prettygayrose

[prettygayrose]

[prettygayrose]

Here’s the thing. The idea of “find someone who will love you, not in spite of your flaws, but because of them” is. uh. Not helping.

I am a Traumatized bitch. I have more emotional problems than you could shake a stick at. I am a victim of parental abuse. And my parents were victims, and their parents were victims, and so on. Every time they thought they had found someone who magically accepted them for who they were, they wound up as either an abuser or abused.

The fact is: we all have shit. But we all have to deal with it. Individually, we all have a responsibility to work on ourselves and become better, healthier, happier people. And in doing that—only in doing that, the difficult work of self-improvement—will we be able to form better, healthier, happier relationships with others.

I am begging you. If you want to be happy. Don’t look for people who would let it slide if you hurt them, or others, or yourself. Do NOT look for people who love you /because/ of your flaws. Look for the people who believe you can be better. These are the people who call you out when you get mean, and the people who argue with you when you’re wrong, and the people who demand an apology.

They are the ones who are going to help you. They’re going to change you.

Change is terrifying. Often, when we are asked to change, we see it as an utter rejection of our being, and out of our fear we bristle and lash out. We tell ourselves that the person doesn’t deserve us, or that they don’t love us enough to appreciate us the way we are. But when our friends ask us to do better, it isn’t because they don’t love us. It’s because we are hurting them. It’s because we need to change.

There’s nothing shameful in being flawed, or in needing to be better. But spending your life searching for someone who will love you as is? That’s stupid, it’s irresponsible, it’s immoral, and it’s fucking embarrassing.

#love #platonic love #abuse #child abuse #family abuse #generational abuse #generational trauma #inspirational #love thoughts #love inspiration #self improvement #self empowerment #tw trauma #tw: family problems #tw abuse #wlw #relationship #lovers #loving #friendship #family #partner

[prettygayrose]

hi all, @theecholyte has been a dear friend of mine for a few years and now they need help to reach their goal of $800. im gonna put the info from their gofundme here, please boost this and donate if you can.

Hello, my name is Echo, I'm a non-binary, disabled (temporarily), Nerodivergent 21 year old who is currently living in a very stressful and toxic environment. I live with and financially depend on my mother and her husband (technically my step-father) who have both verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me ontop of my already existing trauma and mental issues from years of this kind of treatment from others, including them. They do not accept that I am non-binary and consistantly arise arguments/fights because of it, resulting in them giving me anxiety attacks and triggering my PTSD simply because they don't want to call me the name I prefer to be called by, ontop of driving away my other family and friends they have invited into their home due to their behavior. They have blamed my step sister (who is 2 months older than me) as well as myself on the trauma they have caused us to the point where they drove her to live across the country and will never see my step sister's daughter (my niece) ever again, in order to keep the baby from being exposed to the violence they have shown us. We were both physically abused by them as well, but once we started becoming young adults roughly around the ages 15-17, they stopped hitting us as much and eventually stopped completely after that (for reasons unknown) and my step sister got the worst of it. My youngest brother is also transgender, and they treat him the same, but he has outside help that he's getting from friends he knows, so im not too worried about him, since he's tough and will be able to get out soon enough.

Currently, I feel like I am fighting for my life. My stress levels have gotten to the point where I've gained many migranes (stress-induced as well as random migranes run in my family, but they're happening more often than normal as of late) and a fever because of it, which would go away after one night of rest so i knew i wasnt sick with anything really concerning, that i know of, since im fine now.

I feel as though I am at my breaking point, and my depression has gotten significantly worse as well, despite the medication i take for it as well as the coping mechanisms I use to ease it. I try to tell my mother the stress and pain im in, but she threatens to take me to a mental hospital every time i express that she makes me feel like i should... take my own life, basically, because of how she treats me, ontop of feeling like she wishes i were gone, among other reasons. She prefers to get onto me rather than try to comfort me and try to hear why I feel the way I do with concern. I feel as though she resents me for some reason unknown, resents all of her children... she seems like she has no sympathy for our mental health regardless of how she might actually feel, and will never understand that people deal with things in their own unique ways, and that no one else in the world operates completely like she does.

On multipule occasions, my mother has expressed that if I feel like I want to end my own life, that she wont try to stop me if it means I'll be happier that way, and almost encourages it. She's also stated to my brother when he was 16 that she knows she will bury me one day, and is content with that fact considering how I've been dealing with su*cidal idiations since I was very young.

Ontop of those interactions, when my step-sister was little and was crying to my mother about how she makes her want to end her own life, my mother replied by saying "Is that all? If you don't try to end your own life at least once as a teenager, that makes you the weird kid. It's a phase, I've tried it and so has all of my kids."

Her husband on the other hand, is a dog abuser and has thrown/kicked puppies and our older dogs, including one pit bull we had named Pepa, who was thrown over the fence and landed hard on her side when she somehow got out of the backyard (she was a huge sweetheart and would never hurt a soul). He has no sympathy what so ever for animals, and when I confronted him about throwing Pepa when she was vulnerable and weak after just having a littler of 14 puppies, he stated that he could have done so much worse. He also has a habit of yelling/snapping at his kids when theyre in pain or take his attention away from his video games simply because it annoys him and he "doesn't want to hear it". Once, before my first knee surgery several years ago, I fainted out of the diningroom chair (I deal with low blood sugar issues sometimes) and bruised my ACL, crying and screaming for help while everyone was asleep. He has woken up to see what happened, and while i was on the floor clutching my leg, crying for help, he stated that "I need to learn how to do it myself" and went to go back to sleep. I had sat there for another several minutes screaming and crying before my brother woke up and helped me onto the livingroom couch and made sure I was okay. (my mother was at work at the time so she didn't find out about this until I called her when I was finally on the couch. she also doesnt believe what her husband did even happened, because I didn't think to tell her about it until some time later.)

They both also believe that my step-sister deserved to be hit and punched in the face as a young teenager, simply because she has an anger/attidude problem. (She is now the smartest, most strong and mature woman I've ever known, She's a wonderful friend, and an even better mother who deserves the best.)

Just a few reasons I need to be away from them both, and examples to explain to you all how severe this situation is.

I'm at a loss, and just need to get away. I have a friend in Washington State (where i used to live) who is offering to help house me, and I just need the funds to get there considering i'm in Texas, as well as provide for my dog. My dog Remi (He's a 13 year old Schnauzer) currently has two ear infections and has had them for over a month, yet my mother refused to take him to the vet no matter how much I begged her since im unemployed and cant provide for him at the moment, I have ear drops that I used to temporarily help relieve his discomfort, but his contition continued to get more severe and the ear drops stopped working. (She's had no problem providing for him until recently, especially when he was the family's dog first before he became mine several years ago.) She constantly says how they have no money but its very hard to believe when they have recently had the funds to go to an expensive amusement park twice in two weeks and spend all of their money on merch. Luckily, a long time friend offered to pay for his treatments with what little money she does have, so my dog has finally been treated after having to stay overnight at the vet and is home now, taking madications and resting as he should. His vet bill was only $117, and my mother could have easily afforded it.

Now for as what I'll need the funds for, I had found out that the most efficient way I can get myself and my dog all the way up to Washinton State (Seattle/Everett area) from Boyd Texas, is to rent a car and drive up there myself. Now, I've had my licence since I was 16, and started driving at the age of 15 with a permit, and have taken many long road trips on my own before, so I'm rather confident in my abilities to travel that far. Also with my issues only being in my left leg, I've still been able to drive perfectly fine as long as I take breaks to stretch.

I have looked into many different airlines I possibly could for the cheapest tickets I could get for myself, as well as for my dog.. problem is, he's just a little too big to fit in the cabin of any plane I've reserched, I even called around and tried to recieve quotes and advice from airlines, but to no avail. I've also contacted animal transportation and shipping services, but they're all just very expensive and too complicated. I will also not put my baby boy in cargo on a plane, as it is dangerous.

For renting a car in my area, I will need to be able to find a place that will let me rent a car for 4 days so that I will have wiggle room to rest, make stops for gas/take my dog potty, and also get food while im on the way, considering my ideal route takes 1 day and 7 hours, minus the time ill need for stops and to rest, as well as traffic. The cheapest I could find while doing reserch is between $70-$90 a day for either a renter's choice car, or just any cheap car they have available, and for four days, that rounds up to be close to $300-$360 total for the trip. Ontop of that, gas for the one-way trip will cost roughly $300 or more depending on the car's milage.

Tomorrow (11/01) since it'll be a Monday, I'll be calling around for offers for my specific need to see if they'll have anything available for the end of this week or next week up to a month. I'm honestly willing to wait for this trip at least a month, but I'm not sure I could stand staying here longer than that at this point, since I'm wanting to leave as soon as possible for the sake of my mental health and well being, as well as the well being of my dog.

I appreciate any donations anyone makes no matter how much it is, it would mean everything to me to get out of here and finally be happier and feel safe for once. Thank you so very much if you read all of this, my situation may not be as severe as some peoples, but its certainly something worth addressing, I'd think.

I'll happily answer any questions anyone has for me regarding my situation, as I believe in the power of reassurance and cooperation, especially when it comes to strangers providing money for me which they absolutely do not have to give, out of the kindness of their hearts. I'll give as much information as I can to truely strengthen your trust in me that my situation is as genuine as I have stated.

Thank you so much for reading all of this, it means the world to me and more to have anyone take me seriously. Regardless if you donate or not, I hope you have a wonderful day, and to have a restful sleep every night this week.

[prettygayrose]

I showed my older sister this and she said “he knows how to do that because he has a little brother”

4.22 - Lucifer Rising

#eldest daughter dean stans unite #dean winchester #deancas #destiel #supernatural

[prettygayrose]

God the CW’s supernatural really was like: your mother is on fire and it’s burning the house down. Your mother is on fire because of something you don’t understand. There is something wrong with the house so that it has to burn. You have to get your brother out. You have to get your brother out. Your father won’t leave. He won’t let you leave.

You are forty years old and your mother is still burning for her crimes. Your house is still on fire. Your brother is still in the house. Your father is still in the house. You have to get your brother out. You have to get your brother out. You can’t let him leave. You have to burn the house down.

#they got some stuff really wrong #but they understood dysfunctional families #tw: family problems #supernatural #dean winchester #john winchester’s a+ parenting #john winchester #sam winchester #mary winchester #destiel #winchester brothers #winchester feels #when you’re born in a burning house #if you’re raised with an angry man in your house #something something crab bucket loss of innocence purge of sin #familial trauma #generational trauma

[prettygayrose]

Literally the most romantic thing is someone saying I love you platonically. Esp if one or both of you are queer

#queer love #i love you #crush #romance thoughts #love #my dumb crush strikes again #bisexual #mlm logic #mlm #mlm yearning

[prettygayrose]

tbh this is 99% inspired by my overpowering desire to curl up next to the guy I’m in love with purr loudly and run my fingers through his hair

Sometimes I think we should pick our romantic partners based on cat and dog instincts. Would I let them groom me? Sleep sprawled on their chest? if I sniffed their butt would it be a positive or negative experience—

[prettygayrose]

lmao how many times are we going to accidentally say I love you to each other before you kiss me on the lips

[prettygayrose]

Sometimes I think we should pick our romantic partners based on cat and dog instincts. Would I let them groom me? Sleep sprawled on their chest? if I sniffed their butt would it be a positive or negative experience—

#ok maybe they don’t all apply #but hear me out #love #queer #gay love #it’s me so it’s gay #mlm #mlm logic #mlm yearning #romance #love advice #queer love #romance thoughts #people thoughts #love thoughts #romance advice #sort of #i mean it applies to friends too #funny

[prettygayrose]

what am I supposed to do with all these random facts about the girl I love

[prettygayrose]

one half of a slow burn in a tv show, making a dramatic confession with tears in their eyes: i, I love you *gasp* me, a bisexual, to my crush: love you. I love you. You know who I love? you. Love of my life, one and only, have I told you today that i

#bisexual #mlm #trans mlm #bi boy #bi shit #bi people problems #gay love #love #ngl this is 100% inspired by #my not quite a crush who is #also a good friend #and I’m probably not going to act on it #but he sent me a yellow heart emoji for my birthday #and I’m like #come on man #it’s so much more damning if you don’t talk about it #is my need to show my crushes intense platonically coded love a way of friendzoning myself and avoiding responsibility? Discuss #my romantic yearning and my need to be a put together person: fight

[prettygayrose]

On this fine day I would like to extend an invitation to my transmasc fellows and my fellow transmascs......please please please don’t let the desire to fit in as a guy keep you from doing whatever the fuck you want with your gender expression!!! Even if it’s only in private, wear cute skirts if you want to, wear feather boas along with bow ties, dress in every color of the rainbow, put on big wings of eyeliner and shit and silky silky vests. There is only one rule and it is do what you want. do what will make you happy. As my best friend in the whole entire world says (she is wise) being trans is about being happy.

anyway transphobes dni also go sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done. Enjoy your joyless, fun-devoid lives

#trans ftm #transgender #transmasc #trans boy #trans man #trans ftm support #trans support #gender expression #gender nonconforming #gay #love you guys

[prettygayrose]

One more thing and then I promise I’ll shut up. As a white writer I think it’s hilarious when white people act like it’s possible for white writers to tell racially diverse stories. The only thing we can do, by filling our stories with characters from diverse ethnic backgrounds, respecting them, not stereotyping them, etc....is avoid Actively Being Racist. That’s all! Turns out the only people who can actually tell racially diverse stories are people of color. So maybe we should. Idk. Listen to them

#racism tw #writing #writer #writing advice #racism in writing #writing diversity #small rant

[prettygayrose]

In honor of the amazing metas I got on my dash today about the inherent racism in supernatural....god spn is SO racist. It’s racist enough that even I—a fucking stupid white person who cannot begin to comprehend all the shit people of color have to deal with in media—had to stop episodes at times and skip scenes that were legitimately triggering for me, a fucking stupid white person, because of their incredibly racist undercurrents and implications. The horror of a white man brutally killing people of color and being applauded by the narrative. Spn isn’t just structurally racist it isn’t JUST intrinsically racist or thematically racist (although it is very much all of those things) it is also consistently blatantly racist episode to episode. god having a show tell me that I should hate this character of color and be glad they’re dead. anyway yes I love destiel but on a very real level fuck spn this show would never have let cas come back from the godstiel arc if he wasn’t white. If he wasn’t white it would be agree with Dean whinchester at all times or die. Fuck this show

#racism tw #supernatural #spn #anti spn #destiel #not sure how to tag this #any other triggers I missed #idk guys it’s just bad #It’s a bad show

[prettygayrose]

In honor of the amazing metas I got on my dash today about the inherent racism in supernatural....god spn is SO racist. It’s racist enough that even I—a fucking stupid white person who cannot begin to comprehend all the shit people of color have to deal with in media—had to stop episodes at times and skip scenes that were legitimately triggering for me, a fucking stupid white person, because of their incredibly racist undercurrents and implications. The horror of a white man brutally killing people of color and being applauded by the narrative. Spn isn’t just structurally racist it isn’t JUST intrinsically racist or thematically racist (although it is very much all of those things) it is also consistently blatantly racist episode to episode. god having a show tell me that I should hate this character of color and be glad they’re dead. anyway yes I love destiel but on a very real level fuck spn this show would never have let cas come back from the godstiel arc if he wasn’t white. If he wasn’t white it would be agree with Dean whinchester at all times or die. Fuck this show

[prettygayrose]

“bi culture is remembering you’re unfortunately attracted to boys” - no it’s not. literally fuck off. 

you do not speak for all bisexuals. you likely don’t speak for most bisexuals. stopping shitting on boys for doing nothing more than existing. 

i want any and all boys to know that you are great, and you do not deserve this constant bs. you are not horrible just because you are a boy. and i am so sorry that this sentiment seems to be so grossly pervasive on tumblr and twitter. 

[prettygayrose]

anyway!!! mark your calendar’s because march 17 is the saileen wedding!