#'im afraid of what you might see there'

[ark1os]

.

#i felt so good after talking to my therapist about the issue w my dad #and i didnt even come to any new conclusions or anything i just told her whats been on my mind what im struggling with and why im so afraid #to confront him and she validated me #which honestly was so new to me? like everytime italked about it it felt like people didnt see the seriousness and why im struggling so muc #with it #like Why are you so afraid of your dad. Why do you have such a hard time. Just do it . Just deal with it. girl i would if it was so easy #but she didnt react like this at all & she didnt ask anything that implied she might be thinking this way too. im v blessed alhamdulillah #she suggested to tell him that i want to wear the hijab through the phone for my own safety (which isnt an option personally but i #really appreciated the thought behind it) #and she also told me that i shouldnt do it if i dont feel ready yet to face him and its like. the first time ever someone told me this lol #she said i shouldnt put more weight on my shoulders because the situation will be a lot worse if i m not prepared #i do feel ready now though ive been dealing with this for months im just so so so scared. im so scared iwant to cry all the time #anyway. ive been sleeping much worse than usually and im waking up completely covered in sweat which is #so disgusting. i was worried that im sick or smth (cancer lol) but realised it started w ramadan!!! which is when i made up my mind when #i will talk to him #may Allah help me may Allah protect me #im about to cry again aaa

[normystical]

the unbearable agony of wanting to view fandom content or interact with fellow fans but your fandom has like five people and maybe three fanart drawings since 2017 ♡♡♡

#YES THIS IS LIVE WITH YOURSELF. #IT'S JJUSTT NOOTTT FFAIREE #oh btw if you relate but don't know lwys then you can. reblog or whatever?? im just venting over here honestly. alright so anyway~ #WHYYY. AT THE PEAK OF MY HYPERFIXATION I WAS AFRAID OF THE INVOLUNTARY CRINGE ANIMATION MEMES MIGHT BRING. #BUT AT THIS POINT IDEGAF ANYMORE. I'M WILLING TO REGURGITATE MY INTERNAL ORGANS JUST MAKE !! IT !! FUCKEN !! HAPPENNNNN GODDDDNDKSNSN #WHY DO I HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK AROUND HERE??? JORDNJAMS IS CARRYING THE YOUTUBE FAN CONTENT. HE POSTED *ONE* LWYS VIDEO. WHAT THE FUCK #working on the animation isn't enough i need it to EXIST NOW #IS IT EVEN NAME DROPPING IF I GO AND SAY IT?? FUCKIN. AN0NYBOB. THEY ARE LITERALLY HALF OF THE ENTIRE FANDOM GOD SAVE MY SOUL PLSSS #IF YOU'RE SEEING THIS. THANK YOU SOOO MUCHH FOR THE LWYS RELATED ASK I WAS ON A DOPAMINE HIGH FOR A DECENT WHILE I THINK #GOTTA SPREAD PROPAGANDA. GOTTA. SUBMISSIONS. OBSCURE WAIFUS?? MAYBE?? PLEASE SHOW ME EVERY BLOG I CAN SUBMIT A LWYS CHR TO I'M DESPERATE

[isopode]

i keep chickening out of filling legal name & sex change documents idk whats wrong w me :(

#im too afraid i'll change my mind later in my life & regret any legal changes #still unsure if i've rlly picked the Perfect Right name for me #like im not ready to commit but at the same time whenever i need to fill in smth w my deadname in it im like blegh #yet when i look at it on official forms. i dont wanna let go of it #like i cant. idk why #so im like okay why dont i keep it as a middle name? #but then what if i later fucking hate having kept it & regret it #Do You See What The Problem Is. starts crying #as for the sex change it might become an issue for traveling later on or cause discrimination in work/housing?? idk :( #max.txt

[qualityrain]

sorry just the concept of knives naming legato slays me but like. the fact that he didnt even name him a bad thing. like the way knives absolutely hates humans and literally wants to commit genocide to kill them all and. and he names one?? and its not even a name with a bad connotation. like he couldve pulled a lucilus and named him something like belial that means worthless and he doesnt???? that in itself just absolutely slays me. but the way knives names him legato. and the way you could kind of theorise that knives plays the piano in 3max because of that one (1) panel of him in that ridiculous outfit in front of a piano and. legato is a music term. so already knives names this human not something bad, but rather something associated with something that he does??? maybe likes???? enjoys???? and legato has many meanings but yknow its like smooth. and. and connection. connection. you connect two notes together smoothly and thats a legato. the chapter of legatos backstory is two people against the world. haha you could say thats where knives and legato gain a connection- i cant take it here bro

#i feel like there can be something said abt how legato is played on piano too #cos it differs for instruments? like its really easy to slur on a trumpet #but also im a band kid for five years and i dont know whats the difference between slurring and legato and at this point im tkk afraid to a #sk #also ofhejdjwjsn the way legato sounds really fucking nice #its smoorh theres no adrupt stopping its like woooo smooth fine notes!! #connecting!! #uowhfjjj the way legato can also mean bound together #the way im googling legato on a piano #and its like a piano cannot play a true legato and you can only make an illusion of it #and there is something to be said im just not big brained enough for it #this might mean things or i might be going insane i do not know ignore this #REREAD LEGATOS BACKSTORY AND THE WAY KNIVES SMILES WHEN ASKING FOR HIS NAME #i cant take it here can you hear me crying #i dont know why but i think u can say something abt the way #legato smiles at knives and he way u can see knives eyes widen v the way #legatos eyes widen when knives asks for his name and smiles #like theres smth about it #and i want to eat a pillow

[bucketofchum]

Been dealing with some really bad self esteem shit lately...

#had big cries today #still kinda teary #basically imposter syndrome to the max #except like you know how imposter syndrome suggests you actually DO belong somewhere? #idk I just feel really stupid and like a fake #and im scared im doing bad shit #I'm afraid im in the wrong field #like I don't belong here #things with my supervisor have been meh #he has hinted at it a bit but maybe i read too much into it idk #the suggestion that I might be in the wrong field #and I feel it bc I feel so fucking stupid all the time #like I never know what I'm doing #and I don't even have anything to validate myself #just feeling like shit #like I don't belong #it's hard bc people always say everyone is like that - everyone is faking it #except I am SEEING people NOT faking it #im SEEING people do the right thing that i don't know how to do #and I feel so stupid #im just scared #idk #personal vent

[uplatterme]

#feeling a bit romantically repulsed at the moment #im afraid someone might say something sweet and then i end up cursing them instead as a reply #i mean not directly to them obviously #that’s mean and rude for the other person #you get what i mean 😭 #ok now i see why people have side blogs #i am still not making one HAVDVDB #fuck that #blake.screaming

[hybrix-hidings]

Full offense but when I joined the fandom and got confused over Hugo's appearances in unrelated fic, I assumed from the start that he was an OC who just got popular or was, at most, a background character that people fixated on. Because I watched the fucking show and knew he didn't appear.

I can promise you that "confused viewers" who "assume he's canon" aren't going to be a problem. Turns out people are smart enough on their own to either investigate or ask questions, and literally nobody is out here lying about whether or not it's canon.

#lmk if I should tag this as discourse??? #I will tag it as #neg #because it is negative #dont make it about people who dont exist #admit you just dont want to see it anymore and scrub it off any platform you Might encounter it on #because to me it sounds like what youre afraid of isnt people getting confused #it sounds like youre afraid more people will find the fandom #and Like Something that you Dont. #the fucking audacity #i will almost Certainly delete this later #because Discourse Frightens Me #but im thinking about this again and im hysterical about it #also yes this is a Massive vaguepost

[saltyfilmmajor]

“He could’ve killed me, but he didn’t”

#HE SURE COULD'VE MY GUY! #MULTIPLE TIMES IN FACT #WHAT DOES lane see in you ETHAN #Vinter Was Right for Asking that #Afraid You Might Be Replaced ;3 #Ilsa asks that to push his buttons be she's also the smartest person in the room frankly she was on to something #She's Lane's right hand she knows more or less how he operates #NO ONE TOUCH ME IM THINKING ABOUT THE MIRROR SQUARE

[pepprs]

my dad might have fucking covid. about to jump off a bridge

#purrs #he was unmasked in my future room with the contractors yesterday and one of them woke up sick this morning and stayed in bed all day and now #my dad is feeling sick and my mom isn’t even better yet and i just saw so many people (WHO ARE VULNERABLE / HAVE VULNERABLE FAMILY MEMBERS) #in the last couple of days and now i might have exposed them. i am about to LOSE my shit. i need all respiratory diseases to die immediately #i am TIRED of living in constant fear. and i am FURIOUS at my dad for not wearing a mask. #like do you people NOT FUCKING GET IT. You may be cavalier. you may say you don’t care if you get it you can fight it off. BUT YOU INTERACT #WITH OTHER PEOPLE. who may not WANT to get sick. Who may not be able to DURVIVE getting sick. WHAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND. if you see #someone wearing a mask they are doing that FOR A REASON!!!! TO PROTECT THEMSELVES!!!!! TO PROTECT THEIR LOVED ONES!!!!! so fucking WEAR ONE #OUT OF COURTESY! USE YOUR FUCKING BRAIN! i don’t care if they’re hard to breathe in. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable. I don’t care if #it’s your own house and you’re not used to it. SUCK IT UP. you can be uncomfortable for five minutes. you KNOW how anxious we all are about #getting covid and you DIRECTLY endanger us and now i might have put other people in danger. and i didn’t even choose it I didn’t do anything #wrong. FUCK COVID. fuck this collective punishment nightmare. I am SO TIRED of living in constant fear because OTHER PEOPLE want to pretend #it’s over. it fucking ISNT. there are things I care about. there are people I care about. and if you were a decent fucking human being you #would understand that and MASK UP. not everyone gets to be so glib about it. it’s hard enough being seen as fucking insane and still taking #damage from having basicaly 0 social life because im too afraid to go anywhere or do anything it’s harder when people around me who i can’t #help but interact with exhibit that they do not actually care about how it is improtant to me that i do not get sick or get my loved ones #sick ESPECIALLY when it is my loved one himself who KNOWS how scared shitless we all are. it fucking hurts so bad. fuck covid. FUCK covid. #delete later #like. despair. i can wear my n95 mask all i want but i am still fucking HELPLESS when people around me don’t. despair. DESPAIR.

[fagdykefrank]

Christ alive. Im so mad

#im trying to figure out what my triggers are #bc i would love to. stop being afraid constantly #and i would like to ask my friends to tag stuff for me #but my triggers are inconsistent and two things that feature the same triggering material might not trifger me #and i start looking at the differences and similarities between my triggers and its like #oh i have anxiety attacks when i see a specific shade of red ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME #thats horseshit i cant trigger tag for colors #might have to unfollow a bunch of people. dont wanna but i hate being afraid and twitchy and i know its a lot to ask of my friends #who really enjoy that stuff

[slimeybastard]

i literally do not know if admitting this will help at all but to my tumblr audience, i have been felled by the strangest paranoia i’ve ever had. recently i’ve just felt really convinced that someone is going to call me the f-slur?? for some reason?? like no one has called me this in a lot of years and certainly not with any sort of malice since like MIDDLE SCHOOL?? and the weirder thing is it wouldn’t BOTHER me, especially if it was a stranger doing it. but like despite this i have been waking up every morning with this like sense of dread like “oh god todays the day” FOR WEEKS and it gets worse every day and it’s started to affect me at work and on my way to class and stuff. normally i wouldn’t be THAT worried but i have a presentation for a class tomorrow and i have to give it in front of the entire class IN THE LECTURE HALL which my mind has unhelpfully made me aware that it’s the PERFECT place to do it. i’ve tried stuff that usually helps me when it’s just anxiety based but nothing really seems to be working and i’m really hoping that when nothing happens tomorrow it’ll go away for good but idk. FEELING VERY STRESSED AND CONFUSED !!! also yes i have been practicing comebacks.

#TLDR PLS DO NOT CALL ME THE F-SLUR #im convinced that if i post this someone will see it and think “hmm u know what would be funny #pls do not call me the f-slur i am afraid #but ALSO i kind of HOPE someone does so i can MOVE ON #anyway i think the go to comeback is aww did your dad teach you that one? #which is not super original but also neither is the f-slur #i would also like to know where this started i think it might date back to a conversation i had while i was home FIVE FUCKING WEEKS AGO #anyway

[deanisbisexual]

.

#non spn #this might sound really stupid #or like a uwu aww this poor rich celebrity thing #but im like legitimately worried about liam #he's relapsed and he's obviously not okay and he doesn't seem to around people who care about him or have his best interests at heart #and to have logan paul of all fucking people actually be like uhhh you okay? bc of how much he's drinking is just idk #like he shouldn't have brought up zayn or his personal life and obv it was very wrong of him to do so #it's not his place and everyone should just leave zayn alone bc zayn went through something none of the other boys did #and i hope zayn is okay bc no one deserves to have their shit just aired out in a fucking podcast #but like fuck liam already wasn't doing okay and now im even more afraid of how he'll react given all the twitter hate he's getting #and like i love all the boys so much i imprinted on a bunch of teenage boys when i was 14 and no matter what they do i will always #have such a fondness for them and will always want them to be okay #and to see liam this way is so fucking sad and i truly want him to get the help he needs because he looks like he's spiraling #like idk why i just have such a bad feeling and im terrified im going to wake up one morning to a headline that he's in the hospital #or something #anyway parasocial relationships are bad and this is exhibit A as to why lol

[xinsanitysxedgex]

xbloodiedxkneesx asked: Truth or dare with the girls & honey & someone dares Zima to kiss Gummy? yes pls. *grab hands*

"Hmmmmnnhh~~... GOOMIE."

Zima's heart dropped as that nasally voice of what Rosa called a FRIEND announced her target. GULP. "W-What?" She looked around, panicked, from Gummy to Istina to Rosa, hoping one of 'em, ANY OF 'EM, would step in here. She had little faith in Leto or Beehunter who were ALREADY cheering on with that annoying af schoolgirl "Oooooh~~..." bullshit. "Why should Gummy hafta kiss me? It's my dare, shouldn't we do dares SOLO?" She was just clutching at straws at this point. She'd do anything. But things with Lada had been TOO ON EDGE ever since that night. Not helped by the girl's jokes of WHIPPING HER.

Sigh from Elena, judgmental and indignant. "Really...? THIS is what you guys have become? I don't know why I ever expect better from you all..." Meanwhile, Jinx just watched on in anticipation, smiling big and bright, revelling in the chaos. Honestly, she just wanted the night ot go this way in case SOMEONE wanted to get a little revenge and make her kiss Rosa next~... (She'd been duhrinking, too~~ WHAT A HEIST!!) Of course, first they had to somehow get this whole thing past Rozzi. But what the Hell was a mercenary s'posed ta do? Who cared if she was meant to be ranked ABOVE THEM, as an INSTRUCTOR? She was still just a hired hand. (Weren't they all hired hands? SHUT IT, YOU STUPID ROCKET LAUNCHER.) And, at least for now, she was merely observing from across the room, sipping on her own wine glass.

Zima licked her lips, heart racing, was the lick out of ANXIETY or ANTICIPATION? She'd never kissed ANYONE before. Jeez, she was fucking PETRIFIED, could Terran just open up and swallow her WHOLE? "Tell 'em, Gummy. Tell 'em it's not fair. Can't I do a, umm... A whatsitcalled." DAMMIT. THINK. BRAIN. THINK. "A punishment thing? Like y'all make me eat hot sauce or some shit, I dunno... I just... I don't think this is--" EYES WIDEN EDas Jinx called her a PUSSY. "I'm not! It's got nothing to do with that! Unlike SOME PEOPLE, we take our first kisses VERY seriously." BLUSH. Had she just admitted that out loud? Okay. Fingers crossed her dreams come to life and she dies tonight.

#WHY IS ROZZI HERE YOU ASK? #HONESTLY BECAUSEI ALREADY SET UP THE TEMPLATE FOR FOUR BEFORE I REALIZED THAT NATSUKI WOULDNT' FIT IN THE CONTINUITY AT THIS TIME HAHAHAHA #SOOO SHE'S HERE NISTEAD #WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH HER HAHAHAHH BUT JINX TRYNA INCITE CHAOS #ELENA JUDGING THEM #AND ZIMA HAVING FULL GAY PANIC EPISODE AND MAYBE HURTING GUMMY'S FEELIGNS HAHAHAHAHA #IM NOT SUREEE #WE SHALL SEEE #HOEP THI SWORKKKSSS AND LIVES UP TO WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE #AHAHAHAHLKNDDLKSFRENLKFDKNLDNLKFLNK FDSNLK FNLFD #ISTINA LETO AND BEEHUNTER ARE ALSO PRESENT #-⚕⚕- ELENA -⚕⚕- I'm Doing This For Your Own Damn Good. You'll Make Up For What I Blew. What's The Problem? Why Are You Crying? #-⚕⚕- ELENA X ROSA -⚕⚕- We All Had Delusions In Our Heads. We All Had Our Minds Made Up For Us. We Had To Believe In Something. So We Did #-⚕⚕- ROSA -⚕⚕- But Who Would Want To Die As A Cowardly Little Child? When Our Time Is Up; Will We Be Ashamed Or Proud? #Xbloodiedxkneesx #-⚕⚕- JINX -⚕⚕- Eyes In The Dead Still Water. Tried But It Pushed Back Harder. Cauterized And Atrophied. This Is My Unbecoming… #-⚕⚕- JINX X ROSA -⚕⚕- This Is When It’s Now Or Never. When It Goes From Bad To Better. This Is When It All Makes Sense Somehow. #-⚕⚕- ZIMA -⚕⚕- No One Can Hear Me Scream. Maybe It's Just A Dream. Maybe It's Inside Of Me. I Must Confess I Feel Like A Monster… #-⚕⚕- ZIMA x GUMMY -⚕⚕- And If It Kills Me Tonight I Will Be Ready To Die. A Hero's Not Afraid To Give His Life. A Hero's Gonna Save Me… #-⚕⚕- GUMMY -⚕⚕- Will You Stay? Stay 'til The Darkness Leaves. I Know You're Busy. I Know I'm Just One. Are You There? Are You Watching Me?