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I just rewatched tfatws and...
Steve's dead. I have no idea how I missed this. Obviously he was old in Endgame right but I never thought about him actually.... ~dying~.
So I realized this when I watched 1x1. The scene when Sam gives the shield to the Smithsonian, there's a banner that says "Farewell Steve" ???
Then I started thinking OF COURSE Sam wouldn't give up the shield if old man Roger's was still alive and kicking. Through the whole show they keep saying that Steve's gone, but it's not just that he's in the past. He's dead.
It makes me feel even sadder for Bucky. He lost his friend twice and then the symbol of everything he stood for.
It makes me feel ever angrier at John. He really thought he could replace Steve Rogers?
I have no clue how I didn't realize this before but it all makes sense.
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The Lonliest Girl in the Universe. Romy was born on a space station headed towards a new earth-like planet. The rest of the crew on board died when she was young, so now at 17 she's all alone. Until she learns that Nasa has sent another space station, and since technology has advanced in the last 20 years it'll reach her soon. But as she begins learning more about the other commander she gets an uneasy feeling. She'll have to face her past to save her life. With hints of psychological thrill and mystery this is a quick read but one you won't forget.
The Phantom of the Opera. Okay I actually tried to read this before like, 4 years ago but I couldn't get into it. I mean the musical is so... musical and theatrical and exciting that you think the book its based on must be the same, right? Wrong. It's actually pretty dry until about half way through. The story is really interesting, but since it's one I already knew the ending to it was hard to want to keep reading. (Side note: reading it while listening to the soundtrack does help.)
Books I've read this year (so far) and my opinions (SPOILERS)
Little Women. This is my second time reading little women and it was even better this time around. Jo March is such a beautifully written character and I always love how she struggles between growing up and staying young.
Jane Eyre. I have a lot of thoughts about this book but basically, I wish it had ended differently. I know the point is that Jane doesn't respect herself to not go back to Rochester, but I really wish she had stayed single teaching at the school. I mean, he had a secret (LIVING) wife locked up in his attic that he didn't even tell his fiancee about.
Losing Brave. This was another reread, and it gripped me just as much as the first time. I remembered the plot twists, but the journey is so exciting I kept forgetting. It's a ya thriller and a pretty quick read, I definitely recommend so I'm not putting too many spoilers for this one.
Wuthering Heights. WHAT THE HECK HEATHCLIFF? None of the characters are likeable, but it's all so petty that you just have to see what crap they're gonna pull next. It's actually so entertaining but it can be confusing at times due to the fact they're all kind of related (there's a family tree in the back that helps).
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. This is a book written for book lovers. It's so cozy, I love the style it's written in (letters between characters), and I love the characters themselves. Juliet is such a strong female lead and even though it ends like a fairytale, I love it. The characters all feel like family. Read this if you want to smile, if you want to cry, and if you want to cuddle up with a blanket for the weekend. (The Netflix adaptation is definitely not as good as the book, by the way.)
Heartless. This is about the Red Queen/Queen of Hearts before she became that. I read this book in a single weekend because it was so gripping. Cath is torn between duty and love. It's heart-wrenching. I still in awe over this book and I wish I could read it for the first time again. The ending is inevitable and yet....
The Catcher in the Rye. The writing style feels very similar to The Outsiders to me (or vice versa). However the story is pretty different. The characters, even Holden, aren't very likeable. But I can understand why Holden acts the way he does (he's very Jess from Gilmore Girls). The last few chapters with Phoebe had me close to crying. It was then for me that I realized the point of the book. Preserving innocence. The catcher in the rye. It makes sense, and retrospectively I really like the book.
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Rebecca. Marriage, mystery, murder? This book has it all. It's a bit slow at times, but it's meant to be suspenseful. It sucks you into Manderly and consumes your every thought until you have answers. After you read this, be sure to watch the film adaptation by Alfred Hitchcock. (Though in my opinion the book is better - Hitchcock takes some creative licenses). The Netflix adaptation is... oof. It would be a good story if it wasn't based on the book. They took too many creative licenses in my opinion.
Persuasion. This book. Ahhh. I cried. They were in love, she turned him away, they meet again, they don't know how the other feels, they're both pining. It's agonizing from beginning to end, and all too relateable. A quick read, perfect for a weekend.
The Book Thief. I've read this before but it hit me harder this time. Germany 1942. A Jew in the basement. It's a beautiful story of understanding, hiding, humanity, family, hope, and theft. It's heavy, and when you finish it you'll carry it around in your heart for days. The last 60 pages will have you pouring tears. Even though it's fiction, it's so real and it gives insight into the emotional toll the war had on everyone. Children to elderly.
The Neverland Wars. We all know the story of Peter and Wendy, but this time it's Peter and Gwen. In a world where magic is real, but kept a secret, Gwen's sister is taken to Neverland and she follows. There she learns that reality is not as it seems and struggles with if it's better to face reality and grow up, or if it's better to stay forever young. I read this for the first time when I was about 13 and decided to reread it. It's definitely for a younger audience but all in all it's an interesting Peter Pan story. (I think it's the first in a trilogy).
Darcy's Story. Alright we all know Pride & Prejudice, but do we all know Mr. Darcy? This is P&P from his perspective. The same events, the same conversations, but inside Darcy's head as opposed to Lizzy's. It's swoonworthy.
People We Meet On Vacation. Booktok sold this one to me, and it was alright. The friends-to-enemies?-to-lovers always hits hard for me so I was definitely swooning, but it was too... graphic... at parts for my taste. But the characters and overall storyline were really interesting, I read it in 1.5 days but probably will never read it again.
Books I've read this year (so far) and my opinions (SPOILERS)
Little Women. This is my second time reading little women and it was even better this time around. Jo March is such a beautifully written character and I always love how she struggles between growing up and staying young.
Jane Eyre. I have a lot of thoughts about this book but basically, I wish it had ended differently. I know the point is that Jane doesn't respect herself to not go back to Rochester, but I really wish she had stayed single teaching at the school. I mean, he had a secret (LIVING) wife locked up in his attic that he didn't even tell his fiancee about.
Losing Brave. This was another reread, and it gripped me just as much as the first time. I remembered the plot twists, but the journey is so exciting I kept forgetting. It's a ya thriller and a pretty quick read, I definitely recommend so I'm not putting too many spoilers for this one.
Wuthering Heights. WHAT THE HECK HEATHCLIFF? None of the characters are likeable, but it's all so petty that you just have to see what crap they're gonna pull next. It's actually so entertaining but it can be confusing at times due to the fact they're all kind of related (there's a family tree in the back that helps).
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. This is a book written for book lovers. It's so cozy, I love the style it's written in (letters between characters), and I love the characters themselves. Juliet is such a strong female lead and even though it ends like a fairytale, I love it. The characters all feel like family. Read this if you want to smile, if you want to cry, and if you want to cuddle up with a blanket for the weekend. (The Netflix adaptation is definitely not as good as the book, by the way.)
Heartless. This is about the Red Queen/Queen of Hearts before she became that. I read this book in a single weekend because it was so gripping. Cath is torn between duty and love. It's heart-wrenching. I still in awe over this book and I wish I could read it for the first time again. The ending is inevitable and yet....
The Catcher in the Rye. The writing style feels very similar to The Outsiders to me (or vice versa). However the story is pretty different. The characters, even Holden, aren't very likeable. But I can understand why Holden acts the way he does (he's very Jess from Gilmore Girls). The last few chapters with Phoebe had me close to crying. It was then for me that I realized the point of the book. Preserving innocence. The catcher in the rye. It makes sense, and retrospectively I really like the book.
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update!
spending 15 minutes after work to do NOTHING. no tv, no phone, no reading. just sitting and breathing.
napping when I'm tired. and I don't mean when I'm tired to the point of tears, I mean wayyyyy before I get there.
taking breaks at work! I get wanting to push through and not stop but don't feed into it! breaks are so important to your physical and mental health (and help you set work/life boundaries!) take your breaks folks!
little things I've started doing lately that have helped my mental health + sanity
tidying up my room before bed every night (putting away clothes, straightening things, maybe even sweep!)
reading for fun!
drinking so much water
exercising regularly (not everyday, but often)
talking to acquaintances so they become friends
talking to friends
taking time to paint my nails
going on walks in good weather
logging out of social media when I don't want to use it
taking breaks when I need them!
basically just, taking time to take care of myself.
feel free to add what you do!
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just came to remind you to drink a glass of water now - sincerely, the mom anon
thank you, mom anon. that is you now.
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HERE'S MY THEORY ABOUT BUDAPEST
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In Captain Marvel, Fury tells Carol he had a mission in Budapest.
In Thor (and AOU) we see that Clint loves to give the enemy a chance.
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In Avengers Nat says, “I got on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s radar in a bad way. Agent Barton was sent to kill me, he made a different call.”
My theory is that that's what happened in Budapest. That's where Clint and Nat met and that's when she joined the team.
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“Please, keep looking. Not for a person, but for your passion, your love, your courage, your goals, your dreams, your happiness, yourself. Keep looking. Explore yourself before you explore another. Know your worth, know yourself. Only then will you know what you need over what you want. You need yourself to become your own.”
unknown
note to self
(via astound)
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here's my advice to you: return to your childhood interests.
when i was younger i read, i baked, i wrote stories and poems and songs, i drew for the sake of drawing. eventually i grew up and society told me those things were a waste of time unless i was the best at them, or unless they made me money.
but that's not true. when we're younger we do what really makes us happy. there's no reason to move on from that. when i read, i'm happy. when i bake, i'm happy and i have a delicious snack to share with my family! when i write sloppily, i'm happy. when I draw, i'm happy.
you don't have to be the best if you're having fun. do what makes your 9 year old self happy.
rb with what your childhood interests were!
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My mom just told me that something she loves about me is that I'm my own person and I thought it was funny because I'm really just... not.
I'm basically just a patchwork quilt with pieces from every single thing I've ever thought was cool, or someone told me was.
I watched the movies I like because someone recommended them. I like coffee because she taught me to. I dress the way I do because of people on the internet. Everything about me is taken from somewhere else. Not to say I don't genuinely like what I like, or that I don't have a choice - I just think it's interesting that we all become who we are because of who other people are.
We're all just fleshy patchwork quilts trying to find someone with a few of the same fabrics I guess.
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here’s a reminder for anyone who needs it: that small embarrassing thing you did earlier? no one remembers it. they have their own day to day lives they’re focusing on, they aren’t focusing on whatever it was that happened. you’re human, you’re awkward sometimes, and that’s okay. people aren’t judging you as harshly as you worry they are
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You'll get more chances. At friendships. At relationships. At job/school related progress. At following your dreams. At chasing your passions. It's not now or never. There will always be other chances and other opportunities.
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"You look like someone's disaffected niece"
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"But I just knew her as Aunt Peggy"
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“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
Henry David Thoreau 
(via
theemotionmachine
)
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You not finding me attractive is not going to stop me from being attractive.
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let’s go on a picnic date in the middle of a field somewhere 💌
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summertime :):)
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