smoke-in-the-rain - Tumblr blog

smoke-in-the-rain · 3 years

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Needing others is not codependency.

It is an innate need of every human being.

We are defined as being social beings,

And we have a sense that in this day and age

No one gets more stimulated than in the past.

This is what is called loneliness.

The feeling that we all dread so much we try to feel the void it causes

With meaningless parties, substances and conversations

Instead of cultivating deep connections with others.

And let’s say maybe we managed to have one

And it’s all going well

Until we realize that we care deeply for them

And don’t want to be left by them.

And so we start straying further and further away from them,

So as to be the one to leave not to be left;

Because being left can mean we are the problem

And we are flawed.

And we cry of loneliness,

And yet we reject the very thing is meant to keep there,

The connection between us and another.

Because society praises

Players,

Hustlers,

“Independent” people,

Coldness,

Unbothered attitudes,

And frowns upon

Grief,

Loss,

Feeling,

Closeness.

We are all so public and private at the same time

That our masks have melted into our faces,

Modifying the very structure of ourselves.

Chasing wealth, imagined success and validation in the form of likes,

Treating social life as something to post about,

And not a necessary tool to well-being.

We trade closeness for popularity,

And love with images,

And so we stray from our essence.

In the beginning of civilization,

Intimacy, closeness and belonging into a group meant survival,

But now our groups have double-faced constituents,

And ruthlessness shows itself

When using someone’s achilles to overtake someone.

And so, we are really the loneliest we’ve ever been.

And our demise is waiting for us.

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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"We'll talk tonight, I promise"

And yet, we barely did.

"We'll go out this week and just hang, I promise"

And yet, now you just want to stay home

Or go out with other people.

I tried telling you that I need you right now,

But you always have something else going on.

— Fleeting promises

#quotes #original #poem #screampoetry #poetry #national poetry month #original post #friendship #promise #spilled writing #night thoughts #bestfriend #text post #spilled thoughts #thoughts

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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You told me you were missing me

And at the same time the only thing

I wanted was a long hug from you. :)

— What great timing =)))

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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I need a hug.

— Nothing deep or poetic, I just really need a hug

#quotes #night thoughts #hug #i need a hug #i feel like shit #sad #i'm sad #sad thoughts

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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I don't like you anymore.

At least, I don't think so.

Because I haven't felt butterflies

Roaming in my stomach in a while,

Because I haven't fantasised about

The feel of your lips on mine

Or holding you close for hours

In quite some time.

Maybe hearing you tell me

About all those guys

And how good they make you feel

Has helped reinforce the idea

Of us never being a couple

In my mind enough to let go.

Or maybe my critical thinking,

Like when you said that

You'd rather date me

Instead of the others in the room,

And my heart grew,

And then I realized

That from all the people,

Not just those in the room,

I'd not even make the list

Of possible partners.

I knew from the start

That it was never gonna happen,

But still I hoped,

Even if I'm not your type.

But now the hopes are gone,

And the fantasies are forgotten,

And I don't know what to blame

Or thank

For that.

— You were the shortest most beautiful crush

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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If you constantly worry

That you are not enough,

That you don't do enough,

That you don't put in enough effort

And that your loved ones will leave,

And you see them

Bonding with each other

While you wonder if you should leave

As to not make them feel obliged

To acknowledge your presence.

And when you are with them

One on one,

You don't really talk,

Except for problems,

And more time is spent

Checking insta or smoking,

Of course you're not gonna smile

Or laugh that much

And you'll plug in your earphones

And you're gonna sit there

Without saying a word.

Because I need more

Than a "you ok?"

And if I can't find it in the conversation,

I will not try to make it.

— Please don't feel bad now.

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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"Why are you so pessimistic?"

Because I look forward

To something happening

It doesn't.

Because when something

Is indeed happening

I am underwhelmed.

Because when I want

To say something and socialise

It seems like no one's listening.

Because I feel like

Everytime I am excited about something

It's just setting me up to failure.

Because if I don't

Set any expectation

And I don't feel like things

Are guaranteed to happen,

I cannot be disappointed.

— Acquired pessimism

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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Maybe I'm somehow broken,

Maybe I'm unlovable,

Maybe I'm never someone's first choice,

Maybe I'm too much,

Maybe I'm too little,

Maybe I'm not good,

Maybe I'm not worthy,

Maybe I'm not a good anything,

Maybe I don't do anything after all,

Maybe I am a lost cause,

Maybe I am beyond reproach,

Maybe I...

— Intrusive thoughts

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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At first it was nice.

You had so much time

To do the things

That make your heart happy.

No school,

No homework,

You could focus

On the things that bring you joy.

But then,

As the days came and went,

They started blending into one another.

You now had two sunrises:

When the day starts,

When the night starts.

You start to miss

All the things

You may have taken for granted:

The coffees after school,

The hugs you gave and received,

The laughs you had in class

Trying to hide them under the desk.

These are trying times.

Times

When we have to learn

To recognize smiles from eyes.

Times

When you get accustomed

To the slightly distorted voice

Of your loved ones on the phone.

And even though this seems

Like a never-ending sentence

Of isolation and loneliness,

It will all be over

Sooner rather than later.

In the meantime,

Focus

On yourself,

On the things that bring you happiness.

Realise

That so many things

You thought were guaranteed

Are actually not.

That seeing your friends,

Or going on a walk,

Or grabbing a coffee,

Or the skipped classes with friends,

Are not a given of teenage life.

You have already seen how fast

They can vanish overnight.

So please,

After this is over

Don't refuse

A hug,

Going out instead of staying in,

Closeness because of fear,

Because one day

You might not be able to enjoy them,

And a memory is better than a wonder.

—Someday it will be over

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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It just pains me to see you

Losing your confidence like that.

You, the confident one of the group,

Becoming insecure;

I hope that confidence isn't just a mask.

No matter what anyone tells you,

You are enough just the way you are.

You are not

Too skinny

Or too fat,

Too short

Or too tall,

Too vibrant

Or too boring.

You are truly beautiful

Both inside and out.

You are

Smart

And funny

And kind

And warm

And encouraging

And one of the best souls I've ever seen.

A physique

Like a work of art.

A mind

With the wisdom of a thousand lives.

A soul

Making a fire seem ice cold.

You can

And you will

Have anything

And everything

That your heart desires.

Don't ever forget that.

You are perfectly imperfect

And that is more than enough.

— I hope this helps you :)

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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I don't like you in that way.

I am just lonely.

There's nothing else that I want

But to kiss you;

And the coziest place I can think of

Is your embrace.

I want to feel you close,

Your laughter to be my music,

Your compliments to make my days en rose,

Your voice to be honey to my ears,

Your presence to make me feel butterflies.

You make me so happy.

I like you in that way.

— I don't | ob I

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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Last night has been bad again.

My mind has begun twisting the events,

The words and actions once again.

I started to wonder

If I upset you,

If I was becoming too much,

If I was overbearing,

If I was being too needy,

Until the thoughts drowned in my tears.

My mind is a debate in moments like these.

I start worrying about this kind of things

Even though it us unfounded and dumb,

I start thinking

That I've done something wrong,

That I will slowly get pushed away,

That I will lose you.

I want to say thank you.

Thank you

For that little text you didn't give much thought to when you wrote it.

It made and continues to make my days better and it has helped me to calm down last night.

Thank you

For all the hugs you gave me when you saw something was wrong, even though you hate affection.

It always makes me feel better, it always makes me feel loved when I need it most.

Thank you

For all the goofy encouragement words, and sounds, when you didn't have the words with you.

They always made me laugh and feel better about myself.

Thank you

For all the great memories and laughs,

For being there when I needed you most, even if I was annoying you,

For bringing light to my darkness,

For making me smile after crying,

For standing me even when I was needy and possessive and irrational.

Thank you for being the best.

Thank you for standing me

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smoke-in-the-rain · 4 years

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I am so sick of it.

This dance between us;

One day we are friends,

The next maybe we say hi,

Then three months we ignore each other.

Make up your goddamn mind, please

Tell me what do you please,

So I know how to play my part.

Shall I ignore or shall I try?

Because three years ago someone

Has told me some words of wisdom:

"You need to respect yourself

Before you expect anyone else to"

That same person wrote me:

"I hope that now, at the end,

I can become a better person

And appreciate you

How I should've from the start"

Well guess what?

I fucking learned that shit.

Now please tell me

Shall I ignore or shall I try?

Because you won't give me

The time of day

Even though you don't know

The first thing about me

So how is it?

Shall I try or shall I ignore?

What I wish I could tell you.

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smoke-in-the-rain · 5 years

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We are so hurried,

So lazy,

So fast paced

That even the process

Of making matches

Has been shortened.

Trees, forests,

They are not supposed to burn;

Matches are.

(Sorry, no title here)

#thoughts #spilled ink #poem #screampoetry #climatebreakdown #climate change #climate emergency #climate crisis #fire #fridaysforfuture #original poetry #original post #text post #poetry #politics #national poetry month #my post

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smoke-in-the-rain · 5 years

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Oh, what a beautiful and complex

Facade of happiness

It is to be an extrovert.

To be so happy and so outgoing,

So full of energy when others are present.

"I want to be like you,

Full of energy.

To have your confidence

In every situation.

I go from 0 to 100,

You keep it constant."

But I also oscillate

Between 0 to 100,

But not with energy,

With happiness.

I am a 100

When I am out and about,

Having fun with the people I treasure.

But come along the goodbyes,

I become a 0.

I am in need of constant

Social stimulation,

Like I am in need of oxygen.

"I would love to be able

To go out every day

And have fun;

I would love to not get tired

From so much interaction,

I would love to be able

To do that like you do."

But you only love

The benefits,

The good,

And what you see.

Believe me when I tell you

That you wouldn't love

Spiralling down into thoughts like

"Am I good enough?

Do they still like me?

Did I do something wrong?"

Or belittling your worth

And yourself

Every time a friend

Goes out without you

Or every time

You can't find

Someone to go out with.

When you are alone,

Just for a moment,

You call it "me"-time.

When I am alone

Just for a moment,

My greatest fear,

Loneliness,

Starts entering my mind

Like a riptide.

And then my mind

Goes dark

And my demons take over,

And then I am gone.

"Try to make more friends"

But more friends isn't the solution.

Just like I can't oblige you to go out

When you don't have the energy to,

I can't make them go out with me

When they want

To see their closer friends,

It is not as easy to form a connection,

A true connection to someone,

Introvert or extrovert.

And I need a connection,

Because I am addicted to people.

So when you say you would like

To be an extrovert,

Know that there are still tradeoffs,

There are still flaws with your personality.

The façade of the extrovert

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smoke-in-the-rain · 5 years

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You put 1 and 1 together.

We are supposed to be 3,

But 1 is left out.

Third wheel

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smoke-in-the-rain · 6 years

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You are so cold,

I miss you when you're next to me.

2 line message.

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