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#(& y'know trauma ofc)
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not me crying over the mf spongebob soundtrack at 1 am 😭
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gae-ta · 1 year
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i know it’s not very likely but if that upcoming Silent Hill 2 remake gives you the option to save Angela then i think i could forgive just about anything
i just want to give the girl a chance to heal and overcome 
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kishimotomasashi · 2 years
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Me, making Madara headcanons: Am I being too angsty. Is this too much woobification. Does the backstory need to be that sad.
Naruto canon: The sharingan can recall any traumatic event in perfect, photographic detail, and also Madara grew up in a world where you were likely to die before you hit puberty, watched 3 of his siblings die, and is literally so anxious and traumatized from all that that he literally cannot stand it if anyone so much as breathes behind him. His dad cares so little for his own children that he'd let his youngest and die to get the upper hand on his enemy. He also watched his last remaining brother die a slow death in front of him. And now he has his eyes and also every single memory of him in perfect, photographic detail.
Me: Oh yeah, I'm good.
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sometimes I'll catch myself in this thing where I'm like "oh I haven't done xyz, I don't know much about xyz" or whatever but then remember that I'm literally 24 and even if I didn't begin to do or learn about that thing for another let's say 15 years it could become an important impactful part of most of my life. like I'm doing ok!
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thesmileykate · 4 months
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I might be misremembering, but in MJ, Annie comes back fairly unscathed? Meanwhile Johanna’s emancipated, extreme fear of water from her torturing ect, Peetas obvi hijacked, but Annie floats in, delighted to see Finnic and doesn’t have any obvious signs of PTSD ext. why do you think that is?
y'know, i always thought that annie was completely fine when she came back from the capitol. but i read a few fanfics that made me reconsider my stance.
to be honest, we don't really know a lot about annie from the series. the first time katniss interacts with her, it's to help get annie a dress for her wedding (mj, 193). and while katniss notes that annie is a little strange, she is not unhinged.
and then the second time she interacts with her, when everyone is hanging out at the lunch table, annie has a negative reaction when johanna brings up peeta being tortured (mj, 207). so, i think that we can tell that she was somewhat affected by the situation.
that being said, we don't really get to see annie besides that.
but, after being reunited with annie, does finnick even show any of the trauma that he went through the six weeks that annie was in the capitol?
because katniss sees him as completely transformed (mj, 206). no longer is he the mentally distressed patient whose hands had rope burns from constantly tying ropes to try to ease the pain (mj, 206).
because he was reunited with his lover, he was doing better. of course, he still had to deal with the terrors. but having annie there with him made it a little easier to enjoy life.
so, i think that is what was going on with annie too. she did have trauma from the capitol. and i am sure she was tortured (not as much as peeta, ofc). but something about being around her main support system made it easier for her to function. and not have the trauma impact her as much.
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konigsblog · 11 months
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hi! i saw that you don’t mind writing for a reader who’s experienced sa. i’m not sure if you’ve written that yet, so if you haven’t, can i request that? if you’re still comfortable writing, ofc. if you have written it already, drop the link pleaseeeee
i love your work, keep it up! you’re one of my favorite writers 💗💗
thank you so much<333
tf141 and a reader who's experienced sa
warnings: mentions of sa, trauma and comfort, arguing, misunderstanding, angst
masterlist
simon ghost riley
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-everytime ghost initiated something sexual you'd avoid it. did he have bad breath? were you not attracted to him? it was neither of those. the idea of sex after being sexually assaulted made you uncomfortable.
one day, he was fed up. he wanted to see what this was about, what was wrong with him. his arm snaked around your waist his hand holding your hand.
he whispered into your ear and bit the lobe, you squirmed out his hands, just thinking it was a joke. "simon- stop!" you laughed it off, but he didn't laugh. you threw him off you, tears building in your eyes.
"whats wrong with me?! you don't do anything with me, do you not like me?" he questioned and questioned, "fuck simon no. it's not like that." cursing under your breath, you rubbed your temples in a soothing manner. "then what is it?!" his tone got angrier and louder. be barely noticed the tears in your eyes.
"fuck. sweetheart..." he cooed holding your face gently. "baby, im so sorry... i should'nt oftaken my anger out on you like that.. i- just..."
"si, its okay we can talk about it, yeah?" you both made an agreement to talk about it.
he felt anger and disgust when he knew what happened, not at you but at the person who had sexually assaulted you. "baby, ill kill them if i have too... im so sorry that happened to you, dear."
captain john price
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-it crossed his mind often when you two would have you first time. it had been a while into your relationship, yet nothing sexual happened.
in your mind, you were feeling guilty for not initiating, pushing him off. it made your skin crawl, thinking off what had happened to you that night.
-you made you way to his office, innocent intent. he asked you, "when are you ready for me to y'know, finally take you?" you rubbed your neck, cringing at the thought. he raised an eyebrow whilst you stuttered, "well john, can we actually talk about it?"
that night you opened up about what had happened, he remained calm, letting you speak. "fucking hell love... im so sorry." he apologized, you rubbed his arm leaning back onto him. "it's not your fault love."
john soap mactavish
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-you had told johnny what had happened the first time hd tried anything. the dinner table was quiet, earlier you had gotten into a slight disagreement about sex.
"johnny?" he looked up at you, guilt in his eyes. he felt bad for earlier, "i was sexually assaulted at [age]. that's why i didn't want it." his eyes widened, as his eyebrows turned down, "baby, im so sorry oh my god." john stood up to cuddle your crying figure. you hadn't noticed the tears falling from your eyes.
"do you want to talk about it further?" he quietly asked, you shook your head. "wanna watch that dumb series you like?" he smirked, bringing your mood up., you playfully hit his shoulder, "hush, its not that bad!!" you giggled.
kyle gaz garrick
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-it happened when you were drunk. both you and kyle were walking home from the pub, he kissed your cheek, you smiled back not noticing the lust in his eyes.
he slowly came to a stop as you did too, he walked you backwards towards a tree. kyle began sucking on your neck. even in his drunken state you knew you weren't ready just yet, "kyle, no." bluntly said, he threw his head away from your neck, raising an eyebrow. "no?" he repeated you, "im not ready, baby." he sighed, his hands played with your hair whilst he smiled at you weakly.
"are you ever gonna be ready?" that came off rudely, he started wide eyed at you realising how bad that came across. you gulped as a ball formed in your throat, the same one when your holding back tears. "no, no, no baby. not like that..." he grabbed your hand rubbing it with his thumb. "im sorry.." you apologized.
"don't. no, take it back. you don't have to be sorry." garrick reassured you, "it's just that..." you began, "i was assaulted sexually before.." his mouth fell open for a second before he shut it. "fuck baby. why didn't you tell me?" his voice was soft, "i didn't want you to think less if me..!" you hid your face after blurting out.
"i would never baby, it wasn't your fault."
könig
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-one night, you two were watching a movie. that was when a sex scene came on and a tent in his pants formed. he ran his hands up your thigh as the bulge grew.
he leaned over you, pulling you into a kiss. you cringed, remembering the feeling of your assulters hands on you. you mumbled, which he mistook as a moan. you pushed him off.
"könig no!" you blurted out as tears fell, you brought your knees to your chest, hiding your face in it. his voice was hushed, "baby.. im so sorry! i didn't realise you didn't want it!" he thought you hated him, he just didn't understand yet.
"i know, it's okay. i-" your voice choked, "assulted before. y'know?" könig heart fell in his stomach, immediate guilt setting in. "fuck baby, im so so sorry.." he blurted out more apologies, pulling you to his chest.
the movie sounds plus your cries together filled the silence, his heart was beating so fast. "it's okay kö. you didn't realise."
he couldn't forgive himself after that.
you crying made him slightly cry. you both cuddled until the next morning, on the couch.
as the sun peaked, you glanced at your boyfriend, who was resting your eyes still thinking you hated him. you leaned down, kissing him before cuddling back into him.
you didn't hate him after all.
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laurzzz · 1 year
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Introducing... *drum roll*
The Greatest Showman AU! In which I now name as "What's Written in the Stars" (WWITS, for short)
Context at the bottom of each pic! (CW: Violence)
Also, will give more info on what I'm planning to do with this AU at the very bottom (after the cut) so read the full thing please :D
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Assistive Care Attendant / Trapeze Act Sun: Each clothing design is for specific phases of the plot. The one with the apron is whilst Sun is still with his owner (him and Moon). The apron get-up is the male robots' default clothing after having been manufactured to become assistive robots for the rich— ofc with different colours that fit the scheme of the robot. The one on the left is showcasing his first time joining the circus, having almost stabbed in the faceplate seconds later by you, Y/N (unintentionally). And, the one on the top is him, a year into joining the circus.
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Assistive Care Attendant / Trapeze Act Moon: Each clothing design is for specific phases of the plot. The one where he is tied up is when the Afton virus took hold of his programming having almost killed the father of the children that he and Sun are giving care to. The one on the right is where he's finally gotten the virus at a more stable control through your help and was finally allowed to perform overnight in the circus. And ofc, the one on the top is what he wears when performing.
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Laundry Worker / Knife Throwing Act Y/N: I tried to make your design as androgynous as I could I hope I didn't butcher that. Anyhow, you carry a lot of trauma and painful experiences in this plot as an immigrant, orphan, and a very obvious person-of-color, you aren't always welcomed in where you live but you do have good people who took you in after your parents were brutally murdered as a child. You now work in your rescuers' laundry shop— well, not until you joined the circus.
My plans for this AU?
Currently the chapters are in the works, I'm writing Chapter 1 down as this gets posted. My goal is only a total of 5 (long, and will be divided into and released per parts) chapters for the entire plot.
I will also try (emphasis on try) to make a few storyboards I had in mind for this AU, y'know just to make things more interesting. More designs will be showcased sooner or later, as this AU is not only applicable to you and the Assistive Care Attendants (ACA) but also the other main bots of the canon plot of security breach.
Oh also! If you're not familiar with or haven't seen The Greatest Showman just yet, you don't have to see it to understand this AU. This AU can honestly be seen as a standalone AU where you live in the 1850s-1860s and technology started booming because of Fazbear Co (run by Henry Emily, William's co-founder in the canon series; William Afton will have a bit of a different role in the AU) and all that jazz. But unless you don't want spoilers for The Greatest Showman, don't learn more about this AU since it contains A LOT of references, plots, and designs similar to what's portrayed in the movie. Otherwise, have fun getting to know this when I release the first part of the first chapter and so on! :D
This might be one of the biggest things I'll ever make and I'm glad I got these ideas just as the new year is arriving. At least I know what my new year's resolution will be lmao. I hope you guys tune in for more! I have so much love and so much in store for this AU— so much!
Thanks for reading, love you <3
Ps. I rarely say this but reblogs > likes
I appreciate them both btw! I just think it's better for yalls to spread this around so some people who might enjoy this AU would get to see it evolve over time :)
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raayllum · 4 months
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What really makes Rayla's ghosting f*cked up to me is the Silver Groves reasoning behind it. It was the simple fact that she was the only member of the team who survived (to their knowledge). Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I'm getting the impression that they (Ethari obviously being the exception) expected her to die on the mission as "redemption" for her parents supposed cowardness.
To me I think it's worse, somehow, because I don't think the Silvergrove expected Rayla to die for her parents' sins (at least not on that level, but Rayla does internalize a lot of it that way in 3x08 pretty directly).
The Ghosting is a punishment for if you don't die, or 'kill' yourself (die in the line of duty accordingly), we'll kill you ourselves (metaphorically in the show, more literally in the book one novelization). Public collective shaming and ex-communication and all that. There's a reason, I think, why people have been able to pretty smoothly read aspects of religious, particularly Christian, trauma onto Rayla and her attitudes towards sacrifice/suffering and the response(s) of her village to her.
That said: the Silvergrove wasn't wrong to be mad or grieving. They'd just lost 5 members of a clearly close knit and fairly small community, all of whom had families/loved ones. However, the issue is:
They had no way of knowing any of what had happened was Rayla's fault
They had no way of knowing she hadn't just been captured and escaped, or injured and taking a longer time to get home
She was 15 years old
As Callum says, "You didn't even give Rayla a chance to explain herself," which means it's a collective punishment without a trial
Rayla states that "They think I ran away, just like my parents" which means there probably is a societal shame/linking "guilty by association" aspect coming into play, too
Thereby, what the Silvergrove based their entire, seemingly irreversible judgement on was 1) everyone else on Rayla's team died in a timely fashion and 2) for whatever reason, she didn't, and they assumed it was because she was too afraid to die for their cause (when if anything, Rayla is routinely a little too willing to die for any and all causes she thinks is worthy of it) despite having zero tangible evidence for it.
Runaan and the other assassins were counting on having the element of surprise, wanted to make it home (ofc / "I promise I will return your heart to you"), and expected to: "We can accomplish this mission without sacrifice" (1x01). But once Rayla lets Marcos go, as Runaan says, "You let him live, but you killed us all" (which yes they could've, at any point, just called off the mission for their own wellbeing, but they were 1. already bound and 2. Moonshadows don't usually work like that, nevermind Moonshadow assassins).
Which could be decent, if still brutal, grounds for Ghosting Rayla, but like - the Silvergrove doesn't even have that, with even less proof than they had for Lain and Tiadrin (egg stolen, no bodies found).
It's like... either you all die for the good of the cause, or you all survive, and anything in between is unacceptable. Nothing like an extreme, steep hell heaven divide y'know?
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myfaveisfuckable · 2 months
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Janeway:
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- will literally martyr herself at the drop of a hat
- will kill you if she thinks it's what she needs to do for her crew
- will not kill you if she thinks you've got residue humanity after decades as a borg drone even though realistically she really should've (tho ofc we're all glad she didn't)
- will violate your personal rights if she thinks you're not "human" enough and also compare you to a replicator (yes I'm still salty about that. wait what was the question? right, i'll get back on track)
- will say absolutely deranged shit like "then be a good rat and find us the cheese" in the a tone that makes me lose my mind and basically give everyone a crush on her (and also mommy issues) if they spend too long in her vicinity, leading to a very loyal crew
- her solution to having a crush on a fictional character was to delete his wife (very relatable but also very not normal)
- she wanted to watch hot Q on Q sex (possibly for scientific reasons) and looked very disappointed when it was severely underwhelming
- WHO brings a bathtub on a spaceship???
- there's more but y'know
Dokja:
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1. Introduced as a bland everyman only made exceptional by circumstance, slowly revealed to be the most batshit, suicidally depressed, bisexual maniac in existence. Uses self-sacrifice like a tool and is completely unaware of how beloved he is by the people he keeps pulling into his fold because he is so deeply and utterly convinced that he is fundamentally unlovable. He's like sixty foundational traumas stacked in a trench coat and he's always sixty steps ahead of everyone else and he loves the people he chooses so so dearly and people keep calling him ugly even though he's canonically pretty average and holy shit dude get some therapy please
2. do NOT let the pretty official art fool u. this is the most average 28 year old salaryman going through the absolute most in the apocalypse. ORV is a story about the most average man on earth with the most mundane, depressing life. and one story that he read to cope with it all. he's just some guy, but he is also the most beloved specialest guy. not because he had some hidden talent. just because he loved a story ferociously and also he likes getting in trouble on purpose. he is the most unreliable narrator you will ever find. every piece of the universe loves him for his average stupid self. you will understand when you read 👍
3. GHBJNKML i am praying someone has sent him in but. unreliable narrator the most ever and also i just. love him so much. orv in itself is such a goo dnovel but like. kim dokja is the definition of love and the most caring person but also he's suffered so much and while. yknow we're introduced to him as a kind of nerd but like. listen he's so fucked up juts LISTEN
4.He looks like a neet-pulled office worker. Spoilers:
turns out to be one of the oldest things in the world and the only being keeping it going and alive. He needs to be there to keep the world going. Also, he got like kind of adopted by Persephone and hades. Like his blorbo is real and in love with him. But this man looks so average that people call him ugly to his face just because he’s surrounded by absolute gorgeous people.
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beanghostprincess · 5 months
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it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).
he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?
so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.
both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.
so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.
besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.
sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.
then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.
he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.
and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-
he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).
but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.
and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.
sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.
the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.
hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.
so here we have:
seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger
seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people
not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness
scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.
he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.
and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.
it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.
so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.
he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.
not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.
so, you know, sanji is out of options here.
if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.
besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.
at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.
that's just the way he is.
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anthruser · 1 month
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i am neutral towards galladads (more so...towards no), but every so often i tangle with my personal takes (or what i'd love to see) and i wanna share. strap in, it's long. pt. 1
Ian doesn't push the thought of kids. They had a conversation about it after s11x12, but it took some time, it wasn't immediate. Basically, I think Ian relished the idea of being an uncle for a while. After all, it's always Mickey before anything.
They took care of Franny, Freddie (+upcoming kiddo), and Liam when they were asked to as favors. It subconsciously became this mental practice for them. Some unspoken tension kept rising, cause they felt the other was thinking the same thing but went unmentioned. Partially cause Ian decided not to press, and doing so meant breaking that threshold.
I think Mickey brought it up one day probably, Ian felt somewhat defensive at first, but since he always reminds Mickey about the importance of "communication," it'd bite him in the ass, so he gave in and spoke his truth. They had another conversation about it that ended in an agreement to see a "shrink." They started going, it was a deconstruction of years of trauma, fears, repressed emotions, y'know the drill.
Considering that they were between 25-27 when the show ended, I think they engaged in "intense" therapy for like 5-7 years maybe. Trying to talk through the bulks of it, for the purpose of parenting in the near future.
Through that time, they first contacted Debbie, had thoroughly researched artificial insemination (pls mickey thinking he would have to bang Debbie makes me cry 💀), had a lengthy talk with her. I haven't reached shameless far enough to know Debbie's character, but I think she probably gives them informed advice, a lot of "you guys sure you wanna do this??" And I don't think it stems from a place of objection, more so worry. I like to think she eventually caves in and accepts to help them when they're ready. She loves Ian, Ian loves Franny and Debbie (fuck JW for making it seem like he doesn't in s11) and Mickey and Debbie are besties.
(this is a huge reach but I ponder nonetheless) After thinking of Debbie, I think maybe Ian thinks of Mandy. I fully believe (like many other people) that Ian kept in touch with Mandy from time to time ever since she left, and at some point encouraged her and Mickey to reconnect. It's a slow process, but he knows both of them needed it and yearned for it deep down.
He breaks the news to her that they're gonna be parents at some point, sort of fills her in on the process and the years of therapy, gets Mickey to tell her anecdotes too or whatever. The thing is, at some point in the conversation, he yaps about how he has always wanted two, a boy and a girl (because Ian is a dork like that). That Debbie is only gonna do this once for now because...well that was the agreement, ofc, and he just doesn't wanna overwhelm Mick with two kids of their own even though that's what they practically baby sit.
Jokingly (at first), Mandy offers herself as a surrogate in case they aim for another kid. Ian sheepishly declines, that he couldn't ask her after everything she's been through, but Mandy reassures him that shit is different now. Times have changed, and that even though it's a big deal, she'd comply. Ian says he'll think about it, talk with Mick in case shit does happen as to not spook him. It was a pleasant talk.
He talks to Mickey and at first he doesn't know how to handle the thought of two kids, one of them from Mandy, and he almost feels like all this time in therapy could crumble down at the thought of Mandy being a surrogate. They have a long ass talk.
At the end Mickey affirms that he is open to the responsibility of two kids. The whole thing goes like Ian telling him he doesn't have to do this, that he's fine with just one and that he doesn't have to comply just because Ian would love two kids, and Mickey being like "all these years and you still don't get it through your thick skull that you ain't making me do anything I don't want to" (affectionately ofc). He reassures Ian that if he's making these decisions with him it's because he wants to, and he admits he owes a lot of it to that "shrink" they go to he's come to appreciate. It was a lovely conversation tbh and many fears and goals were shared between them.
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definitelynotshouting · 2 months
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hello!! i have thoughts about the hunger au worldbuilding <3
okay so
will Grian ever have an encounter with the Watchers in the fic (you dont have to answer ofc)?? but if he did,, what would his reaction be???
are they looking for him? did they just let him leave??
because- like. from what i can remember they didnt have any malicious intent towards him?? like Watchers function on a completely different moral level so they didnt mean any harm they DID harm him, y'know? if that makes sense??
also! do they Watchers love him in the sense of like,, parent child love? or do they simply view him as their offspring TM
now that im typing this out i feel like this is all very spoilery ish so you probably wont be able to answer it, but!!! i had to try >:)
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Hey bug anon!!! Dw i can answer these, thanks for asking!! :D
The Watchers wont be showing up in the main fic-- although theres definitely room for them to appear in future oneshots!!! That being said, uhhh.... Grian would NOT have a good reaction to seeing them again. He's got a lot of trauma surrounding them-- thats like, hardcore panic attack breakdown territory if he ever had another encounter.
And the Watchers are looking for him, actually-- community is such a big part of Watcher culture that its anathema to them that he'd ever even want to leave in the first place, and they worry a lot for his safety (considering hes both an integral piece of restoring their population, and because to them, striking out on your own is synonymous with death). They've been looking for him for years now, though by the time the fic takes place, that's tapered off from any active searching. These days, they only look where their feeding happens to take them (many of their colony assume he's dead, but some still hold out hope despite everything).
They didnt let him leave. Grian spent YEARS carefully watching them, cataloging their habits, learning how both they and his new body worked, before making a rapid and desperate escape. But they also didnt hold any malicious intent! Like you said, they just have a completely different moral structure, and ultimately, they were just following their customs. Community values dictate they stick together, so Grian's mad run for freedom took them all terribly by surprise, and was ultimately what gave him the leverage to successfully escape
I think the way Watchers parse the concept of love is very different from ours-- i hesitate to say they loved Grian if only because i dont feel like they define that feeling the same way Players would or even how we do irl. But they did deeply care. Juveniles are highly valued and taken care of by the entire community-- although Grian had the mind of an adult, not a freshly hatched juvenile, so that did make a slight difference in how they viewed him. I think a more accurate way to look at how they felt about him is that of a mentors and mentee relationship, where they taught him how to survive as one of them, and fully incorporated him as a member into their colony. He was genuinely cared for; in my head, i liken them to a well-meaning but very controlling family (though not a nuclear one)
Thanks again for the ask, bug anon!! :D it was nice to get a chance to talk about this!! I definitely want to write the Watchers proper at some point, so who knows-- maybe in a future oneshot, they might appear. Whether thats a pre-canon fic or a future one...... well, who's to say >:]
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hii! it's me again🌷🌷
well, this night i had a dream where supervillain broke into the heroes lair and killed everyone but hero managed to escape and went to villain's house and it was like that "i didnt know where else to go" trope y'know, could you pretty please write something about this?? only if you want ofc!!!
hope you're doing well and happy birthdayyyyyy you're amazing!! <3<3
“I’m fine, I swear,” the hero said, eyebrows knit together. Aggravated, unfocused. The villain read them like an open book.
“You have just lived through a traumatic experience. You’re anything but fine,” the villain said. They stared down at the tea they had made for their nemesis. Sweet. The hero preferred sweet drinks. Would talk about coffee as if it was poison.
Smoothly, they let their eyes wander to the hero’s hand. Steady.
Hm.
They were trained incredibly well which shouldn’t have surprised the villain — heroes could be the coldest people on earth. Methodical, intelligent, calm. Who else could be capable of such a job?
A job that forced them fight others, payed them to be perfect, demanded to be obedient. No wonder most of them were just as fucked up as the villains they were fighting against.
“I’m a hero. My life consists of trauma,” they snapped but there was more to their usually cold tone.
“Ah, that’s why you’re so unpleasant.” The hero shot them an evil glare but stayed quiet. Without any other complaints, they picked up the cup of tea and drank slowly, carefully.
It was horrifying from what the villain had heard. In the middle of the night, the supervillain had attacked the lair, killing everyone but the hero. They weren’t wounded — thank god — but the villain knew they would have to deal with several symptoms of stress very soon.
The hero hadn’t been prepared to lose all their friends, despite the cold mask they put on, they had colleagues they got along with rather well. People they cared about. People worth protecting.
The villain exhaled audibly.
As of right now, the villain was the only one left for the hero and even though they were on opposite ends, had other values and morals, the villain saw how truly hurt the hero was. For a long time, the hero had had this little part in them that dipped them in darkness every now and then. And every time the villain noticed (they couldn’t deny it at this point) they pushed them to the light again.
They knew what hatred did to a person.
“When I was young,” the villain said, “like five years old, my mentors would lock me up in a tiny room with a body.”
The hero stared at them, eyes widened, horror reflecting. They nearly choked on their tea.
“What?”
“They locked me up with a dead body. Three times a week, maybe? I’d forgotten it, actually. Until I looked through my own file a few months ago.”
“Didn’t you kill your mentors?”
“I did,” the villain said. They let themselves fall onto the lavish couch as their own eyes bored into the red carpet under their feet. “I buried that for a long time. Made my performance suck.”
The hero stared into their drink. Bait swallowed.
Manipulation was something the villain found useful. Whether it was for their own secret goals or to simply destroy each other — it was an intriguing tool in their arsenal.
The story was true but the intention behind could’ve been considered cruel. Opening themselves to the hero, being vulnerable was a very important step towards gaining someone’s trust.
They felt bad and truly despicable but if they got the hero to talk about it, if they had the chance to find someone to trust, then maybe the villain could find peace on their own.
All the damage they had done wouldn’t be forgotten by one good deed. But helping the hero could make them feel a little more…human again.
“I’m not forcing you to tell me anything,” the villain said. “But carrying around all this stuff on your own doesn’t make you a better hero.”
It was sad to the villain that ambition was most likely to be this hero’s downfall.
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I really liked your post about the Forever situation , im also part of his chat, and your post kinda helped
I got a very big anxiety crisis because of this situation, it was terrible, but im better now!!:D
The only thing that scares me is the fandom invalidate the people who were victims of pedo just because they decide to still watch Forever y'know?
I’m glad I could help somehow!! if you’re anxious about the whole thing, don’t be afraid to take a step back!! I felt this looming sense of dread over it this morning, as I’m sure many of us did, so I’m happy I was able to put some people’s minds at ease. we don’t know everything about the situation yet, so let’s all just take a deep breath and remember that we are not personally involved in this situation and we can make our judgements if and when more information comes to light.
and YES god the thing about invalidating victims sucks, and the thing is it seems to happen from both sides of the argument. ofc most people from both sides aren’t invalidating victims’ experiences, but there are loud minorities from both who are. Some of those who dislike him are ignoring the victim’s wishes to not be involved (bc the information came from a third party) and pestering her to talk about it anyway as if somehow hearing from her will magically make it all make sense, even if it means her reopening her trauma and causing her harm, and some of those who still support him are saying there’s no way this is a valid allegation and the alleged victim should be ashamed, and he is right to get pissed since it’s OH SO CLEARLY false and EVERYONE gets these allegations nowadays (sarcasm). We have no way of knowing 100% if it’s true, the alleged victim has claimed that she does not want to be involved as far as I’m aware, the information came from a third party who apparently has a history of digging up dirt about the Brazilian ccs—there are SO many factors here that we can’t confirm or deny anything.
half the fandom is reacting the same way Dream’s fanbase did when his allegations (whether they ended up being true or not; idk i don’t care enough about him to watch his fucking video essay) came out. People are saying that the person bringing up the allegations is clearly just a hater and that’s the only reason they have for this. And maybe that’s true!! Idk!!! I’ve heard through the grapevine that the alleged victim does not want to be involved!!! It’s like when Cellbit’s past abusive relationship was being talked about a few months ago; the victim wanted no part in calling him out because the situation was done and over with and they didn’t want to think about it, let alone fight for some kind of justice they didn’t even want. It’s a complicated situation, but people need to stop putting this off as just hate from antis. These are allegations, and they should be taken seriously, while also leaving the victim alone and not pestering her for details. If she comes out and says she doesn’t want justice for this, let her have her peace. If Forever shows that he has changed—which it seems like he has, at least from my perspective—let him sort this out. If all of it is true and as bad as it seems?? Sure, drag him to hell and back. But take in as much information as you can before you decide what you want to do.
but anyway RANT ASIDE, no matter what, do not be afraid to take a step back and do something else. Your mental health is more important than the dubiously moral actions of some content creator.
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hopeymchope · 2 months
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"Monarch: Legacy of Monsters" might've had a lot less kaiju action than the previous attempt to translate Godzilla into a TV series, but it more than made up for that in quality storytelling!
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My sundry observations, gripes, praises and questions:
They really went out of their way to honor the Japanese roots of the source material, didn't they? We're in Japan for a ton of the show, dealing with Japanese and/or Japanese-descended characters for the majority of it, and have a surprising amount of Japanese dialogue throughout — it's nice.
I know Wyatt Russell is a Nepo Baby, but he's honestly still very good at what he does. I don't think the series has any bad acting... but the two Russells (because Kurt Russell is, ofc, amazing), Mari Yamamota (Keiko Miura) and Joe Tippett (Tim) are still the absolute highlights for most of the run, IMO. The Russells and Yamamota do the emotional heavy lifting with aplomb, whereas Tippett is so naturalistic and likable that it's hard not to find him engaging.
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Cate starts off the series being such an asshole who doesn't show any empathy for people going through the EXACT SAME SHIT that she is, but I think the later reveal of her trauma on "G-Day" somewhat explains her attitude problem. She then manages to pivot to being much more likable JUUUUST in time for the episode where we get the flashbacks revealing she was a shitty person even BEFORE G-Day. LOL.
May ALSO swings between being likable and being a total ass, and while that sounds like a complaint, I actually sort of appreciate it. We're seeing the main female characters get the kind of nuance and depth to them that they aren't often afforde in mass-market media, and that's cool.
On the flip side, there's Kentaro. The fact that both Cate and May get to act both likable and dickishreally me expect the same thing for Kentaro. They're the trio of young people who make up the titular "Legacy," right? (Well, I guess that's mostly meant to refer to Cate/Kentaro.) So... I was shocked when Kentaro's chance to be a total prick never came around. He's pretty likable and understandable throughout! Even when he's being SUPER harsh on Hiroshi, I still understand it in light of what Hiroshi's done to their families. I feel like maybe Kentaro got something of a short shrift on this front. He gets adequate backstory, mind you, but he also never gets either A) as much focus time as May and Cate, nor B) a chance to come off like kind of a dick like May and Cate sometimes do? It's a little tempting to say that making him the more "pure" of the trio comes off as sexist, but... the way that he gradually is shoved into the background of the story's focus and doesn't even get to go on the big final adventure makes it pretty clear that this ISN'T because the producers favor Kentaro. More like the opposite....
In fact, take particular note of how nobody really gives him credit for how he was the ENTIRE REASON THEY SURVIVED Episode 4. They diss him and don't believe him, and when he's ultimately proven right in a way that saves all their asses? May gives the credit for her survival to Cate for some inexplicable reason. (Except for ONE later moment when neither Kentaro or Cate can know or hear her admit Kentaro saved them.) WTF. I found that frustrating.
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That episode was the start of Cate and May becoming incredibly tight-knight with one another, and I'm still not clear on how/why that happened. Is it just because they both vascillate between being chlidish assholes and likable adults?? By the halfway point of the show, I was really getting strong shippy vibes off them. Which would be super cute and sweet if it wasn't also, y'know... kinda shitty. Because May used to be with her brother? Who clearly still had feelings for her when the series starts, just a few days prior? MMM.... not cool, May. To be fair, however, not always caring about their own hurtful/sketchy behavior is actually pretty in-character for them both, so maybe it works. And I suppose you gotta take that happiness where you can get it in this crazy, now-kaiju-laden world.
The character who shows up at the end of Episode 9 completely shocked me. They got me there. And in light of that twist — that character who disappears near the end of the finale? Perhaps this goes without saying, but there's no way we've seen the last of them. ZERO chance... unless the person portraying them doesn't renew their contract for season 2 or something. :P
This is, of course, a "Monsterverse" series. But the logic of how the Hollow Earth works in this show doesn't seem to REMOTELY align with how it was portrayed in Godzilla vs Kong, does it? Not even KIND OF. I wonder if Godzilla x Kong will get that disconnect to retroactively make sense.
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At least one returning actor from the Monsterverse films shows up to provide a link... for one scene.
And speaking of the Monsterverse, that's hardly the only Continuity Sketchiness going on here! Serizawa only gets name-dropped ONCE in this series despite the fact that he's still presumably the HEAD DUDE IN CHARGE over there. They keep calling Verdugo the Deputy Director because Serizawa is the director, right?? Though Verdugo sure does make unilateral decisions about the whole-ass organizations multiple times in this show.
All of my prior point is especially goofy when the idea of HELPING Godzilla is treated as this shocking, bizarre concept ..... despite the fact that it's Serizawa's entire fucking philosophy since BEFORE this takes place???
Okay, let's shift back to positives: Takehiro Hira doesn't get as much screen time as many cast members, but his performances over the last two episodes are friggin' emotionally devastating. Fantastic.
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The lack of more Toho monsters in the Monsterverse has been something of a downer for me personally, but they still do pull out some really cool original designs. That Frost Vark is pretty badass.
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sunlitlemonade · 1 year
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y'all can actually 100% disagree with me on this. like genuinely. but every time ian is mentioned and alex is like 'he was training me into something i never wanted to be' i have to take a second and wonder if it was actually like that or if he's just a teenager who never even knew his parents finding out the only living relative he had, the one who brought him up, was something alex never expected him to be. he must feel untethered and betrayed. add to that the trauma he was so nicely handed on a platter right after ian's death and seeing that the skills he had been taught by ian actually helped him. there must be so much bitterness. i think that's part of the reason why every memory mentioned then on is just,,,, tainted with that visceral mix of emotions he never got to process.
lemme show y'all some snippets from Spy Trap. it's a short story set between Skeleton Key and Eagle Strike. anyone who hasn't read it/doesn't want to, the gist is: alex and crawley are in 'car crash' and alex wakes up in a place which acts like a rehabilitation center for MI6 operatives after missions with absolutely ZERO memory of what happened for him to get there. truth is alex and crawley are being kept on a steady diet of drugs to keep them confused and loose to extract valuable intel under the guise of therapy sessions and there was never any car crash. they were drugged and brought in. it was not a hospital for MI6 agents but a set up by foreign intelligence. with all of that in mind - y'know that alex is clearly very disturbed and agitated and under the influence of bad bad stuff - lets see what he has to say about ian [and i know i put a significant chunk here but bear with me]
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do you notice how he was prompted into saying what ian wanted from him when dr feng said 'and he wanted you to be a spy too'? for real, with conviction, i know for a fact that he would have refused to elaborate/volunteer any information on ian just the way he did with jack. he wouldn't have said another word. not if that sore spot wasn't hit. and in the very last section we see it boil down to him feeling like luckiest boy in the world but learning he was lied to. we see it all came down to 'I don't even know what Ian really felt about me. Did he like me or did he just want to use me?'
tell me this isn't a boy that hasn't had every memory he had with his uncle overshadowed and tainted by grief and lies. he just wanted love and i truly do think ian loved him. maybe that's just me but hey you're reading my post and i for one am incapable of being normal about these guys.
just think about it - alex was ian's only remaining family too. tell me ian wasn't worried that the way john's work had caught up with him and had gotten him killed, the same might happen to him too? or maybe one day alex could be used as leverage against him and he wanted alex to be ready to defend himself? ok, you might say 'but sunny. that explains the martial arts and physical fitness. what about all the extreme sports and other skills.' well there's this lovely little post by @lapseinart that might give you a little insight. besides, we are working on very little material because we really don't know much about ian except the fact that he was one of the best operatives MI6 had and was important to alex and his competency as a spy.
anyways so immediately after this he says:
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and you can see him actively trying to put the session behind him because he seemed to verbally admitted to things he hadn't even admitted to himself before.
idk. i just have a lot of emotions and thoughts but its very interesting to see it progress from 'ian had taught him *insert skill* which is useful here!' to 'ofc another thing ian taught him to discreetly make him into something he didn't want to be'. there's never any proof that ian did that to turn him into a spy [at least as far as i remember lmao. i read the books years back and am on the 4th one on the reread. so my memory of the rest of the books is pretty hazy. correct me if im wrong lol] we never will have a concrete answer because well. ian's dead lmao. we'll never know what he had in mind for alex and why exactly he did all of this. but also,,, the way sorrow and lividity at being lied to twists alex's way of thinking about ian is Something Else.
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