#✧ ❝but that’s just selfish nonsense、 isn’t it

[soullistrations]

In other news I bought Babel for my dad for Father’s Day bc he likes history and it looked cool, and then couldn’t resist getting a copy for myself. I finally cracked it open a couple days ago and have spent every spare moment since reading.

I have many thoughts, but mostly right now I’m stuck on all the layers of things we aren’t allowed to know, whether it’s not for us the readers, robin never finds out, or the story can’t pause in it’s inevitable march to the fulfillment of the title long enough to tell us about it.

and then the additional layers of the footnotes, telling us things robin doesn’t know, or pausing the story specifically to tell us robin will never know and neither will you.

And then that final line telling us that the things we don’t know are on purpose, that this story goes beyond the borders of its pages, that despite everything it wasn’t and isn’t and won’t be so inevitable after all. ask me a little later, it tells us, never mind that it’s the end of the book. Ask me a little later, and I’ll tell you.

#rebamble #Babel #spoilers #very mild but also look. the Entire book is a chekovs gun #it’s always pointing you toward the inevitable tragic end #so the gut punch isn’t the tragedy so much as ‘be selfish. be brave #a bit of nonsense but I’m still in a bit of a fugue stare about it all #this was my first foray into rf kuangs writing and I did no research just saw it in a shelf and thought it looked good #so the whole thing was a bit like #being hit by a bus

[waddlewaddlewaddlewaddle]

ᵤₙfₒᵣₜᵤₙₐₜₑₗy ₛₘᵢₜₜₑₙ ₍ₘₐfᵢₐ bₒₛₛ! Gₒⱼₒ ₓ ᵣₑₐdₑᵣ₎

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Summary: Life leads you to treacherous roads after deciding to enter the dangerous life you knew well not to follow.Having gojo by your side inviting you deeper and deeper into all that’s wrong in the world, inciting you to be selfish and carefree wasn’t supposed to be to your liking, so why do you shiver with adrenaline every time he decides to be the devil on your shoulder?

Contents: Mafia boss gojo x secretary reader.(civilian au ig)

-Secret crush Gojo!

-Yandere Gojo

-Physical altercation I guess.

-angst.

Gojo being an egocentric bitch! Wealthy gojo! X no nonsense reader.

Warnings: trigger warning if you’re not interested in anything mafia like drugs or violence related. The narration of this story is inspired by Latin and Asian mafia.

Wc:3k

🏷:@busyreader17 @starlight5cat @xavlyzn (I love y’all for tuning in I appreciate your comments🫶🏻🫶🏻)

Chapter 3

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Some dew drops are seen sliding down the windows of a custom Gulf Stream jet ;due to the rain as it lands on a clandestine pathway in the city of Shanghai, China.

As the wheels below the jet deploy you feel a soft warm hand tap you on shoulder waking you up out of your slumber, as you feel the jet tremble due to the landing;you gasp yourself awake due to the strange circumstances of your awakening.

-“Good morning Miss, I hope your flight with us has been lovely. I’ll leave you a cup of coffee ,a bottle of water and some ibuprofen in the case that you require them. Mr Gojo and Mr Geto are waiting for you outside the jet so you can all head to Báisè de huā villa. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be taking my leave.-“ Said the flight attendant before taking a bow then leaving.

You wink your eyes in hopes that I’ll help you understand what the fuck she just said,since you slept too little, you were still a bit drunk from all the whiskey from a few hours ago. You popped an ibuprofen then exited the master bedroom which you don’t remember getting into. You notice that your top is now lingering a scent of a mens cologne, but you shrug the thought off and conclude that the alcohol is just messing up your senses.

As you strut through cabin corridor,you quickly spot the jet door.Which leads you to an unknown country full of posibilites or new found problems. You tip tap down the jet stairs in hopes of finding warmth in one of the 5 Ford Everest parked by the path way, but you soon notice that in front of you is your boss and his god mother standing proudly before 2 lines of 20 men , 10 on each side forming a hallway to the vehicles while respectfully bowing down to them. Out of instinct you decide to take a step back to process the power demonstration being held before your boss, you knew he was a shady man but you’ve also never thought of him like anything else but a coworker; as you take a step back you also realize you’ve stepped out barefoot and now you have an un pleasantly wet foot.

-“Fuck.”- You comment making heads turn your way as you practically announce your arrival, as their workers noticed you ;one of them ran over to you to place and umbrella over your head.

As your presence is known; Gojo swiftly turns around and looks at you with slight amusement sparking his blue orbs.

-“How shameful,I should fire you.”-He recites while walking over to you, while making some weird hand gestures tu one of his men.

-“Be my guest.”- you reply as you gather your hair up in a pony tail to look more presentable.-”Lovely weather isn’t it?”-You comment as you rub your feet together trying to fend off the cold.

He scoffs strolling over to you ,knowing he wouldn’t fire you in his wildest dreams, a few seconds after ;the assistant whom he was signing to handed him a box. He then proceeded to crouch his tall figure to the ground , it looked as if he was bowing down to you, then he took some slippers out of the box to then grab an ankle delicately to slip then on. As of you weren’t already nervous due to this unexpected action,the look of his men piercing you made you anxious.

-“I can put them on myself you know. Stand up you’ll get your suit dirty.”-You mumbled squatting down to take the slippers from his hands.

-“Don’t tell me what to do.”-He expressed looking you dead in the eyes as he snatched back the fluffy slipper from your hand putting them back on your other foot.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

3 figures could be seen sitting down in the main dining room of the Báisè de huā villa, it is currently 2 pm and all of you just woke up from a few hours of sleep after you guys arrived from the landing site.

You were now in an impromptu business meeting as your boss explained to you your obligations as his secretary while on this very important work trip.You timidly smiled as you see how the passion for his work ( truthfully power hunger) sparked a passion in his eyes ,as he explained to you how he wanted to add Chinese territories to his reign; starting with Shanghai.

Todays meeting was very important ,here he would be meeting with a very noteworthy drug supplier that worked with very few clients due to the quality of its goods and mainly to avoid getting dragged in between gang wars, the goal for today is to be accepted to the client list and negotiate prices.

You were perfect for the job

He knew that from the moment that Geto and he started stalking you, after seeing how you built wonderful companies from zero, that you were the only one capable of fulfilling their expectations. Yes, you were young, and many people may associate that with immaturity, but your age only highlighted your strategic thinking and endless energy.

You started to supervise some work your underclass men sent you to Japan when you noticed a clothed reflection on your computer screen.

-“Do I bore you?”-The deep familiar voice questioned.

-“Sometimes.”-You snapped back in annoyance due to his stupid questions.

He frowned from your unexpected reply , your tone making him a little sad. He knew you were a woman of firm character,a quality he admired about you ,so he started to worry of what would happen if you found out about what him and geto did.

-“Are you being sincere?”-Gojo asked in a more serious tone.

-“Dead serious.”-You reply as you smile from ear to ear at his “playful” questioning.

As soon as he realized you were playing ,the stress left his shoulders , he sighed and cackled at himself due to his behavior. He barely recognized himself, the guilt is eating him alive, he needed to makeup for it fast.

-“Want to go shopping?”

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

The busy Nanjing road if full of locals and tourist.The infrastructure of the shopping districts is breathtaking , the afternoon sunset is reflecting beautifully on the buildings decorated by big led screens and beautiful compositions of glass.

In the big sum of people, Gojo and you found peace due to the fact that, to the naked eye, you were no different from any tourist. Your boss stayed close to you as he scanned the environment with his icy blue eyes; he hid his hands in his cashmere pockets as he looked down on you.

-“I have a surprise, c’mon, follow me, princess.” - Your heart skipped a beat as you heard those sweet words come out of his pink lips. For some reason unknown to you, your boss only let out those teasing words in front of you. You decided not to think much of it since you knew he had his fair share of good-looking girls behind him. You knew your place, his secretary, nothing more.

His calloused, cold hand grabbed yours as he calmly walked through the crowd; he looked ahead so calmly. You felt embarrassed for thinking anything of his nonchalant attitude. But to him, oh man. His heart was running a thousand miles per hour; the only thing he could do to hide his blushing cheeks is to look ahead. Your hand felt so warm, so soft, so small against his; that only led him to wonder what the rest of you feels like. For a woman with such a small frame, you surely had too much attitude. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t fantasize about all the ways he could tame that cheeky attitude of yours. In the end, that white-haired man decided it was better for him to stop such wild thoughts before he started having issues controlling his breathing.

When both of you arrived at the store, the sales assistant immediately recognized the tall man beside you and promptly led you to a private room. It seemed to be a private dressing room; it was composed of a luxurious cream sofa, a extravagant white wood table, and what seemed to be another small room to dress in. On top of the table was a black suede box with a red bow that screamed open me!

You look over to the grinning figure beside you for permission, and as soon as he gives you the green light, you scramble to open the mystery box, which reveals a beautiful turquoise Qi pao with tiny white flowers detailing the side of your hip. The cloth ended at mid-knee and seemed like silk; it glided beautifully under your fingertips, and the stitching was impeccable. Once the sales assistant noticed you were satisfied with the dress, she took her leave.

-“You shouldn’t have.”-You gasped.

-“Oh, but I did.”-He sweet-talked as he started getting closer to your face.-”How about you model that piece for me as a thank you.”

-“Model for you?”-you giggled.-“I’d rather pay credit.”- You say as you searched your purse.

-“Fuck.”- He mumbles under his breath as he drags one hand on his face.-“I’m starting to think you get a high from contradicting me, when will you stop playing dumb, my dear.”-he taps your forehead with his index finger as he mutters this sentence.

You grab his hand, catching him off guard.

-“I don’t know if fooling around with me is your source of entertainment for today, but please consider that it’s not normal for a man such as yourself to grab my hand and plan surprises for me and take me to foreign countries. I’m aware it’s all for business reasons, so I beg you to keep this as strictly professional as possible.”

With a swift movement; your hand still in his, he turns you around to face the mirror as he positions himself behind you, towering over you as he hugs you with the arm you're both holding hands with. You gulp at the sight of his broad shoulders contrasting your own back, at the way you're engulfing yourself with his aroma, sweating at the way he dared to rest his head on your other shoulder just to whisper…

-“What if it wasn’t for business, what if the absolute truth was that you drive me crazy.”-He groaned as he looked intently at your cute expressions through the mirror.-“The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you make me want to have some damn morals just so I can have the right to talk to someone like you.”

You shake your head as you refuse to accept the reality of the situation you're in.

-“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Gojo.”

He bit his tongue in anger and frustration; all he could do is tighten his jaw in hopes he wouldn’t say anything stupid.

-“Good, cause all that’s not the fucking case.”-He left the room after spitting that out in resentment at the way you turned down his feelings as he was a beggar. He knew it; he’s a fucking idiot for ever having hope; all he’s done on this trip is embarrass himself in front of you. Having to swallow his feelings these 2 years drove him to insanity; all he wanted was to include you in his life’s plans, why couldn’t you accept that?

Oh, he clearly knew why.

It’s because you deserve better.

You deserve a Prince Charming who will offer you peace and warmth, someone who works a 9-5, someone who has a family life to offer you, probably someone who doesn’t have to carry a gun in his waistband to protect himself from all the bad things he’s done in the past, someone not crazy enough to kill for you or even better someone who’s not masochistic enough to live with the burden of his unrequited sentiments towards you.

But in the end, he knew he was selfish; that’s how he got to where he is today. He knew damn well you deserved better, so why did he still have the irresistible urge to steal you away, to drown you in his feelings to the point where you couldn’t deny them.

He laughed, no cackled at himself outside of your dressing room; you had no idea what you had coming.

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Three champagne glasses clicked in celebration of a newfound business project. Tonight’s meeting has been a success, even though you’ve been burning your brain cells trying to decipher what the hell happened at the boutique this afternoon. You were clearly distracted but not to the point you forgot why you were here in the first place.

You sat back into your seat, participating in idle chit-chat with the supplier. Meanwhile, your tight turquoise Qi pao emphasized your waist, the slit by your thigh earning some stolen glances from your boss as he still acted indifferent towards you after today's spectacle.

Geto could already smell what was happening between you two, but in reality, he didn’t care one bit to even ask about it. So all he could do was stand by the door, keeping watch for any potential danger.

The meeting concluded wonderfully, so you said your goodbyes to the supplier to excuse yourself to the bathroom, allowing yourself to think straight for a few minutes before returning to your chaotic reality.

As you finished washing your hands, you touched your nape with your cold hands with the hopes of cooling down your body heat. After fanning yourself a few times, you exited the bathroom.

But to your surprise, you found a familiar face in the hallway.

-“Miss! You’re Gojo’s secretary right?”-The supplier asked, waving his hands at you to come over.

-“Yes, sir, can I help you with anything?”-You answered with a grin.

-“If you’re so very kind, I’d like to know what kind of jet you both traveled here in, because I’d also like one that can hold as much cocaine as yours do.”

You chuckled at the poor guy in front of you, too drunk out of his mind to comprehend what he’s saying.

-“Sir, we didn’t bring any cocaine; the only thing the plane carried were the three people that were in the room with you.”-You smiled as you explained the situation to him.

-“Don’t try to act sly with me, young woman! Your boss just told me that he secretly brought over 400 kilos in that jet of his; he brought them to sell over here while I released some of my product to him.”

As he uttered that sentence, your heart dropped to the bottom of your stomach. This morning you were used as a drug mule, and you didn’t even notice it.

You truly thought he would respect your boundaries.

How foolish.

You start to tremble as you start to imagine what could have been if the navy or the immigration officers wanted to inspect the plane and found the three of you with all those drugs in it.

You run back to the bathroom feeling sick, thinking that by slim chance your hard-worked career was almost over. No, your precious life was over if they decided to try you for drug possession in a country as strict as China, all because of his stupid greed.

You dried your sweat as you quickly mapped out an exit back to Japan without your two business partners finding out about you knowing their dirty little secret. Now you knew you couldn’t trust them; it was idiotic of you in the first place to do so.

You quickly ran to the entrance unbeknownst to the fact that Geto was trailing after you since the moment you left the dining room. Sure, he could have prevented the supplier from telling the truth, but that would’ve been even more suspicious in your eyes, so he finally had to let the truth break free.

You signaled over one of the cars that Gojo put at your service; all you hoped for was to get your passport back from the villa and take the first flight back to your home country and maybe even treat yourself to a little crying session in the taxi.

But the moment your hand met the car door handle, a cold force pulled you back by your free hand.

-“Please, baby, let me explain.”-Gojo stated out as he felt his heart rip to shreds due to the liquid pearls forming in your eyes.-“You weren’t supposed to know; I knew we weren’t gonna get caught, so I didn’t want you to know since I knew you’d get nerv-“

A smack was heard echoing the Shanghai streets as Gojo held his red cheek after his sentenced was slapped into the air since you decided to give him a taste of what a liar like him deserved.

-“I fucking hate you!”-you yelled out while pointing a finger at him while wiping your tears with the back of your other hand.-“ I wish I never met any of you motherfuckers!”-You said as you pointed to Geto and his crew.

What surprises all of them next was your ability to get lost in the busy Shanghai streets after crossing a simple street.

Gojo didn’t hesitate to chase after you into unknown territory wishing he could turn time back, unbeknownst to himself that some threatening enemies were watching close by.

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A/n: Holy fucking shit man , i hope you all enjoyed the chapter and I hope sacrificing my spine for the time I edited this in one sitting is worth it. Any suggestions or comments let me know!! Have a good day 🥸🫶🏻💋

#comments are appreciated #idk what tags to use #dark romance #gojo imagine #gojo satoru #jjk fluff #jjk gojo #jjk mafia #mafia romance #gojo mafia boss #simp gojo #mafia gojo #yandere gojo #gojo x reader #jujutsu gojo #gojo x you #gojo smut #gojo fluff #gojou satoru x reader #geto suguru #mafia #walk him like a dog #angst #angst with a happy ending #jjk angst #Spotify

[cinnamostar]

01: self-fulfilling prophecy 

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

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Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it. 

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough. 

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged. 

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer. 

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him. 

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with. 

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

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For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health. 

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends. 

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello. 

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so  let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated. 

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment. 

“Mm, sorry! I just-,” 

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said. 

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you. 

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists. 

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again. 

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries. 

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer. 

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong. 

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad. 

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you. 

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape. 

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend. 

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed! 

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests. 

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go. 

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work. 

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway. 

Oh, but you were so wrong. 

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough? 

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations. 

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other. 

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text. 

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt. 

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?” 

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.” 

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around. 

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it. 

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him. 

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice. 

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

#skz x reader #skz fanfic #skz angst #skz #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #stray kids #stray kids angst #han jisung #skz jisung #skz jisung x reader #han x reader #skz han #skz han x reader #jisung x reader #han jisung x reader #cinnamostar writes

[lovelaetter]

krystal is so submissive boss idk :( known to be scary and cold, but really she’s just your little girl even though she’s like 10 years older :( funny bc she goes from screaming at her employees to sitting on your lap in her office and asking mommy for kisses ☹️ dressing up for you 😵‍💫 likes wearing a little tiara she keeps in her desk bc calling her your princess can literally make her squirt 🤭 -🌷

i’m literally shaking-

i was thinking exactly about this last night, she’s either an cold rough dom or a super annoying spoiled sub that you can’t help but love and it’s totally your fault that she’s spoiled. secret boss/employee relationship :( the others joke around that you’re her favorite because she never seems to get mad at you and you laugh it off, saying its nonsense, but truly isn’t… but they have no idea that what really goes on is that their ice cold scary boss melts in your hands.

taking her place in the comfy chair behind her desk, watching as she walks around her office rambling about what someone did wrong and other things that got on her nerves — sometimes you think she purposely looks for things to get mad at so you’ll come and fuck her —, patiently waiting for her to let it all out and come sit on your lap. brushing her hair off her face when she does and kissing her cheek, asking “are you done?” and she just huffs, so ready to start complaining again but gets easily distracted by your kisses and your hands unbuttoning her shirt.

likes to ‘complain’ whenever you start playing with her, that you’re ruining her hair, her makeup, her clothes, but again, she’s annoying and spoiled and her legs spread instantly as your fingers slide under the hem of her panties and guess what? she’s already sticky and ready for your fingers, sliding two inside her in one go and pumping in and out slowly, thumb circling her clit, all while talking to her casually, saying she should apologize to the others, it’s nice, to keep a good relation with her employees. tries to talk back but you threaten to stop and she instantly goes “no, no, okay, i’ll apologize, i promise” in this high pitched voice and holds your hand in place.

wears skirts for the sake of giving you easy access, loves to make out while riding your thigh and is so selfish, doesn’t care if she’s making a mess… because it’s technically your fault! playing with her tits and encouraging her with “cum for me, princess, i got you” ?? you know what that does for her.

lots of thoughts about unintentional edging, her being so close but someone knocks on the door and you have to stop, walking out with a kiss and a promise that you’ll finish it later, while her mind stays all blurry, her pussy so wet it leaks onto the leather of her chair :(

the dressing up thing is so true because i can see her getting genuinely sad if you don’t compliment her outfit :( of course she doesn’t dress up only for you but sometimes she carefully chooses pieces she knows you will like it and expects you to notice, wrap your arms around her and say something nice about it…. i just know it makes her day!

#asks #krystal jung smut #🌷 anon

[scoobydoodean]

Just hit me after thinking about that response again that the reason bronlies are such miserable people and often so combative is that they don’t believe love exists in Supernatural at all. I don’t think I ever quite caught onto that before now. I mean they would probably disagree with me saying it, but the simple fact is that they do not believe in love. They do not believe it exists in the show.

They look at the show and its relationships and see possessiveness and obsession—never actual love. Possessiveness and obsession are characterized by jealousy—proving you are the only one who gets something, that you are at the top, that you are the most special, that everything belongs to you. This kind of covetousness shows a fundamental misunderstanding of love as a concept. This enviousness in turn makes fandom a competition over who is ultimately most obsessed with whom, in which all attention, devotion, and affection must ultimately be “won” by a single character (nothing less can satiate obsession) who is then the “best” character. Of course, that “best” character always has been and always will be Sam to them. Selfishness is Sam’s birthright—not one of his character flaws. Dean exists to be used by Sam, and Cas exists to be used by Sam and Dean. Sam is entitled to sole, unwavering devotion and anything less is a threat and a crime and a cruelty.

If genuine love (brotherly, familial, romantic, or otherwise) doesn’t even exist between their favored characters, Dean and Sam, of course it isn’t allowed to exist between Dean and Cas. Of course when people dare to suggest genuine love exists between Dean and Cas, bronlies are filled with seething nonsensical jealousy and make it a competition. They know that love is powerful and meaningful, while possessiveness and obsession is ultimately selfish and self destructive and lesser. So even the slightest hint of genuine real mutual love between Dean and Cas (brotherly, familial, romantic, or otherwise) is a threat. Even if love wasn’t seen as a more powerful force, Dean still wouldn’t be allowed to care about Cas at all because it would take attention away from Sam and all attention and devotion must belong to him.

#dont feed the stans after midnight

[ms-scarletwings]

Irken Zim’s 8 biggest fans

For funsies! As we are well aware, this guy has a lot of gut-haters and censurers across the galaxy. Over his long years of life, he’s gained a proud infamy from every corner of the Irken empire, all the way to the fringes beyond, and the number of critics snapping at his heels only grows with every adventure. Whole civilizations sit at their seat’s edge waiting for this invader’s downfall, but what of those who defy all odds, expectations, maybe even logic? Even devils somehow find worshippers, even criminals get fan mail, and even Invader Zim has someone rooting for him within the 4th wall. Weirdly quite a handful of them, actually, let’s recount.

8. Table Headed Service Drone Bob

It’s humorous, how odd circumstance can make for strange advocacy. The show’s universe operates on the rule of funny, and Bob just so happened to be in the right place and time to comedically become the only Irken alive with something to gain from Zim’s success, and so much to lose for his failure. The sheer unfairness of what the Tallest put him through along with Zim serving some hope for a miracle ticket out of his low standing seemed to snap something in him, even if just for an episode. It would make sense for anyone in his position to have a much more dampened love for their society and leaders, to the point where cheering on its greatest enemy would be preferable than another moment of being a doormat. An underdog rooting for an underdog, even if for purely selfish and coincidental reasons.

7. The Judgementia Control brains

Even more deliciously ironic, isn’t it- That Zim’s praise was be sung once from the very bottom rung of Irken society and then again from the highest spike? What better to follow up poor Bobby than another victim of astronomical circumstance, or rather, three victims together? The nutshell recap of “The Trial’s” plot climax spells out the tragedy of, what is basically Irk’s highest court officials, to become he first ever victims of Zim’s malignant code becoming a contagion. They’ve joined the Fanclub, even if against their will, and all the better for Zim this time to have support from such a high place, seeing that it literally saved his hide in this instance.

6. Dib Membrane

Yeah, that’s freaking right. He’s on the list. You think being a hype man and a mortal rival are mutually exclusive? You either haven’t been watching enough DBZ or you haven’t been watching enough Hellsing and should fix that. Anyway, and I’m speaking within the actual canon dynamic of these two… it is very important to Zim that Dib is perceived as a formidable opponent to bluster his own ego, and vise versa. Dib is not in any self-serving position to accept what an actual mess Zim’s operation is, even though he has more evidence of the alien’s horrible tactics, nonsense plans, failures, etc. than anyone else on the planet. Gaz can see Zim for exactly what he is and why fighting him doesn’t have to be this 24/7 urgent priority. Dib refuses to get that because stopping Zim’s pop-up schemes only keeps the score tied for them. They’ve both been at this long enough to get incredibly frustrated with the lack of progression regarding the big picture goals, taking over the world, and exposing a live alien to the world, respectively. I don’t think he has to keep describing this space goblin as some ultra-cunning master of villainy, or GIR as this nefarious minion because that’s what he actually thinks of them, but because if he admits otherwise, that’s not a great reflection of his own merit for the obvious reasons. Just the presentation of another dimension’s version of himself succeeding against Zim before him causes a spiral of self doubt, just as it can bring Zim to a minor panic watching other invaders leaving him in the dust. Dib wants this guy to be a challenge worth the victory lap when he finally gets what he’s been fighting so hard for.

When Zim is getting on some truly idiotic antics, Dib doesn’t actually revel in his disorganized stupidity, but meets it with a baffled or annoyed disappointment. Like me watching a character I thought was super badass suddenly do something that reveals them to just be utterly lame. Too often he almost comes off like he is critiquing Zim’s performance as a villain rather than,, you know, the fact that Zim is a villain in the first place. It more than once has led to accidentally giving the guy new ideas or pointers on how to do his own job better once in a while. If I were in Dib’s place I would under NO circumstances be giving Zim advice or corrections on what he’s doing “badly” when it comes to the invader thing, but, whatever makes you feel cool & smart, you little dork. There’s also the whole “Dib’s hatred for Zim belies his geeky fixation with aliens broadly” angle I’ve mentioned here or there before, and don’t mind to again. Studying/stalking Zim is only partially about defeating him. His curiosity over Irken tech, biology, etc. is still coming from a place of genuine scientific passion, as literally all of us know. And of course, on occasion the two make for unlikely allies against much bigger shared enemies.

5. Minimoose

Oh come on, how much could I even have to say about this moose-weapon? He has two fathers and is fully aware that Zim is one of them. Assuming we all here know about the cute Florpus quote; no need to recap the whole existence of the lil guy.

4. Invader Skoodge

Now this guy… this guy ain’t right. Exactly here, at this (I say with love) loser of an invader, we reach two tipping points when it comes to Zim-affinity. One, the tipping point where Zim ceases to ask for and ceases to appreciate the toadying. Two, the point where I actually kind of struggle to find any rational explanation for the toady’s behavior. Like I’ve tried and I genuinely don’t know how to put together how Skoodge keeps jumping into this position other than ‘it’s that funny’ or some weird familiarity from smeethood factor. All of the invaders know what Zim has done and what he’s capable of. He’s a consistent terrorist of his own kin and defamed as the greatest disgrace to the Empire. The two options for how to feel about Zim as any random Irken soldier are fear, and/or loathing. If Skoodge were just neutral or indifferent of Zim, that’d be pretty freaking odd. But Skoodge interacts with Zim on the level of at least a lukewarm acquaintance, readily even deferring to his command, despite the fact that he nearly dies every single time he does so. He survives miles of being chased by a monster on Hobo-13, he makes it to the finish line, and his first reaction is to let Zim know he’s made it in one piece. He decides to lay low and slack off after getting fired (into the blighted surface of Blorch) and out of the entire universe to choose from, he decides to go hole up at Zim’s place and stay conveniently out of the way for some time. Dude finally shows himself in the unfinished scripts, and it’s to motherfucking help Zim troll around with Dib. I’m up at night wondering what is going on in Skoodge’s head because he’s n o t an idiot. He’s a real invader in all other respects, just as competent and nationalistic as the rest of them. Easily suggestible, yes, but not stupid. There’s basically no way for him to be ignorant of the big lie the Tallest sold Zim, yet he chooses not to utter a peep on the matter. Pity? A bizarre sense of solidarity?? A delusional one sided friendship??? Don’t look at me like I know other than the fact that he’s on our protag’s team, in spirit. The wannabe Irwin to Zim’s Billy, essentially.

3. Keef

So yeah of all things to blow Skoodge’s unhealthy attachment clean out of the water, we stumbled into this freak of a human child. Keef is a loyal compadre to a fault. A huge, creepy fault. Kid was originally supposed to make a return as well, wherein he was no less of a stubborn stalker than already proven once. And extra points for the irrational selflessness. Even while demonstrating an understanding of what Zim did in Dark Harvest, possibly even with the memory of that whole squirrel incident, he still wishes nothing but for the ability to put a smile on his green friend’s face.

2. The Amoeboid Cult

And when none thought that the scary conviction Zim garnered on Earth could be his biggest fans, you find this little ditty in the comics, and it starts turning into an irresponsible god analogy fairly quick. The short recap is that following a crash on a strange planet, the Voot Runner starts leaking fluids that inadvertently spark abiogenesis, which results in the creation of a rapidly evolving race of blob-things. Seizing an opportunity, Zim at first demands their followership, and then shortly after gets fed up with it as he did the previous fanatic on the list. Nonetheless, the cell people continue to reproduce and age thousands of years their time in the span of a couple minutes, never losing that zeal for their unintentional creator, even going so far as to repair the cruiser despite Zim’s rejection of them. Out of what little they gathered about him during his short visit, they correctly learned he’s a destructive god who planned to abandon them as soon as he could. Their last wish as a civilization? For this god to also obliterate them, as final treat. Such was their devotion that it even left Zim himself completely baffled for a moment when its full depth was revealed.

1. GIR

You watch this show, right? Yeah? Henchman and sidekick number one? Chaotic thing this whole fandom can’t decide to perceive as an adoptive child or a talking pet? He may not be as competent in pleasing Zim’s wishes as minimoose, or as focused, but his heart and loyalty are ultimately with their intended master, unconditionally and for as long as this setting has continued.

#invader zim #iz #iz analysis #scarlet talks about things #long post

[one-idea]

I am chewing on your sun god nika/king of hell zoro concept. I am in love with it. Luffy "death before loneliness" trying to make a sacrifice he would loathe with every fiber of his being and /zoro knowing this/. Zoro dragging him back down because Luffy may be a god but he's the captain of the strawhats first!!! They won't let him be alone ever again!!!

I know right. (Ah madoka magica you never fail me) I’m so glad you’re interested because I have been waiting to talk about this one!!!!

Luffy being faced with the choice to safe his crew/world by becoming Nika. However doing so would force him into a different plain of existence. He can’t be with his loved ones anymore. He will be alone forever, but they would be safe and happy.

Luffy would take it. If there are no other options, if everything else had been exhausted, Luffy would become Nika to save his crew.

Even if it destroyed him.

He would hate it. Like you said. He would rather die than be lonely. But I think he’d also do it with a smile on his face not just to reassure his crew but also because if it’s to save them, his family who he loves so much, I don’t think he would regret the decision. Yes the consequences suck, but can he truly be sad in the moment or with the outcome when they are safe?

Some might see it as an act of selflessness but to Luffy this is him being selfish. He’s doing this to protect what is his, his crew.

Then you have Zoro. Loyal beyond understanding.

The whole crew wants Luffy back. The world is celebrating and yet they don’t care. They would have found another way to win. They will find another way to win! And when they do they will bring Luffy back!

They crew is determined, but even after finding a different solution, which took forever (they never would have found it in time to stop Luffy in the first place) Luffy still doesn’t return to them.

And they can’t wrap their minds around why. Why isn’t he back? They solved the problem, there’s no reason for him to be Nika anymore.

But that’s just the thing. Luffy is Nika now. And unless they can separate Luffy from Nika’s influence, find someway to block Nika’s power, Luffy’s not coming back.

And considering they can’t even get to him, because different plain of existence and all, any plan they might have to cut of Nika’s influence (sea prism cuffs?) they can’t enact.

But Zoro’s not willing to accept that. No way in hell, if only gods can get to where Luffy is then Zoro will become one and drag Luffy back down to them.

Cue becoming the literal king of hell.

And you know what, I haven’t even told you the best part.

Zoro dies doing this. The crew is mourning. They know Zoro’s dying. They gather around for his final moments on the Sunny. His body has exhausted itself trying to find away to return Luffy to them. The crew knows this is the end.

But who should descend to their ship, Nika himself in all his glory.

He approaches Zoro with a smile. He’s starts talking about how he’s sorry for making Zoro (and the crew, but right now he’s speaking to Zoro specifically, and isn’t his first mate just fantastic still setting an example for the crew!) wait but now they can be together. Mortals can’t be in the realm of the gods but spirits/souls can.

Nika is here to collect Zoro’s soul. To bring him with him. Luffy is a selfish person. Sure he had to separate from his crew in this life time. But what’s a lifetime to an eternity? They can now be together forever.

His hope was that his crew would live out their lives and accomplish their dreams. That way they could join him without regrets. This was always his plan.

This plan was not communicated to the crew. Even in this moment he sounds like he’s talking nonsense.

Jimbei and Robin are starting to realize what Luffy’s plan was all along. But it’s Sabo (yes he’s here hello) who puts it together in startling clarity when he see who is behind Luffy. Ace is here. Smiling and happy. As soon as Luffy became Nika he plucked Ace’s soul and said your mine now.

The crew thought Luffy was alone for eternity, and he should have been. But nothing is impossible for Luffy. Nothing stops him from loving those around him. I bet it took like a week before he figured out how to pull spirits into his realm.

But Zoro’s to gone to hear or notices any of this. But he can feel Luffy getting closer, he will always recognize Luffy. (It’s not Nika to him, only Luffy) and when Nika reaches for his soul Zoro strikes, grabbing hold of Nika’s wrist and releasing so much conquerors haki, the universe itself bends.

If Luffy rewrote the world becoming Nika then Zoro will rewrite it again. This is now Asura reality.

Because whatever Zoro did worked. He wasn’t dying his soul was changing.

He shatters their current reality ripping Luffy straight out of Nika. The crew is screaming. Ace charges forward but there’s nothing he can do as the universe rips apart and rebuilds itself for a second time.

During the whole chaos Luffy is held tightly against Zoro’s chest. His captain is safe and he’s not letting go again.

Here is the scene from the original for reference

Zoro rewrites reality.

When everyone comes to it’s a normal day on the Sunny. Sanji’s cooking breakfast, Nami is drawling her map, Robin and Jimbei are reading. Brook is playing music, and Franky is working on an invention. All is calm

Until Luffy, Chopper and Usopp barge onto the deck playing one of their games.

Zoro is on the deck finishing his “night watch” (because he just survived the darkest night, a world without Luffy) and smiles at them. Everything is back as it should be.

They even have guests coming to join them for breakfast as Fire Fist Ace and Flame Emperor Sabo. (It’s Zoro’s world. I’m sure when he was making it he felt Ace’s presences and was like why not bring him back)

And it’s perfect. They are all together. And Zoro will keep the crew and his captain safe, forever.

Except it’s not perfect

Luffy may not remember his time as Nika but he can feel that part of him pulling him. He gets the feeling that something is wrong.

It gets really bad whenever he is alone. He gets the feeling that he needs to be somewhere else. Nika starts to sink back in.

But Zoro’s always there. He can feel Nika trying to break free, to remake the universe again. He just wraps his arms around Luffy.

It’s a constant battle of wills between Nika and Asura. A battle that Zoro knows he’s only winning because Luffy is letting him. Because Luffy doesn’t remember why he became Nika in the first place, he has no context for why Nika is pulling so hard. All he knows is that Nika wants him to leave his friends, to leave Zoro. But why would Luffy ever abandon his crew? In what world would he ever leave them? He can’t imagine it.

So he lets Zoro win their battle of wills because he wants to stay with Zoro. Zoro would never keep him here if he didn’t want to stay (debatable) and Zoro would never hurt him.

Who remembers?

It’s debatable who remembers what at any given time. I think Zoro got rid of everyone’s memories of Nika’s world. To him it was kindness that the crew never knew a world without Luffy.

But there is one person who keeps remebering that world. Someone who is both part and not part of this new world and it’s not Luffy.

It’s Ace. He remembers the Devine realm Nika made for them since he was a part of it. He was dead in the main timeline and got to join Luffy in his divine plain once Luffy created it. He knows something is wrong with this new world.

And this is a problem for Zoro.

#one piece #monkey d. luffy #straw hat pirates #roronoa zoro #one piece zolu #zolu #fire fist ace #one piece ace #gol d. ace #portagas d. ace #one piece sabo #sabo #asl brothers #I have so many thoughts about this idea. #please ask more questions #madoka Magica will haunt me forever #madoka Magica zolu au

[noosayog]

wc: 1k

content/warnings: angst, fluff

final part, directory here.

noos's notes: thank you for enjoying this series! I'm the worst at writing making up scenes, so I hope this isn't too abrupt but I really never thought I'd actually finish writing this series if not for all of you who reblogged with comments and tags! xoxo

--

When Sakusa asks if he can come in to talk, you decline and offer to go to a nearby park. It’s summer and the weather is permitting, but he feels a cold chill despite your tentative smile. It’s not lost on him that you don’t want him in your safe space; you’ll only allow him an audience on neutral ground. 

It’s not like he wasn’t expecting this. He’s grateful that you’re even willing to speak to him. 

“I-”

“What-” 

You both speak at the same time. Sakusa clams up and awkwardly gestures for you to speak. You sigh. “What did you want to talk about, Kiyoomi?” 

Now, he had planned out what he would say at this moment. He had a whole script, as well thought out as could be in the span of time he ran from the locker room to your place. He was even going to take Atsumu’s lines and incorporate them into his speech.

But he’s not used to the cold front and polite smile. His mind blanks out and he’s on autopilot. 

“How can I show you that I care about you?” 

You frown. Not the reaction he was looking for but at least he got the stranger-danger smile off your face. “What do you mean?” 

“I don’t think… I’ve been doing a good job of showing you how much I care about you.” 

“Kiyoomi…” you trail off. 

You pause for a moment, your facial expression resigned. Sakusa fears he might’ve said the wrong thing again. Where was Miya when you actually needed him? 

“I’ve never thought that you don’t care for me. Honestly, this is all on me. You’ve made it clear from the start that you don’t feel for me the way I do for you and that’s not your fault-” 

Kiyoomi is desperate to open his mouth, call himself an idiot and set the record straight, but you hold up a hand to finish. 

“Not your fault and I think it’s time I really put some effort in to let go of these feelings and stop hoping for things and crying at bad times and,”

You’re babbling nonsense at this point, voice getting softer and wobblier by the second and it’s terrible but all Sakusa can think about is how happy he is that you still seem to be in love with him. 

Silly, stupid, absolutely knuckleheaded Sakusa. Him. 

He says your name, resolutely, with promise. 

You shut up and raise your face to him. 

“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more clear. When I say care for you, I don’t mean it was a friend.” 

You blink. The tears have stopped. Something’s working. 

“I mean it as… well, the way you meant it when you told me you liked me.” 

He’s on a roll now. 

“It took me a really long time to realize this and even after I did, I needed Miya to knock it into me. I’m sorry I didn’t know I was in love with you from that very first night, I’m sorry that I’ve been a coward and selfish, and I’m sorry that I’ve made you cry by yourself. So let me rephrase. What can I do to make you know, without any doubt, that I like you so much and I want to care for you in a way that you’ll let only me do?” 

Sakusa heaves out a big breath and he kind of expects you to just kiss him like they do in novels and movies but you just stare at him with big, uncomprehending eyes. 

You’re quiet for a moment and when you speak, you say something Sakusa isn’t expecting. 

“I want to, but you need to give me a reason to. All you've given me since we slept together are signs that you don’t want us to be together.” 

He did consider the possibility that you had already fallen out of love with him, but you still seemed to be very much emotional over all this. He hadn’t considered the possibility that he had made so many mistakes that even the weight of your love was overshadowed by hurt and distrust. 

He wants to let his flight instinct kick in again, but he didn’t steel his resolve and selfishly demand that you meet with him for nothing. 

And as a minor afterthought, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle reporting back to Miya that he ran from you again. 

“So let me ask you again, then. What can I do to show you how much I mean everything I just said? Make you breakfast and take you out for dinner? Clean your apartment? Tell you I love you everyday?” The list goes on. 

It makes you giggle and Kiyoomi counts it as a point won. 

“Are you sure this time, Omi?” 

Kiyoomi almost swoons at the nickname. “Yes.” 

“Then, while all those things sound good, I just need you to promise that you’ll try harder to talk to me when things get uncomfortable. ‘Cause all I ever wanted was for you to stay.” 

“I will,” and he means it. 

“It would be nice to hear you tell me you love me everyday, though.

“I’ll put a calendar reminder so I don’t forget.” He’s a hundred percent serious. 

You laugh and he leans closer, desperate to hear - no, feel - that familiar sound better. 

“That’s cheating!” 

“I’ll remember. I’ll never forget anything about us ever again.” 

“Omi,” you’re gentle as you pat his cheek. “It’s not possible to never forget anything. Just don’t forget to tell me how you feel.” 

“I can do that,” he promises. 

You laugh again. It's the kind of laugh like you don’t believe him, but he supposes that’s alright. He knows he can’t erase the months of loneliness and pain he caused you with just a few pretty words. But he does plan on spending the next few years, maybe the next few eternities, doing exactly that.

#noos writes #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #hq imagines #hq x y/n #hq fluff #hq angst #sakusa angst #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa fluff #sakusa x you #sakusa x y/n #sakusa kiyoomi angst #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x you #sakusa kyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi fluff

[cecilysass]

Shine On (8/16)

Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic

Chapter 8: is William okay

Farrs Corner, Virginia February 22, 2015 5:00 pm

The trip back to Mulder’s house is superficially quiet. There is the hum of the engine and a few polite words from the two adults in the front seat, who also occasionally treat him to concerned looks. But of course it isn’t really quiet for Jackson.

Scully’s thoughts and feelings are like some mixture of a thunderstorm and an orchestra in his brain, some pieces discordant and frightening, some beautiful, some just nonsensical, almost all overwhelming.

Sometimes he looks out the window and tries to limit all of the input down to only words, to just the part that is language. That seems more manageable, but it never entirely works. What emanates from her is never purely words. It’s always interrupted by jarring pops of some sharp emotion.

—maybe a neurological impact, which is something we should have him examined for oh god why didn’t I when he was a baby? I should have done it then, maybe I could have prevented something—maybe he can hear this, think about something else—so easy to depend on Mulder, too easy, so much his old self, looks so good, so happy, is he frustrated with how I am acting? just so obvious I’m such a fucking mess—William, back then I was such a selfish coward, oh no God think of his little baby face, his sweet baby smell, how could I, why did I, I should have—

He can’t stand it. He can’t stand listening to such a steady current of pain.

As they come into Mulder’s house again, Scully looks pale and withdrawn. She sinks down on the couch, wrapping her arms around herself and leaning her head back. Jackson can’t help but think of the last time he saw them both here, at this house, when Mulder and Scully were fighting two days ago. She seems so different now, like she belongs here. Like it’s her house, too.

He knows from both of their memories—and from what Mulder has said—that it was hers, that she lived here, too, for several years. That they had been together until relatively recently. Nothing either one of them has thought or felt really explains why they’re not together any more.

Mulder has carried in a square cardboard box with the bakery logo that Jackson knows is a birthday cake. Somehow, Scully hasn’t noticed it at all; she’s just so completely distracted. Mulder’s gone to set the box down in the kitchen. He calls out to them.

“Either of you want something to drink?”

Jackson and Scully, both on the couch, look up simultaneously. “No, thank you,” Scully says. Jackson shakes his head.

It doesn’t feel as bad as it did, right now. He still definitely feels it, the waves of feeling from her, but he thinks she must have calmed down. Or that she is making a conscious effort to quiet her mind and heart.

He’s still wondering if he can go hide in the guest room upstairs, discreetly trying to get as far away from her as he can, when her phone begins to buzz. She reaches into her pocket with a confused expression, as though she forgot she owned a phone. She lifts it to her ear.

“Hello?” she says. “Marco, hi.” She stands, walking away from the couch to a corner of the room, lowering her voice. “What? Why? What’s going on?”

Mulder walks back towards the couch, a glass of water in his hand, and Jackson doesn’t miss how his eyes sharply fix on her as he sits.

Marco? The single word from Mulder’s mind plummets through Jackson’s shine, weighted down with worry. Marco.

“What?” Scully breathes into the phone. Through her, Jackson’s shine receives a flood of images of a fancy house all … messed up, torn apart, drawers pulled out of dressers, papers scattered across the floor, windows smashed. “Oh my god.”

Mulder sits up straighter on the couch, his expression now one of concern.

“Yes, that’s—yes, that’s the thing to do,” Scully says quietly. Her eyes meet Mulder’s across the room for a moment, and then she looks away again. “Thank you for helping, Marco. And for letting me know.”

There is another beat while she listens. “No,” she says, and Jackson feels her conflict. “I don’t think I’ll go back tonight. I’ll stay here. At … a friend’s.”

Mulder stirs restlessly on the couch, crossing and uncrossing his leg, and even without focusing on him, Jackson picks up fragments of thoughts coming through from him: anxious, aching, wondering.

“Yes,” Scully answers on the phone. “Thank you. I’ll check in tomorrow. I really appreciate all of this.” She begins to walk back towards the couch. “Goodbye, Marco.”

Jackson and Mulder watch her as she steps over Mulder’s legs and sits wearily between the two of them on the couch, rubbing her temples. For a moment she doesn’t speak.

“You and I need to do a check of the grounds around the house,” she says to Mulder, sounding tired. “Are your security systems still up and running?”

“I turned them back on the night he got here,” he says. “Why? What happened?”

“My house has been ransacked,” she says. “It sounds like… someone was looking for something. Maybe information. Which means…”

“Someone knows he came to find us,” Mulder answers. “Probably someone is looking for him. And if they’re at your place, they’re probably eventually here, if not already.”

He stands up right away, reaching towards the spot in his jacket where Jackson already knows he conceals a gun.

“Do you have another weapon?” Scully asks. “I’d rather be armed if we’re going to walk the perimeter.”

“Yeah,” Mulder says, nodding. “Of course.”

Jackson watches them in awe as they get prepared, these dangerous former FBI agent biological parents of his. It’s hard not to feel a little impressed, although he’s also nervous.

He’s surprised by Scully’s feelings, and Mulder’s too, because they aren’t nervous. Not about this, anyway. For them, this is just something that needs to be done. His shine detects that hard, hot quality in Scully again. Inside she is glowing like a poker in a fireplace.

“Is your … house okay, Scully? All your stuff?” Jackson asks her before he can stop himself.

Scully had been loading a gun of Mulder’s, but she looks over at Jackson. Her eyes widen at his question, and he feels something lighter, something airy enter her.

“Yes,” she says quickly. “I mean, it will be. It’s a mess. Marco—my friend—he says he’ll call the police and straighten up a little for me.”

“That’s nice of him,” Mulder says blandly, turning his back to her as if to check out the window.

“It is,” she says absently. Her forehead wrinkles. “But I don’t think I should go back there tonight, in case it’s under surveillance. I assume I can stay here, Mulder?”

Jackson snorts, and both Mulder and Scully look at him, startled. He can’t explain the joke, which is obvious to him but apparently not to either of them. Of course she can stay here. Doesn’t she see that Mulder would have her stay here all the time, forever? It doesn’t seem like you would really need a shine to see that.

“Yeah,” Mulder says, his eyes cutting sideways at Jackson a moment. “Sure, no problem. As long as you need.”

Her gun now loaded, Scully looks down at her attire and bites her bottom lip.

“Do you think I could maybe … borrow some clothes before we go outside? This is an expensive sweater.” She grimaces as she looks at it, and Jackson’s shine takes in a series of images he doesn’t entirely understand: shoes with broken heels, torn dress pants, a blazer with a gaping bite out of it. Memories, he assumes.

Mulder nods, shrugging. “You know where they are.”

She nods, and turns to go up the stairs. Mulder sits back on the couch, examining his own weapon in melancholy silence. His mind is a particularly dark and twisty path, but Jackson can guess what he’s thinking about. He honestly feels sorry for him.

“Marco is her neighbor,” Jackson informs him impulsively.

Mulder looks up at him, his eyebrows raised.

“They, like, watch each other’s houses when they go on trips. She isn’t … in a relationship with him or anything like that. Marco’s married to a man named Joe. I could shine her memories and it was all, like, watering plants and small talk.”

“Oh.” Mulder nods, looking embarrassed. “Right. Yeah.” He bites his lip. “You don’t happen to see if there is someone in particular that she’s seeing…” He stops himself, shaking his head. “Never mind, fuck, Jackson.” He lets out a frustrated breath. “I’m way out of line.”

Jackson just watches him curiously, thinking of his friend Louis and his doomed crushes on girls. This isn’t the same thing, really, but Mulder isn’t as different from Louis as he might have thought. For such an old guy and for someone who was basically married to her, he doesn’t seem to know anything at all.

To his surprise, it’s almost like Mulder knows what he’s thinking, because he meets his eyes and smiles shame-facedly. “I guess I seem pretty hopeless.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, why aren’t you guys together anymore?” Jackson asks. “Why did you break up?”

“You can’t see that in her mind?”

“Not really,” Jackson says.

Mulder sighs heavily. “It’s complicated,” he says. “But I think part of it is that … sometimes I can be a tough person to love.”

Jackson thinks about that, tries to make it fit with what he has seen. “I don’t know,” he says. “That doesn’t really seem right.”

Mulder’s eyes meet his just as Scully thumps down the stairs, wearing an enormous hooded sweatshirt that says “Martha’s Vineyard” on it and some rolled up sweatpants.

“All right,” she says briskly. “Let’s do this.”

Mulder stands, nodding his agreement.

“You stay inside, right here on the couch, okay?” Scully tells Jackson. “Don’t move near the windows.”

Just in case of gun fire, she thinks. But don’t want to scare him.

Jackson lifts his eyebrows. “Got it,” he says. “I’ll lay low.”

It’s not until they walk out the door that Jackson realizes that he could have told them whether there was anyone else on the grounds. His shine can get a read on who is around, or at least whether someone is around and where they are. And right now, the only minds he senses nearby are Mulder’s and Scully’s, both of them popping and crackling with feelings and thoughts.

He stretches out on the couch, lying down and closing his eyes. He listens for any sounds outside. He can’t hear much with his ears. It’s quiet here at Mulder’s house.

In Mulder’s kitchen there’s the sound of a clock ticking.

Then a sharp slice of anguish. Of pulsing anxiety.

Mulder. Oh Mulder, no.

Jackson springs up on the couch, his body rigid.

There is the sound of a gunshot. Then another.

His heart pounding, he pushes out his shine desperately around him, feeling for either of them, confirming they are still there.

Is he okay is he okay is Mulder okay

Scully. Thank God.

Jackson wraps his arms around himself and rocks back and forth on the couch. They’re both alive, anyway. He feels overwhelmed with relief, and he’s not sure whether it’s coming from him or them.

William William William is William okay

Could anyone have gone inside? I didn’t see anyone. Is he okay? Is Jackson okay?

It’s like they’re both tugging on him, pulling hard on his shine to come towards them. Jackson doesn’t think. He just acts. He runs to the door and throws it open, and he sees them both, maybe thirty feet away, guns extended. They are staring back at him in the door.

“Stay inside, Jackson,” calls Mulder urgently. “Don’t come out.”

Jackson doesn’t listen. He runs outside, feeling an overpowering urge to be near them up close.

“Jackson, don’t,” Scully repeats.

“Who was it?” Jackson asks breathlessly, reaching them. “Who did you shoot at? What did they want?”

“A man,” Mulder says grimly, grabbing his arm. “And I’m not sure. Let’s go inside.”

Scully is looking all around them, her eyes scanning the area, her weapon still raised. “I don’t understand, Mulder. I know I hit him.”

Mulder’s jaw is set. “Yeah,” he says. “I think we’re lucky we weren’t in closer proximity, or his blood might have made us sick.”

Scully’s head snaps towards him. I didn’t think there were any left. I thought they had been killed off years ago.

“Inside,” repeats Mulder. “We need to get him back inside, Scully. Now.”

Scully nods her agreement. They take hold of each of Jackson’s arms and practically lift him off his feet into the house. Mulder turns to lock the door, then immediately crosses to his desk to start going through a drawer.

“Are you okay, Mulder?” Scully watches him, her body swaying slightly back and forth. Jackson can still feel terror pulsing off of her in tiny waves. For a moment there, he knows she’d really thought Mulder could be in danger. He felt her desperation. It’s exhausting to Jackson, the intensity of her emotions. He stumbles back over to the couch and sits down.

“Yeah,” Mulder says. He produces what he was looking for in the drawer, a tool shaped like a sharp spike. “I was looking for this. We may need it.”

“I thought the shapeshifters were long gone,” Scully says. “You think that’s what he was? Why?”

“Shapeshifters?” Jackson asks. “For real?”

“All I know is that you didn’t kill him,” Mulder answers Scully. “Despite a direct hit. And I thought … I thought I saw something green where your bullet hit.”

“If they’re still around, then who else is?” Scully asks in a tense voice. “Who’s coming after him?”

Mulder and Scully look at one another. Jackson’s eyes bounce back and forth between them. “I couldn’t sense him, with my shine,” he comments. “He was invisible to me.”

That gets their attention; both of their heads swivel to look at him. “Oh yeah?” Mulder says. “And that’s not something that usually happens?”

“No,” Jackson says. “It’s not.”

Scully’s eyes examine him, and Jackson again is hit by what he’s coming to consider her signature combination: fear and love, white hot steel.

“We should call Skinner,” she says in a quiet voice. She’s looking at Jackson but speaking to Mulder. “We need the X-files. We need to do whatever it takes to get the X-files back.”

***

Mulder and Scully sit at Mulder’s dining room table and talk on the phone to this man Skinner for a long time, maybe thirty minutes. He’s their friend, Jackson gathers, but also their former boss. And he must be someone they trust, because they tell him more than he would think they would, although not everything.

Jackson reclines on the couch for a while and listens, wondering if anyone will remember they need to eat dinner. He thinks of his house back home, of the regular meals, of his mom and dad across the table and their cheerful conversation about topics like the new Wal-Mart and who was going to win the World Series and how Jackson’s grades were. He wonders if these biological parents ever have normal conversations. If they ever do normal things like have Taco Tuesday.

Dinner seems unlikely to happen any time soon, so he decides to go up to the guest room. He could use a little privacy.

He kind of likes this guest room—the room that was supposed to be his, he reminds himself uneasily as he walks inside again.

It’s a small room with one window, a dresser, a bookshelf full of Mulder’s random books, and a single bed with a crisp navy and white patchwork quilt. The bed is messy—Jackson didn’t make it this morning. There is a book (Ghost Stories of Virginia) sitting on the pillow with a corner folded down to mark his place. Jackson picks it up again, flops down on the bed, and starts to read.

He hasn’t read for very long when he has the distinct sensation of somebody nudging at his mind. Like a poke at his shine.

It’s the weirdest feeling.

He lays the book down on his chest and blinks, trying to open his shine up to see what’s out there.

Tomorrow morning. Seven o��clock. Go out to the grove of trees behind the farm.

Jackson sucks in a breath. He can hear Rose’s voice, every word as clear as if she is speaking in the same room.

Make sure you aren’t followed. We can talk then.

Imperceptibly, Jackson nods his head, even though he knows she probably can’t see. His heart is thumping again.

She’s going to talk to him again. She’s going to help. He feels almost shaky with relief.

Almost without thinking he lets his shine drift and linger for a moment on the anxious, busy energy between Mulder and Scully downstairs. On their intense focus. On their surprising, desperate need to protect him.

***

#xfiles fanfic #the x files #x files fanfic #fox mulder #dana scully #x files #xf fanfic #msr #jackson van de kamp #x files revival

[ugh-yoongi]

omg i have an idea but i am not a writer so it's been sitting in my notes with the rest of them 😭 but i'm feeling a little angsty so here goes.

i don't want to make this too long and detailed so i've tried to sum up it: reader has been in love with hobi, hobi just broke up with his partner that mistreated him, hesitant to "make reader his rebound" after it's suggested but it happens anyway. also, since you're not completely comfortable with writing smut, i was thinking this could be the after math of that? hobi doesn't want reader to think that they don't mean anything to him but also doesn't want to give false hope, so he just cleans up and then says goodnight. reader is obviously so hurt by this but they don't say anything. they didn't expect him to cuddle them to sleep but it still pains them to know that he won't feel the same. reader is stuck in an unrequited love relationship. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

ooh, you really have something here, nonnie. i was SO excited to receive this request. tysm for sending it! i took some liberties with it but i hope you enjoy anyway. <3

we're celebrating jess's birthday! hobi hours are: OPEN.

it’s different, it’s always the same

pairing: hoseok x reader genre: friends to fwb, unrequited love au; smut-ish, angst warnings: swearing, mentions of sex and sexual activities, reader is a little delulu but it’s hobi can you rly blame them, no pronouns or gendered terms used. rating: explicit; minors dni wordcount: 1k listen to: post malone - chemical; muna - so special; summer walker - no love; saint jhn - selfish; ari abdul - babydoll (speed)

All along, you’ve known exactly what it is: Hobi will commit, just not to you.

Not in the way you want, anyway.

Because he’ll commit to seeing you twice a week. He’ll commit to that roguish charm he has—all spun gold when you greet him at the door and then no-nonsense and intentional when he toes off his shoes and places them neatly in the rack. He’ll commit to the way he always grabs at your hips, the way his lips always go to your neck first, the way he pulls and tugs at your clothes as he walks you backwards down the hallway and to your room.

He’ll commit to spontaneity, too, sometimes. He’ll commit to dropping to his knees in the entryway and getting you off with his mouth before you’ve even muttered a hello. He’ll commit to impatience and fuck you on the couch, the kitchen counter, against the wall.

But there are things that never, ever change.

The survival instincts you’d mistaken as quirks.

The way he undresses slowly, folds his clothes with crisp lines, places the pile atop your dresser. Not meticulous, just easier when he redresses. Doesn’t want his shirts wrinkled and creased when he leaves and inevitably goes and sees someone else. Spends time in some other place.

The way he’ll kiss every inch of your skin and never your lips. The way you’d thought it was because he was still scarred, not used to kissing someone else. Not after spending so much time only kissing the same person. And you’d tried, once. And Hoseok had been kind about it, a hushed little I don’t think that’s a good idea, but the humiliation had still stung. Still does.

The way you can open your text thread and see exactly how he feels about you.

You’d known Hoseok before all of this. Had loved him in a different way back then. You love him now, too, but it’s just… different. Got too complicated and the love mutated. Became something you could no longer recognize the more everything spiraled out of control.

“You know what this is,” he always says, like he’s begging you to understand, wordlessly asking you to figure out how to be okay with it. Begging you not to make him a villain.

“I know,” you always respond, because you do understand, but there’s a part of you that wants to hurt yourself because you can’t bring yourself to hurt him.

Hoseok isn’t a villain, you’ve just forgotten how to tread water.

Hoseok isn’t a villain, you’d just deluded yourself into thinking this time would be different.

It isn’t, though. Hoseok still texted you the same two words. Still wore the same smile when he turned up outside your door. Still toed his shoes off and put them in his spot in the rack. Still laughed as he fed you some greasy line and pulled your t-shirt over your head. Still fitted his hands to the curves of your hips, his mouth to the column of your throat. Still draped his body over yours like he was trying to make a home of it, and there had been a second, maybe a minute, in which you’d thought—

Because it feels different this time.

It’s wicked, how easily you sink into the delusion. How you so badly want it to be true that you’ll grab onto any tendril of hope, no matter how frayed; that you’ll assign meaning to all of these meaningless things.

Because the way Hobi usually fucks you is not the way he’s fucking you now. This time it’s slow, gentle. Hoseok’s fucking you like he’s trying to prove a point, and you decide this is the delta, this is where everything changes. You think Hoseok is telling you in this unspoken way that this can be and is something more, that he’s been burned and scarred but has found something new in you. That all those things he said before—this is all I can offer, and you deserve to be more than someone’s rebound—had been out of an abundance of caution rather than rooted in truth.

Hoseok comes with your name on his tongue, and it’s so, so easy to pretend.

And you want it to be true so, so bad that the words come unbidden.

“Do you want to stay?”

He hears the hope in your voice, and it’s sobering to watch the way his face distorts in anguish; the way he mentally tabulates all the ways he’ll have to let you down. And you think there might be some hurt there, too, that you hadn’t taken him seriously. That he has to have all those same conversations again.

Another stark reminder of all the ways things have changed. Hoseok, your friend, wouldn’t feel that hurt. Hoseok, the guy you’re sleeping with who has made a point to always keep the lines parallel, does.

What you thought had been a calculated risk wound up being the beginning of the end.

So you say, “Never mind,” and try to play it off as post-orgasm haze. Throw in a soft giggle to really sell it.

Hoseok, your friend, would’ve called you on it.

Hoseok, the guy you’re sleeping with, is smart enough to know an out when he sees one.

He walks over to the dresser. Unfolds each item stacked upon it one at a time. Steps into his baggy jeans. Slips an oversized, expensive sweater over his head. Makes sure he’s got his phone and wallet and then the two of you are at your door. You watch as he slips on his shoes and slips out the door.

You wonder if it’s the last time.

You’re surprised when he texts you a few days later, but maybe you shouldn’t be.

After all, you’ve always known exactly what it is.

#hoseok x reader #hobi x reader #jhope x reader #bts x reader #hoseok smut #hoseok imagine #bts smut #bts imagines #hoseok fanfic #hobi fanfic #jhope fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fic #fic: jess drabbles

[gunilslaugh]

OHHHH I have a good angst/comfort request!!

Can you do one where the reader over hears their boyfriend (xdh) talk badly about themselfs, either to a friend or just to the mirror

I LOVE comforting Insecure boys smm if your comfortable with it thank youuu it’s so fun reading your content, take your time u work so hard <3

I'm glad that my content is fun to read. I try my best :)

All Members [≈^-^≈]

Summary: You overhear your boyfriend, Xdinary Heroes member, talking badly about themselves. You can’t let them believe that those things are true.

WC:1.4k

Warning:grammar

photo not mine credits to owner.

Gunil

“My muscles are losing definition. I need to work out more or else I’ll look awful,” you overheard Gunil uttering to himself as you walked past the bathroom. Gunil is a person who cares about their muscles. You know this even his fans know this, but you didn’t know that he thought he would look “awful” without them. You don’t know where he got this bogus information from, however you surely aren’t going to let him believe it. You went and sat down on the couch, waiting for Gunil to come out of the bathroom. A few minutes went by before Gunil returned from the bathroom and joined you on the couch.

“You know you’re more than just your muscles right?” You questioned, turning to face Gunil. 

“You heard what I said?” Gunil sighs. You place a comforting hand on his knee. 

“I just happened to be walking by,” you informed him. Gunil nods. “The point is your muscles are great, but you’re just as amazing with or without them. You don’t need them to look good. They are not what makes you attractive,” you told him.

“Are you sure?” He asks. His eyes are so full of doubt that it pains you.

“Of course I’m sure,” you pulled him into a hug. 

“Thank you,” he tells you, sinking into your embrace. You hold him tighter.

Jungsu

“No, I can't go out to eat. I'm on a diet. Our comeback is coming up, so I need to lose a few pounds,” Jungsu tells whoever he is on the phone with. “I know it seems like I’m always on a diet, but fans won’t like it if I gain weight. I’ll be ugly,” he continued. You should’ve just walked away. Eavesdropping isn’t good, but you couldn’t believe the nonsense you were hearing. 

“What do you mean you’ll be ugly?” You started as you entered the room. Jungsu quickly hung up the phone. 

“I- I…it- just. How much did you hear?” He stuttered out very flustered. 

“Enough. People who truly support you don’t care if you gain some weight, Jungsu,” you told him, grabbing his hands. 

“You know how weight is when it comes to idols,” he murmurs, staring down at his feet. You step closer to him and reach your hands up to cup his face.  

“You’re very beautiful Jungsu. There’s nothing wrong with being a healthy weight,” you smiled up at him. Your thumbs caressed his cheeks. “I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise,” you voiced seriously, yet it earned a laugh from Jungsu. 

“Thank you, seriously thank you,” Jungsu thanked you, bringing his own hands up to cup your face. The two of you giggle with your hands still cupping each other's faces.

Gaon/Jiseok

“I don’t know, I feel like they deserve a better boyfriend than me,” Jiseok’s voice rang in your ears. You were about to surprise him at the studio. What could Jiseok possibly be talking about? “Being an idol with a busy schedule doesn’t make for an ideal boyfriend. I can’t always spend time with them or I don’t know, but I don’t feel like I can’t be a proper boyfriend that they deserve to have. I’m too selfish to let them go though. I need them,” he added. You knocked on the door and Jiseok quickly wished whoever he was talking to goodbye. 

“Y/n, what are you doing here?” He questions, pulling you into a quick hug.

“I got off early and wanted to see you,” you told him pulling away. You both sat down on the small couch in the room. You thought for a second before speaking up.

“You are a good boyfriend Jiseok,” you proclaimed. Jiseok looked at you wide eyed. “Sorry I didn’t mean to overhear,” you apologized. “Trust me, you’re a very good boyfriend,” you reiterated.

“But-” Jiseok begins to talk.

“No, buts as the person you’re dating that means I’m the one who decides if you’re a good boyfriend or not. I’ve decided that there’s no other boyfriend I could possibly want,” you declared. Jiseok smiled.

“Then I’m the only one you’ll have,” he states.

O.de/Seungmin

“The lyrics I write are never good enough,” Seungmin sighed, head falling onto the table. Seungmin had been working on writing lyrics for some new songs. You guess by the words that you just overheard that it might not be going so great. You knocked on his bedroom door before entering. You saw Seungmin sitting there at the desk. He lifted his head up at the sight of you. 

“Not going well?” You asked, approaching Seungmin. Once you were close enough Seungmin wrapped his arms around your lower back, pulling you closer to rest his head on your torso. You rest your arms around his shoulder. He shook his head, groaning in frustration. 

“Maybe I should just leave the song writing to the professionals,” he said. “I’m not any good at it,” he continued. 

“That’s not true,” you stated. “Plus you know fans feel proud when they see your guys names listed in the credits,” you added.

“These lyrics aren’t credit worthy,” he sounds defeated. 

“You’re probably just being too hard on yourself. I’m sure they’re not that bad,” you tried to persuade him. “You’ve been working a long time. Let’s take a break and come back,” you suggested. 

“Yeah I could use a cuddle break,” Seungmin agreed. After cuddling Seungmin reread his lyrics and indeedly weren’t as bad as he thought.

Junhan/Hyeongjun

“Why did they let me debut when I can’t even sing,” Hyeongjun mumbled to himself. He was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror about to get ready for the day. You just so happened to overhear what he said as you were about to ask him to give him your hairbrush that you left in there. You could not believe the words that you just heard him say. You know that Hyeongjun wasn’t the most confident in his vocals, but to go as far as thinking that he couldn’t sing. You would not let him believe that it was true. You knocked on the door.

“Could you pass me my hairbrush please?” You asked politely. 

“Here you go,” Hyeongjun opens the door and hands you your hairbrush.

“Thank you and for the record you have a nice voice Hyeongjun,” you tell him, taking your hairbrush. 

“Please don’t lie to me,” he voice is hushed. 

“Hyeongjun, you know I wouldn’t lie to you. You have a nice voice. If you don’t believe me ask Villains,” you prompted.

“Obviously you guys would praise me,” Hyeongjun started.

“That doesn’t make it any less true. Let yourself be praised. You super talented Hyeongjun,” you told him. It’d be a crime to keep your guitar skills locked in the dungeon,” you told him. Hyeongjun smiles.

“My voice is nice?” He inquires.

“Very much,” you firmly voiced.

Jooyeon

“I think I’m too childish. Do you think that I should become more mature? Isn’t my childness burdensome? Would y/n ever leave me because of it?” Jooyeon quizzes someone over the phone. You definitely didn’t expect to come home to the voice of your boyfriend voicing his worries over the phone. It sounded like he was in the kitchen.

“Jooyeon I’m home!” you yelled out, letting him know that you were back. Only seconds later Jooyeon emerged from the kitchen.

“I missed you,” he tells you, walking over to you for a hug.

“I missed you too,” you hugged him back. The both of you walked over to the couch. You debated if you should bring up what you just overheard. You decided to just bite the bullet.

“Jooyeon I like you the way that you are, you know that right?” You asked him.

“What?” His head cocks to the side confused.

“I overheard you talking on the phone,” you tell him. He nods head your words setting in.

“Wouldn’t it be better if I was more mature though?” He questions.

“Not necessarily. Like I said I like you the way that you are. You being a bit childish isn’t burdensome. I think it's a part of your charm actually,” you reassured him.

“Really? You’d never leave me over it?” He checks. 

“No, if it ever bothered me I would talk to you about it Jooyeon I promise,” you said.

“Thank you!” He tackles you in a hug onto the couch.

#xdinary heroes #xdh #xdh imagines #xdh x reader #xdinary heroes imagines #xdinary heroes x reader #xh gunil #xh jungsu #xh gaon #xh jiseok #xh o.de #xh seungmin #xh junhan #xh hyeongjun #xh jooyeon #gunil x reader #jungsu x reader #gaon x reader #jiseok x reader #o.de x reader #oh seungmin x reader #junhan x reader #han hyeongjun x reader #jooyeon x reader #goo gunil #kim jungsu #kwak jiseok #oh seungmin #han hyeongjun #lee jooyeon

[ackerifle]

I personally see yan!Levi being like he is in the show, keeping his emotions in control, being focused and having the whole no-nonsense attitude. While being just a tad bit too overprotective. I doubt he'd ever harm reader if he's caught feelings for them or force himself on them. (just my opinion and personal preference!) But it makes me curious to see how he would genuinely struggle with his feelings, being self-aware of how too much he feels for reader while also being quite dense in a way. Seeing him deteriorate as he's trying to keep up with how he usually is with everyone else. While you see things from his POV, his psychology. And how the absence of any form of intimacy and probably not thinking he needs it affects him. I've read all that you've written and really like your writing and wondered what your take on this would be? a scenario or headcanons, Can be sfw and/or nsfw!

dramatis personae!

yan. levi ackerman x fem. reader

+ CW. — headcanon’s: internal morality conflict, stalking, possessive and manipulative behavior, slight intimidation, implied: forced relationship & eventual mind break; i fear the structure worsens as it continues; not proof-read.

first and foremost, you flatter me, i am delighted to hear that you’ve taken a liking to my writing, and your patience in waiting is well appreciated. this particular ask near reminds me that it is long overdue for me to create a work that is written exclusively in levi’s perspective, or rather, one that happens to centre around his general frame of mind as a yandere.

levi is no fool, love comes easy to the forlorn who have never had a taste of it. and when it comes to you? he knows it’s love, he knows it right away. but these feelings are so… intense, so peculiar, so persistent, so passionate, and so not normal. levi’s struggle with morality is a burden that rivals the responsibility of being humanity’s strongest soldier, truly. and although levi does his utmost to justify his unusual behaviors and progressively concerning actions, he simply can’t. you’re quite unfortunate yourself, to have a man such as levi absolutely and utterly enamored with you, and he wholly acknowledges it. but who is to pay the price, if not you? initially, levi’s solution to suppressing the severity of his feelings, if not the feelings altogether, is distance. but this proves only temporary as absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it isn’t long before he gives up because why would he deprive himself of happiness after just finally attaining it?

it’s almost too much, really. levi feels quite a lot, but most of all, he feels guilty— just not guilty enough to stop. and as time passes, his resolve inevitably weakens, and it becomes easier to rationalize what he does, even if levi is astutely aware deep down that acting upon his own selfish desires will always be wrong, at least with the way he’s going about it. it isn’t entirely justice, per se, but levi does happen to have a strong sense of righteousness, of rectitude, of common decency. human life holds great significance to him, but so does the quality of said life; he wants you to feel everything and anything but suffering by being with him. but there will come a point where i believe that he stops caring altogether. that levi’s erstwhile efforts of concealing his sincere intentions and ardent sentiments would waver in due time, but this would be late into his life, likely after the battle of heaven and earth when you’re even more emotionally eroded than he is.

it starts off small, considering that he is fairly unsuspecting as a yandere, and quite little would change about his mannerisms, at least until you’ve noticed too little too late. levi wants your relationship, romantic or not, to develop as organically as possible so he can get over the fact that it is quite literally anything but. not when he already knows everything he needs to know about you. levi is observant and watchful as is, but he also happens to have a plethora of resources at his fingertips; such as your legal documents, military papers, and medical records. furthermore, it would only take one little harmless white lie to attain more… personal information: family history, biographies, or even reports written by none other than yourself, ones that had been published decades ago, that is.

and while i don’t particularly envision levi as the obsessive, nor delusional, type (as much as i find him to be the possessive type), it may simply pass his mind that this isn’t insanely weird. only until levi finally reels himself in — with rare restraint that levi is usually well renowned for having, even in comparison to his most reticent peers — and he realizes that he’s violated your entire right to privacy, unbeknownst to you. it eventually registers in that lucid state of consciousness of his that he’s going out of his way to do this on his own personal accord, that it is taking time out of his work schedule, and that he cannot accredit this to assisting the survey corps in literally any way. when it settles, he’s honestly mortified. and the worst of it all? you’ve probably only interacted a grand total of two times, three if we’re being generous.

the feeling of levi’s presence is hard to miss, let it be from across the dining hall, or in close quarters, both of which levi will ensure that you become mindlessly accustomed to overtime. as aforementioned, levi is adamant about this bond forming naturally so as to prevent himself from digging a deeper hole than he already has, so the introduction of his company in day to day life will be the first steps in making himself known to you. of course, you already know him, all of the soldiers do, but you’ll find that he is just everywhere, and in particular, everywhere that you are. there is no shortage of his lingering presence; you see him often, more often than someone of your rank should. and it gets to be awfully concerning when your recurrent rendezvous with the man take a gradual turn from fortuitous close-shoulder proximity in the mandatory meetings, to levi cornering you in the furthest and deserted hallways of the headquarters to ask the most obscure and obscene questions that only someone maintaining close relations to you would know.

this is levi’s (not-so) subtle way of letting you know that he has taken an interest in you, even if you are likely to perceive it as him being a hardass that has spontaneously discovered that he fancies finding fault with and denigrating your performance in the corps. levi is a busy man, but never too busy to miss visiting you in one way or another; and although he prefers to demonstrate acts of service to indicate his affections for you, you two aren’t exactly close enough for that, yet. ironically, levi may find that doing anything for you is a little too forward, it is blatant favoritism at worst, and a telltale sign of his relentless loyalty at best; but his definition of forward is very different considering it wasn’t all that forward when he decided to hold you hostage in his office to do menial tasks simply because he wanted you there. and it isn’t that levi is intentionally acting with such amateur impromptu (although granted, not like he has had much experience to begin with), it’s rather him just being careful. levi has no issue when it comes to being straightforward, but this… this is surely quite different.

you may come to the conclusion that his sudden, awkwardly formal yet somehow equally as intimate interactions with you — given no prior history with one another, not even as fellow soldiers — is because he is too embarrassed to outright admit what he wants; which is you. that he is above pursuing whatever this is with another, let alone someone of (presumably) lower status. but levi isn’t necessarily shy as much as he is hesitant, and ideally, it would be you who initiates. for the same reason he feels beside himself and ashamed, it would ease the guilt if you had wanted him back in the first place, with levi believing that you may need a push in the right direction to do so. but that push is more like a shove… off a cliff, because it doesn’t even so much as cross your mind that these are levi’s questionable ways of romantic advancement, and not him attempting to intimidate you into woefully resigning from the military.

and when levi ascertains that he has to be the one to do something, he will. it wasn’t that levi was apprehensive out of fear, nor daunted by the notion itself (… like have you seen this man’s initiative statistics), it is just that it would have been for the best had you played along in the first place. to placate levi’s longing for something, anything, from you in return to give the illusion that his valiant efforts weren’t all for naught, he may have even been pleased, regardless of the fact he can see right through you. but you don’t, because you aren’t stupid enough to give yourself to him, and now that he’s been so kind as to give you a chance, you won’t be getting it again. he’ll be curt as all hell, terse with his wants, and unabashed about his desires; but it isn’t quite what you’re used to.

if i were to describe the connection you hold with yandere levi, it would actually be intimate. perhaps not in the traditional sense: physical, emotional, or other, but in the way that levi feels safe, something he hopes you feel with him as well. that he is free to express the innermost dark and delicate thoughts of his subconscious and as himself as humanity's strongest and levi ackerman— to you, as his confidant, as his comrade, and as his lover. real, genuine and authentic intimacy is something that levi has never had the fortune of experiencing. but once he has, he can’t get enough. let it be known that i feel that levi wouldn’t refer to you with typical terms of endearment, as they still remain rather foreign and ambiguous to him, but also because words alone don’t even come close to expressing the extremity of his feelings. he can just show you, if you let him.

levi may be a man who sustains exceptional self-awareness, however, he is a bit thick-headed when it comes to why he loves this way. it is… depraved to say the least, and while he fully understands that the process of falling and being in love is only natural, which he has reluctantly come to terms with now given his current situation, he just can’t place a finger as to why it has to be this way. his behaviors are susceptible to going unnoticed for an alarming amount of time by those around him, even the veteran soldiers who have come to know him for years; save for erwin who is far too sharp and perceptively nosy for his own good, and hange who is pertinaciously attentive as ever. it matters not in the end, as levi won’t be taking advice from them anyway. as exhausting as it may be to varnish over and conceal his deranged approach to love in the eyes of the public, there are only a handful of people that he owes such pleasantries to; and should a cadet have the gall to address him, levi will see to it that there will be no repetition of such daft inquiries following in their footsteps. but he prides himself in the fact that he is greatly disciplined, his self-restraint and intellectual control are unmatched, and it is a blessing that levi can regulate his emotions with the stability that he does, because by god, you would never know peace otherwise.

only partially have i discussed the manipulative potential that levi has (and already possesses) but not as detailed, nor thorough, as i am about to now. this man will drive you up a fucking wall. you can kick and scream, yell until your voice goes hoarse and berate levi to your heart's content, but he won’t budge. you’ll only be met with a blank stare. and it’s honestly terrifying, you’ll find that some reaction, any reaction; angry, sad, hurt, and what have you, is better than nothing at all. the silence after is what kills you, and it does well to remind you of where you stand. he won’t give you the reaction you so desperately wish to see to soothe the nerves that flare when levi goes dead quiet. but he has no reason to paint himself in any bad light, levi has done nothing but good for you, and this is how he is reimbursed?

levi can cope with a darling that detests him, it most certainly will get under his skin, but he’ll live. specifically because he knows that you never asked to be put in a position that you were, one where there is no way out. because levi knows that if what was left of humanity had fallen, obliterated and defeated by the titans as everyone had once feared, you would leave him without a second thought or even sparing a farewell. and as understanding as he is of the unfortunate circumstances (for you) and the wonderful situation (for him), there is no ounce of empathy or pity that could ever topple levi’s hunger to have you. but he is possessive through and through. your love is irreplaceable, priceless even, but it is merely a perk to having you.

thus, levi doesn’t fret when it comes to getting you to love him, though that isn’t to say he disregards the endeavor entirely. he is eerily forbearing, with the patience of a saint and all the time in the world, levi is nothing if not restrained. be it a day, a month, a year, thirteen years, levi can wait because your submission is bound to overcome any sort of resistance you have left. you are the prettiest when you cave in, give in, and although almost as pleasant, your love cannot compare to your compliance, to your acceptance. that isn’t to say levi won’t try, he wants you to like him, but he acknowledges that learning to love him as he does you will take more time, and he can wait.

levi is a slow burn yandere to the end, and if you think you can best him in the long game, you have another thing coming. at the height of his infatuation, back to the very beginning, you may have found yourself maddened and infuriated to your wits’ end by his constant presence, but he has always been the one person to take such tender care of you; to the point it would be almost strange if he had so suddenly stopped. and when the battle of heaven and earth had become the last calamity to finally break you, you stop fighting him. you’ve only one another left, and levi is all yours, always has been, always will be, and maybe you’ll accept that you really are his.

#ackerifle #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere attack on titan #yandere aot #yandere aot x reader #yandere levi ackerman #yandere levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x reader

[jjtheclown555]

TW: substance abuse and overdose, please don't read if this may be triggering.

You Promised

Waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by sterile white walls and the sound of your IV dripping is never fun. Especially when your memories of what happened are so faint. Every inch of your body is burning and you aren’t sure if you’ve ever felt this sick. You just want to sleep, but the urge to vomit is too strong. So, you find yourself leaning over the side of the bed, pushing out the water in your system, a harsh reminder that you haven’t eaten properly in a while.

The splatter of water and bile is stained on the floors, and you pull any remaining energy to lie back again. The door creaks and you expect a nurse, certainly not your boyfriend, whose manic smile had been replaced with tear stains and quivering lips. You mumble something nonsensical at him and motion your hand towards yourself. Goo pulls the chair in the corner of the room to your bed with ease, sitting himself next to you.

“You promised that you were clean. You promised you’d tell me if you were going to use again.” He says, head resting on your bed. He tilts his head up to look at you. “You pinky promised that you were better.” He bites his tongue and grips your hand. Goo doesn’t look disappointed. There’s something, the tiniest tinge, of expectancy. You knew he knew you’d use. You know he knows that relapse is a part of recovery. But you know he didn’t know it’d get this far.

“I’m sorry.” The only words you can get out only moments before he’s holding any stray hairs back while more is pushed from your system. That’s all that was in there now. Water, stomach acid, and whatever pills, powders, crystals, and herbs you could get your hands on. “I’m sorry,” you mumble again and feel him climb into the bed beside you and pull you back.

No matter how comforting his actions are, they aren’t for you. They aren’t to make you feel better about using or overdosing. They’re for him. A reminder that you’re still here. A reminder that he still has you. Keeping you close to keep you safe. “Y’know, it’s funny,” he starts and you know whatever it is, it’ll only make things worse, “I’ve been trying to protect you from my enemies, but all along I should have been protecting you from yourself.” You feel tears begin to stream down your cheeks. “Princess.” You cry silently, the pet name has never felt bitter like now and it hurts. It hurts almost as much as the aching in your joints. “You are so lucky I got home early. If I was even caught in a bit of traffic, you could very well be dead right now.”

Goo runs his fingers through your hair. His words hurt so much more than insults. He wasn’t a parent concerned about their reputation or a friend that doesn’t understand your addiction and claims selfishness. He knows, and he’s scared, and he’s hurt. The fact he understands and isn’t screaming and insulting you. The fact he’s aware that you could have very well died last night. The fact he loves you enough to sit in almost silence rather than berating you. The fact that even now, he still holds you and gently calms you. It hurts when someone loves you enough to care. It means you never go to rock bottom alone, they’ll always be dragged down with you.

The blonde flips you to pull you into his chest. “The old man is really upset with me, y’know.” You smile a little and ask why. “Because I told him I couldn't come into work because someone I loved was hospitalized. But, I wouldn’t tell him who or why out of respect for you and your privacy.” He says and you nuzzle closer, asking why he’d be mad over that and all Goo can say is that he probably assumed that he was lying.

It was nice to talk to him but you knew it was forced. You knew what he wanted to ask, so you answered without question. “It was a lot of things.” You say. “What I took, I mean.” The way he looks at you tells you that’s not enough. “It was a rough day so I finished my stash. Xannies, Molly, weed.” You hesitate. “Coke and…” You try not to cry, the guilt pushes through your throat. “And I drank a lot, whatever we had in the house. I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to be happy again.” Tears are pulled from your eyes, you can’t quiet your sobs any longer. It’s all slurs of apologies, you can barely speak or function.

Goo doesn’t do much more than hold you. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say. All he can do is hold you close and pray you don’t throw up again. He doesn’t like seeing you like this, it hurts him almost as much as it hurts you. So, he makes you promise one more time. He holds out his pinky, and asks that if you want to relapse that you’ll talk to him first, that if it doesn’t help, you wait until he’s with you so you don’t hurt yourself. That you don’t let it come this far again. You slow your tears, wiping them away and entwining your pinkie with his.

“I promise.”

#lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism manhwa #lookism x reader #goo kim #lookism fic #goo kim x reader #kim joongoo #kim joongoo x reader

[archiveikemen]

Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 24 (Blind Love)

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

Liam caught the arm that was slowly losing the strength to raise his fist.

Liam: … There’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you for a very long time.

As they faced each other, Liam’s eyes that had never once shaken, trembled and he looked lost.

It was like he was trying to open a pandora’s box that had been sealed for a long time.

(... Liam?)

Liam: I…

Liam: I’m not your biological son.

(...!)

Max: W-What nonsense. There is no way—!

Liam: Mother was pregnant with me before she married you. My face looks exactly like my biological father’s.

Liam told the story of his birth.

His mother, Karen, was once deeply in love with a man.

However, he left her without as much as a second thought.

— It was only after she had been abandoned, she found out that she was pregnant with his child.

She then married Max while keeping her pregnancy a secret, and gave birth to Liam as his son.

Max: … Then why did Karen treat you as if you were non-existent?

Liam: Because my face reminded her of the man she once loved.

(So that means Liam and Max are unrelated?)

Removing the part about them being “blood related”, what was left was only their tragic past.

(In that case…)

Max: Then why did you willingly accept the abuse from someone unrelated to you by blood…!

(Abuse…)

A parent that had been disguising his deeds as “education” was so furious that he admitted that he was abusive.

Seeing his weak and selfish behaviour caused a dark feeling of rage to build up inside me at the pit of my stomach.

And yet, it was not my place to yell at or hit him.

(Because Liam isn’t angry at him.)

Liam was neither angry nor sad — he let out a laugh.

Liam: It was because… as a child, I loved you.

Liam: And I wanted someone… no, I wanted you to love me.

Liam allowed himself to be abused, simply because he wanted Max to love him. He smiled.

Hidden behind that smile was a painful past that could never be erased.

Max: I…

Max: Where… where on earth did I go wrong…?

Max: What mistakes did I make… what did I lack? What, what…?!

Max approached Liam in a state of panic, resembling a child throwing a tantrum.

And as if something snapped in him, he suddenly fell silent.

(...?)

His face was completely void of any emotions, willpower, and humanity.

Max: … Kill me.

Max: … I want you to kill me.

(... What?)

(...)

(What did he just say?)

Max: … I… I no longer have any reason to resent you. I no longer have a reason to stay alive.

I couldn't believe what I had heard.

(Is he asking Liam to kill him?)

(After all the pain and suffering he has caused him, now…)

My anger grew unbearable, my body was trembling with rage.

Kate: … You… are you trying to add on to Liam’s burdens…?

Liam: … Kate.

Kate: It’s true that Liam broke the form of your family. It’s also true that he killed people.

Kate: But what sins did Liam, as a newborn child, commit…?

(You’re not the only one.)

– Flashback Start –

Marie: … Why did he have to die and you’re still alive?

Marie: If it wasn’t for you back then, everything… everything would’ve been…!

…

(That person too.)

Liam: … That means, it’s my fault this happened to Kate?

Young Man with Piercings: Yes, that’s right. All of this, everything, is your fault. If it weren't for you…!

…

(Many, many, many other people too.)

— You are a sinner. Admit to your sins and wish for your own demise.

– Flashback End –

Liam: … Thank you for getting upset on my behalf, Kate. But it’s fine.

Kate: No, it’s not! I don’t want the guilt and burden you're carrying to get any bigger.

My eyes met with his rose coloured eyes.

The moment our eyes met, that was when it hit me.

(... Oh, I see it now.)

(Liam knew from the very beginning that something like this would happen.)

Max being deceived by a ruffian, his non-biological son telling him the truth, and choosing death in the end.

And the one to punish him for his sins was — himself.

Liam: But still, someone has to do this. That someone will be me.

— I wanted to stop Liam from killing his family member.

My heart was screaming at me to go stop him, but I knew that I didn't have the right to.

(This is a decision Liam made for himself.)

Liam took one of the daggers hanging from his belt and unsheathed it.

Even with the dagger pointing at his chest, Max didn’t flinch. He merely kept on starting emotionlessly at Liam.

(I can’t bring myself to watch. But…)

(I can’t look away.)

Liam: Father.

Max: …

Liam called out to him affectionately, like they had returned to their past.

Liam: Although we’re not biologically father and son, we’re still very alike.

Liam: We both chased after love that we never obtained…

Liam: It’s truly… miserable, stupid, and pitiful, don't you think?

Max: …

Liam forced a smile and took a deep breath.

Liam: — Goodbye, Father. Rest in peace.

He thrust the dagger right into Max’s heart.

Max instantly stopped breathing.

Liam was soaked by the dark red blood gushing out of the stab wound.

(...)

(Why?)

(Why is this world so cruel to Liam?)

For the rest of his life, he would be haunted by the painful memories of his past and this very moment.

(... There’s nothing I can do for him.)

There was no way I could get rid of his sorrows once and for all.

I couldn't erase his past that made him wish he were dead.

(But still…)

— I wanted to share his pain.

— I wanted to share the burden of his sins.

As I was on the verge of tears, a pitch darkness rose inside of me from my feet up.

That darkness spoke to me.

— You still have the chance to return to your original life, it’d be as if none of this ever happened.

— If you stay by this man’s side any longer, your hands will be stained as well.

(Stain my hands…?)

Liam sat on the floor in silence, stunned by the sight of his bloodied hands.

He was hurting alone, bearing the weight of his sin.

(... I know now. I know what I can do for him.)

My legs trembled as I walked towards Liam.

The darkness fully consumed me.

(I’m scared. I feel as if I’m losing myself.)

(But I can’t leave him alone.)

I approached Max, who laid bleeding out on the floor. I wrapped my hands around the dagger in his chest.

(...)

With trembling hands, I thrust the dagger deeper into his heart.

Liam: … Kate…?

Liam: … What are you doing?!

Ignoring his attempts to stop me, I thrust the dagger even deeper.

My hands were dyed the same colour as Liam’s.

Liam: Ah… ah…

Liam kept wiping my hands with his shirt, trying to clean the blood off them.

Liam: Kate… you did nothing wrong. I’m the evil one. I’m the one who did something wrong.

Liam: … You're not evil.

Liam: I don’t want you to dirty your hands. Therefore, therefore…

I wrapped my bloodied hands around his.

Liam: … Kate?

Kate: I have a part to play in this. Please allow me to share the burden of this sin.

Liam: … Wh… why?

Liam: Why?!

Kate: Because I don’t want to leave you alone. Can you forgive me for being selfish?

Liam: …

Liam: — Just how far are you willing to go for me?

We stayed still, holding each other's bloodied hands.

Silence, like a calm sea, hung between us.

Liam sighed, as if he had accepted my actions.

Liam: … Listen.

Liam: When I hurt others and myself, it’s because we’re human.

Liam: People fail, hurt others, get hurt, and then the cycle repeats. And yet, they still foolishly cling onto those who've caused them sufferings.

Liam: I wanted to die, but not alone. I wanted to be with someone, anyone… I wanted to be loved, even just a little.

Liam: But I eventually grew sick and tired of that way of life. It felt as if my life was slowly draining away.

Liam: Therefore, on the night I wanted to jump to my death, I thought to myself…

Liam: “Ahh, I can finally put an end to this”.

Liam: No more drowning in despair, no more begging to be loved. Everything, everything would end right there.

Liam: So I closed my eyes and spread my arms wide open, letting myself fall into the darkness of the night.

Liam blinked, and a single teardrop rolled down his cheek like the first snow on a silent night.

Liam: And the next moment, when I opened my eyes— there you were.

Kate: …

Liam: Why… why were you still right there before my eyes?

Liam: Why…

Liam: Why did you… save me…?

His crystal clear tears fell into the blood of bright red blood.

Instead of drying his tears, I pulled him into a tight embrace.

Liam: …— rry… — orry.

Liam: I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I'm sorry for being a failure, I’m sorry for not dying…

Liam: I… I want to live…

Liam: I’m sorry… for wanting to live in the end… I’m sorry…

Liam: Ue… ue… uwaaaaahhhh!

Liam continued sobbing uncontrollably, like those were the tears he had been holding in his whole life.

And so I held him tight, never letting go.

As if I were holding in my arms a star that was about to fade away.

As if I were anchoring this kind person to this cruel world.

…

The next day, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” took England by storm.

Word was getting around about how magnificent the play was, Liam’s outstanding performance, and the existence of “Golden Butterfly”.

William smiled as he looked at the newspaper and magazine articles.

The world will never be free from evil. That’s why Crown exists.

And on the day after “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” had it’s successful show, it had been exactly one month after I promised to be a fairytale writer.

…

The keys on the typewriter clicked and clacked with every movement of my fingers.

I wrote about all the memories I had made in the past month.

Those memories began from the day he first gave me a bouquet of modern roses.

– Flashback Start –

Liam: What do you think about observing only me for the next one month and writing about me in your report?

Kate: Write about you…?

Liam: That’s right. Not about Crown, but about me as a person. It’s because the finest stories are the ones with the best main character.

Liam: I’m confident that I can satisfy and charm you. I’ll shine even brighter just for you.

– Flashback End –

We had so many fun times together that were filled with joy — but the story didn't end there.

The person in front of me was charming, yet somewhat melancholic.

Right when I was about to type the final period, my hands stopped.

(I’ve always wanted my story to help others feel less afraid of what tomorrow would bring them.)

That sentiment grew stronger after meeting Liam, it never changed.

But before I could protect “anyone's” tomorrow, I failed to protect the tomorrow of the one person who was dearest to me.

(Therefore, I—)

Holding the incomplete report in my hand, I stood up from my desk and headed for Victor’s office where I could find what completed it.

…

Kate: — Well then, if you'll excuse me.

I closed the door behind me and stretched my arms, my shoulder joints making a popping noise.

(My shoulders are so tense. Perhaps I’m nervous, because that’s always the case whenever I have to make a decision…)

(I should go see Liam and talk to him about what he wants to do after this, and—)

Liam: Kate…!

Kate: Liam?

I couldn't hold in my laughter when I saw the very person I was thinking about.

Kate: Fufu, you surprised me there. I was just thinking about you—

Liam: *pant*, *pant*...

I was about to talk to him more, but I noticed something was unusual about him.

(This is the first time I’m seeing Liam this anxious. Did something happen…?)

Kate: W-What’s the matter? Is someone hurt? Or…

Liam: Kate… I don't… I don’t like…

(Huh—?)

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil main story #liam main story #niki translates

[rambling-prince-thoughts]

there’s been a lot of discussion about logan and roman during the recent sanders sides episodes and for good reason. the two of them have been through so much, with The Sides Need a Nice Day showcasing that they really do deserve break after all the angst.

however, one character that’s also been facing heavy struggles throughout this time is patton. despite being the side that gets listened to most often by thomas, he hasn’t had the most optimal experiences in a while either, especially since the inclusion of janus and remus into the narrative and the events of selfishness vs selflessness.

this post will focus primarily on the events of Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts but will contain references to all the other episodes throughout.

a little background on patton shows us that he is who thomas tends to refer to in order to receive advice on how to be a good person. being the embodiment of morality, patton does seem to hold a standard for the concepts of “good” and “bad”. it’s a very rigid standard and if something doesn’t match accordingly, patton gets uncomfortable and tries to change it.

an obvious example of this would be patton’s reaction to remus in dwit. in a simplified, black and white sense, intrusive thoughts are bad. they’re harmful and the content of these thoughts is negative and unwanted so it makes sense that patton would want to relinquish remus’ hold on thomas immediately.

as a result, patton is also afraid of remus. during his introductory song, remus states that good and bad is “all made up nonsense” because even though he seems to be the “bad” creativity to roman’s “good” creativity, the line that separates both brothers isn’t as fine as it looks.

logan attempts to explain to thomas that life isn’t black and white and the contrast between roman and remus only appears because that’s how thomas visualises them in his mind. to thomas, roman is good because he encompasses the pleasant part of creativity, the part that’s socially acceptable.

on the other hand, remus is what thomas wants to avoid at all costs. therefore remus becomes bad. in the moments before logan’s explanation, patton insists that imagination is good and stresses that roman is creativity, not remus. he’s insistent on driving remus out of the conversation and away from thomas.

patton’s biggest fear is that thomas is a bad person and that he hasn’t accomplished his goal in trying to make thomas the good person he believes him to be. janus’ influence on thomas proved that thomas wasn’t naturally just good, and it created doubt in patton’s mind that was otherwise not there. he assumed thomas was, by all standards, a good person, and having that illusion shatter in front of him has him questioning not only thomas, but also his own actions.

now with the arrival of remus and thomas thinking unpleasant thoughts, that fear has reawakened. at the end of svs, patton did end up getting what he wanted: that thomas go to lee and mary lee’s wedding. he believed it was the best course of action and the most morally good course of action.

in fact, during this episode, logan reveals to everyone that it’s not remus who’s been hurting thomas and disrupting his schedules, but virgil and patton instead.

when patton disagrees with comparing thomas to jeffrey dahmer, he also refuses to set the bar at whether or not thomas has murdered someone, like jeffery dahmer had. but logan points out that patton, of all sides, should know that isn’t where the bar is.

as he goes onto explain, thomas’ upbringing has instilled a strong moral code in him as well as christian values. this explains why morality plays such a huge factor in thomas’ decision making and why he’s so reliant on patton to make his decisions. thomas thinks with his heart, not his head, to make the decisions that are best based on what’s good or bad rather than what’s efficient or rational.

in svs redux, when thomas laments on the fact that he could have just spoken to his friends about skipping their wedding to go to the callback instead, patton is still severely against that thought. skipping the wedding would logically have been the better decision for thomas- he might not get this opportunity again, and as logan mentioned, the wedding only offers thomas a potential spike in depression.

which it did. the only thing thomas got out of the whole situation was a new highscore in word crush and a sense of guilt and regret over everything that happened. not exactly the most ideal rewards for the sacrifice that he made to get there.

however patton tried to convince him that going to the wedding despite all the problems was a good idea because thomas was able to support his friends! it may not have been the rational choice but it was the good choice, the selfless choice. in patton’s world, altruism is purely good and selfishness is purely bad.

that’s why all the examples he gave in svs redux were curated so that thomas would have to make the altruistic choice or risk being a bad person.

now, patton isn’t in this for manipulative means. he is genuinely trying to help thomas given what he knows of situations. thomas’ dependence on him throughout the series has developed him into being an all knowing father figure, who needs to choose the right option so that thomas can do what he needs to without being a bad person. thomas fears being bad, which is why he hides away everything that makes him bad.

while i’m not qualified to talk about christianity or its religious teachings (as i’m not christian), it is interesting to note that patton being the father almost makes him the quintessential god figure.

the father, who thomas must listen to, who knows right from wrong, who decides whether thomas is a good or bad person based on his actions, and the one who can punish him for making the wrong choice. janus is the snake come to trick thomas into sinning, and remus is another dark side whose authority would cause thomas to act and think in ways that are considered wrong.

it’s not unlikely to assume that the reason that thomas’ creativity split in the first place was because morality dictated that there were pleasant and unpleasant thoughts and the distasteful thoughts were repressed and cast aside out of fear that thomas would be punished for having those thoughts.

even though patton didn’t intend it as punishment, him berating thomas all night and trying to force intrusive thoughts out of his mind was chastising. at the end of the episode, patton even stated that thomas had his “permission” to think those thoughts and thomas admitted that it did help to know that.

thomas needed permission from his moral side to be allowed to have intrusive thoughts. because up until then, patton didn’t realise that they were normal and okay to have. he was afraid that they made thomas an evil person simply because they were evil thoughts.

blaming patton for overreacting wouldn’t be right either, because ever since the first sanders sides video he’s been making a genuine effort to help thomas. he is misguided and rigid in his values but he isn’t malicious or deceptive. when logan said that virgil was the one who caused thomas to stay up all night, it didn’t surprise either patton or remus, given that virgil was anxiety and his reaction made sense.

but when logan said that it was also patton, remus seemed to be genuinely surprised and patton turned to look at logan with a stunned expression.

he couldn’t believe that he was the one who had been making thomas feel bad about himself, and moreover he hadn’t been listening to thomas when thomas insisted time and again that he didn’t like having these thoughts and that he wasn’t enticed by what remus was saying. this is patton realising that despite his best efforts, he was ultimately causing thomas to have persistent difficulties grappling with who he was and why he felt like he couldn’t be a good person.

in patton’s constant struggle to prove thomas’s goodness, he put thomas up on a pedestal that was impossible to escape because it required him to be as altruistic as patton assumed was the norm for a good person, even if that goal was unreasonable or for some reason unattainable.

our lord of the lies said it himself when he berated patton for misleading thomas.

as janus put it, patton wasn’t capable of misleading thomas. his intentions were sincere and he wanted to help thomas the way that he’s always helped him. but morality isn’t the same for adults as it is for children. when thomas was a child, things were easier. kids are more easily swayed by the effects of good and bad than adults are, simply because ethics for a child aren’t as nuanced as they can be for adults.

thomas depended on patton because according to him, patton has never steered him in the wrong direction and so he’s certain that for every decision, if he consults patton, he can end up making the right choice. that has worked for most of his life because as a kid, he made simple choices. ones that didn’t involve the level of critical thought that they now do.

so in trying to be that rock for thomas, patton has given himself the power to know and decide what he thinks is best by weighing the options as good or bad. it’s a terrible scale, but the only one he knows. so when thomas starts to listen more to suggestions from janus or roman where he might end up doing the wrong thing— such as lying to his friends about why he’s skipping the wedding— patton immediately puts his foot down. he won’t let thomas do that.

this isn’t helpful. while there is effort, it’s clear that this approach has been hurting thomas more than helping him. patton keeps trying to do the right thing but that’s only possible if thomas’ mental health is balanced but with everything that’s happened, thomas is hanging on by a thread and patton can’t see that.

the plane is already crashing. now is the time to take a step back and focus on himself.

even patton ended up having a crisis over what to do, which caused him to become lilypadton. he thought he had everything figured out. he thought he had all the answers. but he doesn’t. and this strikes him during a moment when logan (janus in disguise, but patton doesn’t know that) tells him that he’s forcing thomas to risk his own life and health for other people.

suddenly, patton doesn’t know what’s right. he just knows what he wants to be right. and thomas, who has depended on him all his life, is looking to him for help but he doesn’t trust patton as much as he used to anymore and patton lost his chance to make up for his knee jerk reactions in svs and dwit.

he crumbles under that pressure. he’s really pushing to make things right, and his principles conflict with that. like thomas, who in dwit couldn’t accept that he was having intrusive thoughts because his own principles stated that having these thoughts was bad, patton too wants to make everything better but he isn’t able to do that because there’s a disconnect between what he thinks is right and what is actually helpful to thomas.

patton looks to janus for help, because now it’s janus who’s giving the advice. thomas is listening to him. the plane crash was patton’s fault, but janus has pulled thomas out of the rubble.

he thinks he’s bad for thomas. he has tried his best to help, but none of it has worked. in the end, he was part of the problem. he apologised to thomas in svs for being dishonest, he apologised in dwit for his reactions and he has to apologise again in svs redux for lashing out and being too pushy. how many times can he say sorry before it loses meaning? how many times can he say sorry before he admits to himself that he’s just bad for thomas?

hopefully patton can figure out a balance between knowing what is right and helping thomas figure out what is best for him before the orange side is revealed to us, because as @rataticaisdreaming pointed out in one of my previous posts, if patton continues to disapprove of what he thinks is wrong, it might cause a remus 2.0 situation. especially if orange has influence over logan, and patton makes logan feel guilt over it.

overall, i do think patton has been making a steady improvement. his attempt to reconnect with logan and help him is sweet, and he really does fix his mistake when he figures out that he’s been rushing and needs to chill out. this isn’t the first time logan has told patton to chill. but it is the first that patton has listened to him and actively slowed down.

i have hope for patton. i always will.

#sanders sides #rambling prince thoughts #patton sanders #patton angst #sanders sides analysis #patton might have been a little too much #but he’s getting to a better place #and i am proud of him #hopefully now things can work out a little better #i love his little ‘i did it!’ at the end of his scenes with logan #truly shows that patton is trying #we love him for it <3

[mysteriouslover1516]

Remember Us Together?

It was once again the night of the Pine Glade Festival held in Duskwood, a time for festivities and happiness, but something was holding the group back these days.

“Can I tell you something, MC?” Jessy asks, voice quiet, as she and MC were wandering around the festival, waiting for the others to show up.

“Always, Jessy.” MC smiles, encouragingly. Her eyes held a certain sense of sorrow in them, as if she almost expected what Jessy wanted to say.

“I almost didn’t want to go to this festival, not after what happened.”

“I felt the same, and I’m sure the others are also fighting their own personal demons concerning this night.” MC sighs, “We all miss him, you know that, right?”

“Yes, of course I know.” Jessy hangs her head, “It’s selfish of me to think I’m the only one who mourns this way for Richy, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that,” MC says. “You shared a certain bond with Richy, you were closer to him than anyone else in the group was.”

“I almost want to call it love, MC. It was like I loved him, but of course I didn’t, right? I had Dan, so it couldn’t have been.”

“There’s different types of love between friends, Jessy. There’s platonic love, and then there’s romantic love. In your case I think yours was different from both, it was more of a bond that siblings commonly possess. He was your protector, your confidant, someone you trusted. He was your older brother figure.” MC’s voice grows softer, “Phil is your older brother, but he never treated you right, he was rarely loving towards you. What if your mind subconsciously replaced Phil and put Richy in that role?”

“I never thought about it that way,” Jessy admits. “It makes sense.”

“We are all considerate of you, Jessy.” MC says, “We all know how much Richy meant to you. Just, some of us mourn differently. Just because we don’t bring him up anymore or we experience times of happiness, doesn’t mean we don’t miss him.”

“I know that, MC.” Jessy looks horrified at the thought. “I never once considered that you guys forgot about him, never. I guess I just can’t hide my emotions as well as the others can.”

“And that’s not a bad thing, that’s nothing to be ashamed about. It takes time, but we’ll all get through this, I promise.” MC smiles, her eyes clouding over. “If Hannah can celebrate tonight after all that has happened to her, then I know you and I can make it too.”

“You and I?” Jessy questions, “I have a feeling there’s something else besides Richy’s death that is bothering you.”

“I’m worried about Jake.”

“He still hasn’t gotten into contact with you?”

“No, which makes me scared that maybe he never will.” MC admits, “It’s been a year, what if he can never find a safe place to reach out? Or worse, what if he doesn’t want to anymore? What if he changed his mind about me, I mean it’s possible, right?”

“Nonsense,” Jessy shakes her head. “He’s probably still trying to evade his pursuers, but he would never forget about you, I’m sure of it.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“And deep down you know you still trust him, otherwise you wouldn’t have waited this long.” Jessy says.

“Yes,” MC takes a deep breath. “Thanks for letting me confide in you, Jessy.”

“Of course, always.” Jessy winks as a smile spreads across both girls’ faces.

“Jessy! MC!” A female voice calls to them, “There you two are!”

The two girls look up to see a slender brunette woman walking towards them, a blonde right behind her. “Lilly and I just got here!”

“Hey Hannah,” Jessy greets the brunette first, then turns to her companion. “Lilly.”

“I heard the fireworks are going to be absolutely spectacular tonight,” Hannah informs, “They start at ten and go on till midnight this time.”

Jessy raises an eyebrow, “Wait a minute, where’s Thomas?”

“He’s with Dan, at the hot dog stand.” Hannah laughs.

“Of course,” Jessy facepalms, “Dan loves hotdogs.”

Hannah gestures towards the direction of the baking booth, “And we all know where Cleo is. She’s been working hard helping her mom organize the desserts for tonight.”

“I hope she made her lemon bars,” Lilly laughs.

“Forget the lemon bars, I want her world-famous Pyramid Cake.” MC sighs.

“That was Richy’s favorite dessert,” Jessy says in a soft tone. “He loved this festival.”

“I’m liking this guy more and more,” MC giggles.

“Deep down he really was a good guy,” Hannah nods. “Despite everything he did wrong.”

“Most of us grew up together with Richy,” Lilly says. “Everyone except Jessy, she wasn’t born here.”

“Yes, I moved here when I was six, remember, MC?”

“I would never forget,” MC smiles and then says, “Well, I guess I’ll just have to eat two slices of cake as a tribute to Richy.”

“Yes,” Jessy laughs. “Good idea.”

“Hey!” Cleo greets as the four girls approach the table filled with sweets. “How is everyone?”

“Fantastic,” Hannah answers and then sighs happily. “And once again, everything looks perfect, Cleo.”

“Thank you,” The brunette laughs. “We’ve worked really hard on everything, so please, don’t hesitate to eat as much as you want.”

“You don’t have to say that again,” Lilly puts two lemon bars on her plate.

“Hey, MC. I made your favorite, the Pyramid Cake!” Cleo winks.

“Awesome, can you dish me up a slice?” MC smiles, pulling her phone out of her pocket as it starts to vibrate. “What kind of telemarketer calls this late?”

“Is it Jake?” Jessy asks, looking over MC’s shoulder.

MC’s face pales, “Wait a minute, no. I recognize this number, it’s my ex.”

“You mean your ex from your old hometown?” Jessy’s jaw drops.

“Yes.”

“Don’t answer it,” Hannah advises.

“You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of answering,” Lilly agrees.

“But what could he want?” MC asks, torn.

“It doesn’t matter,” Cleo states. “He’s in the past, you’re here in Duskwood now, you’ve got Jake. Your ex doesn’t deserve a second thought from you.”

MC silences her phone and places it back in her pocket. “Anyway, it looks amazing, Cleo.” She says as she takes the plate from her friend.

“Oh oh oh!” Dan’s voice booms as he comes up behind the girls. “I’ve found the dessert table, Tommyboy!”

“Oh good,” Thomas rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Maybe if you stuff some more food in your mouth I’ll finally have a moment’s silence.”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Dan exclaims.

“Maybe it means you talk too much?” MC raises an eyebrow.

“Pfff,  I don’t know why I asked for your opinion.”

“Rude,” MC sniffs then grimaces as her phone vibrates in sequence.

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz.

“What is that?” Dan asks, looking around.

Bzz Bzz Bzz Bzz Bzz

“Sounds like somebody’s phone is blowing up,” Dan says.

“It’s mine,” MC says in a quiet voice.

“Someone is desperate to get a hold of you,” Dan notes. “Hackerman?”

“It’s her ex,” Jessy answers.

“What?” Dan frowns, “Give me your phone.”

“Dan, that’s not a good idea.” MC shakes her head.

“I’ll beat the crap out of this guy!”

“Oh sure you will.” MC rolls her eyes.

“I just have your best interests at heart,” Dan informs. “Promise me whatever your ex is saying, you won’t dwell on it. Read it, laugh about it, and move on.”

“Yeah, it’s his loss!” Jessy agrees.

Hannah laughs, “Also I’d be more concerned about what Jake would do to your ex, rather than what Dan would do.”

“Hey!” Dan protests and flexes his muscles, “Do you see these things?”

“But Jake can hack into the guy’s account and wipe out all his savings,” Lilly reminds.

“Pfff, that’s the easy way out,” Dan brushes her off. “It takes more gut to beat the man up face to face.”

“Look at the fireworks!” Jessy excitedly points at the lights erupting against the horizon.

“Oh my gosh, I almost forgot about the fireworks.” Hannah exclaims.

“Aren’t they starting a bit early?” Cleo asks.

“Yeah, to hype the crowd up.” Dan says, “There’s more tourists this year, haven’t you noticed?” “Oh yeah,” Lilly glances around. “You’re right, Dan.”

“I’m always right,” Dan waves his hand. “Come on, let’s find a spot to sit.” “I’ll find you guys later,” Cleo says. “I’m waiting for someone else to come take my spot at the booth.” “Sounds good,” Thomas says, “See you then.”

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

“Listen, I have to find the bathroom real quick, text me when you find a spot and I’ll meet you there.” MC lies, not waiting for anyone to talk her out of it. Walking around a corner of a tent, out of view from the group, she immediately pulls out her phone and unlocks it.

Hey, MC.

Why aren’t you answering your phone?

Can we please talk?

MC? Fine, here it goes anyway.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.

The thing with the other girl didn’t work out, she didn’t even come close to comparing with you.

I miss you, I haven’t seen you around town for a while. Where’ve you been?

Are you busy?

What do you think about us starting over again?

We could go back to the way it was, like absolutely nothing happened between us.

What do you say, MC?

You were so madly in love with me, you probably still are, haha.

Afterall, remember us together?

MC read the messages twice, heartbeat racing, thumbs frozen over the keyboard. Should she text back? She couldn’t just let him get away with trying to contact her again, right? Why didn’t she block his number beforehand….

Are you drunk?

I don’t drink, silly.

It’s over, it’s been three months. You were the one who ended us, remember?

It was a dumb mistake on my part, I admit it. I miss you, I want you back.

You think I’ll go back to you just like that? You snap your fingers and I’ll come running back into your arms, just so you can go break my heart again?

I promise I won’t, please, MC. Listen to me, I need you.

It’s over, I’ve moved away.

You moved? Why the heck would you move?

I needed a fresh start, to get away from people like YOU.

Where did you even move to? Lol.

Like I’d tell you. How stupid do you think I am? So, it wouldn’t work anyway, if I even DID want to come back.

We both know you’ll never find anyone else. Stop being so haughty, just come back. You know you want to. If you think you’ll find someone to replace me, you’re crazy.

Are you kidding? You honestly think that? Did you forget how jealous you got when other guys dared to even smile at me?

You’re one to talk about jealousy, what about that girl you always accused me of flirting with?

You mean the girl who you ACTUALLY did flirt with? The one you cheated on me with and caused us to break up because she was apparently your true love?

That’s beside the point, MC. Stop taking everything so personally.

Stop taking cheating personally? My apologies, I didn’t know. If you’re trying to say cheating is the new normal, then you’re wrong.

How so? A lot of guys get bored and have fun with other girls, lol. Doesn’t mean anything.

Jake doesn’t.

Who the heck is Jake? And also if you think he actually loves you, you’re silly, MC. Whoever would want to deal with you for all eternity is out of their minds.

I thought you wanted me back?

I’m just bored and drunk, haha.

I don’t have time for this. Leave me alone.

MC watched the typing bubbles float on the other end of the line, eyes starting to water slightly.

“MC,” Jessy’s voice came to her, causing her to look up.

MC shrugs, wiping her eyes. “Curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it?”

Jessy smiles sympathetically, easing the phone out of MC’s hand. After skimming over the messages, she looks back up. “You need to block him.”

“But-”

“No, he’s already starting to deprecate you again. He’s toxic, you can’t keep playing into his hands. Just you texting him is showing that you’re still willing to waste your time on him.”

“He sounded almost like he changed in the beginning,” MC whispers.

“I’ll give him that he sounded remorseful at the beginning, yes. But did you read what he ended with? Once you started replying and weren’t cooperating as planned, he started to show his true colors again. He basically was saying no one would want you, that he was the best thing that ever happened to you. Not only is this guy insane, but he’s an idiot as well!”

“Why can’t I move on, Jessy? I’m going insane, I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

“MC, every relationship that lasts as long as yours will be hard to get over. You invested your time and effort into making it work, you entrusted him with your heart. Unfortunately he ended up fumbling with it and therefore broke it. When he cheated on you, the future was gone, but the past wasn’t. No one ever gets over a relationship that easily, especially one that affected you as much as yours did.”

“But what about Jake? I told Jake I’d wait for him, even said I loved him. But here I am crying over my ex and for a split second I was wanting to believe he had changed.”

“Even when people move on from previous relationships and enter into new ones, the memories of the past are still with them. What matters is what you choose to do with those memories, whether you lament over the heartbreak you experienced, or whether you push yourself to find better and realize how much you’re worth.”

“Can you block him for me?” MC asks, voice quiet.

“My pleasure,” Jessy says, then suddenly the phone starts ringing. “Oh, even better.”

“Don’t answer it,” MC giggles as Jessy makes a face at her, answering the call.

“Oh hey, you’re MC’s ex, right? Well you can just go wander off a cliff. And also, if you call her one more time, I swear I'm gonna come over and beat you to a pulp till you can't see a dang thing and your mom is gonna have to feed you through a straw for a year. Oh right, you were a jerk to your mom as well, so I guess you have no one to take care of you. Maybe you can go crawling back to some past ex that you were a jerk to, just so she can kick you to the curb again. What? Oh, I’m Jessy, MC’s best friend. And by the way, you might wanna watch out for MC’s new boyfriend, he’ll hack you into pieces.” With that, Jessy hangs up on him and then blocks him. “Here you go,” she says, handing MC back her phone. “We should probably go find the others now, before they start to freak out.”

Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz

“That’s probably them now,” MC laughs as she looks at her lockscreen. “OMG.”

“Is that a good or bad OMG?” Jessy bites her lip, confused.

Hello, MC.

My pursuers have finally lost track of me, I doubt they will find me again soon.

I hear you moved to Duskwood. Being that I am in the area, what do you say about finally fulfilling our promise to meet in the future?

There’s a nice Chinese restaurant in Duskwood that I know of. You once told me Chinese was your favorite, so what do you say?

I’ve thought about you often, MC. My feelings for you never faded, they only grew stronger. I hope you feel the same.

“It’s Jake,” MC’s eyes light up, her phone starting to ring.

“I’ll give you a few minutes by yourself,” Jessy smiles, satisfied, walking off.

“Jake.” MC answers the phone, “I’ve missed you so much.”

Hey, lovelies! :) Thank you so much for reading this, and please leave a comment! I love to hear from you all! My ex actually did this to me, so I sympathize with anyone who can relate. There's someone out there who will treasure you and treat you like their whole world! In the meantime, I love you, and so does Jake! ;)

#jake duskwood #jake x mc #jake hacker #jake donfort #jake x reader #iamjake #jake4life #hackerman #hacker boy #duskwood hacker #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood #duskwood everbyte #everbyte duskwood #everbyte studios #everbyte game #duskwood game #jessy duskwood #duskwood jessy #jessy hawkins #dan duskwood #duskwood dan #dan anderson #cleo duskwood #duskwood cleo #thomas duskwood #duskwood thomas #thomas miller