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#((I don't know why but I've been feeling a bit down recently.))
hey m.
you don't have to answer any of this if it makes you uncomfortable.
i recently discovered that i'm autistic, and it has completely destroyed me. before the pandemic hit i had been depressed for over 7 years (with all the shit that happened there), and just as i was starting to get better the pandemic hit, taking away the little work i had accomplished. but that's okay, i thought. i was working to get better. until i discover this bit about myself, and suddenly it all makes sense. there's no getting better, no knowing myself better, no nothing. all the things i've always been bad at (making friends, fitting in, being liked) aren't something i can change. ppl are always think of me the same way they've always done. i can't suddenly stop being autistic. i thought at some point, when i was feeling better and wasn't so lost into my own head, i could start to make friends and idk love someone and all that, but it's just so fucking unnatainable. now whenever i do something slightly out of the norm i unconsciously punish myself for it, bc i know why i do it, and i know there's nothing to change about it. i'll always be the weird one out, no matter where i go. and it's not like that's something bad, bc i love my weird friends, i understand their weirdness and idk appreciate it? but no one does that for me, ever. no one gives me the benefit of the doubt, or a bit of space to be myself, and whenever they do i feel like a fucking stupid child who needs to be introduced to a new group of people bc they are literally unable to bring themselves to do it. like i'm the weird kid (which i've always been, tbh) teachers force the everyone else to hang around with.
i'm not saying being autistic, like... makes me unable to live life or have loved ones. i know it doesn't mean that. i see ppl like you and other ppl i know irl and i get so happy, then i think, "so what is my problem then" and i guess it has to be a combination of everything i am. i am so ugly to begin with, that's always been something that breaks my heart about myself. not bc it's something bac, but bc it's the first impression everyone has of me: something negative. and then they get to know what little i know show around them, and they cross me off completely. and i have so much love to give. i have so so so so so so much of it to give. yet there's no one who's willing to take it. i'm 25 and i haven't felt happy/content for as long as i can remember. i can't wait anymore for things to change. i'm tired of ppl telling me it can change.
i don't want this life anymore. i don't want any of it actually.
sorry i'm dumping all my depression in your askbox, it's hitting me so fucking hard rn, and i'm so tired. as i said, you don't have to answer to it. thank you for everything x
Let’s tackle all of this! 
if I come across rude or mean, I don’t mean it that way, I am very solution orientated and I am very straight to the point. And I don’t do but this or but that haha
So first of all, it’s very easy to now say, oh this is who I am and there’s nothing to do about it. Wrong.
Autism is not a get out of jail card for everything. Yes there are things we lack or are better at. But we can learn and adjust. Fully changing okay that’s harder, but we can learn how to deal with our “bad sides” or things we just aren’t good at.
So I do not agree at all with the oh nothing can get better, I’m sorry that is just the easy way and being comfortable in your sadness. Because there are plenty things to do, there are autism coaches, there are therapists, there are support groups,.. Simply put There IS working on yourself.
Then the part about your friends, have you ever actually sat down with your friends and explained your autism? Have you told them your weak points? Have you told them that you feel like they don’t appreciate you? Because people aren’t mind readers, if you don’t speak up, they won’t know and they cannot change or help you.
if they do know, and you have spoken up, than it’s also simple, they aren’t your friends. Friends care, friends will listen. But friends can also get tired.. If they have tried things and you just still see everything dark, sometimes people can not carry it.. And that’s not because they don’t care or don’t love you, it’s because they are human.
About the fact that you say you are ugly. Maybe you don’t fit in the typical beauty standards, but .. there are plenty people who don’t, and we shouldn’t think that way. It’s easy to say no one is ugly, but it is true, you may not be someones type, but you also may be someones type. Every one is different, everyone’s taste is different.  Beauty only runs so deep. A persons depth is what makes them interesting.
I know you might have an answer or a “but I tried” for everything I said or think this is all easy said, but I do know where I am coming from.
I often think I am mean or rude, but people around me actually often seem to thank me for my bluntness and not soften things, just saying it how it is.
Autism is not the end of things, autism doesn’t mean no growth, autism is not a punishment.
Have you read books? Aspergirls is a very good book I recommend to every woman being officially diagnosed.
I think because of your depression you are looking for a reason to be like, I tried, I give up, we do this without realizing often because depression makes us see everything dark. But autism is not a sentence, yes it is for life, yes it doesn’t change and it’s permanent but it’s not a disease? And it’s definitely not a “now I cannot learn more about myself or learn how to deal with life or myself”
And I understand you are tired of people telling you it can, but I’m sorry to say so.. it’s the truth, it’s you who has given up.. And I hope someone maybe straight up telling you helps you see that there actually is change.
If anyone could be an example, it’s me. 
I still battle depression, I still battle anxiety, but I still fight and I still learn.
And I am still here, and so are you. Good luck 💕
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pixie88 · 4 days ago
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An Intrusion of the Past
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Chapter 16 - Always the Bridesmaid.
A/N: I think I’m going to keep uploading one or two chapters a week. I’m currently working on chapter 24 and the first chapter of book 2! This chapter is a bit angsty and the next few are too. I hope you like it.
If you would like to be ADDED or REMOVED just let me know! I hate to annoy people with tags.
Read previous chapters HERE!
Warnings: Fluff & Angst
Word Count: 2568
Pairings: Laila x Harry
Enjoy!
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Laila can't believe her eyes, she may have aged, but she knew that face, "What is she doing here?" Alene gets up from her seat "Laila just let me explain. Please just take a seat and give me 5 minutes" she pleads. Laila looks Melissa up and down, she frowns "Fine 5 minutes!" She takes a seat next to Alene "Laila, it's good to see you!" Melissa smiles at her.
Laila returns it "I've been in contact with Melissa for a month now. We've been getting to know each other..." Laila cuts her off "And Jin?" Alene shook her head to say no "I've tried to convince him but he just doesn't want to know" Laila can see Melissa is disappointed by this which softens Laila a little.
"I'm guessing he isn't happy about you meeting up?" Laila asks "No, but recent events made me realise life is too short" a saying Laila knew all to well "You're OK? You aren't ill?"
"No, its just a close friend...she had a sudden heart attack and passed away. It made me realise if that were me, I would've died and my kids would have still hated me!" She gets teary Laila can't decide if it's genuine or not, but she hands her a tissue "I guess Rem doesn't know about these meet ups?" Laila looks to Alene.
"No, he doesn't but Melissa wants to make up with him, that's why I brought you here" the realisation appeared on her face "Laila, please he'll listen to you" Laila sighs "That's the thing...anything else...MAYBE I could talk him round, but this? I don't think I can...I'm sorry, but you guys crashed him..and it was my parents and I that had to listen to him sob himself to sleep every night for months and pick up the pieces after you turned your back on him"
"Laila, please say you'll try?" Alene begs her, Laila huffs "I can't believe I'm saying this but fine! On one condition!" Laila looks over to Melissa, who nods "If and a big if, he lets you back into his life again, you stay in it because believe me if you hurt him like you did before it won't be God you will need to worry about!" Laila's tone is abrasive.
Melissa understands why Laila is being protective of Remy, the thought of her son crying himself to sleep will now forever haunt her but she's hoping she can make up for it now. "Does Alec know?" Laila ask Alene "No, I knew he would tell Rem"
"Fuck, this is going to be a whole lot harder" Laila hisses "Alec?" Melissa looks over to the pair "Alene? Haven't you told her?" Alene drops her head in shame "Alene!? Told me what?" Melissa questions her "Alec is Rem's husband"
Melissa's face turns from confusion to disappointment. She had missed her own son's wedding "When did this happen?" Melissa looks to both girls for answers "Over 2 months ago now" Laila tells her, she had reached out to her kids a little too late "Who...erm gave him away? Who walked him down the aisle?"
"My dad!" Laila proudly tells her. Melissa is a little hurt by this, but she quickly realises this was her own doing and of course Terry walk him down the aisle, he had taken in their son when they turned their backs on him "I'm glad he gave Terry that opportunity!" Her tone dripping with jealously "And I'm sad to have missed that!"
"We actually went to the old house for his stag do, but you guys had moved apparently?" Laila narrows her eyes at her "We moved to Bath 2 years ago...ever since Alene left the locals stopped coming to the pub. I felt ashamed I had lost both my children because of my views" as much as she tried Laila couldn't feel sorry for her.
This was her own doing, but as much as she didn't agree with Melissa and what she did, she thought about how Remy must've felt.
She knew if she was in that situation where her parents turned her back on her, she would have never been able to move on from it "I think we are going to have to tell Alec, If he's on board, he might consider it" Melissa offers a softy smile "I'll talk to him, but I'm not making any promises"
Melissa was grateful, Laila was going to try.
That evening, Harry meets Laila at work to walk her home, she grabs her stuff and leaves. She smiles at him, he can tell something is troubling her "You're quiet! What's up?" she puts on a fake smile "Nothing," he turns and stops dead in front of her, stopping her with his hands on her shoulder "Laila, we have always been honest with each other...what is it? Is it work?" he tilted his head at her.
"It's not work" he's confused "Us?" he hesitantly asks, she laughs "NO! You are perfect!" she wrapped her arms around his neck, he kisses her nose "So are you, but what's up?" He strokes her cheek, she sighs, "That lunch date with Alene was a lie..." his eyebrows pinch together "She didn't make a move on you?" he winks so she knows he's joking "No!" she laughs, "If I tell you, you can't tell Alec or Rem's"
"Easy!" she looks at him not believing it "You wouldn't tell Alec?" he chuckles "Laila, if you asked me not to tell him or anyone no matter if I've known them longer than you or not I would keep your secret! I wouldn't want to break your trust," she smirks at him "OK, so I got there and Melissa, Rem and Alene's mum was there...she wants to make amends with them both, but I'm scared!" she looks down at his chest.
He lifts up her chin "What are you scared of?" he runs his thumb over her cheek "I'm scared she'll hurt him again...I can't watch him fall to piece like he did last time," he pulls her tightly to his chest and kisses the top of her head "Aww gorgeous, I know you're scared, but you have to remember all you can do is give him the opinion and also remember he's that little bit older now. If it doesn't work out he will be fine because he has you, Alec, Nikki, Alene and even me who will be there for you too"
"I was thinking maybe if I speak to Alec about it maybe he and I could speak to Rem?" he brushes her hair away from her face "Why don't I get him round for a few drinks one night, so I can be there?" He's so sweet it's adorable. She thought.
A few days later, Harry had arranged to meet Alec at a pub round the corner from Harry's flat. Laila keeps bouncing her foot, Harry could tell she was nervous he laid his hand on her thigh as she took a sip of her drink. This instantly calmed her nerves "Laila, It will be fine," she takes a deep breath.
"Harry...oh and Laila? Now I feel like the third wheel" Alec says as he reaches their table "Alec, yeah, sorry I should've said Laila......" Alec cuts him off "I'm joking, its fine, I should of brought Rem's with me. This pint mine?" he points at the pint on the table as he sits. Harry nods "Is he working tonight?" Laila says "Nah, he's at squash with your dad and Nate"
When everything first happened with Rem and his parents Liz and Terry tried everything to make him feel a part of the family. Liz and Terry had busy lives being landlords of a pub the shift wasn't the most family friendly hours, so they made the kids a promise they would both swap 3 nights for 3 day shifts a week, so they could do something with them. When they were younger it was easier as they have the pub with Jin and Melissa and they would cover each other plus the fact the kids would be in bed by 7 maybe 8PM, so one of them could go and work until the pub closed at 11PM.
As they got older bed times go later, so they were able to get away with heading to work once they were asleep. By this stage they had moved to London Terry's home city, but moving closer to Terry's family had their advantages. His Mum Pat and Dad Ray would do a shift or 2 so the kids wouldn't miss out on those evenings. One of those evenings stuck out to Laila even now, Terry had promised to take her to see the new film Mean Girls, but the chef that was covering him that night called in sick so it was looking like she was spending their evening together at the pub.
Until Pat walked in for a drink, she saw Laila just sat at one of the tables reading the book *Of mice and men* "Laila what are you doing here?" she sighed "Dad's chef called in sick, so he had to work last minute. I'm just trying to get through this book we need to read for English course work" Pat takes off her coat "Put that down, have you missed the film?" Laila looks up at the clock "It starts in 25 minutes" Pat nods and storms through to the kitchen 5 minutes later Pat is pushing Terry through the doors into the bar "Go! Before I clip ya ears! If people want to eat, they can get a McDonald's" she warns him "But table 12 hasn't had their desserts" Terry protests "I'm sure I can plonk a couple of desserts together now move it" Pat winks at Laila, she mouths "Thank you" to her Nan and they get to the cinema just in time.
When Rem moved in with them Terry tried every sport with him, but he just wasn't interested until Nate asked him to come along and play Squash with him and Terry. It helped Nate told him to pretend the ball was someone he hated and at the time it was easy for him to imagine the ball was his parents. Now 15 years later the 3 of them still play once a week.
"How are you 2?" Alec asks bring Laila out of her thoughts and back into the room "Great! You?" Harry says, she smile "Good mate just shattered from work" Alec take a sip of his pint "Alec there is a reason Laila is here..We have something to tell you" Alec's eyes widen "She's pregnant!"
"What? NO!" Laila snaps back "You proposed!" Alec winks at Harry, who laughs "No, dude! It's about Remy" Alec looks concerned "Alene has been in contact with Melissa, she wants to make amends with them both and she asked for my help. So, I was wondering..." Alec holds up his hands, stopping her "NO, Absolutely! Laila how could you even think that is a good idea...After I heard how it broke him the first time why would you even give that woman the time of day?!" Alec hisses at her in harsh tone.
"Alec, I think you better check you tone before you speak to her again" Harry says, leaning across the table warning him "Alec, I really wouldn't consider it if Alene hadn't begged me. I think she regrets what happened between them...I just keep thinking what if that was me in that situation? I can't honestly say I wouldn't be a tiny bit curious..could you?"
Alec takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I know you have his best interests at heart and at the end of the day, it's not up to us, right? It's up to Rem's" she softy smiles at him "I was hoping maybe you might help me convince him just to meet up with her. Even if it's just the once, so he can tell her to jog on" Alec laughs "Sorry, I'm imagining Rem's using the words jog on! I guess we could have a word with him but I'm not forcing him if he doesn't want to go that's it"
Harry squeezes her hand, she looks up at him and he winks "Maybe this might be the closure he needs?" Harry smiles "Maybe, right who wants another drink?" Alec ask after he drains his pint, Harry nods "Laila?" Alec says as he gets up from his seat "Could I get a Disaronno and coke please?" He nods and makes his way to the bar.
"See nothing to worry about!" He lifts her hand, kissing her knuckles "You know seeing you all protective was a turn on!" She winks, he grins, "Really? How much of a turn on?" She leans in, "I'm struggling to stop myself from jumping on your lap and letting you have me right on this table" she whispers running her hands over the solid oak table. He coughs to clear his throat, trying to compose himself "We'll go after these!"
Alec brings over Harry's and Laila's drinks and wanders back over to get his. Harry is blushing hard, he has to shuffle in his seat to adjust himself "Struggling there cowboy?" She jokes "Oh darling, you haven't seen nothing yet!" He winks "Seen what?" Alec ask as he sits.
The couple laughs and he realises "Argh! You two!! This is why I hate being the third wheel" they laugh even more.
The next day Laila's at Rem and Alec's apartment "Come on, what is it!? Alec said you had something to tell me!"
"Rem, just remember neither of us are going to force you but know we will support any decide you make" Laila smiles at him "Laila, you're scaring me now"
She took a deep breath, she about to speak, but Alec's cuts her off "Remy, your mum is back and she wants to make amends" the shock on his face soon turns to anger "How do you know?" He hisses at Alec "Because I met up with her and Alene Wednesday. I didn't know she would be there until I got there..." Laila informs him.
"So what you 3 had a cozy little chat. Pretending all of that never happened?!" He hisses at her, he had never used that kinda tone with her ever. "NO! Rem just let me explain...." she pleads, but his facial expression are dead, maybe even blank "No! I don't want to hear it! Get out!" He paces the room.
She knew he'd be upset, but she didn't imagine he would take it out on her "What? No, Rem just please listen......" She shocked. He raises his voice, "I said GET OUT!!" He throws his glass against the wall. That and his volume made her jump she began to collect her things "Rem! That's enough!" Alec snaps at him as steps towards him trying to calm him down.
Laila made her way for the door, tears rolling down her face "Laila, wait!" She hears Alec call out before the door slams shut behind her.
@lem-20​ @secretaryunpaid​ @aussieez​ @irisofpurple​ @shewillreadyou ​ @khoicesbyk​ @gloriousalmondvoiddreamer​ @tea-me-kah​ @casualpostqueen​
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sadpugnation · 6 days ago
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I'm just venting at this point cause I don't have anyone to talk to, gotta let it out somehow at all
Sucks being broke freelance artist when your mental health is in shambles and you've changed 4 therapists in 2 years, and it still does not help, and it feels like I'll just die any month now cause I can barely work and I don't have any support system.
I dropped school and ran away the year I turn 18 to get away from my stupid family. It's been a year and I still too scared to stop picking up their calls, as if they can do something about it. It drives me nuts more and more as I'm sick of them not understanding how much they've hurt me. Every time I've tried to confront them in the past it ended disastrous and still they don't get why I can't trust them with anything.
And most of all I'm angry with myself for still playing nice, for putting my well-being aside out of terror, even though I've been living on my own for quite sometime. My only friend that happened to stick with me, while trying to be supportive doesn't even notice how they trivialities my problems. "Just stop talking to them, it's SO EASY! Unlike myyyy situation, it's waaay more difficult...." (I am overexadurating) I'm scared of talking to them much at all as of recently, scared they'll leave me, for my depressed ass is too much trouble. They halped me a lot in the past but I just can't get out of this pit of misery. They say I shouldn't hold my thoughts like this, it's harmful for me, etc. as if they didn't try to leave me TWICE at this point, second time being super recent. Like, damn I literally cannot commit to any emotional exchange with anyone because all the people in my life make me feel like a burden, unintentionally and ignorantly. I can't even talk to my therapist, or if I do say something it's just too subtle for them to actually understand what I feel. And like, I can barely afford it anyway, I'll run out of savings any moment and then what...
It feels like I'll be alone forever, how can I connect with people when the only thing I'm thinking about when taking to someone new is how much it hurts to be so utterly isolated.
It also feels like I'm not "hurting enough" to recive any serious medical help, yeah sure I cry every day, can't do basic tasks at home and struggle with my work, but I STILL DO WORK so it must be not that bad. The funny thing is if I stop It's literally over, no one's s gonna get me out of it
I also have this stupid thing when I think of a bunch of stuff when I have an episode and then completely forget what the f**k I was feeling and can't explain it to anyone. My friend told me to try and write it down or record or something like that. But like... jee it even feels disgusting to give my thoughts a physical form, repulsive, I just hate the sensation
I did write a bit just couple of days ago, not a lot but I didn't feel like showing anybody. But at least I'm writing this post, mostly cause I know there aren't many people here to see this
The pic is my comfort meme, making abscure jokes of my state actually helps somewhat
*translation of the picture:
-Wow I actually write some notes down about my emotions like they've told me
-Well maybe you show them to someone then?
-No
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im-honeybee · 7 days ago
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DEVILISH || dreamwastaken x reader
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requested?: not really.
warnings: suggestive themes,,, semi-smut,,, language,,, use of dream's real name,,, the words "hey mamas" were said, dream is hot,,, i dont go into complete detail with smut but be warned
rating: m, please don't read this if it makes you uncomfortable or you're under at least 15 !!
pronouns: none used, could be read as gender neutral, amab or afab im pretty sure :>
in all your 21 years of living, never had you met someone so much like you.
you were a bit of a player, going through life not caring about peoples feelings. you would flirt with someone, makeout with them, sometimes sleep with them, but you were always gone by the morning. moving around a lot helped with that. you had been often described as DEVILISH, a few people claiming you were heartless.
most recently you find yourself in florida, visiting a friend, when she tells you there's a party going on at this rich guys house.
"c'mon (y/n)! i've heard the guy thats throwing the party has to be like top 5% of rich people!" (f/n) insists, pushing your arm and whining.
"firstly, that's not how the statistic works, and secondly, i thought you knew i hated parties." she gives you a look as you finish talking, causing you to continue.
"sweaty drunk people dancing, ugly guys who think they have a chance, need i say more?" you list, watching as her face drops.
she rolls her eyes, "you may meet a guy or girl or someone else who is interested in just sex! who knows, but you should really come. maybe break a few hearts."
you think for a second, considering her words. she's right! you're in a new state and it's your first night here, why not find a random cute hookup? as long as you're safe it should be fine.
you sigh dramatically causing her to gasp, "that's a yes! okay let's get dressed! the party starts in like 15 minutes but we'll be fashionably late so its it's fine."
you spend about 45 minutes on hair and makeup, going with a heavy eyeliner look, waterproof incase you do end up with someone by the end of the night. the outfit is a simple dark purple dress that clings to your body, and fishnets underneath.
as you guys pull up to the guys house- mansion you gasp, "holy shit you weren't kidding."
you're driving, not liking to drink and you let out a laugh as his gates open to let you in. "who the fuck is this guy?"
your friend laughs too as you park, opening her door to let herself out as you do the same.
as you guys walk in you see the party in full swing, the led lights on a pretty purple color, complimenting your look perfectly.
a guy with short brown hair walks up to you, offering to take your jackets. "hey mamas-"
he gets cut off by another guy with fluffy brown hair elbowing him. "he means hi and welcome. this is his party."
"really?" your friend asks, intrigued.
a different guy, shorter than the other two by a bit walks up as well. "yep, he lives here with his buzzkill of a roomate clay."
"i'm sapnap by the way." the first guy says, offering his hand.
after making quick introductions to everyonein the small group you blurt out, "fucking shit your house is huge dude! what do you do for a living, rob banks?"
sapnap laughs as you all walk over to a closet to put your jackets in. "HA no actually its my roommate who spent the most on this house. and would you believe me if i told you we were youtubers and twitch streamers?"
"not in the slightest." you shake your head.
"well then i guess we aren't."
you give him a weird look, shrugging as (f/n) walks off talking to alex and karl, the other guys sapnap was with.
"and where is this rich roomate?" you ask, nudging him with your elbow playfully. you like this guy, not in like a dating way but you can appreciate his company.
"editing. he said he would be down within at least 2 hours." he answers with an overdramatic eye roll, making you nod.
you two get to know each other for about 15 minutes when you suddenly gget the urge to use the bathroom.
"where's the bathroom?" you ask him after a few moments of silence in a break in conversation.
"there's one down here but i just saw a couple walk in there, there should be a free one up on the srcond floor." he answers, standing up and, after helping you up too, walking over to where karl and alex are.
you have no idea where your friend is but you aren't too worried seeing as you haven't been here for long.
you walk up the stairs as streets by doja cat starts to play, walking past a few couples making out and some people coming downstairs.
you wander around the second floor, only finding empty bedrooms until you open a door with a person on the other side.
a tall tan guy with blonde hair is on a large bed with neon green bedding, in grey sweatpants and a loose dark green shirt. he has his headphones in and he looks extremely focused.
this must be clay, sapnap's "buzzkill" roomate.
you walk up to the extremely attractive man, patting the bed next to him. he blinks up at you, clicking his space button and taking his headphones off which gives you a chance to see his freckled face and gorgeous green eyes.
"where's the bathroom? sapnap said it was somewhere up here but gave me no direction and your house is huge."
the attractive man lets out an attractive laugh.
"yeah sure there's one right down the hall at the end, i also have one attached to my room you could use?"
before you get the chance to answer, he speaks again. "also can i ask your name?"
"(y/n)." you answer simply.
you decide to take him up on the offer of his own bathroom, walking in there and doing what you need to. as you wash your hands you look and see your lipgloss is a bit smudged. fixing it, you give yourself a smile, you look hot.
walking out, you see he has set his lap top to the side, closing it entirely.
"so (y/n), do you want to sit and talk to me for a bit?" the smirk on his face is a dangerous one, devilish even.
you nod with a smirk of your own, sitting next to him on the bed. you spend a good amount of time looking at each other.
after a good few seconds you notice he's leaning in and don't hesitate to return his kiss.
the two of you passionately meet in a clash, the kiss full of want and lust.
a few minutes later he's pick you up and placing you on his lap.
as you start to subconsciously grind you hear him gasp a bit, making you smile into the kiss. you continue to do so when he grabs your waist, moving you at his own slow pace. you start to feel a bit needy, feeling him harden beneath you.
you can hear the song swim by chase atlantic play from downstairs as you attampt to move your hips faster, harder, anything.
"did i say you could move on your own?" clay asks in a deep voice, leaning down to kiss and bite at your neck.
you whine a bit, letting out a gasp of your own when he sucks particularly hard in a certain area.
after a while of just mvoing against him he gets impatient and flips you over, ripping your fishnets at your center. you gasp, "you bitch i payed for those!"
"i'll buy you new ones." he insists, rolling his eyes and going to his dresser, returning seconds later with a condom.
"are you sure about this?" he asks with a calm look.
"of course i am, are you?" you quip back.
he nods moving, your underwear to the side, his finger grazing your clit. your back arches a bit, his eyes darkening at your response to his touch.
he tugs down his own pants and underwear before putting on the condom, lining himself up with your entrance.
as he pushes in you both let out a deep and shaky breath. he stretches you more than anyone ever has, you take a few seconds to adjust.
you give the okay in the form of a nod after a few seconds, the pain still slightly there but the pleasure over taking it.
he starts to slowly move in and out of you, making sure to go as deep as possible, "shit (y/n)." he hisses out.
you lay there for a moment after the two of you finish, wiping away sweat with a towel.
"i-" you start.
"let's-" clay goes to speak.
the both of you laugh and you gesture for him to speak.
"i was gonna ask if we could maybe keep this on the dl? it's just- i don't want my friends to be weird about it. uhm what were you going to say?" his statement makes you want to laugh.
"i was saying i don't live here so this is most likely the last time we will ever see eachother. "
he raises an eyebrow as DEVILISH by chase atlantics' last few lines play.
im devilish, yuh
im devilish, yuh
(a/n: my first imagine/oneshot on tumblr !! im very much used yo wattpad so excuse me if this isnt good, if you want a part 2 tell me !!)
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the spaces between us.
I'm sure you've seen the experiment where matches are lined up next to each other and when the first one is lit, it's a cascading effect of passing the flame and they all set alight without much trying or trouble. It just happens. The second step in this experiment is when you take one match out of the line up. The flame will stay alive as it jumps from match to match, but, as soon as it reaches the gap left by the missing match, it dies out.
This came down on us like a thief in the night. It was unexpected. Here's the catch: it wasn't. The alarms have been going off for a while, and the dogs were barking outside and we just ignored it - it's nothing, right? Just the wind, maybe? The weather gets bad sometimes. Maybe it's just me imagining things - I've been really tired. I tried to wait it out, nothing happened. I tried to shh the dogs and go back to sleep. It didn't work. When I finally worked up the courage to go outside, I feel like you woke up as well, but instead of walking in the dark with me, because you know I'm scared, you stayed in bed, went back to sleep because you are tired as well and it's really important to you that you get enough sleep. But deep down you knew something was wrong, you decided to let me walk alone. This way you didn't have to do much, worry or be scared, or possibly be attacked, hit, hurt, or killed walking outside not really knowing what or who waits. You just said: "Here, take this," and handed me a sword-like weapon that looked all crusty, dusty and old - not really fit for modern battles.
It's probably a good time to start talking about the big issue we as a couple as currently facing, and to stop trying to put it off by using metaphors... I'm going to try my best to put how I feel in words, but I feel the best way you're going to understand what I see and feel is if I read you the sources. The focus will be mainly on purity culture, the harm it brings, a few reasons why it's horse shit and doesn't deserve any support in the modern day and how I'm feeling right now. I'm not going to talk about my spiritual journey, but I'll make notes on that and after we have one thing out of the way, we can talk about the church trauma and all things deconstructing - perhaps Q & A style. Sorry that I'll probably cry a few times - I love you so much, I'm overwhelmed, I'm really really scared and I don't know what to expect. I might not even cry that much, or at all - this is me feeling so much to the point where I'd rather feel numb than to make myself feel and look like a fool. This is me exhausted, but still fighting for you, but exhausted. I'm sorry that this may take quite some time, but I want you to know how much I'm begging you to understand me. I feel that you are not you any more, and I wish I could say that as a compliment, but I'm done watching you slip away from us and into the gripping hands of my abuser.
-> 3 online articles
-> tumblr summary
-> insta posts (?)
-> notepad
I that describes my logic and thinking behind the stance I'm taking in the best way possible. Now, some things to add in my own words in bullet point form:
-> You say you don't want to get married soon. We spoke about this quite a few times and we agreed on the fact that we both want some stability in our lives, ie incomes and such, we wanted for me to graduate with one degree at least first, we wanted to kind of have a clearer picture of the in's and out's of our life (like where we work, live, etc) and we wanted to grow closer together before saying "I do." We agreed that it's best to wait a bit, maybe a couple years, 2 or 3, figure things out, you know. But recently it felt like every time I jokingly talk about our wedding, or honeymoon, or the guest list and destination, or even if it's not a joke, if I show you pictures of dresses and rings I like with the intend of seeing your reaction and being excited and to dream with you, you're just...kind off...bland. Blank. Just "ja" and fill the air with awkward silence, which NEVER used to EVER happen between us, remember? I feel like you stopped dreaming with me. This makes me feel like you may not want to get married to me anymore, that you're unsure about our future together, that there's something you're just not telling me.
So you say you don't want to marry soon, like next week, sure, I can agree with that although I always wanted to get married at 23/24, have kids at 26/27, have them grow up to be at an age where they'll understand when Mommy will be gone for 3/4 months because she's going to walk on the Moon or go look at the stars while flying around Earth in an awesome space suit before I commit to the next stage of my career before it's too late. But we reasoned it out and agree with waiting, it makes the most sense.
-> Then you say you don't want to have sex before getting married. The last time we spoke, you were scared of judgement from the Lord, if I remember correctly. The Bible mentions "sexual relationship before marriage/ not between man and his wife" - do we not have a sexual relationship? We do. And you said you're more than happy with what we do, you don't feel uncomfortable, you don't see anything wrong with it, it's just the sex part... Eh? Okayyy? Recall the tons of articles to know how I feel about this whole purity culture thing.
But now, you expect me to wait and be patient until we are ready to write our vows (hopefully not on a private tumblr post at 1am in the morning like I am now, lol). I'm giving us time for that. But then you also expect we to wait until then to take the next natural step in our relationship? It's something we both been wanting to do for a while now, we're both adults, we're committed to each other, so uh...yeah.
It is extremely unfair to have left me in the dark, not telling me THE MOMENT you started having second thoughts. I am fucking devastated. How can you think that that is okay to do? Did you even think about me at all? I think I expressed myself over text pretty well so I won't repeat it here.
Just asking me to wait... eh I don't know how long? 1 year? 2? 5? 7? I just want to you think for a moment how that must make me feel, knowing how much I hate uncertainties (to this extent). Don't you agree it's really fucking cruel?
-> Some practicalities I want you to know about, that you might not have considered: On our wedding night, I want to celebrate us, to go to bed together and being like "Holy shit! We did that!", maybe we'll fall asleep in dress & suit and all because of how tired we are, even. I don't want it to be stressful and nerve wrecking. I don't want us to only try and figure out what we're doing with our bodies and it being kinda shit and then that being the vivid memory that will stick with us for the rest of our lives. I want us to know how we physically fit together, how we move together in a way that has become so normal to us, that we don't have to panic about how to this and where to do what, so we are just in that moment, together, as Mr and his Mrs Akkerman. We'll remember that, the excitement of the first time as a married couple (geez, look at us adulting! Suck it, world!). We'll remember how comfortable we were with each other and our selves. We'll remember how we'd already have the tricks, the nooks, the nitty gritty figured out and just...be.
I don't want to be hiding because maybe I didn't wax or shave or maybe someone looked at me funny and now I don't want you to touch or see my tummy or my neck or any other part of me because I'm scared you won't love it - you'll just have to like it because now I'm your wife.
I don't want to be in pain. I don't want to feel sore for maybe days after and that being the thing I think about all day as I have to manoeuvre around instead of just taking in every moment of pure bliss, no matter what we're up to or where we're exploring. I don't want to feel ripped open and maybe lay there and bleed and feel discomfort. I don't want to not do it for a while after that because it hurts and we would want to do it again and a lot because we've had to wait so damn long. I don't want it to maybe last 2 minutes, and be disappointed, you know? And then remember that about our wedding night. Don't tell me it's okay, it will be fine. No. I'm telling you, I'm not comfortable with any of that. Not even the idea of it.
-> I don't want us getting married being rushed by lust. I'm not saying it will definitely happen, but I don't want that to even play a role in when we eventually get married, not even a teeny tiny bit. I don't want want people to look at us and say that we're getting married only because we just can't wait anymore. You and I both know I normally don't give two shits about who gives their two cheap cents about me, but this is questioning our integrity as a couple. And I ain't with that.
About that specifically and faith in general: I feel like I'm being thrown around in this relationship, and that I'm expected to just be alright with it because the claim always seems to be from only a religious stand point. So how can I go against something so important to you? To this point I was okay to ruin myself, rather. I'm done with that. I don't feel heard. I also don't feel understood. I feel that my beliefs, because they are different, are looked down on, and seen as wrong, and just me "not knowing xyz about having a companionship with Christ." I've been feeling like an outreach project, not a life partner. We've agreed to take our own spiritual paths for now, but respecting one another in the mean time before we will naturally cross paths will be crucial although not enough. I believe, by talking about the differences in our beliefs, experiences, opinions, hurt, trauma, questions, answers, methods, that we will gain understanding, and we will learn from each other and we will change to accommodate each other's beliefs, because we want us to work, right? We will talk about this more in detail but I have a really good feeling about this going forward. I feel like I'm finally busy with something that works for me, that's sustainable and that makes sense. The ball is rolling and I'm already so excited to learn and live and love and to feel free. For the first time in a long time, I want to work on this every day. Actively seeking truths. Growth. This is not something I want to put off anymore. But, this will take a lot of time! We will have differences for the rest of our lives. And I think that's beautiful. Forever seeking, learning, wondering, questioning, helping and loving.
The immediate next step(s) for us as a couple are very clear: sex, physically, and getting married. You're not okay with either, so where does this leave me?
I think I want to finish this off by saying that having sex is no longer a mere decision between you and God. A promise or vow, if you will. No longer a spiritual decision YOU make, and that really I'm forced to make, by accepting that this is just how it is. This is turning into emotional pain. A lot. Heart break. A whole lot. Uncertainty about us. Loads. Stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, feeling abandoned and feeling like your second best. Not a high enough priority. I feel not good enough for you, not pure enough, not kind enough, not forgiving enough, not submissive enough, not smart enough, not loving enough, not religious enough, not intelligent enough, not beautiful enough for you. Just not enough, for you. For what you want and what you need and what you deserve. And this breaks me into so many little pieces. In the past it's gotten so bad that I would almost literally do anything just to get your attention. From complaining about a tummy ache or work way too many times to, unfortunately, more extreme things like not eating for extended amounts of times. To see if you'll notice if I get skinnier or look pale or have fatigue or just...anything. I need to be your love and feel like your love, again.
I miss the nicknames, the stupid little twirly thing I sometimes did when we're walking hand in hand. I miss when you used to play with my hair (even though I had to ask) and when you used to smell my hair and being like "sssssmmm, ah". I miss the little looks we exchanged, sometimes without the other noticing, but sometimes our eyes met and in that moment we'd just...be. I miss the cuddles, I miss dreaming together, but above anything else. I miss us. You.
I'm so sorry for not being a good listener, a good supporter. I'm sorry for making you angry, frustrated and irritated so much. I'm sorry for putting you in difficult situations. I'm sorry for the lack of compassion and understanding. I'm sorry for all my baggage you have to deal with as well because it gets too heavy for me to drag sometimes. I'm sorry for making your life so difficult and your thoughts so complicated. I'm sorry for not creating a space for you to feel safe and comfortable in so share your thoughts and feelings. I'm sorry for overreacting. I'm sorry for being so demanding. For caring too much, too deeply. Being jealous. Being scared. Having trust issues and so many insecurities. I'm sorry for making it hard to be patient, and kind. I'm sorry for all the times I made you feel not good enough, or that you're not trying hard enough, or that you're too this and too that and that you're always wrong and can't do anything right. The truth is that you are so much more than I deserve. I appreciate that you're there for me when I'm not even there for myself sometimes. I appreciate your goodnight messages and little touches. I appreciate your prayers. I appreciate that you still put in effort to spend some time with me, to be around me, because to me I'm someone I don't want around. I appreciate you sticking around and not giving up on me.
I'm sorry for holding you back.
I'm sorry that I'm making it really difficult to love me.
I'm sorry that I am really difficult to love.
I hope for, dream about and wish upon things quite often, sometimes even several times a day, however, I don't pray a lot. I don't know how to and I don't think I'm doing it right. But I pray that somehow you will still find it in your heart to continue to love me.
If we continue to make and live with spaces between us, our "twin flame" will die out when it can't ignite the spark between us anymore due to the voids we created - just like with fire matches. And just like the fire matches, we need to meet on the same level in order for us to keep the "fire" between us going. I always liked to play with fire (literally), so fight will I damn fight for my twin flame.
All the love,
Me. <3
Breathe!
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pog-sad-muffin · 14 days ago
Hey heyy just wanted to know if ur up for a part 2 of ur first shot its really good, I never saw this type of story before so Im a bit curious if ur up for a part 2. Thanksss🖤🖤🖤
Vilbur and Reader pt 3
!tw! Mentions of death, swearing, angst !tw!
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(Sorry for any confusion)
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Tommy's POV
It had been 3 months after my 'father' had murdered the twins. I was beyond mad at him, I mean for all I care I am no longer part of the family. The only people I cared about were dead, and it's HIS fault. But slowly I have been trying to move on, though Tubbo has been busy with the new guy. Some Ranboo guy, something is sketchy bout that guy. I saw him out the other night, had a whole conversation with him. And nothing the next day, he doesn't ever remember it. I've been trying to stay away from him after that. I shake my head out, "its been too crowded recently, too many thoughts at once." I mumble to myself. As my eyes refocus I realize where I am. In front of the Church Prime again it seems. I walk forwards to their graves, it still hurts I mean they practically raised me to be honest. With Phil being gone with Techno for months on end. And then its quiet- no wind, no animals moving about, not even any chatter from people around - and then I hear it or rather see it. Wilbur or rather the ghost of him.
"Hello Tommy." I hear him say.
Using my logical thinking skills… I scream and run away.
-
Wilbur's POV
Being a ghost is rather odd. There are three types of ghosts: the regular one like me, people can see and hear me; two people like schlatt, I call him a spector no one but dead people can see him; and three Y/n, I call this type a haunter, she can't be seen by people but she can posses things or in her case a blue sheep. It had been awhile since we first arrived on the train. Y/n and I go down every now and again.
"Wilbur, are you paying attention to what I just said, or were you monologuing to yourself again. Like a weirdo." Y/n says while snapping in my face.
"I'm not weird." I mutter.
"Yeah, yeah ok. Were you listening though."
I heave a sigh, "no sorry."
They look at me for a little before moving to sit next to me. Resting her head on my shoulder she says quietly, "it's alright, I know you didn't mean it. Now let's go over it again." This time I listen to her and feel slightly better, even though it has been a while it hurts knowing I was the cause of our death. "Ok, so you and I go down again. I will posses the sheep and you will claim you only remember good things. So people don't try and exorcise us or something. Sound good." She grins a little, ready to cause chaos.
-
Y/n's POV
When we finally get to the over world I look around trying to find the dang sheep.
"I coulve sworn I saw him, why don't you believe me!?" I hear exasperated yelling.
"Beacsue it sounds delusional Tommy!" I perk up at this. Tommy? I think. It has been a while sense I have seen the problem child.
"He was right here I swear!" Tommy yells again.
"Hey Will what are they talking about?" I question.
"Well I came down slightly before you and he might have maybe…. Seen me."
"WHAT!?" I hear a familiar person yell.
"Haha, I told you Tubbo! I told you I saw him!" I look at Wilbur to see how he will respond. He does nothing but stare at them. I nudge him.
"Do something ghostbur would do idiot." I grumble at him.
"Hello Tommy. Tubbo. Have either of you seen friend?" He says nervously, using the echo in his voice for effect.
"Who's friend?" The two asked at the same time. I smack myself. You would think they are the twins. I think with a bored look on my face. I wander off effectively leaving the boring onesided conversation.
-
Fundy's POV
I missed my aunt Y/n she was nice and though she wouldn't admit it, had a soft spot for me. Hell she was the one that raised me durning the revolution when Wilbur was too busy. I saw the ghost of footprints on the ground. "What?" I mutter as my face scrunches up with confusion. I feel my ears flatten against my head when the foot prints stop in front of me. "Hello? Is someone there?" I say looking around and back at the feet. I feel something touch my head, like someone was ruffling my hair. My eyes widen when I start to see the outline of a person, more specifically Y/n. They were smiling down at me how they used to during the war for independence.
"Hello kid." They say softly. That's the final moment. I break down I fall to my knees crying. As I feel the ghost of and imbrace. Something is slipped into my hands. When I finally bring myself together nothing is left of Y/n but the foot prints. Then I look into my hands and gasp.
-
3rd POV
It was late one night. Though everyone was asleep there were two ghost twins wandering the streets. One was whistling the other with a guitar. They were making quite the ruckus. Waking some people, then they saw the twins. Everyone rushing outside to witness the wonders. Soon everyperson of L'manburge was outside following the two twins. Realizing this, the twins started the song.
I heard there was a special place
Where men could go and emancipate
The brutality
And tyranny
Of their rulers
Well, this place is real
You needn’t fret
With Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, Fuck Eret
A very big and not blown up L’Manburg
My L’Manburg
My L’Manburg
My L’Manburg
My L’Manburg
For freedom and for liberty
Our nation sought to build on these
A victory for all under our freedom
Well the darkness came and then it went
We built a home and watched it sink
And from the rubble
Emerged my great
L’Manburg
My L’manburg
My L’manburg
My L’manburg
My L’manburg
When the song finished the twins had lead everyone to their graves once. And finally turned to face everyone they smiled, bowed their head. And melted away like they were never there in the first place.
-
Phil's POV
I watched from afar, the final goodbye from my children. The ones I had murdered. I was tearing up. Why didn't I realize sooner, I could've done something. The village people fell down and cryed at their final resting place. Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, and Fundy. Even from a distance I could hear their wails of grief. It was haunting.
Never. Never again will this happen.
-
Y/n's POV
I watched as my plan was set into action. My thrown in the afterlife ever steadily growing. Will next to me.
No one but us.
We will be GODS.
----
Thank you for reading let me know if you have a request🖤
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obsessed-airbender · 15 days ago
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The Drawing (Ian Lightfoot x Reader)
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A/N: I watched Onward agian recently. So I decided to write this. Plus, there aren't enough Ian x reader fics out there. Reader is also an elf btw.
Warnings: None, just fluff
Summary: Artistic reader tries to secretly draw Ian.
__________
Y/n's pencil glided across her sketchbook.
She bit her lip in concentration.
Ian was sitting on the other side of the couch, typing one of his essays.
He glanced up from the computer screen and looked at Y/n, her E/c eyes staring at the paper. Ian smiled softly, she was cute when she was 'in the zone'.
Y/n looked up at Ian, who quickly shifted his gaze from her to his computer. Through the corner of his eye, he saw her go back to drawing.
"UGHHHHHHHHHHH" Y/n angrily grabbed her eraser and smudged some of the lines. Ian looked up, "What's wrong?".
"I can't get the hair right." she muttered, Ian leaned over to look at her drawing. Y/n quickly hugged her sketchbook to her chest. "C'mon, it can't be that bad, you're an amazing artist." Ian said.
His comment made them both blush. She let the book down a little bit.
"No, it just..." she thought for a minute. "I don't know, it's just a little embarrassing." Ian nodded. He loved seeing her art, but he wanted to respect her privacy.
After another 15 minutes, Y/n closed her sketchbook. "I gotta use the bathroom, be right back." she said as she walked down the hall.
Ian sat on the couch for a minute, glancing at the sketchbook. He bit his lip.
One little peek wouldn't hurt.
He scooted over and picked up the book, he flipped through the pages until he landed on the one she had been working on before she left.
Ian opened the book fully so he could see, and he let out a small "Wow". On the heavy page, There was Ian standing with his staff, using magic to lift up a stack of books in his room.
"IAN" Y/n shouted from the entrance of the living room, Ian jumped, and sent the sketchbook sailing across the room.
She quickly picked the book up, "I-I'm sorry Y/n, I just wanted t-to see the picture you drew, cause it's really good. Way better than I can draw a-and, I just think that you're a really good artist-" Ian mentally slapped himself.
They were both blushing. Hard.
"So um, why did you decide to draw... Me?" Ian asked nervously.
"I just got inspiration and you were sitting right there." Y/n said, looking down, "And 'cause you're pretty cute." she muttered under her breath.
Ian's face became redder than it ever had before. He had an internal battle with himself before blurting:
"Y-you're pretty cute t-too."
Y/n gave him a small smile, "Y'know," she paused, "I've always liked you."
Ian had this sort of happy feeling inside of him. It made him feel giddy.
Then out of either courage or stupidity, Ian said, "I-I really like y-you too." He had a sheepish grin on his face.
Their eyes met, and Y/n leaned forward and placed a peck on his lips.
Neither of them had ever kissed anyone before, so it was a bit awkward, but sweet nonetheless.
When they backed away, both of them were blushing hard.
Then there was an "awwww" from the hallway. The two teenagers whipped their heads around and saw Barley and Laurel standing there.
Laurel had her phone up and was recording the whole thing.
"MOM!"
A/n: i've never actually kissed anyone so i'm not sure i got that part right. lol. anyway first fic on this account. so yay.
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beenovel · 18 days ago
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I've been having a really emotionally draining interaction with a family member recently so I'm going to rant about it here. It's probably going to be pretty long so feel free to ignore this, I just need to get it out.
I have four cousins. Rn, we're going to focus on the two oldest.
We'll call the oldest M and the next one down from that S. M and I were born two weeks apart so naturally we've been shoved together as "best friends" our entire lives even though our personalities are like oil and water. We argue constantly and she doesn't actually seem to like me. And if I'm being honest? I hate saying it but I don't really like her either. But I've been putting a lot of effort into this relationship our whole lives because I felt like I was supposed to.
Now S is two years younger than M and I, but we're a lot more alike in personality. Ironically this meant we clashed more as children, but as we've grown and matured we've gotten a lot closer.
Back to M for a moment. For the past... mmm, year and a half, maybe? I've put a lot of effort into my relationship with M. I've tried weekly or monthly calls, letters, texts, get-togethers, everything. She would kinda respond to my texts but it would always take her a while and I could tell it was half-hearted. She responded to two of my letters then stopped entirely. She didn't do the calls or if she did she spent the entire time complaining about her friends. She blew off all my plans. On my birthday (which is legitimately on a national holiday) we had a Zoom call with my extended family to celebrate and she left to go to a party after 15 minutes. I've mostly forgiven her but it was my birthday and I was hurt.
I'm not the only one she's like this with. She drove her three younger siblings to the park to "hang out with them". They were there for about 10 minutes when another one of M's friends drove up and they left together to go shopping, leaving S to walk the other two home. I was on a call with her sometime last year and we were talking about one of her guy friends and I asked if he could be anything more (a fair question, she has dated or had a crush on every other guy friend she's ever had) and she responded with "He's sweet but I'm just way out of his league, ya know? I mean, he's lucky to even be my friend *laughs*"
I was shocked. How could someone say that? In real life? About another person?? I wanted to reach through the phone and slap her, but she changed the subject before I could even fully process what she'd said.
Recently I just... had enough. She never texted, never called, and when she did it always left me seeing red so I stopped trying. I felt really distant from all my family and I got pretty depressed. Then on Easter, I had a conversation with S that was... easy. It wasn't forced, there were no backhanded compliments or comments about my weight like with M and she didn't argue with everything I said like when we were younger. I decided I wanted to give this relationship room to grow, so on Tuesday, I asked her to go to the aquarium with me because we both love it.
The very. next. day. I get a text from M.
"Hiiii!!!!!
We should get together soon!!!"
It was very clear that she was only texting because she was upset I invited S instead of her. This is the first time she's started a text chain with me since the beginning of March. I've texted her a couple times since then but neither of us put much effort into it because I had pretty much given up by then.
I explained that I already had plans with S for Saturday and I would need time to recover after that (both because I'm autistic and because I haven't really left the house in over a year), but we could schedule something for after the 15th of May. Her response:
"Oh
Okay then
What made you want to take S instead of me?"
It felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I knew that's why she reached out but it still hurt. I had to scream into a pillow I was just so angry and upset. I lost my voice for a bit after.
I spent a year+ trying to reach out, to connect, and she brushed me off every time and now she was only trying to connect out of some possessive jealousy. She doesn't want to be my friend but I can't have other friends, I have to be on call for her our entire lives. She reaches out when she has no one else or gets bored of her other friends, or when I get too close to someone else, and then when she's bored of me she throws me away again and I can't do anything about it. I just feel horribly trapped at the moment.
If you read this all the way through for some reason, thanks for listening, I just needed to vent.
All the texts were word for word, except the one where I replaced S's name with S.
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ygm1slt · 23 days ago
hey there^^ im currently reliving my death note obsession, so may i request a light x reader os with a reader whos really into supernatural stuff like ghosts, demons etc and therefore is quite fond of ryuk? but light gets a lil jealous, and the rest is up to your imagination lol
this literally gave me an idea for a supernatural au but like Light is the supernatural one. (another death note/tokyo ghoul crossover perhaps???)
♡  ⊹    °     . ˚   𖧷 ·  °     .  ♡  ⊹
Peculiar Fascination - Light Yagami x reader
weirdly has ryuk x reader vibes but i SWEAR that's not what this is. it's funny idk
You're a bit of a supernatural fanatic. All you ever did was research and read books on supernatural creatures. Are they real? What are they capable of? Could they be living among us? These were all questions you sought out. There was no specific reason you were so fascinated with these alleged fictional creatures, you just were.
There was one in particular that you were the most infatuated with: Shinigami; Gods of Death. Something inside you just knew they had to be real. You didn't have much to back this up, nor did any of your research do much to support your theory, but you had a feeling.
Recently, Light had picked up something called a Death Note. You were unsure as to what it really was, or why it even existed, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't interested. You had flipped through it, reading the rules and trying to determine it's legitimacy. It's not that you wanted to test it's powers, you just had a hunch that it could be connected to Gods of Death.
You tried not seem too interested in the notebook while Light used it. He said he had plans to "clean up the world," but his way of doing things were questionable and you didn't want to get involved.
It's been about five days since Light started using the notebook. Nothing out of the ordinary seemed to happen, aside from the fact that the notebooks powers are real. You were starting to get discouraged. You were sure this notebook was connected to the existence of Shinigami, but how?
You were sitting on Light's bed while he continuously wrote names in the notebook at his desk. There was a storm outside that you had been watching. You began to lose yourself to your thoughts when a sudden crash of thunder brought you back to.
The room had suddenly become much darker than it was moments ago, a tall, black shadow cast across Light's room. Slowly you turned to look behind you and there it was: a Shinigami. You gasped as it began to speak, disregarding you and speaking directly to Light, "You've taken quite a liking to it."
Light and the Shinigami spoke for some time. Ryuk, the Shinigami, had explained to Light the rules of the notebook and his inevitable fate for using it. Once everything was sorted out, the three of you sat there silently. Your sudden shock of was what happening had finally died down, so you decided to speak to Ryuk yourself.
"I was waiting for something like this you know, for a Shinigami to appear." Light looked at you questionably, confused as to why you would be waiting for Ryuk. "I had a feeling the Death Note was connected to the existence of Shinigami and this proves it."
"Well aren't you a genius." Ryuk responded to your statement in a sarcastic tone, unimpressed by your correct assumption. You got up and walked over to Ryuk. Surprisingly, you didn't find him frightening.
"You're pretty cool-looking Ryuk. I've done research on Shinigami before, but the descriptions of what they could look like was nothing like this." You messed around with the chain at his waist and he backed away from you, startled, "Hey don't touch that! I don't need some stupid human messing up the way I look."
You sighed and moved back to your spot on the bed. "Isn't he cool Light? Wow... To think Shinigami actually exist." You stared at Ryuk in awe, amazed by his existence. "Awe stop, don't make me blush," Ryuk said in a mocking tone. He clearly couldn't care less that you were fond of him, but Light seemed to have a problem with it.
"Y/n stop. You're being weird." He looked at you with judging eyes but you just ignored him. "What's the matter Light? Upset that my attention isn't on you?" You spoke to him teasingly, Ryuk laughing at your comment.
Light's face turned pink, embarrassed by what you said, "What? No. You're just being weird. Why are you so infatuated with him anyway?"
Excitedly, you answered Light's question, "Look at him! I've spent so long researching his kind just for one to appear in front of me. You're telling me you're not amazed by this?" Light scoffed at your answer.
"Come on Light, don't act all jealous now." You continued to talk to him in a mocking tone, which just made his face more red. You laughed at him before walking over to where he was sitting. It was funny that he was getting jealous over the platonic conversation you had with Ryuk.
You placed a kiss on Light's cheek before talking to him again, "No need to get all upset Light. I'm not in love with him." Your sentence came out condescending as you and Ryuk laughed at Light, who was very flustered at what was currently taking place.
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floreatcastellumposts · 24 days ago
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Some hinny pillow talk as a treat
'I think I'm going to leave the Harpies,' said Ginny. 
Harry turned slightly, the headboard creaking behind his shoulders. 'And go with another team?'
'No,' she said vaguely, staring at the opposite wall. At her breast, baby Al nursed, drifting off to sleep. 'No, I think I'm finished with Quidditch completely.'
'OK…' said Harry slowly, and she could tell he was thinking very carefully. 'Bad training session today?' 
'Yeah,' she said, and she was surprised to find that admitting it did not upset her much. 'You know… I don't think it's been the same since I had James, let alone Al. Sometimes it's good and I think it's better, but then the same issues just keep coming up, over and over again.' She paused, and he waited patiently. 'It might all be in my head,' she conceded. 
'Doesn't mean it's not real,' he said. 'Go on.' 
'I just… I have bad days, occasionally, you know? Where the Quaffle just seems to go wide with every throw. Everyone does. No one is perfect all the time. But I feel like recently…' she shook her head vaguely, dozens of examples flitting through her mind, 'it's always a much worse sin when I do it than when someone else does. Maybe it's because I've been there longer, or maybe it's because I have kids and it's a sexism thing, or maybe they just don't like me, I don't know, but it feels like some.people on the team get away with bad days and then some of us, like me and like Ellen, don't. Do you know what Carol said to me today? Did I tell you already?' 
'No,' said Harry quietly. He had a slight frown on his face, listening closely. 
'I dropped the Quaffle, it was stupid, I know, but I dropped it and she started having a go, and I said sorry on instinct - and I was sorry, really - and she just yelled "don't be sorry, be better" and zoomed off.' 
Harry laughed slightly, and she was relieved. 'What an obnoxious thing to say.' 
'Isn't it?' she said gratefully. 'I wasn't sure if I was being ridiculous but it's so belittling. And if it was that on it's own I could cope, she's always been a bit prickly, a bit full of herself, I know that…' 
She looked down at her son, who might have been asleep if it were not for the slight quiver of his chin as he continued to feed  she stroked his hair - it was beautifully soft, and a bit wavy. Often it stuck up at strange angles. She was sure it would be messy like Harry's. 
'...But I'm just so tired,' she admitted.
'I know,' he said sympathetically. 'I'm sorry. I am too, but I know you're the one feeding him. It will get better.' 
She nodded, though she felt a lump rise in her throat. All babies were different, she knew that. Everyone said it. Everyone had a lot to say. A lot of advice. A lot of thoughts. A lot of opinions. If she heard anymore she would scream.
'I'm just so tired and maybe that's why I'm not playing well and I'm not trying to make excuses or whinge I just honestly am trying my best and they make me feel like absolute shit, they really do, Harry, even when they're trying to help - I end up so defensive and miserable-' 
'Ginny, it's all right,' he interrupted reassuringly. He could not hold her hand while she fed their son, but he shifted closer and kissed the side of her head.
'I don't want to juggle all this anymore,' she said. 'I always thought I wouldn't be a woman who gave up her career for her kids, but in not going to cling onto it when it makes me miserable out of feminist pride. I don't think the team wants me there either, and I'm not just saying that out of some sort of self pity. There have been too many things like today, and I am so sick of being told they didn't really mean it like that or they're just having a hard time or it's just because it means so much to them. If I'm not playing well, and they've run out of patience, and the training isn't even fun anymore… that's that then, isn't it?'
'You don't enjoy any of it anymore?' 
'Some of it. Not enough.' She looked back across the room again, and for a brief moment she was on the windswept pitch again. 'I'm lonely when I'm there.' 
'It can be lonely as a parent,' he agreed. 'Even when you're around other parents too.'
'I'm happy really,' she said. 'Don't get me wrong. You can be exhausted and struggling but still happy. But I'm not happy there anymore. And I once was, that's what's so sad. I don't know if it's because I'm a different person or what.'
'Maybe you've just outgrown it.'
'Maybe.'
Albus squirmed slightly, trying to roll back, and she very carefully sat up, easing him into the cot that attached to the side of their bed. In either forty five minutes or three hours, she knew, he would wake. He would cry until she nursed him back to sleep. Harry did not have work tomorrow so might pace the creaking floorboards with him, but they both knew it: he would cry until he was nursed back to sleep.
For now, she sank back down into the covers and into Harry's waiting arms. At some point in the night James would probably creep in and, without any consideration for their comfort or needed rest, wriggle his way between them. 
'I'm finished with it,' she whispered. 'What do you think?' 
He kissed her forhead. 'Yeah,' he whispered back. 'Rest for a while. Then find something else that makes you happy.' 
Relief flooded her, though she had not realised that she had been worried about it. She nodded. 'I'll quit tomorrow.' 
Harry pointed his wand at the lamp, and they were plunged into comforting darkness. She head the slight movement of him putting the wand on his bedside table, and then she nestled back against him, his heart thumping reassuringly beneath her ear.
'Will you still fancy me when I'm no longer in Quidditch robes?' she asked. 
She felt him twitch in silent laughter. 'Can't you keep a set?' 
'I'll see what I can do.'
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uhm-dumb · 28 days ago
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Ouran HS Host Club Character Playlists
All Playlists have been made on Youtube Music so you can find them as playlists youtube or follow the link and listen to them through the tumblr extension!
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Tamaki 👦🏼🌹 Suoh
Tamaki's playlist is filled with: grand love songs from the 1980's and the 2000's, theater classics, and contemporary soft boy songs.
I know Tamaki loves over the top love songs and I think the perfect fit would be, I Hear A Symphony by Cody Fry. Tamaki would definitely play this on piano for you. "I used to hear a simple song, that was until you came along. Now in its place is something new; I hear it when I look at you-."
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Kyoya 👦🏻💸 Ootori
For Kyoya I chose cynical, serous, jealous themed love songs. I absolutely think he listens to the Cure, The Killers, and the Smiths.
The Cure because while they're romantic they are just as bitter as they are enthusiastic; the Smiths because of lyrics like: "I am the son and heir of nothing in particular." and "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does!"
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Kaoru 👨🏼‍🦰🥡 Hitachiin
Kaoru is a soft but also kinda mischievous boi. So I picked indie songs I thought fit both descriptors. I also chose some songs that centered around isolation- because of his childhood.
Lyric from treehouse by Alex G, "'Do Not Enter's written on the door way. Why can’t everyone just go away? Except you, you can stay." and "If I got one thing right, it was you and me. I go in through window so nobody sees. Pull me closer, please, I don't even need you to explain."
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Haruhi 👩🏽/👦🏽 Fujioka
Haruhi was definitely the most difficult for me, i don't think she would listen to too many love songs but the ones I chose center around being emotionally distant or reserved.
"I know sometimes I act like I don't care about you; but I know, I'm a lucky girl." lyrics from Lucky Girl by Fazerdaze, its the first song on the playlist while Its Good to Be in Love By Frou Frou Is the last song and it has lyrics like "It's good to be in love...I feel so powerless; I've got to stop it somehow. Oh come on, what can I do?"
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Hikaru 🥤👨🏼‍🦰 Hitachiin
Hikaru has a playlist full of 2000's pop-punk bangers along with some more recent down trodden jealousy themed songs. Eyedress and TV Girl being his staple songs thanks to TikTok!
Anything, Anything by Dramarama is the only 80's song on the playlisy i chose it for for the whiney stuborn lyrics: "I'll give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills, Give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills! I'll even let you watch the shows you want to see! Just marry me, marry me, marry me!"
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Mitsukuni 🧒🏼🧸 Haninozuka
Honeys playlist is obviously sugar themed! I tried to find songs that had a child like innocent heart to them, and a few with a mature understanding of emotions aswell. They are all sweet sugary pop though!
Kpop, the Sakura Kiss anime opening, and Renee by Sales are a few of my favorite puzzle pieces for this one, "They go waiting for you. Don't waste away, find the time. It's all by your side. Hey, you got it!"
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Takashi 👦🏻🥋 Morinozuka
This is my most cliche one, ha you though Honi's was, nope lol. I chose all of the typical love songs sung by the strong man type in the 2000's especiallyones that are a bit dramatic because Mori is a quite drama king. If white dads that have daughters and a barkyard barbecue setup think its deep then it's here!
I think Takashi has a very romantic, knightly side and these songs really bring that out with lyrics like: "Be my baby and I'll look after you." by the Fray and "Tell me you're strong, tell me you see. I need to hear it, can you promise me? Keep your eyes open, my Love" by NeedtoBreathe or "And I know that you're scared because hearts get broken. I know that you're scared because I'm so open. You're so golden!" by Harry Styles.
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binnotjin · 28 days ago
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The Audacity (Diluc x Reader)
Prompt: "I didn't mean to do that." "You didn't mean to kiss me?" "...no."
Genre: Fluff? Mayhaps? Honestly, I'm not too sure.
(A/N) Hi! I used to write a lot for the game Mystic Messenger but wowowow it's been a minute so I've returned with my new obsession, I suppose. I hope you like it and I apologize in advance if this is a bit OOC.
Please, send in requests if you'd like! I'd like to try my hand at writing for the male Marvel characters, the guys from Mr. Love Queen's Choice, Wannabe Challenge, as well as the Genshin Guys! Please, just no NSFW! If I have any other new obsessions, I'll be sure to update that. Anyways! Onto the story~
Apparently, you had learned of Diluc's latest heroics while he was away. Truthfully, at the moment, Diluc didn't think anything of it, himself. It was just another day for him. A "must be Tuesday" type of thing.
His lack of regard for the day's events lasted up until he heard the door of the tavern slam against the wall while his back was turned. Annoyed, he turned to the door, expecting one of the decor pieces to have crashed to the floor as a result.
Expecting to see a man who had one too many entering the once empty space, he was pleasantly surprised to see you there instead. His small grin, however, was replaced by a confused expression to see you positively fuming.
“Something wrong, (Y/N)?” He questioned.
“The audacity you have, Diluc...” You started. “I can’t believe you!” You continued. He had no idea what had gotten you so worked up today. 
“I’m sorry? I don’t quite follow.” 
“I heard about what happened on your latest mission. Care to, uh, elaborate on that?” You prodded. 
Diluc shrugged, wiping dry a freshly washed glass. “Not really anything to note. Just another day."
You couldn't believe your ears. "So you mean to tell me," you began, "that you almost dying is 'nothing to note' and 'just another day'? What about the people here? The people that care about, that love, you?" You ranted.
He scoffed. "What, like Kaeya?"
You could feel yourself tense up and your face grow hot, as you stormed over to the bar. "You just—!" You jabbed your finger into his chest, "You go out there and risk your life! And you pay no mind to the feelings of anyone else, Diluc! You don't even spare a thought to the fact that maybe, just maybe, there were people that wanted you to come home at the end of the day."
You had absolutely no idea where you were going with this. You know you had no authority over him. He was a grown man. Sure, you were close. He was your friend. At least you liked to think so. Even so, you knew that all those late nights helping him close up shop at the end of the day probably didn't mean as much to him as they did to you. All those moments you spent in each other's company taking care of things around the winery or tavern, or even just being there in each other's company as he took care of his paperwork. He probably didn't even give them a second thought. That being said, you couldn't stop yourself from letting him have a piece of your mind regarding his heroics.
He just stared at you. He tried to wrap his mind about why you cared so much but he kept drawing blanks. You knew this was what he did. But only as of recently did you ever seem to express disdain towards his bravery.
You continued, "I just can't fathom why you feel this need to be so selflessly idiotic." You backed him into the bar, both hands on either side of his body. Looking down, you took a deep breath before staring back into his crimson eyes.
You felt so immensely stupid. Who were you to lecture the man standing before you? You knew how strong he was. You knew he could take care of himself.
You studied his face as he looked back at you. His eyes, usually full of seriousness with a hint of wit, were this time filled with utter confusion.
You brought your face closer to his, enunciating your words carefully, "Do you even think for a second about the consequences that come with going out there all the time?" Your eyes flicked down to his lips and, before you could even stop yourself, you brought your mouth to meet his, eyes screwed shut. All the emotions you felt, the anger and hurt at his blatant disregard for his life, just got poured into the kiss.
You felt Diluc tense initially in response, but after what felt like a millisecond passed, he found his composure and relaxed. Bringing his hands up to your fists that had balled up the front of his shirt, he held your hands in place on his chest. When you opened your eyes, lips still on his, you regained your common sense and your eyes went wide as saucers. Not a second later you pulled away.
"I—" You backed away, looking down and fixing a few out of place stands of your hair. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I... I didn't mean to do that." You said in shame.
Diluc bent down to meet your eyes. "You didn't mean to kiss me?" He deadpanned. Could you hear a bit of a smile in his voice?
You couldn't bare to make eye contact with him. "... No." You said in a small voice.
"I see." He responded. He could see the regret on your face, even though you wouldn't meet his eyes. "Hey..." He continued, guiding you to face him, his fingers under your chin. "It's fine. Honestly."
You felt so vulnerable, your face in his hands, and when you finally found it in you to make eye contact, you saw that his eyes were softer than you were used to seeing.
Unexpectedly, he leaned toward you, looking to you for permission to continue his advances. When your eyes fluttered closed, he took that as wordless agreement and softly touched his lips to yours. It was chaste. The touch was almost feather light. As he brushed his thumb over your cheekbones you felt your body unwittingly melt into his touch.
When he pulled away and your eyes opened again, you couldn't help but let a small smile grace your lips. "And I, " Diluc began with a smirk, "didn't mean to do that, either."
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animeyanderelover · 29 days ago
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Requested from @itsao-mine
Request: Can you write a fanfic or Hc’s for a female Uzumaki s/o with Kushina and Minato? The s/o and Kushina are not related, just having the same name.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, (actually this is pretty harmless)
Wanted to do originally Hc’s, but decided to make a oneshot. I made something similar before which you can read here.
Pairing: Yan!Minato Namikaze x Uzumaki!Reader x Yan!Kushina Uzumaki
Summary: During a dinner with your two best friends, you hear a stunning confession.
Title: Two sweethearts
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"Slow down a bit (y/n) or else you'll swallow it the wrong way." Your chopsticks froze midair, eyes drifting to your two best friends who were both watching you with warm and slightly amused eyes. You huffed a bit and put the chopsticks down. "I've been on a two-week mission and came only back recently. And those last few days I've been running on food pills! Do you even know how bitter those things tasted? I was stripped from delicious food and now that I'm on a little break, I'm planning to make up for those dehumanized meals. Blame your wife that the food is so good. Even though I suppose after that everything would have tasted heavenly."
Kushina smiled with a slight blush tingling her face when hearing your compliment. Minato scratched his cheek a bit. "I actually helped making everything." You kind of sensed that he wanted to be complimented too, but feeling a bit more mischievious, you instead gave him a shocked look. "Wait, you can cook? Should I be worried that I'll suffer from a food intoxication."
Kushina giggled a bit when seeing your surprised face whilst Minato crossed his arms, giving you a faked hurt expression. He knew you were just joking. "Ha ha ha. Very funny. I'm planning on letting you die anytime soon, you know. If I would want that, I would use other methods."
"Oh, don't be that way. I know you love me.", you purred, tilting your head in an innocent way. You felt slightly taken aback when you saw his cheeks shortly turning pink. That was a bit unexpected, but you decided to ignore this. "Also", you turned around, looking at Kushina,"It wouldn't be a wise decision of you to try to get rid of me. Or else you'll summon hell's rage upon you. Isn't that right Kushi?"
Flashback
You nervously clutched Kushina's hand, feeling fear tingling in every cell of your body. So that was Konohagakure, the village where you two would from now on live. Why? Why you two? You knew that you couldn't do anything against it now, but there were those selfish thoughts inside of you that just wished that someone else had been chosen instead of you and Kushina. All you had wanted was living a happy and normal life in your village. But instead you two had been chosen to become the next jinchuuriki of the fox spirit which was kept in the Leaf Village. You didn't want to, because of this stupid task you and Kushina had been ripped away from your families and friends. You didn't even know if you would see them anytime soon again.
"Don't worry, (y/n). I'm here." You felt Kushina squeezing your hand in a comforting manner, giving you an encouraging smile. You blinked confused, feeling the tears in the corner of your eyes. "But Kushi...aren't you scared? We're in a foreign village, forced to carry the nine-tailed fox inside of us and far away from our village. What if they don't like us?"
"Of course I'm scared. I'm angry that they dragged us two in this mess. But...I guess it could be worse." It could be worse? "W-what do you mean?", you asked, confusion audible in your voice. She scoffed, looking a bit nonbelieving that you didn't understand her. "Because at least I have you, silly. If I would have been alone, I guess I would have felt lonely. But the knowledge that at least my best friend is with me, comforts me and I feel less scared. Who cares if the whole village doesn't like me and you? I think as long as I have you, I'm fine with anything. Do you feel the same?"
You stared at her in awe, feeling touched by her spoken words that you felt yourself tearing up. You chuckled a bit, sounding relieved and quickly wiped away the wetness in your eyes. "Yes, I suppose you're not wrong with that." You straightened up a bit, feeling a bit more confident. "So me and you forever, no matter what happens. Right?" You gave her a determined nod, causing both of you to grin. "Right!"
Present
"You can bet on it! No one hurts my (y/n)!" You gave her a cheeky grin, feeling grateful that none of you had ever once broken the promise, even after Minato had come into the picture. You admitted, at first you had been a bit scared that Kushina would neglect you for him, but she had never thought about it, she had always taken care of you. And now you were glad that she had him and that he was her husband. There was no one more perfect for her than him. Their marriage had been a bit more than a year ago and you had of course been the maid of honor. It had been an adorable experience, Kushina had been so nervous that you had spent at least 15 minutes holding her hands and calming her down. And you had cried in joy when both of them had given each other their vow. Even though you remembered the poor guy having been scared and intimidated by her. He still was.
Flashback
"Come on, you idiot! If you like her, tell her!", you snarled at him, clearly tired from this conversation. The blonde scratched his head, appearing to be a bit shy. "I don't know. What if she doesn't like me?" Your eyebrow twitched a bit, turning with an annoyed expression around to him. "Are you blind or something like this? You are the official 'Prince Charming' in this whole goddamn village! Show more confidence! And believe me, I've known Kushina longer than all of you. She likes you, believe me."
He flinched slightly when you starting towering over him, glaring scarily at him. "Calm down, no reason to look like you're about to rip my head off. You Uzumaki have quite the scary temper." You scoffed, half amused, half annoyed. "You fell for one. But hey, love comes in many forms. Even really unexpected ones."
Present
Thinking back now, hadn't there even been a time where everyone had made bets on whom would end up with whom? Ah yes, those silly times when every former classmate of you three had bet on whether you would end up with Kushina, Kushina with Minato or Minato with you. You guessed since you three had been really close ever since the day Minato had saved her from being kidnapped, for which you had suffocated him with a hug, everything would have been possible. But you wouldn't want to have it any other way, even if you would have given the chance to do so. You had no reason. Things hadn't changed since back then. It was still only you three, through thick and thin. You couldn't ask for more, even if you wanted to.
"Did something interesting happen whilst I was gone? Or was it just the usual?" The question was more meant for Minato since he was the Hokage. "Nothing really. Most likely only paperwork.", the blonde replied, causing you to exchange glances with Kushina, both of you smiling because you had just thought the same thing. "I'm so glad we didn't become Hokage." Her and you looked taken aback, having just said simultanously the same thing before you two broke out in laughter. "Can you believe we wanted to be the Hokage when we were younger? Woah, sitting the whole day in the office and doing paperwork doesn't seem to fit us." You nodded approvingly, noticing with amusement Minato's pout. "So I'm boring?"
"No Minato! We both love you very much.", you said happily, trying to stiffle your laughter with clearing your throat and going back to shoving the food down. "Anyways,", you mumbled between a few bites,"you said you wanted to talk about somthing with me, right? What is it?"
And just like that, the whole light and warm air seemed suddenly to change, making you look up confused up at the two. You just sensed it, it was something serious. "Well...you know..." Minato seemed to search for the right words, Kushina grabbing one of his hands and giving it an encouraging sqeeze. "We wanted to talk to you...about us."
"Us in the sense of we three?", you asked, pointing at him, her and you questioningly. Kushina gave nodded, giving you a weird look. She looked somewhat excited, but also...scared? "That sounds serious. Did something happen?" Seeing them acting so nervous caused you yourself to feel a wave of nervousness wash over you, your stomach churning around in an anxious motion. Did you do something wrong? Did they want to spend less time with you and more with themselves? You wouldn't feel offended, you had felt somewhat bad for being so often together with them. But they wouldn't look like that if it would just be this.
"Let's see how I can put this without making it sound weird.", Minato sighed, eyes darting around as if trying to find what he was looking for by doing so. "(y/n)...Kushina and me have known you since a lot of time and are really thankful that you've not distanced yourself from us even after our marriage. Actually...we've wanted to tell you this for quite some time now, but didn't know how to tell you. But we don't want to wait any longer."
This long speech was killing you and you had started swirling the chopsticks nervously around your fingers, swinging back and forth due to feeling the impatience and anxiety slowly burning you. What were they going to tell you, goddamn it?!
Kushina and Minato exchanged a quick glance at each other, a silent message which you couldn't read being exchanged between them before they turned around to look at you. "We love you."
It wasn't the first time you had heard this from them, especially Kushi had often said those words to you. You shouldn't be shocked to hear this. But this time...it was different. You repeated those words carefully a couple of times in your head, staring intensely at them. Both of them were looking a bit anxiously at you, awaiting your reaction. Had you...? Had they just...?
The raining silence was interrupted by your awkward laughter, scratching the back of your neck a bit too forcefully. "You scared me a bit right now. Why having so serious faces? I now you love me. I love you too also." You hoped that you had misunderstood this all, but judging from the disappointed faces of them, you knew you didn't.
"(y/n), you know that we don't mean it that way.", Kushina replied, looking straight into your eyes. "We love you as more as friends, (y/n). I know that this is abrupt and shocking, but hear us out please.", Minato pleaded, giving you a begging look.
And you, well, you had forgotten temporarily how to move, staring with wide open eyes at them, a dumbfounded expression decorating your face. For a moment you wanted to panic, the next you thought maybe escaping would do it. Nut the only thing you could do in that moment was watching them.
Take a deep breath and do something! You inhaled and exhaled one time deeply, body relaxing again a bit and getting a slight better control over your absolutely racing thoughts right now. "A-are you saying that you two...have feelings for me? Romantical ones?" They both nodded, Kushina looking determined whilst Minato seemed to observe your reactions more carefully.
"Ah, I see.", you mumbled, turning your gaze away from them and to the ground. One thought was currently playing itself over and over again in your mind. You had just ruined a happy and married couple.
"I...I just ruined your relationship, didn't I?" Your body started slightly shaking, burrying your face in your hands, shame starting to fill all of your senses. "I-I'm so sorry for this! I-I didn't mean to-"
You were interrupted by two pair of hands suddenly touching you, a smaller pair squeezing your hands in a familiar manner and a larger pair resting on your shoulders. You lifted your face, blinking a bit to get rid of the water that had started to collect itself in your eyes. Kushina was kneeling in front of you, holding your hand in hers whilst Minato was standing behind you.
"What are you talking about? You didn't ruin anything (y/n). We don't ever plan on breaking up. We love each other as well as you." You felt the slightest bit bit of comfort when you saw them exchanging a loving gaze with each other, you shoulders slumping down a bit. Good, you hadn't been the end of them. That was until suddenly another light bulb went on in your head.
"Wait. If both of you love me, but are also in love with each other...Are you trying to suggest...!" And suddenly you shoot up from your chair, surprising Minato and Kushina. "Are you trying to ask if I would be willing to have a relationship with you two?! A married couple?! Who just happens to be the Hokage and his wife?!"
"(y/n). Calm down. We know it's a lot to take in right now, but listen to us first.", Minato tried to soothe you, Kushina giving you as well a pleading look. But right now you weren't in the condition. It irritated you, not that they had just confessed, but rather because after the first initial shock you weren't as surprised as you should be. You just exploded a bit in that moment. "You tell me to calm down?! Sorry, not possible! Do you even know what would happen if someone should find out about this?! You could lose your reputation?! The trust of the village?! In the worst case scenario even be forced to give up on your title as Hokage! And Kushina would lose the respect she fought for so hard?! What if we all get excluded from society?! And it would be all my fault!" You were probably overthinking right now, gesturing wildly around with your arms and pacing nervously back and forth, continuing to mutter all worst case scenarios you could come up with right now, more and more scenarios popping up in your head. "It's my fault. I'm to blame if anything should go the wrong way."
"(y/n)! Stop it now!" And suddenly you were prevented from moving, though not by force. Instead you were suddenly sandwiched between two bodies, hugging you from front and back. You didn't know if it was because you now knew about their feelings, but you felt highly embarrassed all of a sudden, even though your small paranoia wasn't over yet. "Hey! Let go of me!" you protested, trying to struggle out of their grips. "Not until you've calmed down." Minato's voice sounded a bit stricter, blue eyes having become a tad bit more harder, reminding you with whom you were talking to. The Fourth Hokage. Kushina had started rubbing comforting circles in your sides, her head resting on your shoulder.
It at least helped you to calm down, even though this shouldn't have been. But there was this certain tranquility and peace you seemed to gain from those two, feeling thei calmer heartbeat helped your own to calm down and their scent slowed your sped up breath down. Despite knowing that this was wrong, you couldn't deny that this was more nice and inviting than it should have been, being in between those two. At one time in the timeline you guessed you had a crush on both of them, but had gladly given up on it when Minato and Kushina had started dating.
For a few moments you three seemed to just stay in this position, a comfortable silence surrounding you. That was before you snapped out of it, a furious heat starting to spread on your face. Too close. "Alright. I calmed down. Now please let go of me." You started squirming slightly, successfully getting out when both of them seemed to loosen their holds on you reluctantly, allowing you to slip out. It was hot, you felt like burning up, most likely out of embarrassment. In a last attempt to regain composure, you cleared your throat and straightened up a bit, even though you could have really just hidden under the table and die out of shame.
"I'm listening." You sounded as collected as someone could right now, after such a flustering experience. But it seemed to brighten both of them up, looking less stressed now that you've calmed down. "We're aware of the risks. That's why we were planning on keeping it a secret.", Kushina explained quickly, causing you to raise an eyebrow. "A secret? I don't think anyone would exactly like keeping a relationship a secret. Next to that I doubt that this can be kept a secret from everyone. Sooner or later someone will find out."
"We weren't planning on keeping quiet about it forever. Only until we've worked a dynamic out that will satisfy everyone. I agree with you, someone will find at some point out. But the villagers know how close we are so in public it shouldn't be too much of a problem if we are seen together. Kushina and me know that there will be people who won't approve of this. But I'm-we're sure that we can manage to sort it out in no time."
You were debatting with your inner self right now, trying to make your mind up. The idea both of them had worked on sounded like a solid plan. But still. "This may sound all very plausible, but it's still a gamble. Are you really willing to risk the trust of the villagers?"
They didn't say anything, but their gazes were telling you everything. You let a frustrated groan out, pulling slightly on your red Uzumaki hair. "Don't look so discouraged! We never know what might happen until we try.", Kushina scolded you slightly, hoping to help you not giving up on hope. You stopped pulling your head, turning your head to them. "How long?"
You didn't need anything more to say, the look in your eyes speaking for you. "Since actually a very long time, at least for me. I've always really liked you. You were after all for a long time the only person I could trust until Minato came.", Kushina confessed, sounding a bit shy. So even before the marriage. That was a bit shocking. But Minato? When had he...? From the asking look you were giving him, he already knew what you wanted to ask. "Well, for me it's a bit of a more complicated story. I actually didn't think that way about you until Kushina confessed to me her feelings. It was a bit shocking for me at first. But...I guess somewhere along the lines I started changing my view, Kushina was pretty much gushing what she loved about you."
You pinched your nose bridge, having the feeling that you were in the wrong movie. This was not right. You shouldn't even consider this and let them live happily. The thought that they wanted to live happily with you was quickly pushed away, even though it's echo reminded in your mind.
"We completely get that it's shocking and that you have reasons to be dubious. But everything will work out well if we do it together. I know it will." Kushina sounded optimistic, Minato agreeing with a nod.
"We? What do you mean with we? I didn't say yes to all of this." Kushina's confident expression faded away, a shocked as well as hurt expression crossing her face. "(y/n)..."
"Don't say anything.", you interrupted her, a conflicted expression on your face. "I-I can't. That's not right, you guys. We can not be. It just...it's wrong. Being together with a married couple who has such high positions is dangerous. That aside, it's nice you planned that all out. But what's with me? What is with my feelings? I'm glad you don't plan on divorcing or be on bad terms or else I would have stormed out of here. But I have morals! And my consciousness is telling me that this isn't right. I don't want to feel like a burden. Even if I would want this, it's not possible. How could I ever do something like this to you? And me?"
You were getting emotional and didn't like it, you really tried to be logical right now. "It's for their own good. And mine.", you tried to tell yourself, thinking about the costs this could have. Too high. You fell into the fabric of the couch, feeling like sitting would make you feel less overwhelmed and giddy. "I can't.", you whimpered, starting to weep silently. You felt terribly ashamed that there was a part telling you otherwise.
"The last thing you will ever be for me is a burden. Don't you remember what I told you all those years back?" You felt the material to your left side dip in, Kushina sitting down next to you. You noticed that in her eyes were swimming tears as well. But this wasn't what astonished you. It was what she had said. You just looked stunned at her. "I told you that no matter what people might think of me, I don't care. As long as I have you and Minato, I'm happy. Just Minato, you and me. That's all I really want. I don't ask for much more except you giving us a chance." Sincerity. That was what you read in her eyes, she meant it.
Minato had by now sat down to your right side, giving you the same look. "Trust us. Please. You should let it happen if you want it as well. Because of us and our reputations you don't have to sacrifice your own happiness or wishes to be loved as well. The situation might be a bit more peculiar, but love comes in many forms. Even unexpected ones, right?"
Despite still feeling shitty, you managed to croak a laugh out, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hands. "You are using cheap tricks, you know that?" In return both gave you a small smile, rubbing comforting circles in your arms. Another sigh escaped your lips, going trough all the pros and cons of this situation. Currently you found more cons than pros which was ridiculous given the fact that love should always have more positive aspects than negative ones. But maybe these few positive argumentations were just so much more worth than anything else. You still felt weird, maybe because you were more of a narrowed-minded person.
"Let's assume that I'm willing to agree to this,", you say the spark of hope in the eyes of those two, leaning closer to you, anticipating your next words,"how will this even work under us three? Wouldn't I be somewhat in the way? I mean, with two people this seems more easy. They only have each other. But how would you even divide the time with me as an extra? And don't you want also time with each other? And what is with having feelings for more than one person? Wouldn't you favor each other over me since you've already spent more time loving each other?"
The principles of this working where unknown to you and you had admittedly never been in a relationship before, you had never really felt the need to have a partner with those two. You felt somewhat unsure when you saw their confused faces staring at you as if you had just grown horns. "What? Why are you staring at me like this?" You blinked, turning your head back and forth between them.
That was until Kushina broke out in laughter, Minato following shortly. "Why are you laughing?" You felt a bit frustrated, not knowing about what they were laughing. "Hey, explain to me what's so funny."
"This is what you're worrying about? How giving affection and splitting the time will work? And worrying that we wouldn't love you as much as each other?", Kushina chuckled. "Umm...maybe?", you replied, blinking somewhat innocently at her. "Kushina,", Minato called, causing both of you to turn heads to him,"let's show her." Over Kushina's face a somewhat mischievious expression appeared. You on the other hand were still tumbling in the dark.
"Show me what?" It didn't seem like you were getting an answer, both of them suddenly pressing their bodies tighter against you, Kushina clinging onto your arm whilst Minato swung one over your shoulders. They were planning something and the pounding of your heart and heat in your face seemed to return all at once, making you somewhat try to shrink away from them since your left and right side were blocked.
You didn't manage to get far anyways, feeling Kushina's and Minato's hair tingling you from both sides, their breaths gosting over your skin. "W-what are you planning to do?" Your whole voice was shaking, not being able to look them right now in the eyes. Too close. Again. But this time even more than before.
"Showing you our love and affection." And with these words they closed the gap, both targeting your lips. And it was certainly something, getting to experience two persons at once kissing you. And your heart exploded. In the methaphorical sense, but still. You turned into a statue, not moving whilst both of them starting peppering your face with kisses. By now you feared you might really explode.
"Get it now?", Minato asked in a playfully teasing tone, cuddling you a bit more whilst Kushina had started nuzzling her face in your neck. You managed to stutter something out that sounded like a half-decent agreeing, too flushed from this sudden act.
"And? Are you willing to give it a shot now?", she asked, tickling you since her voice send vibrations down your neck. "You were still uncertain, but you also doubted that they would let you out of their grip right now. "May...be?" The answer was taken with much joy. And more kisses.
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snowbearyy · 29 days ago
i was curious how the obey me! guys would react if their s/o who is selectively clingy w certain people kinda back off suddenly because they just feel.. embarrassed?? like when they were a kid people reacted negatively to their clinginess and would ignore them for it. and they just feel so dumb to show emotion & showing their clinginess? and they feel like they’re being a bother and being annoying too... & suddenly just feel like closing off from the world lol? i’ve been feeling like this recently and i’d love to see what they’d do if that’s possible please!! thank you so much!!
Lucifer
He secretly took pride in the fact that you chose him to cling to. He would pretend to be exasperated by it, but he really enjoyed your clinginess. When you suddenly stopped, he grew concerned. He figured he'd wait it out and maybe you'd come back, but that didn't happen. He decided to approach you subtly. "MC, I've noticed you haven't been around me lately... Is something wrong?" You explain, "Well, I'm always bothering you while you're working.. I just thought you might not want me doing that anymore." He stays silent for a moment. "Did I say you were bothering me?" Now you're silent. Of course, he didn't say that. He continues, "If you were truly bothering me, I'd kick you out immediately. Come see me whenever you like. If it makes you feel better, I can text you when I'm not working and you can come to me then. But seriously, I enjoy your company, no matter the time." There's something you can agree on.
Mammon
Around others, he acts like you're a nuisance. He's too embarrassed to show the giddiness he feels when you're near him. His attitude, however, really gets to you and you begin to distance yourself. This pisses him off more than he imagined it would. He's had enough of your avoidance and nearly breaks down your door. "Why're avoiding me, MC, huh?!" You didn't expect him to be upset. "I thought you didn't like me clinging to you so much." He furrows his brow. "Wh-" At that moment, he realizes how he was treating you. He blushes, knowing what he needs to say next. "W-well I," he stammers out, "I didn't mean it! Don't think so much! Just go back to the way you were..." He can't meet your gaze but you can see how red the tips of his ears are. "Okay," you smile.
Levi
Leviathan always got nervous when you were touchy with him. He didn't understand why you'd even want to be touching him. Because of this, you assumed he was uncomfortable with the way you were acting. So you backed off. A part of him expected this to happen, but he was still hurt. It confirmed all of his negative feelings. Another part of him was worried that he did something wrong. You were surprised when he asked to speak to you in private. "MC... you think I'm disgusting, don't you?" Before you could protest, he continued. "Is that why you stopped hanging out with me? Did I say something wrong? If I did, please tell me, I can fix-" You hold your hand up in a gesture for him to stop. You explain to him how you thought you were making him uncomfortable. His face turns bright red. "That's just- that's just how... I act... it doesn't mean I want you to.. stop.." You can tell it took a lot for him to say that, so he must be telling the truth. You nod and pull him in for a hug, which he reciprocates gladly.
Satan
Much like Lucifer, he took pride in the fact that you chose him. He was quiet about it. When you would cling to him, he wouldn't say too much, just an occasional "feeling lonely?" and letting it happen with a smile. When days go by where you no longer visit him, he grows concerned. More than anything, he's worried you moved onto one of his brothers. Was he not enough to fulfill your needs? This fills him with rage, but he approaches you calmly. After your conversation and he understands everything, he feels a bit silly. He chuckles, wrapping you in a tight embrace. "Don't worry about stuff like that. You're never a bother. Rely on me and only me." This time, you laugh. "Aren't you being a bit too possessive?" He pulls you back, gazing at you with a warm smile. "And what's wrong with that? You're special to me, after all. You can't blame me for not wanting to share."
Asmodeus
It was obvious Asmodeus enjoyed your clinginess. He loves your touch, when you spend time with him, when you rely on him. Everything. Still, somewhere in your mind, you can't help but feel like he's lying. Maybe he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Thinking it's for the best, you decide to distance yourself. When he invites you out, you decline, much to his astonishment. Throughout the day, he notices the way you avoid his gaze, his touch, his conversations. He can't handle it. Suddenly, he bursts into your room, tears in his eyes. "MC! Come back to me!" he sobs, dramatically. Good grief. He practically throws himself onto you, rambling off questions like "Why haven't you touched me today?" First, you calm him down. Then you explain, "It's just... a lot of people in the past didn't like it when I was so.. clingy. I thought maybe you secretly felt that way, too." His face quickly turns serious as he stares at you, intensely. "MC, you shouldn't assume things like that. I'm not those people. I love you so much! I want you near me all the time! Please, just stay with me forever." You can't say no to that.
Beelzebub
The closeness between you and Beel comes so naturally he thinks nothing of it. Of course, he isn't bothered, but the fact that he seems to take no notice of it is confusing. Is he not aware that he's the only one you cling to so much? Is he ignoring it on purpose and just letting you have your way? He's a nice guy, so is he just putting up with you? The questions you have make you hesitant. To your surprise, after the first day of backing off, Beel confronts you. "MC? Are you feeling sick?" He looks extremely worried. "No.." you answer. He sighs in relief. "That's good. But are you feeling okay? It seems like you're avoiding me. Are you mad because I ate your cupcake? I can go buy you a new one-" You shake your head. "Sorry. I just thought you might want some space. I'm always clinging to you so I can understand if you'd be annoyed." Suddenly, he lifts you off the ground and squeezes you in a hug. You gasp, frantically gripping his shirt in fear that you'll fall. "B-Beel?!" After a few seconds, you calm down from the initial shock and ease into the hug. "You're never annoying, MC. I like it when you're close to me like this." You smile and pat his back. "I do too."
Belphegor
Belphie is a cuddler. You were constantly being asked to cuddle him, take naps with him, let him lay on your lap. It wasn't hard to get attached to him. You enjoyed the physical touch and Belphie did, too. Spending so much time together had never been a problem. One day, out of nowhere, your insecurities resurfaced. You remembered all the people of your past and could no longer face the youngest brother. He texts you, as usual, asking you to come up to the attic with him for a nap. You ignore it. You figure he'll just fall asleep without you, so you're shocked when he walks into your room, glaring daggers. "Where have you been all day?!" It's a little scary. He notices your eyes widen and softens his demeanor. "Are you sick of me or something?" he sighs, walking toward your bed and laying down. "No, it's not that..." He looks expectant, propping up on his elbow, waiting for you to join him. You stay where you are. "What's the matter?" You explain your worries. For a moment, he says nothing. He gets up and grabs your hand, dragging you back to the bed with him. When you get in a comfortable sleeping position, he speaks. "I need you here with me, MC. Don't worry about stuff like that. I'm not gonna let you go that easily."
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pricechecktranslations · a month ago
The ask about the Sloth's era made me curious about something. Are the designs of the main sinners heavily influenced by their time periods? Like, I know there'd be artistic liberties that might make some of them less accurate, but how much of the design was taken from their respective eras? Can you also go a bit in-depth on which arc corresponds to which real life era (I remember you answering this before, but it's been a while). The designs of Gluttony and Sloth I'm most curious about. Thanks!
Yes, for the most part. Venomania's tailcoat looks pretty Victorian to me, but Conchita's dress is I think medieval in style, Riliane's dress is based on the styles of pre-Revolution France, Margarita's is Victorian of course, Kayo's outfit is obviously traditionally Japanese (pre-Meiji Restoration), underneath Gallerian's judge robes he wears a lounge suit which was becoming the fashion in the 1910s-1920s, and Nemesis...uh...
Well, she'd be another outlier like Venomania, I think.
Bear in mind, a lot of the design choices in the series boil down to "it looks cool/it references the VOCALOID", hence why they are inspirations only. A corset would never be worn on the outside the way Conchita wears it (it didn't even exist back then), detached sleeves was not the norm in most European fashion, etc. Similarly, no time period choice is going to be an exact match because not only is Evillious history heavily condensed compared to ours, but it also draws inspiration from many anachronic periods. Like, Daughter of Evil is clearly French Revolution in design, but Arth's expansion campaign feels (to me) very heavily based on Charlemagne (his song is even called medieval by mothy in the video title). Obviously these two things were NOT one right after the other in real life history, but they are in Evillious.
But, to give a rough estimation (and please be advised I am not exactly a historian here),
OSS is clearly classical era, albeit again with a ton of anachronic elements like television. There's a lot of obvious Roman influence which I've talked about elsewhere, drawing from several different periods of its history (Etruscan rule, Republic, Empire), as well as a little bit of Greek.
Venomania's is a little bit trickier for me, pretty much none of the outfit styles in it feel early medieval and I'm not as well versed in the structure of society for back then. Venomania is a Beelzenian noble, Asmodean having been colonized by Beelzenia at the time, which makes me think it's meant to be Byzantine era? The Venomania manga does have some medieval looking outfits in it, so it's not like there isn't anything to it at all (also clear generic Arabian influence in some places). --I don't know, timeline wise it's obviously supposed to be early medieval but I just can't get over Venomania's outfit, which feels like it should be from a much later time period. Lukana says it's becoming the fashion in western Evillious, but if you look at medieval outfits of Europe at the time it's obviously not inspired by any of them.
The Conchita novel feels easier to pin down in medieval history if only because Marlon is currently undergoing a civil war with Lioness at the time, which takes obvious inspiration from England’s War of the Roses. So, probably around the 550s or so.
Daughter of Evil is French Revolution with some medieval mixed in as I've said (Allen's outfit looks almost directly copied from the styles of the time, even).
Sloth is Victorian, though it does draw inspiration from earlier periods as the newspaper is a recent invention, Maistia is a more recent discovery, and so on.
Enbizaka is the most obvious one, featuring a clear Admiral Perry knockoff who is planning to force open Jakoku's harbors with warships the next time she visits, making it obviously shortly before the Meiji Restoration (I believe that's the Tokugawa shogunate?) around the turn of the century. There are elements that feel like they're from older fairytales though, specifically Kokutan's adventures.
Greed and Wrath are both roughly around the same time period, with Gallerian's story taking place around the 1910s (WWI) and Nemesis' story being more around the 1940s (WWII), however it does also take bits from earlier in history as well, such as Maistia having their civil war over slavery around that time (the real-life American civil war being in the mid-1800s).
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flyinbutwenevergetfar · a month ago
Text
Fearless (Taylor's Version) Prologue
When I think back on the Fearless album and all that you turned it into, a completely involuntary smile creeps across my face. This was the musical era in which so many inside jokes were created between us, so many hugs exchanged and hands touched, so many unbreakable bonds formed. So before I say anything else, let me just say that it was a real honor to get to be a teenager alongside you. And for those of you I've come to know more recently than 2008, I am ecstatic that I get to experience a bit of that feeling with you now that I can fully appreciate its whimsical, effervescent, chaotic entirely.
Fearless was an album full of magic and curiosity, the bliss and devastation of youth. It was the diary of the adventures and explorations of a teenage girl who was learning tiny lessons with every new crack in the facade of the fairytale ending she'd been shown in the movies. I'm thrilled that my new version of Fearless wit you now. This is Fearless (Taylor's Version) and it includes 27 songs.
I've spoken a lot about why I'm remaking my first six albums, but the way I've chosen to do this will hopefully help illuminate where I'm coming from. Artists should own their own work for so many reasons, but the most screamingly obvious one is that the artist is the only one who really *knows* that body of work. For example, only I know which songs I wrote that almost made the Fearless album. Songs I absolutely adored, but were held back for different reasons (don't want too many breakup songs, don't want too many down tempo songs, can't fit that many songs on a physical CD).
Those reasons seem unnecessary now. I've decided I want you to have the whole story, see the entire vivid picture, and let you into the entire dreamscape that is my Fearless album. That's why I've chosen to include 6 never before released songs on my version of this album. Written when I was between the ages of 16 and 18, these were the ones it killed me to leave behind.
This process has been more fulfilling and emotional than I could've imagined and has made me even more determined to re record all of my music. I hope you'll like this first outing as much as I liked traveling back in time to recreate it.
Sincerely and Fearlessly,
Taylor
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thcrnmade · a month ago
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oso here's the deal i have been roleplaying this precious bean that i've since 2015 i remember vividly after i went through something traumatic don't ask me about it ever. i had done a rewatch of the show from disney XD and i was like oh my gosh this precious girl is someone i'm gonna portray this precious bean.
it was fun in the beginning if anyone remembers my first roleplay blog exdragonslayerrose then you know i've been here for a very long time since may of that year in 2015 i had my up and downs good times and bad hell i've even been blocked by people who i thought we're my friends. hence why down the line i started to become highly selective and once that happened it felt like people kept at bay since i wasn't as welcoming like in the beginning way back then.
well boy oh boy did i feel guilty going highly selective people would violate my rules i was a total noob in the rp scene i still am to this day cause there's stuff i still don't know how to do for the life of me.
once the roleplay scene started to get more changing with the tides i felt like okay it's time for a change and a fresh start and in comes me making nxthuntsgirl which is my second account an my longest account that i had for rose, I'll admit i loved that blog so much but i'll also admit i felt insecure with my skills heck i still feel insecure with my skills and feel like people will move on to the next person. but that's life people come and go i'm not gonna lie there's some roleplayers i deeply miss but i also wish when they were leaving that they'd told me. You all know how it is when you've connected deeply with people and then boom there gone and your like nooo they've left and you can never complete those threads and interactions.
One big thing that did bug me and really turned me off was people would focus only on rose being huntsgirl and not a normal regular school aged girl.
I swear it grind my gears to no end how when writing her she was just being seen as jake's love interest and girlfriend so yeah it seriously irritated me and it felt like people only cared about the villain aspect of her life, and not about the person whose had to go through so much deep shit.
So eventually after moving her a good chunk of times i started thinking after i made this account recently i was like what the fuck am i doing and how come i didn't think of doing this from day 1 was if i could clean off one of my previous blogs i'd do it. a lot of my blogs are messed up meaning i can't clean out my likes sections if that has happened to anyone else please let me know cause it's infuriating as hell.
I even recently contemplated moving rose to a sideblog just so i'd have some peace of mind and i wouldn't feel so overwhelmed.
so as of right now i'm cleaning a blog i'm hoping and i mean hoping i can clean it entirely. so that she'll be there officially not now if possibly tonight she'll be up and if not i'll just stop trying and go on a very long hiatus.
if people want to leave i understand i don't blame you one bit will i be sad yes but i'm not gonna beg you to stay.
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zu-is-here · a month ago
Thank you for your reply as well 💜
If you'd like, I could keep you updated on how I'm doing. I mean, I'd ask the same, but there are people who always do that (@help-im-a-gay-fish, I'm looking at you with gratitude and warmth; thanks for always checking on Zu, your conversations really mean a lot to me 💗), I don't want to repeat questions. Though I'm thinking about asking you some other things, and sharing news in the meantime. It'd be nice to get to know you better, so it's a win-win. Would that be alright?
As for my Chinese lesson, it went... alright, I guess. Considering I didn't feel well and was a bit out of practise... But it was nice to get back to actual stydying. I love this language so much, but don't speak it good enough to use some social media in Chinese, so when there are no lessons I feel like I'm kind of falling out of it. But now I'm there once again, and it feels really good!
I'm very embarrassed and unsure, but, uh. Would you maybe like to play in Sky together sometime? If not, no problem! Just thought it was worth asking, even if our schedules don't exactly match up (x
I'm so glad I managed to explain everything about the songs! By the way, I just realised there is at least one thing between The Killing Kind and X-tra Dark Cream that is not a spoiler, so I can share it now!
The ghost in me was true but
You've been haunted too just—
Didn't see it all along
Remember this part? Well guess what you have~
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Doesn't that sound familiar?
This part of the song is always a moment of reminiscing for Dream and Cross. Back to the days when it all took another turn. When the old dreams were shattered, and the new ones were yet to be made.
...
I'm very random right now, can't even explain my thought process here, but all that reminded me that I have the fourth chapter of A dream that comes crashing down translated and published on fanficus. No updates on ficbook though, recent changes make me too sad, I don't use this one as much anymore. I'll still post things there, but obly in piles, a few chapters and/or oneshots at a time. Don't want to spend there more time than necessary. Oh, on a lighter note, my blog now has navigation in every fic post! I worked on that for a few days, and finished today! Hope the links work for everyone, not just me (x
And last but not least... You have no idea how happy and flattered I am. Making things special is exactly what I want. It's just that I've been standing out for as long as I can remember, and for almost everyone my words barely meant anything and the way I perceive the world is strange (mostly the bad type of strange), and that's part of why I can't hear my own writing, why my words now seem hollow and meaningless to me. At least it doesn't stop me from treasuring people who get what I'm trying to tell, who hear me. To whom I make things seem more special. So reading this part was... wow. It still is. I know you consider my works wonderful, and I know you are always glad to talk to me, but this? For me, it's another level. Спасибо. Я так, так рада... Эти слова и впрямь попали в самую точку и запали в душу, оставив отпечаток. Подобные вещи для меня действительно много значат.
Okay, I turned into an emotional mess, who would have guessed (x I'll just end it here for now.
Waiting patiently for your reply and grateful in advance for listening,
anfie.
That would be amazing!╰(*´︶`*)╯No pressure, of course, just whenever you feel like doing so ♡
And that's good to hear! Chinese sounds so interesting yet really hard...
Oh don't be embarrassed! I'd love to play with you sometime <3 Maybe we'd be able to meet even more friends (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
Wait— it does! *0* I did miss the very beginning, "when the old dreams were shattered, and the new ones were yet to be made." ☆
***
Ah I almost forgot about fanficus! It seems like a nice alternative to our good old ficbook ♪ Despite all the updates, it's still very dear to me, though I left it a long time ago. Back to fanficus, I'll be gladly following you there! Is that where your blog with navigation is? (・∀・)
Am I happy to hear this (๑>◡<๑) I know how underestimated many creators may be, with amazing works and, as luck would have it, a small audience, especially writers. Not just details but the whole meaning escape from an unprepared reader's gaze, and it may be each of us, so many talents, unheard, disappear. Но я верю в тебя. Не сворачивай со своего пути! ☆
Take care, and have a good night ♡
UPD:
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Really? (゚∀゚) I thought it was more of a stereotype that Asian languages ​​"are the same", though many of them were just isolated from each other, so that's funny indeed x)
Aw got it, thank you! (〃ω〃)
I see (ó3ò) Oh btw, what do you think about Archive of Our Own? *^* I still get lost there in navigation xd but this is definitely the biggest community for writers and readers!
Ah it's okay! My bad, but now I see, that's really easy to use (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
You're doing amazing ♡ Keep up the great work! ☆
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Saffffff I mischu 😭😭
I've been pulling nighters for deadlines and got even more burnout than before that on one particular group project everyone had to wait for my progress that saddened me so much I feel like a burden for my team 😭😭😭
Can you please make Kei comfort me 🥺🥺
Also, how are you doing? Was your birthday recently? 🥺 Happy belated birthday my queen 🥺♡♡♡ you're such a wonderful person, and you made my days
I love you so muchh ♡♡♡ Stay safe please
Tenchu'³'♡
A/N: Tenchuuuu 🤍🥺 I miss you too! I'm sorry you've been pulling all-nighters, those suck ass, if you're not up for it! And burnout isn't fun, either! But hey, don't think like that. I'm sure they were grateful to have you in their group, sweetheart! I'm sure you weren't a burden and i'm sure they didn't think of you as such!
Of course I can have Kei comfort you, though! 🤍 Honestly, I'm not feeling 100%. 😅 And close, my birthday is on the ninth of April, thank you so much for the birthday wishes, though! My family forgets every year though, so that's why I wrote the Oikawa thing, in preparation for when I need comfort that day(wow! I sound absolutely pathetic!)! 😅 But I'm so glad I could make your day! It's my goal to make people feel better, y'know? I love you too, sweetheart!! Stay safe and take care of yourself, though!! 🤍 I'm sorry this took so long, by the way!
Tsukishima Kei Comfort Headcannons
Haikyū!! Masterlist
Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Gender Neutral! Reader
Warnings: None, really
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Kei knows when you're overworking yourself, even better than you do.
Or, at least, he acknowledges and puts a stop to it, when you refuse.
You work hard and he worries about you pretty often.
More like all of the time
Soft ass
He won't say anything directly, at first.
He'll just do things like take you to dinner or put with friends, to get you away from the work.
He'll make you dinner.
He'll buy you groceries.
Hell, he even organizes your notes for you.
He actually rewrites them for you, sometimes, because your shorthand isn't always legible.
It works... For maybe all of an hour, before you're returning to your work.
After your project had gone a bit rough, you hadn't gotten your bit to the other students, 'on time', in your opinion.
They didn't much care, but you'd still felt horrible about the matter.
You were thankful when the project was over, but even still,
you were stressed and that was obvious.
After trying to discreetly get you to chill out, he furthers his attempts to get you to relax.
He'll put relaxing music on through his headphones and pull you into his lap, placing his headphones on you, just holding you until you calmed down.
He'll lay down with you and rub circles into your back until you fall asleep.
But Kei wasn't known for his patience.
There are times when he uses mean words to scold you.
But you know it's just because he's worried and doesn't know how to say it.
Then, if you continue to just,,, not take care of yourself, his measures slowly grow more drastic.
He'll be over all of the time.
Scolds you for your apartment/room not being up to his standards on cleanliness.
Demands you help him do a 'deep Tsukki-approved clean'
What really happens is he ends up teasing you for pictures and goofy notes that he finds, him helping you get rid of old items and making room for new ones, and a few times he's played music and pulled you into him to spin you around and dance with you in his arms.
Speaking of making room for new items - he takes you shopping, too.
He buys you some comfy clothes, some different things for your room, and even gets you some self-care supplies.
He's not really good at the self care thing
But he has a best friend who is.
Yamaguchi helps him, anytime he needs help with knowing how to have a 'self-care' night with you.
Can you imagine this tall, nerdy looking blonde, walking along side this small, punk-looking boy, holding a basket full of face masks, soaps, and knick-knacks that he'd just tossed in there?
I'm in love with both of them, please
He doesn't really know how to give it to you.
He just shows up at your apartment and dumps the items on you bed.
He'll awkwardly scratch the back of his head and be like 'Um - so, I found these around my house and thought you might want them.'
You know he went and bought it all specifically for you,
but poor tsundere will not admit it.
Kei just wants you to take care of yourself.
He's really bad at expressing himself.
Who can blame him though, after choosing to shut himself down for so long.
He feels those emotions, trust me, he feels the love and care for you.
He's just not the best at expressing it.
Bare with him, he's trying.
General Taglist:
@thathoneybee3 @bratkugo
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