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#(aylin akdemir. the madwoman in her tower)
julictcapulet · 3 years
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:) dying :) kiss :)
KISSING MEME PROMPTS. written for @oflysithea <3
27. DYING KISS.
“I can’t think of you living without me.” The knife in his hand was shaking, and so was his voice. Aylin took it all in, listening to each word that fell from Christos’ mouth and watching as the knife inched closer and closer towards her.
“Can you think of living without me, though?” she asked, knowing there was a difference and needing to hear him say it. “I will not be weak, and you will not put yourself above me.” His eyes snapped up towards hers, and Aylin desperately wanted him to say anything. Tell her that he could never put himself above her, that he wouldn’t last a day without her, that it made no difference whether she lived or died if she walked away because either way it would be hell to continue living without her.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said instead, and Aylin knew it was foolish to hope.
“So then kill me,” Aylin said, and she hated how the words came out in a plea. She did not beg, she did not grovel, and yet here she was, asking Christos to end her life so that she could start it anew. Free of pain, true, but only for a bit. How many years would she spend unaware of him? How long would it be before they met once more? How long would it take them to remember who they once were? “Kill me, and tell me that you’ll find me again.”
“You would do this again?” he asked.
Aylin looked up at him, her lips parted slightly as she took in the face of the man she loved so viciously, the man she hated so tenderly, and she knew that, really, there was only one choice. It was not live freely or die once more—to live free of him was not to live freely. It would be a weight on her chest every day, a shackle clamped around her ankle. Wondering if he was still out there, wondering if he thought of her the same way she thought of him. Wondering if he had found someone else to love and hold the way he used to love and hold her, fighting back the jealousy that reared its head every time the thought of him with another person invaded her mind. It would not be freedom. It would be a cruel fate, worse than the one that had already been set upon them.
“I would do it until you turn me away,” she whispered. And it was that ounce of vulnerability, telling him that she would continue to come back to him until he told her he no longer wanted her to, praying that he never would, that shattered her. She knew that she was ruined for him, knew that she would never be able to look at him the same way ever again. In any life that followed, in any world they found themselves in, she would never see him as just an enemy. She would only look at him and see a monstrous joke, a dream that lay just out of reach. A glimpse of happiness for however long they got before everything snapped into place.
Aylin reached out and took hold of his wrist, the same wrist attached to the hand that was pointing a knife directly at her heart. “Do it,” she told him. It wasn’t a dare, nor a taunt in order to twist his mind around. She wanted to be done with this life, live the next few years in ignorant bliss until everything fell apart around her again. She felt the way Christos tensed underneath her grip and tightened her hand, pushing forward until she could feel the knife through the fabric of her dress. “Do it, and we can be together again.” For how long, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that one day, she would feel his touch and, for a time, it wouldn’t be painful.
Aylin put one hand on the back of his neck and pulled him closer to her so their lips were almost touching. “Tell me you’ll find me again,” she repeated. “Tell me you love me enough to try and find me again.”
He caught her lips in his, the kiss a brutal mark on her mouth, a branding instead of an answer. His own way of telling her that he did love her enough, that he would find her again. For a moment, it hid the pain of the knife sinking into her flesh, and she held on tighter, wishing that she could somehow become part of Christos if it meant never having to leave his side again. For a moment, it was enough to keep him there with her, not daring to part her lips from hers. She kissed him back, already feeling the way her fingers were numbing, the way her mind was fading. All she’d been asking was for him to just get it over with already, end it for both of them so they wouldn’t have to live in this life a second longer, but now that she had his mouth on hers once more, she would have done anything for just one more minute. If she could have spoken, if anyone would have been listening, she would have begged for it to stop, for one more chance to get it right with him. It was pointless, almost as pointless as the way Christos stroked his hand through her hair as a way to soothe the pain. For a moment, it was simply enough.
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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♡💓 for evangeline & 💙💛for aylin!
SEND ME A HEART TO LEARN SOMETHING ABOUT MY MUSE. written for @oflysithea ♡
♡: how does my muse act, consciously and/or subconsciously, around people they are romantically interested in?
There’s a fine line that she’s always hesitant to cross between being shy and being aloof. Truthfully, she’s only ever been romantically interested in two people, and both of them have returned her affections, so it’s never been an issue for her. It varies from person to person, but she doesn’t have nearly enough romantic experience to actually see a pattern in her own behavior.
💓: how does my muse feel about physical intimacy?
She loves it. Evangeline is the type of person who’s spent a lot of her life repressed and to actually be able to express her affection for another person is something that can be very freeing for her.
💙: how would my muse handle seeing their object of affection falling in love with someone else?
Aylin is a very possessive person, and she’s also a very selfish person. She doesn’t handle jealousy very well, and if she were to ever see Christos fall in love with someone who wasn’t her, I think she would react in the most dramatic, over-the-top way, and you know what? Good for her.
💛: does my muse believe in love-at-first-sight? in soulmates? in fate?
Strangely enough, no. Aylin believes that she and Christos are cursed to repeat the same cycle over and over again until the world itself burns up, but she doesn’t believe they’re fated to be together and she certainly doesn’t believe they’re soulmates. She chooses to repeat the cycle with him each time because she can’t imagine loving anyone else the way she loves him. She chooses to repeat the cycle with him each time because she would rather die in his arms than live the rest of her life—her final life, if she ever decided to leave him—apart from him.
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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aylin & chistos macbeth au
SEND ME AN AU AND I’LL TELL YOU 5 OF MY HEADCANONS FOR IT. written for @oflysithea ♡♡
One. Aylin thrives off of chaos in this world. She delights in being able to dole out punishment to those she feels are deserving of it, and she revels in being the person to choose how it’s done. As someone who never had much agency in her early life, she takes vengeance on whoever she pleases.
Two. One of the people they kill is her brother. Perhaps the person who stole the most of Aylin’s free will, she decides that he’s as much of a threat as anyone, and she convinces Christos to kill him in order to rule completely. She doesn’t miss him, and she doesn’t shed a tear after he’s gone. It’s her idea to get rid of him, and it’s at once the most maddening and freeing experience of Aylin’s life.
Three. Their marriage doesn’t follow a cursed timeline—it’s strictly their own world, one life together. Maybe an arranged marriage in order to broker peace, maybe it was actually love, but a bond forms between them that isn’t easily broken, and in the years of their marriage, they find that they’re much more similar than they originally thought. Through their ambition, they discover that they have many of the same goals.
Four. Both of them have more agency than the original play, and they are not simply consequences of the other’s actions—they do what they do to further the ambitions they both share. Macbeth begins the original story as someone who is manipulated by his wife into compromising his loyalty. Lady Macbeth ends the story as someone who is driven to near-madness by her guilt. For Aylin and Christos, it’s something that they both embrace, not something that either of them has to push the other to do. Whatever they do, they’re both aware of each other’s plans and they’re complete accomplices.
Five. Aylin has a larger role in the murders they commit together than the original play. Obviously, the murder that sets Macbeth in motion is the one Lady Macbeth herself orchestrates, but afterwards, her character diminishes little by little. Aylin, on the other hand, flourishes. She doesn’t crumble under the weight of her actions, nor is she brought to the brink of sanity that causes her to snap. Rather, it’s an act that allows her to truly let herself go.
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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lust for sins meme 👀
BIBLICAL OR HISTORICAL SINS. written for @oflysithea because i love her 🥺
LUST  –  intense longing, sexual or otherwise, that subverts propriety.
It was the way Christos refused to take his eyes off of her that made her snap.
Aylin had heard from her mother that one day, she would be married to someone who would hopefully treat her well. Treat her like she was a real human being. It hadn’t been a comforting thing to hear, but there was something solid in that promise.
Her mother never would have arranged a marriage for her with someone brutal. But her mother was never supposed to be locked in a cell all night just to be led out to her execution the following morning, and Aylin was never supposed to have an ultimatum thrust upon her—marry the man responsible for sacking her city, or join her family in death. Christos was brutal, and if her mother could see her now, she’d surely feel ashamed of her daughter.
Ashamed for giving in. Ashamed for allowing him to break down her door when she’d had nothing to defend herself with. Even now, months later, Aylin felt like she was swallowing acid whenever she remembered how her brother had left her with nothing but a locked door to keep her hidden. Thinking about the disappointment of her parents, dead and gone, kept her awake at night, because Aylin knew that she should be thinking of ways to avenge them. Thinking of ways to make sure they didn’t die in vain. Every single night, she stared at her ceiling and tried to remind herself that she had done it for her people, for her family, for the world Christos would have burned  without a care for anyone else if she had taken the second option and allowed him to execute her.
But whatever shame Aylin’s mother would have felt if she saw the choices her daughter was making, it was nothing compared to the shame Aylin herself felt when she found that Christos always had his eyes on her, and she began to find that she was unable to stop looking.
The dagger he had pressed into her hand during that first meeting never left her person. Always strapped to her thigh, the inside of her sleeve, tucked under pillow at night. She never let it out of sight, and she knew that Christos knew, but it made her feel just a little steady. He had never harmed her, as he had promised, but that didn’t change the way they had come into this life together in the first place. He had invaded her city, taken her family away from her, given her the option of life with him or death. And yet he had never asked anything of her. He asked her for her opinion, treated her as an equal, refused to treat her like the captive she had once accused him of turning her into. There were nights when she would opt to eat dinner with him just to see what would happen, and she would find that he wouldn’t lose focus from her, and when Aylin stood up to go to bed at the end of the night, she wondered what would happen if she asked him to join her.
One night in particular, he had made her laugh. It had only been the two of them, no guards and no guests. They had taken supper in a small dining room offset from Christos’ bedroom, and Aylin had decided to eat with him if only to see if she could find any weaknesses he might have. Maybe when he wasn’t surrounded, maybe when he was vulnerable. And of course, he had caught her off guard with a simple joke that had startled a laugh out of her, and she knew she would never forget the way his head had snapped up to look at her, as if he was just as surprised as she was that he had inspired some sort of positive reaction out of her. Aylin wanted to swear to herself that she would never allow it to happen again, but all she could focus on was the way his eyes never left her after that moment.
Tonight, they were in that same room. A knife was sitting on a napkin next to Aylin’s plate, and she had the dagger he had given her hidden under the skirt of her gown. She could feel it against her leg, waiting for her to pull it out and bury it in his chest. It would be so simple—no one else was in here, the guards had most likely left their post outside the door, and all Aylin had to do was reach down.
But she couldn’t.
“You haven’t eaten,” he commented at one point, and Aylin could practically feel her skin itching, as if some part of her, half-hidden and half-wild, was trying to claw its way out of her body and release itself into the world. It was the first time in a while that she’d been left alone with Christos and Aylin didn’t know if she wanted to grab the knife or his hand.
He was smirking, as he always was, and she was gazing back at him, unimpressed as usual. But the empty room was enough to remind her just how alone they were, almost as if he wanted to see what she would do if it was just the two of them. She could kill him right here and no one would interrupt her, but there were so many other things that she wanted to do.
“I’m not hungry tonight,” she replied, pushing the plate away from her. It was true, at least; in the beginning, Aylin had refused to eat completely until she could barely stand from her bed. Only when she had collapsed had she eaten something, and it was only because one of her handmaidens had used her weakened body against her and forced the food in her mouth. Now, Aylin felt too tense to eat anything.
There was no response, and it was worse than his constant talking.
“In fact,” she continued, standing up and brushing off her dress, “I think I’ll be going back to my rooms for the night. I’m rather tired.”
Christos stood up and took a step towards her, right into her personal space. “Allow me to walk you to your door?”
Aylin stared back at him, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from answering. Her pride kept her from saying yes but curiosity and longing kept her from refusing, so she simply spun around and opened the door to the hallway, trying not to feel relieved at the sound of his footsteps following her out.
Their rooms weren’t far from each other, but it was one of the longest walks Aylin had ever endured in her life. Her hands were stiff at her side, terrified of what might happen if she even brushed against his skin. They passed through it all in silence, and when Aylin finally came to a stop in front of her door, she turned around to press her back against it and looked up at him.
“Thank you,” she bit out, wincing slightly at the way it sounded like she was forcing the words out.
His lips twitched slightly and Aylin averted her eyes, willing herself not to close them. “Is this goodnight?” he asked.
She immediately looked back at him with wide eyes. All she could feel was frustration, but she didn’t even know if she could have an outlet for it. “Goodnight?” she repeated, raising her eyebrows.
If Christos had made a single step towards her, Aylin knew she wouldn’t have anywhere to go. She had put herself between him and the door, and even if she went inside right now, she knew he would see just what sort of effect he was having on her. But he didn’t, only used his hand to brush a few strands of hair away from her face, and Aylin tried not to lean into it.
“Shall I wish you sweet dreams?” Something about the way he said those words didn’t sit well with her, as if he was making up his own ideas about what she would be dreaming about tonight, and it brought all her annoyance back.
“It would be kind of you,” Aylin said. A part of her wanted to say that he didn’t need to wish her sweet dreams. He didn’t even need to say goodnight. He could follow her into her room, press his hands to her body, kiss her on the lips or her neck or anywhere he pleased. Her nerves felt alive with anticipation, almost expecting him to lean forwards and catch her lips with his. As wrong as it was, as much as she tried to hate everything about him, she wanted him to.
And right as Aylin started to stand on her toes just to get a little closer to him, Christos stepped back, watching her very carefully. “Goodnight, Aylin,” he said, and this time, as he walked away from her, Aylin didn’t take her eyes off of him until he was out of sight.
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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❝ i don’t want to do this anymore. ❞ :)))
THINGS THAT ARE HARD TO HEAR. written for @oflysithea
❝ i don’t want to do this anymore. ❞
Aylin felt her breath catch, looking steadily at Christos. How many times had they done this? Countless, she knew, forever doomed to live the same lives over and over again with no mercy. Memories were assaulting her all at once and she didn’t know how to pick them apart from each other; there were simply too many.
She caught snippets here and there: A genuine laugh from Christos in the midst of chaos, Aylin brushing her hand across his, his lips on her neck, the sharp pain of a knife digging into her skin—
She jerked back, her eyes wide. Despite the agony of living through all her past lives, she wanted to know everything. She’d had so few moments with Christos in this life that she was desperate enough to relive every heartbreaking moment they’d had, if only to stitch together some semblance of a life together, no matter how pathetic it was. Even now, she knew deep in her bones that she would never get all those memories back. She knew because she had been here before, and by the time all those memories caught up to her, she’d be dead once more at her lover’s hand, just as he would be dead by hers.
She would never live long enough to remember everything.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
Aylin choked out a hollow laugh, blinking back tears. “Do you think I want this?” she asked. “But I’d—” Suddenly, she stopped short.
I’d rather die than be apart from you. That’s what she’d wanted to say. How many books, plays, films, had uttered those words without truly realizing the agonizing weight of them? A piece of her heart cracked, just as it had been doing for centuries. Distantly, Aylin wondered how she still had a heart left to crack after so much pain.
Christos stepped forward into her personal space, taking her face in his hands. He opened his mouth to say something, but Aylin shook her head. “Don’t do this to me,” she pleaded. Every part of her was at war with each other. Her hands ached to grab a knife and dig it inside of him while her feet were poised to run. Because those were their only two options, after all.
Die with him now and reset their lives once more, forced to forget everything between them until this very moment occurred again, or leave and live the rest of this life without him. It would be her final life, she knew. She’d grow old and wither away and when she closed her eyes for the last time, there would never be another world in which she opened them again. A fate without Christos seemed crueler than if she had to watch him bury a knife in his own chest.
“Will I see you in another life?” she asked, knowing that she was begging him to do it, begging him to kill her only to live again. “Will you know me, even when I’m a stranger?”
She didn’t hear his answer, didn’t even know if he’d given her one.
Somewhere in the world, she closed her eyes.
Somewhere in the world, she opened them.
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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🎼
SEND ME A  🎼  AND I’LL LINK A SONG THAT REPRESENTS MY MUSE’S FEELINGS ABOUT YOURS.
Crystal — Stevie Nicks (how the faces of love change, turning the pages / and i have changed, oh but you, you remain ageless / i turned around and the water was closing all around / like a glove, like the love that had finally, finally found me)
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julictcapulet · 3 years
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TOUGH STUFF for aylin!!
send a prompt for some character facts. written for @oflysithea
TOUGH STUFF
do they have any phobias?:Aylin has a terrible phobia of loud noises. A lot of this stems from her brother locking her up in her room whenever he thought she was in danger, so she began to sit and listen by the door. Every time there was a noise outside her room, she would immediately assume this was the end for her, and prepare herself for death. After Christos invaded her country and the threat of death finally sharpened into focus for Aylin, it only got worse.
do they get nightmares?: Constantly. Aylin dreams about many things: The face of Ayaz as he screamed at her, her parents watching as her door was locked from the outside with her trapped inside, the first time she ever saw Christos, blood-splattered and war-torn, when she never felt anything for him except terror, the deaths of her parents and brother on the execution block. She never has a decent night of sleep after Christos enters her life. In her later lives, Aylin has nightmares that she doesn’t understand, pieces of past lives that slowly begin to stitch themselves together only at the end, when she knows she has to do it all over again.
what kind of person are they?: A difficult person to handle. She’s an honorable person who never breaks her word, but she 
would they let someone take the blame for something they did?: No.
what are they insecure about?: She’s mostly insecure about her body and believes she isn’t pleasing to the eyes of other people. It comes from Ayaz refusing every time her parents suggested making a match for her.
what is one way to earn their trust?: Honesty. Aylin, despite being a rather naive girl in the beginning, would be hard-won by outsiders thanks to being shut up her whole life, but a sure way to earn her trust is to be upfront about everything with her. She has little patience for games or riddles.
what is one way to lose their trust?: Deceit. Whether it be by withholding a secret from her or twisting the truth, she can never look at another person the same after they’ve lied to her, especially after the way her brother treated her for her entire life.
one thing they would hate anyone to know about them.: She’s a chronically paranoid person. 
they have to pick one: to be loved, to be feared, or to be admired.: Admired. She’s terrified of the idea of being loved.
have they ever been bullied or teased?: Yes, mainly by her brother when she was younger.
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