to kick in. except oops now my supply is low and i have about a week or two left until i completely run out and the little bottle says NO REFILLS LEFT so i have to figure out how to get more for the semester last night i tried to go to bed without taking one to see if i’ve gotten any better. news flash nothing’s changed without it and now everything that had gone away in the last 3 weeks all the anxiety and hopelessness and tiredness and terror all came back last night and right now i feel like i;m back in the library again bc i can’t stop crying

what if i can’t get more before the semester starts?? if i’m like this during break what’ll happen when i have to stress again?

i came downstairs at 8 to do organic chemistry on khan academy because if i can’t sleep then i might as well do something productive. mom came down to get ready for work and she saw me and asked me if i was upset about not sleeping again

i was an idiot and said yeah - that’s what i hate too. i want to be honest about mental health with people and how i’m doing but to stop this i need to lie to her. now i’ll always be fine! and she never has to know if i;m in a bad way just as she likes it and i feel a w f u l about it. it makes be feel petty and petulant but i’m non confrontational. i want to tell her everything i;ve written here and just be so honest she has to listen to me instead of dismissing me every time but every time she asks i clam up and i failed again this morning she accused me of wanting to feel scared because “i hadn’t tried everything yet”. she and family members for christmas sent me some things that are supposed to help like a light developed by insomniacs or a winter light and i really do appreciate all of it, but they all came when the medicine was working so i didn’t NEED it. last night was different because i am a scientist and am my own guinea pig and i wanted to see what would happen if i didn’t take the drugs. i’ll use all of that tonight in Phase 2 of the Worst Experiment Ever but she wouldn’t LISTEN to me when i said that either.

now i’ll just say nothing. why should she know it’s only caused both of us stress. i wish she would take this (insomnia! depression!! mental health woo!) as seriously as she took my acne when i was 12. still now if i have a zit she feels entitled to touch my face. do you wanna know how you can help??? stay away from me and don’t wonder why i kind of want to tell her. she’s coming back home in a couple of hours bc it’s new year’s eve and i might still be in a state who knows but i’ll choke again and she’ll yell at me again and nothing will have changed

people have asked me how my semester went and “it’s been a shitty one,” i wanna say but normally i just say that i’m glad it’s over only for my parents to swoop in and say “it can’t have been all that bad i mean you did well with your grades in the end” like !! i pulled that B in physics out of my ass! just because i did ok academically because i’m lucky and good at school doesn’t mean my health was great! my dad can’t help me either because i’ll say that my mental health recently isn’t as good as it could be and he just goes “aww sweetie.” and that’s it. nothing else. thanks dad. i know you don’t know what to do with that information and i don’t fault you for that because emotions have never taken precedence in either household (except for all the curse words i learned from my mom when she’s inconvenienced)

all of this and i still don’t know why i can’t sleep normally

thanks for reading this fkn novel all of this has been on my chest for a LONG time and i haven’t had the chance to say any of it and if i get the chance i’m afraid i’ll forget something (i probably did here, too). i truly mean thank you. this has been cathartic to write, even though i still need to go to a counselor or something. i hope your new year (and decade!) is bright

#i don't know what else to say or do

[catboymuqing-moving]

wow an oversharing readmore in 2019

k it stresses me out to no end how dramatically my functioning as an autistic person changes from day to day. there are days i think i literally have been faking it this whole time, i have no problem interacting with anyone, im on, im functional, i dont stim or avoid eye contact or get overwhelmed, like im at 100%. and then like the next day i could be barely able to talk and cant even look at someones face and cant stop twirling my hair or putting my fingers in my mouth or rocking and i melt down if the fan is blowing on me it’s really such a difference and it can be hard to control bc it usually depends on how well i sleep or if im under a lot of stress. 

although also like, my “worst” doesnt even always feel bad to me. it can be frustrating to not be able to communicate well and i might get overwhelmed easily but i can be perfectly happy just sitting on my bed chewing my fingers and watching slow mo guys on youtube for hours not acknowledging anyone who tries to talk to me face to face. i can always text coherently even if talking out loud isnt working and theres only ever been one or two times i couldnt take care of myself and it only lasted like half a day at that.

like ive gotten really good at coping with stuff and my autism isnt easily visible to most people i would say unless they know what they’re looking for because i happen to have a more “convenient” set of symptoms and on one of those good days i can act totally NT without an issue. im not professionally dxed and i never want to be because i have no need for that and it could be used against me like u wouldnt believe but. that means basically nobody knows im autistic and sometimes i feel like i need people to know so i can get help with stuff or so people at least understand where im coming from in a given situation. but basically i feel like no one would ever believe me because im so good at masking it/i have good days/they dont know what autism may or may not look like in an adult. idk i forgot why i started writing this actually i just wish i could tell people im autistic and have them believe me so i can get help with certain things and be understood better without it being a Thing that could fuck up my life

#its a long and winding train of thought but its in there i guess #anyway im having a stupid day #p