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#aromantic

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"So This Is Basically TOME" is finally out! This was an absolute hell video to make. My first artist quit on me halfway so I had to get every single asset redone (which cost $$$), I had to swap audio editors, my thumbnail friend's computer broke so I had to frantically slap something together... it was a mess.

Reblog to make it all worth it? 0:-)

#reblogging this here bc I worked really hard on it

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wdym an average platonic bond cant be deep and meaningful do none of you remember the power of friendship

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friendship should be consensual, it is not different from any other form of relationship

i often see folks declaring friendship from one side or deciding to define a relationship as friendship without asking the other party. that's not consensual. friendship needs to have both parties decide.

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Can we not say aroace when we just mean aromantic okay cool thanks not all aros are ace yeah bye

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I know 'no homo' is an extremely outdated and unnecessary term but can we please keep 'no romo'

Like just for the aros.

Please. Please I want to keep saying no romo cause it's really funny to me. Like bro kiss me. No romo though. Let's go on a date no romo

will you accept my hand in marriage no romo

they lived together 40 years but absolutely no romo

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The more I engage with the aro community online, the more I feel that we just need.

More.

There's so many different flavors of aromantic and what that means for each person and it's sad to see infighting over what is and isn't valid representation and my advice to upcoming creators is to just.

More. Have more.

Aros who partner Aros who don't, Aros who like sex, aroaces, loveless Aros, loving Aros, Aros who focus on non romantic relationships instead Aros who focus on no relationships and find their own thing. All kinds. The microlabels too - did you even know of some of them? I bet you didn't. There's aromantic people who feel rom attraction only if it's reciprocated and vice versa! There's Aros who can't tell the difference between different types of attraction and so don't label anything. There's aros who only feel attracted after forming a deep bond. Who only rarely feel attraction. Or only under specific circumstances. There's so much variety in aromantic world. Have more representation. Just more.

I'd honestly say this for almost any type of minority rep (though there are nuances to approaching it). Bc when you have more, it's not so much pressure on getting it quote on quote "Right" at once and all your rep isn't riding on one character. Variety is always good. It avoids tokenization and coming across stereotypical

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you will live and you will say the wrong things and make mistakes and people will love you anyways.

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@catwithapen That's NOT what intensity is. I have fucking cried myself to sleep over my friends. I've had a real-ass panic attack before a VC with a squish because I was so nervous. THAT'S intensity. Not "the amount of traditionally romantic boxes you tick off."

If you want to kiss, date, marry, have kids with, and celebrate anniversaries with someone—but YOU are more comfortable labeling those feelings as "platonic"—that's great! QPRs and platonic marriages can and do happen. Your labels are whatever the fuck you want them to be. This post isn't for people who already know themselves.

This post is for the aros who cry themselves to sleep over their friends, who have panic attacks before talking to a squish, and who think, "does this mean I have a crush on them? does this mean I should confess that I have a crush on them, or seek a romantic relationship?"

to which, if you answer "no" to the majority of these questions, the answer is NO. You don't want a romantic relationship, you just care for this person extremely deeply, and the world has lied to you that because you love them so much it must be ~romantic~ love.

(Not to even mention how much worse that gets with heteronormativity and the pressure on women specifically to marry a man, and the insistence that it's the only way for them to be happy. Not gonna fucking get into it.)

If a trans girl made a post about her experiences of finding out she was trans, you wouldn't go on her post and go, "UM, ACTUALLY, YOUR POST IS SEXIST BECAUSE YOU SAY PLAYING WITH DOLLS AND WEARING DRESSES IS FEMININE!" because the post is about her personal experiences. What helped her figure out she was an egg.

I don't want this to dissolve into a fight. God fucking knows the aro community is small enough as it is, and we don't need infighting on top of it. If this post isn't for you because you already know your identity and labels, then move along.

Let me share what worked for me with others who are questioning.

A friend of mine asked me once how I could tell the difference between experiencing romantic and platonic attraction. I'd like to restate my thoughts here, since I think they could be useful for some people!

First of all, Intensity =/= Romance. Platonic feelings can be just as strong as romantic ones, although the amatonormativity we live in pretends otherwise. Because of that, I used to often wonder if my squishes are actually crushes. Nowadays, I just go through a series of questions and feel much more at peace afterwards!

"Do I have a crush on this person?"

Ask yourself:

Do I want to kiss them?

On the mouth? With tongue?

Do I want them to kiss me?

Do I want to go on dates with them?

Alone? Would I like it more or less in a group setting with other friends?

Do I like the idea of being seen as a "pair?"

Do I want to live with them?

Forever?

Do I want to marry them?

What does an ideal wedding look like, in my head?

Do I like the idea of them confessing to me?

If I have any interest in children, am I interested in raising children alongside them?

Do I want to exchange gifts with them annually on dates like Valentine's and/or an anniversary?

Do I (in general) enjoy traditional romantic gifts like flowers or jewelry?

Would I enjoy receiving those gifts from the person in question?

If they told me they just got a new partner, would I feel negatively about that?

Do I feel that same negativity when other people I'd never be interested in romantically (family members, etc.) announce they have new partners? Or is it just the person in question?

If sex is a romantic thing for me, do I want to have sex with them?

Answering "yes" to a single one of these questions doesn't mean I have a crush. But answering "yes" to many of them would indicate romantic feelings.

For me, this is a relief, because when I apply these questions to my friends and squishes, I typically react with disgust and RESOUNDING "no"s. Kissing, dating, annual gift obligations, marriage, and co-parenting all squick me out and make me recoil.

A lot of aros (especially baby or questioning ones) might also answer "yes" to a hypothetical they haven't experienced themselves, but then change their answer to "no" later. I know I used to think being confessed to would be flattering (even by someone I didn't reciprocate), but now that it's happened to me a few times, I know how awkward and awful it is. Same with kissing; I thought I'd like it because everyone in media likes it, but actually trying it (with girls and boys) has firmly cemented me in the reality that I just hate mouth kissing.

But, I still thought it might be useful for some aros who struggle with their identity due to all the arophobia and amatonormativity trying to make them question their feelings!

(It might also be helpful for someone trying to figure out if they're gay/bi and have a crush on someone, idk)

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro #squishes #crushes

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y'know what? DON'T take me out to dinner first. it's laser tag with the homies and then sex. with the homies

#YES!!!!!! #alloaro

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THIS POST IS ABOUT AROMANTICISM. NOT ASEXUALITY. PLEASE DO NOT TAG THIS AS "ACE" OR "ASEXUALITY."

A friend of mine asked me once how I could tell the difference between experiencing romantic and platonic attraction. I'd like to restate my thoughts here, since I think they could be useful for some people!

First of all, Intensity =/= Romance. Platonic feelings can be just as strong as romantic ones, although the amatonormativity we live in pretends otherwise. Because of that, I used to often wonder if my squishes are actually crushes. Nowadays, I just go through a series of questions and feel much more at peace afterwards!

"Do I have a crush on this person?"

Ask yourself:

Do I want to kiss them?

On the mouth? With tongue?

Do I want them to kiss me?

Do I want to go on dates with them?

Alone? Would I like it more or less in a group setting with other friends?

Do I like the idea of being seen as a "pair?"

Do I want to live with them?

Forever?

Do I want to marry them?

What does an ideal wedding look like, in my head?

Do I like the idea of them confessing to me?

If I have any interest in children, am I interested in raising children alongside them?

Do I want to exchange gifts with them annually on dates like Valentine's and/or an anniversary?

Do I (in general) enjoy traditional romantic gifts like flowers or jewelry?

Would I enjoy receiving those gifts from the person in question?

If they told me they just got a new partner, would I feel negatively about that?

Do I feel that same negativity when other people I'd never be interested in romantically (family members, etc.) announce they have new partners? Or is it just the person in question?

If sex is a romantic thing for me, do I want to have sex with them?

Answering "yes" to a single one of these questions doesn't mean I have a crush. But answering "yes" to many of them would indicate romantic feelings.

For me, this is a relief, because when I apply these questions to my friends and squishes, I typically react with disgust and RESOUNDING "no"s. Kissing, dating, annual gift obligations, marriage, and co-parenting all squick me out and make me recoil.

A lot of aros (especially baby or questioning ones) might also answer "yes" to a hypothetical they haven't experienced themselves, but then change their answer to "no" later. I know I used to think being confessed to would be flattering (even by someone I didn't reciprocate), but now that it's happened to me a few times, I know how awkward and awful it is. Same with kissing; I thought I'd like it because everyone in media likes it, but actually trying it (with girls and boys) has firmly cemented me in the reality that I just hate mouth kissing.

But, I still thought it might be useful for some aros who struggle with their identity due to all the arophobia and amatonormativity trying to make them question their feelings!

(It might also be helpful for someone trying to figure out if they're gay/bi and have a crush on someone, idk)

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro

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hey time-sensitive question can someone find me one of those "this post is about being AROMANTIC, do not derail by tagging with ace/asexuality" buttons?

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It is really important that as acespecs you do not mistag posts that are explicitly about aromanticism. Primarily this means don't tag them as "ace" or "asexual" etc but also if asexuality isn't mentioned it's probably a good idea not to tag it as "aroace" either. That doesn't mean as an aroace person you can't feel like the person resonates with you but that op might be a non-ace aro (e.g. aroallo or non-sam aro, etc) and having their experiences associated with being acespec can upset and/or annoy some people.

Simply put, if a post is about aromanticism only tag it as "aro" or "aromantic". That way no one gets upset or annoyed

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hey time-sensitive question can someone find me one of those "this post is about being AROMANTIC, do not derail by tagging with ace/asexuality" buttons?

#aromantic #aromanticism

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gen fic appreciation post. i love you gen fic. i love you serious, plot-heavy gen fic. i love you funny, lighthearted gen fic. i love you angsty whump and h/c gen fic. i love you emotionally complex and intimate gen fic. i love you super long chaptered gen fic. i love you oneshot gen fic. i love you strictly canon adherent gen fic. i love you alternate universe gen fic. i love you crossover gen fic. i love you gen fic about queer identity and relationships. i love you found family gen fic. i love you gen fic.

(edited to add: by ‘gen fic’ this post is NOT referring to rating. it is referring to fic that is not about and does not prominently feature romance, regardless of rating.)

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A friend of mine asked me once how I could tell the difference between experiencing romantic and platonic attraction. I'd like to restate my thoughts here, since I think they could be useful for some people!

First of all, Intensity =/= Romance. Platonic feelings can be just as strong as romantic ones, although the amatonormativity we live in pretends otherwise. Because of that, I used to often wonder if my squishes are actually crushes. Nowadays, I just go through a series of questions and feel much more at peace afterwards!

"Do I have a crush on this person?"

Ask yourself:

Do I want to kiss them?

On the mouth? With tongue?

Do I want them to kiss me?

Do I want to go on dates with them?

Alone? Would I like it more or less in a group setting with other friends?

Do I like the idea of being seen as a "pair?"

Do I want to live with them?

Forever?

Do I want to marry them?

What does an ideal wedding look like, in my head?

Do I like the idea of them confessing to me?

If I have any interest in children, am I interested in raising children alongside them?

Do I want to exchange gifts with them annually on dates like Valentine's and/or an anniversary?

Do I (in general) enjoy traditional romantic gifts like flowers or jewelry?

Would I enjoy receiving those gifts from the person in question?

If they told me they just got a new partner, would I feel negatively about that?

Do I feel that same negativity when other people I'd never be interested in romantically (family members, etc.) announce they have new partners? Or is it just the person in question?

If sex is a romantic thing for me, do I want to have sex with them?

Answering "yes" to a single one of these questions doesn't mean I have a crush. But answering "yes" to many of them would indicate romantic feelings.

For me, this is a relief, because when I apply these questions to my friends and squishes, I typically react with disgust and RESOUNDING "no"s. Kissing, dating, annual gift obligations, marriage, and co-parenting all squick me out and make me recoil.

A lot of aros (especially baby or questioning ones) might also answer "yes" to a hypothetical they haven't experienced themselves, but then change their answer to "no" later. I know I used to think being confessed to would be flattering (even by someone I didn't reciprocate), but now that it's happened to me a few times, I know how awkward and awful it is. Same with kissing; I thought I'd like it because everyone in media likes it, but actually trying it (with girls and boys) has firmly cemented me in the reality that I just hate mouth kissing.

But, I still thought it might be useful for some aros who struggle with their identity due to all the arophobia and amatonormativity trying to make them question their feelings!

(It might also be helpful for someone trying to figure out if they're gay/bi and have a crush on someone, idk)

#aromantic #lgbt+ #queer #queerplatonic #crushes

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a story about tumblr’s collective ability to fact check