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eclipsednodes · 4 years

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SHADOW WORK SIMPLIFIED

What is shadow work?

If I had to describe shadow work in one word, it would be introspection. Introspection is the examination of your own mental state and is necessary in order to learn more about your fundamental nature. Although it may sound off-putting and even scary at first, shadow work is a necessary component in the process of healing. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and hidden away out of fear. Through shadow work, we’re able to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and habits so that we can find the root cause of our suffering and heal ourselves. By reincorporating those aspects of ourselves that we’ve denied, we feel more fulfilled and can begin to love ourselves fully.

Where does shadow work come from?

The concept of the shadow self comes from Carl Jung who believed that our shadow self is the subconscious aspect, or “dark side”, of our personality that our conscious ego doesn’t identify with. However, I would like to clarify that “dark” does not imply or equate with bad. That which resides outside of our consciousness can be either good or bad, but aren’t inherently reflective of our value or “goodness” as a person.

Although these repressed aspects of ourselves can manifest negatively, it isn’t because those parts of us are “bad”, but that the process of repression is inherently painful and toxic. This is reflected by Jung when he states, "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” He believed that until we’ve merged our conscious and subconscious selves, that our conscious would be “the slave of the autonomous shadow”. This is due to the shadow self overwhelming our conscious selves by falling victim to our own self-imposed traps.

Through assimilating this shadow self, not over-identifying with it, Jung believed we go through the process of enantiodromia, thereby integrating the subconscious by reincorporating our shadow selves into our personality and allowing us to solidify ourselves through wholeness. He best described this by stating "assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak.” However, don’t fall into the misconception that shadow work is a short-term practice. Shadow work is a continuous practice and integration of the shadow self is a will take place throughout your life.

How do I do shadow work?

In the last question, I identified that practicing self-reflection is a key component of shadow work, but what does that mean? What am I supposed to be reflecting on? Well, the first thing that you should focus on is being present throughout the day. Identify feelings that come up throughout the day and observe them objectively. What situation or interaction triggered these emotions? How did I react to those emotions? Were my emotions controlling me or was I in control of my emotions? Why did this situation or interaction cause me to feel this way? How did I cope with those feelings (self-harming, lashing out at others, communicating my feelings, journalling, etc.)? Did I punish myself for getting upset? If so, why?

There are numerous ways to reflect on your feelings and experiences in order to get a better understanding of yourself. Through evaluating how you react to situations, which situations upset you, and how you managed those feelings, you’re able to build the foundation to understanding your emotions and bridge the gap between your subconscious and conscious mind.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll find that the emotions you feel in the present are reflective of unhealed emotions from your past. Perhaps the reason you feel that you’re unable to set boundaries as an adult is because as a child, your parents never respected your boundaries by going through your phone or diary, yelling at you when you said no to a request, forcing you into situations that made you feel you had no choice.

By identifying the root cause of your emotional pain, you’re able to address it in the present and heal from the trauma. The simplest way that I’ve found to address them is through journalling. You can purchase a physical journal or even use your notes app, either way, you’re writing out your feelings and reflections to gain deeper insight. It’s important to remember that this looks different for anyone and that the best way to approach shadow work is by doing what feels most natural! You can choose to stick to self-reflective journal prompts, vent about whatever is upsetting you, write letters to whoever has hurt you, etc. Ultimately, you can guide yourself based off of what you feel you need and where you are in your journey.

What parts of yourself do you find yourself rejecting the most? Many of us have experienced the pain of rejection in some aspects of our lives and sometimes, it’s incredibly painful and leaves us with long-lasting wounds. We end up going through our lives carrying baggage that we don’t even know we have! Many times, I’ve found myself wondering why I felt so repulsed by aspects of myself and why I felt so strongly that they needed to be locked away forever. I couldn’t allow myself or others to see my truest self, my whole self, out of fear. I was scared of being rejected, shamed, humiliated by the people around me. I was scared of hurting other people by being myself and of being hurt by others. That’s no way to live, is it? When we tell ourselves that aspects of ourselves aren’t good enough, we end up going through life devaluing ourself. We’ve broken our own trust by rejecting ourselves, we’ve told ourselves that we aren’t good enough or worthy of love. In shadow work, you’re called to go inward and unpack everything that we’ve kept hidden for years and sometimes even decades.

Bring the parts of yourself that you’ve repressed to the surface and nourish them with love, allow yourself to see that ALL OF YOU is deserving of love and support. For you, that could mean unlearning your unhealthy beliefs about food or eating, allowing yourself to be emotional around the people you love (despite how much you were told that you were too emotional, a crybaby, too sensitive in the past), allowing yourself to relax without feeling guilty about not being productive because you recognize your needs (even though you feel your sense of worth is tied to being productive at the cost of your own health).

Common misconceptions about shadow work?

Shadow work is evil or bad, the shadow is evil or bad

The purpose of shadow work is healing through working with your subconscious to release repressed aspects of yourself and heal from painful, traumatic experiences. Your shadow side is simply your unconscious and to believe that it’s bad is to believe that you are bad. It’s merely the part of yourself that you aren’t aware of consciously and shouldn’t be feared.

Certain emotions are “bad”

When you let go of the idea that emotions are either good or bad, you’ll allow yourself to just be and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to feel “good” all of the time. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being so stop expecting to be all of the time, we have a range of emotions for a reason so stop being ashamed of them. Your feelings are natural and if you feel like they’re out of control and something to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong with that! It’s okay to feel like your emotions are controlling you because that isn’t permanent. Your feelings aren’t permanent and are completely manageable with proper guidance! The reason you feel like your emotions are controlling you is because you probably don’t have the knowledge to cope with them in an effective and healthy way. It’s helpful to sit with your emotions alone and look at them objectively without placing any judgement on them, this will help you calm down and assess your feelings. From there, you can identify what you need to relax and recover as well as acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are natural. When you stop categorizing your emotions as bad, they’re no longer shameful to experience and therefore you can see with better clarity how to cope with them and move on.

I’ve already released it so…

Why am I still upset?

Why does it still keep popping up in my head?

Why haven’t I moved on?

Why am I not making progress?

With the rise of self development and spirituality, I find that more and more people are rushing to complete their healing. Healing is a continuous, life-long cycle and not a destination. Putting the pressure on yourself to reach the place of ultimate healing is not only toxic, but it impedes your ability to actually heal anything. Healing is about love, compassion, and patience and it’s not going to happen according to a timeline. Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions, see them objectively, forgive yourself and others and move on without the pressure of expectations.

Another reason that you could be experiencing this is that despite the work you think you’ve done, it hasn’t been sufficient. I’ve found that a lot of journal prompts provided online are surface level at best and can be more pacifying than revealing. If you’re not feeling anything while doing your inner work, you’re not doing it correctly. Ultimately, this is about uncovering what makes us UNCOMFORTABLE and moving through those feelings. When you allow yourself to experience the sadness, hurt, anger, and/or frustration than you’re telling yourself that these feelings are okay and don’t need to be suppressed. The reality is that no matter what you’re feeling, you are allowed to experience those emotions and it’s only human! Unfortunately, many people associate lower vibrational emotions as bad, but this is a huge misconception! Telling yourself that anger, sadness, etc. are “bad” implies that you shouldn’t experience these emotions and that you have to get rid of them which is not only wrong, but unhealthy. There is no right or wrong emotions so don’t buy into the belief that you should feel a certain way, simply allow yourself to be and you’ll find that it’s much easier to navigate your emotions and needs. The only way to make it to the other side is by wading through the water, be patient and know that you’re feeling exactly what you should be. When you stop censoring yourself, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom and wholeness.

If you find yourself circling back to certain topics, for example, your ex-boyfriend than perhaps there are triggers in your environment that remind you of the situation, you have more that needs to be addressed that you may not have been ready for or aware of previously (hence why shadow work is a practice that is ongoing), or they’re representative of a deeper issue that you’re repressing. Whatever the cause is, the same methods as earlier will apply and can be discerned through your own intuition.

What are some basic journal prompts that I can do?

What feelings come up when you think of ____?

How did that experience make you feel emotionally? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the other person or people?

Write a letter to yourself, your inner child, the people who’ve hurt you, and the people you’ve hurt. Express how you feel honestly, without holding back and then forgive yourself and the other person.

If you could say anything to yourself or another person for closure, what would it be?

How have these situations and experiences impacted your mental health? How have they affected your belief system about yourself, other people, and the world?

What about yourself are you ashamed of? What about yourself are you embarrassed of? What about yourself makes you angry? What do you regret? Why do you feel this way about yourself and where do these feelings stem from?

What makes you feel most alone? What makes you feel most loved? How can you incorporate that knowledge into your life to make it better?

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said or done to you? Why did it hurt you so much? How does it still affect you now? How can you heal from it and allow yourself to move on?

What do you need to forgive yourself for? What do you need to forgive others for?

Where do you feel you lack security in your life? Why? How does this impact your life and your relationships?

This is a list of generic prompts for you to start with, but feel free to message me if you need help with more specific topics or I can make another post altogether for journal prompts.

#shadow work #spirituality #witchblr #carl jung #witchcraft #energy work #healing #shadow self

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sohin-ace · 3 years

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Kakyoin - Fateful Day

Kakyoin x Jotaro's sister reader

I freaking love the Joot-sister prompt

You were always used to Jotaro and you walking separatedly from and to school. The guy had way longer legs than you and would rather not be seen with you in public and near school, for reasons mysterious to you.

At first you felt offended that he would be ashamed of you, or just not bear your presence.

You did not know, in fact, that the reasons he kept his distance from you as much as he could when on schoolgrounds or when going to school, was to protect you from danger.

Not only was Jotaro constantly surrounded by crazy girls who would probably harass you for existing in his world, but he also had troubles, to understate, with local delinquents and other gangsters who wanted to throw some hands at him.

Furthermore, with the new discovery of that bizarre, seemingly evil spirit that started following him around, you were really the last person he wanted to hurt.

Unfortunately, being distant from his little sister wasn't near enough to protect her this time.

One fateful day, soon after your grandfather arrived in Japan and Jotaro got out of holding, you were walking home from school as usual.

Jotaro was already a solid five minutes away in front of you, which meant you were all alone.

You didn't mind the lone walk, the town was peaceful and you were used to it. But something irked you when you felt an insistant presence behind you.

You turned around, checking, but no one was there. You shrugged the feeling off, feeling a bit stupid for thinking the worse and kept walking, telling yourself it must have been a cat or an innocent someone who got home.

"Jotaro~! Welcome back- hm? Where is your sister?" Holly asked as she welcomed her son who just came home.

The boy grunted, reluctantly accepting his 'welcome home' smooch. "She's coming. She's just slow."

After a long while of waiting for your return, Holly started to worry, stress and anxiety clouding her mind. Panicked, she barged in Jotaro's bedroom. You weren't usually this late.

"Jotaro, are you sure Y/N was behind you? It's been almost thirty minutes and she's still not back…"

Jotaro huffed in annoyance as he got up from his laid down position on his bed.

"Yare yare daze, quit worrying over nothing, she's probably fine."

" 'Probably'?!"

"What's going on, Holly?" Joseph joined in after hearing the commotion.

"Y/N's not back from school yet… I'm scared something might have happened to her…" Holly explained to her father, dread even more evident in her voice as she worded her worries.

Joseph rubbed her shoulder in reassurance, "It's okay, Holly, I'm sure she's not that far. Jotaro! Get up and go look for your sister! You're supposed to keep an eye on her, that's your role as a big brother!"

The old man scolded as the teenager stood up and got on his way, as if he had been asked an annoying chore.

"Yare yare, you're all so noisy over nothing." He put his shoes back on and took his leave.

Stopping every once in a while and unable to shake off your uneasy feeling truly delayed you. You were sure you'd never hear the end of this if your father knew how late you were today.

"Kujo..." A sudden deep voice called right behind you, and you turned around, meeting with a complete stranger. "…Am I correct?"

"Yes?" You replied a bit shyly as you turned fully to him. "And you are...?"

As you now had a better look at him, you realised how handsome he actually looked. Not at all how you imagined a potential creep following you.

He wore your school's uniform but you didn't recognize his face. He must be a new student, you told yourself. He had beautiful red hair and a white shawl that flew gracefully in the wind. He was also strongly and elegantly built. Just who was he?

But all that charm quickly shifted as he smirked eerily in response. He approached you, his eyes glaring into your soul and you stepped backwards as fear built up inside you. Why was he looking at you like that so suddenly?

The uneasiness from before came up tenfold, this time completely justified. You spoke up as he came uncomfortably close to you, towering over your much smaller form.

"U-um… Did you need something…?" You hesitantly stuttered as he now stood arm-length away from you.

"Yes I do." He spoke confidently, his goal like set in stone. "I need you to lead me to your brother."

"What? My brother? If it's a fight you want with him, I won't let you." You protested with more confidence, now that you started to understand where he came from.

You were used to people trying to pick fights with Jotaro. You knew your brother had way too many enemies for his own good, and surely you wouldn't let anyone get to him and filter them out if you had the occasion.

"Who even are you? I don't recognize you from school…" You squinted your eyes warily. This boy arised too many questions in your mind.

Kakyoin smiled softly at you, which you didn't trust at all. He was fishy and there was something in his eyes that you quite couldn't put you finger on.

"My name is Kakyoin Noriaki." He sighed. "I didn't want to use force on a lady, but you don't leave me any choices..."

Before you could even react, green tentacle-like appendices appeared from behind him and lunged at you. You gasped and bolted away as fast as you could.

You knew it. It was bad. Real bad. You had no chance against a Stand user like him, you couldn't manage your own newly found Stand just yet. It was exactly like your grandfather said.

You tried to run, but not even 2 meters far and his green vectors wrapped around your ankles.

As you were about to trip and land on the floor, more of the tentacles wrapped around your legs, waist, arms and wrists, preventing you from falling, keeping you still in mid-air.

You couldn't move. Kakyoin came up behind you as you struggled in Hierophant Green's grip.

"Well that was easy." He snickered over your tied up and desperate form.

"LET ME GO!! LET ME- HMMFF!" He put a large hand over your mouth, effectively silencing your now muffled screams.

"Shhh! Don't make this harder for us, I'll just borrow your body real quick. It'll be over before you even know it. I'll make this painless, I'm a gentleman."

He released your mouth and Hierophant green squeezed itself around your neck, choking you, your mouth agape for you desperately needed air.

He took this advantage to grab your wrists and lock you against his chest as his Stand released you to nest itself inside your opened mouth.

Your body tensed up at the foreign and disgusting feeling of the spirit slipping down your throat and you violently squirmed in Kakyoin's grip as he forced your mouth closed, keeping the Stand inside to own your will and possess you. Just as Dio had taught him.

"Good. That's good. Jotaro would never kill his own sister, now would he? Even though his own sister will kill him. How tragically ironic."

He wrapped his arms back to your midsection as you stopped squirming, tired and breathless from fighting against him in vain. He held you against him as he knew you would surely collapse if he let go.

"Haaah… Ahh… Haaaa… Haaahh…" You panted shakily, scared and exhausted as your head hung low and your cold hands rested upon his own, barely able to swat them away from you with how shakey you were.

You were weak and alone, which was perfect for him to use. He chuckled and you felt the rumble of his chest against your back as he did. You felt like crying.

"It's too bad that you have to die. You're so cute, I would have loved to bring you to Master Dio with me."

You suddenly felt nauseous. You felt his stand inside you, trying to slide itself into every part of you and take control of your body.

You tried to resist, your arms and legs were shaking, your arched your back and writhed in pain, you knew your own Stand was fighting against it.

To Kakyoin's utter shock, Hierophant Green was violently pushed out of you by your own Stand as you let out lung-piercing coughs. Spitting the enemy out like some flesh-eating parasyte.

"WHAT-?!" Kakyoin yelped at the scene, but was then forced to let go of you as your Stand punched Hierophant Green in the face, the red-head owner feeling the hit full-force as well.

Kakyoin fell down, knocked down by the impact as you collapsed to your knees, coughing up and vomiting spit and blood.

Adrenaline pushing you through, you didn't let yourself any time to recover and took this chance to run away as fast as you could, taking sharp turns and passing through narrow paths that you prayed he wouldn't fit through or have the idea of searching.

You eventually lost track of him, gasping desperately for air as your lungs hurt in a dry and sharp pain, fed by the ceaseless pounding of your heart. Your legs were shaking uncontrollably, you couldn't take it anymore.

Right as you passed the Torii gate of the temple nearest to your neighborhood, one you walked through every day, you passed out cold onto the paved holy ground.

Jotaro slowly walked his way back to the path you usually both took to come home after school. He walked and walked, but still no trace of you on the way.

Although he would never admit it, his anxiety grew inside him and his heartbeat quickened as he realised that you were way too far from home for his own liking. You were right behind him, how could this happen?

He started to feel guilty that he didn't even check if you were still following him or not. Especially when he realized that so many people, people who yearned to get under Jotaro Kujo's skin, could easily do so by taking you down and harming you, his own sister.

His train of thoughts were interrupted when he found something, or rather someone on the stoned floor of the local temple. And as he approached the figure, sure enough, his eyes widened and his heart jumped in his chest. No...

"Y/N…!"

He immediately kneeled down next to you and lifted you to his lap. He checked you up and down for injuries and noticed you had fresh bruises forming on your wrists and neck and you were bleeding from your mouth. He could not believe what he was seeing.

"Aah… Jojo…" you whimpered in a wheeze as you recognized your brother's voice and his smokey scent.

"Who did this to you? What's the name of that fucking asshole?!" He growled, his gruff voice contrasting with the care he held you with.

"H-he's a stand user like you… Kakyoin… He's after you, don't go to school tomorrow…" You croaked and coughed out while looking up at his worried eyes and your brother scoffed.

"Yare yare, you're stupid to think I won't go to school and drum his ass."

He lifted you up and carried you back home to get your injuries treated. As to be expected, Holly freaked out at your state and Jotaro received a earful from Joseph who told him to never let a young girl walk all by herself, let alone his little sister and especially with all the trouble he gets into.

The next day, you stayed home to rest for the day, making you feel much better. Thankfully you had no major injuries and the Speedwagon foundation doctors knew about Stand inflicted wounds.

You had interesting chats with the guest Abdul and Joseph spoiled you all day like you were his baby which, to be fair, you were in his eyes.

In the mean time, Jotaro had met with Kakyoin and had an inevitable fight. Unfortunately, what Kakyoin had going on was much deeper than just wanted to bully Jotaro. When Jotaro came back home, he brought Kakyoin's unconscious body and you learned about what happened to him, about Dio, the fleshbud, and why he aimed at killing Jotaro.

Knowing what had transpired and with you doing much better, you decided to go check on the boy. You felt it was important to start allover with him.

You knocked gently on the guest room's door and slid it open, revealing Kakyoin in his injured state. Your brother truly did not hold back, you thought.

"Hello Kakyoin…" You greeted a bit shyly as you walked through the door. The red head looked at you with wide eyes as he recognized you.

"Y-...you're the girl I attacked yesterday?" You nodded and he sighed sadly. "I'm deeply sorry for what I did… That was.... Despicable of me..."

"Don't worry," You approached him and knelt down at his side. "My grandfather explained what happened to you. I'm not mad. You weren't yourself."

Kakyoin then glanced at your bruised neck and looked away in shame.

"I can't believe I harmed a girl… in such a low, awful way…" You chuckled lightly at his exaggerated worry.

"Hey, I'm fine! Look, you're in an even worse state than I am. Stop fretting and let us take care of you, okay?" You gently smiled at him.

He looked at you with a soft gaze. He bit his lip and blinked back the tears that prickled in his eyes. Were all members of this family pure redempting angels of sympathy and goodness?

"Thank you, Kujo, you're very kind..."

"Just call me Y/N." You smiled as you leaned in to move out some hairs that were stuck to his frontal bandage.

"Y/N…" He softly repeated, a blush rising to his face. Even your name was beautiful, he thought to himself, never daring to say it out loud.

His heart fluttered in his chest at your feathery touch and he felt suddenly much shier. He wanted to hold that soft hand in his own, but before he could even do anything, Holly called your name from afar.

"Y/N! Can you please come here for a second?"

"I'm coming!" You replied before looking back at the boy. "Sorry, I have to go. I'll let you rest until dinner is ready."

Kakyoin nodded and laid back down on the mattress. He let out a soft 'oh' of surprise when you gripped the blanket and tucked him in sweetly before getting up and leaving, sliding the door close behind you.

He sighed, unable to fight his little goofy grin.

"Damn it… I'm falling in love…"

Old writing again. I'm really just putting the dusty stuff I should have posted a year ago. I apologize for the poor litterature.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #jojo #jojo no kimyou na bouken #writing #x reader #reader insert #reader is a kujo #kujo reader #reader is Jotaro's sister #kakyoin x reader #kakyoin noriaki #kakyoin #kakyoin noriaki x reader #part 3 #jojo part 3 #stardust crusaders

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sweetdreamsofandrea · 3 years

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Mighty & Powerful (High King Peter)

warnings: smut, throne kink (i mean if it is a thing), oral (f receiving), y/n is a maid and also naughty (i mean don't touch the stuff you are not supposed to touch honey), a bit of self-underestimating, avoiding high king has some consequences, peter is sassy and i love him, he is also very caring.

a/n: oh wow this is my first attempt writing an english smut. i'm very excited. if there is any mistake, please correct me. and please let me know what you think. good god i feel like a pure sin. also thank god william was in the royals, otherwise i would have zero gifs. gifs are not mine. i just edited the first gif.

word count: 2976.

You knew you shouldn't be there.

As the maid of the castle, it wasn't appropriate for you to be in the throne room. Okay, you were sort of flirting with High King and he obviously was interested in you ─and he made sure you knew that, but still, you knew you shouldn't be there.

It wasn't your intention when you left the kitchen. You just wanted to find him and spend some time with him if you were lucky. He'd been busy recently, Cair Paravel had visitors and as High King, he was busy with them. You hadn't seen him for almost two days, except for the times you were serving in the dining hall.

You were walking in the corridor when you saw the door of the room was open. You wanted to look to see if he was in there but he wasn't. The room was empty. It encouraged you.

That was the reason why you went closer to the thrones. You just wanted to look at them, you always appreciated almost everything in the castle because everything was so beautiful and majestic. And you'd always liked the thrones, they were so mighty and powerful. The way you wanted to feel.

You of course went closer to his throne first, looked at its golden engravings. Well, it actually looked so much mightier and stronger as he was sitting on it. Without him, it just looked like a fancy chair. You realized the factor that made the throne so mighty and powerful was him, not the throne. The way he sat, the way his legs were open, the way his cape touched the floor, the way he put his hands to its arms and the rings he wore shined under the lights were the reason why the throne looked like that.

You took a short breath. Why were you thinking those things and torturing yourself? He hadn't talked to you for almost two days. He probably didn't even think of you for a second. He was the High King, why would he think of you? How could he? He probably had thousands of things in his mind that were so much more important than you.

Oh, how badly and remedilessly you needed to feel mighty and powerful. You wanted to feel something different from self-pity and longing for him.

You touched the arm of the throne. You softly ran your finger on it. It was cold. Then you realized what you were doing. You immediately stopped touching it. Oh, what were you thinking? What if you got cought?

Well, you didn't get cought and you'd been there for a while. The room was still empty and the door was almost closed. You took another short breath.

‘Okay,’ You mumbled. ‘For a second. Just a second. Then I'll leave and never come back.’

To sit on the throne, you turned your face to the door and fastly sit on it.

It was a mistake. Because it was the exact moment you saw him, his body standing at the door, tall, strong and broad.

You were about the stand up but he raised his hand, implying you to stay where you were.

Your heart started beating faster, your chest was moving fastly and it was visible. You were in panic and you felt so guilty. Why couldn't you just walk away? How were you going to explain this?

“If I'm being honest, M'Lady,” He said. “I really fancy the way you look right now.”

“I-I'm so sorry, Your Highness,” You stuttered while you intended to stand up.

“Stay there.” He ordered, using his High King voice. He then closed the door. The voice of it slamming harshly made you take a shaky breath.

He wasn't Peter now, he was the High King and you knew you were in so much trouble.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?” He asked as he took a step to come closer to you. “I mean, I can see that you are sitting on my throne, that's for sure. However, what are you doing?”

He was getting closer and your heart was beating faster and faster, which surprised you because you thought it was already beating fast enough to kill you.

“I...” You couldn't say anything. What were you doing really? “I don't know.”

He chuckled. “I also fancy your bravery. Being here is something, but sitting on my throne is something else. I am very impressed.”

“I'm so sorry, Your Majesty, I really am. If you let me, I can leave and never come back. Please─”

“Oh, sweetheart,” He was now standing in front of you. He leaned and put his hands to the arms of the throne, where your hands already were. His big hands were now on yours and you felt his hot skin.

“Do you really think I will just let you go?” His face was so close to yours.

“I hope so.” You whispered and he smiled.

“I think you shouldn't. I haven't talked to you for two days, you did your best to avoid me, and when I finally find you, you are sitting on my throne. I think you know I won't let you go.”

You just took a sheaky breath and helplessly said, “I didn't avoid you. I was just doing my job.”

“Are you saying that your job is to stay away from me in crowded places and immediately find an excuse to leave the room when we are finally on our own?”

“We were never truly on our own.”

“Oh, I see,” He nodded shortly. “I bet you think because you are a maid, you shouldn't be with me. Am I right?”

“No, I don't─”

“You are full of surprises, Y/N. You think I don't want to you to be with me because you are a maid but you come here and dare to sit on my throne.”

You gulped. Oh, you were really screwed up.

“Tell me the honest reason why you wanted to sit here.”

You licked your lips before speaking. You felt you needed some fresh air, and water. But you knew you were going to be there for a while.

“I... I just wanted to feel mighty and powerful for a second. Nothing more. I meant no harm, I was going to leave immediately.”

He frowned. “You don't need to sit on some fancy chair to feel or be mighty and powerful. You already are. Sweetheart, are you badly forgetful? Did you forget everything you did for me and Narnia? Or don't you have a mirror in your room? Have you ever truly seen yourself?”

You couldn't look at his face while he was talking. You felt so ashamed and you were not a person knowing how to react to a compliment.

“Look at me, Y/N. Look at me and listen carefully, okay?”

You did what he said and nodded.

“You don't need a fancy chair, a beautiful dress, a job you think is better, me, or anyone and anything else to be mighty and powerful. You already are. It makes me very angry to see that you are underestimating yourself. I could count everything you did and everything about you that amazes me, but unfortunately I desperately want to kiss you right now.”

Before you could even react, your lips met, no, your lips almost crushed because he kissed you so passionately, and long. You let him do whatever he wanted to do because you needed him, oh, you needed him so strongly that it surprised you. You never thought a person could desire a person the way you did.

His lips left yours and started kissing your neck. You turned your head a little and gave him more place to kiss. He kissed your neck, under of your ear, and your collarbone.

You were breathing heavily now. Your body was relieved because it finally came together with him, but at the same time it was burning with much more desire because it wanted more.

His hands left yours and touched your back to find the ropes holding your dress together. He was quick because he'd done it before, so many times. He learnt by heart the way you tied them.

He pushed your dress down, releasing your breasts. He had no seconds to lose; he needed to touch you, feel you, and make you feel good. He quickly took one of your nipples into his mouth, the other one was taken care of by his fingers.

All you could do was whining. He knew what he was doing very well. He knew how to drive you crazy. You sometimes hated how perfectly he knew your body because he could always use it against you but in the end, who were you to complain?

While his wet and warm mouth were on your breasts, you used your hands to untie his cape and you pushed it back from his shoulders. Then you pulled his shirt but you couldn't take it off because his body was over yours. He understood what you wanted and took a break to get rid of his shirt.

Oh, there his beautiful body was. You absolutely loved his body. His sunkissed skin was just perfect. He was muscular and his chest was broad, he had many scars but you didn't mind them at all, they were of course upsetting you but on the other side, they were the proofs and symbols of his survivals, which was something making you feel so proud of him and love him even more.

He smiled when he saw your eyes on his body. He could see the admiration and desire, which made him feel good. He loved being appreciated by you. Honestly, there was no other person whose opinions he cared as much as he cared yours.

Before leaning down to kiss you again, he took his crown from his head and put it to yours. He'd never done this before and you were surprised. Why did he do that? You had no explanations.

He looked at you, how beautiful you looked. On his throne, wearing his crown. He loved it when you were close to things that actually belonged him. It made him feel like now you were actually in his life, physically and tangibly. When it came to you, it was all about giving. Maybe he'd never shown it before but he could do anything for you when you told him to do. Each word coming out of your mouth was a duty he needed to fulfil.

His thumb caressed your cheek for a moment, then he finally kissed you again. You touched his body, ran your hands on his smooth skin as he kissed you. You felt his hand caressing your leg underneath your dress. His touch was gentle, warm and directly going to your burning core.

You automatically tried to close your legs but he stopped you.

Then he pushed the skirt of your dress up as you watched him. You had no power to do anything. You just could watch and let him. He made you weak but it was alright. You actually loved that kind of weakness.

You felt one of his fingers running on your underwear. You breathed loudly.

“Already wet.” You heard him murmuring. “Already wet for me.”

He took your underwear off and when the air hit your core, you wanted to close your legs again but he cought your right leg and put it to the arm of the throne.

“Stay still, sweetheart.”

You nodded.

But it was very hard to stay still when his mouth was finally there and he licked your clit.

You moaned and your back left the throne.

“Peter,” You whimpered.

You felt his lips smiling to your skin and heard his chuckle.

“You finally learnt your lesson, didn't you?”

By force of habit, you called him ‘Your Highness’ or ‘Your Majesty’ while you were having sex a few times and you could say that he didn't like it, not at all. Because according to him, he was the High King to everyone, but he wanted to be special to you, he wanted to be his true self to you, therefore he ordered to be called Peter, not something else. Well, when you called him something else, he made sure you would remember what the consequences would be if you did it next time.

You couldn't answer him because your head was in the clouds. You couldn't think anything but his tongue and the way it worked.

It was teasing your clitoris, then your enterance. Actually it was everywhere, leaving a wet mark behind it. He was eating you out like his life depended on it.

You were moaning, and your legs began shaking. Your hand were inside his hair, pulling it and desperately pushing his head to your clit more. You knew what you were doing but somehow, you also didn't.

That feeling emerged, informing you that you couldn't hold it any longer. You were so close to cum but Peter didn't care. He wanted to make you cum.

“Oh,” Your chest was moving fastly, you were biting your lip. “Peter, I'm so close.” You managed to say.

Then he pushed his tongue to your enterance.

“Oh!” You pulled his hair tighter. You couldn't take it anymore, everything felt so intense and the pleasure blew your mind.

It didn't take so long for you to cum. You screamed his name as you did. You were breathing fastly and were a total mess. He kissed inside of your leg before standing up.

You saw his lips, red and wet. His hair was completely messy but he looked so handsome and still magnificent.

“Come,” He took your hand helped you while you were standing up.

He kissed your lips. It was a miracle that you could remain standing and kiss him back because your legs were still shaking. But his hands were on your waist and you knew you was holding you.

He turned your body after the kiss, and you knew what you were supposed to do. You bent over, and put your hands to the arms of the throne.

You looked at him over your shoulder as he took off his pants very quickly. Even looking at it made you feel so good and when he finally was inside you, you lost it and moaned loudly.

He filled you perfectly. It was everything you needed. You felt complete and loved that idea of you two completing each other, in every way possible.

At first he was slow, letting you adjust to the feeling but then he started getting faster. He knew the way you liked it and gave it to you.

He grabbed your waist while he fucked you fast. You heard his groans. His voice was deep and filled with passion. He moaned your name. You felt his breath on your skin.

Then he pulled you to himself and made your back touch to his chest. You felt now his cock was buried inside you even deeper. You couldn't stop whimpering. Everything was perfect. Just perfect.

His forehead was on your shoulder. He kissed your skin. Then, he bit your neck, leaving a mark there. His hands found your nipples and played with them. Your body was completely occupied by his and feeling him everywhere was all you ever needed.

“Peter,” You moaned, at the same time he moaned your name.

“Two days,” He whispered. “Two days without you is enough to drive me crazy, enough to make me lose my control.”

“You say it like it is a bad thing.” You could answer him this time.

He smiled when he heard your answer and kissed your jawbone.

He loved it. He loved the way you were ready and willing to take him no matter how he was. You accepted him easily and the way he were, and he loved you for that. Was he going to lose his control? You were ready to take it. Without any judgements, any questions, you just accepted him and every time he felt it, he loved you even more.

You put your head to his shoulder, and he kissed your completely open neck. The only reason why you still could stand was his body. You leaned on him. You knew he would hold you. He always did.

“I'm so close,” You said. “Please never stop.”

“It's alright,” He said. “I will not.”

He kept his promise and fucked you until you came for the second time. He then pulled himself out and came to your ass.

He hugged your waist, his head on your back, rested for a while to catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“More than okay, actually.” You replied, couldn't stop smiling.

He smiled too. “Let me dress you up, then we can go to our room.”

“I can─”

He interrupted you. “Let me.” It wasn't a request now.

He dressed you up, gently but fastly. He could see you were tired and needed some rest, therefore he wanted to take you to bed.

“Won't you take it back?” You asked, implying the crown on your head.

“No, it suits you.”

“It is yours.” You objected.

“Well, the throne was also mine but you didn't seem to care, did you sweetheart?”

You couldn't help but laugh. “It still looks weird though. Look at my dress and─”

The look on his face was enough to make you stop talking.

“We've just talked about it.” He said in a very dissappointed voice.

“I think I need some time,” You spoke as he tool your hand. “To get used to it.”

“To get used to what?”

“I don't know. I guess... everything.”

You started walking to leave the room.

“I can help you with that, M'Lady.”

You smiled. “Oh, I bet you can.”

oh hi hello hello! i hope you like it, please tell me what you think.

love, andrea. ♡

#peter pevensie #peterpevensie #high king peter the magnificent #high king peter #peter pevensie imagine #peter pevensie smut #peter pevensie x you #peter pevensie x y/n #peter pevensie x reader #narnia smut #andreaiswriting2

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elyvorg · 2 years

Text

elyvorg’s Great Ace Attorney Liveblog - Case 2-5 Part 3

This is a transcript of a liveblog that I originally did on Discord, having played a fan translation of the first game years ago and knowing a spoiler for the second game. I do not recommend following along with this on your first playthrough!

[[Please also bear in mind that I’ve long since finished the game by now, so if past-me wildly misinterprets something here (and I often did), no need to correct me, I already know!]]

Interim thoughts: I AM HAVING EMOTIONS

elyvorg

you know usually I post some kind of analytical speculation to give an idea of where my thoughts are at in between play sessions, but this time my thoughts have just been an incoherent emotional jumble of please let Kazuma be happy, please let his and Ryunosuke's friendship be okay in the end, this is breaking my heart.

Like, yes, we're going to figure out the truth of what happened to Kazuma's dad, of course, and I know that's what's most important to him - but Kazuma has made it clear that he doesn't give a fuck what happens to himself after today so long as he achieves that, even if it means betraying his friends, even if it means going to prison or whatever for nominally agreeing to an assassination he never intended to actually carry out, and it's heartwrenching. You're worth so much more than that, Kazuma! It's not fair that he had to sacrifice practically everything just to be able to get here and do this, and he shouldn't be okay with that!

And it's doubly heartwrenching that Ryunosuke still seems shaken enough by the assassin reveal that he's not even mentally protesting any of this at all. They had that bit at the end of the last investigation section with Ryunosuke thinking about his new found family and how lucky he is to have them all, all these people except Kazuma, and all the while Kazuma must have been so fucking lonely this whole time and he deserves just as much to be part of the found family too because he's supposed to be Ryunosuke's best friend and gaaaaaaah.

I just. I just have A Lot Of Feelings about Kazuma right now. Just getting a snapshot of that out there before I start playing again.

Live reactions: 2-5 final trial segment – the Professor case

elyvorg

the judge just started cackling evilly, nothing sus about that at all, perfectly normal above-board court proceedings going on here

Genshin actually confessed to all five murders? Huh.

love that Maria's helping us, she is Good ^o^

aaaa Kazuma's disgusted reaction at hearing that his father saved van Zieks's life

GENSHIN HAD THE RING IN THAT FLASHBACK

AFTER KLINT WAS DEAD

ghhhhh Kazuma is so desperate to keep hating van Zieks, my heart

so was this whole prison break a thing of, get him to confess by promising they'll help him escape, but then actually they're planning to shoot him dead and make it look like he was properly executed and totally guilty after all? Sounds like it might be.

...though Vigil makes a good point that like, why bother with the escape in that case

sudden wild theory: what if Genshin, like, hid the real papers in the sheath of Karuma somehow? Then we'd still have them after all this time.

something's up with that scarlet ink, Klint had that on his hand too, hmmm

also that sure was a reaction from Stronghart, huh

it was Klint's last will?

so wait if Klint wanted to die for some reason, did Genshin actually do it for him? oh man

i have absolutely no idea what wild truth Ryunosuke has just figured out

okay so it was Klint apparently but now I don't understand why the secret confession and assisted suicide

also, if Sholmes reacted so strongly upon seeing the dog's collar in 2-2, did he always know?

oh look someone else who became the kind of monster he hated!

GENSHIN JUST WANTED TO SEE HIS SON AGAIN, MY HEART ;o;

yeah see it doesn't make sense that Genshin would go and force a confession from Klint before killing him if it actually was Klint! So was it really Stronghart after all?

excuse me bro, you just said three pages, good job giving yourself away!!!

FUCK I misclicked and now I'm gonna look like an idiot saying van Zieks said something contradictory

MY ARMBAND is the contradiction, anyway can I get a redo on that pls

though props to the writers for taking us down this entire path of entertaining the idea van Zieks could have said something fishy and making you prove it, just in case anybody who hadn't spotted it tried to trial-and-error which of the two it was.

DID GENSHIN ACTUALLY SEND THAT LETTER TO KAZUMA?

...no, never mind, doesn't look like it

he DID hide the papers inside Karuma!!!!!

Bench

What is the last piece of evidence you have received?

elyvorg

Klint's will, which was inside Karuma's hilt.

Bench

Twist thy head and watch them fall

elyvorg

guhhhh Kazuma's dad didn't even have to die, just the random chance that Drebber was there made them do it

yeeeeeeeeah look at Kazuma standing up for van Zieks finally! \o/

Bench

\o/

elyvorg

it's the GANT CLAP

i was gonna SAY he reminded me of Gant!

Bench

>:3

elyvorg

oh come off it he instigated like a bajillion murders how is he not gonna go down for this

Bench

Fun fact: I believe one of the main writers for this game really liked Rise from the Ashes

elyvorg

yeah getting that impression too, heh

Bench

How much do you hate probably Gant's ancestor Stronghart so far?

elyvorg

a lot

seatherny

whaaaat, stronghart is an upstanding lord chief justice and would never ever do anything immoral

elyvorg

BUNNY TIME APPARENTLY

i'm sorry is that a fucking HOLOGRAM IN 1900

seatherny

looooooooool

Bench

>:3

elyvorg

oh no he's so guilty he broke the scales

Bench

My favorite breakdown in the series.

elyvorg

are we not gonna give Kazuma some of the credit for this too

gonna take a break before doing the ending bits, I'm mentally exhausted after all that

(in a good way!)

Live reactions: Ending

elyvorg

Kazuma and van Zieks are making up! ...sort of.

...Iris is KLINT'S daughter

welp, Barok, guess you're an uncle now!

Bench

>:3

elyvorg

the "Lord Chief Injustice" fucking DRAG HIM, Sholmes

ghhh Kazuma why are you just LEAVING why can you not just HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

and now Ryunosuke's gonna go back to Japan soon isn't he, ghhhhhhh

SHOLMES IS HER REAL MEANINGFUL DAD, awwww

still sad that Kazuma's not being assimilated into this found family and we're acting like this is okay

Ryunosuke you were never a fucking replacement for Kazuma, can't you at least talk to Kazuma about this and hear him explain why he really brought you along because it can't have been that, surely

pleeeeaaaase have a proper fucking conversation with Kazuma before you leave at least

"...anyone who thinks of you as a substitute or locum should be ashamed of themselves!"

and that includes you, Ryunosuke!

WHY ISN'T KAZUMA HERE AT DOVER TO SEE HIM OFF

WAIT NEVER MIND

:3!!!

Kazuma you BETTER LET THE SHOLMES FAMILY ADOPT YOU, okay

seatherny

my first thought when finding out iris's real father: uncle barok better learn to take iris up on her tea party offers

elyvorg

this too

Credits highlights:

- Hosonaga and Rei and Soseki and KITTIES

- Harebrayne! He's come back to England now it's safe and he's gonna hang out with his broooo

- oh god Vigil why have you palled up with those guys

- THAT'S WHY KAZUMA BROUGHT RYUNOSUKE ALONG

HE WANTED RYUNOSUKE TO DEFEND HIM IF THE ASSASSIN THING WENT SOUTH

AAAAAA THAT'S ADORABLE

(and also tantalising as hell, why would you consider that option but not make it happen, writers)

- RYUNOSUKE DOTTED THE DARUMA'S EYE

- THE PHOTO

FRIEEEEENDS

that was an absolutely lovely ending! :3

I'd been terrified they were just gonna brush Kazuma aside and forget that his friendship with Ryunosuke mattered at all but they DIDN'T and they're FRIENDS and it's GOOD

and very >:3 at Kazuma being afraid that he almost became one of those monsters himself and awww at him giving Karuma to Ryunosuke for the time being until he can sort himself out, love Kazuma having Issues, love that he actually momentarily wanted to kill Gregson, yessss

seatherny

poor Kazuma. he has so. many. Issues

elyvorg

love that the character who was already my favourite as of case 1 (was still alive and) turned out to be the one with The Most Issues

elyvorg

i want more stories in this continuity where Ryunosuke and Kazuma can have more courtroom battles again as FRIENDS with fewer issues getting in the way

seatherny

yessss PLEASE

Bench

YES

I really hope more games in this timeframe happen.

Ending hype chats!

Bench

Congratulations on finishing!

seatherny

and congrats indeed!!

elyvorg

Thank you both for keeping me company on this Wild Ride!

(also hope you enjoyed my several AUs I accidentally came up with due to speculating things that didn't ever actually happen, lol)

Bench

I did!

elyvorg

how about that faking-amnesia AU though

or the DEFENDING KAZUMA one, still frustrated that didn't happen, I'd have loved it

Bench

At least there's always fanfics!

[[fun fact: this comment of Bench’s basically made my brain go “…so I guess I’ve got to write fic of that myself, huh”, and that’s currently something I’m working on...

[[...which I’ve now finished! Here is Kazuma faking amnesia, and Kazuma becoming the final defendant. And also a bonus unrelated fic, featuring the friends and whump.]]

elyvorg

also fic where Kazuma is adopted at the Sholmes family, please

(and Uncle Barok too of course, except I guess he needs to not mention that he's literally her uncle)

Bench

What do you think of GAA2 overall, if I may ask?

elyvorg

Loved it! It's up there with AAI2 as my favourite Ace Attorney game! (or, well, both parts of GAA combined, really, they go together)

Bench

Woohoo!

elyvorg

You know how I feel about things I wish had happened that I'd have loved even more if they had, but overall, still a very very good Ace Attorney game that I loved a lot.

Oh yeah, @ Bench , you mentioned way back that there were some other Parts you were really excited for me to get to, can I ask what they were?

Bench

- Kazuma forcing out Vigil's repressed memories

- The final dance of deduction

- Gregson's body having been in the suitcase at the start of the chapter during the group photo

- The true meaning of the List

- EVERYTHING after the final cross examination

- The final scene at the port

elyvorg

lots of good Parts

Bench

What do you think of Susato and Barok van Zieks, now that everything's come to a close?

elyvorg

They are Good! There wasn't as much Susato in the later parts of this game but she is still very good, oh my god Susato how can you say you're terribly incompetent, you're like the most hypercompetent judicial assistant ever.

Van Zieks is good and Friend, was hoping to see him do an Ace Attorney Smile(TM) at the end but I guess the revelation that his brother was a serial killer kinda dampened any chance of that happening for the time being, whoops. Love the parallels between him and Kazuma and how they're really quite similar but the situation and cover-ups surrounding their brother/father resulted in them tragically hating each other instead. Hopefully they can start to be friends now!

Bench

Top 3 cases from the duology?

elyvorg

2-4/5 are the same case, so, that one. Then probably 2-3, and then a toss-up between 1-2 or 1-1? I gotta play the earlier ones again now with the knowledge of where everything ends up.

...whoops I literally just listed every case with Kazuma in it, didn't I

seatherny

would love to see van zieks and kazuma's work with each other as prosecutors in another game too

elyvorg

yesssss

Kazuma having the epic dodges of van Zieks's chalice throws

seatherny

i'm glad there are more fans who place TGAA in their top faves

your reactions may or may not have inspired me to started over at 1-1 already to experience the game while knowing Everything :D

Bench

seatherny

and i didn't even finish that long ago lmao

elyvorg

That's obviously the Correct thing to do, I gotta do that too sometime.

Bench

Same.

After I finish the rest of my Ace Attorney marathon.

elyvorg

I also really need to replay 2-4/5 while actually, like, knowing exactly what's going on in Kazuma's head and not having my assumption of it flip-flop wildly literally every segment, so that I can properly solidify my perception of why he acted the way he did throughout all this.

Bench

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on these games!

elyvorg

Thank you for giving me an audience so that I felt like it would be worthwhile to share them!

I don't usually formulate such detailed thoughts about stories I'm currently experiencing because I don't have a reason to articulate them, so for better or worse I think you being here partly contributed to the number of absolutely Wild Ideas I had that, uh, didn't actually happen in the story but are fun to think about anyway.

[[which is also why I decided I liked these Thoughts enough to repost them on tumblr to a wider audience. I hope everyone reading this liveblog from here had fun on this Wild Ride too!]]

Bench

Glad I could help!

seatherny

yeah, i'd like to digest kazuma's insanely guarded behaviors and thought processes a bit more on this 2nd playthrough too

wish i'd found this thread a bit earlier, rip :D

elyvorg

Hey, it's not going anywhere, you can read the backlog any time you like!

also love to hear that you are a kindred spirit of figuring out what the hell is going on in the heads of Characters With Issues, that kind of thing is my jam

seatherny

my fave always ends up being that exact kind of char and i hyperfixate on them like crazy lmao

van Zieks ended up being that char for me at the end of TGAA actually??? i think I’m in the minority there but that’s okay

elyvorg

van Zieks didn't quite latch onto my hyperfixation buttons like Kazuma did for whatever reason but he's certainly very interesting and I can definitely understand the appeal, would love to hear any of your Van Zieks Thoughts you ever wanted to share

seatherny

i like the image of characters fighting in the background over literal buttons to push :V "no, they get to obsess about ME more"

elyvorg

to be fair, Kazuma pretty much had me from 1-1. His Massive Issues were a delightful unexpected bonus, but I inevitably go for the supportive best friend character every single time <3

seatherny

but yeah, idk, i enjoy well written Tsundere characters with Tragic pasts that lead to Loneliness (self-induced or not) and lots of Trust issues, and van Zieks fits all those bills lmao?? really wish we'd gotten that AA smile you mentioned out of him for maximum Tsundere moment but damn budget constraints (probably)

i also really loved the whole reaper of the bailey ordeal, with van Zieks not even having to try hard to be a terrifying public figure prone to a million assassination attempts but still being more than willing to let it happen for the sake of other people, even if he trusts none of them and sees corruption everywhere - surely he knew he'd run into someone trustworthy eventually to make it all worth it?

i enjoyed the pressure he put on Ryunosuke in court to actually think in ways that would lead to the truth and not like cases are just another "i want to one up you" game.

i also enjoyed that he actually doesn't slip into self-pity much, i cannot articulate why but his almost-unwavering confidence and suffer-no-bullshit attitude was great in any scene

I have replayed the scene where van Zieks refers to Ryunosuke by name for the first time and says he needs to believe in his integrity as a lawyer, finally, a Lot of times

let's not forget the endearing quirks like the chalice throwing, keeping motherfucking BATS in his office and he's the ONLY one allowed to rearrange his wine barrels (on a weekly basis, guy, where do you find TIME for that?) and also i think a lot about that evidence dialogue where he wonders what color haired league he's supposed to join if the only choices are red or black lmao

and ugh I have a 4:00 meeting now to switch my mind to WHY

elyvorg

haha, whoops, awkward time to Ramble, but love your thoughts! :3 I too really loved the scene where van Zieks finally decides to trust Ryunosuke with his defence and will enjoy replaying that one a lot.

#ace attorney #the great ace attorney chronicles #the great ace attorney #great ace attorney #elyvorg liveblogs tgaa

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sevilemar · 2 years

Text

(Burned) Lion Primary, Snake Primary Model/Values

Hello, and thank you for your input into my sorting. [...]

If you ever will be bored again, can I ask you what you would think my primary could be? I know I said it is burned lion, and I am trying to live with it, see it and understand that, but I have so many doubts, like a father who thinks a red-haired child is not his. That creates some stupid and hilarious situations, and thankfully no one here will be left alone with a child or dissatisfied with the result that it’s theirs.

An infinitely better outcome than any paternity test can hope for, I believe 😉.

My friend is in some relationship mess, and they did some not great things, but not the worst you could do, mind you that. And I really don’t care that much to be a moral voice or anything.

Just because you're supposedly an idealist doesn't mean you are (or have to be) a moral voice. Everyone chooses their own morals; sorting only describes where you're looking for them.

I always said cheating is a deal breaker for me, the last straw, the end, but I find it less harsh as black and white when it comes to my friends relationships. It’s not personal, you know, it’s not someone I care deeply about that they are cheating on. And it’s not that kind of cheating, although now I think I can see that there are so many ways to do that, not only physically.

It's always different when it's not yourself, that's just how it is. It's how we deal with it, who and how well we listen to that's important.

I do say well, maybe you should reconsider this, but I’m not going to hurt them for dumping some stuff of how the world would see this as bad. I am just reminding them about how they reacted when the same has been done to them, I am mostly always reminding people to look back and treat people the same way they wanted to be treated, or treat them fairly. If you found something wrong and hurtful, you should hold yourself to the same standards. I strongly believe that you do.

As a general principle I'm with you, but there is always context to consider. Could still be any primary, nonny.

Until of course these things lose their meanings. That happens. What happens when you hold yourself to some standards, but see your not so caring acquaint get what you wanted, while you have nothing else just a badge that says you did not do what they did? A badge that says you have standards and hold yourself to it? And then you lose your head and do stupid things you’re not good at or with and you fall apart.

This, on the other hand, does sound idealistic to me. I think you're describing what happens when you start to doubt your ideals?

My friend now has 2 bottles of expensive perfume from different people and felt kind of guilty, but I said why, you like it right, who cares, it’s perfume, use it both and don’t think about it. Honestly, perfume isn’t the problem here and feeling bad about it kind of will not help, I guess that is my reasoning why I did say that.

Very practical, I'd say the same. But if it hurts her too much to use it, it's better to just give them away. No sense hurting yourself unnecessarily.

I don’t need to build a system, and I know I am internal primary, and it is really lion flavoured. I find it really hard to argue, like I have a strong No response, No, because this is how I understand this thing and I will not see it differently. I can kind of see your point, and it is hard, but I cannot agree with you because I see it this way. The sad part is I am emotional to the point that I do not have information or material to argue with, it’s just No, it’s this way for me. Lol I usually don’t participate because I know I am this way. Very liony, I know.

Yep, that's something I've read from a few lion primaries in the community.

But me, myself and I are wondering, is this lion a thing, a strong model I built myself seeing everyone else and observing people I wanted to live as, under which a snake primary hides.

I haven't found any evidence of that yet, nonny.

I never want to talk about people I do have, so I end up talking about these random things. I did not build my life around anyone, I did not have a super important person to care and love. I do want that snake loyalty, instead I have a few people from my family who are important but they are there, just there.

Do you want to give it, or have it directed at you? I am still of the opinion that snakes themselves do not need the same kind of loyalty given to them that they give unto others, though it's a fine line and depends on your previous experiences.

Friends come and go, friends get in and then they get thrown out when something happens, and then they all stay in this little chamber called I care and I cling to you while we are here and talking, communicating, but when you are not there, it is hard for me, or I do not waste my time thinking about you. This mentality of caring while the other person is around gets me confused and makes me look at burned badger and makes me confused when talking about treating strangers with other snakes. I am sadly made to care about things that are around me and in my personal space or around. Not that it makes me better or anything. If anything, it makes me stupid, it makes me think about things I could do help or make someone’s life a bit better if I see them struggling, but I will forget them as soon as they are out of my vision field. Also group things and being close with group sounds so weird and scary, so not a badger.

I'm trying to see what part of this might just be human nature, and what might be sorting. Because I very much believe that life goes on, people and circumstances change, and we all change with them. And therefore when people move away, or start a new chapter of their life and are not around anymore, we just go our separate ways, and that's just life. I haven't thought of a few friends from uni in years, and why should I? They are living their life as I live mine, and I want them to be well in a vague sense, of course, but no more than that. Is that sorting or a fact of life? I believe the latter, but I could be wrong.

When someone I cared offered a pretty sketchy business idea when I was a child and we were struggling, I couldn’t understand how a person who struggled because other people were so terrible and uncaring could suggest a thing like that. I was hurt, but I feel bad to this day that I had to try to softly shoot this idea down. It was their hope, maybe they thought this could really help, and maybe my words meant nothing, and was just taken as a child's opinion, but knowing I have to somehow make them drop it still makes me uncomfortable. For legal purposes it wasn’t stealing or something similar.

The fact that you're still remembering it after all this time reads snakey to me, yes.

Honestly there’s not much I can do now for my people, and for the things I can like listening, talking, caring about their stuff, sometimes I don’t have mental energy for that.

You and me both, mate.

I don’t think I’d sacrifice a world to save a friend, I am sorry guys but you are not worth that much that I would be responsible for something like that.

Lately, I find myself very annoyed with storylines that risk the world to save one person. It's just naive, nobody would actually make a decision like that. It's too unrealistic a question, and that's why it doesn't really help with sorting actual people.

Would I do that for my brothers and never feel bad or burdened by that decision? Yeah, probably. Oh, did I build a snake model for my brothers to be a protective older sibling? I never thought of it, just now it came to me. Although I might get into a physical fight or tell someone to p*** off for my friends, again, because here and now that might be what they need.

Well, you might just have found the origin of your snake, congratulations!

I think I am the person who would carefully disagree and argue with my mom about things, but I would not let anyone else do that in front of me. I’d try to stop her in her tracks or deflate and reflect it on myself if someone started to say something to her.

I'd only do that if they are insulting or humiliating my people, and they can't do anything about it themselves, but yes, I get the sentiment. But so would any other sorting, I imagine 😉.

I find it so hard to relate to a lot of lion primary characters. Maybe it’s just because I do not care about their issues, their things. Also, you know when people are talking about lions and arguments, they always mention lions thinking people will turn around and maybe see their point or their view after some time? Bs, complete bs, people come from different backgrounds and no one likes to be proven wrong and change their views on things.

And that, my dear, is the most liony argument you could have made 😉.

But you know that part where snakes expect the same type of loyalty from other people? Yeah, my friends are usually not in my circle because of this.

This point is not as clear-cut as you might think. I do not expect the same kind of loyalty that I am giving. I do not expect my person to run away with me, just us two, because I know they have ties that bind them. But I would if they ask. I forgive my people far more readily than myself: I remember al lot of times I let my people down, from small things to big ones, but I can't remember a single time when my people weren't there when I needed them, and there certainly must have been those moments too.

You hurt me on purpose, you saw me struggling and you just turned away or didn’t even say a thing?

Quite frankly, anyone who got hurt on purpose by a friend or loved one probably wants to get away from them, no sorting required. If I struggle and let a friend see for once, and they don't help me, they might have a good reason, or they might not. If they do not, then we go our separate ways. Again, just good sense, not sorting.

There are many things I think, and do I actually hold myself to the same standards? I don’t know. I hope so. You know, I am not in contact with my grandmother, not because she is an unmoral person, not even because she calls my mom stuff or talks bad about my cousin. No, it‘s because she personally attacked me, openly and manipulative. After that I decided we were done. And honestly I know I am the asshole and family should stay together and even my cousin is in contact with her toxic father, but if I have a choice, why would I stay and play this game again?

Congratulations on your good sense of self-preservation. Nobody should stay where they get hurt if they can avoid it. And that also goes for all sortings, though I do believe snakes have it a bit easier with this one than, say, a duty-bound badger primary, or a lion or bird with family as their value.

I don’t think I would cut someone off for idealistic reasons, thou. After telling you this there’s a good chance that you think I am a terrible human being and you would hate me, I get that.

That's burned talk, mate, and burned idealist talk at that. I don't really care what kind of ideals you have, not as such. I care if they make you a shitty person or not, that's what I care about. It's a more roundabout way of caring about ideals, I guess.

I am probably a lion with snakey values. Snake values are what moves me, but I probably don’t need a person to ground me, to live. I need to be free to trust myself, to believe that that voice in my head will not make my life worst but will bring me something better.

And that's your lion, right there. Weathered and weary, but still alive.

But I do believe a person would ground me, they would be a strong force in my life, someone to fall back on that relationship, loyalty, not only on bad times but when it’s good also.

I think most people want that, to be honest 👍.

I think I would be happier by following someone I trust and want to have around than trying to make a difference in the world. Sure we should care about these things, but we aren’t happy because of these things.

The thing with lions and birds is that your values can be as different as night and day. There are probably a lot of lions out there who want to make a difference in the world. It is a stereotype for a reason, after all. But I bet there are also a lot of lions who believe in things closer to home, more personal things like you do. What's right is different for every idealist. Don't let stereotypes cloud your vision of what's actually out there.

Or maybe I am a really bored snake without a place in the world, without a place to call their own, without a piece of world to know is theirs. Yeah, no I am probably just lonely.

I don't see much of it based on this submission, but it's always a possibility. You decide, nonny.

So I am probably a burned lion primary, but just thought to check. You’re a snake primary, I thought maybe you would found something familiar here. Thank you for your time and your opinion.

And I have found familiarities, and also differences. And I would like to apologise that it has taken me this long to answer. I had to overcome a few of my own demons first, and your submission actually helped with it. So thank you, nonny, for unknowingly helping me out, and also thank you very much for your patience and understanding.

#submission #sortinghatchats #sevil sorts #real people #lion primary #burned lion primary #ask answers

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neutron-stars-collision · 3 years

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 11 - What If This Is All The Love You’ll Ever Get?

Masterlist; Chapter 10

Summary: The brief peace you experience does not last long. And this time the consquences cannot be ignored.

Warnings: Swearing; it gets quite angsty with some mentions of loss, excessive drinking and such... (I’m sorry)

Author’s Notes: Right so... this is post-Kiev, before Mumbai film-wise. It gets intense for which I’m sorry (trust me this wasn’t fun to write). I hope you enjoy nonetheless and please let me know what you think! Feedback makes my days so much better <3

It turned out that if you and Neil were forced to cooperate (long-distantly yet still), it could work out pretty well. Kiev was a success, to put it simply. Yes, the opera house got partially blown up, and TP’s initial operation became a ‘massive fuck-up’ (as Neil put it), but the boss himself made it. You have been assured about that by some remote Tenet connections you did not even know they had. Now it was their time to step into the game. So you waited patiently for Neil’s return while keeping yourself occupied with other random small tasks for the organization. You went back to texting him rather frequently as well, having decided that friends are allowed to have little chats like that. Also, because you could not deny yourself that guilty pleasure…

He came back just as it was planned, four days after your awkward goodbye (which still haunted you at night). It was late in the evening, and you were finishing a report needed for the morning when you heard a knock on the door.

“Hey you” Neil smiled when you opened the door.

You eyed him quickly, noticing the wrinkles on his clothes, ruffled hair, and tired eyes. It became pretty obvious he came to see you straight after coming back. And that idea made you feel… strange.

“Hey” you smiled back and left the ajar for him “When did you come back?” you watched him sit down on the bed and stretch his arms elegantly.

You could not hide the small smile that showed on your face at the sight. He met your gaze with a little grin of his own before answering:

“Just arrived back from the airport. Left stuff in my room, and here I am” he opened his arms to emphasise the point, and you laughed.

“I can see that. Aren’t you tired though?” once again, you warily searched his face.

But apart from being shocked at how beautiful he was, you got nothing concrete.

“I’d rather talk to you than sleep” he shrugged as though it was obvious. You blushed and looked down at your lap before closing the documents. The report would have to wait.

“How was the mission?” you turned back to him and watched, mesmerised, as he rolled up the sleeves and leaned back on his forearms.

Having Neil chill on your bed was certainly not an image you expected to see this evening.

“Well, you were there in spirit, so you probably know” he grinned “But if you want details…” he trailed off to gather his thoughts, “It was surprisingly easy to enter despite the ongoing siege with two different groups fighting inside. Then all I had to do was wait and try not to draw attention to myself”

“Where did you wait in the end?”

You have discussed the different options he had a day before the attack.

“A lovely storage room backstage” his eyes sparked “Would’ve been more fun if you were there with me” he smirked.

So nothing’s changed then.

“Did you find TP with no problems?” your swift change of topic did not go unnoticed.

But this time, he obeyed.

“Once shit started going off, I went back into the concert hall, and there he was. Trying to save all those civilians from being blown to pieces” Neil looked pensive for a moment “But then just as I thought that I would not be needed there, I saw movement near him. Someone has shot an inverted round there” he met your gaze “So I collected the bullet, making sure it went through whoever that was threatening TP and left just as quickly” he took off the shoes and went back to relaxing on your bed.

“He noticed you?”

“Probably yeah. But to him, I was just a handy help in a rather messy situation” he smiled “Enough about that. How have you been?” this time it was his turn to search your face.

You wondered what he found there.

“Alright, I guess” you smile lightly “When I wasn’t busy helping you, I was mostly working on some boring reports”

“Sounds fascinating” he grinned “Anything fun happened while I was away?” now he was lying on his side with head propped on the elbow.

For a second, you thought about the fact that your pillow might smell like him over night.

“Apart from Anna nearly slamming the door in my face yesterday… not really” you frowned at the memory.

“What?!” Neil’s eyes widened in shock.

“Yeah, well… think she just didn’t see me following her through the door, but I almost ended up with a concussion”

“That doesn’t sound like her but, then…” it was Neil’s turn to frown.

“After everything, I wouldn’t be surprised” you murmured and met his gaze with a weary smile.

You probably had to get used to the rush of butterflies you felt every time your eyes met. He stared at you with an inquisitive look. You were acutely aware that you were both probably recollecting the events from a few days ago. To stop the flood of images from making you do something stupid, you got up:

“Do you want a tea?” you busily stared at the kettle.

“Yeah sure” you could hear the self-satisfaction in his voice.

While you got busy with preparing two cups of tea, you could feel his eyes on you. Then a text alert broke the silence that fell. You turned to see him type an answer. For an absolutely unknown reason, you wanted to know who was messaging him. And why. But instead, you had to try not to pour boiling water all over your hand. At which you failed.

“Fuck” you hissed on reflex and hoped he has not noticed.

But nothing seemed to go past those deep blue eyes.

“Are you alright?” he sat up and watched you from across the room.

“Yeah, just clumsy as fuck” once the tea was brewing, you could assess the damage.

Apart from a little sore skin, you should live. When you turned to give Neil his mug, you were faced with a very smug grin.

“Don’t tell me you got jealous over a text from TP” he pushed his phone into your hands.

You stared blankly at the recent texts. The last one was his response to The Protagonist. One before that was to you. And nothing more remarkable after that. You felt very stupid. But thankfully, Neil was done with taunting. At least for the moment.

“It’s okay” he took his phone back and then gently cradled your hurt hand “Swear I won’t mention this again”

“If you will, I’ll shoot you” you glared at him, trying to ignore the waves of shame threatening to spill from your system.

“Now that’s quite dramatic, don’t you think?” he looked up at you and grinned.

Then he kissed your knuckles and released his hold on your hand. You were finally free, and you were not going to waste that.

“I’ll… I’ve got to go the bathroom for a sec… sorry” you bolted to the door with newly found energy.

Just before you locked the door, you heard him say:

“I’ve missed you”

Fuck. You pressed your back against the closed door and took a deep breath. The sting of the burn was nearly gone, but the shame burned just as strongly through your body. Now you understood why Jasper called you pathetic. That was probably the best adjective to describe your behaviour. Slowly, you calmed down the racing heart and opted to take off make-up as a relaxing task. It worked, and soon you also decided to change into some nightclothes. It was late, and it was safe to assume that Neil would leave for the night in the not too far future. Finally, you took long fifteen minutes to coach yourself to go back out into the room. It was a rather difficult task as you had enough humiliation for the day. But at the same time, you wanted to spend as much time as you could with him.

Was addiction to Neil a thing? Because you might have just diagnosed yourself with it, you mused while exiting the bathroom. Outside, you were faced with a surprising yet adorable sight of the man himself curled up on your bed and snoring. His face was relaxed with no frown lines visible, and the abandoned mug of tea steamed on the bedside table. You noticed that he took your blanket and covered himself with it. You could not stop the smile that showed on your face when you took in the image. However, that also left you with a rather difficult decision… He certainly left enough space for you on the bedside facing the wall. But also, that was a bit risky… was it not? You contemplated taking a spare pillow and nodding off on the floor. But as soon as that thought entered your mind, the pathetic side decided to object. Friends are allowed to share a bed right? You sighed, switched off the lights, and carefully stepped over Neil’s form to lie down. You made sure to leave all the space you could before you turned to the wall and let the tiredness take you. As a parting thought, you realised that his presence next to you felt right somehow.

*** Waking up to the sound of your alarm was a harsh experience. Unconsciously, you reached out to turn off the brutal device and sighed with happiness when you succeeded. Only then, your brain began to catch up with reality. And especially with the fact that there was an arm draped over your stomach, with fingers touching the bare skin where your top rode up. The alarm has woken him too as you felt him hug you closer to his chest. You felt a warm breath on the back of your neck.

“I could get used to waking up like this” you shivered at the way his voice reverberated through your chest.

Before you could react, he pressed a kiss to the nape of your neck and followed it with a trail of pecks down your spine, as far as your shirt allowed. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to level breathing. His fingers softly caressing the strip of skin just above the hemline of your trousers made your brain short-circuit. It was all too much. You had to move, or else you could not be responsible for anything that would happen.

Quickly you turned in the embrace to face him. The closeness made your breath hitch. Neil stared at you with a small smile on his lips. You knew that the innocence was nothing but a façade. You had to distract yourself and him, so you scrambled for anything to say. Glancing down at his shirt collar, you found the words:

“Maybe you should stop falling asleep in suits” you aimed for a neutral tone, but the moment his eyes lit up, you knew it was pointless.

“If you wanted me to undress, all you had to do was ask” he smirked when seeing your mild panic.

Bloody fantastic.

He was still too close. And the way he glanced down at your lips for a split second did not help the situation either.

“Right… I’ve had that alarm set for a reason” you rushed to get up and climb over him.

But naturally, Neil had other ideas. When you leaned over him to push yourself up, he took your hands in his, forcing you to lie partially on top of him. You stared in shock, suddenly overwhelmed by the situation. His blue eyes stared back at you with that unreadable expression you have seen before. You took the time to look at him, his wild bed hair and two-day stubble on the chin.

If you were allowed, you could get used to this…

“Is this one of those moments when I should be the voice of reason?” when you found your voice again, it was weirdly hoarse.

“Maybe…” he grinned and squeezed your hands “How’s your burn?”

Only now you actually remembered about your embarrassing moment from the previous night. At the reminder, you felt your face grow warm. The moment was gone.

“It’s fine” you muttered and moved to get up.

This time he let you go, but you were sure you saw a brief look of disappointment on his face.

“What is your plan for today?” he asked while reaching for yesterday’s tea.

You frowned at that.

“Sure you don’t want a new one?” you gestured towards the mug.

“Nah, don’t want your martyrdom to go wasted” he winked and finished the cold drink.

“You really want to get shot, my dear” you mused while eyeing him sharply.

“My dear?” he sat up and looked at you with one eyebrow arched curiously.

You shrugged, feigning nonchalance. It was so much easier to talk with him like that when you had a little bit of space preserved.

“You don’t have a monopoly on nicknames”

“Of course not” Neil got up and folded the blanket he used “But it’s nice to hear that you consider me ‘yours’ in any way, my dear” he winked and crossed the room “I’ll see you around later” he kissed you on the cheek and was gone before you could process anything.

In the end, you never got to tell him what your plan for the day was.

*** The next three days went in relative peace. You started to build a pleasant routine in the organization, and ever since he was back, you could incorporate time spent with Neil into it. Every morning you would attend a sparring session (with Ives or whoever was handy), then a shooting training to keep yourself in shape. After that, meetings and missions briefings where you would help with the logistical side of the operations. In the evening, you ate dinner with Neil in the dining hall. Undoubtedly that was a highlight of the day for you when you could use the hour and a half window to get to know him better. Apart from that first blunder in your attempts at friendship-like behaviour, it all went rather smoothly. Neil did his best to cooperate. The only times when he was proving to be difficult were the goodbyes during which he made it his goal to make you flustered. The kisses on the cheek became a routine thing. And so did his tendency to gaze into your eyes for extended periods of time. You did not mind either of those things.

The lack of concrete news about the unfolding plan sometimes made you almost forget about it. But you did not dare relax, remembering TPs words about the upcoming events. And so, you waited patiently, preparing in any way you could think of.

The fragile peace got disrupted during one of your evening meals. You were mid-conversation concerning Neil’s past experiences in the Navy when Ives approached your table:

“Evening lovebirds” you grudgingly accepted the nickname he chose for you both.

“What is it?” Neil instantly sensed trouble, judging by the frown that showed on his face.

“TP is calling us to the US. Urgently” Ives looked at you apologetically “Just me and Neil, sorry love”

“That’s okay” you met Neil’s gaze over the table “You two are more crucial to the whole organization than I am” you shrugged.

Neil looked as though he wanted to argue but chose not to. Luckily.

“When do we have to leave?” he asked Ives.

“Ideally in an hour”

“Shit” he took a moment to gather his thoughts “Okay, I’ll meet you in the reception in 45mins”

Ives only nodded and left without a further word. You stared at Neil, who eyed his half-full plate mournfully.

“At least you’ll get some nice food on the plane” you offered upon seeing his internal debate.

“But the company won’t be as good” he looked up and smiled sadly.

“That’s quite harsh on Ives” you joked, trying to ignore the inexplicable sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Neil laughed, but you could tell that he was worried too. Using the only way you knew to assure him, you reached out across the table and squeezed his hand.

“You should pack” you brushed your thumb over his knuckles “I’ll see you when you’re back”.

He entwined his fingers with yours and met your gaze for a moment. You could see that he was hesitant, as though he wanted to say something you would not like. Then he made up his mind because he released his hold over your hand and got up to stand next to you.

“I’ll miss you” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Before you could answer, he left the hall. You took a deep breath, aware of the strange feeling creeping into your brain. Hopefully, it is nothing but anxiety, you sighed and went back to eating, acutely aware of the loneliness.

*** The peace you got when Neil and Ives left lasted for about twelve hours. A good night text from Neil calmed your nerves slightly as it meant he made it safely to the HQs. You tried to get an early night, but it did not happen. Instead, you spent three hours staring at the ceiling in the dark, trying to convince your stubborn brain that it worried for nothing. After all, urgent missions happened all the time, right? Well, your logic was desperately trying not to fail while faced with an irrational voice that never seemed to shut up. In the end, you resorted to taking a sleeping pill and hoping to catch at least 5 hours long nap.

That plan was cut short by a sharp ringing at 7 am coming from your phone resting on the bedside table. You looked at the display to see Ives as the caller ID. This could not be good. A sudden shock made you sit up and pick up the phone despite being barely able to open your eyes.

“Yes?” you cleared your throat when you heard your raspy voice.

“Y/N…” you have never heard Ives’ use your first name.

Fuck… The world went black for a millisecond. You felt lightheaded. Something was terribly wrong.

“What’s going on?” panic was creeping into your voice.

“Neil… he found TP in his room…” his voice was breaking “He’s gone” you heard him take in a shaky breath “TP is gone”

Your heart skipped a beat. Your vision blurred as you reached out to touch the wall to feel something steady beneath your fingertips. For a short second, you forgot how to breathe. Then as you started to struggle for the oxygen, you took greedy breaths, hoping to calm down. It was not working.

“Are you there?” Ives’ panicked voice broke through the paralysis.

“How did it happen?” you choked out the question, feeling tears well up in your eyes.

“He…” Ives stifled a sob “He took a cyanide pill”

You could not stop the sobs that came then. Only after you could take in a full breath, you spoke again.

“Why?”

“No one knows. He saw Neil and me when we arrived. Then I went to sleep, and Neil woke me up” you could hear the strain in his voice.

“How’s he?” you feared the answer to the question.

Somehow you knew there was a reason why it was not him calling you. But the explanation for that was too terrifying to be admitted aloud.

“Bad” the grave tone made you panic again.

“Fuck” you inhaled sharply.

“You should come via the next plane. He has to be in Mumbai by the twentieth, and I don’t think we can sort him out without you”

You winced at the serious tone.

“Okay, I’ll try to get there as soon as I can” you bolted up from the bed “Please try to look after him” you hated the pleading tone.

“I’ll try though it’s hard to do when he’s locked himself in his room and isn’t letting anyone in”

Shit. The dizziness returned, and you leaned on the wall for support. To say that you were worried would be an understatement. Everyone knew how much Neil cared about TP. The helplessness was frustrating. You wanted to scream and let it out.

“Just do what you can” you sighed “Stay strong, Ives”

“Don’t hang up yet”

“Why, what’s wrong?” his sudden change of tone made you even more concerned.

“Nothing, it’s just that I think you should know about something… about Neil”

“Yes?”

“He should be the one telling you but fuck that” he sounded hesitant.

“Ives” the agitation won over any other emotion “Please”

“Neil lost someone very important to him nearly two years ago during a mission. It was an accident, but Neil blames himself for what happened as he was leading the attack”

“Okay…” you needed a moment to process the information.

“I just wanted you to know in case it mattered”

“Thank you… What was their name?” that was the only question you could think of.

“Alex. He was an agent and joined Tenet at the same time Neil did. They were together”

The only immediate thought was that you wished you knew before. Maybe then you could have been a better friend. However, Ives’ took your silence as something else.

“Is that okay?” he sounded genuinely worried.

“Of course, I don’t care who he was with. Only that he’s hurting right now” you glanced at the watch “I should start packing. I’ll see you soon, I hope” you hung up.

You tried your hardest not to breakdown while throwing random clothing articles into the bag. You tried calling Neil, but he has not picked up. You just sent him a message:

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to get there soon”.

There was not much else you could do. Apart from trying to preserve sanity.

*** The plane journey to Boston was a blurry memory. You spent the 8 hours trying not to cry publicly and ignoring the temptation to get drunk to numb the pain and worry. Once you landed, the anxiety got worse. With shaking hands, you went through the customs and into the arrivals hall. All the while, you tried not to think too much about the last time you visited the airport and about Neil’s steady hand guiding you. He still has not responded to your text, and that made you think about the worst. You calmed down your anxious stomach just enough to get into the car sent by the HQ and relaxed into the leather seat. Just twenty minutes now.

But before you could reach any mental clarity, your phone buzzed. You took it out of the pocket and nearly dropped it onto the car floor upon seeing the text. It was from TP. You gasped and unlocked the device to read it.

“When this reaches you, you most likely know what happened. I’m sorry, but there was no other way. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know that you, Neil, and the rest are ready. I trust you, Y/N, and that’s why I have decided to make you responsible for the logistical side of the plan. Once you’re ready, materials are waiting for you in the inbox. Please take care. I know I don’t have to ask you to help Neil but make sure he doesn’t blame himself”

It was clear that he scheduled the messaged to come through after he was gone. And you had a feeling it was only the first one of many. You only had time to wipe the tears from your eyes before the car parked in front of the Tenet building, and you were forced to get out. Once you got through the security booth, you spotted Ives waiting in the reception hall. He had his head bowed, staring at the floor. None of his usual confidence was there. Once you approached, he sensed company and looked up. You were struck by the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“Hey” suddenly you did not know what to say.

“Thank god you’re here” Ives shook off the hesitation and hugged you tightly.

You returned the embrace, feeling tears well up again. You stepped back and sniffed, accepting the offered tissues. Only now you noticed how quiet and empty it was in the building despite the hour.

“How is the situation?” you did not even know how to ask any specific questions.

“Very bad” Ives frowned, and you felt like he was holding back.

“Take me to him, please” you shivered involuntarily.

He did not need more convincing and started leading you through the corridors.

“He hasn’t left the room since midnight when I last saw him” Ives started speaking, “I’m pretty sure he’s drinking” he stopped in front of a regular door in yet another corridor.

“Right… Has he let anyone in?” you strained to hear any potential sounds from within, but there was nothing.

“No” Ives shook his head.

You could tell that he was incredibly tired and worried. You had to be the strong one this time.

“Why do you think I’ll be different?”

You placed one shaky hand on the surface of the door.

“Because it’s you” you could tell he was barely restraining the urge to roll his eyes “You’re probably the only person he cares about”

Despite the gravity of the situation, you felt your face grow warm. You took a deep breath to calm down and raised a fist to rap on the door. At first, there was nothing. The panic kept rising.

“Neil, it’s me” you leaned your head against the door “I’m sorry…” with tears streaming down your cheeks, you tried to find the right words “Please let me in. I just want to see you…” you glanced at Ives who looked almost uncomfortable.

Suddenly you heard faint sounds coming from the room. Rustling, the unmistakable clang of an empty glass bottle hitting the floor and the footsteps stopping just by the door.

“Please go” you mouthed at Ives, who only nodded and rushed down the corridor.

You took a step back and waited, with the heart in your throat. After agonising few seconds, the lock clicked, and the door opened. Nothing prepared you for the sight you saw.

Neil’s hair was sticking out in every direction. His eyes were red-rimmed and paired with dark shadows underneath. He still wore the clothes you saw him in the day before. But probably the worst was how obviously drunk he was, barely able to stay upright by the door. When his unfocused eyes landed on you, he attempted a smile. It ended up looking like a tragic scowl. He opened the door wider for you and went back inside. You took a second to gather your thoughts and followed him, shutting the door behind you.

Once inside, you took the time to scan the room and analyse the situation. Neil sat down on the edge of the bed, which was entirely unmade. The floor was covered in random bits of paper he must have tossed from the table. You counted at least two empty bottles of alcohol lying amidst the mess as well. Taking a deep breath, you faced Neil. He was looking at you, but his eyes lacked their usual spark.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out, and your eyes widened.

“What for?” you were not expecting that.

“They sent you to get me sorted” you did not like the dark look in his eyes “That can’t be an ideal job. Even for you”

“Neil” the stern tone made him focus on your words “I’m not here because they asked me to come. I’m here for you” you took a step closer and knelt to be levelled with him “I was worried” you admitted finally.

“Fuck… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” his slightly slurred rambling made you even more acutely aware of his state.

“No, don’t apologise” you interrupted him; TP’s text message fresh on your mind “None of this is your fault. And my job here is to make sure you understand that” gently, you reached out to brush the hair away from his eyes.

You did not know whether it was what you said or what you did, but at that moment, he seemed to break. Before you could react, he slid down onto the floor and started crying with heart-wrenching sobs. It took you a second to change position and put your arms around him. He leaned into the embrace.

“He’s gone” he choked out after a few seconds of silence.

“I know” you run a hand along his back in a soothing motion “But you don’t have to tell me more. It’s alright, I’m here” you whispered, feeling him shake.

At that, he just started sobbing more violently. You could only sit there, holding him and letting your own tears fall silently. You will be okay someday. You hoped.

#I’m really sorry #tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion #if you knew how much angsty music was spent on this...

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jess-the-vampire · 3 years

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Sky And The Forces Of The Multiverse, Chapter 51

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Sky had to admit, she was impressed with her own magic skill by this point, even if the progress she was making seemed minimal. She never really tried to dip down much, it's not something anyone can just...do after all, it takes time and work. There was probably no way she could do it by the time the plan would come to action but training couldn't hurt either.

Especially if it was to protect a friend.

Even trying to shoot magic from her hands drove sky crazy, how did judas do this so naturally? Guess when you grow up doing magic like this you don't have to go through so much training to get it to work. Sky was half human too, who knows how that might affect her powers even if she did go through mewberty. She kinda felt silly trying to do magic like this, throwing out her hands and shout spells...but it was better then nothing.

Angel could do magic normally, no wand required.

Lucky.

He was getting better, he'd probably been practicing a lot in his spare time, probably to show off to his mom. His aim was far improved and he seemed far stronger at his spellcasting, from what magic he knew . Sky felt she spent more time watching him then making any progress, if even if it was just to get an idea of how to make her magic work a little.

It was probably pointless anyway.

Unlocking that kinda magic required a lot more to trigger it, otherwise sky wouldn't get very far no matter hoe hard she was trying. Strong emotional reactions were surefire, like...how she nearly attacked her mom...and the masked person, and...other happenings. Those were close but not really the results she was looking for either, she was looking for something like angel had.

Where he went berserk...over her getting hurt.

Wow they both had a bad habit of going evil when they ever did unlock this magic huh? That was both scary and...kinda neat in a weird way, though last thing sky needed was to make herself look worse then she did. Angel could tell she was having trouble, though he wasn't judging, he knew it wasn't going to be easy. "Maybe like...try and clear your mind and stuff? I think that's supposed to help, so you can focus?", that might've been more harsh then it needed to be,

But sky didn't seem to care.

"I can try".

She wasn't good at clearing her head, there was always too much going on in her mind for something like that to even happen. Even now, her mind was going back to judas and the plan. It was like a bug that refused to just leave the room, no matter what she wanted. She grumbled as she sat down on the grass, "Ugh, i can't focus, i'm too worried and everything".

She kicked at the dirt underneath her, "It was different last time, i wasn't trying to do anything intentionally, i just got really upset and for a moment...blam...magic. Now...it's not the same, i only had those outbursts because you got in danger or i felt upset...and i can't channel things all the time like that...like...why can't me being happy channel that same power?".

"Well, maybe you're just not feeling that kinda emotional nearly as strongly right now?", he shot out another web, hitting the wall with perfect accuracy now, "I guess maybe training and stuff happening in real time just...don't feel the same way...even i haven't been able to master my own form...so i think it just means...we have a lot channeling to do".

"You've been learning from eclipsa huh?".

"I did at times stay late with her...she...likes my presence and helping me...not that i ever got too far with it. Clearing your head is supposed to help but also...you can focus on a memory with a strong reaction, that can help your magic too sometimes...so...maybe we should do that? Channel strong memories...i mean i don't know if happy ones really will do much for me to control a raging monster but...".

"Angel, that's a good idea, maybe if i do clear my head properly i can like...channel something, maybe, Mom never really explained the process to me, but it's worth a shot".

He smiled, his ears perking up, "Oh, well, glad i can be of some kind of help then! Maybe it'll work a lot better for you then me, i'm still pretty far behind on my own magic" He shot another spell and sky went back to focusing, seeing if she could recover any strong memories to trigger something. She went back to the chandelier incident, reminded of the party and her performance.

It was hard to channel the anger she had when he mother spoke to her the way she did. in fact it was a hard memory to fully recover at all. Maybe she had to go and try and new one to see if she had better results, she had to have other moments. Right, the time angel was nearly killed and that set her off like crazy, that was also a rather insane moment of magic for her.

She hadn't been so full of rage in a long time.

Though she was worried how she'd react to that memory again.

She had to take a moment to chill and breath, holding her hand out before the memory came back to her. She didn't want to accidentally blow up the entire garden if she wasn't careful about her own actions up to this point. Granted, blowing up a wall wasn't exactly a better option but well, she was going to have to take some risks somewhere it seemed.

She felt her cheeks puff up, remembering the pure anger of angel nearly being killed down by some freak.

Angel stepped back, a slight bit of glow in the princess's cheeks, but it quickly faded, the memory was strong but because nothing was happening it didn't appear the have nearly the same strength. Sky sighing, her hand touching her marks, "Well, it's a start...i guess i should be happy we got a reaction at all...i guess that whole thing...really had me upset".

Angel sent a sad smile her way.

"Hey, i'm just glad you cared at all...i'm...i wasn't sure anyone would if things went wrong...i kinda went into the thing knowing there was a good chance i might not make it out alive all things considered...it...was probably a dumb idea when i think more about it".

She snorted in his direction, "Dude, of course we'd care if something happened to you...but...it doesn't seem to be enough to get me to really unlock my abilities...for now...but...i'll take it. At least it's better then nothing.". She sighed before going back to tryin to do more spells with no success, "I'll figure this out...hopefully...if i could just...get a better grip on my emotions...and with enough practice...". She watched angel go back to doing spells, thoughtful, "Hey...thanks for doing this with me...it's really nice".

"Yeah of course...it's not fully for you though, i...wanna be able to protect myself as well, i wasn't very good before...and i don't want to feel vulnerable again, i felt so...powerless when i almost got killed...and i need to keep my strength up". He shot spells at the wall even harder, "I'm glad you're protecting me but i also don't want to feel so weak either...i want to be able to defend myself if anything happens again...want to know i can...take care of myself when i'm a leader".

"I can't blame you on that one, i would do the same if i was in your shoes", her feet scratched the dirt, making a neat little imprint with it," i just hope it doesn't end up feeling like you're protecting me when i should be looking out for you". Angel stopped casting his spells, quick to notice her change in tone, "It shouldn't have to be a one vs another thing...we should be...looking out for each other...all of us".

"But if i don't get better soon, i'll be worthless for the plan".

"Sky, look, maybe this is something better said by jude and everything but...you're more then your magic, you spent a lot of time beating me without knowing much magic at all, you don't need it to do good...even if you don't learn to dip down...i trust you'll do great out there". The princess took a moment before gently pushing him, laughing, "You're right...i did kick your ass pretty good without it".

"Ok but you don't have to remind me of that...", sky snickering as she got back into focusing, "Says the person who kept a whole journal of all the times we fought, you're far more guilty of this then i am". He blushed as she got back in focus, "Maybe if things get bad, i can really taze the guy, that outta pack a punch and they might not even see it coming either".

"Well, i didn't think they'd avoid my bite either but...you know how that went, but i have faith in you princess."

Sky snickered, "Well, i can say this for sure, next time, your teeth won't miss, i'm sure of it". The laughs ringing in the air as sky enjoyed the moment, she really needed this, and angel made sure she got the break and night to make amends she deserved. And for once, sky felt confident maybe she could actually get the hang of this magic thing properly.

She had the support to help at least.

"You ok landon?".

Landon peeked through the window of the carriage at bernard's house, seeing rhombulus parked outside and feeling his whole body shake. "Do i look ready mom? I'm a mess, i should've fixed myself up a lot more, how am i supposed to go in there and be cool with him when i'm sweaty and freaked out?". He raised an arm to display and marco quickly made him move it back down.

"Landon, it's going to be just fine, do like you practiced".

"This is different, he's going to be looking at me and watching me talk, i'm not even sure about how he's going to react, he might just want to be friends and friends only. All that time i spent and thing might get worse between us and we never talk again". Once again marco found themsleves trying to comfort the boy, handing him some water, "you'll be ok, just take it easy".

'I'm sorry mom, it's just...what if i can't do it? i'm worried i can't".

"Landon, it's going to be just fine, i'll be waiting out here if you need me to make a quick getaway ok? But you have to finally face him down, i know you're scared but this time you're going to have to put that to the side and be brave for both you and bernard on this one. He needs this as much as you do, closure, and he won't be able to rest until you both have it".

Landon slumped back, "Guess i just don't want to know what his final answer will be".

"But you know you have to...".

"Yeah...".

"Landon, it's going to be ok, i promise...i know you're nervous, but it's going to be ok, just go in there and do your best. I have plenty of faith that things will work out between you two, you both seemed to care about each other a lot, and i doubt you won't be friends still after this". The demon nodded, his mother comforting him to the best of their ability, his hands gripping each other tight.

His mother kissed his cheek, "Hey, if you need to bail out at any point, i'm here, but i believe in you...ok?". Landon gulped before finally getting out of the carriage, lucky he was even allowed to on on this trip at all. This was not an emergency and everyone was very uncomfortable even going to other dimensions at this point, but marco insisted this was important.

And it was, for landon.

Rhombulus seemed to disapprove of this choice, sneering as the kid got closer, but letting him in anyway.

He was expected after all.

The rest of the commission were inside and the parents of this lovely home seemed more then used to them now. As used as one to get to having three interdimensional gods living in their home. They were eating their snacks, sitting on heir couches, and chilling as if nothing was happening. Guess they had to be a little bored by now, but still, it was a serious job.

Imagine they came back and hey were following asleep like this? And they thought things were bad before.

Landon spotted bernard's mom quickly who ushered him away from the commission members and upstairs without hesitation, "Ok, he's waiting for you up there, let me know if you need anything and please, don't break anything". She didn't seem the happiest to see him but she wasn't mad at him or anything, so that was a little better then what he thought in his head.

But that didn't help his nerves, he could spot bernard's room and took a few steps forward.

He had to be just as nervous as he was...right? He didn't greet him at the door so he was left with a similar impression that was the case. Then the door opened to let him in, a sleep and messy teenage boy waiting for him. Landon feeling his heartbeat rise even faster and want to flee the scene extremely fast, his body forcing itself to stay put so he didn't chicken out.

"Hey landon".

"H-hey...bernard", god why did he have to make himself sound so awkward the moment he saw him again? He swore his voice cracked too, because of course it did.

Bernard didn't look fully dressed, not did he seem to be entirely...himself, which was a warning sign, but they had to get this over with. Landon had to just go over and finish up before he made another bad choice, though bernard looked very cute. He had never seen him like this outside of the sleepover the one time, most of the time he was more...well kept.

Bernard yawned, "Sorry i'm not looking that great, but...i'm happy you came, means a lot to me if you want to come in and well...y'know, do this whole thing". Landon nodded quickly as he entered the messy teenage boy's room, the door shutting behind them. He took a set on the bed as bernard started going into his closet, nervous about who should speak first.

It was uncomfortably silent after all.

Bernard and landon both wanted the other to make the first move instead, as if they were waiting each other out. The silence however, was killing landon and it wouldn't get them anywhere if neither of them even said a word to each other. Landon really felt his stomach churn, just how bad did he screw up that bernard could hardly even look at him right now?

He wasn't used to this from him, the tension was intensely uncomfortable compared to the usual laughing and giggling between the two. He twiddled his fingers together and tried to choke up a word or two, needing to be brave and come out with it. "Hey look, i'm sorry fi i made things uncomfortable between us...i wasn't supposed to even send you that video...it was an accident", was that good? He hoped so.

The human paused, meaning he had heard landon alright.

"Mason pushed the wrong button, it wasn't supposed to head to you like this, i just want us to be friends again ok? I never meant to hurt you or bother you or make things awkward. But i also get it if you don't want to be friends anymore either with me, i know this would make you feel weird and i don't want you to feel weird around me either...it's just...you mean a lot to me".

"How long?".

His voice caught him off guard.

"How long have you liked me?".

Landon froze, stammering, "Since we met actually...i dunno you came up to me and i thought you were...cool, i know that sounds really corny but it's true. You were so cool and i wanted to get to know you and you wanted to get to know me...and i found it...attractive. I mean i didn't notice it at first bit over time it made sense why i was acting this way about you".

Was that good?, it was hard to tell when he wasn't looking at him right now.

"Look, if you want me to leave i will, i know you're upset with me and i don't wanna be some burden on you. You're just...a great person and i'm glad i got to have you as my friend, even if it was just for a little while". He meant that sincerely, he liked having this guy as his friend, and he was going to miss them if they never spoke every again, "You deserve better friends who don't make you go through this kinda stuff anyway".

"Landon...".

"I'm right, you got kidnapped and you could've died because of it, and it was because of me, if you and me weren't friends you would have never had to deal with that happening to you". God, he sounded so pathetic, was this really how he wanted to even handle this in the slightest? He felt himself curl up a little, clenching teeth, "I wanted to tell you how i felt sooner but i was worried what you'd think. I've never confessed to anyone in my life before and i got scared to screw up or say anything"'.

It was hard to tell what bernard was thinking with his back turned, but he was just going to have to keep pushing through this no matter how embarrassing it was. "I just think you're really cool, i like your magic stuff and your attitude, and your confidence...and how you laugh at my jokes and support me...and i'm dead serious about all of it...i never meant to make you feel uncomfortable.".

Bernard finally turned around, a look of surprise on his face.

"Landon...i...you don't make me feel uncomfortable", he suddenly seemed to feel ashamed of his silence this whole time, his shoulders sagging and his expression more sad. "I...i admit, it was overwhelming finding out...i think it's because i well...i've been on dates before...and a lot of them were...mixed". The human took a seat next to landon, his feet dangling off the bed.

"I...y'know, constantly changed myself everywhere we went and i would get confessed to a lot, but it never felt right because i wasn't being myself...i was just trying to fit in. I guess when you confessed i had so many thoughts, like if this was another occurrence of me not being myself and you not liking the real me, or that you did like the real me, to all the times we hung out and i had no idea...i...had a lot going on".

The human eyed his worried friend, before smiling a little, "But...i'm not mad at you for any of this, none of this was your fault. You had no idea anything like this would happen and it's ok, i'm not mad at you at all. My parents might have some issues, but i don't...because it wasn't your fault that happened. Landon, i'm still processing everything but i'm not mad at you".

"You aren't?".

"Of course not, i just...have a lot to think about with all of this, i'm a little overwhelmed but i'm not mad at you landon. I just need a lot of time to really think on things, if that's ok...". Landon seemed relieved, his face suddenly becoming far happier then he meant for it to, "Yeah, yeah of course! You can take all the time you need if you want, no pressure or anything, you can uh...get back to me when you're ready".

He laughed and landon felt himself turn deep red.

"Yeah of course, when i'm ready, i don't want to leave you hanging or anything...", the human noticed landons face an poked at it charmingly. "I have to admit...it's...a little flattering that you...feel this way about me. I've just never been complimented this much before , or had anyone write a song for me before for that matter, it's actually sweet".

"You find it sweet?".

"Yeah well...it's really good and i can tell you put a lot of hard work into it, it's...nice that i...inspire you like that". I never saw myself having a song about me, always thought the only way something like that would happen was if i won some dumb contest or something. I...i'm sorry you didn't get me to see it under different conditions, i know this was not how you wanted me to...experience it".

"Well...i'm sorry i was acting so weird for awhile towards you...it was a lot more obvious then i thought originally. You...you were worried about me and you had every right to worry about me...everything just got so complicated and i had a hard time trying to figure out what was the best way to handle it. I guess i should've tried to handle it sooner, to avoid this from happening."

"Hey, i'm not great at this stuff either, i might never have caught on without the video. Heh, it took me a few minutes to click as the music started playing that you were going for...y'know, You...play really well landon". He blushed, trying to hide his face as much as possible as he turned away from the cute boy, "Yeah well, i do play it almost all the time".

"It pays off, at least you might get to make it into a career, my parents still are on the fence about magic".

The way he said it seemed to make landon's heart crack just a little

"I'm sorry to hear that...i well, i was really hoping they'd change their minds about it and stuff...you should be allowed to do the hobbies you like, like you're really good at them too, you were able to escape your handcuffs because of magic! It's...amazing...how you were able to actually do that, they don't appreciate enough of your skills, you're...amazing".

He felt himself blushing again and quickly coughed, "Oh right, sorry, this might be making your more uncomfortable".

But bernard laughed, "It's ok, i'm just glad someone cares, i feel sometimes like...no one really does, i've just...wanted someone around who likes what i like and doesn't make fun of it". He sighed, rubbing his hair, "I escaped my cell through magic, that's...impressive, i never knew i'd need to and magic helped me do it, i was just hoping for better i guess from my parents".

The prince watching him sadly, letting out another deep sigh.

"I wanted to confess to you that day...the day you were kidnapped...i know it doesn't matter now but i did, and then when things went wrong i changed my mind because you had enough going on to worry about me. After you got kidnapped and hurt and everything, there was no way we could talk about it, i knew it was a bad idea. I'm sorry things got so bad that you were worried about me like that".

"Landon, it's ok".

"No, it's not".

"No, it is...i'm sure, it was complicated. I...i got kidnapped, and you just wanted me to take the time to recover before unloading this on me, it's not a bad thing. Truth be told, i was terrified down there, i didn't know if I'd make it out alive or not, for a few moments i really thought i might not. But...you helped find me, and...that's important, your confession could wait...".

"But...then i started acting weird...and your texts".

"Landon, of course i was worried about you, we're friends...if you needed space it's ok, you can also just well...text me if you need a break for a bit. I only got worried cause i care about you...but if you need space...it's ok. I didn't really know you were going through so much emotional turmoil because of me and everything, i should have suspected though. I guess i've been so distracted i never even considered you were acting this way because you might of liked me a little more then being just friends, but...i'm glad it's out in the open now".

"You really still wanna be friends?".

"Dude, yeah, of course i do...i'll need some time to process the whole...crush thing, but...it doesn't make me wanna not be your friend. It'll take some getting used to but i like being your friend. I like us hanging out, and i like having someone around who respects my hobbies and interests and shows me all kinda of things i'd never see in a million years. You're a really cool person landon, i like being with you...i don't want us to stop being friends because of this".

Landon felt himself blush and heart beat a bit faster, it was worse that he knew what he was doing to him.

"W-well, i like having you around to like my hobbies and stuff too...yeah".

The human laughed, "I'm sorry for being such a drag and everything this morning, i got to admit, i just have a lot of bad experiences dating...and dealing with crushes. I guess for me it brought back some memories...but i won't bother you with them in detail or anything. Because i think you're different landon, i really think you care about me and everything".

Landon clutched his head in his hands and grumbled, still blushing, "And i was thinking you'd hate me and everything after what happened for a little while...cause...i just didn't...i didn't want to make you uncomfortable". He shifted in his seat before pinching his nose in frustration, "I should have at least told you i needed some time tho...i didn't meant to worry you-".

"No no like i said i-".

Landon turned around, only to realize he might of gotten just a LITTLE too close to bernard's face, making him jolt back quickly. Even bernard cut off his sentence at the action, "Well, uh anyways...glad we talked about this. So well, i guess if you need anything or want to stay for a while...i'll convince my parents to do it, hopefully. They're getting used to your friends down there".

"They aren't exactly our friends, but thank you...we haven't really gotten to hang out properly since...it happened. I was worried about even asking since...well, your parents...they must hate me for what happened with you. Even if you forgive me, i am still the reason they lost you to begin with, and they were terrified...your house got bugged and-".

"Landon, please, don't worry about them, they're always like that. They panic about everything, it's why they're like this about my magic, they're desperate to be good parents and well...make me some perfect kid. I mean i'm obviously not one but they want me to be one. Point being it's ok, don't worry and freak out, they're always like this anyway and i think they'll live with it".

He was doing it again.

"I'm sorry".

"Hey look, let's go down and take a break...your mom's outside right? How about you let them know and we can just...have some time together for a little bit? Some not awkward time together, we can hang in my room for today if you want and we could...properly catch up, if that's ok?". That sounded great, landon finally getting himself to relax as he pulled out his compact.

"Thanks".

"So this is it huh?".

She was looking at the broken wand with extreme curiosity, star watching her very closely as she examined it. She was giving luna the chance to make things up and be trusted but that didn't meant she was just cool handing sky's want over to just anyone. Luna was still on the fence these days to everyone and the wand was in bad enough condition.

"Yeah that's it alright".

"It's in better condition then i was expecting it to be in when i heard it broke, i'll give it this...but yeah, it needs a good repair. I must admit though, wands are hard to crack, this thing must've been hit with a powerful spell. But at least it's fixable, you might just need an expert on this one, though you're not going to like who i suggest to help you with it...".

Star grumbled, knowing where this was going.

"Mom, right?".

"She'd know if anyone.".

"Of course she would, i had a bad feeling you were going to mention i'd need her help, "But fine, whatever, is there anything else you want to let me know about? You and eclipsa were going off about a gem or something?". She was starting to get a little pouty and the less she focused on her mom the better, "Well, me and eclipsa weren't idiots, sky has a rare opal on her wand...you can see the multiverse in it if you look close enough".'

"Rare?".

"Yeah, omni owns these things, never been on a wand before...i think".

That even seemed so surprise star, guess there were things the commission still weren't fully being honest about with her. Luna didn't seem as phased by it though, looking through it curiously, "I'll be honest, i don't really think sky is responsible for taking us here...she...has no reason to and she's not knowledgeable enough to do it even on accident, but...knowing this is on her wand...it's...probably not a coincidence".

"What exactly do you mean by that?".

"C'mon now mom, a magic wand that combusted before we came here? And it just so happens to have a gemstone like this? Even if it wasn't sky it certaintly makes the most sense to be her, the problem is she doesn't know a spell that could do this...so i have to imagine what might of actually happened was we got dragged out of our own dimensions, and got pulled through her crystal into yours".

"Actually...that...kinda makes sense", the queen mumbled, folding her arms together, "But like, you all unwillingly were pulled...right? So someone had to have done this to you, unless this is omni's doing". The person in question had to have knowledge and access to the multiverse in order to even do this and pull it off, and there wasn't a high suspect list.

"No, i don't think it's omni, if the commission were behind it they would've acted upon whatever they wanted us for...not...be as useless as they are now. Before were suspected them but after this much time, well, we don't trust them but we don't think it is them either. It's only so baffling because we're out of many other options, and i've never seen this happen before".

"Well there has to be SOMEONE who can do it".

"I know but, no one here matches well...", then she seemed to think of something, before shutting it down, "No no, that could work but that's far more absurd, we need something more within the lines of reason". Star blinked at luna as she held her hand up to keep star from asking further on the matter, ".We'll start with a list of the main suspects and work from there".

"Luna, we went through the main suspects, there is no one else".

"Have you checked meteora or moon yet?", luna asked skeptically, her suggestion catching the queen off guard, she hadn't really gone into either of them had she? But it was for good reason. "Meteora was doing tasks, she has it on record and my mom...my mom has no reason to even bother doing something like this, where's your proof on that one?".

"You heard me, limited other options".

"Still, my mom would never do something like this...maybe in your word she would but not here...right?".

"You tell me, maybe she would, maybe she wouldn't. I just know she's a suspect and since she's been absent from everything before this point she doesn't have nearly as much of an alibi, even with grandpa...you know how easily distracted he gets". She wasn't wrong, moon could manage it if she were behind it, but there was also no reason for her mother to do this...and she would never attempt to kill a child either.

Even if that child had previous outbrusts about their family.

"i don't believe it but it'll keep it in mind, but frankly...we need a better list, none of these people seem to have anything to do with it", she sent luna a look of worry, "Luna, i think whoever did this is not from mewni, as silly as that is, a disappointment, i know...i think we all thought it had to be family...but it's not". Luna hated to admit it, but she had to agree with the idea, it probably was something else.

"I don't fully agree but i don't fully disagree either, i've heard worse. But learning that kinda magic takes years of proactive. Not to mention accessing the commission tower, it leaves me uneasy, we could pass by this guy on the way to work. Can you imagine how i feel possibly knowing who this is, for them to be a friend of mine only for them to do al of this?".

If luna did she wasn't showing it well.

"You have to know how much that hurts and messes with all of us, we don't just ignore these ideas because we don't buy into them. But if you're right how do we even begin to react? This whole thing has gotten under all of our skin and there's no way we can just forgive and forget if it turns out to be one of us. You don't know who it is, so it's much easier to-".

"Ok, sorry i tried to help, i didn't say it to be rude or anything, it was just an idea"., luna sat back and crossed her arms, putting her feet up nearby. "I do this all the time back home, i catch criminals all the time back home so it's kinda important for me to do stuff like this and try and make a profile of some kind, that way you could spot them even unmasked".

"You scare me with the fact you can spot bad people by just looking at them, i hope me in your world learns to get a grip because you're lucky to not be dead going through all of this", luna snickered, "You're not entirely wrong, i am lucky, but i'm also hard working, so that's another reason i've lived so long, i rarely ever get caught with my talent".

"Is that so? Is that why you're prisoner now?".

Luna's smile was quickly wiped from her face.

"Thought so...but hey, you did say rarely, so this has happened to you before. And you're still here now, so i guess that still says something about you and getting out of stuff like this. I rarely could get myself out of situations without a little help, even if i was a tough fighter. Even now sky usually needs judas to help her out, but thankfully she's never really been kidnapped either".

"I had to learn to do things myself, if...either of you had died the crown would go to me, and if i couldn't take care of myself i was doomed to end up the same way. If you thought i would allow myself to ever be put in that position you were sorely mistaken, I wanted to be a strong queen, stronger then anyone before me...and avoid all the mistakes the others made".

"Like solaria?"

Luna was quiet, "Yeah, especially her, there's...some things about her past i prefer not to repeat, you're honestly lucky in this universe.". The queen jolted her head to luna at that, her face skeptic, "Wait, what do you mean by that? How are we lucky? She still caused massive devastation and we're still recovering from everything she's done, we're not lucky".

The lighter blonde hummed, her fingers twirling the rim of a teacup.

"I...was shocked when i saw angel for the first time, i never really explained why but...it's...well, because his kingdom doesn't exist back home. Or at least not anymore, it's ruins where i live". Star didn't seem to like where this conversation was going but luna continued, "I never got to meet his kind before now, i just knew about what they once were, and well...stories from you".

"From...me?".

"Solaria caused the devastation, but you...you were the one to hit the mark that started everything back home, and it all started with their kingdom. If things hadn't escalated, i might not be the same person anymore. But...it is what it is...it's just worth mentioning that while solaria here might still be quite the queen, you should be lucky you didn't end up with a worse version of her".

"I'll be honest...i'm surprised how much you don't like her, sorry if it sounds rude but i was expecting...you to like...something about her".

Luna shot star back a dirty look, "Outside of her determination to help her people and power there's not much to admire, what she did led to issues we're still solving today, and as far as i'm concerned that does not make you a good queen. You are not a good queen if people remember you for reasons of hatred, i should not be having to fix her messes 800 years later".

Ok so yeah, she really didn't like the old queen herself, even if related to her.

"Sorry for bringing it up then, it was worth asking".

Luna sat back on the bed, spreading out her arms, "It's a lot of stress trying to be a good queen back home, you want to be unique bit you also want to be strong and something to be proud of. It's...a flawed system, always has been a very flawed system. The kind of pressure it puts on everyone is...well it's something alright, not much better in war time".

"I put a lot of high expectation on sky...", the queen laid back, sighing to herself, having to agree with luna. "I know i did, i don't know why it happened, it just did, and i know it really upset her...even though...i just want her to do well. I want her to do well on her own as queen someday and i dunno, i'm never sure what to do, less freedom, too much freedom...i learned from too much freedom.".

"Well based on what i've seen you didn't do much as far as training her by the looks of it, she could barely hold her wand right!".

Luna really has a way of making people feel bad about themselves.

"She really had a hard time preforming magic, i egged her on so bad the ceiling came down", great, she was back to being mad at herself. She could've prevented this so much sooner if she had just...done things so much differently. Maybe sky wouldn't have been accused of crimes, or had even been in danger at all. A little danger was expected out here but not...so often.

Not like this.

"Luna, considering what i know about me from...your world, i'm not coming to you for parental advice. But...i think at the very least i have a better idea of what i need to improve on if i don't want us to end up like me and my mother right now.", she probably could've phrased that far better then she did but luna got the point. "It's been so long...i forget what it was like".

"Well now that moon is stuck here you're probably being reminded of it more then ever, as far as i can tell, nothing has changed about here...i hear enough through everyone else at this point that i'm glad i barely have to talk to her outside of the occasion. Back home grandma and i didn't agree on many things either, it's a lot messier between all three of us in that castle.".

"Luna, your dimension sounds...awful, for the record, not sure if that's what you were going for but, it sounds awful. I'm surprise you even want to go back after everything", she didn't exactly mean for it to sound so rude, it was clear why luna wanted to go back and that going back mattered to her. But it seemed there was little back home that was actually...well, to look forward to besides seeing her family again.

She almost wished luna could stay, not go back to a world like that.

Such an unpleasant world to grow up in.

"Honestly, sometimes i think that too, but i know it's what i want to do...i wouldn't just leave them. And...i won't leave them now especially, it's clear what seems to happen when i make choices to leave people behind, i get myself in more trouble". She motioned to her room, "I can't stay here, you know that and i know that, we have places we need to be and people who need us, we don't belong here".

"Luna, i don't know all of you that well, but i think all of you do belong here, not permanently, i know you all have families to return to...but well...i think being here has...helped you all, to some extent, maybe more then you could ever really get back home". That made luna pause, laying back on her bed, "I guess you really could say that,...i don't think people will even really...recognize me fully when i get back, maybe, it depends how long i've been gone for them...they might not even remember what i was like before i left all of them".

"I'm sorry you've all been gone so long".

"You say that like we didn't lie to your face for months about who we were this entire time, it's not your fault. We insisted on not coming to you for help, and our lack of progress is partially more our fault...and circumstance". She took a deep breath, "I tend not to ask people for help if i can avoid it, and i was aggressive about us staying hidden, and it worked for a while but...it was never going to work forever, there was too many of us, someone was bound to find out".

"Well, you had me fooled, for a good while, though i guess in retrospect the fact you were that good at fighting should've been some kind of red flag, no one who goes into knight training even comes in so perfect. Even on mewni where you could die at any minute, you would've been a good knight if you had been from this dimension though, though heh...oh wow, we assigned you under jackie".

"You can imagine how that went for me".

"Well, i guess it's hard for me to really say, i guess at least in the end you got to spend some good time with us even if we aren't technically your family. I can only hope that talking to us provided you some comfort, maybe. I think...if i was trapped somewhere else, just seeing my mom's face would really help. I...i got really upset when she vanished, after meteora".

Luna paused, letting the thought ponder for a bit.

"You don't hate your mom as much as you want to, she gives you grief and isn't making the situation any better for you...but i can tell that to an extent you're glad she's here. Someone to give you advice...and help you. She's not amazing by any means but i can tell you're glad she's here to help in this crazy situation, even if her help isn't really helping.".

"I've been on my own with the throne for a while...so i dunno, maybe i just miss her", star sunk in her seat, "I nmeed to stop venting, that's not what this meeting was about, it was about the wand, i'm just dealing with a lot of emotions right now. I've never really...confided in someone about this, well, someone who isn't my wife or my best friend at least".

The queen stood up, "I'm trying to handle this stuff on my own without help, but i guess i wouldn't be taking my own advice if i kept doing that, especially when help is coming right to my doorstep to help me on stuff like this. I'll...go talk to mom soon after this, we can come to some kinda agreement on the plan , and maybe work things out properly".

She held out her hand, "The wand, i better head out and i'm not leaving it here with you, no offence." Luna handed it over without any hesitation on her part, star pocketing it, "But...i'll admit, it was nice talking to you, even if i fully don't get why, i can see why eclipsa likes you, she tends to love the kinda people she can soften up from their cold dark hearts".

Luna pouted at that but accepted it anyway, "Well, just update the others and make sure...they're ok, especially judas, i worry about him...a lot. So if you could check up on him and make sure he's alright, i at least would like that". The queen understood, holding the door open playfully. "Cya later prisoner, don't hurt yourself too much in here...ok?".

Like luna could ever get herself that hurt down here? but the thought of it all was rather nice. Better then the other times she was taken hostage, most of those guys were hesitant to even give her food. No one wanted to fight luna when she was at her fully power, no one could even be prepared for it. Luna was the kinda person who could bite your hand off even without any sharp teeth whatsoever.

and no one was gonna test that theory, no one

A few days later, marco found themselves back to work on the plan, landon in a far better mood then he had been, texting his crush in the nearby corner as marco went over their ideas with the rest of the team.

"Alright, we can eliminate that one.", marco said, crossing off yet another idea they considered in their mission. Honestly it was impressive how smart these kids where when it came, ideas like this but it should've been expected. Having some people to bounce ideas off was a brilliant idea and they were all so excited too. Galexia was the most excited actually, she loved talking about her ideas and drawings to with people.

In fact this was the most comfortable anyone had ever seen her at all, period.

Her drawings even made marco laugh at random.

She beamed though, she seemed to like the reaction she was getting out of the queen, in fact she seemed to like the adults in general a lot more then others, I guess considering she grew up with a lot of them that was fair. But every other teen had at least some minor issues with the adults, and yet galeixa was more then happy to spill them everything and talk.

She was so smart it was crazy, her ideas never always made sense but no one really seemed to care that much either. Galexia has been paying attention, that was for sure, she had an ungodly amount of drawings just based on the plan. Some were of the plan itself and others were of them failing the plan, which was no something anyone wanted to see right now. But last there was a plan and it's on it's way guys to getting better.

"Maybe we can hide weapons in my dress", sunny suggested, "I've done it before, just in case anything bad happens and i lose my wand, i wanna be able to protect myself, even without magic". Honestly marco wanted to question why someone as young as her reallly needed so many weapons but maybe it was best just to not provoke it right now for them.

"I think the plan i went with might be out best bet, but these ae some good ideas. Just don't suggest anything too dangerous, i don't wanna put you guys at too much of a risk. I mean i know you guys get into this kinda stuff often but you know what i meant. This is still something we need to be careful with, sorry, safety is always my priority when doing anything with my kids".

"Your kids?".

They never meant for it to come out like that, but i guess upon closest inspection, they seemed to be their parental figure now, it was like marco had adopted a bunch of new kids out of complete nowhere. "Sorry sorry, didn't mean to make it found like...nevermind, i'm just impressed your all of your ideas. But i think in the end our next option is gpnna have to be mind, found good?'

"You even sure it's going to work?", landon asked, huffing at his parent, "Landon, no I'll be honest i'm not, but if we prepare enough for what we may handle when it happens we can prepare for anything with this guy". It was about being flexible and covering any hole, it was all or nothing in this situation and leaving cracks open was the last thing anyone wanted to do.

this entire plan was to be a big trap, a trap is useless if it can be escaped.

With their kids already being in danger enough times throughout this marco had to step up, there was no way they were letting any more kids be put in serious danger, and they were already taking a risk in letting angel even be some form of bait. Marco had to be smart about this, they could run this over several more times to get every nook and cranny.

If they could they'd booby trap the whole castle, they would.

But then that'd risk the safety of everyone else inside, and being trapped in with the crazy person was also a bad idea.

So if they were lucky, the plan would work first go, and they'd not even have to worry about these plan bs or cs. It was just a bit unpredictable where this was going to go, they had been fooled before and if this plan even got out then all of this would be for nothing. For all they knew they'd posses someone else to go in their place and escape them once again.

The mind control aspect really bothered marco.

what if they used it on one of them? That was a thought marco didn't want to consider, especially if it hit him or tom, they'd be powerful and they could really hurt someone if they were made to do so. Marco considered making charms for everyone, perhaps they could attach them to their outfits, not anywhere that they could be seen of course but still.

Then they could be protected at least from that.

Marco made a mental note to tell sky later.

"Ok, so we seem to have somewhat of a good plan going, thanks to judas we have an idea of how the party is going to look, So that outta help immensely when it comes to here to put everyone for this plan. We can keep most of you safe and catch them without anyone at harm, and if this works well then we'll finally be free. You'll all just have to stick to your roles and-".

Landon raised his hand.

"Roles? What?".

"Landon, the party is being used mostly as a front, therefore you have to pretend like nothing is wrong the entire time. If we aren't acting natural they're going to catch on very quick to something happening", landon sunk in his seat, "Right right, but like...won't it be more suspicious if we aren't on edge at least a little the whole night, they're not stupid...i think".

"We can do our best landon".

Landon didn't exactly like this idea, who knew what could happen like this? But marco was right, they were just going to have to be careful, and maybe stay wary of who they talked to. They didn't want to let this person in on any secrets they shouldn't know about, but hopefully they'd be fine. this meeting seemed very effective, marco was going to have star to talk to star about it and-

"Thanks for helping us!", sunny piped up, "And...thanks, we're happy to be considered your kids...", she blushed and marco smiled. "You guys...haven't really had a proper parental figure since you got stuck here, we assumed you were here because your parents let you be here...and we're no substitute for your actual parents but...i hope we can at least help in the meantime."

"You're doing great i promise!", sunny was always so positive, it was surprising how through all of this she still kept a smile on her face. "It's been super nice getting to spend so much time with you, i think we all feel a little at home here. We've lived here so long i guess it's become a second home to us...while also kinda being our home already as well".

Marco bit their lips, thinking of something.

"When we send you home, are we sure you can even come back?'.

They never had to consider it much before this point but now was as good a time as ever to really think about it. Sunny wasn't just a girl from another world, but she was a friend to mason, their youngest son, not to mention friends with everyone else too. They'd well, be sad if they never say any of them again and well, it was an idea that was thought about and could not be helped.

"Sky thought the same thing and she thought, well, we might figure something else out so...we're trying not to think about it too hard y'know? Don't want to get everyone upset right?". Her voice didn't sound like she was too happy about it though, sunny sounding like she almost wanted to hold back from some crying of her own about the matter. At least, it sounded like it.

Losing everyone else must have broken her heart to think about too.

"Sunny i promise we'll all stay together somehow...ok? i don't want to see any of you separated forever either, mason's never been so happy in his life/ He likes having more friends to spend time with, and of course, you all have grown very close. It'd be a burden to separate you, i promise we won't let this all be forever, you'll all see each other again".

Sunny looked over to lexi, who was still drawing by herself, smiling and ignoring most of the world around her.

"I guess i keep worrying about that, even though i try not to...", she admitted, "I'm supposed to be the positive one here, keeping everyone up and happy but...sometimes, i feel sad...thinking about this stuff. i'm going to miss you guys...i really am, i just got used to having sisters and new brothers and saying goodbye, to all of this, it's going to be hard...".

"Well, we'll try and make your last days here the best they can be then, just in case getting back in contact is...hard. You girls at least deserve a few last nights stress free before going home...it's not much, but you all deserve it after everything you've been through. You can even bring some things back home with you if you want to, memories and stuff".

"My parents probably think i've been kidnapped or something".

Yeah, yeah they would, heck knows if this happened to any of their sons marco would feel the same way by now, if they didn't think they died or something. The worry that had to be on their faces must be devastating. Sunny must think about it a lot, especially since she had a little brother back home she loved and had to live without her for so long.

"Don't worry about the now, think about how happy they'll be to see you again", marco said gently, "That's what matters here, getting you home to see them, they'll be thrilled and delighted. I know being away is scary but, it won't be permanent. We will make sure you get home, even if it takes years, don't give up on us ok? We won't let you feel abandoned."

Landon a little way a ways, turned his head away.

"Years, mom you know we can't do that, someone is going to find out eventually".

"I know lardon, but that's no reason to not try. We're going to have to help and not stil and cower even if someone is after them. These girls need to go and everything, the longer they stay here who knows what could happen, it's better they get home as soon as they can before anything worse happens to them. But we need to catch them first, free their names".

"You've been meeting with them right, how badly do people think sky or luna did it?".

Marco tensed up, feeling their shoulders stiffen as they looked for the best works, "Well since that day it's already been a mixed bag, but it hasn't gotten worse if you're looking for good news, i don't think people have gotten stronger on it. Luna must've kicked out a lot of the previous ideas they had which is both good and very bad all things considered".

"Figures as much, we better watch out".

"Oh don't doubt you will, no one feels safe".

"Hey...i hate to ask but, what happens to luna...if this all fails? We're delaying the trail but...there's no way we can defend her if we don't catch the real culprit and...what are they gonna do to her?", the question hit marco like a punch to the gut. They had been avoiding that answer entirely because they knew the answer and didn't want to worry the kids.

Sky was royalty, at worst if she had been convicted she'd lose her right to the throne and her wand.

But luna on the other hand, and with her true identity not known to anyone outside of their ground.

She wasn't nearly as safe.

Around here she was just seem as another citizen, she had no protections outside of perhaps the words of jackie and the royal family to protect her. But even that had a chance of not mattering, because a royal family can trust the wrong people. There was a chance of luna ending up in a BAD situation if they didn't do something soon and the thought was dreadful.

She already had a family back home waiting for her but if they never saw her again due to something like...like being frozen, that'd be even worse.

"We won't let that happen, we'll make sure of it. Even if...things get really bad", Marco was quick to change the subject, going through their papers and papers of plans and ideas. "I'm going to run these by tom and his parents, we need approval for some of these traps within the castle. We're already building up the ballroom for the event and the sooner we have a head start the better".

Landon stood up, ready to head out and join their mother as marco stopped in their tracks and turned again to sunny, "Remember, don't forget the stakeout soon, get some rest and practice your lines...oh...and keep sky updated. She's spending a lot of time with angel and i don't want her to forget about her role, though...it's great seeing her a lot happier...".

"You got it! Uh...thanks for everything", marco smiled at her as landon followed them out, Landon examining the mask and outfit sunny had given him in his arms. It was fitted for him by sky, but he still wasn't sure about it. At least he wasn't doing any of the actual acting or anything, all he has to do was dress up and play music, nothing more, nothing less.

He just needed to be careful.

Not just because of him being a prince, he's just...nearly gotten into fights in there now and if a fight broke out things would not end well, the place was quite on most days but who knows who might head inside on a more ruely day. Demons could be nice people, but they were violent too, and it was always best to keep your watch on them, so landon just hoped this idea was a bust and nothing happened.

It probably would be.

It was that idea alone that was enough to relax him.

Because of his magical abilities he got a little anxious about using his violin at all in case of well, what happened last time, but it would probably be ok as long as he didn't try to do that song again. Besides, he was barely getting results as is, and he wasn't using a wand violin. He needed to chill out, the worst thing to worry about were his nerves at playing in front of people.

Just thinking about it was making his stomach turn, or maybe that was just his guilt at not telling his mother about what he'd been doing.

they knew he knew they did, so why was it so hard to just say something about it?

Marco walked alongside the demon as they made it finally to the nearest bathroom to change and try on the clothes and see how well they worked in case sky needed to fix anything. Marco hadn't said anything yet and he felt their silence was their way of trying to get them to talk. They had done this before when they were really mad after all and landon was feeling the sting of it now.

He went inside to change, not saying anything.

He was so happy everything with bernard was a lot better, not perfect, but better. The entire scare had left him feeing broken for a while and the fact he was still getting texts was a relief in his mind, even if things were still awkward. He felt as if he were walking on eggshells, but he knew this was on him, there was no one else to blame for this then him.

He should say something, marco would go easy on him and he knew it, he just...felt guilty.

How many times was he gonna keep going behind everyone's backs and getting caught? He wasn't sure why he was like this? Maybe he just had a hard time admitting he wanted help? He wasn't a very social person and people knew that, he tended to handle things along when he had the chance and only his mom was ever someone he went to for serious help.

Guess that was bound to kick him in the butt eventually, screw his awkwardness.

He tried on the costume and moved in front of the mirror, sighing to himself, and putting in the mask. It fit well, sky had no business being so good at all of this honestly, she was far more talented then people gave her credit for. Landon just wished he wasn't in some kinda rut right now and could feel a lot better about it. Staring at himself in the mirror before looking to the bathroom door.

He was going to have to suck it up and confront this wasn't he? If he didn't he wouldn't be able to focus and he might get himself into another situation all over again. He did deal with bernard and that went well right? Him trying magic can't be too bad, especially since nothing came of it or anything, why was he panicking over him doing something so minor?

"Landon? You ok in there?".

He took some deep breaths before splashing water on his face, "Yeah mom, i'm coming out in a minute".

He finally pulled himself together, sighing as he opened the door to face his mother, "Mom, i...want to talk to you...about something?". But he was stopped in his tracks, his mom looking at him softly in his outfit, making him blush. "Hijo, you look so grown up...i'm...honestly happy to see you so...open and out there. Look at you opening up and making friends and talking to your crushes.".

"Mom...".

Were they...crying?

They looked like they were crying and landon was hit with a new wave of emotions.

"Sorry, i just...judas is hitting his coronation, mason is hitting puberty and...you're changing a lot too...it's...overwhelming", they wiped at their face, "Didn't mean to start crying or anything, i'm just...so proud...and...you're all so grown up". Landon rubbed at his arms, still blushing hard and having a hard time looking their mom in the eyes, he wasn't expecting this...but...it shouldn't stop him either.

"Mom...you're...right".

Marco looked at them confused at first, right about them making friends and talking to crushes? Landon knowing he needed to clarify more.

"I have been semi-lying...to you, i...when the text incident happened...it was because i was doing magic...not demon magic. I...i realized my violin, i can do spells with it if i really concentrated, it's not the same as a wand but i think i'm the one channeling it, and...i tried to practice it behind your back. I'm really sorry, it just meant so much to me to learn magic and everything and you guys were saying no and-".

"Landon it's ok", they reassured, putting a hand on their shoulder.

"I'm...just happy you told me...instead of me having to find out the hard way.", he felt so much more warm inside hearing that, they really weren't that mad at him for not doing what they were supposed to? Well they were probably a little mad, but not as mad as he was expecting after all the other stuff he had done up to this point. The human sighing.

"We'll work something out...later, for now you're grounded, just for a few days tho."

Yeah, that was expected, but he was glad it wasn't for much longer.

"I'm glad you aren't hurt though, it's easy to get hurt doing magic like that...there's a reason the wand exists...", the pondered for a moment, biting their lips, "We have enough on our plate right now...but...when we get this resolved, i'll make sure to help you learn it. We may have to ask to borrow sky's wand...when it's fixed, but...i'll make sure you figure out this scary part of yourself...".

"D-did you have to use the wand to...to also learn all of this?".

They nodded, "Yeah, it didn't matter at the time because sky wasn't around to use it and star didn't need to anymore...so it gave me the chance to learn so i could well...y'know, do what i do now". As an example, marco cast a small red orb in his hand, "It's not the same as her magic...but, i like to think of it as something new that we can do...discovery and everything. I have to admit, i'm...happy i'm not the only one with it, it's nice being able to have someone else who understands and finds it just as weird".

"I'm still sorry, i shouldn't have lied...".

"If it helps, i wasn't dead honest about my powers to star at first either...it...took me a while before i could talk about it, There was a lot going on at the time and i was just trying to be a good friend". Landon felt a hand grip his shoulder, "I need to also be better for you, a better example for you...but, i think we're both making some progress, and...i'm happy for that".

He had to agree, "I guess...a little progress is better then nothing, right?".

They smiled.

"C'mon, let's change out of that and take a break, if it's ok, i'd like to watch you play. Get you less nervous to perform. It's a way to be there for you, and still help with the plans...unless you don't want me to?". But Landon shook their head, "No, i...i think i'd like that actually, please?". He didn't mean to sound so...needy, but marco seemed more then happy with it.

"Then it's settled, c'mon, i think i need a break too".

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #svstfoe #sky and the forces of the multiverse #marco diaz #marco #janstar bby #tomstar bby #ostar bby #starkie bby #tomco bby #fanfiction #my art

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olliscowizz · 3 years

Text

High Ground - Olli Matela FF Part 7

Remember how I told y'all yesterday I wouldn't post a chapter today? Guess I tricked myself there a bit. Today is Switzerlands national holiday. Which means firework and my cat will be scared. So I will stay home, write probably some more and take care of my cat. lol.

And now enjoy and lemme know if you liked it.

P.S. once again the chapter is a bit longer.

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After Olli came back out the shower, Sara thought he looked very handsome. Like he always did. He was wearing a black button down and simple black jeans. “Looking good there handsome”, she said and walked over to him, to give him a short kiss. “I only tried to not look like a himbo next to you”, he admitted and pulled her closer to him to start pepper her face with kisses. She laughed and pushed him softly away from her. He was just so unbelievably cute she almost couldn’t handle him. “So. What do you think. Should we go and buy some liquor so the party will be more up to our taste?”, he asked her smirking. She also started to smirk and nodded her head. So out they went to the next corner store, to buy some harder stuff than beer, which Tommi probably already had at his house.

They decided to get themselves some good old cheap whiskey and because Sara was a big fan of it some Aperol. After they bought their stuff it was already time to go to Tommis place.

After they arrived no one questioned why they came together. Sara actually expected one or two side remarks, why they arrived together and already made sure she had an excuse. Gladly she did not have to use a single excuse. She would have hated to lie to the guys. “Hi guys!”, Sara greeted them with the most genuine smile she had in a long time and even pulled them all into a hug, which surprised not only her but them as well. “I brought Aperol!”, she claimed and held the bottle up high. They cheered for her and Tommi took the bottle to the fridge. “So who allowed you to look this good, madame?”, asked a beer holding Joonas and smirked at her. She couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the cute man in front of her. “You’re one to talk. Looking all hot and fluffy here”, she answered him and motioned for him to a little twirl for here. He obliged and turned around in a circle for her and even threw a pose in there, which resulted in all the people laughing. “Dork”, she laughed at him, and asked Tommi where his fridge was. He pointed to the kitchen and she and Olli made their way inside, to grab drinks for themselves. “How am I supposed to resist you?”, he mumbeled low enough for only her ears and smirked when he noticed her blush. “Don’t then”, she winked, after she gained her confidence back, and left a dumbfounded Olli back in the kitchen. Two could play this game, she thought and sat down next to Tommi, who was sitting on a bench. They were right, when they said he looked like a teddy bear. Like there was probably no one softer in this garden than he was.

Olli also came back out and had to his disappointment noticed that there was no free space next to his angel. A little bit pissed he sat down next to Niko, who to his surprise noticed the shift in Ollis face. “Don’t be pissed, just because she gets along with Tommi”, Niko whispered so only Olli could hear. Olli was surprised. Was he this obvious? “I am not pissed”, he tried to defend himself, which resulted in Niko letting out a snorting like laugh. “Sure buddy and I am the queen of England”, he joked and hit Olli on his shoulder. There was no one who could fool Niko. He always noticed everything. “Oh! I am sorry your highness! Can I bring you something to drink? Would you like to have your corgis in the same garden as you!”, Olli mocked in a british accent and even intended to do a bow. The others in the garden were surprised but couldn’t help but laugh. “What are you doing Olli?”, Aleksi asked while Joel was holding his stomach from laughing so hard. “Niko said he was the queen of England. I only wanted to be a good servant”, Olli said and tried to subtly wink at Sara. But of course Niko had to notice. Once again! Olli decided that keeping him and Sara a secret would maybe not be hard in front of the other boys, but Niko could turn into a problem.

They were all laughing and enjoying themselves. Alcohol was there and they all started to feel a bit light headed. Sara made her way to the kitchen, to go grab her and Niko another beer. She only did it because Niko tried to act cute when he asked to also bring him one. She couldn’t say no to the long haired man. She didn��t notice that Olli followed her into the kitchen. He also drank a few beers and was feeling tipsy. “Angel. When are we leaving?”, he asked her and trapped her between the counter and his body. “Why would we leave? And why would we leave together?”, she teased him and tried to get away from him. She didn’t really want to get out from this position, but it was fun playing with him, as he was getting impatient. “We will leave together. You’re going to sleep at my place today”, he decided for her and put his head on her shoulder. It seemed like she didn’t have any other choice but to stay at his place. “Gladly”, she admitted and pulled him into a short kiss, which fast turned into a full make out session in the middle of Tommis kitchen. The thought hit Sara like a brick, and she pulled away from him. Olli didn’t really feel that and started to kiss her neck roughly, which probably will turn into a mark. “Babe”, she whimpered and he stiffened. “If you say that again, I will have to take you home this instant”, he growled into her ear and pulled away from her, to look her in her eyes. Sara noticed that his eyes darkened quite a bit. “Just one more hour and then we’ll leave”, she whispered and gave him a short kiss, grabbed her and Nikos beer and went back outside to the other men.

Olli had to collect his thoughts and calm his racing heart down in the kitchen. He didn’t know he would react so strongly to a single word this woman said. But he clearly did. He could feel his heart in his throat and his hand were shaking a bit. He went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face to calm himself even more down. After he calmed down a bit and his heart wasn’t beating like a metronome at 189 he went back to the boys. Of course, Niko looked at him weirdly and even smirked a bit. “Were you the one who bruised the princess a bit?”, Niko whispered in Ollis ear. He looked closely at Saras neck, and he saw it too. There were really small bruises starting to form. Olli looked down, so Niko wouldn’t see his grin. “A gentleman never tells”, he winked at his friend and took a sip from his beer. Only 50 more minutes until he and Sara would leave.

After the most painful 60 minutes Sara slowly got up from her place. She was a bit wobbly. Maybe she shouldn’t have drank that Aperol. But man was she feeling amazing. “Boys. Tomorrow is a long day. I will head back to the hotel now”, she said. “Don’t be late to rehearsal tomorrow, and do not be hungover. There were never any good songs made hungover”, she lectured them professionally and gathered her belongings. “We probably all should head home”, Joel said and got up as well. Everyone expect Tommi, cause it was his garden, followed his lead and they also gathered their belongings.

After everyone said their goodbyes, they started to head in the right directions home. Olli made sure that no one looked at him an Sara and pulled her to a wall and pressed her softly against it. “That was longer than an hour”, he whispered between kisses and tried to get even closer to her, which was physically impossible, as they were already really close together. “But now you got me”, she whispered back and put her arms around his neck. After two more minutes of them just kissing, Olli pulled away from her, took her hand and started to drag her at a fast pace to the direction of his apartment. He was getting impatient, Sara noticed that.

Olli never arrived at his apartment faster, and he couldn’t even be bothered to wait for the elevator. He pulled her straight to the stairs and dragged her up there as well. He needed three tries to get the key in the hole, but when he managed he pulled Sara straight to his bedroom. “I know a few hours ago I said I wanted to wait a bit longer, but by god. You drove me crazy today”, he admitted an pushed her to lay down on his bed. It was actually Saras first time seeing his bedroom. “Did I?”, she smirked at him and watched as he unbuttoned his shirt. He just nodded at her, unable to say a word.

He finally managed to get out of his button down and crawled on top of her. He started to kiss her passionately. Slowly he put his hand on her ribs. Suddenly too shy to make the next move. She pulled him closer to her, which encouraged him to slip his tongue in her mouth. They were so engaged in each other, that they almost didn’t hear Ollis phone ring, which was still in Ollis back pocket. “Ignore it”, he whispered as he noticed her moving away. “It could be important”, she argued. She was drilled to always answer her phone. At all times. “That’s Nikos ringtone. It will probably be about a song he found online”, he tried to persuade her, but Sara was stubborn and looked at him wit a -pick it up- look. He let out a deep sigh, pulled his phone out and lie down next to Sara who was trying to fix her dress. “I am really sorry man. But could you tell me your Netflix password?”, Niko did sound guilty on the other end of the phone. Olli almost couldn’t believe his ears. Was Niko for real? He had the most beautiful girl in his bed and right now his friend had to call him and ask for his fucking Netflix password? The mood was ruined. “It’s Fuckyou1234 with a capital F”, he said and hung up the phone.

#olli matela imagine #olli matela fancition #olli matela #tommi lalli #aleksi kaunisvesi #alex mattson #joel hokka #niko vilhelm #blind channel #blind channel imagines #blind channel fanfiction #high ground ff

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slasherholic · 4 years

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Essay: The Impact of Smith’s Grove on Michael Myers’ Antisocial Tendencies

-warning: personal opinion and headcanons ahead!-

The topic has been on my mind tonight, so naturally, my thoughts have culminated in an unnecessarily lengthy essay :)

I’ll preface this by saying Michael’s time at Smith’s Grove undoubtedly contributed to the severity of his antisocial behaviors. While temporary hospitalization was likely the right course of action for him after Judith’s murder, under no circumstances would it have been beneficial for his development to spend his entire childhood at an institute for the criminally insane. It would seem that, ultimately, (and almost certainly in part due to the recommendations of Sam Loomis,) Michael was “forgotten by the system” and doomed from the beginning to become just another statistic.

Let’s make something clear, though: Michael’s lack of empathy was not caused by Smith’s Grove. Michael’s sadistic personality was not caused by Smith’s Grove. These are inherent biological factors. It may seem harsh to label a child with such a serious, seemingly adult condition, but Conduct Disorder is a very real occurrence.

Of course, that isn’t at all to say that Judith’s murder was Michael’s fault.

Due both to the severity of Michael’s disorder, and his young age, he would not have been able to internalize why cruelty to others and outright murder was considered “wrong” by society.

Yes, he probably had adults talking at him all day about why it wasn’t okay to bully kids in school, or throw rocks at dogs, or cut up all of Judith’s toys; but ultimately, little Mikey lacked the cognitive function that would be developing in a “typical” brain to ascertain morally right behaviors from morally wrong ones. In short, all that adult talk was just obnoxious nagging that went in one ear and right out the other.

Alright, there’s my rambling and obligatory “it’s very not groovy to fling around unfounded and damaging labels such as ableist” (I’m a mentally ill individual myself, thanks 😎👉) out of the way. On to the actual topic of this essay weeeee

Also! Due to the very limited knowledge we have about Michael’s character, here is where things get quite headcanon-y--so please, dip out now if you are bothered by that.

Smith’s Grove ultimately failed Michael for a multitude of reasons. Psychiatry at the time was ill-equipped to deal with the severity of a disorder such as his, and to worsen matters, those in charge of his care were never able to achieve a break-through with him during the course of his treatment. (This includes Loomis, yes, but I highly doubt that it was strictly limited to Loomis—I do not think it’s responsible to pin all of the blame on a single psychiatrist. I will go more into detail about what Loomis is responsible for in another essay.)

The core issue, however, is this: from little Mikey’s point of view, the staff of Smith’s Grove were never there to “help him.” These adults were merely the people keeping him locked up in an unstimulating environment, making him swallow gross pills, and trying to lecture him about things that he really didn’t care about. He wanted out.

However, thanks to the naivety of psychiatry at the time—and with good intentions in mind, albeit very misplaced—the people in charge were not about to let him out into, say, some sort of outpatient program.

Michael picked up on this fact quickly. And the effects it wreaked on his attitude toward other people as a whole were catastrophic.

Because of this deeply-rooted frustration toward his confinement, I have no doubt that little Michael would have come to resent the staff of Smith’s Grove—his psychiatrist included—and the institution altogether. In his worldview, every single person now involved in his life was guilty of being an utter jackass, unworthy of his respect, unworthy of his cooperation.

This was the catalyst that led Michael to voluntarily stop communicating.

Think about it—engaging with the staff was ultimately not something that could be forced on Michael. His refusal to cooperate became the single aspect of his life that he still held some semblance of personal control over. Doctors could talk at him all they wanted, but at the end of the day, he didn’t have to listen, nor react; so, he didn’t.

Michael’s refusal to communicate was likely done sheerly out of frustration and a desire to be defiant—that is, until he was mature enough to realize how he could use the behavior to slip gracefully under the radar, and be forgotten about. His next decade was set to be spent perfecting his act of docility, biding his time, and waiting for the day when he could free himself on his own terms.

But by then, the irreversible damage to his social proclivity was done; and any hope of him cooperating in his treatment was long gone.

Michael had long-since internalized the idea that communication with others was not a worthwhile use of his energy. In little Mikey’s mind, having no desire to engage socially with those in his environment, no inherent need or longing to seek out friendly interactions, and a very low opinion of practically everybody, other people were now useful only as tools.

This mindset of his was strongly reinforced as his libido developed—at which point he discovered that cruelty to others wasn’t just entertaining, it also made him feel good in a different way. Essentially, as Michael matured into adulthood, his “people are nothing more than toys and tools” mentality had become too deeply rooted in his psyche to ever realistically be rectified.

Now, consider a perfect world: a world in which Michael hadn’t been left a permanent inpatient. A world where instead, he was released back to his family within a year. A world where he had been taught healthy and effective mechanisms to cope with his impulses.

Even in this ideal situation, I feel it would be unmindful of me to make any sort of claim that Michael absolutely would not still be engaging in criminal activity—murder possibly included.

Upon his escape from Smith’s Grove, Michael, a perfectly sane adult, (ASPD is not a psychotic disorder,) who now knows that murder is wrong by societal standards, who now understands the gravity of his actions and the potential repercussions he faces, whether out of impulse, sexual desire, sheer boredom, or any combination of the three—still opts to kill people.

Michael could have disappeared after his escape. I am confident that he is both intelligent and perceptive enough that if he really felt like it, he could have picked up on the skills needed to at the very least “blend in” with society. He could have faded into obscurity in the public eye, and that would have been the end of it. It would not have been a “normal” life, but it might have been something bordering on functional.

Instead, he murdered four people.

Let me emphasize: when Michael finally got free, rather than doing literally anything besides murder, Michael went out of his way to commit even more murders.

To conclude, yes; institutional misconduct worsened the severity of Michael’s antisocial tendencies and stole from him any chance he might have had at living a “normal” life.

However, Michael’s crimes as an adult are inexcusable, and despite the very real mistreatment he faced at the hands of an authority, he absolutely deserves to be held responsible for his actions in the original Halloween.

#maddie analyzes #Michael Myers #Slashers #halloween #essay

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efrmellifer · 3 years

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Her Fury

Day Six: Avatar

As if the Echo hadn’t been enough.

It had started when Etien had lifted her scythe and hatchet, and scoffed at the prayers to Nophica inscribed on their handles.

Granted, she had always been more drawn to Nophica’s older sister, Llymlaen, despite growing up close enough to Gridania. Though, being in the North Shroud, she was wedged between the time-honored lands of rival goddesses, so maybe it had been the better option not to take a side.

At least, not until later in her life.

But Etien’s mother had grown up in La Noscea, worshiping Llymlaen, and it had been a compromise between C’ailie and M’ellifer that if they went to live with his parents, their firstborn would worship C’ailie’s patron (though for what it was worth, Nophica was not her father’s patron, either). And Etien’s consecration had made sense, in so many ways. She had a knack for finding wind crystals, and had strongly identified even as a little girl with the role of an older sister—it was probably no coincidence that she had been filling that same role for all of Eorzea for seven years now. And now, of course, she had taken to fishing as one might expect a woman blessed by the Navigator would.

And she still felt that connection to the goddess that had been hers, her only patron, for nineteen years.

So it was a tad unnerving to react with such visceral disgust at the imprint of the goddess who was her patron’s little sister—she would never react to her own sister...s, or her sister...s’ patrons in such a way!—the symbol she had been seeing everywhere for as long as she spent time in the Shroud (and especially within the city of Gridania), the mark that was on the tools of one of her favorite pastimes. She had explored the wilds of Eorzea and beyond with Nophica’s sign strapped to her back, why was it now that her skin crawled?

It had been odd, but she still set out with botany gear in hand.

The second strange occurrence had been when Estinien had brought her Halone Gerbera flowers in a bouquet. The flowers weren’t out of the ordinary; he brought her flowers all the time. The favorite flower of his to give were Pearl Roselles, so he had been trying something new with the Gerbera.

So what was expected from the experience was a breath of fresh air in Etien’s flower vase, not the elation she felt when she saw the flowers.

Lavender and the carnations from the Central Shroud, those were her greatest floral loves, not Halone Gerberas. Why had she reacted so strongly? (Not to mention, they didn’t make her sneeze. Ever more peculiar.)

The third event, the nail in the divine coffin perhaps, had happened when Etien was wandering the Central Highlands. It would be a lie to say the habit had only developed after she had moved to Ishgard; she had spent hours just walking in the North Shroud as well. But when the weight on her shoulders had gotten even heavier as she agreed to help Ishgard, she had taken to walking first around Camp Dragonhead (when it was all she had access to and knowledge of), and then the city.

She still liked the areas of the Central Highlands, where she could watch the karakul wander or pluck apples off the trees between Camp Dragonhead and Skyfire Locks… when she could reach them.

So she had made her way toward The Fury’s Gaze, getting only as far as Halone’s mark when she stopped in her tracks, her mind went blank, and--

She came to with the Temple Knight Hospitalier peering into her eyes.

“Hello, Whitecape.” she mumbled. “What did I do this time?”

He blinked, momentarily dumbfounded. “Survived. You were found passed out in the middle of a blizzard near the mark of Halone. She Herself had to be the thing that saved you, or you would have been dead. We thought you were, in truth. It was only because we recognized your coat and that particular shade of blue that we even knew whose body was curled in the rapidly-accumulating snow.” He paced for a moment. “We were holding you here so the Lord Commander could bid you farewell if you did not make it.”

Her eyes widened, though she swallowed so her jaw wouldn’t drop.

“The most odd thing is that several people have come in here asking why we had a statue of the Fury in a bed and how She looked so life-like.”

Etien looked at her hand. Nothing looked different to her. She could feel that, other than being frigid and damp, her hair was the same.

“Since when do I look like Halone?”

“Not to me,” Whitecape clarified. “Not to the knights in the highlands who found you. Not, I should think, to Ser Aymeric when he comes down here, which I would imagine he will momentarily, now that word is out that you have awoken.”

There was a thudding outside the door, like footsteps—footsteps she had heard running to her in a similar situation before—and Etien smiled. “A dependable man with every beat of his heart.”

“I would dare say you had him skipping a few, afraid he had lost you.”

Her eyes welled. “A fair point.”

Now the doors opened, and Aymeric came in. “Is she all right?” He asked Whitecape.

“I am,” she answered instead.

He collapsed at the side of the bed, taking her hand in both of his. He pressed his forehead to her fingers, curled around his hand and still cold. “Etien.” He sighed as he said it, like shedding a heavy coat. Maybe more like dropping the weight of a coffin he had not wanted to bear. “Oh, Etien.”

He didn’t have the words to express everything he was feeling. More than that, to express his fear would make her feel guilty, to express his joy would start them both weeping.

“I suppose I should leave you two alone now.”

Neither of them looked up, not until the door opened again, Estinien coming to join Aymeric at Etien’s bedside.

“I got the full report from Whitecape,” he murmured. “A goddess among women, hmm?”

Etien tipped her head. “What?”

“They’re saying that Halone has chosen to dwell within you. Rather more serious than settling Her gaze on you during the Grand Melee, from what I heard.”

Etien swallowed. “I… don’t understand.”

“Some stories tell of the gods choosing an avatar in other ages,” Aymeric said, “a vessel, someone to bear their essence.”

“You’re the glass, the Fury is the wine,” Estinien interjected.

“Something along those lines,” Aymeric agreed. “And what a fine cup to bear it.” He kissed her hand.

“But why don’t you two see me as Her, then?”

“I could never see you as anything but you,” Aymeric replied, sweeping her still-wet hair away from her eyes. “You were already divine to me.”

“What interests me is how She seems to have selected someone without a shield.” Estinien laughed. “Halone came back not with a hoplon, but with a harp.”

“They say She was close companions with Oschon, She would place her trust in a bard.”

“I suppose so,” Etien mumbled.

“I always did want an excuse to worship you,” Aymeric whispered, kissing the inside of her wrist.

“Giving ‘Her faithful’ a new meaning,” Estinien scoffed. “You’re acting like Menphina chose her.”

“When you put it that way…” Estinien lifted and kissed her other hand.

“No,” he replied, cheek pressed to Etien’s palm, “this is the goddess I have sworn to serve, and this is the woman I pledged to love, one and the same now.”

The door opened again, and Etien snatched her hands back, cheeks and the insides of her ears flushing.

“You will have time to worship her,” Whitecape gently chided the two men, about to usher them from the room.

“She spent bells in the snow, did she not?” Estinien rebutted, “her hands are still like ice. Could we not help to warm her up?”

Whitecape sighed. “It will save us time preparing water bottles, I suppose.”

Aymeric thanked him, still looking at Etien reverently.

Now Estinien sighed. “Let me take your armor off you, so you can get into bed with her for the first shift.”

#ffxivwrite2021 #ffxivwrite #fic #Twelve's Chosen AU #at some point I'll say more about the specifics for now Etien is Halone!

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verobatto · 3 years

Text

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And You are not here... (Part IV)

(13x05)

Hello my friends! How are you? We arrived to the episode in which Castiel comes back. Yay!

Okay, Dean will be particularly suicidal in this one, and we will have a lot of foreshadows for the incoming possesion.

So, let's talk about this...

Dr. Meadows and The Open Door

The ghost of Dr. Meadows was a blatant foreshadow of AU!Michael. They wore the same apron, experimented with people and monsters and also, the doctor made lobectomies and literally, git inside the patients' heads. Is a symbolism for what Michael will do with Dean.

Look at the doctor...

(gif credit @aborddelimpala)

Yep, the same apron and he burns... Just like Michael will do.

Also this scene...

(gif credit @celestialsonata7 )

The masks, different mask the crazy doc wore, are a symbolism of the different faces Michael will take through season 14.

Another clue of how the season 14 will go, is this tiny dialogue between the two boys at the beginning of the episode, before trying to get inside the Dr. A Meadows Mental Health Center.

Evan: I told you it’d be unlocked.

Shawn: Why would they leave it open?

Leaving the door open, will be seen again in episode 14x02, and it plays a symbolic foreshadow for what will happen with Dean, Michael will leave him but then, he will possesse him again in 14x09. "Leaving the open door for the second possession."

So, if we follow this same statement, we can say Shawn is Dean here. He represents Dean after being possesed, the PTSD.

Penny: Shawn, he….won’t talk. He can’t.

Sam: What do you mean?

Penny: The doctors say…he’s okay physically, that it’s psychological. You know, trauma, like he…he…saw some – saw something so…awful. God I don’t even know what he was doing out that late.

This is a representation of how Dean will be trying to face all the whirlwind of feelings and trauma after Michael leaves him. The kid is muted, just like Dean will avoid talking about the possession. And Shawn draws obssesively, the doc's masks, as Dean will be obssesed in kill Michael after being possesed. (14x03).

Then...

Penny: And, uh, Evan, he’s still missing. Uh… He, Shawn, and their friend Mike Ramos, they’re inseparable.

This is how TFW will be separated because of Michael.

We have another visual narrative clue in Shawn's room, when his mother gets in because he was having a nightmare.

There's a pic on his wall, and is a foreshadow of this scene from 14x04...

The picture shows a red background and a terrifying silhouette of a person. The entire room is Dean's mind. The red color talks about his toxicity. The monster is Michael/John Winchester and his own fears, guilts and toxic behavior, like violence.

The mother is wearing green, as a reminder of Dean Winchester's innocence, usually Scooby Doo represents that too.

The monster doc appears inside of his dreams (head) and also in his own room, as a foreshadow of Michael looking though Dean's eyes, and his possesion.

Dr. Meadows appears in his room, literally possesse the kid, he grabs the mask and put it on his face! Is a blatant symbolism of AUMichael!Dean! and they leave the house. Just like Michael will do with Dean at the end of the season. And also, the meaning of Shawn that escapes the first time but not the second one, is talking about the dynamics of season 14: Michael will leave, Dean will be free just for a few days, before being possesed again, more strongly than before, in season 9.

Suicidal Dean and Sam trying to cheer him up.

If we recall the previous episode, Sam was very shocked because his brother confessed to him he didn't have faith anymore.

At the beginning of the episode we had this dialogue between Sam and Dean...

Sam: Hey

Dean: Hey

Sam: PB&J for breakfast? Strong work.

Dean: Yep.

Well, we all know who was the one telling us that PB&J sandwich was his favorite, right? So... This is not a new observation, but that little clue over there is screaming DEAN MISSES CAS.

So we will have a very cheerful Sammy, giving Dean beer in the morning, pushing him to go to a strip house, and literally, trying to give his brother every usual item he runs into when he is depressed for losing people. He even let Dean being under the number of Agent Page. Their fav.

When Dean sees this, he faves his brother, asking him why he's been so nice to him.

Dean: Okay. Look, I-I’ve been down this road before and I fought my way back. I will fight my way back again.

Sam: How?

Dean: Same way I always do – bullets, bacon, and booze. [Rings front desk bell] A lotta booze.

This is very important, because Billie will refute it in this same episode...

So Dean eats a lot of bacon and stuffs, he drinks a lot, and he even goes to the strip house. But all is fake.

They had their first encout er with Dr. Meadows... And this alarming scene is showed to us...

(Gif credit @smartiespn )

Dean wanted to die here. He wasn't fighting back. He was accepting his death. Why? Is he so affected by Castiel's death and Mary that he wants to die? But why because of Mary, he had lost parents before, John, Bobby, and his convo of bullets, booze and sex worked back then. But why isn't working now? Because the variable her is CASTIEL. He lost the love of his life and nothing will be fine again. SO DEAN WANTS TO DIE BECAUSE CAS DIED. The convo would work with Mary but not with Castiel.

Then, Dean plans a suicidal way out to save the ghosts. He does it so quick, Sam can't react to it. Dean literally kills himself in front of Sam.

The dialogue between Billie and Dean shows again that Dean is in so bad shape, he doesn't want to live, he changed after Castiel's dead. He won't recover of losing the love of his life, his faith. He knows Sam can move on from him. He is able to keep going. But Dean wants to stop. Because Castiel is dead.

Dean: So… am I dead?

Billie: You killed yourself.

Billie is pointing at Dean's suicidal behavior with that plan, because this time is different.

Dean: No. Are you keeping me dead?

Billie: Now that depends on you.

Billie is saying this because she is supecting Dean is different. Dean wanted this. So she tastes waters.

After this there's a negotiation, because Billie wants to know about the AU, because is very important to balance. And the Winchesters just keep bringing chaos.

But Dean exchanges the freedom of the ghosts from the Meadows House for information, the ghosts are released but the deal caught Billie's attention that when she asked for WHAT DEAN REALLY WANTED, Dean choose the ghost and not come back to life.

Billie: Because I do. Because…this whole multi-versal quantum construct we live in, it’s like a house of cards. And the last thing I need is some big, dumb Winchester knocking it all down.

This is important because we do know now Billie hated Dean for this.

Then, the truth is revealed...

Billie: You’ve changed. When you bargained with me just now, you could’ve asked to go back, to live.

Dean: Well, I figured with you in charge, there’s no getting back for me.

Billies faces him with her suspicions, but Dean lies.

Billie: That doesn’t sound like the Dean Winchester I know and love. The man who has been dead so many times but it never seems to stick. Maybe you’re not that guy anymore, they guy who saves the world, the guy who always thinks he’ll win no matter what. You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it but you know you won’t, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you. Or… am I wrong?

(Gif set credit @justjensenanddean )

Dean's silence confirms Billies suspicions. Dean's silence is affirming she just read his mind. He won't be okay, never again. Because this time is different, this time Castiel is dead, forever dead, and he really believe Cas won't come back. Life lost its meaning to him.

Dean: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.

Billie: Don’t you?

Dean really want to stay dead. He is so sad and lost, he doesn't want to live anymore. Nothing matters if Castiel is gone.

Dean: I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I can’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down. So I’m not going to beg. Okay, if it’s my time, it’s my time.

Dean even is feeling guilty because Sam had lost his faith in the previous episode, and because now he is very worried about him.

Billie: You really believe that. [Dean shakes his head yes] You wanna die. Dean…every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You specifically, heart attack, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard, and on and on. But which one’s right? That depends on you, on the choices you make.

Dean: Well, I guess I made my choice.

Here people, here! Billie makes the diagnosis and confirms his suspicious. Dean wants to be dead. And then she gave a him again the opportunity of come back to life, but Dean doesn't want to come back. He wants to remain dead! He's sure about it! He confirms it again when he says I GUESS I MADE MY CHOICE.

Billie: But…unfortunately none of these books say you die today.

The word unfortunately is not just for her but for him too. Because Dean really wants to be dead.

After this revealing and scaring dialogue, we were shown how deep Dean was into his depression for losing Castiel.

Then, another sad dialogue with his brother...

Sam: You okay?

Dean: No. Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay. You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or – or Bobby or –. And I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas… And I – I don’t know. I don’t know.

Sam: So now you don’t believe anymore.

Dean: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Dean is tired, and now he has to live, without Cas, in the real world, and he's tired.

But then... And because "Cas wanted to come back to him with a win" and Dean had just asked for win, Castiel comes back to him. Castiel is his win.

The face Dean puts when he receives Castiel's call is priceless. He is in shock, he can't reply, he can't talk. Is a mix of feelings. He can't believe Cas is alive.

Then the encounter, adorned as if it was a wedding, or how some people described, a parallel to Romeo and Juliet encounter, with the Sam cross as the witness, and the song playing in the background, exhaustively analyzed, "It's not too late to start all over again."

(Gif set credit @codestielckles )

To Conclude:

This episode was magnificently written by Yockey, it was full of symbolism that pointed out to foreshadows to season 14, Michael and Dean's possesion.

But it also showed us how deep was Dean's depression, and which was the real cause of it: CASTIEL PERMANENT DEAD, the idea of not getting him back made Dean's life to lose its meaning. He didn't want to be alive in a world where Cas wasn't there.

Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read my previous metas from season 13 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV

Buenos Aires, January 10th 2021 1:03 PM

#destiel #destiel chronicles #destiel meta #Supernatural meta #season 13 meta #13x05 meta #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #billie

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sapphicscullyy · 4 years

Text

With You

100. “We could... you know, go together, if you wanted.”

Thank you so much for the prompt @bitshortforastormtrooper. I’m sorry it took agessss to get around to but please enjoy. This can also be read for your convenience on ao3. Tagging @today-in-fic

+++

8:29 am 27th August J. Edgar Hoover Building

Scully blustered her way into the office and shut the door behind her, slumping back against it with her eyes closed. She took several deep breaths before opening them again, attempting to cool the flush in her cheeks, only to find Mulder staring at her, concern in his eyes. The bastard. He didn’t say anything, just waited to see if she would explain her strange behaviour. Scully sighed.

“I just spoke to Skinner in the elevator,” she began slowly.

“If it was about the late case report, don’t worry,” he said quickly, “I was just about to head up there now to hand it in.”

“No, it wasn’t that.” She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “He asked me if I was attending the Director’s Ball on Friday evening. Of which Skinner informed me that he had given you both of our invitations several weeks ago.” Her tone implied that this was more of an interrogation than a statement.

At least he was smart enough to look slightly guilty. “He may have mentioned it.”

“Mulder…” she groaned in exasperation. “It’s in three days,” she stuttered, “and I don’t have anything to wear.”

“Scully, you could wear anything, even one of your old pantsuits with the massive shoulder pads, and you would still look amazing.”

She glared at him even as the blush returned to her cheeks. “I am not wearing a suit.”

“Why don’t you take the afternoon off?” Mulder suggested lightly. “We only have paperwork to do today. I can deal with it.”

“Are you sure?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

She huffed a laugh, deciding not to think about the answers to his question. “Thank you,” she said.

Silence filled the office for a moment, then the rustling of paperwork as Mulder collected some files from the desk.

“Are we-” Scully faltered, then continued tentatively. “Do we have to bring dates?”

“I think everyone has a plus-one invitation; I’m not taking anyone, though.” He stood, not meeting her gaze as he shuffled the papers in his hands.

“Why not?”

“I’m not sure anyone would want to go with Spooky Mulder.” He laughed as though he had told a joke.

“We could… you know, go together, if you wanted.” Scully swallowed, suddenly overly conscious of the lump in her throat, barely daring to breathe in wait of his response.

“It’s alright, Scully. You don’t have to stick with me. You could have any man you wanted.” He stood from behind the desk, file in hand, and walked over to where she was still standing by the door. He gently moved her aside as he opened it. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he said, flashing her a grin, the one that made her go weak at the knees every time, and shut the door behind him.

“What if I want you?” she whispered to the closed door, her words too loud in the empty office.

+++

2:43 pm

That afternoon, Scully pulled into a parking space in front of a small boutique shop that she often eyed as she drove past on the way to work each day. She had only been inside once before, and it had been a few years ago when she had treated herself to a day of therapeutic shopping after a particularly gruelling case. She had bought a new pair of heels, which she had only worn two or three times since, but the feeling of buying them had been worth it.

A small bell above the door chimed as she entered. A woman popped her head out from behind a rack of clothes, greeted Scully, and told her to yell out if she needed any help. Scully smiled at her in thanks and wandered along the rows of dresses, running her fingertips lightly across the fabric.

She wasn’t quite sure what she wanted to wear to the event, so she chose a few dresses at random to try on, hoping to find something that would work, or at least narrow down her choices.

“Would you like to try those on?” the voice of the saleswoman behind her made her jump. She had a hand outstretched for the dresses draped over Scully’s arm. “Let me take them to the changeroom for you while you keep looking.”

“Actually, I’m ready to try them on now.”

“Of course, come this way.” She led Scully to the changeroom, drawing aside the large curtain for her, but she paused before closing it. “May I make a recommendation?” She didn’t wait for a response. “There’s a dress that’s out the back and I think that it would look perfect on you. I’ll go grab it while you try these ones on.” With that, she closed the curtain, leaving Scully by herself.

The first dress was a red, strapless number that came to just below her knees. The fabric pooled nicely around her figure, and she had a pair of heels and a clutch at home that would go quite nicely with it, but she was concerned that there was too much skin being shown to be considered ‘proper’ for a work event, though she knew Mulder would most likely appreciate it.

As would every other straight male in the room. She silently chastised herself for letting her mind wander to such a dangerous topic.

The second dress she had picked up was a shade of green that she knew immediately would not suit her as she held the dress up to her body in the small changing room mirror. She replaced the dress on its hanger without even bothering to try it on.

As she slid on the third dress, she thought it might be the one. The black fabric was smooth against her skin and the neckline and figure were modest yet flattering. But as she stepped out from behind the curtain to admire herself in the larger mirror, she noticed the slit along her left leg, nearly going up to her hip. She sighed at her reflection. She didn’t particularly want to be that exposed in front of her male colleagues, especially since she knew Skinner would be amongst them. She wouldn’t be able to meet her boss’s eye for days afterwards.

At that moment, the saleswoman walked back in, another dress draped over her arm. She stopped when she saw Scully.

“Oh honey, you look absolutely stunning,” she exclaimed.

“Thank you,” Scully dipped her head at the compliment, “but I’m attending a work function and I’m not entirely convinced by this.” She gestured to her exposed leg.

“Of course,” she shook her head knowingly. “Here, give this one a try. I think it will suit you perfectly.” She handed Scully the dress from her arm.

Ducking back into the change room, she removed her current dress and slipped on the one the saleswoman had given her. Black, silky fabric that clung to her skin but almost appeared to be cascading down her body and onto the floor. The straps were thin and the neckline was low, although not dangerously so. The back dipped just low enough that she wouldn’t be able to wear a bra, but so that her ouroboros remained hidden.

The woman gasped quietly as she emerged from behind the curtain. “That dress looks like it was made just for you.”

Scully examined herself in the large mirror and felt her own breath catch in her throat. She did look amazing. Even with her hair and make-up having deteriorated throughout the day, she felt as though she could walk into any ballroom and fit right in.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Mulder would react upon seeing her in this dress. Would he stop short at the sight of her? Or perhaps he would only give her a quick once over before he swept her into his arms, unable to keep away for any longer than necessary.

The shrill ringing of her cell phone pierced through the fog of dangerous thoughts that had filled her mind.

“Excuse me,” she said, stepping back into the changing room. She rifled through her belongings and found her phone. “Scully,” she answered.

“Scully, it’s me,” he said, as a loud crash came through the tiny speaker.

“Mulder? Is everything alright?”

“Just fine,” he replied unconvincingly. She heard the crackling rustle of papers being shuffled. “Do you know where you put the file on Cordelia Knox?”

“Mulder, you put that file on the massive pile on your desk, which I strongly suggested that you sort out before you lose something.”

She heard more rustling. Then a muffled bang. “I found it.” She laughed quietly even as her head fell into her hand.

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

There was a pause. “Have you finished shopping?” he asked tentatively.

“Not quite.” She may have found her dress, but she wanted to buy a nice pair of heels to go with it.

“Then I have everything under control.” Another crash sounded through the phone. “Go enjoy yourself, Scully. You deserve it.”

+++

8:29 am 29th August FBI Director’s Ball

Scully was bored, tired, slightly drunk and extremely sick of the hot and clammy hands of the men who, because she had agreed to dance with them, believed that it was in their right to put said hands wherever they pleased on her body. She had been passed between the arms of the FBI’s worst perverts and creeps for the past hour and the only thing she wished for was a warm bath to wash away the lingering feeling of the many hands off her body. The man she was currently dancing with was no different from the others, in fact, they were all beginning to blend together. His hands sat hot and heavy on her lower back, making the skin itch and boil beneath the fabric.

There was a small, fickle part of herself that thought of that spot on the small of her back as Mulder’s. It was the same part of her that made her continuously scan the crowds over the shoulder of her dancing partner in the frail hope of seeing him. The same part of her that desperately hoped that he would see her despondence and sweep her far away from this place and all the people in it.

There was a high chance that he wouldn’t turn up at all; perhaps struck by a sudden ailment in the hours between leaving the office and the expected arrival time of the event. She usually didn’t mind his near-perfect streak of missing work events, as usually, he dragged her along with him to wherever he thought was a better place to be, which was anywhere else, really. All she wanted now was to be with him wherever that may be.

She snapped out of her thoughts as she felt the hands of her dance partner slip dangerously low on her back and she was so focused on attempting to keep them in a more respectable place that she did not notice Mulder step forward from the crowd at the edge of the dance floor, his eyes flying from face to face. She did not see the way he stopped dead at the sight of her in the wandering arms of another man. How his eyes sparked first with wonderment, then with indignation.

But then he was there, standing at her shoulder, politely asking for a dance and sweeping her away without waiting for an answer from the other man. He was inconsequential now that Mulder was there.

In the instant that he pulled her towards him, there was not a single soul present in the room that they were aware of, besides each other. He held her close, but his touch on her back was light and innocent, his fingertips deliciously burning the skin where her tattoo resided.

“Hi,” she whispered, tilting her head back so that their faces were aligned, noses only inches apart.

“Hi,” he responded, and she heard everything that he wanted to tell her at that moment. In the way he breathed that single word. She heard his wonder and his passion, and she heard his apology. She could see it reflected in his eyes, swimming there and exposed for her to see. An apology for letting her go alone, for being an idiot, and for all the arms that have held her tonight that weren’t his.

And she forgave him.

The music was slow and steady, a heartbeat thrumming in the air. She slid the hands which had been resting on his shoulders further up and looped them around his neck. They remained completely oblivious to the world around them as they swayed in place together, unaware of the stare and murmurs of their coworkers, not noticing how they diverted their attention to something else with a quick glare from AD Skinner. Men came up to them to ask Scully to dance, but they went unheard and ignored, skulking away after it became obvious they had no chance of interrupting.

He pulled her closer to him, and she turned to rest her head against his chest, listening to his heart beating out of sync with the music, so she danced to his rhythm instead. Both of them shifted slowly from side to side in synchrony, creating their own metronome.

She was pulled out of her trance-like state as the music changed to an upbeat song which she was no longer able to drown out with the sound of his heart beating in her ear. She extracted herself slightly from his arms and looked up at him, meeting his eyes. His face was clouded in an indecipherable storm of emotion, but when she smiled softly up at him, it cleared and he returned her small grin.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said, and his smile grew even wider. He moved the hands that had rested on her back and took her hand in his own, holding it tight as though he might lose her in the crowd, and led them off the dancefloor. They wove through the tables and people surrounding it, ignoring the people who looked their way in curiosity.

The heavy doors to the event hall closed firmly behind them and an instant deafening silence filled the foyer. But it was quickly broken by the echoing sound of her heels clicking on the tiles as Mulder tugged her towards the revolving door at the entrance. A tiny laugh, one that could almost be described as a giggle, escaped her lips. They tumbled out of the door onto the street, both attempting and failing to hide their grins.

He hadn’t let go of her hand.

A cool evening breeze drifted down the street, curling around her bare arms and shoulders, so she stepped closer into him, stealing his warmth by proximity. But, for the second time that night, he pulled her closer, an arm wrapping around her waist, hands still entwined.

She tilted her head up and he tilted his down so that their noses were only an inch apart.

“Where are we going?” he whispered, his breath tickling her lips.

“Does it matter?” she breathed.

“No.”

There were words that remained unspoken, but she heard them all the same.

As long as I’m with you.

#so it appears that the more i write the more i dislike my writing #is that just me ??#anyway i dont love this but oh well #xf fanfic #msr #dana scully #fox mulder #the x files #txf #my fic

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