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I would just like you to know that this fic, that I first read a year ago, is the sole reason for my obsession with Chloe Bourgeois Redemption fics on AO3, which has lead to me refreshing the CBR tag every couple of days to check for updates, and it all started with THIS. GOD. DAMN. FIC!!!

The Time I Got Reincarnated as an Evil Version of Myself

Chapter 8: Disagreements

Link to AO3 in Bio

Chloé is starting to feel better by the time she gets off the phone. Her sister is on her way over, and both of them apologized profusely to each other (to the increasing incredulity of an observing Marinette). She still feels hollow in her stomach, and a ticking clock in her head counting down to the moment when she's going to turn to ash again--she can't shake the feeling that this might be the last time she's ever in this bedroom. That this might be the last chance she gets to speak with Marinette.

She doesn't know what to say. Neither of them knows what to say to the other.

Sitting in Marinette's room is awkward.

If Chloé is right about the direction this version of her's life had taken, neither she nor Marinette have ever showed this kind of weakness, of vulnerability, to each other. It's brand-new to Marinette, and for Chloé it's an uncomfortable and unwelcome throwback to the person she used to be. This Marinette doesn't trust her, and it rankles, like getting pet the wrong direction by a hydraulic press instead of a hand. Every part of her wants to snap, to--

"Were you just apologizing?" Marinette says, finally.

Chloé smiles, weakly. She hates the shock in Marinette's voice, hates that her expectations are so low, but she hates even more that those expectations are completely justified. "Bully Union renegotiated the contract," she mumbles, avoiding Marinette's eyes. She plops herself on the chaise and bites her lip. "Only obligated to be terrible during school hours."

Marinette's blink is barely even a blink--it's more like that one meme with the confused guy closing his eyes to try and fail to process what just happen, then open again filled with confusion. "...What?"

Chloé breathes in. "Sorry, I'm... deflecting," she says. "It's been... a day."

"So I've guessed," Marinette says. "You're... not your usual self."

Chloé snorts. If only she knew. Every part of her is so exhausted. She's so tired, so tired of living with the choices she's made, so tired of things not mattering and never having enough time and she's tired of everything getting ripped away from her again and again.

She knows, on a surface level, that her mother walking away when she was six fucked her up on more levels than she has context for, that she's going to be discovering for the rest of her life, but it keeps feeling like there's always more. She lost her mother, she lost Kagami, she's lost Marinette, she's lost Pollen, and she's been powerless for all of it. Even this Zoé isn't her Zoé. The world keeps ripping everything away from her that matters, like the universe is playing some kind of practical joke on her that never stops getting more and more unfair.

What's the point of caring? What's the point of loving anything when nothing good ever stays?

What is there to even hope for if all of it goes?

Except.

Except Zoé.

This Zoé who both is and is not her sister, who had no motive to protect her or help her given how horribly her Chloé has mistreated her, dropped everything to help her. A girl she doesn't even really know. And it... it matters. This thing matters. This thing is important, and... and...

Caring. Caring matters. She could be alone here and she isn't because someone cares.

And she cares.

And Marinette, her best friend, the love of her practically-brother's life, who shouldn't even have bothered forgiving her, is hurting. She's in pain and Chloé doesn't know why.

All the Adrien pictures are missing. It's not that they were never there--Chloé can see the faded spots they left on the wall above Marinette's bed. They were there, and they've been removed recently.

Marinette should be freaking out. Marinette's bad days are loud. Marinette's bad days are messy. Marinette's bad days are... except, there was one. One day where Marinette walked into school with a haunted look, couldn't look at Alix, couldn't look at Adrien. She'd walked through the day like a ghost. Hadn't said a word to any of them, even after Alya had cornered her and tried to drag it out of her. It was only afterward, on patrol, when Ryuko and Rena had chased her down and refused to move until she talked, that it all came spilling out.

The dead world. The waters. The broken moon. The boy in white.

Ladybug had shattered, then, in front of them. She'd blamed herself for it. She was Ladybug--how could she be so selfish as to fall in love?

Apparently, cold blue eyes have haunted her nightmares ever since. Adrien says she sometimes still wakes up shaking, clutching at his chest, trying to grab and crush a bell that isn't there.

This Marinette, right here, right now, looks almost exactly the same as that one from that day. It had taken them months to reassure her that the world wouldn't end if she--if she--

"I'm not the only one who hasn't been her usual self," Chloé says. "Whatever you're blaming yourself for? Stop."

Marinette jerks in her seat. "W-what?" She's--she's wary, she's confused, but she's listening, and that's something.

Chloé points at the walls. "Your Adrien photos are gone, but if it was his fault, you'd be freaking out. Or pissed."

"You mean like with Kim?" Marinette snarls.

Ice floods Chloé veins. "Y-yeah," she says. "Like with..." Oh, gods, she didn't want to think about that. "But you're—you're just tired. Which means... you think it's your fault."

Marinette's eyes narrow with suspicion—Chloé knows her well enough by now to realize her hackles are raising. "What's your point?"

"You always blame yourself for things that aren't your fault," Chloé continues. "You used to blame yourself for getting bullied by me." She takes a breath. "You... have to forgive yourself. Whatever it was, I have done worse."

"What is going on with you?" Marinette snaps. "You've been acting off all day, and... I still don't know why you got Akumatized..."

"Did you break up with him because of Chat Blanc?"

Marinette stiffens. "...H-how do you—"

Oh. Oh shit. She shouldn't know about that. She's not supposed to know about that.

Marinette's fists are at her throat, bunching up the lapels of her jacket. The girl's eyes are wild, feral. "How do you know about Chat Blanc?"

Chloé is stuck, frozen, staring down a hurricane. She remembers how bad her Marinette was after Chat Blanc, and she and Alya had been barely able to talk her down. If this version of her has been stewing in it for... oh gods, it must've been months...

"You haven't told... anybody?" Chloé squeaks. "Not even Alya?"

"How. Do. You." Marinette slams forward with every word, her face closer and closer to Chloé's, breath hot, burning on Chloé's skin. "Know?!"

Chloé chokes.

"The—the cups, and the bathroom, and—and you acting so strange with Chat, and, and, and..." She stares at Chloé. "Do—do you—"

"I'm not Chloé," she gasps.

Marinette's grip slackens. "Wh—" she begins, and her face furrows the way it does whenever Lucky Charm gives her a particularly bizarre object.

At that moment, the trapdoor creaks open. "Hey, Chloé, you okay?"

Chloé and Marinette both lock eyes with Zoé.

Zoé looks between the two of them, back and forth, back and forth. "I... Apparently not?"

Marinette stares at Zoé. "Zoé—"

"Put her down, Mari," Zoé says, softly, stepping forward and placing a hand on Marinette's shoulder. "Please."

Marinette's eyes begin to mist. "Z-Zoé," she mutters, "please, do—what is happening?" She releases Chloé's lapel and steps back, running her hands through her hair, leaving it tufted and wild. "Am I going—am I—what do you mean, you're not Chloé?"

Zoé's eyes widen, and she glances at her sister. "I'm sorry, you said what?"

Chloé feels bile rise in her throat. "I mean," she says, sitting back on the chaise and pressing her elbows in with her knees, "am I wrong?"

Zoé puts up a finger, opens her mouth, closes it. "I... technically no?"

Marinette freezes, hands still pressed against her forehead in fistfuls of black hair. "You—you were serious?" she says. "You were—you were serious, you can't..." Then her eyes laser in that Ladybug way of hers, the way that makes Chloé's heart jump a little (and makes her need to remind herself that she's in love with Kagami). Marinette jumps up, and even despite the hair, this is unmistakably Ladybug grabbing Chloé's face, twisting it back, forth, up, down. "You're not an Akuma, you got purified already today. Sentimonster?"

"Uh." That's a whole can of worms that she doesn't feel like opening at the moment. But if anyone could understand... "You ever have any experience with... parallel universes?"

Marinette's fingers freeze on Chloé's chin. "Wait," she says, "are you from Shadybug's universe?"

Okay, that's a new one. "Shadybug?" Chloé says, looking over at her sister.

Zoé shrugs. "I don't know either."

Marinette sighs, releases Chloé's face, steps back. "Alternate universe version of m—of Ladybug who showed up last month," she says. "She was... evil Ladybug, technically."

Chloé snorts, crossing her arms and leaning back. "So you've got an evil duplicate?"

Marinette smiles ruefully. "Yeah, I..." Then she trails off, and all the blood drains from her face. "You—you—you—"

Chloé halts for a moment, then squeezes the bridge of her nose. "Fuck," she mumbles. "I'm not supposed to know, am I."

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#the time i got reincarnated as an evil version of myself #that time i got reincarnated as an evil version of myself #miraculous ladybug #chloe bourgeois #marinette dupain cheng #zoe lee #good chloe bourgeois #chloe redemption #if you ever wonder why I’m not uploading AMVs as regularly #it’s because I’m busy reading CBR fics #and galahadwielder is to blame for everything

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