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#((I don't have the motivation to pick myself back up.))
underthejoon · 15 hours ago
Hey babe! This is just a opinion and you can ignore it if you don't like it, but know that this isn't to offend you in any way. So i have read all through the night quite a while ago. And absolutely loved it! I waited very eagerly for the 2nd part but since you were on a hiatus i put it on hold and almost even forgot about it. Then i find the story again and looked up account to see that you said you were going to publish it soon. I've been waiting eagerly again only to see you delaying. Now, it is your story and you post it whenever you want. Not my place to say anything, but since you are a writer i just wanted to share my experience as a reader. If i have to too long for smth, it usually turns me off. I lose interest totally and don't feel like going back and check anymore. Your story is such a good one, it would be a shame if i do end up giving up and don't read the rest anymore. May be you are not done yet with it. But this is what i've been feeling like for your story. Sorry if this hurts you in anyway. You're an amazing writer.
You say it's not your place to share your opinion and yet here you are sharing it when I did not ask. This thinly veiled threat is so passive aggressive and gross. I am not purposefully “delaying it” I can post it as it is now if you’d like, but it would be an incomplete one.
Regardless of what you might believe, tumblr doesn’t even crack top 5 priorities in my life. I am so sorry you’ve been so eagerly waiting but shit happens and that's just life. Maybe I am too optimistic with my posting estimates but it’s amazing how thousands of people can be so patient and kind and here you come in with all this entitlement.
I'm not sure if you're aware but a huge part of the reason I stopped working on this fic for months and months was because of the insane amount of asks and comments I was getting demanding an update starting not even an HOUR after I posted part one. It is honestly amazing I even picked this fic back up given how much I grew to hate it because of the constant nagging.
Also, did you forget about the global pandemic we were in? Did you forget I moved cities and started a new job during the middle of all of this? did you forget me posting about my battles with my own mental health?
Did you ever think that me trying to set post dates motivates me? Or that I want to keep readers as up to date as I can? I don’t owe anyone here a single thing and perhaps I just won’t share posting estimates at all anymore.
This is about the 10th ask I’ve gotten in the past week and I’ve just blocked most of them but this is a step too far. It will get posted when I am finished with it, period. That means after all of my work at my full time job is finished, time is spent with my family, my dogs, my friends. After my house is cleaned, my laundry is done, my bills are paid, my groceries are bought. After I can cook for myself, clean myself, actually make time after doing all of this to exercise, maybe do something to help quiet my mind after the chaos of my life. Not to mention I’m getting ready to be in TWO weddings for the friends I have hardly seen since I moved, both of which are out of town. Those are big time commitments with lots of upcoming events. My brother is graduating, my parents just sold the house they lived in for 25 years and have required a lot of my help as well. Not to mention SLEEP. Woo. Let me tell you how hard that shit is to come by.
Would you like me to continue trying to quantify my existence as an actual living, breathing human being with responsibilities and feelings? Or would you just rather read my FAQ and not try to impose your pressure masked as fake-friendly unsolicited “advice" on me?
Also, please don’t speak to me as if I am also not a consumer of content or a reader, as you put it. Because I am. And as much as I look forward to updates from my friends and favorite writers, I would never send such a rude, condescending ask or pester people for an update OR act as if they’re just a content machine living to serve me and my desires.
I actually don't think it would be a shame at all if you never read a single other thing I write. There's no need to worry about checking back in or losing interest. You are not welcome to my hard work, imagination or on my page in general. I do not care about your feelings since you clearly don’t respect me or mine.
A final thought, adding “babe” or saying “this is not meant to offend you” doesn’t make what you’re saying any less shitty or your tone any less bitchy.
Thanks for putting me in a wonderful mood to start this new week 🤗🤗
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theokotrain · 2 days ago
Text
Vestige - Interlude: The Party
Wattpad Version
As the night fills the sky
All my fears are dissipating
'Cause I feel reassured
That I might make it through
And if all my luck should burn
Then I guess it burned for you
---
April 13th, 2012
I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.
I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.
Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.
God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.
After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.
Shaela.
I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.
I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.
"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.
I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.
"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."
"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."
"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.
She's not wrong.
"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."
"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.
Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.
It's a message from Tyler.
He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.
Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?
Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.
Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?
Tyler: thinkin about it
think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin
Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole
Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there
The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.
Jake: i guess ill think about it
Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind
Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.
"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.
"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."
"What happened?"
"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"
"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.
Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."
"Sounds like typical Claire."
"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.
"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.
"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.
I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"
"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."
Wow.
"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.
Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"
"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.
"What? How does he know Chris?"
"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"
"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"
"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.
"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"
I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.
"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."
"Awesome!"
"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.
"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.
"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.
"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.
"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.
"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."
"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.
I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"
"Sure thing!"
We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.
"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.
"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"
"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"
"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.
"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.
"Oh yeah? What about you?"
"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."
"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"
"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.
"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.
"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.
I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"
---
"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.
"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.
"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.
"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.
"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.
"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.
"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.
"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"
"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.
"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"
"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.
"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.
"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."
"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.
"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"
"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.
It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.
"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.
"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.
We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.
Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.
"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.
"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.
Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.
"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.
I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.
"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.
"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.
---
The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!
"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.
I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.
"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.
"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"
"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."
' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"
"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"
"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.
"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.
"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.
As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.
When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.
"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.
"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.
"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.
"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.
"Duh!" Alex claimed.
Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.
After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.
"You guys ready?" Justin asks.
"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.
"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.
The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.
Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.
Oh fuck.
It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.
I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?
"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.
"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.
The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.
I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.
Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...
...
...
...Second?!?
"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.
"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.
"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.
"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.
"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.
"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.
"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.
"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.
"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.
"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.
"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.
A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...
...
Really? That's bullshit! Come on...
...
Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!
...
Yeah, I swear."
It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.
They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.
"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.
"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.
"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.
"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.
"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"
I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.
I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.
As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.
...Is he crying?
He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.
"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.
There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"
"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.
"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."
"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.
Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?
To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."
"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.
He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.
"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.
This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.
Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.
A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?
"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.
"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."
I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.
"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"
God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.
"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.
"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.
"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.
"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.
We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.
"At least it's a nice night out." I said.
"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.
"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.
I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.
I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.
"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"
"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.
"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.
"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"
"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.
When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-
"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.
Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.
"...You... think?"
"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.
"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"
"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.
"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.
A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.
"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"
He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."
I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.
"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."
"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.
Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?
"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.
Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."
"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"
He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."
"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."
After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"
"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.
---
Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.
I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.
Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"
"Hide-a-bed." He replies.
"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.
I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."
"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.
"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.
"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.
"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.
He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.
"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.
"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.
"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"
"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"
"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.
"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"
"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.
"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.
I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.
Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.
---
As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.
I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.
Tyler: hey
woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.
will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see
A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.
At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.
The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.
"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.
"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.
She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"
"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.
"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.
I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."
"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.
"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.
"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.
"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.
"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.
Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.
Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.
As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.
"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.
"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.
"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.
"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"
"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"
There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?
"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."
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rheapizzey-fmp · 4 days ago
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Evaluation #1
For this project, I was given the theme “Flipside” which we were able to choose our own two words to focus on. I decided on the theme Natural vs Artificial because I was interested in how far I could go with this theme. I saw lots of opportunities and ideas with this theme and I wanted to challenge myself.
The concept of my artwork is to show the facts and statistics behind body image and insecurities as well as using my own primary evidence of this. I feel really strongly about this and want my final major project to show how bad it has got and make people realise that there needs to be a change. I decided to pick a topic that I feel is important and needs to have positive change made. I have chosen to focus on the theme Artificial/Natural and I want to present this by showing the beauty of people. I will be focusing on people's identity and their insecurities they have. My digital outcomes are my most impactful outcomes because of how simplistic they are yet the meaning behind them all are so powerful. They all have words and phrases that show the struggles that people can relate to. I plan to display them all as campaign posters online on websites and round towns and cities where people can see my work. I want to do this because I want my work to make people stop and look, hoping that this will have an impact on them.
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From looking at all the artists I have researched, the three artists that have impacted my work the most would be Gabi Trinkaus with her mixed media based artwork. I was really inspired by her collaging and use of materials. She also inspired me to use pins in my work as she used them to pin parts of the faces together. I found it really interesting how she missed parts of the face out as well this inspired me to do something the same with my digital work.
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My second chosen artist would be Jenny Saville because she creates incredible portraits of female bodies that really influenced my ideas and changed my view on female bodies. I chose her because all her portraits are of people she has met. This made me want to use people I know and make my outcomes based more on statistics and facts as well as my own primary research.
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Lastly, Karl Schmidt-Rottluff because his prints inspired me with my own prints. I liked his prints because they had lots of black areas which inspired me with my own prints. I also found his work really interesting as his lines look really straight and blocky. The main piece of wider world research that has had the biggest impact on my work would be when I interviewed my friends and wrote about my own insecurities. I thought this had the biggest impact because it motivated me more to produce an outcome that had meaning to it since interviewing my friends had such a negative outcome to it.
If I was able to display my work at any point in history I would choose to display it in the 1950’s and 60’s just after The Great Depression and World War II was over. I chose this time in history because I believe that this was the beginning of how “the perfect body” came about. I feel as if these were displayed and shown to the women of this time that it would change their views and opinions of themselves and others making the generations now to love themselves more. If I had to display this with music I would choose a song that is about body positivity. There are a few that I would choose from such as, “Scars to Your Beauty” by Alessia Cara because this song is about self-acceptance that challenges the beauty standards we see everyday. Another song I would choose would be “Don't Be So Hard On Yourself” by Jess Glynne because the meaning behind the song is to not let sadness defeat you. The song is meant to encourage people to take risks in life and to get back up when they fall. Lastly, I would choose “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. I chose this one because the lyrics are a call to embrace inner beauty adn to promote positive body image and self-acceptance.
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slowlyforminghabits · 7 days ago
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Day 98
Writing has been very infrequent these days.
It's 8:34 in the morning.
I can feel how writing was more about spending 15 minutes with myself, focussing on my thoughts.
I feel very distracted now, so much so that I don't want to finish one more sentence and be on my way.
This weekend I didn't work on my hobby project. I've some ideas about the next things to work on.
I haven't jotted down my expenses this month, expecting my app to be complete.
The freelance project seems to be readying up. So I'll have one more thing to worry about. The rate I'm charging is the only motivation to keep going with it.
I'm planning to spend all that money on amazon or other online purchases so that I don't bring it into my account.
I've to take a shower before work today. Hopefully I'll start doing shorter showers so I can do it every morning.
I've to be more mindful of how I start my day from now on. I've to wake up early. I've to do productive things.
One day when we were playing Fifa online, J asked me if we don't get bored here. That's when it hit me that it'd be surprising for us not to get bored. There's absolutely nothing that we've been doing here. We cook food and eat it. And I work. We watch movies. But there's nothing interesting coming up or friends to meet.There's nothing new happening in life.
The pandemic feels like a test now. When it started, I was expecting it to last a few months, it's been more than a year now. Even my worst estimates at the beginning of march 2020 was it to last till July 2020. It's May 2021 now, and there's no end at sight.
Once everyone gets vaccinated, maybe in a few months time, things will go back to normal. Travel would become unrestricted, again.
I think I can slowly think of planning travel now. When I came here, I thought of going home twice in a year, staying there for a month each time. Now it seems too far fetched, I don't think it would be easy to stay away from work so much.But that's probably a false assumption I am making.
I haven't got my residence permit yet. I think of calling someone else today. Not the lady who I met for applying - she doesn't pick her phone up. May be I should also try writing to them afresh today.
I will take a shower now, then sit and complete my work. I will start on a new task today.
I do feel sleepy a bit now. It's probably the walk that's made me sleep better yesterday.
I should probably get a bhan card and walk around the city more.
From today, I'll focus more on how I spend my hours and get back on track.
Let me shower.
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captainjimothycarter · 8 days ago
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An AU where Steve is Cap and Peggy is in modern day (no shield or anything for her)
They break up after a petty argument where they're both too stubborn right now to see they're both wrong.
They still very clearly harbor feelings for one another.
Steve was just always late and kept trying to hide he was Cap for her safety.
Peggy thought a) he was cheating on her because the excuses for his bruises and broken bones and exhaustion were weak, b) when she found out he was Cap, she took that he hid it because he didnt want her to be in love with Cap or use Cap like others, etc. and c) she was tired of the lies.
It was a petty, nasty argument during a date when he showed up half dead. She wasnt so petty she didnt help him and call help from his phone, no doubt seeing texts from a Natasha Romanoff, etc.
Its been a few months and okay she misses him BAD. After the Battle of New York, she texts him out of the blue:
Glad to see you're not dead. You did good work out there. - PC
Steve texts almost immediately back.
It was touch and go. Stark almost died. Are you...safe? - SR
I saw. I wasnt worried about him. I was worried about you. - PC
And yes I'm safe. I wasnt in town. I was with Micheal and Daniel. My shop? Not so much. There's a hulk-sized hole in my roof and my flowers are ruined. - PC
You worry about me? - SR
You were...out of town? Right. Yeah. I hope you had a lovely time with your boyfriends. Oh shit, Pegs. I'm so sorry. I'll talk to someone, see if we can fix it. Insurance isnt budging? - SR
Natasha is now glaring at Steve after reading over his shoulder. "Jealousy doesnt look good on you. But I'll call in a few favors. That's the only shop that grows purple roses. If Clint can't get those for his poison dipped arrows, he's going to be upset."
Theres another motivate behind it, Steve knows. Because he still likes her. The arrows and roses have nothing to do with it.
I always worried about you. - PC
I'm not doing this, Steven. I can handle it myself. - PC
So colored her surprise (not) when she shows up the next morning to find Steve Rogers still hurt from the battle wearing plaid and a construction belt, working on her roof. She stares up at him, lips pursed before slamming her office door. Not that it does much good, the wall falls right out.
Steve tries not to look disappointed and upset.
"I don't get it," he says after climbing down from the roof and standing in the wall-less doorway. "Why are you pissed? I'm helping! Natasha already bullied Stark into revamping your shop. You get all the say. I was doing a headstart! Why are you pissed?"
"Because you're a bloody fucking idiot!" She screams at him over the desk, the chair flying back as she stands up. The office is ruined, its again her desk is still standing.
"If Im such an idiot why are you here then? Why arent you with your boyfriends? Where's Mikey and Danny to help you?"
Steve swore she was going to slap him as she stalked forward. Instead she jerked him down to kiss him hard. It stunned them both, her hand still gripping the dust-covered shirt tightly as they parted.
"Micheal is my brother and Daniel is his fiance, Steven!"
Steve blinks, eyelashes clumping together. All he can think about is how beautiful she is and how theres a fleck of sawdust on her nose.
"Oh."
"Damn right oh. I worried about you! You didn't...didnt even call me. I always worry about you."
This time its Steve who kisses. Its hungry and needy. He picks her up with one hand and knocks the things off her desk, laying her on it.
They don't notice the construction crew coming in and instantly leaving.
Nor Natashas sly photo of Steve with Peggys legs around his waist and his pants down.
She later sends it to both and says 'Americas Ass.'
Peggy isnt sure if shes mad at herself for getting back with Steve or happy but she knows one thing as she cuddles into bed with him that night.
Steve needs her. Needs someone to remind him hes human and to watch after himself. To take care of himself.
She needs him. More than she knows. And its not because hes Cap or can lift the heavy water barrels.
She needs him because she loves him, because she reminds her that some things are worth fighting for, that you have to let your guard down some times to let people in.
But she definitely needs him to fix that goddamn Hulk-sized hole in her back garden or she's going to be peeved and no Bruce Banner rage will equal to hers if her Tropical Plants are ruined because aliens invaded New York
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melodramatic-fratboi · 13 days ago
By the way how exactly do I start to do things on time? It's 21.49 here and I have very little time tomorrow to do all the things I need to do and I haven't started some of them. I either get some stray motivation or maybe just a feeling of needing to get all my shit together just when I should go to sleep or at least start resting. The whole day I was like "hmmm, I really have to do this simple and important thing and I don'thave much time tomorrow. Why can't I start anything" and now it's quite late. I know I'm sometimes an efficient procrastinator but most of the time I actually want to do things on time.
Mag 200 anon
I have genuinely no idea how to give you any real advice here bc I do the exact same thing. The only time that I made any real to finish my work or do tasks without waiting till the last minute was when my depression peaked and I was hyperfocusing on getting shit done to keep my brain quiet. I still usually end up malfunctioning and pushing things until the deadline but when I was using my depression as motivation to work (keep in mind, I'm on a break from life right now so I don't have any real school/work stuff to focus on), I used to try and break things down so that they were essentially smaller tasks that I had to finish and in the end, they'd all add up to one big thing. It also helps so that you can move onto a different part if you get stuck and then come back to it later. I like making lists and crossing things off them so sometimes I'll do that to make myself finish things.
In terms of actually starting, it really doesn't happen for me unless I actually want to do it. Rewards and shit don't work because I've never been able to follow my own rules like that. Making plans or forcing myself doesn't help either, I just end up procrastinating harder, then. Executive dysfunction continues to fuck me up, rip.
My one trick is to just not give myself enough time to procrastinate at all, so I'll just sit down with what I have to do and then do that for like, an unhealthy amount of time and then die for 3 days straight afterwards.
None of these are particularly healthy and I wouldn't recommend any of them.
I know what you mean about getting the motivation to fix shit right before bed and I also know that rarely tends to carry over to the next day. Motivation, in general, will function by its own rules unless you gently bully it into abiding by you.
My brain seldom cooperates with me but when it does, it helps if I separate what needs to be done immediately from what can wait. And then I'll pair tasks from each category so that I can back and forth on both.
If you absolutely cannot get yourself to do anything, start small. Pick the easiest possible thing and finish that and move forward from there. Don't start with the most daunting task because you might end up chickening out. On the other hand, if you run on spite, then start with the scary thing just to out power move it.
If schedules are something that you can work with, you can try making one for yourself and giving yourself deadlines within which you need to complete things. Don't overwhelm yourself when you do this. If you're making a timetable, be generous with the breaks you give yourself. If you're worried that you'll take a break and won't come back to your work, put something that you enjoy as a task after your break and try and put something that isn't the same as the one you were working on before the break. You'll know what your own threshold for concentrating is so when you first make the schedule, try and stay below your limit. Don't immediately try to optimise because you'll get mad if you're unable to meet your own standards. Be gentle with yourself, it really does help.
If schedules are not your thing at all, then the moment you feel like doing something, do it and then make a plan for the very next step after that, not for something that'll happen far off into the future. If jumping from one thing to the next in a storm of choas is your thing, that's okay, too. It's about the pattern that works for you and stresses you out the least. You don't always need order.
It's okay if you have days where you fuck up and can't get things done because your mind needs time to rest and recuperate. Don't berate yourself for having off days. It's important that you remember that you can always get back to things and start again. As long as you know you have the capacity to do something, you'll be able do it. It'll take a while but that's alright, time isn't your enemy.
I can't really tell you much else without coming off as the preach, but don't practice kind. Whatever I mentioned here, those are things that actually work for me. It gets easier when you figure out a structure that works for you and I still don't know for sure what that is for me. Sometimes starting is like throwing a dart in the dark and hoping it hits the bullseye and sometimes it's making a complicated battle strategy and then following that to the letter. And sometimes, it's just being happy that you got somewhere in the vicinity of the dartboard. Either way, it's okay because you're taking the first step no matter what you do.
Not sure how but it feels like this answer kinda got away from me. the tldr really kinda boils down to fuck around and find out so honestly I'm not the right person to ask for help and I sincerely hope I didn't make it worse for you, rip
PS. I've read your other ask, I'll answer it tomorrow bc I have to go to bed now so that I can wake up at people times and not 3 in the afternoon
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peachsodamilk · 18 days ago
Text
I'm reading Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury right now and it's the first book I've enjoyed and not just tolerated in so long. Reading this book and feeling the way I do about it puts me right back to elementary school and middle school where I would stay up past my bedtime just to read. I was able to read anywhere at any time, my body count of books is in the hundred because of that. Now that I'm able to enjoy reading again, I feel like I can do that again. If anyone who fell off the reading horse in middle school or high school and wants to get back on it, I have some advice!
It's never too late to start reading again. If you find a book you don't like, you don't have to read it. Make reading fun for yourself! Make it less stressful by picking a short story collection instead of a novel.
What finally got it for me was buying 11 books from Barnes and noble. Having these books looking at me, judging me for buying them and then not reading them, made me feel bad.
That negativity turned into motivation and I forced myself to pick up The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It was nice and short and also just a terrible book, but I wanted to finish it. I had a Bradbury book waiting for me!
If you do what I did and buy a bunch of physical books, stack them in the order you want to read them in. My order is: 1984 (which I stopped reading because I didn't like it), Sleepy Hollow, Something Wicked This Way Comes, The picture of Dorian gray, Frankenstein, Dracula, Borne, The Luminous Dead, Maurice, and Dead Astronauts.
What I've done is taken books I'm excited about and put them in between books I'm not that excited about. I'm most exited about reading Dead Astronauts which is why that one is last. I marked the more exciting books in purple.
Other advice about getting back into reading is greatly appreciated!! Also please no spoilers for any of the books (except Dracula, I've read that one before. And sleepy hollow since I just finished it)
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elizabethbrenner1813 · 20 days ago
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Hello
Lol, I forgot a made a Tumblr page. Tumblr blog? Is that what these things are called? I honestly have no idea. Anyways, I sort of got distracted these last few months as the semester dragged on. I took four courses, which is a lot for me. I take all my courses online. I literally have never stepped a foot on the UF campus. At my community college where I got my AA degree, I also took all my classes online. I did have to go to campus a grand total of three times. Once for freshman orientation (a big waste of time), to pick up my student ID, and to take a stupid exam bc the math department can't trust a student to take their exams using online proctor services. But whatever, the past is the past. UF online has been great. I could literally do these classes from anywhere in the world. The orientation was online, they mailed me my ID, the exams are online. Of course, you have to be very independent and self-motivated to be successful. Some people don't understand how I can do my classes online. I have family members who judge me and say that all I do is stay home. When the reality is I actually put a lot of time and effort into school. I graduated from my community college magna cum laude and made either the dean's list or the president's list each semester. Compared to my high school career, I am doing exceptionally well. I just hope that the pandemic has shown people that online classes are just as difficult (if not more) as face-to-face formats. Wow, I just ranted. My bad.
Anyways, the semester is finally over. I turned in my last exam last Wednesday and I'm still waiting for my grade. Our professor gave us all 10 points extra credit for completing the GatorEvals for the course. I also did a study at the beginning of the semester which got me 5 extra points. If my exam score is higher than a 77%, my grade will remain above an A. I'm actually surprised by this and I wasn't expecting to make above a 90. Law and Society turned out to be a very challenging course. I wouldn't recommend it with a full schedule. But I will take a B. I'm just glad the class is over.
I wanted to update my Tumblr to try to motivate myself back into writing. I have a few story ideas, one is already been planned out. I just lost my will to write. But my summer course load is fairly light, with only 2 classes during the A term. I'll be taking a road trip with my family pending my second Moderna dose. My parents already got theirs. Most of my family has gotten vaccinated.
I also plan on getting my laptop repaired soon so I should be able to write without the damn battery from misbehaving. I also have a crack on my screen that needs to be fixed. I got $500 from the UF emergency COVID relief fund or whatever it was. So I'll be able to pay for the repairs, luckily.
I hope that anyone who reads this is doing alright.
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of-comfort-and-love · 21 days ago
Text
A Birthday To Remember
Word Count: 1,417
Generic title, yes I know! My title name game is declining, halp!
My 2nd OC birthday story goes to my MCL Candy, Faye. I personally do wish that I had more motivation to write MCL stories... But, I suppose this is a good start to getting back into it. 
I still can’t believe it’s been 8 years since I’ve started playing MyCandyLove...
Sure, everything hasn’t perfect, but this game still means a lot to me even as an adult. So, I hope you all enjoy! ^^
Tag List: @minty-fresh-kicks  @setzale @rose-wine-selfships @truelightwing @dekiaibadchoices @ofieugogyshz (If you want your name added/removed, then please let me know.)
Faye arose to her stomach rumbling wildly. It wasn't exactly how she planned to start off her special day. As she picked out crud from her eyes, she was startled by something poking at her stomach. Looking down, Faye chuckled at the culprit responsible.
Turns out it was White, kneading and purring loudly. Faye gently rubbed her soft head, the cat lovingly mewed in response to the affection.
"Hehe, looks like someone's excited today, huh?", the woman chuckled as White hopped from the bed to her tree scratching post.
Before Faye could have time to get out of bed, she felt herself getting pulled back down by some familiar strong arms.
"N-Nath! W-what are you doing?", she stuttered as her boyfriend nuzzled his face on her shoulder.
"Just surprising the birthday girl.", the blonde chuckled, lightly pecking her the corner of her ear.
"This certainly isn't the surprise I had in mind.", Faye rolled her eyes as she turned over to face her boyfriend. She raises an eyebrow at Nathaniel's cheeky smirk on his face.
"W-what's that look for?", she nervously averted her eyes. Her heart jumped as Nathaniel tugged on the silky strap of her purple babydoll nightgown.
"It still fits.", he beams as he released the strap, making Faye wince.
"Don't get your hopes up; I wore it for myself today."
"More power to you, I suppose. Now, enough talk. There's something special downstairs waiting for you."
Nathaniel ruffled his girlfriend's hair before he held out his hand. Curious about the "something special", Faye took his hand and was escorted downstairs to the kitchen.
Faye's eyes widened as she entered the room. On the table was a well-prepared breakfast alongside various presents in all shapes and sizes.
"Y-you planned all of this?", Faye blinked back joyful tears as Nathaniel draped a plush robe over her shoulders.
"Yes, but I'll admit that I had some help.", he replied as he walked her over to the table.
Faye took notice of the large pancake stack- rainbow sprinkles poking out of each one. The plate next to it contained fruit kabobs- half of them were covered in sugar syrup, the others in chocolate. Alongside the sweet ensemble, dishes filled with avocado toast, scrambled eggs, and strips of bacon added a savory touch to the meal.
Her heart did a leap when her eyes landed on a gift card with the Cosy Bear Cafe logo. She had a feeling who prepared this joyous breakfast for her.
Dear Faye, sorry we can't be there for the celebration. The cafe's getting pretty hectic and your girl will not let her business end up in shambles today. But I hope you like the special order Mr. President made especially for you. It was a lot of fun to make, and we poured all of our love into every bit. Bon appétit!
Happy Birthday from us, Bonnie & Nina
You two are the best, Faye squealed as she squeezed the card against her chest. Her happy moment was quickly interrupted by a sudden growl coming from her stomach.
"Gosh, those pancakes are just too pretty to eat.", she joked as her face grew hot.
Nathaniel chuckled before replying, "Well, get to it before I take them all myself."
"Pfft, I find that hard to believe with your taste palate.", Faye rolled her eyes as the two of them sat down to eat.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*:・゚✧*:・゚✧
"Whew, I don't think I can eat another bite of those pancakes.", Faye sighed, taking a sip of her chamomile tea.
After breakfast, the couple relaxed on the couch to allow their stomachs to rest. White had come down to eat and was later in the mood for a cuddle. So, she hopped onto Faye's lap, eager for some affection.
"That just means we can the leftovers next year. If they can last that long in the fridge, that is.", Nathaniel replied as he enjoyed a cup of coffee.
"Given my tendency to have a little midnight snack here and there, don't be surprised if they go missing by tomorrow morning.”
The blonde chuckled at Faye’s joke before handing her a sparkling purple-and-gold gift bag.
This must be from Rosa, she concluded as she carefully searched the bag, attempting to not rip the decorative tissue paper. Faye fished out a slender jewelry box and marveled at the pair of studded hoop earrings.
Leigh, Thia, and I wish you a very happy birthday. Be sure to send me a pic when you try on the earrings- I'm dying to see how they look on you, the intricate birthday card read in Rosalya's familiar handwriting.
"By the way, Nathaniel, where's your present?", Faye questioned as she gently placed the earrings on a nearby pillow.
Her boyfriend gave her a light flick on her nose and answered, "No need to fret. There's no way I'd forget about you, Little Faye. But, you need to unwrap these other gifts first."
Faye wanted to insist, but eventually let it slide and got to opening her remaining presents.
A large gift box contained a lovely castle painting from "Aster" aka Violette. I know you like the fantasy genre, so it was the inspiration for this painting. I really hope you like it, the kindhearted card read in delicate penmanship.
Iris had bought Faye a bottle of perfume. I know it's nothing fancy, but I hope you like it. I sampled it and the soft, peachy scent really reminded me of you.
A familiar-looking guitar pick laid in a tiny glass box sent by Castiel, now with his signature on it. This old thing’s been through a lot and I figured it should go to someone I trust rather than throwing it away. Not sure what you'll do with it, but I hope it does some good to you.
Inside of Priya's card contained a $100 gift card for a couple's massage. I think you two deserve it since work will get exhausting.
Faye beamed at the adorable teddy bear key chain Kentin had gifted her. You can never have too many teddy bears, right? Hope you like the new addition to your collection.
A colorful set of nail polish came in Alexy's parcel. Maybe if you sweet talk him enough, Nath can do your nails for you. XD
A plush doll of Celica plopped out of a gift box from Armin. It would be criminal of me to not get merch of one of your favorite Fire Emblem characters. Funny enough that it was the last one available online on Etsy...
Faye sighed happily, very pleased with all the presents she had received. She felt quite lucky to have such wonderful friends; she missed them all so much.
She made a mental note to herself to plan a get-together with them someday.
"Ok, now can I open your present?", Faye jumped, glowing with excitement.
Nathaniel snorted before handing her a wide gift box.
"Alright, alright. I've figured you were patient enough."
After tearing the wrapping paper off, she opened the box, only to be met with pieces of styrofoam to fall out of it. In the center of the box was something wrapped in bubble wrap.
She carefully pulled the mystery object out and peeled away the bubble wrap. Her brown eyes grew wide as she stared down at a small music box. After opening it, a calming melody played as a tiny glass slipper spun inside of it.
"Oh Nathaniel, thank you. It's beautiful. But...this must've cost a fortune.", Faye wiped away tears of joy.
"Hey, you said you'd be fine with anything. Besides, I figured why not go all out for you?", Nathaniel smiled sweetly, turning the dial to keep the music playing.
Marveled by the entrancing tunes, Faye had the sudden urge to spring to her feet and dance. So, that's exactly what she did.
It was Nathaniel's turned to be shocked when his girlfriend set the music box and started freestyling a ballet routine.
"Erm, this isn't exactly dancing music, you know.", he snickered at the brunette as she spun into a pirouette.
"Anything can be dance music if you feel it in your heart.", Faye grinned widely as she pulled Nathaniel up from the couch, encouraging him to dance with her.
Nathaniel really wasn't in the mood to dance, however, he had to give in. As long as it made the birthday girl happy.
He held Faye in his arms as he led her into a waltz. She couldn't stop her giggling while they danced together.
While she was grateful to have such wonderful companions, she was even more blessed to have Nathaniel by her side. Faye knew that with his support and encouragement, she'd be able to step out of any troubles she was facing.
His love had to be the greatest present of all.
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diamondpencilsz · 21 days ago
Text
A Birthday To Remember
Fandom: MyCandyLove
Summary: Nathaniel gets some help from some friends to celebrate Faye on her special day.
Genre: Fluff/Romance
Rating: General
Warnings: None
A/N: Today-April 26th-is my Candy Faye’s birthday. Happy birthday! It also happens to be the 8th anniversary of me playing MyCandyLove. It’s refreshing writing MCL fanfiction again; let’s hope I can keep up this streak later on. It’s been pretty hard because of a lack of motivation, so I do appreciate any ideas/advice. ^^
Faye arose to her stomach rumbling wildly. It wasn't exactly how she planned to start off her special day. As she picked out crud from her eyes, she was startled by something poking at her stomach. Looking down, Faye chuckled at the culprit responsible.
Turns out it was White, kneading and purring loudly. Faye gently rubbed her soft head, the cat lovingly mewed in response to the affection.
"Hehe, looks like someone's excited today, huh?", the woman chuckled as White hopped from the bed to her tree scratching post.
Before Faye could have time to get out of bed, she felt herself getting pulled back down by some familiar strong arms.
"N-Nath! W-what are you doing?", she stuttered as her boyfriend nuzzled his face on her shoulder.
"Just surprising the birthday girl.", the blonde chuckled, lightly pecking her the corner of her ear.
"This certainly isn't the surprise I had in mind.", Faye rolled her eyes as she turned over to face her boyfriend. She raises an eyebrow at Nathaniel's cheeky smirk on his face.
"W-what's that look for?", she nervously averted her eyes. Her heart jumped as Nathaniel tugged on the silky strap of her purple babydoll nightgown.
"It still fits.", he beams as he released the strap, making Faye wince.
"Don't get your hopes up; I wore it for myself today."
"More power to you, I suppose. Now, enough talk. There's something special downstairs waiting for you."
Nathaniel ruffled his girlfriend's hair before he held out his hand. Curious about the "something special", Faye took his hand and was escorted downstairs to the kitchen.
Faye's eyes widened as she entered the room. On the table was a well-prepared breakfast alongside various presents in all shapes and sizes.
"Y-you planned all of this?", Faye blinked back joyful tears as Nathaniel draped a plush robe over her shoulders.
"Yes, but I'll admit that I had some help.", he replied as he walked her over to the table.
Faye took notice of the large pancake stack- rainbow sprinkles poking out of each one. The plate next to it contained fruit kabobs- half of them were covered in sugar syrup, the others in chocolate. Alongside the sweet ensemble, dishes filled with avocado toast, scrambled eggs, and strips of bacon added a savory touch to the meal.
Her heart did a leap when her eyes landed on a gift card with the Cosy Bear Cafe logo. She had a feeling who prepared this joyous breakfast for her.
Dear Faye, sorry we can't be there for the celebration. The cafe's getting pretty hectic and your girl will not let her business end up in shambles today. But I hope you like the special order Mr. President made especially for you. It was a lot of fun to make, and we poured all of our love into every bit. Bon appétit!
Happy Birthday from us, Bonnie & Nina
You two are the best, Faye squealed as she squeezed the card against her chest. Her happy moment was quickly interrupted by a sudden growl coming from her stomach.
"Gosh, those pancakes are just too pretty to eat.", she joked as her face grew hot.
Nathaniel chuckled before replying, "Well, get to it before I take them all myself."
"Pfft, I find that hard to believe with your taste palate.", Faye rolled her eyes as the two of them sat down to eat.
✧・゚: *✧・゚:*:・゚✧*:・゚✧
"Whew, I don't think I can eat another bite of those pancakes.", Faye sighed, taking a sip of her chamomile tea.
After breakfast, the couple relaxed on the couch to allow their stomachs to rest. White had come down to eat and was later in the mood for a cuddle. So, she hopped onto Faye's lap, eager for some affection.
"That just means we can the leftovers next year. If they can last that long in the fridge, that is.", Nathaniel replied as he enjoyed a cup of coffee.
"Given my tendency to have a little midnight snack here and there, don't be surprised if they go missing by tomorrow morning.”
The blonde chuckled at Faye’s joke before handing her a sparkling purple-and-gold gift bag.
This must be from Rosa, she concluded as she carefully searched the bag, attempting to not rip the decorative tissue paper. Faye fished out a slender jewelry box and marveled at the pair of studded hoop earrings.
Leigh, Thia, and I wish you a very happy birthday. Be sure to send me a pic when you try on the earrings- I'm dying to see how they look on you, the intricate birthday card read in Rosalya's familiar handwriting.
"By the way, Nathaniel, where's your present?", Faye questioned as she gently placed the earrings on a nearby pillow.
Her boyfriend gave her a light flick on her nose and answered, "No need to fret. There's no way I'd forget about you, Little Faye. But, you need to unwrap these other gifts first."
Faye wanted to insist, but eventually let it slide and got to opening her remaining presents.
A large gift box contained a lovely castle painting from "Aster" aka Violette. I know you like the fantasy genre, so it was the inspiration for this painting. I really hope you like it, the kindhearted card read in delicate penmanship.
Iris had bought Faye a bottle of perfume. I know it's nothing fancy, but I hope you like it. I sampled it and the soft, peachy scent really reminded me of you.
A familiar-looking guitar pick laid in a tiny glass box sent by Castiel, now with his signature on it. This old thing’s been through a lot and I figured it should go to someone I trust rather than throwing it away. Not sure what you'll do with it, but I hope it does some good to you.
Inside of Priya's card contained a $100 gift card for a couple's massage. I think you two deserve it since work will get exhausting.
Faye beamed at the adorable teddy bear key chain Kentin had gifted her. You can never have too many teddy bears, right? Hope you like the new addition to your collection.
A colorful set of nail polish came in Alexy's parcel. Maybe if you sweet talk him enough, Nath can do your nails for you. XD
A plush doll of Celica plopped out of a gift box from Armin. It would be criminal of me to not get merch of one of your favorite Fire Emblem characters. Funny enough that it was the last one available online on Etsy...
Faye sighed happily, very pleased with all the presents she had received. She felt quite lucky to have such wonderful friends; she missed them all so much.
She made a mental note to herself to plan a get-together with them someday.
"Ok, now can I open your present?", Faye jumped, glowing with excitement.
Nathaniel snorted before handing her a wide gift box.
"Alright, alright. I've figured you were patient enough."
After tearing the wrapping paper off, she opened the box, only to be met with pieces of styrofoam to fall out of it. In the center of the box was something wrapped in bubble wrap.
She carefully pulled the mystery object out and peeled away the bubble wrap. Her brown eyes grew wide as she stared down at a small music box. After opening it, a calming melody played as a tiny glass slipper spun inside of it.
"Oh Nathaniel, thank you. It's beautiful. But...this must've cost a fortune.", Faye wiped away tears of joy.
"Hey, you said you'd be fine with anything. Besides, I figured why not go all out for you?", Nathaniel smiled sweetly, turning the dial to keep the music playing.
Marveled by the entrancing tunes, Faye had the sudden urge to spring to her feet and dance. So, that's exactly what she did.
It was Nathaniel's turned to be shocked when his girlfriend set the music box and started freestyling a ballet routine.
"Erm, this isn't exactly dancing music, you know.", he snickered at the brunette as she spun into a pirouette.
"Anything can be dance music if you feel it in your heart.", Faye grinned widely as she pulled Nathaniel up from the couch, encouraging him to dance with her.
Nathaniel really wasn't in the mood to dance, however, he had to give in. As long as it made the birthday girl happy. 
He held Faye in his arms as he led her into a waltz. She couldn't stop her giggling while they danced together. 
While she was grateful to have such wonderful companions, she was even more blessed to have Nathaniel by her side. Faye knew that with his support and encouragement, she'd be able to step out of any troubles she was facing.
His love had to be the greatest present of all.
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yourfriendwren · 23 days ago
Hi wren! I was hoping for some advice if it isnt too much trouble?? I am over 350lbs and I'm just watching myself get bigger and its scaring the crap out of me. Idk where to start. Its like. I plan on eating better/exercising the next day and when i wake up I'm like "well one day wont fix it so i guess I'll wait another day!" and i do this. Every. Damn. Day. I dont have discipline whatsoever. I am slowly getting rid of "bad food" but its doesnt seem to be helping. What did you do to become motivated/disciplined? I'm only asking because idk anyone else i can talk to. Every time i mention my fears with my family they push for wls and I'm too scared for that. I feel very lost rn. I just want to be healthier. I have no one to talk to about it. I want to bring it up in therapy but I'm too afraid to. Any advice would be appreciated. If its oo much don't worry about it, i understand. Take care ❤
Hi anon! I’m sorry for the delay!
Honestly weight loss surgery doesn’t fix anything if you’re not mentally ready so whether or not you get it is entirely dependent on how you feel about your ability to control your impulses.
I don’t think it’s a good choice if you feel you’re already struggling and you don’t WANT it... if you get the surgery you pretty much have to have a liquid diet for a while and then when it introduces food again there’s technically no restrictions and if you haven’t learned healthy habits already it’s not gonna be as successful and will still be difficult.
I signed up for Noom recently because I’m actually trying to kick some bad habits that I had picked back up again. The most consistent thing I have to remind myself that I need to be good to myself... you have to treat yourself like a stubborn pet that needs consistency and discipline.... right now it’s like if you had a small kid in your head telling you I wanna eat this I want to do that I don’t want to do this and instead of being the parent and taking care of the child by enforcing healthy habits, you’re letting the child run the show.  you’re letting yourself be disrespected by your impulses. 
Instead of seeing it as of today, tomorrow, the next day in regards to being healthy and better habits you should maybe you think about it like a math equation. How many good things can you add together to make a great day that you feel proud of yourself for? How many good things can you add up to make sure that it’s neutral and that you’re not disappointed in yourself? How many bad habits does it take before that negative number is ruining your mood for the rest of the day or week because you are disappointed or feeling guilty at yourself?  A lot of the habits and things you do now may be for immediate gratification but they also are harmful to you not just physically but mentally whenever you start to reprimand yourself and mentally beat yourself up later.
Be good to yourself and remember that nobody else knows what works best for you, only you can find that out
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rabbitrah · 26 days ago
Text
Treating myself like a literal elementary schooler to learn a language, lmao.
I've been really frustrated about the stall in my language learning progress since I had to drop out of French early in the semester, but I'm also really motivated by what I'm learning in my ESL instruction courses. SO. Honestly? I'm just going to treat myself the way I would treat a frustrated language learner in my classroom.
1. Lower the affective filter.
The affective filter hypothesis, posed by Stephen Krashen, states that negative emotional responses to one's environment impede learning. So, being honest with myself, I think that continuing on in university classes probably isn't going to help me much. Maybe in the future I can audit classes, but having test anxiety in the back of my brain has definitely been a barrier to my learning and has made me focus so much more on short term performance instead of long term mastery. Continuing on, I'm going to try to try to make sure that I keep my emotional well-being in mind, since I'll learn the most when I feel happy and at ease.
2. Accessible books, that are interesting and entertaining, preferably with supporting illustrations.
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That's right, baby. Shout out to my inner 10 year-old: this one's for you. Also shout out to my Kató Lomb, my beloved, champion of learning-by-reading.
"You should dare to include reading in your learning program at the very beginning, and you should read actively. [...] They can be spiced with underlines, question marks, and exclamation points; they can be thumbed and dog-eared, plucked to their essential core, and annotated so that they become a mirror of yourself. [...] At first, we should read with a blitheness practically bordering on superficiality; later on, with a conscientiousness close to distrust."
Lomb emphasizes picking something you actually want to read regardless of how much you can understand, while Krashen emphasizes "i=1" or comprehensible input. Cummins would call for something that's cognitively demanding enough, but has embedded context for support (yay comic books). And you know what? I want to reread the first Warrior cats book. It's been a minute. Let me re-experience the cat drama. The embedded context here is simply the benefit of loving these when I was a kid. "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" is a weird choice, but unlike Warriors, I never read it as a kid and I know a lot of teachers who recommend it for their students who are reluctant readers. Since I like to check out books before I give them to students, I might as well give this a spin while also flexing my skills, all with the benefit of goofy illustrations to embed context.
3. Pick up social language in a relaxed environment.
Do I wish I could be a 10 year old on a playground to do this? Yes. Yes I do. I've messed around with apps to connect you to speakers of your target language but it's always felt weird and NOT relaxed at all. I don't like strangers, lol. I'm hoping that maybe this summer I can find someone in the area who would meet outside and tutor me a little, focusing on conversation. Once my summer job starts I might be able to afford that? Idk. In the meantime, I'm thinking youtube videos and talking to myself. One practice that's used a LOT in elementary classrooms both for native speakers learning to read and language learners learning to read and speak at the same time, is to listen and read at the same time. Maybe at some point I'll get the audio book to "Les Guerre des Clans" and read along?
4. Chill out about grammar a little bit.
Grammar has been a huge struggle of mine, but attempts to cram rules into my brain have come at the expense of not practicing enough comprehensible input/output, so it's a net-0 gain. I'm going to neglect it for a little while and focus on my reading and foundational social language skills. For later, I've been eyeing a book that's actually meant for teaching French grammar to native-speaking 6 year-olds. It would be kind of interesting to look at both from a language learning perspective and from a future elementary teacher perspective.
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ruiixvwa · 27 days ago
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APRIL HIGHLIGHTS
aaahh long time not updating this blog~ finally I'm in a good mood to write something here!
Actually first quarter of 2021 was quite nice. Life is going on like usual, and not many things happened this month, days seems so very slow yet also kinda fast? I don't really know how to put it into better words. Boring? not really, because there is something to look forward to, unlike last year which feel really hopeless, but week ago I read some of Jalaludin Rumi and Kahlil Gibran poems, in which really helpful to calm the noise inside of my head, as their words really bring some sort of comfortable and peaceful feelings for mind and heart. Might try to learn more about Sufisme, later!
Now, I kinda want to talk about my old blog. So, it was around an afternoon hours when I looked through the bookshelves and randomly picked up one of the textbook from high school, and found an url of my old blog written so messily on the front page. Of course I would get curious at that moment and wanted to know if it is still existed or not, because I remember for trying to put it into a hiatus mode by changing it's web template to prevents nobody to accessed it. So, why not checking it, right? yep! turned out, it can be access through a mobile view, and obviously I forgot the email that is use to log in to the blog. Anyway, surely it feels nostalgic, and I read everything from the last post written in June 2013, until it reached to the very old post from 2011! Surprisingly, my first ever post was written in a very seriously terrible broken english! haha my english is much more better now compared  to years ago, at least I can write stuff in this language with a much confidence and less struggled than before, although unfortunately even until now I have no idea how to use grammatical rules properly and I'am aware of how awful my english writing skill is, but well it doesn't matter cos no one actually read this shit.
lol really tho I can't help but cringed a lot seeing how awfully garbage my personality back then. I was really rotten and view the world in a hateful place. if there is something to learn from those past, it is that being so judgmental and hateful won't make us any better or stronger than anyone, it only caused us more suffering instead of peace. While reading the whole thing and trying to recalled the memories, there are also some few good things that I miss which can't be replaced by anything else and it would be take too long to write everything's here.
Oh also, another thing is, I started to binge watch Attack on Titan days ago.
ALL OF THIS OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE!!
Actually right now my mind is only filled with Armin. Armin. Armin. Jean. Armin, while trying so hard to get rid of some fresh spoilers which I accidentally saw while browsing through AOT fandom. But currently I'm near into a season 3 cour 2, so that mean it's just about time to catch up with season 4! aaaaahhh I'm really excited to see what beast titan is doing inside the wall, specially after reading some heat discussion on internet, about whatever reason of Eren turning into an enemy(?)! and more importante, Armin glow up!
This month I also dropped a competition project, merely because of how overwhelming to work on it, but at least I managed to forced myself to finish one of the other project yesterday, in only some few hours until the submission is closed lol, this is just a reminder not to pull all nighter to finished an important work ever again! seriously it's really bad and my hand is quite hurts and tired. Kinda lost all motivation now to think there are lots of stuff that is pilling up and almost gets neglected because of my indecisiveness and procrastinating a lot. Well, next month should be better than this.
Okay then, let's have Back Number- Daifuseikai as a theme song for this month, I really love the song, and keep listening it on repeat everyday as always whenever I found a really good track. This one is quite special, because of Gintama, right, i also re-watching the Live Action part 2 and binge read Gintama final arc last month, such a beautiful masterpiece. While the soundtrack of LA movie part 2 is still lingering in my mind, the lyrics of Daifuseikai is very encouraging and inspiring!
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danicasthing · 29 days ago
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"The day I lost my inspiration."
I can't forget the day that I almost lost myself, 2016, June 21. It was past 8 in the morning, I was quietly listening to my teacher's discussion when my cousin appeared and excuse me for awhile. I went outside with a glowy face and dimpled checks, I picked one of her snacks and when I'm about to give it a bit, my cousin told me something that made me stop and give it back to her. I don't know, it feels like my whole world stop, I froze, trying to sink in all in my mind. I felt some water drops fell in my hands that brings me back to reality. That day I realized, I lost the person who motivate and gives me reason to live my life. I want to make sure that it's just some of my cousin's lame jokes so I decided to go home after class. It was almost 12 in the afternoon, I was walking under the sun, feeling the sensation of warmth on my skin. I choose to walk because I know to myself I need time to calm and build something inside me that strong enough to hold back my emotions when I get home. My heart beats so fast when I can even see our gate from a distance, I breathe deeply before opening the gate. I can't calm myself, I have no strength to hold my emotions but I tried my best to hold back my tears by singing out loud and it works, it helps me to relax not until one of our neighbors said, "kanta kanta ka pa dira, patay na Lolo mo." and those words slap me again. I thought just a bit more words and the tears that I have been holding back will flow but no, just one person is enough to make me burst into tears. My tears suddenly flowed when I saw my grandma came out from the room crying. I don't like this feeling, I feel hopeless. It was painful to know that, your grandpa was trying to hold back because he wants to see his children before he died. The fact that his children will be home on June 26 but he died June 21? It feel so regretful, it feels so, I don't know. Starting that day, I don't want to attend school anymore because I was thinking that, what's the point? Achieving the goals, the dreams that my grandpa and I made without him is useless. I cried myself to sleep every night then wakes up every morning as if nothing happen. Faking my smiles, laughs, even my life. Make my parents believe that I still want to keep going in life and still attending school like it's normal, but for me, It's not. I start being irresponsible one, cutting class, absent and go somewhere that I even don't know where. I was faking all the people around me, beyond those dimpled smiles, silly laughs, there's me silently crying every night thinking negative thoughts. As the days passed by, I didn't realize that little by little I was changing, from the girl who used to express her true feelings all the time, a girl who used to be talkative and brings out herself out of her comfort zone is now wants to be in private. I used to be quiet all the time, hide and be emotionless as possible as I can be. This part was supposed to be a secret but I will share this anyways beside this one helps me to be inspired again. I committed serious suicide but no one even knows about it, I badly want my Lolo that leads me to have this kind of suicidal thoughts. This might sound cliché but I don't know what the exact word to describe this but, I can't believe that this was actually true. I was in the bathroom when I decided to attempt suicide, I'm about to slashed my wrist but I was luckily froze and saw my grandma's reflection and all the memories we had with grandpa flash into my mind that helps me realize everything and bring back my soul to mine. This is not the end of my life's journey, I still have grandma and all the people who loves me unconditionally. After that day I accept the fact that, all things happened for a reason that's why I let God rule my life and convince myself to have faith in him.
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daretodream2 · a month ago
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Good evening 🤎🤍💙🌼
~How is everybody 🤎🤍💙🌼, I am okay just caught up on a whole lot of sleep, a nice little 1 hour plus nap 🤎🤍💙🌼. I had such a busy day, 4 interviews and still application forms to fill up 🤎🤍💙🌼. I mean very busy. I am just happy to tell you that all 4 interviews gave me the job. The storytelling one is in September and the other 4 are other nurseries because I don't feel valued at my nursery so I feel like it is just time to step out and to lay my head somewhere new 🤎🤍💙🌼. The Storytelling one omg they loved my story, they absolutely loved it 🤎🤍💙🌼. And I was honoured but hey they need someone more flexible with their hours so the said they will recontact me in September 🤎🤍💙🌼.Also I did have a bit of an epiphany today so now I know where I am heading 💯💯💯. I won't say more until everything falls through. But the agency said how much they all loved me and they have not got that kind of impression I made to all my interviewers in a long time. By the time I did my last one I was absollutely shattered... I could not wait for it to wait but i still nailed it 🤎🤍💙🌼. I also have another one on Monday for a school this time so I cross my fingers, I prefer schools to be honest 🤎🤍💙🌼. ~
*Otherwise my week with my new team leader went very well, I am pleasantly surprised by her. She is a bit too eager though, as soon as all kids are gone, she does not offer to leave early, she wants to stay behind and do more work. Very dedicated but because I am not anymore I just take any oppurtunity to leave early 😅😅😅. But I think I feel useless now since she took charge and so I have no motivation so I might as well leave and work in a new place for 5 months coz I can't I feel so deflated there... But hey then in September I really hope to get into a school then and start on the storytelling job and etc... 🤫. I won't say anymore 🤎🤍💙🌼.
**So I am not shooting the messenger, I can't do it, I love the messenger and all the messengers but you have to see it that way, if you were recently hurt by an incident and someone keep on bringing it back to you when they are not happy with you, it goes to borderline mental manipulation and I had this for a year so I have no tolerance for it especially when I did everything to be here, to be communicative on apps, to be present so it is just not nice to be reminded of what you are trying to forgive. I mean I am dealing with myself on that one and I am very sorry that I feel sensitive about it but it does not mean that I am not gonna give it a fair try with 💖 but please don't start bringing more pain like the group before you did when it comes to love. Sorry to remind you of this 🌈 but hey it is the truth... I just really did not like it, I am trying to be less abrupt as possible with my words but I lost patience between the tiredness of the week a day of interview and the stress of online communications, I lost it totally. But I won't be upset with the messenger, but please miney feelings about this incident.
***Also group 4 I want to say that I really love and appreciate you all and I don't want this love to change, you did so much for me, it I'd not to put me back in my previous predicament 🤎🤍💙🌼. It is just not nice to be reminded and trust me I really try to not remind you too but when I feel so low about it, and you can perceive it, then I will be honest but I really want to move forward from that episode 💖. You guys I love you and I don't want you and I to get hasty towards each other because it did break my heart so I guess we need to mind each other's feelings💖.
***Also I have no control over what my peeps here or even my best friend thinks about my choices. Everyone seems to have pick a side when it comes to my past and present and it can be hurtful for either of you 🤍🖤 💖 but it is not my fault... I can't control it. All I know is that it is my life in the end and I will know what is good for me and that my lovelies from group 4, it is all you should care about, that I am faithful to my choice and that I don't take steps back. But I have no control other, others opinion. I see their opinions but at the end it is my choice coz it is my life I just don't want to replay the whole 🤍🖤🤎 episode with 💖. I want to be free from that so please don't remind me of the incident and I won't remind you that it it lingers within me still. I will just do my own healing work on that on my side while still giving what can be given on the apps for you and wait patiently for reality to take place coz I think at this point it will just unfold properly and beautifully 💖💖💖. I really have faith in this 💖
****Everyone else I thank you for all you shared on your apps and all the lovin' you guys are just so beautiful inside out, honestly, group 5 💙💙💙. So much lovin' shared, my soul sis. The peeps at the top of my update and within it, you guys are just amazing 💯💯💯. I love you🥰.
Alrighty, I am almost finish with my dinner, give me a few minutes and let's start 💯💯💯🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🤍💙🤎🌼.
Happy Friday update 🙂🙂🙂
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sohin-ace · a month ago
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Jojo Drabble - Trish
※ A story where Trish and you have a make up session.
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You were sitting at the living room table with Trish. You two had a very sisterly bond and had been talking about make up and hair ever since you first met and today, you both finally had the occasion to have a quiet moment to make yourselves up.
With make up, tools and accessories laid all upon the dining table, you pampered your very cute pink-haired friend. Bruno was here as well, deciding to stay with your positive and calm company as he did some paper work.
"Are you sure we won't distract you, Capo?" You asked him with concern and he just smiled.
"No it's fine. I don't want to isolate myself while I work. And people doing their make up is somehow very satisfying to watch." He commented as he sorted his papers, more than ready to get it done and over with.
After a little while of doing each other's hair, you eventually got to your most favourite part of the makeover.
"Okay, done with primer, now... Foundation." You softly spoke and proceeded to apply the product on her face under Bruno's occasional glances.
"What I do usually is, when I'm done blending the foundation, I take a clean damp sponge," You took a sponge that you prepared before hand, acting upon your own instructions. "And I dab it gently on the zones where I get cakey the most."
Just as you said, you gently patted her small and attentive face with the sponge. "Around the mouth, sides of the nose, between the eyebrows, under the eyes, just like this..." you mumbled softly. "That way the sponge drinks up the excess and you won't get patchy throughout the day. I love this technique."
"It kinda feels good. Pat pat pat pat pat~." Trish commented sweetly as you carefully dabbed her face, gently holding her chin for easier work.
You giggled at her cuteness and Bruno bit back a grin at your interraction. He loved to see how you girls acted behind closed doors and how you two were like the family you deserved but didn't have.
Neither Bruno nor Trish would tell you this, but they loved to hear your soft tutoring voice in the silence and to be fair, Bruno would love to be pampered as well some day.
He might ask you later.
The room was silent aside from your occasionnal talking and the sounds of you picking up and putting down tools and brushes on the table. It was very relaxing to Bruno, especially when you girls talked down very softly, airy voices reaching him as he filled his reports, commenting and joking around adorably.
Sometimes he couldn't even understand what you were talking about, or didn't even listen, but just hearing you sweeties was enough to put him at ease. He might just start doing paperwork around you two from now on. It felt much more motivating.
"Okay, now. Don't move..."
Trish stood still as you held her face and carefully traced her eyeliner. Bruno had stopped working to look up at you in anticipation, suddenly intrigued.
He didn't know much about girls' secrets and intimacy since he never grew up around a lot of women, or frequented many, so seeing this was fascinating to him and he couldn't help himself but ponder.
That must be terribly difficult, he thought. You were so incredibly precise and delicate for this fine task, it was like seeing a surgeon at work.
You hovered above Trish, tilting her head back against the seat for stability and your strokes were akin to a painter's. You looked as beautiful when focused as Trish was when closed-eyed.
Were average girls this talented and meticulous? Or were you just that amazing? He was impressed, to say the least.
"Oohhh I did it! I usually suck with eyeliner, I'm so happy. Okay, okay! Now uh... for the lashes... Oh~ this mascara will be great, this one has sparkles in it."
"Wait, what mascara is this?" The rose-head gasped at the beautiful golden and sparkling tube you held.
"It's the..." You took the tube and stared at the reference, squinting at the name. "Volume Million De Cils from L'Oréal. It does wonders."
"Wow! Also, nice accent!" She giggled at you as you striked a pose in pride.
"Merci beaucoup~ Even though you speak the best French of all the gang."
"I beg to differ." Bruno interjected, his eyes not leaving his papers as you two chuckled.
"Oh," You raised one eyebrow at his subtle bragging, "Well, excuuuse me sir. Did Mr. Polnareff praise your skills?"
"Absolutely." He confirmed confidently.
Trish covered her mouth with small hands as she laughed, Bruno smirking and pretending he was too busy writing reports to hear you mocking him and his attitude.
"What are you brats doing? What a mess." Abbachio came up from the kitchen with a cup of coffee in his hand and sat down at the table, joining the three of you.
"Make up." Trish mumbled, trying not to move and mess up your handiwork.
He only grunted in response and took a sip, decising to observe you make up the teenager and judge your skills.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He suddenly barked, startling you and Trish as you were about to paint her lips, "That's not how you do it, you dumbass!"
"Huh?" Your eyes twitched, "And how should I do it then, Mr. Make up artist?" You bit back arrogantly at the male.
"Can you please not start?" Bruno huffed, rubbing his temples to prevent the headache he was sure to get if you all started screaming. You and Abbachio muttered a quick apology before continuing.
"You're supposed to use a lip liner you dumb fuck. Here, move it." Abbachio got up and carefully chose a lip liner from the stash before harshly grabbing Trish's chin.
"Ow!" Complained the small girl as she was unnecessarily manhandled by this brute.
"Here. Like this." He traced the outlines of her lips with surprising expertise, as if he had done this his entire life, which he probably did. "See? It's not that hard. And only THEN, can you blend the liner with the actual lipstick. It's literally common sense."
"And who are you?! That's MY make up, I do whatever I want!" You slapped his arm and tried to push him away from your stash, all in vain as he remained still as a pillar.
"Shut up. Be grateful I'm giving you lessons. Thank me when your lipstick finally stays for more than an hour and doesn't make you look like you've sucked five dicks in a row or whatever."
"BRUNO, TELL HIM TO LEAVE US ALONE!!" You whined, personnally attacked, and Bruno sighed, his headache rightfully appointed by now.
"Leone, just... Let the girls play..."
And so he did. Thankfully.
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sarenhale · a month ago
I'm really sorry if this is a weird question, but I was curious if there are any specific ways you keep up such a consistent quality AND quantity of art? You're one of the most prolific and skilled artists I follow and I often find myself thinking "how do they do it?!" I love to draw, but I feel so slow and like I can only post once or twice a month. Has there been anything that helps you stay focused and regular with you art? Thanks in advance, and thanks for being an amazing, inspirational artist ^-^b
This is not a weird question at all, it's actually very interesting! And thank you so much for the kind words... wow... I'm so flattered and happy you would think of me as such an artist T__T These are some really POWERFUL and inspirational words, thank you!! I feel a bit shocked to hear this, but also really happy to know I can inspire someone with my drawings T_T You are the one inspiring me now, my friend
As for the question, I think probably the thing that allows me the most to have the time and inspiration to draw consistently is the fact that I work from home as a freelance artist, and since that's my job, it has become a daily routine for me to draw on commissions/freelance work, and also cut some time for myself and my personal art. Being allowed to stay at home and focus on art as my job is definitely the biggest factor on my productivity, like for example when I was working retail full time a year ago that definitely wasn't the case, I always felt so tired (mentally and physically) that I couldn't barely produce anything in my (nonexistent) free time, because I was so tired I just used that free time to sleep and recover... LOL
Aside from this being the biggest factor in my answer, I think having a good chunk of daily inspiration really helps me gather new ideas and even the excitement to create more daily! Things like playing new games (playing FFXIV and fe3h sparked my creativity immensely in the past year), scrolling through twitter and tumblr and seeing art by the artists I follow, and thinking 'oh man I love how they did this shading or lineart', that really makes me wanna pick up my pen tablet and start drawing, and maybe try something new.
I think having some side hobbies can also really help me get some detached time from drawing, relax and 'clear' my mind, so when I get back at drawing I feel more rested and inspired by the thing I made in my other hobby. Like for example I play a lot of pen on paper rpgs like D&D, cyberpunk and vampire the masquerade, and I also DM a D&D game for my friend group: focusing on writing/planning the encounters and the story really helps meto focus on something that isn't drawing for a change, and also gather material and fuel for more inspirations for later! (Like drawing what transpired during our roles, the npcs my players met, what they did... etc)
Drawing daily is definitely something that required a lot of getting accustomed to during the years, but I found that it comes quite naturally for me. I get a bit antsy when I don't draw actually. It also feels weirdly rewarding to me, I have a serious deficit of attention on basically everything, but drawing puts me 'in the zone' and actually makes me hyperfocused, so it feels kinda 'good' to me to be in The Zone as often as I can.
I would say definitely don't feel bad if you don't produce enough or feel like you aren't drawing 'as much as you should', different people have different routines and way of creating. Our minds are all different and work in different ways! I'd suggest try to find what works best for you, maybe introducing some more inspiration in your life is what you need, or just trying new things, like trying new methods of painting/coloring/doing art. Try playing new games, reading new books or doing some writing, or something that you like doing as a hobby: I find that connecting my art to other hobbies is what really keeps my inspiration and motivation going.
I would also say that's it's important that you get some rest and chill when you feel like you're hitting a wall. Sometimes the answer to hitting a wall and feeling stuck isn't to headbutt the wall, but just allowing yourself some rest and time for yourself. Social media may make it look like people are always amazing and producing a lot, but to be honest, there are some periods of time when I'm also feeling super burnt over drawing, and just dedicate a week or something to playing games, sleeping, and doing something else. I wouldn't even pick up the pen.
Maybe it's because my mental health (and problems) go hand in hand with my inspiration and productivity, but I also try to approach drawing as something that should make me happy, not stressed or frustrated. If something feels unreachable today, try again tomorrow. Sleep on it. It's amazing the amount of times that the 'sleep on it' technique worked on my drawings, even for professional and commercial work. Be kind to youself and find what works for YOU! Producing something is better than produing nothing. Even if you feel like you're 'only' making a couple of drawing a month, that's amazing that you're making something with your HANDS!! From NOTHING!!
And also, I personally think that posting 2 or 3 times a month is actually pretty productive. We have lives, jobs, responsabilities in our daily lives, and also need some good time to rest, so all things considered, I think you're doing amazing already! !
I hope my answer was a least a bit useful to you! I'm always happy to answer questions like this one, it's super interesting to get to think about my process and talk about it with others. So thank you for the interesting question and also the lovely and powerful words :) It's especially thanks to asks like this one that I'm really happy I am able to interact with people with my art.
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mugoki · a month ago
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Inspired by this Steph Loves youtube video, i decided to try out a reading challenge called:
🔆 7 Books in 7 Days 🔆
Couldn't find any specific rules so here's what i'm thinking:
• A new book per day
• 24 hours to read said book
• It's okay to give up in case of bad time management, or the book doesn't feel right
• Doesn't have to be seven days straight after each other
• Starts when i wake up, ends when i go to sleep
Best case scenario: 7 books finished! My TBR pile shrinking rapidly!
Worst case scenario: I end up with 7 half read books and forget the plot in every one of them
I want to use this quarantine time by clearing out my TBR pile this year, i think it is manageable 💪✨ anyway, here are the books i've picked out:
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Not in any particular order!
• Think Twice (2016) by Sarah Mlynowski
This is a sequel of the book Don't Even Think About It (2014) about a class of high school students who get the wrong shots during vaccination day, which makes them all able to read minds. The first book ended with them considering trying a cure-prototype, or decide to keep their ability. What will happend?
• Report from a slaughterhouse (2020) by Lina Gustafsson
Started reading this for a class at the beginning of 2020 and got really into it, but then my sister borrowed this book and class ended, so anything from the book completely left my brain. So want to read this properly from beginning to finish this time!
• The Days of Abandonment (2002) by Elena Ferrante
Bought this 2 years ago but haven't read. Should be about a woman who's husband suddenly leaves her and the mixed emotions that will follow. Will she go crazy or come out of it stronger? The text doesn't have much space between paragraphs which is one of my biggest pet peeve but everytime I try reading it, the text sound intriguing!
• When I Was Five I Killed Myself (1981) by Howard Buten
French fiction about an 8 year old boy who is sent to a children's mental health facility, because of something he did to someone named Jessica when he was 5. Never read before, 179 pages and the text doesn't seem too difficult to get into.
• Today will be different (2016) by Maria Semple
Bought this year at book sale, the back cover says it's about a woman who decides to become a better version of herself. Like a feel-good novel. Maybe it can motivate me to do the same? It's very long though, 337 pages so will be a challenge.
• The Son of the Mushroom King (2007) by Marie Hermanson
Between the chapters are facts about mushrooms, so cute! Not sure what this book is about though, maybe about a master mushroom picker who's son doesn't want to.. pick mushrooms? The back cover only display a short dialogue about the son being unhappy about his father, but why he doesn't say.
• Convenience Store Woman (2016) by Sayaka Murata
Was recommended to me, but never read. No idea about the plot except a woman who works in a convenience store? ♥️
Wish me luck!
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uppastthejelliclemoon · a month ago
For the book ask game: Epilogue, Literature, Manuscript, and Epeolatry!
Epilogue: What is a book that made you cry?
the only book that has ever made me sob is “The Light Between Oceans”, by M.L. Stedman. I had to read it one year for summer reading, and I think I read it in a single day? I was tearing up throughout the entire book, but I didn’t start full-on crying until I reached the very end. I’ve put off watching the 2016 movie because I know that if I watch that movie, I’m going to end up crying all over again. The story is really heartbreaking, and you learn to sympathize with all of the characters, and their faults are so realistic. 
It’s just so well-written, and it’s a pretty recently published novel (it was published in 2012), so I absolutely recommend it!
also “As Old As Time”, the Beauty and the Beast Twisted Tale by Elizabeth Braswell? I reached the end of the book and CRIED LIKE A BABY. Just the entire story, for one thing, switching between POVs, getting to read Belle’s thoughts on meeting the Enchantress, and Beast/Adam’s choice at the end of the book??? I was an absolute mess. The characters are so well written, and getting to read about the motivations, and read about why this little village with a castle has been so unnoticed and hidden for years, it made everything from the movie that was always a little confusing make perfect sense!
Literature: Top 3 books you want to read this year.
- Any of the Twisted Tales novel. I’ve gotten through three of them (”As Old As Time”, “Reflection”, and “Conceal Don’t Feel”), and I’m hoping to start another one soon! I want to read “Mirror, Mirror” or  “So This Is Love” next, because I’m really interested in the premise!
- “Emma”, by Jane Austen has been on my list for a while! I read “Sense and Sensibility” in high school, and I just recently read “Pride and Prejudice” in a female writers-focused course! I know there are other novels by Austen, but those are my top three of hers that I’ve been wanting to read for a while and Emma's the last one!”
- “Rebel Rose” is one that I’ve been dying to be able to pick up ever since I got it (😉), and I just haven’t been able to!! It’s going to be the first one I start reading as soon as summer comes around!
Manuscript: What is a book you want to read but are intimidated by?
Les Mis. My dad has a copy of the book, and I attempted reading it when I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what I was thinking, and I made it about halfway through before giving up. I’d love to be able to go back and try reading it again, just dedicate a summer or a winter break to reading it through. I love the musical, so I’d really love to be able to appreciate the novel.
Epeolatry: What is your favorite book quote?
oh i have so many!!
- “Take some books and read; that’s an immense help; and books are always good company if you have the right sort.” (Little Women)
- “Peter did not feel very brave; indeed, he felt he was going to be sick. But that made no difference to what he had to do.” (The Chronicles of Narnia)
- “Every once in a while you just have to decide to something very crazy and very right-- just dare yourself to live. I don't mean doing something stupid and destructive-- just something fun and good and beautiful.” (The Shadow of the Bear)
- “If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.” (Percy Jackson and the Olympians)
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