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sunshineforsail · 2 years
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Letter to No One #10
Dear No One, I used to think happiness was you. Being happy, for me, meant being around you, thinking about you, talking to you. I used to think The absence of you was the absence of happiness. I was happy when I was with you. I was unhappy when I was without you. I recently realized that happiness can be other things. Happiness is going out of the country for two weeks to visit an old friend and connecting with new people. Happiness is feeling genuinely wanted around and cared for. Happiness is friendship and family. Happiness can find me at the same time as loneliness. I am lonely. I miss my friends from overseas. I miss feeling cared about. I miss feeling loved. I crave feeling loved. Being loved is not happiness. It cannot be. I must learn to be happy while being unloved. Sadness is trusting someone and being let down. Sadness is realizing I may struggle to trust men in the future because I foolishly let myself trust someone named No One for the second time. Sadness is knowing I will probably trust you again someday, and knowing I will be let down. There is no world where I see a happy future for us, No One. I do not think we’re compatible romantically. I don’t even think you’re a very good friend. But I love you. Despite it all, I love you. I hate that about myself. Sadness is loving someone when every single part of you knows you should not. Happiness is knowing I am more than how I was treated. Healing is realizing that my happiest moments with you will be my everyday moments with someone else. Signed, Myself.
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sunshineforsail · 2 years
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Letters to No One
there’s an unfinished Letter to No One #5 that I haven’t posted. That’s why the numbers are off
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sunshineforsail · 2 years
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Letter to No One #6
Dear No One, and Everyone,
I posted a picture earlier this year while we were still together. I remember telling my sister that I was in such a bad place and I was so unhappy, and then comments rolled in that I looked happier than I had in months. It took me all this time to realize I was miserable.
No One was not the cause of my misery, just an unfortunate addition to it. Everything was so wrong at that point in my life and I just felt trapped. I don’t think he ever made me feel that way. I don’t fault him for my unhappiness at that time.
I was at a point where I should not have relied on him so much. No One is not the type of person to easily emotionally support someone. He tried to tell me that several times. I just wanted to believe that he could make me happy enough to forget about the misery going on all around me.
This seems like a pity party, but I assure you, it is not. I am extremely happy now. Happy enough to realize I didn’t need him, and I’m sorry I pushed so heavily for him to support me when he couldn’t. Happy enough to move back to my old job and enjoy it instead of dreading each day. Happy enough to write like I wanted to and not care about the expectations the world may have for me.
My life is not perfect, and no one (not even No One) could make it that. I lived in a fantasy and it took too long to escape it and be satisfied with imperfection. I’m not living a perfect life, but I am happy.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Girlfriend
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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via weheartit
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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Letter to No One #4
Dear No One,
I’m doing well, and I know you are as well. Being with my new friend has taught me something very important, and perhaps I shouldn’t indulge this thought at all for it will most certainly leave me more lonely than ever. I have learned that there is no one in this world better than you are. Not to say that you are perfect, but that for me you are perfect.
I’m well aware you might not ever feel the same way for me, and that’s okay. Of course in my daydreams, when we begin to spend half our days together in August, you will remember how much you care for me and begin to want me again, but I’m not giving into those daydreams. I’ve also learned that you almost never make my romantic daydreams come true.
I know now that I can’t fill the hole you caused in my heart with another person who will surely just cause another hole. I know that you have so much to worry about, and I appreciate that you recognized I have a lot going on too. It may not have been a good time for us, and while I’m risking sounding slightly insane, I’ll wait for us to be ready.
Three people in my life have very recently admitted to having romantic feelings for me since you left me and I became “available”. I told all of them the same thing; while I might eventually be over you, I cannot reciprocate anything yet. I just need time. Each one of them cut off all communication with me. They didn’t want to wait for me and they didn’t want to be my friends. All they wanted was romance, and more likely sex.
When you ended our romantic relationship, I didn’t want to be your friend, even though you told me we could try it again if we felt the same way in a year. I was so angry at the way you ended things that I couldn’t fathom ever speaking to you amicably again. 
Of course I took back that quickly because I know I don’t want to live without you in my life, even if it’s just as a close friend, as you called it. You are my best friend, and I’ll always love you platonically. I’ll keep my romantic feelings in until you’re ready to discuss it again, if ever.
I promised you I wouldn’t bring it up again, and I intend to stand by that until you tell me your mind has changed. I know we’re meant to be in each other’s lives one way or another, so I’ll be here if you decide you love me again.
Sincerely
Your Best Friend
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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Letter to No One #3
Dear No One,
What have you been doing? Even though I’ve been by your side, I can’t tell. My new friend seems to upset you, but why? Is it because you expected me to wait forever? Or do you simply not like the man you’ve never met. Is it because you’re afraid I’ll realize he’s better than you? You don’t have to worry about that last one. He’s not better than you. He’s nice, and he’s funny. You two have some similarities, by the way. Like how you both hate my taste in music.
That’s irrelevant. I miss you, No One. You don’t have to worry about my new friend because he doesn’t like me that much. He is and always will be just a friend. You however will not always be my friend. I’ve decided today that it would be far too painful to see you with anyone else. I won’t be friends with you anymore when you find your dream girl I couldn’t be.
Did you know I think about every little thing you do and try to find some ulterior motive, some sign of something deeper? I’ve always done that, but things feel different. You stop the conversation when I bring up my new friend. And you’ve been nicer to me lately. I wonder about that. You’ve been nicer to me now than you were when we were together.
You bought me water when I told you not to. Perhaps that was just your way of being nice. But when I told you I was lonely and I missed my friends, you did everything in your power to make sure I saw my friends that night. And I thought you didn’t care that much, but you did. You asked your family to move up your meeting so I could not be lonely. You came and picked me up because I couldn’t leave my house. And even still told me you wouldn’t be upset if I went with my new friend instead since he had asked me if I wanted to go with him instead.
Are you proving to me you can be a good friend? Are you trying to prove you know how to be a partner now? There’s nothing to prove. I would’ve taken you back even when you hurt me every day. I tell myself, “Oh I would have to think about it,” but I really wouldn’t. In a heartbeat I would say yes. And I think that makes me a fool.
I’m so in love with you, No One, and I wish I wasn’t. I want you to come back and to hold me again. I want you to hold me so badly, but I refuse to believe it’ll ever happen again. Your sister tells me to have hope, but I can’t. Not while you hold onto your stupid pride. I miss you. I hope maybe someday soon you’ll not be so stubborn.
I’ve said the word hope and everything. Why do you make me such a fool?
Sincerely,
Your Best Friend
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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This used to be us
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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Letter to No One #2
Dear No One,
I’m going out tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. Maybe not as long as you or I expected it would take me. I can’t stand having nothing. I miss you so much, with every piece of my heart, but I can also replace you. You have to know that. I can’t sit around and wait for you to possibly love me again. I can’t do it. I want to. But why should I hurt myself and give you everything when you never give me anything?
You haven’t talked to me since I told you about my going out. I don’t know if it’s because you usually don’t talk to me, or if it’s because you’re angry at me. You can’t be angry at me. It’s not fair. I told you in my letter that I was letting go of the expectation. As far as we were both concerned, we were never going to be together again.
So why does it feel like I’m betraying you? Why does it feel like I’m breaking some unspoken promise between us? Why do I know that if you told me not to go out, I wouldn’t. I would do whatever you said if you’d just tell me you still love me. You’re too nice to tell me, though. Instead you will just live with the reality that I might be getting over you, and although I know I shouldn’t, I hope it brings you a sense of dread.
I still love you. But I want you to feel the pain I felt. No, that’s not why I’m going out. I’m going out because I want to. He’s nice and sweet. And perhaps I will be living a Taylor Swift Balade, and not one of the happy ones, but I like him. When I talk to him, I don’t feel so abandoned.
How dramatic of me to say you abandoned me, right? You’re still in my life. You drove me from the theatre. And yet you left me vulnerable and alone in the times I needed you most. You couldn’t predict what would happen after you left, but you did already know what was happening before. And you told me you couldn’t handle my afflictions. My emotions were just too much for you. So why did you spill your emotions to me the day after you left me? Why do you still tell me when you are stressed or angry? Why am I not allowed to speak, but you can say whatever you please? I’m begging you for answers but I know you will simply tell me that you don’t know.
Because you never really thought, did you? You never sat and imagined what might happen if you left me. I asked you if it was hard, because you made it look so easy. And when I think of how easy you continue to make it look when everyday it’s so hard for me, I break down. How could you let go so easily? When you’d be so angry with me for accusing you of not caring? Can’t you see why I said those things, no matter how wrong I may have been? You left like it was nothing. Like I was nothing. And every day I continue to feel like I am and always was nothing to you.
Why am I so drawn to you? Why would I drop everything for you in a heartbeat, when I know even begging on my knees, you won’t care? Why do I want to give up everything I’ve ever believed and lived for just so you’ll love me again?
Will I ever realize how bad you are for me? I hope one day I do. Today is not that day. I love you still.
Sincerely,
Your Best Friend
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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Art by Anders Rokkum,  Animation by TheGlitch
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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sunshineforsail · 3 years
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A letter to no one
Dear no one,
We talk every single day, so why do I feel like I’ve lost you forever? Today I found a memory of when you once told me you loved me. It felt real then. You said the night we parted that you still loved me, but do you? You never were good at showing how you felt, so it’s easy for me to wonder if you ever did feel the things you said, but never showed.
You would get angry at me when I said I felt like you didn’t love me. Do you remember that? But I knew you loved me. I just wanted you to show me. That was probably wrong of me. Without Trust, there is no Love. I know that.
You still mean everything to me. I still wear the necklace you gave me. I wear it every day. I want so desperately for you to come back and tell me you can’t stand being parted and you made a mistake, but no. You’re much too stubborn for that, aren’t you, no one?
You ended things so harshly. You ended things with a lie that I quickly disproved. I found out the truth and now we can’t go back. I am willing to put aside my pride for you, but you seem to be the Pride and the Prejudice in this story.
I wish I could tell you that I would do absolutely anything and everything for you to come back and tell me you love me. I wish I could say you mean everything to me and it’s so hard to live my life without you. And I know that I can say those things, but why should I when I know exactly how they will turn out for me.
You’re so stubborn that you cannot turn back on your word, even though you know it’s stupid.
Your sister called me. She told me some of the things you said. She told me she thinks we could work it out and that I shouldn’t give up hope.
You, however, say that there is no hope. There is only a very slim chance that in a year or two we might come back together, and you know that’s not what I want.
I wish I could give up on you like you gave up on me. I wish it was this easy for me as it is for you. Knowing I will never hold your hand or kiss you again hurts me. Knowing that I have to look at you and fight the urge to tell you how much I love you and that stupid thing you do with your eyebrows when you think you’ve done something impressive.
How am I supposed to be your best friend when you put me through hell every day just by existing? I don’t want you out of my life. But this is not how I want you in my life. This is not how things were supposed to be.
And the worst part is that I know this could’ve been avoided if I had been more careful. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you that night. It was such a stupid reason.
If I ever love again, I won’t repeat my mistakes. And that’s another thing I wish I could tell you.
Sincerely,
Your Best Friend
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sunshineforsail · 4 years
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Oh Boy Oh Wow Yes I’d Love To Follow The Link In Your Profile Image Buddy!
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sunshineforsail · 5 years
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me getting on tumblr dot com for the first time in a week: O a message !
Spam bot: WANT 30000000 FOLLOWERS?
me: :(
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sunshineforsail · 5 years
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Memes from our D&D game without context part 2
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(this one’s mine, but i blocked out the names)
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sunshineforsail · 5 years
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Memes from our D&D game without context part 1
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(made by my co-memer in the party)
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sunshineforsail · 5 years
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hhhhhhhhhhnnnnnn
gonna bite all my nails off 
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sunshineforsail · 5 years
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here’s the dealio
being ignored doesn’t bother me that much. I’m like “pfft ok” and I drop it because I can’t control their ignoring me and I’d rather just forget about that person and not talk to them. What’s really bothering me is how I never really want to talk to people, but people will talk to me and i’m like “ok whatever” but i really really really need to talk to people just like casually. I’m dying and want to have some human contact but also kinda want to open up to people? but jakshdkjh
and now my best friend isn’t answering and everyone else is asleep and i’m having a breakdown
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