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riversofmars · 3 days

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I keep thinking I need to get better at cross-posting again and then I forget. But here we are with another attempt. A little fic for the prompt "Lost Dog". Sounds random and it is, but it also really worked and was fun to write!

One And Only

Summary: On her way back from the shop, Liv makes a sudden and unintentional acquisition. Rushing back to 107 Baker Street, she hopes Helen will be able to help her with her predicament. One thing she hadn't banked on, however, was that she was setting off an avalanche of surprisingly emotional revelations. (Rating: G)

“HELEN!” Liv yelled up to flat 4 at 107 Baker Street, hoping her best friend would still be in the living room where she had been when she’d left. She couldn’t risk opening the door. “HELEN!” she called again, drawing curious looks from passers-by and tried her best to ignore them. The last thing she wanted to do was cause a scene, things were bad enough as they were. Mercifully, eventually, her best friend stuck her head out of the window and looked down to her.

“Liv? Is everything alright?” she called back, and it seemed she hadn’t realised her predicament, else she would likely have commented.

“Can you come down here a minute?” the med-tech requested and Helen, kind and considerate as she always was, merely nodded with a smile, closing the window again. Liv made her way up to the front door, hoping against hope her problem would solve itself but it didn’t. “Yeah, alright-” she mumbled, waiting anxiously until the linguist finally opened the door.

“What is it?” she asked brightly, only to have the chocolate coloured dachshund, that had been following Liv, jump up at her legs with excitement. “Oh-” She blinked, confused and was likely asking herself the same question the med-tech had been struggling with the last few minutes: Where had the dog come from?

“It won’t leave me alone,” Liv rushed to explain. “It just started following me and- It was trying to come in the house and I didn’t know what to do so…” Her rambling trailed off when she saw her friend crouch down to greet the animal with a wide grin.

“Hello you…” she hummed, brushing her hand across his head and behind his ears. She seemed perfectly at ease, even looked to be enjoying herself, and Liv gaped.

“Careful! What if it has fleas?” she exclaimed and Helen laughed.

“He’s clearly a pet, he’s got a collar, the lead is still attached and look how clean he is. Clearly his owners have lost hold of him, that’s all,” she chuckled as the dog rolled over, presenting its belly to her, begging for more affection. It was actually quite cute, as was the look on her friend’s face.

“Yeah well-” Liv flapped her arms and the linguist looked up to her.

“What’s the matter?” she asked with a grin. “Do you not like dogs?”

“I don’t not not like dogs, I just… don’t know what to do with them-” the med-tech admitted, her cheeks pinking as she scratched the back of her head. Perhaps she had been a bit exaggerated in her response. “We don’t have them on Kaldor.”

“You don’t have dogs on Kaldor?” Helen echoed in disbelief.

“It’s not the sort of place where you can walk pets,” Liv shrugged. It wasn’t something she had ever truly thought about. She’d known people to have pet lizards and the like but that was about it. Dogs were hardly suited to the desert. Looking at the linguist now, seeing the grin that was painted on her lips while stroking the small creature, she thought perhaps she could be convinced into having one…

“Oh, Liv,” the blonde chuckled as the dog turned over once more, jumping up her knees, clearly wanting to be in her arms. “You’re missing out.”

“He clearly likes you,” Liv commented, unable to help a smile of her own. It was lovely to watch. “Did you have one? When you were younger?”

“No… no… I wanted one, but… father would never have allowed it…” A flash of sadness crossed her friend’s face. “This girl I used to be friends with had one… I’d go around all the time. While I could anyway…” She cleared her throat, clearly not wanting to dwell on it, so the brunette didn’t push. Instead, she watched her getting up and grasping the lead. “We’ll have to try to find his owner… Did he just run up to you?”

“Yeah, literally, just halfway up the street suddenly he was there snaking around my legs-” Liv answered truthfully and as she gestured down the road, Helen’s eyes fell to her hand, spying what she was holding.

“Think it’s that sausage roll…” she pointed out with a smirk and the med-tech looked down at the half-eaten pastry in her hand.

“Oh.”

“Well, with his little legs, he can’t have run very far,” Helen concluded, looking up and down the road. “Which way were you going?”

“Just down the road from Greggs…” Liv answered and the blonde nudged her to get walking.

“Is this a reflection on the salad I made for lunch?” she teased as they fell into step with each other.

“That was lovely!” the med-tech retorted immediately, colour draining from her cheeks. She didn’t mean to offend her, not when she had been so kind to make her a lovely lunch. She had, however, still been peckish and the opportunity had been there when her friend had sent her to the shop for milk… only, she hadn’t gotten that far yet. Then the dog had happened.

“But you still had to get a sausage roll,” Helen hummed, fixing her eyes forward.

“Well… salads are not that filling…” Liv mumbled awkwardly, fighting a wave of concern. “I’m sorry, are you mad?”

“Not even a little,” the blonde laughed, shooting her an affectionate look. “Just amused. Teaches me for trying to feed you healthily.”

“I eat healthily! Just fancy a treat every now and again,” the med-tech launched a feeble defence, relieved that she hadn’t taken offence. The dog was walking ahead of them happily, though as she took a bite of the sausage roll it promptly stopped to whine at her. She nearly fell over it, drawing another laugh from her best friend.

“And you call a sausage roll a treat?” she quipped, clearly amused. “Well, I was thinking of doing some baking later, but maybe now I need to reconsider if you don’t want anything sweet…”

“Were you really?” Liv’s expression brightened immediately. She adored Helen’s baking. And really, everything else she made. Just as she adored her… She could probably feed her anything and she’d thank her… But the prospect of baked goods was certainly an intriguing one.

“Well, let’s find who this dog belongs to, and then we can talk about cake,” Helen suggested with a smirk and that certainly quickened her friend’s steps.

“Right, let’s get to it!” she declared, stuffing the remainder of her sausage roll into her mouth in a messy, yet somewhat adorable display. “Surely whoever lost him will be looking for him too,” she spoke through crumbs, hoping the dog would be less distracted now.

“Oh my god, Aiyko!” a female voice called ahead of them, making them both look up. A woman who was dragging along a small child hurried towards them. Her face was flushed in near panic and promptly, the dog started pulling. “You’ve found our dog!” This was clearly the owner and she crouched down to greet her pet with joy and relief.

“I turned around and he was just following me,” Liv said, exchanging a quick look with Helen who was smiling happily as well. They had gotten lucky for their search to yield results so quickly.

“Eyeing up her sausage roll, most likely,” the linguist added, giving her friend an affectionate nudge as the woman looked up to them.

“My son insisted he just had to hold him and of course he let go and- Trying to manage a child and a dog-” she gestured to her son who looked about five years old and was now having a turn at greeting the dog.

“Oh we can only imagine,” Helen gave back kindly. “Everything was fine though, he was very friendly.” She knelt down as well, giving the small dog another stroke as this was goodbye.

“His recall could be better,” the woman sighed as she straightened up and looked to Liv with an apologetic smile. “All these distractions- I’m so sorry to have inconvenienced you.”

“It was no bother at all, he’s lovely,” the blonde carried on and looking up to her to check it was okay to do so, she handed the lead back to the small boy. “Here you are, little man. Hold on tightly this time, yeah?” The child gave a firm nod, as she took care to wrap the lead around his hand so he couldn’t so easily lose it.

Liv, for her part, found herself rather transfixed. She knew her friend to be kind and gentle and every time she witnessed it first hand, the affection she held for her in her heart grew. Soon enough, she feared it would burst. So far, she had done alright to keep her romantic feelings for her hidden, assuming them unwelcome, but she wasn’t sure if she would be able to keep it up indefinitely.

“Thank you so much, honestly, I don’t know what we would have done-” the woman sighed, running her hand through her hair as the shock slowly wore off and Helen stood up again.

“It’s really no problem at all, just glad we found you,” the linguist gave back kindly. “I’m not sure how Liv would have coped with a dog in the flat. That would be a first.” She shot her friend a cheeky smile and the med-tech rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

“He’s cute, but probably not the best first pet,” she admitted sheepishly, glad the matter had been easy enough to resolve.

“Please, let me buy you a coffee as a thank you?” the woman suggested. “You and your girlfriend.” She looked in between the two of them hopefully.

Liv’s heart dropped and Helen seemed perplexed.

“My-” she started but the med-tech was quick to interject, trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

“No, it’s fine, really.” She shook her head firmly. “ Just happy you got him back. We do have to get on.”

“Thank again,” the woman smiled and as her son was already starting to wander off with the dog again, she had no choice but to rush after them, leaving them in a muddle without realising as much. Silently, tensely, they turned to head down the road back towards Baker Street.

“Helen… you okay?” Liv probed eventually, disliking the heavy silence that had settled around them.

“Yes… perfectly fine…” the linguist answered and far too quickly. It made the med-tech all the more worried.

“Really?” she prompted anxiously, as her stomach twisted itself up in knots. Helen didn’t answer, not immediately, silence fell again and it took the length of another two houses before she asked:

“Why do you think she said that?”

“What?” the brunette questioned, even though she knew full well what she meant. It was the comment that had thrown her, too, though only out of concern over the effect it might have on her friend.

“That she assumed we-” Helen flapped her hand in between the two of them but didn’t look at her.

“Oh uh… I dunno…” Liv mumbled awkwardly, pushing her hands into her pockets, taking to watching the pavement beneath her feet. Perhaps she had caught the way she had been looking at her, so full of adoration… Everyone seemed to be aware of it… Ron and Tony had commented. Tania had asked about their relationship. Sometimes she even thought the Doctor knew… Like that time he had set them up on a date on Kaldor… It seemed the most obvious thing in the world to anyone except Helen herself… and while it remained like that, Liv wouldn’t dare to say anymore.

“I forget…” the linguist carried on with a little huff and the brunette frowned, confused.

“Forget?” she echoed and with a deep breath and without looking at her, Helen elaborated.

“That it’s… In this time… that it’s perfectly normal… People don’t think twice… They see two women together and just… assume it might be that…”

“Well… it’s not so far-fetched, is it?” Liv commented though she wasn’t entirely sure why that had been her response of choice. Perhaps it was just that she wanted some sort of confirmation that in another universe, it could be that… even if it wasn’t.

“If you say so…” the linguist mumbled, dropping her eyes to the floor and her friend’s frown deepened. While she hadn’t expected enthusiastic agreement, she found her tone odd. She didn’t seem uncomfortable at the thought, merely disbelieving and perhaps a little disheartened. Liv couldn’t be sure so she probed further.

“You don’t think so?”

“What would you possibly want with me…” Helen scoffed, shooting her a look, a pained half-smile that made the brunette’s chest tighten. Was she serious? Did she really think she wouldn’t want her in some way that implied she wasn’t just not interested but that she wasn’t good enough?! It was ludicrous!

“Helen!” She grabbed her arm and stopped her, forcing her to face her. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying… Even if, you know… You wouldn’t end up with me…” the linguist answered, seemingly confused as to why she had stopped her, but sure of her answer. She started walking again, as if she was trying to evade the conversation. “I think Tania has her eye on you anyway and she’s probably more-”

“More what?” Liv shot back, quickening her steps to catch up. “My type?” Annoyance swept over her. “You haven’t got the first idea what my type might be! What I find attractive in a woman. What I would be looking for in a partner,” she argued, surprising herself with the sharpness of her tone. She wasn’t setting out to have a go at her but she needed to make her understand that she was in no way lesser than Tania or any other woman for that matter. As far as the med-tech was concern, she was the one, the only one-

“Well no… How would I know… You haven’t said…” Helen countered calmly, if slightly shakily. She didn’t look at her or stop.

“You haven’t asked!” the med-tech retorted, unable to keep a measure of hurt from her voice. It wasn’t that she was hurt, no, that was wrong to assume. It was that she hurt for her friend who seemed to think terribly little of herself to misjudge the situation so grossly. If only she had asked, perhaps then she’d understand…

“Right,” Helen mumbled, a flash of hurt crossing her face as well, and Liv felt the conversation slipping away from her. This was not what she was aiming for, she never, ever, wanted to hurt her friend, so she changed course.

“I like kindness,” she said, and the linguist’s response was puzzled.

“Kindness?” she echoed, and the med-tech found she was having some manner of success as she actually looked around that time, awaiting her explanation.

“Someone who puts others before herself,” she carried on. “Who gives people the benefit of the doubt, who doesn’t judge, who always tries her best, even sometimes to her own detriment.” That was something Helen often did… with the resonance engine, in Salzburg… Before the blonde had the opportunity to respond, she carried on, fixing her eyes forward. “Intelligence. I like that. Someone who is sharp and witty and who I can turn to for advice, who surprises me with her insight and talks rings around me when she wants to. Someone who I am in awe of,” she continued, speaking with no-one but her best friend in mind.

“Good luck finding-” the linguist scoffed but Liv spoke over her, undeterred.

“I like someone who is curious about the universe and passionate about the things she believes in. Who doesn’t shy away from doing the right thing, even when it’s hard. Someone I can trust with my darkest secrets and who loves me in spite of them.” Carried by a wave of determination, she stepped into Helen’s way, turning to face her and to make sure she was listening, even as her voice grew shaky. She hadn’t expected herself to turn emotional but she was. “Someone who I can be vulnerable with and don’t have to act strong all the time. Someone who is my best friend as well as my lover and truly understands me,” her voice broke a little but she met her friend’s eyes anyway, hoping - stupidly - that she would understand. “And the fact that she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on is just the cherry on top.”

“Liv-” Helen whispered, overcome. Tears had long since sprung to her eyes and the look in her eyes left no doubt that she knew exactly what she was saying. It made the med-tech’s heart race, anxiety crawling up her back but she tried to hold firm. For Helen. If nothing else, she needed her to understand how wonderful she thought her, and how much she meant to her.

“And if she doesn’t feel the same way about me, that’s also fine because I’m just happy to have her in my life,” she concluded, hoping to limit some of the damage her words had the potential to do. “If I can’t have her heart I will settle for her friendship and still call myself the luckiest woman in the universe for being allowed to share my life with her.”

Helen dragged her hand across her cheek, trying to catch her tears but failing. She gave a little sniffle as she dropped her eyes, self-conscious and insecure. Liv’s heart ached for her and she took the fact that she hadn’t run away yet as encouraging. The only way forward was facing things head on now.

“You wouldn’t happen to know someone like that, would you?” she asked softly and the linguist gave a heart-breaking little sob as she shook her head.

“I-I think you’re wrong…” she whispered, her voice thick with tears and Liv’s heart sank. She had miscalculated.

“Right…” she mumbled, her shoulders drooping in defeat but then, Helen continued in a shaky whisper.

“You wouldn’t be the luckiest woman in the universe… that would be whoever has the privilege of calling you their own…” she breathed, desperately trying to stop her tears from falling. “And if that was me… oh Liv--” She shook her head to herself in a disbelieving manner, touching her fingers to her trembling lips as she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.

Carefully, hopefully, and with her heart thundering in her chest, the med-tech reached out for her hand, moving it away from her face and tugging it towards her.

“I wish it was…” she gave back, offering a heartfelt, emotional smile as her friend’s eyes blinked open again, looking at her in wonder. Gently Liv leaned forward, pressing a tender, chaste but lingering kiss to her lips.

Helen drew a sharp breath of surprise, standing motionless for a moment and her friend waited, hopeful yet terrified until she responded with a slow, soft kiss of her own. It was blissful and new and wiped away all the doubt and pain that had come before.

In the end, the linguist pulled back far too soon for Liv’s liking, but she knew she shouldn’t rush her. She simply offered her a soft, encouraging and patient smile.

“Are you sure?” Helen asked in a wobbly voice, her insecurity far from gone but now that they had made a first step, the med-tech knew what to do. She would make her feel like the most important, most treasured woman on the planet, not letting up until she believed how precious she was to her.

“How about you let me buy you coffee and a cake?” she suggested softly, raising her hand to her lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. It was a tender gesture and the expression that filled her friend’s face was enough to make her melt. She looked so surprised, so moved, so disbelieving that this tenderness was meant for her and it only made the med-tech want to give her more, anything, everything she could possibly desire. She would lay the world at her feet if she could and the simple fact that Helen, sweet, unassuming, insecure Helen, didn’t think herself worthy of it made her all the more determined to prove it to her.

“Like a date?” the linguist whispered, as though she didn’t trust herself to speak up for fear her voice might break once more.

“If you’d do me that honour…” Liv smiled, reached for her cheek to brush away her tears as best as she could.

“Nothing would make me happier…” Helen answered tearfully, dragging her sleeve across her eyes and Liv intertwined their fingers as she chuckled.

“Shame…”

“What?” the linguist’s head snapped up, colour draining from her cheeks but the med-tech elaborated quickly.

“Shame we didn’t have that conversation sooner… could have had it for free,” she grinned and while Helen looked instantly relieved that she hadn’t changed her mind, her expression quickly turned to a scowl.

“Liv!” She gave her arm a playful slap for having tricked her so and Liv laughed, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. She would never let her doubt again.

#doctor who #fanfiction #liv chenka #helen sinclair #big finish #femslash #liv x helen #fluff #feelings realisation

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riversofmars · 20 days

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20 Questions for Writers

Haven't done one of these in ages so let's have a go, thanks for the tag @capybaraonabicycle :D

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

207

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

2,039,066

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who (179) first an foremost. <3

Some of the others include:

Holby City (12) - that was a long time ago lol

Last Tango In Halifax (8)

Happy Valley (TV) (6)

Collateral (TV 2018) (5)

Spooks | MI-5 (2)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It's called Marriage, Honey (1064): A collection of River/13 oneshots.

Home For Christmas (760): My first advent calender fic! River/multiple Doctors, mainly 13.

When The Doctor Comes To Call (696): One of my first River/13 oneshots but a bit of River/11 thrown in.

When the Wind stands fair (489): My first River/13 multi-chapter and library fix it.

World Enough, And Time (485): A pretty elaborate River/13 fic in which River had a child with 12 on Darillium but hidden it from him and gave it to Vastra and Jenny before heading to the library. Only, the baby gets kidnapped and 13 is the one who deals with the fallout.

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely! When someone took the time to comment, it's only polite to at least say thank you!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think probably Drowning and Fracture.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost all of them have happy endings, I couldn't possibly pick!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. .... occasionally... spanning quite a range of femslash.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Yes, though I wouldn't call them crazy. I like writing AUs of other worlds, i.e. Liv/Helen versions of Chess, Bodyguard, Lord of the Rings, Tár, Hijack, London Has Fallen... But actual crossovers would be writing Happy Valley/Collateral together (cause it just makes sense!). I also once wrote a pretty mad crossover of multiple Big Finish ranges (8DA, Gallifrey, UNIT, DoRS, War Master...) and put them in the Land of Oz so that was fun.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so and hope it stays that way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I could translate them myself into German but don't really see the point when most people read English anyway.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, done quite a few with @calunalilly now, like our most recent project, a Doctor Who-Lord of the Rings AU :D Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Liv Chenka/Helen Sinclair. There is no contest. 179 of my fics are them and will continue to write for them!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Years ago I had started a Liv/Helen Hogwarts AU The Shape Of Things To Come but as it's since become unacceptable to engage with that content anymore. I doubt I will get back to it sadly which is a shame cause I hate leaving something unfinished but alas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue I think? Seems to flow very easily but action too, I think, when I want to take the time for it. I'm always surprised afterwards with how exciting it is :D

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing enough grounding around the dialogue. I have to remind myself to do that half the time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If there is a point to it, sure, but not just to show off you speak multiple languages lol.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

That's a tough one... there are a lot I am very proud of for different reasons.

A Numbers Game for probably being my biggest achievement to date in terms of length and complexity. I spent so much time on that fic and love it!

What The Future Holds packs such an emotional punch, I cried writing it. And it's the only way I can make sense of the ending of Stranded and fix it properly.

The Bodyguard and the following sequels just work so so well as an Alternate Universe, I'm super happy with how it all came together and it just works.

But I think, overall, my favourite thing I've ever written and that I'm proudest of is Romance In D Minor. Just in terms of how well it's written, I've really thought about it, structure, pacing and it's just- Yes. It's the one.

Tagging some people I think might be interested but anyone who sees this and fancies it, please fell free! @calunalilly @meluisart @sircarolyn @elizabethshaw @serenbex

#doctor who #liv chenka #helen sinclair #fanfiction #eighth doctor #river song #big finish #femslash #liv x helen #thirteenth doctor

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