psycho-linguist

[psycho-linguist]

stop normalizing the grind and normalize cuddling with cute boys

[psycho-linguist]

he can infodump so deep inside me I'll have trivia running down my leg

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re at a low point:

If you were a fictional man right now, there would be *at least* ten people if not a large portion of the fanbase that would call you their wet beast poor little meow meow

[psycho-linguist]

Rice Krispies smartest decision is by far their Treat. Turning their cereal into a strange brick relies on the natural fact that all children are hopelessly dependent upon the ingot.

[psycho-linguist]

at a lesbian bar wearing a vampire costume: I vish to eat your puvsy *my plastic fangs slip out of my mouth and into someone’s drink* *I cry and pull the fire alarm before running out*

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

A hiker, clearly shaken, enters a remote English village pub, his clothes all torn and he's full of scratches. 

"You won't believe this," he says to the bartender. "I was attacked by a leopard!"

"Really?"

"Yes! A leopard! In England!" The hiker sits down and orders the strongest liquor they've got. "I tried to run, but it was if course much faster than me."

The hiker gets his glass, empties it, and asks for another. "It sent me to the ground with a mighty push from its paws, but weirdly enough it then just gave me a really sad look and left."

"Ah, you met Father Andrews," the bartender says, matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean?" asks the tourist, confused.

"Father Andrews was our priest. A truly kind-hearted man, loved by all. His only goal in life was to serve his congregation as well as he could. So when he one day found a lamp with a genie, his very first wish was to be a loving shepherd to the community."

"That's nice "

"Absolutely, if only he hadn't been so prone to spoonerisms."

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[psycho-linguist]

[psycho-linguist]

this reddit post is so good.

a trans guy who is also a butch who dates both men and women-- I aspire to be like this. oh, to play 5d chess with gender.