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stucky-my-ship · 3 hours ago
What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.
You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself
but you killed everyone else around you too. 
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stucky-my-ship · 13 hours ago
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Summary: Bucky is a robber part of the HYDRA THEFT ORGANIZATION that hides behind a failed circus façade. When he is tasked with robbing Cirque du Stark, something or someone is holding him back from going through with the operation.
Pairing: Criminal!Bucky x Stark!Reader
Word Count: 2K
Warnings: Angst, mention of death, language
🎪Series Masterlist🎪
Thank you to @simrantheconqueror for beta reading this chapter❤️❤️
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Bucky watched on as Loki hurled a knife into the centre of the dartboard.
Loki had a certain charm about him that seemed to dissipate whenever he was in Bucky’s presence, which made training as an act harder let alone performing.
Y/N was watching the two opposing men carefully, half admiring and half wondering how they would be able to work together.
Loki was all hard angles, lithe muscles and cold eyes. His chiselled jaw seemed to be cut from the palest of marble; calculating, knowing blue eyes harvested from the waters of the pacific; whilst the hair on his head seemed so dark some days, that it threatened to consume all.
The opposite of Loki was Bucky, with haunted, dark eyes that seemed as if they were a physical manifestation of the darkness within; bulging muscles that were at risk of ripping free from the seams of his clothes.
They were so similar in their darkness, yet so different it sent Y/N’s mind into a tailspin.
“What’s gotten our little Stark so enamored?” Natasha smirked, as she and Wanda came to stand with her.
“More like who!” Wanda snickered as she eyed the direction of the two men.
Y/N sighed, “Nothing- little Stark is watching those two dance around each other.”
“You know, if I hadn’t already know that Loki and Bucky are straight, I would’ve thought their intensity was actually a different kind of intensity.” Natasha spoke as she looked at the duo.
“I think I would’ve preferred it if they were gay- I mean I get stress rashes being in the same room as them.” Wanda agreed.
The women laughed, but Bucky and Loki’s dislike of one another were well known within the circus and these days most avoided spending time in a room when the two were both present.
“I think there’s something going on with you, Y/N, so we are staging an intervention slash girl’s night.” Natasha paused, “Not in my trailer though because I don’t think there’s a single surface that’s clean- Wanda?”
“Mine smells like elephant food so probably not.”
“What elephant food? Peanuts? Hay? Fruit?”
“Elephants eat hay?” Wanda stared at Natasha with incredulous eyes.
Y/N tuned out the girls’ discussion as she looked back at Bucky, inadvertently locking eyes with him. They stared at each other for what seemed like only seconds, but who knew how long they were trapped by something as simple as each other’s gazes.
“So, Y/N’s trailer, tonight?” She was brought back to the present by Wanda’s voice.
Y/n snapped out of her trance and nodded.
Bucky turned back to the board and went to retrieve the knives he had thrown before being locked in a stare with Y/N. As he saw Loki moving in the corner of his eye,
he pulled the knives out with ease, his hands accustomed to the smooth heaviness of his knives as he had been for many years. Suddenly, a knife whooshed past his face and lodged itself into the board. If he had moved just slightly, he would’ve ended up a dead man.
Bucky looked at the knife board, which had a single knife with an obsidian hilt glinting at him.
The knife had missed him by millimeters.
Bucky turned his head sharply to glare at the man in question. "Apologies, but I find that an actual target makes for good practice.” Loki drawled, a ghost of a smirk and a cold glint in his eyes, almost mocking him, daring him to retaliate with so many of their co-workers milling about.
“I’m sure.” Bucky gritted out, walking away from the board.
“You may have everyone else here fooled but not me.”
Bucky paused, his arm raised in the air slightly as he aimed. But Loki continued.
“I can see right through your act, Barnes. I know you. And sure, it hasn’t come to me yet, ” Loki was close to Bucky now, his voice hissing in his ear,“But I would watch my back if I were you. You never know when a stray knife might embed itself into it.”
Loki moved back slightly, straightening up, “I think we’re done here for today.” He turned around on his heel, leaving. “Oh, and stay away from Y/N. I will not allow you to speak with her.”
“Excuse me? You won’t allow me?” Bucky half-shouted, raising his voice to the retreating man.
But Loki stopped and pivoted on his heel once more, stalking into Bucky’s space.
“I don’t need your damn permission to do anything, Laufeyson.” Bucky watched as Loki’s nostrils flared at the name as Loki filed away Bucky’s knowledge of his name before being adopted by Thor’s mother and father.
They were in each other’s faces at this point and could feel each other’s short, angry bursts of breath on their faces.
“Then I suppose I should mention this: Y/N and I are in love and the only reason we aren’t together is because of Y/N’s focus on the circus with what happened with her father last year. You think she was watching you? Hah!” Loki gave a sardonic laugh before encroaching even further into Bucky’s space, “In. Your. Fucking. Dreams!” He enunciated each word with a hiss.
Bucky watched, dejected, as Loki sauntered off.
Y/N, Natasha, and Wanda were surrounded by junk food and various food wrappers.
Girl’s night was on.
Natasha cleared her throat dramatically, building up to something, “So, Y/N, back to Barnes: what’s going on with you and him?”
“Nothing.” She answered, looking down at the half-eaten chocolate bar in her lap. “There is nothing going on between me and Bucky. I mean come on, the man only just got here!”
The older woman sighed, “I know that there’s something going on between you two- and I’ll figure it out!” She waggled her eyebrows at her.
“Just drop it, guys. I don’t want to talk about boys.”
Wanda and Natasha gave each other hard looks before Wanda leaned forwards and spoke, “Is this about what happened with Stephen?” She gently suggested.
“I said drop it!!"
Girl’s night became much quieter after that.
There were sounds of raucous laughter in the bar.
Guy’s night was on!
Bucky, Steve, and Sam sat in a booth with the exception of Pietro, who according to Sam, wouldn’t dare miss an episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians.
“So,” Bucky paused, taking the new information in, “Y/N isn’t with Laufeyson?”
Steve nodded, having been asked the question twice before, “No,” he said slowly, “She is not.”
Sam began chuckling, his shoulders shaking. “Got the hots for the Boss’ daughter, huh?" Bucky shook his head, “No, of course not. Loki mentioned something about them being together. I thought, why not get to know the crew a bit more.” He shrugged, taking a gulp from his beer. “And, I suppose I was worried for Y/N- he doesn’t seem like a good guy.”
“Yeah, we all had our doubts when we first met the greasy snake, but once you spend some time together, he opens up and seems less… snake-like.” Steve spoke.
“Anyways, a little birdie told me that Wanda…” Sam started.
And just like that, the conversation resumed.
Shortly after the tense conversation, the girls left to go to their own trailers.
Y/N decided that some fresh night air would do her some good.
She looked up at the stars, the absence of clouds showing the splendor of the night sky. Memories of her mother made her smile bittersweet.
Whenever Y/N was stressed, her mother would take her outside to look at the stars, explaining each constellation and planet visible to the eyes. Y/N had regretfully forgotten most of what her mother taught her about star systems. Her father would be in his office looking over documents left to him by his own father, Howard Stark.
She made her way to the hill that overlooked the circus, pausing when she found a silhouette of a man standing, gazing up.
He turned around and she came face to face with Bucky.
“Hey.” He murmured.
“Hey." Y/N paused before continuing, "rough day?” She asked, a smile in her voice.
“Yeah, something like that.” He huffed, half laughing. “Loki isn’t the easiest to work with.” He groaned, rubbing his neck.
“Sometimes yes.” She chuckled. “I’m sure he’ll warm up soon enough- he’s not a bad person.”
“People keep telling me that. But I don't think he will.”
She smiled softly, grabbing his hand, “Everything turns out fine in the end.”
She leaned her head against Bucky’s shoulder, both looking at the stars.
“You see that small red dot over there? That’s Mars. And over there.
That’s Venus. And you see those groups of stars over there. Those make a constellation.”
Bucky chuckled at her excitement. “How do you even know all this?”
Y/N smiled softly albeit sadly, ““My mom and I used to watch the stars when I was little. She used to teach me about the stars and planets. She used to take me to the ocean at night whenever we travelled close to one- we used to sit on the sand, watching the waves. God, I miss her sometimes.” Her voice tapered off into a whisper.
There was a lull in the conversation for a few moments before Bucky spoke. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your mother? We can stop talking about this if you want, of course.” He quickly backtracked.
She looked down at her lap, fiddling with her hands. “She died.”
Y/N looked up, eyes trained at a point in the distance.
It was just past 11pm on a warm summer night. The circus was finally back up on it’s feet with the crowds large and loud. The smell of popcorn and hot dogs only fuelling the excitement in the atmosphere.
“Our next act, ladies and gentlemen, presenting Gloria the Glorious Elephant!”
The elephant came into the ring, in full view of the audience, as the mahout began ushering the three other elephants to join their sister on the stage for the finale of the act.
But out of the corner of his eye he saw a dark blur.
Moving his eyes off the elephants for a second, set off an unfortunate chain of events.
The elephants suddenly trumpeted and began storming the ring, and hitting beams, gas lamps and all manner of things as they moved, spooked by something unknown.
Fire sparked by the gas lamps began spreading through the tent.
Tony ran into the ring, jumping over the fencing and into the audience section, eyes rapidly moving as he searched for his daughter.
Grabbing her from under the audience chairs he began rushing her into the waiting arms of her grandfather outside the entrance of the tent.
He turned around just as the beam hit the floor. He saw her scream before he heard it.
His minds sparked to action as his legs began moving him into the circus, ignoring his daughter’s screams. He made his way tripping over various debris, a second too late, watching in morbid slow motion as multiple wooden beams fell onto his wife.
Tony watched in horror as his circus had killed his wife.
“I’m sorry,” Bucky breathed out. Y/N looked up at him, a melancholic smile twisting her features and glassy eyes illuminated by the moon. “My father hasn’t been the same since. He blamed himself.” “How old were you?” “I was 8. I saw how she died.” She laughed bitterly. “Some days I think it’s my fault.”
“Don’t do that to yourself.” Bucky whispered after a long pause. “Thinking about it over and over, blaming yourself, probably isn’t what she would’ve wanted.” He sighed, opening his mouth as if her wanted to say more but decided not to. “Thanks.” She whispered. Bucky slowly drew an arm around her and she relaxed into his shoulder, both reminiscing the past. “ I suppose there’s someone else for her to watch the stars with now.” He mumbled to himself.
Deep within the shadows, lurked a dark man watching the two cuddled together, with a scowl on his face.
Taglist (6/50) <if it’s crossed it wouldn’t let me tag you>
@mrs-mischief-209 //@simrantheconqueror //@bucky17 // @weirdowithnobeardo //@daddysfavoritesexkitten //@fluff-writer-buckybarnesmarvel
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stucky-my-ship · a day ago
Help a Romani girl be the first in her immediate family to attend university!
Not from an eligible country to make a gofundme, but here’s a kofi:
Ana is a Romani girl from Serbia and my years-long friend. She is the sweetest, kindest person I’ve ever met, who always lends a hand to anyone in need and puts others’ needs above her own, and has been an active volunteer for years. 
She’s been living with her (abusive) mother and younger sister since her father died when she was a young teen. They were living in poverty even beforehand, but after her father’s death, they were even worse off - living off government aid. Her mother cannot work or do much as she is severely disabled, relying on her 19yo (Ana) and 10yo daughters as her caretakers. At the end of last year they were kicked out of their home due to not being able to pay the debt they owed. They are now living in a village with their equally poor aunt. 
Ana got accepted at a Malaysian university, and while a part of the cost (of studies, rent, food and necessities) can be taken care of by their family friend, the rest is in her hands - around $12k. She technically has enough for the first year or two, but she will not be able to gather the rest of the amount by fall with her $3 an hour (online) part-time job, and she will not be allowed to work as a student in Malaysia. Hence, the year or two of studies, as well as the money, would be wasted and she would have to come back here with nothing achieved. She could also technically enroll to a university in Serbia, but this is a white, conservative country and its people are more often than not racist. This keeps the Romani people at the lowest social ladder, due to high discrimination. Even the rare people from her (extended) family who finished universities are left unemployed due to no one wanting to employ Romanis over white Serbs. She is hoping to finish university in Malaysia and then find work there, paving a path for her family to escape poverty.
She’s been facing too much responsibility for her age and abuse in her household and family all her life, which has left her with depression, anxiety, bulimia and bpd. She is left without a future, living in a small village with her life coming down to taking care of the house and her family members, having to deal with all the mental health problems she cannot get the help for and further abuse from her mother and other family members. You can imagine this is highly distressing and hardly tolerable. She has made many comments in the past of planning to end her life if she cannot escape her situation, and as this seems like the last chance for a reasonable life I am afraid she will truly go down that route and I really do not wish to lose my friend.
Helping her go to university will not only help her and her family escape hard poverty, but will help her get in an environment which would allow her to take the necessary steps to heal.
Ana is a wonderful person I truly care about and I am SURE that she will pass the kindness on once she is in the position to do so, so please consider helping out with either sharing this on your social media platforms, asking people with more followers to do so, or donating even the smallest amount. No help is too small, and all is massively appreciated. Thank you for taking your time to read this.
*sideblog so people don’t find themselves prejudiced against my friend due to not agreeing with points on my blog I happen to agree with
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stucky-my-ship · a day ago
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stucky-my-ship · 2 days ago
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stucky-my-ship · 2 days ago
You will never ever annoy me if you
Send me random anons
reply to my posts
send me an ask
reblog me
talk to me
say hello
give me random love
“bother” me
So please stop thinking otherwise.
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stucky-my-ship · 2 days ago
what that mouth do
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stucky-my-ship · 3 days ago
Been reading ur blog. U need to stop calling urself a dom. All this lovey crap makes real doms sick. A sub is not for respecting and loving. A sub is for using and thats what they like. Its fine that u love ur girl, just dont call urself a dom. Real doms show dominance, use there sub and leave her laying like the cunt slut she is. Bein all sweet, and all that does is give her power over u, which makes u not a dom.
Hi there, Anon. I almost didn’t even dignify this with a response, but I think you’ve actually given me a good opportunity to say something that new doms need to know, so kudos to you. 
First and foremost, let’s establish something right here and now: You don’t get to tell me what I am, and you are damn sure not the leading authority on what does and does not constitute a dominant. For the record, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a dom. I never even thought of myself that way until I met belovedsangi 10 years ago. I always had the characteristics of a dom, sure, but I didn’t ever put that title on myself. That title was given to me by my submissive. SHE is the one who wanted to call me Master, and Sir. I never told her to do these things. But of course, you probably think I am making your point for you and that if I were a REAL domly dom, I would’ve demanded those things. 
And that’s where you have a fundamental issue understanding the meaning of the title. So let me help you with that. 
A dom does not demand respect. He conducts himself in such a way as to be worthy of respect. 
A dom does not bark commands. His presence is such that he can seduce and command with nothing more than a glance. 
A dom does not raise his voice. He is the kind of man who gets what he wants without needing to. 
A dom is not a braggart. He is possessed of a calm, quiet confidence that is evident in his demeanor, the way he walks, the tone of his voice, and all other aspects of him. 
A dom understands balance. He knows that while a firm hand and discipline are critical in this type of relationship, knowing when to be gentle and understanding is every bit as important. 
A dom is a gentleman first and foremost. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he is a fancy man who values the finer things in life, but he does understand manners and protocol. He opens the car door for her. He orders for her if she is having trouble deciding. He treats strangers with courtesy and respect. 
A dom is a protector. He makes sure that his submissive feels safe and protected at all times. This means so much more than just telling her you will protect her. A dom shows her. He keeps a hand on her shoulder or on her waist in crowds so she doesn’t get nervous. He sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door so that he is always between his submissive and an intruder. He walks on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street so that an errant vehicle will hit him before his submissive. If anything or anyone should threaten his submissive, he must be prepared to fight for her with the ferocity of an alpha wolf. 
A dom earns her submission. It is not a thing to be demanded, expected, or assumed. And he continues to earn it, each and every day.  
A dom values her submission. Fully submitting your will and trusting your body and well-being to someone takes a kind of strength most can’t imagine, and a dom never loses sight of that. 
A dom understands that being a dominant is 10% privilege and 90% responsibility. He is literally taking her life into his hands. He is accepting the most sacred and important thing she has to give. He is taking her burdens and bearing them as his own, always, every day. 
A dom is consistent. He understands that he can’t just be her protector, lover, confidant, master, etc. when he feels like it. There will be days when a dom is tired. There will be days when he is stressed. There will be days when he is broken. On those days, it is more important than ever for a dom to show his submissive that he is still everything she needs him to be. 
So what does it mean, then, to be a dom? I get the feeling that you, anon, would say that it’s all about making her kneel, having your way with her, shouting orders and using her. Helpful hint: Any jackass can buy himself a whip and bark commands. That’s not a dom. Don’t get me wrong, I do absolutely have my way with belovedsangi. I love it when she kneels. I love the kinky, rough, mind-blowing sex we have. I love to dominate her in the bedroom. But for every moment of that, there are a hundred moments of holding her, of talking to her, laughing with her, gaming with her. There are a hundred moments of making her feel safe when she is afraid, giving her confidence when she is unsure, comforting her when she feels troubled. Those are all things that a dominant does too. 
I love my submissive more than I love oxygen. I love my submissive with a fire that can never be extinguished. I value her and respect her in every way. I treat her like a queen and fuck her like a slave. These things don’t make me weak. They don’t make me less of a dominant. These things make me stronger than you can possibly imagine. There is nothing quite so formidable as a dominant who has found the perfect submissive to fuel his fire. Never will you see anyone love so strongly or fight so fiercely. 
Bottom line, Anon, is this: you sound like a boy playing at being a man. You decided one day that you were sick of women having willpower and a voice of their own, so you decided to call yourself a dominant and seek out some weak-willed submissive who wouldn’t talk back to you or stick up for herself. You are not a dom. You are a jackass with a whip. Classic case of toodomforyou.
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stucky-my-ship · 3 days ago
I would read it
who would read dark!lee bodecker smut tho 😔✋
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stucky-my-ship · 3 days ago
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He can't gut you like a fish unless you know what a fish is, Casey.
It's time to get attached to another goofball side character.
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stucky-my-ship · 3 days ago
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stucky-my-ship · 4 days ago
Hiii!! Sorry to bother you but I read a fic a while back and I can’t remember it’s name. It’s a one shot where Bucky, Sam, Zemo, and Y/N are in a garage then Sam and Bucky leave and like Zemo says since stuff to Y/N I forgot what he says and then he has her at gun point then Bucky and Sam barge in. Y/N is Bucky’s girlfriend/wife in this
Anyone know it?
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stucky-my-ship · 5 days ago
Gay trans men are 100% valid in their gay identity. Gay trans men deserve a healthy, fulfilling mlm relationship.
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stucky-my-ship · 5 days ago
Gay men are not immoral or unnatural. Gay men deserve happiness and healthy relationships.
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stucky-my-ship · 5 days ago
People who love cold weather are fucking weird. You like to freeze? You like to shiver?? You like when you take a step outside and the air stings your skin???
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stucky-my-ship · 5 days ago
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stucky-my-ship · 5 days ago
He definitely would 😂
Bucky: Who the fuck--
Steve: Language!
Bucky: Whom the fuck--
Steve: No.
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stucky-my-ship · 6 days ago
Steve: Wow, Bucky, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.
Bucky: We literally slept together yesterday.
Steve: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.
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stucky-my-ship · 6 days ago
I need this for the fourth chapter haha
Reblog the writers’ fortune cookie for luck!
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