photoeyestuff - Tumblr blog

photoeyestuff · 1 year

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#thinking thoughts #photo #dark academia #travel #romantic academia #traintravel #almost no money and did a 3h trip just to be with the love of my life

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photoeyestuff · 1 year

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#photo #thinking thoughts #romantic academia

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Time to journal about how my own mom called me a monster, a "it", said she couldn't stand me and then kicked me out cause I'm trans.

My dad's chill about it and is helping me paying rent and a bit of food

#dark academia #photo #fountain pen #writing #thinking thoughts #journaling #bookworm #mental health #black ink #i need therapy #trans #transgender #lgbtq #Kicked out #i dont fucking know #pocket watch

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Time to word vomit cause I'm going insane and a girl is completely destroying my brain. My cold ass heart is pounding 24/7 now and I don't get it. I struggle with emotions cause... Hi hello I'm autistic and people need to almost slap me in the face with their emotions for me to get it and this girl ain't doing that but at the same time is... Aaaahhhrg! Help meh! I don't get it! I like her a lot... I love her I think... I've been crushing on her for years but never made a move cause I respect boundaries and I thought she wasn't into me. She had rejected me once cause someone decided to make a move for me cause I "was too much of a pussy to do anything", people please don't do that, it's not funny and it couldn't make things way too hard for people who aren't neurotypical. Anyway... Turns out she's into me now! I'm sooo happy but also suffering a lot cause I'm far away for now and it hurts cause I'm not with her but also I'm stressing cause I'm afraid I'll freeze when I'm with her cause physical touch it's hard for me... It's the first time in my life I'm craving someone's touch... And sex! Wtf?! I've been avoiding sex like it's the plague for my entire life but now I want it! I have no idea what's going on :')

I'm 26, I'm supposed to have this shit figured out and it's frustrating cause I feel like a kid that doesn't know shit. I'm life smart cause I was forced to be. I'm amazing at fast thinking for trouble solving cause my life is a mess and my family loves to give me trauma and shit to solve but in terms of healthy relationships and emotional stuff I has the dumb. This girl is amazing and the healthy way she treats me is a completely new thing for me and I'm struggling.

My poor journal heard that and way more but hey, it's cheaper than therapy and I have no money for therapy even though I really need it. My adhd meds take all my money away and I can't survive without said meds so... Yeah... Let's see if I can figure this out by myself. She can't know about this struggle. I need to be strong for her. I'm the "I'm fine. This is nothing. I'm okay. Nothing bothers me" type of person.

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Did I read jurassic park? Yep

Did I overanalize the shit out of the book cause I'm a dino nerd? Yep (my autistic ass really loves dinosaurs)

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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@sshannonauthor hello? Ma'am? Why are your books so good? Like an actual master piece!

Also you know how hard it is to find smoked tea in my country? Such as hard as to find your books. I have to buy them online and wait a century for them to arrive :')

Speaking of waiting a century, that's what I'll be doing cause I have no money to buy the next book... Or any book. Meanwhile I'll be reading old books that I'll find in my parents house cause I need something to read.

Yes I'm that type of person that goes to a store with almost no money, (cause the struggle is real), so I can buy food for the rest of the week aaaand I end up buying a book and surviving eating pasta, just pasta, no sauce, and tea or skipping meals cause I hyper focus on the book and end up time travel (thanks adhd and autism).

By the way for the first time I was able to fully visualize the things I was reading... Does that make sense? My English is failing me right now and I don't know how to explain this.

Basically I only read and I can't visualize the characters or their interaction with each other or with the environment. I don't know if is me being a dumbass or a autism thing but I was never able to visualize what I was reading. Well, that changed when I read the Mime Order and the Song Rising. I was able to visualize EVERYTHING. I was in there, I was in the story. Like a ghost nobody sensed and watching over the characters. I was so into that world that I struggled to put the book down.

Thank you Samantha for that miracle. Your writing is at another level.

#fountain pen #photo #black and white #writing #thinking thoughts #bookworm #tea #dark academia #samantha shannon #the mime order #the song rising #the bone season #mental health

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Nature takes over really fast. I love seeing how building slowly disappear and get taken over. Also the clouds... This types of days are my favorite.

#photo #dark academia #nature walk #nature #nature things #nature takes over #old vibes #old building #clouds #cloudyday #Walk

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Just a beautiful sunny day

#photo #nature #yellow #yellow trees #sunlight #Sun #sunny #explore #nature walk

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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So since I have no money for therapy and barely can afford my adhd meds I decided to journal more. It's cheaper and the effect is almost the same (no it's not but I need something to do or my brain will turn on me and this at least brings some confort to my autistic and ocd ass).

I'm doing fine 🙂

No, but jokes aside, this is kind of calming. It's a nice routine. I just word vomit a bit. It helps me see things from a different perspective and grounds me a bit. I tend to just peace out of reality when I read too much and when I'm stress (aka me 24/7) so journaling is a must.

Also I miss being alone in my apartment but I have to be with my family until I get a fucking job which where are they?! I'm really trying but damn... No luck so far. Last job I had was when I was in the army and that wasn't the best time of my life cause my undiagnosed adhd and co. as I call my diagnosis.

I just want to work in a nice bookstore but that's a dream so I settle for anything, yet I'm still struggling to find anything at all!

My criminology degree is not accepted almost anywhere in my country and most jobs ask for other types of degrees or work experience I don't have CAUSE NO ONE GIVES ME A JOB SO I CAN GET THAT EXPERIENCE!

Okay okay I'm losing my shit a bit but cmon...

Also that's a photo of my puppy. 3 months and already a fucking giant

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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#sunset #pink #pink clouds #sky #Dark sky #my phoyography #photo #dark academia #thinking thoughts #romantic academia #chaotic academia #Night #beutiful #nature #street lamp #deep thoughts

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Not me being fucking extra when I write letters to my friends.

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Weird Encounter

You just got out of work and you see a man leaning on the door of your car. You approach him, annoyed, already thinking of a polite way to tell the man to fuck off.

"I just want to go home and relax. Please don't say a thing and get out." You think as you get closer and closer.

The man smiles.

"Ah shit, I don't have the patience." It's what immediately crosses your mind. "Sorry man, but that's my car." You say with a forced smile.

"I know, I was hoping I could talk to you for a bit. Can I offer you a coffee? Maybe other drink?" The man greeted you with a yellow smile.

A shiver down all your body. This isn't right, something's up.

"No thanks. I appreciate the offer but to be honest I don't know you and this is making me a bit uncomfortable. I'm gonna ask you to get away for my car or I'll call security."

"Well, I wanted to do this the right way. It's okay, I'll see you later anyway." He lifts his hands and backs away from the car, laughing. Not a normal laugh, a maniacal kind of laugh.

"Just a crazy or drunk guy." You think as you try to relax in your sofa though you can't shake that uneasiness feel. As time passes by, you start to forget what happened before and your guard started to go down as you swallow what remains of your sleepytime tea.

You wake up with the urge to go to the bathroom, "why do I keep drinking tea right before bed?!" you tell yourself as you open up your eyes. Your heart skips a beat as you see... Nothing. Pitch black. Did you forget to open up the blinds a bit so the light could get in? Maybe. It was a weird day after all. You try to reach the switch to turn on the lights when you hear "the lights are on you dummy."

Panic.

You try to scream but nothing comes out. You try to run but immediately fall down. "What's happening? Why can't I talk? Why can't I get up?!"

You hear a laugh. Your blood runs cold as you recognize that maniacal laughter.

"Oh you poor plaything, let's get you back in bed."

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Just made my reading corner and now I'm vibing in it.

Just reading and writing my theories about the story.

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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So I had to stop what I was doing and start writing just because I was almost having a full meltdown right in the morning. My breakfast mug that I used for YEARS just for breakfast broke. My autistic ass started freaking out and crying. So I did the only thing that calms me down. I started journaling. Still not over my mug breaking but I'm a bit calmer.

After that I just wrapped myself in a blanket and started reading one of my favorite books.

Also that's some photos from my morning 5/6km walks.

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Going on daily 5k (or more) morning walks. My mental health improved tremendously. My adhd is under control, it gives me alone time so my autism appreciate that and is meditative. I've been going without my headphones since I'm on a digital detox and let me tell you, best decision ever. I can meditate, listen to birds, cows and other farm animals, the wind, etc...

It's also amazing to spend time alone in nature and exploring a bit. I love finding abandoned buildings and imagine how they would look in their glory, who lived there, what they did back then.

Also, cmon... Look at all those yellow flowers! That's beautiful!

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photoeyestuff · 2 years

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Just bullet journaling and journal a bit to keep me organized and maintaining my mental health

#dark academia #photo #fountain pen #writing #black and white #journaling #thinking thoughts #mental health #bullet journal #bujo #living with adhd

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