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rozyrayn · 2 years

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rozyrayn · 2 years

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Dear father,

there was once a place in my heart for you. Your past self created it with love and passion. You build a home with all the love a child could have wished for.

I still remember how happy I was seeing you come home from your long work trips. I wish I could go back and change something. Change how it all turned out. Change how I feel about you now. I know I can´t. But I wish I could; because the next years were pure hell for my soul and I still have nightmares and panic attacks because of them.

You burned that loving home in a couple of years to the ground, as it was nothing. I wish I could go back and ask you.

Why?

How could you make your child go throw all that pain and suffering? The moment you stopped caring was the moment my world broke down into a million little pieces.

Now, when I see you walk around the apartment that we rebuild; it feels like everything is fake and wrong.

I can't even look into your eyes without thinking about the things that happened. The place in my heart that was once open; just for you was shattered and never rebuild. I know that you want to rebuild it, but I don't think that I want that.

I don't think I'm ready for that.

- Rozyrayn