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poetrydeck · 2 years

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i miss you.

not the way the grass yearns for rain, or the flowers turn for the sun. not the way the bees buzz around discarded meals, or ants scatter over fallen sweets.

i miss you the way the forests cry for their fallen brothers, hacked to bits at their feet. i miss you the way fire screams its way up buildings, leaving brick behind like wandering souls abandoned. i miss you the way a starved stomach begins its devouring of human fat. i miss you violently, like rabid tigers released to roam my restless bones, scavenging for scraps. i miss you like i might go mad from it, like the emptiness in my chest is expanding, swallowing up the rest of me. i miss you like an addict misses his vice, like a pianist craves his ivory, like a painter misses his oils. i miss you like im going to stop ticking, like im running a marathon that just wont conclude, like an empty chamber in a thin pistol gun. i miss you like a freezing dog misses his deceased owners blankets and kisses. i miss you like maggots stolen from their feast of corpses. i miss you like a scorched black top of leftover blood wishes to be covered by the carcass of its murdered deer once more. i miss you like loved ones who woe over frozen gravestones. i miss you like mothers cry out for their newborn babies. i miss you like newborns cry out for their mothers wombs. i miss you, in disgust, in vile, in horror. i miss you, grotesque, ghoulish. i miss you, as if every car has a passenger with your face on him. i miss you like the wind is going to blow you right into me. like ill turn down the aisle and find you there. like ill walk down the street and see you just beyond this corner. like ill find you in the mountains, at the bottom of my cup, behind the curtains of my dream. i miss you like youll speak to me again. like youll find your way to me. like nothing ever happened. i miss you like the most valuable thing in my wallet isnt the twenties or the ones or the fives, but the photo of you i refuse to pull out. i miss you like keeping your picture above my bed, never turning around to see it, pretending i cant notice it amongst all the others. i miss you the way people play out conversations late at night, imagining different words said. i miss you like youll speak to me through the words blotted on each page of every book i open. i miss you like i miss smoking. i miss you like i spend every shower with my eyes closed. i miss you like the brown in my hair is you peaking through my skull. i miss you like every song is pulling its lyrics from my mind. i miss you like driving down your street, wondering where you are, closing my eyes and letting my thoughts run lightening through the storm. i miss you like every dog reminding me of yours. like every show and every movie and every story ever told is meaningless without you there to hear it. i miss you like im desperate to proclaim my disposition, like hatred is my only alternative to love, like indifference would kill me in cold blood, like im incapable of feeling anything but passionately and expressively about you. i miss you like wanting to mention you to every stranger. like needing to choke out your name. like needing to gag on our story, like needing consolation from anyone who will listen, like speaking every other language just to hide from your poetic suffering, like wondering and wishing. i miss you like the mirror shows me dark circles, like the mirror shows me sadness, like the mountains are growing bigger. i miss you like the sun on my skin is too much for just one. like every meal should be split. like poison in my guts. like splinters in my fingers. like sores on my feet. like sweat on my skin, like salt on my cheeks, like spit on my lips, like blood on my wrists. i miss you like i miss drinking. like i miss sleepless nights. like i miss sobbing. like i miss misery. i miss you like youre nothing, and im everything, and i miss you like i wish i could stop the world from spinning. i miss you like i wish you would ask me questions, like i could tell you everything, like every word spoken to anyone else is a waste.

i am afraid you miss me too, but im terrified that you dont, and i dont know which one scares me more. i miss you like one day i might find out, i miss you like one day i never will.

i miss you, and its tearing me to pieces.

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poetrydeck · 2 years

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loving like an animal

1. "It was always you: your unutterable name, this growl in my throat." - erika meitner, copia

2. "I need your teeth in me, slow and vicious, to tell me my armor is just skin, bones, only bones." - jamaal may, the big book of exit strategies

3. "i know no love without teeth & have the scars to remember" - josé olivarez, i wake in a field of wolves with the moon

4. "and always, there is hunger / I will admit that I do not know if I should hold you or eat you." - derold ernest sligh, occupation

5. "after we have caught love we start eating it to the bone." - marge piercy, a key to common lethal fungi

6. "I beg you, eat me up. Want me down to the marrow." - hélène cixous, the love of the wolf

7. "I have sharp teeth inside my mouth, / inside my dark red lips, / And lacquer slickly hides the claws / In my red fingertips. / So I conceal my armoury. / Yours is all on view. / You think you are possessing me - / But I've got my teeth in you." - angela carter, unicorn

8. “I was always hungry for love. Just once, I wanted to know what it was like to get my fill of it – to be fed so much love I couldn’t take any more. Just once.” - haruki murakami, norwegian wood

9. "But I am not yet sure how to sever the love from the lover without occasioning some degree of carnage." - maggie nelson, bluets

10. "I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart;" - jorge luis borges, in a deserted streetcorner

11. júlia sardà portabella

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poetrydeck · 2 years

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Words to describe facial expressions

Absent: preoccupied

Agonized: as if in pain or tormented

Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire

Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest

Beatific: blissful

Black: angry or sad, or hostile

Bleak: hopeless

Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern

Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent

Brooding: anxious and gloomy

Bug eyed: frightened or surprised

Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed

Cheeky: cocky, insolent

Cheerless: sad

Choleric: hot-tempered, irate

Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings

Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor

Despondent: depressed or discouraged

Doleful: sad or afflicted

Dour: stern or obstinate

Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing

Ecstatic: delighted or entranced

Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible

Fixed: concentrated or immobile

Gazing: staring intently

Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive

Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion

Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic

Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness

Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty

Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism

Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant

Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit

Jeering: insulting or mocking

Languid: lazy or weak

Leering: sexually suggestive

Mild: easygoing

Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful

Pained: affected with discomfort or pain

Peering: with curiosity or suspicion

Peeved: annoyed

Pleading: seeking apology or assistance

Quizzical: questioning or confused

Radiant: bright, happy

Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident

Sardonic: mocking

Sour: unpleasant

Sullen: resentful

Vacant: blank or stupid looking

Wan: pale, sickly

Wary: cautious or cunning

Wide eyed: frightened or surprised

Withering: devastating

Wrathful: indignant or vengeful

Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling

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poetrydeck · 2 years

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if i set my teeth into the flesh of your arm and rest there know that i do not mean to tear it away only to latch myself onto you in some more permanent way

i feel your blood on my tongue but do not fear the hunger in my eyes i am a wild thing at best and my love is a violent guest

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poetrydeck · 3 years

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