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#((I literally don't even have any assignments or work submitted for me to do.))
bryn-nae-naea month ago
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((Not my teacher saying: "This past week you've turned in 0 assignments. Make sure you begin to work on some." It's literally spring break dude- Of course I haven't turned in any assignments. 馃拃))
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cucumberwatermelon10 days ago
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HOW THE HQ CHARACTERS WOULD COPE WITH ONLINE SCHOOL
ft:Ushijima, Suna, Daichi & Kiyoko
Warnings: curse words my bad
an: (mini-rant) what even is school at this point. I love my teachers but they need to realize group projects aren't fun
鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣
-Ushijima
-I know we all want to give ushi the benefit of the doubt in this situation but-
-he strugglin
-Like struggle struggle
-Don't get me wrong, he is a very capable and independent person when it comes to most things. Most things except technology.
-I feel like he's good at so many things, like knitting, baking and differentiating between sny flower type but, he's not too well versed in the land of the internet.
-Obviously, he can use google, type an email and navigate Pinterest he definitely has a board called 'me' with just pictures of himself from matches.
-When the online school first started he got Tendou and you to help him set up a zoom account and show him the basic of telecommunicating platforms however he kind of trusted himself a little too much.
-The internet is a tricky thing and not every gets it as fast as others but come on man. I'd at least expect him to know what a breakout room was.
-The number of text messages poor Tendou received questioning him on things from-
'Y/n What is a classroom code?'
'How do you bookmark something on my toolbar'
'How do I know if my google forms quiz submitted?'
-Constantly
-Eventually, he got the hang of it and things became easier for both him and his best friend.
-At the end of the semester he kind of mastered google classroom.
-Need to know how many assignments you have due.
-BAM
-He's got ya
-n e wayz
- he puts a lot of effort into everything he does. This is definitely no exception.
-Keeps up his grades and studies as much as he can so he can stay on top of things.
-let's admit it he isn't the smartest person but he sees results when he puts in the work
鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣
-Suna
-This mofo doesn't give a fuck
-'What's the big deal. I can literally learn all of this by reading the text any time I want Y/n'
-'Yes you can but if you don't go to class and do the tests you'll fail, idiot.'
-He doesn't care and he probably never will
-Let's look at it is his view:
You have 2 options, the first promise some sort of relaxation and comfort while, the second, brings literally only exhaustion, pain and trauma.
Obviously, any same person would pick the easier option.
What might that be?
-School or sleep?
-SLEEP
-His grades, failing
-His sleep schedule, disappointing.
but that's not the point.
-The point is- um. I ain't really know but wh-
-Moving on!!
-He sometimes tries
-Basically, he gets these random bursts of motivation during his nap breaks and gets shit done.
-Like to redecorate my room and make a monster wall at 4am kinda motivation.
-His teachers are genuinely concerned as to why he only really attends the first couple of classes in the morning. he falls asleep at 4pm and wakes up at 2 so-
-'Struggle' is an understatement for him when describing his experience with online school but, don't worry he'll be fine. maybe
鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣
-Daichi
-Daichi gives me very much.......millenial.
-Well he is a millennial(there's nothing wrong with me a millennial by the way) -My point is his childhood was greatly influenced by social media and the internet until he was a bit older.
-Honestly, this is pretty biased and just my opinion.
-Learning how to manage each platform used in online school was the hardest thing for him to do.
-The number of accounts he had to make for this thing was questionable at least.
-Once he figured out how to navigate google classroom, Schoology and other platforms he quickly learns that he needs to figure out random websites that teachers used for different assignments.
-For example, in socials, he had to film and edit video on the sustainable development goals.
-Online school can be difficult for some and easier to manage for others but, it'll get better- eventually.
-hopefully
鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣鈹佲攣
-Kiyoko
-This queen knows exactly what she's doing.
-I can't explain why but, I just know that she's handling this as if it's nothing.
-Assignments?
-Done.
Chaotic group projects in a breakout room?
-She's got in all under control. Getting people to co-operate and shit.
-Checklist with all of her assignments and tasks?
-Duh
-I can't explain to you how much she completely dominates online school
-She's always on time and if she has to miss class for a day she'll try her best to let the teachers know beforehand.
-'Y/n can you send me Tanaka's email so I can send him his part of the assignment, please?
-'Oh yeah Kiyoko np.'
-A short while after online school started her, Yachi and you started a little study group after school.
-Well...........not really.....it was mostly her trying to tutor both of you on the topics that you guys didn't understand.
-She's great and everyone knows it.
-Her grades are really good and she puts a lot of effort into what she does.
-She's literally good at everything
-ugh
-I love her<3
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aye-write4 months ago
So I'm thinking of self-publishing through Amazon and I'm a bit confused as to why most people don't. Is it better to write a query letter and submit it to the agents or Amazon?
Hi Nonnie! I鈥檓 not intimately familiar myself with self publishing as I鈥檝e only ever dabbled in trad publishing, but I don鈥檛 think there鈥檚 a 鈥渂etter鈥 option as it鈥檚 very much down to each person鈥檚 circumstances and personal views. I鈥檝e compiled here a list of benefits for each kind of publishing that some friends have discussed with me, so I do think it鈥檚 a good idea to read them over (as well as the disadvantages of them both) to help you make up your mind!
Benefits of Trad Publishing聽
Payment (advance) upfront
More support in the industry rather than doing everything yourself聽
Working with professionals who have more experience in the industry聽
Experienced editor provided聽
Experienced marketing team and cover designers, who know the market distribution - getting into bookstores all over the country, that type of thing - which you also don鈥檛 have to pay for.
Opportunities provided by the publisher, such as events, booths, various and sundry
Confirms you meet a quality metric - you鈥檙e聽鈥済ood enough鈥 to be in shops
Agent to lobby for you in case you and the publisher/editor/cover design/whatever disagree
Agent to negotiate contracts and deal with all the legal stuff
Agent to figure out translation deals and other rights, so you don't have to
Also they have better connections and are more likely to get those deals
Benefits of Self Publishing
Complete creative control - while the publisher has final say over the blurb, cover, etc. in trad pub, self pubbing means YOU make all those decisions
Higher royalty rates. You鈥檒l keep nearly 100% of your profits while self-pubbing, whereas trad means the agent and publishing house get a fair cut of any royalties
No deadline stress!聽
You can choose everyone who will be involved in your book鈥檚 creation - usually in trad, you鈥檙e assigned folks and don鈥檛 get a say in who works with you
Quicker publishing times - Trad pubbing can take YEARS for a book to hit the shelves from the moment it鈥檚 accepted whereas self pub can have a quick timeline from writing to publishing聽
More frequent paydays
You keep all your rights, protecting you from potential things like publishing houses folding, loss of contract from poor sales, agents losing their jobs etc.
More opportunity for聽鈥渘iche鈥 publishing - you鈥檙e not held hostage by the market or by your word count being longer than the market average, or even your genre. You can put up literally anything you want!
No rejections!聽
So a lot of this really depends on what you want, what you are willing to do, and what will work for you in the long run. Self-pubbing means you will have to do a LOT more, and things like marketing and gaining reviews (which are important to both kinds of publishing) are even more important for self pubbers. There are also a lot of upfront costs in self pubbing - from cover art to editing to proofreading services, etc., and that can put a lot of folks off should you choose to use them.
I was given some great advice from a friend that works in publishing in that your debut makes you a valuable commodity in the publishing world, so self-pubbing anything, and then maybe deciding to move to traditional publishing may negatively hinder you as you鈥檙e no longer a debut. People get around this by using pennames etc., but I know it鈥檚 negatively impacted a friend of mine who rushed to self publish her book on Amazon then had a change of heart two years later as she didn鈥檛 believe it was representative of her best work anymore. She cannot remove that book from Goodreads or anything like that, even though she can remove it from Amazon, so she鈥檚 lost any chance of traditionally publishing under her preferred name.聽
I think the important thing is to take it slow, figure out what you want, and don鈥檛 rush! There is no right answer as to what you should do. If you want to upload your book to Amazon, then do plenty of research, maybe network with some people who have gone through the process, and make sure you鈥檙e aware of all the expectations and potential pitfalls. And perhaps if you want to pursue the whole聽鈥渨rite a query letter and send to publishers鈥, that鈥檚 okay too! It鈥檚 all about what suits you.聽
Good luck, nonny!聽
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cocobeanncteez6 months ago
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ATEEZ Wooyoung- School President (Oneshot)
Genre: light angst, suggestive/steamy, high school au.
Pairing: SchoolPresident!Wooyoung x badgirl!reader
Warnings: none.
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"Miss L/N, detention after school till 4 p.m." your chemistry teacher said, making you mentally groan. It was the last class of the day and you were dying to go home, but now you had to stay for an extra hour. All your classmates turned to look at you, but they weren't surprised. "You still haven't submitted the assignment."
"Can I just submit it tomorrow?" you asked in a bored tone.
"No, you were supposed to submit it a week ago," she said, gathering her stuff to leave the class. "Detention with Mrs. Hwang today." You heard people around you snicker. Well, fuck. Mrs. Hwang was the strictest teacher in school. Even you were scared of her despite your badass attitude.
You got up from your seat, leaving the classroom with an annoyed expression on your face.
"Detention again, Y/N?" your bestfriend asked as she made her way to you with your other friends.
You rolled your eyes. "Ms. Jang will never fucking let me live in peace. I'll see you guys tomorrow," you said, making your way to detention.
You were surprised to find the room empty. Usually, there would always be about three or five students. Since no one was here, you decided to ditch; you would skip school the next day so that your teachers will forget about it. You turned around to leave, but ended up bumping into someone, slightly startling yourself.
"What are you doing here?" you asked, raising an eyebrow at your school president and heartthrob鈥攁lso called 'senior's eye candy' at your school鈥擩ung Wooyoung.
You had to admit, he was certainly the most handsome guy you've ever seen. Jung Wooyoung was absolutely perfect. Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him. You were sure half your school tried to hit on him despite the fact that he has a girlfriend.
"Unfortunately, I'm here to make sure that you won't escape detention as Mrs. Hwang is busy, so take a seat," he said, moving around you to sit on a chair and taking a notebook out of his bag.
You always found Jung Wooyoung very interesting. Other guys like him鈥攖he nerdy ones鈥攃an't even talk to you, let alone look you in the eye. Jung Wooyoung was the complete opposite.
You sat on one of the chairs, immediately taking your phone out.
"You can't use your phone here," Wooyoung said, not looking up at you from his notebook. "Why don't you complete your assignment?"
You scoffed. "And if I don't? What are you gonna do about it?"
"Nothing," he said, looking at you. "It's not affecting me in any way, so I don't care. However, Ms. Jang is gonna fail you again if you don't submit your assignment."
You knew he was right. And that annoyed you; you really just wanted to shut his pretty mouth up.
"Whatever," you mumbled, taking out a notebook and the assignment sheet to start working on the reactions you had to write.
However, you were completely blank. You didn't know or understand a word given on the sheet. You bit your lip as you stared at the sheet, wondering what to do.
Finally, you took out your phone and googled all the reactions, easily finishing the assignment in less than half an hour.
"You know, you won't be able to copy during finals," Wooyoung said, closing his notebook. "Even if you're copying now, at least learn what you've copied."
"I didn't ask for your comments," you retort. He was about to say something, but his phone rang.
"Hey, baby," he answered. " . . . I'm in charge of detention today . . . Oh, that's okay," his face fell slightly. " . . . No, it's alright. We can go some other day . . . Hmm, I love you too. Bye!"
You snorted, feeling bad for the boy. You were surprised someone as smart as him hasn't figured out that his girlfriend has been cheating on him. You've seen his girlfriend shoving her tongue down random people in the club, and hitting on people at your school. You remembered how shocked you were when you first found out that she was cheating on him; because why would anyone cheat on someone as perfect as Jung Wooyoung?
"You can leave now," Wooyoung said, getting up from his seat. "Detention is over." You nodded, leaving as fast as you can, just wanting to go home and sleep.
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"Your grades aren't very bad, but they aren't great either, Y/N," your class teacher said. "You'll get into an average college with these grades. But I know you can do much better. So I've asked one of the prefects to tutor you in Chemistry and Physics."
You groaned. "Can I do it by myself?"
"You wouldn't do it by yourself," she said. "Anyway, Jung Wooyoung will be tutoring you. Discuss and decide your timings with him. I expect you to score well on the next exam. I do not want to see you fail in any subject again." Before you could say anything, the door to the staff room opened, revealing none other than Jung Wooyoung. "Ah, Wooyoung, I just told Y/N that you will be tutoring her," she said. "I'm expecting you to do a great job."
Wooyoung smiled. "I won't let you down, Mrs. Park. But Y/N must put in efforts or else there's no point," he stated in a polite tone, and you rolled your eyes.
"Yes, that's true," she turned to look at you. "I'm expecting nothing but your best efforts, Y/N." She's always expecting something, huh, you thought. You only smiled, bowing politely.
"I'll do my best."
-
"What the actual fuck is this?" you mumbled, staring at the lengthy derivation written in Wooyoung's notebook. He rolled his eyes, so tired of hearing you say that to literally everything you saw written in his notebook.
"Ah, why did they have to make me tutor you of all people?" he whined. "You clearly haven't paid attention in class for even half a second."
"No one told you to accept it," you said, ignoring his last comment.
"I had to," he scoffed, stretching his arms out, making you glance at the veins on his arms. "Extra credits, you know?"
"Nerd," you muttered under your breath. He heard you, but didn't say anything. He began teaching you how to derive it; you paid attention for the first few seconds before zoning out. When you zoned back in, he asked you to explain what he just explained. You bit your lip, thinking of what to say.
He sighed. "You didn't pay attention again."
"I zoned out, sorry."
"That's what you said for the previous derivation," he said, a disappointed look on his face while he packed up his things.
"You're leaving already?" you asked, glancing at the time on your phone; you still had twenty minutes left.
"I'm not going to waste my time teaching you right now," he said. "You clearly aren't in the mood to focus." You only scoffed, watching him leave the library. You bit your lip, feeling kinda bad for not paying attention when he was making an effort to teach you.
The look of disappointment he showed you had somehow made you determined to prove that you could focus and do better.
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You were at Wooyoung's house, sitting on his bed and scrolling through your social media while waiting for him to finish changing out of his uniform. You spent an entire two weeks studying your ass off, and you were proud you made a big improvement, thanks to Wooyoung. He was quite surprised that you were actually making an effort to understand whatever he taught you. You both even became friends, and you were quite happy about that.
"I'm done," he said, coming out of his bathroom, making you look up from your phone. You held your breath at the sight of Wooyoung dressed in grey sweatpants and a black tank top. You couldn't stop yourself from checking him out: the veins running down his muscled arms, his exposed collarbones, his sharp jawline, his plump lips . . .
You were so immersed into checking him out, you didn't realize he was doing the same to you. He loved how your uniform skirt rid up your thighs, and how another two buttons on your shirt were unbuttoned, exposing a little bit of your cleavage. Before you knew it, he was slowly making his way towards you, eyes now locked with yours.
"Let's start, hmm?" he said with a smirk; he knew you were checking him out.
You clear your throat a little. "Yeah, let's start."
You spent the next half an hour trying to pay attention to whatever Wooyoung was teaching you. It didn't help that he absentmindedly placed his hand on your knee, or brushed your hand with his; he knew exactly what he was doing to you. Your mind kept wandering to the things you want him to do to you right now on his bed.
" . . . and now you should tell me," he leaned a little close to you with a smirk, making your heartbeat speed up. "Which formula should be used?"
"Fuck this," you muttered, pushing the books aside before straddling Wooyoung's lap.
"Took you long enough," he chuckled, and you crashed your lips on his. He instantly kissed you back, hands moving to grip your waist. You wouldn't admit it to anyone, but you have been dreaming about kissing Wooyoung the second he talked back to you a year ago.
You pulled away to litter his neck in kisses, sucking the skin gently. He groaned softly, making you smirk. "Fan of neck kisses?"
"You have no idea," he said, hands moving underneath your skirt to grip your bare inner thighs. He gave it a squeeze, making you involuntarily grind down on him. He moaned at the feeling, encouraging you to do it again. You moved your lips back to his, grinding on him even more. Wooyoung's hands slipped into your panties, grabbing your ass to help you grind down on him faster. The friction made you moan, craving for more. You tugged on his shirt, breaking the kiss to let him pull it off. You ran your hand down his toned torso in awe, loving the feeling of his abs beneath your fingertips. Your eyes widened at the tattoo above his hip bone. "You have a tattoo?!"
Wooyoung gripped your hips, moving you off of him so that he could hover over you. "Mhmm, bet you never expected the nerdy school president to have a tattoo, huh?" Your hands moved to his hair, playing it with while he began to kiss your neck, driving you crazy.
Wooyoung kissed down your chest till where your shirt was unbuttoned. He glanced up at you, fingers toying with the buttons. "Can I?" he asked. You nodded, letting him unbutton your shirt and slip it off you. You sucked in a breath when he ran his fingers over the lacy material of your bra.
"Take it off," you whined, making him chuckle.
"Patience, baby," he said, one hand gently rubbing your thigh.
But you really didn't have any patience right now.
You brought his lips to yours while you moved his hand to touch you where you desperately needed him, surprising him a little. He kissed you back hungrily while his finger moved on your clothed clit, applying pressure, making you get wetter. Your moans made him smirk; he loved how he was the reason behind it.
You both got startled at the sudden sound of his garage opening. He halted his movements, pulling away from you instantly.
"One of my parents is back from work," he said, quickly putting on his tank top and handing you your uniform shirt. You quickly buttoned it and straightened out your hair; you really did not want Wooyoung's strict parents to suspect anything since they already did not like the idea of him tutoring you in his final year of high school.
Wooyoung's father knocked on his bedroom door before opening it, finding you and Wooyoung busy writing equations.
"Oh, hey, dad! How was work?" Wooyoung asked with a sweet, innocent smile like as if he wasn't smirking a few minutes ago while touching you.
"Hello, Mr. Jung," you said politely.
"Hello, Y/N," he said. "Work was all right, as usual. How is your tutoring session going?"
"Good, dad," Wooyoung said, trying to control himself from smirking. "It's going really great."
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daretodream27 months ago
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Black women the time is now 鉂わ笍馃А馃挌 @petrabraunillustration
~馃檶馃徑馃檶馃徑馃檶馃徑 yes to this art but oh dear I am not a vegan, I don't think I could ever be, not even a pescatarian 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ~
*Good evening good peeps, how are you? Hoping you are all well 鉂わ笍馃А馃挌.
**I am absolutely exhausted 馃槾馃槾馃槾馃槱馃槱馃槱 but hey I have a Sip & Paint session with my girl 鉂わ笍馃А馃挌 tomorrow and an extra day off next week as I have to do stuff for my sister's charity with her, being the secretary but it is not too much, so the rest of the day is mine 馃檪馃檪馃檪.
***I hope you are well and you enjoyed my sunset and rainbow midday post. The big highlight of my day coz although work is okay, I do sense some power tension with a colleague from my team. We actually get on well but we challenge each other a lot until we had a direct slight confrontation. Unsure if it is the new thing with me. But I no longer only write to confront but I do it in real life now... Maybe Gassy is finally being herself now. Maybe I had enough of people seeinge like a goody to shoes they can just walk all over... Or maybe I am just me.
****So although work is now well organised even without the team leader, we are all very tired and irritable. Of course with a drop of 10 degrees from one day to the other as it suddenly felt like winter here, we defo more tired. Also we got less light, shorter days so that sudden change is playing on our moods. So, so, so we clash a bit. The other colleague from the other nursery is fine now, she backed off but my usual core staff irritates me at times. She is just too stubborn and it does not work when working in a team, you have to also look at the timing, circumstances to decide by yourself without telling others. Somethings just don't work in certain timings and circumstance. But hey she does not listen. She is not flexible and that is not a good personality trait, not a team player at all. It is important to listen to others point of view before taking a decision. She was in charge today and it felt more like a slight dictatorship than someone being in charge... So we clashed, coz I don't have patience lately maybe.
*****So about clashes, I want to say first and foremost that I was not upset with my two beauties, my two girls (not this time, it was not you 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ) coz I sensed the "is she talking to me" my two beauties, it was not at all about you and I really genuinely loved the pic I said I love, no jealousy, no biggie, I swear 馃槈馃槈馃槈. So to the man, I was slightly upset but not really, I am really at peace now when it comes to you. I am all good since that big ball of anger, last week or two weeks ago, I don't remember. It was defo to the lady that came with the "new" - ish group, I would call the third group.
******Now, now I am good, I just want to say that, I thought back on it and I realised with the stress at work, the stress of getting myself to NY, the tiredness of this new coldness entering my land, the stress of managing this blog and every single personalities assigned to it, and just keeping up with my family and friend, it started to pile up and I took a radical resolution, it is to slow down, to not rush myself with my applications, to not push myself, if I get to start my course in January great, if not everything comes in time, I will move my start date to the summer term, and will still get to NY on a visitor visa for February and school will start in May. This is worse comes to worse because Covid is slowing down a lot of my registry process and Visa. But this is worse comes to worse peeps, I am hoping to get there for the first week of December. And same for everything else before I breakdown, I just need to slow down. Those are the words that came to my heart yesterday morning. Even slowing down updating this blog. No rush, no stress, if I don't feel it, I can excuse myself because my health, mental health is primordial. A peaceful Gassy is also a Gassy that can give you beautiful, not stressful update and even if we have to clash it will be with more peace. So these are my new intentions 鉂わ笍馃А馃挌.
****So coming home to see the post I saw of the lady I respect and actually quite like her page... Anyways coming home to see this was like... Omg I am not adding an extra case for stress someone else to cater for from this group, too much, too much, I can't deal with this and so then came the blow. I literally thought why would someone make me want to make me feel bad for liking and commenting simply and especially because I have been good trying to limit the hearts, the loving language by respect for this person, to not rub it in. So I thought... I can't so I addressed it, exposed it but now only God knows if I was wrong and yourself of course. If I was wrong I do apologise, I am not perfect, I can sometimes definitely overthink and misdjudge but I have to add that it is also due to previous episodes and my trust is shuffled. I really lack trust in this episode of me in between my good man here and this lady, so of course remembering all that, my defence are up. But I thought I give it the benefit of a doubt and I apologise.
****** Now if I was wrong, I acknowledged it but if I was not I guess I will never know because it is only in between your heart and yourself, if there was some truth in what I said, you will know in your heart and I shall never know but I will just live it as this and take my responsibilities of just assuming if I was wrong. But now it is in between your heart and yourself if you had any intentions with that post because I will not address it again or mention it here or even talk metaphor about it anywhere. I have to say though that if was not, I know this is your career then and so you are very talented, so convincing. One positive feedback out of it is that you truly have a big talent because I believed it. So keep going, you will defo get the recognition for this. This is the positive side of this argument 馃槄. Okay so, that is all said and done for me.
*******I also revealed a part of my private life with you that I don't share much about my mum. But hey my mum did her best and now since the end of my 20s she understood she could not influences my choices in life by always pulling my heart strings so, she was not a horrible mum, not to me at least, she just did what she knew and she did her best. So don't worry I am fine. I just had to learn to say 'no' to her or to keep going with my decisions, now I am working on not feeling guilty often after saying "no". That is a big one. I really don't like to be told what to do. Coz first I am an aquarius and also I like to just have the choice and the freedom to be me. Don't get it wrong I know my place. I know when to completely submit, to elders, to bosses and sometimes even to reverence a man, sometimes 馃槄馃槄馃槄. I was raised the African/black way, we give reverence and respect otherwise... You know... But I just don't like orders because I am simply not a kid. Giving a choice or suggesting or advising is the right way to do stuff as a team 馃挴馃挴馃挴.
Okay, now, now, let's do this... Late... Never late, I told you I will take my time. Then I will go straight to bed, sorry to the lives I may miss, your Gassy is tired 馃槾馃槾馃槾. But I live you and those lives look dope 鉁ㄢ湪鉁煓岎煆金煓岎煆金煓岎煆解潳锔忦煣○煉.
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leejihoonownsmyheart7 months ago
Hi my favorite person. I hope you're doing okay. It's okay to not feel okay, but don't allow it to eat you up. Those thoughts that you have about yourself, I tend to have that a lot. I have friends who love me, but at times I feel that I'm being an inconvenience them? Because I tend to share a lot about my feelings and issues without filters, simply bcos I trust them. And they appreciate that. But I can't help to feel like I'm being a burden and that I'm being bothersome. (cont)
But I find that, those kinds of thoughts, are the one that draws me away from people. They didn't say anything like my thoughts, in fact, they prefer me to voice my feelings out than keep it in for my mental health's sake. So the issue here is with me, that I believe in those thoughts that bring me down and attempt to separate me from my friends, who really want to help me and loves me. I just wanna encourage you to be kinder to yourself. (cont) (2/6)
Think of yourself as another person. Would you treat another person like how you would treat yourself? Idk but this changed my perspective a lot and helped me to be kinder to myself. I come from a history of being harsh on myself. I've come a long way, but I still have a long way more to go. But I'm getting there. Girl it's not about reaching the destination! It's the journey that's the real thing. Please don't dwell in those negative thoughts. (cont) (3/6)
If those thoughts bring you down and make you feel miserable, it's toxic thoughts that you don't need. Easier said than done, I know! But I've been there, and trust me, they won't do you any good. (cont) (4/6)
I've just submitted an assignment given by a lecturer I call "toilet bowl" bcos she has anger management issues due to pregnancy. She's super impatient and spoilt. Like hello? I didn't make you pregnant?? You wanted the child?? And trust me, the physical pain is not even a beginning of what's to come?? Bcos children can be a real ass?? Go at your husband, not your students?? We didn't make you pregnant? Okay bye love, I'm gonna go to bed! Love you. Take care. (cont) (5/6)
I many not send asks often, but trust me, I'm always watching you. Not in a scary way LMAO. But like, yknow, I know what you doin girl. Btw out of all the blogs I follow, you're the one I'm most comfortable to talk to. Thank you for that. I love you. (6/6)
So, it鈥檚 funny cause I鈥檓 like really dependent on other people, despite other people sorta being the reason I end up really disliking myself. Like my mom is the origin of my physical insecurities, and I never used to have many mental insecurities until I started realizing people鈥檚 expectations from me. I can usual keep pretty good control of it, but one of my managers at work has been really hard on me... Like it鈥檚 clear she doesn鈥檛 trust me at all to do anything and lowkey she knocked from 88 to 0 pretty damn fast, so right now I guess i鈥檓 just really sensitive to literally everything and everyone. So I鈥檝e been just trying not to think like you said right? Don鈥檛 dwell on the thoughts. So, spend all my time with my roommates and spend as much time with my other friend as possible so I never have a second to think. But now I just feel like everyone hates me.
I don鈥檛 know, I can鈥檛 really talk about it much cause they all have my tumblr (which just brings on a whole other slew of things. Like do you just not care that I am like this rn or are you not reading the messages at all, I don鈥檛 know and tbh that doesn鈥檛 help).聽
But also I鈥檓 sorry that your lecturer is getting angry at you guys??? I really hate it when teachers are like that. Like you chose to be an educator, abuse is not in your job description no matter how bad your day has been.
Also I鈥檓 glad your comfortable to talk to me!!! I always really enjoy our conversations, and I get really excited when I see you in my inbox!! I love you too a lot! Thank you for coming to comfort me!聽
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Invisible String (Harry Styles x Reader)
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(Soulmate AU)
A/N: Got inspired with this while listening to Taylor Swift鈥檚 Invisible string, hence the title. It took me a really long time to write this, hope you like it!聽
Warnings: none
Summary: In a world where soulmates are connected by an invisible red thread, how would you find yours?
鈥淢aybe if I yank it hard enough, I鈥檒l pull him to me.鈥
鈥淗oney, you know that鈥檚 not how it works, right?鈥 My Mom leaned forward and placed her hand on my arm, she looked genuinely concerned for me.
鈥淢om, you got it easy. You were fifteen when you bumped into dad. Literally. And here I am, twenty-six and still don鈥檛 know who is my soulmate,鈥 My voice rising slowly as I pushed her hand away from me, I was getting rather frustrated having the same conversations over and over again.
鈥淥h don't be so dramatic, your Grandma was thirty-five when she met your Grandpa and you know how happy they were. You'll find him," my mom tried to reassure me. Again. 鈥淥r her," tilting her head to the side, she added as an afterthought.
I almost wanted to roll my eyes, my Grandma was a聽very聽patient lady,聽unfortunately, she didn't pass down the trait to me.
I had been waiting for my soulmate ever since I turned five and sort of understood the concept. Invisible red strings. Fate. The one.
My parents sat me down one fine day and explained to me how two people that were meant to be together were connected by an invisible red thread tied to their little fingers.
All I asked them at the time was if the thread was invisible, how did people know it was red. They told me I'll find out in due time.
I still didn't know the answer to that.
But after my five-year-old brain had absorbed the newly received information, I got obsessed with finding my soulmate.
There was something incredibly reassuring about having someone only meant for you. But wrapped around it was the uncertainty of how and聽when聽and you will find them, or even聽if聽you'll find them.
After that day, I would constantly find myself reaching for my pinky finger, a calmness washing over me, a hope to find someone, and call them mine.
My friends and I spent hours discussing our soulmates, what they would look like, how would we meet them, and so on. Our parents would look at us and coo, mostly finding this adorable, reminding them of a time when they were young and probably did the same.
That's how things worked.
I was ten and had left my obsession behind. I still found comfort in my little finger during times of sadness and anger.
One night in the middle of June, after a big fight with my parents, I ran up to my room, plopped myself on the bed, and let loose all the emotions building up in me.聽
It was a few hours later when my breathing calmed down and the tears on my cheeks dried when my left hand reached for my pinky, and my fingers felt a soft textured thread reaching out from it.
My eyes widened as I looked down at my hands but found nothing, only my fingers wrapped around what seemed to be air, a few inches in front of my right hand's littlest finger.
I could not comprehend what had happened and chalked it up to delusions due to my tiredness.
The next morning I woke up, groggy, my hands automatically reached for the supposed string that I could feel the previous night and found that I could still touch it. "Maybe I am still tired," I convinced myself before sleeping for another few hours.
It was after spending a few days just feeling out the string that I realised I could touch the red string of fate.
My parents didn't believe so, they thought I was still a delusional kid with my head up in the clouds. They found it cute for a couple of days, happy that I was still interested in finding a soulmate, but then my constant attempts at convincing them that it was true got annoying for them.
No one seemed to believe me, and my friends thought I was lying for attention.
Nothing like this had ever happened. Fate worked mysteriously, fate worked behind the scenes. No one was supposed to know聽how, it just worked. I must be lying.
Since no one believed me, I found solace in my thread, in my soulmate. I tried pulling the string, hoping the one on the other side would reply, would pull it towards them as well. But nothing.
I guessed maybe they couldn't feel the string as well, just like everybody else. But my soulmate was not like everybody else. If I could touch the thread then they could as well, after all, our souls were connected. Maybe they just didn't want me.
I never stopped though, just like my pinky had become my safety blanket, I found a new comfort in pulling the thread, twisting it between my fingers, still praying that my other half could feel it, even if they didn't respond.
I would spend hours trying to follow the thread, but it seemed endless and at the time, my block was where my world ended. My soulmate was way out of my reach.
Three months later, in the middle of my English class, I felt it. A tug. I looked down, before realising I could not see it. I almost laughed at my stupidity, but it was clear as day, my soulmate had responded.聽
My head shook as a slow smile crept up my face and I couldn't stop the sigh leaving my mouth. My classmates probably worried about my sanity, shaking my head and smiling at nothing sitting in the centre of the classroom. But I didn't care.
Knowing that there indeed was someone on the other side was like finding a piece of land after a lifetime at sea. I didn't waste a second to reply and received a tug again. I smiled, he was here and he was here to stay.
It was the start of something new. Every time, one of us felt down or lonely or happy we would pull at our thread, we now had someone to share those moments with.
I didn't know if his family or friends knew about us, but it felt like our secret.
Over the years, we formed this new language between us. Sometimes, we would pull the thread at the same time, or wait for the other to respond but no one would. It was uncoordinated and messy, like two drunk people attempting to dance, but it was ours.
I was eighteen when I figured a way to enhance our communication.聽Morse code.
It was some random detective show that gave me the idea and it seemed perfect. I just didn't know how to communicate聽this聽to him.
It took me less than a month to learn morse code. After I was done learning, I tried pulling at the thread in a specific pattern 鈥楬ey Soulmate鈥.
He wouldn't understand the message, but I prayed he would realise what it was.
He did.
Somehow, my soulmate had lost the ability to disappoint me. I smiled at the thought.
It took weeks of incomprehensible back and forth between us for us to finally be able to understand each other. It was hard, but we achieved it.
I realised two things from our exchanges.
One- My soulmate was a dork, his dad jokes were endless and two- I loved every second of it.
He would start pulling at the string in the middle of the night and I had to grab the notepad and pencil from my bedside table and decipher his messages half-asleep. And It would end up being some lame knock-knock joke.
You bet I laughed every time.
聽Which always led me to wonder what it would be like to actually be with him. How would he be as a partner? Would he hold my hand walking down the street? Would he kiss me in front of his friends? What nickname would he give me or would he give me any at all?
I spent most of my time talking to Harry, whose name I had learnt in one of our earliest full conversations.
My parents let it slide, believing it to be some聽teenage issues.聽My friends were lucky enough to have found their own soulmates at a young enough age and were too busy being in love.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked him one night.
I kept staring at the neon stars on my ceiling. Trying to conjure his face in my mind as I waited for his response, but didn't feel the now familiar tug that carried his replies.
It seemed like hours before my little finger was finally pulled at. With my notepad and pencil at the ready, I was prepared to write.聽鈥淎 musician鈥.
The corners of my mouth were pulled upwards and I imagined a young faceless man with a guitar in his hand performing in a stadium for thousands of people.
A laugh left me when I pictured him ending his concert with a final joke. People would groan at him but laugh nonetheless. They would love him too.
My mind then wandered to a future where he was performing at the Madison Square Garden, people screaming聽I love you聽from the audience. A huge smile gracing his lips. He would then came home late at night after the concert and lay down on the bed next to me. He would wrap his arm around my sleeping form and whisper聽I love you in my ear and I would respond with a sleepy mmph. He would smile down at me and eventually fall asleep too.
I looked down at the thread which was still pulling but all I could catch was a question mark. I cursed myself for not paying attention and asked him to repeat his question.
鈥淲hat about you, Lovie?"
I stilled. Lovie? A nickname. So he聽was聽a nickname kinda guy.
I almost forgot to reply to him. But then instantly hit him back with a 鈥淛ournalist鈥.
My pinky was pulled again,聽鈥淢aybe that is how we will cross paths鈥.
I liked the thought.
"Owww," my right hand was pulled harshly when I stood up to submit my English assignment, causing me to fall forward. I was confused for a few seconds, trying to piece what caused it, but found nothing.
I looked around as everyone was laughing at my clumsiness, still dazed, I stood up and placed my essay on my teacher's table who looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed in concern, her lips parted to whisper "Are you okay?"
I nodded my head and returned to my seat, head down and my thoughts racing a thousand miles a minute. Before it clicked, Harry. I couldn't believe he made me fall down on purpose, or maybe it was an accident.
鈥淪orry鈥
I shook my head at my clumsy partner and focused on my teacher who had started talking about something else already.
I wasn't going to let the incident go that soon. During our next conversation, instead of sending him a reply, I held onto the soft, invisible thread tightly and yanked it towards me.
Not getting a reply soon after, I started worrying I had actually hurt him. Panic flowed through me, this was an insane idea, why would I do that? What if he was driving? What if he was at a height?
鈥淥www鈥
I admit I laughed, the incident wasn't hilarious enough to call for that level of laughter, but I did.
All my panic had immediately flown out of me. I loved it; before he pulled his end of the string again and made me fall down.
Thus, welcomed a new addition to our language.
We would yank our strings during mid-conversations, making the other fall down wherever they were. Did injury turn us on? We never tried to guess.
~
Moving to college was harder than I thought, I didn't know if I was moving closer to Him or farther away.
I considered asking him where he lived, but shook the thought away, we had promised not to reveal to each other any of our identifiable qualities except for our first names. We wanted to leave some things up to the true mastermind, Fate.
Going to New York University was my dream. Receiving my acceptance letter was an emotional moment for me, it took my Mom like an hour to calm me down enough to actually read the letter.
So, physically being here, standing in my dorm room was another level of excitement. I was ready to bedazzle the world with my writing.
"Ouch," someone came rushing into me from the back. I turned around to look at the person who bumped into me, only to find a five-foot-something, brown-haired girl standing in front of me, rubbing her forehead.
"Hi."
"Hello, you must be the roommate. I'm Olivia, what about you?" Her eyes held a curious gaze, as she extended her right hand towards me.
"Y/n," I placed my hand in hers and shook it lightly, having a good feeling about her.
"Y/n, brace yourself, we're gonna be best friends for a really long time."
I knew it.
During my time at NYU, Olivia really did become my best friend, she introduced me to her soulmate, Ashley, who was somehow an even bigger bundle of joy than Liv. I didn't know that was possible.
"Who're those guys?"
"Hmm?"
"In your poster, I have always wanted to ask you that," I pointed at the big poster Liv had stuck on her wall in our first year.
She looked at me, her brows raised up to her forehead and her mouth agape, "You don't know One Direction?"
"I mean, I have heard of them. Are they any good?" I remembered my friends back home making me listen to a song of theirs, "What makes you beautiful', it was catchy but I never dug deeper into them. I didn't even know why.
"Only the best," her mouth was set into a hard line, but her forehead was covered in creases as though she was thinking deeply about something.
"Come on, I'll show you their songs. I don鈥檛 why we鈥檝e never done this before.鈥
This commenced a whole night of one direction albums, music videos, their documentary, and their recent concert film. She even called Ashley to our room, which began an intense lesson on the fandom ships, theories, and dramas. It was a busy night.
By the next day, I was more knowledgable about one direction than I had ever intended to be. I didn't it mind it though, I got to further learn the inner makings of my best friend.
I had to admit, I was a little partial towards Harry Styles, his name had become a personal favourite of mine. Plus, he was cute.
I also noticed how clumsy he was on stage. Constantly falling down, mid-performances. It was hilarious. Olivia told me that's just how he was. Goofy, dorky, always telling lame jokes.
鈥淒o you know one direction?鈥
I waited for his reply, this one took longer than our previous ongoing conversation. I didn't like it when he replied late.
鈥淵es.鈥
鈥淥livia introduced聽me to them.鈥
鈥淲ho do you like the best?鈥
I didn't even have to think about it at all,聽鈥淗arry styles.鈥
I hoped he was smiling, where ever he was.
鈥淩eally? Not my personal favourite.鈥
That idiot. My face was hurting from smiling so much. I wondered how I would even be in this guy's presence without physically hurting my cheeks.
But I knew I wouldn't mind it, as long as I could be with him.
鈥淲ho do you like then?鈥
鈥淵ou.鈥
~
I had never known how successful my dream of becoming a journalist could be. All I knew of back then was my talent for writing and my passion to make my voice heard. And it was all I had ever needed.
Rolling Stone was a magazine only a few could say they were not familiar with. And even fewer who wrote for it.
I was one lucky girl, who worked through countless unpaid internships before finally landing a job at this prestigious place. I had written quite a few articles under the politics section of the magazine.
I kept up with Harry over the years, at this point I knew basically everything about him, except for what he did for a living, where he lived, and who he was. But I loved him. And I waited for him, even if did get tiring at times.
Everywhere I went, it felt like everyone had found their soulmates except for me. I was the one girl standing alone in the middle of a dance floor during a couple's song.
All these years he still seemed none the closer to me.
We still found joy in tripping each other during random hours of the day though; Falling for him was the highlight of my day.
~
"Maybe if I yank it hard enough, I'll pull him to me."
I had a rocky relationship with my parents, they had never believed in me, too busy in their own love story to pay attention to their only daughter. I couldn't hold it against them though if you had something as beautiful as they did, why would you focus on anything else.
I sigh in bitterness as my Mom rambled on about how she met my Dad. Although I had heard the story a billion times, it still made me smile. Then, reminded me how I didn't have that.
My phone started vibrating next to me, I looked at it to find it was my boss calling me. I tilted my head upwards, trying to recall if I had informed her of my visit to my parents' house. I had.
Confused, I picked up the phone, "Y/N, you need to come to the office now. We need you to take over the article Rob Sheffield was supposed to write," my boss's commanding voice instantly hits my ears, making me flinch backwards.
"Wait,聽what?"
"Rob had an urgent business to attend to and you are the only replacement available." Her voice carried her usual urgency.
"But Rob is a music journalist, I write politics." Her words were rushing past me and it was getting harder for me to keep up.
"Obviously I know that, but as I said you are the only replacement available, everyone else is already working on their pieces. Come to the office and get your assignment. Now." When I was told my boss did not joke around, they were not kidding.
As soon as she hung up, I started packing up my stuff. I explained to my Mom about the situation, her shoulders slumped, I knew she really wanted to spend more time with me, but she sighed, nodding her head in understanding.
Walking into the Rolling Stone's office every day still brought me back to my first day here. When I was a twenty-three-year-old naive girl, with a heart full of determination and a head full of ideas.
The elevator doors opened and my eyes fell upon the old Rolling Stone covers hung from the wall, they looked like gold records in a music studio. I walked down the lobby to the reception and asked Ally if my boss was available.
I knocked at her door, patiently waiting for her to invite me in. Three years later and I was still deathly afraid of her.
"Y/n, you are going to interview Harry Styles. You'll leave for LA tomorrow morning, and meet him first thing after landing, hang out with him a couple days, get to know him, this is going to be the cover story. I know music is not your department but right now I聽really聽don't have any other option. Do your research all day today, we'll publish the article in next month's issue. It better be good." She clicked her fingers, pointing them at me and then shooed me away from the entrance of her cabin.
"Harry Styles huh," I walked towards my desk remembering all the late-night dance parties I had with Liv and Ashley during college, blasting all of One direction's hits, discussing fan theories and whatnot.
The familiar pull聽nay聽yank brought me back to the present, on my office floor, with my colleagues watching over the all too familiar scene.
A smile graced my lips, at this point I had lost the ability to feel shame. I sat down on my desk and pulled at my thread.
鈥淵ou will pay for this.鈥
鈥淚 am ready when you are, Lovie.鈥
How was our relationship ever going to work if I was ready to melt any time he called me that.
I knew he was waiting for me to trip him, but I didn't. I would get him when he wouldn't expect it. Not today sir, not today.
I went to start researching on Harry Styles and preparing my questions for tomorrow. A groan escaped my lips as I slammed my forehead on the table, this was聽not聽enough time.
Harry Styles was a multi-millionaire, platinum record selling artist with millions of fans. He was portrayed to be this womaniser, who played with people's hearts. But, the first thing I learnt about him during my research was of his kind heart.
I surfed through countless videos of his interactions with fans, clips from his concerts, conversations with paparazzi and not once did I find him in a bad mood or as someone less than the absolute model of perfection. Everybody had bad days, well everyone but Mr.Styles apparently.
As someone only writing about the people in power; the politicians, the stark deviance from my usual subjects was a well-welcomed change.
He was a part of various charities, always preaching about love and kindness. Honestly, I was a little jealous of how lucky his soulmate was, to have someone like him.
After reading possibly everything I could about Harry, I started working on the questions I would ask him. I was determined to know how he managed to be the way he was. How he remained calm even after constantly being harassed by fans and paps alike; How after all these years, he still didn't let the fame get to his head.
I woke up the next morning feeling weird tingles in my stomach, I wasn't able to determine if it was good or bad. I went about my usual routine trying to ignore the tingly feeling. I read through my questions again, I had formed a sort of admiration for Harry (the singer) and I wasn't going to embarrass myself when it mattered the most.
I checked myself in the mirror one last time, feeling good with the outfit I went for- a tan, high-waisted lace-up jumpsuit. My confident outfit seemed like compensation for the nerves running through my body.
My mind wandered to my soulmate for a second, wondering what he must be up to right now. I looked up at myself in the mirror again and saw the smile on my face. Only for you, partner. I shook my head, picked up my suitcase and left for the airport.
The last thing I wanted to do after a six-hour flight was to meet an international celebrity, but I shrugged, a job was a job.
The deli we were supposed to meet at was a quaint place, the two ladies working there were incredibly sweet. They greeted me with the widest smiles and escorted me to a semi-secluded corner when I told them about the purpose of my visit. They doted about Harry, who I concluded was a regular here, calling him 'my love'.
Harry hadn't arrived yet and I was starving, the fragrance of different foods in the deli wafted to my nose, serving as a constant reminder of my hunger. The ladies whose names I had learnt to be Gloria and Raisa noticed my condition and offered to bring me a sandwich, but I declined the offer, not wanting to order before Harry's arrival, considering it to be a bit rude.
But, ever the saviour Harry entered the deli soon after, I admit I released a long breath in relief, I would finally get to order.
Harry's presence was like a force of nature, no one could escape it. I stood up from my seat, without thinking twice as if something compelled me to honour it. I couldn't pry my eyes away from him, and I didn't want to. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.
Every step of his brought him closer to me, the weird tingles I had been feeling all morning intensified, crawling up to every part of my body. I wanted something,聽anything聽to help me ground myself.
My hands frantically searched around for my thread, and as soon as my fingers made contact with the聽string of fate, the familiar calm washed over me.
Maybe in my frantic state, I pulled the string too hard. I winced, almost closing my eyes as Harry's expression changed into one of panic, his eyes widening as he fell forward. I worried about my Harry as well, realising how hard I must have pulled the thread.
Oh.
OH.
I rushed towards Harry, helping him up. When my hand touched his bicep, a warmth started flooding through my veins, locking eyes with him, I knew he was experiencing the same thing as well.
We both looked down towards our hands and a red string was seen connecting our pinkies. We met each other's eyes again.
"Hi," he gave me a toothy grin. I could die a thousand times for his smile.
"Hello," his eyes, a little sunken, were the most beautiful green I had ever seen, I could spend a lifetime getting lost in them.
"Well since I've already fallen for you, how abou' we go out to eat something.聽Oh wait,聽we're already here." His chest was out, and his eyes gleamed at his statement, he was weirdly proud of his jokes.
My entire body shook, I didn't know if I was laughing at his 鈥楶ick up line' or the situation. I was standing in front of my soulmate, whom I've pined after all my life, only for him to turn out to be Harry fucking Styles.
His brows furrowed in concern as I continued laughing, even he realised his joke was not funny enough to prompt this big of a guffaw.
I took a step back, my hands reaching up to rest on the sides of my face, tears were streaming down my face from laughing too much. Harry's contorted face making me laugh louder. I could not stop.
He reached out his hands and wrapped them around mine. I noted how big his hands were compared to mine, warmer too. "Hey, are you okay?"
聽I nodded my head, taking deep breaths to calm myself. When I seemed to have a hold on my laugh, another round burst from me. I started shaking again.
At this point, Harry had given up on me and started laughing as well. We were garnering unneeded attention but we couldn't stop. I noticed from the corner of my eyes, Gloria and Raisa were hovering around us protectively, not letting anyone come near us.聽Angels.
After several minutes or hours, we stopped for good. And even though my stomach was hurting like a bitch, my smile couldn't have been wider.
"So, it's you huh," I started, bringing Harry to my table, "My聽soulmate聽heh." My palms were getting sweaty, I tried to subtly wipe them on my pants.
He sat across me, reaching out and grabbing my hands in his again. I changed our hand positions, interlocking my fingers with his. The red string between us lengthening and shortening constantly, conforming to our movements.
He nodded, a smile ever-present on his face. He released a small breath, his shoulders slumped slightly, "I've dreamed of this moment for years. It's good to finally meet you,聽Lovie."
A weird gurgle-like sound left my mouth. My eyes widened as I covered my mouth, horrified and embarrassed at the same time.
He just looked amused, raising his eyebrows as if to ask me what the fuck was that.
"It's just, it keeps hitting me that this moment is real. That you are here in front of me and you are the Harry Styles-" my eyes continued to dart down to the striking red colour of the thread I was so accustomed to not seeing "-But like you are also just Harry, who I've known all my life."聽
"I get tha', I聽do," he nodded fervently, "All my life, I pictured a faceless girl when I imagined a life with you. Now everything seems complete, like the final piece of the puzzle has been placed and I can see my life as a whole picture and I see you with me," he then shrugged his shoulders, wanting to be seen nonchalant.
Hearing him reflect on everything that I've been feeling as well, brought tears in my eyes. He noticed my eyes getting glassy,
"Was it too much too soon?" His fingers were slightly tapping on the table, he kept looking down at our joined hands and biting his lips. My eyes fell to his lips, I hadn't noticed how pink they were.
"No, no, not at all," my hold on his hands tightened as I shook my head, trying to ease his nerves as well.
I went silent for a minute, not sure if I should continue before starting to tap a pattern on the table. One I hoped he would get without having to write it down.
鈥淚 love you.鈥
If the smile on his face were to say anything, it was that he got it. Of course, he would.
Our fingers started to tingle, pulling our attention towards them as we watched the red string starting to disappear.
When it seemed to be fully gone, I traced my hand around the table, checking if I could still feel it, I couldn't. It had really gone away.
I knew this would happen, but it didn't make saying goodbye any easier. Harry brought our hands together again, catching my attention again, "I don't need the string any more, I have you in my arms now." He rested his forehead on mine, breathing slowly.
He then brought my hands up to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on my knuckles. Causing a soft gasp to leave my lips.聽I swear he would kill me one day.
"I love you too, Lovie."
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riskyrenjuna year ago
Text
My Roommate Who Hacked My Laptop
smut
lee felix / lee minho / female reader
a/n : the long awaited collab with @starryseung that we have been working on for ages. let鈥檚 hope we can collab again someday! :3 (i will add the 鈥渒eep reading鈥 soon!)
Coming home from work on another rainy day, Minho took a seat in the kitchen after cooking himself some delicious dinner. The tea he forgot to blow on before taking a sip burnt his lips, inappropriate words erupting from his mouth afterwards. You walk out of your room, stretching and walking towards your roommate.
鈥淗ow was your day?鈥, you ask the older male, sitting down opposite him after placing the plates in front of him. He serves the food he had cooked, propping a spoon and fork next to the plate as he starts about the list of events greeting him since the beginning of the day. You lick your lips, preventing the saliva from dropping down as fumes rise from the hot dish.
You finish up your food, rinsing your plate and placing it in the dishwasher below. You make a mental note to make something for dinner tomorrow as a gratitude note for Minho. You drink some water before dialling your boyfriend Felix, calling him over to provide emotional and mental support to you as you melt your brains and burn your eyes against the bright screen of your laptop.
"So, how many laptops have you hacked into so far?", you ask absentmindedly as you scroll through your phone.
A soft giggle erupted from his mouth, "Not as many as you think, y/n. But I'm pretty smart enough to hack into any kind."
You tsk as you face him, "And what do you usually hack them for?"
Shit, the boy cursed under his breath. "Oh, give me a break! I can't finish the shitton of homework these classes give me everyday. I hack into those nerd ass's laptops. You know, easy targets. They're passwords are always something stupid like, the value of pi, or the table of 9", he huffs out, making you laugh at his logic.
"So, did you ever hack into mine?"聽
The smile dancing on the boy's lips slowly fades away, his lips parting as you stare at him intently, waiting for an answer. As if on cue, the doorbell rings and you hop out of the seat, placing your phone down on the table.
You shuffle to the door and hug your boyfriend as he looks over your shoulders to see Minho making gagging actions. He laughs and breaks the hug with you, and you run down to your room, shouting a quick 鈥淒on鈥檛 hack my computer!鈥, to Minho hearing a loud laugh from the male.
鈥⑩⑩
You sit against the pile of pillows Felix had adjusted for you, which he had read somewhere was supposed to be relaxing. You work through the bulk of files in your computer, skimming to start writing the essay your strict professor had assigned your class. You read the assignment question one last time, before sighing. Great, you think. This had to be above 3000 words.
Just like every other day you would call Felix over, he was being unnecessarily needy today of all days, when you had an important project to submit. You begin to realize if you had really called him to help you out with your homework or try to get in your pants. He wasn't even bothering to help you out! You jolt as you feel his cold fingers tickle your sides, slowly rising under your shirt to play with your breasts.
"Felix!" you giggle as he snaked his cold hands back to your tummy, squishing it under his fingers. "Okay, now let me help you for real."
It hadn't been nearly five minutes, before Felix ran his hand up your waist, distracting you from your homework again. You were just a few more sentences away from finishing it off, holding your hand up to Felix, making him huff in impatience.
"Come on baby, it's been years since we've had some us-time! I really miss your touch babe, please"
"Felix, we literally fucked yesterday. I seriously don't know if you're human or a rabbit in heat. Moreover, I have a roommate, Felix. He has to sleep!"
"Babe please", Felix whines for the umpteenth time, carding his hands through your hair.
"Fine. Just wait for 5 minutes, I'm almost done鈥", you barely finish your sentence before you're cut off by a hand rubbing your stomach, Felix's lips locking on yours. He grazes his hands against your sides, and you place your computer on the nightstand, too busy to even close the device.
You focus back on the kiss, his teeth tugging at your bottom lip, entering his tongue in as you suck on the muscle, feeling his bulge on your thigh. You bring your hands up around his neck, pushing him against you to deepen the kiss. He had his hands held against the headboard, right next to your head.
He pulls your shirt above your head as you pull down his pants and underwear, too lazy to even pull away from the kiss. You flip over, making him lie underneath you as you grind on his naked crotch. He grunts as he pulls your leggings down from your body and tosses it over the bed, letting your underwear remain. You push yourself on his dick, the lacey material of your underwear digging inside your wet core, erupting a moan from both of you due to the new sensation.
He grips your waist, making sure to leave bruises for tomorrow, as he bucks his hips lightly into yours, rubbing his length against the rough material between your sex. You let out a high-pitched moan, encouraging him to push your panties aside and dip his length into your hot pussy. You yelp as his raw shaft pushes into you, caressing your every inch. He rolls his hips into you as you clutch his arms for dear life, the feeling sending you over the edge.
You bring your shaky hand to where you both were connected, rubbing unintelligible patterns on your bundle of nerves. You shiver at the overstimulation as you start bouncing on your boyfriend's dick, allowing him to steady his hands at your breasts, rolling and pulling the hard nubs. You feel your hips stutter above him, indicating you're close.
You spurt your orgasm right over Felix as he buries his shaft into you one last time, his dick twitching as your warmth coats his length, your juices mixing inside you and leaving out of you.
Felix picks you up and drops you down on his bed, immediately occupying himself with one of your nipples, licking and biting the sensitive skin. Your hands find his hair to pull at it, and Felix snaps his dick into yours, making a scream erupt from you. He starts pumping his length into you, making your walls clench around him.
鈥淵ou can鈥檛 do that baby, I can鈥檛 move,鈥 he growls against your chest, increasing his speed as he rests his head against yours and thrusts into you harder and deeper. You yelp as you feel his thumb coming in contact with your clit, pressing the sensitive area occasionally. You come without warning and spill your juices all over the sheets under you.
He pulls out of you, his dick rubbing against your sensitive walls making you wince in pain. He pumps his length and comes all over your chest and stomach, plopping down next to you. He doesn't seem to be satisfied with two rounds, considering how his dick is still thick and hard, throbbing in pain.
"Baby it hurts so much. I can't bear it anymore."
You push his shoulders up to make him lean against the headboard, as you lower your mouth on his shaft, lips wrapping around his tip as you lightly suck at the spot, earning loud whines from him. You kitten lick at the tip as you slowly lower yourself on his length, gagging as he hits the back of your throat. He snakes his hands down to your core, collecting your wetness on his fingers and pushing them in you as you hum around his length, sending vibrations throughout his body.
You choke a moan as you grind over his palm, his fingers reaching soft spots in you. You feel his oncoming high as he starts thrusting his hips in your mouth, and you suck and swallow around him and lay your tongue flat against his base as he spurts his hot liquid down your throat. You come along with him, your cum glistening above his fingers.
鈥淪uck it鈥 Felix commands in a dominant tone as he presses two of his fingers against your lips. He was just done fingering you for the third round, your wetness coating his skin. You gladly parted your lips and opened your mouth, locking eyes with Felix as he pushed the fingers inside.
Satisfied with the view Felix groaned, a proud smirk painted over his face as he unexpectedly whipped his throbbing dick out, throwing your legs over his shoulders to earn more access.
鈥淔-Felix!鈥 you yearned as his hips met your thighs, thrusting roughly with absolutely no mercy, making the bed bang against the thin wall.
鈥淚鈥檒l make you squirm, babygirl, be patient鈥 he warned, picking up the pace and wrapping his veiny hand around your throat. The volume of your moans increased giving out to your neighbours you and Felix were fucking again.
Little did Felix and you know, Minho was actually enjoying the view as he sat in his room with the laptop in front of his eyes, jerking himself off as he watched how you were getting ruined.
He hoped to join in one day.
鈥⑩⑩
鈥淗ey mate! How鈥檚 it going?鈥 Felix asks Minho as he sits down on the bean bag next to his pal cautiously with two cups of coffee in one hand and a box of bagels you鈥檇 prepare for your boyfriend. They had been friends for a little over a while due to the pair attending the same university.
鈥淣othing much, just working on this coding program I have to run. I try editing each and every block of command, but nothing seems to work.鈥 Minho replies, sipping on the hot drink the younger had just offered him. Minho was smart, a genius, and would ace any pop quiz or surprise test the teachers would conduct at any hour of the week. He majored in cyber security, and learnt about many different programming languages and codes, and would fix any device or hack into a fool-proof system within the blink of an eye.
He had long fingers, long enough to reach the end of the keyboard with one swift movement of his wrists. Long enough to reach deep spots in your cunt as you squirm under him. He had sharp eyes, the kind that could detect an error in his program within seconds. The kind that would bore holes into you as he snaps his hips into you, thrusting mercilessly. Minho had strong hands, those that could pick up his heavy black bag full of a laptop, tons of papers and notes. Those which could clasp around your neck and make your lungs devoid of oxygen.
Minho was a hacker. He would hack into people鈥檚 systems, only to execute the following: Take revenge, help someone out, or satisfy the growing bulge between his legs. He would trip over many empty-headed people across the town, who would have their intimate moments with their computers and phones angled at a distance to provide hackers with a full free porn movie.
But recently, he tripped over a special empty-head, you. You couldn鈥檛 help it though, you had a pile of homework to keep you hostage every night, and to relieve the stress, Felix would hop in and pleasure you. While your device was wide open. And Minho on the other end of the camera, would jerk off at his best friend and girlfriend having sex. He wasn鈥檛 guilty, he was drunk with the videos he鈥檇 watch every night. He would help others out, so he should be helped out too, right?
Now, Minho hadn鈥檛 only studied Cyber Security. He also took Literature and Dance as his other choices. You and Minho shared the Literature class, and you were recently paired up with him for a project. You would sit together in the living room and work on your project every other day. Minho wasn鈥檛 a dumb kid. He wouldn鈥檛 let his dark fantasies cloud his mind 鈥攊mages of you sucking down on his length 鈥攁nd would instead focus on his part of the project. Though he鈥檇 rush to his room after you鈥檇 leave for yours and jerk himself off, imagining you bouncing above him, clenching your tight pussy around him as he pounds into you.
鈥⑩⑩
You drown yourself under the sheets as Felix hugs you from behind. He reaches over and shuts your laptop close after saving the assignment you had just finished. You two had had sex again, this time at Felix鈥檚. You sometimes felt pity for both your neighbors and roommates, poor couples who had to listen to vulgar sounds in the middle of the night. As you doze off, a bell rings in your head. You鈥檇 forgotten your literature books at Minho鈥檚 coffee table, and you had Literature classes first thing tomorrow morning. You groan and slowly remove Felix鈥檚 hand from across your stomach, making his eyes open.
鈥淲hat happened, babe? Everything's alright?鈥
鈥淚 forgot my books at my place, and I have literature first thing in the morning.鈥 You sigh, reminiscing about the pain between your legs. You know you鈥檒l have to go, because you even had to grab some of your notes from Minho. You remove the warm sheets from above your body and sit up, wearing some loose pants under Felix鈥檚 tank top you鈥檇 worn. Felix starts fixing his hair and then brushes your hair softly as you look up at him, confused.
鈥淲hat are you doing? You鈥檙e coming too? It鈥檚 just a few blocks away Felix, I鈥檒l be fine.鈥
鈥淢y baby鈥檚 about to go so far away, at this hour, won鈥檛 I be worried?鈥 Felix dramatically replies, placing his hand on the right side of his chest. You chuckle at his stupidity, holding his hand and placing it at his left, where his heart actually was.
鈥淭hanks, I got scared when I didn鈥檛 hear my heartbeat.鈥
You two talk about stuff and laugh as you go down to your place, knocking at the door twice. After silence greets you, you call out his name. Still no response? you think, but Felix is quick to action. He pushes the handle and opens the door, revealing an empty living room with your books still in the same place. You look at Felix, upset at the boy鈥檚 lack of respect for his older mate, but also confused at how Minho had left your apartment door open. You follow suit after Felix, as you two trod in the room, picking up your books and ready to leave. All your stuff was at Felix鈥檚 place, so you鈥檇 have to go there ultimately.
As soon as the two of you get ready to leave, you hear a loud moan. You look at each other, wide-eyed. As if communicating in your heads,
Should we go in?
Is he okay?
We must go in. He might be hurt!
You look around and walk back in, slowly trudging towards his door where the sounds were the loudest. You place your books back where you鈥檇 left them, and slowly peek into the room through the crevices. Oh my god, Minho was jerking off! You blush and turn around, ready to leave, when you hear another moan, this time your name leaving his lips. You turn around shocked, only to look at a fuming Felix, his face red with anger.
Felix let鈥檚 just go, you try talking to him again in your head, too late as he kicks open the door. Though you didn鈥檛 want to, you peek in the room clearly, flabbergasted as you see a video of you and Felix of just fifteen minutes ago, Minho facing towards the screen with his dick out in his palms as he pumps his length. You figured it was his second or maybe third time masturbating, since his length was covered with his spurts of white liquid. He wasn鈥檛 hurt, he was beatin鈥 it!
鈥淢-Minho?鈥 you stutter, furrowing your eyebrows as your eyes land on his length. His head shoots upwards, looking at you and Felix at the doorstep with a shocked expression taking over his features. His fingers lose grip around his shaft and he shuffles in his place, as if trying to explain himself. 鈥淚鈥 Uh鈥︹
Felix swallows thickly and walks over to Minho, startling his best friend, but for nothing. He shuts the laptop and moves it away from Minho鈥檚 lap.
鈥淗ow long have you been doing this for?鈥
鈥淎bout鈥 Three rounds?鈥
You snorted in disbelief, avoiding to look at your roommate. You couldn鈥檛 believe the words falling out his mouth.
鈥淪o you鈥檝e been watching us this whole time? Jesus, there鈥檚 plenty of videos on the internet, Minho鈥 Felix chuckled in a nervous manner before he asked an unexpected question, 鈥渂ut in reality everything gets better, right?鈥
Minho鈥檚 eyes widened, cheeks flushing with hot pink color as his gaze kept continuously switching between you and Felix.
鈥淚 guess?鈥 he smirked, biting his lip.
鈥淵/n, what do you say? Think you could take us two?鈥
Your mouth opened slightly as you leaned against the wall, thinking about it carefully.
鈥淲ell鈥︹ you sighed, 鈥淚 think I can鈥 you said and a devilish smirk painted your pretty face as you walked over to Minho.
He sat up and glued his eyes on you when you started undressing. The shirt you wore鈥 which belonged to Felix 鈥攕oon hit the ground as you pulled it over your head, followed by the satin pyjama shorts sliding down your legs. Minho licked his lips as he kicked the blanket off of his body, taking his own shirt off and throwing it away.
First, Minho scooted to the side so you can get on the bed, his eyes scanning your expression that showed nothing but lust and impatience, eyes glistening in curiosity. After undressing yourself, you crawled on the bed, laying beside Minho as you watched Felix take his clothes off.
鈥淚 see that you have a nice stamina, Minho鈥, Felix giggled as he threw his shirt on the floor, hands reaching for the sweatpants to pull them down.
鈥淲ell, I鈥檝e never passed three rounds. But this time, I鈥檓 ready for a challenge,鈥 Minho smirked and placed his hand over your thigh, rubbing and squeezing your soft skin. You saw Felix touching his length and looking at you, his parted lips glistening in saliva. Minho grabs ahold of your hips as he continues to Felix,
鈥淚鈥檒l be under, you go from the鈥斺
Felix cut him off immediately, 鈥淣o, I鈥檓 under her. I鈥檓 her boyfriend after all, remember?鈥
鈥淵eah, But let鈥檚 foreplay first...鈥 Minho smiled awkwardly at Felix and got up, beginning to kiss your lips, hands holding your head safely. It didn鈥檛 feel like Felix鈥檚 kiss, it was a bit different, more rough but a hint of passion. But you did not complain because you only anticipated what was coming ahead. Felix came up from behind, kissing your shoulder and traveled down until his warm lips met your thigh.
You hummed in response when your boyfriend鈥檚 tongue started playing with your sweet spot, and you swore to god he was so fucking good at it that you wished this feeling was neverending. But to your surprise, he moved back and as you pulled away from your roommate, Felix was just staring at you.
鈥淵ou know what? Fuck the foreplay,鈥 was all he cursed out before you were on top of Felix, his hand wrapped around your throat and eyes burning with desire.
Minho kneeled behind you, spreading his pre-cum all over the throbbing tip as his lower lip was drawn in between his teeth.
You knew there was no more time to waste, so you took Felix鈥檚 length in your hand and positioned it against your wet entrance, sinking down as a lewd moan left your mouth. Letting yourself ride him for a minute, you mentally prepared yourself for something new. Something you have never ever tried before but were now dying to try out. Finally, the time had come.
鈥淎re you ready for it?鈥 Minho asked you, drawing you out of your deep thoughts.
鈥淵es鈥 you breathed out, stopping your movements momentarily.
You felt Minho鈥檚 tip poking your already filled entrance, trying bit by bit to slide in. He slowly pushed it in, stopping every other inch to ask you how you鈥檙e feeling, if he can go further.
When he was fully inside in you, you could not explain the feeling of being so stretched out. It was new, unusual, but at the same time making you cry out in pleasure which was鈥 as you could say 鈥攎ore than really good.
鈥淲e should start moving now鈥 Felix encouraged, his hand still wrapped around your pretty throat, hips beginning to move as the words spilled out his hot lips.
鈥淥h鈥 Oh my god鈥 you squealed as both of them brought you pleasure, fucking you with no mercy. 鈥淔eels good, right?鈥 your lover asked with a smirk curved on his lips.
鈥淔uck yes,鈥
Minho chuckled under breath, groaning as he picked up the pace. The way his hips slapped against your skin made him feel how he鈥檚 getting closer and closer to his high. And so was Felix, but he had an idea even if you don鈥檛 get to finish together with both boys. And it was true, both of them finished first before you could.
鈥淟ay down again鈥 Felix said, and you behaved, laying down on your back. They both exchanged looks and spread your leg, one placing his fingers on your clit, the other filling you up with his. You threw your head back in pure bliss, drowning your fingers into their both locks and tugging on it as they worked their way to your orgasm.
鈥淪uch a pretty sight鈥 Felix whispered under his breath as he fastened his movements along with Minho, making you buckle your hips up uncontrollably. The warmth filled your stomach and you knew that your orgasm was near, grabbing anywhere possible 鈥 from the bedsheets to their wrists, from their wrists to the pillows under your head.
A loud cry escaped your mouth as you finally came, your juices covering both males鈥 fingers in a thick white coat. Minho and Felix licked their fingers afterwards, getting a taste of you for the last time. Or that鈥檚 what they thought.
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yetanotherreadera year ago
Text
Useful鈥4
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Genre: College AU
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N, slight Dean x Lisa
Summary: The school鈥檚 most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn鈥檛 have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.
Word Count (For the chapter):聽2,627
Warnings (For the chapter):聽Language, self deprecative thoughts.
[For some reason, some of the tags aren鈥檛 working. I鈥檓 sorry about that.]
[[聽Also I鈥檓 sorry for the no Read More thingy because it doesn鈥檛 happen on the phone app聽:-(]]
Useful Masterlist
Chapter 4
Chapter 3
Time flew by faster and in no time, it was the last week of the semester. Winter breaks were going to begin and you didn't know what to do with your life during the vacation. Lisa was going to be spending it with her family, Dean was going on a road trip with his friends and you had no plans whatsoever. You had no funds to go visit your family, overseas. You were saving for an apartment, and your parents understood. You were, in fact, surprised that they did without any clashes but again, maybe, living away from each other did mend your relationship with your family better. You missed them and, hopefully, they missed you too.
Right now, though, you were trying to figure out how you were going to survive the holidays, browsing the library for some books you could use for your time alone. Older times, you would have enjoyed it. Would get bored, might go into overthinking drives, beat yourself up for things of the past, but still somehow enjoyed the undisturbed two weeks. Now, it was different. Everything was. You were not used to being alone all the time anymore, there was a certain green eyed idiot who made sure to be around you as much as he could. The idiot you've started to dangerously feel for. He introduced you to Cas and Jo, and they were amazing people. Lisa had started spending time with you, too. It was funny. A few months ago, you had literally no one to talk to and now, you barely got to be alone.
"There you are! I've been looking for you."
"Well, I'm honored. Hey, Lis."
"Gotta say your sense of humor has worsened more," she said with a laugh, "Hey. So mom is going on a holiday with her fianc茅 for the new year. So had to cut the trip short. They invited me but I bailed out"
"I'm sorry," You knew Lisa and her mom's new boyfriend didn't get along all that well. The previous guy her mom was with, though, treated Lisa like her own, and she missed him. For some reason, they broke up and that was why Lisa聽 moved here for college from Michigan. Her mother's new fiance was a nice man, according to Lisa, but she just couldn't give him that place in her heart.
"Yeah. So, yeah, I'll be here a week earlier."
"That's cool. We can catch up on some movies then."
"And bars and parties and hot boys at the beach."
"Oh, Lord." You laughed, and she soon joined you.
"Hey Y/-" You heard Dean stop, abruptly before continuing, "H-Hey."
You looked up at him to see him looking at Lisa, only to realize it was her he actually greeted, "Um..hey, Dean."
He practically tore his gaze away from her to look at you, "Oh, hi, Y/N. You didn't tell me your friend was going to be here with you."
"Uh, you didn't tell me you were going to be coming here, Dean." You laughed awkwardly trying to cut the tension in the air.
"Oh, yeah, actually I was looking for you. Well, I was wondering if you-"
"Y/N, won't you introduce me to your friend?" Lisa chimed in, practically eye-fucking your best friend鈥攁nd you hated to notice, it was coming right back at her.
"So, you don't know who I am, huh?" Dean smirked, flirting. You couldn't help but roll your eyes.
It was like you weren't even there while they continued to make filthy comments and it was disgusting, you audibly groaned making your way out of the library, "God, ew."
For the rest of the day, you were supposed to be busy. You had assignments to submit before the vacations started, but it seemed like you dropped your concentration somewhere on the road. You couldn't stop wondering what Lisa and Dean were doing right then. Did they kiss? Or were they planning somethi-
You shook your head, shaking away the thoughts. They were your friends, you should be happy for them if it came to something like that. What you felt for Dean was a tiny, little crush which would fade in no time. You weren't going to make things between you two awkward by acting on it. This friendship was important to you, after a long, long while you were willing to put your trust in someone. You didn't even remember the last time you ever talked to someone like you talked to Dean. He was starting to become the closest friend you'd ever had, so yeah, you were going to be happy for him no matter who he dated.
The only thing was...you weren't.
You typed furiously on the computer, trying to ignore the insecurities that were creeping inside you little by little. Dean is going to leave you too. No one will stay. Everyone leaves. Your fingers danced across the keyboard smoothly yet faster than before as you hurried to get the work done so that you could get the hell out of the premises and take a nap. Because you deserve it. You're not worth any love. You're a disgra- You typed the last words and emailed yourself the document, not bringing anything that was going on in your mind show on your face.
"Y/N!" You stopped at the familiar voice, turning around as Lisa made her way towards you, "Guess what?"
"What?" You asked, not surprised by her happy attitude. She was always so happy, it made you wonder what was wrong with you that you couldn't be.
"You never told me you were friends with that hot snack!"
"Um.. actually. I did." You said, rolling your eyes. Obviously she wasn't paying attention.
"No鈥" you gave her a long look, "you did?"
Exhaling heavily, you made your way to your room, "Lis, I've had a busy day. I'm really really exhausted. Can we gush over how hot Dean is later when I've had some shut eye?"
"No, I didn't stop you to tell how hot Dean is. I mean, yes he is but I wanted to tell you he invited me to the road trip he's going on with his friends." Your eyes shot up to her face, searching for any signs of it being a joke. It wasn't. Dean, actually, did ask her. They met...like...just now?
Lisa must have gotten an idea of your discomfort 'cause her eyes saucered in realization, "oh my god...I'm so sorry, Y/N! I completely forgot about you and the plans we made. I can drop going, I'm so sorry."
"No..it's..it's okay. Really. Go enjoy your holiday. I was, anyway, going to spend my time alone before we made those plans."
She looked at you, guilty, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah.." You smiled in understanding.
"I can always ask Dean to let you tag along."
You chuckled at the irony. You were his best friend, you didn't need anyone else to ask him anything for you. And you even felt a little insulted by the statement. You could do without this favour. You could definitely do without anyone 'letting you' tag along, "Braedon, really, go. I'll be fine on my own."
She went away without another word. The pit in your stomach only seemed to grow as you did your best to drag it aside. You, somehow, managed to stop the slumping of your shoulders as you walked into your room. You changed out of your jeans into your pajamas, ready to call it a day. You made yourself a peanut butter sandwich and was done with all the chores that you settled down on the bed. Switching off the lights, you pulled the warm blanket over your head. It was then that all the thoughts you'd been pushing aside started making appearances.
Your friend 'completely forgot' about you and the plans, your best friend didn't even bother remembering that he forgot about you. It was like you didn't even exist. You knew it was stupid, in fact it was really childish to think like this. Them people have gotten their own lives which DID NOT have to revolve around you. And pretty honestly, you knew no life revolved around you, not even your own. No one would give two shits if you suddenly disappeared, including you. Still, you weren't supposed to feel this way. You weren't supposed to be so much affected because of something like this. Being left out was not something that was happening for the first time to you. But this time, it hurt a little. The thought of you getting replaced bothered a little when it shouldn't. It wasn't a crime or anything. What did you ever do to make a lasting impact in someone's life anyway so that they'd want to keep you forever?
You woke up to constant pounding on your door. Groaning, you got up to open the door.
"I was about to knock the door down, sleepyhead." Dean ruffled your hair playfully as you slapped his hand away annoyed.
"I was sleeping, asshole."
"Shocker."
You looked at him, bored, for a while before widening your eyes and pulling him inside and locking the door behind, "What the hell are you doing here? If the warden saw you, she'd rip me two."
"For a second I thought you were going to kiss me," he snickered sheepishly. "I called you to inform, you didn't pick up." He made his way inside the room, putting the box of pizza and a backpack on the couch. You scrunched up your nose at the action.
"Pizza? Why?"
"Why are you surprised?"
"It was Tuesday. Did I sleep for three fuckin' days straight?!" You said, flabbergasted for a moment until you saw Dean making the most annoyed face ever.
"Y/L/N. It is still Tuesday. Wednesday, actually. And our Friday night outs are at my place, not here where your warden is ready to eat me alive."
"Your point?"
He sighed, "We didn't spend any time together today, Y/N. I saw you earlier, you didn't look well."
You frowned before the memories made their way back, "oh鈥
"Well that's exactly why I was trying to sleep, Winchester." You scolded, trying to not sound too cold.
"What is it?"
"What?" You turned away from him, walking to your bed, Dean following suit.
"What's wrong? And don't give me there's-nothing-wrong-i'm-okay shit. Tell me." He sat himself beside you as you crawled under the blanket to the other end.
"There's nothing wrong, I'm okay." Dean rolled his eyes as you pulled the covers over your head.
"You know I hate it when you do what I tell you not to."
"Then don't tell me what to do." Your voice came out muffled, as you replied back sharply. He sighed.
When she walked out of the library, groaning as Lisa and him flirted, Dean had noticed. He thought it was just the playful best friend reaction seeing them two flirt with each other, so he let it pass. Later that day, he went to meet Y/N and saw her working on the computer. She would look normal to anyone around there, but Dean had secretly picked up on her habit of doing her work extra smooth when she's stressed. Her shoulders were tensed and eyes sharp. Yep. She was definitely bothered. What he was about to tell her would have to wait, first he needed to know what was bothering her. He decided to talk to her after his class, but by the time his class was over, Y/N was already out of the campus.
"I never got to tell you why I came to talk to you this morning."
"Oh, you came to talk to me? Didn't think I was so lucky." Was that what it was all about? Was she... jealous? But why would she be jealous? She was so darn confusing, it frustrated him sometimes.
"You need to talk to me, Y/N. What's going on?" He said, pulling her blanket to him before she pulled it back.
"Nothing is going on Dean, really. It's nothing. I'm just tired is all."
"And grumpy?"
"And grumpy."
"I need you to know no one is going to take your place, sweetheart." He felt her stiffen just a bit, not enough to be noticed but enough to be noticed by him.
"Stop thinking you're that important to me, Winchester. You're not." He flinched. He knew Y/N didn't mean that, it was just her defence mechanism with some extra sass but it still painfully tug his heart a little bit. She made a lot such comments, mostly playfully, with that serious face but playfully. Maybe it wasn't the comment but the fact that she was hurt that was bothering him? He wouldn't know. One thing he knew, though, was whatever was bothering her, he needed to make her smile. Maybe she noticed his sudden pause because she immediately spoke up, "Sorry. It came out harsher than I intended."
"S'okay. So you're not gonna tell me what's bothering you?"
"Nothing is bothering me Winchester."
"Whatever you say, Y/L/N." He gave up. It bothered him that she had still not opened up to him even when they'd been 'best friends' for so long. Every time he thought she would, she would close off and change the topic. She still was the mystery girl he met at the beginning of the college, a mystery he didn't know how to figure out "So, you coming?"
"Where?"
"The road trip?
"So Lisa did that after all."
"Lisa did what?"
"Nothing. And well, I've got some work so I can't come."
"Yeah I know what work you got. Come on, Y/N. Be easy on yourself sometimes. It's gonna be fun."
"But-"
"Great. So it's a 2 weeks long trip. Pack accordingly and now we have that pizza." He stood up before she could protest and got the pizza.
"How many times are you going to watch this show, Dean? Don't you get bored?" You said taking your third slice.
"As many times as I please, babe. It's Dr. Sexy M.D, it never gets boring." He said casually, thankfully missing the pink that dusted your cheeks at the nickname in the dark.
After a couple more episodes, you were starting to doze off, and so was Dean, "Alright, let's sleep. We have classes tomorrow.
"There's no morning class. Just one more epi." He said, clutching the remote in his hands, like a child, "please?"
"No." He pouted at your response, defeated.
"Okie." He said letting out a small yawn. Sleepy Dean was always adorable, "So it's settled that you're coming with us?"
She paused for a moment before shrugging slightly.
"I guess...yes," he smiled cheekily as she said that, "but, why did you want me there all of a sudden?"
"Because I want you there? It's gonna be fun. I've heard girls need their girl-friends on these tours for some 'girl-company' thing. I invited Lisa, so-"
He stopped abruptly as she stood up and made her way out of the room, "I'll go and throw these boxes, you change in here."
"- that you could get some company." He whispered mostly to himself. What the hell just happened? He shook his head, too sleepy to think about it right now and stripped out of his clothes into his pajamas.
Obviously. There it was. The reason he wanted you there, it's all here. It's because he didn't want Lisa to be alone around people she didn't know. You stood by the sink and chuckled to yourself, feeling a sting in the back of your eyes. Wow.
"Same old easily replaceable Y/N." You whispered.
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Chapter 5
A/N: alright. I know I know. I'm a terrible author who do not care about her readers but it's not that. I'm really, genuinely sorry. Life's been really rollercoastery and I've been dealing with stuffs lately. I promise I'll be better next time. And if you could take out a minute of your day and pray for me and a lot of people who need it, please, I'll be really grateful. They say prayers are powerful and I think I can do with them a bit.
Also, please don't do something wrong with yourself. You're worth every effort you make for a better life. Each minute of your life counts, just make sure you keep yourself and others as happy as you can. Be kind to you and others, I'm rooting for you. 鉂わ笍
And show some kindness to the animals too, they deserve it. 鉂わ笍
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