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No es falta de tiempo, es falta de interés.
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“She wanted a storm to match her rage.”
— George R.R. Martin
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Ya no dueles.
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Everything was working fine. I saw the hope in your eyes and felt the affection growing with every kiss and hug. Then suddendly everything changed for you. In less then 12 hours you just didn't feel it anymore. Why? And specially, how? How can somebody go from telling you they're just in the right place while cuddling you and covering you in kisses to "I don't wanna force anything but I just don't feel like going further" in less than half a day. How?
It has been less than a week since this happened and, honestly, I'm still fucked up about it. It just doesn't make sense to me that you could go from telling your parents all about me to "I wanna end this before any of us gets any more hurt" in just 4 days. You didn't even give me a chance to get to know me, to let me getting to know you. I haven't even had the time to introduce you to my demons, to share my dreams, to truely laugh and cry by your side. This would have been so much easier for me if I just hadn't recieved same vibrations from your side then I had. I felt connected to you, and I know you felt the same way. I remember that at the beginning it was you that were more into me, more talkative and more attracted. How did it end up being the other way around? How the heck did I get so adicted to you at the end?
I spent the last three days thinking the problem was me. Asking myself if I did something wrong. Thinking: "Maybe I should have done this different.", or “Maybe I should have dressed more like that.", I even thought that "maybe I should have played more hard to get" and that the problem is you think I am too easy going. But you know what? I'm starting to realise that there's just nothing wrong with me. I acted everytime just as I felt at the moment. I don't have regrets about doing stuff I've done or saying things I’ve said, because this is who I am.
I even considered that everything you told me was just a lie. That everything was just part of a plan to get me laid. But at the end I don't want to think that's true because there are some things you just can't fake, feelings you precieve that have to be real. Or at least that's what I tell myself everytime I catch you spying on me on our mutual online games. It is way easier believing that, rather than having to admit that I got played.
And now I'm just thinking that maybe it wasn't me, but that the problem lies within yourself. Maybe you just got scared of feeling something, scared you might get hurt if you gave this a chance. It's usually easier to pull back and not facing the risk of an adventure, but that's also something very chicken-hearthed. Because yes, we are so different in so many things, I've seen it too, but that doesn't mean that it couldn't still have worked out.
But I guess, thanks to you, now we'll never know.
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Dime que me quieres aún que sea querer dejarme ir.
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Are you alive or just existing?
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If you have to choose between me and her, choose her. Because if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be any other choice.
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Nobody else’s words can define you.
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They miss you when they fail to replace you.
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Alguien que te abrace de noche cuando todos aquellos lugares que has evitado durante el día se juntan y van a por ti.
Alguien que recorra tu cuerpo hasta hacerte olvidar que tienes un cuerpo y una rabia y un dolor y que todo, y tú, desaparezca volviéndote un brillito minúsculo en el firmamento.
Alguien que haga ruidos en tu casa y que construya cosas a tus espaldas.
Alguien que use sus manos para hacer cosas reales.
Mira, un aparador, mira un perchero, mira no sé qué es pero puedes verlo.
Alguien que no sepa qué es un like, ni cómo se escribe, que te arranque de Internet y de la desolación de las historias que duran quince segundos y se borran al día siguiente.
Alguien que quiera hacer su historia contigo.
Alguien que te recoja de la tristeza, del IRPF, de la pelea con tu madre que te hace sentir que siempre tienes diez años, del odio a las
personas trans en redes, del ay, rico, rico.
Alguien que arregle en silencio todo aquello que se te ha ido rompiendo.
La cadena de tu abuela.
El calentador de agua.
La luz de la entrada.
A ti.
Todo lo que hubieras tirado a la basura.
Alguien que te toque con los dedos paredes dentro de ti que solo antes la sangre había recorrido.
Alguien que no te ceda la tabla después de un naufragio o que cruce océanos de tiempo por ti.
Si no hace falta.
Alguien que al abrir los ojos esté.
Sin poner excusas, sin mentiras, sin hacer creer lo que no es.
Alguien que se sepa ver quién eres.
Que entienda que nos estamos yendo de la vida.
Y que lo hermoso.
Es compartirla.
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Si cada día que pasa deliro, y tengo tantas ganas de volverte a besar.
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Don’t chase the quaffle if you see the snitch.
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No me importa dónde estés. Iré a buscarte y te encontraré.
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Que caprichoso es el universo.
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“Usualmente las personas tienden a ser tristes desde el momento en que comienzan a sentirse vacías al lado de alguien, con el cual un día planearon un futuro juntos.”
— Benjamín Griss
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“I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t even understand it yourself.”
— Sara Quin  (via wnq-writers)
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“When I am silent, I have thunder hidden inside.”
— Rumi (via thequotejournals)
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