#((It's just so hard to do what I want to do because I worry and procrastinate.))
Could I have a matchup? I'm ace and panromantic. I'm an ENTP 5w4. I am currently studying engineering, however, had it not been for parental pressure, I would've chosen psychology. I'm a quick learner and love learning as much as I can about a variety of topics, but tend to get side tracked a lot. I'd like to think of myself to be very open minded and not firm in my opinions. This also leads to having a tough time while making decisions. I work best under pressure, or rather, I work only when there is pressure lol. I tend to procrastinate a lot but work very hard when the situation calls for it.
I tend to live in my headspace a lot and am often detached from my surroundings and randomly zone out between conversations. I'm not comfortable with talking about my emotions at all, but I'm always willing to have others vent to me/ask for advice. I have a hard time staying angry at people/holding grudges. I don't have a fixed personality, it unintentionally changes to suit the person I'm talking to. I'm extremely non confrontational and shy away from conflict a lot.
While I won't consider engineering my passion, I do like robotics and often try building some of my own. I also like art, but I'm more comfortable with the traditional method than digital. I also play a few video games, although I'm not too much into them. As for my dislikes, I utterly dislike conflict of any sort having grown up in a pretty turbulent household. I also dislike cloudy weather, cluttered workspaces and insects. Of any sort. Just hate them.
Sorry for any errors and I hope this wasn't too long. Thank you so much!
I match you with...
You're the kind of person that tends to avoid conflict. It's hard to make a decision when there's just so many options in front of you. There is just so much that you want to explore and want to try out that it's hard to pin down everything. You have a lot of passions that you enjoy but you can always explore them. Because the people around you tend to make you second-guess yourself and doubt everything that you love. That's not always the best thing in the world and while you're aware of it, but it's not always easy to be able to fight back against that sort of thing.
You tend to flip-flop between your feelings now and again because you're not sure how to react with everyone around you. You're looking for someone that just understands you at face value and lets you do what you're happy with. That's why the best choice at the end of the day for someone like you is a man who is steadfast. You need Yoosung in your life because you’re both at a place where you’re pleasing others and not yourself.
When you're both together it feels like you can explore your passions and you don't have to feel ashamed of them. He can explore his cooking and you can read as much as you want without having someone breathing down your neck. He's just like a breath of fresh air when he's with you. You feel at peace because there's nothing to worry about and he's supporting you the way you're supporting him. It's a relationship built upon mutual understanding. There’s nothing chaotic with him, just holding hands and enjoying your day.
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Hey there, congratulations on 100 followers!! I’m so happy that you’re receiving the growth you deserve.May I get a matchup of yours? With a male student character or a younger pro hero/villain like dabi or hawks
My pronouns are she/her and I’m a straight female, my MBTI type is INFP and my zodiac sign is Pisces.
I’m around 5’3 and I have long dark brown/black hair the underside of which has been bleached to a light brown and dark brown eyes, my skin tone is kind of tannish. I’m on the slender side, I also wear glasses. I usually style based on comfort but I do like the dark academia aesthetic.
I’m an introvert and it usually takes me a while to open up to people but when I do open up, i would like to believe I’m quite talkative. I have a hard time making friends and I tend to stutter and jumble up on my words if I’m talking to someone unfamiliar for the first time as a result of which l usually just keep my mouth shut and avoid the embarrassment. I like having my alone time but I also like spending time with people I cherish. I also space out and daydream a lot. I’m a pretty lazy person and procrastinate a lot 😭😭 but if it’s something I like and I’m passionate about then I work really hard and try to do my best. I have a horrible sense of humour and I end up laughing at the most inappropriate times 😭✋I’m also not the most patient person but I’m working on it🥲.I like animals, watching romcoms, kind and helpful people 🥺, spicy food, conspiracy theories , coffee, singing and listening to music, sleeping and going on long drives. I dislike mean and judgemental people,Human and animal abuse, I’m terrified of spiders.
In my s/o I look for someone who’s easy to talk to and conversation just flows in easily. I want to be able to be comfortable and safe around them. Someone who’s caring and supportive and has a good sense of humour. My love language is quality time and words of affirmation and maybe when I’m comfortable in the relationship physical touch. My idea of dates can be watching a movie at home, going to an amusement park but I’d be open to anything.
Thankyou so much, I’m sorry if it’s too much or too less, I’m so excited to see who you’ll pair me with 💞
Hello, how are you?! And thank you so much for your kind words!! And no worries about the length, because that is what I’m looking for in order to accurately give you your Match Up!!💞💞
Results Down Below!! I hope you like them!!
To begin with, your quirk is:
User can create, shape, enter and manipulate the dreams of oneself and others, including modifying, suppressing, fabricating, influencing, manifesting, sensing, and observing dreams as well as nightmares, daydreams, etc., possibly including past ones. They can produce and modify dreams, bestow nightmares or lucid dreaming, entrap people in REM, and promote spiritual/emotional healing within dreams.
My Reasoning for your quirk:
Based on what you have told me, you often tend to daydream, space out, and lose focus from what you are originally doing. This is where the idea of your quirk sparked in my mind. You would have the power to manipulate dreams, daydreams, thoughts/ideas, nightmares, etc., in which it may sound kind of dull, but in reality comes in quite hand that not many people may have placed a lot of thinking.
Imagine this, you are against your opponent, and they are strategizing how to take you down, but little did they know you sneaked in their mind and began alternating their thought process, to the point they begin panicking on what they are even suppose to do, you get them distracted enough in their own head and BAM, you have the victory.
This quirk will also help you develop more patience, and be more opened minded because for this quirk you would need an imagination, in which I firmly believe you do have, and if you train hard enough, you can even make your thoughts/ideas/dreams come to life and have them aid you during combat.
Now for your Match Up:
My Reasoning for your Match Up:
Kirishima is very outspoken, outgoing, and a gentleman, he knows right from wrong, and has a great sense of justice.
He is someone who will work hard to achieve his dreams, in which one of his important dreams, is for you to be his reality. (People, I’m going off in how I’m this cheesy ahahhahaha *ahem* back to the match up!)
When he first saw you, he thought you were a daydream, ethereal, because your beauty and personality is all what he is looking for in a partner.
He would be very flustered when he first met you, stuttering along his own words, nervous on how you would perceive him as ‘manly’ enough, but little did he know you saw him as the man of your dreams. (ONG I’m on a roll with these pick up lines!!)
When you first demonstrated your quirk to the other Pros, you asked for a volunteer, and for him in order to get close to you, he raises his hand confidently with a smile on his face.
You happily agreed and explained to him what to do, in which he followed along to your instructions.
You began by giving him a peaceful daydream, calming, soothing, relaxing, in which it was visible how relaxed he was, and then you changed the setting into a sad, then frustrating, and back to a happy one, in which everyone was amazed by the power you held.
You especially made a grand impression on Kirishima, then he became smitten by how powerful you are, how creative your mind is, and your beauty!
He would ask you out in a rather intimate and quiet setting, most likely will invite you to have a picnic with him at the park, in which you happily agreed.
You two had your picnic, and that is where he began confessing once you have finished your meals.
He was rather shy, growing flustered with a hint of nervousness on what you will reply to him, expecting a rejection since he tends to have a low self-esteem.
However, he feels that he arrived to cloud 9, when you returned the feelings, and you confessed yourself that you love him.
He will be smiling happily, potentially with a tear escaping him because he is so relieved and happy that the woman he loves, is finally his, and you two are now official 🥺🤧💞💞💞💞💗💗💗.
Kirishima is a talkative and humorous person, who is open to many discussions. You will never have a dull conversation with this man.
He will make sure that he is not overstepping your boundaries, by asking you first what you’re comfortable with.
He puts passion in everything he does, and he admires that about you as well since it is a trait you both share, and he isn’t a lazy person, so that lazy side of you will be gone thanks to him.
I believe he is a morning person, since he enjoys working out early and getting things done soon.
He would waking you up with his cuddles, his hand giving you gentle head pats while kissing that pretty face of yours he dearly adores, waking you up from your slumber so you may both begin your morning routine as a couple.
He would do work-outs that you feel comfortable doing, afterwards making breakfast together, and completing the responsibilities you both have for the day, in order to have the afternoon available to go on long drives and watch a movie at the movie theater.
Afterwards, you two would stop by at your favorite restaurant that serves your favorite spicy food, then a stop at the coffee shop with the calming music surrounding the atmosphere that sets the mood for a peaceful date night.
Lastly, you two would drive back home and sing karaoke in the living room of your shared home, and then get ready for cuddles on the shared bed, with his loving embrace soothing you towards your slumber, and he will follow along, with your night filled with happy dreams.
However, Kirishima suffers from depression, in which includes having nightmares from time to time, and this is where you come in with your quirk.
You are able to manipulate his nightmares, by giving him a more uplifting/happy one, that will calm him down, and put him at ease, because he knows that you are always with him, in the physical and dream realities.
You will even see him smiling softly subconsciously because he knows it was you who rescued him, you are his hero.
He completely understands when someone needs their personal space, and he will happily give you your needed space. However, if he feels that you have been acting not as your usual self, he will grow worried and will do one of the following:
He will politely check up on you and ask what is wrong, and he will comfort you with words of encouragement, physical affection like cuddles and kisses.
He will listen to you while comforting you, staying quiet to allow you to vent out what is on your mind.
He will give you his opinion/ advice if you ask for it, and will comfort you while doing so.
He is an absolute angel who will genuinely love and cherish you dearly, because you are his significant other. He will be very supportive and caring, making sure you feel safe and sound, and overall, make you feel loved!!
You are his dream come true🥺🤧💗💗💗
Best Friends: Izuku Midorya, Shoto Todoroki, and Kyoka Jirou
Muchas Gracias/ Thank you so much for requesting!!
I hope you like your results!! I enjoyed doing this for you!!
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May 6, 2021
Okay there’s one thing I want to try this summer and that’s getting a sleeve of random temporary tattoos (you know, like those ones that you dab with water and they stay on for like a week) and having them peek out the top of my shirt onto my neck because idk I’m an adult and that just-- I feel like it’d look so cool idk.
Also, went to check on my classes for next sem bc I’m curious and procrastinating something and my anthro class is filled, they opened up the biochem sections to 100 seats each, my physical and cell bio sections are both full (there are some physics sections with huge openings (ex. 19/24 open) but it’s probably bc they have three-hour labs that end at 9 pm. Ain’t nobody wanna be up in lab 6-9 pm???), and there are 7 seats left open in my theatre class which will likely be filled by the last few stragglers in course registration (which I think ends next week?).
Girl I’m procrastinating so hard I built a GPA calculator let me go do what I need to do.
Today I’m thankful that I can do the bare minimum in my organismal bio class and still get that A. Like, I don’t even need to take the third unit exam next week (and ain’t no way I’m taking the final), and all I need is a 13/20 on this next homework assignment (which we get two attempts on and I’m pretty sure you see which questions you got wrong the first go round), at minimum and I’m basically finished with that trash class. I know I haven’t talked about it much but that’s because the class is more of an annoyance than anything. Busywork to the brim, I tell ya. And I’ve been doing great on all these group learning assignments (frankly,,,,, the TA sends us feedback if we send it to her early and she’ll tell us what’s wrong/where to find the correct answers/what the correct answers literally are and we send her a revised version and bam 10/10) literally without even watching the corresponding lecture(s) (assuming the prof has even posted the lecture by the time we have to do the learning assignment ugh) and there aren’t any weekly quizzes so I’ve no motivation to watch the lectures on time especially because they may not even be posted on time so I just stopped bothering to look.
Anyway. This wasn’t meant to be a rant. I’m thankful that I took this trash class online where it was easy and I could take the exams open note. I’m thankful that despite the fact that I knew the class was trash, I still put in the effort in the beginning to ensure that I’d be able to get a decent grade even if I started to slip by the end (which,,,,,,,,, I ain’t gon lie, I have totally started to slip). So uh, go off Past!Nina (and a hello to Future!Nina as well! sorry for the boring entry lol).
aight lemme go work on this lab report so I can get to office hours tomorrow and ask questions about sig figs and all that jazz (though tbh I doubt that this report will take all that long, it’s just that this one requires some extra writing and formatting, but I’m a literal pro at last-minute writing (which is a bad thing, mind you, because it encourages last-minute writing), and I’ve come to love using Excel because it makes these reports so easy and also I don’t have to worry about dumb calculation errors if I use a formula bc I won’t miss decimals or add extra zeros or what have you so it’ll be fine).
Non-despair Chihimondo fic!
I should've finished it SUPER long time ago but you know me, I'm a procrastinating bitch.
Triggers: He/him Chihiro
3rd person POV
They just finished their little training session. It wasn't too intense, although they train for quite a while Mondo doesn't want Chihiro to overdo it.
This time he was more distracted than ever.
"Chihiro?" passing him a bottle of water Mondo wasn't sure what was going on but he could see that something was wrong.
"Y-yes?" he drifted away from his thoughts. Worried Mondo continued going with the most general question "Is somethin' wrong? You seem a bit distracted"
The question caught him off Guard "Ah... Uhm.. I just realized something" he said blushing "But you don't need to worry about it really haha... Can we change the topic?"
Well if this wasn't suspicious Mondo wouldn't know what is, however he doesn't want to force his friend to say something he isn't comfortable with "Alright... But just so you know, you can tell me anythin' I won't judge you" he smiled at him wich caused Chihiro's heart to skip a bit. He smiled back and nodded.
The atmosphere was akward, but in a wholesome way. There was a bit of silence before they decided to go back to the dorms. But before they entered the building Chihiro got suddenly enough courage to say it. He stopped at his tracks making Mondo look at him and he said "I think I'm ready to tell you another secret"
"Yeah?" he could feel how nervous Chihiro was and he could feel himself getting a bit nervous as well.
"I... Like you" he held Mondo's hand and looked in his eyes. Chihiro was ready for rejection, Mondo didn't know how to react. Programmer's determined look for answer wasn't making it easier for him to respond. He smiled unconsciously however no words could come out of his mouth for first few seconds.
"Mondo?" he tilted his head.
"Wait... You mean-"
"Don't make me repeat it!"
"Please, I want to hear it again"
Chihiro sighs but still repeats "I like you... In a romantic way" he was rather proud that he didn't stutter this time. Still didn't change the fact that he was indeed nervous. After few seconds Mondo chuckled "I guess we feel the same way huh? And here I was worried over nothin'"
Chihiro sat in the cafeteria along with his other classmates thinking about everything that happened recently. He was lost in thought thinking about his confession.
So far people don't know just yet about his secret... Well everyone besides his boyfriend- Mondo. Their relationship however wasn't something nobody knew about.
"Do you mind if I ask who confessed? How did it went?" Sayaka asked and Aoi followed up with "When did you even get to spend time together? I never saw you two talk much" Chihiro was getting slowly uncomfortable with all those questions and so Mondo had to step in "Can't you see that she doesn't wanna talk about it?" he glared at the girls "We're sorry. It's just that we're a bit curious that's all" Sayaka said with rather calm voice.
"Whatever just leave her alone"
"Wow if you aren't protective" Aoi teased
"Is it bad that I care about my girlfriend?" Mondo's voice was suddenly calm when he said it, he doesn't want to reveal Chihiro's secret on accident expecially because he was angry. He wasn't ready just yet and didn't tell Mondo that he's planning to do so soon. Until that Mondo won't say a word so he tries to keep his temper in check.
"Alright noted, but sooner or later you gotta tell us! But we're gonna leave you two alone" Sayaka added last comment before her and Aoi decided leave the table.
"Sheesh I didn't realize it would make such a fuss" as he sighed Mondo put his hand on Chihiro's shoulder "Are you okay?"
"Nothing really bad happened so I guess I'm okay" if there was something brighter than sunlight itself it was Chihiro's smile. It was also hard to not smile yourself when you see how happy he is so it definitely affected Mondo and mood of their conversation.
"By the way... Are we going to train today?"
"Well I thought about doin' something different today... If you don't mind"
"Huh? Do you mean a date?"
"O-oh" Chihiro let out a small laugh "F-for a couple we're still quite akward aren't we? But yeah! I'd love to"
"Alright so let's meet at our usual spot and go from there!"
"You mean you already planned everything!?"
"I have something in mind"
Chihiro was impressed, he thought that now was the time for them to discuss their soon date but turns out that Mondo was prepared. Now he was excited to see what's going to happen.
Waiting in front of the school gates Chihiro was still as excited as he was few hours ago when Mondo invited him out. He tried to guess what his boyfriend could think of but there were just so much possibilities...
It's definitely something casual, if it wasn't Mondo would give him directions to wear something specific. But still the list of possibilities is endless! He didn't have to wait long for his boyfriend to arrive so at least the suspense wasn't killing him.
The two were walking around and Chihiro couldn't believe how impatient he was, but that could be expected... After all it's his first date! Upon realizing it his confidence dropped a bit and Mondo wasn't indifferent to it.
"Are ya feelin' alright?"
"Um- Yeah I just... am a little bit nervous that's all" he avoids eye contact at all costs, he wasn't lying but it would just feel akward to face him... But this doesn't make things any better.
"We're almost there"
"Oh- that's nice" the awkward tension stays but only for a short while.
The date spot Mondo picked turned out to be an icerink, thus awkwardness was replaced with anxiety.
"I... Um... I can't exactly... Uh-"
"It's not as hard as it looks, you'll get it" he believed in his partner and his wide smile gave Chihiro enough confidence to try. Is it weird to fall in love with your partner every time you see each other smile? If it is call them both weird since that's how they felt.
After renting and putting on the ice skates Chihiro slowly makes his way towards the rink with Mondo supporting him all the way. Being this close made their hears beat the same beat... That was few times faster than their regular one. It was a sign that that date will surely be exciting one.
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Im not even gonna go anonymous anymore. Arghh asking for another request makes me feel guilty knowing you have an essay due so i'll just present you a little prompt!
Being immortal and outliving people you love, you know the drill. It must be sad and lonely. But you know what i feel like would be devastating? Just imagine Teyvat in a time loop. Meeting your friends for the first time, getting know them, hearing their plans and ambitions, sticking with them through dark times, falling in love... Reader just happens to be the one to witness all of it over and over and over again.
Don’t worry about it! I’m horrifically avoiding it right now. I’ll probably have some lunch and do some more of it after lunch. I’m talking about things I enjoy so hopefully it wont take up too much of my brain and we’re going to ignore the graphic novel I have to create in 2 weeks too lmao I’m a professional procrastinator
I have a bit of an idea with this so I hope you don’t mind it being platonic and with the Mondstat guys either. I’m going to reference a previous set of headcanons where you’re the leader of the winds. The two writings aren’t related relationship wise though.
Pairings; (Platonic) people of Mondstat x reader
Keep reading under the cut!
You had done this cycle millions of times before. Before you even became the leader of the winds, when you were just a small spirit. Much like your friend Barbatos.
And while the archon of this land could sleep for thousands of years at a time you had elected to protect his people from the dangers that the god of freedom was too asleep to do anything about. And in fairness you can understand why Barbatos has been asleep many a time to avoid his brain contaminating with similar ideals to Decrabain. You can’t blame him really...
But you’re so horrifically lonely. And it’s not like you’re surrounded by an absence of people. In reality you often find yourself over compensating for your loneliness. Nights are often spent in the tavern conversing with mortals that you can’t quite understand.
You half wish you could ascend to Celestia, at least there you can be merry with fellow immortals and not have the constant threat of losing a friend dear.
You have known the Ragnvindr family for many generations. It’s not like they are hard to notice. Bright red hair and, more often than not, a sweet, bubbly personality. Not many of the Ragnvindr’s have been blessed with visions, but they all make their way through life the best way possible. And while they seem to show similar thought processes to the previous anemo archon, especially considering the fact they basically own the alcohol industry in Mondstat, and more recently Teyvat in her entirety. But when you see the family treating their employee’s so well and with a great wage you can’t help but think maybe humanity can move past the age of dictators. Or at least the humans of Mondstat.
The newest Ragnvindr, Diluc had always caught your eye. You had helped babysit both him and his brother while you weren’t busy reminiscing in memories of old mondstat and slaying monsters of your home. The air of change hangs heavy on the air when you’re around them, it seems like the winds you lead are trying to tell you something that you can’t yet decipher.
Until the day comes when you can. Seeing a broken, sobbing Diluc shut you out of his home not only made you sad. But, it infact reminded you that you shouldn’t get too close to mortals. For, like your friend Crepus’, mortal life is fleeting.
You’ve seen many stories over the years, but there’s only so many times you can hear the same story before they all meld together.
Take Amber for instance, decided to become an Outrider because of her Grandfather. How many times had you heard that story? Someones grandfather joined the knights and inspired them? Too many to count. And as much as you want to remember Ambers story, you already know, like all the others, her memory will meld with the others.
Kaeya’s story isn’t one you’ll forget quickly, especially when the deeds of Khaenri'ah weigh heavy on your mind. Though you have seen a small handful of changing of alliance stories in your lifetime his is probably the one that’ll stick the most. Especially when the memory of him crying in your arms after the man he considered a father died.
There’s this one young girl you remember from centuries ago. She reminds you of Barbara a lot. Carefree, loves the people she works for. Just this girl was born a few millennia too early. She was apart of the Windblume resistance alongside the bard Barbatos fashioned himself after. You had attempted to smuggle the girl out the fortress many a time yet she always wanted to help.
Sometimes when you watch Barbara sing you can’t help but cry over a girl you considered your first friend after becoming leader of the winds. Barbara is under the impression that you hate her because of how you avoid the girl. But being constantly reminded of someone you couldn’t save in the end makes you so sad. You’re not sure how Barbatos copes with donning the face of a friend when you can barely look at the face of someone who reminds you of a lost friend.
Razor sits fondly on your mind. He reminds you of the people you did actually save in old Mondstat. You remember checking in on a handful of refugees that you had to hide in old caves and how easily they had climatized to foraging for food. Whenever you see Razor you’re reminded of another young boy who went missing millennia ago who was later found to have been raised by bears.
Through the centuries you’ve become good at pairing up couples. You seem to be able to point out people who will later enter a marriage. You’re not sure if soulmates and reincarnation exists, but that’s your only explanation being able to point to couples so easily.
You wonder for an immortal like yourself would be blessed with a soulmate. Especially considering you weren’t originally in a humanoid form. Maybe there’s some thousand wind out there for you that you’ll never be able to meet and fall for because of this form.
Your mind stretches to Barbatos whenever you think this but you never let yourself linger on it for too long. Lord Barbatos doesn’t like commitment, and you’re very much content with that, yes sir.
Your eyes often linger on Rosaria as you often ponder if she thinks she’s the only nun to have strayed from typical nun doings. You remember telling a small Rosaria tales of Decrabains nuns and how they helped with the resistance against the tyrant. You wonder if that’s what gave her the idea to stray from typical nunnery.
You smile upon Lisa fondly, a bright young woman with aspirations as high as the stars. Much like Rosaria you remember telling a young Lisa about alchemy and sorcery. She had such a knack for it, and seeing the woman return after only two years of study was a little disheartening. But you’re sure there will be people after her who will have similar aspirations with better outcomes. It’s not unlike you’ve seen people scurry their lives away in the pursuit of knowledge. You can understand her want for a different life.
As much as it hurts you in the end most, if not all, the people of Mondstat have buried themselves in your heart. And like you have done countless times before you’ll have to move on from them once you’re dead, no matter how much it hurts. Your mind ponders to Adeptus Xiao of Liyue. He’s under a similar curse to you. The curse of being alone while being surrounded by people. You wonder if that’s why Xiao has distanced himself from mortals.
And as much as you feel like you should take a page out of his book, you find yourself falling in love with Mondstat’s citizens over and over again.
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hey DX!! Hope everything is good. I have been recently struggling with a severe amount of anxiety and low moods due to university and the pressure of the webinars where there's group work and discussions. I feel like if I didn't have so much debates and group projects I would be so much happier but right now it's a constant stress which makes me spend all day w a migraine and anxiety. It's making me so miserable but it feels so silly to worry about what people think of me (P1)
P2: I am just not sure like I want to just stop caring and avoid these group scenarios so that I don't have to feel anxious anymore... But that in itself makes me feel embarrassed and guilty. I just want the migraine and anxiety to stop I can't rest (not even on the weekends I just worry about the webinars that are inevitable). It's like, I can't let myself do anything else but worry and plan and worry (and it results in me procrastinating and doing nothing). Eurgh it's just so hard my brain.
hey dx, i just want to say i reached out for help externally. pls ignore my last two asks it's quite heavy i feel and i'm sure you have your own things to be doing haha. please take care i love you !
I’m glad you got some support! I didn’t forget about your messages, but I saw your reply that you got help before I could write back. I hope you’re doing a little better now.
I hope you took some time out to look after yourself, and that there are less webinars and things setting off your stress now. Is there any way you can play less of a role in the webinars if they are stressing you out?
It’s not uncommon to feel overhwelmed, especially with everyhing going on. Please don’t blame yourself. Anxiety is a difficult beast - it can hit suddenly and out of nowhere, and it can grumble along, making you feel absolutely rubbish for a long time.
The annoying thing about anxiety, is it’s often the buildup and fear of something that’s worse than the thing itself - it ends up making us feel more anxious because we hate how we feel in the buildup. I hope you have access to counselling or perhaps medications that can help you deal with the more unpleasant symptoms of feeling anxious.
I hope that the rest of your course is easier on you and that your anxiety gets under control soon. Take care!
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“hellooo, could i req a ship with nct, got7 and bp ,,, i’m an enfp-t and a libra, i’m like 5’4 and a half and i speak two languages. my love language is physical touch and i’m really clingy to my close friends and i just need to be touching somEONE all the time. i have really shitty mental health and i feel like that affects my personality a lot like i’m really extroverted but i’m also kinda quiet cos my anxiety won’t let me do anything HAHAHAHA i also get uncomfortable kinda easily and i’m hella awkward. i try really hard to be nice and i’d say i’m pretty observant, im really good at listening to others and giving advice and i think i’m funny ??-$-@:&/&. i really like listening to music and honestly i js want someone to make playlists for. i love traveling like the feeling of being in a foreign place where no one knows you is one of my favourite feelings. i’m pretty wild and down for anything but my personality varies so much depending on my mood. i’m really empathetic and i love deep conversations and i could talk the night away if i’m talking to the right person. i’ve lwk been thru a lot of shit and so it takes me a while to actually let my walls down and be able to be vulnerable so that’s really fun ajdhkahs sorry this was so long hahah but thankyouu bubs”
@haechanstyles hellooo bubs thank you for requesting and waiting patiently! normally i wouldnt really accept nct with other groups in a ship but you’re lucky i’m procrastinating haha anyways, i hope you like your ships ! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡♡
in nct, i ship you with… haechan!
hyuck is the perfect match for you oml firstly, he’s a gemini which makes him compatible astrologically-wise with you. secondly, he’s also an enfp so the both of you share similar mindsets and values, making it easier for the both of you to bond. hyuck loVVESS skinship so you can bet that the both of you needs to have contact with the other at all times, may it be subtly or not. i think there’ll even be a time where the both of you try to annoy each other with how clingy you are to the other but tbh the real winners here are the two of you. haechan is pretty extroverted and outgoing; even if you get quiet and awkward at first, this kid will just not stop talking and you’ll find it difficult to not be entertained by the many stories he has to offer. hyuck loves music too and he’d really appreciate it when you make playlists for him, i think he’d reciprocate by serenading you songs in the playlist you made for him. honestly, under that outgoing and charismatic layer, i think hyuck is a pretty good conversationalist and he’s such an easy guy to talk to. with him, you’ll never run out of things to talk about. although he can joke and fool around a lot, hyuck certainly knows when to draw the line when it comes to something serious. if anything is for certain, you don’t have to worry about not being able to connect with hyuck because he sounds literally like your counterpart (wait i just realised your acc tag is haechan ahdiahdkd i swear it’s a coincidence)
in got7, i ship you with… jackson!
with most of got7 being an earth sign, jackson was the most compatible with you as he is an aries. in terms of mbti, he’s an enfj, which means the two of you likely share the same alignment of values and interests. because of such similarities, it’s easy for you to get to know to each other better and build common ground. the both of you seek a deep and meaningful connection with the people around you. there are also likely barely any quarrels between you two as since you’re both an intuitive feeling (NF) type, you would imagine yourselves in each other’s shoes and tend to shower the other with compassion. jackson will really try to understand you and make sure he knows what’s wrong, especially when you get quiet. and boy if he hears people being unfair to you, he would not hesitate to be very protective and pull up his fists. he’s generally an easy person to get along with, and you wouldnt doubt that for a second. jackson travels a lot so he’d bring you to places where he knows you’ll like a lot, especially places outside of the city centres, so that you can experience the vastness of the countryside. like hyuck, jackson knows when to be serious and when to goof off. no matter what you need, jackson aims to be your pillar of support, never leaving your side
in blackpink, i ship you with… rosé!
in terms of astrology, rosé is an aquarius, which gels well with the fact that you’re a libra. this is further compounded by the fact that the both of you are enfps: like hyuck, this means the both you share the same values and interests. you both are compassionate, empathetic, idealistic and aim to better those around you to the best of your abilities. seeking a deep and emotional connection, it wouldn’t be difficult either for the two of you to bond. i think rosé will appreciate you creating playlists for her too, and she might even want to join in the fun too hence why the both of you have a collaborative playlist. sometimes she’ll be even cheeky and add particular songs in the playlist so that it’ll spell out a certain hidden meaning (i.e ‘i love you’ or something random like ‘let’s make a tiktok together’. rosé is pretty much a well-known figure around the world, so it would be difficult to travel together without having anyone recognise the both of you. that’s why two of you would come up with this whack-ass plan to disguise rosé such that she won’t be noticeable in public: putting on a ridiculous wig, draping her in tacky clothes and just having a laugh out of it. she’ll also love to show you around australia and new zealand, especially when there are so many picturesque and tranquil places there (so you’ll get to enjoy your own privacy without having to deal with anyone). being with rosé helps you breaks your walls down and she has grown to become your safe zone. with her, you don’t feel as insecure, scared and vulnerable; that’s because she just brings out the best in you
GIFs not mine! credits to respective owners
I keep promising to attempt to return to regular posting and then not really doing it, don't I? XP
Well, hopefully this time I mean it. I do want to. And whether you guys can tell or not, I have made some behind-the-scenes strides towards being able to. One of the things pushing me this time though is I'm mad at myself that I neglected to post really anything substantial in March, which is going to mess up how I end up filling out this year's Art Summary in December/January time. That probably sounds like a silly thing to be worried about, but...I don't know. I like having at least one thing to show per month that shows what I did during the year. It's like a super-extended checklist of, "Yeah, I did something that month!"
Anyway. I thought maybe posting something like this--A bit more than my usual WIP Wednesday of empty promises--would help hold me more accountable...and now you can also see I'm not kidding when I say I have a backlog of stuff I haven't posted yet. XD Some of my be familiar, some of it I've mentioned once or twice before, some of it is totally new to you guys...and some of it was technically "backlog" even before my unintentional off-again on-again hiatus. But I've blurred the names since some of the titles aren't finalized and a few I'd like to keep as a tiny bit of a surprise. ;)
As for the WIP Side, technically most of what you see is also backlog now, but it hasn't been scanned in yet, so I'm withholding "backlog" status until then. Still, you can see I have finally finished the Art Snacks piece I've shown actually WIPs for twice now, a funny little cat drawing I've said nothing about, the PRINTED PROOF FOR THE NAPOWRIMO BOOK! :D, and underneath all that is the planner I set up to...help me keep track while playing catch in Animal Crossing.
Yes, part of my absence initially included not playing AC:NH since mid-November, and then more recently was because of me trying to catch up in-game between when I stopped playing and the present day.
Now, the NaPo Book is probably the most exciting thing for obvious reasons. And while I don't want to drag out the details too much here (I fully intend on doing a separate post about that), I will say that I now understand A. Why there's usually a whole team of people behind making a book and not just one person; and B. Why we order proof copies before putting the thing up for sale. Because somehow a handful of mistakes made it past me and at least three other people I had look at the book before ordering the proof. XP
Something also kind of exciting is I do have a small assortment of supplies that I'm almost done swatching (which yes I have totally been procrastinating on) and will then need testing, which means viable excuses to make yet more art to add to the pile!
Of course, then the problem becomes getting myself to sit down and write out all the descriptions for said art. I know technically I don't have to, but I like having that written record of what I did most of the time--because I do revisit my old descriptions sometimes to replicate the process for a new piece--and I personally don't like how some artists make these big elaborate pieces and then have nothing to say about how they made it other than how long it took. To me, there's something humanizing about explaining the process, so to just skip it altogether would just feel wrong to me. Although considering how not wanting to physically put in the effort to do that has held me back, I may experiment with not going into quite as much detail or otherwise trying to streamline my process a bit. (And admittedly some pieces have been in my backlog so long I don't fully remember all the details...which is exactly why I try very hard to get the descriptions done sooner rather than later.)
And you know, in some ways it may look or feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up in one way or another, but I've realized that when I really get in the mood to sit down and dedicate time to something, sometimes I actually like having a looming pile staring at me. Part of the reason I hadn't played AC in so long was I was a bit burnout and kinda bored with it, but having so much to do to catch up really reignited that fire in me. The game felt like it had purpose again.
While we're on realizations, I probably don't have to tell a lot of you that I'm still in the camp that a lot of my life and my mental health is just better and more enjoyable when social media is not in it. Extra so for Twitter, in particular. Do you know how much nicer it is to only have to check my very small list of "favorites" to see what they're up to, which takes about 5, maybe 10 minutes at a time, and not feel like I owe it to any of them to interact with their tweets? [Because most of them are too big to even notice me anyway, but I digress] That is SO much better than the endless home feed scrolling of hundreds of people, lots of whom I don't even follow they just show up because people I follow, follow them (which I want to turn all the way off so badly but I can't because that's not how Twitter works) and half of which is content I. Could Not. Possibly. Care less about.
I like Twitter for news on content creators that can't easily post a small status update to Youtube or whatever. I DO NOT like Twitter for Social Media. AT ALL.
Seriously. I opened myself up to posting pictures of my cats over there, and it's STILL not enough to keep me posting and engaging regularly. That's how bad it is.
Ahem. My little rant aside, I have thus decided since the Twitter Game™ does more harm than good to me, in general I'm just not going to play it anymore. I'll post my art over there and other stuff when I feel like it, but otherwise, I'm just captial-D Done With It until further notice. It's just better that way.
Speaking of games, you may all be surprised to know I've been chipping away at a little video project [about a game] while all this has been going on, too. The NaPo Book comes first, but I'm hoping to have some serious headway on the video done, if not have it finished, by mid-June/July. I've mostly been bouncing around various software trying to find one that can do everything I need on a budget of exactly $0, and the good news is I think I've finally landed on one...which I'll spare you the details of for now. Once the video is closer to being a reality, then we'll delve more into that.
So...yeah, that's what's been cooking in the metaphorical Mystic Kitchen. And I tell you guys all of this to 1. Hopefully be the first of that "regular posting" I want to do (still looking at once a week, which I've said probably 500 times before now), and 2. Putting it out there, as I alluded to before, will hopefully be like me signing a contract with myself. "You said you were going to do the thing, so do it."
And with that, I suppose I should end this here since this description is surely long enough already, and get back to work on some of that stuff so I'll be more likely to follow through with it, yeah? ;)
See you soon, I hope
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I know something is wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is
I know that there is something mentally off with be but I can seem to figure out what it is. I don’t seem to fit into many common disorders such as depression, adhd, ocd, etc. I’ll start off by explaining some of my unusual thought/behaviors.(This is gonna be quite long)
My perfectionism: I always feel like everything has to be perfect and am constantly trying to work towards a perfect future or moment. I often sacrifice the present for something in the future. One time when I was younger, I decided that I need to have the perfect summer so I did everything I could think of that would prepare me for and improve the quality of my summer. Part of this included having the lawn look perfect so bbqs and cookouts would be more perfect. So what did I do? I attempted to pick out every twig, pinecone, dead leaf, or rock out of the grass... by hand. I did about 2 square feet and gave up. I would never waste my time nowadays doing something so stupid but I still have the same feeling of trying to make everything absolutely perfect
This also correlates with how I feel about people’s views of me. I feel like I have to be perfect in everyone’s eyes and will go out of my way to show my good qualities and hide the bad ones. I am currently trying to become good at so many different hobbies such as piano, ukulele, singing, dancing, art, and learning multiple languages at the same time. I do this so I can feel an inner sense of perfection as well as being able to show everyone how “perfect I am”.
My social anxiety: I most likely have moderate social anxiety but have never gotten it professionally diagnosed as I am too scared to tell anyone cause I don’t want them to think something is wrong with me or worry about me.
Sometimes I feel hideous and that I’ll never be considered pretty making me want to hide forever, but sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like I am hot shit. I think about how I naturally look good and once I do a couple of things to my appearance I will look perfect and make everyone jealous.
I am over sensitive and the smallest thing can send me spiraling down into a full on mental breakdown. The smallest innocent comment or even expression can make me start thinking that I am worthless and think about everything wrong with me and my life. I always hold in my breakdowns to when I’m by myself so nobody will know. On the other hand, a couple things in a row go good and I become so happy and think about how great my life is. Sometimes I even skip or dance around room.
I can’t figure out who I want to be. I have a hard time figuring out my own morals and how I want to act. I can’t choose what job I want to have because honestly almost all jobs seem unappealing to me. I also can’t even figure out my own style or aesthetic. I want so have a special, special style and vibe but every time I think I decided on one I change my mind the next week. I feel like I need to choose one but want to be part of many different ones.
I am highly empathetic and am super good at reading people. I feel like I am able to tell so much about people and their intentions very quickly and easily. I can usually easily tell if someone is up to no good and not to trust them and I can usually tell when people are lying. I can tell who is truly loyal and who not to trust immediately. I often get gut feelings about certain people telling to just stay away from them. I often feel this about some “popular” people. Everyone else seems to love them and is pulled to them but I get a weird vibe from them and stay away from them. Often times I later discover that my instinct was right when I find out that they do bad things or have had “incidents”.
I can’t seem to do anything lately. Even though my grades are super important to me I can’t seem to find the motivation to do my schoolwork. I procrastinate all day and come up with plans on how I will catch up, but never actually execute those plans. I have even started many new hobbies that I really want to be good at but have not been practicing because I waste all day on my phone and doing random things.
I like feeling sad. I sometimes feel good when something triggers me into a breakdown to the point of curling up in a ball in my bathroom floor with the lights off and door locked The bathroom is the only place I feel safe like no one will see me and the lights have to be off so I can’t see my ugly face in the mirror. When this happens I usually put on my favorite sad songs to make me even more sad and If I am not crying hard enough I will try to remember even more things to make me upset. Also, I went through a phase a couple years ago where a genuinely felt depressed, but I now miss that feeling. Maybe I just like feeling sad because it is better than feeling empty.
I have a hard time getting close to people and maintaining relationships. When I finally become friends with someone it generally doesn’t last a long time. Our relationship usually just slowly fades to the point where we rarely talk anymore. I think this is partly because I have a hard time putting in the effort to maintain them without feeling drained. I have a couple close friends but we are happy to go days and every once and awhile weeks without talking and then talk for hours on end to make up for it.
10.I am good at hiding my feelings and emotions and afraid of sharing them with other people, even those I am super close with. I could be on the verge of a breakdown and then shove it down my throat with a smile the second someone walks in. Talking about my feelings is really hard and scary for me so I do everything possible to avoid it.
I want to be sick. I want people to notice something is wrong and care enough and put in the effort to help me or at least just notice. This feeling honestly confuses me because at the same time one of my fears is people thing something is wrong with me and talking about my feelings. For example, I have a eating disorder and I try my hardest to hide it so no one notices but at the same time is makes me sad when nobody notices that I haven’t eaten in days. I just want someone to care I think.
Anyways, if you actually managed to rad all that garbage about me could you let me know of you think I have some disorder or mental illness because I know something is wrong with my head, but I don’t know it might be something specific or not. Any advice would also be appreciated. Also please don’t tell me I should talk to a therapist... I already know I should but it is harder than it seems.
submitted by /u/Flying_Squirrel2424
from Mental Health https://ift.tt/3v7b41s
Did you ever learn to love yourself?
It will be a long post. So, fair warning.
I am a grown up. I started to learn things only when I grew up. When I was a child I was very bright, top student and in gifted classes. I could learn physics, biology, any subject better than anybody in my class. Biology teacher used to say I am by far the best in generation in his subject. But you know why I studied? I wanted to get approval from one person. It was my mom.
She was very emotionally unavailable woman and abusive. She still is, but I learned to accept it only recently. I used to autodistruct myself. I used to procrastinate on things which needed to be finished. I guess I thought I didnt deserved them and that I was no worthy. She used to tell me I am not worthy of anything. If I was sad and complained to her, then I was "talking nonsense". When I lost my job due to corona virus pandemic, I was worried what will I find next, and I called her to talk to her. She told me angrily "to eat shit".
When I reflected on my past and why I left so many things unfinished, things which were in my best interest, I realized that my childhood was not so great. I found deeper roots of things that bothered me. It was one parent. No child should be raised like that. Luckily for me I was saved by my dad. He was a very good man. He was with his heart in the right place, educated, intelligent. He loved me unconditionally. When he died, I was a broken guy. My entire support system fell with him. I was left with my sister and mother, both distant, cold. Then I decided to confront my mother with how she behaved. She denied everything, that she was never telling me "I hope you will never be happy in your life" (her favorite sentence while I was growing up). That she did not call me a bum, lowlife. I developed depression and anxiety. I was lucky I got away without more serious conditions (people with my childhood can develop BPD for example-I did not, I am too rational and I regulate my emotions in a decent manner).
Once, I didnt have anybody to talk to, so I came here to reddit. I explained my situation about my father. One guy answered me. Guy in question was strict and straight to point. He said: "Nobody will love you unconditionally except yourself. You need to learn to love yourself first". It hit hard and because it was true, and because I searched external acceptance I forgot to accept myself all this time. So I basically decided to finish things I left unfinished. I decided to take better care of myself. I learned to expect a great deal from me, but to also forgive myself if I fail. But I will try. I will not hide behind easier ways.
-I stopped judging people. I tried to see their side also. If I cant find mutual language, I would not be friends with them, but I would not judge.
-I started practicing staying in the moment. That means my bad rumination habit was attacked by it. Whenever I drift away, I say "stay here, dont judge". It is similar to mantra from DBT. So you should learn to stay in moment too. You will many times fail. But with time you will practice it and it will become stronger.
-I started eating better food. Junk food and sugar was gone.
-I was a soccer player my entire life. That was my escape from crap. But over time I let myself go. After I decided to take care of myself I started running. Luckily, my soccer training meant that I would adjust just fine, very fast. So every week I felt better and stronger. I could run a mile in 9 minutes up hill at first week. Then it improved further. Average up hill mile for an average guy is considered to be around 10 or more minutes. It sounds slow, but a guy who let himself go mostl likely cant do it under 12 minutes going up hil part of it. I did it in 9 first time I tried to run. So thank you soccer. I am in a good shape now. I run with my dog every day almost. 5-6 days a week.
-I returned to law school I dropped before. I was able to learn anything. But I always was saying "I will do it tomorrow". Years passed. Then I said, I am doing it. And after some time I finished it with good grades. In September I am starting my masters degree. I was mostly mad with myself because I saw many people finish it and I knew I was stronger than them academically. But I just didnt want to finish. I guess, deep down, I thought I didnt deserve it.
-I stopped being complacent. I see I am doing good. But I always say that I can do something new, learn new things, meet new people and so on. I am busy, working.
-I loved my dad. But I had to learn to love me too.
Did you learn to love yourself?If you didnt, I suggest that you do. And treat yourself like a child who needs help. All the best to you.
submitted by /u/IL0veKafka
from Mental Health https://ift.tt/3v2KHcD
week 5/ april 17th, 2021
i really don’t want to write this journal. but i’m gonna. ugh. things are good so why do i feel bad? am i trying to hard or something?
either way, i’m starting to understand what my next steps should be. even though i’m a little nervous to, i’m going to try therapy. it can’t do any harm as long as i’m sure i’m comfortable with whoever i get. i know i have a lot of things to work through and it’s likely that i’m avoiding that by worrying about all the therapist horror stories i’ve heard.
whenever things start to seem real or stagnant i feel so suffocated and would literally do anything to get myself out of a commitment. the feeling of relief that comes from it is so freeing, but i know it isn’t morally amazing. and i can’t tell if i genuinely don’t want something and just can’t pretend, or if i’m afraid of the things that i think i want. i don’t really see myself as an emotionally unavailable person because i’m always happy to support and commit to my platonic relationships. anything else makes me want to crawl out of my skin, and that’s not normal. i thought i was ready and i really want to be but something is wrong:)) i really need to make an honest decision. FUCK!!!
i feel very isolated and weirdly lonely, which isn’t usually as impactful as it is right now. i’m very excited to visit home in a few months and see my family. i’m so happy i tried something new and i really love where i moved to, but i miss them a lot. i also miss a lot of specific nostalgic things from home, which is normal but i’m trying really hard not to let it make me regret anything hahahahahaha.
i can tell this is another really uncomfortable time before things start getting better, so that’s helping. i have a lot of responsibilities but i feel capable and have been doing better with procrastination. everything will improve but right now i’m anxious and messy.
1. Can’t Let Go, Juno- Kishi Bashi
2. High- The Cure
3. Writer’s Block- Just Jack
4. Angelene- PJ Harvey
5. Wholebody Blues- Kane Strange
6. Take You Back- Purr
7. Health- Parsnip
Proud of You
Luna Lovegood x gender neutral reader
preview: Luna discovers you having a panic attack and does her best to help you.
tw!! anxiety, panic attack, mentions of verbal abuse
(please let me know if there's anything else I should add to the trigger warning)
It was another tiring day followed by the amount of homework your professors had assigned. You knew deep down you'd end up procrastinating, waiting until the very last minute to complete the assignments.
As much as you wanted to mirror Granger's excellent grades, you couldn't bring yourself to work. You were just not motivated enough.
You laid on your bed in your dorm, staring at the ceiling as if you had all the free time in the world.
A heavy sigh escaped your lips.
"Knock, knock," a soft familiar voice spoke. You looked up as the door slowly opened, revealing the adorable, astonishing, sweetheart you felt almost too lucky to call your girlfriend.
You sat up. "Hey, Luna," you beamed, your heart instantly warming at the sight of her. There was something about this special girl who managed to lift your spirits at any given situation.
Luna joined you on the bed, sitting comfortably on your left before resting her head on your shoulder.
"What are you doing?" She curiously asked.
You let out a weak chuckle, hoping to disguise your buried sadness as you shook your head. "Honestly, nothing really."
You felt the weight of Luna's head disappear as she lifted from your shoulder.
"Are you okay?"
How silly, why exactly did I think Luna wouldn't be able to detect how I feel?
"Nothing, I," you paused, taking a small breath, "I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately. It's stupid because there aren't many assignments to finish and most of them are plain simple. But I can't help but feel so stressed and pressured."
You looked at Luna, smiling softly as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.
"It's okay, love," she assured you, her voice soothing as she stroked your hair, "there's nothing wrong taking a breather every once in a while. School can be quite stressful, it affects everyone differently."
Instead of focusing on Luna's soft voice or her gentle touch on your hair, your mind began to wander around, bringing up memories you thought you've buried deep.
"You're not trying hard enough! You're just lazy, that's what it is!"
Your breathing began to quicken.
"You have no idea how much it affects me to hear that you're failing! If you're not trying hard enough for yourself, at least do it for me."
As those awful memories of your mother shouting at you went up through the surface, it filled your mind instantly with despair. You felt the walls beginning to close in.
"I didn't raise a disappointment!"
Your hands began to shake as your vision began to blur with tears.
"Y/N?" Luna's worried tone faintly echoed.
You felt your throat closing up, causing more anxiety to cloud your brain. It caused the heat in your body to rise.
You felt Luna was no longer sitting on the bed next to you.
"Look at me, Y/N. Focus."
She was crouching on the floor in front of you.
"I," you sniffed, struggling to breathe, "I can't, I can't...breathe." You voice was noticeably shaky.
"Everything is okay, you're safe, I'm here for you, see? Everything is going to be alright, I promise. Please, look at me, love."
It was difficult, but with Luna's encouraging words, you managed to look up and see Luna's heavenly, silvery kind eyes staring back at you.
"There, you're doing so well," Luna smiled warmly, "now, can you do something for me, please?"
You couldn't bring yourself to reply, but Luna sensed your confusion.
"Don't worry, it's not much," Luna reached to your knee, but stopped halfway, worried that touching you might make you feel worse.
However, your shaking hand reached out and Luna quickly accepted it as a silent permission to hold your hand.
"I need you to look around the room and find three things you can spot."
You couldn't figure out the purpose of Luna's request but you did it anyway. It was still difficult to speak, so you remained quiet as you scanned the room, listing three items on sight.
There was the bedside table, a rug, and...
Your eyes flickered to Luna's.
Luna sent a soft smile your way, knowing you had completed her request.
"Now, I would like you to think of two things you can hear."
You nodded, closing your eyes as you concentrated.
"The window's open, I can hear the wind blowing against the trees outside and..." you paused, "I hear your breathing."
"Good! Now, I want you to think of one thing you can smell."
That answer was simple, wherever Luna goes, the sweet scent of strawberries and lavender follows.
You were too busy working on your special assignment to notice your tears were long gone, your breathing had already steadied itself and your hands, entwined with Luna's, were no longer shaking.
"You did it!" Luna beamed, giving you a tight hug. Her arms were wrapped around the back of your neck as your head rested against her chest.
You leaned back from her embrace and looked deep into her eyes lovingly. You were so grateful you met her.
With her arms still wrapped around your neck, she leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.
"I'm so proud of you."
A/N: honestly @fandommastermind I could not thank you enough for helping me with this, your writing is incredible!
+ this was inspired by something that happened to me a few weeks ago, I got a panic attack in the middle of class and a friend of mine helped me out of it by using this technique. Focusing on each of your senses at a time is a great way to ground yourself.
+ this oneshot was originally written as a Luna x fem reader oneshot but then I realized it could fit readers of any gender so I changed it to a gender neutral reader. If I happened to forget to change a certain description or reference that implies that y/n is a girl please let me know :)
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Hey! I hope I'm doing this correctly but apparently you give out advice/positivity and I'm in need in that so,, yeah!
I just haven't been doing well in school in general so there's a huge chance I'll have to repeat? I go to a tougher school as well. My parents aren't happy about it at all either. I used to do so well but its just been dropping and dropping, it started before quaratine but its gotten much worse after.
Recently I had another Talk with my mom about school, and like usual I started crying a lot. It was really embarrassing. She kept talking about things won't just be handed to me, about how her pushing her boss so she can work at home for us is for nothing because of me. I won't go into detail but those are some of the things that hurt the most.
I mean it can't be that hard, right? I know crying about school won't make it better. I know ignoring it won't, which is what I've been doing. I felt okay for once short term, but not anymore. They tell me to tell them what they can do to help but I dont know. I feel like I've already said everything I can say. I feel like I can't trust them.
I won't go too into detail even though there's a lot more. But do you have any positivity to offer? Or maybe some advice? I already have people I talk to, but my parents are pushing me to do better while my therapist tells me that I don't need to worry about it and that I'll pass. I don't know who to believe and I'm just so tired.
Thank you for reading. I don't know if there's any rules to sending these types of asks? But I hope I did it correctly. Even though I'm probably just being too sensitive again and Im overreacting and all I need to do is try harder. I'm very likely just being dumb.
Hello, deary! I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling in school. It can be so demoralizing to see ourselves falling behind but not be able to do anything about it. The truth is, worst case scenario you have to repeat the year, and yes it sucks but you will get another chance to learn without the intense stress of a pandemic in its first stages. Making it through school is hard enough but this past year and a half has been extremely difficult. Remember that your worth is not based on your grades, some of us have a harder time and that doesn’t make us stupid.
Also, you are not lazy. Procrastination is not a symptom of laziness, it’s a response to stress. Our brain wants to avoid stress and anxiety to protect us, so when we’re upset by school or work we procrastinate so we don’t have to experience the negative emotion. If you need help pushing through that, try sitting with someone so you are accountable, try finding a study group or someone in the same class to work with. No matter what, you are so important and loved, it will be okay!
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Anxiety is more than just worrying.
Anxiety is the restless nights of sleep, as you toss and turn. It’s your brain never being able to shut off. It’s the thoughts you over-think before bedtime and all of your worst fears become a reality in dreams and nightmares.
It’s waking up tired even though your day just started.
Anxiety is learning how to function with sleep deprivation because it took you until 2 am to shut your eyes.
It’s every text you wonder ‘how do I word this properly?’ It’s a double or triple text in case you messed up. Anxiety is answering texts embarrassingly fast.
Anxiety is the time you spend waiting for an answer as a scenario plays out in your mind of what they could be thinking or are they mad?
Anxiety is an unanswered text that kills you inside even though you tell yourself, ‘maybe they’re busy or will answer later.’ Anxiety is that critical voice that says ‘maybe they’re deliberately ignoring you.’ It’s believing every negative scenario you can come up with.
Anxiety is waiting. It always feels like you’re waiting. It’s the inaccurate conclusions drawn as your mind takes off and you have no choice but to follow it’s destructive lead.
Anxiety is apologizing for things that don’t even require the words, ‘I’m sorry.’
Anxiety is self-doubt and a lack of confidence both in you, yourself and those around you. Anxiety is being hyper aware of everyone and everything. So much so, you can tell if there’s a shift in someone merely by their tone or word choice.
Anxiety is ruining relationships before they even begin. It tells you, ‘you’re wrong, they don’t like you, they’re going to leave.’ Then you jump to conclusions.
Anxiety is a constant state of worrying and panicking and being on the edge. It’s irrational fears. It’s thinking too much, it’s caring too much. Because the root of people with anxiety is caring.
It’s sweaty palms and a racing heart. But on the outside, no one can see it. You appear calm and at ease and smiling but underneath is anything but that. Anxiety is the art of deception for people who don’t know you. And for the people who do, it’s a constant stream of phrases like, ‘don’t worry’ or ‘you’re overthinking this’ or ‘relax.’ It’s friends listening to these conclusions you’ve drawn and not really understanding how you got there. But they’re there trying to support you, as things go from bad to worse in your mind.
Anxiety is wanting to fix something that isn’t even a problem.
It’s the stream of questions that make you doubt yourself.
Did I lock the door before I left?’
Did I turn off the stove?
Is the straightener still on?
It’s turning back around just to double check.
Anxiety is the uneasiness at a party because you think all eyes are on you and no one wants you there. Anxiety is that extra shot you take and it seems like you’re finally relaxing. Until you wake up the next day hungover, full of regret and wondering what you said to whom and do you owe them an apology?
Anxiety is the overcompensating and trying too hard to please people.
Anxiety is being everywhere on time because the thought of being late would put you over the edge.
Anxiety is the fear of failure and striving for perfection. Then beating yourself up when you fall short. It’s always needing a schedule or a plan.
Anxiety is that voice inside your head that’s saying ‘you’ll fail.’
It’s trying to exceed people’s expectations even if you’re killing yourself to do so. Anxiety is taking on more than you can handle just so you are distracted and not overthinking something.
Anxiety is procrastination because you’re paralyzed with fear of failing so you hold it off.
It’s the triggers that set you off.
It’s breaking down in private and crying when you’re overwhelmed but no one will ever see that side of you. Anxiety is picking up and trying again because the only thing worse than overcoming other people is overcoming you and your own demons.
It’s beating that critical voice that says, ‘you really fucked up.’ or ‘you should feel awful right now.’
Anxiety is the want and the need to control things because it feels like this thing in your life is outside of your control and you have to learn to live with it.
But more than anything anxiety is caring. It’s never wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. It’s never wanting to do something wrong. More than anything, it’s the want and need to simply be accepted and liked. So you try too hard sometimes.
And when you come across friends who begin to understand, they help you through it.
Then you realize this might be a battle you face every day but it’s one you won’t have to face alone.
hi i’m gonna rant for a minute
my 6-8 page research paper is due monday and i still haven’t started it. i don’t even know how to start and it’s stressing me out because there’s so much to write and so much more research i still want to do and connections between subtopics that i want to develop but it’s spring break so i also just want to relax bc school has really been kicking my ass lately and i’m just so tired
i bought a stuffed lion the other day (like one of those kinda realistic big ones) but now that the excitement and novelty is starting to wear off i feel really stupid for getting it even though i really do love it but it just reminds me of how happy i was when i bought it and i feel like im never gonna feel that rush of excitement ever again
i had an apush assignment due on friday that i procrastinated doing to the point where i completely forgot about it. like i full on cleaned my room to avoid it. i only wanted to avoid it because it involved reading a few pages of information and then answering text-based questions on it, which is one of my least favorite types of assignments bc i’m always worried about accidentally missing something. i finally did it this morning and it only took me like 20 minutes tops and now i feel ridiculous for avoiding it for so long
i want to go downstairs and just watch tv with my mom but i know that if i do she’ll just try to make me work on my research paper which is the absolute last thing i want to do right now
my school has been doing a hybrid model all year (half of us go in monday/tuesday, everyone else goes in thursday/friday, everyone is home wednesday) but after this week they’re sending us back in full time. i don’t understand how the administration thinks that’s a good idea, especially since people will be traveling to places like florida which is in really bad shape and then don’t even ask them to quarantine when they get back. every day i count at least 6 people who aren’t wearing their mask properly, which is even more insane if you consider that i’m only seeing the people in my immediate area, that number is already cut in half, it’s only the people who i can directly see as i walk down the hallway, and i only start counting at the end of the school day. there’s no way to maintain 6 feet social distance in those small classrooms with a full class and we’ve had 90+ reported cases (WITH the hybrid model) at the school this year alone, more than double what every other school in the area has reported, and i still don’t know why they think this is a good idea
i was only just able to schedule my first vaccine appointment on the 24th of april and since minors can only get the pfizer vaccine, i’ll have to wait 21 days to get the second dose, and even then i won’t technically be fully vaccinated for another week after that, so i won’t be immune until may 22 at the earliest.
that means i’ll have to spend several weeks in school full time with a bunch of nasty, irresponsible teenagers, unvaccinated, and i won’t even get to learn from home for half the week. i love the hybrid model. i’m thriving on the hybrid model.
my pediatrician keeps talking about eventually stopping my adhd medication and i don’t understand how no one sees what a terrible idea that is. all of my academic classes are either advanced or ap and i’m doing really well right now, but i definitely won’t be if i have to stop taking the one thing that keeps me from completely checking out for the entire class and subsequently learning nothing and then falling behind to the point where i can’t even begin to catch up with the rest of my peers. the thought of stopping my meds ever gives me so much anxiety and i don’t even want to think scott how hard i would crash and burn if i suddenly stopped
and i should definitely be talking about all of this with my therapist but i only see her every two weeks and i was supposed to see her today but since it’s spring break i won’t be seeing her again until next monday (mere hours after my paper is due) so i’m just sitting here and suffering through my endless stress until i can see her again
hi it's me again!! can you do "“I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people.” with geralt and reader? tysm i love ur writing so much
I can’t express just how happy I am that you’re requesting all these prompts! <3 This is not me procrastinating, and writing out these requests instead of my WIPs, or you know, actual uni work. This fill is a bit longer, just because I got inspired! I started this prompt thinking it would turn out funny and light-hearted, but my brain took a different turn. The second prompt you requested will be nothing but softness.
Prompt: “I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people.”
Warnings: This is on the angsty side, considered yourselves warned.
Tumblr Request Masterlist
“I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people,” you declare, rather dramatically, while glaring at your cell companion. Jaskier offers a sheepish smile in return, then startles when he feels something quick and furry brush past his wrist.
“Oh, don’t be like that, Y/N. Besides, Geralt is probably already on his way to save us, you know just how much our dear witcher likes to play the part of the knight in shining armour.”
You pull your knees closer to your chest and shoo away the stray rats nibbling at the sole of your shoes. You want to believe Jaskier’s words, you really do, but you’ve been stuck in this cell for… how long has it been, anyway? It’s hard to tell without any windows, making it impossible to assess with certainty what time of day it is. It’s been too long regardless, especially when you and Jaskier didn’t do anything that would justify throwing you in a cell, your only crime being your association with Geralt of Rivia.
Your heart tightens at the thought. Whatever information these men wish to pull out of you, you decide that you’ll rather die than reveal anything about Geralt. And you know that Jaskier feels the same way about his long-time friend.
“I don’t know, Jaskier. What if… what if he doesn’t?”
“Now, now. None of that.” Jaskier moves until his arm is pressed against yours and he’s able to grab a hold of your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “If there’s anything I know for certain about my dear friend Geralt, it’s that he would never, ever, leave his friends stranded.”
“What if he doesn’t know that we’re in this cell?” you insist, your voice trembling with barely restrained panic, “what if he decides that we’re not worth the trouble? He needs to protect Ciri, so he might not come, and these men could ki-”
“Hey, Y/N, look at me,” Jaskier urges you to face him by tugging at your hand. You can’t hide the tears welling up in your eyes as you let fear take over. Jaskier offers a reassuring smile, despite the current circumstances, and you take comfort in the familiarity of his presence. “Breathe, alright? Panicking won’t help us. Have a little faith. Geralt cares about us. He cares about you. He’ll come, don’t worry.”
Jaskier rests his forehead against yours affectionately, and for the briefest of moments, you allow yourself to believe that Geralt will indeed come and save the day.
You’re suddenly jostled awake when you hear commotion just outside your and Jaskier’s cell. The bard is still pressed against you, though this time he looks a lot less confident than he did earlier when he was comforting you. You hear a loud crash, the sound of steel clashing against steel, then a pained scream followed by muffled gurgling. Something big and heavy crashes against your cell door, causing it to rattle precariously in its hinges. You hide your face in Jaskier’s chest and feel pull you closer to him, trying to protect you from whatever is happening outside despite the fact that he’s clearly as terrified as you are. The commotion goes on for another short couple of minutes which feel like hours to you and Jaskier. Finally, you hear the familiar sound of a sword being sheathed before someone unlocks your cell door. You don’t dare look up from the relative safety of Jaskier’s embrace, pinching your eyes shut as you expect the worst.
“Geralt, my friend!” Jaskier lets out a startled laugh, ringing bright with mirth and evident relief at the sight of their saviour. He gently pulls you away from him, forcing you to look at him. “I told you, Y/N. I told you he’d come for us.”
“Y/N,” you hear the rough baritone of Geralt’s voice call out for you, though there is an urgency in his tone that you’re not used to from him. You eventually peel away from Jaskier and turn to face Geralt. He’s covered in blood - though most of it probably not his own, you remind yourself to keep yourself from spiralling. You barely bite back a startled yelp when you take in the sight of his face; his eyes are still mostly black, a side-effect from the witcher potions he likely consumed before stepping into the dungeon to your and Jaskier’s rescue, and the dark sinewy veins contrast against his far too pale skin.
“Geralt? You… you came,” you breathe out, your tone halfway between reverend and horrified, “I… I’m sorry you had to… I’m sorry…”
You don’t notice the tears trailing down your cheeks until you hear Geralt’s sharp intake of breath. In the blink of an eye, thanks to the superhuman speed the potions grant him, he’s kneeling by your side, cupping your face in his hands and thumbing away the fresh wave of relieved tears. A sob pushes past your lips when you finally collapse against Geralt, the firmness of his chest as familiar as the sound of his voice by now. Your witcher pulls you impossibly closer and wraps you up in a tight embrace, whispering sweet reassuring nothings into your ear.
“Don’t be sorry, dove. I’m here, you’re safe. Not goin’ anywhere, either. Shh, you’re alright…”
“I hate to ruin this heartfelt reunion,” Jaskier’s soft voice suddenly interrupts the moment, and you can sense the underlying urgency in his tone, “truly, this has the potential to become my next big hit, but we really should be getting out of here. It won’t be long before reinforcement comes our way…”
“Jaskier’s right,” Geralt rises to his feet and pulls you up despite your yelp of protest, “are either of you hurt?”
“No,” you manage to answer before wiping the last of your tears, willing yourself to keep it together a little while longer, “let’s go, the quicker we’re out of here the better.”
You’re exhausted by the time you reach camp. Jaskier is happily chatting away about his newest ballad, like he and you did not just spend the gods know how long in a prison cell. You don’t understand how the bard does, how he manages to pretend like nothing happened when you’re still twitchy and trembling. Geralt ignores Jaskier’s ranting for the most part, too focused on making sure you’re fine. He helps you dismount Roach by offering his hand for support, though when you slide off the saddle, you all but slump limply into his arms.
“Talk to me, dove,” he whispers to you, low enough so as to not draw Jaskier’s attention, “are you sure you’re not hurt?”
“Yes, Geralt.” You offer what you hope is a reassuring smile, but judging by the frown your efforts are met with, you’re unable to convince your love, “I’m just tired. And still a bit shaken.”
“I’ll get a fire going. Sit down, have a rest.”
“Oh, and by the way, Geralt,” Jaskier saunters over to where you and Geralt are standing, “you’ll have to tell me how you managed to bypass all these guards, and don’t be stingy on the details.”
“Not now, Jaskier,” Geralt grouses, still not letting go of you, “if you want to show your gratitude, get a fire going.”
Jaskier shoots you a concerned look, but he thankfully doesn’t press you as he goes to do as Geralt requested. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as you sink deeper into Geralt’s embrace. You let his familiar scent wash over you in calming waves as he gently drags you down to his bedroll. You vaguely feel Geralt pull away from you and wrap a warm blanket around your shoulders, tucking you in snugly before pulling you to him once again. Your eyes flutter shut as you finally allow yourself to come down from your high.
“I was so worried about you,” you hear Geralt mumble against your hair, before pressing a firm kiss to the crown of your head, “thought I’d gotten there too late to save you.”
“You didn’t. You saved us, and that’s what matters.” You crane your neck as much as you’re able to capture Geralt’s lips in a tender kiss. “I’m just glad you came when you did.”
“As am I, dove.”
This time, the smile you flash him reflects nothing but genuine love and gratitude. You fall asleep in his arms, confident that he’ll watch over you and keep you safe.
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At a loss - Lost my job last year, still unemployed and not sure what to do
Hey all, first time posting in this forum.
Bit of background first, I'm nearly 28, male, living with partents just outside London. Have been unemployed since March 2020 due to COVID. My working background is 7 years in accounting and my most recent salary was £32k pa. I didn't go to Uni as I didn't know what I wanted to do (dabbled in Music Technology, Graphic Design and now Accountancy) I don't have any real education other than A-Levels (A,B,B) I have £72k in savings across various minimal interest accounts. I only recently got this money as the majority was tied into a renovations project I had with a friend (which was stressful but glad I tried it)
The job market has proven to be very difficult, have had interviews with roughly 10 different companies and got to the final stage a few times but never successful. Last week I got to the final stage with an Entertainment company for a great role - which I really wanted (above all other interviews I've had so far. It was perfect Location, Company and the role sounded genuinely interesting) I got pipped to the role by one candidate at the final hurdle.
Safe to say I've been pretty down since receiving the news and started thinking to myself, maybe I just need to try something else. I just wish I knew what I genuinely want to do with my life but it's never come to me.
I haven't started any form of chartered accountancy exams. Partly because I didn't know if accounting is what I wanted to do in the long term, partly because I've never been a good studier because I procrastinate too much.
I've been applying for all sorts of jobs starting from the bottom to maybe try a new avenue. (Marketing, Account Management, Sales, etc.) But as with most jobs you need to have a background of some form to get into it, whether it's relative education or work experience. So literally nothing happening on that front.
So it's safe to say, I'm at a loss.
Feel like I should do something with my money but at a minimum, I can't get a H2B ISA as technically I've had my first property.
I wish I was the entrepreneurial type of person but no idea what to do. Would love to have that one idea I could run with. Genuine interests are Cooking, Music, Animals, Tech, Football, as well as Day Trading for quite a few years now, I've read lots and watched loads of videos on but never delved into.
It'd be great to find something where I could just work hard and climb the ladder and not have to study because in my previous role, I'd like to say I was a pretty good worker. I would be doing overtime most days for no additional pay.
This is a long read and I completely understand if no one will reply but I guess it's just good for my mental health to get my thoughts out somewhere. I'm struggling with insomnia at the moment because all I do is worry about everything.
submitted by /u/SenorJose667
from Continuously Improve Yourself! https://ift.tt/3uwNzOT
Hello hello, I really adore your writing! ❤️ I do hope you don't mind me sending in a matchup request-
I'm 19 years old and in my second year at university! I double major in both computer science and journalism, so although I really love what I study, I'm extremely busy Monday through Friday (but I always manage to leave the weekends for hobbies and friends!). A lot of people respect me because of my hardworking nature and list of awards for academic things, and although it is nice for people to praise my accomplishments, I like it a lot more when people like me for my personality!
I'm a pretty extroverted person and I get along easily with most people. I have a habit of treating everyone, even strangers, like close friends... I can't help but want everyone to feel comfortable around me! I also tend to externally seem to not take things too seriously, but on the inside, I really do care about things and spend a lot of time deep in thought/worry. In my spare time I like to play video games, call my friends, explore places in the city, and build trinkets or machines!
(I hope this wasnt too long and please feel free to not answer if you don't have the time, I'll more than understand! Again, I love your writing ❤️ I hope you're doing well!)
Hi hi! I’d love to write you a matchup! And don’t worry about being too long- the more you write, the more in-depth of a response I can give you :) So this is great! I’m really happy that you enjoy my work skldf I’m always glad to hear that c: Thank you so much for requesting, and I hope you enjoy! <3 I hope you're well, too!
I would match you with Saeyoung!
You two are pretty similar in a lot of ways, but I also spot a few differences that would keep you from being too alike.
You have common interests and similar vibes. Video games are a blatant commonality. It’s something that you could share together and bond over superficially. You’re studying computer science, too, and you also mentioned that you like to build little trinkets. That would give something for the two of you to bond over and to enjoy together. Saeyoung doesn’t often find people who appreciate his hobbies, like machine-building, so I think it would be really meaningful to be able to share something like that with you.
You’re also both very comfortable around people. You could join Saeyoung in his shenanigans, if you wanted to, and if not, you could just get along with people and joke around together. This gives me the feeling that you’d be known as a group- as in, you can’t get one without the other. I can see it being really cute. You’d be known for joking around and for being attached at the hip.
Saeyoung also understands and appreciates your need to work hard. Despite the fact that he complains and procrastinates, he does take his work very seriously. And he was in college too, so he also understands your commitment to school, but he’s also good at making sure that you take breaks when you need to. When you’re having a harder time looking out for yourself, he’ll look out for you. Similarly, I think that you’d be able to get Saeyoung out of his head, too. When you feel like exploring or spending time outside of the house, taking Saeyoung with you would ensure that he also spends time thinking a little bit less about work and a little bit more about actually enjoying himself and having fun rather than just distracting himself.
Saeyoung would also understand your tendency to secretly worry about things. He’s similar in that regard- he has a hard time expressing himself and admitting to his anxiety. So once the two of you let each other in, you’d be able to help each other through these moments in ways that other people might not be able to.
So ultimately, I think you guys are similar in ways that’ll help you grow closer and get along well, but not so similar that you clash a lot. I can see this as being a wholesome, mutually beneficial relationship where you’re extremely close and help each other through a lot of your struggles. It’d be both cute and supportive!
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Fanfic: M-0 [Part 1]
Summary: M-21 and M-0 are saved from the Union by a blond stranger, who seems to know M-0 before he lost his memories. M-0's name used to be Muzaka...?
Contains: Off-screen torture, blood, dead bodies.
Notes: Frankenstein and Muzaka got together, and M-21 didn't make it out of the Union AU
Because apparently my brain just won't shut up, pfft. And I'm procrastinating from finishing Imposter and Breath of Life, ahahaha.
Word count: 2,282
Status: Work in progress
M-21 snapped his head up when he heard the tread of footsteps approaching through his door. He scooted back to the opposite wall, arms around his bent knees, trying to look as non-threatening as possible.
Not that it was fucking hard. He was fucking useless here.
The door opened, and M-21's heart lurched at M-0 being dragged in by two guards, everything M-21 could see a mess of red. M-0 hung limply in their arms, his head down, and he left a trail of blood behind him.
The guards threw M-0 in and M-21 lunged forward to catch him before his head smacked onto the tiles. The guards closed the door with a metallic clang.
M-0 was unconscious but.
He was breathing.
Wheezing, more like, but he was getting air in. That was what was important.
And M-0 had to be alive, or else the guards wouldn't have brought him back. They would have tossed him like garbage if he'd died.
M-21 checked his pulse anyway, exhaling at M-0's warmth and his heartbeat. It was sluggish, but it was there.
The scar down M-0's cheek peeked through all the blood, and what did the scientists have to do to make that one stick when he'd seen everything else M-0 could heal from? Why didn't they do it again?
Was it the same as what made his own scar? Or...was it from something before M-0 had ended up in the Union?
"Zero?" M-21 whispered, setting M-0 down gently, making sure he was on his side so he wouldn't choke on his own blood. "Hey."
M-21 hated this. He hated this. Hated feeling so fucking helpless. Because this was all he could do. Just make sure M-0 was as comfortable as he could be after the scientists were done with him for the day.
M-0 stirred, his eyes opening a crack. "Kid?"
M-21 breathed out a shaky laugh. "I'm here, old man." It was a little joke between them, as much as they could make in their current situation. M-0 hadn't been one of M-21's original comrades, just branded with the M-series tattoo one day and thrown in with M-21. M-21 might have been the one to have been experimented on for longer (or maybe not. Neither of them knew), but M-0 had just slipped right into some...mentor role with him, looking out for him. Just like M-24 and wanting to be M-21's hyung. It didn't help they looked like they were related with their silver hair.
And that was exactly why M-0 was getting tortured every day instead of M-21.
"Hey, hey, I'm still here," M-0 murmured, lifting a bloody hand to wipe at M-21's tears.
But for how long? How long would it be until M-0 was dragged away because he finally died, or he was taken away, because the scientists had finally broken him to be reprogrammed how they wanted? "Yeah, I know," M-21 said, scrubbing at his eyes. Either way, he wouldn't see M-0 again. Not like how he was now. "Zero, listen."
"I'll take your place tomorrow, all right?" M-21 said, squaring his shoulders. "I can-"
M-0 shook his head, his eyes a little clearer already. "Nah."
M-0 drew him into a hug with a raspy chuckle. Even after everything he'd just been through, M-0 still had enough strength to pull him down easily. "Nah," he repeated. "They won't break me; don't worry about it."
M-21 was shaking. He knew he was, and that M-0 could feel it. But what could he do? Nothing. As always. Even if he insisted, he knew he was weaker. The scientists weren't as interested in him. He was something the scientists used to keep M-0 docile and compliant.
M-0 tightened his hug, rubbing his back, and M-21 hated that M-0 was comforting him when it should be the other way around.
He had to find a way that he could help M-0 somehow.
M-0's wounds were healing slower than they used to. Before, M-21 could watch the wounds seal up without a trace in minutes, but even after M-0 had dozed for an hour, blood still leaked from his cuts whenever he breathed.
He was getting weaker.
They were killing him.
Day by day, they were killing him.
Should he... Should he ask M-0 to give in? To stop being so stubborn and not protect him? M-0 working with the Union was better than M-0 dying.
M-21 knew what the answer would be though. M-0 would refuse. He wouldn't just give up, because he was doing it for M-21.
So then, maybe...? M-21 chewed at a nail, staring at the door.
It was because of him. He was the reason why M-0 was going through this. If it wasn't because of him, M-0 would have had the strength to fight back, to try escaping.
If... If he found a way to piss off the guards enough that they killed him, M-0 wouldn't be held back anymore.
M-0 would be able to escape without him.
That was it.
M-21's chest ached and he swallowed, trying to figure out what to do. He was doing this for M-0. He would die for M-0 so M-0 could live.
How would he do it though? The guards knew how to beat down an experiment to keep them in line and not kill them.
M-21 turned his head at a distant scream. While the walls were metal, that seemed to just make some noises reverberate throughout the entire area.
Screams inside rooms had a distinct sound to it though, a more muffled, lower tone. This one was clearer. It had to be coming from the corridors outside.
He frowned at a thud that made the walls shiver. That was different. Usually if an experiment was screaming, they shut them up quickly.
"What...?" M-0 mumbled, arm reaching out until he found M-21.
"It's...nothing," M-21 said, listening carefully, a flash of annoyance blooming in him for the person disturbing M-0's sleep when he needed it. "I think-"
There. The sharp rattle of gunfire.
"Yeah, someone's trying to escape." M-21 stared at the wall, as if that would help him hear better.
They would be taken out like all the other attempts. Be killed if they were lucky, or made into an experiment's punching bag as a reward for good behaviour.
M-21 let out a hissing breath, scrubbing a hand through his hair as the screams and thuds continued. Could M-0 escape from this? He had the healing to deal with bullets but then what? Because no-one could escape the Union once they had their claws in you.
And that was just how fucking far the Union had already broken M-21, without laying a hand on him. M-21 didn't think escape was possible for him, so he didn't think about it. Stayed in his cage as a hostage for someone else.
The sounds of fighting faded after a few minutes and M-21 exhaled, closing his eyes. Maybe now M-0 could go back to sleep.
"That lasted a while, huh."
"Yeah." It was normally done in a few shots but...
M-21 frowned at another distant thud, the floor shaking this time. A grenade? How many people were escaping that it was still going?
He eyed the door, but it stayed shut. Or did he only believe that? Had it opened and that's why so many people were escaping?
M-21 lurched to his feet, heading for the door.
"Just... Wondering," he murmured. If they could get out now, they might have a chance in all the current confusion with all the guards' attention elsewhere.
He pushed at the cold metal and sighed. Nothing. Locked.
"You think everyone's gettin' out now?"
"It sounded like it." Or maybe their door was the only one that hadn't been unlocked. It would be his luck if that was the case.
He settled back down next to M-0, but frowned when M-0 pulled himself up to lean against the wall next to him. "Oi." M-0 needed to sleep.
M-0 ruffled his hair with a chuckle. "I'm not that old I hafta to sleep all the time."
M-21 kept frowning. M-0 did need rest.
They kept quiet though, still listening out for any more sounds, and it wasn't the same as sleeping, but it was close enough, M-0 leaning on M-21's shoulder.
All of M-21's senses went taut when he heard their door unlock. That didn't make any sense. It wasn't near meal time, and it wasn't when M-0 was meant to be taken either. A trip to the bathroom? No, it was too late for that too.
There was no reason for their door to be unlocked.
M-21's breath caught in his throat. Unless whatever was releasing everyone else had finally got to them?
The door swung open to reveal a blond man in a black suit and M-21 lowered his eyes. No. There was no escape for them.
Except... Something was wrong. M-21 continued staring at the man's shoes as his mind worked. No-one wore a black suit here. It was either the white labcoats of the scientists, or had the clearly bulletproof jacket underneath clothes of the guards.
This man had neither.
VIPs given a tour of the lab were always flanked by guards and lead by scientists. This man was alone.
And as M-21 stared further, he saw the flecks of blood staining the man's clothes.
Startled, M-21's gaze jerked up, seeing the joy on the man's face as he stared at M-0.
M-21's world tilted.
It couldn't be.
Did. Did the man know M-0 before he'd been taken into the Union?
M-21 saw the man's smile freeze, his eyes going wide.
He knew M-0. He knew who M-0 used to be.
"What do you want?"
M-21 wanted to hiss, to jab M-0 - Muzaka in the ribs, because wasn't it obvious?
The man cleared his throat. "I'm here to rescue you."
M-21's chest tightened and he beat down the feeling. Stomped down on it hard. It was good. It was good Muzaka had someone who had the resources to fucking fight the Union for him.
Who could come and rescue him.
It meant Muzaka wouldn't be tortured anymore. Didn't have to worry about him anymore. He could live his life free and M-21 wasn't going to hold him-
"Gggk!" M-21 couldn't stop the sound escaping his throat as Muzaka looped an arm around his neck.
M-21 would have stared at Muzaka because what the fuck, but Muzaka's hold on him was as tight as it always was. It meant M-21 saw the man's gaze flick to him.
And then soften.
Not out of pity.
M-21 didn't know what his expression was. He'd never seen it before.
The man nodded. "Of course."
"Great! Let's go, kid!" Muzaka dragged M-21 to his feet and M-21 stumbled along, trying to make sense of everything.
M-21 could smell the blood before they even exited and he peeked down the corridor.
Blood. It was splattered everywhere, limp bodies slumped against walls, their eyes unseeing.
M-21 felt a surge of triumph at seeing that, seeing all those fuckers dead after everything they'd done to M-0, to everyone else in the building.
"How many people do you have with you?" M-21 asked, their feet making small splashes in the cooling blood as they walked through them.
"It's just myself."
M-21 almost slipped. One person. One person had taken on everyone here, and by the look of it, came out unscathed? He had to be modified, but M-21 only knew of a few experiments who would...be willing to attack a Union base.
If the man was modified, then was he part of another organisation? Was this another trap? Thinking they were getting freedom, to end up in another organisation anyway?
M-21 glanced back at all the bodies they were leaving behind, and then back at the man.
Muzaka would be protected with the man. That much was clear. M-21 didn't have that same protection, but at least he would finally pay back what he owed Muzaka.
"So how do we know each other?" Muzaka asked as they headed up the stairs. Around and around and around, and just how far deep underground had they been?
"Friends," the man said, not turning back. "We were friends."
"Heh, we musta been really close friends if you were willin' to come find me at the Union."
"Yes," the man said. "We...were."
M-21 stared at the man's back as they kept going. Past tense. Did he not think Muzaka was the person he rescued?
Except, Muzaka had used the same past tense as well?
And the man was one of the few people who could take on the Union without any difficulty apparently. "What's your name?" M-21 asked. He must have heard of him before.
At that, the man paused, and turned around. "Ah, my apologies. Frankenstein. It's Frankenstein."
M-21 had never heard of any modified human by that name. He glanced at Muzaka, and his face was blank too. No recognition at all.
"And...yours?" Frankenstein asked.
Muzaka grinned, "I'm M-0, and this-" He wrapped an arm around M-21's shoulders. "-is M-21."
M-21 stared at M-0. What was he doing? He had his name and he was still going to use M-0?
"All right. M-0 and M-21," Frankenstein said, looking at them individually as he said their names. As if he was learning them.
As if. He just accepted that was M-0's real name, and not Muzaka.
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