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#'you guys love to wallow in your own depression and nobody wants to be friends with you' etcetc because people. didnt like lordes new song.

awritingtree · 4 years

Text

Promises

Draco Malfoy x sister!reader

@kashishwrites 300 writing challenge: Hurt/comfort prompt 12. “Why didn't you tell me?” and angst prompt 6. “Is this how little you think of me?” The prompts have been bolded.

Summary: Draco witnesses his sister get bullied and finds out that she’s been keeping it from him all these years. Draco finally steps up and owns up to his role as her older brother, the one whose supposed to protect her and be her shoulder to lean on.

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: ANGST, bullying, depression, fluff, blood and house discrimination. If bullying or depression talk will trigger you, please don’t read.

A/N: this took so much longer to write than expected. Uni is really kicking my butt with the amount of work each professor is deciding to assign. I wanted to do this more justice but I just couldn’t write this any better. It could’ve been way better but oh well, it’s decent at least. Hope you guys like it xx

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“Draco!” a voice cut called out, through the Slytherin common room. Draco, who was sitting with Parkinson, Crabbe and Goyle, near the fireplace looked up to see Blaise Zabini, another one of the Slytherins.

“You need to come with me,” he said while trying to catch his breath, “It’s Y/N.”

Draco shot up from his seat instantly and followed Zabini out of the common room, past the Great Hall and towards the Ravenclaw Tower. Draco could see a small crowd up ahead of the corridor as they turned a corner. He could hear laughs coming from a few of the students. When they were close enough Draco realized what was going on.

There in the centre of the circle were three Gryffindor 7th year boys, making fun of someone, throwing their bag’s contents onto the floor. Draco slipped his wand out as soon as he saw the bag, gripping it so tightly he was surprised it didn’t snap in half. His shoulders tensed from an anger so intense, it could have obliterated everything around him for miles.

“Oh, look here. Malfoy’s got a muggle book. Going to use it to help Mummy and Daddy find new ways to torture, are you?”

“Give it back,” spoke Draco, his voice so low from the rage brewing inside, everyone flinched due to its ferocity. He glared at the three boys in front of him. ‘Filthy, disgusting excuses of wizards. How dare they pick on a Malfoy!?’ thought Draco.

Y/N’s tear-filled eyes widened at the sight in front of her. Her back was pressed against the wall, hoping it would swallow her whole taking her far away from everyone.

“Leave,” threatened Draco, raising his wand slightly. Zabini came and stood beside Draco; wand raised too.

The three red-and-gold-clad boys looked at each other. They threw Y/N’s bag onto the floor before turning around and walking away, deciding the fight was not worth it. The crowd cleared off, now that the drama was over.

Y/N slid down the wall and buried her face in her knees. She could hear Zabini and her brother conversing, but she didn’t dare to look up. How could she? How could she face her brother after what had just happened? He would surely hate her. She was a Malfoy, she couldn’t afford to look weak in front of anyone, much less be bullied in front of an audience.

Y/N continued to cry into her knees even as she heard someone slide down the wall next to her. Draco wrapped his arm around Y/N, pulling her into his side. His other hand went up to stroke her hair in a soothing manner. He couldn’t bear to hear her cry, he wanted to take all her pain away, but alas he couldn’t. The least he thought he could do is provide her some comfort and so that he did.

“How long has this been going on?” Draco asked, once Y/N calmed down a bit.

“Since first year,” Y/N admitted quietly, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I’m your brother,” countered Draco.

“Yes but you’re a git too, no offense, and you know it. You go around being unpleasant to other people; muggleborns, half-bloods, ‘blood-traitors’ as you say. You bully others for being who they are, something they have no choice over. I didn’t think you’d care because you act the same way as those boys do. What makes you different from those boys? Why would you care enough to help me when I am so weak?”

“Is this how little you think of me? I’m your brother, Y/N. Of course, I’m going to care,” said Draco, hurt by what his sister was telling him.

“You certainly haven’t acted like you do for quite some time now,” Y/N couldn’t help but scoff.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Draco, puzzled. He thought they were fine, on good terms; they talked occasionally given that he was a Slytherin and she was sorted into Ravenclaw in his second year. Draco remembered how furious his father had been; he sent a Howler the very next day. Though, he calmed down a bit soon after because (apparently) Ravenclaw was better than Hufflepuff or Gryffindor.

Something snapped inside of Y/N when she heard those words pour out from Draco’s mouth. Years of pent-up feelings, trying to pretend everything was alright, bubbled over; years of not letting the tears fall - the dam finally broke.

“You haven’t been around, Draco. Yes, we still talk but it isn’t the same as before. I tried making friends, finding a life without someone who's always been there, right by my side. But in the end, everyone left. It was my fault they left too; I am too much deal with, I know that. I wouldn’t put up with me either,” she cried, “I feel so alone, even in a castle filled with students at every corner. Everyone says Hogwarts feels like home, but it doesn’t to me, it never has. But then again, I don’t know what home feels like anymore, not since I got sorted into Ravenclaw. I really thought we could get through anything, but that was false. I just keep hoping that things will get better but instead I set myself up for more and more disappointment. I’m tired, Draco. I’m so very tired. I’m tired of feeling nothing but this constant emptiness instead of me. I want to feel something other than this constant loneliness and sadness. I- I don’t think I’m okay. I don’t think I have been for a while. But does it really even matter? Nobody’s noticed,” she let out a hollow laugh, one that shook Draco to the core.

"Nobody ever notices anything except Malfoy’s weak little sister; weird and a loner," she said weakly.

Draco could feel his heart clench at his baby sister’s words. The same baby sister that he promised to always protect, the same baby sister that he promised he would never leave her side, the baby sister who he promised he would love unconditionally. But it seemed that Draco was a master at breaking promises.

“I- um,” he stuttered at a loss of words.

Draco took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. This was not the time to break down, his little sister needed him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Y/N whispered out, shaking her head making a move to stand up.

“What are you sorry for? Why shouldn’t you have said anything?” Draco asked. He put a hand on her forearm, stopping her movements to stand up.

“I shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter, Draco. It’ll all be fine soon. I’ll get over it,” she smiled weakly, though Draco could see through it all.

“No you’re not. You’re not fine. I-,” Draco said softly, shaking his head slightly, “Talk to me Y/N, please.”

“I said I’m fine, Draco. Just, leave me alone!” Y/N exclaimed, ripping her arm out of his grip and getting up. Draco quickly stood up, reaching out to her as she walked towards her bag thrown across the floor.

“Y/N/N, please. I just want to help,” Draco tried reasoning calmly. He couldn’t get mad at her. He wasn’t. He knew she was only doing this because she was tired of letting people in who only turned their backs on her when she needed them the most. He had been one of these people, he knew he was. He failed to realize how bad things had gotten for her. Y/N had always been a bit more emotional than others ever since she was young, taking things to heart. Whenever their father, Lucius Malfoy, got furious she would be off for days; wallowing in sadness, guilt, and a dislike towards herself for being the way that she was - for not being better. She cried a lot too. Things affected her more deeply, the smallest of words setting her off. She felt too deeply.

“I want to understand,” he said.

Y/N scoffed.

“Understand? You want to understand? I don’t even understand what this is, Draco! Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I’m on top of the world, but then suddenly the will to do anything but lay in bed disappears. All I want then is to crawl back to bed and never wake up again. I feel like crying, but with no reason as to why. I’ll be fine one second then crying my eyes out the next. I want to understand why I feel this way. My thoughts always go back to everything those three boys tell me every single day without fail. Why do they pick on me? Is it me? But of course it’s me, what else could it be?”

Draco was stunned into silence. He didn’t know what to say; what could he say? Y/N took a deep breath, looking down at the floor, her shoulders slumped forwards.

“It hurts, it hurts so much,” she choked out, trying to keep herself together.

Draco frowned, “What hurts?”

“I don’t know, everywhere.”

Draco grew even more confused. He approached her hesitantly, stopping a few feet away in case she lashed out again.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, looking up at her brother. Her eyes were filled with tears she was trying to keep at bay.

“It- It feels like this ache in my chest, spreading. And it just makes me want to cry more. It’s more of an internal pain, one that I can’t seem to get rid of, no matter how hard I try. I try to. I do. I try to be happy, to still go on about my day hoping it’ll get better. But it doesn’t. I just feel like an outsider in this world full of happy, living people. And I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Draco stepped towards her; his arms outstretched. Y/N fell into them, clinging to her older brother. Draco wrapped his arm around her while his other arm stroked her hair, soothing and comforting her.

‘How long had she felt this way?’ he wondered.

He then remembered all the times he’s seen her throughout the past few years; always alone, barely laughing or smiling, days where she looked exhausted, days where she looked like she wanted nothing more than to go back to bed. Throughout all this, there was the dull look in her eyes, one that was still there at this moment.

He felt his heart clench in his chest. How could he have not noticed? Everything was right there in front of his eyes, but he had been too selfish; too far up his own arse to notice that the only person in the world he could love more than himself (even though he hadn’t been showing that the best for a few years now) was losing love for herself and life.

He felt horrible. He failed to protect her from the horrors of the world, and he hated himself for it. He brought her closer to hold her tighter against him as her body shook with every sob she let out. Holding her so tightly, hoping to make up for the fact that he wasn’t there to hold her all the previous times she’d broken down like this, all alone in her dorm, with a silencing charm and the curtains drawn. A few of his own tears streamed down his face onto her head but neither Draco nor Y/N she took any notice.

“I’m here. I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” whispered Draco over and over again, trying to make up for all the times he broke his previous promises.

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It’d been a few months since Draco made those promises to Y/N, never failing to fulfill them each and every day. He invited her to sit at the Slytherin table while other times he’d sit at the Ravenclaw table during meals. He spent time with her after class, in the library or down by the Black Lake when the weather allowed it; talking, doing their homework, or just sitting in silence. They became attached to the hip, even more than the infamous Weasley twins.

Today was one of those days where nothing seemed to be going right for Y/N. Starting with waking up late causing her to skip breakfast, to failing one of her major Potions tests. It didn’t help that those three Gryffindor boys caught her on the way to the Transfiguration, taunting her and leaving after burning her journal that was filled with ideas of new stories she’d wanted to write to ashes. All Y/N wanted to do was go to bed and cry, cuddling with her bunny stuffed toy. But of course, she never got what she wanted.

“Y/N/N!” Draco’s voice called after her.

Y/N stopped and turned around to wait for Draco to catch up with her.

“Where are you going? I thought we were-” he stopped once he took in her appearance, “Is everything okay?”

Y/N shook her head, clutching to her bag’s shoulder straps.

“What is it? What happened?” Draco asked, concerned.

“I just want to go to bed, Dray.”

“What, why? It’s only 4 o’clock, Y/N.”

“I know. I- I’m just tired,” Y/N replied weakly. She was truly exhausted due to the day she had.

“Oh. Well, come on,” Draco said grabbing her hand and pulling her along with him.

“Where are we going?”

“To my dorms. You can sleep there. I’ll bring you some hot chocolate later too. I’m not leaving you alone.”

Y/N felt her heart warm up, a small smile making its way onto her face. Maybe, he really was going to keep his promises this time. Maybe, someone did notice, someone did care.

Draco was becoming a better person after spending so much time with his little sister. His care and love for her seemed to outshine any of the prejudice and hatred instilled in him by their father. This was witnessed by many a few days ago.

Y/N was making her way towards the Great Hall from the greenhouses when she heard a voice.

“Watch where you’re going mudblood,” the voice spit.

Y/N turned a corner to see Pansy Parkinson, the girl that obsessively pined over her brother, glaring at Hermione Granger, Harry Potter’s best friend.

“Watch your mouth,” said the redhead.

‘Ron Weasley’ realized Y/N.

“Draco, did you hear what this Weasel just said to me!?” Parkinson shrieked. Y/N winced at the tone of her voice, noticing Draco do the same thing which brought a tiny smile to her face.

“Let it go,” drawled Draco, rolling his eyes.

“What do you mean ‘let it go’? She bumped into me! She did it purposely just because she’s a filthy little mudblood.”

Draco sighed irritated, “That makes no sense. No one is going to bump into someone just because they’re a muggleborn. Now let’s go Pansy.”

Everyone gaped at Draco. He didn’t seem to realize he’d just said, grabbing Pansy by her arm and dragging her away towards the Great Hall.

Y/N shot a sweet smile towards Granger, Potter and Weasley whom she passed by as she headed towards the Great Hall. However, the trio seemed to be too shocked by Draco’s actions and words to return the kind gesture.

‘He called her a muggleborn without thinking twice about it,’ Y/N thought, smiling to herself as she walked with a small skip in her steps.

“Here. It’s your favourite jumper of mine. Change and get comfy. I’ll grab the blanket you really like from my trunk.”

Y/N took the jumper and sweatpants from Draco, heading towards the bathroom to get changed. She walked out to see Draco waiting for her with the blanket spread on his bed. She sat down beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he whispered.

Y/N shook her head.

“You can cry if you want. I’m not going to judge you for it,” Draco spoke softly.

Y/N didn’t reply. Draco sighed and turned his head to the side, pressing a kiss to her temple. Soon after Draco felt cold wet tears hit his neck. He held Y/N more tightly, trying to convey that she was never alone, not as long as he was in this world.

After a few minutes, Y/N quieted down. “Get in bed,” Draco spoke softly to her.

“No,” she said, “I have work to do. I can’t-”

“It’s okay. I’ll do it for you. Just sleep, okay?”

Y/N hesitated before nodding. She moved under the blanket and curled up in Draco’s bed.

Draco got up and tucked her in properly.

“Sleep, Y/N/N. I’ll be right here,” he mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Draco got his books, along with Y/N’s from their bags. He sat down on the floor resting against his bed getting ready to do her, and some of his, work as Y/N fell asleep, a content look on her face.

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If you enjoyed reading this fic, please like/comment/reblog! Your opinion/feedback is welcome, appreciated, and motivating :)

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soundsgoodfeelslikeshit · 3 years

Text

Worried Days

Anonymous said:

also, if you’re still taking requests, number 8 and 10 from the angst prompt list with rafe please :)

“Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“I’m worried about you.”

Prompt list:

Requests: Open

Warnings: Depressive episode, cursing, angst

A/N: These were requested so long ago, but I’m just now getting to them. My requests are open if you’d like one written from the prompt list or just have any requests.

For days now you had been in your own head. You couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t bring yourself to eat, no shower, no contact with the Pogues, no contact with your boyfriend. Rafe. He deserves so much better than you. Rafe had been bending over backwards since he learned how your family had been falling apart. He surprised the whole island and himself when he found he had a sweet spot for you. You were a Pogue who lived on the connection of Figure Eight and The Cut. Your friends weren’t too pleased to find you dating Rafe, but you settled the beef between him and your friends. Some days they’d even hang out despite still not liking one another.

You sighed and turned over pulling your comforter up again. You had been spiraling for a few weeks, but couldn’t tell anyone. Rafe had exams for college, and Kie and Sarah had to worry about Midsummers, and the guys had heavy work schedules to get to. You didn’t want to burden anyone so you let it get bad, leaving you bed ridden for the past three days now.

For three days you hadn’t seen your dad. He’d packed his bags finally and told you, your siblings, and your mom he had found another family to be a part of. You brother was leaving for college so he didn’t stay and your little sister was forced to stay with your grandparents near Chapel Hill while your mom recuperated.

You looked at the family pictures that lined your walls and you began to cry again. You somehow felt this was your fault. This had to have been your fault. Your siblings were perfect, your brother was attending Harvard for business and your little sister was no trouble compared to you when you were her age.

Why can’t I be a better daughter? Why did I have to be the disgrace of the family? Why can’t anyone in my life stay? What’s wrong with me?

Sobs ran through your body as you allowed your brain to wander to the dark spaces you knew it shouldn’t. On days like this you’d message Rafe and he’d hold you but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it, to bother him today.

You allowed yourself to cry for a while longer and then pushed yourself out of bed. Today you would shower and take a walk to the beach. You can’t wallow in pity forever.

Your shower wasn’t as hot as you normally liked it, but you didn’t mind you just needed to wash your hair and shave quickly. You’d probably shower again when you got home since you wanted to surf. Your mind wandered again while you shampooed your hair. Does Rafe even care about me? Has he tried to reach out?

You shook your head and got out of the shower pulling a bikini on and pulling your keys and your phone off of your bedside table. You didn’t bother turning your phone back on no need to see no one reached out to you in the three days it’d been off.

Before you knew it your drive to the beach was over and you were quickly pulling your surfboard down from the roof of your car and heading towards the sand. You paddled out pretty far and just sat on top of your board staring out into the water. You loved surfing and the water usually calmed you, but today it was causing you to feel like you couldn’t move.

You watched as a wave came towards and you half-heartedly paddled towards it attempting to pull yourself up onto your board, but the wave completely wiped you out. Your body slammed into the water and gasped taking in water. You tried to swim to the surface panicked. When you finally reached the surface you coughed up the water you just breathed in. You felt arms wrap around your body and you screamed.

“Hey, hey it’s me. It’s Rafe.”

You breathed a sigh as tears came to your eyes. He placed you back up on your board and started to swim, dragging your board behind him, to the shore.

“Y/N what happened?” Rafe asked looking at your tear stained cheeks as your feet met the shore.

“I missed the wave.” You mumbled.

“Baby, you never miss a wave like that, it looked like you didn’t try. That’s not what I’m talking about though.” He breathed.

You just stared at him.

“Nobody’s seen you in days. I haven’t heard from you in days. What’s been going on baby?”

“My dad finally left. It’s been a long time coming as you know. The past few weeks have been hard, I felt myself spiraling but I couldn’t bother you or the Pogues. You’re so busy you don’t need to worry about me.” You mumbled dropping your head to look at your feet in the sand.

“I was worried about you though. I’m worried about you now. Y/N/N you can’t just do that. I will NEVER be too busy for you. I love you. I will always be here to pick you back up and put your pieces back together. Okay?” He said holding your chin to stare into your eyes.

You nodded.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled quietly.

“Don’t be sorry. Let’s get you home.” He said softly.

“I don’t want to go home Rafe. I don’t want be in that fucking house. There’s just too many memories why weren’t we good enough for him? Why wasn’t I good enough for him?”

He looked at you sadly and nodded.

“We can go to mine. Dad won’t mind. We’ll talk about this there.” He said placing a kiss to your head.

You wrapped an arm around Rafe’s waist and walked to where your car was parked. Rafe shoved your surfboard on top of your car and then opened the door for you.

“Drive safe, I’ll meet you at mine.” He said placing a kiss to your lips as you nodded.

You frowned as you noticed the worry in Rafe’s eyes as he climbed onto his bike and started towards his house. You reversed and began to follow him.

You pulled into his driveway behind him and climbed out of your car, grabbing one of Rafe’s shirts from the backseat. He helped you pull it over your head before he placed a kiss to your lips.

“I love you. You know that bug?” Rafe said softly.

“I know you do. I love you too.” You said back quietly.

He smiled and grabbed your hand. “Wanna play some Mortal Kombat?” He questioned you.

“Hell yeah I’m done to beat your ass.” You said with a smile.

“There’s my girl.” He said with a grin. You laughed as you followed him in.

You followed Rafe to his room after saying hi to Mr.C and Sarah as you passed.

“Y/N/N I want you to know that you are always good enough, it doesn’t matter who the person is. You are enough. If someone is willing to walk out of your life, that’s their loss. Don’t let it twist your mind. It’s not your fault he left, and it will never be your fault he left. Don’t let your brain do the comparison thing I’m sure it’s already done. There is no one like you and that’s because you are absolutely perfect in the way that you are. No one can be you, not you business major brother, and not your little sister. No kid he finds with a new woman will be able to replace what he left behind, okay?” He said.

You nodded feeling tears come to your eyes.

“Baby don’t cry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said quickly, pulling you into him.

“I needed to hear that. I was in my bed for three days letting thoughts of how he left because I wasn’t good enough run through my head. It’s hard to not let it happen.” You said sobbing.

“I know it is princess, that’s why you let people help. You don’t have to do it alone.” He said into your hair.

As quickly as your sobs started they stopped and Rafe was running his fingers through your hair as you hiccupped. He knew this was your favorite thing he did when you were sad other than running his hand up and down your back.

“Let’s order some food, and then we’ll play MK.” He said as he reached for his phone.

“Okay. I’m gonna change.” You said heading to his dresser where you kept some extra clothes. You pulled out a bra, underwear, and a pair of shorts before heading to Rafe’s closet and grabbing a shirt and heading into the bathroom.

You walked back out and grabbed a controller as you waited for the food.

108 notes · View notes

tanzaniiite · 4 years

Text

05. A Mess

protective [nishinoya yuu x fem!reader]

warnings: being drunk & vomiting

word count: 1.5k

a/n: whattt? a written chapter in a smau?? it’s more likely than you think, enjoy! 😚

series masterlist

Dealing with a drunk Noya was always a struggle.

Yes, you’ve been to several parties with him and even though his drunk antics never failed to put a smile on your face… you did hate the clean up portion of things. Most people became a certain type of way when they were drunk. Y’know the typical; elated, depressed, emotional, flirty, quiet and loud drunks. Yuu was a combination of emotional and loud. The loud portion wasn’t the issue because Nishinoya was naturally loud. The issue was the emotional portion. He became uncharacteristically clingy and very talkative. His favorite topic of conversation was telling the person closest to him how much he loved them. Although it was endearing at first it can get real annoying, real fast. But then again, you were used to drunk Nishinoya whereas Kenma was not.

“H-h-h-heyyy Y/n! Did youuuu know–“ Noya slurred, poking your arm, “– that I love you sooo much” He claimed, giving you a drunken smile. You smiled slightly and patted his head as he snuggled into your side. “Yes Yuu, I know. I love you too” You replied, making eye contact with Kenma through the rear-view mirror. He gave you a tired look that you returned with a sheepish smile. “Sorry” You mouthed, continuing you to pet Noya’s head softly.

The plan was originally to just lay Nishinoya on the backseat and you were going to sit in the front with Kenma. But Yuu insisted that you sit in the back with him and proceeded to cry when you tried to sit in the front. The blonde just shook his head before focusing his eyes back on the road.

“Your friend is a mess”

He deadpanned, glancing at the GPS that had Nishinoya’s address inputted in it. Before you could even respond, Noya shot up, successfully hitting your chin in the process. “Ow..” You muttered, feeling your mouth fill with a metallic-like taste. “I-I’m not a mess! Mayyybe you’re the mess! Yeah, you’re the mess” Yuu huffed, crossing his arms like a two year old that didn’t get their way. Kenma sighed inwardly, “Sure buddy” He responded, not really paying your drunk friend any mind. You, on the other hand, were quietly suffering with your now-sore tongue.

“How long till we get there?” You asked, trying not to irritate your tongue too much. “About 10 minutes.. you staying with him or do you want me to drive you home?” Kenma asked. You contemplated on that for a bit, you were going to just get him into bed and then head home but with how clingy he was now that wouldn’t be easy. Plus you’ve spent the night with Noya plenty times before, what’s one more? “Uh, I’ll stay with him. I’ll just head home in the morning” You answered. Kenma raised an eyebrow at you, “Really? Even after he drunkenly confessed to you?” He asked, genuinely curious. You looked down at Yuu who was fast asleep on your lap. “Yeah, he’s still my best friend. I don’t want him choking on his own throw up or going through a massive hangover by himself,” You looked at Kenma through the rear-view mirror again, “I’ll be fine” You stated, confirming his real suspicion.

“If you say so”

Golden light streamed through the windows causing Noya to groan loudly. Opening his eyes blearily, he quickly closed them back due to sunlight being directed right in his eyes. Rolling over to get away from the brightness, Yuu squeaked as he was met face to face with a sleeping you. For a moment, he thought he was hallucinating. You could have hangover hallucinations, right? But that crazy theory went out the window when he saw your nose twitch in the cutest way possible. As he looked you over, you were in the same clothes that you were in last night. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why you didn’t just wear one of his shirts.

Then it dawned on him that you were suppose to be at the party with Oikawa, so why were you here with him? Did something happen? All his memories from last night were incredibly hazy and trying to remember made his throbbing headache even worse. So he decided to let it go for now. Sitting up slowly, trying to be courteous of your sleeping form, Noya noticed he was in nothing but his boxers. …why the hell was he only in his boxers? Did you guys… no because your clothes were still on. Wait! What if you guys.. dry humped or something? He remembers a classmate saying that they did something like that once in a drunken stupor.

Noya shook his head to dispel those thoughts. You were dating Oikawa and you didn’t even see him in that way, of course nothing happened. No matter how badly he wanted it things to be different. Letting out a dejected sigh, Yuu got up and stretched while heading over to the blinds to shut out the sun.

“Morning sleeping beauty”

The short man jumped, startled, quickly turned to face you. His heart got caught in his throat as you looked up at him from your spot on his bed. Man, he had it bad. “Hey bestie” He chirped, forcing a smile. He would have to wallow in sorrow about his one-sided crush another time. You giggled and sat up, stretching your arms as you did so. “You’re awfully chipper for someone with a hangover” You acknowledged, nodding towards his desk, that had a cup of water and aspirin. Noya gave you a sheepish smile and took the aspirin. Sitting next to you, he leaned his head on your shoulder.

“You’re a life saver”

“I know, what would you do without me?”

‘I have absolutely no idea’ He thought, fiddling with his fingers. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence, you were checking your phone and Yuu couldn’t help but notice the look of distress on your face. “You okay?” He asked, looking at you. You shut your phone off and tossed it to the side, nodding slightly. “Okay, here’s a question I’ve been dying to ask: why am I in my boxers?” He inquired. He watched you grimace before answering, “When Kenma dropped us off, you threw up by the entrance of the dorms. It got all over your clothes” You responded, looking very disgusted.

Noya looked just as disgusted, if not, more so. “Ugh, sorry about that” He apologized. You waved your hand dismissively, “It’s fine, this isn’t my first time taking care of you and it won’t be the last. Just don’t throw up on me, ‘kay?” You proposed, holding out your pinky to him. “I’ll try my best” He promised, locking his pinky with yours. Looking around the small dorm he noticed Tanaka wasn’t here, “Did Tanaka come back last night?” He asked.

You shook your head, “No, but I think he’s with your friends Daichi and Sugawara” You replied. Nishinoya’s blushed a bit at what he was about to ask next, “So, uh, so why did you sleep with me? Y’know.. instead of in Tanaka’s bed?” He inquired, desperately trying to cool his flushed cheeks. But you didn’t even seem to notice as you started laughing. “Because you wouldn’t let me go, I think you’ve forgotten how clingy you get when your drunk Nishi” You explained, still laughing.

Now Noya couldn’t tell if he was blushing from embarrassment or the cute nickname you gave him that was solely used by yourself. Suddenly a bunch of ping!’s erupted from your phone, you picked it up and looked at the messages. Catching a quick glimpse at your phone, he noticed they were all from Oikawa. Yuu frowned slightly, ‘Possessive much?’ He thought. But he quickly dropped the frown as you turned back to him. “I should get going.. Oikawa’s getting worried” You explained, getting up from his bed.

“It’s only 10:53, it’s still early. Don’t you want breakfast or something?” He asked, he really didn’t want you to leave. You shook your head slightly, “No, I’m good. I’ll eat later” You declined, putting your shoes on. Noya got up and scrambled to find some clothes, “Well at least let me walk you back to your dorm. Nobody’s out this early, it could be dangerous”. You chuckled softly and placed a hand on Yuu’s shoulder. “Nishi, I appreciate the concern, but I’ll be alright. My dorm isn’t that far from yours. Plus you have a hangover and need to rest” You say, pushing Noya back on his bed. “But–“ He started. You hugged him and Nishinoya prayed that you couldn’t feel his rapid heartbeat. He restrained pulling you back to him as you pulled away.

“I’ll text you the minute I get home, okay?”

…

“Okay”

taglist [open]: @chaseyui @thepanadapopo @multisun @shegrewupwithoutafather @differentballooncollection @blkanimegyal @spencers-abit-weebish @hofortendou @lovinnoya @unstableye @mirukobecomingbothered @nekoma-hoe @boldygotobed @sunaswife @bakucherie @softhorts @shypuff21 @rachelexe @mariachiii @peachiikichu @angyboibakugo @lustingfor5sos @ptv-hades @helloshoutohere @kageyamauwu1 @darcytherandom @yellow-yarn @kingkagss @roastedchikin @staar-gaazing @strawhatshepard @pspspsomi @nellieleverlin @calypsokalopsia @tiredlittlegirlvt

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tchallasbabymama · 3 years

Text

Gone

Hey y’all, here’s Chapter 6 of Playlist. Check out my masterlist HERE to read the other chapters if you haven’t already, and check out my other stories too!

CW: alcoholism

Word count: 4894

Two months had passed and T’Challa was still not taking it well. He was still internalizing the guilt he felt for putting Ashanti in harm's way, and it was all he could think about. He felt numb most days, and when he felt anything at all it was grief over losing his love. Whenever he wasn’t working he hid away in his chambers, staring at the walls and playing sad music. Today his favorite song to wallow to was “Gone” by N*Sync. He laid across his bed sipping from a bottle of whiskey with the song playing on repeat as tears ran down his face.

There's a thousand words that I could say

To make you come home

Oh, seems so long ago you walked away

Left me alone

I remember what you said to me

You were acting so strange

and maybe I was too blind to see

That you needed a change

Was it something I said

To make you turn away?

To make you walk out and leave me cold

If I could just find a way

To make it so that you were right here

But right now..

I've been sitting here

Can't get you off my mind

I've tried my best to be a man and be strong

I've drove myself insane

Wishing I could touch your face

But the truth remains..

You're gone..

Baby you're gone

Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone..

You're gone..

You're…

He barely spoke to his family anymore. Not even N’Jadaka could get anything out of him on their occasional walks when he would visit from Oakland. The king was a steel trap of emotions, and nobody could get in. His cousin could tell something was off, and began to worry about his health so he and Shuri decided to confront him about it. They knew it wouldn’t go well, but they never expected him to insult their intelligence.

T’Challa had been able to hide his drinking from Queen Mother, but it was hard to get anything past the other two. N’Jadaka had seen friends go down a similar route and he knew the signs, and Shuri had overheard the kitchen staff talking about sending three bottles a night to the king’s chambers. When he was scheduled to leave for a mission with the Avengers she was scared out of her mind that he would get hurt, so right before he left she and her cousin confronted him. He lied to them, for the first time ever, and straight up denied the accusations. Shuri was hurt to her core knowing her brother was in such a bad way that he would stoop so low, but N’Jadaka expected his response. When he left they saw him off as usual, but Shuri broke down in her cousin’s arms after the Talon took off. Ramonda quickly became worried for both of her children when Shuri told her of the burden she had been carrying for her brother. They both internalized too much, and Ramonda had Shuri start therapy immediately. She also had a grief therapist and an addiction counselor on standby for T'Challa's return. She would be damned if she lost her son to his depression.

The Avengers had also noticed a change in T’Challa’s behavior, so much so that even Sam of all people was concerned for him. Thor had tried to lighten the king’s mood with their usual banter, but nothing changed. Wanda tried to regale him with her physics-defying powers to no avail, and Natasha couldn’t get anything out of him in their sparring sessions. Eventually Steve and Sam took it upon themselves to do something, Steve as a friend and Sam as a former counselor.

“Catman, let me holler at you real quick,” Sam interrupted T’Challa’s brooding on the couch. He rolled his eyes, but reluctantly got up anyway. Sam led him into the kitchen, where Steve was already seated at the large table. Sam pulled out a chair and turned it around before sitting and resting his forearms on the back.

“Ok, talk. You’ve been moping around the entire time you’ve been here and you’re bringing the energy down-”

“I think what Sam is trying to say is that we’re your friends and we can tell something is wrong... come on, man, you really think I haven’t picked up on your new drinking habit?” he asked in all honesty before trying to lighten the mood a little. “You know, for a cat, you’re not that sneaky.”

T’Challa closed his eyes and sighed. He had hoped nobody else would notice before he could get it together. When Shuri and N’Jadaka confronted him before he left he lied to their faces. He had never done that before, and as soon as the words left his mouth he was filled with shame and had to leave quickly to avoid them prying any more into it. When he looked out the window of the Talon after taking off he saw his baby sister break down in tears, and his heart broke. He decided then and there that he would stop drinking, but it didn’t exactly work out that way. Here he was, a month later and still no improvement. He was doing his best to keep it under wraps, but for once his best wasn’t good enough.

“Problems at home?...Is it about Ashanti? I haven't heard you mention her in awhile.” Steve continued, trying to get something out of him.

A lump formed in the king’s throat and he nodded before averting his eyes to the table.

“She left me.”

He proceeded to tell them the whole story and watched their faces twist in disbelief.

“Wow, that’s...wow,” Steve couldn’t believe it and his heart went out to both of them for what they went through and for what T’Challa is putting himself through now. “You know, for the longest time I blamed myself for what happened to Bucky. It ate me up inside, but you gotta let that stuff go, man. If not, you’re gonna start spiraling out of control, and nobody needs that.”

“He’s right, T.”

T’Challa and Steve looked at Sam in shock, he never referred to him by his name or anything close to it. It was always “Catman” or whatever cat joke he could come up with at the moment.

“You need to talk to someone before this gets worse,” Sam said in earnest.

He thought back to his mother’s words shortly before he left Wakanda, “I’m worried about you, unyana wam. You have not been your usual bright self.”

T’Challa sat forward, placing his elbows on the table. He decided then and there that he couldn't keep doing this to himself. He was a king, he was a warrior, he was a superhero for Bast’s sake. He couldn’t afford to be a drunken shell of himself anymore, it was going to start catching up to him. He couldn’t keep blaming himself.

“You’re right.”

-------

After the incident, Ashanti moved back in with her parents so they could care for her. Kwame and Binta were over all the time, and Shuri even made a visit to bring her the new pinky she made for her. It took some getting used to how it felt on her hand, but she eventually got the hang of it.

At first, Ashanti was scared to leave her parents’ home, so they found a therapist that made house-calls. It took some time for Ashanti to trust her, but eventually she did and Jamila was able to convince her to go outside for the first time in two months. They stayed in her parents backyard for a few sessions, before Jamila gradually got her to move further and further from the home. After about 6 months, she was able to go to the bazaar on her own. She still wasn’t up for running Taj’s, so she let her new employees Zina and Jafari handle it. So far they had been doing a great job and she wasn’t too worried about getting back to it just yet. She took some time to find herself again, painting for the first time in almost a year and spinning clay at her pottery wheel whenever she felt the need. She caught up on the books she had been meaning to read, and she slowly got back into the habit of running in the mornings.

Ashanti surprisingly had no problem with moving back into the house with Binta and Kwame. She missed the twins more than she could verbalize, but really did need her time away. Eventually, things went back to normal and it was almost as if the chapter of her life that included T’Challa never happened at all.

After a few months the twins pushed her to get back out there and she started dating a River tribe guy she met on her run one morning. She had tripped over a root and ended up falling flat on her face, but luckily another runner saw her fall and came over to help. He was a hot doctor named Zane. After he checked her ankle, he looked up and was captured by her beauty. He asked her out then and there, and three months later they’re still going strong. He was sweet, and smart, and funny, and all the things she wanted in a partner...but he didn't automatically know her favorite flower, and she didn't feel electricity from his touch. His kisses didn’t ignite a flame, just a little spark. He was a great lover, but the passion wasn’t there.

In short, Ashanti was faking it, but she was too scared to break his poor little heart.

Even her parents and roommates could tell she wasn’t really feeling Zane, so they sat her down to talk some sense into her.

“Why does this look like an intervention?” Ashanti joked when she walked into her kitchen and saw her family seated around the table, all looking up at her.

“Because it is, girl. Sit down.” Kwame pulled out the chair next to him and she tentatively took a seat.

“Sithandwa,” Bisa started , “you know we love you-“

“What’s this about?” she cut her off, nervous and ready to cut to the chase.

“Zane.” Binta and Kwame stated, matter of factly.

Ashanti knew what was coming. Each one of them had pulled her aside at some point to have what was sure to be the exact same conversation.

“Honey, you’re playing with that poor man’s heart. We can all see you don’t want him, he’s the only one who can’t.” Kwame reached out and grabbed her hand in his.

Ashanti sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. She hated being called out on her bullshit, especially since it didn't happen often. She knew they were right though, she was wrong for stringing him along.

“He’s a good man, I know, but you both deserve to be with people who want you the way you want them,” Bisa added,

“I know,” Ashanti let out a sigh before hanging her head and collecting herself. “I know, I just- he’s a great guy so I just keep hoping he’ll grow on me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Everyone seemed to look at each other out of the corners of their eyes without Ashanti noticing. They knew exactly what the problem was.

“Nothing is wrong with you, intyatyambo. You are just still in love,” Chidi cupped her face with his hand and she stared at him in shock.

“No, it’s been over a year. I’m past that now,” she tried to dead the conversation before it went somewhere she really wanted to avoid.

“Are you?” Binta asked. “Because everytime you see his hologram on the news you smile a little without even realizing it.”

“And don't forget when you ducked into a random bathroom and texted me panicking because you saw Dora Milaje in the bazaar and thought he might be there.” Kwame added.

“I-I just didn’t want to see him, that’s all.”

“Mhm, then how come when I called you were you primping in the mirror?”

“I was not!”

“Sis…” he gave her the look.

Ashanti hung her head again.

“Fine,” she gave in. She knew why she wasn’t feeling Zane and why her palms still started to sweat when she saw pictures or holograms of him and why her heart almost beat out of her chest that day in the bazaar. She still dreamed of him. Her body still responded to the thought of him. Hearing his voice still sent chills down her spine. She still loved him, but she never wanted to admit it.

“Fine?” Chidi asked as he and his wife shared a hopeful glance.

“Yes, fine, you’re right. Happy?” tears came to her eyes, and as hard as she tried to keep them from falling she eventually lost the battle. She hadn’t allowed herself to feel the loss after the breakup, and it was all catching up to her right there in front of her family.

She sobbed on Bisa's shoulder and Chidi wrapped them both in an embrace while Binta rubbed circles on Ashanti’s back and Kwame held her hand. All four of them were relieved to see her finally come to terms with her emotions. They had been concerned that she seemingly blocked out that whole chapter of her life, not sure if it was due to the trauma or the heartbreak or both. Her time in therapy had focused on getting her through the trauma of what happened to her, and barely even touched her breakup. All she had done was lock her feelings in the basement and throw away the key, but they were still there and just as strong as ever.

After a few minutes Ashanti pulled herself together and looked at the people around her.

“I love you all so much,” she was able to get out through her tears and snot. Chidi grabbed some tissue and wiped her face.

“We love you too,” they all responded.

_______

After that day, Ashanti found herself thinking about T’Challa a little more than usual...ok a lot more than usual. Everything she saw reminded her of him, and it was starting to weigh on her. She still felt the same way about being with him, but she missed him more than she could say. Eventually she got the idea to give him a call. She talked herself out of and back into the idea for several weeks, and one day just said “Fuck it” and pressed his contact on her beads. She never got around to deleting it.

The trilling sound that followed filled her with dread. What if he didn’t pick up? What if she’s blocked or he changed his beads?

She didn’t have time to go too far down that rabbit hole because the trilling stopped and her ex boyfriend appeared in the palm of her hand. They both stared at each other in silence before T’Challa spoke.

“Miss Ashanti, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

She was saddened by his formality but stunned by the smoky timbre of his voice. She had missed it so much.

“H-hi, how are you?”

“I am well, how are you?”

“I’m doing ok.”

“Just ok?”

“Yeah, just ok…” Ashanti trailed off, leading to a long silence between the two.

“Ashanti, is there something you need?”

“Oh, um, no not really. I just-,” she sighed, “You crossed my mind a couple times and something told me to reach out so I did.”

A small smile appeared on the king’s face.

“Just a couple times? I’m disappointed.”

She laughed, a sound he hadn’t had the pleasure of hearing in over a year, forcing his crooked smile to grow larger.

“Ok maybe a few times,” she said, while smiling back.

“But seriously,” her voice softened, “how are you T’Challa?”

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up when she said his name, but he wasn’t surprised she still had that effect on him since it happened every time he thought of her. He wanted to answer her honestly, he really did, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her about his drinking problem and stint in rehab a few months ago. He went back and forth on the decision for a few moments before making up his mind.

“I am well now, it has been an uphill battle.”

“I know what you mean,” Ashanti replied before they both just stared at each other in silence for a moment. “Well, I um, I know you're busy, and I didn’t really want anything so I don’t want to keep y-”

“We’re going to be late, baby,” Ashanti was cut off by a gorgeous woman in a red dress entering the room behind T’Challa. She hadn’t even noticed that he was talking to anyone, barely looking up from her beads as she walked back out of the room. T’Challa cleared his throat.

“Unfortunately you caught me at a bad time, tonight-”

“That’s ok! Uh, have fun!” she panicked and ended the call.

“Why would you just hang up like that?” she asked herself out loud before flopping back onto her bed.

After that embarrassment, she doesn't know if she’ll ever be able to talk to him again. Of all the different ways she imagined that conversation going she never accounted for the fact that he could have already moved on to someone else. She knew it was selfish and hypocritical since she had been with Zane, but something about the idea of him with anyone else made her blood boil and tears come to her eyes. She let a couple fall before getting up and going on about her day.

Late that night as she laid in bed scrolling through her social media she came across an article about the king’s 30th birthday celebration on the 9th. It was open to the public, and for a moment she considered going, but then she remembered the silky, high pitched voice emanating from behind T’Challa and decided against it. She’d rather not have to feel that embarrassment in public. Ashanti shut off her beads and closed her eyes, letting sleep take her for the night.

-------

The drummers were extra hype today, playing their hearts out as all of Wakanda danced and celebrated their king’s birthday. As they partied into the early morning T’Challa spent the whole time glued to his girlfriend Tamala, the Mining tribe princess. She had a habit of being clingy and wouldn’t allow anyone else to steal a dance. Around 1 in the morning, he had finally had enough and excused himself to go to the restroom. Making his way out of the venue, he caught the eye of someone he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Kwame?”

“My king,” he saluted T’Challa, but he waved him off.

“Please, you know me.”

“Better safe than sorry. Happy birthday man!”

“Thank you, thank you. Are you here alone?” T’Challa’s eyes scanned the crowd.

“No, I'm here with the usual people,” Kwame said, smirking in the king’s direction.

“So Ashanti is…”

“Over in the back corner avoiding you and the aggressive supermodel on your arm,” he took a sip of his rum punch.

“I can understand that,” the king and Kwame stood there awkwardly, not knowing how to continue the conversation. “It was good seeing you Kwame.”

“You too!”

The two quickly parted ways and Kwame ran straight to his friends at the table they had commandeered in the back. He sat down on Omar’s lap and told Ashanti of his interaction with the king, leaving out that he told him where to find her. Ashanti noticed Omar’s hands make their way around Kwame’s waist and she wished she could feel the king’s arms around her like that one more time.

“I knew I shouldn't have come here, why did I let you two talk me into this? He has a girlfriend already.”

“Because your man knows how to throw a damn party!” Binta slurred a little, very obviously teetering between tipsy and drunk. Ashanti rolled her eyes at her ‘your man’ comment but agreed, looking around at all the happy partygoers. She sighed, wishing she could enjoy herself like they were.

On his way to the restroom T’Challa was stopped by not one, not two, but three separate elders commenting on how good he and Tamala looked together and asking about marriage plans. T’Challa knew the council was anxious for him to get married and produce heirs, but no matter how much he wanted to, he just couldn’t see it with Tamala. She had everything he was looking for, but she was missing a special something. More like she’s not that special someone. She’s not her.

For the rest of the night, T’Challa avoided the elders and slyly kept his eye on Ashanti and her friends. He was mesmerized by her colorful curve-hugging jumpsuit and her natural hair that had grown much longer in the year they’d been apart. Her shoulders seemed to glow and her deep purple lipstick drew his eyes to her lips. His eyes travelled down her body, noticing that she had kicked off her shoes and he smiled fondly, remembering her disdain for heels. She looked up and caught him staring more than once, but he just couldn't stop. Everytime she caught him she’d quickly look away, too embarrassed to hold his gaze. His staring angered Tamala who also caught him staring more than once.

“Do you know her?” Tamala asked with an attitude, standing in his line of vision. T’Challa rolled his eyes because he sensed another argument coming. Tamala was a lot of wonderful things, but jealousy was her worst quality, hands down. He had never been one to have a wandering eye when he was with a woman, so normally her jealousy annoyed him to no end. However, this time he understood where she was coming from.

“Yes, I do. She’s an old friend.”

“A ‘friend’ huh? Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Tamala, please, not here. This is a celebration, try to be happy. For me, please.”

The Mining tribe princess rolled her eyes and stormed off, shoulder checking Prince N’Jadaka on the way.

“Yo, me and your girl are gonna fight fight one of these days. Like, for real,” he said as he walked up to his cousin.

T’Challa chuckled as he sipped some more of his non-alcoholic ginger beer.

“Let's go for a walk in the gardens,” he requested and the prince obliged. N’Jadaka pulled out a pre-roll and lit the tip, passing it to his cousin. “She’s upset because Ashanti is here.”

“Oh! She is, huh? Interesting...I’m surprised she showed.”

“I’m not,” he handed the blunt back to the prince, “she called me the other day. It was a very short conversation but...I still felt something and I think she did too. She looks good, really good. She asked how I had been but I couldn't really tell her the truth... She seems like she’s gotten so much better since the last time I saw her.”

The two walked in silence for a couple minutes passing the blunt back and forth before N’Jadaka broke the silence.

“So you still love her?”

T’Challa didn’t even have to hesitate.

“Of course, I never stopped.”

---------

The next day, Ashanti and her roommates were all laying in the living room nursing hangovers while they half watched an old classic Wakandan movie. Ashanti was sick to her stomach, but she couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or the sappy love story she was forced to watch. After it was over, Binta pulled up the news and right as the meteorologist finished explaining the upcoming weather patterns, a huge picture of T’Challa and Tamala kissing took over the screen. Bile rose in her stomach as Binta scrambled to change the channel. Before she could, Ashanti heard the anchor say the very words she dreaded hearing, “Could there be a royal engagement on the horizon?”

Binta turned the hologram off altogether, and the three of them sat in silence for a while until Kwame couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you ok?”

“I will be, it’s just rough right now. I’m happy he found somebody though, they look happy.”

Neither twin wanted to pry so they left it at that and changed the subject to food.

“I’m hungry, but I don’t feel like cooking.” Binta said in a huff, throwing herself back into the couch..

“Mood,” Kwame and Ashanti replied.

“Ooh how about I grab some food from my parents? They’ve been wanting me to stop by,” Ashanti offered.

“Bast bless you, my child.” Binta grabbed her hand and kissed it.

Ashanti threw her shoes on and was out the door in no time flat. She needed to get out of the house and clear her head. They looked so happy…

She was on autopilot when she reached the restaurant, barely even shooting a glance towards Taj’s before immediately heading back home. Chidi and Bisa could tell there was something bothering her, but chose not to pry.

Almost a week passed by with her being forced to see the new “it” couple everywhere she turned. It was starting to get to her so she called Jamila for a session, which turned into Ashanti seeing her on the regular. After a couple more months she no longer felt weighed down by her seemingly unrequited feelings for T’Challa and was genuinely ready to move on. She even downloaded a dating app on her beads and started meeting new people. Nothing really came of it, but she enjoyed herself nonetheless. Ashanti threw herself back into work, mostly focusing on her commissions while her employees handled Taj’s. Princess Shuri had spread the word about the artist after she received her necklace and since then Ashanti’s business had been booming. Everybody from farmers to nobility was knocking down her door for a custom piece. She even made a necklace for Shani, Chieftess of the Jabari. thAll was going well in Ashanti’s life and her therapy sessions were working, so when she saw the news of the royal engagement she allowed the grief to wash over her before shaking it off and going on about her day. On the other side of Birnin Zana, King T’Challa sighed as he watched the media coverage. He knew she was out there somewhere having to see it and he pushed back against the feeling of guilt that often tried to overcome him. He had to do it, though. He had been pushing the council to allow immigration into Wakanda and they just wouldn’t budge, just like he hadn’t budged on the issue of betrothal. It wasn’t until he announced to them that he had plans to marry Tamala that the council started to see things his way. This way everybody would be happy. He would be able to open up Wakanda more to the Lost Tribe, and they would have a queen and hopefully, soon after, an heir to the throne. A week later the news leaked to the press somehow and it quickly became all anyone could talk about.

During his weekly visits to the Merchant tribe T’Challa tended to avoid the Bazaar for fear of running into Ashanti, but this time he decided to venture in. People greeted him as he walked through, perusing the merchandise, and stopping periodically to chat. This is why he loved coming there, everyone was always so cheerful and bright. He had crouched down to talk to a nine year old girl who wanted his attention, and on his way back up he saw a woman in a purple headwrap walking out of a storefront, going in the opposite direction. He would’ve recognized that walk anywhere. T’Challa wanted to call out to her, but didn’t want to embarrass her or start a scandal. He watched her turn the corner and disappear from his sight. The king said goodbye to the little girl and her baba before heading off in the same direction she went, almost leaving his Doras in the dust. When he rounded the corner he stopped abruptly at the absolute vision staring right back at him. She was in shock, obviously not expecting to run into her newly engaged ex.

“T’Challa, h-hi.”

“Hi,” he said back, wanting to kick himself for not being more articulate.

“Um, congratulations on your engagement. I saw the news, well, everywhere.”

“Oh, uh, Thank you.”

“What brings you down here?”

“Just my usual weekly rounds.”

“Oh yeah, I remember those.” She smiled at the memory and his heart thumped a little louder in his chest at the sight. “You always looked forward to Mondays just for that…”

“I still do.”

They both awkwardly stood there, neither one of them saying what’s on their mind.

“Well, I uh, I have to go open up the store. I’ll see you around T’Challa.”

There was so much that he wanted to say, but he just couldn’t get it out. Being in her presence again after so long had him freezing up, something he never did.

She saluted him and winked before turning around and heading towards Taj’s. He couldn’t help but watch her hips twitch as she walked away and something told him she knew he was watching. She did.

Next Chapter

Taglist:

@maddeningmayhem, @theblulife

#cecewritessometimes #black panther fic #t'challa x oc #t'challa #playlist #black!oc

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faerieyoongles · 4 years

Text

Fresh Air

Stoner!Jimin x Ghost!Reader

Genera: ANGST, fluff if you squint, (a bittersweet ending)

Summary: Being dead was extremely lonely, there’s nobody to hang out with or talk to. All you really can do is follow around your friends and family and help them try and move on with their lives. You were convinced you’d spend the rest of your days wallowing in depression and self pity, until one day you met Jimin. It’s odd really, you’ve never heard of someone only being able to talk to ghosts when they’re high.

Warnings: mentions of drug use, death/suicide, harsh language

You’re dead.

You’ve been dead for almost three years now. One tragic summer day, you decided to drive yourself to the movies to meet a couple of friends, on the way there, they texted you asking if you’d pick up some snacks to sneak in. You were typing a reply when all of a sudden you found yourself driving on the wrong side of the road.

You can probably guess what happened next. The doctors say you were killed instantly on impact. Of course your friends never really forgave themselves, even though it was only your fault for texting and driving. Your parents’ relationship when you were alive was already pretty rocky, but once their only child died they just couldn’t even stand to look at each other anymore, so eventually they got divorced.

Needless to say, being dead sucked. You had to watch your loved ones suffer, and there wasn’t really anything you could do about it. Sometimes you’d try and send them messages, whether it was through dreams, songs, whispers, smells, anything you could gather enough energy to do. Most of them just rode it off as a coincidence, but a small few found comfort in your signals. Your dad never really got the hint, your mom however did and she still talks to you every night, even though you can’t really reply back.

After three years, your friends and family have finally started moving on with their lives. Doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about you, most of them still visit your grave now and then, but they’re all doing better now. You don’t feel the need to watch over them as much anymore, which to you is a relief. It’s nice to not have to worry about them all the time, but now you’re not really sure what to do. The after-life is pretty boring. There’s no one to hang out with or talk to, you can’t watch tv unless someone who’s alive turns it on (plus you never get to pick the channels anyways), you can’t ride roller coasters, can’t shop or spend money, can’t swim, can’t read books, nothing. All you really can do is watch the world turn around you and try to live your (after) life through the lives of others. Every once in a while you’d meet another spirit, and you’ve made a few friends, but most of them are too preoccupied with watching over families of their own. It’s not like you have a phone to keep in touch with them either.

In all honesty, you thought you were gonna be alone forever, but eventually all that changed for you.

As mentioned before, your loved ones were healing much better now, so every once in a while you’d wander off to do some exploring. Your favorite thing to do was to walk down the street and follow random people around, see what their lives are like.

It was mid-January in the big city of Seoul, and you’ve opted to follow around this old lady with a basket of bread. She was throwing it on the ground to feed the pigeons, which was a sweet aesthetic compared to the hostile civilian life that surrounded the area. You were trying your best to direct the pigeons towards her. Apparently, animals can sense spirits a lot better than humans can.

“Come on, little guys” you said in frustration “walk over, come on.” Pigeons are difficult birds to deal with, you realized. It was worth it though, the old lady seemed satisfied with the cluster of pigeons gathered around her.

You were in the midst of chasing down a stray pigeon who was running off in the other direction, when all of a sudden you hear a loud “Oof!” You look over to find someone had run into and almost knocked over the old lady. Luckily, she was fine, but the bastard had just taken off in the other direction running. You ran back over to make sure she was okay, not that you could really do much to help anyways.

“Watch it!” the old lady croaked at the young man who pushed into her. He didn’t stop running though, it must have not concerned him. Just a few seconds later, another young man came running past, it looked like he was chasing after the first guy. You decide to run and follow him. Maybe if you were strong enough to, you could give them a scare or something. After three years you’re still not the best at using your limited energy to interact with the outside world, but maybe you could give it a shot.

You started running after the two boys. Being dead meant you were never really tired, you could probably chase after them for hours and you’d be completely fine, so needless to say, catching up with them wasn’t much of a problem.

The boys chased after each other for three blocks. By the looks of it, the boy being chased had a bag in his hands, so naturally you assumed the second boy had something stolen from him and he was desperate to get it back.

“Jeon!” The second boy yelled. “I swear to god, I’ll kill you!” The Jeon boy ignored him and kept running.

Impressively, they ran for quite some time. The boy named Jeon eventually cornered himself in an alleyway, much to his misfortune. This allowed you and the second boy to finally catch up.

“Give me my money, Jungkook.” The second boy threatened. “You said you’d have it, so where is it.”

“I don’t got it, okay?” Jungkook pleaded. “But I’ll get it to you.”

“That’s what you said last time.” He was clearly angry and annoyed.

“Awe, come on, Hyung!” Jungkook smiled, trying to bring the mood down. “You honestly believe I’d lie to you.”

“You did lie to me! You lied to me last time I tried to sell to you and you lied to me today! I just had to chase you for three fuckin’ blocks because you tried to steal from me!”

Jungkook kept his smile on his face. He was clearly younger than the other boy, but didn’t seem much threatened by him. From what you could gather, the boys knew each other well.

“Relax, Jimin hyung. It’s not a big deal.”

“I swear to god I could kill you right now!” The boy, you now know is named Jimin, tried to swing at Jungkook, but he easily dodged it with a smirk.

“Okay fine.” he emphasizes. “Here’s your weed then. I don’t want it anyways.” Jungkook throws Jimin the bag, Jimin catches it and puts it in his pocket.

“You still owe me. You still haven’t paid me for the last time, or the time before that, or before that, or-” Jimin was cut off

“Okay! Yeah, I get it. How much do I owe you?”

“About a thousand.” Jimin stated.

“A thousand!? Nuh-uh, no way. There’s no way I owe you a thousand.” He said, shaking his head. “It’s probably about half of that!.”

“I keep tabs, Kook.” Jimin pulls out a little book with a list of clients and the money he made. He brings the book over to show Jungkook. “See, you haven’t paid me for over a year. I let it go for a while, but I’m gonna need that money eventually, and I’m not giving you anymore ‘til I get it.”

Jungkook huffs “Fine, whatever.” He then storms out of the alleyway, clearly annoyed at his friend.

“And don’t even try getting some from Yoongi hyung. I already told him not to give you any.” Jimin shouts back. Jungkook just shoots him the middle finger and he disappears around the corner. “Sheesh, that kid.” Jimin says to himself, unaware you’re standing next to him.

You found yourself observing him. His face seemed innocent and slightly feminine, but his eyes were low and angry. He wore a black sweatshirt and ripped jeans. His boots were worn and dirty and his laces had been removed. He had a whole story draped across him, and you found yourself desperate to read it. Some things about him were obvious, like the fact he dealt weed and smoked a shit ton of it. You could smell it on him from a mile away. He didn’t have much money, but he did make a decent amount from selling drugs. His hair was blonde and messy, probably from running three blocks. He was fit, so maybe he played sports or worked out?

You were snapped out of your thoughts when Jimin pulled out his phone and started talking to someone.

“Hello? Hyung? Yeah, he didn’t have the money. Again. Yes, I got it back. Alright. Yeah, I know. I’m coming back now, then. Okay.” He hung up the phone and started to make his way out of the alley and down the street. Before you could stop yourself, you started following him. It’s not like you had anything better to do anyways.

------------------------------

You followed Jimin for half a block until you reached his small apartment. It was a beaten up building in the middle of Seoul. You recall your parents telling you to stay away from that area when you turned 18 and finally started driving. It wasn’t the most glamorous of places, but Jimin looked pretty comfortable with his surroundings. The atmosphere suited him, he walked the streets like he’s walked them for years.

When reaching the building, Jimin opened the door wide enough so luckily you could slip in too. You trailed behind him as he made his way up the withered staircase and ended his journey on the third floor. He stopped at a door labeled 3C, took out a key and slipped it into the lock. After unlocking the door and making his way inside, he was greeted by two older boys who you assumed were his roommates.

“Jiiimmiinnnn!!” one of the boys shouted. Much like Jimin, he had a soft feminine face that looked much too innocent for the life he was living. His hair was bright red and his heart shaped smile framed his teeth perfectly. “I missed you~!” The boy said lazily. From the musty smell in the air, you could clearly tell that both the boys sitting on the couch were high out of their minds. “Did you bring anything to eat?”

“No, sorry” Jimin replied, placing his keys on the kitchen counter. “Do we not have any food here?”

“None that he wants to eat.” Replied the other boy. The second roommate was taller than the other two boys. His skin and hair was the color of honeycomb giving him a fiery tan. He slouched on the couch in a leather jacket and a blunt in his hand.

“I’ve said before that Doritos make my stomach hurt.” Said the first roommate.

“Everything makes your stomach hurt, Hoseok.” said the second roommate.

Jimin was searching the cabinets for something to eat, he eventually discovered a box of instant mac and cheese.

“Namjoon hyung, is this yours?” Jimin asked the second roommate. Namjoon just shook his head. Jimin then made his way to a lower cabinet and pulled out a pot to fill with water.

You realized pretty quickly Jimin was making himself food for his eventual case of the munchies. You knew you didn’t want to wait around and watch him get high, so you did some exploring. The kitchen and the living room were connected. On the right side of the living room was a hallway that led to three bedrooms and one bathroom. It was a small apartment, and it was clear none of the boys made the effort to keep it clean. There were clothes and dirty dishes everywhere. Lots of wrappers from food (and condoms but you chose to ignore those) and empty bottles. You found a few bags that had previously held weed in it. Underneath the cabinet in the bathroom was where you found their merchandise. There were two small plants with a purple light hanging above it. You didn’t know much about growing marijuana but you assumed that that’s exactly what its purpose was. You explored the three bedrooms and concluded that the last room on the left was Jimin’s. It was a small room with a wooden bed frame, a wooden desk, and a wooden bureau. All the furniture looked like it came from the same place, or maybe it was here when he moved in. Out of all three of the rooms, Jimin’s room was the cleanest (although it still wasn’t very clean). You noticed a picture frame on one of the back corners of his desk. It had a picture of him and a little boy, both smiling. He looked vastly different in the photo than he did in real life. His hair was black and his clothes were brightly colored. His face was still soft but he didn’t have the same angry eyes he had now. His cheeks were rosy, as well as the young boy’s next to him. You stared at the picture for a while. You concluded that Jimin was a very handsome boy, even more handsome when he was happy. By comparison to the weed induced Jimin that sat in living devouring a box of Mac and Cheese, the Jimin now was not nearly as happy as the Jimin in the photograph.

You made your way back to the living room after snooping around the strangers apartment. All three of the boys had blunts in their hands and smoke spilling from their lips. The TV was now on, and they were all focused on watching an Iron Man movie. You sat on the armchair that was placed next to the couch, deciding that you too would watch the movie. You didn’t find much interest in the film though, your eyes kept moving back to Jimin, watching him and his movements. After a while, he decided he wasn’t all that interested in the movie either.

“I’m gonna go take a nap.” He said, placing his dirty bowl on the coffee table. The two other boys just hummed in acknowledgment. You followed him down the hallway to his bedroom, there he shut his door behind him and sat on the floor. Leaning up against his bed, he just stared up at his ceiling. You sat down on the chair at his desk.

Honestly, following Jimin around was pretty boring. The day was getting late and you knew your mom would start saying goodnight to you soon, so you thought maybe now would be a good time to make your way home.

“Whoa! You scared the shit outta me!” Jimin yelled all of a sudden, scaring you in the process. You looked at him to see what the problem was. To your surprise, he was staring straight at you, but there was no way he was talking to you. You’re dead, and the only people who ever talk to you are other spirits, mediums, and sometimes animals, maybe children if they’re pretty intuitive. You looked behind you to see if maybe someone had walked in, but there was no one there. You looked back at Jimin confused. He was still staring at you. “Did Namjoon Hyung bring you here?” He asked. “He’s always bringing girls home but never telling them to leave.” he chuckled. You, however, were still very confused. Was he really talking to you?

“Uh?” Was all you could say. This was your first time having an actual conversation with a living person since you died. Jimin just kept looking at you, waiting for a response. “No, I just- um..” How would you even go about telling him your a ghost and you followed him home because the after life is boring as fuck.

“Was it Hobi then?” He asked. “I swear to god, I need to get my own place.”

“No, I came here on my own.” You replied, hesitantly. Your social skills have clearly declined in the past three years.

“Oh, well are you here to buy then?” He asked. “‘Cause I have a bag ready that was supposed to go to another client.” At this point you were certain he was talking to you, and you started freaking out a little bit. How come he could see you now but he couldn’t before? Could he see you before but just chose not to acknowledge you?

“Um no…” You said “I’m not exactly… uh.. alive, I guess.”

“Ha!” Jimin laughed “Aren’t we all.”

“No, I mean-” You cut yourself off with a huff. It was pointless trying to explain and you should probably just leave, but you hadn’t had a human interaction in so long that you just could help but try and see where this conversation would go. “I don’t know how to explain.”

“Okay?” Jimin questioned. You wondered why he didn’t just kick you out. You were a stranger just chilling in his bedroom and he seemed to have no problem with it. You figured he’s pretty used to being high around random people. He just kept staring at you, it made you feel like you were under his microscope. You weren’t sure how to act, what to say, what to do, so you kinda just sat there. “You’re pretty cute.” He said outta nowhere. “What’s your name?”

“Um, Y/N” you spoke quietly. You had your hands in your lap and were playing with your fingers. Jimin averted his eyes down and watched your fingers squirm with each other.

“Hi, Y/N. I’m Jimin.”

“Hi, Jimin.” You said back. It got silent for a moment. The situation you got yourself in was very awkward indeed.

“I’m dead.” You said out of the blue. Maybe if you just said it, ripped it off like a band-aid then it wouldn’t be so painful trying to spill it out.

“Dead?” He asked. He still wasn’t clearly understanding who and what he was talking to.

“Yes.” You confirmed. “As in, like, I was living once, and now I’m not.” You were still twirling your fingers together, nervous how he’d handle that information, if he could even understand what you were trying to tell him.

“Oh, that’s cool.” Jimin said. He obviously wasn’t comprehending what you were telling him, but at least you tried.

Just then, Hoseok came bursting in the room. “Jimin!” He said, “Me and Namjoon are going to go g-” He cut himself off with a little laugh “Why are you sitting alone in the dark?”

“Alone?” Jimin asked. He looked back at you with a confused look on his face. “Did you not see Y/N?” He then pointed to you, as if Hoseok was the one that was tripping balls. You looked at Hoseok, and he looked over to the chair you were sitting on.

Hoseok let out a laugh. “Dude, I think you’ve been smoking too much of that shit.” he pointed to the blunt in Jimin’s hand. “Anyways, Me and Namjoon are going to Yoongi and Jin’s place, they’re having like a small party thing. You wanna come?” Jimin was still shocked and confused as to why Hoseok couldn’t see you. Was what you had said really true? But there’s no way, it’s not like ghosts were actually a thing, were they?

Jimin took a moment to respond. “Uh, n-no I’m okay. I’m still pretty tired.”

“Are you getting sick?” Hoseok asked, Jimin's face was getting whiter and whiter the more he stared at you. “Just get some sleep and you’ll probably feel better in the morning.”

“Yeah, I will.” Jimin said.

“Okay, well, see you later then.” And with that, Hoseok closed Jimin’s door and left.

The air in the room was thicker now that it was just you and Jimin again. Jimin was just staring at the wall with wide eyes and a pale face. You figured it was probably best to let him speak first.

Jimin then cleared his throat. “So, you’re dead.” He said slowly.

“I’m dead.” You confirmed with a head nod.

“How?” He asked.

“Well, I won’t bore you with the details, but don’t text and drive.” You chuckled. Jimin didn’t chuckle back. “Uh.. Three years ago I was on my way to see a movie with some friends and they texted me when I was about three blocks away. I’m kind of an idiot and paid more attention to my phone than I did to the road. Next thing I knew I was in the left lane and there was a giant storage truck coming my way.”

“Oh, that sucks.” He said, still staring at the wall, not daring to look at you anymore.

“Yeah, it does.” You said.

“Did it hurt?” He asked.

“Um.. probably. I don’t remember much of the dying part. All I remember is being scared that a truck was coming my way, next thing I knew I was standing over my body watching myself bleed out on the side of the road.” Retelling your death never got easier for you, the whole thing was pretty traumatic. You waited for Jimin to respond, but like before he just kept staring at the wall.

“That’s rough.” He said. He finally looked at you. He was lightening up a bit, he didn’t look as pale as before but he still looked pretty freaked out from the whole thing. It probably would’ve been better if you had just left when you wanted to. “How-” He cleared his throat “ah- why are you here now? I mean- here in my apartment.”

“Oh,” You figured it probably be fair to explain why you were creepily sitting in his room without his consent. “I’m pretty bored, most of the time. I saw you chasing that boy down the street earlier today and I figured, you know, I’ve got nothing better to do.” You awkwardly chuckled. You realized you basically just told him you’ve been stalking him for most of the day for absolutely no reason other than you had nothing else to do. “I mean, it’s kind of a thing I do. It’s not like I can go out and do anything else, you know. Being dead isn’t exactly exciting.”

“I see.” He replied. The moment went dull and neither of you knew what to say. You figured he was still trying to comprehend the whole ghost thing, and you didn’t know what to do to make him feel better about it. This is the first time a living person has seen you entirely, so you were a little uneducated on how to approach the situation. Jimin just kept staring at that wall, like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever laid his eyes on.

The day was starting to turn to night, and you knew this situation was never gonna get any better. Besides, your mother was waiting for you. You abruptly sat up to leave.

“Where’re you going?” Jimin asked, finally turning his head to look at you.

“Um, to see my mom.” You replied. “She usually talks to me before she goes to bed, and I don’t want to miss it.”

“Oh,” He said. Was he really upset you were leaving? He didn’t look thrilled to have you there in the first place. “Will you be back?” You were confused. Does he want you to stay?

“Uh, Maybe?” You said. “If that’s what you want.” Jimin nodded his head.

“I’ve never met a ghost before.” He chuckled. “Is it wrong to be curious?”

“No, not at all.” You stated. “You just looked a little freaked out.”

“Oh, I am. But that’s what makes this fun.” He laughed. At this moment you concluded you liked Jimin. He was soft and quiet, but weird in an intriguing way, plus you now had a friend to talk to. You figured visiting Jimin on a daily basis wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

“Okay then.” You said. “I’ll be back tomorrow.” And with that, you left.

--------------------

The next day seemed to come slower than you wished it did. When you arrived at your old house the night before, you listened to your mother talk to you for about half an hour.

She told you about her new boyfriend named Atticus. He was a pharmacist who your mom met about a year ago. You liked Atticus. Every once in a while he would go with your mom to help her place flowers around your grave. You once followed them around on one of their dates. He really was a sweetheart. You wished you could've seen them together when you were alive, you knew you would’ve liked him then too. In all honesty, the main reason you liked Atticus so much is because he’s been a huge help in helping your mom move on with her life. It gives you comfort knowing your mom is being taken care of by someone who truly appreciates her.

Other than talking about Atticus, your mom mentioned something about finding an old box of yours. There were old photos, old clothes, shoes, toys, basically anything your mom couldn’t find herself to throw away. She said that in the box she found a letter that you wrote to your dad on his 50th birthday. It was basically telling him how much you loved him and how happy you are to have him in your life. She said that she wants to mail it to him, but she doesn’t know where your father moved to.

After your death and after the divorce, your dad kinda went MIA. Even you don’t know where he ended up. You went to visit him one day in the apartment he rented nearby and he just wasn't there anymore. Apparently, your mom didn’t know where to find him either. It worried you, not knowing where your dad ended up. You didn’t even know how to look for him either, it’s not like ghosts can use the internet.

After your mom went to sleep, you searched the house for the letter she was telling you about. You found it lying on the living room coffee table, along with the rest of the box she mentioned. Even if you could find your dad’s address, how would you let your mom know where he lived? How could you possibly get someone from the outside world to deliver this letter for you?

The next morning, you went to the same neighborhood Jimin lived in. You promised him you would go and see him again, but he was also stoned so you wondered if he even remembered the conversation from the night before. Either way, it was better than doing nothing.

Surprisingly, you remembered where his apartment building was. You were kinda proud of yourself for being able to navigate yourself through an unfamiliar area. When approaching the building, you found Jimin sitting on the steps with his hood up and his earbuds in.

“Hello again!” You said enthusiastically. He gave no response though, he just kept staring off into the distance. Was he not able to see you? You waved your hand in front of his face to get his attention, but he looked right through you as if you weren’t there. “Great.” You said melodramatically. You were invisible again. Basically this whole trip was pointless ‘cause there’s no way you can interact with him now. If Jimin couldn’t see you now, then how come he could see you the night before? Was it because he was high? You haven’t heard of someone only being about to see ghosts when they’re intoxicated, but it seemed like that was the only explanation.

Jimin checked his wrist watch. He must have been meeting someone, because after he put his wrist down he got up and started walking. You decided you’d follow him. Jimin walked about a block before he got to an alleyway. What was with this kid and alleyways? Is that the only place he could do his deals? When approaching the alleyway, there were two boys waiting there for him. One of the boys you recognized from before, Jungkook. The other boy looked unfamiliar to you, but upon observing him he looked about the same age as Jimin.

“Taehyung!” Jimin shouted with a smile on his face, taking his earbuds out. You guessed that Jimin and Taehyung must have been close since they both looked so happy to see each other. “It’s been too fucking long!” Jimin hurriedly approached Taehyung and Taehyung wasted no time in wrapping his arms around him and picking him up.

“I missed you!” Taehyung laughed into Jimin’s shoulder. It was endearing watching the two boys be reunited. You found yourself laughing along with them.

“Sheesh, do y'all need a room or something.” Jungkook sneared. “There’s a motel around the block ya know.”

“Oh fuck off.” Jimin said. The two boys released each other. “You’re just mad I won’t sell to you anymore.” Jungkook just huffed in annoyance.

“Speaking of.” Said Taehyung. “I’ve got about one fifty on me, is that enough?”

“Yeah, that should be good.” Jimin said. He pulled out a plastic bag from his pocket and in return Taehyung gave him the money.

“Thanks.” Said Taehyung. Jungkook started walking over from the spot he had previously been residing in. He pulled a wad of cash out from his pocket.

“Here.” He said sternly, holding out the money. “That’s three hundred.”

“Oh wonderful!” Jimin said sarcastically. “Only 7 more to go!”

“You’re lucky I even have any money at all. I’m already so behind on my rent.”

“Oh, poor baby.” Jimin teased while tossing the hair of the younger one. Taehyung seemed to find Jimin teasing hilarious.

“Oh, fuck off” Jungkook spat. Neither of the boys seemed to take Jungkook seriously.

“Remember when Jungkook was little and actually nice to us?” said Taehyung.

“Good times. What ever happened to you, Kook?” Jimin teased.

“Drugs.” Taehyung chuckled heavily. It suddenly got quiet between the three of them. It seemed that underneath the thin layer of jokes the boys were tossing around, lay the undeniable and cold truth. Upon observing their body language and their conversation, you figured Jimin must have known these boys since childhood.

“Yeah.” Jimin sighed “That’s what happened to us all. You take care of him though.” He lightly hit Taehyung's shoulder to show he was directing his statement toward him. “I feel like I don’t see him enough to check up on him.”

“I’m not a baby.” Jungkook sneered. “I don’t need to be checked up on.”

Taehyung just laughed at the youngest’s remarks. “Yeah, I will.” It was quiet between the three of them again. None of them knew how, but they all suddenly got really nostalgic really quick. “We better get going, Kook. If we’re late again Seokjin hyung is gonna flip.”

“Yeah.” Jungkook agreed.

“You should swing by the garage sometime.” Taehyung said to Jimin. “We all miss you.”

“I will.” Jimin said. “I’ve just been busy lately, but I’ll find the time. Isn’t it Yoongi hyung’s birthday next week?” The two other boys nodded. “I’ll be around that day then.”

“Can’t wait!” Taehyung exclaimed.

The boys left the alleyway and Jimin made his way back to the apartment. You, of course, followed close behind him. You followed him until he was back in his apartment and sitting on the couch. Namjoon and Hoseok must have been out because it was just Jimin sitting alone, smoking and watching TV. You wondered if he had any other hobbies.

After about half an hour of you watching the show Jimin put on, you heard a “You’re back!” come from the spot Jimin sat in. You looked over at him to find he finally noticed your presence.

“Hello again.” You said back.

“I missed you.” Jimin smiled.

“Missed me?” You asked. Jimin nodded his head.

“I had some questions I wanted to ask you. If that’s alright with you?”

“Mhmm” You hummed in approval. “Ask away.”

“Okay.” he started. “What’s it like being dead?”

“Well, it's extremely boring. Sometimes it’s frustrating because you don’t have any control over what goes on in the outside world.”

Jimin nodded. “Makes sense.” He lifted his arm to bring the blunt to his lips. He inhaled and paused for a moment, like he was thinking. As he breathed out, he asked “What happens when we die? Is there like a heaven and hell kinda system? Like do we go somewhere first and then decide if we want to walk around and be a ghost?” Geez, this kid’s got a lot of questions.

“Uh, I honestly don’t know. It’s not like I was given a ‘How To Be Dead, For Dummies’ book. If there is a heaven -or a heaven like place- then I have no idea how to get into it.”

“Well maybe you have some unfinished business you have to complete first?”

You chuckled “Of course I have unfinished business. I died at the age of 20, nobody plans on dying that young.” Sitting up a little, you sighed. “I just have no idea what it is I need to finish. Even if I did know, I’m not very good at manifesting energy to manipulate the living world.”

Jimin thinks for a second, taking in another puff “Being dead sounds like it…. sucks, to be honest.”

You laugh. “Yeah, it does.”

He held his breath again, but this time without the smoke filled in his mouth. He looks you up and down, clearly thinking about something. For some reason, you stare back. “I want to help you.” He says, “Whatever it is that you never got to finish, I want to help you finish it.”

You stop breathing for a second. After three years all you’ve wanted was help. Wandering alone in a world where you have no answer to anything is frightening. “That’s sweet, but I already told you, I don’t even know what my unfinished business even is.” You then suddenly remember the letter from the night before. You must have gasped a little because Jimin’s face lights up along with your own.

“What?” He asked.

“Actually, there may be something you can help me with.” You say. “I can’t find my dad.”

Jimin chuckles. “Yeah, join the party.”

“No, I mean,” You huff out a laugh. You guessed before that Jimin came from a broken home. He just confirmed your suspicions. “After I died, I lost track of where he went. I went to visit his apartment one day and he just wasn’t there anymore. My mom found an old letter I wrote to him when I was 16 and I want to get it to him.”

“And you think that will help with your unfinished business?”

“I mean, everyone else from my life has gotten better. I don’t have to worry about them anymore. But my dad……. I guess I just want to make sure he’s okay. I don’t know how I could move on with at least seeing him again.”

Jimin nods his head. “Yeah, alright. I’ll help you.”

“Thank you!” You squeal, jumping out of the seat you were sitting in. Jimin chuckles at your reaction. “I don’t know how I’m gonna repay you.”

“Don’t sweat it.” He dismisses. “It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”

“I thought you said you were busy though?” You questioned. He looked at you confused.

“What?”

“When you were talking to those boys earlier, you said you’ve been too busy to be able to see them.”

Jimin laughed. “How long have you been following me around, Y/N?” You blushed in embarrassment. Did it make him uncomfortable that you’ve just been following him around without him knowing?

“Uh, I found you sitting on the steps earlier. I tried to say hi, but you didn’t see me.”

“Oh.” Jimin said, shocked. “Yeah I didn’t. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Most people don’t see me.” You awkwardly chuckled. “I figured it was because you were sober.”

He chuckles at your comment “You think I’m some sort of stoner psychic.” Jimin smirked. “Huh” he raises his hand to his mouth again to take another puff.

“I’ve never heard of someone only being able to interact with spirits when they’re high, but I’ve definitely seen weirder things.” You say.

“I’ve always been able to see weird things when I’m high. I usually just got made fun of for it. Plus, everybody sees bizarre things when they’re high so I just thought it was normal”

“Weird things?” You asked. “Like what? What do you usually see”

“Like random people that weren’t actually there. Or faces that show up out of nowhere. Anytime I mentioned it my friends would just tell me I smoked too much.” He shrugged.

“Huh. Weird.” You said.

“Indeed.” He confirmed. He took what was left of his blunt and put it out in a little ash tray that sat in the center of the coffee table. He wiggled the top around for a few seconds while smoke escaped through the sides, he then finally lay the stick down in the center of the tray. “Anyways, about your dad. I got a buddy who’s really good at tracking people down.” He looked at you. “It’s not exactly legal though.”

You shrugged “I’m dead, it’s not like I can get in trouble for it. I’m cool with it if you are.”

“Alright then.” Jimin got up from the couch. “Follow me then.” He then led you to the front door and out of the apartment.

--------------------

You followed Jimin downtown, about an half an hour walk from his apartment. You expressed your concerns about him walking around the city being as high as he was. He told you that half the people that lived in this area were intoxicated with much more dangerous drugs, and that he does it all the time. You scolded him for that last part as well. He must have not taken you seriously, ‘cause after your five minute rant about how dangerous it all was, he just called you adorable. You kept nagging him about it the whole walk and he just kept smiling at you. He really did have a nice smile.

Eventually, you both reached an auto-shop labeled “Min and Kim Auto Repair”.

“These are some old buddies of mine.” Jimin said to you. “If they can’t find your dad then nobody can.”

“Really?” You laughed. “A car shop?”

“It’s a front.” Jimin said. “Or it was, until Yoongi and Jin found out they both enjoyed fixing cars more than they did selling drugs.”

“I see.” You said. You followed him inside.

The shop was small, but it was well kept and obviously the owners put a lot of effort into it. Jimin led you to a small office in the back corner. He must have come here a lot, none of the employees seemed to question his presence or stop him from going into a room that was clearly meant for employees only. Jimin opened the door, allowing you to go in before him.

The room he brought you to was a break room. It had a small kitchen area with a fridge, microwave, a diry counter, and a sink that looked like it didn’t work anymore. There was a couch, clearly damaged but held together with duct tape.There were lockers on one side of the wall and tables on the other. Out of the whole shop, this room looked like it was cleaned the least.

“Chimmy!” Said a man walking in from one of the doors on the opposite side of the room. He looked older than Jimin did, and a lot healthier too. He was very handsome. Broad shoulders and a lean torso. You found yourself staring a little too hard. Jimin seemed to notice too.

“Drool much?” He whispered to you. You just blushed, embarrassed you got caught staring at his friend.

“I missed you, Chim!” The man reached over to where Jimin stood and pulled him in for a hug.

“I told you not to call me that.” Jimin said, embarrassed into the man’s shoulder. You’d be lying if you said we weren’t a little jealous he got to feel his shoulders and you didn’t. It was moments like these when being dead really sucked balls.

“You haven’t been here in weeks.” Said the man. Now that he was closer to you, you got a better look at him. He had a name embroidered into his jacket that read ‘Seokjin’.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I’ve just been busy.” Jimin replied. You knew now that he was lying, but you couldn’t help but wonder what his real reason was. “I’ll try and come more often.”

“You better.” Said Seokjin.

“I actually need your help with something.” Jimin said, hesitantly. “And I know it’s a lot to ask, but it’s important.”

Seokjin’s face dropped and he sighed. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to be involved in your messes anymore.”

“I know, but it’s super important and I swear this is the last time I’ll ask.”

Seokjin sighed again. “Alright, but only because I’m happy to see you again. If I do this though, you have to promise you’ll be by more often.”

“I swear.”

“Alright, what do you need?”

Jimin glanced over at you. “There’s a man I need to find.”

“What for?”

“Uh.” Jimin looked over at you again. “He owes me money. It’s not a lot though, but ya know, I’d still like to get it.”

Seokjin eyed him suspiciously. “How much?” he asked.

“Uh, about two fifty.”

He laughed. “Alright then. What’s his name?”

Jimin looked back over at you. “Robert (L/N)” You told him.

“Robert (L/N)” He said to the older man.

Seokjin took out a pad of paper from his pocket, and a pen from behind his ear. “Okay,” He said as he wrote the name down. “I’ll look into it for you, Chim.” Jimin rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Do you know his last place of address?”

“483 Walloway Street. It’s about 45 minutes from here.” You said. Jimin repeated the information and Seokjin wrote it down.

“I’ll call you if something comes up.” Seokjin said. “I got to get back to work though, but promise I’ll see you again soon?”

“Yes hyung, I promise.” Jimin said. The two boys hugged goodbye and Seokjin went back to the room he first emerged from. You and Jimin both headed back the way you came, back to his apartment.

The walk back to Jimin’s was quieter than the walk before. You figured it was a good time for you to finally ask some questions, since he already had his turn.

“Why did you lie?” You asked. Jimin’s head shot in your direction.

“What?”

“Everytime one of the boys asks you why you don’t visit them as often anymore, you say it’s because you’re busy. You told me earlier that you basically do nothing, so which is it? Are you busy or do you do nothing all the time?” You say. Jimin takes a second to respond.

“I’m never really doing anything, to be honest. Although, I’m constantly exhausted, so it feels like I’m always busy. I don’t know if that makes any sense.” He says.

“No, I get it” You say. “I feel like that sometimes too. I’m dead so I technically don't get tired, but the constant dread and worrying about watching over everybody makes me feel so drained.”

He pauses for a moment and stares out into the distance. “I don’t have anybody to watch over though, I just feel like I’m floating through time and space. That alone feels like the most exhausting thing in the world.”

You hum in agreement. “Nobody could see me until now, ya know. You’ve got your friends to check up on you. I'm constantly alone.”

He looks over at you and finds that you’re already staring at him. You get startled by the sudden eye contact and quickly advert your eyes to the sidewalk in front of you. “I like you, Spirit.” He says suddenly.

“Spirit?” You question.

“That’s what you are, isn’t it?”

“Well yeah..” He chuckles at your sudden shyness.

“It’s true. I like you, Spirit.” He repeats.

“Why?” You jokingly ask.

He inhales sharply “You feel like a breath of fresh air. Like I could finally start breathing again. Most of the time I just feel alone” You were starting to feel bad for him, not that you didn’t already. After following him around for two days, you could tell he has a lot of friends, so why did he feel so lonely?

“You don’t like your friends?” You ask.

“I do.” He says, “but they aren’t the same as they used to be. I’m not the same as I used to be, but that’s just life.”

“Mhm…” You hum, “like they’ve all moved on without you, and all you can do is watch them grow older.” Jimin nods. You’ve felt that same pain too. You’d be lying if you said watching your family and friends go on without you didn’t hurt a little bit. You wanted them to be happy, of course, but it stung to know that things won’t ever be the same for you. There’s no moving on for you, no growing old, no new chapter. You’re stuck being 20 forever.

“I feel like I’m dead sometimes, like I’m just the shell of a man who once was alive.” Jimin says.

“I know the feeling.” You chuckle a bit, since that’s literally exactly what you are. “So that’s why you don’t see them as much anymore?” You question.

He nods “It's exhausting trying to pretend like I’m still the same person I once was, when I’m not. And It’s even more exhausting pretending like I'm okay with the fact that they’re not the same people they once were.” Jimin’s voice has gotten a lot softer. He’s looking down at his boots and he kicks little pebbles beneath his feet. You realize now that you had a lot more in common with Jimin than you thought you did.

“Who was that boy?” You ask. Jimin looks at you, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “On your desk, there’s a picture of you and a little boy.”

“Ah.” His head tilts up in clarity. “That’s Jungkook.”

“That’s Jungkook?” You say shocked. “It looked nothing like him.”

He chuckles. “Yeah I know. That’s what I mean.” Jimin looks back at you to look you in the eyes. “We’ve all changed. Probably Kook the most out of all of us. That kid started taking drugs for fun, then he suddenly didn’t know how to stop.” He sighs. “I can’t blame him though, it’s not like I haven’t met the same fate. The only thing is, he’s doing shit he knows nothing about. Dealing with drugs he doesn’t even know how to use properly. I swear that kids gonna get himself killed.”

“Why don’t you help him then? Like take him to a rehab facility?”

Jimin’s face falls and he sighs once more. “Who do you think gave him the drugs in the first place? If Jungkook goes to rehab then we all get caught for dealing, Jungkook included.”

“Oh.” Your head hung as well. It really was a messy situation. You didn’t know what to say anymore. “I’m sorry.” Jimin just nods, and you know he’s sorry too.

His face then lightens up and he stops walking in the middle of the sidewalk.

“What?” You ask. Jimin doesn’t respond. He then takes a sharp right turn into one of the shops lining the sidewalk.

“Follow me.” He says enthusiastically. Naturally, you follow him.

He leads you into a tiny shop filled with crystals, orbs, old books, and other things that you’re not even sure what they’re for.

“Where are we?” You ask. He goes to answer you, but is shortly interrupted.

“Welcome visitors!” Shouts a voice from behind where you were standing. You and Jimin both jump and turn around. An older woman emerges from a curtain draped under a doorway. She dressed in a long skirt and flowy boho shirt. Her necklaces all look handmade and each one has some sort of syble or crystal attached to it. “How may I be of service?” She looks at Jimin and then at you. Once your eyes met hers, her face suddenly lit up.

“Um.” Jimin started. “I’m looking for somethin-”

“Something to help you communicate with your friend here?” She cuts him off and points at you. She starts making her way closer to where the two of you were standing.

“You can see me?” You asked, surprised.

“Of course my dear! You really thought you’d walk into a medium’s shop undetected?” She says. “Now let me see.” She switched her eyes between you and Jimin rapidly while her hand rubs her chin. You and Jimin both look at each other awkwardly, exchanging looks of uncertainty. “You” she points to Jimin “can only see her under the influence of the devil’s lettuce. Am I wrong?” Jimin shakes his head. You chuckle a bit at the term ‘devil’s lettuce’. “And you” she switches her finger so it’s now pointing in your direction “need his help with something, and you can’t do it without your little boyfriend’s help.” You nod, shocked.

“He- he’s not my boyfriend.” You stutter, flustered. The lady ignores your statement, though. You and Jimin exchange looks again.

“I might just have the thing.” She clasps her hands together and walks over to a shelf in the back corner of the shop. Your eyes follow her as she reaches and opens a little box. She stares into it for a moment, contemplating something, though it’s unclear what. She then closes the box again and walks back over to the both of you. “This might be able to help you.” She hands the box to Jimin. He takes it from her apprehensively, then slowly opens it to see what she’s given him. It was a necklace with a circle charm hanging off the end of it. In the center of the charm was a clear stone.

“What’s it for?” Jimin asked.

“It’ll help you communicate during the times when you can’t see her.” Said the woman. “It’ll be easy for you to use it too.” She said looking at you. “Just stick your finger to the stone and it’ll point light in any direction you want it to.” You look at her questioningly. “Well go on, try it.” You put your finger to the stone, and sure enough a light beamed onto the ceiling. When you moved your finger to the left, the light moved left as well. “When he’s wearing this, you’ll be able to give him directions using light.”

“I see.” You said still looking up at the light casting on the ceiling.

“How much?” Jimin asked.

“Twenty-five dollers.” Said the woman. Jimin followed the woman to the counter and set the box down. He pulled out his wallet and gave the woman three tens. After receiving his change, he put his wallet back in his pocket, took the box from the counter and headed for the door. Both of you thanked the woman before leaving.

Outside the store Jimin stopped and took the necklace out of the box. Putting it around his neck, he positioned the stone so it was facing forwards.

You stared at for a moment. The stone was pretty, it was clear, like glass, and had little sparkles littering through the surface. It was small and round, and the charm surrounding it was a nice gold-copper color. You thought it was beautiful, and found yourself staring at it. Jimin found himself staring at you. You touched the stone again and the light was now casting onto the pavement.

You giggled. “That’s fun.” Jimin giggled as well.

“Come on, Spirit.” He said, as you both made your way back to his apartment.

--------------------

By the time you both made it back, Jimin claimed he was sobering up and couldn’t see you as well anymore. It was getting late so you told him you should be leaving anyways. He asked if you’d show up again tomorrow, and of course you said yes. Lately, you’ve been finding it hard to stay away from him.

Visiting you mom went as it usually did. She talked about her job and her boyfriend, then ended the one sided conversation expressing how much she misses you. She did end up telling you that she stored the letter and the rest of the box under her bed in hopes of being able to deliver it to your father someday. You just hoped you could help make that a reality.

As mentioned before, ghosts don’t sleep. After your mom went to bed, you found yourself extremely bored sitting in your old bedroom. Since your mom decided to keep the house you grew up in, your old childhood room remained almost completely intact, minus a few things that were given away to charity. You were laying on your twin bed, staring up at the ceiling. When you were alive, you used to do this all the time when you needed a moment to think. In this moment, you felt like you were a teenager again. Of course, it didn’t feel exactly the same, you were still dead and there was still this void inside of you that you couldn’t ever seem to fill, but for a moment life stopped and allowed you a taste of something other than death. Death is depressing for everybody, especially for those souls who just can’t seem to move on.

It was 3 am and you grew tired of lying around and doing nothing, even if you did enjoy living in the past every once in a while. You made the decision that you’d visit Jimin’s apartment again, even if it was just to watch him sleep. God, you really have become a stalker. You couldn’t quite understand it yet, but being with Jimin provided you a sense of security. He filled that void, even if it was only for a moment.

You made your way to his part of the city, and found that the lights surrounding his apartment were actually quite pretty at night. They didn’t illuminate the corners, just the front surfaces of everything. It was peaceful how the city was so alive even when it was asleep. Sounds of cars and voices ran through the streets and alleyways like blood through a living person’s veins. You could see why somebody might hold this place near to their hearts.

You finally reached his building and made your way inside. It was a bit difficult for you to get through the door. You had to conjure up enough energy twice to help you slip through. Once through the main entrance and another through Jimin’s apartment door. To your luck, Jimin’s bedroom door was open a crack, so that allowed you to slip in easily.

You sat at his desk chair and watched his chest rise and fall. He was still in the same clothes from earlier, minus his sweatshirt, now the tee shirt he wore under it was exposed. His hair was a mess, probably from tossing in his sleep. He looked like a teenager, in all honesty. His room a mess, his disregard for changing and washing his clothes, you’d probably never guess this was an adult man fending for himself out in the world. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t find it a bit charming though. That was probably another reason you enjoyed Jimin’s presence, he made you feel the taste of nostalgia you didn’t get to have anymore.

You watched him for about half an hour before his phone rang and rudely lit up the entire bedroom. Unwillingly, Jimin woke up and answered his phone with a groggy voice.

“Hello?” He croaked into it. He rubbed his eyes as he listened. Then all of a sudden, he stilled. His hand fell to his side and his face dropped. You wondered if it was really that necessary to call somebody at 4 in the morning. Apparently it was, Jimin sat straight up after the person on the other end of the line finished talking. “I’ll be right there.” Jimin said before hanging up. He quickly grabbed his sweatshirt and phone before he practically ran out the door. Of course, you decided to follow him.

You followed Jimin for about two blocks before a hospital came into view. You knew by the way Jimin was rushing that nothing about this situation could be good. When he reached the entrance, he threw the doors open and ran inside looking around frantically. You looked around too, trying to see what exactly Jimin was looking for.

“Jimin!” Shouted a voice from both of your lefts. It was a man you haven’t seen before, but based off of all of Jimin’s friends you have and haven’t seen so far, you assumed it was Yoongi, the guy Seokjin was talking about before. Jimin ran over to where Yoongi was sitting in the hospital waiting area.

“What happened?” He asked.

“I fucked up.” Yoongi said with his head in his hands.

“What happened?” Jimin repeated, enfucising the urgency of the situation.

“I got some dope from a buddy of mine,” Yoongi choked out. “Jungkook said he wanted some ‘cause he hadn’t had any in a while. I swear on my life he didn’t have much, but next thing I knew he was laying on the couch in the shop and wasn’t waking up.” There were visible tears in his eyes and his voice came out choppy and sharp. His adams apple bobbed up and down every time he took a breath,

“A buddy?” Jimin scolded. “What kind of buddy gives you laced pills?”

“I don’t know!” Yoongi pleaded “I told you he was a friend, why would I let Jungkook touch it if I thought it was dangerous?” Jimin ran his hands through his hair, he was starting to get tears in his eyes as well. It was clear both boys were extremely distressed.

“We’re all going to jail.” Jimin said. “You realize that? Once the cops start investigating and digging everything up-”

“I know.” Yoongi cut him off.

“And I swear to god, hyung, if he dies-”

“I know!” He was borderline screaming now. Everyone in the ER turned their heads to look at the source of the commotion. The boys took this as a sign to lower their voices. “I told you, I fucked up.” Jimin just sighed in response.

“Where is he now?” He asked.

“I have no idea, they put him on a stretcher and won’t tell me where they took him.”

Jimin sat down in the seat next to Yoongi, defeated. You didn’t know what you were supposed to do, it's not like you could do anything even if you were alive.

You started walking around, seeing if there was any sign of where Jungkook might have been taken. Just then, a nurse walked into the room and headed to the front desk.

“Do you know where patient Jeon has been taken to?” She asked the front desk. The woman behind the counter started typing on the computer.

Your face picked up. If you followed this nurse then you’d probably find Jungkook. You looked back at Jimin who was still on the verge of tears next to Yoongi. You walked back over to him, and much to your fortune, the necklace Jimin bought the day before was still hanging around his neck.

You put your finger to the stone once again, and light casted on the floor just as it did before. Since Jimin’s eyes were already hung to the floor, he noticed the light pretty quickly.

“Y/N?” He whispered. You moved your finger to the right to point towards the nurse at the information desk. The light resided on the back of her scrubs. Jimin’s eyes narrowed, trying to comprehend what you were trying to tell him. The nurse then nodded a thank you to the lady behind the desk and started to walk. You did your best to keep the light shining on her as much as possible. Jimin must have gotten the hint, ‘cause he abruptly got out of his seat and started to follow her.

“Where’re you going?” Yoongi asked.

“Bathroom.” He said without even bothering to look back.

Jimin followed the nurse down a long hallway. You tried your best to keep the light shining on her back, but it was hard when Jimin was walking so fast. Eventually, the nurse led you two to a room with double doors. She slid in a card key which allowed her to open and enter. Before Jimin could reach the doors, they closed. All he could do was look through the window. You decided to look through as well.

Inside the doors was a disturbing sight of Jungkook getting his stomach pumped. You kinda wish you didn’t lead Jimin down this way, it probably would’ve been better if he didn’t see this.

Jungkook lay unresponsive on a hospital bed, with tons of wires hooked up to him. A giant tube was shoved down his throat. You quickly looked away, not wanting to see anymore. Jimin, however, just kept staring. The more he stared the more tears started to fall from his eyes.

“Jimin, stop.” You begged. You knew it was pointless since he couldn’t hear you. It was more of a silent plea to yourself, hoping he’d stop torturing himself like that. Your prayers were bittersweetly answered when he backed away from the door. He put his back to the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. His face was stained with tears and you couldn’t help but think this was your fault a bit. You really shouldn’t have led him here. Jimin’s breathing started picking up, and his crying became more hysterical. You crouched down to touch the stone again, signaling him you were still there. You couldn’t do much to comfort him, but you hope that that was enough.

“What am I supposed to do now, Spirit?” He whispered to you through choked sobs. Even if he could see you right now, you wouldn’t know how to respond.

“Jimin.” Said a soft voice from the other side of the hall. Both you and Jimin whipped your heads over to see who it was. Seokjin stood in a jacket and sweatpants, clearly being in the midst of his sleep when he too got a call. Jimin wiped his tears with his sleeve. The amount of tears falling from his eyes reduced after noticing Seokjin’s presence. “He’s gonna be alright you know.”

“You don’t know that.” Jimin spat back. Seokjin just sighed. “How’d you even find me anyways?”

“Yoongi’s told me you ran off in this direction.” He said as he made his way closer to where Jimin was sitting on the floor. “I just walked straight down the hall and, well, here you were.” When he finally reached him, he crouched down and sat next to him, shoulder to shoulder. Jimin wiped his nose with his sleeve as he sniffled once again.

“You don’t want to look in there.” Jimin said pointing to the door windows.

Seokjin nodded. “I’ll take your word for it.” It was clear neither of the boys knew what to say. Their friend was on the verge of dying and all they could do was sit around and wait. Seokjin suddenly started rummaging around in his coat pocket. He pulled out a piece of paper that was folded in fours. “I know this probably won’t make you feel better.” He said. “But here’s the address you asked for earlier.” Seokjin passed the paper to Jimin, and Jimin unfolded it to look at the writing. Sure enough, there was an address written on the inside. You crouched down beside Jimin to look as well. It looked like your father now lived two cities away.

Jimin stared at the paper for a bit, regulating his breathing. Sometimes you wished you knew what he was thinking. It always looked like he had thoughts running a mile a minute.

“Thanks, hyung.” He said as he folded the paper back up and put it in his pocket.

“Um, excuse me.” Said a nurse from above where the boys were sitting. It was a nurse you directed Jimin to follow earlier. Both boys looked up at her. “Could you gentlemen please wait in the waiting room?” She said in a kind and calming voice.

“Yes of course.” Said Seokjin as he got up. “Our apologies, m’am.” Jimin stood as well. The nurse nodded a ‘thank you’ and disappeared down the hall. Both Jimin and Seokjin made their way back to the waiting room to where the rest of the boys were now apparently waiting, so claimed Seokjin.

--------------------

Jungkook died about three hours later.

At first, it looked like he was gonna make it. The doctors say his heart gave out unexpectedly.

All the boys were still seated in the waiting room when they heard the news. Yoongi, Namjoon, and Hoseok felt the need to get as far away from the hospital as possible. Nobody knows where they decided to go. They all got into Yoongi’s car and drove off. Seokjin forced himself to deal with all the dreaded paperwork, since Jungkook didn’t have any legal or blood relatives that would do it. His eyes were glassy the entire time, but he forced himself to not cry, not yet. Taehyung helped too, he even called a funeral home and started making arrangements.

Jimin, however, didn’t do anything. He was still seated in the waiting room chairs, head in his hands and tears falling on the floor. Every few minutes or so, you’d touch the stone again to hopefully comfort him. You weren’t sure if it was working or not, but it was all you could do.

You decided then that you would stay by Jimin’s side for the rest of the day. You couldn’t leave him, not now. Sitting in the chair beside him, you took in your surroundings. You were looking around to see if maybe you’d spot Jungkook’s spirit, silently praying he hadn’t gotten lost yet. You remember dying, and you remember your first few moments being dead. The very first thing you did was look for your family. It surprised you that you haven’t spotted Jungkook trying to communicate with any of the boys yet.

“Jimin.” Said a voice to Jimin’s left. He looked up and found Taehyung standing over him, tears in his eyes as well. Taehyung’s face showed more emotion, though. Jimin showed evidence of sadness through his tear stained cheeks, the rest of his face just looked utterly numb and defeated. “Why don’t you go home and rest. It’s probably not good for you to stick around her any longer.” Jimin didn’t respond. He just nodded and stood up.

You and Jimin both made your way back to his apartment.

--------------------

Jimin must have remembered you were with him. When he opened the doors to get to his apartment, he held them open a bit longer to let you get through. It made you feel better. It showed you he wanted you there. Every time you passed through, you would touch the stone again, as a way of saying ‘thank you’.

You expected the first thing he would do when he got home was cry. When he finally closed his front door, you braced yourself. You assumed he’d finally snap.

But he didn’t.

First thing he did after closing the door was go to the cabinets and grab his stash.

He still hadn’t broken down when he took out the weed.

He still held himself together as he rolled his blunt.

He still remained calm when he lit his blunt.

Two puffs, and still nothing.

Four puffs, and still nothing.

Eight puffs, and still.. Nothing.

He just stared at the wall. Still standing up, behind the kitchen counter. He didn’t even bother to sit down.

Ten puffs, and still nothing.

It was excruciatingly painful, just standing there watching him. Waiting for the shoe to drop.

Sixteen puffs. Nothing.

No reaction. Just inhaling, and exhaling.

You didn’t sit down either. You felt too on edge to allow yourself any kind of relaxation.

After about fifteen minutes, Jimin started to feel the effects. His eyes turned red, and his muscles relaxed a bit.

Though, he was only relaxed for a moment, until he saw you standing on the other side of the counter.

Twenty puffs, and he still hasn’t reacted.

And he didn’t react.

Not when he looked up at you.

Not when he walked over to you.

And not when he was standing right in front of you, face to face.

You could feel his breath touch your nose, but he couldn’t feel yours. The more he

looked at you, the more his eyes started to water, and his lip started to quiver. But still, he hasn’t fully reacted yet.

He only let himself go when you asked the dreaded question “Are you okay?”

It was a stupid question, really. Obviously, he wasn’t, but what else are you supposed to say?

Jimin broke eye contact with you after you asked it. He shook his head, and finally let his guard down. He choked on his sobs. His shoulders bounced up and down everytime he exhaled, and he was exhaling pretty rapidly.

He was now reacting the way you expected him to.The shoe finally dropped, as did he. Jimin fell to the floor and rested his back to the counter. He wasn’t just crying, he was sobbing, wailing. It was the kind of cry that was in no way pretty, the kind of cry that society deemed acceptable for only children. You fell to the floor with him, and you as well started crying. You not only cried for Jimin, but for Jungkook. He was too young to die, and you knew that feeling all too well. This whole situation was like one big Deja Vu that didn’t end.

“Hey,” you soothed. “It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” Jimin just shook his head.

“No, it’s not.” He croaked out. He was right though, and you knew that. None of this was okay. You wanted to touch him. To hug him, stroke him, hold him. You knew it would be useless, but you couldn’t help yourself. You reached out your hand to touch his face. Your skin made contact with his and you stroked his cheek. You could only faintly feel him. There was still a barrier between you two, between the living and the dead.

Jimin, however, felt you clear as day. It was only for a moment, only for a split second. The moment your hand touched his face he felt your warmth. It quickly scattered away, lost in connection, but he felt it. He didn’t tell you though, he knew he probably should’ve but he didn’t. He wanted to keep that to himself.

Even though he only felt you for half of a moment, he realized he loved the way you felt, and he’d do anything to feel you again.

--------------------

You stayed with him for the rest of the day, as you promised yourself before.

You comforted him when he cried, and listened to him when he talked. He told you about his favorite moments with Jungkook. Most of the memories were from when Jungkook was in middle school and Jimin was in his early years of High School.

You assured him that none of this was his fault. Yes, there were times when Jimin gave him drugs, but if Jungkook hadn’t gotten the drugs from Jimin he would have just gotten them somewhere else.

You also told Jimin that if you ever saw Jungkook walking around, you’d let him know. You remember the feeling of being a new spirit, being so lost and confused. Of course you would help Jungkook out in any way possible. It was very unlikely Jungkook had moved on already. He was young and most definitely had unfinished business to take care of.

You constantly had to remind Jimin to eat. He was reluctant, but he listened.

You had to remind him to shower. Again, he was reluctant, but he listened.

You knew it would be a while before Jimin was himself again, and you were willing to help him in any way possible.

At about one o’clock, five hours after Jungkook’s death, he made an unexpected suggestion.

“We could go visit your dad.” He said, till teary eyed. “I have his address now, we could give him that letter.”

“Jimin, your friend just died. I don’t think-” “Please,” He interrupted. “It will help me take my mind off things. Besides, you’ve been with me the whole day. Let me do this for you.” He forced a smile and sniffled. For a moment, you almost believed the smile was a real one, and that scared you a bit. You felt guilty. He was in a lot of pain, and yet he still wanted to do this for you. It should have been you doing something for him, but you were dead, you couldn’t really do anything.

You told him once more that you didn’t think it was a good idea, but he kept on pushing it. After about a ten minute debate you gave in. If he really wanted to go, you knew there was nothing you could do to stop him.

“It’s at my mom’s house.” You told him. “There’s a box under her bed with everything she wants to give him, including the letter.”

“Alright.” Jimin said. During the time you spent together that day, you both migrated to his bedroom so Jimin could cry in the comfort of his own bed. He got up from his bed and made his way back to the kitchen. You trailed behind him.

“You know, you could just give the address to my mom. She’d be okay with taking it to him.” You said.

“No, I want to do it.” He insisted.

“Jimin, you really don’t-”

“Please, just let me do this for you!” He shouted, starting to get annoyed. There was desperation laced in his voice. You couldn’t really understand why this was so important to him, but you figured this wasn’t the time to argue, so you nodded an ‘alright’.

Before leaving, Jimin rummaged through one of the draws in the kitchen, looking for something. He pulled out a plastic bag with, what looked like gummies, inside.

“What’s that for?” You asked.

“Edibles.” He said. “So I’ll be able to see you the whole time we’re out.” He put the baggie in his pocket and headed towards the door. You both then made your way to your mother’s house.

--------------------

When arriving at the house, you realized your mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway.

“Shoot.” You groaned. “She’s not home.” You turned to Jimin, expecting the both of you to just turn around and go back to his place.

“Is there any way to get in the house?” He asked.

“What, you mean like, breaking and entering?” You asked in disbelief. “Jimin, you could be arrested.”

“Well, does your mom have a security system?” He asked.

“Well, no but-”

“Then I’ll be fine.” This was the third time he interrupted you today. He was being oddly pushy, but you allowed it after the tragedy of today’s events. “How do I get in?”

“I’m not letting you break into my mom’s house.” You scorned, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Fine then, I’ll figure it out myself.”

“In broad daylight?” You questioned, shockingly. “Somebody’s gonna see you.”

“I told you, I’ll be fine!” He was clearly short with you, aggravated by your constant worry about him. He knew it was unreasonable, since you were just looking out for him, but still, he had a plan and he wanted to go through with it.

He walked around the entire perimeter of the house. Your mom lived in a small little neighborhood just on the outskirts of the city. Most of the people that lived around here had day jobs. He really wasn’t that worried about being caught, the neighborhood looked so dead. Besides, even if someone did see him, he’d be long gone before he gets caught.

The whole time he searched for a way in, you just kept your arms crossed and pouted behind him. You didn’t like the fact that he was putting himself through all this for you. It really wasn’t that important, but you didn’t want to tell him no. He’s already been through enough today, the last thing he needs is you pissing him off, which it seems like you already did.

Jimin found that the basement door in the backyard had been left unlocked. You remembered your mother never remembered to lock it, even when you were alive. She likes to garden, and it’s just easier for her to keep the door unlocked so she doesn’t have to unlock it every day when she wants to tent to her vegetables. Plus, she always loses the key anyways. You made a mental note to scorn her if you ever got the chance to. Jimin swung open the metal doors and climbed down the steps.

“You coming?” He asked when he noticed you weren’t following behind, just standing at the opening of the cellar with your arms crossed. You just rolled your eyes and reluctantly trailed after him.

When you were both in the basement, Jimin closed the door to the outside and found the string that turns on the light. It had been a while since you’d been in your old house’s basement. You walked over to a box labeled ‘toys’, which consisted of your favorite childhood memories. All your old barbie dolls, old costumes, a play kitchen set, it was all there. God, if only you could rewind time and be a kid again.

“Cute.” Jimin chuckled from the other side of the room. You turned around to look at him.

“What is?” You asked. He held up the picture he was looking at. It was a picture of you and your parents on your third birthday. All three of you were smiling over an Elmo cake, while you wore an Elmo shirt and party hat. It made you smile, you remember seeing that picture multiple times when you were alive.

“You were cute.” Jimin said with a small smile on his face.

“Were?” You joked, acting as if you were offended. He laughed at your statement. After all the crazy events that happened that day, it was so so nice to see him smile, even if it was only for a moment.

“Come on, Spirit.” He said as he put the picture back in its original place. “This box isn’t gonna deliver itself.”

--------------------

It didn’t take long to find the box and the letter, and before you knew it, you and Jimin had made your way out of the house before anyone saw the crime you both committed. You told Jimin to write your mom a note, saying that the box had been delivered to your dad. You also told him to write his new address as well, in case she wanted to ever get in contact with him. Your parents didn’t hate each other, and you were fairly certain that if your mom ever wanted to reconnect with your dad, he’d be receptive.

You and Jimin took the subway to the city your dad lived in. It was about a twenty minute ride, and every few minutes or so, Jimin would eat some edibles to keep his high. Eventually though, he couldn’t stop eating them since they were the only food he had with him. You had to yell at him to stop, but of course he didn’t take you seriously, he just told you that you were cute when you were angry. You ignored his sad attempt at flirting, but then again, was he flirting with you? It’s not that you wouldn’t want him to flirt with you, it’d just be pointless. You were dead and he wasn’t, there was no room for a relationship between you two.

You were brutally aware of your feelings for him though. You didn’t act on them, or even acknowledge them, really, it was pointless to. He would eventually find someone, someone who was alive and still had a life to live. When that happened, you decided you’d be happy for him. You never got to have that, so it’d be nice to be able to see him have it, even if it isn’t with you.

If you were alive, though….

Oh, if only you were alive. With Jimin, you felt like you were living. Even when you had a beating heart, it never beat as fast as the way your chest pounded when he smiled at you. Even if you were alive, you never felt like you were living. You’re convinced that you were supposed to meet Jimin during your lifetime. You’re convinced that if you did mean Jimin during your lifetime, you might have just spent the rest of your life with him.

It was a bit childish to think about these things, and you knew that, but you didn’t have much else to think about these days.

You fell in love in the afterlife, what a miserable way to spend the rest of eternity.

It felt like forever, but you finally made it to your father’s place. He lived in an apartment complex similar to Jimin’s. It was run down and a bit shady, there were mysterious stains on the wall and you weren’t sure if you’d want to know their back stories.

He lived on the tenth floor in apartment 10J, the last door on the right.

Upon stopping in front of the door, you both stopped and held your breath. Maybe this was all wrong. Maybe your dad was in awful condition and seeing him would just tear you apart. Maybe he was an alcoholic asshole now and would tell Jimin to fuck off. Maybe, when Jimin knocked on that door, the man that answered wouldn’t even be your dad. Maybe you’re at the wrong apartment, or Seokjin tracked the wrong guy.

“I don’t have to knock, you know.” Said Jimin, he must have seen the anxiety swimming across your face. “I could just leave it on the doorstep.” You didn’t respond. Did you want him to knock? You weren’t really sure.

“Knock only if you feel comfortable knocking.” You told him.

“I’m comfortable with anything you want me to do.” He said. Of course he was being sweet and understanding, that didn’t really help you make your decision though. You kind of wished he just knocked without asking you, so you could rip this off, like a band aid.

“Just do it.” You spit out, handing covering your eyes as if you were watching a tense part of a horror movie. He did as told and lifted his fist to knock.

Jimin knocked a total of three times, and it took about ten seconds for somebody to open the door (not that you were counting). The door peeled back, and on the other side stood a pregnant woman. She looked a little older than what you’d expect a pregnant woman to look like, you guessed she was only a few years younger than your mom.

Your first thought upon seeing the woman was ‘oh my god, we’re at the wrong house. I still don’t know where my dad is and I’m probably never gonna see him again.’ You were prepared to live the rest of your after life never knowing what ever happened to your father.

“Can I help you?” The woman asked. Jimin looked disheartened as well, probably assuming the same things you were.

“Um..” He started. “Is there a Robert here?”

“Uh, yeah sure.” The woman said, confused. Both your faces picked up. Maybe your dad was here after all. “Robert! Honey!” The woman called out into her apartment.

“Coming!” Somebody yelled. You knew that voice. You haven’t heard it in so long, but it felt so good to hear it again. There were footsteps coming from the back of the apartment. They traveled towards the front, and stopped right behind the door.

Then there he was, you dad. He wasn’t an asshole alcoholic, nor did he look to be in any kind of awful condition. He looked radiant, like he was healthy and happy. Tears started to prick in your eyes. He looked the way he did during your childhood. In the last few years you were alive, your parent’s relationship was rocky. You remember him always looking disheveled and depressed.

“Yes?” Your dad asked. Jimin looked at you for confirmation, to check and make sure this really was your dad. You nodded at him, giving him the ‘go ahead’.

“Um, I have a package for you, sir.” He said, holding out the box towards your father. Your dad looked at the box and read the writing on the side that said ‘storage’.

“Who’s it from?” Your dad asked, taking the box from Jimin.

“Tell him it’s from me.” You said to Jimin through your soft cries.

“It’s- um- from your daughter, sir.” He said. Your dad stopped his movements and shot his head up to look at Jimin. He didn’t look angry or offended, just surprised.

“What?” He asked, shocked. The woman also looked stunned.

“S-she wanted you to have these things. I’m sorry they didn’t get to you earlier.” Jimin rubbed the back of his neck in awkwardness. He was just hoping the man wouldn’t get angry as to how and why he suddenly had a bunch of his dead daughter’s possessions.

“Were you a friend of hers?” The man asked, starting to form tears in his eyes as well.

“Um” Jimin started. He didn’t know how to answer that. Technically no, he wasn’t a friend of yours when you were alive, even though he was now. “Something like that. She’s very important to me though.” The man just nodded, deciding not to dive deeper into that explanation. Right now, all he was focused on was the fact that he had a piece of his daughter now. After the divorce, he never took anything from the old house. It was a decision he deeply regretted. He opened the box and found a bunch of your old stuff. Pictures, clothes, toys, journals, it was all there. On top of all those things lay the note you wrote to him. Your dad was really starting to cry now, which only made you cry harder.

“Thank you.” Said the man, through his sobs. “I really can’t thank you enough.”

“It was my pleasure.” Jimin said.

“Would you like to come in?” Said the woman standing beside your dad. “I have some cookies I just baked, and you could have some coffee if you’d like.”

“No no, it’s really fine.” Jimin said as politely as he possibly could. “I have to be somewhere, but I’m glad I could deliver this to you.”

“What was your name, son?” asked the man.

“Jimin.” He answered.

“Well, Jimin, if you need anything, you are more than welcome to come here anytime.” Said you dad.

“Thank you, sir.” He said with a nod.

And with that, Jimin said goodbye to the couple. The door closed and you and Jimin made your way out of the apartment building.

“Did you want me to stay?” He asked you.

“No, it’s fine.” You said with a smile. “What you did was more than enough.” You were so so happy, the happiest you’ve been since you’ve died. Your dad was happy, and he knew you loved him, and you knew he hadn’t forgotten about you. He also had a baby on the way. You were gonna be a big sister! Even if you weren’t alive, you just knew you were gonna protect that baby with everything you’ve got.

Jimin looked at your face and smiled. He hadn’t realized it till now, but he’s never seen you smile like that before. You looked lighter and more radiant. To him, you looked stunning. Everything was worth it. If he had to fly across the whole world just to get that reaction out of you then he would in a heartbeat. He wouldn’t tell you that though, not yet anyways.

“I want to take you somewhere.” He said. “Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course.” You said. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see. It’s not far.”

--------------------

The place Jimin wanted to take you was about a fifteen minute train ride. By the time you reached there, he only had a few edibles left. You just hoped you wouldn’t be there long, or else Jimin would be having a one sided conversation with himself once he sobered up.

The place he took you to was an abandoned building, or what was left of the building. Not much of the walls were there anymore, just the main structures and support beams, all of which were littered with writing, graffiti, and old bottles. You could see the inside of the building from the outside. It wasn’t ridiculously tall either, maybe about four stories high. The building was placed in the middle of an empty plot, away from the rest of the city. It was secluded and quiet there, like a little hiding place.

“This” Jimin said upon arriving at the place “is where me and the rest of the boys would come to hang out after school.” Every time you took a step, the tan dirt lifted up and scattered everywhere. You could understand why a bunch of teenagers would come to hang out here. If you knew about this place in your teen years, you probably would have come here too. “Follow me.”

You followed Jimin all the way up to the top floor, which wasn’t even a floor, it was the roof.

“Uh, Jimin.” You said when you looked over the top. “Is it even safe to be up this high?” You asked.

He chuckled, “You’re already dead, you know. If you fall it’s not gonna do anything.”

“I know” you smiled. “Doesn’t mean I’m still not scared.” The view from up there was very pretty, you must admit. You could see people from miles away, cars zooming that looked as tiny as ants. The sun was starting to set too, the sky looked like it was on fire. The world around you was painted in an orange hue, it was relaxing. Jimin walked over to the edge of the roof and dangled his feet over the side, looking out to the sunset. You decided to join him. You copied his movements, and dangled your feet over the side as well.

“Me and Jungkook used to sit here a lot, most of the time to smoke.” He said. You almost forgot about today’s events with Jungkook. You felt like such an asshole now. You’ve been in a good mood since you saw your father, you almost forgot that this was probably the worst day of Jimin’s life. “Sometimes,” he huffed “he’d talk to me about skipping town. He wanted to make music, you know. He was so fucking good at it too.” Tears started welling up in his eyes again, he looked down at his hands and watched himself play with his fingers. “That kid was really supposed to be something great, I just know it.” You just sat and listened, there wasn’t really anything you could say to make him feel better. You figured the best thing was to do was to just let him speak his mind. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to protect that kid from becoming exactly the thing he became. When I realized it was hopeless, I just gave up all together.” He looked over at you and gave you a sad smile. “I didn’t just give up on him though, I gave up on myself.”

You shook your head, apologetically. “I’m so sorry. I really am, I wish I could make things better for you.” Jimin looked back out towards the sunset. You don’t know why you decided to do it, but you leaned your body against his side and leaned your head on his shoulder. You knew he couldn’t feel it, you could only faintly feel him. You wanted so much more of him, but you knew you couldn’t have it. Making yourself do these things only tortured you more, but you didn’t really care.

“But that’s the thing.” He said. “You did make it better. I was so lonely before you showed up, Y/N.” He extended his palm, signalling you to put your hand in his. You didn’t understand why, he wouldn’t feel anything, but you did it regardless.

Jimin wanted to feel you so bad, it was painful. He needed to feel you. He couldn’t stop thinking about that one millisecond of a moment he felt your hand. You were so warm, so inviting. He’s never felt anything like it in all his life. He would feel it again, he was certain. He would make sure of it.

“You’re not going to like this.” He said, suddenly. You picked your head off from off his shoulder.

“Like what?”

“What I’m going to do next.” Jimin then stood up, dangerously close to the edge of the building. You thought for a second he was going to jump, and you chuckled a bit in disbelief. He didn’t move though, he kept standing alarmingly close to the edge.

“Jimin?” You questioned. He didn’t look at you, only straight ahead. “Jimin, you’re scaring me.” He still didn’t respond. You were starting to feel the anxiety settle in now. He wouldn’t actually jump would he? You stood up too, too afraid to just sit and watch. “Jimin!” You shouted, trying to get his attention. You tried pulling him backwards, but of course that did nothing. It only barely tugged his sleeve a little. It was enough to get him to look back at you.

“Tell me why I shouldn't.” He stated, swallowing on his words a bit.

“Your friends, they love you and they just lost Jungkook. They need you right now.”

“No, they don’t. They’ve been just fine without me. Ever since I stopped going to hang out with them, they’ve just carried on with their lives. They barely even called to see if I was okay.” Tears were streaming down both your faces now. You were scared he was gonna die, and he was begging you to let him do it. “The only thing I care about right now is you. I can’t feel you and it’s driving me insane!”

“Jimin, you can’t do this! Not for me!”

“Why not! Everything you’ve done these last few days has all been for me! You could’ve went anywhere in the world, done anything you fucking wanted to, but you came back to me simply because I asked you to. You’ve cared more about me in this short time that we’ve had together, than anybody ever has in my entire life.” “That’s not true and you know that!” You shouted. “The boys love you and-”

“Yeah well I love you!” And there it was, that thing that’s been unspoken between you two. Nobody dared to admit it until now. You’d only known him a couple of days but you’ve never really known what it was like to be in love till now.

“And I love you too,” you said, finally allowing yourself to admit it “which is exactly why I’m begging you to step away from the ledge.” Jimin looked down at the ground. Yes, the building wasn’t the tallest structure out there, but a fall from this height is certainly life threatening. For a moment, he actually considered not jumping. Maybe it would be best to just push through the next couple of days.

The thing is though, Jimin had already made up his mind, even before Jungkook had died, and even before he had met you. He knew he wanted to be with you, and he knew this moment would come eventually, he just didn’t realize it’d come so soon. He’s had plans to jump from here for a while now, and you were just another pro he added to the list. Right now, you were the only factor that mattered to him, and everything in his body was screaming at him to do it. Plus, you told him you loved him. How was he supposed to back out now?

“I’m sorry.” He said.

You tried to pull him back, you really did, but he was an unstoppable force.

You wrapped your hands around his waist, but it only pulled you down with him.

You both fell, the only difference is, you’re already dead.

--------------------

You and Jimin both stood over his body, which now lay bloody and lifeless on the ground. Turns out there was a broken bottle conveniently placed right where his head landed. There’s no way anybody could have survived that.

You need a moment to process what just happened. One minute, you were having a cute moment, watching the sunset. The next, you’re reliving the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to you. There were two Jimins in front of you now, and one was looking at the other like he was gonna throw up.

You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do now, all you could do was cry and hyperventilate. You were hyperventilating so loud, you almost didn’t notice Jimin was hyperventilating twice as much. Once you noticed he was severely freaking out, you rushed over to him.

“Don’t look.” You told him. When you first saw your body, the more you looked at it the more surreal everything was, and the more freaked out you became. “Don’t look at it.” You reached over to where he was standing, and stood as close to him as possible. You could feel his warmth so much better now, and it was a little fucked up that you were loving it. He had just killed himself, you couldn’t think about that right now. “Just look at me.” He didn’t look at you though, he just kept staring at his own dead body. “Jimin,” you said calmly “look at me, please.” You touched your hand to his check, just like you did earlier that day. This time, you really felt him though. Not faintly, but fully.

He felt you too, and once he did, he felt like it was all worth it. He looked at you, finally. The more he stared at you, the more his breathing slowed. There were a few times he’d try to avert his eyes back to his body, but you pulled his face back towards your direction.

“Just look at me, okay?” he nodded in response. You felt so good, so safe. He was still realizing the weight of his actions, only realizing now he didn’t really want to die. The thought of his friends receiving the news of his death ate away at the back of his mind. The guilt was weight on his chest.

He didn’t want to think about that now though, not when he could see you so clearly, clearer than he could before. Before, he thought you were stunning, now he thought you looked ethereal. Your touch was intoxicating too. He reached up his hand to where yours cupped his face, and let his hand rest over yours.

“I’m sorry.” Jimin finally said. You rubbed your thumb against his cheek, which prompted him to nuzzle his face further into your hand. His sobs started picking up again.

“It’s okay.” You soothed. “You’re okay.” You moved to hug him, something you’ve wanted to do for so long. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and he wasted no time wrapping his around your waist. He sobbed quietly into your neck while you raked your hands through his hair. You discovered then that you loved to touch him, you just wished you made this discovery under better circumstances.

You kissed his cheek. You don’t know why you did that, it just felt right. It shocked him, he wasn’t expecting you to do that. He picked his head up off your shoulder to look at you.

Your foreheads touched

And soon after your lips

Your unfinished business now was Jimin.

Until he completed his unfinished business, you couldn’t move on.

Not without him.

---

“Eternity wouldn’t be so bad, as long as I got to spend it with you....”

#bts jimin #park jimin #jimin #jimin angst #jimin fluff #bts fanfic #fanfiction #fresh air #stoner jimin #stoner!jimin x ghost!reader #bts

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ain-t-bovvered · 4 years

Text

15x07 Commentary

YEAH I’M SO LATE BUT I HAVE SHIT TO DO .

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon (Kat)

@waywardbaby (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered (Giulia)

Nat : 3

Nat : 2

Nat : 1

Nat : go

Giulia: Yas eileen

Zee: This thing with the bullet I still don’t completely get

Kat: So happy she’s back

Kat: It’s not a real bullet

Giulia: Us

Nat : do they always have to have a flashback tho

Zee: Future corpses

Kat: But it’s explained a bit more this episode

Nat : Tag yourself

Giulia: I know the blonde one

Giulia: I’m the brunette

Zee: I’m the brunette

Kat: Brunette for sure

Nat : I'm a mix

Kat: Nah babe you’re the blonde

Zee: I’ve only been the blonde once

Zee: Amazing

Nat : What

Nat : I didn't hear a car

Kat: At least the blonde didn’t get murdered

Zee: Bitch wipe the spit

Nat : Yet

Giulia: Oh no clean your lips yuck

Kat: Too much throw up sound

Nat : Ridiculous. You would still hear it

Giulia: Well ok wow

Giulia: I jumped not gonna lie

Nat : Ew What is that

Zee: Was that a werewolf ?

Giulia: The wendigo feels

Nat : snorts

Kat: Red shirt of sex

Giulia: Oh look wallowing in depression again

Nat : Ah Deano

Zee: Weak

Kat: Yum

Kat: No surprise there

Zee: What’s that sound of his lips?

Nat : "Yeah"

Zee: Mostly

Kat: SAM AND EILEEN ARE SO CUTE

Giulia: OH NO I LOVE THIS

Zee: Real bacon

Nat : Real bacon?

Nat : lol

E: We might've gotten just a little carried away with the margaritas last night.

Giulia: WOW

Kat: Fucking adorable

Giulia: SO DOMESTIC

Kat: So domestic

S: You're turning down bacon?

D: Mm, yes, yeah, I'm actually... I'm gonna head out.

Kat: Get out

Giulia: DEAN’s weird

Zee: I’m good Dean motto

Nat : "I'm good" I'M GOOD, GOOOOOOOOD

D: It means I got to... I got to get out of here, okay? I just... I got to...I'm gonna take a drive, clear my head.

S: Eileen and I have stuff to do.

Giulia: Lol

Giulia: I BET U DO

Zee: Look at that face

Kat: Aw someone’s feeling like a third wheel

Zee: Aaagggggghhh

Giulia: MY GOD

Kat: The dimples

D: Um, okay, but if, uh, things go your way, just make sure you put the sock on the door so I know.

Nat : sock on the door

Zee: Sock on the door

Kat: The wink melts

Giulia: not only on the door

Nat : well that would be highly uncomfortable

Giulia: Oh shush you know what im talking about

Nat : What's with the hair

Kat: DUKES IS A CLUE

Zee: Can he shut his face ?

Giulia: The accent lol

Giulia: He weird

Nat : Jensen's jealous that the sheriff can have an accent and he doesn't

Zee: Do you all talk like that Kat ?

Kat: Excuse you. I do not speak like that.

Giulia: Snort

Kat: Dean is not impressed

Zee: Can we focus on the scruff for just a sec?

Giulia: And the crazy hair

Nat : SHUT YO FACE

Kat: The blue steel

Giulia: You’ve got the look

Zee: Is he hitting on him?

Giulia: IS IT TIME

Zee: Swayze’s???

Kat: Roadhouse nod

Zee: Look at that strut

Giulia: Nice

Nat : Fun that there's only one parking spot left right in front

Giulia: I wanna go in a dump like that

Nat : Lots of Woo girls

Giulia: Hand it over

Nat : Get in line

Giulia: Lol i like her. Will she die

Giulia: Oh well now she will

Zee: Nice

Nat : Ow

Kat: Damn girl

Giulia: Cute. They cute

Kat: Dean friggin Winchester

Zee: Is this ep filled with his close ups?

Giulia: So cute

Nat : HE owns this joint?

Zee: I’m happy

Nat : Will this be the place where Dean will always end up tho. Because his friend owns the joint

Zee: Look at that couple

Giulia: SO CUTE

Giulia: the stares

Giulia: Cute

Kat: SO CUTE

Giulia: Why don t we do something fun

Zee: Do something fun

S: Yeah. Um... ideas?

E: I mean, a few.

Zee: Go girl

Kat: GET IT EILEEN

Giulia: NO. COME ON

Zee: Seriously ???

Giulia: AH BUT IT S CAS SO OK

Kat: It’s not okay

Kat: CAS IS A FUCKING COCKBLOCKING ANGEL

Nat : Ah

Giulia: my bb has done nothing wrong in his entire existence,ever, shut yo mouths

Zee: WHAT A COCK BLOCK

Nat : Snort

S: So we've been looking for signs of Chuck and Lilith

C: Lilith?

S: Yeah, uh, she's back.

Giulia: U should have read your messages cas

Nat : Hey, nobody can say that they've been cock blocked by an aNgEL oF tHe LorD

Zee: I think that Sam’s virginity might have grown back man

C: So there may be some of you inside Chuck.

Giulia: Ew

Zee: Ew

Nat : Is that sexual

Giulia: Family business beers lol

Kat: I think you’re right

L: I always liked that crusty son of a bitch.

Giulia: Awe dad. Crusty sob lol

Kat: Oh.

Kat: No

Giulia: Ah well praises from dad Winchester

Zee: His crinkles are distracting me

Giulia: And his smirk

Kat: Aren’t they great

Nat : THE MAN IS DISTRACTING ME

Giulia: ...ah that stare

Zee: So that’s how you felt last ep? @Giulia

Giulia: Yes. U get it now

Zee: He needs to shut up

Giulia: Awe dean. And now some zoom

Nat : Dean, you don't wanna do that

Zee: That head nod hurt my soul

S: Cass, are you sure about this?

C: No, but I am sure I can't heal the wound. Maybe I can probe it.

Giulia: Yes probe cas

Zee: Probe

Kat: Ew lol

Giulia: Im ready

Giulia: Same

Zee: This is gonna sting

Nat : This is gonna sting

Nat : snorts

Giulia: Sam are you ok

Nat : a little

Giulia: Awe

Giulia: Oh wow

Kat: DAMN IT

Giulia: Nice cas

Nat : AH

Zee: Amazing

Nat : Well he's not ok now is he

Kat: Poor Sammy

Giulia: Awe that cheek rub

Zee: Sam knocked out again

D: This is Dean's other-other-other-other phone. Leave a message.

Zee: Other other other

Giulia: AH how does it feels now cas

C: Dean, I need you to call me back. Sam is hurt, and I..

Nat : How many phones does he has

Zee: Jaggers

Giulia: Look at that tuff of hair

Nat : Ew

Giulia: Slutty

Kat: Everything about him is slutty

Zee: Can’t spell it

Zee: Love it tho

Nat : Split up Triplets?

Zee: He’s gonna get some me thinks

Giulia: What a dumb stare

Kat: Ah I miss blushy Dean

Giulia: Oh him again

Nat : Who dat

Giulia: Sam winchester is hurt

Giulia: What else is new

Giulia: The one with gabe grace

Nat : A collecter

Kat: You think so huh

C: Let me rephrase. If you don't help me tonight,

Zee: Cas is serious

Giulia: WHO U CALLING

Kat: A return of badass Cas finally

Giulia: Lol yellow fever

Nat : Cas has zero patience

Giulia: Same

Zee: We’ve been knew

Giulia: U have even less

Nat : No but I just don't think that he'll get any this season cuz it won't do anything to the plot

Nat : Plot of dying guest stars

D: Trust me, uh, bigger doesn't always equal better.

Giulia: what she said

D: Besides, who's gonna look out after the little guy? God certainly isn't.

Giulia: Damn brother that’s rough

Zee: Rough decade

Zee: No shit

Giulia: He has no idea

Kat: Ugh that smile

Nat : Dean has doubts. I hate that

Giulia: aw look that is future dean if he’s going on like that

Giulia: GIMME

L: Remember that old song your dad used to play us before we'd go out on a Hunt?

Giulia: GIMME THE SONG. GIMMIEH

D: Oh, no.

All of us: Oh, yeah.

Zee: YAS

Giulia: come on BOI

Kat: I had to look the song up

Giulia: YEAH what song

Kat: I didn’t know it 😂

Zee: LIPSYNCHING

Kat: Dukes was a clue

Zee: DUKES OF HAZARD

Giulia: idk her

Zee: THE SHOW

Giulia: still don’t know her

Giulia: AWE HE NERVOUS

Nat : YEEEEEE HAW

Giulia: YEEEEP

Kat: DEA IS SO NERVOUS AND SHY AND CUTE

Giulia: FUCK OFF

Kat: Exactly

Giulia: flips table

Kat: HE REALLY SINGS

Kat: THAT LOW NOTE

Nat : Better than Karaoke Demon Dean

Giulia: don’t let him hear you

Giulia: YAAAS

Kat: FUCK ME

Zee: Wait in line

Zee: He’s so happy I’m scared

Giulia: AWE 20sec of happiness

Kat: NO

Giulia: STOP. MY BODY CAN T TAKE IT TO

Nat : Ah

Kat: Damn I’m soaked again

Giulia: Me

Zee: Thank god don’t need my ovaries anymore

Kat: He sounds so Texan this ep

Zee: Oh fuck yeah

Kat: Them bowlegs

Nat : What a concidence

Giulia: WHO HE CALLED

Zee: Not the ghostbusters

Nat : I like Sergei. He's got attitude

Giulia: I hate him

Kat: YOU’LL FIND OUT

C: Okay, that's enough. You're here for a reason.

Giulia: Cas needs to tie his fucking tie because he slutty af

Zee: He’s following the mood of the ep

Kat: Poor Eileen so worried

Zee: Dying?

spn fandom: what else is new

Giulia: Not even surprised

Giulia: Of course he is

Nat : What else is new

Giulia: She loved jesus and america too

Giulia: So I’m a bad girl

Zee: It was a good car

Giulia: FIGHT THE FAIRIES

Nat : lol it's the tom petty song

Giulia: me in the morning

Zee: You love Jesus and America in the morning ?

Kat: Love that song

Giulia: Am I too young for that shit?

Nat : Freeeeee Faaaaallin

Giulia: No, that whiskey in the coffee. Pay attention

Zee: Yeah. Like you paid attention last week

Giulia: Well I was on the important stuff

Kat: Okay children

Giulia: Look at my confused bb

Kat: Sergei is so dramatic

Giulia: Nice shit

Zee: The legs

Giulia: Shot

Zee: Also correct

Nat : HE knows that the junkyard is NOT a runway right?

Giulia: Don t think he does

Kat: Everywhere is a runway for him

Giulia: That haircut is bad ok

Kat: I saw it coming a mile away

Nat : He ded

Zee: Wait for it

Nat : Like I said, plot of dying guest stars

Giulia: They need to stop with these jumpscares

Giulia: SERGEI

Zee: Fucker

Nat : They need to find Amara. Think Amara is sick of her brother herself. she'd probably help them without even wanting anything in return

Kat: Don’t worry Cas takes care of him

Giulia: good

Giulia: Nice Eileen

Giulia: The key to death. Psh fuck off

Kat: The key to death. That’s going to come into play I bet

Giulia: So dramatic

Zee: Cas still confused. And angry

Giulia: Look at that face

Nat : Sergei is so fucking extra

Zee: Suck it Sergei

Kat: He called Bobby

Giulia: Oh the other bobby. Forgot about him

Nat : They should get the key and open the door to the empty. Bring Jack back. And death. Ah why am I babbling

Kat: It’s what you do

Giulia: Snort

Nat : The eye squint

Kat: It doesn’t open the empty though I don’t think lol

Giulia: Wtf is in there

Kat: Aw Dean tied down. My fave

Nat : What is that thing

Nat : What she said

Giulia: But also

Zee: Shut up

Giulia: Will dean have to kill his fwriend

Kat: 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Giulia: Nice

Zee: He will huh?

Giulia: It won’t be a great addition to his mental health

Nat : Have you been watching the same show

Kat: All his friends die

Giulia: All their friends die

Kat: Well Eileen’s back lol

Giulia:FOR HOW LONG

Kat: SHUT YOUR FACE

Giulia: I M JUST BEING REALISTIC

Kat: I know but my heart can’t take it

Nat : Every one who comes on the show die

Zee: Shush

Giulia: OH NOW YOU DO CARE

Zee: Can blood really go up the tube?

Giulia: If there is vacuum yeah

Nat : I don't think they care

Giulia: The monster needs to suck

Nat : It doesn't suck

Giulia: He stupid

Zee: Oh stop please

Kat: Come on Dean get out

Giulia: What she doesn’t say

Kat: Nice

Nat : The monster will get out

Nat : what he said

Zee: And kill lee

Awe look at Dean’s repulsion towards his friend

Giulia: Nah dean will kill lee. Because this is supernatural

Zee: Daddy’s home

Nat : Surprise

Kat: The head

Giulia: Is that the sound of water 2

Kat: Ew

Zee: God bless Texas

Nat : Why does Lee do that for again? I missed it

Zee: His happiness

Kat: Money health

Nat : Feeding people to a monster makes him happy

Kat: Because fuck everyone else

Giulia: Ah saw it

Giulia: Oh yeah dean?

Kat: The monster gives him things for keeping it fed

Nat : Ah Nat : Dean distracts me

Kat: He yummy

Zee: I kill monsters

Giulia: Awe dean . Well you become the hero or the monster you hunt i guess

Zee: Welcome to my world

Giulia: Ouch

Zee: Impaled

Giulia: That should hurt so much more

Nat : Ah, that's the cue he was talking about that didn't break at first and he had to "walk off the pain" Kat: What

Giulia: ?

He told it once at a con I think? They had a fight with a cue and the cue didn't break like twice or three times and his back was blue

Giulia: Awe bb dean

Kat: Aw his murder face. Now sad face

Giulia: CAS

Giulia: awe look at them

Giulia: Oh

Nat : Awkward

Zee: That bed is too small

Kat: No, he’s just huge

Kat: What she said

Zee: What she said

Giulia: Everything is too small concerning to sam

Nat : Preview?

Giulia: TRAILER TIME

Kat: Ya go watch

Nat : Adam snorts

Kat: ADAM

Giulia: SNORT. FAMILY SUCKS

Kat: Basically tells them to suck it lol

Giulia: you let me rot in hell. Well he ain t wrong

Nat : Can u blame him

Kat: From his view, they must

Zee: They left him there for ages

ee: I’m happy with this ep. Need to change panties but I’m happy

Zee: You can leave this out

Kat: No leave it in lol

sam and Eileen cute gif

Giulia: They kill me

Giulia: Ok but if that’s sam endgame i’m so good with that. My bb deserve it

Giulia: Hope it doesn’t end in smoke

Giulia: snort

Giulia: That was mean

Kat: Wow Giuls

Giulia: Ok but look at it from chuck’s eyes

Giulia: SHOCK FACTOR

Giulia: PLOT

Giulia: CONTINUITY

Giulia: lol

15x08 coming soon

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @castiellover20 @ravenhg @evvvissticante @emoryhemsworth @markofdean79s

#supernatural 15x07 #15x07 spoilers #15x07 commentary #Episode commentary #spn commentary #SUPERNATURAL COMMENTARY

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tiredbiostudent · 4 years

Note

Hi! Could you maybe recommend some music, I keep listening to the same three songs and would love to find something new, doesn't have to be a specific genre. Also, you're blog is wonderful!

omg this is so sweet my heart is 🥺 rn but also, idk how much I can help because I also genuinely will listen to one song for an entire week straight and haven’t had a ton of time to find new music lately! but here’s some genre breakdowns of artists I love and some songs by them, or just individual tunes:

[edit: sorry this got insanely long!! I can maybe link spotify playlists if I ever get around to making some ‘:) but tl;dr my fave artists are frank ocean, sigrid, hozier, ben howard, cezinando, khalid, childish gambino, nas, lorde, the lumineers, rhcp, girl in red and travis scott]

1. guitar/rock indie-arcade fire: neighbourhood #3, the well and the lighthouse, we exist, afterlife, the suburbs, ready to start, SUBURBAN WAR!! (listen to the entire suburbs album if you want to feel rlly nostalgic about ur childhood)-ben howard (my favourite artist ever, I saw him live and it was phenomenal): rivers in your mouth, time is dancing, I forget where we were, only love, black flies, oats in the water, she treats me well, towing the line, follaton wood-rhcp (long time fave): under the bridge, by the way, californiacation, scar tissue, otherside, goodbye angels, dani California, snow (hey oh), tell me baby-city and colour (another old fave who I’ve also seen live and is amazing!! if you like hozier and the lumineers you’d like him, a bit of a less intense sound though): sleeping sickness, what makes a man, waiting…, constant knot, the golden state, killing time, wasted love, runaway, map of the world, blood, the grand optimist :’), northern wind, hello I’m in delaware-the scientist by coldplay.. if u haven’t been emo about this song since 2003 wyd-haven’t listened to her in forever but cosmic love by florence + the machine >>-girl in red (her music is great but her LYRICS r literally my soul): i wanna be your girlfriend, summer depression, i need to be alone, 4am, girls, say anything, bad idea, i’ll die anyway, we fell in love in october-harry styles: adore you, fine line, golden, sunflower vol. 6, sweet creature, lights up, to be so lonely, sign of the times, HIS COVER OF ULTRALIGHT BEAM-hozier (ANOTHER fave, fucking insane live too. sir ily): work song, in the woods somewhere, sedated, cherry wine, almost (sweet music) [song equivalent to a warm summer evening], movement !! holy f-, as it was, be, wasteland baby!-broken by lovelytheband-the lumineers (my guys!!!!): cleopatra, sleep on the floor, angela, long way from home, sick in the head, my eyes, white lie, donna, salt and the sea, slow it down, stubborn love-where’s my love by syml-mitski: washing machine heart, old friend, nobody, lonesome love-sam roberts band: bridge to nowhere, brother down, if you want it-saturn by sleeping at last-sufjan stevens: mystery of love, visions of Gideon (I don’t stan cmbyn but literally these two songs are the only thing I listened to from dec 2017 to feb 2018), the hidden river of my life, futile devices, Vesuvius-love will tear us apart cover by susanna and the magical orchestra-vance joy: mess is mine, Georgia, my kind of man, Saturday sun, we’re going home, lay it on me, take your time, I’m with you !!, like gold, crashing into you-remember when by wallows !!!

2. chill indie/pop-billie eilish: idontwannabeyouanymore, ilomilo, my strange addiction, bury a friend-cezinando (also my fave artist, and noen ganger is probs my fave album of all time): ingenting blir det samme men samme for meg, selv du, haper du har plass (if u can make it thru this song w/o crying on public transportation you are much stronger than I), tommolen pa vekta, er dette alt, usynlig-sigrid (the LOML and my other fave artist- seeing her live was the best day of my life no cap): dynamite, plot twist, fake friends, strangers, don’t feel like crying, raw, focus, I don’t want to know, her cover of sex by the 1975 changed my life fr, mine right now, BASIC !!!!!, in vain, never mine [this is highkey bc I’m a bonafide sigrid stan but I cannot recommend her ENOUGH she has one of the most incredible voices ever, is an insanely talented songwriter, and her music is so hype and beautiful and yeah :’)]-khalid (I love his voice sm, also the ceo of vibes): bad luck, cold blooded, 8teen, my bad, better, hundred, Saturday nights, suncity-run by elsa and emilie-lorde (my bby): bravado, buzzcut season, the love club, the louvre, supercut, 400 lux, ribs, white teeth teens, a world alone-fy faen by hkeem & temur (have been listening to this song for 3 yrs straight no cap)-btstu by jai paul-8896 by lapsley-joji: slow dancing in the dark, will he-moon by kid francesoli-aloha by mome (another all time fave)-karpe diem: hvite menn som pusher 50, lett a vaere rebell i kjellerleiligheten din, gunerius, spis din syvende sans-astrid s: 2AM matoma remix (one of my fave songs ever tbh), hurts so good !!!, such a boy-myth by beachhouse -mgmt: kids, electric feel-nostalgi 3millioner by tomine harket & unge Ferrari -lykke li: sex money feelings die (did I listen to this song for 5 months straight last year? hm), I follow rivers-one direction (ofc): story of my life, 18, night changes, drag me down, literally all of Take Me Home which is unequivocally their best album I will take no criticism on that-berlin by ry x-dancing with a stranger by sam smith and normani-taylor swift (not rlly a fan but wowww some of her songs): call it what you want !!!!, false god, begin again, all you had to do was stay, clean-kamikaze by Susanne sundfor-tame impala: let it happen (the og and the soulwax remix), the less I know the better, gossip-head over heels by tears for fears-somebody else by the 1975 (apparently I was the only one who only discovered this song in 2019 but it’s like all I listened to from October-December)

3. rap & rnb-brockhampton: rental !!!, face, bleach, sweet-childish gambino: ii. zealots of stockholm, heartbeat, les, the “hardbone with a hard r” remix of bonfire and redbone drooooool-drake (yikes dude but ngl. chill bops): feel no ways, u with me?, hold on we’re going home, passionfruit, you and the 6-vince staples: bagbak, lift me up, norf norf-frank ocean (LOML frank I’d die for you. also my fave artist *proceeds to list his entire discography*): SEIGFRIED!!!!, songs 4 women, nights, chanel, ivy, thinkin bout you, sweet life, pyramids, lost, bad religion, pink matter, forrest gump, in my room, swim good, dust, american wedding, provider-jorja smith: blue lights, february 3rd, on your own-ransom by lil tecca-nas (fave to end all faves): take it in blood, represent, the message, halftime, affirmative action, street dreams, one love, hate me now, cherry wine, new world-mobb deep: hell on earth, survival of the fittest, party over, shook ones pt ii-travis scott: (astroworld is the only thing I listened to summer-fall 2018 no cap) astrothunder, coffee bean, Yosemite, butterfly effect, houstonfornication, skeletons, stop trying to be god, stargazing, highest in the room-kanye (don’t roast me for this): can’t tell me nothing, ultralight beam, fade, hold my liquor-drip too hard by lil baby-(all a product of tiktok) bop, toes, suge, panini remix by da baby-migos (lmao): notice me, slippery, pure water-walk man by tmg sfdjhfkdjfsdfs-go loko by YG-the weeknd: reminder, as you are, hurt you, privilege, tell your friends, starboy, sidewalks, high for this

(I also love old school rock music but haven’t listened to it much since highschool- my fave bands are led zeppelin, CCR, boston, fleetwood mac, pink floyd, blue oyster cult, styx, the who)

#i am. sorry.#also me making this realizing how intensely my music taste is based off tv shows. ok one tv show fsdhsdfjfdshkjfd #asks #long post #music

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jawnjendes · 5 years

Text

little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #fourtristattoosspring #shawn x goth gf #ya this was loosley inspired by greys anatomy #and my own personal experience lol

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socialist-microwave-laser · 5 years

Text

No Hargreeves Left Behind

Klaus ends up in the hospital after an accidental overdose. He leaves with some bad news.

TW: Substance abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, referenced prostitution, chronic disease

Word Count: 1,812

The Umbrella Academy Writing Masterlist

Klaus had a fear of death. It came naturally with his powers. Good ol’ Sir Reginald Hargreeves hated that. He locked Klaus in a mausoleum to try to force the fear out of him, but he just made it worse. Unless he was high or drunk, he was constantly bombarded by the screams of the dead. No matter how hard he tried to shut them out, there they were, yelling his name, begging for him to listen to them. However, this fear didn’t stop it from constantly being on his mind. He figured he’d die in an alleyway, or beat to shit by a robber, or on the floor of a rave when his heart finally gives out, or when he finally decides enough is enough and strolls off the side of a building. But never, ever did he expect this.

The steady beep of the heart monitor was enough to drive anyone insane, but especially a man going through withdrawal who just found out he had a chronic disease. It was grating against his skull. He took a deep breath and ripped the sensors off his skin. The momentary blissful silence was interrupted by an even louder constant high pitched sound. Instantly, the room was overcrowded with loud nurses fretting about him and messing with the wires and tubes connected to him. As soon as they came, they disappeared with everything back in order, leaving Klaus alone again. A small, silent tear slipped down his cheek as he turned to shut out the world.

“You’re going to have to tell them eventually,” came a voice from the other side of the room. “They are your family, you know.”

Klaus rolled his eyes and groaned. “Leave me alone, Ben. I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

“Wow, love you too.”

He sighed. “I love you, Ben.” For a moment, the only sound in the room was the beeping and hissing of the machines. Klaus spoke up again. “They wouldn’t care. Our siblings, they… well, you’ve seen how they act around me. They don’t take me seriously, they don’t notice when I’m gone. Not to mention I’m a horrible brother. Hell, I sold Five out to some fucking psychos for some drugs! Why would they suddenly care now that their poor, poor Klaus suddenly up and got himself… well, you know what.”

“Well, maybe if you sobered up, they wouldn’t have reason to believe that everything you say is just some part of a hallucination.”

A soft knock on the wooden door interrupted the two. He hissed at Ben before calling the person to come in. “Hi, I’m Clara, a nurse here at the hospital. I was wondering if there was anybody we could call? Maybe a family member or a close friend?”

Ben looks at her. “This is your chance, Klaus. Give her somebody’s number!”

Klaus’s hesitation made the nurse, Clara, a bit confused. “Should I come back another time?”

“No, no, no. There’s no use. Nobody would come.”

“I see. Well, call if you think of somebody, okay? You don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I’ll be... Thank you.”

The door quietly clicked closed and Ben scoffed. “You’re sitting here, wallowing in your own misery, telling everybody that you’re so alone when you have five people you could call! I’m sick and tired having to sit here and watch you throw away the family you have. I wish I could have all of these people here for me. But no, I’m just stuck here with your pathetic ass.”

“Wow. Tell me how you really feel.” Klaus muttered.

Klaus had to sit in that sterile room with only Ben and the voices of countless other dead to keep him company for weeks before he was finally let out. There he stood on the sidewalk, his overcoat hanging even looser off his shrunken frame. With a swing of his right foot, he turned to walk towards an alleyway he knew.

“Where are you going?” Ben scolded, but he didn’t really need an answer. He knew.

Klaus answered anyway. “I need another hit. I’m tired of sobriety.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Klaus?” Ben was pissed. Klaus couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his brother that mad. “You are going to the Academy and you are telling our family! They can help!”

“I don’t need their fucking help. I don’t want to go on the doctor’s stupid meds. It’s not like I can afford them anyway! Besides, the only pills I want are the ones that will make me numb. Those are the ones that will help.”

“I swear--”

“Fuck off, Ben.” Klaus began to walk away, but without much conviction. His step faltered when he didn’t hear a response. “Uh, Ben? Don’t you have something witty to say?” He turned around and only saw an empty sidewalk behind him. “Fine.” Klaus’s voice broke, but he didn’t cry. He was stronger than that.

Across the city sat the rest of the Hargreeves family in the Umbrella Academy mansion. They all sat in the bar area, but none of them drank. In fact, most of them kicked that habit after the apocalypse. However, their ordinary, non-alcoholic conversation was soon interrupted by a long dead brother.

“What the fuck?” Five exclaimed. The others shouted in surprise.

“Ben? Is that you?” Allison shakily asked.

He sighed. “Yes, it is. And as wonderful as it would be to catch up with you guys and have a whole family outing where we all spill our deepest secrets and eat flowers all day, there is a certain somebody missing from this equation.”

“Who, Klaus?” Luther scoffed.

“Yes, Klaus! Your brother that’s been missing for the past two weeks; the one you guys didn’t care enough to go look for! He needs your help. He’s headed towards the alley by the theater. Go find him and bring him back here. It’s important.” And with that, Ben faded away.

Five was the next to disappear, deciding using his powers was quicker than waiting for the others to drive him. Besides, he could at least try to talk Klaus down while they were on their way.

Klaus hadn’t spoken a word. Not to Five when he appeared next to him and punched him in the face when Klaus tried to push him away. Not to the others when they arrived, all paranoid and concerned. And not to Diego, who desperately tried to get him to talk by cracking the usual jokes. He just sat on the floor by the couch in the main room and stared off into the distance. The Hargreeves family passed nervous glances to each other, not exactly sure how to start things off.

Vanya spoke first. “Where were you?”

Klaus hesitated. His gaze drifting over to Ben, who motioned for him to answer. “I overdosed and ended up in the hospital. I just needed a hit and I guess it was laced with something because I blacked out in the park. And I woke up in that dumbass hospital room.”

“Why did they hold you for so long?” Diego knew enough about hospitals to know that ODs don’t usually take more than a week until discharge.

“They had to run other tests and… please don’t make me say it,” he winced.

“I don’t understand. What do you mean?” Luther frowned

“Just say it,” Ben urged. “It’s like ripping of a band-aid, right?”

Klaus’s gaze whipped over to Ben and glared, hard. “Fine. I’m HIV positive.” And that’s when Klaus broke down. He always hated crying in front of his siblings, preferring to keep up the goofy façade. He was the comic relief of the family, and he liked that role. He never needed to be open about his feelings, he could always brush them off and nobody questioned it. But this time he couldn’t.

Allison and Luther gasped, Diego let out a string of curse words, Vanya dejectedly looked down at her hands, and Five whispered “Holy shit,” to himself. He pushed down the memories of the HIV/AIDS epidemic he had to see while he was working for the Commission and cringed at his brother. “Jesus, Klaus.”

“Yeah, well it’s my own goddam fault, isn’t it? Passing around needles, and well, you know. A man has to make money somehow, right?” He tried his hardest to crack a smile at his pitiful excuse for a joke at his own expense, but they all saw past it.

“Isn’t there a way to treat it? Like a medicine or something?” Allison shifted in her seat, holding her coffee cup close to her like it would protect her heart from the future trauma.

Klaus scoffed dryly. “Oh, yes there is. But it is also costs thousands of dollars that I don’t have unless I go back to doing what may have gotten me here in the first place. Not all of us are as rich and famous as you, dear sister of mine.” He could hear Ben tutting at him and decided to dial back the deflection. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

Vanya shook her head. “Don’t apologize. You’re going through a lot and you’re stressed.”

“I can’t go on the medication because it’s too expensive. And no, I’m not asking any of you for money. I didn’t really even want to tell you guys. Stress and all, you know? You’ve been through a lot, and you don’t have to go through this too.”

“What are you talking about?” Diego tried his hardest to keep his anger out of his voice, resulting in a slight stutter. “Of course we’re going to help you!”

“Yeah, remember what we decided after we came back? No Hargreeves left behind, and that wasn’t just for my sake.” Vanya’s voice was much quieter than Diego’s, and for that Klaus was grateful. “We’re a team. We’re here for each other every step of the way.”

“And if that means we have to chip in a few dollars, you damn better know we are going to do that.” Luther added, puffing out his chest.

Klaus honestly had no idea what to say. He sat back against the couch, stunned. Why was his family doing this? They had no reason to be there for him, yet here they were offering up their hard earned money to get him medicine for something that was his own fault. He sniffled and wiped his nose against his sleeve. “I don’t know what to say, you guys.” He cleared his throat and continued. “Thank you all so much.”

Suddenly he was surrounded by the warm, protective arms of his five brothers and sisters. After a moment, another set of arms, Ben’s, was added to the pile. Klaus’s wet gaze connected with Ben’s. Thank you, he mouthed silently at him, before closing his eyes and enjoying his family’s loving embrace.

General: @nebula-starlight @wingsofthefierydragonheart

Reblogs are much appreciated! <3

#klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #five hargreeves #the umbrella academy #tua #the umbrella academy fanfic #tua fanfic #luther hargreeves #allison hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #klaus hargreeves fanfic #angst #the mausoleum incident #reginald hargreeves #my writing #whump #hurt/comfort

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my-magical-babies · 5 years

Text

Dated 3-4-XX

*Italics is past writings, normal font is present time*

It’s funny how life will play out a scene. You sent me a text last night saying your mother saw you as a…. I don’t like that word so I won’t use it. I thought she went through your texts. But it turns out you outed yourself, but you broke up with me because you didn’t want to be outed and you couldn’t give me a future. But I tried to comfort you without sounding like it was out of pity. But now as I’m writing this, I’m wondering how many lies you told me as well.

I know I shouldn’t think of this but goodness can you blame me? I get my heart broken by a boy I had know for years, then you start contradicting your words from when you broke up with me. It’s kind of sad that to stop myself from having a full blown panic attack, I write everything down in hopes of getting out all of my emotions, but I was never good at knowing what I was feeling, that’s also why you left me.

I just want to know, is it normal to be on the verge of a constant panic attack? Is it normal to need to be in a crowded hiding spot to feel comfort?

At this point I don’t even know if my feelings are valid or if I’m just being a bitchbaby and crying for no reason. However, at this point I’m just trying to figure out how many lies were told to me so that I can figure out how to build myself up. Because I can’t rely on anyone to tell me the truth it seems. I’m at the point where my one friend that I consider my other half doesn’t know a majority of my problems or even my life because I refuse to tell her out of fear that she will abandon me because I’m too fucked up. I feel like the more I’m changing myself then I will finally find my happiness and figure out how to be comfortable with even living in my own body.

Something I’m glad to write down and accept, well I’m quite proud of it now, I’ve decided that we never dated. You and I stopped being friends a week before we had supposedly dated. How are you doing I wonder? Maybe I should go back to talking to you like we used to before we stopped being friends…. Hopefully now that I’m writing all of this down I will get the closure and my horrible memory will actually believe what I’m writing and I’ll condition myself to say “Oh them? Haven’t spoken to them since we stopped being friends in ****. I should send them a message one of these days to catch up after ** Years”

Now I’m planning my next move, it’s a little worrisome seeing as I am currently living off of little achievements, planning the smallest deadlines to make it to so that I won’t drive myself crazy. I still hear whispers and they make me anxious but goodness if I let them know they got to me I would be nothing but a coward above everything else they already think about me. But for some reason, as I begin to try and fix my life only 2 people actually seem to care, the rest seem to want to see me wallow in self pity as they all congregate and make these rumors about me.

It was time to start new, I did everything I had previously been too worried to do in my past writings where I was going through what felt like the actual depths of hell. While I don’t feel like it’s hell, I still know I’m not in the best headspace, but it’s expected due to denial to take any sort of medication and the lack of trust that I have in people making me wary of finding a therapist. I should know by now that everything will be ok, I have 5 loving friends and a protective brother who will stop at nothing to make sure he won’t lose me.

Most of my changes were subtle, a tattoo on my ribcage, an undercut under by shoulder length hair, a new manicure. There were a few changes to my social life that were less subtle, but nobody cared to confront me about it so I deemed them as insignificant changes. I was able to deem myself as not a depressed loser. I began to write all of my new life discoveries in a journal to avoid losing the only positive parts of my life. This new method of life mostly worked until I met new people who were actually interested in the new me. I still couldn’t find it in myself to trust them but now I had a new group of friends that enjoyed being around me. We had fun while out on our adventures and that worked for me, I was fine with having bursts of happiness and fun…. That is until I met people who were less fun, but genuinely cared about me. The difference with them is we didn’t need to go on adventures, sitting at home was fun with them and we had genuine and good bonding moments there.

It was like the stories I had read as a child when I met my current best friend, I ran into her at the movies and saw we were watching the same movie so we sat next to each other. It was out of my comfort zone but It was one of those risks that I am thankful that I took. Alyson became the seconds half of my brain, the one person I told every truth to, the only person I refused to lie to. She let me take my time when something bothered me and waited for me to be comfortable enough to talk with her. But even remembering how I met her has led me to run into someone else.

“Oh, sorry” And that was the end of the exchange, I walked away and avoided any possible friendship. I had one true friend and a handful of careless friends… I was fine with letting someone pass me by.

I began to develop the mindset that the Universe would lead me to where I was destined to go but for now I would work hard until my next opportunity to improve and reach my destiny would come up. It seemed cowardly until I noticed how proud I felt after working for each achievement rather than just waiting and receiving it. After all why spend all my time waiting for something when I can work for it and have it come faster and actually deserve it?

Lately it seems as if the universe really wants me to step out of my comfort zone, that or I need to start paying attention to where I am walking more because I seem to crash into people around the same time of day no matter where I am. After I began to be more conscious of where I was going, it was only occurring every once in awhile… but this one guy I ran into happened to run into me on the stairs, causing me to fall on my butt and sprain my ankle. So he took me to the doctors, now he’s driving me home and apologizing every 5-10 minutes because he felt bad that he ran into me.

“Again, I’m really sorry. I should probably stop looking at my phone when going down stairs…. Do you need me to help you inside?” He was sweet and would probably not leave me alone if I were to decline… so i submitted to the universe and let a stranger in my house, hope it was the right choice.

#tw: self loathing #bts angst #bts social media au #bts writing #dated au

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ayahne · 7 years

Text

i can’t write, i say as i write 8 pages on Word

I discussed this simple little idea i had with @adelmortescryche from 2AM to 5AM and now it’s not a little idea. A lot of ideas thrown mostly randomly together on the same fic idea i will never write cause i write baaaad.

I call it : EdRi!!! On Para-Ice

- When Yuuri arrives at Wayne State to major in buisness and become a pro skater, he meets the four people with who he's going to share lodging.

- Ling is his age, he's a Xingian diplomat son that want to keep it low-key, and he's majoring in political science. He's a funny, eccentric kind of guy, and he makes Lan Fan mad.

- Lan Fan is « totally not » his body guard, and she's majoring in chemistry. She's a strange blend of calm and hot-temper. He likes her.

- There's also Phichit, ; he's younger, but so nice and enthusiastic ; he wants to do photography. (he's Thai and doesn't speaks much english, but everyone helps him and stick colored notes cards to everything and he learns quickly).

- And there's Edward Curtis, who is half cyborg, hot tempered, foul mouthed and full of shit and loyalty. He's younger than him, but more advanced than him in his studies. (« He's a genius », explains Lan Fan.) They got on like a house on fire.

- Strangely, even if they're so different from each other, they share the apartment fine. Lan Fan and Ed go run in the mornings, Ling cooks, Yuuri and Phichit go to the ice ring... They fit.

- Ed is a bit hyperactive, and when Lan Fan is too occupied to spar with him, he gotta finds something to do. (« No Ed, you can't punch people in the face. ») He visits Yuuri and Phichit at the ice ring, and he tries a bit of skating ; it's challenging, he likes it.

- Yuuri starts to teach him simple figures : a single-toe-loop, a sit-spin... Ed spend his time falling on his face because the automails are destabilizing him, but he's tired and happy when he masters a new move. From there, you can't stop him. Skating becomes the escape to his problems, and the guilt he feels.

- He comes to every of Yuuri's event to cheer him on ; he manage the panic attacks like it's nobody's buisness, and Yuuri starts to feel more confident. It's great time, they have fun.

- But one day, there's an accident ; the huge score board fall on Yuuri that just finished his routine. They have to amputate his arm.

- Ed has lived this before, and acts quick. He's there through everything, the hospital ride, the hospital stay, the therapy. With the others, he persuades Yuuri to get an automail (« Hey, we match now. ») He never let him wallow in his depression, and he puts him back on his skates with his therapist acceptance.

- They fight, with all the others, through Yuuri's terror of the ice, and slowly, slowly, he finds back his love for the ice ; he starts to skate again, to being confident. Ed does it all with him, he's his crutch. (« I miss two limbs. If i can do it, you can do it better. » And Yuuri does.)

(beware of the cut)

- "dude you can fucking make a quint and fly on the ice " says Yuuri "dont care still jealous" answer Ed, and they laugh and Phichit posts it on instagram

- Yuuri's like, welp, if you can do it, I should at least try and everyone screams NO because he's older than Ed. Except Ed, who's rolling his eyes being like, he could totally do it, he's older than me and just as flexible.

- They're both ULTRA flexible

- Cue Ed teaching Yuuri how to make some of his fighting moves on ice

- Cue Yuuri teaching Ed more quads

- All those EdRi comments. The first few are just fujoshi slobbering over them and their bromance, then someone who actually knows something about skating figures out what they're seeing and they sCREAM.

- And the skating fandom has a meltdown.

- Phichit posting out of context photos, like warming up when they're in weird yoga poses, and it seems a bit more intimate than it is.

- With tags like '#MySmolSonsBeFlexi' '#MustNotLetEdSeeTagsHeWillSlayMe'

- Phichit and all the others being DEADLY TIRED than his frighteningly prodigious friends not getting recognition just because they've got automail.

- Doesn't people realise that automail makes it harder ?

- “It's easier with automail ?” * Ed proceeds to detach his own arm and dump it on the stupid fuck's lap who crumble under the weight. * “Try lifting something that weight more than yourself higher than your head, and even spin with something ressembling grace when you have a brick instead of an arm”.

- Pole dancing class as part of the automail recovery therapy. Yuuri smiles, and he's like, this was totally for medical reasons.

- The ports gets cold and hurt when they're too long in the ice ring, so for when they train Phichit knitted them horrible arm socks (and leg sock for Ed). Knitting is not Phichit forte, and the mitts are ridiculous at best.

- Yuuri's favorite is a kaki monstruosity with purple polka dots, orange stripes, and some brown squiggles that are supposed to be flowers.

- Ed's are one atomic pink with red hearts on it, and a blue one with barely recognisable hamsters.

- The photos of them with it become viral.

- He decides to go back to competing, and he slays the handisport section. He wins all of the gold medals in the juniors, and then in the seniors.

- He's got a new coach ; she's pretty, kind and maternal, attentive to his anxieties and the fact that Ed is basically is contra-phobic object ; she's perfect, and exactly what he needs. Her name is Gracia Hugues.

- For his galas, he always do something with Ed (and either they do funny shit things, either they some mind-numbing show of skills mixing Ed's talents in flying martial arts and Yuuri's adaptability- anyways they're breathtaking)

- There's a fanbase dedied to their bromance, and some people do RPF with them.

- Ed browsing deviantart and diying a little bit (but save the nice, bro, safe ones on his phone.)

- Yuuri reading fanfictions, selecting the crack fics and the AUs to laugh with Ed, Phichit and Lin. (and Lan Fan. She's there, silently laughing)

- They're so much more low key about the bromance than Phichit and Yuuri that people have a lot more opinions about their bromance. And are sure it's a romance.

- Yuuri obviously finds it hilarious.

- Ed and Yuuri doing shit like this on purpose.

- One day on tv, some jackass ask if he doesn't miss his limbs, and Ed answers "thats equivalent exchange" while looking at Yuuri. The shippers goes mad, Yuuri goes awww cause he knows Ed meant it very innocently

- They only pop up in Phichit, Ling, and Yuri social medias because they dont take vids themselves or photos and even less post them

- One day, there's an hORRIBLE rant made by a dude that says that Ed and Yuuri are lucky to have found the other because who would want any of those disgusting cripples

- and they're a bit hurt but not much because they told themselves the same thing since they got their accidents

- But Phichit sees red. He takes THE photo.

- the one after the showers after practice, where you can see skin, soft scars, glinting metal, muscles and cloth making it SFW, and no comment under it like he use to.

- It broke twitter

- (Yuri totally roasted the guy that DARED insult his idol.)

- Roy Mustang is an ex-man-single prodigy. He was adored by the public. When he retired, he decided he wanted to go into Amestrian politics (ie, the Army).

- He's the one that presented his old buddy from the army, Maes, to Gracia. (people all around the world whined when they announced that it was Maes marrying Gracia and not him.)

- Roy isn't sure if he's happy for both his friends because Maes became 1000% more annoying after meeting Gracia. (That's a lie, he loves them both and is more than happy.)

- When he became a state alchemist, his fans where like “fire alchemy ??? U SURE ?”

- Yuri Plisetesky is a die-hard Yuuri Katsuki fan, and he finds it unfair that

1. no same sex couple on the ice, and it sucks because those two could do some pretty awesome shit

2. Ed doesn't compete because not enough money and he don't care much for the competition ; he's there for the fun and for Yuuri

3. he'd love to skate on the same ice as Yuuri but, eh, handi sections and mainstream ones doesn't mix. He hates the federation so much.

4. no one knows about the handi athletes apart of Yuri and Otabek (because he whines at him) and he finds it the most irritating thing in the world, it's a TRAVESTY.

- And just, one day, he goes to Yuuri's ice ring, and he watches him, film him for future reference and manage to catch on film a *quad axel*.

- And the regular skaters, they're like "wait what" when they see the video of the first quad axel in history

- "but we don't know that guy"

- and Yuri goes in a screaming rant about how they're all stupid, it's “FUCKING YUURI KATSUKI YOU HEATHENS HOW DARE YOU FORGET HIM HE COULD HAVE BEEN THE BEST RIVAL FOR GOLD IF NOT FOR THAT ACCIDENT HE HAD TO LEAVE MAINSTREAM SKATING AND NOW YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HIM?!”

- And one day, Viktor, dense fridge that he is, find irl EdRi doing some figures in a public ice ring. He goes to Yuuri, says something like you skate nice, have you considered going pro, and ed punches him because the dunce doesn’t remember sharing the ice with Yuuri

- "I was too fucking kind i should have decked him with the metal one"

- Yuuri is nrgh between "he punched Viktor" and "am i that forgettable"

- Yuuri's also like Ed No Ed Stahp. While smiling happily because spiteful savage Yuuri. Who doesn't want Victor to get hurt, but he forgot.

- "We said no punching, Ed"

- ”Ed we talked about this.”

- ZE discussion they have all the time ; "Can i punch that dick in the dick" "No u cant"

- And he can only punch people if Yuuri is okay with it because everyone deem that if Yuuri thinks a dude deserve to be punched then he deserves it.

- If Yuuri thinks it's time to punch someone then it's time. Yuuri's everyone's moral compass. Except he isn't a good moral compass, because sometimes he's sassy and spiteful.

- Yuuri with really long hair after he stopped mainstream mens singles.

- First he was too depressed to cut it, then he realized it's easier for the automail. The hair gets stuck less in the joints and if they're long you can take them out easier.

- Al and Ed have been apart since they were 8 and 10 and they had the failed transmutation that left Al in a coma for 3 years with nearly no memories of his brother, and Ed without limbs.

- They went to different foster families ; Ed with Izumi and Sig, Al with the Rockbell. And Al doesn't remember Ed much, only what Pinako told him (he loved you more than anything, he was persuaded the accident is his fault)

- Olivia Armstrong is Ed social worker. The whole Briggs team work in social services.

- Ed refusing to search for his bro cause he's sure Al hates him, and, sure, Ed hates himself but not to the point of subjecting himself to that.

- Yuuri comforting him when he has nightmares about it, not saying a thing when Ed cries at night cause he misses Al.

- Phichit stalking the whole internet to update Ed on how Al is doing.

- Al being so admirative of E.Curtis works in "Alchemy Actual". Pinako wince in the background.

- Al finds it hard to connect E. Curtis to his brother because E. Curtis is notoriously secretive. No one knows anything about him.

- Al doesn't watch ice-skating, and isn't much a fan of phichit-chu. And no matter how many times he falls on a video of Edward C. he can't connect either of them to his brother. Pinako's starting to wonder if he's ever going to realise Ed-on-screen and Ed-the-alchemist is Ed his brother. She shighs in exasperation and wonder why he's so dense.

- May being Ling's pint sized badass little sister (one of many but his favorite even if loves giving her shit)

- May is irritating and wonderful and god he wishes he could introduce her to Al.

- May find Al by herself and is like “... most beautiful boy i've ever seen in my entire life omg”

- She posts photo of her and him on insta, and Phichit send them to Ed, he becomes crazy.

- Al being in a perpetual state of “Wait what” concerning her.

- “Beautiful girl came out of no where to talk to me and flirt with me and take pictures with me what'

- She starts talking alkahestry and suddenly he doesn't register her pretty face anymore she's clever who cares about pretty I can talk about alchemy with her !!!

- May finds him adorable

- Cue budding romance while their big brothers are having aneurisms on the side. Yuuri, Phichit and Lan Fan finds it hilarious.

- And at LEAST Ling can interact with his sister and NOW AL but ED REFUSES and he is sad and frustrated so he goes skating cause he has too much energy and "you can't punch people for the lolz Ed"

- Yuuri just sighs and pats him on the back while Ed screams at the sky and goes throwing quads all over the place.

- So frustrated he tries a quint toe loop, but "not a quad axel, i'm stupid but not dumb, only quadsuki can do that"

- Ed having super nice automail that Yuuri offered him with the skating money ("look, we match !", he says, a twinkle in his eyes, echoeing what Ed told him a few years ago.)

- Since Ed doesn't want to see the Rockbell and has a « 0 interaction » policy, Yuuri found that guy that lives in a remote part of Australia that does incredible machinery. They go once a year with the gang.

- Ed considering himself « toxic » to those he loves. Lan Fan decked him in the gut, Ling rolled his eyes so hard it had to be inscribed in a book of records, and Phichit insulted him in Thai. He tried this bullshit with Yuuri exactly once and never did it again.

- Mari straight up hit him with a pan. She reminds Ed of Izumi.("My foster mom hits me with her pan, too.")

- Following that sentence, people start to be suspicious about his foster mom, until they figure out Izumi and Ed love each other. Their love is just... violently displayed. And filled with martial art montages.

- Izumi and Sig already have a biological son when they adopt Ed. Aoi is totaly enamored with his « big brother »

- They adopted another child, a little girl named Nina. Her dad tried to kill her, and as of such she's sick. Her and Al are the reason he started studying organic alchemy in more depth.

- Envy is Ed biological punk rock but so nice older half-brother. He's androgynous and loves confusing people. ("Are you a girl or a boy ?" "no.")

- Envy avoids Al cause he feels guilty too. He felt he shoud have been there for his two lil bro, no matter how angry with their dad he was.

- When Ed and Envy gloom together, Lin/Phichit/Yuuri/Lan Fan comes to hit them and like "no we love you yes we said love shut up, up, we going petting rabbits"

- Hiroko, Izumi and Minako being BFFs and drinking together. It terrifies everyone. They comiserate about their spawns.

- Izumi's kid is in awe of Mari (as he should)

- EdxAngst + Yuuri/coming-to-terms-with-his-anxiety

- "Where did your... special style of skating came from, Mister Curtis ? *behind, a video extract where Ed is doing a double backflip on the ice, before launching into some capoara moves while Yuuri smiles and just cartwheels for the lolz*"

- Roy calling Ed “a backflipping maniac”

- Cuts to Ed doing a triple back flip and a single hand cartwheel or something right after. Just to see the expression on Roy's face.

- Roy having ten cardiac arrest a day. Riza laugh in the distance. (She laughs at his pain all the time)

- "Curtis, when your in an ice ring you spend more time in the air than on the ice, it's not natural"

- One of Phichit most liked photos is one of Yuuri and Ed twirling Elicia around

- Even if Ed isn't an official competitor, he has die hard fans, that calls themselves « Ed's Homunculi », and they're led by 5 people that nicknamed themselves with the primary sins.

- Yuuri snickers at just their mention. Ed complains all the time. (« NO FUCK LET ME GO IM NOT EVEN A PRO DONT PuT YOUR BOOBS IN MY FACE DONT EAT MY HAIR WTF. Why are you all so DISTURBING »)

- Envy founded the fanclub because he finds this deadly funny, now he’s mostly in charge of the social medias. Ed is horrified.

- Scar is married to Lust and follows her everywhere, to every competition sighing all the time.

- THE PRESIDENT OF HIS FANCLUB IS THE FUCKING FURHER OF AMESTRIS

- The idea of Amestris’s Furher being enamored enough with Ed's skating to give himself a stupid nickname kills all of his friends of laughter inside

- Aerugo is near greece

- Xing is in east asia

- Creta is near italia

- Drachma is between finland and sweden

- Amestris between germany and poland, and Ishval between poland and Austria

- Father couldn't arrange another full country array, and eventually decided to let it go.

- Envy's real name is Nichola Elric

- Lust is Veda Campos

- Wrath is King Bradley

- Pride is still Selim Bradley

- Gluttony is named Emilio Abatucci

- Scar is Luca Campos

- Izumi’s kid is named Aoi Curtis

#yoi #fma #edward elric #yuuri katsuki #headcanon #crossover fic #fic #fanfic #sort of ????#my writing #even if i'm not good at english BUT WATHEV'

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wouldhope · 4 years

Audio

Time to go on another late-night deep dive into why I relate this song to John

repeat to yourself that they're not really gone time has proven that fooling yourself into believing a lie is the most effective way to deal with things you have no control over

John trying to deal with the loss of his father, as well as some of his other friends but MOSTLY him never getting past the denial stage of grief with his dads death bc... mourning who? He has never allowed himself to do that

keep listening to the mixtapes they made you overanalyse every single word you hear "was this a sign that things were going wrong" no no, you were the one that cared too hard, not them

See I don’t really have any specific relationships to connect them but ... if he DID go through a rough breakup or ended friendship he would definitely blame himself for it

stay up every single night staring at your phone either attempting to gather up the courage to turn these demons, these constant reminders of your loneliness into nothing more than a bad dream or praying just for one second you could feel the warmth of equally returned love

Lotta things here. John’s depression fucking up his sleep schedule thus him sleeping at odd hours of the day and staying up late at night. He wants to face his demons, his issues, his grief and loneliness - but he doesn’t know how to so he just lies there, wishing he could be close to someone again and feel happy again but not knowing how!!

go out for coffee four times a week by yourself always bring your notebook, never stop writing leave little comics and thank you notes with your tip watch them smile as you get in your car

When he does go out he’s by himself, and despite how alone he feels and how sad he is, he still likes to make random people smile. This part makes me especially soft in that context... He just wants to make people happy even when he can’t feel happy himself

always talk down on yourself whenever possible my life is shit because i deserve it, right? you must have done something real bad its nearly impossible for you to cry now

Not much to say here other than low self esteem, wallowing in regret, and most of all: John not being able to fucking cry!! He hasn’t cried since dream Jade’s death and that was a single tear!! He forgot how to fucking cry

avoid your friends for weeks even though they're the only sense of consistency you have left in your life, if they really wanted to see you they'd come, but they won't (who cares?)

John still cares a lot about his friends, but they’ve changed so much and he feels like he hasn’t changed at all, and he feels like there’s a rift between himself and everyone else now. He’s disconnected. He doesn’t know how to reach out, so even if they were one of the only sources of happiness in his life he just... drifts away from them.

allow yourself to lose interest in the things you love watch as you begin to take a backseat to the world around you, don't fight it become a secondary character in your own motion picture

THIS... John losing interest in everything is like, the biggest indicator of his mental health. When he’s at his worst he can’t enjoy anything he used to love and ends up just becoming angry, frustrated, and disillusioned with everything. Also, John has always been a... go with the flow kind of guy. He lets himself be directed by others (Vriska, Terezi, etc.) and just... Now that there’s nothing to do, no quests, nobody telling him what he needs to do next? He’s not the hero anymore, he’s the secondary character. He feels it’s inevitable. He doesn’t fight it. He just goes with it, letting himself slip into that role.

but most importantly drown every single one of your feelings in old stolen rum, learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat find comfort in the warmth coming from your stomach, you're drinking bottled love now

John? Using alcohol to cope? Haha... m... maybe. Maybe drinking the kind of thing that reminds him of his dad, those kinds of old classy alcoholic drinks. Or maybe he can’t be fucked to make those anyways and just drinks beer, who knows at this point. Either way I can see it happening

you don't need other people to drive away your loneliness you just needed to find a way to talk to it

HE’S JUST... He’s accepting his loneliness. He’s accepted his disconnect. That’s just how he deals with things now. Not much else to say abt that luv!

#* john / playlist #its midnight hello

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benoist-mcgrath · 6 years

Note

Is Dangerous Liaisons coming soon?! You left on quite the cliffhanger ;) love your work!

tonight episode was so good so i’m in an incredible mood. so i’m gonna post a little fragment from next chapter (and last chapter ahhh)

remember this is from Kara’s pov again.

“I think they’re trying to set usup” Barry said, drinking from his beer.

“You think?”

“Yeah” he nodded “I think I’mbringing them down. I’m the only one single in the group”

“Hey!”

“The only guy single, I mean it makes sense, okay?” he replied, laughing“We’re decent people, you’re beautiful, I’m okay-looking…”

“Barry, shut up”

“Okay, I’m beautiful too…”

“Oh my god”

“Listen, I’m just saying it makessense” he laughed again “They will be disappointed”

“If you’re right, then Bruce andOllie need to mind their own business” you said, also drinking from your glass.

“I know” he said “Just to be sure,we’re only friends, right?”

“Barry!”

“Just friends, that’s what I said.Jeez, calm down” his smile dropped “I… I’m sorry. You know I’m joking”.

Barry Allen was Clark’s youngestfriend. They had met while your cousin investigated a murderer case, both ofthem convinced that the principal suspect was innocent. They had beeninseparable since then. Clark told you that Barry reminds him of you so heintroduced him to his other friends. There was Bruce Wayne, the eccentricbillionaire that was always brooding and only Clark could make laugh; OliverQueen, Barry’s best friend, CEO of Queen industries and politic enthusiasticwhom believed in people’s justice and second chances. And last but not least,there was Diana, Clark and Bruce’s dreamy-almost not real-friend. Diana was anart curator that was currently on Metropolis coordinating the Greece gallery atthe museum. She was taller than you, has no flaws and was incredibleattractive. Your attraction towards her probably born out her resemblance ofsomeone else…

But it was incredible soon for youto start something with anyone…

Someone who wasn’t…

“I’m afraid we’re only friends,Barry” you said “Don’t try to play with me, Allen” your tone was more playful“I know about your feelings for certain reporter”

“Shut up”

You had become fast friends in suchshort time. Your characters and same interests play a part on it but the majorthing you shared was your feelings for someone you couldn’t have. Barry was in love with Iris West, a close friendgrowing up, but he was in a relationship with another girl, firmly believingthat Iris would never look at him the way he wanted to.

It was like a deja-vu, seeingyourself in Barry: he was ready to propose to his girlfriend, telling himselfit would be enough and he will learn to love her like he loved Iris.

You talked to him about it, openingyourself for the first time since forever. You were sincere about Mon-el, aboutLena (even if you never mentioned her name), and the whole debacle that wasyour marriage.

His ex-girlfriend hated you afterthat as she was convinced you wanted Barry for yourself.

“Hey lovebirds! Wanna play pool?”Oliver Queen screamed from the other side of the bar.

You rolled your eyes but followedBarry towards their table. Clark, Bruce and Oliver were already half-tipsy. Itwas Clark’s first boys night in awhile and he was enjoying himself with his friends. You smiled at him: Clarkhad stayed true to his word, he received you as family and introduced you tohis friends, making you feel less lonely. Without him, you would be bored outof your mind, always thinking about your past-mistakes. Now, you felt happy knowingsomeone beside your sister, had your back.

You enjoyed your time together andyou ended up heading back home at four in the morning. It was a weekend and Dianaoffered to give you a ride. You smiled at her like a fool but fell asleepalmost as fast as you hit her car’s couch.

CatCo’s magazine was doing great. Thefirst number was a total success and Ms. Grant gave you all the credit,mentioning how proud she was of you. After that, you just wanted to be alone. Itwas hitting you hard trying to spend so much time with other people. You triedto deny it but every single detail made you miss Lena, the life you could hadtogether.

Things were so unresolved and you felt like you were carrying around a leadweight all the time from the guilt of how you treated her. You would give anything to be able to go back and endthings differently. You knew it had toend, but you didn’t have to be so cruel.

Your guilt was your only truecompanion, and you had so much of it. Your entire life in National City wasdestroyed by your actions, and even though he didn’t know it, you’d betrayedMon just as badly as Lena.

You had a feeling your current statewas just the beginning of your atonement for your actions.

Barry dragged you out of the flatevery weekend, telling you that wallowing away locked in your house was what cat ladies did. When you told him you didn’thave a cat he said it was only a matter of time.

Sometimes he took you to crowdedbars with some of his other friends, a doctor named Caitlin and his bestfriend Cisco. But as soon as the clock hit midnight, you snuck out and wentback home. You weren’t in the mood for celebrations and parties. Going out withClark was different, his friends were older and they were more tamed.

You thought the new job and the responsibilitieswould bring you out of the funk, but inside you still knew you were goingthrough the motions. You may have finally made a decision and let Lena go, butit just didn’t feel right.

Barry continued trying to bring youout of your self-imposed shell, making you try new things and leave thesolitude of the flat. You even started spending more time with people fromwork. Interesting enough, you formed a tentative friendship with Iris West,Barry’s crush, and you can see why he had feelings for her. Tiny steps, youkept remind yourself, tiny steps, letting them know the real Kara, the one you were trying to getback to. You just weren’t sure how to find her again.

Lois Lane became a good friend aswell, and she often reminded you of Alex with her snarky but smart comments,intelligent and clever. The only problem you had with Lois was that she alwayshad a ‘friend’ who you would be perfectfor. She didn’t understand why you wanted to be alone.

“Don’t take it personal, Kara” Clarksaid one day, feeling your discomfort with Lois’s words “She just want you tobe happy. That’s all”.

Nobody seemed to understand you didn’thave any interest in dating when your heart was truly broken. You knew you didn’twant to end up alone, but you just weren’t ready.

…

By spring break, you had managed tobreak out of your depression with some professional help, and decided that youwere tired of living your life as a shell.

Caitlin, Cisco and Barry invitedyou to go with them to Oregon for break where Caitlin had a cabin they spendmost of their summers in. You managed to invite Iris as well and she broughther little brother, Wally, to the mix. Both Bruce and Oliver were busy withtheir CEO’s lifes and Clark had planned a trip with Lois and the children toKansas. Diana, however, surprised you when she agreed to go.

A cabin in Oregon was the last placeyou could imagine for Diana to spend her break.

“I’m offended, Kara” she said,looking at some papers on her desk “You know I actually have a wild side”.

You were at the museum after talkingto her about an article you were planning exposing the Greek Gallery. Offhand,you had mentioned the travel and she had agreed immediately.

“I’m sorry” you replied quickly “It’sjust… I can’t imagine you on anything else besides a fancy dress”.

“Funny, I can imagine you on anything else besides a fancy dress” your heartbeat increased and you could feela blush forming on your cheeks “Anyway, my mother valued physical education andI’ve been trained since I was a child”.

You laughed awkwardly at that,trying not to imagine a younger Diana, less serious and freer, having fun withher family. You didn’t want to go there, protecting your heart at all costs.

It was going to be peaceful, and youwere looking forward to spending some time away from your flat and the city.You liked living by yourself, but it was also isolating, and there was only somuch time you could spend with Barry. He was a great friend, but he still couldn’ttake your mind completely off of Lena.

She was a constant in your thoughts,and even though you tried to get her out of your head, she was not leaving. You’dbriefly considered talking about allwith the doctor you were seeing, about the affair behind your divorce, but ifyou took that step it would lead you towards closure and you didn’t want that. There was a tiny,little sad part of you that still had hopes for the future even though you knewyou didn’t deserved it. It would fade eventually, you were sure.

“Wow” you said as you unfoldedyourself from the backseat of Caitlin’s tiny Prius. She insisted on driving,and since you would only be here for five days, all of you conceded. It was agood thing Barry and you were so skinny. Anyone a little heavier would squishedin this car.

“It’s been in my family forgenerations” Caitlin said, starting to unload the back. You’d all just broughtsmall bags. The majority of the space was taken up by the food you’d broughtwith you.

The cabin was larger than youthought it would be. It was two stories, with the entire exterior looking likea log cabin. There were several large windows that wrapped around the side ofthe house, and it didn’t look like it was as old as Caitlin was implying.

#fic #long post

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faerieyoongles · 4 years

Text

Fresh Air

Teaser

Stoner!Jimin x Ghost!Reader

Genera: ANGST, fluff if you squint, (a bittersweet ending)

Warnings: mentions of drug use, death/suicide, harsh language

You’re dead.

After three years, your friends and family have finally started moving on with their lives. Doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten about you, most of them still visit your grave now and then, but they’re all doing better now. You don’t feel the need to watch over them as much anymore, which to you is a relief. It’s nice to not have to worry about them all the time, but now you’re not really sure what to do. The after-life is pretty boring. There’s no one to hang out with or talk to, you can’t watch tv unless someone who’s alive turns it on (plus you never get to pick the channels anyways), you can’t ride roller coasters, can’t shop or spend money, can’t swim, can’t read books, nothing. All you really can do is watch the world turn around you and try to live your (after) life through the lives of others. Every once in a while you’d meet another spirit, and you’ve made a few friends, but most of them are too pre ocupied with watching over families of their own. It’s not like you have a phone to keep in touch with them either.