stopandsmelltherain

[stopandsmelltherain]

queer is such a good word. im queer as in fuck you. queer as in odd. queer as in fucked-in-the-head. queer as in i hope you choke on it. queer as in a slur i laugh at. queer as in not like you. queer as in none of your business. queer as in a line in the fucking dirt. queer as in we’re here. get used to it. queer as in this is who i am and what i am. queer as in im different and i dont fucking care. queer as in with or without you i exist and ill keep doing it. queer as in queer

[stopandsmelltherain]

4/12/22

Finally got my T today. Apparently, the problem was that the pharmacy is under the impression that I can get 4 doses per vial and schedule accordingly. However, I’ve only ever been able to get 3, like my doctor said I would. The pharmacy wouldn’t take my word for it or course so I contacted PP and hopefully they can fix it so I’ll have enough doses to get me to three months.

- voice is changing for sure. I’ve had several people comment on that it sounds deeper. Also when I try to sing high notes, my voice cracks and it’s funny

- stomach hair is still growing in. My mustache growth has slowed but I haven’t lost any of it. And i think I’ve gotten a bit more hair on my arms and legs

- my arms seem more muscular

- crying is harder but still possible. I cry less now

- I don’t get randomly horny but it is a bit easier to get aroused

#testosterone #transgender #trans man #transition

[stopandsmelltherain]

4/5/22

No T shot today. I ran out because the vials only have three doses in them. And I cant get the prescription filled until next week. So I guess I’ll have to go without this week. I’ll probably bother the pharmacy and give planned parenthood a call to see if the prescription schedule can be modified to fit with my actual dosage schedule. If it seems like I’m calm, I’m very much not. I was quite upset and panicky this morning about this but there’s not much I can do.

That said there have been some changes:

- still super sweaty. Everything makes me sweat now

- mustache is coming in officially. New, dark hairs are growing on my upper lip. Also I have a singular line of fine, dark hair on my happy trail

- I might’ve had a couple of voice cracks as I was singing along to a song. That could be me still recovering from a cold though

#testosterone #transgender #trans man #transition

[stopandsmelltherain]

3/29/22

Wow another week has flown by

- my mustache is definitely coming in! I already had long dark hair on the corners of my mouth but there are new dark hairs growing in above my lip

- I am also starting to grow hair on my stomach. No noticeable changes to the rest of my body hair though

- my friend has told me that my shoulders and face seem more defined and masculine. Idk if I can see it yet

- no voice changes still. Hopefully that’ll kick in during month two or three

#testosterone #trans man #transition #transgender

[stopandsmelltherain]

3/23/22

Yesterday was officially one month on T!!!! I can’t believe it’s been a month already. Even though it’s just been a month, I feel like things are going so slowly. I just want to feel more comfortable already.

- I’ve noticed some mornings my voice is kinda husky. That fades after I talk for a bit but I take it as a good sign

- some days I’m super hungry. I am usually never hungry

- bottom growth has slowed but is probably still happening

#testosterone #trans man #transition #transgender

[stopandsmelltherain]

3/16/22

4th shot!! A day late cause the pharmacy wouldn’t give me my T.

I seem to be more tired? Like just beat sometimes. One night, I passed out at 9:30 which never happens.

No changes with body hair, voice, or fat redistribution

Bottom growth is continuing to happen. No change with sex drive yet (concerning)

#testosterone #trans man #transition #transgender

[stopandsmelltherain]

3/8/22

Week two on T and my 3rd shot.

Changes I’ve seen:

- bottom growth has been happening. Has not been that noticeable but there has been a twinge of pain here and there. It was actually the first change I noticed!

- I seem to get hot more easily? It’s easier for me to get to the point of sweating and it happens more often than it should for it being winter lol

- I am slightly more easily angered. I can get in an angry mood sometimes but it’s not unmanageable

#testosterone #trans man #transgender #transition

[stopandsmelltherain]

3/1/22

Im officially one week on T!! Today’s shot went way better. There was only a tiny bit of leakage so that’s good.

I have not noticed any changes. Which is really discouraging but again, it’s only been one week. Hopefully I’ll start seeing some things this week

#testosterone #transition #transgender #ftm #nonbinary #trans man

[stopandsmelltherain]

2/22/22

I took my first T shot today!!! I’m so excited. It was Sub Q and 0.25 ml. It was easier than I expected to stab myself but it seem like a lot leaked out when I was done. I’m kinda worried about that but the internet says it’s fine, just go slower.

What I’m looking forward to the most about T is a deeper voice, bottom growth and just looking and feeling more male/comfortable. Body hair is a plus too. I’ll be using this to track my transition, mostly for myself but I’m open to questions!

So a baseline:

- voice: pretty high, I sound like a girl 😭

- hair: some on my arms and legs. Slight growth on the corners of my mouth but nothing too noticeable

- mood: regular, mellow

- body: a bit to soft to be called lean, skinny, no muscle 🥲, normal smell, not sweaty

- sex: no sex drive, don’t notice down there at all

#testosterone #transmasc #trans man #transition #transgender

[stopandsmelltherain]

6-11-21

Today is the first day of summer vacation and summer depression is already in full swing

[stopandsmelltherain]

“If someone loves you for what you can do then it’s flattering, but why do you love them? If someone loves you for who you are then they have to know you, which means you have to know them.”

— Bel Canto, Ann Patchett

#bel canto #ann patchett #love #books #literature

[stopandsmelltherain]

what really keeps me going is dreaming of one day living happily in a cosy home with handmade ceramics on every surface and art from small artists on every wall, and plants and flowers everywhere, and fruit that I can lovingly slice up and eat while I lay on a rug and read, and so much love and safety and care

[stopandsmelltherain]

“Love isn’t just a matter of looking at someone, but also of looking with them, or facing what they face...”

— What Belongs to You, Garth Greenwell

#love #garth greenwell #books #literature #bulgaria

[stopandsmelltherain]

“If any part of me survives from time’s corruption, let it be this. For this was the sort of man I was.”

— A Month in the Country, J. L. Carr

#reading #literature #english literature #a month in the country

[stopandsmelltherain]

“We are the books we read and the things we love...Our ghosts hide in the things we leave behind.”

— Words in Deep Blue, Cath Crowley

#reading #love #books #ya books #words in deep blue #quotes

[stopandsmelltherain]

“They haven’t the remotest idea of what happiness is; they don’t know that without our love, for us there is neither happiness nor unhappiness - there would be no life at all.”

— Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy

#academia #reading #long reads #literature #leo tolstoy #anna karenina #love

[stopandsmelltherain]

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#literature #reading #f scott fitzgerald #books #beauty #belonging