Pairing(s): Avengers x platonic!reader
Summary: The reader has some very unhealthy eating habits that they avoid sharing with the team. One day, however, it catches up with them and the team expresses their support and concern.
Warnings: Disordered eating, food intake restriction, mentions of body insecurities, brief mentions of nausea and vomiting
A/N: This fic is in NO WAY meant to promote or glorify eating disorders and/or disordered eating. As with all of my fics, this is based off of my personal experiences. The feelings and things I experience/have experienced may be different from those of other people. Please do not consider this to be a 100% accurate representation of disordered eating. Everybody experiences these things differently.
If you feel that this fic may cause you any distress, anxiety, relapse, etc. PLEASE do not read it. You know yourself best, make the choice that is right for you. If you ever want to talk about anything, my inbox is always open and I’m more than willing to talk about anything.
The number flashed at you from the LED screen of the scale. “Ugh, it’s mocking me,” you thought to yourself. You turned around and stared at your reflection in the mirror. You stood in just your underwear, as you ran your hand over your relatively flat stomach. You had worked very hard to obtain this figure- and you were damn proud of it- when you looked in the mirror and saw your flat stomach and thin body reflected back at you, you felt a surge of confidence- you felt content. However, no one’s body always looked like that, and of course whenever you would eat a meal your stomach would expand, making that slim, fit looking stomach disappear.
Realistically, you knew this was normal- it happened to everybody- and you also knew that if you were to gain weight, it wouldn’t be the end of the world; you would still look perfectly fine no matter how your stomach and waist looked. But it was an obsession, and no amount of logic or reasoning could assuage the immense terror and nausea you felt when you even thought about gaining weight. You were at a healthy weight for your height and age- and you weren’t anorexic or bulimic- you still ate.
However, your diet and eating schedule were terrible. And honestly, you did it on purpose. You knew that in the long run, eating (or more accurately, not eating) like this would probably have the opposite of the desired effect on your body. But you just couldn’t explain the dizziness, nausea, and anxiety that filled your body when you considered having a normal diet and meal intake.
You were actually a little worried that you may have completely screwed up your body with your unhealthy habits. You had been doing this for years- and now, you hardly ever got hungry anymore. Sometimes you felt those aches and pangs of hunger in your stomach, but for some reason you liked it. It made you proud of yourself in some sick way, because you knew you were depriving your body of what it needed, and slowly causing your ribs to become more visible and your wrists to become bonier. You knew that something was wrong with your mind- you were sick- but you had no desire to fix it. Oftentimes, even the smell of food was enough to make you feel sick and nauseous.
Had you lived by yourself, this would’ve been fine; however, you were a resident of the Avengers compound and were almost constantly surrounded by at least one person, if not more. This meant it was very difficult for you to hide your incredibly unhealthy eating habits.
Most days, you forgot to eat until 3 or 4 pm; the thought genuinely slipping your mind because you just didn’t feel hungry. You had no want or need for food, so you generally forgot. Until you got a splitting headache, that is. You rarely ever drank enough water- you basically survived off of coffee.
As a team member of the Avengers, you were required to attend training sessions several times a week. Your skills were mainly in physical combat and working with technology. You usually brought water to these training sessions- you weren’t that foolish- but the lack of substantial nutrients in your body made the sessions that much harder.
You had periods of time when you would eat slightly more food and on a semi-regular basis. But after screwing with your body for so long, your desires and cravings (or lack thereof) for food were unpredictable.
Today was a training day and you were set to work on hand to hand combat with Steve. You often cursed the super soldier for his intuition and knack for observing others and picking up on their feelings and concerns. This had nothing to do with Steve being a super soldier, he was just a naturally observant person; which meant that he always noticed when you felt worn down from having little to no food or water that day.
Today was a particularly intense training day, and after 30 minutes you were already drenched in sweat. It didn’t take long before your movements and reflexes became sluggish. It was 3:30 in the afternoon at that point and you had eaten nothing but a few almonds today. Steve seemed to notice your exhaustion, and called for a five minute break. You both walked over to a table and chairs off to the side of the training area and took a seat.
“Hey Y/N, are you sure you’re alright? Did you get enough sleep last night?” Steve wearing a concerned expression and staring at you with that intense gaze of his. You looked away from his eyes because you found it very difficult to lie when making direct eye contact with him. Something about his expression and demeanor made you feel nervous and heavily scrutinized. You settled for simply nodding.
“You sure? You seem like you’re dragging a little today. We can take a break if you need to and come back to this tomorrow,” Steve offered. You panicked, fearing that it would raise suspicion if you agreed to that.
“No no, I’m fine, I wanna train. Come on, let’s get back to it,” you said, standing up quickly. That was a big mistake; not only were you running on no food, but you were also anemic, which meant that standing up too quickly was never a good idea.
Your ears began to ring and you felt as though you had put your head underwater. Everything sounded muffled and distant and your vision swam before your eyes. You felt your breathing pick up and saw spots in your vision as you felt your body grow incredibly warm. Oh no- this is how your body reacted whenever you were going to pass out. You didn’t want to do that- that would DEFINITELY raise suspicion. Your brain sluggishly decided that you should try and sit back down. And with that, you collapsed to the floor, as everything went black.
When you opened your eyes, the first thing you noticed was a lot of bright light. You squinted, your head aching from all the lights and sounds. You groaned and rubbed your eyes, yawning.
“Well, look who finally decided to wake up!” Tony said jovially. Your eyes were closed, but you could tell that he was smirking at you, just from the sound of his voice.
“Y/N, what the hell happened?” another, gentler voice asked. You knew that voice- you were still groggy, so it took you a second to place who it was. Bucky, that was Bucky’s voice. Slowly, you opened your eyes and saw the entire team gathered around you, all packed tightly together. You stared at them, looking slightly dazed and confused.
“W-what happened?” you asked, struggling to recall what you had been doing before waking up here.
“We were training and you stood up and then just passed out. You probably would’ve hit your head if I hadn’t caught you,” Steve said, the worry evident in his voice. Slowly, it all started coming back to you and a look of complete horror made its way onto your face. Suddenly, Bruce spoke up.
“Y/N, you passed out from dehydration and a lack of food; were you starving yourself?” he asked. You quickly turned your head towards your left to look at him.
“No, no I wasn’t!” you protested quickly. You technically weren’t lying; you had been eating, you had just been eating in very small increments, on an incredibly irregular schedule.
“Come on Y/N, seriously. We’re not mad at you, we just wanna know the truth. We’re worried about you,” Sam said, sounding as though he was trying to avoid scaring you off.
“I know, I know. I promise you guys, I’m not starving myself and I AM eating. I mean look at me, have I lost any weight? I still look the same as always. I was just being stupid and forgot to eat enough before training that day, alright?” The team scrutinized you with suspicion, exchanging looks.
“I’m FINE guys, I promise,” you said again. After a minute of silence, Bruce just sighed.
“You need to be more careful in the future Y/N,” he said, still eyeing you suspiciously, as though he didn’t believe you were being completely honest.
Ever since that fateful day, the team kept a much closer eye on you, especially in the kitchen and during mealtimes. You tried to follow your same routine as you usually did: take a small amount of food, eat that (to avoid getting a headache), grab something small and unhealthy with very little nutrients, make yourself some coffee, and escape to your room. But the team wasn’t having it.
On Wednesday, Sam made some dish with rice, which he said was a family recipe. Everyone piled their plates with food, gathering around the island in the kitchen where the food was sitting. You filled your plate with a small portion- truthfully, it did look good- but today was one of those days when even the smell of food made you feel queasy and nauseous.
You scooped a bit of rice, and you were about to head to the table, when you felt Bucky gently- but firmly- grip your arm to prevent you from walking any further.
“Nope,” he said casually, reaching around and grabbing your plate with his other hand.
“Hey!” you exclaimed, your voice filled with irritation. He released your arm, so he could add more food to your plate- a lot more- and handed it back to you. Holy shit- there was no way you were going to be able to eat all of that- and it wasn’t just due to a fear of gaining weight. Your appetite had shrunk A LOT since you had first started restricting your eating. You honestly couldn’t remember when it started, but you knew that you definitely couldn’t eat as much food as before. Bucky seemed satisfied with himself, and you made your way back to the table quietly.
You noticed as you sat down that your hands were shaking slightly. You hid them under the table, hoping that no one would notice. You ate the amount that you would normally eat- which was about as much as you could stomach- and left the rest of the food untouched.
“Hey,” Tony said, using his fork as a pointer and directing it at you. “Finish your food,” he said, sounding jokingly stern. You felt like a child being reprimanded.
“It’s super good Sam…” you said, trailing off as though you were preparing to add a ‘but’ in there.
“Oh what, so now you’re saying my food isn’t good?” Sam said, pretending to be offended.
“What no- I-”
“No no it’s fine, I know what you were about to say. You were gonna say ‘it’s super good Sam, but I’m so full’ or something. The classic excuse!” he exclaimed overdramatically, as Steve and Bucky laughed at his antics. You knew he was just joking, but you were already so anxious and hyper-sensitive that you suddenly felt the burning sensation of tears build behind your eyes. Oh fuck no, you were not going to let yourself cry in front of the entire team. You blinked rapidly, trying to get rid of the tears that were forming. Only Wanda and Natasha- bless their hearts- seemed to notice your growing distress.
“Hey guys, cut it out,” Natasha said. Her tone was stern enough that the three men stopped their laughter and glanced over at you.
“Hey, Y/N/N I was joking, you know that right? I know you don’t hate my cooking,” Sam said, his voice kind and gentle. You didn’t say anything, just nodding and continuing to stare at your plate. Wanda rubbed your shoulder gently. She leaned close so that only you could hear her and said,
“You okay? Do you want to go to your room?” You nodded and she got out of her seat and took your hand, helping you up and guiding you out of the room with her hand on your shoulder. The rest of the team (with the exception of Natasha) stared after you in stunned silence. As you walked away, you heard Bucky mumble,
“Wow, way to go Sam.”
“Me!?” Sam exclaimed slightly louder. “You stole her plate!”
“Will both of you knock it off?” Steve said.
Several hours later, there was a knock at your door. Wanda had stayed with you the whole time, talking about your eating habits and why you felt the way you did about your body. Wanda glanced towards the door, and then back at you.
“Do you want me to open it?” she asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. It’s probably Sam,” you said, sounding tired. Wanda got up from the bed and walked over to the door and opened it.
“Oh- hello- okay you’re all here,” she said, sounding slightly surprised.
“Can we come talk to Y/N?” you heard Bucky ask. Wanda looked back at you once again, silently asking if you were okay with it. You simply nodded and sat back against your wall, clutching a pillow to your chest and hugging your knees. Bruce, Tony, Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Natasha all entered and stood a couple feet away from your bed. They stood in awkward silence for a moment, before Sam finally spoke.
“Hey Y/N/N, we just came to apologize for everything. I’m sorry for messing with you and I hope you know I’m not really mad at you. If anything, we’re all pretty worried about you.” You nodded and said,
“Yeah, I know. That’s not what it was about.” You looked at your knees and began picking at a thread on your jeans. After another moment of silence, Steve said,
“Well… could you tell us what it was about? I understand if you don’t want to, but we just want to know what’s going on so we can help you.” You turned to look at Wanda, who nodded at you. Even though no words were exchanged, you could tell she was saying: “You should tell them. You can trust them, they’re your friends.” Sighing, you nodded back at her and turned to face the team once more.
“Okay. But you have to let me explain everything before you say anything,” you said, your tone cautious. The team all nodded and gave various responses of understanding and agreement.
Sighing, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself to share one of your biggest secrets/insecurities.
“Okay, well… I don’t know when it all started- I remember figuring out that weight was something people were insecure about- and by 7 years old I had started scrutinizing my appearance a lot, and keeping a close eye on how I looked,” you paused, still picking at the strings on your pants and refusing to look up at your friends.
“I remember I had a crush on this kid in 7th grade who used to make jokes about my weight and jokingly called me fat. Realistically, I knew I wasn’t fat, but since I cared so much about that kid’s opinion I began to wonder what they saw when they looked at me. What everyone saw. If they could make jokes about me being fat, I figured that that meant there had to be some truth to it. Otherwise, why would they joke about it? When I finally hit the 100 lbs mark somewhere between 7th-8th grade, I started to panic. Even though I knew it was normal for my age, I didn’t like the fact that I was gaining weight even if it was healthy. My weight would fluctuate a lot and if I complained about it, my parents told me I should exercise more or eat healthier foods, or snack less after school. I rarely ever had breakfast, and the school lunches weren’t very filling. So after school, I would go home and basically eat a small meal, and my mom would criticize me for it.
When my anxiety got really bad in high school and I got diagnosed with anemia, I felt nauseous a lot, so I usually didn’t want to eat much because I felt so sick. And then, I realized that my body was starting to look the way I wanted it to since I was eating in very small amounts. I could never completely stop eating… I was afraid of what would happen to me, and it tended to cause really bad migraines. So I always ate at least a little bit. But there were…” you hesitated, and then corrected yourself. “There ARE days when I don’t eat for a full 24 hours- sometimes even longer- and I’m proud of myself. I know I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it. Of course, no one has noticed because I still eat, so as long as no one looks too closely, they can’t tell that anything is abnormal. Which is what I want, because anytime someone tells me to eat more or criticizes my eating habits or tells me that what I’m doing is really unhealthy and dangerous, I start to panic. Because I don’t WANT to fix it. I know I should want to- and I should do something about it- but I don’t want to.” You were quiet for a moment before adding,
“Today was the first time I’ve ever passed out. I’ve never gone that far before. I don’t know what happened. I think my appetite has changed a lot since this all started. I can’t eat as much food as I used to and oftentimes I just don’t feel hungry. There are a lot of times when I can’t think of a single thing I want to eat- everything makes me feel sick- even though I can tell I should probably have something. So, yeah, that’s everything,” you finished quietly.
The room was silent for a minute before Tony sat down and pulled you into a side hug.
“I get it kid. For me, it has nothing to do with weight or insecurity- I just forget to eat. I get so wrapped up in my work and everything I have to do, that it just completely slips my mind. I don’t even feel hungry, so I don’t notice until I start to feel really weak and tired. Or until Bruce or Pepper remind me to eat or bring me food,” he added, with a grin in Bruce’s direction. Bruce chuckled a little.
“Yep, that’s what I’m here for. Reminding Tony to eat, sleep, and shower; if it weren’t for me, he would look like a homeless man,” Bruce said jokingly. The team laughed a little, glad to have something to break the tension a little.
“Hey, I know I won’t ever fully understand what it is you’re feeling, but I do want to help you. Can you promise me something kid?” Tony asked, giving you a serious look. You stared back at him curiously.
“Can you promise that you’ll try something for me?” Slowly you nodded, not entirely sure what you had just agreed to.
“Let’s help each other out. I won’t push you to eat a huge meal or criticize what you’re eating, but I want to check in with you a few times a day to make sure you’ve had something to eat and some water. And in return, you can help me make sure that I don’t forget to eat. Pepper’s been on my ass about it for years, telling me how unhealthy it is. So, if you let me help you, I’ll let you do the same for me. How does that sound?” Tony asked. You bit your lip and considered it for a moment. You did want to help Tony, and holding each other accountable for your eating habits didn’t seem so terrible. And he did promise he wouldn’t judge you or tell you what to eat. You still had control- you didn’t have to feel so trapped- like a small child being reprimanded by their parents.
“You promise you won’t judge me or get mad at me?” you asked with uncertainty.
“I promise,” Tony said, giving you a light squeeze. You thought about it for another moment before leaning your on his shoulder and saying,
“Okay. I promise.” Tony smiled down at you.
“Good. I’m proud of you kiddo,” he said.
“Would you feel okay about the rest of us checking in on you sometimes? Just making sure you feel okay and you’ve had some water or something?” Bucky asked. You considered him for a minute, looking at his concerned expression and let out a barely audible sigh.
“Yeah, okay. Just don’t judge me or make me feel bad, okay?” you said, looking around at the group. They all nodded, still wearing various expressions of concern and sadness on their faces.
“Alright, now stop looking at me like I just told you I have a terminal illness. I don’t need any pity,” you said, your tone playful. The group laughed at your joke, glad to see you were starting to get back to normal again.
“You know we love you, right Y/N/N?” Sam asked. You nodded and smiled at him.
“Yeah, I know. I know you guys are just looking out for me and I appreciate it. I love you guys.”
“We love you too Y/N,” Steve said with a smile. Smiling contentedly, you leaned into Tony’s shoulder again and closed your eyes, feeling calm for the first time in a while.
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Pairing(s): Avengers x platonic!reader
Summary: the reader loves singing and has been performing and taking lessons for a long time. But they like to sing by themselves- until they get an unexpected audience.
Author’s Note: I have no idea what this is- it’s just an idea I had in the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure where to go in the second half of the story, so hopefully it works. Also this definitely isn’t based off my life experiences in any way, don’t even worry about it
Finally- some peace and quiet. The team was on a mission, leaving you as the only one left in Avengers Tower. You generally handled the technological side of things and often stayed on the base, gathering information, monitoring potential threats, programming new tools, weapons, AI’s, and so on. On those rare occasions when the entire team left the tower, you took advantage of all your alone time and did your favorite thing- singing.
You had been singing since you were a kid and people had started noticing that you had some natural talent in fourth grade. You never did much with it; you participated in a few musicals, joined choir, took music lessons- but it was never a serious career option. Although it was a dream of yours to perform on a big stage in front of a huge audience of fans cheering for you, you knew that it wasn’t something you wanted to do all the time. In fact, you had a feeling that you would grow to hate it. You liked all the cheers and attention sometimes, but you knew that the pre-performance anxiety, all the talk shows, the award shows, talking with celebrities- you knew it wouldn’t be worth it, because you’d spend all your time feeling anxious and worrying what people thought about you.
But of course, that never stopped you from singing and pretending you were on a stage in front of thousands in a sold out stadium, during your alone time.
With everyone gone, you could sing as loudly as you wanted without fear of anyone hearing you. It’s not that you were bad- in fact, you were often told that you were quite good- but you feared that you would bother your teammates with your loud music and singing. And besides, it felt like a personal activity- something reserved for you and you alone. When no one was watching, you could truly relax and channel all your emotions into the songs without fear of what anyone thought. Also, you kind of loved having a little secret- a fun talent that no one knew about- a secret gift.
You had already spent several hours singing whilst doing dishes, folding laundry, working on some projects in the lab, and just dancing around in the huge seating area with the tv and coffee tables, where the whole team gathered when they wanted to relax and have a movie night or something.
Recently, you’ve been obsessed with “Deja Vu” by Olivia Rodrigo, and you loved singing it. Even though you didn’t entirely relate to the message of the song, you just loved the lyrics and the melody and feeling of singing it.
You were in the seating area once again, just singing and losing yourself in the music. You had found out a while ago that you could pair your phone with F.R.I.D.A.Y and play your music anywhere in the tower and you definitely used that excellent sound system to your advantage. The gentle notes of “Deja Vu” began to play and you smiled excitedly.
Car rides to Malibu
Strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two
And tradin' jackets
Laughin’ 'bout how small it looks on you
(Ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha)
Watching reruns of Glee
Bein' annoying, singin’ in harmony
I bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique
You closed your eyes as your favorite part began to play.
So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?
She thinks it's special, but it's all reused
That was our place, I found it first
I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you
Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you?
Do you get déjà vu? (Ah), hmm
Do you get déjà vu, huh?
When you finally finished the song, you opened your eyes and turned to grab your phone and find a new song. As you turned, you looked up and came face to face with the entire team. They were all standing in the doorway, looking shocked and mildly impressed. Your eyes widened and you clapped a hand to your mouth.
“Oh no…” you said very softly.
Tony was the first to speak. He moved from the doorway and entered the room, walking towards you.
“Kid, why didn’t you tell us you could sing? That was amazing!” he exclaimed. “Honestly, I know some people, I could probably get you signed with a record label,” he said. You just stood there, mouth slightly agape, still looking shocked and horrified.
“Hey Y/N, you good?” Sam asked, furrowing his brow in concern.
“I- but what- you’re supposed to be gone for a few more days,” you said, attempting to form a coherent sentence.
“We were,” Steve replied. “But the base ended up being much smaller than we had thought and it didn’t take as long to clear it out and get what we needed. But what’s wrong? You’re really good kid, why don’t you want people to hear you?” he asked, looking confused and a tad concerned. You just shook your head, still bewildered and sat down on one of the couches. The rest of the team entered the room, still wearing their gear, and sat down on the various couches and chairs.
“Guys, come on seriously, these are leather, don’t get any dirt on them,” Tony protested. Bucky turned to stare at him.
“Really Stark? That’s your biggest concern right now?” he said, sounding annoyed. Tony rolled his eyes.
“Well it’s ONE of them,” he said, glaring back.
“Guys, seriously knock it off,” Natasha said, giving them a stern look. Thor had seated himself next to you and turned to you.
“Young Y/N your voice is quite beautiful. If we were in Asgard, you would be asked to perform at banquets and parties,” he said, in his deep, rumbling voice. “Why wouldn’t you want anyone to hear you?” he questioned. You stared at your lap and shook your head, refusing to look at any of them.
“Yeah honestly Y/N/N, you’re amazing- if I’d known you could sing, I would’ve asked you to sing way more stuff!” Sam exclaimed, attempting to lighten the mood a little. You chuckled softly, still staring at your lap. The team waited quietly, while you worked up the courage to speak. Finally, still refusing to make eye contact, you said,
“I didn’t want to annoy anyone. And also it’s a really private and personal thing. And I’m afraid of being judged and criticized. And… I was in theatre a bit in high school, and people were kind of cruel.”
The team exchanged shocked and sad looks.
“But, seriously how could anyone criticize you? What could possibly be wrong with your singing?” Bucky asked, sounding incredulous.
“I mean, no one is completely perfect,” you said. “But it was more that a lot of people didn’t like me. And it didn’t matter that I could actually sing, they didn’t think I deserved to be there. So, I became really self conscious. I didn’t want to give them anything else to make fun of me for,” you explained softly. Steve wrapped an arm around your shoulders.
“Well, I don’t know who could possibly dislike you, especially when you sing like that, but we would never criticize or make fun of you,” Steve said, pulling you into a side hug. You smiled a little and leaned into him.
“It was just a rough experience. And singing by myself makes me feel like I have something they can’t take from me. I have these feelings, the music- it’s just me- and they can’t intrude and ruin things.”
“We get it. It’s cathartic for you,” Natasha said, offering you a warm smile which you returned. “Obviously you don’t have to sing in front of us… but if you ever wanted to, just know we wouldn’t mind. We’d be happy to hear your voice again,” she said. The rest of the team nodded in agreement. You smiled gratefully at them.
“Thank you guys. I mean, I feel most at peace when I’m singing by myself, but maybe one day, if I’m feeling brave, I can sing for you guys,” you said.
“I look forward to that day,” Bucky said, walking over and ruffling your hair.
“Well, now that that’s settled, I’m starving. What should we get to eat?” Tony asked. The group began discussing (and arguing- Sam and Bucky were honestly like an old married couple). You merely sat back and smiled at your team. They hadn’t made fun of you. They hadn’t been annoyed. It would take some time for you to allow yourself to be vulnerable with them, but you trusted them when they promised that they would never make fun of you.
“And who knows,” you thought to yourself. “Maybe I’ll take Tony up on that record label offer.”
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Bill Hader podcasts
Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend*
Crew call with Anthony D’Alessandro* [mostly Barry specific]
In Bed with Nick & Megan (Nick Offerman & Megan Mullally)*
IndieWire (Alec Berg and Bill)* [Barry specific]
Sunday Sitdown with Willie Geist*
92Y talks with John Mulaney*
Anna Faris is Unqualified
Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard
Movies that made me, pt. 1* [film nerd bill]
Movies that made me pt. 2* [film nerd bill]
92Y Talks (Bill, Seth Meyers & Fred Armisen)
the Rewatchables [film nerd bill] (specifically discussing no country for old men)
ID10T with Chris Hardwick
the Bill Simmons podcast [2:00-43:35]
the Adam Buxton podcast (skype interview)
Endless Thread [Barry specific]
the Big Picture (2:15-41:10) [Barry specific]
the Bill Simmons podcast (500th episode) [4:40-1:19:25]
Maltin on Movies (live at SXSW)
IndieWire (Barry Season 2)* [Barry specific]
3rd & Fairfax WGAW podcast (Alec Berg and Bill)* [Barry specific]
OnWriting (Alec Berg and Bill)* [Barry specific]
the bill simmons podcast live at SXSW
The Playlist (skype interview) [It Chapter Two]
Talks at Google [Barry specific]
The Moment with Brian Koppelman*
Kickass News with Ben Mathis
the Big Ticket with Marc Malkin [It Chapter Two]
Gold Derby (Alec Berg and Bill) [Barry specific]
80’s all over [film nerd bill]
The Watch (Henry Winkler and Bill) [28:00] [Barry specific]
Mike on Much podcast [50:00] (phone interview, it’s not great quality but bill)
The Fourth Wall [Barry & It Chapter 2]
Monday Morning Podcast (Bill Burr)
Eli Roth’s History of Horror Uncut [horror movie film nerd bill]
Turned Out A Punk [music nerd bill]
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I’m Beautiful, Gift From God, Bird- it was going so well up until i got to my last name
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HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE
Let’s say it’s 6.15pm and you’re going home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You’re really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far. You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself..!!
NOW HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE…
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.
However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously.
A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.
A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating.
The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can perhaps buy precious time to get themselves to a phone and dial 911.
Rather than sharing another joke please contribute by broadcasting this which can save a person’s life!
Be prepared and become part of the solution. Get your free next-of-kin notification card today. Click here: https://www.InCaseOfEmergencyCard.com/
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5.21 Two Minutes to Midnight // 12.23 All Along the Watchtower
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Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend
Dom!Ransom Drysdale x Sub!Reader
Summary: Ransom buys you a gift and you surprise him when you wear it for the first time. Safe to say, it’s a very good surprise for both of you.
Warnings: MUST BE 18+ TO READ THIS STORY!, smut, dom/sub theme, daddy kink, anal play, anal sex, anal plug, daddy/bunny, swearing, edging, fluff
Word Count: 2904
A/N: I thought to myself that we all deserved some dom!Ransom in our lives and so, here it is. I thought of it in a conversation with @imanuglywombat and thought it would be perfect for my friends @donutloverxo ’s followers celebration #sugary4kchallenge. Hope you will enjoy this pure filth I put together :) Let’s be hoes together, yay!! xx
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The Good Place 2.0
Summary: Evan Schmidt (OC) arrives in the Good Place convinced that he’s a good person. However, as time passes, he begins to notice strange things about the neighborhood and he starts to wonder if he’s even in the Good Place at all.
Author’s Note: This is pretty similar to the plot from season 1, but I took out Eleanor’s character and replaced it with an original character. Since this isn’t a reader insert fic, I have no idea if people will even read this but I’m just putting it here so I have an easier platform to share it with friends. This is going to be a multiple-chapter thing because it’ll probably be kinda lengthy. Also, this is my coping mechanism, where I write about a character who’s based on my ex who’s essentially tortured for eternity, all while thinking he’s a good person because in real life he’s actually a piece of shirt (see what I did there?) and this is one of the few legal ways I can seek vengeance.
Welcome! Everything is fine.
Evan opened his eyes. The first thing he was met with was the words “Welcome! Everything is fine” scrawled in neat, green letters on the beige wall directly across from him. Just then, a door opened to his right to reveal an older man with glasses and white hair.
“Evan? Come on in, we’re ready for you,” he said, his tone warm and inviting. Smiling pleasantly, Evan got up and followed the man into the room from whence he came.
“Well Evan, there’s no easy way to put this, but… you’re dead,” the man said gently. Evan stared at him for a second before nodding.
“How did it happen?” He asked, his voice relatively calm.
“W-well, we find it’s best not to tell the new residents what happened right away, otherwise it tends to overwhelm the mind,” the man explained, waving his hand casually, as though this were the most normal conversation in the world.
“I’m sorry- residents? What do you mean? I thought you said I was dead,” Evan said, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.
“Of course, I’m sorry, this must all be terribly confusing for you. Allow me to explain; I’m Michael and I’m a Good Place architect. I designed this neighborhood for you and everyone else who’s going to be living here- well not ‘living’ I guess,” Michael said, chuckling to himself. He turned to Evan, as though expecting him to laugh, but he just sat in silence.
“So…” he began slowly, furrowing his brow. “You’re telling me that this is like Heaven or something? And I got in? Because I’m good?” He asked, looking incredulous. Michael smiled, finally seeing the reaction he had hoped for from Evan.
“Yes, you’re in the Good Place. It’s not exactly like Heaven- the Christians weren’t exactly correct about the concept of Heaven and Hell- but every religion got a little bit correct. The Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Christians- they all got at least some aspect right,” Michael said, looking at Evan. Evan nodded once more, looking as though he was thinking for a moment.
“So...if there’s a Good Place, then...that means there’s a Bad Place too, right?” Evan asked, looking down at the floor as though expecting it to open up and swallow him whole.
“Ah, yes there is. I mean, we don’t really like to talk about that here. And it’s not exactly “down” like the Christians viewed it. It’s more sorta...that way,” Michael said gesturing towards the right. “And then a little this way and this way, then you make a turn there…” Evan stared at him in confusion and Michael seemed to realize, because he suddenly stopped and cleared his throat.
“Anyway, there’s no need to worry about the Bad Place, because you, Evan Schmidt, were a good person.”
“Now Evan, once you’re all settled in I’d be perfectly happy to take you on a tour of the neighborhood so you can get to know everyone and see all the cool stuff we have. By the way, we have a frozen yogurt place! Isn’t that exciting?” Michael said, looking considerably pleased with himself.
Evan gave a small smile and nodded, assuming that this older gentleman-angel-person needed a great deal of validation. Michael, however, looked a bit put out by Evan’s muted reaction.
“Well, anyway, it’s time for you to come see your new home. I’m particularly excited about this, I think you’re really gonna like it,” Michael said, looking positively ecstatic. “Not to brag but… I kinda designed it myself,” he said with a smile. “Well, technically I designed everything myself. Alright, here it is! Ta-da!” Michael said, gesturing to a small apartment-Esq building.
“Cool,” Evan said, nodding.
“Okay, let’s go ahead and check out the inside. There’s someone I’m very excited for you to meet.” Michael and Evan stepped inside the threshold, into a cozy-looking apartment.
“Now, Evan. I’m sure you’ve heard of soulmates during your time on Earth, yes?” For the first time since his arrival, Evan actually looked intrigued.
“Yeah, I mean who hasn’t? Are they real? Is that like… a real thing?” he asked. Michael smiled at him and nodded.
“Yes. Soulmates are real and everyone in the Good Place has one. You two will be perfectly matched, your souls bonded together in harmony for all of eternity. That being said, I’d like you to meet your soulmate, Tahani Al Jamil,” Michael said gesturing towards a woman standing in the foyer.
Evan looked over in shock. Tahani was easily one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. And she was definitely out of his league. She had long, dark beautiful locks that cascaded down her shoulders, not a single hair out of place. She wore a long, flowing flowery dress that complimented her eyes and skin tone, making her look absolutely radiant. Her skin looked completely flawless, as though she’d never had a blemish once in her entire life. Immediately, Evan felt inferior.
Tahani smiled at him and walked over, enveloping him in a tight embrace.
“Hello, my darling! I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” she said, taking a step back and surveying him for the first time. Evan could smell her flowery, delicate scent all over him.
“Of course she smells wonderful,” he thought bitterly to himself. Tahani looked him up and down and her face began to fall as she took in his appearance and clothing. For the first time since arriving, Evan glanced down at what he was wearing; a plain, blue t-shirt and jeans with a pair of sneakers. That was a pretty standard outfit for him.
“Well, your sense of style is certainly…different,” Tahani said, attempting a weak smile. It was very clear that she had no poker face.
Michael didn’t seem to notice the tension and looked between the two of them excitedly.
“Alright, I’ll let you two catch up and I’ll check back in with you later. We’re having a welcome party tonight at one of the resident’s mansions!” he announced excitedly. Tahani looked as though she’d just swallowed a whole glass of lemon juice, her face scrunching up when Michael said the word “mansion”. She noticed Michael looking and quickly rearranged her expression.
“Of course Michael, we’ll see you later!” she said, waving pleasantly as he walked out the door. It swung shut behind him, leaving Evan and Tahani in silence. Evan stuck his hands in his pockets, wishing he had his cellphone to distract him.
“Well, I suppose we’d better start to get ready for this welcome party,” Tahani suggested, trying to break the silence. Evan looked at her confused.
“Get ready? I mean this place is perfect, I showed up clean and shaven and dressed; I don’t have to do anything,” he said, sounding pleased. Tahani looked horrified.
“Oh no…,” she muttered to herself. Evan rolled his eyes and walked over to sit on the living room couch. He was already beginning to get tired of her haughty demeanor and obvious disgust towards him.
“I mean you can do whatever you want, but I’m cool with going like this,” he said nonchalantly, picking up a book from the table in front of him and examining it. Tahani looked absolutely horrified.
“So you’re just going to go, dressed like...that?” Evan stood up, looking irritated.
“Look, do you have a problem with me, bench? I mean we just met and it’s clear that you don’t like me, even though I didn’t do anything to you,” Evan snapped at her. He paused for a moment. “Wait, why can’t I say bench?” he asked, annoyed. Tahani huffed and crossed her arms.
“Why don’t you ask Janet to explain it to you? I’m sure she’ll be less of a bench to you,” she said, turning on her heel and storming upstairs.
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hes trying to come back on youtube so i just want to say. everyone look out for nick robinson. hes an ex polygon employee who was fired for sexually harassing his coworkers. hes trying to blend in with the documentary style video trend.
i got him in my reccomendations just now. his handle on most websites is babylonian
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banish the idea that platonic love is a lesser form of love
if you go through life not investing in your friendships the same way you invest in romantic relationships, you will always be looking for love, feeling lonely, completely blind to the love all around you
friendship is not a lower level relationship. it is not a lesser form of love.
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Pairing(s): Avengers x platonic!reader
Warnings: Mentions of vomit, mentions of toxic/emotionally abusive relationship, description of some anxiety
Summary: The reader struggles to deal with the aftermath of a toxic relationship and the team unknowingly bring up some painful memories. Also this is totally not based on any of my life experiences. And yes, my inspiration for the title came from Taylor Swift’s song. If you haven’t heard it, I highly recommend it, it’s beautiful.
Disclaimer: This fic does discuss a dislike for the military- it doesn’t go in depth, but if this is something that will offend you, I urge you not to read any further. I mean no disrespect to anyone whose friend/family/or they themselves have served. I appreciate all that you do, despite the fact that I may have issue with the overall institution of the military. These descriptions are based off of MY experiences and is not meant to be disrespectful or offensive. If you disagree, that’s perfectly fine, but please remember that this is simply based off of some experiences I’ve had and we have all led different lives. Thank you.
Living in the Avenger’s tower was the best life you could’ve ever asked for. You definitely didn’t kick ass like the rest of the tower’s inhabitants, but they valued you just as much; as though you were a team member. Because technically, you were. Computers, technology, and tracking were your areas of expertise, and you were quite good too. You probably would’ve gone on living with your (former) boyfriend forever, had you not gotten incredibly bored one day and decided to hack into the Avengers Tower’s mainframe.
It was a bad idea, you knew it was, but to be honest you kind of felt like a badass out of some spy movie or whatever. It took a little longer than usual but after roughly twenty minutes, you were in. Admittedly, you shouldn’t have looked through the confidential files for each Avenger, but honestly, you couldn’t help yourself. I mean, the files said TOP SECRET on them in big, red letters. What were you supposed to do?
You were about halfway through Captain America’s file (which was so cute, you had no idea he used to be a scrawny boy from the 1940s) when Nick Fury and about 50 S.H.I.E.L.D agents burst through your apartment door, weapons drawn and all pointing at you. You screamed and nearly dropped your laptop.
“Who the hell are you?” Nick Fury asked, his voice unmistakably angry, with an edge that made you fear for your life. This man definitely would not hesitate to shoot you if he had the opportunity.
“I-I’m Y/N L/N,” you stuttered, feeling your palms get clammy as your heart began to race.
“Interesting,” Fury said in a flat tone, that sounded quite the opposite of interested.
“Mind telling me how the HELL you hacked into Stark Towers?” He asked threateningly.
“U-um, I-uh, I…” you tripped over your words, struggling to find an explanation that didn’t make you look guilty as hell.
“Well come on, spit it out,” Fury said irritably.
“W-well, I’m very intelligent sir,” you mentally face-palmed. Why the hell did you say that? “And um, I’ve been really interested in computers and technology since I was a kid. I’ve been doing this for a long time and uh… I was bored,” you admitted your cheeks flushing.
To your surprise, Fury looked vaguely amused; it was kinda hard to tell with the eyepatch and the constant scowl.
“You know, I could have you arrested. You hacked into billionaire’s system- and the system that currently resides in the Avengers Tower, no less. That’s incredibly sensitive government information,” he said, staring at you intensely. You felt tears beginning to fill your eyes.
“I-I’m so sorry, it was a stupid idea, I know. I never should’ve done it. I wasn’t trying to steal information, I-I promise! I just wanted to see if I could do it,” you said, the panic evident in your voice. Fury continued to study you for a moment, his face void of all emotion, which made you even more nervous because you couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
“You know… I think Mr. Stark would be incredibly interested in meeting the person who hacked into his incredibly intricate technology. He’s a bit of a genius you know, and that system should’ve been impossible to hack into. And yet...here you are,” Fury mused, more to himself than anyone else.
Long story short, Tony was rather amused by your stunt and impressed as well. He took an immediate liking to you and soon enough, he convinced Fury to recruit you to the S.H.I.E.L.D team, to work as their tech expert.
Usually, agents didn’t live in the Avengers Tower, but since Tony (and all the other Avengers) liked you so much that they were perfectly happy to have you stay. The actual reason that you had taken up residence in the tower was kind of a secret. The only people who knew were you, Tony, and presumably, Fury, since he finds everything out anyway.
You had been having trouble with your boyfriend and staying at your place had been agonizing. It was nothing physical, so it took a little while for anyone to notice. Naturally, since Tony was very fond of you (seeing you like a pseudo-child, you suspected) you spent a lot of time together and he was naturally the first to sense trouble.
You were never incredibly chipper when you came into work, but you were usually friendly and made light conversation. But lately, Tony noticed that you talked less and less. At first, he thought it was just a bad day, or maybe you were sick. But your mood didn’t change; in fact, it almost seemed worse. Tony noticed that you looked shaky and fidgety a lot and constantly dashed off to the bathroom, looking pale when you returned.
After about two weeks, Tony decided he had to say something.
“Hey kid… you feeling okay?” he asked hesitantly. Your head snapped up; you had been seemingly staring into your cup of coffee. You hadn’t drunk any of it, you just sat there with a blank expression. Tony’s words seemed to startle you, as though you hadn’t realized that anyone was there.
“What? Oh uh, yeah I’m fine thanks,” you said hurriedly, avoiding his gaze. You knew if you looked into his eyes you’d feel compelled to spill everything. But Tony wasn’t completely oblivious, he knew the tactics of avoidance and shutting everyone out all too well, because that was his go-to method when dealing with his emotions (or rather, not dealing with them).
“Y/N, seriously,” he said in his most stern dad-voice, “You’ve been acting weird for the past few weeks. I tried to give you your space and let you sort it out, but you’re getting worse,” he stated, getting slightly more agitated as he spoke. You sat in silence, chewing nervously on your bottom lip. Up until now, you thought you had been doing a pretty good job masking your emotions; no one had acted weird around you or treated you any different, so you assumed you’d succeeded in “acting normal.” Apparently, you had not. You let out a deep sigh and finally looked at Tony.
“Okay, fine. You got me. It’s nothing big, I’m just having some problems at home with my boyfriend. It’s no big deal,” you said, trying to assuage his concerns. He raised an eyebrow at you and you knew he didn’t believe you.
“Y/N/N, there’s no way this is just some tiny problem at home. I see you every day, you’re shaking and nervous and you keep running off to the bathroom to throw up,” Tony said, giving you a stern look. You blushed profusely; you were embarrassed by the fact that you threw up whenever you were anxious. Puke was gross and you didn’t want to hear what other people had to say about it. You sat in silence for another couple of moments. You weren’t sure what to say and every time you thought of confiding in him all your troubles, a knot formed in your throat that seemed to prevent you from speaking.
“Kiddo- hey- look at me, please. Please?” Tony said, making sure he kept his tone gentle, void of any anger or frustration. Slowly, you looked up into his eyes.
“You know you can tell me anything, right? I care about you kid- the whole team does- and I know they would all feel terrible if anything happened to you,” Tony paused, seemingly debating what he wanted to say. “I would feel terrible if anything happened to you.”
You stared into his eyes for a moment, considering his words. It was embarrassing to talk about- it sounded so foolish- but you knew Tony would never make fun of you.
“Okay. I’ve just been having problems with my boyfriend for some time now,” you said, pausing for a moment.
Evan, right? He’s military, isn’t he?” Tony asked. You simply nodded.
“Yeah, that’s him. He’s just so...cold towards me. No matter what I do, he never seems to want me around. And when he does spend time with me he’s always on his phone or focused on something else. His moods are so unpredictable, it’s stressful. Sometimes he’s loving and sweet, other times he’s quiet and indifferent. Then sometimes he’s randomly angry and freaks out at me. And he makes fun of me and my interests a lot. We always have to do what he wants to do and anything I want to do is stupid or boring. And he knows I have anxiety and sometimes I reach out to him because I need him, but he’s typically indifferent, and if he’s out and I text him he usually doesn’t respond at all,” you said, looking more worn down than ever. “It’s just stupid, there’s nothing bad or abusive going on, it’s just a rough patch, okay? Nothing to worry about,” you said, reassuringly. Tony frowned and said,
“It may not be physical, but it’s still unhealthy Y/N/N,” he said, looking at you sadly.
Since that night, you had confided in Tony, telling him all your pain and traumas. And soon after, he invited you to live in the tower. After another fight with your boyfriend, you had decided you just couldn’t take it anymore and you left.
You had been so much happier since moving into the Avengers Tower. You were way more social, you had friends, the atmosphere was warm and inviting, the team genuinely wanted to spend time with you, and if you were having any problems they insisted that they wanted to know what was wrong and that you weren’t annoying or stupid at all.
Of course, recovery isn’t a linear process, as you had come to learn. You had rid yourself of anything that reminded you of your ex. You didn’t sleep much; you stayed up late into the night and often woke up around 2 or 3 am. You spent a lot of time in your room crying (although you were pretty certain the team didn’t know that, thankfully). You avoided anything that reminded you of your ex or your pain and you were frequently angry and hurt, trying your best not to let it show through.
Of course, Tony knew all of this, you confided practically everything in him. But with the rest of the team- although you loved them- you weren’t ready to divulge this sensitive information to them.
Friday nights were usually a game night or movie night. The team sat together, drank shared stories, and just enjoyed each other’s company. This particular Friday night, Bucky and Steve had visited the museum exhibit that had been dedicated to them and had returned with their old military uniforms and some of their gear.
The rest of the team was enthralled by these relics, remarking how cool these were. Clint even asked to try on a uniform (Steve said no). Thor was especially intrigued by some of the old gadgets. He kept turning them over in his hand and staring at them in fascination.”
“I’ll never understand you, humans,” he said, chuckling to himself. “Constantly creating these tiny, useless devices to destroy one another. On Asgard, our weaponry is far superior,” he said smugly. An argument then ensued, over who was more stupid- Asgardians or humans.
You, however, had been seated in the corner, silent and still ever since Bucky and Steve had brought out their military gear. Looking at it- even just the colors of the uniform- reminded you of your ex-boyfriend’s smug commentary about how inferior you were to him since you weren’t in the military. He often insisted that everyone should be required to serve and went on long rants about how it “toughened you up.” The whole thing made you feel like shit and yet, his arrogance never faded.
Tony seemed to have realized that you were missing and- realizing the situation- slipped away from everyone else to sit by you.
“You okay?” he asked softly. You simply nodded; you just wanted to go back to your room and hide and cry but you knew that wasn’t an option.
“Y/N/N, you wanna come see this stuff?” Bucky said, motioning towards the objects on the table. You kept your blank expression and shook your head.
“No thanks, I’m good,” you said, realizing you sounded colder than you had meant to. Everyone paused and turned to look at you.
“I’m sorry Y/N, did we do something to offend you?” Steve asked, sounding a little hurt. You quickly shook your head, beginning to panic. It was your worst nightmare come to life. Everyone was finding out about your baggage and they were going to know how pathetic you were.
“Uh, no Steve, I can explain- that is- if it’s okay with Y/N,” he said, turning to look at you. You nodded silently, glad that you had been saved from having to explain all these things that made you so angry and bitter.
Tony explained to the team about your ex and why you had decided to move in with them. Steve and Bucky looked increasingly disgusted as Tony continued explaining your ex’s mistreatment of you. Finally, he explained the bit about the military and explained why it upset you so much. Tony finished and silence fell. You continued to stare into your lap, afraid to look at any of them.
“Y/N...I’m really sorry, I had no idea. If we’d known, we never would’ve brought this stuff out,” Steve said, sounding as though he felt guilty. You just shook your head and said,
“It’s okay, really guys. It’s just some stupid bad memories,” you said, dismissively. Bucky frowned and reached over to hold one of your hands.
“Y/N/N, it’s not stupid. You went through an awful experience and if I’d gone through that, I’d feel the same way,” Bucky said, his voice kind and reassuring. You glanced up and smiled at him.
“You know you’re allowed to tell us if something bothers you Y/N, right?” Bruce asked, smiling sadly at you.
“Yeah, I guess old habits just die hard,” you said, shrugging.
“Just know that we’re always here for you,” Natasha said, walking behind you and ruffling your hair. The whole team walked over and simultaneously decided to hug you.
“Uh- guys? You’re all super strong and I’m kind of suffocating,” you gasped, your voice muffled beneath all of them.
“Oh whoops, sorry,” Clint said. The group backed off a little and Bucky placed his arm around your shoulder giving you a side hug.
“Okay, so now that therapy’s over, what movie should we watch?” Tony said, smiling as you laughed at his joke.
“Hmmm how about Stripes?” Bruce suggested. You stared at him, mouth agape. Bruce began to laugh at your expression.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” he said, still laughing and ducking to avoid the pillow you chucked at his head.
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In case anyone is having a bad night:
Here is the fudgiest brownie in a mug recipe I’ve found
Here are some fun sites
Here is a master post of Adventure Time episodes and comics
Here is a master post of movies including Disney and Studio Ghibli
Here is a master post of other master posts to TV shows and movies
*tucks you in with fuzzy blanket* *pats your head*
You’ll be okay, friend <3
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write your url by only using emojis
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That’s one conception of death, for a Buddhist. The wave…returns to the ocean. Where it came from. Where it’s supposed to be.
Not bad, Buddhists.
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#the purest friendship!
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