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It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

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"It is strange, this reaction I have to garlic. In all my wanderings, in all my research, I have never encountered another vampire thusly affected. It is true that some popular lore holds that all vampires have an inherent weakness to garlic, but this is simply not the case. My situation, as far as I can tell, is unique."

--Vicente Valtieri, not realizing he has an allergy to garlic unrelated to his vampirism

#literally me in real life

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sorry but is wolverine TRYING to get deadpool to fall in love w him pulling a stunt like this w a smile like that? why not just ask to bang on the bar while he's at it

#they might as well be kissing on the mouth #deadpool and wolverine

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hi i’m a skyrim bandit my favorite hobby is keeping 12 gold in novice locked chests that i do not own a key for

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couldnt stop fucking thinking about this all day at work

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i got my new tetanus shot who wants to play bucket of rusty nails withme ^_^

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feeling like the health inspector

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I am a beautiful woman and I deserve to eat two enormous pastries before 9 am

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it’s actually insane to me how many people think misandry is as prevalent and harmful as misogyny like genuinely i mean this so seriously if you think misandry is a real problem that hurts men then you are a wholesale idiot & you are a failure

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i love to make fun of notorious white woman Taylor Swift and all of her embarrassing attempts to appear deeper than a plate of soup.

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So I binged the entirety of How To Build a Sex Room last night and this one scene just cracked me up

The designer's at a western leather/tack store looking for supplies to make a rustic-style sex swing and turns to one of the store employees for advice, which initially goes about as amusingly as you would expect

So then she pulls up some pictures to give him an idea of what she needs

And he's Immediately like

The professional disgust, I'm living

#this is just what its like in the country when you find the right people.

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Maybe this is the wrong platform to pose this question given the average tumblr user but

Is it just me or did our generation (those of is who are currently 20-30 ish) just not get the opportunity to be young in the 'standard' sense?

Like, everyone I talk to who's over 40 has all their wild stories about their teens and 20s, being young and dumb, and then I talk to my friends and coworkers and classmates, and we just... dont.

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i love when a character has something terrible happen to them and as a result they see themself as, essentially if not literally, a ghost. and so that means they only can (and have to) do what ghosts do, ie get revenge and then cease to exist. easy as that. but then halfway through this ghost vengeance they realize hey actually i might still be a human person. with human needs. that’s incredibly inconvenient, considering how much i’ve invested in this whole ghost thing

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by talos this can’t be happening is a mandela effect because the actual phrase is by the gods this can’t be happening and i’ve never heard anyone say the former in game