struggling-through

[struggling-through]

If you think we can ever be friends again after this, think again.

I’ve never felt as betrayed as I have tonight.

Please don’t expect us to talk again, I’m beyond done.

[struggling-through]

If I make it through this night, just know you are not my friend anymore.

A friend wouldn’t dream of walking away right now. Fuck you.

[struggling-through]

You get bored of games quickly.

Well after however many months, I’m bored of lying in bed alone day in day out, staying alive for you when you don’t ever do anything with me.

[struggling-through]

Not gonna lie, this really doesn’t help with the lonely and isolated feelings I’ve had recently.

[struggling-through]

I’m sorry but I don’t have the energy to pick you up when you hurt me and then shut yourself down from it.🤷🏼‍♀️

[struggling-through]

I feel so unwanted.

I always have, man.

My family, my ‘friends’ over the years.

Even my ex fucking fiancé.

I’m never enough for people to show that they care.

Ha, not unless I’m at a point where I’m ready to die because I feel so alone🤷🏼‍♀️

I never get invited to things.

I never get included, unless I ask.

I’m always to one that’s left out.

I’m always the one on the sidelines.

I’m the after-thought and tag along of any ‘group’ I’m part of.

It hurts even more when it comes from you.

#i hate myself #im sorry #i'm lost #im not okay #i want to die #im disgusting

[struggling-through]

You say you want to know when I’m struggling.. well I’m struggling. Like, I’m really struggling.

I’m trying so hard to be okay, but it’s always there.

I know after all this time I should be used to it and strong enough to push through- but honestly it’s not fucking worth it.

Ive tried and it still hurts and nothing gets any better. Everything is still dark and endless.

I still wake up each morning thinking “I don’t want to do this”

I still make each coffee thinking “this could be the last time I have to do this”

Everything that hurts me still makes that voice say “it wouldn’t hurt if you were dead”.

I’m really struggling and I’m so out of ideas of what to do.

#suicice #tw suicice #i want to die #seriously #im really struggling #i wanted to post this earlier #but lost my phone #i’m sorry #i want to end it all #i mess everything up #im done #im so done #im depressed #im sorry #i’m depressed #depression #depressing

[struggling-through]

[struggling-through]

I’m okay, I just need some time so I can stare into nothingness without being told that I’m spacing and feeling like I can’t just feel what I need to feel.

#i’m depressed #depression #emptiness

[struggling-through]

Wow. Okay then! Fucking hell, fuck me.

[struggling-through]

[struggling-through]

I’m sorry.

I know the pain that sharing this with you causes but I also know how much worse that pain would be if I didn’t share and it beat me.

I’m still trying to find the right balance between sharing enough and not oversharing.

#I’m sorry #I’m still not okay #depression #I want to die #I’m sad #suicice #tw suicice #sorry #please kill me #I can’t keep doing this #it’s beating me #death #pain #hurt

[struggling-through]

take good care of yourself when i’m gone, will you?

[struggling-through]

When I take myself away from a situation like that, it’s to process what’s happened so I don’t act or speak from impulse based on emotions felt in the moment.

I’m sorry that I reacted that way but what happened upset me and my anger always takes over to try and protect me from hurt, which is why I sometimes need some processing time to figure out what happened, what it did to me and why I felt the way I did.

[struggling-through]

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Look buddy, i’m just trying to make it to Friday.

[struggling-through]

Yeah I saw that you got rid of that card, that was rather typical. Fucking hell. I’m sorry.

[struggling-through]

It’s okay, the sadness was there anyway, there’s no blame on you, I’ve just been trying to ignore it, but it’s still always there.