I'm getting gay
okay,,, i have some explaining to do.
i got very very insecure about my writing and small talents in general, mostly because,,, like i got a job doing something actually grown up. i got fired right before the temp period would expire and i would be hired full-time, so the company could hire back someone who was on leave. tbh i'm a sensitive bitch and this destroyed all self-confidence i had in myself (i do have another full-time job and i am earning income, please do not worry.)
i got messed up about my writing because i knew something was wrong, but i couldn't put my finger on it. i read a LOT of spicy books and i think i pinpointed my issue. hopefully.
i got an anon asking for more carlisle stuff, and anon if you're reading this - you're why i'm writing this. thank you so much for still thinking of me even after such a long break. i am still horny on main for carlisle. anyway, i'm housesitting for a very very dear friend right now (another amazing writer, @quizzyisdone, i hope you're having the most fun ever) and it's given me a lot of time to think, and here's what i came up with.
you are so unconditionally loved. you, reading this. you are unconditionally loved. it might seem right now that nothing is going right and the world is against you, and it will always be this way, it will always be cyclical. i don't know you, but (and believe me when I say this) i do love you. it doesn't matter. whatever reason you're thinking of as to why i don't - it doesn't matter. accept the love i am giving you and pass it on. that is your purpose, that is the reason we are all here. to love and be loved.
some new things coming soon.
i love you all, and remember: watching The Meg will not cure your fear of the ocean, no matter how much you love horror movies. it will actually make it worse.
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fuck this is the cutest shit ive ever read
Electric | Russell Adler x Reader |
Summary: After a night of post mission winding down, you find Russell on the roof.
Warnings: smoking, kissing
Word Count: 1075
A/N: Requests are open :)
It wasn’t often that you and the team were able to have a relaxing night in at the end of a mission. Things were usually chaotic and rushed to be able to get back to Langley as soon as humanly possible. But this time around Frank decided everyone could use a couple drinks and just be ‘normal’ people for once.
You had been apart the team for a good amount of time now but while you were still the ‘Kid’ of the bunch as Frank liked to call you, the bond was tight between the team whenever the universe decided to bring you together for a mission. So here you were, sitting back on a loveseat laughing at the Sgt’s storytelling.
Mason, who was normally reserved, seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, half sitting on the armrest of the couch, hearing Franks words.
“So you’re saying you’re not a lightweight?” You tease, entertaining him farther.
Frank chuckles and takes a swig of his drink. "Oh no sweetheart, not me. But Mason here thought he could take on the whole bar one time after 3 pints” he says, grinning mischievously.
Mason shakes his head, but you can tell he's enjoying it. "I wasn't trying to start a fight," he says defensively.
"But you did end up getting us kicked out," Frank adds, laughing.
Mason shakes his head. "I don't even remember what happened. That was a long time ago."
Frank continues the story, recounting how they stumbled out of the bar and into the street, still arguing about who would have won in a fight. You can't help but laugh at the mental image of the two of them, drunk and bickering like an old married couple.
“Hey I think that place isn’t too far from here.” Frank says, raising an eyebrow.
“They definitely remember you, Woods.” You can almost hear the gears turning in the Sgt’s head. “Don’t get any ideas.” But of course with his charm, one thing leads to another and he’s actually able to convince stone cold Mason to get up.
“You comin, Kid?” Wood stops to ask, grabbing his keys from the table.
“Oh no, you two have fun. I’m calling it a night boys.” You answer, raising to stretch your arms. The pair of them go into the night leaving you with your thoughts.
Sleep is unheard of in your mind lately, never showing up most nights. You’re far too used to it at this point to do anything about it.
You decide to go up to the roof of the safe house to get some fresh air and clear your head. Putting down your drink, you slip on your shoes and head towards the back stairs. When you make it outside, you feel the cool night air hit your face, and you take a deep breath, feeling your lungs expand with cold air
You suddenly stop in your tracks, when you see Adler across the roof leaning against the railing. Smoke moves from his cigarette with the wind and You hesitate for a moment, wondering if you should go back inside or approach him.
But before you can make a decision he seems to sense a presence. “Sorry, I took your spot.” He says without turning around, somehow already knowing that’s it’s you at the stairs.
You shake your head, a small smile forming on your lips. "It's fine, I can share," you say, making your way over to him.
You lean against the railing next to him, looking out over the city. For a few moments, there's silence between you, the only sounds being the occasional car driving by and Adler taking a drag from his cigarette.
You look over to the rare sight of Russell without his aviators. Even in the dark his features stand out more than ever. The scar running down from his forehead to his chin is prominent even in the dead of night. “How’d you know this was my spot?” You ask, not looking away.
His hand rests on his opposite arm, and without lifting it he points down to an area by the trees. “Because that’s mine” He glances at you, and for a moment, you catch a glimpse of something in his eyes - something vulnerable. But just as quickly as it appeared, it's gone, and he's back to his usual stoic self.
When you were first recruited, you were assigned to be Adler’s shadow. Since you hadn’t had much black ops experience, he was your mentor. You learned a lot from him, both about the job and about how to keep a cool head.
But there was always something about him that was hard to read. You never pushed too hard or at all for that matter, not wanting to cross a line. But standing here next to him, closer than you have been before there is a certain tension floating around the atmosphere.
He’s no longer leaning against the railing. As the tension between you and Adler grows, you suddenly stand straighter and turn to face him.
There's a moment of hesitation as you look into his eyes, unsure of what to do next. But then, without thinking, you reach out and softly take the cigarette from between his lips, taking a drag from it yourself.
He watches you intently, his eyes never leaving yours, as you exhale the smoke into the night air. You don’t realize you’ve moved closer to him until can feel the heat of his body next to yours .
You don't know what's come over you, but something about the moment feels electric.
Adler's hand moves up to your cheek, his touch warm against your skin. You lean into it, and there's a sense of calm that washes over you. For the first time in a long time, you feel like you can let your guard down.
Without a word, he leans in and presses his lips to yours, his kiss gentle yet earning. You respond after a few seconds, taking in the feeling of it all.
His hands move to the small of your back to pull you closer to him and you wrap your arms around his neck, his cigarette still between your fingers, now forgotten.
When you finally break the kiss, you look up at Adler, his eyes now dark but nonetheless visible under the moonlight.
You don't know what later holds for Russell and you, but in this moment, you don’t want to stop.
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