sadandsmilling

[sadandsmilling]

Two years ago next week I attempted to take my life for the first time. I was so sick and didn’t see the way out, there was no light, no help, no good in my life, no end to this.

A year ago I was deep into regular manic and depressive episodes, medicated on antipsychotics and antidepressants, had taken time out of education and had been self harming regularly for years.

Today I’m sitting in my room, out of the domestic abusive household I spent 17 years growing up in, singing to the wriggling little baby in my belly and getting ready to go to my forever dream job in the morning.

Im still medicated, facing a bipolar 2 or eupd/bpd diagnosis, having weekly trauma psychotherapy sessions and have scars that will never heal fully. Doesn’t mean i’m not living my dream life.

#eupd #eupd recovery #actually eupd #bpd stuff #bpd #bpd feels #living with bpd #quiet bpd #manic bipolar #bipolar 2 #bipolar disorder #ptsd recovery #sh recovery #suicidal #tw suicide #suicide note #mental health recovery #recovery quotes #borderline personality disorder #self harrrm #s3lf h@rm #s3lfh4rm

[sadandsmilling]

The worst type of heartbreak, the one that cuts the deepest, the one that abolishes any chance of love ever again, the one that leaves a girl broken to a point of no fixing.

Heartbreak from a parent.

#childhood tw #trauma #ptsd #cptsd #depression #depressed #cold hearted #broken heart #depressing quotes #ptsd recovery #living with ptsd #bpd #living with bpd #bpd feels #cptsd vent #living with cptsd #deep quotes #sad quotes #alonequotes #bpd sucks #always alone #parenting #childhood trauma

[sadandsmilling]

some people are so fucking selfish it kills me

#family #i give the fuck up #i’m so broken #trauma #depression #childhood trauma

[sadandsmilling]

it’s 5 days into the year, but seriously fuck 2022.

#i cant do this #im sad and tired #living with mental illness #mentally ill #mentally fucked #depressing quotes #giving up #bpd feels #deep quotes #depressing shit #bpd sucks #bpd #sad quotes #tw #i give up #triggering #suicide #suicidal #tw suicide #im tired #depressing thoughts #fuck 2022 #i hate this year #fuck this #kill me #i want to die #i give the fuck up #i’m so fucking tired #im gonna cry #i miss me

[sadandsmilling]

not good enough for him,

not good enough for them,

not good enough for me,

not good enough for anyone.

#depressing quotes #depression #depressed #self harrrm #self h4rm #tw self harm #self harming #suicide #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #bpd #bpd things #bpd life #i hate myslef #i hate you #i have this #giving up #bpd feels #bpd stuff #quiet bpd #living with bpd #stressed and depressed #depressing shit #deep quotes #sad quotes #tw #bpd sucks #i give up #triggering #trigger warning

[sadandsmilling]

The worst part of an attempt is the look in their eyes when they see the open wound-

the panic, the anger, the despair, the hurt, the ‘not again’.

#self harrrm #self h4rm #tw self harm #s3lf h@rm #suicide #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #bpd things #bpd problems #triggering #trigger warning #psych ward #psychosis #mentally ill #mental illness #mental abuse #mental breakdown #depressing quotes #giving up #bpd #deep quotes #deep thinking #cuts #cutting #depressing shit #i give up #i cant stop crying

[sadandsmilling]

I spent a year fighting for my life just to start a new year wanting it to finally stop

#giving up #depressing quotes #depressing shit #bpd #bpd feels #deep quotes #sad quotes #tw #bpd sucks #i give up #i have depression #bpd mood #bpd thoughts #bpd stuff #bpd things #ed recovery #just ed shit #bipolar #mentally fucked #mental ward #mentalillness #mental instability #mentally ill #psych ward #psychosis #ptsd problems #i cant sleep #cptsd #depressing post

[sadandsmilling]

Full of so many feeling, so much pain and hurt that I feel physically sick.

#giving up #depressing quotes #depressing shit #bpd #bpd feels #deep quotes #sad quotes #tw #bpd sucks #i give up #triger warning #self harrrm #self h4rm #self harming #suicide #suicidal #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #living with bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd life #ed recovery #tw ed things #ana #rexiia #anarex1c #just ed shit

[sadandsmilling]

God there’s so much pain.

So much pain and it’s not going.

So much pain I don’t know what to do with it.

#depression #depressed #bpd #bpd feels #living with bpd #bpd life #bpd thoughts #depressing quotes #depressive episode #manic depression #anxiety #tw panicking #tw ed things #self harrrm #self h4rm #tw self harm #suicidal #suicide #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #bpd sucks #tw #trigger warning #deep quotes #sad quotes #depressing shit #i give up #giving up #kill me #i have depression

[sadandsmilling]

The pain doesn’t stop.

Not for christmas,

Not for new year’s,

Not for birthdays, or saturday nights with friends, or weekends, or weddings, monday mornings with the person you wake up with, or sunsets, or reunions with the people you love.

It’s there.

Always.

#depressing quotes #depressed #deep quotes #bpd #bpd mood #bpd life #living with bpd #bpd thoughts #bipolar disorder #bipolar #anxiety #childhood trauma #chronic pain #chronic illness #depressing shit #bpd feels #sad quotes #tw #trigger warning #bpd sucks #giving up #i give up #self harm #self h4rm #suicide tw #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #tw self harm #deppresing thoughts #manic depression

[sadandsmilling]

I love you.

#bpd #bpd life #bpd thoughts #in love #relationship #depressing quotes #giving up #depressing shit #bpd feels #deep quotes #sad quotes #bpd sucks #depressed #depression #bipolar #bipolar love #i loved you #i love you #love

[sadandsmilling]

i am empty, every memory, every thought

poured out over the sink in shades of red

crimson minuets, maroon hours, scarlet days

trauma. trauma. trauma.

#tw self harm #self harm #self h4rm #self h@rm #tw suicide #suicidal #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #suicide tw #kill me #cutting #beanstwt #barcode #ed recovery #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd #living with bpd #bpd life #borderline personality disorder #bipolar #depression #depressed #fresh sh #cuts #depressing quotes #giving up #depressing shit #deep quotes #bpd feels

[sadandsmilling]

I’m trying so fucking hard but everything’s falling around me.

#mental ward #mentalillness #mentally fucked #depression #depressing quotes #depressed #bpd #bpd mood #bpd feels #living with bpd #depressing shit #giving up #deep quotes #sad quotes #bpd sucks #tw #triggering #self harrrm #suicidal #suicide #kill me #bpd thoughts #bpd life #bipolar disorder #manic bipolar #i give up #depressing thoughts #i have depression #anxiety

[sadandsmilling]

I am hurting so bad and none of you can see. My wrists ache, arms sting and head clouded. Every sentence is a struggle, every minute awake, every question. It’s gone on so long that the concerned looks have disappeared.

‘Oh …. that’s just the way she is. She’s fine.’

#dying inside #mentally ill #depression #depressed #bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #bpd problems #living with bpd #depressing quotes #depressive episode #anxiety #chronic illness #living with pain #giving up #deep quotes #bpd feels #sad quotes #tw #trigger warning #self harm #self harrrm #self h4rm #ed things #proana #bpd sucks #ed thinking #self harming #i give up

[sadandsmilling]

The sickest part of being mentally ill-

sitting in a room of people you love holding it together, pretending that every inch of your body isn’t crumbling into dust.

#depressing quotes #depressed #depression #depressing shit #sad quotes #bpd feels #bpd #bpd life #bpd sucks #living with bpd #bipolar #bipolar disorder #mentalillness #mentallyill #mental abuse #childhood trauma #twt #self harm #suicidal #suicide #su1c1dal #su1c1d3 #self harrrm #self h4rm #tw self harm #self h@rm #deep quotes #recovery quotes #giving up #i give up

[sadandsmilling]

One of the worst parts of self harm and suicidal ideation is when you’re sitting next to someone you love so much and all you can think about is how badly you want things to end.

#mental illness #mentally ill #depression #suicide #suicidal #self h4rm #self h@rm #suicide attempt #trigger warning #tw #depressed #psych ward #psychosis #depressing quotes #anxiety #bipolar #scars #bpd feels #bpd life #bpd #su1c1d3 #an excerpt from a book i'll never write #ed things #depressing shit #sad quotes #bpd sucks #deep quotes #beanstwt #ouchietwt #kill me

[sadandsmilling]