reservedserpent

[reservedserpent]

Ok ok so basically you are everything I need and more and uhh.. yeah idk what I was gonna say after that

[reservedserpent]

I send you every photo of a pretty sky because their breathtaking face always reminds me of yours

[reservedserpent]

Would you be so kind

As to grasp my hand?

To hold me tightly

As this terrifying world swirls around us?

I am so incredibly scared

Of the uncertainty in my future

The unpredictability of life.

Maybe you would do me the favour

Of facing it with me

So I don’t have to be alone through it

Not anymore.

[reservedserpent]

Eyes drooping with such melancholy, tell me angel, why do you cry?

[reservedserpent]

Kindness is a virtuous thing in such a world.

[reservedserpent]

Vulnerability is a rather terrifying thing. Why bare yourself to someone when every time you do, they hurt you?

[reservedserpent]

There is nothing left for me here. I am so devoid of the life I used to overflow with. This emptiness has destroyed me.

[reservedserpent]

Everything feels so hollow.

Every emotion, fibre, component part of you is empty, even your happiness just feels like a shell, like it could crumble at the slightest movement.

You feel so devoid of everything, so exhausted. Hollow.

[reservedserpent]

“What uneasiness lies in being loved” - Osamu Dazai

[reservedserpent]

I’m sort of content not being anyone’s favourite person. There was so much more pressure on me before when I had a “best friend”, I set their expectations so high last year, when I was still happy, and now I’ve let them down. I push myself away from everyone because that way, there’s less people to disappoint.

[reservedserpent]

Curled up on your bed, staring at your phone with that feeling that something is wrong, that something bad is going to happen. You’re stagnant though, this unreasonable sense of dread paralysing you and making you unable to act, other than mindless technological distraction.

[reservedserpent]

It is so hard to constantly be pleasant. Some days you get so close to just snapping, to yelling and screaming in everyone’s face. I am just so exhausted. I hate showing this stupid facade that I care, that everyone isn’t draining me, that I’m relatively okay. It really sucks. Really fucking sucks. It feels like isolation, loneliness, void, and I don’t know how to stop it.

[reservedserpent]

I am sour. I admit it; I’m not a particularly pleasant person, or one who is very kind to those I dislike. I am opinionated, and sharp, and I don’t really like people. I hate myself for it.

But sometimes I wonder, am I the type of sour that is born that way, like a lemon, or am I the type of sour that has a sweet centre? I wonder if it is others that have put the coating of acid on my outside, or if it was myself. Either way, I resent myself for it. No one likes having too many sour lollies, they always hurt your tongue.

[reservedserpent]

Sleep is a bowl of soup and I am a fork

[reservedserpent]

Your sun is setting

However it is not in a blazing glory,

It is not in brilliant shades of orange and pinks,

Nor purples or blues.

Rather,

Your sun is nothing but a grey smudge on a distant horizon

A grey sky, with grey clouds and the monotonous drone of brainless insects.

It is the opposite of what you expected it to be,

What you wanted to be.

And yet,

You watch it disappear in melancholy resignation,

Because the thought of colour disgusts you now,

Even though it was all you used to want.

Or perhaps,

The colour is disgusted by you.

[reservedserpent]

You come to consciousness and realise it’s been a week, and you don’t remember much of it.

You lay there and think of how music doesn’t sounds the same, and how the face in the mirror is unfamiliar now.

You realise that you can’t remember the last time you felt content, or the last time you felt grounded, unconfused.

You feel your personality slowly slipping away, the person you were in past nothing but a muddled, unrecognisable memory.

You lie on your bed, and stare at the ceiling, and fear that this will never end. That you won’t be able to find yourself again. That you’ve lost the real you forever, whoever that is.

[reservedserpent]

I find sadness to be one of the most important things in the world.

Although yes “it makes the good times better” and all that jazz, I believe it reduces us to our fundamental parts.

It exposes our sharp, jagged corners and the wounds we still have open, the scars left on your mind as well as your body. It simplifies us into everything that makes us weak and both strong, breakable and bendable.

However the thing is, the only way we can benefit from sadness is if we learn and grow from it. That is where most, if not all, people have the tendency to fail.