#‘im doing horribly on this essay.’ :( *remembers this ask* :)) !!!

[patricia-taxxon]

heya! i just rewatched your sc2020 video…again… and then found out you're on tumblr and, of course, immediately went to look if you've posted anything about sj aswell and found that post from *checks notes* 1.5 months ago - so, i guess what im here to ask is, would you mind elaborating on that?

im unfamiliar with marble blast (im so sorry i do not have the brainpower to watch your essay on that...yet) so the comparison you make is not particularly useful to me :v

also for context, i did contribute to sj, specifically playtesting and programming, so i do have Opinions™ (that im gonna keep to myself due to lack of anon ask (not a bad thing! i understand why you have it off)) and i wonder if those happen to bleed through to the player experience or if your gripes with it are something different entirely.

well, firstly, i have developed such a deep seated hatred of the celeste community that i haven't opened the game in months and i've considered just deleting my spring collab video multiple times, I'm not finishing any more of my maps because I don't want to make anything for these people. so i didn't actually finish SJ, I did everything up to & including the easy half of the grandmaster lobby though, and my take is that even with the few miracles I found within the map list, it would not have inspired a video essay on the level of the spring collab one if I'd played it first. it's just not as interesting, and not as rewarding to study. it represents a horrible misattribution of priorities that permeates the entire community.

in that video, i confidently say that spring collab is ALWAYS interesting, because modding culture is interesting even if it's interesting for being a little bad or revealing something about the author's proclivities. strawberry jam represents a near unanimous drive to remove authorship and make levels that are impartially agreeable, to make Celeste 2. it's only interesting when the mapper does something interesting on purpose, like Paint, Pointless Machines, Undergrowth, Summit Down-Side or Flipside Cliffside. a path of least resistance emerged in the time between SC2020 and Strawberry Jam, and experiencing it in this quantity made me forget what I liked about this game or this modding scene in the first place. the volume of creative gimmicks and varied aesthetics is huge, but each one starts to feel identical after being ground through this particular jank-averse process. I still have strong opinions about every map in SC2020, even the ones that might seem unremarkable, I can only barely begin to quantify the entire fucking C tier of my SJ tierlist. it's diverse on the surface but the substance is homogenous, especially intermediate through expert.

also in my SC2020 video, I talked about a certain tension that arrives once you get to the expert lobby, where the mappers had to create uncommercial levels of difficulty that rubbed against a similar apparent drive to make the player feel like they're actually doing the challenge & not just watching it. strawberry jam arrives at this conflict far earlier, the INTERMEDIATE maps and onwards are the ones that seem to pull between making interesting challenges while also having the player be an agent in those challenges. they want the intermediate levels to feel hard, look cool, and the solution is to just make them ridiculously constrained so the only way is the ~satisfying~ way. that's why I won't make a video about strawberry jam, because many segments in my spring collab video already serve as criticism for strawberry jam. it made the same mistakes again, but worse, and with far less of the things that made me love spring collab in spite of its flaws.

here's my tierlist, if there are any questions i'll try and qualify any of these takes with what i can remember from playing it. however, for reasons stated previously I won't be playing more so this is probably gonna be it.

#patricia taxxon ask #cilantromixture #celeste #mini essay #long post

[ot3]

hello!!! sorry if I'm wrong, but I remember seeing you do a manfred meta before?

Anonymous asked: or maybe it was not meta but something like people including headcanons into analysis?

this sounds familiar but im not sure if it was one post or anything... i don't think i've had too much to say about mvk i feel like i was just doing a bunch of interconnected bitching one day.

i think the only time i said much on the subject wsd when there was that one person dumping a whole essay about how he was not horribly abusive. my stance was i think even if he had been a perfect person otherwise if you murder someone's dad, and then raise them and let them believe they were responsible for murdering their own dad, and then try and frame them for a another murder so they will go to prison forever or maybe get the death penalty, that's still enough to be pretty damn abusive by my personal standards.

people using their own headcanons as part of character analysis does kind of annoy me depending on the context but i think in this specific instance. i was really pissed because one of this person's talking point was how one of their friends was a manfred von karma kinnie and they werent a threatening person because they had a special interest in thomas the tank engine???? and i was just so thrown by seeing that because. like what the actual fuck are you saying at that point. and this was a grown person too im not bullying teens here i promise.

i think most of my point that i was making during this time was that i feel like people sometimes confuse Antagonistic engagement with a text for Critical engagement with a text. sometimes when a thing presents a character as a massive piece of shit that everyone hates it's because theyre a massive piece of shit and everyone should hate them. in circumstances like this i get the sense that people are trying to outsmart media by refusing to meet a story where it's at in terms of characters who exist to serve a narrative function.

[hitomisuzuya]

hello 💕 no rush but id like to make a humble request when you have time! can i request a sfw scenario or headcanons of tighnari or albedo taking care of an overworked partner with a stressful job? im a nurse and just came home crying from a horrible shift and all i could think of on my drive home was being comforted by them. if you dont want to do the request thats ok too, no worries. make sure to take care of yourself as well and thank you for writing for everyone!

-🪷 anon

a/n: Nurses truly don't get enough appreciation. They work hard, especially in the ER, harder than doctors if you ask me. I hope you like this and that it makes you feel better. As someone who was a caretaker for my mom, nurses taught me a lot of things that I will always remember. I wrote both Tighnari and Albedo for you.

Headcanons for Albedo and Tighnari comforting the reader after a stressful at work. SFW. Comfort. Fluff.

Albedo would listen intently when you vented about your day to him. Everyone had been so rude to you today at your job. You were sick of it by the time your shift ended.

He told you it would be okay. That you didn't deserve to be treated that way. You worked so hard, and he hated that your efforts hadn't been met with the kindness and thanks you deserved today.

He would paint you anything you wanted. A quiet snowy scene in Dragonspine, or a hilichurl dancing like a goofball around some rocks. Anything to make your eyes light up.

A smile was what he preferred to see instead of a frown.

He would prepare a warm bath for you, mixing different oils in the water, lavender in particular. They would help you relax.

Albedo also suggested that you take the day off tomorrow, and focus on doing things you enjoyed.

Tighnari would rest your head in his lap, stroking your hair as you told him about the awful day you'd had at work.

He would let you rub his ears or pet his tail. If that was what room to make you giggle and smile then he was more than happy to let you.

He would read to you. You didn't care if it was an Akademiya essay, or a book about different therapeutic herbs. In fact, he preferred it that way. If you could learn something new in the process that would help you later in life, he was more than happy to read to you all night long.

You would eventually drift off to sleep. It's not that what he read to you was boring. His voice was just so soothing.

He would tuck you into bed as best he could so as not to wake you. You needed and deserved the rest.

He would have Collei make breakfast for you the next day.

Tighnari would leave a note for you to wake up to, asking you to take a walk with him when he finished his Forest Ranger duties.

#genshin impact #genshin fluff #genshin comfort #tighnari #albedo #tighnari x you #tighnari x reader #albedo x reader #albedo x you

[worstvideogamesong-poll]

Worst Video Game Song Tournament - Round 2 Match 5

Know What I Mean? - Mario Party 2

VERSUS

The Yoshi Clan - Yoshi's New Island

FIGHT!

I would recommend listening to as much as you can of each song before voting, but how you choose is up to you! Remember to be civil in the tags and replies!

Propaganda under cut:

Know What I Mean?:

"#i'm going with the mario party #it's SO off-tune and off-beat constantly #which i think is intentional but #i hate it"

(in reference to its previous match) "#this literally isn't even a fight. coughing baby vs nuclear bomb level matchup. what the fuck was that mario song. who thought that was a #good idea. i want to have words with them."

"#kwim is overstimulation in its purest form #it's the musical equivalent of getting nonstop discord notifications while looking for something i dropped while someone is talking to me"

"#know what i mean absolutely ROCKS. horrible. rocks so hard. they did the same thing that yoshi clan did. im guffawing"

The Yoshi Clan:

"the ass band will play a song of farts to celebrate your failure"

"#FUCK YOU YOSHI"

"#yoshi sounds like suck"

"#YOOOOOOOOSHI CLAAAAN!!!!!!!! #ok im gonna complete my santa review before getting to my ten page essay on why i love yoshi clan. yea that shit bad #i accidentally started it playing in two tabs at different points of the video which was honestly really fun. i recommend tryin that esp wi #bad songs really adds smthn to the exprience. it was awesoeme #it also just sounds the exact type of awful that that video image implies which is cool. its so perfect. it sounds ass #but. what it can not beat. is my favorite of all time. my darling love. it is time to begin my sermon #ok so yoshi clan is just so beautifully terrible. and truly the whole soundtrack is an orchestra of bad design. and its so fun to look at #that really nice professional looking art for the game and get BLASTED with kazoo #and like. i understand the thought process. kazoo does seem silly goofy yoshi. and it also sounds like a chorus of pain #now this song specifically has some really great awkward pauses. at 0:16 theres like a full 3 seconds of silence. which is SO cool #then the hot cross bun bit that ends at 0:27 gets so sad and deflated at the end of it. like it starts off in time but then clearly the #soloist got kinda embarrassed alone and so rushed and got really quiet. and its just so sad and lonely. its so cool #also some of these pauses have a couple lone far away kazoo squeaks for no reason before the 'melody' comes back in? awesome #but what i really really love about this. what really draws my eye. is the ending. because we go through this entire rigamarole with the #worst secondhand embarrassment of my life. then. 0:43. the kazoos move out. and in. the most genuinely awesome groovy drum beat in the worl #like its SO good. and those last few seconds are like you're in a different world. like you just survived horrors and you are brought to an #angelic chorus. and it lasts what 5 seconds? 5 seconds of beauty after a full 40 seconds of purgatory. in what world do horrors live foreve #while an angel can last for only a flash #its cruelty. its injustice. its completely ingenious. incredible music making. i am in such awe. #anyways thats my manifesto. please feel free to put any of this in the propaganda section op. im passioante"

Feel free to add more propaganda in the tags and replies, or send it to me in the ask box and I'll try to share it as soon as I can!

#my posts #worst video game song tournament #round 2 #poll #music poll #music #video games #video game music #tournament poll #poll tournament #poll bracket #tumblr poll #tumblr polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr tourney #know what i mean? #mario #super mario #mario party #mario party 2 #know what i mean #the yoshi clan #yoshi #yoshi's island #yoshi's new island

[cfr749]

I totally, totally agree with your view of their relationship. The Barnes episode is one I can’t watch and I just pretend it doesn’t exist. The whole situation with Chris and Ashley was just…unnecessary and written horribly. I feel like Tim treated Lucy better when he was her TO and respected her and didn’t treat her like a child which is mainly what he does now. He became more patronizing AFTER she was no longer his rookie. Additionally, he didn’t say anything after Lucy told him he would do great in Metro - just gave her a half smile and left. He acted like a teenager during the Valentine’s episode when he gave her the silent treatment when he found out she did the five-player trade. And it ended with LUCY apologizing and Tim never once apologizing for his immature behavior. He also treated her horribly in the episode when Isabel came back. He invited her to LUCY’S apartment without asking Lucy, gave her a half-hearted apology only when Isabel was AT THE DOOR and then proceeded to joke around with his ex-wife ABOUT Lucy and IN FRONT of Lucy and then regressed to his TO voice with his “Chen!” later at the station, right after making fun of Lucy trying to help him relax. Like, hello, that’s your girlfriend! Why are you snapping at her when she didn’t do anything??? Chris was absolutely a shitty partner but Tim is a becoming a very, very close second. He treated her better when she was his rookie and especially before they dated. And im so bummed about it because I had such high hopes but the way they write Tim’s character is just ruining it for me.

Hi anon!

First off, I'm glad you got to get all of that off of your chest 😂. I know how isolating and frustrating it can be to have all of the feelings about choices the show is making, but feel like you can't share those frustrations without pissing people off or experiencing backlash. So while I can't control anything other than my own response, I'll just say, you're always welcome to vent to me!

I'll be honest and say I didn't notice / react to all of the things you mentioned in the same way, but I can see your points and understand why those moments may have rubbed you the wrong way. Especially since, like I mentioned in my last post, the issue isn't any 1 isolated incident. The issue is a repeated pattern in the storytelling and messaging.

Something I want to be clear about before I go any further though:

This is not about my head canons or what I'd like to believe the writers were trying to convey.

Of course I think the idea of Lucy liking Tim more than Tim likes Lucy is ridiculous. That's why I can't figure out what on earth the writers were doing.

Of course I don't hate Tim (I literally could never!!) --- I love both of these characters deeply, and close to nothing excites me more than the idea of the two of them falling in love.

This is specifically about choices the writers made and what we actually saw unfold on our screens.

And if my takes seem to be more pro-Lucy, that's specifically because, IMO, the way the story unfolded was much more favorable to Tim that it was too Lucy.

Which isn't even surprising. Women often get the short end of the stick. Women of color almost always do. And that is literally the entire point of why this conversation is important. It's why shrugging off repeated instances of Lucy's character being eroded in service of the ship or maybe just as a result of the thoughtlessness of the writers really bothers me. It's why I'm not the only one who feels this way.

So, anon, for now, I'm just going to dig into the first item you mentioned as one of the first examples of this pattern -- the Katie Barnes of it all (sorry Katie - you were lovely - I promise it's nothing personal 😂). Setting aside the confession prank in 3x09 (which is it's own essay), this was the first time I started to really question the direction the show was going with making the ship canon. At the time, I hoped it was a blip, because we all remember that look in 3x14, and... yeah.

I believe this was the first appearance of jealous Lucy. And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with using jealousy to tell a story -- as long as it serves a purpose and as long as it's not completely 1-sided.

But instead of moving Chenford forward, this actually moved them several steps backward for me.

Like you mention anon, in seasons 1 and 2, despite Lucy being his rookie, I felt that they were very much portrayed as equals. They helped each other in different ways. I’d argue Lucy often showed she was more emotionally intelligent than Tim and used that to help him navigate through the end of his marriage, and Tim obviously poured everything he had into getting her as ready as she possibly could be to move on to the next step in her career.

But this scene in 3x11 managed to re-assert the Rookie - T.O. dynamic in a way that slapped me harder than any moment when he was actually her T.O. -- asserting Tim's view of Lucy as someone he needed to teach not how to be a capable police officer, but someone he needed to teach about the world.

He said this to Lucy. Lucy! LUCY!

If you don't understand why this is categorically absurd, please go re-watch season 1 right now.

The fact that it was couched in compliments and we got to see Lucy go squee over his praise doesn't make this any less patronizing.

Literally, I don't need to hear any man say this to any woman ever. I especially don't need to hear a white man saying it to a woman of color. And I sure as hell did not need to hear Tim say it to Lucy.

So where'd we end up?

Lucy took some major hits to her character, blurring the lines between personal and professional by accusing Tim of giving Katie special treatment because he found her attractive, and ultimately came off as jealous, immature, insecure, and unprofessional amongst probably some other less than flattering things. And note, I'm not saying I think she is these things. I'm saying she was portrayed to the general audience as being these things.

Tim, on the other hand, got a windfall -- not only did he get to be the wise, all knowing teacher (let's not forget his deep love of meditation), he got to have all his past sins erased under the guise of helping sweet Lucy understand the world is a scary place.

***

So obviously you mentioned a bunch of other examples, but this is already too long and probably not at all what you were looking for in a response, so I'm going to wrap up here. I got another ask about the Valentine's Day plot, so I'll tackle what I did and didn't like there eventually (yes, I am capable of liking things. it's rare, but possible).

Thanks for the ask! 🥰🥰🥰

#chenford #chenford critical #the rookie #my asks #see lana ramble

[everythingsinred]

I spent a whole day reading your Natsume analysis and am so excited to read Mikan's version. I wanted to ask about your thoughts on what Natsume was doing during the four years he was apart from Mikan. In Kageki, we learn that he took a lot of missions to get credit. But what do you think his mental state was like? Do you have any fic recs? I love making myself sad from Natsumikan angst.

hi! im so happy you read the natsume analysis! it makes me happy to hear people enjoyed it! i just recently made a table of contents for my essays and general ga postings so if you need help navigating the mikan essays, check out my pinned post <3

to answer your questions about what natsume was up to while mikan was gone, im pretty sure in kageki narumi mentioned that natsume had some negative behavior and attitude, but the extent of that is left vague. allegedly the missions he went on after she left were not alice-heavy or life-threatening but we know that one of those missions was to be toma's bodyguard and... bodyguarding tends to be dangerous? thats in the job description, pretty much literally. im not entirely sure how he was expected to bodyguard WITHOUT using his alice, but thats what they imply. did he take martial arts? did he carry a gun? who knows really. either way he should not have been permitted to continue doing any missions.

just in general, i think he was pretty depressed without mikan around. i mean natsume was in a HORRIBLE suicidal depression for two years before he met her and falling in love with her happened because she saw value in his life that he hadnt seen before. while she was there, he had developed a sense of purpose in his life and a will to live he hadnt had. it was bc of her that he started bonding with class b. now that shes gone, im sure hes very upset especially because its not certain he'll ever be allowed to see her again, granted he even lives that long.

but as much as i see him being depressed and a little miserable, he still has friends and a strong support system at the academy now. he has his best friend, plus the kids he allowed himself to befriend while mikan was around. theres pictures in the memorial book that depict middle-school aged natsume hanging out with The Boiz, and there's photographs in kageki that imply he wasnt completely isolating himself from his classmates during mikan's absence.

so with that in mind, i think he's depressed and sad about mikan being gone for sure, but he still has a will to live, a support system, and a sense of purpose (seeing mikan again) so that he isnt ENTIRELY devastated during those few years.

we can see when he reunites with her that he kinda expected her to remember him as soon as she saw him, and that gives us insight into how exactly he processed her stolen memories. (smth like, "she doesnt remember anything. so even if i did see her id probably have to make her fall in love w me again and im not even sure how i did it the first time! but she did love me right? i mean if she really loved me, she'd remember me eventually. i cant imagine forgetting her so im sure since she loved me that she'll remember as soon as she sees me!" and then he holds onto that thought so tightly that he ends up shocked that she doesnt remember). those thoughts probably kept him afloat too.

i really have mixed feelings about mikan leaving the academy in the first place though. i just dont think that plot point was executed very well so i never really got very into it.

as for fanfic recs, i cant think of many off the top of my head that have much to do with that time period of natsume on his own, but there is this one, (paths that lead home by MCaroba) which is about natsume going on a road trip with his friends!

as for angsty fics that are NOT related to that specific time period, here are some:

Ten Years to Date by November Romeo (the kids are assigned to write about their futures and natsume refuses. canon!verse one shot) (ps lots of her canon fics are in the same universe and theres a deal of angst involved there too, though her canon!verse fics take place in an alternate future of the kids in high school. i do recommend reading pretty much everything she's written for ga)

Tired by FearandLoathingXIX (hurt/comfort related to natsume's sickness. canon!verse one shot)

My Happy Ending by Little Miss Giggle (au where the kids go to a music school.... it starts off silly and fun but it gets pretty damn angsty. multichapter and one of the better known fics in the fandom)

Steal (my breath away) by Rock-n-Round (au one shot where alices exist but they're a bit weird and hard to explain. this one is EVISCERATING. and very beautiful)

Before You Hit the Ground by Ducky-san (au multi-chapter fic where mikan runs away from an abusive home and meets natsume who is in a gang against his will. i actually LOVE this fic so much... but it does contain some triggering material, like discussions of child abuse and implied sexual abuse.)

Right Before Your Eyes by pressuredtreasure (au... i don't think i can say much about this without spoiling it, but it's basically mikan missing natsume)

Oh Hello World also writes a lot of one shots, some of which are pretty angsty.

i'm really sad.... i was gonna link some other fics but i couldn't find them or remember their names and i'm scared they've been taken down. ah the pain of being in an old, less active fandom...

i also write fics too! ive only written aus so far (incidentally, not on purpose), but the angstiest is probably all things rancid and delicate, which is about mikan in a cult (it has a lot of dark elements to it)

im sorry if youre not much an au person, but i havent read much new ga ffn recently and not many good ones have survived the test of time it seems. it's all very sad. i miss reading fanfic all the time AND having lowered standards for gaffn specifically...

i hope i've answered your questions! if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me another ask! i love talking abt ga <3

#sorry i took a while to reply. i wanted to take some time to gather fics but i ended up falling short anyway! #answered #kitwatson #gakuen alice #ga #fic recs #im sure i have more ga recs but i focused on angst... idk. it was an attempt for sure

[thesherrinfordfacility]

Hello,

Sorry about this essay entering your inbox and this certainly isn’t me disagreeing with you, or any criticism, more of an addition.

I wanted to add another perspective to your thoughts on Crowley, his flaws and how S2 may change his and Aziraphale’s relationship.

They are very human flaws, and seemingly unique and important to him as a demon. As Aziraphale’s flaws are unique and important to him as an Angel.

From what we’ve heard of pre fall crowley, he didn’t give Aziraphale much thought on their first meeting. Also, it sounds as if Crowley was somebody important in Heaven. And from what we know of high ranking angels - they are callous, unforgiving, unfeeling and the boss everyone dislikes. This appears to be Heaven’s idea of a good Angel, given their responses to Aziraphale ‘the traitor.’

Crowley, to me, sounds he was doing his job, well in the eyes of head office. He was just another high ranking angel getting on with it. Not a nice/good person from a human perspective but, if anything, flawless from Heaven’s perspective.

That was until he started asking questions, hanging around with the wrong people and sauntered vaguely downwards. Then he and Aziraphale met again, with Crowley now the ‘lesser’ being. Good triumphs over evil, surely? And this Angel he has met shouldn’t give him the time of day, like Crowley didn’t to a ‘lesser’ angel (can you imagine, if he remembers, how guilty Crowley probably now feels about this.)

But Aziraphale listens to his prattling about the tree and the flaws in God’s plans, engages with him and then shelters him. This angel has feelings, he is different, he cares about others. He gave away his flaming sword and indulges in gross matter- moves that make him a flawed angel in the eyes of Heaven.

Endearingly, Aziraphale is a well intentioned bitch.

And with Crowley possibly doing good with the whole eat the apple business and later kindness, he is a flawed demon in Hell’s view. Hell’s requirements of a good employee are cruelty, wickedness and finding murder a fun activity on a wet Wednesday afternoon.

But, kindly, Crowley is a daft, soft cockblanket.

And it’s what I feel GO is about. Balance between good and evil, finding your own side and not always becoming what others intended you to become.

Each of them stand out from their original sides because of their complexity and flaws, which is why they fit and work so well together, and have been able to for 6000 years. Neither is perfect and neither is horrible, and any criticisms they can find in the other also exists in themselves. Seemingly the only two entities like this- with possible exceptions - so they know they need each other. They’re the only two that can truly empathise with one another.

I don’t necessarily excuse these flaws and mistakes (pre-fall classism, the bandstand, I’m the nice one, how can someone as clever as you be so stupid and so on) but they can be explained. And a relationship is about how you move through your mistakes and flaws together, not being free of them.

If this has made no sense I apologise. I do struggle with expressing my own views. 💛

hellooooo @ezra-fell!!!✨✨

gOSH yes this is an essay but fuck if im not gonna do my best to provide you with a response worthy of your message!!!!

i will just start by saying i don't think any one person's opinion or perspective is correct per se, i certainly don't think mine is flawless, but it is kind of what i feel could at least possibly be a theme in s2 or even s3 or just in general, and if it isn't cool, it will firmly remain a hc and im happy with that!!!

for anyone reading, i will just reiterate once again that im not here to cause argument or discourse, i literally just write unhinged ramblings about these characters (both of whom i love DEARLY and are v important to me for various reasons), and yeah my opinion is NOT correct by any stretch, but it's AN opinion✨💓

going into a cut because my answer will probably be just as lengthy!

totally agree with you on everything you've said about crowley. i do not for one sec think that his character as an angel is like an issue (other than being a bit of a knob but as you said, if he's an Archangel or lesser Archangel (ie like sandalphon), then yes this characterisation makes perfect sense and is awesome in terms of how his character changes when he becomes a demon)

i also completely agree on your point about it being about balance (literally just talked about this in another post im going meta-feral at the mo), i do think thats the main theme of the story. i guess what i was trying (and failing) to say is that aziraphale's view of crowley might possibly be an entirely human one.

let's get personal bc at this point bc i can't speak from everyone elses perspective - ive been aziraphale in this scenario (the scenario i put forward in my post from earlier). ive been in a long term relationship, and had a major incident happen about 18 months ago. that person is who i loved and cherished more than anyone in the world, but after a lot of therapy and a lot of communication, i realised that whilst i loved them and thought they were absolute perfection, flaws and all, i had placed them on a pedestal of who i thought they were and who i wanted them to be.

so obvs with aziraphale his faith is very literal (i have no religious faith), but my faith in my person was so unquestionable and unyielding, that i also ended up hurting myself (emotionally, no CWs here!!) to find out that the flaws that i had idolised and thought were perfect actually came around to bite me in the ass, and honestly? at the time, i didn't like what i found. i still loved that person, still found them attractive and lovely etc, but my faith in them was completely shattered, and i hadn't realised until that point that love and faith are completely different things. i had initially believed that in being with someone, the two were synonymous. they aren't.

now sorry to get so personal on main lmao, and i realise that this may well be a great deal of projection of myself into aziraphale (don't we all do that tho???) and i truly recognise that, but it just feels to me that this 'reckoning' that's coming -- whilst it might not be entirely what ive said (id be utterly flabbergasted if it was) -- might be something similar. i want the boys to be happy and together and unassailable as much as the next person, but somehow i feel like we'll need to wait for s3 for that dream to be completely realised, and for the boys to take each other as they are, not as they thought they saw them initially. i hope im wrong, we'll just have to see.

i hope that's an appropriate answer to your ask, but tldr i agree with everything you said, i just have limits as to how much i necessarily discuss in one post haha!!!✨💓💓

#good omens #good omens season 2 #crowley #aziraphale #shit me that was personal im so sorry everyone #woweeeeeeee #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #ask #personal #edit 23/07: turns out i do NOT have limits on how much i put in one post #im a bald faced liar

[its-a-hil]

ok. random question. literally from the random question generator at randomwordgenerator dot cahm: What's your go-to funny story now, but was horrendous at that moment?

(i think it gave me a question i already know but eh shoot)

hm.

alright i think this is actually more of the reverse than the forward direction, but sure

when i was in middle school, i was such a horrible procrastinator (note: i am still one of those) that i often wrote rough drafts of essays during lunch

(the one year in middle school i didnt do this was when i had english 1st period. tbh i wish my schedule had worked out like that all 3 years, but alas)

but i got so comfortable just throwing out words with a pencil that i kept doing it and now i almost never edit anything bc i need to write it all in one go or it's wrong

but final drafts still had to be typed & printed, so it was only my rough drafts that were like this

fast forward to high school, and rough drafts became less of a thing

my compulsion to procrastinate did not.

oh also relevant here is that i was emotionally incapable of asking for an extension or submitting online after class or anything

so.

senior year of high school. we had an essay to write on Twelfth Night, where we had to pick a word that was repeated a few times and discuss its effect on the story

i picked 'fancy' and used it to argue the absolute bullshit point that it meant the whole thing was a dream, because i had no other ideas and my brain refused to set aside time to do something more reasonable

except.

i did not begin writing until lunch of that day.

i did not have access to the computer lab i had planned to write the essay in.

i pleaded with a friend to lend me his laptop, on which i did the most frantic writing of my life. i dont remember if i ate any food during that lunch period.

(according to my diary i also said something shitty to that friend even as he was doing me a massive favor, which. god.)

looking at the document now (ty google drive), it seems that i didnt actually finish the essay, just wrote notes on the different uses of the word

im not sure if it was just a rough draft or notes kind of thing that was due, or if i lucked out and the essay was extended or something? unclear

but what is clear is that i wrote 440 words in just over an hour, and that's not counting the quotes i had to transcribe (which also made up over 400 words)

the following night i turned it into an actual 750ish word essay in also about an hour, bc. yeah. (i still didn't write an intro until i printed it out during study hall the next day lmao)

so anyway the essay was shit, the teacher was genuinely confused and pulled me aside after the class where she handed the essays back

note: she was also the theater teacher & that semester i was doing the play afterschool, and i think she knew i was better than what i handed in

:/

in my defense i was fairly depressed that couple of months, partially due to an responsibility that i did not realize i could easily say no to. the only consequence that refusing that responsibility would have had is that i would have hated myself less and possibly liked engineering more

oh also looking at my diary apparently that was also the week that i taught precalc bc the teacher's partner was suddenly out for paternity leave and i had an essentially free period during the precalc class

so yeah that's probably the third most interesting week of my senior after the week that we had the play performances and the week i was out in the hospital when my lungs spontaneously collapsed

the funniest part of that story is that it took me another 3ish years to realize that i wanted to be a teacher, and another 2 years after that to act on that desire. lmao

anyway bc im sure you freaks want to see it, im putting the essay under the cut

Actual essay:

Twelfth Night is one of Shakespeare’s most fantastical plays. Even without the use of magic, the supposedly realistic events are completely improbable. There is evidence that the play was intended to be a fantasy, and throughout the play, the word “fancy” is used to suggest to the audience that the events of the play are little more than a fanciful construction of Orsino’s mind. 

Orsino speaks four of the six instances of “fancy” or “fantasy.” Two of these instances come in his first monologue, right at the beginning of the play. He claims that “so full of shapes is fancy that it alone is high fantastical” (1.1.14-15). As Adams says, in this passage Orsino claims “that his own imagination is so fertile that it is supremely capricious and whimsical.” (Adams 58). It is odd that the play would start with this double mention of fancy, especially when the word is not mentioned again until the end of Act two. It is even stranger that the plot concludes with Orsino making Viola/Cesario his “fancy’s queen” (5.1.415). Although Feste finishes the play with his final song, this line is the last spoken by any other character, and is a natural conclusion to the play nonetheless. There must be a reason why the play both begins and ends with a word only used six times throughout. This is the most direct clue that the play does not merely describe events in Shakespeare’s mind, but instead describes events in Orsino’s mind. 

More clues can be found by examining the other uses of fancy in the play. Sebastian remarks “Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep” after encountering a smitten, and unfamiliar Olivia (4.1.65). This line comes in one of the more fantastical scenes in the play, where Sebastian enters Illyria and is mistaken by everyone for Cesario. Sebastian can only conclude “this is a dream,” and calls upon fancy - imagination - to keep him from waking up. Sebastian addresses fancy as a powerful being, that has the ability to manipulate the world he sees. If the play does take place in Orsino’s imagination, fancy would have this power. Another thing to note about Sebastian’s mention of fancy is that it is in reference to Olivia. Her love for him, and reproach of the men who were dueling him, is the only reason he would want to continue living in this dream.

Olivia is a common subject of fancy, as used in its alternate definition of love. Malvolio, just before seeing Maria’s letter, thinks aloud that “should [Olivia] fancy, it should be one of my complexion” (2.5.24-25). Almost all references to fancy are directly related to Olivia. In fact, every major male character, except her uncle, is in love with Olivia. It is difficult for Orsino to conceive of a character who is not enamored when in the presence of the beautiful lady Olivia.  To him, when Olivia enters, “heaven walks on earth” (5.1.99). 

Regarding the rest of Malvolio’s scene, it is no less strange than Sebastian’s. The dour puritan begins with a statement of love for his lady, and then follows the insane directions of a letter that apparently describes her love for him, while the pranksters hide and watch in a nearby bush. Orsino’s mentions of “fancy” also take place in strange scenes. Without touching on the chaotic mess that is 5.1, 1.1 regards a Duke, who has been laid low grieving over his unrequited love for Olivia. She, in turn, decides not to admit any suitors until she has spent seven entire years mourning her dead brother. This scene feels almost surreal, setting the stage for the play that is to follow. Since almost every instance of the word fancy comes during a surreal scene, it can be inferred that the word is an indicator - a message to the audience that this play is a fantasy in the mind of Orsino.

There is one more use of “fancy,” however. During the argument between Orsino and Viola, Orsino speaks of men’s fancies as “more longing, wavering… than women’s are” (2.4.41-42). Twelfth Night is certainly long, spanning three months in Illyria, and the play constantly wavers from uplifting to demeaning, from reasonable to insane. The play as a whole fits so well with Orsino’s description of his “fancies” that one must wonder why that particular description was used. Interpreting Twelfth Night as a fancy conjured up by Orsino’s stricken mind makes a good deal more sense than attempting to reconcile the events with the real world. 

Work Cited:Adams, B. (1978). Orsino and the Spirit of Love: Text, Syntax, and Sense In Twelfth Night, I. i. 1-15. Shakespeare Quarterly,29(1), 52-59. doi:10.2307/2869169

The notes i wrote during the lunch period:

The first appearance of the word comes during Orsino’s monologue. The grief-stricken man describes his lovesickness by referring to his imagining of fantasies involving Olivia. Fancy is “full of shapes” to hear him tell it, filled with all kinds of images (1.1.14). This implies an interesting idea of the plot; it may be nothing more than a lovesick dream conjured by Orsino’s mind. After all, the plot is as “high fantastical” as something a distressed lover might imagine. (1.1.15). 

Malvolio’s mention of fancy is also about love and imagining it. He talks about “her [Olivia’s] fancy,” but the context of the scene and the rest of his dialogue imply that he is the one who fancies Olivia (2.5.24).. Malvolio claims that Olivia has said she would fancy “one of my complexion,” indicating that Malvolio has, through confirmation bias and imagination, convinced himself that Olivia was in love with him even before reading Maria’s letter (2.5.25). The fact that Malvolio, the outwardly stalwart Puritan, is as fanciful and in love as Orsino is a strong device for making fun of the Puritans as Shakespeare was wont to do. 

Sebastian has his reference to fancy when he meets Olivia and finds that he is the object of her fancy. 

[Discussing of the other two quotes]

In Twelfth Night, characters mention fancy when in fantastical scenes. Orsino had neglected his duties as a Duke to be lovesick over Olivia, Malvolio convinced himself that Olivia was in love with him moments before happening upon a letter regarding Olivia’s love, Sebastian came to a foreign city and found that a woman he had never seen was madly in love with him, and the final scene is perhaps the most fanciful of them all. Everything comes together in a hilarious, satisfying, and utterly unrealistic way. The use of the word fancy indicates that a scene either was or will be fanciful. This implies that Shakespeare is breaking the fourth wall, drawing attention to works of the imagination when the audience may be considering the play as imagination. In that way, Shakespeare implies that this comedy, however nice it may seem, is just a lovesick fantasy in the mind of Duke Orsino. 

Note also that almost every mention of the word is in reference to Olivia. The only exception is when Orsino calls Viola his “fancy’s queen,” but Orsino could just be (Inception-style) trying to prove to himself that he can love another. That is why the timeline does not make sense; Orsino needed to believe that his mind was not so changeable, that he would need three months with another woman to move past his love for Olivia. 

Quotes:

1.1.14-15:

Orsino: “So full of shapes is fancy 

That it alone is high fantastical.”

Context: These lines conclude Orsino’s opening monologue about his lovesickness and passion for Olivia. The monologue is discordant throughout, and this line sounds very arrogant, that nobody but a lover could have an extreme imagination.

This quote illustrates Orsino’s arrogance about his position (which is expanded upon in his later argument with Viola) and tells the audience that Orsino has spent some time cooped up in his mansion thinking of Olivia. 

2.5.23-25

Malvolio: “I have heard herself come

thus near, that, should she fancy, it should be one

of my complexion.“

Context: This comes just before Malvolio finds Maria’s letter, when he is fancying that Olivia might be in love with him. He has almost convinced himself of her love even before he sees Maria’s letter, which would be a strange coincidence if Twelfth Night was not a comedy. 

This quote describes Malvolio’s desperation to be loved by Olivia. He uses a few choice words and actions of Olivia as a justification for her love, indicating confirmation bias and lack of perspective. 

4.1.63-66

Sebastian: “What relish is in this? how runs the stream?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dream:

Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;

If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!”

Context: This comes just after Sebastian enters Illyria and finds a beautiful woman suddenly wish to marry him. It is so illogical that he believes he must be dreaming, and he wishes for fancy to keep him from waking up. 

This quote tells us that Sebastian is wondrous at his entrance to Illyria. He forgets about Antonio as soon as strange men wish to duel and a strange beautiful woman claims to be in love with him. Sebastian is far more relaxed than most people would be in this context, especially if they could not find Antonio, the only person he was close with for the past three months.

5.1.412-415

Orsino: “Cesario, come;

For so you shall be, while you are a man;

But when in other habits you are seen,

Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.”

Context: This is the last line spoken by any character except Feste. It comes after Orsino learns of Viola’s true identity and gives up his love for Olivia. 

This quote implies that Orsino still thinks of Viola as Cesario, at least while she is in men’s clothing. 

#lifeblogging #sorry for it being so long #but i also fact-checked myself on a lot of details thanks to having the edit history and thanks to writing everything in my diary #so ty past sahil dont know what we'd do without your need to write for us

[yukinyaminyato]

HEY HEY how is your week going!! I don't know how to bring this up without it being weird but it seems like you're struggling a bit recently so I hope this week is going a lot better for you because you deserve it!! And if not then uhhh have some flowers <3 🌺🪻🪷

HIII omg im so sorry im replying to this 2 weeks later i forgot that i hadn't answered to this ask 😭😭 like i remember seeing the notif and being like "aww 🥺🥹💕" but i was busy at the moment and just. didn't answer aaajhdsjsdk........

anyways it's been good!!! <33 doing much better than i was around the time u sent this bc back then i felt so anxious bc i had just finished the semester and essay writing had been horrible and i was under a lot of stress abt my student exchange ending etc etc. but yeah i survived & it's all ok. even though i'm already a bit sad bc my flight home is in a little over a week & ik i'll miss the friends ive made in italy so so much but everything will surely be alright 🥹 at least i hope so.

thank u for the flowers and being so sweet 💜💜 it's always nice to see that somebody cares ;-; hope you've had a good week so far as well ‧₊˚✩彡

#nothing weird abt bringing that up btw dw #thank u for being lovely <3 #average-girl-liker #ask

[seylaaurora]

ok ur turn. top 5 ajr songs (do not feel the need to give big long explanations like i did lol im just insane. unless u’d like to be equally insane about it)

I cannot do this. I now see the error of my ways of asking you to do this ranking, cause it is just pure torture😆

Started to relisten to their first album cause it's the one that's least clear in my mind and... I already want all of them in my ranking and I know I like the Click, Neotheater and OK Orchestra even more... take pity on me😭

Let’s start with Pitchfork Kids! Absolute classic, absolute banger, delightfully weird in the way that reminds me why I love AJR. The song of their first album that stayed the longest on my playlist and the one that I always get back to being obsessed with whenever I listen to it. I don’t know what it is about this song. I don’t even think it’s one of their most relatable songs, probably not even one of their weirdest songs, it’s just... soooooo good tho. Legit one of THE AJR songs of all time. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. They’ll never be able to produce a song that hits the same buttons Pitchfork Kids does. No one will be able to, it just holds such a special place in my heart and my brain.

Role Models. This always hits even harder listening to it after Woody Allen like I’m doing today (no one can tell me it’s not a direct sequel to that song, this is 100% partly about Woody Allen). The disillusionment of realising your (childhood) heroes are not who you thought you were. Your heroes letting you down is suuuch an experience of growing up. They’re not just heroes, but they are actual people and honestly, some of these people suck. The struggle of taking what your heroes gave you while leaving the people behind that gave it to you. To what extent can you separate the art from the artist? How do you go on, knowing the influence this person’s art had on your life, on the person you are today and the decisions you’ve made? How do you become okay with you having been shaped by something made by a person you so fundamentally disagree with? How do you keep that part alive while killing the part that is attached to that person? (I’m trying really hard not to write an essay but it’s not turning out so well)

3 O’Clock Things. Look. This song is ace. I don’t make the rules.

Way Less Sad. I haven’t seen a single person yet who didn’t think this song was super optimistic, but also kind of thought that was weird of themselves to think. It’s an “This is not happy, so it can’t be the ending” optimism. I don’t know if we’re just all not okay, or if it’s not actually all that weird to think it’s an optimistic song, but this song came out in February 2021. That’s what we were in. Stuff sucked. It still does. But we are, in fact, not dead yet, and I personally think it’s very sexy of us to hold on to hope. We’re not done yet. Things will get better. They just will. It feels a little like spite, and I’m okay with that. This song makes me want to go out and change my life for the better

Birthday Party. There’s always been some social commentary in their music, and while this isn’t even the most obvious one (looking at you 3 O’Clock Things), it’s just so delightfully ironic about it. Look, Role Models doesn’t hit for no reason. This song always felt like a promise to me. We won’t be them. I remember seeing a post on Instagram around the time about how people were apparently complaining that they shouldn’t get political in their songs and I always thought “who the hell did you think you were listening to?” AJR’s songs have always been about growing up, and while there is the things about how to navigate relationships with other people, looking at the state of the world and building opinions on it has always been part of growing up too. This song is about the innocence of a child who will find out about all the horrible things going on in the world at some point, and I, for one, find that incredibly relatable.

Okay, this got away from me XD

I think I could write an essay about each of their songs, and my top 5 ranking could change at any point. I also wanted to put Weak, Netflix Trip, Call my Dad and Burn the House Down on the list, but I can’t do 9 instead of 5😂 at some point it’s just too much😂

Was this insane enough for you?😂

Drop sth in my ask box if you also want me to do a top 5 ranking for sth

#ajr #music #ask games #seyla interacts #magic-number-3 #this is getting out of hand 😂 #we're becoming ajr fan blogs😂 #thank you so much for this💕 #and sorry it took me so long haha #seyla talks

[rhythmgamer]

just very random out of context talking here haha

(TW FOR MENTION OF A PANIC ATTACK AND ANXIETY IN FIRST PARAGRAPH)

i. kind of just recovered from a panic attack. yeah my anxiety is really really awful and the thought of even facing tomorrow, facing life again was threatening enough to spiral me into an attack.

but im not here to talk about that.

i just. wanted to say that despite everything, despite having so many mental issues and not being able to do much about them (mostly due to financial reasons)....i....i have a lot of love in my heart.

yeah it's not at all related to whatever i said before but it actually is. i kind of find it incredible that im still able to love despite going through so much.

if you're reading this, i love you. if you're not reading this, (even if you don't know since you're not reading) i still love you. as long as you've had a positive effect on my life, as long as you've never purposefully hurt me, i love you.

it's not just people btw. i love trees, i love flowers, i love birds, i love ants, i love cats, i love foxes, i love almost all animals (except mosquitoes sorry i have personal enmity against them).

even inanimate objects. i love my plushies. i love my body pillow especially because i can hug it during my attacks to calm down. i love my collection of seashells. i love rice. i love rotis. i love ramen. i love garlic. i love water (this just made me drink some!), i love wind, i love earth and the feel of earth in my hands.

it's hard to say if i love what I'm studying, mostly due to shitty teachers who teach horrible and make me scared of the class. but the material? i love love LOVE it when i study on my own. i just. wish i had a better teacher.

do i love myself? that's an even harder question to answer. because....i simply don't really know who i am. it's hard to love a person when you don't know the person.

but I'll say this: the person residing in my body? they're an absolute badass for going through so much shit and still surviving. once upon a time they couldn't imagine even reaching the age of 16 (depressive reasons). they're still fucked up mentally, but hey, they're 20 now. I'd say I'm damn proud of them making it this far.

i know it's very very hard for them, even now they can't really envision a future. but they've made it this far. so i trust that they'll make it even furthur, and i hope they overcome their crippling fear of asking for help. hey buddy, if you're reading this in future, just remember that it's okay to ask for help ♡ nobody will belittle you or mock you or abandon you for it. and if they do, they weren't worth the time anyway. remember this okay? i love you ♡ (there i said it lol)

anyway, i got sidetracked.

in conclusion, i am so so full of love for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING despite whatever the fuck has happened to me all these years. sometimes i find it confusing, sometimes intriguing. but anyway, it is what it is.

i forgot the original purpose of this essay lol. i don't think anyone is reading it anymore at this point. but if you are, thank you for reading this. I'm gonna send you off with one of my most favourite mundane-seeming lines ever:

Goodnight, I love you. (~ Looking Glass)

#shashi rambling #♡ #put my soul into this #lmao

[dynamicspacebud]

was just doing my moms dishes bc i felt bad for her when i just really started to dwell on how she is as a mother like WOW is she a SHIT mom and i mean that like my god she is awful. I don’t like to remember stuff like this or hold it in my head like how i really have to dig deep to re-remember all the ways my father is horrible but right now with her i don’t know i want to write down what i was thinking about. How less than a year earlier we had to change the locks on the door because he threatened to come even though she said no and i got really scared and started having terrible nightmares about him coming in and killing us and then she just surprise told me he is was coming over one day and completely disregarded my concerns and feelings about how i told her i felt uncomfortable and unsafe with him around she just did not care and was so selfish even though this was supposed to be my home too. Or how that night she was like I’m an adult i can have casual sex when i simply asked if he was staying the night and she was like i’m just being honest when i went wtf as though a year prior she didn’t blame me for him financially/ sexually abusing her for getting money for sex and she blamed me because i was using her credit card and not paying bills as though i wasn’t a teenager who didn’t even know any of this was happening i just got blamed. How could she even put that on me i knew then and now it wasn’t and had never been my fault but that’s such a sick thing to say honestly it makes my stomach curl. Her asking how and why my relationship with my father has to reflect and effect my relationship with her as though i didn’t write a whole fucking peer reviewed essay about how it does like how is she so fucking awful as a mother like i’m very glad i was born but god she should have never been someone to take care of someone else or anything else like how she also abandoned her cat when her boyfriend wanted her too. It’s so sick i don’t and never did deserve the terrible parents i have. I don’t want them. I cant wait to get to a place when i can genuinely never have contact with them again. Seeing and being reminded of it all holds me back i know that. I don’t want that. I cant have that. And every year in close and closer to breaking away. I’ll get there i know i will and i’ll never have parents i’ll only have s** and a***** but i’ll still watch bluey and cry cry cry because someone has those parents and that makes my heart warm enough. And maybe i’ll even be that parent one day. Mine are so beyond awful i will and can never be them it’s not even possible. I’m very lucky i got out i mean look at my shit brother that hateful bigot. Good for him tho he barley talks to them i wish i were him in only that way. They hurt him more than me and because he’s cishet and grew up in a rich highschool i think that’s why he turned out that way. I don’t know i want to say maybe he has changed but as a cop i know it’s impossible he has. I won’t have any contact to my immediate bio family. My uncle today asking me how long it’s been since i talked to my brother and me saying years. I mean often i genuinely forget i have a brother which is funny in a way because we lived together until i was like 19 it’s not even like we didn’t grow up together or he left when i was young. My mind just has such a strong way of blocking everything out. It’s for my own protection but i don’t know how good that is honestly. Like with hannah it did the same thing. Nes being like I REMEMBER how do you not ??? you were so close and i have to really think about it or see pictures or texts to remember and when i do it’s strong and im sad. I guess my mind doesn’t want me to be sad. But i don’t know i don’t think that’s a good thing. Not entirely. Ok funny enough im rewatching the 100 and they have kind of touched on this subject with raven not remembering finn and jaha not remembering his son but them being “happy” because they can’t feel the pain of losing them even though they don’t remember the happy and good stuff either. I think that’s kind of what my mind is

[drinkybirdz]

while i highly doubt the pleasure of the unauthorized fan treatise would be destroyed via spoilers as its a very well constructed story and i dont believe spoilers should be the end all be all, it is a murder mystery and therefore spoilers.

heres an essay of thoughts on unauthorized fan treatise

im so obsessed with gottie. i know we're supposed to accept the anon theory in the epilogue as fact, but are we? i love the open endedness that, while it certainly makes more SENSE gottie killed nathan, it still doesnt feel like it adds up. it makes sense with rob's dialogue during the livestream. what he notes to her after her testimony. but rob seems far too comfortable in his actions TO take the blame. additionally, murderers have been known to break down wandering/do irrational things after a murder. obviously, gottie's unreliable narrator aspect clouds the entire text. but these objective facts--rob did something common among murderers, and took on the blame for nathans murder seemingly without any objections or slightest protest--seem to imply some level of actual guilt. or is it just psychological guilt--does rob feel responsible, and it really was all gottie physically?

anyway to me, it almost feels like they both had a hand in it--ie rob injuring nathan and gottie then trapping him, killing him. "blunt force trauma" with two laptops doesnt make sense. additionally, if the case could be solved so easily by an anon that it was gottie all along, the whole BIG TRIAL thing seems like...kind of stupid. not that law enforcement is any good, but that intense scrutiny of a publicized case tends to have solutions. truly, there isnt enough evidence to convict gottie whether due to her playing the cards or the reality of the situation, so what it feels like to me is that the factor of the case that was obviated was pursued.

i love how the story asks us to get invested WITH gottie. see now im theorizing. what makes me any different from gottie? i love that kind of shit in a piece. the fact shes so unrepentant in her post-trial admission shes going to keep consuming rpf proudly and stalking people takes on a whole new meaning with her story that this was originally just revenge. also delia ending her bit with just saying "i do believe rob and nathan were dating." or whatever is so fucking awesome i absolutely LOVE it. i love how the reader is left to question was gottie really, really right or did she spin the narrative that fucking effectively?

whats particularly interesting is that, with rpf, gottie (and obsessive fangirls like her) are constructing their own realities. theyre bending evidence to serve their purposes, taking things out of context, building stories out of peoples actual lives. which is exactly what gottie proceeds to do with the whole situation. its so cool how thats bought to the forefront.

and shes so much like people ive seen during my time on the internet. ive seen thousands like her. its crazy to think about their stories, and like the anon at the epilogue says, how any number of bizarre horrible memorable people online are still living their lives. botfly lady. does anyone remember botfly lady?!!?!?! the homestuck skin sharpie dyer?!?! sure the rainbow dash cum jar has become sort of a "meme" but that users still around more than likely. still cumming. hiv aids hamilton writer. my immortal "author" fraudster. theyre just living their lives, like gottie after the events of the story. isnt that fucking crazy?

one criticism i have is it feels like 2020 is WAY too late for this story to be set. a '14 date seems much more likely. i also feel like the links totally suck balls. like flesh out the universe. if youre gonna include links, MAKE them.

otherwise, i dont own lauren james' other book but ive read what's been serialized, and loch & ness being a part (CRUCIAL part, actually) of the loneliest girl is an intriguing choice. in tlg l&n ran for 8+ seasons while the murder took place before the release of s2, so itd be cool if theres some kind of reference to an s2 replacement of fang & jaydens actors. whats also interesting is j is consistently likened to jayden, who was played by rob, who is the possibly wrongly incarcerated killer of his costar? so james uses familiarity with their other work to establish discomfort with a character intended to be nefarious. i like it.

#wrote this last tues when i actually read it but i actually wanna post this now

[n0ct0urn1quet]

wip ask game 1 2 5 6 9 14 20 26

1. what’s your longest wip right now? 

i dont know if this means longest as in like how many pages/words long or if this means longest as in the wip ive been working on for the longest amount of TIME but uhhh the the answer to the latter would be blazing sky (aka the first "book" in the series of Stories im writing which i finally made an arc title for, silence of the stars) which i created back in like 2017? 2018? and though ive rewritten it a handful of times thats the one ive been working on the most lately . the actual longest thing im working on (long as in lots of pages) isnt particularly blazing sky itself but is part of that whole Arc, the thing that im writing right now is cedarstar's whole death scene from mothwhiskers pov which from what i remember is like . 9 and a half pages long? yeah <3

2. what’s your shortest wip right now? 

again dont know if this means short as in how many pages/words or short as in the wip that ive been working on the Least but ig for the latter question the one thats been around much much shorter than blazing sky or anyting else is the stuff that im writing about berryclan/mintclan/shiveringclan/gustclan bc with that stuff i only created it within the past month or so so nothings rly come out of it yet. but as for shortest physical wip . i have no idea honestly KJDSJKLJKLG bc thers a thousand documents in google docs that are just like rly short 2 paragraph things that i juts wrote down bc i had those ideas in my mind n didnt know where to go with them so i just . plopped them down n didnt work on them after that JSLDJKG

5.  do you listen to music while writing or no? if yes, what’s your favorite kind of music to listen to? 

i try not to listen to music while writing bc my rbain focuses too much on the lyircs and The Music rahter than actually writing . i usually listen to random youtube videos for some kind of background noise that i can Easily tune out (usually i go fro longer 1-3 hour video essays that ive already watched before or something so i can just zone out while listening to them and dont have to focus on the Words, either that or i jst put on like. one of those "surviving 100 days in minecraft hardcore!!!!!" videos, which is weirdly what ive been listening to lately SKJDJKLLKG)

6. write 3 sentences of any wip you’d like, post it in the answer. 

Rosestar let out a wail and Specklestar looked as if she were about to vomit as blood began to pool out around Cedarstar’s head. Mothwhisker stared down at him in pure shock and horror, and behind him Darkfrost simply stared at Cedarstar with no expression on his face. Mothwhisker looked up at the sky and only then, after Cedarstar had been brutally murdered by not only another clan leader, but his own ex-mate and the mother of his son, did Starclan begin to cover the moon with dark gray clouds.

^ from thge cedarstars death thing. teehee!

9. what are you struggling with the most in finishing your current wip(s)? 

for a lot of the stuff i write i struggle with finding a clear ending or a good place to end things and i struggle writing stuff after i get to like. the climax of the chapter. like with cedarstar's death im struggling writing darkfrost's reaction and snowstar's reaction n everyone's reaction to his death and struggling to find a good place to End Things so its juts . in wip limbo rn KSJLDLJKLKG

14. what’s your favorite thing about writing? 

making my ocs go through horrible terrible trauma <33333 projecting my issues onto my sillly little guys <3333333 loooks at mistyleaf and meadowmoon specifically theyr'e the worst of the bunch <3333333333

(but fr i think my favorite thing about writing is writing like dialogue n stuff. im not good with being subtle when it comes to dialogue, like im very much. making characters be upfront and straightforward when they rly shouldnt be (such as i wanted to write a thing where mistyleaf and heatherheart are talking after darkwing's death and its from mistyleaf's pov n heatherheart is making it all about herself completely unintentionally and mistyleaf, now knowing she's being unintentional about her thoughts, blows up at her and is like "well he's MY brother he's MY family you aren't the ONLY one who's grieving" but im finding it hard to be. subtle ig? and having heatherheart not realize she was saying that stuff and upsetting mistyleaf while also making mistyleaf accidentally lash out thinking heatherheart was being genuine abt being all like "oh im sosad im sooooo sad that darkwing is dead he was MY mate and the father of MY kits im sooooooooo sad that hes dead" and not addressing mistyleaf's grief) but aside from that i do lke writing dialogue it is fun :])

20. how do you usually come up with story ideas? 

gonna be honest i have no fuckign idea someimtes shit just comes to me. like fuckinnnn owlstar's whole story about her being a young leader with a dead father and her not being able to live up to her clans' expectations of her and her clan not accepting her as a leader bc she's only like a year and a half moons old just like. completely came out of nowhere. with older oc's, specifically like mothheart and her kits, and shellstorm, they were created shortly after i read certain warriors books. shellstorm was created after i read crookedstar's promise and she was heavily, perhaps TOO heavily, inspired by crookedstar's story. mothheart and her kits were created shortly after i read moth flight's vision and also i was inspired by recently reading long shadows + sunrise where the secret of jay lion and holly being the kits of leaf and crow was revealed. with newer ocs though they just kinda. came out of nowhere.

ig though if i had to answer this, id say sometimes i just like. put myself in my characters shoes and look at things from their perspectives. and i go with stuff from there. like earlier today with the clangen stuff with copperleaf riverlight and clovershade, when i saw clovershade being Disappointed In Copperleaf and then saw copperleaf Spending A Lot Of Time With Riverlight i was like hmm. okay pretend im clovershade now. okay whats the first thing that comes to my mind for me (clovershade) to be mad at copperleaf. okay lets say he and i (clovershade) both had crushes on riverlight and when i (clovershade) died he became mates with her and used my death for her to feel sorry for him and become his mate. boom. story created <3

26. is there a wip you’d like to see recreated in a new medium (ie. movie, audio drama podcast, web series, animation, musical)? 

i would fucking LOVE to turn my stuff into like a comic or even an animated series (not like on tv series but like. an animated series put on yt or something) . but alas i wouldnt be good at updating a comic regularly and animating is sohard but . idk! for now it wil all stick to writing <3

[bubbled-clouds]

hey bee! i’m supposed to be sleeping but i just need you to know how happy you make me? (and you’re worth more than what you do for others, like i appreciate you just for being you, but often you being you happens to involve being funny or kind or creative and i appreciate that)

if i had more time i’d go on the full rant of appreciating you and your asks, but since sleep is a thing, i just want you to know that like. your experience with wwda genuinely means to much to me? like i keep almost going to my one irl friend to be like “I wrote about my mess of a gender in my fic and this amazing person read it and it helped them!!” but then im like ‘oh i don’t want to brag’ but it’s just...a lot of things don’t feel so great, with covid and everything, and in a lot of ways i feel like i wasted my 18th year. but knowing that i helped you? even if you were the only person i helped and it only helped you for a single moment, that makes my year more worthwhile, yknow?

sorry this is so sappy and maybe a little sad im in a weird mood but the point is that i really appreciate you and the enthusiasm you’ve shown for the fic (but also!! if you decide tmrw you hate the fic? that’s cool too! don’t feel any pressure to like it or anything, i just think it’s cool that aang’s gender storyline and iroh’s flower metaphor seem to have meant something to you)

💜💜💜💜💜have an amazing day bee, remember you’re amazing and valid and beautiful

FIRST OF ALL WATCH YOUR APOLOGIES BOOM THERES NOTHING AT ALL TO APOLOGIZE FOR *ESPECIALLY* YOUR FEELINGS ANYWAYS 💜💜💜

*me in tears * *sniffle* i- idek what to say in literally crying rn b o o m - i’m sure you helped So many other people aside from me i just tend to rant to Everyone about things i love i just go bat shit crazy with that stuff hfsjb

i wont up and decide i hate the fic suddenly dw i genuinely don’t think i could Ever hate it (honestly i think telling your irl wouldn’t be bragging you just want to express something you’re happy/proud about yk? but do whatever youre comfy with 💜)

if there’s something you should be proud of doing for your eighteenth year Definitely take credit for helping me (and others!!!!!!!) bc holy shit i can reread wwda and tell you how Every little thing helped me (honestly 👀 i’m not opposed to the idea ,,) wait i need to figure out how to put this in paragraphs um okey anyways just yeah

covid really fucked things up ik but you!!! wrote this amazing fic based on your experience and hm you’ve helped ***so*** many people you say you’re thankful for my experience with wwda but know that im just ‘!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love i love i love’ about it im just. a h h just it helped a lot hfdjf (once again i Can write how/why smthg helped for literally everything but would that be too much? if you’re still reading then lmk)

and!!!! wwda Wont help me for just a moment HONESTLY just know that it has Very much affected me in a way that like ill remember for the rest of my life? that made sense right??? there’s just So much like there’s a lot that i relate with and seeing the characters work through it themselves and seeing That outside perspective on it i’m just like ‘*i* can do that’ soo it’s just really Neat. ooh six paragraphs oops. but i wont apologize bc i would gladly write 1000000 paragraphs for you boom 😌 mwah mwah mwah ily!!!!! you mean So much to me too!!!! i hope today treats you with the Utmost kindest you’re amazing and attractive and soo very valid too!!! (also its literally a given for how happy you’ve made (and will make!!!!!! *screams* hfdh excited) me but !!! just know okay idk how to express it but envision a tiny human (omg also youre basically the same height as me we’re like the same person by default) jumping around everywhere and that’s how happy you make me feel!!!) 💜💜💜💜🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

wait oops i forgot to tell you to try and sleep more tonight 💜 MWAH MWAH ILYSM 💜💜💜💜💜

#there’s an explosion!!! #boom sends an ask that i cried at when reading for the first time #i am Once Again tearing up #i cant believe the author of wwda ??? sent this to *me* ??????? #i’m in shock. #ik they say not to idealize people a lot but like The author of wwda sent this to me #*proceeds to freak out* #wait i need a min to process this omfg #a h h h!!!!!!!! ok i may be acting like a Total fangirl but i d c #the author of wwda- ahdgdjdh Please wtf how am i interacting with boom even idk #(boom if this makes you uncomfy lmk) #anyways #my teeth hurt :( #technically it’s my gums that are hurting since my teeth are bones and can’t hurt (did y’all know that) is just the nerves in my gums that #hurt #i also have to write a timed essay in history :) #that smile is a smile of pain #but it’s okey i’ll use this all to push me through it FDHDJ #‘im doing horribly on this essay.’ :( *remembers this ask* :)) !!! #pl e a s e thats literally going to be me #did i have anything else to say ? #i dont Think soooo #mk bye yall ily 💛💛💜💜💚💚

[wolfcrunch]

Wrote a massive ask about something, change the subject like two times, and now im starting over cuz NOW I know what I wanna talk about.

I've figured out a few reasons why so many people don't like deku. Of course there is the usual, he doesn't fit really any of the cookie cutters that make most shonen characters (however, characters like Todoroki and Bakugo do, and despite their flaws, everyone fucking drools over them constantly).

My next point: deku doesn't talk about his trauma. His entire life is fucked up, but hes pretended forever that its fine and normal, which has influenced us viewers horribly so that we don't see how messed up he is. We forget what has happened to him and all we see is this pathetic scared teenager who cries at everything because that's basically how he acted in the first like 4 episodes. Bakugo himself has even said deku doesn't really look at or think about himself at all (also demonstrated in like literally everything he says and does) and so we have seen hardly any of his pain. The doctor scene and the scene where his mom apologizes and cries is JUST the beginning. The events of the first episode were a sample of his everyday life (minus meeting all might or running into a villain ofc). We forget the entire fucking decade between these moments. A DECADE OF EPISODE ONE. Think about that.

Now I'll compare him to Bakugo and Todoroki, two beloved characters who get much less backlash, if any. Bakugo has talked about how he knows he's messed up, we have seen him change, and I guess he's more relatable somehow. Todoroki has talked openly about his trauma, we have seen chunks of it, we have seen the absolute worst of it (his mom and the boiling water probably) and we have seen him grow as a person (his entire character arc and also how he treats his dad after the tournament arc). We know him, we've seen him struggle and we see him moving past his animosity towards endeavor. He has asked for help and advice from him too.

Do I see anyone calling Todo an abuse apologist? No. Do I see people forgiving endeavor as easily has they did Bakugo? Absolutely not, which is not a bad thing, but the amount of people I've seen basically idolizing bakugo despite his past mistakes is almost astonishing to me. Of course many people can and should forgive baku, but no one loves deku like they do todoroki. Todo isn't in 2nd or 1st just cuz he doesnt get anywhere near as much screentime as deku and baku, and also prolly cuz he is not as relatable as bakugo, just like deku. Deku gets so so much shit and for what? You didn't like how he acted in the beginning of season one?

In conclusion, I am mad about how much hate deku gets, I wrote too much about bakugo and endeavor parallels when they shouldn't really be compared but its not my fault cuz all might himself has also pointed out similarities, and you probably know exactly who is writing this even tho I decided to go incognito and I cant remember why. Sorry I wrote you an essay<3

this has been in my inbox for a fair while and im sorry for the delayed response but you hit the nail on the head!

i feel like people go into a shonen, not expecting to be hit with a main character who despite being emotional, still hides a lot of stuff about him and his past. from both the cast, his friends and teachers, and us as the readers/audience. deku is a rather real-feeling character, who has gone through trauma and hasn’t had the chance to speak out. he’s instead decided to bury it within, trying to push it to stay in the past as he feels his current life is now better and free of all those troubles.

he bottles a lot of things up. it leaves an ever-lasting effect on him, even after he receives one for all and gets into ua. and for viewers who understand, they come to greatly love and appreciate his character and the growth he goes through, while noting how he has yet to face his past. people who don’t understand however, do just see how you worded it. a pathetic scared teenager who cries at the drop of a hat. him crying is such a noticeable trait within the first season, especially as a lot of his development past that has been a lot more subtle in comparison to todoroki and bakugou.

deku dives in and is reckless, and his flaws bubble at the surface a lot whenever he’s in focus (not that flaws are bad - good characters will have flaws), and people will often tend to heavily criticize him if he acts too differently from the deku they’re used to. crybaby deku. despite the fact those very same people want a more confident character. they want more fights. they want a character like bakugou or todoroki. yet whenever deku doesn’t act like the deku they know, it serves as another ‘reason’ to hate him, because they claim his character isn’t consistent, or that because he is reckless, he deserves consequence.

a lot of people who hate on him fail to see just how interesting of a character deku is however, for the role he’s taken and especially with the current setup horikoshi has given him to finally confront past deku, and to hopefully stop being so reckless. he’s yet to have a big character shift that turns readers heads.

but its coming, and i wholeheartedly believe in horikoshi to deliver.

#bnha #asks #anonymous