#'cause guess what my mom's doing

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[heartshattering]

My mom said she doesn't believe I've "ever had a panic attack before" and then said something like "I think what you get are 'anger attacks', not 'panic attacks'" ???? and when I brought up the time I was hospitalized for intense/debilitating panic attacks she said it was because I was "drinking energy drinks" which I wasn't! :'))))

#God I WISH I'd never had a panic attack before hahaha that would be great #also I wonder what she thinks my prescription panic attack meds are for then 🤨 #like... they just randomly prescribed those to me for the panic attacks I'm apparently *not* having I guess?? wowza #idk my mom is just difficult sometimes #I even read the symptoms of a panic attack to her out loud and she keeps insisting that what I have are anger attacks #what does 'anger attack' even mean 💀 #like uhh maybe rage I guess?? #but rage doesn't make me feel like I'm actively dying and cause me to vomit uncontrollably while my heart is beating out of my chest #like #ma'am I do not know what to tell you but you literally have no idea what is going on with me!! #stop trying to act like you know me better than I know myself! #or maybe I will finally snap and have an 'anger attack' towards you after all :)

[tubapun]

This one doesn't have a lyric to caption it, but now Celestia is canon in the au

#mlp #little shop of horrors #little shop of ponies #my art #raritwi #<- ostensibly #i haven't actually drawn human celestia but now i do know for certain im gonna make her fat cause shes a milf!! its what she deserves #tho i guess this au i gonna technically be another mean celestia au #but mushnik wasn't exactly mean #he wasnt a great guy but he was a failing business owner who saw his son kill a guy in jealousy (or at least thats what he thinks happened) #yes he twisted it to be a profitable thing for himself but he still (i think) genuinely wanted to protect seymour a little #he was gonna keep the plant no matter what so he gave the option for seymour to live #still a fairly grey character but much less evil than the dentist #so a clear sign of seymours slide into corruption #especially cause thats his dad #or in this au: her mom

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#holy fuck. knock on wood. fingers crossed. press my thumbs. i think the pain is cycling down #like probably its this bad bc my body is weak from fighting an allergic reaction and i think lam1ctal can cause some menstral issues #but like holy fuck. i cannot go thru that again. just hours of being nauseous and crumpled in pain #i was very very very seriously considering going to the hospital. but like ive ridden in an ambulance before and i dont wanna spend like #1000 dollars to go like 10min down the road. bullshit. god i hope its stopping #it was just like so much pain i didnt kno what to do. absolutely intolerable. ugh. #please dont let this happen tomorrow 🙏 please please please. i have to teach #and ny roommate is staying here the next 2 nights after not seeing her for like months #y now? 😭 im gonna have to b like hi *visibly disheveled* if i talk i might puke. bye. #i wish i could just sleep thru this. ibuprofen is not helping 😭 #im just worried if i went to the hospital theyd make me wait for hours in the waiting room. shaking with pain. and then id b fine by the #time they got to me. like yea srry i was jusy being a lil bitch abt a normal bodily process lol. god. ppl with high levels of chronic pain #how tf do u do it? i dont think im strong enough. but i guess u probably get used to it. god that sucks so bad #ugh. i wish my mom was here. i want her to just pet my hair until i feel better 😭 but nooo shes going off to have fun in canada #so she's gonna b even farther from me than normal 😭 #unrelated

[widevibratobitch]

shut up about your diet shut up about your diet if i hear the words 'intermittent fasting' again ill kill someone

#do people really dont fucking talk about anything else these days? #been visiting my aunt and uncle in norway for two weeks. been here for ten days and every. fucking. day. there has been talk about #intermittent fucking fasting cause my uncle is doing it now and talks about it fucking constantly. #he saw i was very uncomfortable. asked why. i said why. he said ok i wont talk to you about it. #next day. guess what was the number 1 topic of conversation lmao #now i hear him talking to his mom on the phone and he literally just told her she should try it too and then the worst fucking sentence ever #'well if you feel hungry you should drink a glass of water' i felt as if someone slapped me lmao literally could murder someone rn #like. obviously. i have no right to demand anything from anyone. but fyi if you speak to me about your fucking weight loss diet #i will flay myself in front of you <3 no hard feelings. peace and love.

[sammygender]

thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.

#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but. #thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot #but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i #guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way. #and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant. #because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and #thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and #always refusing to support me but wtv) #but really the thing sam had was DEAN. #dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person #john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay #dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was #fine. #what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed #raised dean badly? #IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though #(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref) #supernatural #<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed. #father by the front bottoms dean song of all time #spn #oliver talks

[wherela]

one of those crying in the shower kind of days

#my 'best friend' stood me up today #and by stood me up i don't mean canceled last minute i mean didn't show up and only responded to my calls and texts after 45 min #why? she was hanging out with some guy (she met him last week. he's not a christian.) and lost track of time #she's also initiated no contact with me over the last few weeks #the explenation was she thought i was busy with my thesis. as if you can't check in on someone when they're busy #she also gosted me for 3 days (like a month ago??) cause she was asked to share at student group and i couldn't go CAUSE I WAS SICK #I'm just so tired of it at this point #but it's also made me realise i dont really have any close friends #i have lots of friends. sure. and i trust them too. but it's not the kind of close where i can write to them when I've got a problem #like maybe I'd tell them live if they asked me? but I wouldn't really write to them it would just be weird #and so who do I tell that I met S's parents yesterday and even though so many things have happened since then already thats the only one #I can think about???? or that he actually CALLED ME afterwards specifically to tell me what they thought of our church #or that his mom apparently asked him if our relationship was still weird and he said 'yes' and I've been overthinking it cause i thought we #were finally okay and normal and genuinely just friends? #or that his mom said my look is that i dress vintage and it made me SO HAPPY!! that's my look!!! that's how I'm recognisable!!! #the answer is nobody. i have no one to tell :( #mine #s #I'm sorry I guess I had to vent this prolly turned out really really long

[super-psycho-lov3]

it doesnt even matter it doesnt even matter it doesnt ever matter it doesnt even

#im just really tired i guess #i have too many bruises and i cant keep eating a meal a day #its just really tiring getting lied to #people think they care but they really.. just dont? #say you care but im making dinner because you have work and oliver needs it more. as if i havent been making dinner all week. #as if i didnt spend the past two days walking 2-5 miles every day. #'youve been so snappy' as if i didnt clean the whole living room. as if it isnt my fucking bed time. as if you care about my problems. #'olivers here if you need anything' yeah. sure. as if he wont groan and huff at best. #'im sorry i have to go to work' as if youd do anything different #'im not as bad as people make me out to be' 'youre being brainwashed' as if i didnt have to spend all day at my friends house #the day i was persrcibed testosterone because i knew what youd do if i stayed at home #as if you didnt threaten to take it away when i didnt listen to you #just... im jusy so tired. once my mom asked me 'whose birthday did i forget this year?' referring to my siblings. #she was buying gifts. we never celebrated my birthday. didnt have the heart to tell her it was ME. im justs o tired. im so tired #it really sucks to know that — that our sect of the sys is back out because #because we feel. so. Lost. worthless and lost a and alone #doesn't feel like our family is anything at all. and im here because #because of that. i hate that. i hate knowing why i hate it #i hate knowing who and what caused this im so tired i want my brothers i want my sister i want to get out of here for a while i just need to #get out #its so stupid im the oldest sibling but i want my siblings so bad they would never let me down #fucking NEVER! never. not in a way that could ever really matter. just. god #vent post #free to respond #??? #i dont fuckin care if you reblog or reply or whatever. im just so tired i just need to yell you guys can say whatever #i got yelled at for reminding them to schedule my fucking root canal anf i just cant take it . so #im. im so hungry okay? im just so hungry #im hungry and tired and sore and so fucking alone and i cant fucking take it #cant eat right now n even if i could i wouldnt have the food so

[hauntingblue]

😁TORAO IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!😁

😐Mugiwara-ya😐

#lets make a deal: -i get: a bowl of rice -you get: the destruction of the cause of your famine #ace got otama an apple too....... #law seeing all this happiness: MY PLAN #i REALLY like how luffy now SAYS THINGS HE IS GOING TO DO #'i will male your daily life like this' YEAAAAAAAHHH i could cry #ace said the same thing no fucking way #otama me too girl..... #luffy looking at the distance already planning what new technique he is going to use on kaido to beat his ass #kiku just joining the crew lmao no questions asked #momo and the crew??? they said they claimed to be dead?? or something like that #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 908 #i have been spoiled bc nobody shuts up about it in the comments but i am guessing zoro is not going for what i think he is going about kiku #right?????????? right????? #robin is a geisha spy okay okay makes sense #was momos mom a seer?? damn #9 samurais..... luffy has a sword... zoro. kiku. law. kinnemon. kanjuro. brook??usopp???sanji???????momo? #is this tiger zoro too??? #did law do all this to fuck with luffy lmaoooo kin was just having shits #sanji PUTTING ON A SHIRT to go fawn over kiku.... incredible #BEPO SHITTING TOO AJDHAKSHA #TIME TRAVEL??????? #no fucking way. THE TIMING DIDNT MAKE SENSE BECAUSE 20 YEARS AGO THEY SET THE CASTLE ON FIRE AND MOMP WAS THERE #BUT MOMO IS LIKE 8. I HAVE BEEN SAYUNG OH NVM TO THAT FOR EPISODES #HAAAAAAAAAAH INDEED LUFFY #episode 909

[theasylumchild]

Love is stored in the hand-me-down marathon shirt your father gives you because he knows you’re training for a half marathon and he’s proud of you

#thanks *father’s nickname redacted* #wish I could share with y’all what I call my dad lol #but names are where I draw the line #and his nickname pulls from his name #(as most do I guess) #he’s run the marathon three times now #first two when I was a teenager #and again this year #I’m running a 10k with my mom this summer #actually two of them #but it’s been a dream since I was a teen #to run the marathon with my dad #we’d have the find a smaller marathon to do though #cause the one he does is so big they split it by gender/age #and I want to actually run WITH him #personal

[funshinebf]

omg happy 5 year anniversary to me eating shit in disney world and getting a free ambulance ride to the nearest hospital. had to get 3 stitches, a taxi back to the hotel (also covered by disney) and then me and my mom went to disney springs to get chicken tenders. i could barely eat them because my jaw was still busted and chewing hurt too badly. a few days later my mom took my stitches out herself in the hotel room before going to some fancy disney world restaurant for breakfast. i still have a scar on my chin. ahhh, memories

#my post #it was funny af cause im never the kid that gets hurt #so when my mom came into the park (i was with my step dad in the park #i walked towards her and she was like what the fuck its YOU that needs stitches???? #i also remember some very nice ladies that gave me tissues and helped me get my step dads attention after i fell #they all called me young man and gendered me correctly i was so happy about it #oh also for context my mom is a nurse and the hospital gave her sterilized scissors to take the stitches out #she did know what she was doing it wasnt just like. guessing #she does it for a living its fine

[baylardian-1]

"A few weeks," she said again, willing it to be true. 

(AU HEADCANON DUMP UNDERNEATH...)

I gotta read more of Protectors sdfhkdjhgfk. I got to their farewell scene and then SLEPT ‘cause I ZOOOOOMED through The Eternal Tide hahaha. I guess I’d say that my CURRENT™ idea is that she finds out she’s [WHOOPSIES] the night before she leaves the fleet to return to Earth. (If it matters, there’s apparently like a three week interval between The Eternal Tide and Protectors where Chakotay and Janeway are essentially INSEPARABLE and sleep with each other every night haha. So perhaps somewhat unrealistically she’d be finding out VERY EARLY, but in the context of AU she’d have been inconveniently broaching her heat cycle around this time. And, despite taking every foreseeable precaution, suppressant, contraceptive, etc. prior to being intimate while on it, has the sneaking suspicion that none of these remedies effectively prevented her cycle from doing its job.) In the book it almost seems like she’s being evasive with Chakotay (If she isn’t just ride the AU interpretation high with me besties hahaha), they don’t sleep together, she catches up with Neelix and his wife in addition to chatting with Tom who ironically is ALSO expecting with B’Elanna, though I doubt either party would disclose this information to each other, likely it’ll get addressed later in the book hehe. I also find it funny that Chakotay takes note of the fact that he wakes up in bed alone and sweetly confronts her on it, but she kinda evades reasoning by listing all these excuses like being too busy visiting with Tom and Neelix. (I like to think she’d maybe have had some early onset morning sickness and THAT would set off the alarms and sneaking suspicions in her head hehe, but also inevitably the reason why she wasn’t in bed when he woke up.) But yes hohoho Kathryn and Chakotay say their goodbyes to one another, Chakotay mentions that if she’s in need of anything to then by all means contact him/the fleet, Kathryn defiantly says it’ll only be a few weeks til she returns, internally disputing any other alternative. She would choose not to tell him on their last day together, it’s cute too to take note of their goodbye kiss and how she lingers in it longer than Chakotay expects her to, I can twist that into her feeling like it’s the beginning of an end of something that only she knows about. :~)

#YEAH ILL HIDE MY CRINGE DONT LOOK AT ME!!!!!!! #IM SO FULL OF THOUGHTS DUUUUUDEEEEEEEEEE #the most ANNOYING question for me to sit on right now is mulling over whether or not SHED CONTACT HIM AND TELL HIM over the 4 months #because SUPPOSEDLY in the book she just straight up doesnt contact him. im assuming it's a road she chooses to venture down herself #with her RECOVERY #im also wondering if she DID contact him... the contact might be 'public domain' or something not confidentially kept #like AT LEAST FOR RIGHT NOW i think she'd be hiding the fact that she's pregnant the entire time shes on earth from most EVERYONE #cause 4 months is typically when you start to show >______> #but i ALSO know that what she gets herself into once she returns to the fleet is apparently a CRISIS #and i guess im all like UMMGGG UUUUH UMMMMM it makes for a potentially awkward conversation to just HAVE at some point #while the ship might be exploding lol #BUT IDK #currently im leaning toward the latter only because im assuming that her time on earth is very Mentally/Psychologically/Emotionally HEALING? #maybe its healing AND grating with starfleet breathing down her neck but i know she spends time with her mom + sister #who she might confide in along with the emh #HEAD SO FULL RN...... MRRRRRRRR #HAVE FUN READING IF YOU DO LOL <333333 #My Art #Star Trek: Voyager #Kathryn Janeway #AU #Threshold #Protectors

[cherrysnax]

the one thing abt being hyper aware of ur flaws is that u can kinda make it a lil bingo game

#I had to ask my gf how I should like. act to my mom who was dealing w my older bro being arrested and my gma not doing too good #I had to ask lol #like. bro I think I’m the Devil and it scares me #and it’s not like I don’t care #I do. just differently I guess #I try and make sure to remind my ma to eat shower etc the things she struggles with #I usually try and … diffuse her negative sed talk even if I agree with it #I may not feel. what I’m supposed to fee but I act on it #I can’t love her but by god i never want to see her cry #both cause it makes me feel awkward and weirdly angry and also because. don’t be sad wtf :( #but like genuinely. if my mom wants a hug. I may not like it but fuck it #if it helps somehow I’ll be the hugger #I can be very useful and service full at times #idk my emotions are weird. I just don’t know how to interact with Her #none of us do in here

[headfullofdolls]

So, now with the series 4 bios out, Lila Yamamoto is confirmed to be mixed Japanese and Chinese.

And this is good, of course, because the least they can do to explain her outfits is to have her be mixed heritage. Because there was a lot of reasonable concern over the cultural mishmashing going on with her fashions, as others have explained. And I’ve seen some people express relief because now we can put those concerns to rest!

...But as much as I, someone also Asian and mixed, would like to believe MGA planned for Lila to be mixed Japanese and Chinese from the start...

“Her dad is Japanese, and her mom is Chinese.”

That is the easiest sentence to insert into a paragraph as an afterthought. Just change “rich cultural roots” to “rich multicultural roots” and bada boom, she’s mixed now.

“Loves incorporating her family’s diverse culture with street style fashion” should really say “cultures” though, plural, so they forgot to fix that 🤔 But hey, that could easily be a simple typo, right?

Except the bio only mentioning Lila being a “streetstyle icon in Tokyo” also seems odd. She has a Japanese last name, lives in Tokyo, and reads rare manga, all referencing her Japanese heritage, but the bio makes no references to her Chinese heritage aside from her mom. If she “loves incorporating her family’s diverse culture(s)” with her fashion so much, why not a brief mention about what inspired her to incorporate Chinese elements? Like visiting her mom’s family in China (naming another specific city like Tokyo), or her mom introducing her to Chinese arts or fashions as she grew, in contrast to the Japanese culture surrounding them. Or being inspired by her parents’ respect for each others’ traditions and the way they incorporated them together while raising her. Lily Cheng’s bio talks about her growing up with “the best of both worlds,” so there’s already precedent for that similar experience. And there’s other students with longer bios that talk more about their families or backgrounds (see Krystal’s and Stella’s for instance), so it’s not like there wasn’t enough space or it’d be out of place for Lila’s bio to have a short reference to her Chinese cultural influences. Saying only, “Her dad is Japanese, and her mom is Chinese,” sounds bland and impersonal. And to me, seems like a hasty inclusion to hand-wave away the inconsistencies in Lila’s outfits. Because even with her mixed heritage, there are better, more respectful ways to incorporate Chinese and Japanese culture “with street style fashion” than the muddled hodgepodge they designed for her doll, if they only did more research.

You could say I’m being cynical and nitpicking, and you’d be right! But I also love Rainbow High and want better from it. Good representation is important (especially in properties directed at younger demographics), and it’s important to critique big corporations when they drop the ball, or at least question their actions. Because this issue isn’t new, isn’t even surprising, even just looking at Rainbow High’s history of diversity and representation. On the plus side, as fans have pushed for them to do better, they have started doing better! On the other hand, it’s frustrating to have to keep pushing for it, instead of the paid professional teams at MGA putting in the work and awareness to be better before anyone has to point it out to them.

I’m glad, relieved even, to have written confirmation of Lila as mixed race (I was worried they wouldn’t have any justification for her outfits at all). But planned or not, it doesn’t absolve the cultural carelessness issues going on with her clothes. As our first canonical multicultural representation in Rainbow High, I sorely wish she was better. Lila deserved better. We deserved better. But now, keeping that in mind, all we can do is speak out, and push for MGA to do better in the future.

#rainbow high #lila yamamoto #saw someone say now people could ''finally sleep at night instead of hating MGA'' and it activated my fight or flight reaction #and y'know what? #¿por que no los dos? (: #lila i want to love you but you're also causing me immense emotional turmoil :\ #like i almost never see darker-skin asian rep #i've literally seen more ads for ''skin-lightening'' products on trips to my mom's country #and then! woe! dark tan asian doll be upon ye! #eeeexcept her fashion is an insincere mix of east asian cultures as if they're all the same! yaaaaay #(and also her second skirt is just a straight up recolor of karma's) #(which is a smaller unrelated issue but still. annoying :\) #(like did they run out of ideas or just cheap out hahaaaaa) #anyway. i'm just out here writing long posts about dolls instead of going to bed. i am very normal #but hey! guess that also means i'm ''hating MGA'' instead of ''finally sleeping at night'' lmaoooo gottem #we've come full circle. the salt prevails #doll thoughts #tag specifically for rainbow high thoughts

[loveandlucky]

X

#ok rant moment #so for years now i have struggled with excessive and disturbing nightmares and i wake up often during the night #a month ago i finally decided enough was enough and i went to my doctor about it #i was scared hed tell me i was just wating the wrong thing or having too much caffeine #that i wouldnt be believed #but he was instantly so kind and cared about the issue and didnt blame it on me #he said with what i was describing and how it happens every night no matter what #as well as me confirming i had multiple accounts of trauma and chronic depression and anxiety that i go to dbt therapy for #that these were ptsd induced nightmares and my fight or flight system is not turning off even when i sleep #which causes vivid dreams and feelings of high anxiety causing nightmares and spiking my blood pressure enough to wake me often #i felt...so validated #he gave me a medicine that helps with them which i didnt even know existed #anyway i was telling my mom and aunt about it this weekend #just about my sleep problems and how i got meds #and they were just saying how they thought i just vape too much or drink too much caffeine #i was upset by this but i let it go. #they just wont understand and any time i bring up anything about my trauma to my mom she doesnt wanna hear it or believe it #which is really shitty but i guess ive accepted it #anyway ive been doing 1mg per night for 3 days and its helped a little but im excited to move on to 2mg tonight bc thats what the dosage #schedule is #ive been quiet about this problem that i thought was normal for so long and i cant say how good it feels to at least be validated and #helped by my doctor #thanks for listening wheee #♡♡♡