#( convos; m. tommy. )

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife #10 : Snack Time

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Summary: Momma bird hungry for all the snacks in the world. Takes some time and frustration before Joel figures out the exact kind of snack you really want.

Warnings: Pregnant reader, Angry!Joel, oral M!receiving, face fucking, throat bulge, throat-pie, dumbification, junk food binge, eating meat, bossy reader as always

18+ ONLY

- - - -

Joel didn’t know he married the Hungry Hungry Hippo, Galactus the planet devourer, Garfield the tabby cat.

You’re on your phone texting while cuddling Joel. He’s more interested in the movie than you are, but that doesn’t stop him from tracing his finger along your arm, occasionally kissing the top of your head and nuzzling his nose. He loves the scent of your shampoo after a wash, damp and cold against his warm chest. Sometimes you protest how closely he wants to cuddle you, all smushed up on the couch. Your body temp skyrocketed with the baby changing everything. But since he’s keep the AC on full blast, your warm heavy body keeps him from being a popsicle.

The landlines chimes in from the kitchen.

He rolls his eyes. Of course, something to interrupt the comfort that took 40 minutes for you to settle into. "I'll get it,” He grumbles quickly and hoists himself up off the couch. He wants to make whoever the fuck is calling at such a late hour a quick convo. If it’s fucking Tommy needing bailed out again, he thinks begrudgingly, I’ll just hang up on him. 

He clears his throat and answers: “Hello, Miller Residents.”

"Can you get me a bowl of Cap'n crunch while you're up?"

He glances back over at you sitting up on the couch, your cell to your ear as you wave at him. you point to your belly mouthing I T S  F O R  T H E  B A B Y.

It’s for the baby, my ass. You’ve been a hungry hungry hippo who’s been snacking like crazy and ignoring the doctor’s warnings. 

But cranky Momma is way worse than a scolding doctor. 

He grits his teeth and slams the receiver a little too hard down on the desk.

You can hear him shuffling around in the kitchen, a clash of a bowl on the counter  and the jingle of overly processed cereal filling it up. 

He walks back into the living room. You’ve taken up the whole couch now, with no inclination to move over to let him back on.

You shove a fist into the bowl and pop a bunch of the crunchy orange squares into your mouth “f’anks” you mumble, eyes not once making contact with him as you stare ahead and much away. Crumbs fall onto your chest and down to the floor and sofa, as if Joel hadn’t just cleaned all of it this morning.

.

The next night, Joel's cooking some steaks. You weren’t really a meat-crazed person, having maybe one or two helpings of poultry or occasionally red beef a week, but normally ,you could go without it for a few meals without thinking about it. 

Pregnant momma? She was a fucking carnivore. He had barely set the sizzling steak down before you snatch one onto your plate. He turns around to slice into one, checking its temp before serving, only to see it was a bit too red and bloodied on the inside.

"Oh babe I gotta cook these a little longer; they're too rare--"

You were hacking away and tearing a large chunks of the red, near pulsing meat, juices pouring out your lips, a vampire gorged on a fat blood sucking meal. Despite its tenderness, you chew endlessly and stare off into the table like a Llama enjoying its food on the field. 

"Maybe...we should—slow down a bit,” he suggests with uncertainty. His fork and knife frozen in midair, still in each hand. He hasn’t shifted view or blinked, but clear worry (and maybe a tad bit of fear) stretch across his face.

"Uighgrrfmggmmdeeofxsw,” you reply with gargled cow remains sloshing in your wide open trap. 

 “Right. That."

You swallow what’s left. Joel’s does a double take: your steak is somehow gone, juice licked clean off the plate in front of you.

“Can I have yours???"

He had only sliced 4 cuts  for himself so far. But the hungry look in your pupils, licking your lips while watching his dinner, it’s clear you’ve answered for him. He sadly sets his cutlery down and slides his plate to you. 

Its even more interesting when you douse it in salt and throw a slab of butter on top of it, watching it melt before slicing a big chunk off.

"You gotta watch the salt intake—“

“—Can you make chicken? I want chicken now.”

“N-no,” he shakes his head, whiplash from the conversation. Maybe you’ve gone def AND blind AND lost your taste buds. “I made steak. You've had 2 steaks now. Why do you need chicken?”

“That second one was for the baby. The chicken is for me.”

“What about the fist one?”

“….We split that.”

“Awfully hungry baby,” he says with a dead tone, straight faced as he eats the one roll left in the basket that hasn’t been devoured by you. 

“Well she’s yours, isn’t she?” 

-

You wipe your face with a napkin, a fried chicken leg and wing now securely packed tight in your tum tum along with the famished baby.

"What's for dessert?" You chime eagerly.

Joel turns to wash the dishes, hiding his smirk. He’s got you now, no surprise cravings will catch him short on this one: He boasts proudly, “I bought you apple pie--"

"I want cupcakes. Whip cream icing. Chocolate.”

His grin quickly deflates into a frown. “No.” He says sternly, a little aggravated. “I bought you pie—“

"Did I say I want pie? L I S T E N,” you snap, slapping your palms together with each syllable. 

He puts his foot down with tense sudsy hands going to his hips. “No. I'm not going out again.”

You raise your eyebrows threateningly. One look.

30 minutes later Joel is shuffling into the house with a pack of 12 cupcakes he bought at the bakery.

-

You’ve managed to prop yourself up on the couch after some heaving. “Ha! The baby is making me workout get strong! Obviously that’s why I’m so hungry.” You shrug it off. “Oh! I want raw cookie dough.”

Joel was on his phone the entire time, but the second you said I want, his brain queued in and he quickly retorts, “No.”

He goes back to replaying the voicemail he missed, settled and focused on the opposite couch.

Of course he Doesn't realize you’ve somehow lumbered up past him and now waddling back with 4 chunks of raw cookies in your hand, popping them in your mouth one at a time.

His eyes dark up to watch you, transfixed on the screen as you bend your knees, hardly paying attention to the way you’re about to fall on the couch. He has half the mind to help, but what’s one lesson you need to learn the hard way?

Regretfully, you bounce down successfully and pull your legs up.

And then, as you dust your hands off from the chocolate stains melted on your palms, Joel’s lips part in a o as you reach behind you and pulling an entire gallon container of animal crackers. 

"Babe"

"Wha?” You don’t turn around to look at him, still shoveling them into your mouth. “Yuu wan wan?"

"You need to stop eating every damn thing in the house.”

You gasp incredulously, your hand over your heart in painful offense. “The baby is very hungry! She's related to you and that belly.”

He only remembers to stop himself from reminding you that your belly is much bigger than his now. 

"The baby—“ (that was the new thing now: the baby  this baby that. The baby is why I need this shirt in blue and green. The baby is why I need the ice cream layered horizontally not stacked vertically. The baby —)

"No. Not the baby,” he snaps. “You."

You start to cry. "I thought I AM your baby!!!" 

He gives you a “seriously” look and you stop the fake tears.

“So how about it?”

“I don’t want you getting salmonella.”

“ugh fine. You can bake them I guess.”

He’s about to protest the idea of any dough going into your body, cooked or raw, but knows its going to be a lost cause.

Joel makes you a platter of Assorted cookies: chocolate chip, fudge, triple chocolate, sugar, and oatmeal raisin.

You clap your hands as he carefully places the little plate atop your bump. Humored by the custom “mini” table you’ve got going on now. Maybe his baby doesn’t like her head being used as a countertop, but with the way you close your eyes and moan after biting into the chocolate chip, babygirl must be pleased too.

He goes to the bathroom quickly and then comes back only to glare down at you. You've taken exactly one bite out of every single cookie, leaving crescent shapes for him to scathe.

Every cookie, except oatmeal raisin. You clearly did take a bite ,but spit it out and put the lump back near the undesirable #1 cookie.

“These mine?” Joel asks bemused.

You nod happily. You felt very proud to have enough control and leave him some this time! 

-

It’s about 9:30 pm. You're acting drunk and woozy even tho you're just a new level of tired and achy

"Woopppoooooo!!! Paaartttaaayyy!" You shout with fists in the air, drinking down a shot glass of sugar water. 

“Alright party Momma. It’s bedtime.” 

"Ppfffttt! No old man! Dont steal my fun.”

Joel stands over the couch, blocking your view from the TV, his hands on his hips. “You're being difficult "

“YoU’rE bEiNg DifFicUlT,” you mock and wave him off. "Oop I need to pee. Help me up.”

Joel” grabs both your grabby hands and hoists you up to your feet. “Now up the stairs, you.”

You waddle towards the stairwell, one hand cupping your lower back. Joel is right at your heel. you up at the treaturous journey ahead, all 8 steps to the top floor. Cracking your neck side to side, you wave your arms over to the handrail and begin: “Left foot. Right foot. Left. Fuck. Fuck stairs. Who invented stairs. Left foot…”

Joel’s so sleepy that he nearly falls forward. And he knows you would not take too kindly to him ramming his face into your ass as you battle your worst enemy.

Finally to the top, you scurry over like a penguin to the bathroom. He fears the long night ahead, with all the sugar swirling in your system undoubtedly going to keep him up.

He rubs his wears eyes. Startled when a moment later you’re right next to him by your side of the bed, patiently waiting for him to help you up.

"Get in the covers,” he hums with exhaustion.

But you don’t move. “No"

"Now.”

"I want an orange.”

"No. You—you just had your snack."

"That was the baby's snack. I want MY snack”.

Dear Christ almighty, bless me with a boy next time so that I have a fighting chance against her and mini her. “If I get you an orange, will you go to bed?" He asks irritably, his voice enunciating each word to ensure the contract that he’s making with you right now is solidified on both ends of the bargain.

You think it over before nodding with a little innocent beam. 

You crawl into the covers just as Joel descends the stairs once again. It takes the entire time for him to grab some oranges, a peeler, and paper towel just for you to rotate your middle and sit your ass in bed.

You sit up against the headboard and clap your hands, so excited when he reappears with the goods. He puts the towel on your mini-table bump and plops one orange atop.

Joel sighs and begins to walk towards his side of the bed, but is haunted when you clear your throat for his attention.

“Yes?”

"Peel it.”

He tries not to visibly roll his eyes before he's opening the round orange with his large fingers and clubbed nails. Everything smells like nectarine now.

Picky as can be, you peel off the extra dried white veiny bits and suck on each pod of the orange.

You expect a sweet simpleness to squirt on your tongue, but instead, a sour, bitter, unripe taste floods your mouth. “Ugh these are gross, now I want—“

Joel closes his wardrobe drawer, his shirt off and only halfway down to his boxers. “NO. NO means fucking NO. I’M TIRED. YOU’RE TIRED. WE'RE GOING TO BED. NOW,” he barks sternly into the mirror. His shoulders huffing from such aggression without being able to look at you.

You throw the covers off, orange skin and slices flying everywhere.

“Fuck you! I want ice cream! I want bananas and steak and potatoes and tacos and—!" 

-

He bares his teeth in a snarl, deep angered eyes casting downward with each poignant rut. “You're so annoying, so goddamn spoiled,” he grunts. His huge hands are wrapped around the top of your head and  cupping your jaw and bulging cheek, keeping you in place as he pushes his length into your mouth over and over again. “You’re gonna do shit when I tell you, the first time I say—shit—fuck there we go—gonna listen—unnggghhfff—listen ta me from now on. Just be my good little silent. Slutty. Pregnant. Wife.”

Your teary eyes are fixed upward at his imposing figure. Feeling each time his tip nudges the back of your throat has you gagging but you can’t pull away to breathe—not that you want to.

“You get—what I give ya—and you be grateful bout it.”

You gargle a moan in agreement. His balls slap against your chin with brutal punches. by this time tomorrow, there will be Joel-finger prints bruising your face and neck.

You love it. You love it when Joel forces you out of the hormonal phase of bossing him around, the endless need to want more and more, no end in sight to your greedy gluttonous desires, until he’s blowing up and blowing off steam using you instead. And it becomes very clear to you how much you just really wanted him this whole time. 

“That’s it—that’s it—you were hungry for my cock weren’t ya? Yeahhhh. Just begging me all night for it. Wanted all that meat for dinner, huh? Couldn’t just come out n’ say it? Your little brain didn’t know what ya truly needed. S’okay, Momma. I’m takin’ care of ya, aren’t I?”

The gluglugglug sounds mixed with strained pitchy whines echo in the master bedroom.

You grip his thighs with your hands to steady yourself, allowing him to abuse your throat. Maybe your knees hurt. Maybe the baby is settling uncomfortably against your lower back, and maybe it’s going to be really difficult to get up from this position in a few minutes. But each thick throb of his length filling your mouth over and over again, the spit slick strings dropping from your lips to your swollen tits, and the dent in your throat from his cock stretching to accomodate his size has your swollen pussy dripping into the carpet for more, more, more. 

It’s been at least a week since Joel drained himself. No wonder he’s been so on edge with each demand. Usually marveling how cute you are, but tonight he was at him limit. You were about to get a hefty, Joel Miller sized load filling your belly, and it’s going to be better than any cookie, steak, or orange in the entire world.

He feels the way your lips suction tighter. Your eyes are leaking tears, and he smirks as he brushes his thumb over to collect it. Briefly bringing it to his tongue and sucking on the salty taste before holding your head in place. 

“Shhh-shhhhhhhh. You gonna take it? Shit—shit—fuck yeah you are. Gonna fuckin take what I give ya, that’s right. My sweet wife. Bossing me around. Shit. Love when ya get like this. Known I’m gonna wreck that ass or that pussy or that mouth—all belongs to me. Fuck—fuck—fuuckk—“

His mouth drops into an o, brows drawn tightly together as slams his pulsing member balls deep into your mouth one final time. You choke, eyes wide as the tip of his cock breaches the deepest part of your throat, your nose suffocated by his pubic hairs and the fat of his lower belly surrounding your cheeks. His balls twitch against your lower lip, and you feel it coming. The travel of his seed from his sack, up his shaft along your tongue—a generous spurt of cum finally shooting from his tip and down your throat. You gag with each fat load that he pumps down your esophagus, too much to swallow at once yet having no other choice but to gulp it down quickly. Your face feels hot. He’s cumming endlessly, your mind blanking and eyes feeling blurry.

“Take it, take it, take it, that’s it,” he hisses through clenched teeth.

You nod just a little, hugging your arms around his thick thighs tighter. He grins, humming “That’s my good fucking wife, and throws his head as the last of his pleasure makes its way safely from his sated balls to your full womb.

Joel pulls you off his length gently. You sputter out cum and saliva onto his feet, sucking in air through your lungs like a newborn. 

Joel gets to one knee, his thumb pressed gently under your chin so you look directly at him. He’s got such softness in his eyes again, the ones that just switch on a dime the second he’s satisfied his aggress out on you. 

You’re completely wrecked: snot spit connecting to your nostrils and swollen lips, cheeks warm and eyes puffy and hazy with exhaustion and tears.

“That—mmffffgg!—was—definitely—my—snack,” you rasp with a hoarse voice. A lazy grin spread across your face only briefly as you continue to suck air.

Joel shakes his head before planting a long kiss atop your forehead. his hands glide along your body, and just in time as your knees give way and you’re falling into him. 

If you had half the mind right now, you’d curse him out for scooping you up and carrying you to bed like his once youthful bride, too concerned with the size and weight of your new body putting unnecessary stress on his aging knees and back. But Joel doesn’t protest once. Just watches you with loving eyes as he settles you into the soft bed. His tongue dips to your chest and breasts, kissing and sucking away any remnants of his rough face fucking. His cum, your spit, and fuvk it, even the little snot specks—all of it he cleans up before coming up to your lips. He kisses you softly with gentle pecks, enough to ensure you can still catch your breath. He sucks your lower lip into your mouth before wiping his own with his thumb. You’re calmer now, sated and drifting so close to sleep.

Joel clambers into bed next to you, wrapping his arm under your head and swaddling you close. You instinctively roll into his embrace. Kissing his peck and rubbing your face against him dreamily with soft breaths. “Tha hit ther spert juss rite. Ur da bess, Jol.”

“I know. So are you.” He waits for a reply, but nothing comes from you. “Are you goin’ into a food coma, baby?”

Your gentle snores answer him, along with the drool now pooling on his peck.

He chuckles and pulls your head into his face, inhaling your scent. Strong, secure, graceful hands caress your big belly. Your very very full belly, the one that he’s not going to envy when it gives you a the tummy ache tomorrow from stuffing it with so much junk food tonight. 

- - - -

Taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop

#pedro pascal smut #joel miller fan fiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #last of us fanfiction #last of us smut #joel miller fic #the last of us fanfiction #tlou smut #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #the last of us smut #the last of us fic #last of us fic #joel dealing with preggo wife

[sevengraces]

Self Sabotage v. Found Family

ch1, ch2, YOU, ch4, ch5, title card

AO3 Link

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Technoblade continually finds himself in emotional conversations, despite his best efforts.

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Hullo! Hope you liked this chapter and it isn't too ooc, and if it is welp,,,,,, c'est la vie. TW's: Arguing References to violence Tension Threats That should be everything, let me know if I missed anything though!!

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Chapter 3: Escalation and Uncomfortable Circumstance

    Wilbur laughed, “By here do you mean spitting a hollow threat on my life and then folding like a stack of cards?”

    Techno sighed and raised his eyebrows, rubbing a hand along his face. "So? What do you want to do then?"

    “Well mate, I dunno. It’s kinda up to you.” Wilbur continued once the boy didn’t answer.

    “Can you pretend this never happened and that you know absolutely nothing?” Technoblade raised his head slightly to look from under his eyelashes.

    The man stared for a long moment. Technoblade was curled in on himself, just barely showing his eyes. His ears were flat against his skull and his tail wrapped around his thigh. “No, you know we can’t do that.”

    “Well, that’s about all my ideas besides kill all of you and move to another server far, far away.” he laughed self-deprecatingly, “Of course my audience retention would plummet, so any thoughts?”

    The brunet laughed and shook his head once more, “Y’know I only know what you’re talking about ten percent of the time? Let’s uh, let’s shelve the murder for now. Wouldn’t wanna fuck your audience retention, whatever that is. Why don’t you just chill? Like just hang out for a bit? I don’t really understand your desire to destroy all traces of consistency mate.”

    Technoblade sat up to glare at the man, “Why would I hang around here? We aren’t friends, and we have some pretty big differences of opinion. I’m pretty confident you aren’t speaking for your whole crew, and regardless of whatever-” he cut off for a moment and flailed his hands, “thing happened these last few days, I’m just not like that. M’not like that and ’m not gon'a hang around so that every now and then your weird vibes screw up my brain and you ge' someone to hug.”

    Wilbur suppressed a sigh before muttering, “I am absolutely not the most qualified person for this conversation.” He used the bed to stand and stuck a hand out to the startled hybrid, “Alright, fine you don’t believe me. Let’s go talk with everyone else.”

    The boy gawked for a moment, “Th- that’s not what I meant Soot. I- no.”

    “C’mon,” he jeered, quirking a half smile, “I’m only technically sane at this point, d’ya really wanna trust my word?”

    The voices giggled;

    Bruh when he admits he’s losing it

    Major L for the Techno community

    group therapy two electric boogaloo.

    He exhaled sharply through his nose and shook his head. “Fine.” he stood on his own and opened the door.

    The two hybrids moved down the hallway with Technoblade in the lead, begrudgingly. Niki was sorting through the community chests, with a large pile rising slowly next to her. Tubbo and Tommy were sprawled across the floor, rolling an apple from one to the other.

    “You’re not busy! Good, good. Niki, Toms, Tubs! Group convo time!” Wilbur called as soon as he entered the room.

    Technoblade hung his head in exasperation, before immediately resigning himself to the idea that this was going to be bigger than he wanted.

    Tubbo sat up and glanced at Technoblade, only slightly smug. “So uh, we did need to know then?”

    Tommy laughed loudly, “We didn’t even have to beg!” he crowed sarcastically.

    Niki pulled a glare and turned to chastise them, but Techno cut her off. “Ha ha, hysterical. Does that mean you were considering begging Tommy?” the boy whistled lowly, “I know I’m interesting but there’s no need to debase yourself further for another conversation.”

    Chat snorted in delight.

    Get ‘em!

    Bruh

    F

    F

    Wilbur snorted, “Alright, you’re all pretty. C’mon, try and talk like adults, hmm?”

    “Techno can barely talk like a teenager.” Tommy muttered under his breath bitterly.

    Technoblade glared at the older boy for a moment before sighing and collapsing onto the ground across from him.

    Niki huffed but turned away from the chests and glanced at Wilbur. “So what exactly are we talking about then?”

    Wilbur clapped and folded his legs under himself, sitting between Techno and Tommy. “Well, quite a bit. Firstly about what we and Technoblade want to happen regarding his age.”

    Tommy groaned, “Didn’t we already have this one! I mean, it was right before you got all cute or whatever so maybe you don’t remember?”

    Technoblade fought down a blush and ignored his ears twitching at the reminder, “Yeah Innit, I remember the conversation.” he bit out from between clenched teeth, “That was a Q&A about Techno lore, not you all agreeing to forget how old I am.”

    Incomplete lore too!

    Major loss in the Techno community that he doesn't mention us

    EEEEEEEEEEE

    Niki furrowed her brow, “You can’t seriously think that is an option? You’re only fourteen Techno, it’s okay that you need help.”

    He glared sharply, “What do I need help with Niki? Hmm?" He snorted and shook his head, "Oh, is it wiping out Manburg? Hmm, how about taking over the world? Maybe it’s making a base, or fighting?"

    Techno tapped his chin as he pretended to consider, "Mmm, y'know what I think that first one was you guys! Those last ones too, weird. And I've already taken over the world so I guess it isn't that either. Huh, I’m not sure I know what it is you’re talking about Nikachu.” Technoblade let loose a grin that was all teeth, “Y’know there is one thing that I want help with, getting you all to keep your mouth’s shut.”

    The voices snorted;

    Touchy subject

    Yikes

    Blood pog?

    Blood?

    Niki rolled her eyes, “No one is saying you aren’t capable Technoblade, it’s just that maybe you don’t need to do all that by yourself.”

    Tommy nodded, “Yeah I mean, I’m not allowed to do everything that I want because I’m not an adult, and you’re even younger than I am, big man.”

    “Sure Innit, I get it. You’re saying you need help tying your shoes, and I understand! Knots can be difficult to manage. But uh, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m not you? I was still fourteen when I wiped the floor with you, but hey maybe that says more about you than it does me.” he drawled.

    Bruh absolutely coming for Tommy

    Blood for the blood god tho

    When the man wears velcro lol

    Tommy spluttered, but Tubbo cut him off. “Alright, we get it. You’re very impressive Techno, again nobody is saying you aren’t. We aren’t trying to insult you.”

    Techno snorted, “No I can tell you aren’ tryin’ ta’ insult me, I’d be concerned if you were, this really isn’t all that insulting.”

    Wilbur kicked Technoblade in the leg, “Alright, enough. You are taking this as an insult, it’s obvious mate. What do you want to happen here? Realistically, I mean?”

    Wilby ruining all the fun again

    The girls are fighting!

    L

    The boy sat silently for a long moment before shoving it all out in one breath, “I want you all to swear on whatever you find holy; Manburg, each other, your life, I don’t care. One way or another, this secret dies with you. Ya’ don’t need ta’ play at whatever this is, nobody would know so uh, it doesn’t really matter how old I am hmm? Just cut the pity project, yeah? You can’t stop me anyways, and martyrdom doesn’ particularly suit ya’, does it?”

    “This isn’t about whether people know Technoblade; we aren’t worried because of some weird savior complex, or so that we don’t feel bad? You deserve to be safer.” Niki answered tensely, barely managing to hide her sadness.

    Wilbur shook his head in agitation, “We don’t want to stop you from doing whatever, we just want you to be safe. You get how it would be wrong to continue business as usual knowing you’re a child, right?”

    The voices cringed and cheered in equal measure.

    Bad move on his part lol

    Wilbur is not gonna be able to handle this at all

    Bro that’s not what you want

    L

    Blood for dishonesty little pig

    Get him!

    EEEEEEEE

    Technoblade laughed bitterly, “Really Wilbur Soot, disgraced president of L’Manburg? You want to make sure I’m safe? How safe is Tommy, or Tubbo? Do you want me safe at the cost of your beloved nation? How about at the cost of Jschlatt’s life? Those are pretty words Mr President, but I’ve been called many things and naive has never been one of them.”

    “They’re safer than you!” Wilbur shouted, “You can be safer without putting L’manburg at risk, those two things aren’t mutually exclusive!” the man inhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of his nose.

    The boy smiled cruelly, putting his fangs on full display, “Are they safer than me Soot? What happened a week ago then? When I shot Tubbo on a stage with an audience and then I beat Tommy into the dirt. Is that safety?” Techno asked, contempt dripping from his words.

    “Because as I remember, you watched me shoot Tubbo and did nothing to stop his public execution. And you were laughing and cheering as I threw Tommy against the ground three separate times. Is Niki even safe? Are you? Don’t make me laugh Wilbur, you can speak for hours with honey sweetened words about how ’m a poor, lonely child who should be taken care of, but you an’ I both know that if you needed ta’ put me at risk in order to end Jschlatt you’d do it without hesitation.” there was truly no helping the bitterness seeping into his typically monotonous drawl.

    The hybrid snorted derisively, voice sliding lower into a faux-sympathetic tone. “I’d rather not lean on pretty speeches just ta’ flee in disgrace later, yeah?”

    Oof

    That was harsh

    Yike

    RIP Wilbur lol

    Niki sucked in a sharp breath between her teeth before glancing over to the boys; Tubbo had cringed and stared into his lap, and Tommy gasped loudly before flinching away slightly.

    Wilbur sat in silence for a long moment. Then he began to giggle, “That- that was good Tech! I gotta admit, you almost had me with that one! Ha, may- maybe I would trade you for L’manburg, but uh, I don’t really think you’d let me, or that Niki would? And I mean lets be honest, based on that little spiel alone you could certainly figure a way to get me back hmm?” He shook his hair out, “You can just say I’m a bad caretaker, father, leader, whatever. I know that, I mean hell, Fundy ran against me for president, and you don’t do that because you have a good dad! No I know what I’m like, and so do you, this isn’t about that. This is about making sure you have a support structure. Why are you so scared of that?”

    The boy tensed but didn’t answer.

    Chat got louder;

    Bruh

    Huh

    Did he just? Agree?

    Mans said ‘yes, and?’ lol

    RIP Techno did not expect that

    TBH nobody could’ve expected that to happen, major L tho

    Wilbur laughed again, “I mean, was that clever speech of yours any different than when you threatened me earlier? ‘Tell Philza and die’ right? Just be honest for a minute, stop trying to make us defensive. What do you want?”

    Niki glanced at Wilbur warily before turning to Technoblade. “It makes sense that you’d be concerned about that, and it isn’t irrelevant to the conversation, but you know we don’t want to hurt you or make things hard for you, yeah? Just be honest?”

    Techno spoke very carefully and quietly, “Didn’t I say what I wanted?”

    Tubbo smiled sympathetically, “You know that wasn’t really what you wanted.”

    “It’s close enough.”

#dsmp #c!technoblade #c!wilbur #c!niki #c!tubbo #c!tommyinnit #technoblades chat #technoblade centric #kidnoblade #kid!technoblade au #fanfic #fanfiction #grace is writing

[perfectlullabies]

matthew gets stuck in a lift with tommy. what do you think their convo looks like?

t: dude that sucks hahaha

m: sure does

t: hey didn't i see you in stranger things?

m: sure did

t: that's rad, dude :DD wait i seen you somewhere else too, man. didn't i see you in my wife maja's dms?

m: dms? what is that?

#the end.

[enderspawn]

confession: i had to stop watching the tommy fnaf vod bc of the m&m conversation. not bc i was weirded out or anything but instead bc i have already previously discussed in detail the sexual ability and attractiveness of them with close friends and i disagreed with too many of their takes.

the orange m&m does not fuck and that is final.

#phil's valid-ish in saying yellow tho hes. up there on my ranking #to be FAIR they were doing sexiness while i was doing like. performance reviews #anyway my sister got me a patch of the green m&m for my jacket bc of that convo #og post #mcyt #tommy #personal

[pigstepping]

.

#i have a several-hundred-word pro doomsday analysis in my drafts but idk if im brave enough to post it #that tommy and phil convo got me Thinking again about incompatible needs and self-defense #like i think phil was sorta disingenuous about the primary reason for doomsday but he still has a point! #he just made it in an unnecessarily roundabout and condescending way ;-; #but i dont necessarily want to invite people to get nasty in my notes and this is definitely a Spicy One #m

[dismuch47]

Who is the VILLAIN of WandaVision? (Theory)

Again, spoilers. YE BE WARNED.

I feel that the Hydra “Awaken the inner goddess” was a HUGE spoiler for what’s gone down. So bullet points, cause I can’t collect my messy thoughts for a essay with flow:

-Back in time, hydra awakened something mystic by outfitting Wanda as an enhanced. Just like Dr. Steven Strange had an aptitude for the mystics, it’s very possible that Wanda is such an individual as well, without knowing it. And by giving her manipulation powers, Hydra didn’t realize that this unpracticed youth could access something much more powerful, nay... magical, and amplify said infinity powers. It’s like taking a self-starting fire (which is impressive enough)... and then just DROWNING IT in gasoline. They gave a person with an aptitude for magic, untapped, unlimited power. I wonder if they knew that and had to do something to keep her complacent, or if she was just that self-conscious that she didn’t push herself to learn more about her abilities and potential until she was with the avengers or Captain America. INNER GODDESS... and it’s Hydra’s fault.

-I feel like Hydra, root of all evil, approached a vulnerable Wanda to “kindly” encourage her to create this reality to ease her pain, but has been sending signals to direct the narrative so that Tommy and Billy would arrive (why, I don’t know... but they have their fingers in science AND magic pies.... so it wouldn’t surprise me if they were dabbling with the occult to combat the power levels of someone like Steven Strange (SEGWAY TO FUTURE MARVEL SHOW WHERE WANDA IS THE BIG BAD... AGAINST DR. STRANGE! BOOM...) She probably told them to shove it... but something happened that made that option seem more and more appealing.

-I’ve already mentioned that I believe the Vision we are seeing could be a 2.0 model. He has vitals like Wanda...but perhaps he is Tom King’s “The Visions” Vision, who builds his own family to regain humanity because his previous incarnation was completely destroyed in battle (breaking Wanda’s heart, sending her into a depression, into the arms of another man, and then wouldn’t you know it.... THEN the Vision remembers his love for Wanda). So perhaps this Vision has his synth family and that pushes Wanda, seeing him living that 60′s suburbia modeled life with someone other than her. Cause if we look at her at Tony’s funeral, she’s sad... but her convo with Clint denotes that she’s in the right headspace for her situation. Vision 2.0 might have been the cause that pushed her into embracing this reality that she’s creating, and Hydra controls.

-Meanwhile AGATHA HARKNESS, double agent witch (who I’m 100% confident is sweetie sass-pie Agnes), is like “Sure, Hydra, I’ll be your supernatural consultant on this and Wanda’s handler...” but is actually a tricky hoe and knows that what will be summoned, using the twins, will be WAAAAAAY to powerful and chaotic for Hydra to handle. And since Agatha basically worships CHAOS... she’s A-OK with that! Yah know. For shiz and giggles.

-While on the outside, to S.W.O.R.D. it looks like Wanda is being controlled and Vision is trapped in there with her. How would they find her? Maybe they detected the energy levels... or maybe they tracked Vision... which means that Vision would have to be up and running to be tracked.

Basically Hydra is a turd, manipulates Wanda. Wanda is digging the happiness she’s experiencing at everyone else’s expense, so she’s compliant, not realizing Hydra’s occult plans for power. Vision is the cause that pushed her into doing this, whether from a resurgence of grief from his initial death... or seeing a version of him moving on without her (I believe this. Tom King comic was read for this, as was House of M). Agatha/Agnes is the double agent witch that’s going to screw over Wanda/Vision Family AND Hydra. And S.W.O.R.D is trying to pick up the pieces from the outside, but probably has some Hydra plants in there. 

Just a theory... but it fits. 

#wandavision #scarletvision #wanda maximoff #vision #agatha harkness #hydra #sword #house of M #the visions #theory #spoilers

[0sha-ink-rose]

HLVR:AI RoleSwap Headcanons, Part 1

Okay, so, this post is basically everyone except Benrey and Gordon. I'm doing those two seperate since I have many, MANY, more headcanons for them than the rest of the Team. I'll try to post them soon, but I normally don't have a lot of time on my PC. So, have fun reading Part one of my headcanons!

G-MAN:

For me, G-Man isn’t directly pushing everything forward, as I believe the OG-HLVR did have G-Man pushing the game a bit. Yes, he did know that Gordon would eventually become the BBEG, but he was much more indirect than direct. Like, it was much more of a Butterfly Effect which stuck with Gordon than direct manipulation. G-Man wasn’t intentionally bad, he just had a terrible way of saying things and it partially messed up Gordon, along with other factors I’ll talk about in Part 2 or 3.

He doesn’t tell Gordon that he would become the BBEG since G-Man thought “It will cause the battle to come sooner. I do not want to be unprepared, and if I tell him, it would probably be at a time where I, myself, am unprepared.” G-Man is selfish, but overall he just wants to be ready for the worst, and doesn’t want Gordon to become BBEG sooner than later, since that would leave him less time if he needed it (he doesn’t need it tho).

I also think instead of BeyBlades, G-Man would collect Pokemon for Tommy. That’s it.

TOMMY:

With Tommy, I think he’d be a lot more “Canon/VR G-Man-like”, though is definitely nicer and more helping than said G-Man. G-Man in my mind isn’t ‘protecting’ Tommy in any definite way, since I would think Tommy is much higher in the corporate ladders than Canon/VR (Since G-Man talked about co-workers/employers, meaning he was below someone(s)), and is probably stronger than JobSwap G-Man. I feel like Tommy would talk to Benrey a bit more (Maybe +1 or 2 convos?) than Canon G-Man, but is still cryptic.

Tommy would definitely talk to Gordon though when the game is “asleep,” (when Benrey is asleep/offline) since I believe that's when everyone can fully speak their minds, and not worry about their “darker thoughts” (Code) to block them. I also believe that Tommy would have the power to create a “contract” with Gordon, much like Canon Freeman and G-Man’s Deal. The quote below is basically the critical part of the “Contract” I believe Tommy would make, though it can obvisously be edited in someway:

“When time for the contracted personnel is not needed, they will go into a hibernating-like stasis. The personnel will wake up immediately on par with the contractor’s needs. The permitted outlier is if someone is wanting said personnel deeply, they can be brought out of stasis, yet it needs a great amount of dedication. This contract only goes into effect once the contracted person has lost their life completely once.”

I also think Tommy would try to warn Benrey of Gordon’s changing, but since he can only so much, it is a bit confusing for Benrey. Tommy isn’t malicious in all of this, so he will/does try to help Gordon in what he can do (mostly the backup contract, though Benrey doesn't know about it, even in the end).

Bubby and Coomer:

Bubby wouldn’t trust Benrey in the slightest, try to kill him more than once (ex: “Accidentally” nudging him near a large drop, letting Benrey go first into fights then throwing grenades, etc), until most of the Team tells him to stop or they’re never getting out of Black Mesa. Bubby doesn't really care though since he was created at Black Mesa.

Gordon would snap the hardest out of the Team though, maybe even going to the extent of almost fighting Bubby (or at least a solid punch in the face). Gordon just wants everyone to get out and go home, and Bubby is impeding on that hope, so obviously Gordon is going to stand up and say something. Plus Bubby wants one of his friends dead, and that is a big “No” for the Security Guard.

I would think after Gordon’s scolding, Bubby would lower the murder attempts, though still doesn’t like the idea of Benrey being with them until Coomer talks Bubby out of hating Benrey even more so, since Benrey is a key factor of staying alive. The only time he derails from the new thinking was the arm incident, where Bubby had explained to Gordon what he had heard with the trackers in the HEV suit. Bubby is the one to tell the soldiers to "fuck him up." Gordon just wanted the trackers removed from the suit.

And I love playing with the idea of Coomer’s “Broken-yet-not-Broke” AI system. He’s essentially a "fixed" version of his Canon self,though still has to kill clones. He also plays like he's broken for his own amusement. Coomer can say a lot more, and his voice cuts a lot less, but he likes messing with Benrey, so why actually work?

Coomer is also the caretaker of the PlayCoins, though doesn't say it as much as Canon-Coomer. Bubby has that role.

Darnold and Forzen:

Forzen would be a mixologist with a side in cybernetics, though he was more-or-less forced to become a cybernetic scientist with the computers in the lab continuously breaking. He would know how to fix most programming and can create some sort of machinery, though his programming is much further than his metal bending. He was able to make Benrey’s future gun-hand, and was able to give it to him with a mix of shoving the gun at the wound and a drink/pill that has semi-similar properties to the potion scene in OG HLVR (Flesh would mold to/into gun-hand). I feel Forzen in my eyes is still as NPC as he was in the original, since for me he didn’t really create a large impact in the overarching story.

I also think Forzen is a very big pacifist, in his eyes. He doesn’t use guns, but knows how to use trip mines and bombs like their playthings, since I do believe Forzen would have a few years of military training under his belt. He will fight if he had too, but he would like to simply just remove himself from the fighting. He didn’t like the military one bit when he was in it, but he was grateful for the tips on what weaponry the enemy is using, and how to defend himself from attackers.

I think he would evacuate with his necessities (in a backpack) all the way to the Lambda Complex, after the Team got to Xen. Forzen would be at the party, at minimum, since he had helped Benrey stay alive and had given Benrey something to defend himself.

For Darnold, I think he wanted to join the military so he could go to college (obviously) and get a degree in either technology or mixology (this is still WIP). I did think Darnold would eventually join the Science Team after their second/third meetup, since they seem to just be annihilating the Military, and he likes his life more than having to fight a five man army with only an automatic.

I also think that Darnold would help them whenever they had to go above ground (Like Darnold being a scout and getting rid of small targets/ snipers, etc), but he would also stay in the Lambda Complex once everyone went to Xen, so when they came back, he could "lead them out as fast as possible" (Real reason was because he didn’t like the aliens and the sound of going to the alien’s homeworld). Obviously this plan didn’t really work, but Tommy saw the help Darnold gave the Team and brought him back to them (someway, somehow, WIP).

Even though he wasn’t necessarily close with the Science Team, they still saw Darnold as trustworthy and a friend.

But uh, yeah, that's everybody except Benrey and Gordon! If there's anything wrong, please let me know! Have a good day/night

#hlvrai #roleswap au

[girlbookwrm]

AVENGERS: CIVIL WAR

THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH

it took us two entire days to watch this, back in whenever we were watching this. I’ve got a Bundle of Papers here in front of me, and the CW Bundle is by far the thickest, and that’s with minimal salt content.

Speaking of Salt: The Roommate and I had to approach this as an Avengers movie. Because otherwise the salt levels in this would be toxic, possibly fatal. Even so, ppl with high cholesterol be warned

LET’S DO THIS

1991!

Winter Soldier: 

what is this

what is this please

dat beef tho

what is this op sec

honestly

NO mask

SHINY FUCKOFF ARM just HANGING OUT

CCTV???

~ooooooo he’s a ghooooooooooooost~

he’s got an extremely dedicated and very harried cleanup crew is what he’s got

OH! OLD LOGO ILU!!!

LAGOS!!

The Roommate: That’s a lot of sugar

i ain’t judging

what, you think her powers run on optimism?

is there an accent? is there not? Shroedinger’s accent.

droney the drone

sam’s lil sky roomba

i love him

guhhhh this scene every line shows character and growth and i just *clenches fist*

did

did falcon just throw steve

just yeeted him at the enemy?

god i love that

also: has steve bulked up since TWS?

that’s also on Sam, yeah?

CUT THE CHEEEEECCCCK

is this fucking NEUROTOXIN? STEVE WHERE’S UR MASK?

Steve, throwing himself into a room full of an unknown poison gas without a mask: I bet i can survive this

Bucky, in Bucharest: *breaks whatever he’s holding without knowing why*

god i love sam

“I don’t work like that no more” Means ?????????????

PARKOUR NAT

is also BRUNCH MOM NAT

“both grunting” is always one of my favorite subtitles

2 white boys fighting in the middle of the street like it’s a video game

god someone took the murder strut to heart wow that is some. that is some something that’s for sure.

give me even one (1) heterosexual explanation for "your pal your buddy your bucky"

there’s no way that bucky ever said this, right? this is just Rumlow fucking with steve, and the screenwriters fucking with us

because IN CASE YOU WERE NOT IN THIS FANDOM IN 2016, WE ALL THOUGHT CAP WOULD DIE IN THIS MOVIE

WE WERE SO SURE

wow i wonder if that will be relevant to anyone’s emotions here in the year of our lordt 2019

anyway, what bucky actually said was:

“please tell rogers... that he’s a big dumb dildo and he should wear a gas mask and also a parachute.”

listen i love this opening scene but also wanda is not at all responsible for this explosion and the fact that they act like she is undermines my ability to suspend my disbelief.

DIGITAL ENYOUTHENMENT ALERT

also, tony the fact that you are using your literal dead mom as an actual therapist is

wow

BARF feels right to me

too real, tony

it’s too real

how ARE you getting around the strings and taxes tho

Also can i say that i actually love that Pepper’s absence is this profoundly important to the story. The hole where pepper should be is a huge part of this story and i like that. i like that a lot.

WOW THAT EXTRA IS LIKE A MASHUP OF NAT AND WANDA. SHE IS THE GENERIC MARVEL WHITE LADY

more a+ visual storytelling with the elevator

I’m just so mad that they blame wanda and play that straight?

all they had to do was outright acknowledge one (1) time that the media is picking on her because she’s a woman/a foreigner

imagine that speech coming from nat instead of steve

though i do love Steve’s pep talk

again. give me one (1) heterosexual explanation

though why not have Steve say “they’re just bullies, you did the right thing” and hearken back to smolsteeb

The Roommate: Remember how i was mad at his Oscars Velvet Blazer? I am also mad at this sweater.... it looks... so soft... i don’t know if i want it on him or off him... just wanna tuch....... and wear..........?”

Vision’s Ascot is. Something else man.

The Roommate: Why is ross secretary of state?

Me: Why is Trump President

Me: I bet Ross is vegan

the roommate, who has vegan-related trauma: UUUUGGGHHHHHHHH

Nat's reaction to vigilantes: Bitch please. she is Unbothered.

you don’t have to show us footage we’ve got the ptsd nightmares

400 pages in 3 days

[tired american sighing]

we honestly can’t even criticize this plot point anymore just

[my longest and most american sigh]

CLEVELAND!!!

hail hydra continues to be the Most Terrible last words

but WHY does ross have the congressional medal of honor

do you know how HARD it is to get one of those????

yeesh

sassy black friends sassing at each other

is definitely a

thing that is happening rn

Vision: Well Actually

no one cares, vis

ok like

a kid is dead but

3.6 is an okay GPA

maybe all my friends are overachievers

maybe it’s just because most of them are women but like

it’s an okay GPA

i’d have 8000% more respect for Tony if he was more upfront like “look this is on me” especially here

are we supposed to be picking all this up as subtext, actually?

because i know that this movie ALSO had a Troubled Youth ala ant man

and i really do appreciate the Russos for relying on a smart audience but there’s a lot going on

and it’s very obvious to me that they had to shift gears 18,000 times in the script writing phase

so like, you’ve got old man vet steve

but it’s painfully obvious that he missed vietnam right?

like

it’s painfully obvious

and he’s v egotistical and self righteous too 

it IS a battle of the egos

and no one is right

except natasha

Steve: i have to go

me: mood

LONDON!!!!

oh god

oh god no

steve god no steve oh god

gfhskfdjjjksjdjjhrrrrhrhhrhfhh [wailing and rending of garments]

Re Peggy’s age:

SURPRISE IT’S ACTUALLY PLAUSIBLE

so the True Hallmark of a Cap Movie is Peggy telling steve what to do.

so weird to have that in an avengers movie

i do love this. GOOD BRO NAT CONTENT

Um. is vision a minor? is wanda?

again, nat is the only Correct one here

stay together guys

it might be

reeeeeeaaaaally important in 

*checks watch*

two years’ time.

~hug~

VIENNA!!!!!

CHAD WICK! CHAD! WICK! CHAD! WICK!

god i love the xhosa in this

There is a level of worldbuilding in this that we p much only get from the russos/markus&mcfeely. i mean -- internal consistency worldbuilding? if that makes sense? we get a lot of visual worldbuilding in black panther, but this is distinctly different and hard to articulate and it has to do with the way they approach things and how they assume audience intelligence

it just works for me

oh no chadwick boseman don’t be cry

Sharon deserves better

than being cockblocked by her own aunt

and also sam wilson (who also deserves better)

cryptid!bucky

Nat did you get that suit from jenny agutter?

LA Brunch Mom Nat

mah girl

she’s just so tired

steve (bless him) is just so exhausting

couples date sam and steve dressed to match

“at the gym”??? really? the arm is... a bit of a giveaway

i do feel bad for zemo in this one specific case

russian IS hard

how. did he get that in there?

Soft Plumboy Bucky

BEEF

Captain’s Log: Buck’s place is a shithole

Sergeant’s Log: Steve’s face is pretty

surprise bitch

“That’s Smart, Good Strategy” is an excellent phrase to use in everyday conversation in order to weed out who Knows and who Doesn’t.

What i have learned from civil war: 

Captain America is a projectile weapon

further query:

did bucky ever hurl small steve at assailants?

Bucky: *punts steve down an alley*

Steve, 90 lbs of rage at 90 mph: GET WRECKED

Bucky’s got big tommy wiseau cryptid energy here

And now there’s a cat

bucky:

I love this vampire running and also bucky’s thighs

Steve Rogers: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YEET.

Bucky Barnes: Excuse me sir I need to commandeer this vehicle. YOINK.

Bucky and Steve: Wrecking your morning commute since 2014

WAR MACHINE!!!

god vis has the biggest dorkiest crush

so vis are you a child prodigy? or? what?

The Roommate, a cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure: vis have you eaten anything between CW and IW?

Me, sinnamon roll, not to be trusted: *dying* *thinking about how Vision’s got schroedinger’s dick. does it exist? does it not exist? who knows.*

Me: Y. Yes. I th. think he has. eaten something. between now and. and IW. something.

The Roommate: *betrayed look*

Me: DEEP FRIED KEBAB MAYBE? I DON’T KNOW.

The Roommate: *is so disappointed*

BERLIN!!!!!!

Bucky is. So tired. Let him rest.

fucking up the morning commute again i see

u like cats??

I love the ratio of overkill:ineffectiveness with this glass box they put him in.

why did tony  bring these fancy pens

the time spent explaining them could’ve been spent doing literally anything else

*i still don’t understand the accords*

GOD STEVE WANTS TO BE AN UNCLE SO BAD

“my fault”

there it is

“truth is i don’t want to stop”

THERE it is

“i thought the accords could split the difference”

THERE IT IS

"no, i don’t.”

THERE IT IS

“IT’S INTERNMENT.”

THERE! IT! IS!

gah.

wanda’s accent et al -- MAKE IT EXPLICIT MARVEL YOU COWARDS

no but really what are the accords

here followed a 20-30 minute convo about the accords

basically the summing up was:

Nat is 100% Right Ross is 100% Wrong Everyone Else is In A Grey Area

look this is actually a really good avengers movie

but

this is a moment when the back catalogue works against them because this conversation is so -- it implies a lot of friendly interactions between these two. they seem to have a relationship

but i keep looking at all the other movies they’ve interacted in like

BITCH WHERE? WHERE IS THE TONYSTEVE FRIENDSHIP? WHERE???

i am anticipating this will cause me A Grief later

The Roommate, looking at Steve in his Grey Shirt and Jacket: Damn, sir. Stop wearing clothes.

“BIRD COSTUME???”

“j a m e s”

big holt talking to rosa vibes there

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

A VAST AND MIGHTY MOOD

Zemo’s plan is so ridiculous i genuinely don’t have time to get into it i still have two pages of notes to get through holy shit.

this fight scene. does things. for me.

hhhHNNNNHGH BEEFSTEAK

(oh tony left with no suit? growth dot gif)

THIGHS

T H I G H S ! ! ! !

CHADWICK!

Sam out here, serving looks, casually modeling

B I C E P S ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

TOO SEXY! *crashes helicopter*

I need twelve more scenes of steve and bucky faffing about in the water.

A more effective restraint than the custom made bucky bottle

(BRIEF 1991)

haaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAa biceps u stop that

Is Tony having a heart attack???

he has no concept of how to treat children because he never was one oh no i gave myself a sad feeling

QUEENS!!!!!!!

“I’m having a big fight in a parking lot with my superhero friends better go pick up a child as backup.” - tony stark

tony he doesn’t have a passport and if he understood what was happening he would not be on your side

Now That’s What I Call Vigilantism.

Why are you bringing a CHILD to a gun fight

Tony’s face, to me, suggests that he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing

also? it’s painfully obvious to me that these scenes were copypasted in late stage when they finally found out that yes they would have the rights to spiderman lol

for some reason they don’t feel the need to tell is that this is avengers compound in 400 point font

i’m so lost

where are we?

without the 400 point font i can only assume we are on mars

THAT’s a fine way to greet YOUR FATHER, WANDA

hawkeye is in fact the team lynchpin

is it

ugh

is it because they listen to him but he listens to natasha

ugh

i bet it is

UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Vision: I have been FALLING! for THIRTY MINUTES!

“i know someone who does”

i’m confused by the cut here, because it seems to imply that Sharon, deliberately or inadvertently, rats them out to natasha?

Birds and raccoons do not get along

steve

steve no

steve

ur timing is shit steve

Scott Lang might be the best thing in this movie

well except for Dat Bone Structure

CUT THE CHEEEEEECK

*costume change in a parking lot to the yakkety sax soundtrack*

Thinking about the coming battle i am forced to concede that Iron Man Has A Point?

“do you really want to punch your way out of this?”

Steve: I ALWAYS wanna punch my way out

god scott’s such a fukkin nerd

tiny quibble but Scott “got punched by hope van dyne” lang would never say that to the black heckin widow

“gimmick”

um

people in falcon houses shouldn’t throw spider stones, samuel

wanda

those cars belong to people

oh god iron man has a point

LET’S GO LESBIANS! COME ON LESBIANS LET’S GO

*catfight sounds*

“then why did you run?”

dude you attacked me in a catsuit

Tony’s true superpower is that he knows steve, that’s how spiderbabby gets the upper hand

althought god

Tony was pre-gaslighting peter

he was pilotlighting peter

*my longest UGH yet*

“Queens?” “Brooklyn”

MAXIMUM NEW YORK ACHIEVED

ant man is the MVP

hmmmmmm “we don’t trade lives” HMMMMMMMMM

why did that truck explode

also *omg iron man has a point*

tony tedward stark how did you not know how old this child was

also peter stop pretending you don’t know what Empire Strikes Back, AT-ATs and Hoth are.

why doesn’t Vis get more flack for this

hey. hey tony. you know what sam is? A MEDIC. maybe let him LOOK AT YER FRIEND THERE instead of SHOOTING HIM IN THE FACE.

zemo’s plan is noooooonseeeeennnnnnsssse

guh these two beautiful men emoting in different directions KILL ME

this doctor is just like “yup there’s a giant purple robot here seems legit”

natasha is the only one who’s 100% right

did... did the russos kill themselves in this movie? did they cast themselves as dead extras? was this a statement of some kind?

HOW did ross get the congressional medal of honor. H O W.

“you read it”

NO ONE READ IT, IT’S 400 PAGES

tony this is Some Nonsense

ffflslkds he’s taking one of Nat’s guns KILL ME

one (1) heterosexual explanation.

rode back in a freezer truck

got pneumonia

already had pneumonia

and you blew three whole dollars on some slut

(seriously. gimme one. i’m waiting.)

srsly tho, whether you ship it or not, these two are old marrieds

the red star looks weird on his beefcake arm. did they forget to scale it up?

KITTY

listen zemo is just really turned on by cam and he didn’t mean to say that and that’s the most relateable thing he’s done so far.

It’s not just that bucky killed his mom. it’s that bucky killed his mom AND STEVE KEPT IT FROM HIM.

life alert a senior citizen has fallen

T'Challa, observing this White Nonsense™: I truly should... check myself. Before! I wreck myself.

agism is what it is

god this bit

steve dropping the shield

look at him

he is Stick A Fork In Him D O N E

Rhodey really deserves better than this? He deserves development showing the evolution of his opinion between here and IW

i wish we could get more of him grappling with this

that said

gosh wouldn’t it fucking suck if Cap and Bucky got relegated to End Credit scenes in their own got damn movie to make room for Iron Man to emote at his buddy his pal his rhodey?

*looks directly into the camera like i’m on the office.*

Anyway.

Steve rogers: getting the last word in every argument since 1918.

“from the bottom of my heart: My Bad.”

#The Mighty Pre Endgame Rewatch #cacw

[unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel]

16 Year Old Loki

Loki x Reader

 Loki has been proven to be 16 years old (if you translate it to human years) during the events of the MCU that means that he was still in high school. This series will be about Loki being your classmate in high school, after he gets banished to earth by his father.

—————————————————————————

Friday (New kid announced)

“Listen up class!” Mrs Macy, your homeroom teacher, spoke “You all will have a new classmate coming next Monday”

 “SEE GUYS I TOLD YOU SOMEONE NEW IS COMING” screamed your know-it-all classmate Jake… His Mother held a high position at the school so he knew all the latest dirt before anyone else, this also meant that teachers were much kinder to him. He could get away with almost anything, honestly.

 The room filled with questions, “Whats the gender?” said someone “How old?” said another “Whats the Name?”

         *Mrs Macy spent about 10 minutes trying to calm the class down*

“ALL RIGHT THATS ENOUGH!” she yelled “you all can discuss this on your own tim-”

         *The bell rang*

“Time for class!” she said relieved “Off you go”

Your classmates continued to talk about the new kid, as they walked off to their respective classes

“why is everyone so hyped about this new kid?” you asked your best friend Tommy

“Well apparently its a he, and Jake showed a picture to Pearl and she says he is SUPER cute” Tommy told you with a wink ;)

“What was that for?” you said “the wink?”

T :    “WellLLLL-”

Y/N: “WellLLLL WHAT”

T :    “Well, this might be a good chance for you to get over your terrible EX”

Y/N: “WELL IM OVER HIM WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS TOMMY”

T :     “Y/N YOU ARE NOT

        *This argument continued for a good 3-4 minutes, and caused both of                 you to be late for math*

The day continued but you couldn’t get over your argument with Tommy

was it possible you were still not over your ex? Maybe this new guy really could be a chance? If he was really as cute as they say.

        *your thoughts were interrupted by the last bell of the day*

“Finally I can go home and relax, lucky we have no hw for the weekend”

“Yeah, thats a first Fridays normally have a ton of hw”

you heard two of your classmates talking

——————————————————————————————-

Monday (He arrives)

“Class I would like to introduce your new classmate Loki!” Said Mrs Macy

“Lowkey? thats an odd name… He is really cute tho” you thought to yourself

“I AM LOKI OF ASGARD, I have been banished to your pitiful school by my father because I was causing trouble at home, He also took away most of my powers” Loki spoke

“Sorry, What was that?” Amanda, one of your close friends, said

“Nothing” he replied

        *Mrs Macy dismissed you and a crowd of girls formed around Loki and Amanda approached you*

A :    “Whats up with them”

Y/N: “I think they think he is cute”

A :    “OH HE IS! but… he seems snobby. I mean he called the school pitiful”

         *Tommy joined the convo*

T :     “Whats up with Loki?”

A :     “I don’t know about Lowkey but I think those girls are High Key attracted             to him”

“Y/N” you heard someone call.

          *After a quick glance around the room you realised it was your teacher*

“Yes Mrs Macy” you replied

Mrs M: “What do you think of the new kid Y/N”

Y/N :    “alright I guess… I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him yet”

Mrs M: “Well thats not a problem because I’m assigning you to show him around school and explain some of the school rules.”

Y/N :    “Oh of course Miss. I just think that most of the other girls would want                 to do this, like a lot” *gesturing to the girls crowding over Loki*

Mrs M: “Well, Y/N they might want to but no one really knows the school as well

           as you do”

            >She was right you were in this school since grade one. Jake mom might work here but you felt like you lived here. You were often the last person to go home and the first to enter, you didn’t like studying at home since your annoying little brother wouldn’t keep quiet and often it was quiet in school, and it was a plus that you lived near.<

Mrs M: “It is alright if you don’t want to”

Y/N ;    “No, its alright I’ll do it” *looking over to Loki who was enjoying the                        attention

Mrs M: “Great I’ll call him” *She turned to Loki* “Loki! Please come over her for               a moment”

          *Loki walked over to you and Mrs Macy, leaving his fan girls behind*

Mrs M: “Loki, Y/N will be showing you around school, you can ask her some questions.”  

Loki:     “Alright”

           *Mrs Macy left you both alone*

Y/N:      “See you after school Loki”

Loki:      “Bye”

           *You tell your friends the situation*

A:           “Good Luck. He seems like a pain in the ass”

T:           “I think its a good chance for her to make a new boy friend…”

Y/N:       “come on guy lets get to class”

———————End–Of–Part-One———————-

Hope you guys liked this

Its just the intro so there isn’t much Loki yet, but the following parts will be much better. I had to post this twice cause deleted it by mistake and I forgot the title lmao.

I think the hardest part for me is thinking of names for new characters so if you have suggestions pls comment. Also If you want other characters to make an appearance. Also if anyone has an idea for another series, suggest it.

Tags (still open)

@theironholland @lady-loki-l @nwmtagsb @timugamaileilani @theironholland@acidrain707 @mcu-potter-pirate @poolofspiderdust

#loki (marvel) #loki #loki laufeyson #loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki x you #marvel #fanfic #tom hiddleston #student #school #teenager #teen #teen loki #love #love loki #thor #thor odinson #mcu #marvel mcu #im new to this #series #school life #part one #random #romance #baby #loki is alive #long reads

[0bianidalas]

i bought a condo in zack taylor’s ass

my shitty power rangers review:

its a long coming statement but: damn, i love power rangers. i know you guys probably didnt know that bc you dont keep track of my shit-posting but even before the movie was announced i checked the in-tumblr pr fandom (mostly cause for SOME reason i re-candled my love for the seasons i watched --everything before mystic force-- on like 2013). so, when they finally confirmed there was an actual pr movie coming out i was, well, Very Supportive (tm) 

then as the months progressed i started realizing how diverse the cast was but that didnt Shock me bc power rangers DOES that, but when i went to contrast this ACTUAL MOVIE with other MOVIES of the same genre i was.........in Awe. the power rangers film gained a whole new meaning for me; it wasn’t about the little kid inside me getting to see her heroes again, but it was also for the young, a little more educated in social topics, adult that i am right now. 

so, yeah, power rangers HIGHLY succeeded in my expectations -- everything i hoped it to be, it was. but ANYWAYS my pointers: 

my Children: starting with the Crazy momma’s boy (tm) -- Zack, oh god. So, a couple of minutes into the movie i was already like WHEEEERE IS MY BOY ZACK??? & when he was about to show up i went ‘is that za--THAT IS MY BOY RIGHT THERE!’ ppl had to shut me up, for real. I KNEW HE WAS GONNA BE MY FAVE SINCE THE DAY I READ HIS OFFICIAL BIO & UPON FINDING OUT THAT THE THING THAT MADE HIM VULNERABLE WAS HIS MOM? LIKE !! KILL ME ALREADY??? -- also ludi could Get It (tm) iykwim --- just damn, also hes bi as hell??? Wow, also would 100% die for Billy, like, Big Mood #same

MY SWEET CINNAMON ROLL MY ONE SUNSHINE PLEASE DONT TAKE MY SUNSHINE AWAY WILLIAM CRANSTON. So, as someone who has close relatives in the spectrum i was hoping they’d do a good job. RJ Cyler nailed it with billy like damn. In the OG series i liked billy just enough but this Billy???? i would ????? murder & die for him???? so m u ch????? RJ played awesome that mix between geniune confussion & humor, making billy a well-rounded character that people could love -- also the fact that they made billy the center character of the group like ur faves would literally never -- also that whole thing of Billy & his dad ??? murdered me ???? i lost my dad four years ago & im not in the spectrum but i ?? relate ??? so much ??? (like, that convo with himself acting like it was his dad?? bithc i dont want to Talk about it but i do that too bye) 

trini mija -- i wish i couldve seen more of her, for some reason i feel like she even had less screen time than zack & she got that bit with rita but im like??? i need ??? More ??? of trini. it was a good portrayal of an outsider character but also it was a nice, different thing from what ive seen in previous pr shows like ??? im having a hard time remembering the last “closed-up, ‘dont wanna be friends’, then later on grows out of it” ranger like im sure there have been but rn all i can remember is the group of five people 100% down for friendship & it was nice to have a character (tho, they all were) with layers that didnt jump immidiately into being with a group of people just for ~~~reasons~~ 

my kiddos jason & kim -- im putting them in the same group bc i feel, essentially, equally the same about both (tho, kimberly comes first obvs but like, i still have issues, born in my childhood, with pink rangers & the fact that as the younger cousin i was always forced to be the pink one so now i dislike all pink rangers ever). how i feel about them? well, *insert image of kris jenner saying ‘youre doing amazing honey’* like they’re the most flawed characters of the five & i feel them ??? so much??? bc theyre both trying ???? & im really fighting the urge to ship them bc tommy oliver’s gonna get his/her ass here soon enough & Shit Will Get Real (also bc kim is into trini dont fight me on this) but like ??? jason & kimberly???  they’re actual ??? Parents (tm) -- also “you did an awful thing that doesn’t make you an awful person’ i wanna Die 

lastly i loved Alpha 5 as i predicted i would even tho people gave him endless shit for how he looked. That damn ass cute robot where would i be without him? ay-yi-yi 

rita was also Breathtaking like. THIS is a true worthy villian like she Does live up to her OG version. All really creppy & scary -- plus im really excited about her background in this bc shes now the first green ranger lady  & like also, its gonna mean A Lot once tommy shows up bc damn, Zordon’s not gonna trust his ass at all

now the Wall Dad: So Bryan Cranston did a srsly good job, specially in that first bit when he was the actual red ranger, amazing. I’m still kinda :/ about the fact that he, too, was flawed & not completely perfect as the OG version -- like all his harsh talk & giving them shit when they couldnt morph just bc he wanted to come back & shit like that......yeah i was :/ but Hey, still great tho (i mean, he did gave up coming back to save billy so ofc i love dad!wall zordon) 

it might be the hype or the fact that im hella biased just bc i want this franchise to do well but i really cant remember what stuff i didnt like about this movie ?? like ???? they did nearly everything???? i wanted ???? 

go watch power rangers 2017, dir. Dean Israelite 

#goooooooooooooo #power rangers spoilers