sleepysloth99 - Tumblr blog

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

I really like the idea of an enemies to lovers arc with Norman. Then again, I pretty much like anything with Norman.

DRUGS WON’T HELP YOU.

Paring: Norman Jayden × Fem! Reader

A/N: Hello again! The “4 Heavy Rain days” have started! In these 4 days the events of the game happen. Lately I’ve seen there aren’t much Norman Jayden fics here, and then i thought… “Well, guess I’m gonna be changing it🤪”. Special thanks to Carol for giving me the idea I was looking for!! Also, If you’re a Heavy Rain fan, you’re in the right place! Enjoy <33

°~°

October 4. 2011.

10 pm.

6, 77 mm.

-Hey, Jayden, always on your own, huh?

The bluish-eyed man turned to me and I was impressed by the amount of calm and patience he had, qualities that were rare nowadays. Norman Jayden, FBI agent, was assigned to the Origami Killer case just like I was, and it had access to a kind of… rivalry I never developed. Up to that point. I did everything I could to tease him, trying to get him off the case and back to Washington, D.C., so I could finally say, “I solved the case!”

With arms crossed, I watched him with those ridiculous sunglasses groped the ground wet by rainwater. I mean, how can you find clues in this rain? And did he have problems finding clues wearing those stupid sunglasses?

-I’m on my own because I can work better on my own- he replied bluntly, without losing patience.

Puff. - Come on, drop the case to me… you won’t find anything if you keep going around the crime scene with those things on your eyes.

- You’re not going to assume my method of working, Detective?

There he was. I clenched my teeth and chewed the inside of my cheek to avoid making a scene. If Lieutenant Carter Blake had heard me, I would have not only had a recall, but a suspension for insubordination. What I would have given to be born with the same patience as Jayden.

-No, Agent Jayden.

—Perfect-he said, without getting upset, and taking a path near the train tracks-try to make yourself useful tonight. Since you haven’t helped much with previous cases in the last two years.

With that, he left me to smoke with rage and tread the sole of my shoe in the mud.

- You’re gonna pay for this, Norman Jayden.

—-

October 5, 2011.

12 pm.

10, 55 mm

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

The clues from the night before weren’t enough to start making connections. But it wasn’t the right time to give up: Ethan Mars’ son had disappeared and biosynthetized to find him, and quickly. Rubbing my eyes, I thought the best thing to do was take a ten-minute break and have a coffee.

Yeah, I could use a coffee.

As I got up from my workstation, I shunned colleagues coming and going from the police station, heading for the break room.

No, I can’t believe it. Even here?!

- Wha… what are you doing here, nerd?- I exclaimed, in a state of shock and despair.

Norman Jayden turned to look at me: a mocking smile appeared on his face and crossed his fingers, bringing them a little below the chin.

- Good to see you, Detective. Destiny wants from now on, until the end of the case, we should work together to end the murders.

I didn’t realize my mouth was wide open in awe, but… me and Jayden working together on the Origami killer case? The worst nightmare in existence was happening right there, right now.

I passed beside Jayden and went straight to the captain’s office to make a complaint about my current situation, slamming the door so hard I didn’t notice the cops’ looks outside his office. But what I got was a simple answer like, either you deal with it, or I suspend you from the case.

I couldn’t risk missing out on future credit, so I took it against my will. It was just a few weeks, if not days, right? Then everything would be over.

Jayden stood in front of the office all the time, certainly listening to the furious conversation between me and the captain. Coming out with smoke in my ears, I grabbed the officer by the tie, slammed him against the wall. It won me the curious looks of my colleagues, but that didn’t prevent me.

-The sooner we solve this case, the sooner this torture ends— I let go of his tie, giving him a pat on the head.

Leaving him where he was, I took my things out of my chair and he came out the front door, making it seem like I was letting go.

☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎ ☂︎

December 15, 2011.

8.46 pm.

4, 67 mm.

I didn’t expect to spend my evening sitting at my kitchen table with Norman Jayden, eating sushi and drinking white wine. Yeah. Why?

Things do change.

Since we became partners, he and I started to put up with each other more, after all, it was for the good of the whole community, and for the resolution of the case. But from simple co-workers, we became friends. And yet, part of me really wanted it to be more than a friendship or collaboration between the FBI and the local police department. Norman had turned out to be a nice man in his being, reserved, but funny, and had opened up more and more to me since I had stopped insulting and teasing. Sometimes I would let them out, but it was always very friendly.

—My suspicions go to that cop, Larry or whoever he is… Tomorrow I will do more research to be sure- said Norman, bringing to the mouth a piece of sashimi.

He nodded, drinking a little from my glass. - The situation becomes more intriguing, I admit. Seems like the only one who’s a potential origami killer.

-We seem to be on the right track.

- Special Agent, that’s all because of you- I gave him a light blow on the shoulder and he giggled.

-Eh, all right, Detective.

☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎ ☔︎

December 16, 2011.

3.48 am.

-Norman? What are you doing…

The man was sitting on the floor, a bottle of drug (triptocaine specifically) next to him, and the blood that flowed from the narcs. His hair was disheveled, and his shirt sleeves pulled up. He seemed a little disoriented, and he couldn’t get his legs up, so I grabbed him by the arms. Very carefully, I sat him on the sofa.

-Why weren’t you sleeping?

-Why were you on drugs?

Norman didn’t answer. I handed him a handkerchief to clean the blood that was dripping. One hand made its way through his light brown hair, but he wouldn’t look me in the eye and tell me what was wrong.

-What…

- I found out who the origami killer is.

A break.

-So?

He went to get up from his seat, but collapsed as his legs did not stand.

—Idiot, you’re half done. You don’t go anywhere- I scolded him. I noticed how much he was shaking, maybe it was the effects of drugs. He was agitated, soaked in sweat.

-What was that before?

-Doesn’t matt…-

-Tell me what the fuck it was, Norman-

Moments of silence. Norman took a deep breath and spoke.

—When I use ARI, my brain is damaged by the strain it undergoes. And tryptocaine… even if it has beneficial effects, it helps me to overcome this “momentary shock”- he slightly pronounced.

His eyes are dull and he doesn’t have the courage to look me in the face. - It’s not gonna get me anywhere, but it’s my only way to escape the real world.

Words die in my mouth. I don’t know exactly what to say, it’s the first time Norman has confessed something so personal to me. I’m afraid to say something stupid and make things worse, but I can’t keep quiet and look the other way.

- Norman, I… I had no idea.

He shakes his head slightly. - How could you? It’s not your fault.

—Let me finish, please. I don’t want it to get any worse: you need to limit your use of ARI. And triptocaine. Especially ARI. I mean, you got it.

I paused, trying to find the right words to continue. My legs were shaking.

- Drugs won’t help you. But friends will. That’s why I’m here.

I finally got the attention of Norman, who with tired eyes made the effort to look me in the face. I gently laid a hand on his cheek and he seemed to get used to the contact of my warm hand on his cold cheek.

-We’re friends, aren’t we?- I asked, almost impossible to hear.

-Yes- he answered— friends. Only…-

His lips rested on mine. At first I was incredulous, then I realized: I intensified the kiss with passion. My hand was behind the back of his neck, to keep him closer to me, him looking for my other free hand: he intertwined his hand with mine with such a sweetness that it almost made me melt. I realized that all this time how much I was in love with a man who only needed someone to stand by him and show him how good it was to live. Our mouths snapped, trying to give air to our lungs.

- I am here, Norman- I whisper, our foreheads are against each other, -I am here, and I will not leave you.

- Don’t do it, Detective. I couldn’t stand it.

- I don’t intend to, Agent.

#norman jayden #heavy rain #norman jayden x reader #norman jayden x you #quantic dream

61 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

Okay! As of right now, I got 2 fanfictions in development. Well.... actually... 3! The next one up is an Ichiban x Reader oneshot that is being requested by @pinkiedash101 ! It has a plot synopsis, and it is currently in development! After that, I have a Hyuk x Reader request awaiting me in my inbox by @whitespiderlilies !

As for that third one... this wasn't requested by anyone. But it is a Norman Jayden x Reader that I just wrote a synopsis for. Here's a little sneak peek at a future project!

"It's the typical way of life. You get a job, and there's always some jack ass who seems to live to simply make your life harder. In comes Carter Blake, your superior who somehow always ends up working with you. With his terrible temper and unethical way of working, it's a good thing he has a poorly conveyed crush on you! Right? But when a guy from the FBI joins you guys' case to catch the Origami Killer, your work life only gets more exhausting...."

I hope you guys are looking forward to the upcoming Ichiban oneshot, upcoming Hyuk oneshot, and my personal project that will most likely be a series! Take care!

14 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

Alright, I gotta rant here cuz my fandoms are too obscure for a good amount of fanfiction.

So starting today, I am accepting x readers (as well as x reader requests) for the following:

Ethan Mars

Norman Jayden (him especially)

Madison Paige

Matter of fact? Heavy Rain, in general, is now 100% a certified fandom I allow to be requested because the lack of content on them is more depressing than Jason dying when the car didn't even hit him.

#heavy rain #quantic dream #norman jayden #ethan mars #madison paige #scott shelby #laura winter #seriously i need help #obscure fandom

3 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

I never thought of this. It's honestly so cool hearing the headcanons of others. Tbh, this one is my favorite! Not only is it a creative one, but I love how you took the most supposedly trivial details and incorporated it into your elaboration. Literally blown away rn.

Headcanon: Norman Jayden is a time traveler

Now I know what you’re thinking: oh come on, seriously? That’s preposterous, and I thought the same thing, until I really thought about it.

Let’s talk about ARI for a second.

This technology is highly advanced for the year 2011.

What is ARI?

The ARI (Added Reality Interface) is an experimental evidence detecting system in place by the FBI.

What does it do?

The ARI equipment consists of a pair of glasses and a singular, right-handed glove. The glasses, acting as an enhancement visor, are used to detect and record information from the environment whilst providing visual displays for the user. The glove allows the user to physically interact with ARI’s interface and the environment.

It also allows the user to stream information via sensors in the glove, allowing research on things such as blood type, shoe-size and identifying scents in the air. It also seems that all gathered information is installed directly into ARI’s internal memory which can be reviewed at any place or time; for example, ARI has instant access to the FBI database.

Whilst ARI’s primary use is for crime scenes, it can also be used in other environments.

Exhibit A:

No one has heard of this technology. Hell, Carter Blake, even thinks that it’s just a pair of sunglasses.

Exhibit B: When Norman was throwing a ball against the wall in ARI, one of his coworkers thought he was crazy.

youtube

Exhibit C:

Why would the FBI send one of their own to help with a serial killer case?

Serial Killers are a common thing. Why do they care so much about this particular case?

Exhibit D:

No one has ever heard of Norman Jayden. If he’s such a “hotshot FBI man” then he must have a following. He doesn’t.

Exhibit E:

Triptocaine. Why aren’t more people addicted to this drug? Why is Norman Jayden the only person seen using it?

Exhibit F:

We know nothing about this character. For a guy that was supposedly born in 1977, there seems to be no trace of this guy.

Exhibit G:

Why is there no date written on this document? If he was dispatched, then surely there would have been a date written on this document.

Exhibit H:

“A dead cat. The FBI doesn’t keep records of dead cats… not yet.”

I initially thought that this was a joke, but assuming that Norman is a time traveler, perhaps they keep files on dead cats in the future?

Exhibit I:

Norman’s insistence on solving this case. Why does he care so much? Was his son one of the victims? Did he fail to go through the trials?

If you look closely, Norman has a scar on his face.

Perhaps a result of one of the trials?

Or, what if he cares so much about this case, because there are more victims in the future?

Exhibit J:

Norman Jayden’s health problems.

Throughout the game, Norman is seen with several health problems.

We assume of course, that this is caused by both ARI, and the Triptocaine.

Time travel takes a huge toll on both the body, and mind. With Norman Jayden being so far in the past, time is trying to correct its self. Thus, Norman Jayden is suffering.

Exhibit K:

Norman Jayden’s endings.

Smoking Mirror

Norman is seen talking to an AI version of himself in ARI.

The screen cuts to Norman on the floor, presumably dying from an overdose.

The question is, an overdose on what? ARI, or Triptocaine?

Uploaded

Carter Blake puts on Norman’s glasses, and is shocked to find an AI of Norman in the glasses. He was also seen trying to figure out how the technology works.

Remember: no one has seen ARI before.

Case closed

Norman is seen talking to a talk show host. He is regarded as a hero. Surely this would the time to thank the FBI for ARI right? Well that didn’t happen.

He is later seen having a hallucination of virtual tanks.

Resignation

Norman is seen quitting his job at the FBI. He is told that he can keep his ARI since the technology is being decommissioned.

Why would technology that is presumably brand new, be decommissioned? I believe that Norman Jayden has returned to his timeline at this point.

Exhibit L:

Norman’s reaction to rain.

Norman is seen talking to some policemen.

“Does it always rain like this?”

“It always rains like this every fall. Why? Doesn’t it do that where you come from?”

“Yeah… of course.”

Why did Norman hesitate there? Does it not rain in the future?

We assume that Norman is from Washington, but we are never shown any of his contacts from Washington. Odd, right?

Personally, I think it’s a cover up.

Exhibit M:

His weird accent. Just what exactly is his accent?

#Heavy Rain #Norman Jayden #Heavy Rain video game #Heavy Rain theories #quantic dream

80 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

OMFG HOW DID YOU DO THIS AND PLS MAKE MORE

Sooo ElevenAI VoiceSynth is a thing now:

And so is @textsfromlastquanticdream (all credits to them for the quotes and matching pictures)

#ethan mars #heavy rain #norman jayden #connor rk800 #detroit become human mods #quantic dream

62 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

Before I get into my post, I'm just gonna say that this is a writing piece about when my depression was at its peak, and therefore, some people may not feel comfortable reading this. I'm talking about that, as well as the events that occurred during my time during quarantine. This is a pretty personal piece and very long, no doubt about it, but it does hold a purpose for anyone who chooses to read this.

TW: Discussion of depression, suicide (both my experience, and a classmate), the discussion of transphobia, odd eating habits (which may be upsetting or triggering), catcalling, following, while I not anyone else experiences it, I do mention rape when talking about humans.

It's honestly crazy how depression makes the simplest things the hardest.

Back when my depression was really bad, I remember feeling like I was trapped in a loop. I mean, it still feels like that, but not to an extreme degree like back in 2020.

I remember how difficult it was to simply get out of bed. The moment I would open my eyes, I was filled with utter dismay at the fact that I woke up from the escapism of my dreams and am back in the real world. I would stay in bed daydreaming most of my day away. In fact, growing up, I have this thing where I would daydream non-stop. I had this overactive imagination with vivid daydreams about characters, settings, their lives, and so forth. We would go on so many adventures. While the world seemed to slowly fall apart, we were off doing our own thing.

It was during this period that I had a change in eating habits. I wouldn't eat all day because I either wasn't hungry or I didn't feel like getting up to get any food. At the end of the day, I would make a big meal and eat until I felt sick. I either ate nothing at all and chewed on my nails and loose skin to relieve myself of the hunger a little, or I ate until I gagged. Whenever I was in distress, I would dry heave. I had that feeling that I was going to throw up, but I never did.

Taking care of myself was a challenge. I didn't want to get up and cook only to clean the dishes. I didn't have it in me to get out of bed and go shower or do my skincare. Everything felt overwhelming. My bedroom started to show my state, too. There would be clothes on the floor, boxes stacked, bed unmade, and it was dark because I never really got up to turn on the light or undraw the blinds. I also didn't have the energy to really do laundry or brush my hair. My hair was always tied up to prevent a huge mess of knots, and I always had just enough energy to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and maybe, just maybe, get something to eat. I would shower, but not daily. I had no energy, but I had just enough to not let myself get too bad.

My academic performance didn't show any signs of depression, however. I had straight A's, and not a single one did I work for. Since I was in quarantine, I transferred over to an online school. At first, I would throw on a sweatshirt and brush my hair for the camera. But after a week or two, I just stopped caring. The school gave me all the work I had for the week up front. So, I would skip the articles and do the tests and quizzes. The majority of the time, I would get a 100%, but eventually, I started to purposely blow things up or ruin a question to not raise any suspicion. All of my answers came from Brainley, or Jiskha. Even the fucking essay answers were all from there but reworded so I wouldn't plagerize. But there was no passion behind my answers or grades. My frequent participation in the chats and lessons gradually decreased. Until one day, I started saying hi with my camera off and nothing else. All of my chat contributions were very generic and artificial (hell, call it NPC-like if you want!) Some of which includes:

Lol, I agree

Hi!

Hello!

Good morning everyone!

Morning!

Wouldn't that mean...?

So true though!

I think so too!

Have a good day everyone! Bye!

Bye everyone! :)

Bye everyone

Ok bye

Bye.

Not a single ounce of sincerity was in any of my words. I couldn't care less about these kids, or the rest of their day, or even what we were talking about. Half the time, I didn't even know what we were talking about. Most of the time, I was sleeping or playing video games, or I was texting on Discord (which I'll get into that soon).

During that whole year in that virtual school, I met some people. There was one boy who, for privacy reasons, I would call Tommy. Tommy was a kid in my virtual class, and we would talk a lot. We met in the main chat room and would derail from class topics as we would talk lively about our interests. It was then that I learned that we both had an interest in cosplaying. The teacher was pleased to witness this socialization unfold but asked that we would get back on topic. So I made a private chat room and sent him a message, and we continued talking about our interests. Eventually, I gave him my Discord, and we continued there. I only got to talk to him a few times. The second or third conversation would have been our last.

During this day, I felt motivated enough to ask the chat how we were doing. To which Tommy answered: "My mom and I had a fight today." So I private messaged him:

Me: Hey what's wrong?

Tommy: My mom and I had a fight.

Me: You wanna talk about it?

Tommy: She was basically not willing to accept the fact that I'm a boy.

Me: Tommy I'm sorry :(

And then, in the midst of class, I was sent a message that shook me to my core.

Tommy: "I'm going to kill myself tomorrow."

In that moment, my heart began to race. I didn't know what to say or do. I have grown up on crime dramas and played Life is Strange, so I had a slight idea as to how to handle a suicidal situation. It wasn't the best, but for a 14 year old, it was better than the average thought process of a middle schooler. I took out my phone and snapped a picture of the conversation. The first thing I did was talk to Tommy and try to comfort him. I then called my mom. Once class was over, I went into the basement, locked myself in the bathroom for privacy, and was on hold for the longest minutes of my life. That day, my mom was at work. If I ever needed to get in touch with my mom, it had to be through the workline because she was unable to answer her phone.

Finally, the line picked up. It was a women who said:

"Hello?"

I was shaking, took a deep breath and said,

"Hello? Yeah. Is (my mom) there?"

Woman: "Who is this?"

Me: "Her daughter."

Woman: "One second."

Then I sat in the bathroom. My ears were ringing and the sound of low quality "please hold" music echoed through my left ear. Finally I heard my mom.

Mom: "Yeah, baby?"

By this point, my breath was unstable as the tears welled up. All I could huff out was, "Mom...?" My mom picked up on this and immediately asked what was wrong. I told her that my friend in class said he was going to kill himself tomorrow. For a second, my mom was speechless and said, "Try to call the school."

She stayed on the phone with me until I hunted the number down. The school goes all across the United States, but its headquarters were in Maryland. I found the number and called it. A woman picked up the phone and asked how she could help and I told her:

"Hi, my name is ____ and I don't know who to tell this to but my friend said he was going to kill himself tomorrow!"

The woman replied, "Oh my god... hold on." And ended up getting in touch with one of the counselors. I emailed her the picture I took of the conversation and talked to them about what happened and how it led to this. It was in that picture, that they saw my reply telling Tommy that I understood his pain because I was suicidal too. They expresses concern for me to which I told them to focus more on Tommy because I had a therapist and supportive parents who would frequently check in on me. Tommy had none of those platforms. I also emphasized that when talking to Tommy, refer to him as Tommy and use he/him pronouns. They got his dead name on the file, and so I emphasized the importance of not using his school file's name.

The rest of the day was a blur. I missed most, if not all, of my classes. I didn't do any work. I just stayed in bed. Later in the evening, I got a call from the woman that I talked to earlier. She said that she wanted to check in with me. She refused to disclose to me what happened, which I understood despite the frustration. She thanked me for reporting, saying that I had done "a very brave thing." I talked to her about my stories that I wrote and what inspired me. She thought that I was a very bright girl. I'm sure I have her email somewhere. Maybe one of these days, I'll email her again just to check in. But after that day, I never heard from her again.

That evening, I also called my dad. Which was very uncommon. Around this time of my life, my father and I were distant, and I didn't go to him very much. It's not in the teenage angst kind of way, but in the family issues kind of way. Yet that day I called him and for the first time in a very long time, I broke down right then and there. My dad asked me what happened, and I could barely get the words out. I told him the full story, and he did his best to comfort me. He told me that I did the best that I could and that even if he never talked to me again for telling, I still did the right thing and that I tried to help. I really did. But the next day, I didn't see Tommy. Or the day after that, or the day after that... I didn't message him since I forgot I had his Discord. That, or deep down... I didn't want to face what could happen. The rest of the week, I couldn't eat. Or the following week. During the Friday of the following week, I told grandma again about how I couldn't believe what happened. To which she basically told me that it's been a week already and to move on. Which is easy for her to say because she wasn't the 14 year old who faced a suicide confession. Don't get me wrong, my grandma is everything to me. In fact, I'll post about her tomorrow. But she made me so mad there.

I mentioned Tommy by the end of the year. I said that I wished I could see him, but that I valued the time we had. The teacher said that it was sweet but that maybe I could find him. I couldn't.

During my time there, I also attended a virtual meeting that helped me learn what to do with my future. I ended up talking to one of the adults and then crying, thanking them because I was at a point where I had no idea what to do with myself anymore. People in the chat were stunned by my reaction and probably laughing, but they didn't see that I was getting to a low.

I only got lower.

When I was 14, during quarantine, I was taking a walk with my brother. I needed to get out of the house. I haven't left the house in almost a month and needed to leave. So we were walking. I was wearing a 3 day old shirt with ketchup stains, hair a mess, and sandals. I looked messy, yet two men pulled up next to me. They leered at me, told me to come over, and I grabbed my brother's hand and walked away. The men drove up to me, did a U-turn, and followed me. I ran back home and cried in my mom's arms as I screamed about how much I hated the world. How I hated the fact that I couldn't leave my house without being harassed. How we hurt the planet, people, animals, and how humans in general could be so repulsive. After that, I never left my house for the rest of the summer.

I stayed inside once more. I stayed in bed once more. I texted my friends but did nothing else. That's if you can even call them my friends. Before this incident with the men happened, I was in a server on Discord. One of my friends was friends with some group of kids. I wanted to find my spot again after my last Discord friend group vanished. So I joined. At first, things seemed swell. There was this girl who vented to me about how everyone left her, and then she listened to me vent about how the kid at my school almost killed himself. This was a week after the suicide scare. She listened to me and showed sympathy. She told me about how back in in-person school, she skipped class and caused trouble. I liked her. She seemed to have been the character foil to my "goody-two shoes" personality. But little did I know that her and her friends were a bunch of red flags.

There was this guy who liked the girl. I'll call this girl Clare, and the guy James. James talked to me and seemed to like me a lot. He thought that I was sweet. Then he messages me, "Hey, if I kill myself, take care of Clare for me, okay?" Mind you, this was a fucking week after some kid told me that he was going to commit suicide. I was scared. Immediately, every alarm in my brain was going off telling me to call for help. I tried to talk to him. I told him how people cared for him. He was rude and condescending to me. To which he said, "I might kill myself." My mom saw the messages and called him out on being manipulative. I just cried the entire time asking her why did this have to happen a week after.

After that incident, I kept my distance. The drama in that groupchat made me uneasy. I felt queasy every time I got a message. The others in the chat were so mean to me, and everyone was either toxic or questionable at best, but I was 14, and I wanted to find my spot in the world so badly that I stuck with them. Eventually, Clare messaged me about how James isn't answering his texts and is worried that he committed suicide. I then spilled to her the conversation that happened a month or so back, and she basically tried pinning the blame of a possible suicide onto a 14 year old. She was also manipulative and passive-aggressive as she said on a call, "Get someone I actually liked," to her friend when I joined. It was then that I ended up working up the courage to cut all of them off. It took a lot for me, but I started off small. I started to back away, distance myself, mute the chat, and then I left. I left the main server. James messaged me asking why, and I sort of evaded the answer. But eventually, I cut all of them off. The story with them doesn't quite end here, there is a bit of an afterward.

But quarantine, the world, everything led me to a low. My typical life as a middle schooler collapsing into a pandemic quarantine led me to the lowest low I have struck in my 16 years of living. My days at 14 used to be filled with me gushing over immature school boys, trying to afford skincare, hanging out with friends, and trying to barely pass that math test ended abruptly. My typical life as a younger teen was pulled beneath my feet as the news came out that we would be out of school due to covid. I lost my friend group, I lost my normal life, the world was crumbling, people were dying, to be quite honest, I was certain this was the end of us. I remembered thinking how ironic it was that the girl who loved apocalyptic stuff was now gonna be a part of the generation to live to see the world end. The supermarkets and the city itself only reinforced that feeling. The city from my neighborhood to the heart of the city, downtown, it was silent. Supermarkets were rationing certain items. People were buying up everything. The fresh fruits and veggies were all gone as everyone started to learn how to can or the meat was gone when everyone learned how to preserve it. Funny enough, the same year where everything was being bought was the same year the economy came crashing down.

I never thought I would live to see such a tranquil yet ominous sight, such as Times Square being completely empty.

This also made it that The Last of Us, a beloved childhood game of mine, became more surreal than ever as the game opened itself with:

"The number of confirmed deaths has passed two hundred. The Governor has called in a state of emergency--

There were hundreds and hundreds of bodies lying in the streets...

Panic spread worldwide! After a leaked report from the World Health Organization showed that the latest vaccination tests have failed.

With the bureaucrats out of power, we can finally take the necessary steps to--

Los Angeles is now the latest city to be placed under martial law--

All residents are required to report to their designated quarantines--"

I had to look up that last bit, but I memorized the first half by heart because I've played it so many times. I never imagined that one day, this opening would hit as hard as it did. In fact, the entire predicament was so hard hitting for me at the tender age of 14 that April 1, 2020, was going to be my last day on Earth.

On April 1, 2020, I was sitting at the table eating a big bowl of pasta. It was around 3 p.m., and I was having my first meal of the day. In the midst of my meal, I couldn't stop thinking about the world. How it has come to, and those awful men. It wasn't the first time I was catcalled, but it was the first time I was being legitimately followed. My first time being catcalled was 14, at around the beginning of quarantine. I was wearing a skirt and a shirt, and was walking over to a friend's house when a man went very close to me. Almost cheek-to-cheek. He leaned in and said, "Damnnnn... you are looking nice today!"

Now, from a boy or a man's perspective, you are probably thinking, "What's the big deal? He complimented you." I'll tell you what the big deal is. It's that I never wanted someone to get up in my face and say anything to me. Let alone a grown man saying that to someone old enough to be his daughter. I wanted to look cute for myself. I didn't want some grown man to get up in my face and "compliment" me only to walk away as if he made my day, leaving my middle school self scared and vulnerable. I felt self-conscious at this point. I was wondering if my skirt was too short, if I was asking for it, if that's what all the men were thinking, and above all, even when I looked liked I was about to cry, even when I was shaking, no one stopped to ask me if I was okay. I was 14, fairly far from my mom's house, still trying to navigate the streets, 4'11, had no one with me, and above all, I was a teenage girl. I was in public, but I felt so alone. I felt like I was the perfect person to be subjected to sexual harassment or worse. Maybe a guy is reading this and thinking, "Oh please, you're being dramatic." Well, sure, it's easy for you to say that. You aren't the gender that is more likely to be murdered or raped or followed simply because you turned someone down! You also aren't the gender that is immediately seen as a woman and, therefore, "free for the taking" and "in their prime" as soon as they get their first period.

While that encounter was scary, it was nowhere near as scary as the men who followed me in their car. Not just because of the fact that they followed me, but also because of a fact that I don't think I mentioned: I was walking one night with a friend, and I am 99% sure that I saw those men that night. 2 grown men, one blonde who smirked and motioned me to come over to him with his index and middle finger. Which were the same mannerisms that the man driving the car that day had. Same beat up van with two shades of blue, same skintone, same hair, and above all, the same odd mannerism of using the index and middle finger to motion to me. It was the same man.

So not only was I terrorized by these men once, but twice, one in which they followed me, but the world was having a pandemic, I lost my friends group, I lost my sense of normalcy, I lost all passion for academics, I lost my passion to write, and above all, I lost my passion to push forward. I wanted to cry that very moment at the kitchen table, but my stepdad and brother were home, and they would have seen it. So I lied to them and told them that I was going to go jogging.

But I had no intention of coming home.

I walked down the block, heading towards the woods where no one would find me for at least a few days. I was going to write a letter, but I figured that if I do that, they will only be more upset. If I leave them simply angry at me, they will miss me a lot less. I walked, paused, and for the first time in a long while.... I bawled my eyes out.

Growing up, I was a very emotional and sensitive girl. But I suppressed my emotions because my father told me that being sensitive would subject me to bullying. So, instead, I would convert my sadness and anger into laughter. No matter what I felt, I would laugh hysterically. But in that moment, I stopped laughing.

I was bunched up on the side of the road and sobbing into my knees. It was a pretty day outside. The sky had some fluffy clouds, the sun was out and warming me up, and the sky was a gorgeous blue, but no amount of sunny weather breeze could blow away my storm clouds. Someone was walking their dog, and I remember wishing they would ask me if I was okay, but the stranger from across the street simply looked at me and walked away.

"Yeah... why am I not surprised?" I thought.

I was so sick of the world. I was sick of how humans treated each other. We would rape, rob, kill, take away someone's mom or dad, son or daughter, brother or sister, best friend or classmate at the drop of a hat and the drop of a bullet just for money or because they were a certain race or religion or gender or sexuality. It made me sick that we were so willing to hurt the planet and animals for our own gain, it made me sick that the same men with daughters of their own would shout obscene things at someone else's daughter. I was sick of the world, I was sick of myself, and how I no longer wanted to be alive and therefore would cause great misfortune to my loved ones, I simply wanted to die. The worst part was that I planned on doing so without leaving a note behind. But in my mind, that would work out for them in the long run. I figured that maybe it would make things easier for them to move on and act like I never existed. Now that I'm older, I know now that you can't just forget someone's existence. Especially if they left such an impact on you. But 14 year old me was convinced that she didn't make an impact on anybody in the world.

Okay, so, if I left the house to do that, why was I crying on the side of the road?

To be honest, I am not 100% sure. Even now, I am not super sure. My guess is that I was scared. I wasn't just scared of the fact that it would hurt, but I was scared of the outcome of my actions. Growing up, I played a lot of choice-dependent games. I distinctly remember Episode two of Life is Strange in which Kate Marsh (a favorite of mine) was on the roof, and what you say to her will determine whether or not she kills herself. I have played it with both endings out of curiosity to watch outcomes play out, and the ending where Kate is dead is by far one of the most depressing tones in the series. From the news reports to Kate's web page to the candles outside of the dorm, it was something that really stuck with me since I was in second grade when I first played the game.

It was because of games such as Life is Strange, that at a very young age, I would constantly think about the consequences of my words and actions. This was why I would often refuse to retaliate when picked on, would actively choose to descalate situations (even if the person was an asshole), and so forth. So, I was thinking about the outcome of killing myself. I have done it plenty of times before, but this time was very different because instead of a "What if I killed myself?" It was a matter of "What will happen once I kill myself?"

I was crying on the side of the road and thinking. I thought about my brothers, first and foremost. I have three brothers, all of whom are younger than me. I have two baby brothers, and one who was about 6 or 7. I was sitting there, thinking, "How do you explain to a child that their big sister will never come home?" I then sat there and thought about my grandparents. I thought, "Grandma and Grandpa could have a heart attack when they find out. Who will take care of them when one dies because I won't be around." I thought about my parents, I thought about my best friend who I knew since kindergarten and would grow to have some sort of romantic relation with. I thought about my older sister, who would have to get a phone call from mom saying her little sister is dead. There were so many people. So many who would have had a situation involving grief. Above all, however, it was my little brothers who stopped me.

I had a plan to kill myself. I have had it for a while, actually. But it was only that day that I decided to almost go through with it. I was in disbelief, but in actuality, I left my house with the intention of never coming home again. That sounds like a suicide plan, does it not? I felt ashamed. I felt like I had hit a low so low that I whipped out my phone, which was dying, put it on battery saver, and called the suicide hotline for the very first time.

Now, just for clarification, there is no harm or shame in calling the suicide hotline. It is there for you to use if you need the help. But as a 14 year old who was still trying to suppress her emotions, I felt ashamed. It was after a few rings that a woman was on the line, and I started crying again. I told her everything, down to my past trauma involving Tommy and early childhood. I was hysterical. I felt so defeated. She heard me and asked for my age. When I told her 14, she seemed stunned for a moment. She was very empathetic. I was unsure as to whether or not there was a time limit, so I said,

"I should go now. But thank you."

And then the lady said something that I still carry with till this day.

"Take care."

Take care. Growing up, I would say that sometimes to be polite. As I got older, I grew nore cynical and would roll my eyes when no one was looking when someone said those words to me because I would think, "Why the hell do you care?" But that day... the lady gave those words a much deeper meaning to me. Now, I always tell people to take care. The same set of words that made me roll my eyes were now the words that I carry with me and hold to a high standard.

Now, you're probably reading this wondering why I made this post. You were scrolling Tumblr, and you came across this post and decided to read it, and now you know a lot about a stranger online. So why did I make this? Some people, especially young people, might be on this blog and are still growing up and learning. I wanted to teach people my age and younger about the fact that despite depression being so isolating, they are not alone. Furthermore, I wanted to teach young people to set boundaries, learn when to back away from someone, to push forward, that they were not the only ones who felt alone or wanted to die and that they are not weird or wrong for having mental issues, that as pathetic as it feels to be unable to do the dishes or get out of bed, it is common for those with depression. I wanted to teach people my age that even years later, the pandemic is still affecting us mentally and that it isn't just them. I wanted to teach people my age lessons to carry with them so that way they can be better equipped for life by sharing my personal experiences.

As for that afterward... Clare (the manipulative girl I mentioned earlier) actually messaged me on Instagram and Discord. She asked me if I wanted to be back in the server or the group chat. In fact, she asked me this three times. Needless to say, she is blocked on all platforms now. It is with this lighthearted note to end a dark writing piece that I will let you off with a few words.

Take care.

#tw suicude #life experiences #talking about myself #talking about feelings #mental health #mental health support #destigmatization #mental illness #street harassment #tw depressing stuff #pandemic #quarantine #2020s

1 note · View note

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

AAAAAAAA! THESE BARBIE CROSSOVERS ARE GIVING ME LIFE! FIRST JUNJI ITO, NOW PERSONA 5!!!!

I'm SURE this has been done but when your girlfriend tells you to draw something you do it

#persona 5 #ann takamaki #ryuji sakamoto #keep it going #aaaaaa #shin megami tensai persona #atlus #atlus games #skull (persona)#the barbie movie #barbie!!!!!#margot barbie #ryan gosling ken #kenergy #kenenough

2K notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Photo

THIS MAN IS SO SILLY LOOK AT HIM!!!

Look at it!

#Yakuza 0 #kiryu kazuma #rgg #yakuza #i love men

22 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 8 months

Text

Leather jackets and turtlenecks are one of if not the most attractive things to put on anyone regardless of their gender. Needless to say, I am saving some of these gifs!

YAKUZA KIWAMI 2 - LEATHER JACKET KIRYU [Mod]

#give all of them turtlenecks!!!#kiryu kazuma #rgg #yakuza 6 #yakuza #pansexual panic

522 notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 9 months

Text

Barbie x Junji collab?! I'm saving this image rn!!!

inspired by junji ito posing in the barbie box

#BARBIE!!!!!#excuse me for this but barbie AND my fav horror mangaka??? unbeatable #barbie #the barbie movie #margot robbie #margot barbie #ryan gosling #ryan gosling ken #barbie and ken #greta gerwig #junji ito #fanart #artists on tumblr #im screaming #junji itō #horror manga #uzumaki junji ito

22K notes · View notes

sleepysloth99 · 9 months

Text

Okay, I think it's time I clean up my blog a little and give a proper introduction.

Hello there! My name is Sloth, and I am a writer. I am new to writing in the fanfiction department, but I am very experienced with writing in general. I have been writing since I was a lot younger, and the genres I write now are primarily psychological horror, romance, and some wholesome slice-of-life, coming-of-age type content. I look forward to getting to know you and overall growing a bigger audience and growing as a person.

Besides drawing, my hobbies are gaming, kickboxing, collecting teacups and tea pots, and I also collect vinyl records for my record player. I also enjoy movies. In fact, I can include a list of some of my favorite movies:

American Psycho

Last Night in Soho

Perfect Blue

West Side Story

The Truman Show

I would list out the video games I play, but then we would be here all day. I can, however, give you some writers I like!

A. Rasen

C.K. Walker

Dathan Auerbach

Junji Ito

I hope to expand my tastes in horror authors. Hopefully more who are women. I do like anime, but I'm more into gaming than anime. Nevertheless, I'm certain I can write something for you as long as it fits the boundaries I make. So onto that:

Sloth's Boundaries

I will write:

Age regression headcanons

Fanfics, headcanons, oneshots (I am fairly open to trying different types of fanfiction like oneshots or series.)

Ships (well, that depends)

X readers (in fact, that is what I am most willing to write as of right now.)

Angst

Anxiety stuff

Depression stuff (always content warnings. No worries)

LGBTQ+ Content

Fluff

Comfort for things (that depends)

I will NOT write:

NSFW (I am a minor. I don't care if you are a minor too, crossing this boundary is an instant block.)

Incest (This includes step siblings and such. Whether it's ships or self insert, absolutely not.)

Pedophillia (do I REALLY need to elaborate why?)

Zoophillia

Heavily trauma based content (as someone with trauma, I understand that comfort is everything, but it is important that everyone, writer included, is safe. So I am placing this restriction. This includes content that heavily talks about rape, abuse, etc)

Yandere content

IRL people x reader

IRL people ships (anything involving irl that isn't an obvious joke creeps me out)

Anything involving aging up minors.

Proshipping stuff

Okay. Onto the fun stuff now.

Sloth's Fandoms!

Please note that this list can grow over time. Also while I am willing to write for these fandoms, some stuff I won't 100% know. Pls no spoilers on Yakuza!

Video games:

Yakuza Like a Dragon (as of right now)

The Last of Us 1

Persona 5

Detroit Become Human

Beyond Two Souls

Heavy Rain

Life is Strange 1

Life is Strange Before The Storm

Life is Strange 2

Life is Strange True Colors

The Quarry

Until Dawn

The Walking Dead seasons 1-3

Webtoons:

Pigpen

Sweet Home (I refuse to do the show)

Bastard

Gremoryland

Counting Sheep

Animes:

Death Note

Your Name

Shows and Movies:

Stranger Things seasons 1-3 (I am still watching it shhh no spoilers)

Law and Order SVU

Insidious 1-2 (Still watching...)

Last Night in Soho

West Side Story

While adults are welcome to send me writing requests that are within my boundaries, this blog is mostly for minors. You all are welcome, but if someone is being a creep, let me know. Play nice, no bigotry, and I hope you all enjoy my content. Feel free to message or send an ask regarding my writing, me, whatever (just keep is appropriate). Sometimes, you may catch me on here simply blogging my thoughts on stuff. And hey, if you like that, feel free to read my thoughts. Now for some facts about me!

Sloth Facts!

My favorite foods are surf and turf, beef brisket pho, and salmon sushi.

On the topic of food, I have a very low tolerance to sweets. I can get sick from a single Tastycake pie. I prefer savory foods. My absolute favorite sweet thing to eat is chicken teriyaki with veggies and rice.

My favorite vinyl record I own is Last Night in Soho's soundtrack. I also have Stranger Things 1-4 on vinyl.

I listen to a lot of artists. Some include Slipknot, Wallows, Beach Bunny, Girl in Red, The Weeknd, and some others.

I don't dream often, but when I do they are very vivid. In fact, I might post about my dreams at some point.

I hate Pokémon.

When I was little, I was obsessed with 80s Transformers and would recite the whole thing word for word. But I "stopped liking it" because my grandma once said "That's a boy thing."

I own a Junji Ito dress. 2 in fact. I also have a plush of Kirie.

I own the dress Sandie wore in Last Night in Soho. The peach tent dress.

I used to be really into MBTI. Now the people there annoy me. But for those that like it too, my type is ______ (Let's play a game. Guess my MBTI based on the content I make.)

My pronouns are God/Bless/Murica (jk it's she/her)

Pompompurin, Retsuko, Kuromi, and Gudetama are my favorite Sanrio characters.

The horror I write is all social critcism.

My fashion sense includes lolita (both cutesy, punk, and gothic), 50s, 60s, 80s, and the pastelcore type.

I enjoy debating.

A single word can help me make a story. I can also make an entire story scene based on a single song.

I hope you enjoyed that little get-to-know the blogger. I hope you enjoy my content! Thank you and take care!💙

#get to know the writer #get to know the blogger #pinned post #new pinned #intro post #introduction #writers on tumblr #about me #get to know me #get to know the person behind the blog

3 notes · View notes