i write sometimes
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straightfrommynotes · 6 days ago
it’s been a week
you were able to survive a week without me
and you’re fine
you truly are surviving
and yeah i’m alive but every thought is looped around you
i lay in bed all day bc i’m overwhelmed with loss
my phone buzzes and i want so badly for it to be you
i replay you leaving
i replay our last kiss
i replay the way i couldn’t breathe after you left my porch
how are you ok?
how are you still ok with missing me?
please tell me how to function
tell me how it means so little to you that you are able to go about with your life
give me a reason
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straightfrommynotes · 7 days ago
“because fuck you! i’m standing at the edge of a cliff begging for you to push me just so i can feel your hands on me one last time”
-excerpt of a book i’ll never write
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straightfrommynotes · 8 days ago
i’m pretty but not seek you out after the function pretty
i’m the quiet kind of pretty
you can love my face but you may not remember it
i’m a “oh she’s so nice” or “funny” or other adjectives that describe your personality
not breathtaking, more of a silent nod, an absentminded observation
and you’re the type of pretty that makes people remember your name
and ask about you afterwards
“oh who are they”
“are they with anyone”
and i know you love me
you’d pick me over them every time because not only am i pretty
you “know my personality”
just once i’d like to be sure
to know for a fact
that if i was standing in a lineup with whoever is fighting for your affections after just a glance
you’d pick me
just on looks
and you wouldn’t
date down
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straightfrommynotes · 8 days ago
you said you needed the pictures to remember me by and i said just don’t lose me and you won’t need to remember.
i’m pretty sure the pictures were the first things to go.
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straightfrommynotes · 9 days ago
in six months he’ll be gone from my mouth
and then my skin
and soon there won’t be a single part of me that carries your touch on it
no part of your cells
i have new bras you’ve never tried to undo
new bathing suits you never got to see me walk around in and feel confident
i’ll be able to drive soon and you’ll never be in the car with me
i’ll get a job and won’t know where you work
but i’m more scared that once you’re gone from my skin
i won’t remember your touch
your lingering kisses won’t linger in my memory
those new bras will never see you try so hard to redo them because you want to do that for me
you’ll never let me splash you in the pool
or take me to the bridge you loved to jump off of and promised to show me
i’ll never be able to annoy you with the playlist i choose while you drive me around
i’ll never be able to feel adult freedom with you smiling in the passenger seat
i won’t know where you apply or go to work
i won’t be there when you get the interview or when you don’t
i won’t be able to surprise you there and see your face melt like it used to
i want the pain to go away but not really
i’d rather walk around unable to breathe but able to remember your mouth on mine
or your hand in mine
your thumb rubbing circles on the back of my palm
the way you did when you chose to take it away
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straightfrommynotes · 9 days ago
when taylor swift said “and i feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe” and “if you’re moving on, i’ll be waiting for you” and “i can’t help but wish you took me with you” and “time is taking it’s sweet time erasing you” and “now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head”
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straightfrommynotes · 10 days ago
Back then I swore I was going to marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine
Taylor Swift // Fifteen
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straightfrommynotes · 10 days ago
vulnerability is crazy
this person breaks down your walls
and the walls are there for a reason
storms raged against you
they keep out floods
and then
after all the hours spent building up the brick
you bloody your hands tearing it down
you hold it up
as an offering
“i love you, i’m letting you in”
you hand them the bricks that no longer surround you
and as you tear it down they help
they take the bricks you hand them
“i love you, thank you”
and you believe it is ok
you believe that they will cherish the bricks
and keep them held high
safe from the rising waters
and they tell you they will
“i love you, forever”
except the water is rough
and the floods come faster than you expect
and you sit in the rubble
that you created intentionally
and as it rises over your head
“but i love you”
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straightfrommynotes · 10 days ago
there was this moment when i was laying in his lap looking up at him at an angle i would never be caught dead letting someone see me at. and being insecure wasn’t even an option because he was looking at me like i was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen and he could stare at me forever. i’ve never felt such an overwhelming gratitude for that absolute acceptance i felt. it was this comfortable feeling of settling into the knowledge that he loved me no matter what. it didn’t matter that he could see all my flaws right now, or that my wide smile folded my face into something i considered undesirable, or that i was laughing so hard i snorted. he held me and kept holding me and it felt like there was nothing i could do to make him let go. he was choosing me despite what i perceived as ugly and this choice made me invincible.
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