((I saw a video of someone making fun and bullying a person and their poem and it irked me so bad. It's as if they don't understand that poetry in itself is a very complex and personal art form. Of course they don't have to like the persons poem, but being disrespectful about their opinions instead of giving constructive criticism is just wrong.
They also stated that the poem "romanticizes self harm and toxic relationships." As if they knew the story behind the poem??? Like- That can be your interpretation of it. For all we know it could be vent poetry or them looking through another perspective. SMH. 🚶))
Oh I've been waiting for this moment hihihi. so may a request a 🍰
Not really too much to brag about but... i’m 5’2, toned skin, medium brown hair( still have some green remnants)slim body thin waist + pretty marked hip (one of the parts of my body that i really like ) but oddly thick thighs. Dark brown eyes and small but still full lips.
Style / Aesthetic :Don't know exactly how to describe this, but most of the time I work with grunge,dark academia and vintage, but often you can see me in cotagecore and glam chic outfits. or a big mix of this
I’m a taurus, Libra rising and Sag moon , ESFP,Love to make new friends and i can be pretty talkative...principally if we talking about art, music , cooking , animes or sports .I’m a ravenclaw ,I can be really stubborn but I'm trying to work on this, people also say i have short temper, but i can't believe this.Teasing sarcastic and flirty are some adjectives I can add to my personality description, it is actually so natural that i probably do without notice. I can be a really crackhead sometimes, especially when I'm with my friends, but mostly I try to use the reason . I can be pretty clingy to my close friends and family. Also I can be pretty random, being my friend means that you will receive some messages/ videos at 3 AM or even get a new playlist in full Tuesday :)
Hobbies and random stuff :
I love cooking / baking i actually have a “brand ” of homemade biscuits (family’s recipe), I can play volleyball and badminton and i normally do this with my friends(in the end of High school i played almost everyday ) and now i’m planing play for my university’s team. I really like to listen to music , and I'm doing this 24/7( I kind of have a server on discord just for the music bot ). I actually can speak 3 languages and I'm working on the 4th one but i’m never trust my skills before sending a text in another language !!. I can actually be both or too energetic or a totally lazy bitch. but i’m probably always up to talking/ listening. I really like flowers ( I love learning about their meaning), and poetry , also writing and reading even though I've not been doing this lately.
Fun fact my favorite color is white but 85% of my wardrobe is black .
I really like make up and i love do it , but i have so me block with eyeliners i just can't do it right
About Relationships :
My love language is Quality time, so just being able to relax next each other (friends / s/o) with no words being necessary for meIt's already enough, oh i can get a little too touchy sometimes since I really like to cuddle. I love adventures, visiting new places, shopping, nature dates, stargazing, board games/ cards nights. I really like to innovate, as long as i have a good company I think I can do almost everything.
Ahhhh Lecxi, yours matchups are the best, i just love the way you write so much ,it's a muah *chef kiss*
A/N- This took SO long and I am SO sorry 🥲 but I hope you still enjoy it my dear!
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐘𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐌𝐞𝐭
So you were on Seijous girls volleyball team
And you met Oikawa because well...
Ya’ll kept practicing overtime 😅
Now we’ll just say that you wanted to practice your spikes
and for that, you would need a setter
And Oikawa wanted to practice his sets
For him to do that he would need a spiker
So ya’ll were just like “hey let's just practice together
Now every time there was practice
When everyone left
You would meet up with Oikawa so that you two could practice
This went on for a while before Oikawa decided on getting to know you on a more personal level
I mean if he was going to be practicing with you he might as well get to know you right?
So he started taking you out to eat after you two finished practicing
Sometimes he would take you to a diner
Sometimes it would just be a gas station
But either way, you two would end up just sitting and talking to each other
This is how Oikawa found out how much he actually liked you
We’ll get into why later 👀
Anyways after falling into this little routine he started to hang out with you during school hours
Damn, he was really just weaseling his way into your life, isn't he?
He would only realize he had a crush on you when Iwa pointed it out
So at this point, he was just like fuck it
YOLO am I right?
So he just casually asked you out when he took you to a gas station after practice
Romantic I know
But he was over the moon when you said yes!
And ya’ll have been dating ever since
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮
He loves that you just listen to him
Like you GENUINELY listen to him
He's found that not a lot of people care what he's saying outside of volleyball
But you listen to anything and everything he talks about
And you show interest too!
This was the thing that made him realize that he liked you
Ok he REALLY loves your flirty nature
Just the fact that instead of getting flustered at his flirty comments
You just pop off with your own comment
He loves someone who can match his energy
He really likes that your clingy 👀
Whenever you hold him or ask him for cuddles
it just makes him feel wanted and loved
𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐃𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫
Ok so just addressing the elephant in the room
He loves to play volleyball with you
He calls it a good “bonding” activity
Now that THAT'S out of the way
He likes to bake with you
He has even made recipes personalized to him
“Oikawa's Milk Bread Biscuits”
He took your biscuit recipe
And turned it into a milk bread
He likes to listen to music with you
I feel like he hates awkward or uncomfortable silence
So he always has SOME kind of music playing
He loves to talk to you
Granted it's a lot of him talking and you listening
But if you're feeling down and need someone to talk to
He's all ears
One time you and Oikawa were practicing overtime
And Iwa came into the gym and yelled at you both for “overworking yourselves”
You and Oikawa actually sell his milk bread biscuits at school
Get that coin sis 🤑
You and Oikawa just throw random pick up lines at each other
and i cant get the image of him doing finger guns at you every single time 444
He gets really mad when you start speaking a different language
Cause he cant understand you!
So sometimes you just switch languages to piss him off :)
Causing him to learn the basic phrases of the languages you can speak
When Taurus and Cancer come together in a love affair, it’s usually a very good combination.
They are two positions apart within the Zodiac, and such Signs tend to share karmic ties and a deep mutual understanding.
These particular two Signs have much in common
Both prize security in a love relationship above almost all else
both tend to be nurturers
Cancer is emotionally nurturing
while Taurus loves to spoil their lover with sensual delights, gifts and good, rich meals
They’re both quite domestic and love a quiet night spent at home with their sweetie.
The Taurus-Cancer partnership tends to be a happy one due to this mutual enjoyment of the security and comfort of home.
They love a solid home base
a strong relationship
all the comforts of domestic life.
Theirs is often the ideal family that people of other Signs strive for, with strong ties between them and a relationship that is family-oriented rather than toward the outside world.
Their only major problems arise when Taurus insists on having its own way and Cancer responds by sulking.
Taurus must understand Cancer’s emotional sensitivity, and Cancer needs rely on open, honest communication than on emotional blackmail.
The steady, reliable team they make.
Both Signs are dependable and nurturing, strongly oriented toward domestic life together.
A mutual love of home and security makes theirs an ideal long-term, family relationship.
Good Evening, lovelies. I will start this entry out by updating with some news: I am officially medically retiring from the U.S. military.
Typing that, it feels weird. It's weird to think I've been trying this hard for so long to be the perfect Airman, someone who will fit the golden standard of what the military wants...how to look and act and how to feel. It's fucked with my psyche a little bit, to be honest -- though it's been helpful in a lot of ways too.
I guess I really only ever wanted a simple life, you know? After I left my shanty little town where there were no opportunities, I soon discovered there was a whole entire world out there much bigger than I. I loved having more pieces of the puzzle when it came to the world. The ability to do and experience so much.
Onto other topics. I'm told I will be needing a surgery on my jaw in the near future, though this is something I will be going to the doctor for when I'm outside of the military. For one, I simply don't trust the military doctors to fix this and not fuck up my face, and two - well, my healthcare coverage will be a lot better once I'm retired through the VA.
The concept of surgery is a scary one, but simultaneously I know this is a relatively simple procedure to correct the posturing of my jaw where bone meets muscle and would improve the function significantly. I think it's going to be worth it, especially since the surgery itself is looking somewhere between $1,500-2,000 copay out of my pocket. Before I was in the military, I've had ambulance rides that were more expensive than that so it's nothing my savings can't handle. The best part is, once I'm out, I could actually elect to have an orofacial surgeon -- an actual qualified person -- to do the procedure instead of some military quack constantly pushing motrin all day and fucking up people's body parts. I'm serious about that last part guys; one of my Airmen was operated on for a foot problem and subsequently had to be medically seperated from the military due to how bad they fucked it up.
It's kind of nerve wracking, but I'm still really enthusiastic about the possibility of not dealing with this constant dull ache all day from my TMD. & I have taken many steps to correct any asymmetries that resulted from this issue, but seriously it'll be nice not having to get botox injections anymore for it. All in all, I'm optimistic.
And then there's the PTSD. I'm not expecting anything to change... but maybe not being around such toxic people all the time will help me to start learning to trust others again. I just want to be a normal human... you know? I want to wake up and open the curtains & not have the sudden light trigger me into flashbacks. I want to go out in public and be able to smile more. I want to be able to run around the base and pas by male joggers without instinctively speeding up because I'm subconsciously petrified that they'll try to do something to hurt me. Mostly, I want my anxiety attacks to stop and to feel like I am able to eat without wanting to cry or chuck the food plate as far away from me as possible. These are all things I want... things I pray for every day.
& if God can't help me, I pray perhaps he can at least help some of the other people I pray for to find love and happiness.
Oh, Em & I had a fight today. We hadn't been fighting at all, but we were lying on the couch a few days for me when Mike messaged me out of the blue with an odd confession of his feelings for me. Since I don't have anything to hide from Em, I didn't block her from seeing it though I didn't see the message myself right away since I was watching TV with my wife and too focused on that. She was curious and happened to turn my watch face and read the message before me.
Well, she was not happy. The next hour was spent searching through all my phone conversations and looking for anything that may seem suggestive that I had somehow led this man on -- which, shocker, I hadn't. So I reassured her it was nothing and we went about our business.
Well, today she brought it up to me again when she saw I hadn't addressed the situation but had only ignored it when Mike messaged me again. Which I can admit was not really the best move, but at the same time it's like come on man, I just genuinely wanted to keep Mike as a friend because I thought he was a good influence on me, spiritually and with the whole vegan/animal rights philosophy he has. I like to see the best in people.
Anyways she went on an hour walk to go cool her head, and I had to break the news to Mike that we needed to take a break for a bit because Em didn't like what he said. He agreed. Honestly, the whole thing sucked but I would never try and hurt Emily in any way. I just want to make her happy and feel worth it. & anyways, if I was going to cheat -- it certainly would not be with Mike.
Needless to say, we made up and are good now. I went and ordered us Sukiya, a Japanese hotpot cuisine chain, for dinner and we chilled in bed and just talked. It was nice. She asked me a few times while we were spending time, if I was "happy"... though, honestly, I don't think I'd probably ever really describe my existence voluntarily with "happy" I think I know what she was asking. I think she wanted to know if this was it for me -- us. If I was happy with just us.
Of course, I said yes. I love her, after all. I think if I were to even try to explain my soul at all to her, it would just leave her with more questions and less security. I think trying to explain to her how I view Anams and how they aren't a single flowering stalk but more like... a tree with many branches... many routes, many roads...well, it might confuse her and do more harm than good. But truthfully, I think we create our soulmates. I think we all wind up growing the path we go. Sounds poetic but, it doesn't mean I love her any less. I think it means I love her more, since after all, this is the path I chose.
& last year, I saw myself with many different paths I could have gone. I could have, let's say, decided to stay in Active Duty and successfully fought that medbord. I could have recieved orders to a new duty station, and become incompatible with Emily and what she wanted to do which was seperate. I could have even wound up with any one of my other friends -- been on a new path. But no. I chose this path. I wanted to see where this one would go. Where we would grow and go...
Speaking in paths, I've been really self obsessed with my appearance lately. I really don't know why, but it's like all my willpower goes to changing every lite thing I don't like by taking it out on the weights at the gym. Today I set a new chin-up pr of 26 with most perfect form yet.
Sometimes all I can think about is how much weight I need to lose. I'm sick. & I know I'm sick, and doing my absolute fucking best to battle this because I don't want this to overtake me again. I was skin & bone right before I first came into the military, then worse when Em & I started arguing while I was in Turkeye and she in South Korea. Then again when I was admitted to the inpatient mental health facility at Camp Foster Naval Hospital in December of 2018. & I'm becoming thin again now & I'm so polarized about it. One half of me hears the compliments people give, at least several a day now, commenting "you look great", "wow, you've lost some weight on your face" and even today compliments from the new Airmen saying I looked like a superhero. But I know this illness isn't cute. It isn't good. & I am NOT a role model, damn it. I hate it that anyone is looking at me at all to be the example, especially the younger female Airmen. I don't want them to think this is a healthy weight to be at or that they should try to look like me or act like me. Anorexia kills people. I wish I were confident enough to shout it from the rooftops so nobody would ever look at me as a role model, or ever call me a superhero again. I'm not. I'm someone with a sickness who will have to go back to an inpatient facility if I can't improve soon.
Sounds simple, right? Just eat & you'll be fine. Only, it's not. Eating brings me bad anxiety to the point I have to count every godforsaken calorie first & look at the clock to my fasting window before I'll even consider it. Then, once i start to eat, it's a struggle to finish the meal because my hands get so shaky and sometimes anxiety so bad that I can't even be normal and either have to wolf it down or try again later. Sometimes later means when i start to get such low blood sugar that ill crash.
I wish I could make people understand how dangerous this is. It's not a game & even my mental health treatment team watches me closely in case it gets to the point of a 51/50.
Last time i was 51/50'd, it was for having suicidal plans. But the weight loss back then didn't help my case.
God, I pray for guidance. I pray for the ability to be stronger and set a better example for the people I care about & who care about me.
Tomorrow, I get up and continue scrambling about to get all this outprocessing done. Fortunately I'm friends with TSgt Marila, the NCO of outbound assignment manager, by chance and she just got moved to that position-- so she has been a major help. I have my work cut out for me, certainly.
I've been packing up all my herbs and poetry and belongings. It's going to feel weird, leaving this house. This place where I have lived and poured my heart and soul into, where I have toiled and sweat and bled out in the garden.
Here's a photo of some of my little garden collections over the years. I really loved gardening & finding little things in nature 😊
ROSIE THATS WAS SO CUTE😭😭 and you really got it!! Hyunjin is one of the members i personally most relate to. you got specially right on the old soul thing kdkdkd sometimes i feel like im this really old lady stuck on the body of an 18 years old and the young one whats to party and live in big cities and stay up all night but the older just wanna relax reading poetry in her little cottage kdkfkkfjd anyway i really love it and now i want it!! twice it's one of my regulars although i don't really stan them and momo is actually one of my bias!! she seems so sweet and your ship makes me like her even more!!
- 🐝 anon
i’m so glad you liked your ship! i was really excited to do yours- and everyone’s, pretty much! i thought it was a nice thing to do whilst i ride out this writers block 🥺i can definitely see you with both momo & hyunjin! it just fits so well, honestly. 🌹
Father God in the name of Jesus! I thank You for my life and the person(s) reading this life. Please forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness and purge our sins with the everlasting blood of JESUS. Let us be Holy You have predestined pathways for us to walk down. Holy Spirit lead us our savior JESUS Christ. Amen
The title of my message is RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, real relationship has to be based on reality, let me explain it. There are couples who get married, and they get married in haste, they don't think things through, the physical attractions too great and they think they can work their problems so they get married.
Later , they file for divorce and here is what they say, "the person that I thought I marrying was not the person I am married ". What was the problem? They had a relationship but it wasn't based on reality. The most important thing as humans is our relationship with God, because how you see God is going to determine about you. If your view of God is wrong , your view of life is wrong. If your view of God is wrong, your view of success is wrong. If your view of God is wrong, your view of important is wrong.
1. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE IS TO HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE REAL GOD.
If God is real, the most important thing is to have a real relationship with Him. We are going to find out an incident that took place 2500 years ago about a prophet named Isaiah. This message is going to teach you how to have a relationship with God like how you can have a relationship with your mother, father, son, daughter siblings etc. First of all we have to find out who is the real God we are trying to connect to, to begin with. To do that we are going to look at how Isaiah said how to relate with right God in a real God.
1. I will see God for who He really is.
Isaiah begins to tell us the exact year this incident took place in his life. Isaiah 6:1 In the year that king Uzziah died...
• Why did he write that done, why did he put it down in the text?
Let me tell you why that year was so important, because this was the year something happened in Isaiah's life that was so huge and so important and so life changing he can point out the exact date , the exact day and time. He can tell you what happened. You have to understand the background of the story. Back in bible days , there was a king who reigned in Judah, and his name was Uzziah, he was one of the most successful kings because he strengthen the economy, everybody was doing well and he provided them the 3 basic things any nation will loved, they had peace, prosperity and security , they didn't worry about anybody coming to conquer the land. Now they were kind of in a this crisis mode because an enemy named Syria is on a rising and Syria has a large army , much larger than Judah, much more powerful than Judah has. Now they know the king is dead , they have been watching the whole situation unfold. So this giant cloud of fear has blocked this sunshine of joy , now this people are really in a panic . They don't know who to turn to, they don't know what to do, because their leader has died. And then this happens, Isaiah 6:1 ...I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne,...
Whenever I read this part of the Bible I skipped it until I understood it's significance, from the beginning of the Bible to the book of Isaiah, no one has ever seen that before. Moses, Daniel, Jeremiah , David, Ezekiah nobody had ever seen this picture of God ever and here's Isaiah for the first time being allowed to see such a picture.
He sees the creator of the universe, the king of Kings and the Lord of Lords and He's sitting on a throne and not just an earthly throne but an eternal throne. He goes on to tell us the kind of throne He saw
Isaiah 6:1 In the year that king Uzziah died I saw also the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up, and his train filled the temple. Now put all in a context, what did Isaiah said, the year that king Uzziah died I see another king , this is what he's trying to let us understand, there are 2 kings in verse 1 for a reason, you have a mortal king and an immortal king. You have a king who's dead and a king who can't die , you have a human king and a divine king.
You have a king that someone can take his place and another no one can take His place . Isaiah focus wasn't the king who had been buried but a king who can't be buried. What Isaiah saw then is what God wants us to see right now, remember these were trouble days Isaiah and the nation of Judah , good king had died and they were without a leader , they were like a sheep without a shepherd .
A Syria is on the horizon and they don't know what is going to happen, when things are going bad , God says to Isaiah, 'Tell my people when things are going bad look up,when things look hopeless, fear not. When Isaiah saw the real God , he saw clearly what we need to see today. Isaiah says I see a God on a throne, He got his hands on the throttle, He is in complete control . In the midst of all this, there's a sovereign God who is in control and we don't have to worry about anything else.
The thing we need to remember is there's a God who's High and lifted up, He is sitting on a Throne , He's in control, He knows what He's doing , He has never made a mistake. He got everything exactly where He wants them to be.
Now the story continues....Isaiah 6:2-3 Above it stood the seraphims: each one had six wings; with twain he covered his face, and with twain he covered his feet, and with twain he did fly. And one cried unto another, and said, Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory. This is the most important picture of God in the old testament or probably the whole of the Bible. Now we know what makes God GOD. These angelic creatures, the seraphims, they're are calling out continuously HOLY HOLY HOLY is the Lord of host. The see a God who is Holy, the chief attribute of God is not love, it's not mercy , it's not grace, the chief attribute of God is HOLINESS. The Hebrew word for Holiness is a word literally meaning to separate, it comes from a semantic word meaning to cut, it is a picture of cutting an object to separating one piece from the other piece.
In other words Holy is to separate and to set apart and it's so different from everything else that it got to be treated like that. What the seraphims are telling us is this, the God that we are serving is a God eternity removed from us. He's holy and we are not. He's a different creature that we have to treat Him differently than any other creature. You can't compare with any other creature, there's no one like Him, there's nothing else like Him, He's holy, therefore we have to see Him differently and relate to Him differently than anyone else or anything else. By the way, do you know why the word Holy is repeated 3× ? Is not because God is deaf, in Hebrew poetry, repetition was the way you emphasize on something ,in this our generation if we want to emphasize something we underline it or we bold it or write it in CAPS, they didn't do that back in that day. Back in that day, In Hebrew language, if you want to emphasize something and raise it to the highest level, you will repeat it, and it is not coincidental that in the entire bible anything repeated about God than the attributes about His Holiness.
God is HOLY HOLY HOLY, that is the only attribute of God of all the attributes of Him.
Is God merciful? YES.
Is God loving? YES.
Is God gracious? YES.
Of all the attributes of God , what really makes God is ,HE is HOLY HOLY HOLY and remember how I see God determines how I relate to Him , that's why we are told in verse 3 ...the whole earth is full of his glory. His glory doesn't just feel the temple, but His glory feels the entire earth , I will tell you why Isaiah put that out there, there's nothing more disgusting than we put God in our little box or we try to say this is the God I want Him to be. When it comes to God you have to think outside the box , you can have a box. God doesn't fit the Catholic box, the Baptist box or the Presbyterian box , He doesn't fit in any body's box. His glory feels the entire earth the bible says. If I'm going to relate to God the right way, I have to see God the way He really His. How will you really know you have seen God the way He really is?
This is simple, when I see God the way He really is,
2. I WILL SEE ME THE WAY I REALLY AM.
As soon as Isaiah sees the real God see how his reaction was in 4
Isaiah 6:4-5 And the posts of the door moved at the voice of him that cried, and the house was filled with smoke.
Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts.
When Isaiah sees God through the wind of His HOLINESS, the wind becomes a mirror and all of a sudden He seems himself in his sinfulness , because when you see how Holy God is ,you see how unholy you're. When you see how righteous God is ,you see how unrighteous you're. You will not see yourself of what you truly are until you see God of who He truly is. When Isaiah saw who he truly was ,he didn't like the picture, see what he said in verse 5 I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips...
The word undone or ruin is, to come unravel, a lot of the Jewish knew him as a prophet and a righteous man but when he came in contact with God he came apart "I am a man of unclean lips" that's what Isaiah says. I am dirty, all my so called integrity , decency is compared to your HOLINESS. Because when God is high and lifted up we will be brought low and taken down. When we get honest with our relationship with God, He gets merciful with us. Look verse 6, Then flew one of the seraphims unto me, having a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with the tongs from off the altar:
This verse tells us how God loves the sinner and He hates the sin, perfect illustration, because what Isaiah hated about himself , you know what Isaiah, I hate it too. But you know what I love you more than I hate your sin, so you know what I'm going to take care of your sin problem. You said you are dirty, yes you're, but I'm going to clean you up,you know you deserve Justice but I'm going to give you mercy . One thing that has to happen for us to have a real relationship with God is we have to get real with God.
3. I WILL SEE OTHERS THE WAY THEY REALLY ARE.
Isaiah 6:8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.
Look what happens to Isaiah, He got real close with God and he eavesdropping a conference call with the TRINITY. When you read the verse again, God wasn't talking to Himself,He didn't say who will go for me? 'He said who will go for us'. He was talking about God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and Isaiah is listening to the conversation.
Isaiah says Isaiah 6:8... Here am I; send me. This is so refreshing, the deeper you go with God in your relationship the more you will surrender who you're to who He is.
• How do I know I have surrendered to God?
Here is how you'll know, You have to surrender to God and you will do anything God tells you to do even if it means you'll fail or even if it means you'll die. God comes to Isaiah and says Isaiah, you need to tell other people about the encounter. They need to have the real relationship with Me like you did, they need to be cleansed like you did. Write it down
Isaiah 6:9-11 And he said, Go, and tell this people, Hear ye indeed, but understand not; and see ye indeed, but perceive not.
Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes; lest they see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and convert, and be healed. Then said I, Lord, how long? And he answered, Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate,
• Do you understand what God said to Isaiah?
I want you to tell them what I want you to tell them but they are not going to listen, I want you to preach to the people, exactly what I have told you but they're not going to respond.
• Isaiah, are you willing to do that? Isaiah says here am I Lord send me.
• Why will Isaiah agree to that? Here's why, because Isaiah finally understood how this works , all God wants from me and my relationship with Him is to be FAITHFUL. He doesn't call me to be successful, faithfulness is my part, success is God's part . Don't ever judge a pastor or a minister by how big his ministry or church is growing. There are a lot of Isaiahs out there and they are preaching and they are faithful as faithful can be and God has placed them there to do His work like those with big and huge ministries. There's no where God rewards success, God rewards faithfulness, so all what God wants us from is faithfulness , so when God asks who will go for me, say God 'here am I send me'. Wrapping it up, what does all this mean. God is Holy, what is the big point, because God is Holy, we got to be Holy ,we want to be like Him, that's exactly what Peter said in 1st Peter 1:15-16 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;
Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
Now let me tell you what this means and I will close, you want to get close with God, you will take your life and tell God , here am I send me ,you'll take your money and say here is it Lord, use it for your glory and your honor. God is so Holy, He is so Holy, He sent His son Jesus to die for the one thing that will keep us from being Holy and keep us from being related to Him. And He raised Jesus from the dead to prove that through Him we can have a real relationship with Him that will last for all eternity and then we can see God more clearly than ever.
Warnings: references to smutty stuff, violence, parent deaths, and cigarettes.
A/N: it's short, but hope you guys enjoy it 🤷♀️
"Ana?" My mother called me, she was a young british woman who worked as a soldier for the army and was very hardworking. Father was at Washington D.C working on another project that the government had wanted him to do. "Yes mother?" I ask politely not wanting to sass her in any way, mother knew how to knock some sense into you. "Dallas is coming over to look after you, behave okay?" My mother says before grabbing her suitcase and driving off right after the doorbell was ringed, dallas was here and he was one of my favorites. "Dallas!" I shout smiling as I also see jack who had been focused on the lollipop in his mouth. "Hey kid" Dallas says walking in my house as jack had closed the door right behind him.
"Hey ana" jack smiles as he looks at me with that idiotic smile that made me laugh every single time.
"Hey jack" I say rolling my eyes and following Dallas who had found the liquor cabinet and was already taking a swing of whiskey straight out of the bottle. "Goldfish?" Dallas asks as he takes out some poker cards which we used to play goldfish. "Yes!" I shout excitedly.
Dallas had a cigarette in his mouth when they had called, the phone breaking up and on speaker for all of us to hear together just incase the other could hear it better. "Mom?" I ask quietly as I grab the phone "stay- s- s- safe don't let them in- our ult- ultra violet" my mother says before the call was unstable and ended on itself. It was devastating.
Dad and mom were gone and I couldn't even say goodbye.
A letter had arrived a few days later, I couldn't understand what it meant though I was only 13 and was still learning poetry, But years later I started thinking about it.
Make the hope and energy that you have stay with the power you have in you save others and give you happiness no matter what. I give you my love and hope that you will be okay, the doctors and scientists are okay. The soldiers are dying my sweet violet, you must save them before they try to fight the unstoppable.
Love, mom & dad
Someone was coming and I had no idea who that was, and what power i had that my mom and dad was counting on.
I was 17 and well, I was doing okay Jack had been getting into more trouble and Dallas was still in trouble, Jack was just like Dallas always in trouble. But this time I was in big trouble, someone and I'm not why this girl was trying to start something with me personally I didn't know her that well except that she was Jack's girlfriend, she always thought I had a thing for jack but I was into girls, me and jack did have a few times were our bodies took control instead of our minds but she didn't have to know. She told me meet her behind the school and before I know it I got punched in the face and cornered into the fence.
Before I knew it I crossed my arms In defense, and when i opened my eyes to see all of them on the ground in pain. I run in fear that they would get up and attack me once more.
I had learned that was me, the whole time.
I had dodge the blast as these men tried to attack me, as I carefully use my force field to block it all before throwing a electric violet ball easily knocking them down and easy to come over to them and see them more clearly.
"Who are you?"
"We know you" one of the men tells me.
"Who am i?" I ask.
"No. Its ultra violet to you"
To the people who might be interested: @chiara-parker @queenofchaos7 @donutloverxo @hayilaa-kats @evanstonswift
associated song ₊˚.ੈ♡˳ i love you 3000 by stephanie poetri
synopsis ₊˚.ੈ♡˳ the idea of spending the rest of your life with seonghwa was more than lovely
tags ₊˚.ੈ♡˳ non idol! seonghwa | established relationship | white suit seonghwa so pls survive
baby take my hand, I want you to be my husband
you slowly breathed in the morning breeze that was mixed with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, and take in the sunlight peeling through the fabric curtains. You grip the white entangled sheets. You turn and see that Seonghwa was already up, and something was blocking the sunlight.
cus' your my iron man, and I love you 3000
your eyes darted seonghwa. Blissfully bathing in sunlight as pulls his shirt over his head to dispose of it. The hazy morning basks the both of you. He heard the sheets tussle and turns to the sound. A small smile appears on his face. He walks closer to the bed and sits beside you.
baby take a chance, cause' I want this to be something, straight out of a hollywood movie
he takes the cup of coffee that was on his bedside table and offers it to you. “ Morning, love. “ he greets you. You reply with a smile and push his hand that was holding the coffee away.
“ We've been dating for a while now shouldn't you know I don't like coffee? “ you ask with a small laugh. He looks down at the steaming hot coffee and ushers out a giggle. “ Any person can change, you know. “
you playfully scoff. He sets down the mug and helps you up. He takes the hair tie that was on your wrist and turns you around, so now he's facing your back. You soon felt your hair being touched and figured he was tying it up for you.
Nothing can stop that wide smile from appearing on your face. He fumbled and played with it until it seemed correct. He turned you around again and places a small peck on your nose.
“ Since we have a flight to catch in a few hours, let's get changed, hm? “
see you standing there, in your hulk outer wear
After you finish wearing your comfortable ensemble, you go back to the bed. In seonghwa's eyes, wearing a sweater wasn't enough. So he nudged your shoulder and gently threw one of his hoodies to you. You gladly take it and wear it. The scent you could recognize within a second and the feeling of him hugging you was what made his jackets so perfect.
and all I can think is where is the ring
You put on a pair of your sneakers, the one he gifted on your six month anniversary. And seonghwa being the gentleman he is, he saw you and knelt down. He holds your hands first before picking up the loose shoelaces and tying them.
It was the little things he did. That made you happy.
You didn't question it and went along with it. He drove you both to the airport, it was still early morning so no cars would disturb both of you. He gave you the signal to take a nap and you did as so, passing out almost immediately. All while so, he never lifted his hand from your thigh.
cause' I know you wanna ask, scared the moment will pass
He woke you up from your deep slumber and led you out of the car. He held both his and your suitcases into the airport. And even if you were willing to start an argument, you were too sleepy to do so. You waited for a couple of hours before your flight was taking place.
He held your small figure when you two were boarding the plane. He had this inner fear that he'd lose you. He grips your shoulders tight as the flight attendant guides you to your seats.
I can see it in your eyes, just take me by surprise
seonghwa held your hand tight. The take-off was smooth, but his fear of heights took over him. It jolts you awake how he held your hand. You saw his terrified expression and you knew what you had to do.
Your other free hand gripped his cheek, you tilted his head a bit so now he was looking at you. “ Look at me. Just look at me seonghwa. It's alright, I'm here. “ you caressed his smooth cheek with your thumb.
He closed his eyes and melted in your touch, enduring the consuming fear he had.
and all my friends they tell me they see, your planing to get on one knee
a few times did seonghwa's friends hint about him and the ring he bought beforehand, but you shrugged it off and took it as teasing.
but I want it to be out of the blue, make sure I have no clue, when you ask
You were lying if you said you hadn't thought about marrying seonghwa. He was the perfect man. Treated you with love. Made sure to make time for you. Constantly gives you gifts and such. How could you not?
baby take my hand, I want you to be my husband
time skip to later night. You two already settled down in your hotel room. The suite was more than luxurious, it was more than you imagined. A bed as soft as the clouds looked, a bathtub overlooking hundreds of buildings.
cause' your my iron man
he took both of you to a very expensive place. All prim and proper, exquisite and excellent, and made for the rich. Seonghwa advised you to wear the dress he bought you. A beautiful beige dress with silk as it's fabric. Spaghetti straps and skirt hugged your body in the right way.
He led you to the rooftop that was decorated with fairy lights, your favorite flowers, a calm and peaceful artificial waterfall filled the dry silence. He walked you over to the main part of the entire rooftop, you could tell at the number of fairy lights lit up the spot, a vintage radio played your favorite music. And although it changed often, he took note of what you always hum to when you would clean or cook.
Your heart started beating faster, you bit your inner cheek. You were awed by the city, it lights lighting up everything. You gasped when you heard the song that was playing. An old one but nonetheless you loved it. Diamonds are a girl's best friend was what was playing. You hum along to the catchy lyrics as seonghwa clears his throat and specks of dust away from his fancy all-white suit.
You were busy exploring the place with your eyes to notice seonghwa getting on one knee. By the time you looked back and looked down, a gasp immediately escapes your mouth.
Your hands covered your mouth and your eyesight became blurry in an instant. “ It's been two years since we met, from when I met you when you newly moved into when I remember asking you on our first date. I was so shy and nervous back then. But after spending time with you, learning to love someone, and learning that someone loves me, happy anniversary my love. I'm now sure “ he paused and took a deep breath. He opened the small box to reveal a shiny diamond ring. Your eyes shone brighter than the diamond itself. A tear dropped from the corner of your eye. He smiles at you before saying;
“ Now I want to spend eternity with you. “
and I love you 3000
a / n : I want to thank you guys for 500 followers !!! And it's the 100th day for my blog and today is so special !! Thank you to everyone who supported me ! I wish I could give you all a hug but covid said no 😔💗😳💟💘💌💖💓
*How is everyone? Well I am good since I got home really. I had a bit of an okay/stressful day at work today. I had a lovely day off at home yesterday. I did my housework, went to scan and added my documents for uni, did some food shopping. Find out that my boss who is being very considerate of me lately gave me an extra day off 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 lol I texted her yesterday, asking her if she made a mistake and she said no lol. She even found for me something to do blog writing... Awwww it is nice of her. Unsure she can cope with the way our company management structure is but she is a lovely person, very abrupt at times in the way that she addresses people but she is lovely. We got there in the end 💛🙂. It was her birthday today, same as my middle sister 💛💛💛. So, although the day was hot like hell again (thankfully we gonna have thunderstorms soon and will go back to 28, 26 degrees celsius finally.) and at times I felt like my ears were gonna fall off, as I had a sharp pain near them, this is what happens when you sleep with the fan on... You catch a cold... So I had to take some medicine but hey I am good now. I came home and felt like doing yoga. I needed to stretch as I felt stiff from the day at work. Now I feel pretty relax, ready for an update. And for a chat with a few of my faves 💛. I know they have been waiting for it... So overall I am good, a bit more relaxed than the usual but still somethings needs to be discussed and I am aware of them... Okay let's start!
** So yesterday morning I woke up to a like to on of the comment I wrote to one of my fave girl "Work" insta page and straightaway in my gut I had that feeling that "omg she thought I was talking about her on Monday night, her second page... When I talked about" fake instas" and so I was not talking about her Omg, omg..." I thought what to do... 😩 oh I know she wakes up quite early compare to the others..." So towards between 1pm and 2 pm here I am gonna do my midday check in on my blog, sharing a beautiful piece of Art that needs to be shared and then address this issue and plus will add post another on my second insta 💛. Good idea, I thought... Then I did my housework, ate, tidied up while watching the clock as I wanted her to see it first, so we are cool and then my sister called me so I thought okay I will write it after this phone call. And when I finished it, it was like 3 pm almost 4 and I thought it is okay at least she will see it but another one of my girl, my wise lady, straight after someone else in this group posted something on their story... when I saw this I was like hold on a second I just posted my midday ish check, is she talking about me as I only posted to bring awareness about Breonna Taylor a 150 days since her murder and I love the T-shirt idea. But hey I brushed it off and then my wise girl posted two posts and I was like omg... 😬😬😬. Okay... So obviously I thinking I did not even get the chance to clarify that on Monday I was not talking about this "work" insta but actually someone else's insta that is a poetry one that a lady write on everyday and surely seems to read me. I thought... Okay, I was about to explain but with the two things I just read...I thought, I am just gonna calm down in my little corner, let the night pass and clarify tomorrow. Sorry to the person with the second insta but I was pretty mad. And no way I was gonna right peacefully "I was not talking about you" after what I read.
***On the latter don't be upset at the person who wrote what was said about me...if you talked about me because it is good for me to know what I should know and how I am viewed. Of course it hurts but it helps to either work on myself or work on my writing, so I finally can portray what should be portrayed properly. So please don't blame the other person. My advice given with love and warmth, is to always take responsibility for the words said, whether you shared them in confidence with your friends or not coz it could come out at anytime. We are children of God, everything always comes out in the light and not for a bad reason at times it is to help people to know how they are seen or for people to just move on with their lives. And these thoughts were probably based on the assumption that I was talking to about one of my faves second insta. It is just a big confusion and it is okay. Nothing to be ashamed of or upset about.
****Now, now peeps, I have always known that this fave was behind this second insta and she has never passed a bad message to me. Maybe before in her own insta and we fell out over it but since then we have not, so why should I have an issue with her. And her second insta is not a "fake" insta. I see it at as a "Work" insta. The person I was talking about with the "fake" or "undercover" insta (yes I should not have said "the girl" coz that was rude) because she is a lady, not a girl. But this person I decided to still follow but it is a poetry account. And the other three accounts I unfollowed are "quotes" accounts. So peeps, I could never address one person I am always praising here in that way. I said it, try to not read between the lines. I am point blank. I know social media communication is really the worse but with patience and no overthinking like I do at times, we can have a good vibe going.
*****Just relax 💛💛💛. I said it I am not an enemy. If you want me to stay away, I will. If you don't want your art here, it is okay. But try not to overthink my writing. Because I can never talk like this to someone I praise everyday. I can voice my opinion but not like that. I will be careful with my words, but be careful with your interpretation. Because I know that her second insta is not a fake, it has her name in it. I am talking of peeps, taking other names, acting like poets, quoter and narrating my current social media life with quotes... again today although I unfollowed I checked and one of them accounts used the exact same words one of you used to tell me off that hurted me, to hurt me more, kind of replanting the knife where it already just started to heal. How messed up is that. And I thought if it carries on because I have idea of who that is, I am gonna block them in the actual insta coz this getting real nasty and I am gonna report this person to Instagram for cyber bullying. I don't joke with this... I don't but you guys, new crew it is none of you, I feel it in my guts. Or so I really hope it is none of you. Because all came out from my blow is your doubting that I was talking about one of my fave second account. So I know it is none of you. Hope I am not confused. But hey if I am 100 percent sure who that is and carries on, it will be a straight block of the actual person and I shall report to insta for cyber bullying as I don't joke like this at all.
*****So you guys that is all, I am quiet at peace within myself but if you want some peace and don't want me to engage with you anymore, I will keep away. I am not here to impose myself on anyone, I was just writing my everyday blog when you guys joined and I felt honoured but in no way I had the intention to hurt any of you. I maybe very clumsy at times but I am not trying to hurt or upset any of you and please peeps don't blame anyone for this hiccup, coz really I am good and I hope you are too or you will be. So this is said and done 💛💛💛.
******I really wish you more peace ahead and still want to tell you that you are appreciated, those are just internet miscommunications. To those who are not concerned, I am sorry but some things need to be said 💛.
Not being able to do what you love properly until you meet your soulmate. One of the five senses being taken away from you.
I've never asked myself before, how much we can do for love.
My life has always been surrounded by art and poetry.
Pages filled with phrases in ink as dark as nights without stars, mornings with white canvases that would turn into landscapes of black and gray shadows before the afternoon arrived. A world that became so sad to me from the first day.
It was another monotonous morning for a university student. A routine that was stuck in an endless repeat. The same black-haired girl looking at me through the mirror, her eyes stained with the gray of cloudy skies. The same dark, paint-stained backpack.
Sitting under the same tree every day, I look through my things for that old sketchbook that I have carried with me for years, which had been a gift from my mother and which I only used in situations where it was needed. I looked up and blocked out the incessant sound of that sea of black and white students, looking, as I do every day of my life, for eyes that would bring color and warmth into my world.
In the crowd I saw the side profile of an unknown face. A boy with a lost expression, he was searching through the ocean of moving bodies. A worn-out notebook held against his chest, as if it were a matter of his own life.
I don't know what had pushed me to draw this stranger of light-hearted walk. A quick and simple sketch of a boy with a childish and sweet expression, planted between scribbles of a world that looked brighter than the one I was in.
After school that afternoon, I walked home with my eyes stuck to the ground. I tucked myself in between my silk sheets and closed my eyes, not realizing that the stranger with the turquoise hair would change my life completely.
I never knew what it was like to have what you want so badly in your hands and feel it slipping through your fingers without being able to do anything about it.
Another monochromatic dawn and a feeling that drowned my heart in dangerous waters without reason.
Under that same tree, sitting against its trunk, I wondered what color the petals and roots of the flowers that rose above me were. I asked myself, what was the color of the grass? What was the color of that sky I used to look at so much? Did it ever change color? Were the paints I used every afternoon of complementary colors? Or was every canvas I painted full of colors that crashed and collided with each other like waves against the rocks at the edge of the beach?
Fiddling with the pencil between my fingers and the little sketchbook on my lap, I let myself be swept away by the nervous walk of the people around me.
Everything around me seemed desperate, like a caged animal that had managed to escape. Everything was hurried and intermittent. And I couldn't help but wonder if my life was simply too boring.
Between the coming and going of the crowd, I saw him.
Sitting against the trunk of an old oak tree, the little worn booklet between his fingers, rereading over and over what its pages contained. His hair covered his eyes, he wore a coat that was a little too big for him, and I could count about four rings in his right hand alone.
He looked so out of place in that gray, sad scene. I wondered what color his hair was, and if maybe his eyes were the same. A sense of tranquility made my body tingle. For the first time in my life I felt a warmth that burned my sadness away, coming from the depths of my chest as my cheeks burned with recollection.
Sitting under that old tree, I tasted for the first time that forbidden fruit that I heard so much about. Forbidden fruit that would change my life eventually. When I looked down, my pencil rested on a new sketch of the same stranger. Locks of hair shadowing his face, lips half-opened and long fingers holding that small booklet with trembling hands.
I went home that afternoon and failed to notice how that stranger with the lost expression followed my figure with his eyes until I turned around down the street.
A full kiss in spring, overflowing with light and heat.
A satisfied sigh escapes my lips as I put the finishing touches to the painting. Taking a step back, I let my eyes wander over each brushstroke of the detailed painting, a small smile raising the corners of my lips.
Although it did manage to show the most beautiful points of the subject in question, it did little to capture the essence of the precious boy I was trying to portray.
The boy was a student at my art academy, and from the first time I laid eyes on him I knew that he would be a constant in my mind.
Sighing, I began to group the brushes that were in disarray on the desk and dropped them into the container of water on the corner of the wood, not wanting to clean them properly just yet.
Walking to the small sofa in the art studio, I sat down, knowing that the paint needed time to dry.
The sound of the door closing takes me out of my thoughts, and in a leap I turn towards the door. Breath catching in my throat, and when my eyes rest on the sweet, curious eyes of my best friend I feel my heartbeat slow down.
"Binnie, you scared me half to death." My voice sounds choppy and hurried. Subin's chuckle cuts through my heavy sighs, and as I look at him again, he raises a playful eyebrow.
"What? Afraid someone will see you painted Sejun?" His face still has touches of humor here and there, but his sweet voice is linked with care.
Our eyes meet and a sigh escapes me. It's not the first time I've painted the boy of the worn-out booklet, in fact, in the last three months he's been part of our university, I've painted him a handful of times. His face seems to be burned behind my eyelids and every time I close my eyes I can see specks of him here and there.
It's been almost three months since I've seen him. Since that cold afternoon and a quick sketch of his eyes it seemed like destiny did not want us to meet. And although somehow Subin managed to meet him and make friends with the mysterious boy, it had become impossible for me to see them walking together in the corridors, to the point that some nights, wrapped in my silk sheets, when the weight of the world seemed to crush and suffocate me, I wondered if he ever really existed or if it was just a way for my mind to fill a dark and cold void in the back of my brain that would otherwise trigger a bomb that would manage to destroy my soul completely.
Was my little Subin following the flow of my thoughts, just so as not to hurt me even more?
“... Noona! Are you paying attention to me?" His voice echoes through the four walls of the small studio and it ends up startling me, a little scared and unbalanced.
"What's wrong, love?" His cheeks blush brightly, as I can see the dark gray stain on his pretty skin.
"Noona, I know I've said this a million times, but if you really want to meet him I can help you. He's my friend and he's a very friendly person, I know you'll like him.” Innocent eyes flooded with heavy sincerity.
"But will he like me?" Subin looks at me with pupils marked in annoyance and what seems to be an implicit sign of losing patience.
I interrupt him before, like so many other times, he decides to chew my ear off by letting a thousand and one phrases of self-love and confidence spill from his pink lips.
"I will, Subin. One of these days I will be brave enough to let myself meet him. I'm still too much of a coward. I'm sorry, little one..." I look at him with pitiful eyes and I can feel my eyes flooding with warm tears as he wraps me in his arms.
"Stop growing, you can't be taller than me, you're still a child."
"Noona! I'm a man, not a child!"
Oh, my little Subin. How sad my life would be without you.
It all led me to you.
Everything always led me to you.
A heavy, thunderous sound interrupts me at half a brushstroke. I turn around and I can see the water mixed with paint vibrating and stirring. A bitter sigh escapes me and I bite my lower lip, trying to concentrate again on the canvas, but the deafening melody didn't allow it.
I sighed heavily again and threw the brush into some corner of the desk, not realizing that the irregular patterns of thick, vibrant paint on the dark wood began to have soft color in the corners.
I open the door to my studio and stand in front of it, trying to determine exactly where that noise was coming from.
I take a few steps to my left, two doors down from my studio, and it is more than obvious that the sound is coming from here. I put my hand on the heavy, dark steel of the door and I can feel it vibrating under my skin. I roll my eyes and throw my head back, and when I look at the ceiling I notice that the light wood beams seem to have color. It's something very subtle and almost imperceptible, but it's there.
I look at the door again and it is stained in the corners with light yellow and lemon tones.
Subin had given me lessons in color, or whatever name he gave them, over the years. He joined sensations, smells, tastes and sounds to his explanations, allowing me to know the colours from heart and soul, even if I could not see them yet.
Until now, at least.
The music on the other side of the door increases in volume and the vibrations along with it, which brings me back to reality. My left hand is resting on the door, and I can see now how the paint that stains my skin is slowly starting to light up. My eyes are flooded with tears, overwhelmed and over-stimulated senses.
In a quick movement I push on the metal and enter the small, messy studio. A boy dressed in black clothes and hair that in the corners begins to have shades of turquoise, becoming more vibrant as I observe him.
He is standing in front of a console, the music coming from the speakers on either side of it. A melody that although it seems familiar in the back of my mind, my heart does not allow it to bring it into the light, depriving me of thinking about it too much.
He is very still, with his hands resting on the console and somehow, I don't know how or why, I feel words bubbling in my throat. A name I had never said out loud but had quietly savored dozens of times.
"Sejun..." I don't know how he managed to listen to me, but I knew he did. In one quick movement he pressed the button on the console, cutting the melody in one stroke and plunging the space into a heavy, thick silence.
He turned around slowly, with wide eyes. Cheeks adorned with salt water and pearls, breathing cut short and hurried.
"Sejun..." I savored his name between my lips once more, feeling the weight of it on my tongue and that's when the reality of the situation seems to hit me with all its force.
Turquoise hair, brown eyes. Very dark green shirt and black pants and shoes. Red backpack in a corner, golden light streaming through the windows.
I can see color.
The world isn't gray anymore.
I turn around so quickly that I feel dizzy, and when I try to grab the door handle to get out of that rotten studio, his voice stops me.
"No, please..." A pitiful moan in the space.
"Please don't go. I don't know if I can resist getting everything back to normal after knowing what it feels like to finally hear something..." I turn around and look him in the eye. Pupils begging me to stay and I can't find it in me not to.
I approach him slowly and take him in my arms. I can feel him crumbling in my embrace and I hold him tightly so as to not let him fall to the ground. The impression of the bond seemed to have stirred him up more strongly, or perhaps my mind was not yet able to comprehend what had happened in its entirety.
"Do you hear that? What is that sound in the distance? It's very beautiful..." Sejun looks me in the eyes with such innocence and I gently stroke his left cheek before responding.
"It's the song of the birds, Sejunie. Don't you find it peaceful?" Whispered careful voice. His eyes fill with tears once more, and he drops a delicate kiss on the palm of my hand, the one that caressed his cheek a few moments ago, pushing his face even more against it, the corners of his lips rising in a smile, deep dimples showing.
A boy with bright hair and starry eyes, a musician who used to be deaf and one spring afternoon was allowed to hear for the first time.
A girl with curly hair and dark eyes stained in worship by the boy with blushing cheeks. A girl who used to see the world in gray and black. Monochromatic and cold world.
"I'm here, and I swear I'll never leave your side." They both thought.
Hi, guys! I take recommendations.
Thanks for reading.
Today's Idol, Sejun. As I said I just wanted to write something a little different.
I really hope you guys like this sort of “Series” I'm starting because it really makes me happy writing and discovering about new artists, as well as being able to write about the ones I love.
Right off the bat let me clarify that I am new to writing short stories. Generally my forte is flash fiction, the longest stories I’ve written maybe about 5000 words and primarily I like to focus on poetry. However! I've recently been very inspired to write longer prose and decided with quarantine cancelling everything that this was the perfect time to immerse myself fully in writing!
Don't take anything I say for doctrine as it is most definitely not! I am confident with my writing (to an extent, I have lots of room for improvement) but I would still consider myself an amateur when it comes to writing short stories!
My writing process so far —
Honestly, I thought it would be a very challenging shift from poetry and flash fiction into a 10000+ word story, but I've been having a lot of fun with it, and I'm proud of the quality of writing!
I am for sure a pantser.
I didn't outline, the ideas came to me quickly and relatively fully formed, and I did developmental edits all the way through so the plot remained tidy and coherent. As I wrote, more ideas came to me throughout the process.
Often I feel like not planning helps me progress the plot, because it leaves me constantly wondering what I need to do to reach the climactic point of it all. For me it helps to not know all the answers and figure it out intuitively, rather than write down all my ideas (even if I do have them in my head) because that way tends to leave me feeling trapped. I like to be flexible when I write, and live inside the characters as they are living inside the world I'm crafting around them. (I hope this makes sense...) Knowing all the answers off the bat also detaches me from the story in a way, I like to be actively seeking answers and thinking about my story.
This quote summarizes these ramblings perfectly:
“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.”
- Gene Fowler
Anyway! This approach has been working super well, and I'm so glad. Developmental edits as I go through have helped me keep on track and maintain a clear grasp of the pace and atmosphere of the story as I work through it. I’m really glad I wrote in this way.
I wrote 3000 words on the first day of writing, and about 2800 on the second. Then I went through it all, editing and mulling the plot over. The next days were a bit slower and I'm still working through a road block I have hit with the progression of the plot. Currently the story is just over 10000 words and I had a good brainstorming session this morning and a rough idea of how to work through my crisis.
"I think it was the wind - torrents of it piercing and stabbing my face like pine needles - that set off the tidal wave. Boiling over, bits of brain formed mucus in my nose and my cheeks grew rain-washed with tears. The turbulent water roiled and churned, columns of it waved, welcoming my carcass and isolating my soul on the shoreline."
As you can see from this excerpt, the narrative is first person retrospective. I wanted an intimate feel so the audience could glean these intricate, slightly odd inner workings of the main character Charlie's mind. I think it works well for the style and helps her voice shine through effectively. She has a vivid internal world and this perspective makes the most sense as a way for this to be illustrated.
You also get some nice allusions to her oddness!
When we meet Charlie, she is being fired from her job (a journalist) for “causing a scene” - we learn later what this is about as the story progresses. We follow her messy journey through early adulthood, she is 27 and reflecting upon her past, all the casual rips and tears of life that lead her to where she ends up.
Grappling with trauma from college after being sexually assaulted, the plot tells of how our pasts can shape us and the routes we take in our lives, it explores chance encounters and how those can blossom into lifelong connections, and also the connections formed from our youth that can be undying. It’s on the verge of being YA but I think it’s more leaning toward an adult fiction story. I’m not sure yet if I want to extend this story into a novel, as I’m becoming really attached to the characters, but we’ll see as it progresses!
Some more excerpts -
Potential TW - I didn’t want the flashback to the assault to be too explicit, but it is still about and mentioning the assault. Here’s a section from it! I experimented with changing the perspective, and second person worked really well to show how painful the experience was.
...Your waterlogged mind found itself thinking of anything but now, anything but his breath on your neck, his palms kneading your underbelly like a pig in a slaughterhouse. Of your mother and how beneath her fingernails little roses unfurled and dribbled down your arms, ridden with thorns and stinging your skin. That had hurt, but it had never been as painful as this. You thought of pavements and how they interweaved like crosshatching but here, here, they formed a hopscotch on our playground. How sometimes nature had a way of rupturing the dull floor tiles with swollen roots and bruised the tarmac. How this blemish made the tiles collide, violent and convulsive. Tectonic plates pressing against your lips. Suddenly, it’s him again. A serpentine hand sliding down your back. You are not a snake charmer. You writhe but can’t seem to get him to stop.
I like this one because it shows Charlie being bitter and angry. (does this make me a bad person?)
...There was a barcode on my forehead. My eyes shifted from face to face, they were bidding. I was an ornament at a fucking auction.
And this will be the last one I share for now!
...Even in my dreams I lay on my back. Still. The striking and recurring illusion of spiders sitting on my chest, furry legs knocking on my heart, pedipalps searching for its rhythm. Talons snapping open, shut, open. Eight voracious eyes eager to gut me like a fish. Drinking my piping innards with a cocktail straw. When I woke the illusion faded, my pulse rising faintly, but arachnophobia didn’t grip me like it once had. I didn’t rise and scramble, frantic fingers ensuring I was free of the spiders. I just lay there. On my back. Still.
BlackPink’s reaction to their girlfriend being a greek goddess
A/N: The lyrics in Rosé’s reaction are from a poem I wrote a while back, so like if you want, you can even ignore it bc writing poetry and lyrics aren’t my forte lol
The two of you had been out at a shopping mall when you had noticed a pair of girls in a group of friends. They were both quiet, slightly bumping into each other with light pink cheeks. You couldn’t help the small smile that slipped across your face as your lightly waved your fingers towards them, causing the two to excuse themselves. They stayed close by where you were as Jisoo continued to look through racks of clothes, standing in a more secluded area. One of the girls reached for the others hand, her fingers nervously playing with a small charm bracelet on her wrist. You couldn’t hear anything between them, but their shy smiles told you enough before Jisoo interrupted you.
She held out a dress towards you, her smile wide and unaware of what happened, “babe, what do you think of this dress? Isn’t it cute?”
The two girls looked up at the sudden sound of Jisoo’s voice before quickly leaving the store and catching up to their group of friends. You sighed, annoyed that you didn’t get a kiss confirmation that your magic worked, “sure, sweetheart. You would look amazing in it.”
Jisoo caught on immediately to your mood, “is something the matter, babe?”
You shook your head, “everything is fine. Don't’ worry about it.”
Jisoo didn’t press on any further until later in the car where she stole the keys from you before you were able to push them into the ignition. Her eyes were a bit hard, her mouth pressed into a line as she pulled them out of your reach, “whats wrong.”
You rolled your eyes, “nothing’s wrong. Can I have my keys back please?”
“Not until you are hones-”
You hushed her, catching sight of the two girls again. They were alone, one was leaning against a car as the other one leaned into her. There was distant giggling followed by hushed whispers before their lips met. Sighing, you felt satisfied, a job well done.
Jisoo’s eyes bounced back and forth between the girls and you. Her head titled in confusion, “do you know them?”
You shook your head.
“Then why were we watching them?”
Falling silent, you sighed and finally gave in. Whispering, “Zeus, I swear if you zap me right now, I’ll tell Hera,” you turned towards a bewildered Jisoo. Softly, you told her, “I am Aphrodite.”
“Um, what? Y/N if this is another joke, I get it. You are the most beautiful person in the-”
“No, Jisoo. I am Aphrodite,” you looked deeply into her eyes and she watched as a light pink swirled in them.
She shook her head, “how?”
“I-…” you titled your head, “I can’t explain it right now.” You looked out the windshield and at the darkening sky, “we should get home.”
Jisoo was quiet on the ride home, but the moment the two of you sat on the couch, she pestered you with questions before she finally asked, “did you use a spell on me to make em fall in love with you?”
“No,” you started, “it was by luck, but you are the first mortal I have found myself deeply in love with.”
“Let’s go this way,” Jennie excitedly pulled you down a different path on the trail route, bringing you guys into dark trees. With the sun momentarily blocked off, you could feel your heart beat increase and your breath shorten.
Pulling on Jennie’s hand, you look into her eyes, “please, let’s just continue on the route before.”
“Come on, baby. Let’s be adventurous this time,” Jennie pulled you into her arms, “I’ll protect you.”
Your eyes glance once more into the dark area, a chill running across your skin as you thought about the underworld and the darkness it held as you sat down there for half a year, alone and freezing. Then your eyes slide back to Jennie, her smiling shining even in the shadows as her eyes begged you to come. Sighing, you let her lightly pull you further down the path, “alright.”
“Yay! This will be fun, I promise.”
The two of you are quickly surrounded by darkness as your chest tightens and your stomach drops. Your grip on Jennie tensed while your eyes darted over at every shadow, feeling as if they are mocking you.
Finally, Jennie pulled you out into a bright area that was decorated with flowers. The sun warmed your stiff arms as you relaxed against Jennie. She smiled at you, pecking your cheek, “what did I tell you? It was totally worth it.”
Breathless, you smiled back, “yeah. It’s beautiful here.”
“Not as beautiful as you are.”
Your cheeks heated up, “stop it. Let’s sit down and rest for a moment.”
“I want to look around a bit more, but you can wait here. I’ll be right back.”
Nodding, you sit in the soft grass, admiring the flowers near you as Jennie disappeared behind a few trees. Your eyes caught the sights of a dead, swaying flower. Hovering your fingertips over it, the beauty it once harnessed flowed through you. Quickly checking that Jennie wasn’t around still, your power sprinkled over the wilted flower and you watched with a small smile as it sprung up a beautiful gold.
“How did you-”
You turned around to find Jennie with a small bouquet of similar flowers. her eyes were wide as shock slacked her grip, the stems and petals slipping from her fingers and onto the soft grass. Fumbling to get up, you stumbled over words, “Jennie. What- when- how- It’s not what it looked like.”
“You brought that flower back to life,” her eyes looked into yours, filled with horror and wonder.
“I did, but-”
“How did you do it?”
“I- Well.. I can’t explain it.”
“Because- I- If I do, I have to leave.”
“Baby? What are you talking about?”
You could feel the ground tremble below you. Fear rooting up from the ground and into the soles of your shoes. Glaring at the dirt, you looked back up at Jennie, “I am Persephone.”
You nodded, feeling the tremble shift into a rumbling. Your lip quivered as you looked at Jennie, “I love you.”
“Wait, but how are you-”
Then the wind turned icy cool as you slipped through the dirt and under it. The sky flickered in lightning above as Jennie watched the empty spot, so much to say on her lips only to be met with silence.
You overheard Chaeyoung in the other room with the soft strumming of her guitar and her sweet, light voice following it. For a moment, you leaned against the wall, just listening to her mellowed music as the melody is carried into the air. It felt as if the weight had been taken off your shoulders from the last few stressful days. Chaeyoung had been frustrated, not daring to even look at her guitar as she tried to come up with lyrics, but today she seemed to have given in.
The music continued until there was a harsh strum and the sound of Chaeyoung grunting. Getting up, you hurry over to the room that she was in to catch her in the corner, her eyes glaring at the instrument and paper. Your feet were quick as they made their way towards her, your arms wrapping securely around her, “sweetheart, why don’t we-”
“I can’t,” she interrupted you, “I have to turn these lyrics and melody in tomorrow or I won’t be able to get my own music on the album.” She took in a deep breath, “It’s the first time as a group that we get to write our own music and I can’t even do it.”
Her eyes started to well up, but she lightly pressed her fingers underneath them, preventing any tears from slipping over her eyelashes. Your fingers run up and down her back, “I can help you baby. That’s why I am here.”
Her eyes looked up into yours, her lashes were slightly damp, “I don’t want to be a bother.”
“You could never be,” you smiled before making yourself more comfortable next to her, your fingers slipping under the pad of paper and lifting it onto your lap, “alright. Let’s see what you have already.” Your eyes scanned the pages, reading, “The moon//That was gently resting in her hand,// Once warm with a soft glow// Soon became too hot.”
Chaeyoung followed along to your spoken version of the lyrics she had splattered across the page among doodles and x’s, her fingers strumming the melody she had wanted for it.
Smiling you nodded, rolling your hand for her to continue playing. The rest of her page was blank, so you closed your eyes as you took in the music, “The longer she watched it// Waiting for something to happen in the midst of // The stars// The more it grew, turning a gentle burn// To a brilliant blaze.”
Chaeyoung continued to play, but her eyes glanced up to yours before locking on them, in unison, the two of you sang together as your eyes held the last of the lyrics, “It was a beauty she couldn’t understand// That was within herself.// She took the moon, // Gentle,// And with it created the sun.”
Chae’s fingers fell from the guitar strings onto her warm lap as her eyes stayed on yours, “how did we do that?”
You shied away, unaware of what you had done in the moment. You had forgotten your powers and they take control of you. Pushing up, you had started to walk away, but Chaeyoung pulled you back down.
Her face was filled with confusion, “do you know what just happened?”
Sighing, you repositioned yourself, grasping your beloved girlfriend’s hand, “promise that you won’t leave me?”
“Why would I leave you,” fear crawled in her voice.
“Just promise, please?”
Chaeyoung nodded slowly,
“Alright, I am a goddess… well to be more specific, I am a muse. My real name is Erato.”
“A- a muse? How? They are just a-”
“Myth, I know, but I am real.”
For a moment, silence evaded before Chaeyoung started giggling, “alright… well you are my own personal muse. Okay?”
The water in the pitcher that you kept in the corner of the room began to shake, and you froze as you watched drops of it start to sputter over the lip and onto the ground. Dropping the stack of clothes you had just folded, your fingers found their way to the heralds rod as you felt your wings ruffle out, ripping your shirt as they slowly flapped behind you.
The water built up to a small mirror and within it was a distorted image of a tall man with a strong jaw that was set. His eyes flashed as his voice rumbled the floor beneath you, “Iris. What is taking you so long?”
Lisa had just stopped by you place to drop off her anniversary gift for you when she witnessed the small earthquake that came from inside your house. Rushing, she found the door unlocked and began to check around the house for you, her voice almost shrill as she called out, “Y/N?”
“WHO’S THAT,” Zeus’s hands clenched as his eyes hardened onto you.
You shook your head, “I have no idea, sir. Shall I-”
The door opened behind you and Lisa rushed in the moment she saw you only to freeze as her eyes darted between the water and you. The hair on the back of your neck began to rise as you ran your hand through the floating water, causing it to cascade back into the pitcher before you dropped the heralds rod and turned towards Lisa.
“Haven’t you heard of knocking,” you breathlessly asked as you fell against the wall. Your heart was starting to finally slow down from the uncomfortable pace you felt. Being in a mortal body for so long was starting to take its toll on you.
Then Lisa slowly walked over to you, “I thought you were in danger.” The look in her eyes surrounded by her soft, colorful aura, let you slip down the wall, sighing in relief.
“I’m glad to know that you would protect me, but I will be fine. Don’t worry.”
She nodded before she cleared her throat, her eyes glancing over at the pitcher of water, “so, um, what was that?”
In the fear of Zeus smiting Lisa the moment he saw her, you realized that you had just exposed yourself as the goddess Iris. You studied her, trying to find signs of fear, but all that were in her eyes were curiosity and worry for you. Sliding up from the wall, you gently cup her face, “let’s go sit down in the living room. I have a lot to explain.”
1. Good playwriting is a collaboration between your many selves. The more multiple your personalities, the further, wider, deeper you will be able to go.
2. Theatre is closer to poetry and music than it is to the novel.
3. There's no time limit to writing plays. Think of playwriting as a life-long apprenticeship. Imagine you may have your best ideas on your deathbed.
4. Write plays in order to organize despair and chaos. To live vicariously. To play God. To project an idealized version of the world. To destroy things you hate in the world and in yourself. To remember and to forget. To lie to yourself. To play. To dance with language. To beautify the landscape. To fight loneliness. To inspire others. To imitate your heroes. To bring back the past and raise the dead. To achieve transcendence of yourself. To fight the powers that be. To sound alarms. To provoke conversation. To engage in the conversation started by great writers in the past. To further evolve the artform. To lose yourself in your fictive world. To make money.
5. Write because you want to show something. To show that the world is shit. To show how fleeting love and happiness are. To show the inner workings of your ego. To show that democracy is in danger. To show how interconnected we are. (Each "to show" is active and must be personal, deeply held, true to you.)
6. Each line of dialogue is like a piece of DNA; potentially containing the entire play and its thesis; potentially telling us the beginning, middle, and end of the play.
7. Be prepared to risk your entire reputation every time you write, otherwise it's not worth your audience's time.
8. Embrace your writer's block. It's nature's way of saving trees and your reputation. Listen to it and try to understand its source. Often, writer's block happens to you because somewhere in your work you've lied to yourself and your subconscious won't let you go any further until you've gone back, erased the lie, stated the truth and started over.
9. Language is a form of entertainment. Beautiful language can be like beautiful music: it can amuse, inspire, mystify, enlighten.
10. Rhythm is key. Use as many sounds and cadences as possible. Think of dialogue as a form of percussive music. You can vary the speed of the language, the number of beats per line, volume, density. You can use silences, fragments, elongated sentences, interruptions, overlapping conversation, physical activity, monologues, nonsense, non-sequiturs, foreign languages.
11. Vary your tone as much as possible. Juxtapose high seriousness with raunchy language with lyrical beauty with violence with dark comedy with awe with eroticism.
12. Action doesn't have to be overt. It can be the steady deepening of the dramatic situation or your character's steady emotional movements from one emotional/psychological condition to another: ignorance to enlightenment, weakness to strength, illness to wholeness.
13. Invest something truly personal in each of your characters, even if it's something of your worst self.
14. If realism is as artificial as any genre, strive to create your own realism. If theatre is a handicraft in which you make one of a kind pieces, then you're in complete control of your fictive universe. What are its physical laws? What's gravity like? What does time do? What are the rules of cause and effect? How do your characters behave in this altered universe?
15. Write from your organs. Write from your eyes, your heart, your liver, your ass -- write from your brain last of all.
16. Write from all of your senses. Be prepared to design on the page: tell yourself exactly what you see, feel, hear, touch and taste in this world. Never leave design to chance, that includes the design of the cast.
17. Find your tribe. Educate your collaborators. Stick to your people and be faithful to them. Seek aesthetic and emotional compatability with those your work with. Understand your director's world view because it will color his/her approach to your work.
18. Strive to be your own genre. Great plays represent the genres created around the author's voice. A Checkhov genre. A Caryl Churchill genre.
19. Strive to create roles that actors you respect will kill to perform.
20. Form follows function. Strive to reflect the content of the play in the form of the play.
21. Use the literalization of metaphor to discuss the inner emotional state of your characters.
22. Don't be afraid to attempt great themes: death, war, sexuality, identity, fate, God, existence, politics, love.
23. Theatre is the explanation of life to the living. Try to tease apart the conflicting noises of living, and make some kind of pattern and order. It's not so much and explanation of life as much as it is a recipe for understanding, a blueprint for navigation, a confidante with some answers, enough to guide you and encourage you, but not to dictate to you.
24. Push emotional extremes. Don't be a puritan. Be sexy. Be violent. Be irrational. Be sloppy. Be frightening. Be loud. Be stupid. Be colorful.
25. Ideas may be deeply embedded in the interactions and reactions of your character; they may be in the music and poetry of your form. You have thoughts and you generate ideas constantly. A play ought to embody those thoughts and those thoughts can serve as a unifying energy in your play.
26. A play must be organized. This is another word for structure. You organize a meal, your closet, your time -- why not your play?
27. Strive to be mysterious, not confusing.
28. Think of information in a play like an IV drip -- dispense just enough to keep the body alive, but not too much too soon.
29. Think of writing as a constant battle against the natural inertia of language.
30. Write in layers. Have as many things happening in a play in any one moment as possible.
31. Faulkner said the greatest drama is the heart in conflict with itself.
32. Keep your chops up with constant questioning of your own work. React against your work. Be hypercritical. Do in the next work what you aimed for but failed to do in the last one.
33. Listen only to those people who have a vested interest in your future.
34. Character is the embodiment of obsession. A character must be stupendously hungry. There is no rest for those characters until they've satisfied their needs.
35. In all your plays be sure to write at least one impossible thing. And don't let your director talk you out of it.
36. A writer cannot live without an authentic voice -- the place where you are the most honest, most lyrical, most complete, most creative and new. That's what you're striving to find. But the authentic voice doesn't know how to write, any more than gasoline knows how to drive. But driving is impossible without fuel and writing is impossible without the heat and strength of your authentic voice. Learning to write well is the stuff of workshops. Learning good habits and practicing hard. But finding your authentic voice as a writer is your business, your journey -- a private, lonely, inexact, painful, slow and frustrating voyage. Teachers and mentors can only bring you closer to that voice. With luck and time, you'll get there on your own.