#!!!!!! last week was so good w music

[optiwashere]

Regardless of my opinion about the song itself, the new Unleash the Archers video is making me a bit rabid to see them live again. Their shows are fucking killer. Plus, Brittney and Scott were very sweet when I got a chance to chat w/ them at a merch table a handful of times.

Also, last week's new releases didn't quite grab me so I never did a ramble about that lol. Really hard to top that Isenordal album...

#random rambling about music #I think that was a tag IDK I've lost the plot on some of my own tags lmao #anyways the song is fine #but I'm betting it works way better in context of the album #and I was saying this in dms with a friend but it reminds me just how much of an album person I am lmao #re: last week's new releases - the new Aborted is pretty good and it was nice hearing SO many familiar voices #I recognized Alexandre from Despised Icon instantaneously and Oli from Archspire did his rapid-fire thing so he wasn't hard to miss lol #but it's very much leaning harder into deathcore which I'm w/e on save for a handful of bands

[katherinemckay]

the specific target audience for this post is gelphie enjoyers who like analyzing the musical’s score in-depth so if that’s you then hello the topic of my thinkpiece of the week is exploring the act 2 musical motifs that characterize elphaba and glinda’s relationship vs the motifs that characterize elphaba and fiyero’s

i’m gonna start with elphaba and glinda’s themes and then show how elphaba and fiyero’s contrasts them and contextualize it within the show because i've been thinking about this for weeks now okay so

in “for good: intro,” we have elphaba singing, “i’m limited.” we know that this is a parallel to this same melody being sung before: “unlimited / my future is unlimited,” “unlimited / together we’re unlimited.” here’s it in “the wizard and i” the first time it’s sung:

we also have this melody from “elphaba’s dance” in the ozdust scene, where you can see the high notes are the same intervals as the “unlimited” melody:

what ties the ozdust melody and DG’s “together we’re unlimited” to TWAI are the themes of hope in all of them. the start of a friendship between glinda and elphaba marks a new beginning for them, where they both can learn and grow from each other. in DG, the prospect of elphaba and glinda having a future together as a team gives elphaba hope that she can accomplish what she wants to with glinda by her side.

so, the reappearance of this motif in “for good” is interesting to me because with the lyrics being changed to “i’m limited,” it takes a once hopeful melody and seemingly turns it into elphaba’s acceptance that she does have limits- and have reached them. however, she then goes on to say that glinda “can do all i couldn’t do,” and so she gives the grimmerie to glinda and wants her to do what she can to carry out what elphaba wanted “for both of us.” even though elphaba herself is limited, we see that she still believes she is unlimited if she can work with glinda, that together there is ultimately still hope for them to make a difference.

then, right after this dialogue and intro, we get to the actual “for good” number. the intro has the following melody:

and after listening to the show way too many times i realized that this was extremely familiar. the notes in the second measure are exactly what plays during elphaba’s first entrance in the show:

it’s even the same key! elphaba’s first scene is supposed to represent the peak of her optimism. when she comes to shiz, she genuinely believes in the system and trusts that the wizard is good, and she is excited to learn and study. so, these notes playing directly after she enters connects this melody to the hope and optimism she has at this point in the act. (we also hear the “unlimited” melody again in the measure before that, as the intervals of the three top notes are the same, which once again connects that to hope.)

so, “for good” starting with a melody that was used at elphaba’s most optimistic point in the show portrays the song as a song of hope, despite the tragic circumstances. being able to reconnect with glinda makes her believe that there is still a chance for things to become better, that glinda will help make oz better. it shows that elphaba and glinda’s relationship has always been about hope; they gravitate towards each other because they make each other better, they help each other, they complement each other.

what’s interesting to me is how elphaba and fiyero's main musical motif in their act 2 duet is similar in that it is a recognizable theme from act 1. however, what makes theirs different is that while the gelphie motifs were used to represent hope and optimism, the main fiyeraba motif is pulled from melodies that represented some kind of darkness when we last heard them.

when we get their duet in “as long as you’re mine,” the intro melody that plays throughout the song becomes a theme for them. it plays when elphaba gets the note from fiyero before “for good,” and it plays in the finale after elphaba says he’s still beautiful. 

here’s it at the start of ALAYM:

like the ones i pointed out for gelphie, this melody is not new to the score at all. in fact, it’s in the first notes of the show, just more complicated:

when we hear this melody before ALAYM, it’s associated with wickedness or tragedy. here we have a variation in “no one mourns the wicked” when they are horrified to find out that elphaba is green:

here we have it in “defying gravity” after we find out that the wizard is actually corrupt and elphaba runs away:

here we have another variation in “the wicked witch of the east” after we find out elphaba’s father has died:

in all of these examples, it’s scenes where we’re supposed to be focusing on the darkness of the situation. its use in NOMTW or even DG are moments where we’re watching elphaba be characterized as a wicked witch, despite knowing that she isn’t. it gives this melody a tragic connotation and connects it to the darkness elphaba is forced into because of the way people see her.

so, its reappearance in ALAYM gives the song an underlying sense of darkness. if this melody has been associated with elphaba being forced into her role as a wicked witch, then its use in her romantic song with fiyero characterizes their relationship as just another factor of her having resigned herself to that role (and the “for the first time i feel wicked” line doesn’t really help either). this all just connects elphaba and fiyero’s relationship to an inherent darkness in elphaba, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it also somewhat suggests that elphaba is with him in this point of the narrative as a result of the loss of that optimism she once had.

in contrast, if we connect all of this back to the motifs discussed in “for good,” we know that elphaba does still have some of that hope left in regards to glinda. with glinda, she doesn’t seem to feel like she has to be wicked, she believes there can still be goodness and that glinda will work to do what is best. 

this is what makes the ending of the show feel unsatisfying to me. while it is supposed to be a happy ending- elphaba lives, she gets the guy, etc.- it really doesn’t feel that way when you look at the themes. there’s the tragedy in the fact that glinda is left alone, but also in the fact that elphaba doesn’t really have it much better. elphaba’s ‘happy ending’ is her spending the rest of her life in the relationship that the musical themes have characterized with darkness. in addition, she loses forever the relationship that has been characterized by hope, the one that has been given happy connotations since they first connected. so, it’s just odd to me that the happy ending of the show is given to the elphaba/fiyero dynamic, when all of the themes and motifs of the show seem to suggest that the happiest outcome for elphaba would be gelphie.

#i have been writing papers for the last 2 weeks because of finals can u tell i am still in essay mode #wicked #gelphie #musical analysis #also ik the other motif is somewhat in the entrance song too but it sounds so different w the key #and not the literal exact same notes like with for good #wicked analysis

[pronouncingitwang]

.

#truly no faster way to make me so so ill than the seol and the seolite diaspora DE tag on ao3. not in a bad way not in a good way either #also last week i hung out w a friend i hadn't seen in a while and we joked about diaspora lit bingo a lot #but yeah idk. the way my sister is reconnecting w her asianness through like. kdramas/cdramas and kpop etc #the way i only have about 4 chinese language songs liked on spotify and they're like #one from the CRA soundtrack two bc i looked up an artist whose photos were on tumblr and who i found hot #and one from my white roommate who's learning mandarin #and i wonder if my parents are like. so bummed that we ignored them and made fun of their shows and music and accents as elementary schoole #and now they see her doing this and me. idk. claiming POCness via something i never engaged with in a way i find satisfactory #or idk. the whole immigrant parents being your passports to your language/culture and once they die it's game over #ESP bc you only ever took enough chinese classes to graduate hs or college no more #and kim kitsuragi is suchhhhhhh an interesting look at that bc like. he is an orphan and he does have zero cultural or language ties to seo #like. he would absolutely dannyamericanbornchinese himself if he could #and i want him to reconnect like i imagine him reconnecting w being asian and it causes feelings of comfort and such in me #but like. he shouldn't have to obviously and #one of the notes of a fic in that tag is from a biracial person who says #I flip between wish fulfillment and scrutinizing the degree Kim 'needs' to reclaim his heritage #and like yeah. yeah. that thing #and idk i don't think there's a distinct chinese-american culture the way that chinese-american cuisine is like. A Thing you know #maybe i'd feel better if there was that #and if there was just one other seolite person in disco elysium but i think kim's racial isolation is purposeful #what is there for me but to idk. reread the joy luck club and have another crisis about it #personal

[littlebirdy0301]

it’s so weird when mental health is ur priority cause people around me will be like “yeah this last year I graduated & got an internship in my field!” or “I got a good job with benefits & moved out!” or “I’m getting married & we’re planning our next steps into family life!”

and I’m like “oh wow that’s great!! oh, what about me? Well nowadays I can leave the bathroom without needing to rush out before the flushing sound ends & I can turn lights off before fully exiting rooms! I also don’t have to apologize to god in my head when I swear, don’t have to repeat a phrase in my head when I get scared, and most of the time I don’t have to knock on wood to try & prevent things from going wrong!!”

#but like I’m so genuinely proud of those things too #More developments over the past few years: I can go places alone! #I can occasionally correct people that misgender me! #I can play music when I’m in the shower even when other ppl are home #I can sing out loud when I’m home alone or home mostly alone w/ my brother sleeping #I’m getting a lot better at recognizing my repetitive behaviors & being able to stop them when I notice them #I’m pretty good at speaking to myself kindly most of the time #I’m improving at being able to make phone calls #I’m getting a little further in the steps to getting a drivers license #made an appointment for a driving lesson next week :) #and I chose majors after several years at community college undeclared! #that’s a lot of what I have to show for the last couple years lol #mental health #tw compulsions #obsessive compulsive behavior

[belligerentbagel]

my chemical romance plays in twelve minutes 

adding my quiet contribution towards manifesting another Gender tonight 

#listen. liSTEN. they are less than five miles away from me and i am just deriving faint comfort from knowing we are in (almost) same zipcode #i could bike to the festival location right now 😶 #i've been lowkey in MCR SUBMERSION over the last .......month and a half? oh my god. #SO. i never got into them when they were first active! and i'm kind of. half-grateful for that? because WOW that might have been- #-an entirely different person; if my first DEEP musical obsession had 1) occurred in middle/high school instead of college; and #2) had not been david bowie (though in a satisfying roundabout; the glam rock elements of TBP that i REALLY enjoy are inspired by bowie) #draws #my chemical romance #mcr #the cheerleader outfit in tennessee was honestly what got mcr back into my consciousness as 'huh; isn't that the black parade band?' #and then the NURSE outfit gave me a solid two weeks of (・・；) #and then i listened to the entirety of TBP seVERal times and then foundations of decay (!!!!! it is SO GOOD w h a t) and then #spent another week thinking about aging and how your hopes and dreams change their form over the passage of years #thought about the endless cheerful vitality of the behind-the-scenes clips from the black parade music video #and all that potential; and all they DID accomplish (and have continued to accomplish) #and what it means to still be a rock star at this age #but beyond the memey ''tumblr (YOU INCLUDED) is having carnal thoughts about a 45-y.o. dad''; the part that has been striking s o hard is #the gender exultation every time #the way it lights up the stage; the way the fandom falls over itself and curls up and cries with joy #gerard way i hope you are so so happy

[un-pearable]

anyone got exec dysfunction hacks this assignment is stupid long and my usual strats have run out

#usually i can vibe with gum/crackers/smthn + very specifically one of three OSTs i can completely zone out to and get my shit done #OR deadline anxiety is good enough. but i’ve already blown past this deadline AND used up all of my listening things to the point of #annoyance and i can’t listen to my new music (w vocals) playlist bc it’ll distract me #so i’m just sitting here like an idiot doing anything but the writing #hell. i’m very good at writing essays i have a formula a strategy i may do them last second but i get them DONE and i get good grades #this stupid shit????? this field notes narrative-prose-as-much-detail-as-possible is KILLING ME bc there’s no solid way to track my progress #and the end feels a thousand years away AND i have write about my own personal experiences with activates the MEGAanxiety and i’m #i’m a week late now. hell. the teacher even emailed to ask me #i’m so fucjin tired and not even for a reason. i knew this class would suck #to be delete but fr any advice #it’s not that writing is hard. it’s that i’m overwhelmed and can’t even get myself to start and stick with it for long er than a damn minute

[xumoonhao]

i feel like ppl say every kpop song that gets popular is a cultural reset so its going to be super interesting in idk like 5 years from now what songs Actually had staying power and what ones were just popular in the moment bc a well known group came out with it

#songs like the chaser and into the new world and fantastic baby and ring ding dong Those are cultural resets. your 4th gen fav having #a song that goes viral bc it has a tiktok dance is simply popular in the moment . please get a hold of yourselves. #idk what might even Potentially have that kind of staying power bc kpop has changed so much over the years. a lot of the songs #that have lasted over the years have REASONS they lasted. usually bc they had a unique sound or blew up and were absolutely everywhere #but a lot of kpop sounds the same these days or songs are viral for a few weeks before something else comes out to replace w/e was popular #like genuinely ppl are like 'omg this song is amazing and itll last forever <3' and yet the song in question is just by a popular group. #like bestie just bc a group has a lot of fans doesnt mean their song will last longer than their comeback promotions 😭 #its just so funny to me..... and im not saying all songs are like that but its true for a Lot of groups and their songs. which isnt bad its #just yknow...like a lot of industries kpop is becoming less & less abt making music good and just abt making it sell lots #🎆.txt

[astrxealis]

mobile tumblr's new format what the fuck!

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #as said by lune now: 'tumblr think it's funny' LMFAO <//3 #yk i finally resubbed in ffxiv hehe ^___^ i say finally but i just haven't subbed for like... a week... #and the last time i played was just like 20 days ago..... not even a month.......... #uhmmm. focusing on homework yes <3 stressed for tuesday but i'll do my best :(( #and uhmmm. i did a few lil exercises/stretches in the morning bcs i shld really do that more often ^___^ #and i'll dedicate enough time to gaming/music today! and leave some leeway bcs no doubt i'll get distracted sometime today #and hopefully as i improve my schedule more i can also put in time for reading hehe ^^ and just. dedicating my energy & time well <3 #+ i can still do with more studying >___< but also social life shall not be neglected! #anyways sorry if you don't see me often on social media lol i am trying to get myself more together and i am getting there i think hehe #sooo. i'll play xiv for a bit and then do my homework! i suck w just giving myself time limits so i'll make an alarm #i suck w following alarms unless it's required tho. i'll get up immediately for class but if it's just from normal sleep for a normal day #i will extend it until i feel restless and want to get up and actually do shit LMFAO <3 #okay anyways have a good day everyone !! please don't forget to take care of yourself alright? #btw the format isn't really that bad but i'll need to get used to it and it's a lil weird to me

[dragqueenpentheus]

was feelin really down about my writing lately but then i got an absolute monster of a massive wonderful kind comment on one of my dndads fics and i'm so 😭😭😭😭😭😩😩😩🥺🥺🥺🥺

#MAYBE I ACTUALLY AM OKAY AT THIS #MAYBE IM ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD AT WRITING MAYBE #oh laddies we be in it the last week #but got confirmation that i'm gunna have my hrt appointment at the end of sept #which is a while away but also no time at all #i really hope i can work on my confidence and that getting more gender is going to help w that too #bc it's like. i'm annoying MYSELF w how big eyed wishy washy horrified i am #to like. put myself out there and TRy #like i DO. but not. enough. you know????? i should be workin way harder. applications at LEAST once a week #ough. #idk man i'm Nervous. i like my poetry but. it does feel VERY self involved #and all writing is inherently a reflection of the author but like. BUT LIKE. #i'm gunna wrangle self confidence one day so help me god #i know i had glimpses of it once upon a time. a few years ago. but bruh. art school. #was such a singular experience of wrecking my ass and making me feel like i was floating on clouds #ANYWAY I SHOULD SLEEP I HAVE AN MS APPOJNTMENT TOMORROW #AND IM GUNNA HAVE TO. FACE SOME MUSIC. #like i've been TAKING my meds. but i was months behind on the deliveries and i had so many left over i just. #stopped responding to the med company 😬😬😬😬 #and also. got on SO many mood and focus drugs. #t poses. anyway. some shit will hit the fan tomorrow. it's fine. i have other things to be nervous about. #irl #personal

[kuiinncedes]

djfgndkf

#bro how do i stop listening to had/estown #i get to doubt comes in and im like fucking shit this shit depressing lemme go back to the beginning #for that lighter happy shit bro so cute and happy and yay #and then it keeps going #and also like good fucking songs too at the beginning/throughout even if theyre not super happy lol but then the end end is so just sad TT #anyway i'm just gonna keep looping ha/destown LOLOLLL #.... im actually just stuck in the h/adestown time loop lmfao #i think i'm seeing it next weekenddddddddd w some friends yay heheheheheehheee #the way i've been wanting to listen to it for like at least 2 yrs i think #and finally just did last week lmfao the way all the stars gotta fucking align for me to get into a new musical #or new thing in general lol #but now i'm obsessed and also in love w eva n/obIezada #i'm also procrastinating . get ur shit together jeanne #jeanne talks

[snowflop]

I forgot YouTube has a recap feature, yippee! I love music :)

#i'm a little confused how Mori still got top artists this year i really didn't think i listened to her that much this year? #her last album was... not for me lets say. i guess i did listen to Unalive a lot. Resting Power is a genuine banger #you know what else is a banger? Lone Alpha's album Virtual Paradise steaming now on all platforms go listen to it it's so good #(shameless plug because i was on top 1% of their listeners and thats a travesty. everyone should listen to them they're incredible) #all my top tracks were songs i got stuck on and listened to for literally hours on loop #I played my number one track 88 times. i like it :) #here's a link because i dunno if it'll come up from the auto translated title -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAmA3w4lVAY #is it the best song in the world? no. it's a pretty typical piece of idol music. but its very dear to me. #i'm not even familiar with the vtuber who sings it. it just tumbled across my recommendations one day and stuck with me #the rest of my top tracks are like genuinely good. those are complete recommendations from me -w-)b #the second one a kinda ancient cover by Rachie. i've been listening to that sing since i was a teenage lol #i've just been feeling it this year i guess. i got stuck on it for a couple weeks and just kept looping back to it #the third one is Thai which was cool. i haven't heard a lot of songs in that language but it's really lovely #actually i'll link that one to 'cause if you're not familiar it might be hard to find -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S5b1lbWyUU #all the singers on it are great. i really like Schneider's Thai covers of other songs #and like. every single cover i've heard from Dacapo has been PHENOMENAL he's great #the last 2 are Paradox Live songs. I fucking love Amprule. Yeon Dongha number one forever #this is already to long but i wanna talk about Kessoku Band to. I still haven't watched Bochii (<fake anime fan) but the OST is NEXT LEVEL #every single song is just so <3<3 ''If i could be a constellation'' is just THE best. every song on the album is good. #you can ignore the rest of my recommendations but this album is just objectively good. #link -> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_mNWkxcU6VC_aWOFnpqYha-J5UMzwbVlx4 #EDIT: i'm coming back to edit this days later because oh. fucking DUH. Sinderella end of last year/start of this year. i fucking forgot. #JIGOKU 6 was not really my favourite. i liked a couple songs but some of the others weren't for me #(which i could say about Sinderlla to i guess but since it's got more songs i feel more positively about as a whole) #anyway. i didn't go that hard on Jigoku and since that the most recent one i was just like hm? what Mori did I listen to? #it was Sinderella from last year. I listened to that one A LOT. #Wanted -Wasted is just so good it carries the whole album for me. it even compensates for Internet Brain Rot lmao #snow blogging #music recs

[toastsnaffler]

trying to figure out how tf I'm gonna get home from this gig next week..

#doors open 7 and they only have 1 support so i would expect support to be on at 8 and the main act at 9 but it finishes at 11...... #but id need to leave around 10pm to catch the last train home if i miss that im fuuuucked #but that might mean missing out on most of their set if they dont start until 9:30 or later :( #ahhhhh #i have a friend who still lives in that city so maybe ill ask them if they could put me up for a night..... hmm #i think they live a fair distance from the venue tho.. if i miss some of it i miss some of it i guess. its not the end of the world #they HAVR announced new dates for next year and theyre playing in my current city so maybe. i could resell these tix #and just go see them in february instead #WAIT. THE ONE IN FEB IS LITERALLY 10 MINS WALK FROM MY FLAT ?????? #what the fuck. well i might as well just do that then lmaooo #saves me buying train tickets too #theres a gig w 4 post punk bands next week that i also really wanna go to bc one of the bands i LOVEEE but i think id run into the same- #problem travelling there ARGHHHH #so fucking annoying cuz its a tiny venue (~200 capacity) so rly intimate and they have such good sound there ive been before #and the band i love is relatively small and canadian so the odds of them playing here again are slim to none so 😭😭😭😭 #ill check the venue page maybe theyll end a bit earlier so its feasible. maaaannn #i havent been to enough live music lately i rly need to get back into it #theres a jmath band ive seen before on tour again i think they hit my city in a couple weeks so might go to that they were sick last time #we will SEE #anyway lunchtime baby #.diaries

[septembermonologues]

"send this to the person you hate the most. stay toxic ;)"

#i was absolutely right that after the last two weeks all i needed was to be at a concert w music so loud i couldn't hear myself think #they were so good #and any time victoria was grinding on the ground or they shot a close up of her hands i fear i was no better than a man #i feel bad that i have no good pictures of ethan because they had him up on the screens for maybe 5 minutes altogether #cw flashing lights #måneskin

[ki-yomii]

➥ pairing | jeon jungkook x f!reader ➥ word count | 4.4k ➥ warning(s) | 🔞 smut; fwb, angst w/ a happy ending, teasing, finger fucking, squirting, praise kink, frottage, dirty talk, pet names, commitment issues, jealous!jk, possessive!jk, dom!jk, idiots in love, misunderstandings ➥ summary | after being stood up one too many times, you realize you're in love with jungkook. and that just won't do. ➥ notes | istg i've re-written this more times than i care to count 💀 enjoy!

🖤 masterlist | inbox | AO3 🖤

cnt make it 2nite

The text is blunt - biting. No explanation offered, and certainly no false platitudes found in the lifeless string of black letters. Rather simple and straight to the point.

As you should have expected from Jungkook. He wasn’t known for his verbosity, and even less so for his love of texting.

But as you chew the fat of your cheek, reading it over and over again in an attempt to glean some hidden meaning that isn’t there, you admit to yourself - at least privately - there’s no more avoiding the truth.

One that’s been hovering over your shoulder for weeks like a shroud; an unwelcome guest you can’t ignore anymore: Jungkook’s been avoiding you.

It shouldn’t be surprising.

Moreover, it shouldn’t hurt.

There shouldn’t be an ache in your chest every time you see his contact or the plummet of your stomach when that inevitable excuse comes through.

In the end, he owes you nothing. The arrangement between you is casual, just a little fun between good friends.

It still fucking sucks though, you think, sucking your teeth.

Night thoroughly ruined before it’s begun, it’s only a matter of deciding how to respond now. In the past you’ve used a plethora of options, but you’re stumped. Unsure how to correlate the level of hurt to the nature of your not-relationship.

Should you be petty, passive-aggressive, indifferent - or worst of all: honest?

Hah, no way. I’d rather die.

Beside you, the bartender politely averts his gaze and busies himself with polishing a stack of pint glasses. It’s a slow night, and that’s saying something as this bar’s a little hole in the wall.

It’s never overly busy, which is one of the reason’s it’s a favorite meeting spot of yours. The floors might be sticky, but the music’s decent, the strobe lights they kick on after 10 PM aren’t offensive enough to induce a migraine, and the drinks are cheap with a heavy pour.

Watching him work is impressive - and almost distracting enough for you to ignore the needle sharp ache taking root beneath your ribs, the churn of your stomach.

Humiliation burns hot, creeps up your neck to settle into the apples of your cheeks as you’re stood up.

Again.

It isn’t the first time - it won’t be the last.

But it cuts deeper than all the rest combined, harder to shake off. You can’t lie to yourself anymore. The growing distance between you throbs like an open wound, as if Jungkook himself plunged a hand into your chest.

Scooped out any tender, soft thing he could find and left you hollowed out. Drained.

Not taking his flakiness personally used to be so easy. And now… well.

Goddamnit. A palm scrubs over your decolletage roughly to soothe the throb of your heart. What the hell did you expect to happen, getting involved with Jeon Jungkook, huh?

Everything from his stupidly pretty eyes to the dangerous curl of his mouth, the thick soles of his boots to the lapels of his leather jacket scream walking red flag.

Never mind the fact his proclivities are an open secret among the group. He’s never tried to hide his distaste for commitment. Finds it too monotonous. Predictable.

An eternally free soul much preferring to flit from one experience to the next, never shackled down for long. The Icarus of myth made flesh.

He runs through women like he runs through shoes, and you witnessed enough of the ensuing heartbreak and tears to be wary.

But knowing and feeling something are two very different things.

The dichotomy throws you off-kilter and finds you abandoned in a bar, once again, to choke on a regret so bitter you swear it’ll burn a hole through your throat.

What’s going on with me, you think, this is nothing new. He does this all the time.

You used to get on so well.

Any initial misgivings faded away in the face of Jungkook’s blinding attention, his unfaltering kindness lurking just beneath that surface of grit and gravel.

Even after you fuck, he never acts any differently, as casual between the sheets as he is lounging on your couch.

It's been great, it's been enough - until now.

Just the thought of going back to your empty apartment, alone, only to wake up and fall back into Jungkook’s orbit tomorrow when he swings by with a half-assed apology on his lips, and your favorite drink in hand is enough to make your skin crawl.

Stomach twisting itself into knots, everything in you rebels against the sudden cold realization: nothing will change - least of all Jungkook.

He’ll continue to take-take-take.

You'll continue to give-give-give.

On and on you'll go; a distant star orbiting a black hole, losing little bits of itself until there's nothing left.

Then he’ll leave your life as quickly as he entered it, a blurry after-image there and gone in the blink of an eye.

Fuck, I - I can’t do this anymore, you think, a shiver rattling down your spine, Because I…

An errant thought gains teeth, sinks them deep. Refuses to budge as an awful truth - one buried so deep you forgot it was there, ever lurking in the shadows - rises to the forefront of your mind.

And then --

Oh.

It’s because I love him - because I’m in love with him.

Suddenly it hurts to breathe, your lungs burning as you drown on the air itself. The steel band cinching around your ribs threatens to crack you open.

Your heart lurches in your chest, despair following swiftly to settle over your shoulders. Moreover, there is no one to blame except yourself.

Even if you want it to, it will never work out because loving Jungkook is to love the ghost of a long-forgotten memory.

And there are too many hurts to soothe, too many disappointments to name.

I can’t believe I actually -- shit. You swipe a shaky hand over your forehead. When you swallow, a sour taste clings to the back of your tongue. Should’ve known better.

You glance at your phone, the cursor blinking back at you mockingly. Should’ve done a lot of things, I guess.

Now, you're in too deep.

Waiting without ever realizing you began to do so in the first place; a life on pause, surviving off scraps of half-measures and maybe's, what-ifs, and if only's.

Now, it's clear the only way out is through.

The time to let go is here.

You need to muster up some semblance of self, and work to untangle the threads of connection binding you together. You need space to rediscover the pieces of your heart you left with him.

How to live without the taste of his kiss, the clench of his muscles, the thrust of his cock.

A new life sans Jungkook which begins with a simple reply in place of everything you really want to say: ok.

Then you wave the bartender over.

He does you a kindness once more, pretending not to notice the tears brimming along your lower lash line. “You ready to order?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah - sorry, I was…”

His mouth twitches. You waver.

Then the screen of your phone lights up with a notification.

Refusing to look lest you cave, emotions too fresh -  scraped raw and tender, you switch on DND and turn it face down where it will remain until you go home.

You're far too fragile (and sober) to think about reading Jungkook’s reply, let alone engage with him in any meaningful way.

“I’ll take a double vodka cranberry.”

Maybe if you get drunk enough, you'll forget about the home he carved in your bones.

Bottoms up, bitch.

w8 nvm guys cnt make it

y/n?

i cn b ovr in 10

???

gn ttyt

hey, sorry. called it early.

wyd?

nothing much. you?

nm running some mtchs

cool, cool. you able to swing by today?

yeh b there in 30 :)

In hindsight, trying to have this conversation with Jungkook face to face isn’t the brightest idea. But if anything, last night showed you every choice you’ve made lately is a disaster waiting to happen.

Your life’s already a mess - and you’re hopelessly in love with a man that’ll never love you back - so what’s another mistake added to a long string of misfortune.

So what if your hands tremble and your stomach churns as you unlock the door to let him in.

So what if he leans in for a kiss and you duck to the side, his lips brushing the slope of your cheek.

So what if he pauses and gives you a long, searching look before toeing off his shoes and offering you the drink he picked up on the way.

It can’t get any worse, right?

Only the hungry, molten mixture of rage and rebellion fueling you thus far fizzles away the minute you see him head towards your bedroom with a wink.

Anguish and despair follows in its wake, nipping at your heels.

This is all you’ll ever be to him, you remind yourself as you step into the room. A fun time. Nothing serious. You have to break it off.

You shoot him a tight smile. “Did you have a good night?”

Jungkook shrugs, glancing around at the decorations littering your dresser. “Nah, not really.” His gaze slides to you, traveling from your head to your bare toes in a slow once over. “I definitely would’ve had a better time with you.”

Swallowing roughly, you rub your hands over your arms and suddenly feel far too naked - exposed in your light summer dress. “Hah,” you intone without humor, awkward and stilted. “Probably not. I was out by 11:30.”

“Mm, that’s not like you.” Jungkook hums, moving forward until he’s right in front of you. His hands reach for you, grabbing your wrists gently. His thumb strokes over your pulse point. “You’re acting weird. Is there something you want to talk about, baby?”

Of course he’d notice.

It would be annoying if it wasn’t so endearing. Jungkook always pays attention to the details, makes leaps of logic based on little more than quiet observations.

You stitch together a chuckle. “Nothing gets past you, huh?”

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he grins, his lip ring dimpling the swell of his bottom lip. Your chests brush with every inhale, sharing space and breath. 

“Nothing,” he agrees.

It’s torture. It’s too intimate.

The glow of your overhead lamp highlights the sweep of his cheekbones, the curl of his lashes as he blinks slow and happy. The barely there impression of his body is too much.

You shrink back, clearing your throat.

“No, don’t do that. Where are you going?”

His eyes, shimmering with warmth, plead with you to stay, his shoulders curving towards you. A large palm settles over your shoulder, sparks igniting wherever he touches.

“Stop hiding. You can talk to me about anything. Come on, I want to know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

Steeling your resolve, you inhale and exhale with a shudder. His expression is open, soft. You know it won’t last, and take a few seconds to commit how he looks in this moment to memory.

For all you know, this will be one of the last times you’ll be this close to him again. At least until you can beat your feelings into submission.

And then you can’t put it off anymore, unable to take the ginger strokes of his fingers. The calming caresses as if he thinks you’re something precious. Quick like ripping off a band-aid, otherwise the words will never get past the bend of your throat.

“I want to stop.”

You catch the way his eyes darken, sharpen in the dim overhead light. He knows exactly what you’re talking about, but his half-smile never falters.

Of course, he refuses to make this easy on you. To acknowledge this is happening. He’s always been a greedy man; wants what he can’t have, and destroys what he does.

“Stop what?” Jungkook says. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, baby.”

“Kook,” you sigh, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “You know what I mean. I just - I can’t do,” your voice cracks, a hand motioning to the space between you, “this anymore.”

A vein throbs on the side of his neck, his jaw working in response. Muscles tense and release with every grit of his teeth. He asks, “You gonna tell me why, huh? Or are you just going to ditch me and act like it didn’t mean something?”

“Kook…”

There’s a certain grief that can’t be spoken, gnarled roots burrowing deep in your chest. A sense of loss so keenly felt it almost steals your breath.

You wish this wasn’t happening, you wish you could take it all back but this pantomime of a relationship isn’t fair to you. Not anymore. And you knew this conversation wouldn’t be fun, but Jungkook’s staunch denial still manages to surprise you.

“It didn’t mean anything though,” you say.

At least, not to you, you think. To me, it meant the world.

-- And that’s the problem.

You need to stop whatever this is between you from building. He’s already shown he doesn’t share your desire for more in a multitude of ways. He’s been avoiding you for a reason, whether he was consciously aware of your feelings or not.

Undoubtedly, you trust him with your life but not your heart.

As sweet as he is, has been, he won’t treat it gently. Not through any intentional ill-will but because he can’t contain his own commitment issues let alone make room for yours.

It’s better this way.

Let what you have - had - stay a memory unmarred by the ugliness of your hurt feelings and bitter disappointments.

Jungkook’s shoulders draw up towards his ears, his gaze glacial as his hands slide away from you. “Is there a reason you’re done with me now?”

Shadows lurk in the depths of his eyes, his lips curled into a cruel smirk. Everything about him looks weighted down.

“Well, is there? I mean, shit, I think I’ve earned an answer after all the time we spent together.”

Your heart breaks for him, everything in you calling out to close the gap and offer him comfort. But you can’t. You don’t trust yourself to touch him without wanting more than your heart can bear.

“I’m not done with you,” you say. “I would never do that to you, Kook. I just - I can’t be with you like that anymore, that’s all. I need space but I’ll still be around, I promise.”

The glare he shoots your way freezes the blood in your veins. “Cut the bullshit,” he snarls. “Tell.me.why.”

You avert your gaze, arms wrapping around your chest. “Why does that - I -”

You only had one rule at the very beginning of this mess: if there’s someone you’re serious about, you stop fucking. It comes as a handy lie - a believable excuse that’ll stop any further questioning.

You don’t think you have the fortitude if Jungkook keeps pressing you, cracking under the weight of your grief and the anger in his eyes like fine china.

“I think I - I think I want to start looking for a boyfriend again.”

An expression flashes across his face, there and gone in the blink of an eye. But there’s no doubt he recognizes it for the goodbye it’s supposed to be.

This is it, you think.

You can put what you had to rest and move on, a memory on a shelf you’ll dust off years down the line when the hurt isn’t so prevalent. And hopefully, with time, you can relearn how to be friends.

Though the strange gleam to his eyes sends a prickle of apprehension down your spine, and then you find yourself being manhandled as he snaps forward like a snake coiled to strike.

Air flees your lungs as Jungkook shoves you with a firm palm, your feet stumbling over themselves as you trip backwards into your bed frame.

Wood knocks into the backs of your knees, and you fold like a stack of cards. The sheets puff out around you, the scent of your laundry detergent tickling your nose.

You blink at the textured ceiling, mouth agape as you try to process what happened.

The empty space above you doesn’t stay vacant, Jungkook quickly crowding you into the mattress with his weight as he settles over top of your body.

He molds himself to your front, his firm hips slotting themselves between your thighs. Broad palms, warm and calloused, skim your sides and ruck up the skirt of your dress as he reaches under you to grip the soft globes of your ass.

He yanks you into him, your pelvises slotting together. You whine before you can stop yourself, eyes fluttering shut at the heat of his body.

Teeth scrape along the delicate skin of your neck, the sharp pricks of pleasure-pain coaxing a shiver down your spine.

Lips brush the shell of your ear, his minty breath puffing against the side of your face as he speaks, low and husky, “So that’s it, huh?”

“What--!”

Teeth nip your earlobe, and you wince.

“My girl thinks she’s going to leave me for someone else?” Jungkook snorts. “Like I’d ever let that fucking happen.”

“I’m not your girl.”

You squirm, a bolt of awareness slicing through you as your body responds to his proximity, the weight of him over you electrifying. Liquid desire blooms behind your navel, uncomfortable and unwelcome.

“I never was.”

Blunt nails dig into the fat of your ass, and a cruel mouth latches onto the corner of your jaw. “Ah, is that right?” Jungkook asks, the rumble of his voice vibrating through your torso, your nipples tightening as they drag over the plains of his chest. “You’re not my girl?”

You swallow, and ignore the throb of your clit as the line of his cock ruts into you. “I’m not your girl, Jungkook.”

“If you’re not my girl,” he grinds into the cradle of your hips, teasing - taunting, “then why the fuck are you so wet?”

Keening, you twitch, involuntarily rocking up into the firm pressure of his shaft. The angle’s just right, spreading your folds beneath the thin cotton of your panties and giving your neglected clit the perfect stimulation.

Exposing your soaked core to the chill of your room as your body warms with mortification.

Jungkook hums in approval, giving the side of your neck a sloppy kiss followed by a stinging nip. “You think some nobody can fuck you better than me?”

“That’s not what I - ffuck!”

Heat pools low in your belly, blood pumping fast. You’re steadily losing control, the aborted rolls of your hips increasing in frequency.

“Answer me.”

A sharp burst of copper floods your mouth, your skin splitting open with how hard you’re chewing on it. Blood clings to the swell of your bottom lip, a ruby red bead you lick away with a nervous tongue.

Sweat dappled your brow, and it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the molten desire curdling your stomach.

The softness of your body knows the hardness of his, every curve has a matching divot. The heady, pleasant scent of his cologne floods your lungs with every stuttered inhale.

Your senses are overwhelmed as he surrounds you.

“Shit, Kook, please,” you plead, hands tangling in the sheets by your head.

You’re not sure what you’re asking for but at the same time, you’re not sure how you ended up here. Again.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

This was supposed to be an amenable end to a dubious affair. It’s anything but.

“I want you to tell me who your cunt belongs to.”

Fingers inch down to tease along the soft flesh of your inner thighs, and play with the elastic of your panties.

You tremble, gooseflesh dimpling the exposed skin of your arms as knuckles brush over the length of your soaked pussy.

Your clit pulses, the pressure enough to tease.

“Come on, baby,” Jungkook coaxes, working his way beneath the fabric clinging to your core, “tell me you’re my girl.”

His cock nestles into the crook of your hip, hot and heavy through his jeans as a darkened patch blooms across the denim crotch. The sticky wetness of his pre-cum smearing into your skin as arousal swells, crashing over you.

Leaving you a whimpering, trembling mess in the cage of his arms.

“You just have to say it - say you’re my girl and I’ll be so, so good to you.” His breath warms the shell of your ear. “All you have to do is say it, and I’ll make you cum so hard you see stars.”

Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to cobble together a response, sliding a thick finger through your sticky folds and into your needy pussy just as your lips part.

All words leave you, your mind wiped clean as a low, broken cry echoes out into the room. Swallowed up by the sounds of city life outside your apartment as he works to stretch you open.

You clamp down at the sudden fullness, walls tight and fluttering around his finger like they would be around his cock.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans. “You always feel so soft and wet.”

Whining in agreement, you give up any pretense of resistance, letting primal desire chase away the despair, the guilt that threatens to choke you. Wiping your mind clean of any thoughts until the only thing that remains is the thrust of his fingers and the ache in your cunt.

Your hands slip, scrambling for purchase with sweaty palms. “J-Jungkook!”

Your knees tremble where they dig into his sides, air rushing from you in heavy pants as the space between your bodies heats up. You know you won’t last long, already hanging on the edge.

Never in a million years did you expect to be so turned on by Jungkook’s rough behavior. He usually treats you like something delicate.

Though he holds no such compunction now, raw in his desperate desire to make you cum.

Jungkook peppers kisses onto whatever skin he can reach, spreading your thighs wider with his torso. His knuckles strain against the fabric of your panties, stretching out the cotton and ruining them forevermore as he slips another finger into you.

Then his dark head bows, catching your gaze, and he says, “Hold on.”

Barely seconds after you anchor yourself to his shoulders, he starts finger fucking you to within an inch of your life. His forearm ripples with strength, the movements of his fingers pressing and rubbing against all the right spots. Curling up to massage at your g-spot until you’re shaking beneath him with hitched breaths.

“Shit, shit,” you gasp, eyes rolling back as your toes flex against his side, “Kook, baby, please don’t stop.”

He huffs a laugh, dark and amused. “Wouldn’t ever do that to you, baby.”

“S’good - I - I’m close.”

You sob, tears brimming along your lash line. The sloppy sounds of him fucking your pussy ring in your ears, as embarrassing as it is arousing. He’s making you gush, slick wetting your inner thighs, dribbling down your ass to stain the sheets.

“So close, gonna - hnnng - gonna cum.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Just like that, baby. Give me that squirt.”

You shake your head. “I can’t - I can’t!”

If you could, you’d suspend time so this moment never ends. The finality of your arrangement hovering just on the other side of pleasure.

In the back of your mind, you know Jungkook’s only behaving this way because he’s jealous. Angry. He doesn’t mean it, and this is a mistake.

It’ll only hurt you in the long run but you’ll take what you can get.

After all, this is the last time you’ll be together like this.

“No,” he shushes, dropping a kiss to your sweaty brow, “No, don’t lie. I know you can. I’ll make you.”

There’s no escape.

He refuses to let you escape, using his weight to keep you pinned as he spreads his fingers open inside you, twisting and fucking so deep you feel a twinge behind your navel.

And then you’re right there, crashing over the edge as the bubble of pleasure bursts, crackling through your limbs.

You cum harder than you ever have before. Nails sinking into his shoulders with a hiss as a wounded, broken wail scrapes its way out of your throat.

Your pussy throbs, gummy walls sucking him deeper as a rush of cum gushes from you in spurts. Your ears ring with white noise, and you’re vaguely aware of the fact your hands have gone numb.

For several long moments, you float with a head full of cotton, only rejoining the atmosphere when warmth dribbles down your ass in sticky rivulets of squirt.

Jungkook’s arm is curled around your waist, holding you close as his nose nuzzles into the side of your head. Tender lips dust kisses over your crown. His cock is still a heavy weight digging into your hip but he doesn’t seem to be in any rush to relieve himself.

“Jungkook,” you sigh, a wave of fatigue crashing over you. Your eyes sting when you close them, a lump building in your throat. You ache all over pleasantly, satisfaction settling deep into your bones. In spite of that, a rift opens in your heart. “Jungkook, I--”

He kisses your shoulder, shushing you. “Don’t ruin it. Just let me hold you for a little while longer… please.”

The tears are almost impossible to stop. “It’s already hard enough, don’t make me -- I can’t just…”

Jungkook squeezes you gently. “I love you,” he says, “but I swear to god you can be so stupid sometimes.”

You jolt, eyes swinging up to meet his, wide and disbelieving. “What did you just  - I - I  don’t. ..Jungkook?”

“How could I not feel the same?” he asks, tone resigned and wary. “Honestly scared the shit out of me when I realized because, well, y’know I don’t have the best track record.” He averts his gaze, a sheepish smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I almost fucked everything up too, but Namjoonie-hyung helped me get my head on straight.”

Something unfurls in your chest, and you feel as light as air. Ridiculously buoyant with happiness. Hope.

Oh, how stupid.

“We’re kind of idiots, aren’t we?” you ask, sniffling as you shoot him a watery smile. “Like… the biggest.”

Jungkook hums in agreement, a boyish gleam to his eyes. “I mean, you said it. Not me.”

#jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts smut #jungkook #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook fic #bts jungkook

[scottishstoner]

I’ve been working all week like 7-2 or 8-3 at the Hilton hotel restaurant and I enjoy it but I must’ve been exhausted coz I passed out on my couch at 5pm and woke up at 11pm 💀 lol I have to be awake again tomorrow for my shift at 7-2, my niece has began working with me…shes 16 and her second shift there from a week or 2 ago and she’s nervous again bless. ✨ she’ll be fine I work there all the time lol and she has me, she got nervous coz last breakfast shift (afternoon wasn’t as bad mostly just setting tables for later or polishing cutlery etc) it got very very busy but it’s not always like that so she got flung in the deep end her first shift lol. Anyway I hope I can sleep soon bc I have to leave at 6:15am to get into town for just before 7 to clock in lol it’s now 12:45am 💀

#I am sooo glad the main manger guy is back this other woman while very sweet didn’t have a clue #and loads of other managers there that are woman are amazing but this woman was rlly bad lll she got it done but it was all wrong #all the staff were like tf is she doing loll #I am temp agency but I’ve been working there on and off since may but a lot ikr weekly almost daily since august lol #I get requested a lot I got offered a job there actual but I can’t work for my agency for 3 months before they hire me it’s in the contract #for the agency I work for lol #sometimes I’m the only agency in coz I got requested bc I’m good at my job #waitressing is hard it isn’t just bringing plates out or taking them away this is the Hilton lmao we do a lot #polishing cutlery is my thing I’m so good at it managers always want me to do it for a lunch set up lmao #polishing plates and glasses and cleaning etc. and I weirdly enjoy it #I enjoy floor checks at the hotel they’re fun I go to every floor with a trolley and collect #room service trays and glasses it’s a chill time I can go alone or w someone of alone I vibe w music in my earphones lmao #I go floor to floor lol #anyway- #work #I worked Sunday had Monday off and been working every day since and tomorrow and Sunday too #I’ll have a great wage next week (I get paid every Friday for the week before is how it goes) #last minute Christmas shopping? that’s gonna be me lmao so Sagittarius of me

[ginnsbaker]

mastermind

Summary: As your sticks fly across the drums, your eyes momentarily scan the crowd, taking in the faces, the movements, the ecstatic energy. And then, in the flickering club lights, you spot her // …or the one where you find Wanda in the crowd during your band's gig, only to discover there's much more to her than you initially thought.

Word count: 5.2K+ | Tags: Smut (18+), Fluff, Oral and fingering (W receiving), Squirting, Overstimulation, Meet-cute, Drummer!Reader, Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Requested by anon. I got carried a way for a bit and took a few liberties. Hope you like it!

-

You almost didn’t make it for tonight’s gig. 

Still recovering from the flu you caught last week, you were close to letting Kate fill in on the drums. That is, until Yelena begged you not to let her girlfriend botch a sold-out evening.

The tension backstage is thicker than Bucky’s pre-show smoothie, and, given the mishmash of green ingredients, that's saying something.

“I'm just saying, letting Kate drum tonight is like giving a cat a keyboard and expecting Bonham,” Yelena says, gesturing wildly with her hands.

“Continue talking and you might not have a girlfriend by the end of your next sentence!” Kate huffs, spinning on her heel to stomp out of the area. 

You sip on your water, trying to keep your hydration levels up but also stifle a chuckle. This isn’t the first time Yelena’s protective streak has clashed with Kate's overenthusiastic approach to... well, everything. Natasha is trying, and failing, to keep a straight face, while Bucky seems to have found sudden interest in the intricate patterns on his boots. 

Your head is throbbing, the remnants of the flu still gnawing at your energy, but you've mustered up just enough strength to make it through tonight's set. Before Yelena or any other band member can comment further, the organizer gestures for your band to take the stage.

You take a deep breath, followed by another swig of water. It's almost showtime, and the excitement is seeping through the nerves, reminding you why you endure the endless rehearsals, sleepless nights, and yes, even the pre-show squabbles.

As you step onto the stage, the applause is deafening. The lights illuminate the sea of faces before you, and you can see the familiar glint of excitement in the eyes of returning fans mixed with the curious expressions of first-timers.

Bucky approaches the mic, flashing his signature charming smile at the crowd. “Good evening, everyone! We’re ecstatic to see so many familiar faces and new ones too! We've got a great set for you tonight, but before we start, let's give a big shoutout to Y/N here, who's powering through the flu to be with us tonight!” The crowd roars in appreciation, and you can't help but wave sheepishly, a tentative smile stretching across your face.

Natasha strums the opening chords of the first song, her fingers dancing effortlessly over the strings. Yelena, momentarily forgetting her earlier spat with Kate, loses herself in the rhythm, the bassline syncing perfectly with your drumbeat. The music flows, each note hitting the right spots, the synergy between band members mesmerizing the audience.

As your sticks fly across the drums, your eyes momentarily scan the crowd, taking in the faces, the movements, the ecstatic energy.

And then, in the flickering club lights, you spot her.

There's a brunette, her hair cascading down, dancing like she was born for this exact moment. The way she sways and lets loose to the rhythm—it's captivating.

But it's when she turns around that your heart nearly leaps out of your chest. Her eyes meet yours, and the world seems to slow down for a moment. Those intense, deep-set eyes pull you in, making it impossible to look away. They're filled with an emotion that's hard to pinpoint: intrigue, curiosity, maybe even a hint of challenge. The message is clear—she's noticed you, just as much as you've noticed her. 

She doesn't break the gaze, and as her hips move in tune with your beats, there's a silent communication happening. Your hands, despite the rising temperature of the room, feel cold against the drumsticks. It's a battle to maintain your rhythm and not lose yourself under her spell.

Natasha, catching the look on your face, leans in during a brief instrumental break. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you reply, attempting to refocus. Your distraction had almost caused you to miss a beat or two. 

Your eyes are locked onto the brunette once more as she starts grinding against her friend, her movements confident, sultry, and unapologetically magnetic. It's the sort of dancing that would have any person within the perimeter drooling on the spot. Usually, you'd shy away from openly watching someone move so suggestively, but you find yourself completely mesmerized.

As the next song kicks off, you throw in some extra flash on the drums, just to see if she'll play along. And sure enough, with every fancy beat you drop, she dances right to it. It's like you're both in this unspoken challenge, seeing who can outdo the other. Your fingers grip the drumsticks tighter, and you can feel the heat rising on your face.

That's when Natasha glances in the same direction and catches on. “Well, well, looks like someone's got a fan,” she murmurs with a wink, her voice barely audible over the booming speakers.

You roll your eyes, trying to play it cool, but the dryness in your mouth betrays your nonchalance. “Just playing my part,” you quip, though you're keenly aware that your concentration tonight is split between the drums and the mesmerizing dancer.

Yelena, following the exchange between you and Natasha, leans in from the bass guitar, raising an eyebrow. “Who's got you all hot and bothered?”

“Shut up, Yel,” you retort. With cheeks aflame, you try to shove Yelena’s teasing aside, to focus solely on the music coursing through your veins. However, the allure of the brunette is a magnet you can’t seem to resist.

As the beat picks up, so does the pace of your heart, hammering against your chest with every enthralling movement she makes. She is intoxicating, and you’re utterly spellbound.

During the bridge, you hit a sour note—a misstep that rarely happens—and Bucky gives you a dirty look from across the stage. He’s a perfectionist when it comes to the music, and you mouth a silent “sorry” before forcing your eyes away from the captivating sight in the crowd.

But not before catching her reaction.

She's laughing, her eyes alight with impishness, and you'd swear she's looking right at you. There's a knowing smile on her lips that suggests she knows exactly the effect she’s had on you. It’s both mortifying and exhilarating.

You try to keep to the side, hiding behind cymbals and drums, but it's impossible to shake the sensation of being observed. It's like she's got a spotlight aimed right at you, and you're center stage. Every moment you resist looking her way feels like an eternity, but every time you feel the pull to glance in her direction, Yelena’s earlier tease flares in your mind, keeping your eyes stubbornly on Bucky’s flashy shoes.

As the last song fades and the applause rolls in, you set down your drumsticks, nerves and excitement warring within you. You don't hang around for Bucky's wrap-up speech. Instead, you hustle to get backstage.

-

To everyone's shock, you decide to stick around after the gig. You're usually the most introverted one in the group and never do this.

Natasha sidles up to you, a teasing smirk on her lips. “So, about that girl you couldn't take your eyes off of...?”

You attempt to play it cool, but your nervous fidgeting with your drumsticks gives you away. “What girl?” you ask, feigning ignorance.

Bucky snorts in amusement, a wicked grin stretching across his face. “The one you were practically eye-fucking the entire set? Thought you were gonna jump off stage and grab her right there.”

You're now the shade of a ripe tomato, desperately searching for a diversion. “You guys are seeing things,” you mumble, avoiding their amused gazes.

“Honestly, I was half-expecting her to throw a bra onstage or something, the way you were gawking,” Yelena chirps in.

“Enough,” you protest weakly, your voice drowned out by the laughter of your bandmates.

Just as you're about to slip away to the bar for a breather, a waiter approaches you with a drink in hand. “Compliments of the lady over there,” he says, nodding towards a dim corner of the club.

You peer in the direction he's indicating but can't make out who it's from. The drink looks fancy, possibly alcoholic. Glancing at the waiter, you inform him, “I can't drink alcohol right now, but thank you.”

Natasha snatches it from the tray. “Well, if you're not taking it, it's mine.”

Bucky laughs. “Is everyone in this club trying to woo our drummer tonight?”

You roll your eyes at them, trying not to dwell on the mystery woman. However, it's not long before the same waiter returns, this time holding a simple glass of lemonade. “The lady noticed you weren’t drinking the cocktails and thought you might prefer this.”

Your curiosity almost gets the better of you, but the memories of the striking brunette dancing to your beats earlier still linger fresh in your mind. You opt not to scour the club's corners to spot who's sending the drinks. Instead, you lift the lemonade in a thankful gesture, aiming it in the general direction of where the waiter had pointed, and offer a polite, appreciative smile into the dim.

Natasha teases, “Playing hard to get, huh?”

You shrug and take a sip from your drink. “Just soaking in the night and the rewards of our hard work,” you remark, patting the pocket where you tucked away the cash from tonight's gig. “Isn't that what we're here for?”

-

An hour later, the club's neon and strobe lights continue to play tricks on your eyes, turning every brunette head you spot into a potential sighting. Each time, however, it’s not her.

Bucky's animated conversation about a new track he's been working on fades into the background. Natasha keeps throwing you knowing glances, but doesn't press. It's Yelena who finally comments, probably having had enough of your desolate puppy-dog look. She nudges you with her elbow, Kate giggling drunkenly by her side. Yelena's arm is protectively around Kate, but her sharp gaze is all on you.

“You know, you won't find her by just sulking here and gazing at every brunette that walks past. You gotta move,” she challenges, her tone equal parts bored and encouraging.

Kate, in her slightly inebriated state, adds with a giggle, “Yeah, go get her, tiger!”

“It's not that easy, you know,” you sigh, brooding over your drink. “Plus, what if she's not even interested?”

Yelena's smirk is almost predatory. “From what I saw? Trust me, she's interested. Now go.”

With a resigned sigh, you push yourself up from the booth. Steeling yourself, you start weaving your way through the crowd, using your slightly sober advantage to maneuver past intoxicated dancers. You scan every corner and table as you walk past, even though there's a nagging feeling in your gut that she might have already left the club.

It’s after what feels like an eternity that you spot a familiar cascade of brunette locks by the bar. She’s engaged in what appears to be an animated conversation with a tall, equally striking man. However, her posture—shoulders slightly hunched, eyes darting around—suggests that she’s far from comfortable.

The protective instinct kicks in before you can talk yourself out of it. Closing the distance, you position yourself between her and the persistent guy, offering her a way out. “Hey there,” you say, smoothly, your voice loud enough to be heard over the clamor. “I've been looking for you. Sorry I'm late.”

She catches on immediately, her relief evident as she steps closer to you, away from the guy. “There you are! I was starting to worry,” she plays along, giving you a swift kiss on the cheeks that has your eyes widening for a second and breaking character. Thankfully, the guy doesn’t notice your blunder, and sensing he's lost this battle, scowls and retreats into the crowd.

Turning to her, you can't help the grin that finds its way to your face. “Sorry for that, I wanted to help, but I didn’t also want to cause any trouble.”

She smiles back, her eyes gleaming in the club lights. “Thank you for the save. I was about to resort to more drastic measures.”

The banter between you flows naturally, the awkward ice broken by the unusual circumstance of your first interaction. “I'm Y/N,” you offer, extending a hand.

“Wanda,” she says, taking your hand. Her grip is firm and her hand warm against yours. It sends a jolt of electricity up your arm. Only now do you notice her eyes, the shade of green in them, and the way they reveal so much yet nothing at all. Just like that, you fall a little deeper into her trap.

“Wanda,” you repeat, tasting the name on your tongue as if trying it out. Your smile broadens instinctively, and she catches it, her nose scrunching up bashfully.

“What?” she asks.

“Oh, nothing,” you chuckle nervously, rubbing the back of your neck. “I just think it's a beautiful name. Fits someone as beautiful as you.”

She blushes, and you can't help but inwardly high five yourself for making her smile like that. She looks away for a moment, trying to hide her smile but fails miserably, and you find it endearing.

“Thank you, Y/N,” she says, her eyes meeting yours once more, a shy smile on her lips.

The night unfolds seamlessly from there. You find a quiet corner away from the crowd, where the music is a distant thump, allowing conversation to flow freely.

“So, when did you start drumming?” Wanda asks, leaning in a bit, genuinely seeming interested in your answer. You try your best to stay calm as you feel the heat radiate from her body.

“Believe it or not, I started a bit late, around twelve,” you reply, smiling at the memory of your younger self, awkwardly trying to grasp the drumsticks. “But I played the guitar first, picked it up when I was just five.”

Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Wow, so you're a multi-instrumentalist?”

You shrug, trying to appear nonchalant, but can't help the proud grin that creeps onto your face. “Something like that. But I mainly stick to drums in the band.”

She tilts her head, her eyes shining with interest. “Why don't you play the guitar for the band then?”

“Natasha's better than me on the guitar. She's got this incredible flair and finesse. I mean, I'm good, but she's... amazing.”

Wanda nods, absorbing the information, “I've heard her play, she really is. But I'm sure you're just as great.”

You laugh, “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” Then, taking a sip of your drink, you add, “Playing the guitar actually helps a lot when I'm writing our songs.”

“Wait, you write the songs?”

“Most of them,” you confirm, trying to sound as modest as you can be. “It's a collaborative effort, of course. But yeah, having a knowledge of multiple instruments, especially the guitar, helps lay the foundation for many of our tracks.”

Wanda looks at you, clearly impressed. “That's incredible, Y/N. No wonder your music feels so... personal. It's like you're telling a story with every song.”

“You’ve listened to our songs before?” you ask, mildly surprised.

Wanda nods sheepishly, as if caught harboring a guilty secret. “I might have, a few times... I definitely came here tonight to see you guys perform.” 

She then places a hand on your knee, and all at once, your throat feels parched. She scoots closer to you, to speak directly into your ear. “I wish I could see you play the guitar for me.”

You swallow hard. Her suggestion has certainly crossed your mind several times throughout the conversation. “Actually,” you begin, trying to steady your voice, “we keep our instruments in the back of the van. If you're interested, I could... play something for you?”

Wanda pulls back slightly to meet your eyes, looking like she wasn’t expecting you to actually agree to give her a private performance. “Really? Now?”

You nod, then stand and extend your hand to her, grinning. “Ready for a show?”

-

This isn’t exactly the kind of show you had in mind when you led Wanda to the back of the van. But you’re just twenty seconds into the new song you’ve been working on when she grabs your face with both hands and draws you in for a ferocious kiss. It’s a kiss that you haven’t tasted in a while—completely unrestrained.

You're lucky the drum set hasn't been loaded up yet, and with Bucky's keyboard being used by the current band onstage, there's just the right amount of space. Taking advantage, you push Wanda onto her back without breaking away from the kiss.

You pull away just enough to ask, “Are you sure?” while Wanda starts to slide your jacket down your arms.

Wanda nods impatiently, tracing her tongue along the underside of your chin, clearly enjoying the reaction she provokes.

“Was that a yes?” you prod, sitting up. Wanda sighs, albeit a bit irritably, only because you're suddenly out of her reach, before she collects herself enough to answer, “Yes, Y/N, I'm sure.”

“It's just that... I usually don’t do this,” you confess, looking down in embarrassment.

Your heart is pounding so loudly you're sure Wanda can hear it, especially with the way she's studying you intently. You can feel the heat creep up your neck, coloring your cheeks a deep shade of pink. This isn't typically your scene, and you wonder if she's regretting her decision.

But then, with a move that’s smooth and tender, Wanda slides her fingers under your chin, lifting your head to meet her gaze. Her eyes aren't filled with judgment or mockery, but with genuine understanding and something else you can't quite place.

“I find it... sexy,” she murmurs. “It’s refreshing, actually. Everything about you feels genuine. It's rare to find someone not playing games.”

Your eyes widen a fraction. That wasn't the reaction you'd been expecting.

She smirks a little at your expression, that hint of mischief returning. “Did you think admitting you're a little inexperienced would scare me off? If anything, it makes this even more exciting.”

“I'm not exactly 'inexperienced',” you argue with a bashful smile.

Her voice drops to a whisper, making your breath catch, and she inches just a bit closer. “I'm sure about this, Y/N. The back of a van might not be a romantic scene from a movie, but…” she breathes, and then she makes sure you feel every word she’s going to say next being spoken in your ear. “But right now? I swear, I might just go crazy if you don't touch me.”

Her statement stokes the fire between your legs and acting on the pull you feel, you lean in, hesitating just for a fraction of a second before capturing her lips with yours. Wanda lets out a soft, sultry moan as you deepen the kiss, your tongue boldly seeking entrance. She grants it, and you're immediately intoxicated, not just by the taste of the vodka she's been sipping on, but by Wanda herself. The way she feels, the way she responds—it's all consuming.

She tilts her head, granting you better access, and you take the opportunity to explore every inch of her mouth. The gentle tang of the alcohol is present but overshadowed by her own unique flavor, which is even more intoxicating. You can feel her hands resting on your shoulders, fingers gripping you with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine.

Wanda's breath hitches sharply as you confidently take charge. You yank her shirt off in one quick move, and she's laid bare under the soft street lights. Outside, some party is still in full swing, but in here, it's all about the uninhibited hunger between the two of you.

You slip your fingers to the back of her bra, fumbling just a moment before unhooking it, revealing her. Not wasting any time, you dive in, taking her nipple in your mouth, savoring it. The sensation drives her wild, and she arches her back, pushing herself deeper against you with a throaty moan.

Her fingers grip your hair, guiding and sometimes just pulling when she needs more. Every sound she makes, every pull of her fingers, gets you more revved up. It's intense, it's messy, but it's all too real.

As your hands venture lower, you notice her pupils dilate and her breathing grow uneven.

“You still sure?” you whisper, releasing her nipple with a wet pop. She responds with a desperate whine, pressing her hips closer to yours.

“Use your words, baby girl,” you murmur, nipping at her pulse point.

“Yes, yes, yes…” she answers breathlessly. “Please, Y/N.”

Your fingers playfully glide over her entrance, teasing her, “So wet for me,” you marvel, pressing a firm kiss to her neck. Your fingers dip inside her just slightly, pulling back out to further tease her.

“It's too bad I don't have my strap with me,” you groan, grinding against her thigh, letting her feel how turned on you are. “You'd look so pretty, taking it all.”

Her breathing hitches, “God, I wish you had it too.”

Wanda’s whines intensify, a sweet sound of pure desperation, as you suddenly remove your fingers from her. “Why did you—” she starts to complain, but you silence her with a searing kiss.

“I want to see all of you,” you murmur against her lips. Her skirt is the next target, and you fumble with the zipper, eager to remove the barrier between your hands and her skin. However, as you're about to pull down her underwear, a thought strikes you. Looking around the back of the van, you remember how it's been used for hauling equipment, and the floor isn't exactly pristine.

Thinking quickly, you grab your jacket and lay it out beneath her, ensuring she's on a cleaner surface. “Always got to take care of my girl,” you wink at her, trying to lighten the moment.

“Your girl?” Wanda echoes, her eyes half-lidded, a playful smile curling on her lips.

You realize your slip-up a beat too late, but then, her underwear and skirt are swiftly discarded, and she lies there, beautifully exposed to your hungry gaze.

“You're breathtaking,” you whisper in awe.

She flushes under your gaze. “I could say the same for you,” she murmurs, pulling you closer.

Your eyes roam her body, the soft curves and inviting skin, particularly where she's most sensitive. But you've always been one for asking. 

“Can I taste you?” The question leaves your lips, whispered against the skin of her inner thigh, making her shiver.

She responds with a needy, “Yes, please,” and bites her bottom lip, arching her hips slightly, as if laying herself bare for your indulgence.

You don't waste any more time. Shuffling down, you position yourself between her legs, the aromatic scent of her arousal filling your senses. Carefully, you part her folds with your fingers, your tongue darting out to collect the first taste. The first touch of your tongue against her wetness draws a sharp inhale from her, followed by a moan that has your ears burning from how shameless it sounds.

Your tongue swirls around her swollen nub, establishing a pattern that has her thighs clenching around your head. “Fucky, right there,” she groans, her hips thrusting up, eager to meet each glide and flick of your tongue. The wet sounds of your mouth paired with her whimpers urge you to sneak a hand beneath your jeans, seeking relief for your own building tension.

Her hands tighten in your hair, pulling you closer, almost as if she's trying to mold you to her. “More, right there... Oh, god!” she cries out, providing the exact guidance you need.

Amused by her reactions, you intentionally draw out a slurping sound as your tongue dives deeper, making Wanda retreat, but you abandon your own need for release to grab her ass and pull her back to your mouth. 

“Y/N, please, please, I’m—”

“You like that, don't you?” you tease, voice husky with lust. “You sound so pretty when you beg.”

She keens, a desperate sound, her fingers tightening their grip on your hair. You're relentless, enjoying every second of her unraveling, and she's close—so close.

“Are you going to come for me, Wanda?” you growl, lost in the intoxicating taste of her, pressing your tongue deeper, seeking out every intimate spot that makes her body jolt and writhe above you. Her voice breaks into a high-pitched cry, “Y/N! I'm—I'm—” and you feel her climax, her entire body shaking with the force of it, her wetness dripping from your chin down to your throat, drenching you in the process. 

Wanda's gasps fill the space as she shudders, the aftershocks of her orgasm leaving her body trembling. A wicked grin spreads across your face as you take in the sight of her, completely spent and vulnerable. She squirms beneath your mouth, trying to escape the onslaught of sensations. “Too much,” she pants, her voice hoarse.

Ignoring her plea, you continue your ministrations, lips and tongue working in tandem, driving her to the brink once more. As you feel her tensing up, preparing to escape your relentless assault, you slip two fingers inside her, feeling the tight clench of her around you. The unexpected intrusion steals her breath and the fight from her limbs, her resistance melting under your touch.

“You want more, don't you?” you murmur before your lips find her clit again. 

The van is starting to smell like sex. You know you'll have to do something about this later, but for now, you can't bring yourself to care as you take in every detail of the naked girl before you. The pleasure is almost overwhelming for Wanda, teetering on the edge of pain, but she feels another climax building deep inside her.

“Y/N!” she cries, her grip on your hair tightening, her back arching. “I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum!”

You don't stop, doubling your efforts, fingers and tongue working in sync, driving her up and beyond any point she's ever known. Suddenly, there's a gush, wetter and warmer than before, surprising you both. You pull back slightly, and she looks down, mortified. Her face turns a deep shade of red, and she tries to squirm out from beneath you.

“I'm so sorry... I—” Wanda stammers, scrambling to hide her face in her hands.

You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, a smirk forming on your lips. “Wanda, that was... incredibly hot.”

She looks away, still trying to process what just happened. “I didn’t... I've never...”

Sitting up, you gently cup her face, making her look at you. “Hey, it’s alright,” you say softly, trying to reassure her. “Don't be embarrassed. I'm honored that you felt comfortable enough with me to let go completely.”

She gives a shaky laugh, her fingers lightly tracing circles on your chest. “I can't believe you made me do that on the first try.”

“And I’m extremely lucky to be able to,” you say with a chuckle, gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face.

She blushes for a moment, then says, “I noticed you didn’t... you know. Do you want me to...?”

“Next time,” you promise, pressing a tender kiss on her forehead. “Right now, I need to make sure this van doesn’t end up as evidence of our... activities.” You wink, earning a soft giggle from her.

“Besides, I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed watching you fall apart because of me,” you add, mischievously wetting your lips.

She blushes, playfully swatting at your arm. “You're impossible.”

-

You were the first to step out of the van, offering Wanda a moment of privacy to get dressed. When she finally emerges, she leans on you for support. “I can't feel my legs,” she jokes, struggling a bit. She hands you your jacket which you'd forgotten, helping you slip it on. Immediately, the scent of her hits you, reminding you that she had climaxed twice on that very fabric.

Before you can dwell on the thought, a man approaches Wanda. It’s the same guy from earlier, the one she was arguing with at the bar. You instinctively square your shoulders, ready to step in between them, protectively, but Wanda halts you with a hand on your chest.

“Pietro!” Wanda exclaims, letting out an exasperated sigh as she utters her brother's name. You halt, puzzled.

She knows this guy?

Pietro looks at Wanda, then at you, his eyes narrowing for a moment. “You ready to go, Wanda?” he asks, clearly impatient.

She turns to you, giving you a soft, apologetic smile. “Y/N, this is my brother, Pietro.”

You swallow dryly, offering a somewhat clammy hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Pietro just eyes your hand, perhaps connecting the dots from earlier. Feeling like an idiot, you quickly pull your hand back, subtly rubbing it against your pants. He departs without another word, muttering to Wanda, “I'll be in the car. Don't keep me waiting too long.”

Wanda watches Pietro go, her smile fading a bit. Turning back to you, she takes a deep breath. “Okay, so, about earlier,” she starts, biting her lower lip nervously. “I might have, um... staged that whole fight thing to get your attention. He wasn’t too thrilled about the idea, but he played along.” Her eyes dart to the ground, avoiding your gaze.

You blink, processing her confession. Before you can come up with any coherent response, she giggles at the dumbfounded expression on your face. “I really have to go,” she says.

And then, before you can react, she plants a featherlight kiss on your cheek. The warmth of it lingers on your skin as she steps back, her eyes holding yours for a long, sweet moment.

“Thank you,” she whispers, her eyes glistening under the soft moonlight. “Tonight was... unexpected, but amazing.”

And with that, she turns and hurries off to where Pietro is waiting for her by a parked car. You stand there, feeling the spot on your cheek where her lips touched, watching her until she hops into the car and drives off into the night. It’s only after the car disappears around the bend that you mentally kick yourself for forgetting to ask for her number. With a sigh, you turn back to your van, resigned to cleaning up.

The chill of the night settles in, and when you slip your hands into your jacket pockets, your fingers catch a scrap of paper. It feels out of place, foreign to the usual belongings you stash in there. You pull it out, and to your surprise, it's a receipt. The drinks listed there jog a memory: an alcoholic cocktail offered to you earlier in the night which you politely declined, and the tangy lemonade that followed right after.

Realization dawns on you. Wanda had been orchestrating things all night. You flip the receipt over and your heart skips a beat. Scrawled at the back in a neat, cursive handwriting is her number, accompanied by a simple message: “Call me soon.”

Grinning like a fool, you grab a cloth and some disinfectant from the compartment. Cleaning the back of a van has never felt this satisfying.

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