On the Clock
Passing one another in the library,
we nod like coworkers,
as we dutifully follow our bosses
by distances that might allow
a conga line of kidnappers
to seamlessly merge into.
Mine leads me to the play area,
which is carpeted with a grinning clock.
She hops to each hour,
shouting its number upon each descent,
as I collapse into the readied embrace
of its unbudging hands.
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Last Name
While looking at my teammate’s bowling scores,
my eyes slid to his last name, which I’ve never heard spoken,
and wasn’t entirely sure how to pronounce.
Despite the double vowel, I knew it had to be something like “wig,”
but maybe there was a long I sound in there.
Who knows. He’d know. But I don’t know him well enough to ask.
Then there’s the fact that I don’t really care
as much as I care about why people, myself included,
need to make things more complicated than they are.
Is it simply because we are thoroughly complicated,
with our trillions of cells making up the seamless bricks
of our subway tunnel-organ systems,
which inexplicably connect to the evolving languages
constituting our emotions and thoughts,
all the way to the elaborate handles
floating invisibly above our heads?
That is, until someone takes an interest in us,
and asks, “Excuse me, how do you pronounce your last name?”
Providing us with the answer,
we repeat it cautiously and respectfully, and suddenly
the great gate of their world rattles open,
permitting us entry,
and all with a password
that has been staring us in the face
this entire time.
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Prize
My wife wound up making, what I thought,
was a device to safely view the eclipse
without damaging your eyes,
because four different stores were sold out
of the special viewing glasses.
But, in fact, it was just a projector, composed of
a Cheerios box, tape, a pin, and tin foil.
It works like this:
you turn your back to the phenomenon,
let the eclipsing sun shine whatever it has left
into the pinhole made in the tin foil,
and watch the spectacle’s shadow
in the bottom of the cereal box:
a tiny dot slowly whittling
into a cat’s nail.
At some climactic moment, it might seem like
you are looking at an empty cereal box.
Tsk-tsk.
You are actually experiencing
what you’ve been waiting all week for: Totality.
All in all, it felt like I was being punished
for waiting to buy the Magic Glasses until the day of
by being relegated to the cheap seats,
while my elderly neighbors were sitting orchestra,
each taking in the upstaged sun
from their shadow-washed lawn chairs,
passing a pair of glasses between them.
Don’t tell anybody, but I did sneak a peek,
repurposing the “projector” as a visor.
My eyes don’t hurt too much.
They might not even hurt at all.
It could just be the worrying that’s making them ache.
But I did catch a glimpse of the eclipse,
and I got to say,
it belonged in the bottom of a cereal box.
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Man Cave
There’s a little stepstool, smeared with jelly, atop the kitchen table.
How it got on the table is a long story.
How it got in the house is a mystery.
Someone either bought it for the kids,
or it was the result of one of my wife’s fugitive spending sprees.
I don’t know where it came from, because I’m the dad,
and dads don’t know about that sort of thing.
Usually, our heads are cluttered like garages
with home repair information, or hockey stats.
But mine is rather empty, and I like it like that.
Yeah, I suppose I could learn to remember who got us what.
It would be an exercise in gratitude
that could lead to feeling more thankful for our loved ones.
But when I look at the glittery foam rose
that’s moved into my fern’s bachelor pad,
I think I would rather be an aloof dad,
and keep at least one room cleared,
even if it’s only in my mind.
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Stomach Bug
She sleeps with her hands over her head,
like an invisible force is holding her up
at gunpoint
for her puke. All the puke.
She’s already given all she has,
bucketfuls of the stuff.
But it wants more, whatever it is,
this terrible thing that knows
I would snatch out its eyes
if it dared to show its face.
Again, it prods her belly with the barrel and
my daughter—the little woman she is—obliges
because she has no choice,
and chooses the path of non-violence,
even if she can only give phlegm and bile.
Her brother stands in his crib,
steady as a knife,
gripping the rail in the blackness, held back,
forced to watch
what we can all see
because we’ve been here long enough
for our eyes to get used to it.
Some gets in her hair.
Where exactly, we can’t be sure,
but something tells me she doesn’t want us to know,
that it’s a peace offering by way of self-mutilation,
a sacrifice.
She falls asleep again,
her arms at her sides
like an empty Christ.
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Tag
When I tuck her in,
I must make sure the tag on her blanket
is down by her feet. If not, she will say,
“Daddy, I don’t want the tag.”
She doesn’t elaborate, but I know it’s because it’s uncomfortable:
a coarse tongue, even more talkative than her,
that will keep her up all night
with the same snippet of blanket stories
that seems to go on without end:
how it was made in Vietnam,
and needs to be machine-washed in cold water,
and how you can hang-dry it,
even though almost everybody sticks it in the dryer—
at least that’s the word at the ‘mat—
and, even though it might not seem it,
does not contain even one fiber of cotton.
100% polyester, baby!
But tonight, she will go unscathed,
for I arranged her blanket the way she likes it,
so she can dream in a place
unfettered by facts or instructions,
a place my adult mind can’t even begin to imagine,
but, for lack of something better, let’s just say
it’s atop the highest peak of Cookie Mountain,
where she can look out her French windows
and see the clouds of milk forming a lake below,
and once she’s had her fill of likening various formations
to mommies and daddies and dinosaurs,
she will turn away and dance on her tippytoes,
for, in this climate, the restless floorboards tend to warp into balloons,
and then she will sing in a language she can speak perfectly
to the loyal stuffed animals that made the trek to her purple castle,
which she made with, believe it or not, 100% crayon, baby.
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First Day of Spring
is typed in tiny italics on the bottom of only one square
in the entire flip calendar laid out before me on the kitchen table—
or any calendar for that matter, regardless of whose kitchen it haunts—
and is the only of its kind, not just for this reason,
but because, unlike its painted-over brethren, it opens like a window
when the sacred day comes to pass, just as it does now
under my ponderous face, at once terminating
the endless banks of white that have piled up
week by week, with a swath of blue sky,
blinking open after a long and deserved hibernation,
and against my cheeks and nose and closed eyes
brushes the air exuded by a tremendous yawn:
a miraculously bearable, scentless breath, promising flowers;
and into my eager ears the yawn hums
the springtime sounds it carries on its wispy boughs:
the droning of obese bumblebees,
the distant tapping of elusive woodpeckers,
the screeching of blue jays resuming their omnipresent conquest,
the bassy music of Jay-Z from an idling car,
not to mention the creaking of barbecue grills,
the clatter of cutlery and thudding of cupboards,
the proud chuckling of the last landline in town,
and the greeting that results, always too loud,
as if this particular grandma was saying hello to you,
and in a way, she is, for it is now spring,
and high time for these sounds, and more,
who have grown tired of being cooped up all winter,
to swarm my kitchen until it is chocked full
and there is nowhere left for them to go,
except to run, like children, skidding out into the street—
just beginning its life anew
with the first few scuffy heartbeats of hopscotch—
as the flapping screen door behind them bangs away its au revoir,
and the sounds of neighboring houses embrace
and spin blissfully into the air, past the telephone wires,
where they sing joyfully together songs never before heard,
never before possible,
(even though they were performed around this time last year,
but whose memory can actually cross
winter’s plains and remain intact?).
Moreover, who even has the time to remember
when there’s juicy gossip to trade:
tales of marriages and careers failed,
burgeoning addictions,
a cursory glance at who lost weight
so they can segue into who got fat,
until they are reduced to whispers and crickets,
spent under the streetlights and purpling sky,
and all that’s left to recount is the humdrum of their hermit lives,
during a time they can scarcely believe they existed,
when the trees held up leafless branches
as modest as magic wands.
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After I Finished
It was sex night, and, after I finished,
I was handed The Device, as is our routine.
She could tell right away it was dying.
She could sense it, the way cats do
when they lie on the still frames of hospice patients.
But it felt fine to me,
buzzed with the same miniature fury like always,
when we conspired in the bedroom
to not watch Seinfeld until sleep snuffed us out.
Eventually The Device rattled like a fly
trapped between a shutter and a window.
I mean it really started to die.
It was even obvious to me.
I unscrewed it and small silver batteries
fell onto the exposed mattress,
the ones typically used in hearing aids.
She went off into the kitchen,
jangling open drawers, knowing it was futile,
but still, she had to check,
while my genitals and I lounged on the bed.
She returned empty-handed.
I suggested using my hand.
She said ok. After a while
she said it wasn’t going to happen.
“You’re just as good as the machine,” she said.
“I’m just used to things.”
We lied there in the dark a little longer,
and I thought about the kids’ toys
sleeping beside each other
under the thin covers of the shadows
blanketing the living room floor,
and wondered if any of those might contain the right batteries,
but concluded it was very unlikely
and not even worth mentioning.
As she edged closer, I figured I might have time
to smoke a cigar after all,
so maybe I wouldn’t have a piece of cake
and relish in an even larger calorie deficit.
I always have to have something to look forward to.
Then she laid her head on my bare chest
and pointed out that the streetlights
coming through the blinds
gave my thighs stripes,
like I was a wild animal.
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Woman on a Treadmill
There’s a girl—and I say girl—not a woman, but a girl—
who is at the gym. And she is a girl because she’s around
my age. If she was the one writing this, I would be a boy,
but I’m not even going to entertain the thought.
You see, I’m not allowed to like her
because I’m married.
In fact, I can’t really say that I do like her,
for we’ve never spoken.
But I like how she looks,
which I’m ashamed to admit,
because I’m still married,
even after all these lines.
Were I to approach her one afternoon,
I think she would let me down kindly:
her saintly eyes might smile with amusement,
flattered, her pale chest might even blush,
but I know for certain she would withhold any disgust,
as she wrapped me like a newborn in the #1 Dad shirt I was wearing,
walked me back to where I was before I bothered her,
and lowered me gently, like only a woman can,
onto the soft, yet adhesive mat of a treadmill
located a ways behind hers,
where I can resume my ogling
from the comfy confines of my crib,
which offers a slivery jailhouse view—
a promise that will never break,
nor come true.
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Deniability
Bigger kids ask little ones
if they
still
believe in Santa.
Still.
A perfect question
for a perfect devil.
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hi! I think your writing is lovely and just wanted to pop by to tell you. Also a little tip is to have a profile pic and backround pic so people don't assume your a bot!
Thank you very much, I appreciate you.
Beep boop beep,
Rich
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