queerriver-styx

[queerriver-styx]

[queerriver-styx]

[queerriver-styx]

i will never stop being 6 years old and lonely. i will never stop being 11 years old and lonely. i will never stop being 19 years old and lonely. i will never stop

[queerriver-styx]

@ bloodinvain instagram

[queerriver-styx]

You're just a mammal. Let yourself act like it. Your brain needs enrichment. Your body needs rest. You feel hunger and grow hair. You need to pack bond with other sentient things so you don't become unsocialized and neurotic. You are biologically inclined to seek dopamine and become sick when chronically stressed. "Hedonism" is made up to place moral value on taking pleasure in sensory experiences. I am telling you that if you don't let yourself be a fucking mammal, as you were made, you will suffer and go insane. No grindset no diets no trying to be above your drive for connection. Pursue what makes you feel good and practice radial rejection of the constructs meant to turn you into a machine. You're a mammal.

[queerriver-styx]

hey y’all wanna talk about a lesser talked about trauma effect?

loss of autonomy.

not knowing how to do anything without explicit permission or instruction.

feeling like you’ll get in trouble if you do anything on your own will.

waiting until you’re given permission to do so much as eat.

not feeling like your body is your own.

if you experience this you aren’t broken or alone. you were abused and traumatized and conditioned to be like this. remember you belong to nobody but yourself. you are and will be okay.

[queerriver-styx]

frog4scalpel

[queerriver-styx]

having so much love in your heart is beautiful and amazing right up until you’re alone in your bedroom clutching at your chest and whimpering like a wounded dog

[queerriver-styx]

Folks have got to understand that they probably aren't messed up by some Secret Big Trauma that they just can't remember; but rather by a million tiny microtraumas that they do mostly remember but don't even register as traumatic because nobody actually understood that these things would cause trauma, much less stack on each other over the years.

[queerriver-styx]

I have OCD and with that comes quasi-hallucinations, and I grew up watching a ton of horror films so some of the worst of mine are the standard white skin/black hair demon girl type shit.

However, because a lot of them are based on horror film I have found comfort in doing things that “go against” horror films and being like “see? This could never happen.”

(It’s irrational. I know that. But shut up. This is how I cope.)

For example: I started hearing garbled whispering from beneath my table, so I started playing the muppets sound track. Because they would never play Movin’ Right Along when the protagonist is about to get attacked. That won’t happen. Disney, who owns the muppets, wouldn’t give them the rights.

And it fucking worked.

[queerriver-styx]

is anyone else just like, having A Time of it lately

[queerriver-styx]

one thing about me is when i read or watch something and there's an evil child or some sort of monster who was born a monster i'm always going to side with the monster. sorry about your loser parents i would have loved you. skill issue

[queerriver-styx]

listening to mcr either screaming at the top of my lungs or lying in the fetal position on the floor

[queerriver-styx]

Happy Halloween! Here's all my my Drawtober challenge for this month, "BONES"! Hope you liked it.

[queerriver-styx]

[queerriver-styx]

Do you ever like physically feel yourself pass your mental breaking point and then all you can think is “oh these next few days are going to be interesting”

[queerriver-styx]

guh