#'there was nowhere to go but everywhere'

[betweenblackberrybranches]

In Her image☀️

Messy doodle turned into whatever this is

#fnaf sun #sundrop #dca #daycare attendant #my art #dca fandom #sorry the colors are a mess it looked way better on my computer screen :( #sun is going places #i imagine this is him just floating around after he got out of the pizzaplex - nowhere to be and everywhere to go

[rapidhighway]

The classic case of "I finally got myself to thoroughly clean my room and now I can't find basic items"

#THEY JUST VANISHED #my brain literally cannot comprehend this #like there's literally nowhere they can be i looked everywhere that exists!!!!!!! #i just wanted to go for a walk please pelase PLEASE let me get ready and leave omg #like what do you even do whn you've checked literally everywhere #i feel like they're roght in front of me but my brain is just not seeing them cause that's the only option AUAAARRGGHH #memory please memory work with me

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.

[cas---2y5]

This scene from s2 is so so underrated and so so IMPORTANT to me. Like, we see Jo, who wants to hunt to be close to her father, grew up adjacent to the life, but has other options and a way out. She has zero experience and goes into a hunt with all this theoretical knowledge, feeling confident in her research and her knowledge of how to hunt spirits.

And in this scene, reality really sets in for her and we get to see it. The hunting life she imagined, not perfect but romanticized in its violence and dusty backroads and gross motels, is destroyed and replaced by the grim truth that it is grotesque and horrifying and deadly in a very real way.

She ends up still wanting to hunt afterwards, but it changes her. She finally sees that hunting is an awful, terrifying, excruciatingly painful way to live. I feel like we really lose this throughout the show. By like s12 hunting is sort of portrayed as this cool club that Claire and Alex and Patience and Jody and Donna choose to join as a family and it just feels...wrong. It feels like the writers completely missed the part where hunting is something you're either born into or forced into, and not something you choose to do if you have literally any other choice.

#idk I just feel like there is such a stark difference between how in early seasons #hunting is this dark life lived in the underbelly of everywhere and nowhere that only ends in an early grave #and in the later seasons #its like a secret society or special club that you can join to prove how tough you are while keeping a semi-normal life #just some thoughts as i go through my #spn timeloop #s2 ep10 no exit #jo harvelle

[mindshelter]

“you go blank inside” babygirl. you are dissociating

the abuse that hal suffered at martin jordan’s hands (and words) are. pretty indispensable to understanding hal’s time as a GL leading up to becoming parallax... hal became part of the corps pre-conditioned and primed for easy indoctrination. despite recognizing martin’s behaviour as abusive, and hoping to never become like him, compliance at one’s own expense was all hal knew. it was what felt safe, what felt familiar, and made up that last tendril of sanity—the universe couldn’t be that cruel, and a parent wouldn’t be so hateful for no reason. there must be something hal can fix—can compromise—to be accepted. if only hal could have given martin what he wanted, whatever that may have been. if, if, if. 

fealty won’t earn you happiness—only survival. 

when that illusion finally crumbles—when the realization that decades of loyalty to the corps and to the long-deceased father has reaped zero reward—so does the remainder of hal’s belief system. 

captions below: 

1. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

Willpower. Absolute concentration. Split second timing. Where does that come from?

Instead it’s all feed in more trim and if you’re still nose-down, put your feet in the stirrups and blow the canopy before you red out. You do what you do. You go blank inside.

2. back issue #80, on Green Lantern

Fearless people tend to be cocksure of their actions and tend not to question anything, including authority. I recall a number of John Broome[-written] stories where Hal was totally (and happily) subservient to the Guardians of the Universe. 

3. zero hour: crisis in time (1994) #0

I used to be the errand boy for the Guardians of the Universe. It was a thankless job. I knew that. I had never asked for anything. 

The one time I did, I was denied. It dawned on my just how unfair the universe really was…

4. green lantern (1990) #63

Your rules. Your rules kept me from any happiness. I served the corps more faithfully than anyone, and my loyalty got me nothing. 

5. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

Like what you learn at the end of someone’s arm. You learn to go blank. 

Like maybe things with him would change if could just give him what he wants. If you would just take it like a man. But nothing ever did change. He just kept calling you a loser. And if he ever had a warmer opinion, you never heard about it. You took that like a man, too. 

6. back issue #80, on Green Lantern

I always believe it is very hard for people to actually change their personalities. So the best Hal could do was reach a happy medium, intellectually realizing he should be feeling differently about a situation, but emotionally having trouble doing so.

7. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

I don’t think I can do this anymore. “Fearless.” It’s all a crock.

8. green lantern (1990) #50

9. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

You go blank inside. 

Maybe sometimes that’s all that stands between this thing on my finger and the hot green end of everything. 

#i have NO idea if this makes any sense at all but. yeah. hal's character arc makes me crazy actually #hal jordan #martin jordan #dc #green lantern #comic blogging #another day of pretending the parallax parasite retcon doesn't exist because this is infinitely more compelling #and a perfect conduit to provide commentary on anti-authoritarianism through characters like kyle #instead of. you know. the green lantern corps as space cops #anyway. yeah. hal is extremely traumatized and evidently got zero support for it for decades. tfw you're in your forties and #your inner child believes that there was something wrong with YOU and that if you just behaved RIGHT and became what your dad wanted #he wouldn't have hated your guts #resentment was already brewing but emerald twilight was really all about the realization that all that self-hatred and blame #was being misdirected #and now it has nowhere to go except everywhere. it's spilling out. overflowing. the world is wrong and hal can fix it! #i'll make everything better! everyone gets to be happy but not in this SHITSTAIN universe #just you guys wait and see #you'll understand eventually. you all will. just like i did.

[whumpy-wyrms]

i have a confession everyone. i am actually scared of caterpillars

#this came out of absolute nowhere but i just saw a video of caterpillars and got jump scared #i’m shaking in my boots #🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛 #AHHHH #THEY’RE SO…. #BIG AND ROUND AND HAVE GUTS THAT GO EVERYWHERE IF THEY’RE ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON OR EATEN BY A REPTILE #AND THEY’RE WIGGLE AROUND AND WRINKLY AND HAVE SO MANY LEGS #AND THEY HAVE WEIRD TEXTURESSS #AND THEIR EYEBALLS WIGGLE #OR SKMETHING #I SAW A SPECIFIC CATERPILLAR ONCE AS A KID AND IT FUCKING SCARRED ME #just looked up brown caterpillar with eyes and got jumpscared again oh shit oh fuck it’s so fucking gross and scary #anyway it’s called eastern tiger swallowtail caterpillars #specifically the brown ones because that’s the one i saw as a kid #and they do this weird defense mechanism by trying to mimic snakes by sticking out a disgusting orange thing from their face and wiggling #their head back and forth and it’s fucking scary it genuinely scares the shit out of me #so i guess their defense works LOLL #BUT EWWW SORRY FOR BEING HATEFUL TOWARDS CATERPILLARS BUT THEY ARE THE ONE (1) INSECT I CANNOT BE ANYWHERE NEAR #I LIKE SPIDERS! I LOVE TARANCHULAS AND OTHER BUGS #but caterpillars… it sounds like a shitpost but i’m being serious. i literally have no other fears besides needles and caterpillars #just had to get this out there

[palmtreepalmtree]

...there's two posts going around about tumblr and one has people freaking out, but it was too long to read, so that about sums up my relationship with this website.

#tunglr #i love this place #cause i love you people #and there's nowhere else to go #everywhere else is wrong and bad

[broken-blue-heart]

I have made something to contribute to #ectoberhaunt22

This is day 3, Chaos/Order. This is probably one of the only prompts that I will have that's relatively chill lol, the rest are mostly angst thanks to the entire month's prompts hehe

I will also be keeping my style and coloring relatively simple so I can actually do my best to draw every scheduled day until the end of the month

#ectoberhaunt #ectoberhaunt22 #danny fenton #danny phantom #digital art #sam manson #tucker foley #nasty burger #employees #the trio just creating chaos everywhere they go #nowhere is safe #the chaos is sam and tucker fighting over meat and veggies

[stoically]

Love the decision to include Beatrice leaving the OCS as an after credits scene. Love even more that whole ass fandom immediately had one (1) singular thought about where she was going.  Was it to her parents to give them a piece of her mind? No, of course not. Was it working with Jillian while watching the Ark for Ava’s return? Absolutely no. Was it tracking down different ways to get to the other side using less scientific means? Pfft, never. It was: walkabout.

Existing in that liminal space between having left home (Ava) and not having a destination to arrive at (no Ava), caught endless seeking that which cannot be found because it was not lost, filling the void of loneliness with transient relationships of mutual tourism into another’s life in pursuit of you own.

the trick of finding what you didn’t lose by e. e. cummings

the trick of finding what you didn’t lose (existing’s tricky:but to live’s a gift) the teachable imposture of always arriving at the place you never left

#avatrice #warrior nun #where do you go when your seeking something you haven’t lost? #nowhere in particular #Which it turns out is a little bit of everywhere

[pollyna]

Nobody really ever let Mav drive because, even after 20 and plus years of having his drive licence, he's still shit. Not like I just started to drive shit, but I get bored after the first five minutes. Why does this thing go so slowly? kinda of shit. But the day has been long, and Mav is the least tired of the four, with Amelia and Penny sleeping in the backseats and Rooster barely keeping his eyes open. A day by the sea always has this effect on you, eh kid? He asks, ruffling his hair, and receives an uhuh as an answer. C'mon twenty minutes tops, and we'll be home, he murmurs a little to himself and a little to everybody else.

Twenty minutes later, Mav parks in front of his home, and he already has a foot on the concrete when a hand stops him. Mav? Where are we? Penny asks, and Pete smiles, she has to be still sleeping if she doesn't realise they are home. Home! he answers, already thinking about if he should take Amelia or let Bradley do the job because his back kinda hurts now an-

Dad Bradley calls his attention back to him Dad, we aren't there yet. This isn't Penny's home. He continues, his voice soft and his eyes a little wet.

I- he tries to say something, but the house in front of him speaks louder than any words. Yes, yes, I'm sorry. Just tired. We will be there in a minute, Pen'.

No problem, Pete, it happens sometimes she answers, a soft smile on her face and Bradley's hands still around his arm.

He smiles at her and at Bradley, starting the car again, trying his hardest not to look in the rearview mirror while the place he still calls home gets farther and farther away.

(Thirty-two, blonde hair tips, and I think this is the last one, Mav he said. Now I can officially say, welcome home, love he added, picking him up in the middle of an empty living room with just a couch and a coffee table to occupy the space. Welcome home, my dear, he rebuffed, laughing and spinning around, kissing the man he was soon to marry.) 

#and I can go anywhere I want #anywhere i want just not home #pete maverick mitchell #penny benjamin #bradley rooster bradshaw #amelia benjamin (mentioned) #top gun: maverick #canon compliant #angst #hurt and little comfort #dead tom iceman kazansky #icemav #otp: i heard from the heaven that clouds have been grey #home is the place where mav used to always come back broken mended happy and euphoric kissing ice sweetly before going to work and sleeping #home was the place where they saw bradley grew up and where they cried over him not being around anymore #home was everywhere ice was and now ice is nowhere if not in mav's memory and in a house he will forever remember the way too #if love could have saved you you would have lived forever

[jettreno]

WHERE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO FUCKING GO!!!!!!

#article is linked but surprise surprise - there is no suggestion from the idf #not even pretending to give advice for shelter #you won’t let them out and you’ve made everywhere unsafe. advanced warning means nothing if there’s truly nowhere to go #rambles #israel palestine conflict

[mumintroll]

america is such a mystical land 2 me i would love to go but like idk if i'll ever have the money but maybe some day......i want to do acid in the nevada desert like in the goldfinch

#joking but not really. i do really want to see the desert + i want to see california redwoods + new york + i want to go to the south the #south is like a pure mythological land to me it feels like a place that exists in literature and nowhere else. so does everywhere in the us #but especially the south

[anaalnathrakhs]

i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating #i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice. #i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything. #i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years #i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating #i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group #nowhere i go will be free of obligations #i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway #my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not #they see me binge and nothing happens #we just ignore it #i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished #hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me #i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life #both meals with other people and my ritual binges #i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging #and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food #to other people #it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction #my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want #or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie #or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something #and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :) #and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly. #so badly that no one can deny i need help #i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital. #no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim #i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me #but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care. #so fuck me i guess

[ihearnocomplaints]

TRYING TO BEAT MONTY IN SECURITY BREACH AND IM GOING TO FUCKING GO INSANE, YA HEAR!1!??

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Do you know the agony i feel

do you know of my pain

please

#shutupsilas /lh #tw blood #just in case #im am going insane guys #please help #sobbing crying #WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE #WHY IS HE STUPID #WHY IS HE SO UNPREDICTABLE #HELP?!1!??!1!1?1!1?1?1

[vexic929]

listen, everything that's happening behind the scenes at tumblr is really genuinely awful, however I promise you that tumblr will have to physically pry me out of its godforsaken code before I leave

this is my house, bitch, I live here

#mainly because I still genuinely think that there's pretty much nowhere else to go #everywhere else is still as bad or worse as far as I can tell #but also I don't wanna leave you guys <3333 #I would be so sad if I couldn't talk to my mutuals and post blorbo all day with you :( #vexic lives

[iridescentis]

i completely forgot to comment on anything so MY THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW

hate eric. cannot stand him. he gives off just really gross energy idk he's just awful (the way he got mad when he thought nina and nico were dating EW)

not sure why ada is here but cool i guess

ámbar. i would die for her. that's it.

simbar is very slowburn again but also not at the same time they're playing around with it which is very entertaining

matteo is being so sweet at the moment but i wish he would lay off a little bit like simón told him to be patient but every time he sees luna he pokes her to tell him her feelings i feel like he should just calm it down and be her friend first because they are so adorable when they're just comfortable in each other's company

I'm still not sure if benicio and ámbar actually get together or if it's just fake dating i thought they did but im over a third of the way into s3 so they're cutting it a bit fine for them to start a romance plotline

i miss mora and ana being together all the time it was so cute

gary is a dick nothing new there

JULIANA IS BACK I CAN'T BELIEVE I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MY WIFE HAS RETURNED

mónica is such a sweetheart i hope we get more moments with her and ámbar

nina is kind of useless at the moment i mean i love her but other than the eric plotline (ew) i can't remember anything significant about what she's doing

i love how they're developing all the girls as a big friend group it was so cute when they all had tea together so precious <3

i don't have anything to say about the benson stuff right now bc it's quite boring nothing much has happened yet

rey and maggie <3

not a fan of the delfi and jazmín rivalry it's getting annoying

that's it i think!

#i watched i think 5 episodes during free periods this week so i just wanted to dump out everything i was going to say about them #i have many thoughts about this season #its simultaneously going nowhere and everywhere #i am consistently confused #but the music is awesome #as always #luna valente #lutteo #ambar smith #matteo balsano #simbar #soy luna